Will & Rusty's Playdate - smoove off

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

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play date play date all right welcome to the clusterfuck of the year we have spent the last 50 minutes trying to get the studio to work we've switched studios back and forth from our studio to the almost friday bud studio four times yep we were just had someone come in and say actually the other studio is good now for real if you want to go back there but we just said fuck it so we're We're in a way game. Yeah, I will say the studio is kind of fun. It's good vibes. It is a lot of natural living room on one side, active construction zone on the other.

Yeah, it's like my childhood home. Am I right? Because come on, man. They were always building shit. Yeah. There's I did just get a text. There's a Sam fuck here for you. The Samuel fuck at the door.

i don't even is it am i supposed to be like sam fuck who like zoe the punch the punch line is that's gross naming our friend emily get out of here on on top of after we had fixed it we were about to start and emily binder walks in and was like hey can you just put this candle away for us and then she just came back at this that's okay she doesn't know she is is this a sponsor of the episode crandall if not going down no free ads today we normally give lots of free ads but i'm not in the mood today i have never read goosebumps have you guys yeah you were i was a magic treehouse guy i kind of go back and fourth goosebumps to magic dress i never read it per se but i hung out with it during like free

read okay yeah what about um um you got like an ear thing going on oh no why oh no uh captain underpants you were a captain underpants no no i was just wondering if you were i feel like you would have been i mean that that is uh why don't you just ask the real question you want to ask did i used to have special needs well i already know that you said you were you were like they did a weird thing when i was here where they messed up and put me in a class with all special needs kids they didn't they didn't mess up they didn't mess up buddy they i think they tried it out if i'm remembering correctly for like literally an hour and then and then i was back in my room like completely mobilize them against the teacher i i can't remember too powerful i can't remember

the exact story i do i don't know if they if they told me this to make me feel better i think it was i think it was a power thing i think i had gotten too powerful that i did tell you when we went on our like away camping trip in sixth grade camping or cramping camping or cramping trip like this Sucks. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, God.

Oh. How was your cramping? Oh, we didn't drink water for a week. It was horrible. Oh. On our way. We're going cramping. Oh.

We took shrooms and went cramping this weekend. It was a fucking nightmare. Oh, fuck. We don't stretch or drink water for a week. For a week. And then we go and do a ton of physical activity. i've been my calves have been cramping lately because i i have this walking route and one part of it is like 45 degrees uphill yeah and i try and keep the same pace my calves not semantics

here was what i was gonna tell you hit me what the fuck was that here was here was what i was going to tell you i had another run-in where i was i was suspicious they maybe thought i had special needs because they we went on an away camping trip i think i've already told you this and everyone cramping trip everyone stayed in tents and then i got to stay with the special needs kids in a yurt yes you did mention with like two other buddies and they were like you guys are just good with them but i was like we weren't doing it we weren't like helping like they had their helpers they didn't need other guys yeah so that made me think maybe they were like testing it out again so they gave you got a couple yeah i think as long as it didn't happen

a third time you're safe yeah two times from what man what exactly would you need to be safe from uh baba booey what is that i all the guys growing up would say that like all the unks would say that uh when they were golfing it is from the howard stern show it was like a non-sequitur that they would say on that show and it kind of took over people would yell it in the background of interviews or at concerts it was just sort of sort of a cultural phenomenon wait give me an example so i'll be cheryl and crow isn't that his co-host name cheryl oh i don't know who are you googling can we look up no that's the guy that's the baba booing guy sorry sorry sorry gary he like i don't know how it started but gary delafonte isn't that um no it's delabate wait

who's gary del oh gary delafonte is the is the raccoon the in uh surfs up that's like the promoter he's not a raccoon but he's something you know what i'm talking about no i've never pull up gary delafonte surfs up or just look up delafonte surfs up at one point he reggie belafonte you said delafonte whatever you weren't even fucking close at one point he's giving an interview in a hot tub about the surfing competition and he stands up out of the water to like yell at a pa and they blur his penis that's kind of a g-rated movie i believe yeah graded blur a grown man a grown porcupine's penis that's what i want rated cheese grater cheese grated great g-rated there's like a joke there's something about a g-rated cheese grater or

something when i was in college i heard a pretty gnarly cheese grater story oh yeah but then i have one after there was a kid who got a tattoo on his finger like on the inside of his finger and he went home and i believe his dad cheese grated it off there's no way that is what i heard that's an urban legend that is what i heard speaking of urban legends wait i want to hear your cheese you should see me in the hood they call me an urban legend the way i the way the hood respects me you gotta meet my buddy will he's an urban legend um no i was gonna say that not a i was gonna say that um growing up i had this friend alex and his sister was like i already love it for some reason well his sister like had like a deathly fear of cheese

graters like a like a real like medical like phobia and so all the cheese graters in their house had to be like in like sheaths yeah i'm not even kidding was she worried about like getting too close to it and it like cutting her yeah i think she just was like terrified of like the idea of it i don't know i'm not a big fan either you know what i you know what i have a similar thing with is uh hit me orange peelers i worked at a treat no oh no no no like they're like the thing i mean i guess it can it can shave also it can shave all sorts like a potato peeler potato peeler yeah i was gonna say you use that for an orange so that's your lazy ass peeling an orange no it i'll explain i'll explain put this right before that story when i was if there are any

listeners out there who do not want to hear a really gross story just click that skip button twice sorry i worked at a bar as you know as a bar back and the uh bartender if you know when they make like an old-fashioned they take a little like yeah of the thing and he said oh it's like make me fucking crawl just thinking about it he said at his last job he went to it slipped off the orange and caught the bottom of his hand onto his wrist oh i don't like that i don't like that there's any listeners out there who want to shake a little ass now's the time that's the time to do it guys get up out of your seats and andrew andrew can we put like put a full like harry put put american girls if this is like that i don't think that's like a shaking ass song

american girl i've known you for ages it's i could shake some ass that's wait your example of a shaking ass song was a harry styles sorry sorry i would play like magnetic by sean stevens you know that song pull up magnetic by sean stevens actually we don't need to listen to it I think it's worth it well I don't think we're like allowed to I think Spotify will like take it down I don't give a fuck they're not gonna take it down they're just gonna demonetize it wait this guy he's got like

