Will & Rusty's Playdate - reading your confessions

Episode Date: January 21, 2026

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Play date! Episode 177. Come on. you know what we haven't done in a while said a guy who's 77 oh yeah okay um i wonder if my grandpa's 77 gotta be way older than that right yeah mine's like 90 yeah i think mine is older than that um yeah i don't think my grandpa's seven i think he's at least 85 okay let's think of someone who is who is or who wears 77 that feels easier backstrom nicholas backstrom he's 19 19 as far as hockey numbers go that is as far away from 77 as i could

imagine uh no 99 closer to set oh i see what you're saying one you know what i mean who's yeah what's the lowest whatever this is a dumb i fucking hate myself so andrew you're a priest today i am a priest today as our confessional how has that experience been for you it's been good but i miss beating off is that one of the things you have to give up probably right definitely is masturbation a sin yeah is it really yes i have some calls to make like i think the whole idea is like you're only supposed to come to like have kids right i don't even think you're allowed to do that i think it has to just be like the baby's just born oh like jesus like jesus if you're a priest you can only have a child by well yeah that's true i guess if you're a priest

obviously no what if i just meant in general i think masturbation is yeah what if the conception so good that it is immaculate conception she's like that was immaculate no notes i think you're good then yeah you know what i mean like you really lay it down i mean i yeah have you been laying it down so how has your experience been laying it down recently i'm not comfortable and i barely am around you but that now i definitely am not all right what's up with uh what what were you doing this morning what was i doing this morning was i doing something odd i don't know that's a normal way people talk having a normal conversation but with weird inflections so that people get nervous so what were you doing what were you doing this morning

so how was your weekend that's like oh no i killed someone the worst guy that you knew at college somebody had a big weekend he saw you like split your pants at the bar i had a friend who uh wayward think of think of splitting your pants at the bar but take it to the nth degree splitting your legs split his foot open he was wearing flip-flops at the bar oh and dropped a glass bottle and then stepped in it and was just bleeding all over the bar and no one kicked him out he was there for like 30 minutes before a bouncer was like all right it's getting it was like just percussion i think it was not at first yeah but then like the snail trail that he was leaving around the bar of his blood yeah that'd be kind of funny you could like you could

you could tell you could tell who he'd been talking to all night yeah like someone's boyfriend shows up my girl and it was like shame you were talking to seamus i know and she's like i swear to god there's just a clear like a clear path and then there's like splatter they were like dude one time i uh i fell down the stairs and broke my nose freshman year of college oh my god i've never heard this yeah freshman year college i was in my girlfriend's dorm my girlfriend at the time yeah i i didn't know lauren like you were in dayton yeah i was in we were dating uh yeah i can't i haven't cracked it's such a t-ball dating a girl from dayton i know it's a willie d t-ball or like i haven't really cracked like what the joke is you can never marry

a girl from dayton yeah or yeah she actually she's so good at dayton she's got a degree in it you think i you think i as you think i see a lot of women my girlfriend has a degree from dayton or you think we'll come back we'll come back to it right so there you are at the top of the stairs and i'm going down it and i fell and hit my head on the railing my nose on the railing and it broke it and i think i just decided in that moment i was gonna blame my girlfriend's roommate that was like with me walking down the stairs so like i i was like one of the things where i was like oh my god you pushed me like instantly to this girl madigan hi madigan sorry i i kept a ruse going for years i refused to admit that she didn't push me did you tell her privately like

we both know you didn't and i don't and i'm not being serious but in front of everyone else i'm to say this i don't remember if i ever because if you didn't tell her that if you didn't tell her you were joking that's like i mean every no everyone knew that she was like i didn't push him and i was like way drunker than she was so no one believed me but i i for years was like madigan pushed me down the stairs and uh i broke my nose but it was i definitely just fell and i now i'm finally coming clean and uh that night we were in the it was like classic like freshman year boy dorm stuff where i was like my brother knows never like ah and then we're like let's set it and so like some kid who like it was like the third week of college it was like pre-med yeah

like i kid i didn't know was like i'll set it and they're like i'm like everyone gathered around anyway when i woke up it was like back in place it looks i never have no it was like i mean i think you can break a nose and set it and get away with it like i don't think it's gonna look but anyway they said it that some guy like said it in the hallway that night and by the time i out the next day it was that's like every mom's worst i mean it hurt really bad but it was like a line yeah every yeah that's what your mom like has nightmares about happening at college is like is like a another 18 year old trying to like reset your broken nose yeah it was kind of beautiful honestly you were like so drunk when when you fell down the stairs you're like madigan pushed

me down the stairs and pooped my pants and she threw up all over my shirt and yeah and she got a bad grade on my test this morning so that was college that was unreal when i broke my nose yeah it is funny the kids you're hanging with the first couple weeks of college i probably i probably am friends with one percent of those kids but the funny part is like you'd see it you walk by him senior year and be like what's up dude yeah you were best friend you you were each other's rock for like a week semester yeah those are the good old days man yeah breaking my nose taking names i was living large and spending like i was in charge or something yeah man i had a day today tell me i got where were you i was in uh culver city and i we had a shoot we had a branded shoot

we were doing for a brand that i won't divulge the details because i don't know what i'm allowed to share or not wait can you tell me and we'll bleep it whoa they're like on the nasdaq yeah i know uh anyway and i'm on the way there did you know that verizon went out today yeah my roommate texted me and was like is anyone can anyone else knock at their phone off sos mode so i'm halfway to horse to shoot halfway to horse down no i'm halfway to culver city going a route i'd never gone before because that was a random location that we were shooting at and my phone just goes to sos mode and i was like what the fuck and obviously the last thing you assume is that all of verizon is out like that feels like the the solution that like your dad would have like like

you can't figure out bluetooth hacked into the main like you like can't get the bluetooth connected the speaker he's like i actually think wi-fi is down today in la uh and i was like yeah he's like i knew i shouldn't have clicked on that link anyway i was i'm on the highway and i like i don't know what the hell so i'm like trying to i screenshotted all the directions in case it went away and then i restarted my phone thinking that would help it obviously didn't help so then i had to go somewhere off of like manual s directions how did that go for you do you feel like an old timer yeah but yeah it's when your dad had like those maps it was like a little embarrassing honestly that you couldn't do it no i mean i got it but it was like anxiety inducing

yeah because i it's just like stuff that our brains haven't had to think about is like okay take a right and seven tenths of a mile i'm trying to think okay how fast am i going like how how many minutes or you were trying to do like the mental why wouldn't you just like look for the street no you're looking for the street signs but like i'm trying to calculate i don't know just like i gotta make sure i don't miss it make sure i'm in the right lane yeah like to catch my exit it was like i gotta get on the freeway and then i don't know but i see what you're saying i see you're saying i figured it out and uh are you proud and then i got there no but then also i was running late and i couldn't text that i was running late so i'm bugging out i got there it

was all everything was fine i just was laughing because like i used to do a bit and this is way before i was asking for money uh that it would be like oh fuck like if someone's like can you venmo me i'm like oh fuck i think verizon's down and then it actually happened what do you want andrew at&t same same never goes down never giving me one lick of trouble i've had at&t since since the iphone 3gs and i'll and i'll never look back well that's my thing is i've always had verizon i mean first of all let's not pretend like any of us picked it i would like to say i was involved in the process when for a 3gs that means you were fifth no you were 12 10 i was in like fifth grade yeah and you were like i think we should go and your parents didn't have cell

