Will & Rusty's Playdate - reading more of your confessions

Episode Date: March 25, 2026

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/@playdatepod?sub_confirmation=1  MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/  PAID PARTNERSHIPS: [e-mail]  GUESTS AND INQUIRIES ONLY: [e-mail] Playdate: https://www.instagram.com/playdate.pod https://www.tiktok.com/@playdatepod Willy: https://www.instagram.com/willdonnellon https://www.tiktok.com/@willydonnellon Rusty: https://www.instagram.com/featherstonerusty https://www.tiktok.com/@rustyfeatherstone Andrew: https://www.instagram.com/andrew_nelson_ SUBMIT YOUR BUSINESS PITCH HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdPHd7Ps9TaX-TOozyLhDpr9Y7pFNMP9PX7cHuLxap1R78GWg/viewform?usp=header SUBMIT YOUR AITA STORY HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdQElfqdQutn3dzl5HcZfey6YWhbVd-n6XE7FkpfosWZyYhyA/viewform?usp=sf_link SUBMIT YOUR CONFESSIONS HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSedx06Mo5EBt7WJAehTXwRoF3JzP0T7-kiDvYOphgxaPvtzKQ/viewform?usp=publish-editor  SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: Cavinder Twins are facing off in the Court of Legends game, and you can enter our Pick A Twin to Win Free to Play Game for a chance to win a share of $2,000,000 in Bonus Bets! How To Get This Offer In 3 Easy Steps: Opt in to the Pick A Twin To Win free-to-play game. Select which Cavinder Twin, Haley or Hanna, you think will win the Court of Legends one-on-one basketball game hosted at “The Bank” at Bellagio in Las Vegas, NV. If the twin you select wins the game, you’ll win a share of $2,000,000 in Bonus Bets. 00:00 - intro 7:00 - viral vegas trip 19:15 - viral hawaii trip 27:35 - viral speakeasy 37:27 - viral seasons 45:19 - viral wingstop 47:52 - viral coffee debate 55:52 - viral movie debate 1:04:35 - viral roadmap and confessions 1:09:38 - country songs that don’t exist 1:12:01 - more sayings that don’t exist #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your summer travels deserve an upgrade. With select Chevrolet, Buick, GMC, and Cadillac vehicles connected by OnStar, you can stream, game, and more on the go. Whether you're headed to a music festival or a cottage getaway, you can access hundreds of apps on Google Play right from your center display. Explore OnStar tech today at OnStar.ca and discover how to take your summer to the next level. OnStar. Better never stops.

well this is kind of an awkward one yeah um my butt and most of my lower body are still covered in poo from from the shit disaster the shit disaster and i don't really know what to say but it feels like it just keeps getting worse every time I spread it and rub it all over my skin. It's terminal too, right? I think I'm allergic to my own feces. It's burning through my skin. I already lost a cheek, and I'm on the verge of losing it.

There's no hope of a transplant. I'm on a waiting list for a double cheekectomy, but I can't find a match. no one got it like no one has no one has go show back play date episode one what is it 195 195 wow which of course would be um 95 95 which of course would be the chicago bulls yes i love it um and you're also you're allergic to the toilet paper too so anytime you try and clean it up the hives get worse and then all your skin's falling off like uh like one of those guys who says if it don't fall off the bone it's free

at the barbecue place is that a guy you mean you've seen that guy before you know i just said no if it he goes if it don't fall off the bone it's free wow and then he hits the bone kind of lightly on the plate and all the meat falls off i thought it was awesome i love a nice rib i had tried to have ribs the other night and tried tried to no avail and uh there just was it was mostly bone this was a skinny cow i was just kind of like you're like okay skinny because yeah i kept going to bite into where were you i ordered blood sauce to my house oh nice and it looked meaty yeah so i'd go in taking a big bite and i just hit bone yeah i mean i know you you always like them big bone can dogs have ribs because i was giving birdie some yeah but she

might turn into one a rib i guess why you get birdie all the time now is your sister like sick of him her she's a lady sorry much is your girl sister sick of him uh no i she was at it she was traveling a lot and then sometimes i'll just text her be like can i have her i love that dog give me that i love that dog um but i'm watching the i'm watching georgie tonight my mom's dog well she's at dinner nice and did i tell you what happened last time shitting literally everywhere did you not hear about did i not tell you about this so she had an infection in her uh heart ovary which i know what you're thinking why did she still have ovaries you're there's they remove those from girl dogs really or like isn't they like spay them so like let me just stitch it

up oh my god oh that is such a grotesque visual are you proud of that no what how would you feel if i said that about cookie if i was like cookie had a cookie was a pretty sure a boy cookie out of cookie was a boy yeah i'm almost positive they i always forget i'm gonna be honest this is embarrassing that's insane i mean like your favorite dog who's i mean it was my only dog it died when i was seven though yeah they also kind of gave it like an androgynous name so it's hard to it's hard to remember yeah uh i was watching game speaking of speaking of stitching it up or cutting it off i was

watching game of thrones yesterday wait you never told what happened oh okay so she had an infection in her ovary and my mom woke up one morning before they knew about this infection and there was like blood kind of throughout the house and she was like is she like on her period is she like in heat or something and uh and it turns out no they did spare but whoever did it did a shoddy job and like maybe left one in there so i don't know it was crazy and so she to my mom to prevent any future kind of um blood disaster she borrowed a diaper from my sister like a dog diaper okay that your sister had for her dog for her dog right and so she was wearing this little diaper and she was gonna stay with birdie at my house while her my mom and i went to dinner

we were like she's a puppy so you know accidents happen but she's wearing a diaper so anything that happens yeah should be confined to the um to the diaper and she so she pooped her diaper while we were gone and had somehow like david blamed the poo all the poo out of the diaper we have no idea how she did it because it was all it was kind of like it was miraculous because she was wearing the diaper but there she had gotten it everywhere like i think she shit the diaper and then she like scooted around the house and on the walls and in the couch and like we got them we're like oh my god like how is how did this happen no and so yeah we my mom had to clean it all up and you didn't help it's her dog i was like you didn't help her no absolutely not and

you made your mom clean it all up it's her dog yeah but we only had one set of cleaning utensils what is the hands hands obviously and so you might be a bad guy for that no but also like it was it was in some kind of delicate areas like the white couch and stuff like that so it was like we needed a pro on this yeah and so my mom so a woman so a woman and so my mom uh cleaned it all up and uh i said i'll never have that dog at my house again and but i'm watching it tonight and if it shits everywhere tonight it also like peed on z's carpet like it was a it went she went fucking off the walls damn and so uh so yeah watching her tonight and but i'm gonna keep a keen eye on her make sure nothing happens no poop uh so we were in vegas you and i yeah oh yeah we

went to las vegas nevada did you hear about do you hear about my morning after our big party night no whatever woke up feeling horrible obviously wait what did you do after i left you when'd you leave me like at the casino oh i was confide yeah i stayed there okay never left the property and uh i woke up and i'm like oh my god based on how i feel this is and i had to leave for the airport pretty soon after so like this is gonna be a disaster and i wake up and i look and my suitcase is perfectly packed and my airport outfit is laid out and i was like unbelievable like well done put my pants on getting dressed getting ready whatever and go to grab my wallet to like check that i have my id before i go to the airport thirteen hundred dollars in cash in

my left pocket i was like unbelievable that's fucking awesome apparently i was like the king of craps did you i've been saying that did you when we were at the craps table so i'm me and willie nelson or sorry willie simon are on fire i looked at nelson when i said willie my wires got crossed willie nelson was teaching me how to play craps or sorry willie simon was teaching me how to play and that'd be cool like Did you see Willie Nelson teaching Rusty how to play craps? He was teaching me how to play craps, and I was like, I couldn't miss. And he couldn't miss either.