three and a half thousand subscribers oh it's the fucking rectangular guy playmates this is the time to get up out of your seats and shake some ass come on come on stretch those legs guys stretch those legs come on we've been sitting down for too long get up welcome to willie d's booty burn class all right turn this i want you to i think we should un-download chrome i actually feel bad for this guy because he made ai music before ai was making

music and now everyone's gonna assume it was ai music yeah they're like he wasn't even good at like the prompts he's the rectangular guy correct yeah so his whole thing is that he's a ceo that also makes music yeah if i'm remembering correctly frog inc what is what company is he the ceo rectangular music video come on it's right there i am wrecked how many ones this how many is this one up uh 291 000 really yeah it's pretty good oh i don't know it had a full music video oh my i feel it in my bones i am rectangular i feel no hole phil no hole no it's feel no hole make it out in the dark i feel no hole it actually where is it it's like a big debate

about whether it's phil or feeling he's sort of leaned into the mystique of it is that true yeah all right get rid of this i can't i hate this wait who who's debating you know he got abducted in africa what we ever talk about this what no this guy after this rectangular song that's like stupid blows up he's leaning into the debate people in the comments were debating phil or feel and he put he like dropped a shirt that was like is it phil or is it feel and then he went to africa with his family he brought some like chairs like family runs like a charity in south africa and he got taken at gunpoint by like the mob it was like a held hostage for like a week and he came back and made some shitty ai song about it google sean

stevens abduction wait what what was the go is he a rich guy i don't know he's a ceo of i don't know how he's a ceo i he dresses like a guy who i mean if if if any product i'm buying if that's search on youtube but it was literally the first one yeah this one yeah i mean this is a song i just mean this is canadian tourists robbed by bogus cops in pumalanga vowing never to return to south africa the man and his family were abducted assaulted and robbed in a bombella enca correspondent devin morgan caught up with the shaken family as they returned to canada pause it did she say they were probed i think she said they were probed but also Canadian

oh they got like abducted by aliens in South Africa yeah Canadian CEO vows to never return to SA I'm hoping every CEO

will vow never to do SA again what like raping Jesus Christ what what what's wrong what happened

I blacked out for a second I don't want to ever come at CEOs on this show I think they work extremely hard they create so much opportunity at businesses and i think it's about time they got a pat on the back and maybe some money could we all chip in a little maybe a little just a little bit do you see bezos

respond to aoc's comment that you can't earn a billion dollars he just explained how to start in and out it was really funny he was like all right i got he's like i got some i got a thought on that think a picture this you start a burger joint and it's the best burger in town and you have 10 employees and then you start a second burger joint and that one has 10 employees it's still the best burger in town in another town next thing you know you have a thousand burger joints and you're a billionaire and i and the interviewer just was like yeah totally i was like what really do you think in and out has the best burger in town yeah man really maybe maybe hanano picture this you're jacking off and you bust and it's the best bust you've ever felt right

the next day you jack off twice right bus twice and it's still the best bust you've ever felt right you give that a year you're busting a thousand times a day and you got a billion aocs trying to tell me i didn't earn that yeah my penis is raw from rubbing it with my hand i can't feel i'm out of below my waist i think i earned it a vino stock has skyrocketed because of the amount of lotion i'm using to rub my penis with my hand i think it's kind of what i'm getting at right yeah is that what that is that how you become a billionaire not now not now tate it's actually taint taint not now can i we're talking billionaires can i tell you something the way and the way i'm looking at andrew right now it looks like his shirt says i wish this was ants

i thought that could be a fun shirt for anteaters for a bug shirt for anteaters god we're sure for why would that be like us like wearing a shirt that says like i wish this was burger that unironically that shirt would have gone like triple platinum for the kids that were like cookie monster hats i wish this was burgers that was i went to school with this kid named randy waterman yeah and he was like the king of random do you remember when like random was like the best thing you could be yeah he'd walk into a class be like catch up and we'd all be like oh dude i had i got in trouble am i like in the camera by the way yeah yeah all right cool uh i got in trouble when i was a kid in my class uh do you want to know why please yeah okay well

i went to this montessori school so we had first through third grades we're all in one classroom i don't know if that really matters for the story i'm realizing it's just some fun content water smell like cologne what is going on the fuck no it's fine now it smells like coffee do you have coffee it's like all black sorry so you're at mona there you are at mona sorry school they have this i feel like i've maybe told the story so i'll speed run it but there's this like thing where you could like write a book and like like if you want at any point you could like type out a book and if you finished it it was long enough they would like print it all out and you could bind it with like

this little like they have like a little book making station where you can make these little like books and me and arthur markley would write and scott hadden would write these fucking insane ones and didn't you have like a superhero that was like a series right popsicle series yeah one them but then we had these books called crazy and there's crazy one crazy two yeah you have to be there crazy three and they literally made no like it would be like penis the man went to the barn then his head was a popsicle then he had a bad stomach ache a million bugs descended into his house and it was just like literal nonsense and they i got like after crazy three they had to shut down production they literally halted production on crazy for mid mid writing and

said this is stupid you're not learning anything no one's ever found a way to get you know dumb the fucking ideas to be literally like montessori this wasn't even part of our curriculum but we're going out of our way to like do extra writing regress and they're like no this is like making you a worse writer that is and so they shut us down the swat team comes in and busts your like sweatshop of other students that are like binding the books yeah wait you made something called wee wee no like we had some project where it was like i feel like i've told the story too but there was like a amusement park and we were learning about like exclamations like the part of speech yeah and it was like you had to label like what someone might be saying at each part

of the amusement park and for a guy at the top of a roller coaster i tried to write like wee wee but I just wrote wee wee and I really wasn't trying to be funny but it's like boy who cried wolf I was sort of

a class clown right and so I got like like well we know pulled me out of class I was like this is not funny like oh my I was sobbing

I remember coming home to my mom I was like I didn't mean I'm not that kind of boy I didn't mean wee wee yeah that is good

that is good stuff dude one time there was this kid Christopher did I ever tell you guys this he brought in fucking itching powder what

it makes you itch or it helps with itches that isn't it that is i think you're using itching and dying no he brought in like yeah it's like a thing you can buy at like a prank store i guess song goes joke shop is that a thing i think that's harry potter that's uh the weasley twins okay yeah well he went there then i guess and uh no he's just kidding he's kind of a troublemaker But he brought in itching powder And put it all over the toilet paper in the men's room Oh my god Were kids buttholes like on fire