service yet yeah you're right you're right you're right my mom i busted your ass my mom and my sister on verizon busted weirdly enough so kara probably had trouble today yeah i just couldn't it was just a funny and then i get to the shoot and ever i was like does anyone else dealing with this no one at the shoot has verizon which isn't that weird i feel like verizon's like the biggest one or att and verizon are like the two biggest yeah did everyone else have att a lot of people had t-mobile really have you seen those new t-mobile commercials with like billy bob thorn mobile yeah what's up with those he's like my my friend used to tell me verizon's network was ass his words not mine and he's like but now it's the but now it's the best and they're trying to make

like t-mobile the like i think like the country the country man's cell service t-mobile to me feels like you can't be pink and get the country yeah it feels like uh like yeah when he steps out of his truck and his boots hit the dirt the it's pink like a poof of pink comes up i you know i just saw bad santa that's billy bob thornton okay and that guy is bad in that movie b-a-d like capital b-a-d bad look he is no joke what does he do naughty naughty with chicks and drinking wait what it's like an already movie bad dude that guy's naughty with chicks and drinking and those are like the two main things you don't want to bet i would say probably drugs i don't really remember wait he's like he's like hammered yeah does he cheat on mrs claus yeah wait so it's

a it's a santa movie for adults yeah what's for bad adults clearly so what is it does it show like him like fucking uh no but i think it implies it yeah no there's like sexy scenes he goes like he's bad that you've seen it he's a bad santa in that he's bad bad in that movie like look google something oh yeah bad see yeah not good at all wait it's crime it just said like the genre is crime yeah he's a criminal he is bad in that have you ever seen that video of him and angelina jolie making out on like the red carpet they're they're arriving not anymore they i don't think so they're arriving at some like awards show and we'll watch this here in a second actually let's just give it a shot

it's so weird what's the most exciting you got what's the most exciting thing you guys have ever done in a car individually or together i think it was today my favorite one in a car was today just before we got here is it what is this mtv oh sorry okay well here's you want me to be honest with you we've in the car on the way here yeah it's the most exciting thing uh yeah every time so he so he's bad in real life he's a bad naughty that is my that's what i'm saying billy bob thornton is goddamn naughty i've been saying it for years he's naughty oh my god he's doing it for the film no he's naughty so he's a naughty guy so what do you have to do because angelina jolie is like one of the prettiest women in the world she's biting his

uh what my girlfriend i was gonna say lauren i said one of the prettiest women in the world she's biting his well all of our girlfriends were underage when that video was taken whoa okay jesus christ my oh my that video was taken in 2003 oh god jesus christ dude i'm saying like at the time we were underage that's what i'm saying none of us none of our girlfriends could be considered hot back then because they were all say it with me under age i'm not gonna say it with me so what and i'm not this is not a knock against billy bob thornton i think he's a very handsome man but what could he possibly be doing to her to have her acting that way in public she's like biting his neck and like licking the roof of his mouth he you think when

they started dating she thought he thought her name was like his or was like angelina joe lee like billy bob thornton it was joe lee like joe dash e-i-g-h which is like the country thing yeah j-o-e dash or j-o space l-e-i-g-h yeah and he was like my kind yeah i think he's i think he's probably showing her naughty santa i don't know presents can wait so what year what year was that i thought you said 2003 i think that was when bad 2000 so that was three years before bad santa he wasn't even he wasn't even riding the high of that bad santa fame yet and he already had angeline originally biting his chin on the red carpet maybe he was method acting bingo yeah cracked it cracked the case so oh you know have you ever seen her like she did the same thing with her brother

she made out with her brother on a red carpet pull that up that's there's something not right with that woman and she got a ton of backlash for this she like made out with her brother oscar i think it was at the oscars i don't that would be a crazy coincidence if he was i'll say it cancel me if you want i think that's kind of weird cancel me if you want i'm not making out with my brother cancel me it's convenient convenient that you said she made out with her or sister thank you thank you the only person i'm making that only person i'm making out with is god dude do you see the dilbert guy died who you just start sobbing scott adams

the guy who made dilbert what's dilbert you know dilbert are you thinking of norbit oh you've never seen dilbert the cartoon i'm aware that that exists i don't i can't say i was my dad used to fucking i used to read the comics every morning oh it's like a news oh yeah okay and my dad would always love dilbert it's like the adult version of the peanuts yes the peanuts anyway why was this tie always at like half mass half mass i don't know that's a really good question i think he's it's because he's always on the go when you when you have places to be it's kind of always flapping in the wind like that yeah anyway dilbert or scott adams the guy made dilbert that apparently like he like turned into like a white supremacist i want to say towards the end

of his life yeah but shit happens no uh but no but he posts he posted this really funny like thing on his top of my instagram and it was like if you're reading this like i've died basically on like to be posted on his instagram i guess he told someone to put it up and it was like i've never believed in god but in my late in my final days i've done a risk reward analysis and decided this might be worth it i pledge my life to jesus christ and i was like that's awesome i did a risk reward analysis and decided who was the celebrity that uh he wasn't jewish but he wore a star david because he said he didn't want to he didn't want to not get into the afterlife on a technicality yeah i don't know but the other part of his quote that was funny was he was like

he was like trust me if i i i am i want to believe if i wake up in heaven i promise you i will believe like you say like if you bring me to heaven then i will believe almost which is kind of funny if i if i die and i wake up in heaven i will believe i just think i think i've said this before i think that would be the funniest thing of all time i don't think there would be a funnier a funnier moment ever in your life than waking up and being like no shit it was real i would be insane yeah i want there's a photographer that he focuses on uh baseball players rounding third base after they've hit a home run because he that's how he imagines we will be greeted into heaven is everybody waiting for you at the home plate oh who was the guy that just had to turn

i just saw this like right before we started recording some celebrity that looked very familiar had to turn himself in in albuquerque for like sex crimes and he posted a video on instagram like i did not do this but i'm turning myself in i don't know but we got to get into that is it it's not walter white is it yeah timothy buzz busfield who's timothy busfield he's in i've seen him before can you google timothy busfield the actor and direct ad you're right google google him what if it's like bad santa i would trust me i think i would know oh revenge of the nerds yeah okay bro loves revenge of the nerds you're fucking obsessed with revenge of the nerds aren't you you fucking freak i don't

think i've ever seen it what's the one with the uh it's it's a similar dinner for schmucks no dinner for schmucks too no dinner for schmucks three no bad santa yes it's the one with this really skinny red hair guy and he's a nerd in high school and then i think he becomes like cool maybe it's a spin-off pulling dynamite revenge of the nerds carrot top it's like super it's one of those early 2000s comedies where like most of the punch lines are like i think we're getting rated by afghanistan right now it got really loud above us now why would afghanistan be the one that's rating us or we we realize that you're clearly in on it yeah it's like how would he have known that sounds just like an afghan helicopter yeah i i don't know if it's afghan or not but

were being rated oh what have you been up to man what'd you do last night i golfed simulator simulator golfed i played 36 holes again i shot 77 at my home course of booth by harvard the putting is very generous how many mulligans one i get i give myself one on each and then i was like because it gives you so if you hit a ball out of bounds it like gives you a drop down menu of like drop return to the tee or like mulligan and so i had already used my mulligan and i was like dropping or i clicked drop and i realized like if anyone was watching me play at the simulator i think they would think i was like the biggest hard oval because you're practicing shots that like like that's not the fun option yeah it doesn't it doesn't matter you're an honest man

