Will & Rusty's Playdate - Spider Love

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

Will and Rusty solve jet lag and draft their favorite made-up pirates and board games. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod (00:00) Intro (01:09) Cheating on your Barber (05:23) Red Stripe Tall Boys (06:55) Pitch Submissions (14:29) Horse Uber (19:16) Pitches (24:33) Hot Air Balloons (27:06) Lauren’s First Pitch (31:55) Red Flags (37:33) Crinder (39:33) Pirates that Don’t Exist (46:12) Board Games that Don’t Exist (53:15) Basil the Gardener (54:16) Spooky Stories in the Dark Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

all right it's episode seven playdate pod is back we're back in the stew back in the stew baby and we're feeling good i know what you're thinking i got a haircut we were all thinking it everyone someone had to say it um can i tell you what happened though well i want to tell the lauren one thing about your haircut yesterday will walked in from will walked in from the barber shop and his hair was like still wet from the thing and i was like nice haircut like love it and he was yeah it's it's still taking shape tomorrow i'm gonna look like joe burrow and i didn't believe you and you look you look like a more handsome funnier joe burrow thank you i needed that you do kind of look like joe burrow i need it to i think i think what he's got going is like

like he doesn't want he doesn't champ like i just shampooed it because when you get a haircut you have to shampoo but i think if i yeah don't shampoo for a little bit it'll get a little greasier and then it'll have like the little like dangles and curls that's what i think that's what the women are that's his signature look i think if you get a leave-in conditioner it's going to be over for all these fools yeah if i if i sweated a bunch i think i'd look like joe burrow after practice so you should get you a helmet you know those babies that wear helmets because their heads are misshapen yes those are cute i don't know about that but they're cute all right tell me a story well tell me a story it was it was related to the haircut which was just that

i got the haircut yesterday i i had this barber shout out ryan at the lonely barber he's the man and he'd been cutting my hair all last summer when i had a mullet and then he had gone through some like medical stuff and was out of out of commish so i had been going to a different barber well apparently he's back so today i'm walking down the street he parked he parks like a van it's like a mobile barber and he parks a van right on the street out there and i was walking down the street today with my coffee and walked right by him and he goes willie what's up and i had to look him in the eyes with clearly having a new haircut you have like a fade yeah and i was like i was like oh man i'm so sorry i didn't realize you were back and he was like oh that's fine dude like it

looks great whoever did it did a great job and i was like thank god i was i was like nervous i almost didn't say hi to him because i was nervous that he would be mad at me i i've typically been subscribed to the belief that you like nothing really good happens in vans true especially like i don't he's the only one i've heard of that cuts people's hair out of the van and is like is it like hard to get him to do it like he has so many yeah people that you have to book pretty far in advance yeah when i had the mullet like i was very particular about who would cut it because it was like it was a girl's hair at that point yeah and it was my my whole fucking brand so i had uh i but he was the man okay this is so funny if we keep talking lauren will never be able to

open she's trying to quietly open a pack of seaweed she's like it's super crunchy can i have us can i have one you know the other thing that happened i went i'll just tell you while you guys are up and moving around wait okay we're not putting this in we're not putting this in well we can we're talking about uh the dried seaweed from trader joe's all right right before my encounter with the barber i went to intelligentsia the coffee shop across the street and i got to the front i waited in line which it was kind of a long line and then she was like what can i get you and i was like i'll take an oat and i like as i was doing that i was reaching for my card in my wallet and i realized my card wasn't in my wallet i was like oh i guess i i guess i'm i can't get

anything i don't have any money which is like the worst way to phrase it because it felt like i was pandering like i'd waited in line so she was like uh and i was like you thought you were playing the sympathy card yeah yeah i had i was walking out to get my drizzly the other day and uh you know you have to show them your id yeah got downstairs realized i didn't have my wallet so i go back upstairs and i was kind of like scatterbrained because i'm getting the text being like if you're not back in whatever minutes your order's canceled and so i'm like hustling back downstairs and i dropped my wallet my cards scattered it's like a card case so it's an open one cards scattered everywhere kind of quickly picked everything up and just like lost one of my credit cards so i

froze it but i was at tacos por favor same thing and got to the line i was with uh bailey and was like oh yeah i'll pay for whatever we get up there and realize that i don't have my credit card had apple pay wasn't that big of a fire drill probably didn't even warrant telling you this story on the the podcast but still a nerve-wracking it's it's embarrassing well it's just it feels it feels like you did it on purpose and you're hoping they're gonna be the person that's like i got it this time exactly fun fact about drizzly bc guy is it he was a bc graduate and i met him at a noah khan concert one once it's one of the only i was friends with his girlfriend and she introduced me and he was and we were talking about it and i was like this is probably the last thing he wants