I think he told us and we narked him out Which I know Yeah we saved like hundreds of bumholes But he got in big trouble Oh my god Is it Putting itching powder on the toilet paper I think it's in the bill of rights

So you have the right to not happen to your butthole I got a right to Do whatever the hell I want to yours i took it i took i took a poop earlier i waived my rights sorry go i took a poop i'm honestly regretting even so you being like go ahead like this is something i started i took a poop earlier that was going crazy time and uh and when i was in the i was in the like main bathroom by the front and i could tell like a line was accumulating because like three people had tried the handle

and I just stayed in there and waited. In the dark? No, the light didn't go off somehow. Someone went and I tried the handle and it was pitch black and I just sang you and me just shitting in the dark. And I was hoping they heard. I hope it was like someone

like respectable and they didn't just hear that. I don't know. I'm having a weird day. Yeah, it's alright. We're going drinking after this. no i'm excited we're drinking around venice beach yeah and i think uh having a home game will be nice i do think part of why the other ones are fun is like it's like all new yeah so i'm a little like all right this might i might i'm worried like i don't like see someone i know i was thinking

the same thing we're like drunk and now maybe i do we also everyone we know knows that we do i I will say, I talked to Tim at Venice Beach Bar, and he's very excited about it. Nice. That's coming by. That's fantastic. I was wondering, like, what are you guys going to say in the videos? Because you're like, you already know the bars. Yeah, I think we just lean into it.

We'd be authentic. We'd be authentic. You know how we'd be authentic. Can I just say, Andrew, company man. Great outfit today. Yeah, this is all I had left. All? Oh.

I haven't done laundry yet. All the sudden, I'm sad. How often do you do laundry? Probably about once every two weeks. What? How often do you guys do laundry? We do laundry once every two weeks. Every three days, maybe.

Really? Two days. I would not be able to afford that water bill. I don't think... I mean, are you taking crazy quick showers? No. I think the washing machine only uses a couple gallons. Doesn't it use a ton of water?

I thought that was the majority of your water bill. I don't know. Well, the majority of mine is the hose, but that's only months when Scott's misbehaving a lot. sometimes i say something i'm like oh that's pretty good i liked that one i didn't know where that was going into the hose um that's only when scott's really dirty yeah only rolls in something on our walk when scott gets into something on our walk

i was gonna say uh um i think i do it about once a week andrew okay once every two weeks do you have how often you wash your sheets i never wash my sheets i definitely do it not you're not supposed to you're supposed to do it i heard to lay in your filth all the time i heard the cleanest i mean obviously the cleanest would be watching every day but like there are some people who do it more than once a week their sheets that's what i heard well can i say something i'm every other week every other wednesday i exercise after work every day yeah or not every day but most days uh-huh so i always shower before bed and when i get up in the morning so the only thing ever in my bed is that clean ass body yeah but that that clean

ass is farting up a storm there's poop everywhere i forgot about my poop study fart study i talked to my dad about it and he was down to get on that wave too really yeah my mom said i don't even want to know the numbers is that like a denellan thing lots of flatulence yes my brother's girlfriend and lauren were bonding over it huh it's awesome dude i'd be i'd be tooting i'd be scooting tooting and highfalutin brother this morning i burped so hard that i farted do you know if you burp sneeze fart and cough at the same time you're like explode i'm serious there's a whole episode of napoleon dynamite in front of you in the lunch line in elementary school you know if you were fart sneeze and shit at the same time your mom

dies? Dude, there's... Do you remember Napoleon Dynamite, that movie, that film? Of course. They made a TV, an animated TV show off of it. Like, ten years later. Okay. And one of the episodes, that's the premise. They fart so hard they die? No, they tried it. Can you Google Napoleon Dynamite

TV show? Fart poop, fart, burp, sneeze. It's also a family guy joke. Really? Uh-huh. this is maybe the saddest thing i've ever seen in my life the rupia have reached the cabbage i think we're cool initiating pepper cloud any last words napoleon pedro if i die have a hawk sprinkle my ashes at bear lake

as you wish sleeper in three two and one Have you boys seen my cabbage? Oh, there it is. What are you idiots looking at? Get out of the way. Get out of the way. Did you like that, Andrew? i that made me that filled my entire body with the deepest sadness okay i've ever i don't know

something about it's the same thing it happens with south park too so south park makes me really sad for some i think it's very funny but it just makes me really sad anything on cartoon network also makes me very sad you guys watch the pit no no the opening scene they're like all right and these are our head doctors dr collins and dr langdon actually i was like no i swear to god billion chats last night that's crazy are you gonna go to chet's birthday drinks on friday you know i wouldn't burn burn it down are you going yeah i i just i just have to figure out uh i gotta count all my i gotta count all my chickens before the hatch i'll be late i'm counting all my chickens for this yeah i just have to get it all done before

they hatch but then i should be good oh it's memorial day we don't have work ever we don't have work for the next five days which is goated four days five i what we don't have work tomorrow friday saturday sunday so the fifth day will be monday are you doing a bit what did i double count tomorrow friday friday saturday friday saturday sunday monday you counted tomorrow and friday's doing days even though we're recording this on a thursday but then we don't have work until tuesday so that'll be the fifth way andrew are we fucking you then when are you gonna edit this episode uh i was supposed to do it today but we kind of got sidetracked so we can you explain to us like what in my head if we finish recording a podcast

and someone else comes in shouldn't they just be able to click record it feels like you guys have to like backwards engineer look yes we should like i just don't want to throw anyone under the bus at this company but there's quite a few people all right throw under the bus in my head in my head zombie zombie zombie that's so that's what's going on in my head is that use is that useful to you when you're trying to figure this out when i was in fifth grade yeah hit me i had a teacher named mr whaley yeah and we would watch napoleon dynamite in class it was like his favorite movie i feel like it's like a worldwide prank on me that people find that movie funny i could not find an ounce of it makes my skin crawl to even put it on i love it fills me with i think it's