and then i shot 79 at pebble beach again putting very generous so it gimme's are like six feet so add oh that's so add like six strokes and like i would probably i'd probably say my 77 was closer to an 87 and my 79 was probably closer to like a 90 yeah um how do you read the greens so i have it that's i'm very glad you asked i have it set on uh auto fixed so if i hit the green and it's outside of the gimme circle it is typically a two putt it assumes i would two putt from there occasionally it'll be a three putt if it's like oh so you don't even putt crazy no no no um and then if you land it within six feet or five feet whatever it is then it's just auto gimme um i have been i've been playing my home

course a lot which uh doesn't that seem like a funny way to use a simulator what i was thinking as i was like you can play any course literally the world's my oyster there are courses that it's like the best 18 holes from every course yeah so like they'll hand pick like really fun holes from across the world and i'm just playing a course that i play all the time here's something speaking of golf do you guys register for the olympics i did i did what sport are you gonna play no but today the registration opened for tickets for the olympics yep and we're getting tickets hopefully well there's like i think you have better access if you're an la resident yes you do so we'll know between march 31st and like april 7th you have like a win i think it's like picking

your classes for college you can go in it this time did you see though the thing where like how did you pick your favorite sports yeah what did you guys put i was i was thinking about this because i was like there are sports it's like like basketball for instance like sure i love basketball but i'm probably i don't really give a shit about going to olympic basketball when i see like what what it's like really it's like this is like the time when it's the most exciting it's like every country is good that is like the best ticket because you can see like curry and lebron and all those guys for like 50 bucks yeah but i think i guess they're gonna be cheap tickets they're gonna be cheap i was anticipating like yeah if we even if i win this lottery it's gonna

like $1,000. No, I think they're cheap if you can get them. And then it's expensive if you buy them later. Okay. You can make a lot of money. Wait, did you only pick one sport?

No, I did five sports. Oh, me too. Wait, I was just going to give you my take about the basketball because I think this is why I brought it up because I had a feeling we might spar on this.

Okay. I think with the Olympics, the cool part isn't seeing a bunch of guys that you can see all the time anyway. It's like these random sports that it's like they get one shot every four years.

Oh, you want there to be a lot of them. field like that seems like the coolest one to go to yeah you want there to be stakes you want that like their life depends on winning this event yeah it's or it's just like something you don't get to see every day it's like a new so what'd you go with uh track and field and then i think i put uh i didn't fully commit to this like i still did like soccer yeah i did too which maybe that's the same logic as basketball but i don't know but soccer i don't have the opportunity to watch any yeah like international soccer you go watch messy yeah i don't think messy plays in the olympics though right what i thought the pros don't really play i thought it was more like the

18u teams that play no no this is like the best player i mean sometimes people like opt out but like i don't i actually yeah generally they like that this is like when they get most you do like find out about like new guys so like james rodriguez back in the day like no one had heard of him and then by the end of the olympics he was like on real madrid um but i mean messi has some like the most iconic messi's won a world cup i believe wait we're talking about the olympics oh my god i got it completely mixed up yeah that's what i'm saying yeah hummus thing sorry world cup i was thinking of the world cup uh oh my god oh you're thinking of the world cup i was gonna say yeah i didn't even i honestly in my head when i when i signed up for soccer it was

gonna be the world cup well that's this song that's also here right yeah that's where some of it is that's where my wires got crossed um that's a good question actually i don't yeah i don't know it looks like he played in 2008 i remember soccer being really underwhelming last olympics okay yeah can you google 2024 olympics soccer so you did you did soccer track and field Yeah. I think I might have done skateboard. No, I did BMX freestyle. Cool.

That's awesome. BMX freestyle seems sick. Right. Okay, yeah, that's right. That's what it was. It's U23, and then you get three overage players, I think. Is that just the US? No, that's everyone.

So it's like youth teams, and then you get three old guys, three unks. three youngs yeah whatever damn you'd barely be able to play on the soccer team right now i'm not 23 23 plus 3 26 right you're drunk right that's a funny joke okay yeah man i'm fucking yeah i'm fucking with you man we just i just said what it was it's three over i was fuck i was thinking about other things that's so funny that you thought they listed you 26 as you

23 plus three no i thought like it was you 23 and then the three maybe can be 26 no i think the three could be anything that makes okay all right all right that one's on me hand up i went uh but Yeah, Messi was not in the most recent one. I went basketball, soccer, flag football, lacrosse, and tennis. Okay. Oh, tennis would have been cool. You know what I mean? I should have done tennis.

I put golf in there, actually. Oh, you know what? Wait, maybe I didn't do lacrosse and I did golf then. Or maybe I did all of those. I don't know. It just kept letting me out. kept there were five i think you can buy 12 tickets too what so like even if one of us whole squad rolling up to bmx freestyle when i get my thing like i because i was gonna text

flan like register because we need to like whatever and then i texted my roommates and stuff and if we only need one of us to win the lottery because then the other person can buy oh 12 tickets so you could do 12 to 1 or you could go to 12 separate events by yourself kind of interesting you can only get 12 total tickets so you can do 12 to 1 event or 12 i believe also are you pigeonholed onto the events you get i don't think we have no idea do we it seems like you are they know what they're doing your prior you're like priority for the things that you picked they may be like so do i have a better chance because i put like bmx freestyle yeah you're like almost certain to i think you'll probably be fine but

also there's probably a lot less seats for that so who knows true you might have an equal also if any i hope neither of you guys put rowing or uh there's two events that are in oklahoma city is that so random really maybe you'd love that it's like where you grew up or something yeah they're doing two events in oklahoma city oh softball and rowing i think are in oklahoma city where are they gonna softball oh i put baseball oh that's cool but i feel like i never has that been in the olympics if there's any water in oklahoma there is in uh the oklahoma city river i don't know wait google baseball olympics is that even a thing yeah is that new you think they like tricked you idiot they're like weeding out

people who are fake oh it wasn't it was until 2008 and then once again 2020 and then was oh and it might feature mlb players for the first time that would be sick venezuela is going to be on a revenge tour oh my god yeah did you see our grouping in soccer we got a good group no like like our like we're in group b and which is like four countries yes guess which four it is i forget tell me it's i believe if i'm remembering correctly it's us israel iran and uh russia or something no it is not can you no no it was wait i know one of them's paraguay unless it's the unless it's the world i think you got pranked bro well this is no no sorry the olympics oh they haven't announced it's in 2028 i think you got pranked what am i talking about i thought

you're talking about the world cup i thought i was talking about the olympics wait google olympics just humor me god i need to start googling you have to be better about discerning like but i can't i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because when i use google it uses ai and i get yelled at and when i don't know google okay where did i see this this happened this happened maybe it's like the i don't know google what group has u.s iran and russia and israel u.s and i ran oh wait don't put world cup we know it's not he's definitely talking about the world cup well he's definitely not definitely not because i was wrong soccer yeah and you oh man this is

stuff i think you made i think you saw like an edited thing memed yeah need to unfollow daquan here's something t-shirt for you it's from our friend noah from a dude made it let's go you know what dude made it sick you know what dude made it whoa that's sick kelly clan that's fucking awesome kelly clan pub i swear on this place you see what it says on the on the bag i mean on the podcast on the back on the bag i've always i've always leader of the kelly clan the chosen one i've always thank you noah that is fucking odd did you run into him or how did he give it to you in like a bag yeah i was with him on sunday oh nice i where a public little league baseball field in marvista really man why

working on something always grinding never not working that's my mentality who wants to become an ump this summer i was sick and i still showed up was it a grindaholic it was never stopped 24-7, first in, last out. Are you podcasting with other people? No. If I did that, I would tell you. Maybe. Who wants pizza?