to do so yeah talk about work and i was like you sold drizzly for a billion a billion dollars to uber did he yeah he did wow and like like five years ago or something so he's rolling and he was like yeah and then i was like all right this is not yeah it's like uh it's one of the only business i you know everyone's like it's uber for yeah train stops his is like the only one that is real where he was like it's uber for booze we were all like need it need it i need it yesterday you can you can't make it like a month at boston college without hearing about it's like the flagship like success story of our business school i got drizzly last night i didn't know what it was until you brought it up yeah it's great a month or so ago but that's sick um i got it last night

and i ordered you know i'm a big red stripe guy it's like a weird jamaican beer jamaican beer yeah it's a weird unit of measurement they do 11.2 ounces instead of 12 for some reason because they're like the short bottles whatever and i ordered two 12 packs or uh no no sorry two six packs total of 12 total of 12 and instead of uh bringing me um like a 12 or two six packs he brought me one six pack and then three tall boys of red stripe awesome they're but it's like now i don't want to drink like i don't want to commit to opening how much is it tall is it almost a bottle for it's like a fucking like it's like like three beers yeah but it's like by the time i get to the bottom of it's gonna be flat and like yeah it's just such a big okay here's what

the top back on i maybe but like that would be weird yeah and something like keeping it in your fridge like you do with orange juice or like you have a glass and then you seal it back up and put it back it's uh you know those like cold brew bottles that people get it's that exact size so it's super wide and like is it glass yes it's a it's the thickest glass bottle kind of it's weird it's a really weird you know maybe it's like maybe it's like 22 ounces like it's just like it's just enough that you're like i don't really want all this yeah that's interesting all right so we have a ton of a ton of fan submissions a friend of the pod submissions a crap load if you will a crap a crud load playmates and thank you guys for all your submissions thank you so much

they're honestly amazing and i'm very excited that we can eventually read all of them eventually we won't have to come up with any we're just gonna do three today right yeah we we want to we want to stress this that there are so many good ones that like if you if yours isn't read today it's gonna be in like a subsequent episode yeah um it's not that it wasn't good yeah there were just so many good ones and then i also stacked the deck with one from my buddy because he's a he's a good friend don't tell people you're doing that it makes it feel undemocratic he's he's actually he's at he is my buddy but he's my he's peter buell's brother oh if he's peter buell's brother then you know it's gonna be a hit and he texted

it to me personally and i couldn't was that the guy who called you the day his son was born oh yeah we're in the no it's his that's their other brother so will and i are in the car and uh and he faced actually can i tell from my perspective because i think it's funny who was driving the car someone lucas it was yeah me and lucas were i was in the passenger seat lucas was driving rusty's in the back seat gets a phone call and it's like hey man and like congratulations like no way like like you you finally got him and he's like wow that must be so exciting for for your family and me and Lucas are up there and it's like you finally got him like everything he's saying sounds like it's a baby but like a got him sounds like they're maybe

they got a dog but then he's saying like what's the like name like it all sounded like baby but he kept saying got him instead of had him and also it was like who the and it was clear that happen that day it was like who the fuck has a baby and calls rusty that day like no offense like i knew it wasn't i know your family enough to know it wasn't like your immediate family so it was like who the fuck was like had a baby like i gotta let featherstone know asap turns out it was like just like a family friend or like a friend of a friend my best buddy's uh brother that's insane still insane that he called also crazy you said got him like oh you got one you finally got one it was like you caught a pokemon it was like oh you finally got one the way so the

reason he was calling me was um we were i was trying to guess the name and his eliza his his beautiful wife and now the mother of this child was like hesitant to they both wanted to keep it a secret and they were like we'll give you a letter for every like glass of wine that you drink or something we're and we're at we're at peter and i's graduation party and it got really sloppy i like spilled wine on both of them apparently and they i think they told me the name but like i was so drunk i don't remember and so he was calling me to tell me i don't want to say the baby's name but it was a it's a great name and they were calling me to be like here you go got it still insane that they did that the day it was born also crazy that uh you spilled wine on her while

she was pregnant i think it was osmosis fetal alcohol syndrome oh okay well let's not wish that on the child but i'm not i don't wish it at all i was doing a joke and i took it too far um i actually if i'm remembering correctly it was just on i think she got some residual splash but it was the he took it was like he it was like the brunt it was like he dove in front of a bullet like he could see me falling and just like fucking set a crisp bosh screen so you're talking about this guy who sent in this yeah so this is so all right let's hear it all right well then i'm just gonna read blake's first because i do really this is his other brother this is this is the guy that was holding the baby on the facetime another good friend we went to college together but he's he's