And so everyone at the table was excited we're there. I didn't realize this. It's the only game that if you're doing well, unless someone's betting crazy shit, if someone's rolling well, everyone's kind of benefiting from this. And so we're kind of like the crap kings. and we we have everyone on our side guys are kind of giving me advice willie simon's giving me advice like we can't miss this guy who was standing in between willie and i hadn't really been saying much and then when uh one of our buddies got up he like slit his wife slid in

there and is now next to him and i went to pass willie simon something and i think got like a little too close to her face my back like my arm you know like was invaded her personal bubble and she came at me hot and so i said i'm sorry and uh her husband said something along the lines of like she's my wife like you don't need to say you're sorry to her like just fucking shut up i was like i'm just trying to say i'm sorry and she and then she like joined his i thought she was gonna be like settled out like he was trying to say sorry she got on his side and was like yeah don't tell me you're fucking sorry like i have a husband i was like do you not under this is an apology it's the opposite of sexy yeah and uh and then i just kind of went back to doing my thing

but it yeah it took me out of it for a second damn i'm i'm uh sorry william nelson did that but i know man i always thought if he would be more of a chiller or wait am i getting this story mixed up uh that is scary though when people get like some people are just like looking for a booking whoa he's looking for a booking yeah that's like a cop cop was about to write you a ticket yes oh i'm trying to like that you're looking for a booking oh man but i uh yes i'm like the king i like i'm the king of vegas i left with $1,300 in my pocket well i had the opposite night i went to water burger the opposite of the opposite of no winning and craps is going to water is not is not being at the casino and a really bad thing happening i go to water burger

i have a great sandwich i i guess at some point i put a ketchup packet in my pants get home and do my laundry move it from the washer to dryer in a rush so i don't notice and dry it everything i own or everything i brought on my trip which is a bunch of my garb covered in ketchup oh my god and i go caked on there probably from the and it had dried and lauren my new roommate was like fuck you're fucked and i was like you don't think this will come out in the wash she's like no once you dry it once you dry it kind of it was like once you dried it it's fucked i had a white long sleeve that was just cakes in dry in ketchup whataburger ketchup too that's the good stuff and so gold i put yeah exactly i could have sold it um so i put it back in the

wash i'm like project hail mary here and uh which i finished by the way first book i finished in like a couple years so um uh all everything completely came out in the wash perfect unheard of what's what's new we never have to you and i for some reason never have to face any consequences for the things we do it was unbelievable i couldn't believe it there's i mean the water burger ketchup so now you folks at home all you people out there it is water soluble it is totally safe you can do anything with it it's like on the packet it's like dishwasher safe yeah why would i ever wash you could do anything with a water burger ketchup bag it's pretty remarkable do you think that's do you think that says that that is like better or worse ketchup i don't care

that's better in my mind i mean it's probably no tomato it's probably just like water and red food die and the placebo just takes you home placebo ketchup they save a fortune it's like that trader joe's shit have you read the trader joe's ketchup no it's like maroon it's not even like red it's probably good it's because it's like real tomatoes but like i don't think there's any sugar added and that's like apparently ketchup tastes real ketchup tastes nothing like what i thought it did because we've been eating that heinz shit that's like yeah like 60% vinegar yeah right yeah yeah what is catsup catsup uh is what you say google before you serve the cat and i think that's like a thing you're like

cats up c-a-t-s-u-p i think that's just how people from like i think it's just how like dumb guys say it we got cats up at home cats up at home oh my god that's a meme i have i have a funny thing to tell you my grandfather and i i went down to my grandparents house yesterday w and one of his things for some reason is that he i think like in his old age he has started talking quieter yeah kind of as like i don't know if it's because he thinks because his hearing's bad like he doesn't want to be the guy the old guy who's like yelling or whatever but he will be like 15 feet away from you and like talking at this level and so you'll be like sitting next to him and he'll be like in the middle of the story like at like this level and

you're like trying to follow it and then like he'll clearly get to like the punch line but you haven't heard any of the build-up so you're just like laughing at stuff that like you don't understand yeah which is not that big of a deal when it's just the two of you like sitting there but we go to dinner and there's a guy there's a live accordion guy there it was like unbelievable i'd never and it's he's connected to bluetooth speakers so it's just like so loud and he is my grandfather's still talking at the same level and at this point there's 12 of us at this dinner or 10 of us at this dinner and he's on he's 10 feet away from us at the end of the table and trying to tell a story at like a whisper volume while a guy is like

blasting blasting the accordion italian place it was pasta night at their country club and it used to be on wednesdays and apparently no one went when so they moved it to sundays oh sunday's a good pasta night it's a great pasta yeah kind of like carbo load for the week yeah yeah it's kind of eating into my lasagna night though you know how that's the thing i do yes no i didn't you make up a lasagna every saturday or sunday i mean heat it up oh from whole foods yeah so it used to be just flan and i now my roommate and his girlfriend do it with those as well oh nice we've added like garlic bread to the it's good it's becoming kind of a a whole fiasco yeah do they share the same lasagna do they get their own lasagna

uh it's the same brand but we yeah we kind of have our own because the one we buy is perfect for two people and so we get one and then they get one got it we put it on the same sheet but you get different they get a different kind no no same brand okay different lasagna though got it got it got it got it um that is confusing everything's the same yeah when you say same brand it makes it sound like they get like they have their own or something there's no we don't have to do any math you ever trying to heat up like chicken nuggets and taquitos at the same time and you have to do like what am i a fucking madman you have to do like the math because like yeah one needs to be like everything's copacetic we can heat it up the same

what did you say copacetic so pull up copacetic i mean i'm like that was that was a hail mary i think it means like everything's all good wow in excellent order bang nice word that's like a yeah that was like a that was like a that's a great word what's the uh john oliver just or not john oliver who's the political commentator that john stewart john stewart had a funny joke about the Strait of Hormuz or whatever. What's the oil thing that Iran is like? I don't know how to say it

right. He had some joke about how we only attack places that are like 20 point Scrabble words or something. I'm butchering it. Copacetic was a big 80s word.