Do you have pizza? No, I don't want to fuck with you. I was just trying to get out of a stinky situation. Go to cloudhiker.com. I have to pee really quickly, but let Willie run with this for a second. Willie, here's a question for you. What's your guilty pleasure drink? Pinnacle Whipped Vodka.

What's your go-to drink? Pinnacle Whipped Vodka. Sorry. What? Rate your bartending skills. Pinnacle Whipped Vodka out of 10. I was a horrible, horrible bartender in college. When I was told we were partnering with Pinnacle,

brought me back. When I was a senior in college, we had discovered a drink online that if you use Pinnacle Whipped Vodka, and I can't remember the second ingredient, which seems crucial. You'd think I'd remember it. It tasted exactly like cotton candy.

you guys can google that at home it's on the internet it's something and pinnacle whipped vodka tastes apparently exactly like cotton candy this stuff is actually delicious guys the the whole thing about pinnacle vodkas is they were born to be the pinnacle of value vodka okay guys next time you're stocking the bar grab pinnacle vodka great vodka at a great price and hey please drink responsibly you got to be 21 plus willie you go to concerts more than anyone i know who are you excited to see i've got a few coming up on my horizon if you will uh but i just recently actually bought tickets on seat geek to go see rainbow kitten surprise nice very excited rks rks is like a swaggy way to say it's not till july but it's one of those things where i treat

myself now so then it'll be free come july that now that is the spirit guys girl math we want to give the sponsor of today's video SeatGeek a huge shout out with over 35 million downloads SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app there are more than 70,000 live events listed on SeatGeek including concerts sports festivals and more it's officially the new year and so many artists have already released tickets for their 2026 tours like Lady Gaga, Cardi B, Chris Stapleton, Morgan Wallen, Alex Warren, Demi Lovato, the Backstreet Boys, just to name a few. And the U.S. is hosting the World Cup, and they're coming here. So grab your tickets now.

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The new year means new artists are on tour. To make it even better, you can use code PLAYDATE10 for 10 off your seat geek tickets that's 10 off tickets with promo code play date 10 make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically applied to your account so you can use it later thank you so much seat geek let's get back into the episode you want to hear something i've been dealing with yeah so i lost my wallet really for like a couple days and that oh it was in your couch you said it was in my couch that doesn't count as did you look were you looking had you checked your couch i had but that's not lose your wallet if you

haven't checked your couch that's not the problem okay my key was in my wallet okay my key after i found my wallet no longer there okay so i'm now keyless and someone has a key to your house and someone might have a key to my house but they don't have my wallet which would tell them where i live but here's the problem we lock the door obviously when we all go to work so i have now had to try and figure out ways to fill my time until like 6 30 or 7 when someone will be home from work so that i know when i pull in the door will be unlocked so i kind of feel like one of those kids that has to go to like an after-school program where i just go to the simulator until like 6 30 or i go and hang out at flan's house or i just drive around and i don't know what to do

are you in the process of getting a new key i don't even know where to start so get one of your roommates keys go to home depot i believe it says do not copy on it scratch it off i don't i think don't they have like machines that do it at home depot i don't even think you'd have to give it to a person like i think the do not copy is like a like a rule of the trade for like a locksmith but i think right like i think you just put it you grease their palm a little bit no it's like a machine there's no like middleman how does it know about my key like what do i put it in i'm just gonna give it to the machine what if it like what shreds it yeah you you put your key in and it like scans it and then it does it have like a lock that you put it into uh it's like a slot you put it in

I don't know where it goes. It uses like AI. It's AI. That's what I'm saying. So you're going to love it. I'm really nervous about, I just have stopped using machines altogether because I don't know which ones are going to anger people. You canceled?

I've been sprinting. You used a toaster this morning? I've been sprinting to work because I don't know if my car is AI or not. Yeah, your car is AI. Is that an AI car? Is that something? guy who just saw a waymo got your dad when he visits california for the first time yeah my dad on the highway now what the fuck is that really yeah like the 405 cruising in front of me

on the 10 today how fast do they go 100 miles an hour 150 i think it was pushing it's like it's like they're just barreling into people like oh my no but that's like i liked when they couldn't go on the highway that made sense to me i don't know if i would like to be in one on the highway i wouldn't the highway is a dangerous i don't want to be on the highway in general let alone in a waymo you have okay so you have a car in california now damn right you have a car in california damn right am i crazy carlifornia get ready for the hottest take of all time are you ready for this one am i crazy or are people here like the worst fucking drivers in the world i'm not talking like asshole like cutting in front of you like i have had people almost merged just

directly into me on like not the highway just like on san vicente like we're next to each other and they just put their blinker on and like go i don't know and i have to honk i almost i almost ran a ran a woman almost ran a red light i almost ran a red light i'm one of them no i was pulling i was driving through a intersection last night and a woman just went for it when i was like from me to that wall and we were we were all going 45 miles what do you mean she just went like she was trying to turn across the intersection and like i'm barreling this way and she was just like oh and then so the person next to me honked at her she was almost gonna hit them the woman just stopped and was like in the middle of the intersection i know this isn't a new take that

like people in la drive crazy but like something has happened in the last year or so where it is like people like literally do not know how to well i think it's like a whole generation of drivers who were in covid driving school right they took driving school during covid where it would be like you had to zoom your driving instructor and put them in the passengers i mean that's how a whole generation of kids the teacher has like one of those zoom filters on where he's like a potato yeah and he's like and yeah so that's like a whole generation of kids that went to grow up in zoom driving school did you take a did you have like a driving class like with an instructor yeah we had to get an 80 to like no but like with a dude that you drove with in the car yeah tim okay

yeah he would pick all of us up like from school okay and so like you'd be driving and then like two of your classmates would like be in the back waiting for their turn and they'd like drop you off and then like ella would get in the front seat and then when you get to ella's house like jason would get in the front it was like kind of daunting he had a system down it was like a way to get home from school too it was yeah it was like a killing killing two birds with one stone that's kind of i had a my instructor was this guy um have i talked about this on the pod what was his name dude he had a crate gene can you go james island driving school uh he had been a cop and he he had been hit by like he was a fascinating guy he was like

he had like he walked away before we get into uh yeah i think it's that guy he had been hit by what okay well just before he clicking is gonna distract me so i'll tell the story and then we'll look into him but he he like walked kind of with like a limp and the story was that he had been a police officer and he had been uh uh apparently this is like not super common but uh un people don't realize like how often this leads to like horrible like accidents and death he got hit by a tire that had come off like a car or something that was like just barreling down the highway he was doing a traffic stop and he got hit by a tire and like miracle that he's alive like apparently that's like most people just like dead on impact because those things are like you don't