silly but it's so it's like when i watch trailer park boys i like it but i'm like this bums me out like something about shows set in like kind of a sad place i'm like i watch tv to go to a cooler place not here does that make sense that's why i like the pit to it you want to be in the doctor i want to be in the emergency department in pittsburgh i was watching house clips on reels today and there was a clip where he just injects a guy who's not there he's there for his son and dr house gets him to look up and then he just injects something into his neck so it's his whole thing that he's like a bad doctor it's like sweeney todd he uses their meat i think have you ever seen a scene from one tree hill where the doctor like trips and drops like the kidney transplant and

then a dog eats it no have you ever seen that who's kidding who's getting it i feel uh who put that in the butter who put that in the butter is it like a later episode i think so because i kind of once they are no longer playing basketball i kind of zone out i think it was nathan scott's dad that was getting it oh yeah his fucking head ass is always in the hospital his dad's like either in a coma or like abusing him Oh, my God. It is pretty crazy. See, the show started out as literally just, like, this is a show about teens that play basketball,

and there's a little bit of drama on top of there. It is a full-blown soap opera by, like, the fourth season. I never got to the fourth season, I don't think. What did you say? I could only get through, like, the first two seasons. I like when Haley and Nate get married in high school, and they're like, our parents are the bad guys. for not wanting this and then her parents are like okay with it and they're like see like these

are what good parents do it's like no you let her move out and get married at 17 yeah i like when the new kid comes in and he's like trying to play like i don't know i know shit wait have you seen one tree hill no oh yeah the new like hot guy comes in he comes in and then he tries to get like everyone to play strip poker or something yeah so he doesn't try he succeeds and everyone's like yeah we'll play strip poker with you yeah that we just met there's a new polynesian kid in town that was like a big 2000s thing like if the new kid was hot he was from samoa did you ever have a kid i don't know if that's true but what's one other example uh step it up or what's the cheerleading movie uh that might just be the same actor now that i'm thinking about it was he

just the hot guy maybe like everything my sisters watch or like taylor lautner comes in he's not samoan what is he hawaiian white taylor lautner the guy from twilight yeah he's just a white guy i think he's just like maybe tan he's just tan uh german french dutch swiss german austrian it's like the whitest ones it's the whitest ones these literal whitest kid oh my god yeah all right well You can't tell me he doesn't look Polynesian, right? Taylor Lautner does not look Polynesian, even though he discovered that he has distant Native American heritage. Thank you.

So. So, almost. Close enough. I'm going to yawn. Can you cut my yawn and replace it with a burp? I just feel like that was the thing. The hot new kid in school was always Polynesian. Am I crazy for thinking that?

did you ever have a new kid at school and they instantly became popular and you were like what the fuck uh that was me that was you wait you were the new you were like instantly upset about it well i was just like damn like how is he already like because new new is new like shiny new guy comes in everybody wants to pull his taffy that was the thing it's like all the girls have crushes on him and i was like because he's new they don't know anything i want to be a new kids so bad like i was so mad my parents weren't like military so i could move all the time oh you wanted to be an army brat so you could like get more trim you i mean oh my god why couldn't my dad be in the army so i could be like swimming in cooter is that where you were thinking you

fucking freak that is disgusting i mean it would just been fun to be like new kid like maybe it would have been fun to just be like swimming in it it would have just been fun to be wanted for once i would love all i want were you not wanted i just wanted to be wanted for any amount of time and to have a family that has been in the military is a badge of honor honestly serving our country serving our country country hill that lieutenant is serving cunt my math teacher had a purple heart one time and i remember one time one like one time he brought it to school and he just like tossed it on people's desk because he was like they give this to literally everyone in the military they were he was like if you get like a scratch in combat they'll give you a purple heart

so he's like it means nothing to me it really changed my outlook on what was his injury i think he got shot i would be like yeah i deserve this but he thinks like he should get like a different type of heart yeah he should get like a like a green professor ramsey got his testicles blown off in vietnam he's not interested would you tell people if you got your testicles blown off yeah it'd be like the first thing i'd like walk into rooms and be like and i'd scan the room and if anyone in the room had not heard that my testicles got blown smooth off yeah smooth off yeah here's can i say something i my grandfather served in the military okay thank you and he never got a purple heart oh i'm sorry and he got his testicles blown off unrelated testicles blown

off the second he got yeah and he was like god damn it i would have had a gold heart one of those war protesters cut him smooth off smooth off you want to have a smooth off later dude if the way i be moving lately is kind of ridiculous is it smooth smooth so what do you guys want to talk about next andrew can you give us like a topic andrew give it let's do yeah wait can we let's do this today let's just streamline the process andrew's just gonna say a topic we're just gonna give our thoughts on it for like 45 seconds and then we'll move to a new topic all right okay abortion here's the thing with abortion willie you want me to take this one yeah take this one uh i think it's a uh human right uh can you do funnier topic

oh funnier one like clown nose or something a clown nose clown nose honk it red fits on your nose makes your nose look round next topic believe it or not i also think it's a human right all right this episode is brought to you by chubbies guys i would like to tell you a story about chubbies one time i was wearing chubbies and the president of the biggest company in the world walked up and said i would like to ask kid i would that's right he said you've got a great pair of shorts making your butt look great come on the weather's finally starting to warm up it's time to liberate your thighs from their winter slumber and throw on some chubbies chubbies sorry it's officially suns out thighs out weather when it comes to swim trunks swim trunks nobody

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you find your customers with easy to run email and social media campaigns and you're probably what probably thinking what if i get stuck well shopify is always around to share advice with their award-winning 24 7 customer support guys see less carts go abandoned and more sales go with shopify and their shop pay button sign up for your one dollar per month trial today at shopify.com slash playdate go to shopify.com slash playdate and one more time for the people in the back that is shopify.com slash playdate andrew play that sound effect now i'm down to uh i'm down to get a burger later for sure though no i'm down for sure though for real no for real that would be dope i'm gonna tell you this no

burger would be dope right now no i'm gonna tell you this every time i have a burger it's like a little part of me opens up that i forgot about you know what i mean come on man and the only way in is that burger do you guys have a favorite unscripted video like to do or the outcome like both like i will say like the margaritaville cruise is one that i'm like i think is one of the funniest things we've ever done it was the worst three days of my life really the second not nothing to do with i like no no no it was just that we had so much drinking so much in three days it was just non-stop for three days the second half of the really just the last day i remember waking up and being like oh my fucking god i don't know how like that girl who's doing