Everyone was saying that in the 80s? Apparently. You just said that apparently like trant can you pull up you word usage but yeah every like like 80s teens would be like everything's copacetic i like that it's awesome yeah it's awesome man oh there's some charts chart chart i'm gonna chart my pant oh yeah lauren got home yeah how has that been it's been a fucking movie is she a good roommate yeah it's great she like tidies up around the house scott loves it it's a win-win isn't he like he's like a clean clean freak he's just a normal guy normal

clean guy and i'm a little less uh thoughtful about it sometimes but it's been great did you guys do like a military homecoming heartwarming like video yeah we did a i went to halftime at the lakers game and was doing the half court shot and she came out of lebron's skin it was actually really beautiful she showed up to career day at your school yeah career and revealed that or she scott said we got you a gift and you opened the box and she was in there he had a pizza box right by his pants and so i thought it was gonna be like cock shaft and it was not if it was here's a thing here's a question for you if you were gonna surprise someone with your penis in a pizza box are you putting your balls in there too or are you gonna let them hang out the bottom that's

asking if you're getting cheese or pepperoni, brother. What's the main slice without a topping? Cheese! I love our... Flynn and I booked our Hawaii trip. Oh, when are you going? It is...

I believe. Is that a weekend? Yeah. Sorry, it's like a... And what is the address that you're staying at? The address... bleep this. Bleep this, but I'm i'm proud to say i booked wow actually yeah wow probably cost a hell of a lot it costs a

shit ton of money and here's the here's the shocker shocker shocker you think like oh all my favorite rappers are rapping about this yeah this hotel chain surely it'll be economical nope yeah and here's the frustrating part this is such a first world problem but but here's the frustrating part they don't bill your card until you like check out so i was kind of excited to get that money out of my account so i now just for the next i have to make sure there's constantly a truck ton of money in my checking account which famously a problem for me yeah well maybe you could mail them a check put it in the mail now address it to yourself and then but then that doesn't leave my account do you even have enough in like your credit to do it

on a credit no that's why i have to do it with my debit card i have to do i don't have enough my credit my credit limit yeah i know i mean you know we've we've talked about my credit limit it is it is lower than probably 90 of the people listening here they trust they trust almost everyone who listens to this podcast more than me okay what about this you send me the money now you double it by the time i check out you read my mind um yeah but i'm also like i don't know have you seen that murda murda hulu show yeah they go to like a nice resort and at the end they do that where they hand him the bill and he like pays what like they go on they like i'd never seen this before oh we're like why would because i'm only staying at like normal

guy hotels where like you pay before you get there you don't usually pay before you get there for a hotel you pay like when you check in so or sorry you pay before you've stayed the whole trip oh sure so they hand them a bill at the end of their stay like before they go to the airport and uh yeah i don't know what i'm gonna i might like open this might sound crazy i might open another bank account and put all the money in there just so i'm just like it's out of sight or just within your bank you could just open like a another okay okay i like that i'm also worried like I got a lot of subscriptions and so I'm just worried that by the over the neck whittle down to nothing well can't you just put more in it I mean don't you have a savings account

that you could in a moment's notice take money from and put it into your checking account yes so I don't think you need to like keep it in your checking account now you could just do that when you go to pay it I'm worried that they will build the check the debit card that I put on file at some point so i don't know oh i thought you said it's when you check out i that's what i that's what it says but who knows man well i mean yeah why do they do it that way why is it i think because probably the clientele this is this is not a thing that crosses their mind yeah the people that are normally saying they're at the drop of a hat could buy a yacht okay speaking of four seasons what's your favorite one wait that'll be fun though i'm so wait where is it uh maui

Maui Waui You know I've never been Going back to I've never been here I'm very excited Going back to Honolulu Just to get that That Maui Waui

That Maui Waui Aloha Cuddy Looking for a fix We can come outside And we can smoke a little Vap in the pamphlet Oh nah Nothing like this

In the world homie We can trans-tank I love that song Have you talked to Willie Simon About things to do So he was the one that recommended The Four Seasons That feels like a funny

No one from a place would be like Oh you're coming to Hawaii You gotta stay at the Four Seasons I explained what I wanted You said you wanted something very nice I wanted something very nice He also was just like It's by far the coolest one there

He recommended another one and i did a little bit of research and this is gonna sound rich coming from me seems like kind of a rambunctious crowd i don't want to know what that means like it was like it was like this is like a like young people are here to like party and uh the four seasons no no no the other one the other one is like is like hip young people and you want like i want old people old old old people that are you know worried about me there wait why is that why do i why do you want like a chill crowd because i'm not really gonna i don't want to go there and like go like to like party yeah i think we just want to relax okay and it seems like this is kind of the more relaxing

option yeah who knows oh my god oh my god do you want to do you want to you want to you want to hear about my lady troubles yes she cannot shop for the life of her i took her she wanted to go shopping the other day and i know what you're thinking isn't that like their whole thing i was gonna say mine is very good at that we were there for five hours yeah that's a that's an exaggeration we went to five different stores there was nothing she liked and before we walked into the mall i go uh where do you want to go and she like listed the stores and i was like you know we every time we go there there's never anything you like and she goes no you know there will be and she kind of realized quickly at the first place like oh man there's nothing i want here

and like was looking at me like because she wanted i think was considering buying something like out of spite to prove me wrong but didn't um but yeah she found a nice dress nice so she did find something at the fifth store got it yeah well you know what i say you know what i'd be saying no stopping when a lady's shopping i'm rhyming to a lot today what was that thing he's looking for a booking yeah that's great now you're looking for a booking you're looking for a booking i think i'm honest well yeah maybe you're uh yeah you could say that to your friend if he's like like doing something illegal or trying to find a hotel what are you looking for a booking right now what are you looking for a book you find your friend on

expedia bro you're looking bro you're looking for a booking oh man i love this this family we've built uh your viral sketch came out oh yeah did you like it thursday i loved it i wasn't aware that that was such a universal experience uh i think i've only been to one bachelor party in my life oh fuck i i pulled it up and then i never ended up watching i need to watch that right my lovely girlfriend lauren is halfway through she told me it's eight minutes long so you're in good comfort being halfway through a youtube i'm halfway through saving it for later yeah sorry is that from a personal experience no i've never been on a bachelor party are you serious but i'm i've talked to people about them and heard the that is a common theme what i think strider just

that everyone goes too hard the first night and then you just want to like get out of there or it's like the friends college buddies are like way heavier drinkers than the high school buddies and you're like i just cannot keep well they're in college high school kids can't drink yet correct you get it true but yeah it was also based on i think there was a bachelor party that chet like one time like left early and he does that with every every trip i've been on he like he like sneaks out yeah whether it's like 45 minutes early or like a day and a half early he does what he wants man but yeah the uh yeah i've never been on a bachelor party which is kind of funny but the line i love that billy used in a schedule one time where he's like they moved