peterbilt's older brother all right so blake's pitch is a first class plane ticket that when you board the flight an anesthesiologist not oh no anesthesiologist you you got it you you took a you took a long route to get there but you got it anesthesiologist okay that time you messed it up anesthesiologist anesthesiologist yeah easy we'll put you under for the length of the flight you're out while others board and you wake up to be the first group off the plane you'd be woken you'd be woken by some action like a press of a button or something and if there was an emergency or for whatever reason if they needed i'm so lost so completely okay what am i he's he's what he's saying what he's saying is okay you're woken up completely safe and wait what he's just saying

if there's an emergency they narcan you and you're back wait is peter buehl the guy came up with rusty no okay that's peter tarling wait continue sorry i got distracted um no grogginess no feeling tired when woken up jet lag is a thing of the past hungover flight anxiety gone love it that's actually such a great i got a little lost so there's my own i think it's a great idea i actually have this it's like a superpower i swear to god you get me on an airplane except for the one time i was on a flight with you and you made me drink i will just i didn't make you drink i will just i'm out like a light like i sleep through every flight but but i think it's a great idea i wish others makes me sad when i find out that people can't do that i can't sleep at all yeah ever

ever even not even on planes i've never slept we were flying to italy and uh it's like a nine hour flight yeah to land in rome and uh my sister was like i have these sleeping pills if you want them yeah because i was like kind of complaining about it she she was like i usually take a half and i took like one or two whatever and don't remember getting on the plane uh and woke up and they were i was like how much longer do we have and they're like we're here and it was like a 45 minute affair of me be like oh yeah oh yeah for sure i slept through the entire thing and then we got out and i realized we were there that's hysterical have you seen that video it reminds me of the odell beckham jr video where he had like clearly taken like a xanax or like something

to sleep on the plane and then they tried to wake him up and he was like, and they kicked him off the plane because he was drugged out. It was like a news scandal.

They tried to wake him up before the flight to tell him to put a seatbelt on. He was unresponsive so they had to get the police. What? Yeah.

I feel like why, yeah, that seems kind of understandable that he's going to be groggy. I feel like that's pretty normal

for people to... I don't think they want... They took some... Yeah, I think it was a... He got a little bit shafted yeah i will i also think that it's just a liability for them to have a person that that is rejecting rejecting their instructions yeah they got the anesthesiologist has to be able i think

that was like the disclaimer we put in there but there has to be a situation in which like if there was like imagine like there's like a emergency landing or something you got to be able to be up and at them right away i think that i like we talk about this a lot but the best part about these business pitches is that you can just be like, hey, whatever you're worried about happening, I've figured it out. Also, none of these concerns are valid.

I think he's saying they have Narcan. Narcan? Do you know what that is, Lauren? It's like when someone's ODing on heroin. They can Narcan you and you just are immediately sober. Blake, that's a fantastic

idea. I was worried that I was going to show favoritism and you weren't going to come through and you did yeah good job great job proud of you proud of you okay our little guy this next one is hilarious i love it so this is from maggie tiano shout out maggie t shout out maggie she said um okay this is her business idea it's called hoober maybe maybe huber or hoober i don't know spelled h-u-b-e-r okay i'm i have an idea where this might go okay so it's a horse uber it's like a regular wasn't my idea it's like a regular uber but when you hit send on the app a siren song goes out at a frequency that only

horses can hear and an available horse in your area will sprint to where you are at full force and will automatically know where you want to go for 50 years canadians have wondered what the names of ikea furniture mean like natopa the guardrail for children's beds natopa means giving your favorite person room to grow it means their safety and your piece of no in swedish means night monkey mom he's back ikea 50 years of swedishness at home look he's wearing little pajamas so cute that that's great insane that's great my here's my thing like seems i mean flawless the siren sound i mean they thought of everything yeah i think it's a really funny idea i um i just i mean does it have a saddle and like i don't raise a horse without

a saddle you can't i don't i just don't know how to ride like when would you is it for like off-road like you need to go to somewhere in the woods like it's only for like the frontier mostly it's mostly for the frontier anywhere it's also very i like this because it's environmentally friendly less cars on the road are horses street legal i think in some places i don't know about i've only ever seen a police do it but i'm sure you could i don't know how do they pull you over do they need another they can't pull over a horse unless they're on a horse friends away horse cops here i haven't seen him in la i've seen him in boston chicago and like new york it's such a it's so clearly like it doesn't serve any purpose for them to be on a horse

besides like that they clearly just want it's badass yeah like they clearly it's like it's a relic from the olden days that every time they try to get rid of they're like wait wait no that's cool hey all right maggie that's great yeah i love it i love it how do you say can i do something that's kind of a faux pas uh can i go to the bathroom sure will's back from his pee break i had to go how are you feeling dude how was it give us a quick game day post post game report squeezed harder than i ever had it hurt it hurt when i peed yep all right new business pitch let's hear it our third pitch submission for the day i'm gonna go with i have so many i like don't even pick okay okay i like this one this is a fun one all right so this is from jackson stanek sorry