a 50-day bender did you see this yeah that's sad i don't do that we did three and i wanted to die yeah i think or actually another great one was um 60 for 60 with the la try guy that was a grim era of our youtube channel and let me be very clear that like that alex the la try guy is the man that is not a diss at him it was just we were it was just the show had already been canceled i'm very glad that we've been able to start doing what we're doing now yeah but just have fun i will also say star wars was actually maybe my favorite oh my gosh it was so funny star wars when we came out of that bar hammered and kylo ren was like decided to like choose us for his like performance and i literally was it was so dark in the bar and so bright outside

that i couldn't see and i had eight drinks and then i'm like getting like a we were like the stars yeah we were in a jedi battle it was awesome with kylo ren it was fucking awesome he read our minds ren fair was pretty fun that's what i call my interaction with kylo ren is the ren fair yeah i the ren fair was awesome i i still think the first we never filmed this outside of just a tiktok but the first time we went to epcot yeah yeah was the greatest day of all time we get we get in the car from daytona we were so hung up we were that type of hungover that was like everything was the funniest thing of all time and we impromptu went to epcot and i remember i we've got i've gotten caught saying this to willie a bunch on the videos but like

this time more than ever where i just kept looking at you going like i can't i cannot believe how fun this is well we had never done anything like that i'd never really been i've been to epcot once when i was little but like not in that like i didn't realize epcot's the greatest place on earth i've just been there so many times now it's you know is it that fun really it's the greatest i mean it's also just like i love like world building and like little like like it's so fun to get all these little tiny versions of different countries and you're you're it's great for guys like us maybe world building changes every you can't get bored of it because it changes every 300 feet like they move the countries around oh no you're saying it within the yeah like you'll

be like all right we just had we had a blast in mexico let's move to honestly dope tokyo disney sea was pretty fucking sick too tokyo disney seas was awesome the universal at disney or at in japan was pretty cool yeah i really i liked watching the one star bars video that was the first one i've watched in a while yeah and i really liked it and then where does slab city kind of bring slab city was the worst skylar would just bring me to play skylar's whole thing was he wanted me to be uncomfortable and so okay it was like a nightmare i love skylar but we'd walk around we'd walk in these places where they didn't want us to film with a huge camera crew and like a boom guy yeah and uh that was pretty brutal now like i think the reason we like doing the youtube

so much more now is we're doing it on iphones so it's just like it's essentially like willie and i get to just go out and then we wake up and yeah i was saying it's kind of defense like we had the opportunity to like come up with our shows and like do them we just didn't like what we chose yeah that's a good point i think that was completely on us no but he he yeah i'm not i'm not trying to i'm not blaming him i'm just saying he he would tell me like i want you to be uncomfortable got it yeah yeah i want to make other people uncomfortable but i don't ever want to be i put it this way andrew if i want to make you uncomfortable that's okay right yeah that's totally fine great and if we wanted to do that how would what would be the easiest way to make

uncomfortable probably like tickling groping probing probing probing i think if we go with probing if we want to pick one of the three i would do probing i do probing speaking of jeff probe sting probe yeah ultimate faux pas did you watch uh i heard about it i did not watch you hear about it i saw the clip but i didn't i wasn't watching pretty crazy so explain what happened i didn't all right well this i mean if you if you haven't watched the survivor finale i'm about to spoil it so what he did was they did all the lead up to the final four fire making challenge which determines who's the last member of the final tribal and it was a really good story where it was like jonathan had been they both the guys in fire making had that's how they had been eliminated

from their previous seasons is that they had lost at fire making whoa and this time the winner was going to be a final tribal so it's like redemption for both of them jonathan been practicing but Rizzo just lost the previous season, so he didn't even have time to, like, learn in between seasons because he filmed back-to-back. But then Joe, like, taught him how, and he was, like, getting the hang of it. So at least they had positioned it in a way

where it seemed like it was going to be, like, Jonathan was getting worried it was going to be a good matchup. And then it was, like, all tense, and then they cut back to the live, and Jeff just was like, all right, Rizzo couldn't pull it out in fire ranking. Take a seat with our jury. and everyone like literally the people on stage were like no no and uh yeah it was crazy and then

he came back from commercial and was just like i fucked that up and then they just showed he was like now watch rizzo lose fire making and then they just showed it but honestly he handled it like a champ is that his first faux pas in like 50 seasons though like i mean they don't do live stuff like yeah they just time doing it live well no they used to always do the finale live until like the new era but the problem is that they never would they would just do the just do the vote reading at the end they wouldn't do the cutting back and forth like they were doing last night so there was every time there was like an interview during the episode i was like this make me nervous like what if they spoil it but also it was annoying because it's like fans have

been begging to get the live vote read back for the finale because it's fun to see i don't know that these people have to wait and then it's like really they're finding out in real time and so this year this season was they let fans vote on a bunch of things that was like the theme of the season like in the hands of the fans and fans voted to have a live finale but now because this flub i feel like they're gonna like never do it again so were the final three set and then they all just like went home and then came back for this life so they had like and everyone voted they had final they do final tribal everyone cast their votes they just don't read the votes so couldn't technically like everyone come together in group chat and be like i voted

this person i voted they well they 100 did because they already knew the winner the winner had like 95 to win on polymarket like week one of the season okay which is fucked i looked at it too That's a bummer Polymarket has really ruined all that Reality television stuff It's really cooked We should do An unscripted video

Where we go out And the viewers Can vote on what we do Hang out Drink Would you like them to hang out or hang out and drink It's like that fantasy football league Our coworker did

Football league our coworker did Yeah, band-controlled football. Where they call the plays? Yeah. Yeah, a co-worker. It'll be like, itch your... Would you like Rusty to itch his balls? I would like someone to whistle my stistle.

Good lordy. What are you doing for Memorial Day? Oh, Canada. I am going to work a lot on my new music. Be in the studio a lot. Working on those Dew tunes. And then on Saturday, I think I'm going to have a cocktail or two. Same, brother.

How's the EP coming? It's good. I got this one song. It's like Mountain Doo-Doo-Doo with you, you, you. Does it actually go like that? No. That's actually not a bad start. I'm having a mountain.