my flight up and i was like they don't do that they don't make a flight earlier because they did it for mine i've never okay i've had that happen when it's they've delayed it yeah and then they move it back up and i'm like oh i heard they do that because they overbooked the flight and they want people to miss it that's so they'll delay it i also heard that from my dad who is quite the quite the travel conspiracy theorist so new airport story i found a speakeasy in the las vegas airport really what is it secret i went to the chili's because it was kind of like chili's oh nice it was like chili's for uh amex members so it's a lounge it was a lounge but it was a speakeasy and there were only 25 like it was tiny only 25 seats in there it's kind of tucked

away nice and it opened at eight o'clock and so i was there at 7 55 just coincidentally i didn't know it existed like i didn't go there yeah for this obviously i was there to fly and uh there were construction workers standing outside and so we started talking and they were like the guys were like uh i was like what is this place they're like it's like a speakeasy thing for like amex people and i was like how big is it like tiny i was like how long did it take you to build it and they'd be like we've been working on it every day since may i was like really wait they were actively still working no no i think they were just like like just hanging out doing other stuff or maybe we're working on something else and we're i don't know for some reason they were there

they were like yeah we we've been working on it every day since may i was like i was like yeah like what like why how did it take so long and they said some guy every time they'd finish a new guy from amex would come down and have like a like a critique and they'd have to like go back and fix it and he was like do you see that door like the front door and i was like yeah he was like that's the seventh door we put on i was like oh my god sounds like a nightmare unnecessary attention to detail it feels so i went and i had six check pills nurse six before you got on the plane yeah at eight in the morning yes oh my god are you don't under you do not understand the pain i was in after do you not like pee like eight times on the plane no six builders but 8 a.m

it's insane it was awesome on a weekday it was actually awesome and i've been paying the price i've been paying the price for it i'm still paying the price for it how much was it I've had a four a four day hangover since Vegas geez yeah I feel like I was kind of not that bad the next day I was a very giggly the day after and I was like oh my god thank god I like I got one of these ones yeah and then the following day I don't think that Pilsner's helped uh it was not feeling good and then i also it is it's of note that i went out so okay so it wasn't yeah it was just compounding i saw ben barrett and his whole crew nice he runs with like a 25 man crew it was unbelievable he's like in charge yeah they were all like every time he got up from the bath got

up for the bathroom everyone stood up and saluted it was awesome it was cool he had a he had a he had a killer crew he had one guy just go sit on the toilet and then whenever he has to go he gets it yeah just keeps it running for him that's awesome how was a stadium swim i've always wanted to go there it was uh sick yeah i mean it was it was like the biggest tv i think i've ever seen in my life wait how did what did you always want to go there like you were aware of it i didn't even know what it was honestly i think they built it in covid oh and i was like unemployed and i was just like applying for jobs it was like a tiktok or something and it was similar to a place i used to work at in dallas it's an unemployed man's dream i think so it was yeah definitely to go

there were a lot of guys either it was guy heaven but yeah well it's march madness weekend yeah that's what i hear the weekend yeah when we showed up they were like uh like bottle girls with like a sign yeah like a bunch of like lined up and it like spelled to welcome it's like one million bar tab because that was like the white claw promotion we were promoting okay and it was a million dollar bar tab for the whole country was you could submit your receipt of white claws and they would reimburse it up to yeah a million dollars but but it was so hot it was like they like they must have i think we were like 10 minutes late so they maybe had been standing there for a minute some of the girls were like keeled over with like heat stroke by the time we

got there and we were like oh my god we got into them they're like go go you gotta get out there these girls are fucking dying we thought we're gonna be here 30 minutes ago because there's the real sun yeah beating down on us it was a 95 degrees and then there was a building that was like uh it was it was curved in like the perfect way to just concentrate all the sun into like a death ray yeah and uh and so you were we were getting hit from all fronts it was the hottest place i've ever been it was i mean it was 100 degrees like straight up was the temperature but yeah with the sun baking it was it's great and it's like on a rooftop of a hotel right yeah yeah it was cool though it was very very cool yeah we uh hung out with caleb presley hung

out with caleb presley he's a man we had a lot of fun i i grambled a little bit i lost i didn't win so i need some of your money i already put it in the bank fuck i lost 200 which i think all things considered i was gonna say you walk out of vegas down 200 bucks that feels like a win i i i couldn't believe it was the first time i've ever left up money yeah especially if you got like that hammer that you didn't even remember the end like how would you have like yeah how would i have known to stop yeah that's what i mean like yeah you know what i'm gonna call it i i it seemed like craps was it would have been hard to lose like it wasn't like blackjack where i feel like you could like blink and you're like oh my god it's all gone yeah this was like kind of a slow burn

and it and i know this is this is coming from a guy who won the only time he's played craps it felt like if you just stood there they just gave you 25 bucks every like 10 minutes nothing nothing was really happening yeah i went to vegas with um chris powers one time yeah and he was playing craps he was with us the entire two hours that we were there everyone was just going nuts like crazy like celebrating every time they rolled and i was like chris how much are you up he goes i'm actually down 500 and i was like what is this game it was i still i left i left there being like i understand craps caleb had a good line where he goes uh i know how to play craps when i'm playing craps and then the second i leave i forget the rule i was gonna say did you

understand anything that was happening yeah yeah for a brief fleeting moment i was the you're trying to get like a certain role a certain number i guess you roll until you get a seven and there are a bunch of different things that can win you money okay and all of those things were happening everything it was unbelievable i i never i also never had more than 50 on the table and every like 30 minutes wait but okay i would like to clarify one thing i believe when you first got to the casino you took out 500 and put it on roulette and it hit so you start your you start with a thousand dollars end up with 13 so you only won 300 on crap here's the thing here's the thing yeah only i took out 500 bucks i put it on black it hit the the the woman goes finally black

like apparently like they there it had been like 10 spins since it was black and i had shown up put it on black it hit i said have a good night guys yeah one guy was like fuck you and i walked away cashed out put five hundred dollars in my left pocket put five hundred dollars in my right pocket my plan was to go up to my room and if i had a thought to come back down i could use the stuff that was in my right pocket never made it up to my room and so i never was gambling a thousand yeah the $500 was always in my left pocket and I turned that other $500 into $800 that's beautiful thank you so the lesson is you gotta gamble you have to gamble you took out $500 and then that that part is insane immediately put it on black and doubled it my god do you do that every

time you go to Vegas no that's insane whatever I want whatever I want when I'm there if you had lost what you just turn in for the night I just want to go would have gone to bed my phone was dead i was just like there's there's nothing for me here if i lose this nasa vegas baby also same thing obviously i wouldn't have liked to have lost 500 but if i was if i was in the uber on the way back and the only damage that happened was i lost 500 bucks on a weekend that was like a work thing where everything else was paid for sure i wouldn't have been that upset yeah yeah could i go to the bathroom please The Cavender Twins are facing off in the Court of Legends game,

and you can enter our Pick a Twin to Win free-to-play game for a chance to win a share of $2 million in bonus bets. Willie, tell them how to get this offer in three easy steps. First, opt into the Pick a Twin to Win free-to-play game. Then select which Cavender Twin, Haley or Hannah, you think will win the Court of Legends one-on-one basketball game hosted at The Bank in Bellagio, at Bellagio in Las Vegas, Nevada. If the twin you select wins the game, you'll win a share of $2 million in bonus bets.