realize how fast they're going missile and uh do you think he still wrote the ticket i know i doubt i kind of doubt it but he then in his recovery then had this like come to jesus moment where he realized that like he felt like what he had done as a police was like immoral like going into people's homes for like drug busts and stuff he was like if people are in their homes doing drugs who am i to break the sanctity of their privacy and arrest them which is like okay and then it like went into this like full like sort of like he was like this like libertarian activist of like like anti like yeah i don't know anyway that was that guy the middle guy what's his name he feels it it feels like kind of me in another life

i feel like i have libertarian streaks rayford davis yeah we had a drama teacher who was who was walking from his car in the teacher's parking lot into school yeah and one of my sister's friends who i guess is also one of my friends had like just gotten her license and she ran him over and uh he was like super killed him no he's fine i mean he broke like i think she like broke his leg or something but like literally like i think the like the month that she got her license she hit a teacher with her car oh my god my friend chris was pulling and the drop and the drama teacher came in and the girl was like oh come on he's just acting he goes and you know he goes you passed this was one of my tests i wanted to see if you could commit as an actor and

see i do you ever know my viral sketch scott and i one time we got we were like i think too high and we wrote a sketch about a guy who comes home from acting class which was this no oh he comes from i was nodding like i like where this he comes home from acting class he takes one acting class he comes home and then like none of his friends believe like a fucking word he says or a thing he does because they're like oh yeah from the guy who's take who just took acting class like dude like give it up like yeah he like his it ruins his life because no one can trust him because they all think he's acting all the time i like that my friend uh my friend chris had just gotten his permit yeah and was leaving the dmv or maybe he just got his license his mom was in the car

and they pulled out and there's like an intersection like 100 yards away after you turn out of the dmv and his mom was uh sternly telling him to break she thought he was going too fast and he panicked and slammed on the gas and he missed the brake and hit the gas and rammed into the car in front of him totals his car oh no i had my buddy thomas in high school pretty early into having our licenses got in a really bad accident totaled his car with an ambulance and it was the ambulance's fault oh i like that okay did he sue cut him off i don't know i mean they were like whatever they do with like insurance and shit but yeah the ambulance cut him off and like was totally the ambulance's fault were the

lights on no i don't know because then i think it would like kind of automatically you have to right yeah but no it was very funny also we had a bit of a boy who cried wolf situation recently where my beautiful girlfriend love her but she loves to be like on her phone in the passenger seat and be like oh my god we'll look at this and i'm like what like no stop it's not even like a real it's like a sideways youtube video yeah literally it's gonna be like five or like any like it's like every five minutes in the car she'll be like oh my god we'll look at this i'm like no i'm not looking at that so then the other day i'm blasting my tunes and she goes oh my god will look and it was a fire truck with its lights on but it was a boy who cried wolf situation i was

like i'm not looking lauren i'm driving and then uh i kind of was like in a precarious i kind of was like made the driver the i might have killed the guy yeah no i i just i was like holding up holding up the fire truck and you're like dancing yes man i feel like to get out of the get off the he's like stop listening to the dixie chicks asshole it was it was just funny because by the time i noticed that i looked behind me like everyone had stopped at like the same point where they saw him and i was like out ahead i didn't actually interfere with you were leading the charge but it looked like yeah everyone else get out of the way yeah but anyway that's that's probably i think my least favorite thing about my girlfriend i think that's a that's pretty good

that's your least favorite thing that's all things considered that's a really good healthy relationship it's pretty good yeah what's your favorite thing about her um oh man there's just so many guy who doesn't know his girlfriend oh god her brownish blondish hair her hair she has hair no i think she makes me laugh a lot she's funny andrew favorite least favorite thing i don't have any least favorite this come on be honest she's not gonna listen to this perfect she's not gonna listen to this and then favorite thing willie said his least favorite thing this is the no my favorite thing she makes like funny faces like she'll be like when she's like talking she's like

oh like unintentionally yeah have you like i'm sure you've seen like she she just like she's thinking yeah she's thinking her mind is like it's like cartoon expression literally it's like it's and i met her mom and i was like oh my god her mom kind of does it she almost does like all right andrew least favorite thing willie willie was vulnerable enough to tell us his favorite thing she's trying to pressure me into sex before marriage and as a priest can't do that i forgot he's dressed like a priest can you tell us can you be serious she is funnier than me that i would say like it's my favorite and least favorite thing because like i'm used to being the funny one that was the best answer because you found a way

to disguise your least favorite thing as a compliment so a business school taught me yeah some weaknesses i would say weakness business school taught me this is nothing against the school i think a lot of people were trying but i just didn't i don't think i retained much well you were at a liberal arts school so weren't you learning about like business major it was like i learned about what play-doh and socrates and oh i thought you meant like play-doh and blocks like you were calling me like a moron i did i was a business major i got i started in business school you're triple major yeah and my i took one business class and it was business ethics and they were like so for business one philosophy is that you try to do good

for all people and one is maximizing revenue for the shareholders at the expense of literally everyone else's well-being and the environment right and i was like i don't really agree that those are two equally weighted options so i left well i mean what about the stakeholders because that's different a lot of people get them mixed up with shareholders so they think so what is what is this difference if you could explain to me because i could i could tell you a a shareholder is someone who has equity in the company a stakeholder could also have equity but it is someone that uh is invested uh maybe not like monetarily like they're like involved in the company is that what it is i think the stakeholders are just any like anyone at any

level of the company like the the employees are stakeholders right right equity or not no i mean like it's it's just like any yeah yeah that's what i said i said stakeholders could could have equity yeah but they're yeah i think you're both right all right all right three hundred thousand dollars later could barely tell you yeah that's a bummer but i stakeholders i'm i love steak stakeholders like stakeholders where i call the people who just got through the rb's drive-thru uh yeah or yes rb we love rb's rb's we have the meats did i already tell you my steak debacle from the other night no order is get ready because this is not going to be boring oh is this the thing about like flan made you eat more and i don't regret a lot of your steak

i ordered it medium rare and the waiter made a big show of being like good order like you know how to order a steak like well done not well done medium rare and well done and he and then it came back and it was well done and whenever i order a steak flan and i usually split the steak and then i'll have half of her pasta and she only eats the like cooked parts so she likes like the the edges or whatever and so she ate she got to eat way more because it was all well done this time so i think she may have pretended to go into the bathroom and went to the kitchen was like listen here boys i got a i got a benjamin franklin with your name on it if you what if it is what if what you just had was a little accidental trigger of your real memory and what happened was you said

all the medium rare and he didn't hear you and he said well done i was like thank you uh-huh there's something there i mean yeah yeah i follow this guy on tiktok who will go to restaurants and he'll order a steak and then he'll replace it with a raw one in his backpack and he'll go hey do you mind like cooking this a couple more times or something and they're like people will be like oh my god i'm so sorry does he tell them after no this makes him recook it i love cooking legs cook hey i love cooking i love cooking i love instagram yes i love instagram okay i like reels i like scrolling i like fucking sitting there for two fucking hours and rotting my brain out i love instagram high school musical