I got a craving for Mountain You. Mountain You. Mountain You. Like sexy time. Is the whole song centered around Mountain Dew, or is it just like a mention of Mountain Dew in the chorus? Mention of Mountain Dew in the chorus? Nice. But I haven't sent anything to them for approval, so I don't know what's going to happen.

But here's something crazy. We're working on this song last week. We're working on this song last week. And on Thursday, the band Porches put out an album, as well as... Is this a good voice? as well as uh drake released ice man and the band porches had a song on their album called mountain dew that referenced mountain dew in the chorus ice man also has a lyric about mountain dew what wow so i'm like what are the odds while we're in the studio working on this song

two songs about mountain dew come out well do you think maybe like the rest of the mountain do budget went to drake and porches i'm like no they did that wait can you look up the drake one i actually haven't heard this someone just told me that this happened does it kind of feel like you're like reheating drake's nachos didn't you say this like a month ago a month ago this shit was on monday oh oh sorry why people want to not see me on top of the mountain like i do the do that feels like maybe i love my i love my boy drake but that might not be his best why people why people want to see me on top of the mountain like i do the do damn and fuck a billboard number one man whoopty woo they rigging the game because you fighting

the biggest artist they're trying to have me stuck in the position like rigor mortis All right. I don't. I don't know. Maybe everyone will think you're just like hopping on the wave, though. Yeah, I mean, it's in the zeitgeist now. They won't even know it's an ad. Should we do a roadmap?

Yeah. Yeah, we should do the roadmap. We got a beautiful episode for you guys today. We're going to hear your pitches followed by our pitches. Then we're going to do This Guy Rocks. Then we're going to do Teach Me Something. then we are going to do medieval knights that don't exist and party tricks that don't exist i got some good party tricks i'm excited all right andrew let's hear a pitch hello live laugh

and love live love i'll be named my name is russo and i want to tell you i want you to tell me what the worst part about hiking with your dog is they want to stop every 30 seconds and sniff some shit and i'm like let's just get this let's get this over with i have malcolm in the middle to watch let's get this over with and it feels like you're just here for the sniffing it doesn't understand i don't understand what you're sniffing you don't know any of these dogs that peed here before you what are you sniffing stop rolling in that let's go home and watch malcolm in the middle yep agree sniffing that could be a tube but it is when said dog poops far far away from the parking lot and there is no garbage can in sight got it you're just carrying around poop yeah

introducing the poop shoot a revolutionary slide made just for dog poop now when you're on a hike with your dogs and they poop you bag it up and instead of carrying the stanky bag with you or leaving it to get on the way back or littering and forgetting about it there is a little underground slide for the poop that goes to the parking lot garbage can does not work with human feces also didn't know this submission thing existed i've been dming andrew on instagram for far too long love the pod fellas i really like that yeah my only worry is imagine you just you just arrive at the parking lot at the base of the mountain okay i'm picturing and you drank like a diet coke on the way over so you go to throw it out and right as you go to throw it out poop hits your

hand at 60 miles an hour i think it goes into like a different part of the can okay as long as it goes into a different part of the can what because i feel like now a lot of people just take the poop and shove it up their own ass until they're out and then they can shit it for enough for both of them is that oh oh oh the double do yeah got it got it got it got it um double day are you supposed to pick up your dog's poop on hikes too i thought that's just in like public places like nature feels like where the poop should be no i definitely got to pick it up on really okay all right i mean if it's on poop bags are like a new thing right like in the last like five no i think you could dig a little hole in five years i mean when i was growing up poop bags were not a thing for

they were definitely a thing talking about you're just letting your dog shit everywhere i mean i guess they pooped in our yard and then we picked it up with like the poop scooper but um so you were just in your yard then yeah i mean i but even on walks i can't imagine i don't remember ever saying google when was the dog poop bag invented five years i literally i think it's in the last five years 10 years maybe no we were picking on my dog's poop when i was five years old with poop bags like that yeah or would you bring like a target bag i don't know uh the 1980s is when it was invented close just just shy i was like five years ago yeah it's gotta be like five years yeah five years five years ago for freaking uh time travelers all right what is

the worst part about i got another poop related one hit me what is the worst part about you gotta poop in a public place there's pee on the seat there's poop on the seat gotta be one of them you don't know what kind of poop it's gonna be so when you're in a place where maybe like you're at a restaurant you're in a stall whatever if it's like a crazy loud one you don't want to be the guy like blowing it up like i'll just hold it until i can get to a more private place this is a belt that has like sonar in it so you can listen to your tummy they can tell you if it's going to be like one of those silent solid ones where you can just blast away you know no matter

where you are or if it's going to be one that's maybe a squirter a stinger a wet one a loud one something like that so you can say stinger yeah yeah so you can know ahead of time what you're getting yourself into also like sometimes like i'm expecting uber eats but i have to poop do i can i make it happen in five minutes do i need to you know wait until after i've gotten my food to eat this will tell you length duration sting tendencies um liquidity all things like that Just to kind of make sure you have the most seamless shitting experience. Thoughts? Yeah.

Do you not like that? Well, here's the thing. I think we have different, I mean, this is a recurring theme that, like, you're really anxious about your bowel movements. Like, if I'm blowing up a bathroom, it's like, whatever happens, happens, dog. Like, if someone out there hears me poop loudly, it's like, yeah, I'm in the fucking poop stall. I'm going to be pooping. but okay what about it like a bar you don't want people to think like what yeah you'll nuke it loudly if i i mean i'm not gonna make it loud on purpose but if it happens it happens

all right here's a new question why is my toe that color isn't that weird holy fucking balls i actually think the whole nail might fall all right i really really really you know i got like a nail thing going on really i nails freak me out flan tried to open something for me the other day and her nails were a little long and i literally almost threw up i'm so worried about them like bending or getting fallen off ah i definitely didn't know that i'm sorry i told you when garrett and i were in the woods when i was getting we saw that kickball my friend garrett alexander and i i don't know the story i'd gotten a buck knife it's pretty sweet and we went out to the woods and we saw a kickball that was deflated and we were like let's pop it and so i was trying

to pop it was deflated already yeah and uh so we were trying to pop it but because it was deflated and i was so little i couldn't generate enough force so the knife was just like bouncing off so garrett was like put some pressure you have to put pressure on it so i put my hand down and then the knife went right through my thumbnail it was really gnarly it was literally the and then i went to miss dermon's second grade class and john o'connor sat in front of me and i kept snagging it on his Celtics jersey. It was hell. Right down the middle.