And guys, if you haven't signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code PLAYDATE and sign up to receive your welcome offer. BetMGM, make it legendary. Come on. Let's get back into the episode. All right. How was that for you? I had a really lovely time. What was the consistency?

the only thing consistency the consistency is key first of all i want to say the only thing that separates the week from the hot is consistency it was milky there you go all right andrew you never answered me about your favorite season oh um spring i like spring the best where are we because that's the one we're in and i live in right now we're in the podcast studio what uh because it varies you could pick well you could okay what's your favorite see it could be a season place combo september fourth in maine but out here that's not a season dead of winter september 4th well it is favorite season it's right between

summer and fall because summer summer's great but i like i like when it when you when it's still nice i'll be get a little little little bite on the ass in the morning yeah i agree give me early fall in like the midwest yeah come on an ice cold beer an ice cold beer chicks galore chicks galore covered in mud guys also there galore you just like a lot of people just want a big crowd unbelievable amount of girls and unbelievable i don't care gender has nothing to do with it i just want a lot of people there right right are you a crowd guy i love big crowds i love when i don't know where the bathroom is and there's a ton of people around me and i don't know where exits are no i can't fire fire starting to spread this was one of my yeah this is one of my i get

sometimes crowds scare me a little same and today i hate that's why i hate the grocery store i get panic attacks on the grocery store do you really yeah i hate i gotta get out of there as soon as possible if i'm not i'm like on a mission when i'm in there and i one of the new things about having a roommate is we went to the grocery store together yesterday and like i share groceries too no but we went to get groceries together and i told lauren like we get out of the car it was like it was like breaking down like a military plan i was like all right here's listen i love you but i'm gonna go in there i'm i'm gonna just do my thing get out and i'll meet you back at the car like i i just want all bets are off the moment i get in that place she understood thankfully so

is she a is she a dilly dallyer um no she i mean she wasn't that much longer than me but i think I think most people just go through the grocery store as sort of like oh maybe I'll get that could be good or you know what I mean I don't even have a list I just know everything I get the same thing every time so I just know what to get I think I I have a similar feeling there

but not for the same reason I just hate errands I don't I am not a fan of errands I like like a fun errand but I hate a not a boring or a sad errand a sad errand casket picking out a casket

would you consider that an errand like it's on your list to do yes ugh casket picking this is the worst one I just here's my thing Sundays for me

used to be a day of zero plan whimsy do whatever you want now that I have a lady in my life it is almost exclusively errands there's a i've never met anyone with more errands and i love that for her sometimes what's an example she'll be like she does her groceries on sunday she does her meal prepping on sunday

she does her cleaning of her apartment on sunday who is only one of the only errand you said is groceries okay maybe i don't understand what an errand is an errand's like you gotta go do get something okay uh she like will she needs to go to the gap she needs to go to that's not an errand let me let me try and think of like she's like returning something that's an errand let me think of like yeah but like shopping's not an errand yeah yeah so we're the only errand you said is grocery we'll wake okay maybe i just don't like yeah maybe i also just don't like the grocery she will be like she will be like she's a big planner so she'll tell me what is gonna happen yeah on a sunday and there's rarely any time for kicking it it's almost it's almost

yeah i guess the grocery store is usually the only errand but it's like there are plans yeah you got to get the car washed we got a meal that would be an errand meal prep i'm getting close still not an errand okay it feels like an errand yeah i get really depressed at craft stores do you guys get that way i don't really go to that i haven't been to one like a michael's that's all my jc more yeah like a michaels or like is she getting like art supplies she just likes to like browse yeah see that that i'm with you like if we're anywhere and we're just there to browse unless it's like a fun thrift market or like something like that like we know what's there we don't need to be doing anything i hate shopping like i like going

like having a plan but i don't like to just like meander when we were i was sitting on the like you know boyfriend couch in aritzia oh yeah yeah you know where there's like a sitting area for all the sad schmucks who just don't want to be there we have girlfriends there's like three of us sitting there just like making out making out and it's like all over each other hands down like each other's pants or something she's in the line to get into the fitting rooms the most amount of women i've ever seen and uh she taps me on the shoulder and goes i don't know where my phone is and i was like this is fucking insanity and so we then i'm like tracking her on my find my friends you have to go in every dressing room yeah i had to like

every lady's pants just in case we have any thieves and uh here's here's the thing i had a in college w thank you and when we were when we were leave whenever we were like coming home for lunch from lunch or something he would be like he'd like stop at the car wash or something and we do like some errand that should not involve me or needs to like return something i think errands should be a solo thing yeah i just am anti-errands generally agree I also don't have any errands. How am I getting through life without any errands? You door dash everything.

You needed like a toy for the dog and you door dashed it. It was a jacket. A jacket. I was like, that is the kind of thing that would be like an errand. Okay. So it's just, you can just pay more money to not have to do errands. Okay. I think that's what I've been doing.

are you are you a big uh amazon returns guy i've never returned anything on amazon but i also don't order very much on amazon really i uh you just door dash it i don't door dash i'm a postmates guy but i'm also trying to do that less so because now that i have to worry about this money in my checking account like i don't know if i can keep up this lifestyle i have not noticed a big difference in price i went to wingsop the other day same amount of money same amount of money i've never been to wingspot not very good really i've heard it's great lauren like you've actually never been to wingsop yeah really correct it's like all i eat i know a lot of guys that eat at home i've never going to going and sitting down at wingsop to me is i you're the first guy

i've ever heard do this wait no i don't sit down and eat there wait yeah where are you saying you make that up are you saying he went there and it cost a certain amount of money oh yeah yeah i was like on the way home do they have tables in there this one no yeah this one didn't know eating dine-in at a wing stop is funny well like strider has a bit about doing like dine-in at a domino's it's kind of crazy yeah i've done that after the bars yeah because i also like to watch them make it i went to wada burger first time you probably eat that all the time right i do yeah Isn't it, like, that's, like, the pride of Texas, right? It is, but it's, like, it takes, like, three hours to get through the drive-thru there.