if it was in 2025 he's like i can scroll reels and be a jock i like it i'm a jock i've never seen high school it's kind of all about um you can be tooth it's almost exclusively about you're allowed to be two things you can be an artist and a cook you can be an athlete and on the jump rope team that's like me exactly i'm a star and i'm sexy which a lot of people say can be done yeah i'm gonna be a big star i was thinking about it i was thinking about it me being one are you being one us together i think i'm gonna outpace you pretty soon i would say the next three weeks japan month is somehow gonna skyrocket my career and leave you in the dust i would i would prefer it to be a longer timeline i don't uh i don't want that so my my sister texted me today and

she was like hi or she was like would you be interested in partnering with and then like listed these two companies that are doing a collab and i was like yeah go for it and i gave her herb's email and i was like you guys can figure it out and then i called her and i was like uh hey my sister's gonna email you she works for this agency like take it from there or whatever and he was like negotiating a deal for you with your sister feels like murky waters that i didn't sign up for like that that has to be i didn't occur to me that that must be like impossible conflict of to do together i mean is she actually the one negotiating the rate i don't know i don't know yeah i don't know i have a question if a brand were to reach out to you personally and say hey

i want to do an activation with you do you have to give friday beers a cut yes yeah i just also just send everything to her because it is kind of awkward to be like but even if you didn't involve correct no matter anything that goes on either of our pages they get a cut if i got someone gave up and offered me ten thousand dollars of video cash i would not tell anyone so that's if any brands want to do like an under the table i would go low on my rate if you pay me cash and i don't have to tell anyone if you want to walk past me on the sidewalk and drop a duffel bag and i pick up said duffel bag and in exchange i hand you a hard drive with a tiktok on it what about a duffnel bag duffnel bag the man loves me slogans so we're going we're going catchphrase first

before we've figured out what the product is correct i like it stevie wonder for girls stevia wonder my my stevie wonder that isn't sugary go it's yeah my uncle's convinced convinced that uh stevie wonder can see what what would possess i mean i've definitely heard this like rumor but like what possessed man will be like that worked up is he like a big part of his life it it comes up more than any other topic yeah he has a catalog of evidence um catalog yeah someone said uh i can't remember who said this someone said stevie wonder got an elevator that they were in and he was alone and pushed the button to his floor wait what do blind people do if they do elevator numbers have braille on them i feel like mine are

pretty smooth i guess the number next to it yeah yeah if you get into it if you're blind you just have to wait for someone else to get in the elevator with you if you're blind you have to wait no you can they have braille yeah yeah i've always wondered how do you find the braille like all of our bathroom signs have braille on them but there's not a like a breadcrumb trail of braille or to the bathroom trail of braille the trail of braille like you just have to go if you're in a space that you don't know you have to check every door before you find the bathroom seems really stressful honestly seems like a fucking nightmare remember when i saw the blind leading the blind in mexico city that was awesome holding his hand and walking him i was

like that's unbelievable do you think he was slightly less blind it's possible or do you think it was just like we're in this together i think it was like older younger maybe so yeah it's just like a funny yeah or it's like uh it's like a hierarchy thing so like the the leader of the blind is in the back in case there's like a sinkhole or like they go off a cliff or something sinkhole sinkholes i don't want to hear about your stink right now dude you know stink bugs yeah gross reek right yeah they fucking one time i remember i'll never forget this it's like ingrained in my memory i think about it still sometimes i'm in the bathroom i went to i like to drink water out of the sink hand up what that's gross in the bathroom sometimes yeah

like in your childhood home oh oh that's fine yeah in my childhood home there's still a little bit of like poopy on the um no there's poop particles on the faucet no yes they say you're like your bath mat and like all the things in your bathroom are like the dirtiest things in your house because there's like poop particles on them are there poop particles on my bathroom sink whoa you left out you conveniently left out yes it's highly likely to find on sink faucets finish the sentence fecal matter e coli on sink faucets especially bathroom ones also i think and even toothbrushes yeah that's why you see they've been coming out with these

like separate rooms in your bathroom for your toothbrush you like close a little tiny door is that when you're pooping nothing gets on the toothbrushes when you I have never gotten poop on my toothbrush you're not supposed to you apparently you're not supposed to sleep naked because when you fart like a lot of poop particles come out and so your bed will just be like bedridden with them or not bedridden riddled with them bedridden you're you will be bedridden if you keep farting at this rate now i feel weird about being naked in my apartment dude you are you're like your whole house is probably like yeah just covered all right well anyway i was drinking out of this bathroom sink and i guess a stink bug had landed it was like chilling like right on the faucet hole

so i like went to drink out of it and i was like one centimeter away from eating a stink bug how did you like identify you know because i was doing like a yeah we used to have them all the time in our house oh i've never seen google stink bug it looks like it's like kind of like a flat guy with like little eggs little eggs bag eggs legs oh i have seen those do they reek i guess if you like crush them i think anything reeks if you crush it i think we would reek if you crushed us not like a fly though yeah i don't know we had hella stink bugs in our house growing up that she was nasty and then we moved to south carolina and we had hella anoles bro you know about them no you probably don't do well with bugs lizards oh you probably have them in

florida right oh just the little guys yeah i love those guys and they're like change colors oh like i've only seen like dark and light brown well yeah and green no and green yeah that's the same lizard yeah they change ground brown to green my cousin jimmy used to catch them in florida yeah they're like a woated chameleon they only change they have two options but the tails do pop off if you grab them oh my god they pot like just detach yeah you know about that oh it's like a survival mechanism yeah is that sick and it just grows back yeah i they never those never or rarely made them into my house in college but we had a lot outside yeah they were all over not in our house but all over your yard and stuff yeah i can't believe i forgot to tell you guys

this i almost died again last night from fucking carbon monoxide why why were you fucking carbon monoxide wait actually we're in flan's house last night i'm sound asleep dreaming keep in mind different house than the first incident i'm having a dream that i swear to god involved i can't remember the context but like the the beeping of the thing like beep beep like made complete sense in my dream so i stayed asleep flan woke up and woke me up and was like what's that beeping and then i in my head was like that was in my dream so we had like a 30 second like inception moment of like how did you know what i was dreaming about and then it happened again so i get up and i realize it's coming from the smoke detector she has one of those like i think like all-in-one

all-encompassing detector it tests for like sour cream test for everything and so to get it to stop i was like oh hold it's shampoo and conditioner they only have they only have one button on them famously smoke detectors and so i held that button and it set off the smoke alarm now so now the smoke alarm is going off and we still don't know what the three beeps mean because doesn't have the manual anymore and i was like it's fine let's open a window and like just we'll call your landlord in the morning she stayed up for two hours while i was like in and out of sleep trying to figure out what the three beeps meant and the two options were like it was something along the lines of like imminent danger like get out like like serious threat of like some leak or

whatever or uh it's too dusty and humid and humid and there's no way to distinguish which one it means for this particular brand so it was like i was ready to roll the dice and i was like let's just we'll call you dusty there's no i was like do you want me to call 311 or are we going to go to bed because like it's kind of like being on web md where you're just googling your symptoms i was like you're just going to rile yourself up doing this like if we're not going to call yeah the people to come over we should just stop and then i think she went to bed at like three in the morning while i was so what happened wait what she just never beeped again oh so you just i think it's fine so you oh okay i reset it and so i think it's fine so i guess yeah maybe i had to hook you