I know, man. I know. All right. What is the worst part about ping pong? Gotta go get the ball. Bingo. It's a AI ping pong ball. And once it gets outside of the range of play,

which you can establish by waving your arms at the beginning and showing the possible range of your motion, walk take a few steps if you need to it dies it becomes like dead weight the moment it gets outside of the range of play and just drop it becomes heavy like that and flat it just drops i like that a lot yeah maybe you could use it also you know to curve back and you could win the game you can put lots of money you can't use it to curve back because that would be cheating all right should we do should we do this guy rocks yeah yep all right i got a guy who is you know we've all heard of like dry january uh sober october stuff like that

where we give up different vices he this guy pauses immediately and i mean immediately he starts the video by saying these are all the things he's giving up so let's see okay No drugs, alcohol, fast food, energy drinks, caffeine, smoking, masturbation, weed, vaping, hookah, porn, gambling, sports betting, cheating, scams, shady schemes, street fighting, roadside cams, corruption, domestic violence. What does it say? Roadside schemes? He's giving them up. Wow. You gotta give up. You're not a true Christian unless you're giving up roadside schemes for Lent. And domestic violence.

And domestic violence and cheating, masturbation, porn. I think at one point you just said violence. Might as well just quarantine yourself at that point. I mean, gotta have violence. Can you play it again? Today is my first day. No drugs, alcohol, fast food, energy drinks, caffeine, smoking, masturbation, weed, vaping, hookah, porn, gambling, sports betting, cheating, scams, shady schemes, street fighting, roadside cams, corruption, domestic violence. Roadside what?

Kings? Shady Schemes is my favorite one. Broke gave up Shady Schemes. He gave up domestic violence. I'm proud of him. Bro. Oh, my God. I sent you someone who is probably on our path to heaven.

it's a two liter of Mountain Dew oh my god that's crazy let me play again that's how i'll be in the stew these days pause it for a second chugging chugging like a week's worth of soda well a commercial about like gallbladder yeah that was uh when i lived with brian baker he'd buy those uh those two liters and soda yeah and he'd put which shocking right he's like a health guy he's like a health king that's true yeah he would buy the two liter of coke or diet coke i can't remember and he'd take the top the cap off and just throw it away and put the put it in the fridge he liked it flat

that's unreal isn't that crazy yeah that duo is always up to people drink strange things during marathons what do you say people drink flat soda like during marathons for like a speed boost it's just like yes sugar all right do you want to hear something crazy yes how old do you think sharks are let me rephrase how long do you think sharks have been on earth a million years like since the dinosaurs right andrew dinosaur age how many guess how many years 100 million years 400 million years how does that make sense

and you're telling me were they the same were they the same types of sharks or did they evolve everything else evolved except for sharks that doesn't make any sense to me they were megalons they were megalons

they looked kind of chopped chopped shark oh my god imagine running into one of those fucking guys i'm like holy i have like a buzzsaw i am so oh yeah i forgot about what i think that literally is called a buzzsaw shark whoa um i'm really afraid of sharks i might be more afraid of sharks than anything in the world i every time i jump in the ocean i i expect and i'm ready for that to be the last thing i do i expect a shark is down there with his mouth open i definitely think about sharks every time i get in the ocean why like how do guys surf um every day and they're

not worried about i'm so fucking worried about way more dangerous to drive our brains are just broken is it really more dangerous 100 you have a you know more people die than from coconuts falling on their head than shark attacks is that true that can't be true look it up happy or like adam sandler movie injury Andrew, I was saying that's like an Adam Sandler movie type of injury. I've never seen an Adam Sandler movie, so I could laugh. What's it say? Coconuts kill significantly more people than sharks each year.

Falling coconuts account for approximately 150 deaths worldwide annually, and unprovoked shark attacks cause about 5 to 10 human fatalities worldwide. All right, I'll see that argument and raise you an argument. if a coconut falls on my head and i die i'm probably just gonna die right like immediately because it like hits your head and you just die if a coconut's not gonna bite my legs off and then i bleed out while it like thrashes my actually wrong look how many people have had their legs bitten off by coconuts you know what i mean like yeah well how many shark attacks happen each year yeah that's a better question well hold on now reddit's saying it's an urban legend

can we just google how many takes one to no one how many shark attacks happen per year uh globally they're approximately 60 to 80 confirmed unprovoked shark attacks per year still less by like an average of six to ten proving fatal oh my god so like here's the thing i'm not scared when i'm in like warm florida water even though i know there are like when we're at new new samarna it's the shark bite capital of the world more people get bit at that beach than anywhere in the world i believe where is this he's in florida on the east coast florida and uh and i'm not worried there but when i'm in maine and it's cold dark water i get so fucking scared i might be more scared of alligators when when we were in the water in florida i get really

scared of alligators in the lakes wait that's actually funny because i have a might teach me some things about crocodiles hit me so have you ever heard the saying like he's crying crocodile tears after a while yeah that's a different one oh but like crocodile tears like fake tears like he's feigning emotion even though he doesn't care or whatever i was like what the fuck does that mean and i looked it up and when crocodiles are eating their prey they cry and it's not actually like an emotional reaction it's that like when they're out of the water their body like produces fluids to like keep them hydrated or whatever they're like eyes but like if you see an alligator eating its prey it looks like it's crying so that's where the saying comes from where it's

like people who like are part of the problem like pretending like they're upset by something that is awesome that's a great saying right i like that a lot do you see the video the alligator eating the other alligator no he's got like another alligator in his mouth me and my buddy after one beer me and willie after two coors lights willie willie v my meat after two coors lights good god jack unbelievable they like eat each other that is crazy when i was uh when i was in florida there was a nile crocodile there in this like sanctuary and the alligators are pretty uh the alligators are pretty like cute honestly like it's not they aren't that scary the nile crocodile was the most fucking evil looking sinister ass animal i've ever seen in my life