It's, like, in and out of here. And it's not even, like... But in and out's still efficient. Well, you would think that, like, it's three hours in the drive-thru because there's a lot of cars. No, you could be the only car in the drive-thru. Oh, they just don't give a fuck. It's still going to take three hours, yeah. That was, like, the Popeyes in Winter Park.

It was just, like, whenever you get it. Like, you'd show up and there was no sense of urgency. It was, like, you'll get this when we want to make it. My friend worked there in high school. Popeyes or Whataburger? Whataburger. And I was like, why does it take so long? And he's like, everyone's just so high there.

They just move so slowly because they're so high all the time in the kitchen. It's kind of awesome. It's like the opposite of In-N-Out. In-N-Out, people were running around like their heads are on fire. I think they pay them really well there. I've heard it's a great company. Because it's privately owned. The private equity fingers haven't grasped.

Oh my God, getting private equity fingered? Yeah. i mean every other company has been private equity fingered and i think in and out is safe jacob my roommate worked at in and out and he said he said if the fries were out of the fryer for more than like 90 seconds they had to make them again damn like they have to make because they go yeah they go not good very quickly yeah i was gonna say they're not good fries i like them i like really i like them i like them i also think it's like a fun thing like i'd like to be to have a thing to argue about

with people at your restaurant. Yeah, like, here's the thing to argue about with Jerry that I have today. Sorry, can I? No, please. I mean, I figured. That was drowning. Seinfeld or?

Seinfeld, yeah. No, Jerry Kanaa. He, so we have a coffee pot at work. He's probably the chief, I would say he probably makes a pot. He said he makes a pot every single day, which i probably am not quite every day but i'm close maybe every other day uh we're two of the most more prolific coffee makers in the office right for sure he thinks that the etiquette is

that you wait until the pot is fully brewed before you take a cup no we have an automatic coffee maker that if you take it out it just stops plus when even if it doesn't that sizzles fun to listen to well that i disagree with like you don't want to just be pouring coffee on the pad oh right right you can still be on my side you know i'm new to this yeah yeah you're learning i'm learning but that one's automatic i mean maybe it drips a few little things for a sizzle but if it was like some of them like it would just like dump down right but i think like i don't get why that matters is his argument that it disturbs the coffee making process or that it's just like does it change the quality of the coffee to pause it for a second no his argument is that when he

makes the pot of coffee he he knows how long it's going to take to make and then he comes back and he expects there to be coffee he wants greens is that what like like smokers say like if you get like the first hit of a joint you can you got greens i got trails no i don't think it's that he wants greens i think it's that he thinks that if we it's a slippery slope where he could make the pot of coffee go back to his office and then by the time he gets back when it should be done it's already empty god got it got it okay that's a funny that's so he's like just wait till it's full and then we can all have coffee and i'll make sure that i at least get a cup from the pot i brewed isn't there already a cup like pretty much ready to go by the time like unless you're leaving

immediately after pressing the button you could hang out for 45 seconds so you have enough to pour yourself no it takes it probably takes five minutes to get that first cup i don't know whose side i'm on here i thought i was gonna completely i know like i kind of get it but i'm also like we okay the context was i walked in this morning it is like two droplets away from being done right he's like wait till it's done i'm like okay at this point we're both standing right here we could both get a cup right so i think there's like a there's there's room for nuance here where it's like we can have like a little bit of like okay generally sure if you didn't make the coffee don't interrupt it's brewing right i i'm a big believer and i think adding a little excitement

to everyday tasks is kind of fun so like if he like making a kind of a game of it where he's got to be on his toes yeah i think it's kind of fun how long does it take for the whole pot to brew three hours actually no like 20 minutes probably i mean what is he the window and how many cups are in a pot 12 it says 14 but it's not 14 of these it's probably eight six so in the span of 30 minutes 14 people are going and grabbing a cup before you know it's not 14 it's probably like six to eight but okay sometimes eight people are a lot of people there's like 80 there's 85 employees just in that wing of the office and then another 85 on this wing there's 170 employees in this office and i still don't know what 90 of them well 90 of them don't know

what they do right well are you aware that there's a whole think tank there's eight people who are employed to figure out how to best optimize your job and they're going to present your report in the next three days is that true yeah what does that mean like i hired like a eight guy like think tank to like optimize each like the time of each of us so like optimize our schedules and like like assistance no it's just like a one-time thing and then they're going to give us like a report on like how we're using our time they've been like monitoring our activities oh my god they're gonna they're getting whatever this is real i don't know man i've heard i've heard i've heard them do dumber things uh the i don't know what metric they would use for efficiency but if

it's like similar to basketball efficiency mine would be like your per interesting when i'm when i'm writing my drafts well i'll use this as an example when i'm like today when i'm writing my sayings and country songs that don't exist for this there was probably no more than one of each or one like one line written before i got up and like hit a pot or like filled up my water cup or like god you know what i mean like it's just yeah yeah no i'm not very efficient here's my coffee question hey good day work and beats a bad day of fishing come on come on man does the person who's making the coffee get to choose the strength or is there kind of an agreed upon like ratio of water to grounds yeah i mean it's i mean certainly certainly they get to choose uh i made a stronger

one than usual because one thing i've found too if you make a stronger pot you can usually make it last long it lasts longer yeah because people aren't people are freaked out by it and i made a strong because i knew i was coming to the pod so i wouldn't be like going back and forth so i just have like a lethal dose in that cup can you tell how strong it is like before you drink it oh yeah it's just how much how many how much coffee you put in it how many grounds so you have to check the grounds before you grab a cup no i think he's saying like someone would drink a cup of the strong stuff and be good for a while i see yeah they would drink a cup and they wouldn't be like i need another cup they'd be like was mine or you take a sip and it just is like so it takes you

longer like i'd be worried about it being like laced or something like yeah well someone just made it wickedly strong i put uh dmt in the one today yeah okay was the one i made up there for strongest yeah it was that was brutally strong yeah in a bad way or a good way well because i I think you didn't do a full pot of water, right? For some reason, you did like... Who knows, man, what I was doing. I think you filled the grounds to the top and then did like a half pot.

It was awesome. Yeah. It's like that episode of Malcolm in the Middle where they're trying to... I haven't heard it. I haven't heard it yet. I'm listening to the Malcolm's Pod. I saw a pizza movie this weekend.