into the story so yeah that was a good that was a good hook it would i would i would tap that earlier if i was like plant smoke detector malfunctioned if i was like it was too dusty and then her air purifier was on like red mode oh and i was like that has to be something right and she goes no the the filter's been full for like a month i knew a guy named red mo in college here's a fun fact wait what was i gonna say it was about carbon oh the the weren't you talking about the lizard detached tails no no no that i don't know that's fine carbon carbon it's refreshing remember carbon carbon monoxide oh i think i was just gonna say that the all-in-one and my joke about the shampoo and conditioner reminded me of the

the 10-in-one oh if i don't do that i think so yeah it's like i think it was one of my earliest pitches but it's shampoo conditioner shaving cream hand soap sour cream olive oil bell peppers diced onions white rice black beans corn salsa pico a little bit of guac would be great um cheese lettuce and yeah can i do a side tortilla yeah that'd be great okay so whether whether you are showering shaving or making some sort of bowl it's got you covered exactly can i poke one hole it way more than 10 things what are you a fucking cop should we roadmap it up yeah can i gotta pee again yeah go for it oh and we got their confessionals today all right willie you've had some pretty horrible wallets over the years tell me a story about a wallet you've had i had

a wallet that was made out of this skin of animals that i couldn't identify and what i didn't know is the skin reeks at night so every night my wallet reeked and it would make my pants stink and so i had to get a new apartment that sounds pretty brutal but not anymore with ridge wallets they are unique slim modern uh they have a modern design that holds up to 12 cards plus cash they're made with premium materials like aluminum titanium and carbon fiber over 50 plus colors and styles to choose from look at how cool this thing is we got a little thing back here for your bills you got cards that pop watch this bink pop it out 12 cards plus cash uh it gives me peace of mind knowing that all ridge wallets have rfid blocking technology keeping you safe from digital pick

pocketers and let me tell you a hundred thousand people agree with me a hundred thousand dollar there are over a hundred thousand five-star reviews you heard that right a hundred thousand dollars worth of five-star reviews you do the math that's a hundred thousand memories made guys it sucks to lose your wallet but guess what ridge has an air tag attachment so you always know exactly where your wallet is before panic mode kicks in and it's not just about wallets okay they've got key cases suitcases rings they all have the same sleek durable design and whatever you decide to pick they've got free shipping a 99 day risk-free trial and a lifetime warranty on all of their products so for a limited time our listeners get 10 off at ridge by using code

playdate at checkout just head to ridge.com and use code playdate and you're all set after you purchase they'll ask you where you heard about them please support our show and tell them we sent you let's get back into the episode i was just writing down my notes app this will be a this is gonna go platinum in our next sayings that don't exist shit ain't worth the stink is that a saying already things when you said it i assumed so sometimes the shit ain't worth the stink brother is that one andrew no but i don't really get it like it's not the the uh impact that this is gonna something is gonna create isn't worth doing it the juice isn't worth the squeeze no it's like the the effects that it will have are make it not worth

doing the re yeah the repercussion because the reaper so the juice isn't worth the squeeze no no but that's not what that's saying like that won't yield that won't yield enough to like make it worth it yeah this is like the negative impact of something makes it not worth it like the the uh not like you're not gonna get enough out of this is the op yeah this is like the repercussions versus orange juice isn't worth the squeezes, the effort isn't worth the result. Okay, I see. So that will be for all our OGs.

That's a sneak preview of my next thing. All right, we're all dressed like priests here. And now I am going to dethrone you. Derobe you. Sorry. What's that? We're going to do confessional. Welcome back to the first ever edition

of Playdate Confessional. andrew has some wait forgive me father for i have sinned it has been 10 years since my last confession it's been 10 years probably i've never done one really never are you like confirmed yeah i've never i never have had the opportunity wait i don't think you you got confirmed without ever doing confession unless i didn't like have blocked that part of my memory are you catholic i think that was a huge part of like our confirmation prep was like we had to do confession every week leading up to it i never did one but i was also at least like in the maybe they maybe they posed it as something else i was never in the in the yeah no you probably didn't do i don't know i

was in catholic school so it was like yeah we didn't really have a choice but we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna do the first ever playdate confessional we're gonna hear your confessions and we're gonna tell you whether or not you're in big trouble whether you're forgiven or banished to the pit of hades and then we are gonna just go straight to judge judy cases that don't exist we are we're very like law and order today judge judy cases that don't exist followed by what was the other one really you got the other one it was judge judy case oh and ways to say you're broke that's right oh ways to say you need a little money come on all right so andrew you want to tee up what's happening here yeah uh we asked you guys to send

in your confessions and now we're going to read them and react and maybe forgive you maybe not and what are like what are our options as the priests you give we give them like a penance literally no matter what they say you just say for our fathers and three hail marys that was my experience with confession every time and then me and brooks rowley would go sit next to each other and i'd be like what'd you get and he would every week it was like clearly the priest had picked like what he what was going to be the penance that we can give it to everyone because we always had it was different week to week but it was always the same or you guys were you were very much not supposed to tell each other what yours was i think that's like the whole point

is that it's secret but we always had the same one you know my dad when he was a kid he was an altar boy and he got in trouble for him and his cousins were altar boys and uh the priest caught him flicking his cousin off across the altar all right can you like not be forgiven or do you always get forgiven oh you well i mean yeah i think you always get i think that's i think god i think jesus's forgiveness knows no bounds i want to say that's what he told me yeah okay well in this chapel you can not be forgiven okay yeah we're ruthless oh all right forgive me father for i have sinned when i was a child we were out of toilet paper so of course i use the shower curtain oh man jail hell jail hell jail jail and it's just making a left turn onto a six lane highway

i am worried about this person because the thought didn't occur to them that the thing they're using to wipe is the thing that is holding you from the place that you could just wash your butt off so i think i'm less concerned you think they should have done what your butt did i think that's better than wiping it on the just stuck the shower faucet in their ass i think a little soap and maybe some scrubbing could have done it so i'm less concerned with the action and more concerned with the lack of uh awareness hell next hell next forgive me father for i have sinned i was really down bad for a guy when i was 18 he was 22 so he could go to the bars so when he was out of the bars i would set 30 minute timers to sleep at night and wake up to check if he texted me

asking to come over at 3 a.m wow um i forgive you it's kind of sweet very sweet i think i would like to talk to him because i think if you're 22 and you're talking to an 18 year old that no it's like if you're a senior dating a freshman okay i was kind of joking in high school i remember there was a senior that dated a freshman and it was weird weird he had like a full beard yeah it was weird weird weird i am weird okay next one you're going to hell no you're fine you're fine you're going to heaven forgive me father for i've sinned one time i accidentally flashed my entire vagina to my dad i thought it was my sister who knocked on my door because she had been coming in and out of my room and i was laying on top of my bed with a robe on because i had just self-tanned i thought

i wish she would leave me alone let me flash her so she will leave me alone that's when my dad opened the door and saw my leg spread eagle vagina out i'd like to give your dad a hug first before we get to the penance i'm so sorry that that happened to you sir but his father is going to heaven your father yeah you get to get out of jail free card for whatever he does for the rest of his life i would say you i forgive you we've all made mistakes in our life that one feels like an insane risk to reward because even if it was your sister let's keep our private parts yeah i think that's that's just a risky i'm i don't think i'd ever be willing to take so i think you're going to hell i think you're managed to hell hell next