yeah i forget you spend a lot of time in florida do you ever see them just like walking around the first week that i i went down to rowan's a week early um my freshman year and i my cousin and i were golfing and there was one there i think and then i saw a lot of like cotton mouth and stuff like that but not really alligators i saw hella in charleston alligators yeah the shit were everywhere they the florida kids like aren't scared of them they like go and like slap it on the tail to like have it go back in the water it's fucking gnarly because they just like walk around campus right not rollins they go to class uh some of them went to i mean if they're scared yeah if they're enrolled they could go but um it was kind of it was uh i mean rollins is

probably going to be on the wrong side of history here but they did you know they use different bathrooms and they you know had to eat in a different part of the dining hall like they we did damn we did segregate them but um but yeah you know had to do what you got to do all right should we do uh drafts yeah do you want to do party tricks that don't exist let's do it i got i got a good one all right ready yep these are party tricks that don't exist the keg sit we're all familiar with the keg stand this time you sit on the tap and you chug it through your butt that is awesome he's doing a keg sit you can only you can only do it at the like at the end of the keg because you can't obviously

you can't drink out of the poopy tap anymore what about opening a can of beer with your tongue you put the whole can in your mouth and you pop the top with your tongue and then spit it back out it's like the cherry thing yeah someone's like oh does anyone like have an opener you get bottles too yeah uh all right you take someone's cocktail you pour it back into the shaker and you unshake it all the ingredients separate oh wow yours are awesome drinking a beer with my brain he's bringing it he's bringing it he's bringing it like through your ear on the other side of the and you go it just goes down

yeah you gotta rig like a trick oh my god that would be so sick uh guessing what someone's drinking by just by smelling

their breath that's what I feel like I could do it's funny like I feel like it's rare that like like with like that Lauren

and I are usually like going out together or whatever but the other night like she went out and came home and I was there and one whiff

her breath I was like this is what the cop when people are like i wasn't drinking like cops are like oh my god i can yeah i know i know what brand of vodka you're drinking uh oh i have ear shots they're like body shots but you do it in both ears and then two people suck your earlobes at the same time oh my god does that make you happy i really was cracking up this morning thinking about the kegs you like pump it a bunch this party rules this party's a fucking

oh i did i tell you guys i'm moving dead ass so get ready for it get ready for a housewarming party we're gonna move into a house instead of an apartment oh no ty wants to stay in brentwood he's like made like a hard and fast rule that he's not leaving brentwood i don't know if it's like what's going on there it's a nice area but like there there's so many nice areas are you gonna miss your downstairs neighbor crap no he's been good dude i feel bad for i mean honestly like it's a it's a lose lose it's like i feel bad for him obviously and i would imagine he feels bad for like yeah i know he feels bad for us because when he comes up he came up once and was like sad that he had to be it's the fucking builder's fault they built a shitty building i tried explaining

that story to some people the other day and i felt like really bad being like yeah he like his house burned down and then his wife divorced him and now rusty's hacking stacking above him and i was like laughing and then like it would kind of like hit and i was like oh wait this is actually a really sad story did i tell you about the note we got from our neighbors oh you mentioned it but you didn't tell me what the contents were about after the party on saturday oh no big party for Scott and Dylan's birthday. We just got to know the next morning. It was like, you guys are the most entitled.

You've been the worst tenants ever there. Whoa. You're constant parties, which is literally, and we've lived there for two years. We've had two parties. That's weird. Not like night,

like during the day. Sure. During the day on Saturday, it's like a fair day. Yeah. I mean, it's not like we're like cranking music anyway, but we've had two parties

that have like gone into the evening yeah total and yeah anyway they gave us a note but you know which neighbor it was no we don't know which is you know what's funny is like now it's like every time i go out that door and i see a neighbor i'm like are they looking at me like fuck this guy yeah i came home from work the next day and i was biking up and two of my neighbors walked out from different sides of the street like right by my house right as i was getting home and i just kept going past my house that's what i did that with uh i was speeding down my street one time at my mom's house yeah and a neighbor like hit me with the like slow slow slow down so i just drove past my house and went around until they went back inside yeah i mean listen

i do think they're right like i think we we went probably too late but how late was it going it like 1 30 that is pretty late yeah i well i had left and i thought it was like ending like scott was still there but when i came back like they were still playing music i was like oh fuck guys we should turn this off but it's fine it's uh i think part of that's like i don't want to be an asshole neighbor genuinely like i want to be a good part of our community but i i think there are sometimes just like there's just that shit's gonna happen kids have parties old people get mad that's like the cycle of life oh my god yeah it's not like we're doing it all the time like we weren't trying to no one came over and said anything like during yeah

if anyone came over and was like hey you guys turned it out you just stopped immediately 100% yeah it was also like unexpectedly like the party of the century there were so many people there so there was a time were you not expecting that many i mean i think it's one of the things we were like i guess if everyone shows up it'll be packed and then it was like everyone showed up and brought friends, too. Yeah, because there weren't that many on the partiful, I feel like. No, yeah, but it was also, like, awesome. Like, it was, like, totally packed inside and out,

but I knew, like, 90% of it. It was just, like, everyone we knew came. Wait, what are their birthdays? Honestly, the most fun party I've ever been to or ever had. Do either of them have the same birthday as me? Dylan's is today. Oh. I saw him, and I didn't say fucking anything.

Yeah, damn. Scott's was Monday. Fun fact, Dylan, Josh was like, I want to get a cake for Dylan tomorrow. like what kind what's his favorite kind of cake and i was like i don't i actually don't know it's like i'll figure out tonight and then later that night like something came up about cake and i was like scott what's your favorite like what's your go-to and just like naturally got dylan to say his i was really proud of it what is it red either red velvet bundt cake or that like oreo cake they

sell oh ball knowledge red velvet bundt cake it's like the best right that's my favorite bundt cake yeah like like red velvet butt cake what the fuck are you talking about guys like trying to get a clip for the pod yeah um all right medieval knight names that don't exist yeah these are medieval knights that don't exist grindalt the warn the warn yeah he's like totally worn down worn out. He's like tuckered out. Exhausted. Grindel to the warn. Sir Edgar the Humper. Do not let him get a hold of your leg. Sir Turndle the Touchy. He runs with Edgar. Aldridge the Biter.

Barthondle grew the bird. Grunt the Saggy. gary the frog all right i only did two we love you guys sorry about the kind of crazy vibe today but we it's just been a crazy sorry about this okay but we're gonna we love you guys we hope you enjoyed that and we will check you guys on the flippity flip come on man love you Thank you.