What is that? You heard about this new movie? It's going to Hulu. Pizza movie? Very funny. Okay. uh what's it about it's about these college kids who take a drug and it's it's Daniel Radcliffe says the n-word so I just saw a clip of him screaming the n-word movie

it is not no no all right but it's like a stoner movie it's like it's kind of fun that like is it is it by stoners for stoners or it's just probably yeah but is it about it's it's a movie four stoners i think it's kind of like dude where's my car donor movie is like a genre okay like like it's like a seth rogan james franco like got it it's almost like parts of it almost reminded me of that like the second like 21 drum street where that like the wi-fi drug with like it's like they take this drug that has all these like phases and they go through it but they're on a mission to get pizza they're good yeah it was kind of like harold and kumar i just feel like they don't make like goofy ass movies like this that often you are preaching to the choir it's

stupid and goofy and really funny you know what i watched this weekend hit me one battle after another what'd you think saint last night can i say something yeah i didn't like it and i'm worried i thought it was great i mean it won best movies so like clearly i'm missing something yeah flan loved it this was the second time she had watched it i was not a fan i felt like i was kind of alone in that so i wasn't vocalizing this to other people and then i brought it up yesterday in front of my family and apparently my mom and my sister who are that is their that's up their alley like it's not like we have similar taste in movies they're the only other two people i've heard that didn't like it i agree it's in your you didn't like it yeah i felt

like it was like one battle after like another it was just way too no genuinely genuinely though i did feel like it was like too long and i was just like way too long it was just like one thing after another literally yeah the amount of times i clicked the top button on the remote just to check where we were at and it was still like the length there was the first time i checked like holy shit this has been going on for a long time you could fit another movie in the amount of time yeah i so i had i fell asleep watching it and finished it the next day okay so that broke it up for me so maybe i couldn't appreciate the link code i saw it in theater so i i didn't get any of those resources i just had to sit there the whole time i thought it was great though and be like

i didn't then soon i thought the act like i thought they everyone in it was great yeah it just didn't it didn't do it for me i also think i just prefer maybe this is gonna sound so stupid it i think i prefer like true stories that is all true because i was i was racking my brain like okay what do i like and like what was different about this one like everyone else clearly likes us yeah almost every one of my favorite movies is based on a true she's the man she's the man braveheart yeah good fellas almost famous all true stories what or based on true stories or are they actually yeah oh i was joking what is she's the man based on no not well she's the man is based on a shakespeare play so it technically happened before uh but i don't know i just i also

couldn't figure out is it pandering to people that think that they're like or like like you know protesters or is it like making fun of them because flan thinks it's making fun of them i thought it was pandering to people like that and now i don't know what to believe i didn't really think it was either i just thought it was a really good story but i thought the beginning was sick but i was like that's like what i think i will be but i'm just like getting a guy hard with a gun yeah what part no like just like like a badass like left-wing militia like yeah take fighting the power that's kind of what i'm talking about is it's like and there's nothing it i felt like that that was what i thought is that guys who are out there like protesting this

was like made for for them i don't really think i honestly think it was just like a great like story i did like the part where they were kind of making fun of these like elitist men's organizations yeah stuff like that i because i mean i've ran into that before where these like guys you've ran into like secret society no not secret society people but like just people that think they're like elite because they're part of this like organization or whatever and oh like at school yeah like a fraternity yeah oh we were super cool because we you know only let in an exclusive amount of people yeah but then there's like nothing truly special about these people that are involved in the organization i don't know man my my fraternity was doing a lot

of a lot of cool stuff were you guys a top house uh when i was there i would say yeah but there weren't very many for sure i mean everyone was in a fraternity so it wasn't like we were all like buddies with each other now i've heard it maybe has gone south and then maybe corrected a little bit i don't know there's also like i think men's organizations like post-college i think they're like self-righteous and they don't really do a whole lot outside of like one non-profit event a year i like secret societies i would think i would like to be a part of one one day i would like to be a part of like i would want to be like ghetto pet oh yeah do you want do you think you'll join a militia uh no but i feel like nothing was about like protesters it was

about like a left-wing like militia organization yeah i'm like elite yeah it was like kind of the two extremes in some sense of like yeah i don't know i like not ideologically the movie aside i more was just like it wasn't the type of story that i like to follow like it was it was like a it was kind of all over the place for me a little bit i thought that chase scene was sick at the end yeah yeah that was cool that was cool when you and then you see like that his car pop up yeah yeah that was sick it was just one movie that girl is a really good actress too that's apparently her first movie right she's never even seen one yeah i saw that she's never seen a movie yeah she'd only seen tv that was like the weirdest part yeah oh yeah she was yeah she was like a huge

like uh nickelodeon fan actually yeah oh but she because her parents her parents wouldn't let her watch it was like this weird situation where her parents wouldn't let her watch movies because they didn't want her to like use all the power because they're too long yeah yeah so she had It was like an energy conversation, conservation. Do you think she thought she was auditioning for a Nickelodeon show, and then, like, Leo showed up, and she was like, oh. And then they had to explain to her what a movie is? You got movied.

Why would she have never seen a movie? You got slimed. Yeah. Obviously, she's fucking seen a movie. Wait, how do you guys, like, connect so quickly? We just built like that for a while. I think we were just joking, and then you, like, took the bait and was like, oh, okay.

Try this out. um i i don't know i i also there's it's it's clear that there's a there's a it wasn't made for me if it's if it won best picture clearly a lot of people love it so i'm aware that it is a good movie for some people it just i didn't it wasn't the type of movie that i like to watch it's a little too long for me you would have preferred pizza movie probably honestly probably yeah caleb heron was in it and pizza movie kevin heron is he was hysterical jack martin is so good oh i saw a clip with him is he the he's like the villain oh isn't tim dillon in it i don't think what was he just i just saw a clip of him in a movie where he's like a gym teacher or something

oh i love sarah sherman yeah she's she's so funny too wait jack martin not jack martin what i think they got the wrong jack martin oh look there's you whoa that's kind of cool oh yeah 60 for 60 yeah wow but yeah no he was jack martin fucking crushed in it was he the lead he's the antagonist nice gatton madarazo is like the lead or the him and that other one is that how you say his name gatton i have no idea i don't know i you know you know he was on my flight once yeah you told the story uh i can't see him as like a college kid no he does a great job yeah i mean he plays like kind of like a nerdy kid but okay he's still

kind of got a baby face he's got like facial hair in it or like like you know stubbles the place everything i've seen that daniel radcliffe every clip i see of him in a new thing like after harry potter is very raunchy or like very intense like he like i all i've heard is that he hung dong on broadway i saw a clip of him screaming the n-word in a movie i saw one where he's like a boy scout and he's like freaky do you pull up daniel radcliffe boy scout well in this one he plays a butterfly so okay does he actually yeah just watch for a second i'm pretty sure he says something freaky oh oh yes maybe stodgy honestly i'm sick of this can we go somewhere nice tonight my treat but a proper restaurant yeah yeah all right then hey gang what we doing just be neat

yeah yeah sweet look thanks for covering my ass earlier the offer still stands what offer yeah he's freaky well this show the premise of this show is that they're extras and every episode

they're on like a different film set it's like he's playing Daniel Radcliffe got it he like flings a condom that's awesome really?