forgive me father for i've sinned i have a huge crush on maya haley who my hayley i went to high school there really yeah wait is that her like boyfriend uh charlie cook prayers up uh heaven next yeah that is her boyfriend i think oh because i i sent him i think we sent him a video for his birthday that's why oh yes yes yeah yeah oh i was hoping this was like someone actually admitting like someone they had a crush on uh wait that would have been like no but i did go to high school with maya haley well i wasn't gonna dox his girlfriend and then maya haley was gonna be like oh my god gotcha okay oh heaven heaven next uh do you see the steven a smith thing when he's like and charlie kirk eight receptions for 144

yards did you see that and he just goes on it's like um steven i think you mean christian kirk hell stephen a smith to hell next forgive me father for i have sinned i was having the worst gas of my career i guess you could say the best gas of my career in this case and my co-workers were so stunned by the insane aroma that they believed it was a new rugs we got the same day they ended up throwing away the brand new rugs the company bought like a sea revenge game by my stomach for having mexican the day before hmm wait what did they do wait sorry i was so they farted at work their co-worker it was so bad and it lasted for so long that their co-workers assumed that it was the new rugs that had been installed that same day so they threw out the

rugs that the company had just bought getting one over on the man heaven heaven yeah steal from your jobs people forgive me father for i have sinned my senior year of high school our spanish teacher got in trouble for hooking up with students and someone claimed i was one of the students when i wasn't talked to the cops and the school and it all got cleared up two years later i got that teacher's snap and she sent me a picture of her boobs heaven for you hell for the teacher yeah heaven heaven heaven for you hell for the teacher good sorry just took me a second forgive me father i have sinned uh i am 25 now and this is a few years ago but i used to work at an airport in my small town well one morning when i was removing the plane covers i snapped a

couple small antennas off me being a kid i thought it can't be that important so i grabbed them off the ground and chucked them and sent the plane out like normal come to find out i'm so sorry can you snap the antennas off in an airplane i zoned out are you thinking about charlie kirk yeah okay start it over forgive me father for i have sinned i am 25 now and this is a few years ago but i used to work at an airport in my small town well one morning when i was removing the plane wing covers i snapped a couple of small antennas off me being a kid i thought that i can't that can't be important so i grabbed them off the ground and chucked them and sent the plane out like normal come to find out those antennas were the main comms antennas for in flight and so long story

short they ended up not having comms to land and ended up grounding the plane for a couple days and lost a good bit of money i never told anyone you're going to hell i want my knee jerk is getting one over on the men but you put innocent souls in jeopardy unless they were guilty unless it was a prisoner flight yeah of murderers unless it was a murderer serial murderer flight yes unless it was a serial murderer flight you're going to hell that feels i mean i hope you learned your lesson i hope you learned your lesson we still we forgive you but that could have if that ended differently that could have been very bad yep purgatory next forgive me father for i've sinned when i was a kid i was pooping at a birthday party and hell reason

unrolled the whole spool of tp and left it like that later the kid's dad yelled at all of us asking who did it but i kept quiet he decided to call the parents of the guy who got in trouble at laser tag for shoving a balloon in a toilet he got sent home and stopped being friends with the guy whose party we were at and i've had to live with that hell at the point that it escalated to like another kid getting in trouble you got to be like all right hand up it was me yeah or or you pull the hey it got stuck on my shoe like in a car to your shoe in the toilet and i put my shoe in the toilet yeah hell hell unless you do the shoe in the toilet if you had done the shoe in the toilet thing heaven hell baby hell how old were you toddler toddler hell toddler hell is

just grown up heaven come on oh lordy oh what um no good fucking lord oh obviously that's not what i meant what did you mean i just meant like the things we like are like stuff toddlers hate oh i think i'm the weird one for even thinking oh father forgive you father for you have sinned me forgive me keep going keep going forgive me father for i've sinned i listened to each pod twice once when it comes out and once with my wife she doesn't know heaven heaven thank you for the engagement yep wait let's wait we don't know they're engaged nice that seems like hell for you to listen to us twice hell for you heaven for us next forgive me father for i have sinned i went to high school with rusty and he helped me procure my first fake id nice heaven heaven

i actually did i don't know wait who is it from hell for you twenty dollars off the top for me last one forgive me father for i have sinned i requested the coroner's report to know how a classmate passed away hell it depends on what you were doing with the information hell i think if you were spreading it like gossip you're going to hell yeah wait how did that is i think that's like public record kind of thing was he going to med school after was he trying to get a was he trying to get a head start before he went to michigan or did or did he think the guy had swallowed a valuable diamond and he was gonna go dig up his spot the profile was giving more treasure map hunter and

okay okay heaven try to make a living heaven make a treasure all of them that's all of them all right let's do our drafts the kid who said that i bought him his first fake id i believe reached out with the request to get a driver's a fake id that said he was 18 because he was going to mexico or somewhere where the drinking age was 18 and he didn't believe that he would be able to pass for 21 and then i put it into the site and it like spit out like there's an error in the date because like obviously no one would want one that said it was that said they were 18 getting a fake id that says you're 16 so you can get your license could be the move there was who was the guy that said he uh he got a fake id only so he could go play trivia at bars is that one of

your friends uh no i think that was uh one of the cole's friends do you want to start with ways to say you're broke that's like probably right up your alley yeah let's do that one all right these are ways to say you're broke i've had no luck with the buck lately my cheddar's expired had to tie a string to my wallet so it doesn't float away my cash is ass mr bill just let me go i've shredded all my paper i'm one big win away i've increased the deficit i'm halfway to horsetown i'm no longer friends with bill i uh also this reminds me we were the other day it was a couple weekends ago it was me scott and dylan just all day just kind of vegging on the couch uh i don't know why maybe we were hung over or something i don't think even i think we're just chilling like guys do this past

sunday saturday no this is a couple weeks ago because i was sick this i don't know anyway we were playing we started playing three-man quiplash yeah kind of depressing did i tell you this yeah and then that one of them came up was like a self-help book for rats and uh obviously we're all like kind of half-assing this like three-man quiplash and dylan drops out of nowhere better cheddar is that awesome that's very good like everything else was like come balls nuts nutsack comes balls and then he drops better cheddar self-help book for naps that's fantastic all right should we do judge judy cases that don't exist yeah yeah these are judge judy cases that don't exist dog suing owner for uh pretending to throw the ball but actually

holding on to it during fetch guy got his penis stuck in the microwave and his roommate turned it on uh man filing for divorce after lady plumber gets wedding ring out of the drain and didn't understand that it wasn't a proposal uh guy got his penis stuck in the toaster and his roommate turned it on uh man burns testicles on oven suing landlord for keeping thermostat too high causing his balls to sag so low that they hit the oven door when he opened them classic uh guy got his penis stuck in his roommate and his roommate turned him on uh man sues wife for listening too much that's all i had it was a it was a three-part hook line and sinker pastor suing wife after she confessed to cheating on him during confessional all right yeah we should have worn these yeah

yeah yeah we're gonna want to wear these we're guys we're really scared all the time All right, guys, have a great rest of your Wednesday? Probably. Have a great rest of your day. Monday, Monday, Monday. No, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday. Have a great rest of your Wednesday. Have a great Tuesday or rest of your weekend.

And we will see you bright and early for our Monday episode. Peace. Peace. where some see heroes and others see egos bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes a fad to some the future of money to others we see crypto's trillion dollar swings The end of jobs, or the end of human struggle. We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise,

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