yeah should we road map it up? let's do it or it's just the drafts right? should we do do we have any we have everything we have everything what do you want to do boyfriend i'm nervous should we have some

should we do some uh come confessions what do we do confessions all right we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna hear some confessions from you and then willie and i are gonna do sayings that don't exist and country songs that don't exist yee-haw uh forgive me father for i have sinned in ninth grade my buddy and i decided to make a fake female snapchat account and act like a girl to essentially catfish this kid on our hockey team think of our think of the most unlikable cocky kid you can and that's who this guy was anyway it got so bad he was sending us thirst traps and developed a likening to this fake girl mind you he had a real girlfriend at the time eventually we planned a date he uh ended up breaking up with his girlfriend to go

out with the fake girl we didn't realize it was going to go that far but honestly he's the only one to blame anyway we canceled the date and ghosted him from the fake account yeah so he is not the only one to blame i'm sure that he wasn't a good guy but you this is a weird thing to do you are weird for doing i like it i think it's fun i think it's real it is extremely strange that you did that but you saved that you saved that fake girlfriend a lot of a lot of hurt it makes i have a uh a person that i know that once did this to an extreme and got the person to show up like to what they thought was like their own wedding to like elope with like a fake person wait what yeah oh is that no but i literally made it could not have made it more clear i didn't want

to say who it was oh oh i don't know believe that obviously yeah i mean it's not what happened I don't know the details, but I know that they, like... Oh, I remember this. Yeah, that is kind of freaky. I don't really want to hear it. Is that not, like, a 90-day fiancé premise? But there was no one there for them. Yeah.

That is super weird. I wonder... Because you had to have baited him a little bit, so you were... Yeah, you were, like, sending... You were sending freaky stuff to this guy? you had to like that's what i don't get about this kind of thing it's like that's so much effort on your part yeah i just don't care yeah i think i think you're a little weird i think you have

sinned i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna go sin hell all right deal breaker forgive me father for i have sinned my name is maggie and when i was 11 i overheard my uncle saying my mom was a bad mom so later that night i told my brother and we cut the cord to his tv took his watch apart into pieces and scratch it with a screwdriver and peed all over his clothes heaven always defend your people oh my god uh heaven that is insane those are all like the middle one is like psychotic what peed in his tv no like that took his watch all the other ones are just like crimes of passion where like it could all happen very quickly like you have to have some knowledge of what wait what they took his watch apart into pieces and then scratched it with a screwdriver that's awesome

yeah good don't don't talk shit about my mama all right forgive me father for i have sinners i am now in my 20s uh so this was a long time ago but when i was like seven to eight my sister was three to four she had long nails that she would claw me with and it really bothered me we shared a room and one night i snuck up to her bed on the top bunk and chewed off her fingernails with my teeth she did not wake up and to this day does not know what happened insane asylum is that an option wow waking up and someone eating your fingernails that would be this did she like freak out the next day i mean i oh my it sounds like my heaven yeah i was about to say good lordy oh my god that is really weird yeah that's crazy a lot of these are just a lot

of these are just like i can't even i wouldn't have ever been able to how did you how did she not wake up i don't know heaven okay forgive me father for i've sinned when i was in high school i had a dab pen that accidentally went through the dryer my mom was folding my laundry and found it she came to my room and confronted me about it i told her it was a vape and she said she was gonna hit it to check my mom is 18 years sober i said okay thinking she was bluffing and then she ripped it super hard, like a giant cloud came out. I immediately started crying and confessed it was a dab pen. She was high for, like, five hours munching on cereal

and watching The Real Housewives. Worst thing I've ever done. Please forgive me. That's hysterical. That's unbelievable. That's also, like, the worst thing that could happen after you rip a dab pen is someone, like, freaking out and being like, I'm so sorry.

I mean, at least it sounds like she, like, she rolled with it. She was like, all right, fine, then I'm going to eat cereal and watch Housewives. All right, should we do sayings that don't exist? let's do it or country songs that don't exist both first country songs yeah let's do it do you want to tee it up or you want me to i can tee it up these are more country songs that don't exist uh tractor actor it's about this cowboy or sorry it's about this farmer who's tired of these these rich people coming in and cosplaying as farmers and he's like you're a tractor actor man like

you're just pretending this is my real life that could be like a good like insult yeah yeah um this dirt road don't need paved um this is a about a guy who's resisting the world's attempts to make him a city boy i ain't no i ain't no city boy i don't need no change i need my tractor and my dirt or wait i ain't no city boy and i don't want change this dirt road it don't need paved nice that's i got there i just got i thought about tractor halfway through the first time all right uh fur on the seat it's about a guy who has his dog and he sheds a lot right and he's always leaving fur on the passenger seat and he has to constantly be cleaning it up and then when the dog passes away there's still fur on the seat and he's like

you know i would put i totally i would put up with the fur on the seat now because i miss my buddy it there's no country songs that doesn't exist without a dog dying song uh okay my car broke you could pave it and i know i said that bro didn't need paving but my whole car broke and now i just need saving my whole car broke yeah he hit like a car sized pothole yeah all right fucking pave it uh fighting with you beats loving someone new he's it's about a guy and he's in this relationship and sometimes he bickers with his with his old lady yep and but he's he's thinking about you

know a life with another woman he's like i'd rather be fighting with you than loving someone new i love that thank you uh or maybe just get rid of the big rocks i think my car could get here just fine i think my car could get through just fine if these big rocks were moved in time did he yeah did you do sayings that don't exist yep these are more sayings that don't exist quit farting and telling me it's febreze all right i'm not an idiot don't try to trick me brushing a dead tooth yep if a relationship has already gotten to the point where it's not going to be repaired stop putting time into uh into that person and just move on love it hey we got to kick we got to k cups from a coffee bean that's uh when someone's like we'll never be able to make

it there on time or like we'll never be able to pull something off you're like hey we got to k cups from a coffee bean love it progress is possible writing with a capped pen maybe someone's doing a lot of talking but none of it really means anything so you're just telling them like all right you're dude you're writing with a capped pen here yep trying to trying to skip the sand and start swimming okay someone who is trying to move past the difficult parts of something and just get the fun part it's like hey there's a little bit of an obstacle you'll have to get over that's just part that's fantastic uh you like that one that was good so you could maybe start with that one if you think it's the best i think the capped pen one was the best oh but he teed it up

well you haven't even heard my last one taming the bull instead of riding it sometimes trying to calm someone down is just going to make them more angry and you just need to let them get all their anger out and not try and fight it i love that that's a good one too thank you you didn't like farting and quit farting and telling me it's for breeze that for a yo mama joke i know yo mama so your mama's so stinky she farts and people think it's for breeze yeah all right i like it we love you guys have a great rest of your wednesday have a great weekend and we will see you bright and early on monday monday peace out yes this family is on the brink of civil war mob land the hit original series is now streaming on

paramount plus we are the harrigans don't know the net and google us from the underworld of guy ritchie do you want to step up the ladder i want karma dead starring tom hardy pierce brosnan and helen mirren do i have to do everything myself You want a war? I'll give you a war!