if i'm saying your last name and jackson jackson so jackson says my business said my business idea is sports betting but for weddings the bride and groom can choose someone to be a bookie it would be an app where everyone attending the wedding would bet on various things that happened the wedding some ideas are someone objects plus 30 000 groom touches microphone at any point over under 0.5 collective laughs wait what was sorry what was your read it start them again am i flying through okay we were talking you're doing so good it's crazy okay starting over so his ideas someone objects plus 30 000 whatever that means um groom touches microphone at any point over under 0.5 collective laughs at best man speech over under 4.5 amount of choreographed

dance numbers over under 0.5 i love it wow i mean this show again this would be ripe for like i mean you could make a lot of money if you gamed it like the best man laughs like you just get a bunch of people to bet it and then you guys all laugh at every joke i so that's my worry i think that i think that there has to be some secrecy to it because then like you're the bet so you can easily just make it happen i think you should get to bet on other people's weddings yeah you don't know the people people at the wedding can't be involved yeah uh it's like the venue offers it and there's like a there's like one-sided like oh yeah yeah like 10 people can go in and bed and stuff and then they just watch like the rehearsal in the wedding and stuff that's like

I really like Jackson's idea I think that That would make weddings So fun I think it would make A blast yeah Okay That's fantastic

Alright which one Are we investing in I got first pick this week I do have first pick This week Oh no Lauren Lauren you have first pick This week

Lauren has first pick This week I want to go with The hoover The horse uber Hoover's good I like That's my horse

I'm gonna I hated that um sorry not yours mine i'm gonna invest in um blake's the the anesthesiology give me the wedding bed first class wedding bedding bedding wedding there's a name it's called the it's called the wetting with wetting wetting i don't know i don't know if i like that uh bedding should we pitch each other bedding yeah we can pitch each other i don't see why not we're guys i love i love how we um like each week i ask you and you it's like it's like asking your dad something like you know he's gonna say yes to but you still have to go through the thing yeah yeah you can do

that my carrots yeah all right you want to start you want me to dad can i eat my i'll start all right invisible screen here's invisible screen lauren doesn't even care about this one she's probably posting her clip on instagram what what uh i'm listening all right all right this is invisiscreen okay invisiscreen is a i i honestly think this could be pulled off it's like replacing the screen door with something that humans can walk through but it kills bugs yeah or repels bugs like it's some sort of like electromagnetic field i think that's really i think conspiracy people would have a field day with it and think it was like warping our brains yeah it'd be similar like 5g it's just a screen of 5g yeah it's like a wall of 5g that we can walk through but like a

mosquito would be because my thing is like i hate having i have a screen door right now and it's it's the couch is kind of blocking it so it's like have you done been there yeah you know how you have to like shimmy it and i'm just like i want to get rid of this but i don't want the bug i guess that's a really niche we put the couch there that's black yeah um i love it also screened porch but it's all open air i mean that sounds nice that sounds that's just outside well but bugs can't get yeah but the invisa screen is because the invisa screen's there i think i think that's feasible and fun for the whole family um maybe or maybe it's like a shock collar you just have to put a shock collar on every bug yeah when they're born they get sent to a little factory

yeah come in yeah okay i love it wait i don't understand but there's no seaweed in my teeth there's not okay um i don't understand the 5g conspiracy like why they're saying like you know how they did the vaccine that's like their new way of getting in our brains i don't understand why they're worried about 5g i feel like i feel like lte is much more prominent we're prominent like no one is using 5g anymore i don't think do they i know 5g is an evolution of lt 5g is the new thing oh really i think i think that anyone that's conspiracy is rooted in that the government is trying to warp our minds and get into our brains is they already did it like the the way like if you look like your tiktok for you page it's like all right they know everything that i want yeah

and they know exactly who i am they know what i want shockingly well yeah it's like they've gathered like we give them so much data that's like they don't have to they don't have to do anything crazy to get it this is the most podcast conversation we've had so yeah if this was a clip would be like who let these guys have a podcast oh so they're really just letting anyone have a podcast all right um next they have they have party buses correct they have party boats are you guys fans i hate party buses party boats are fun yeah what are they what's wrong with them what's the one thing what's the one thing that they both have in common that like no one is doing stop at a red light and you smack your head on the wall they're both earthbound oh you're party

craft party hot air balloon oh i was thinking spacecraft it is a re it's a really long and wide platform attached to it attached to a hot air balloon you go up there with your boys yes you need like half the amount of drinks because you're so high up yeah i love this blasting music you're not disturbing anyone go up have a great time come back down go to the bars i think that's great i i love would that be a blast so fun yeah i mean i think like yeah maybe you have like four balloons at each corner so it can be like a big thing oh no i thought you mean you had four separate balloons with like walkways so it's like one's a country themed one's like the walkways sound terrifying the walkways sound horrifying but but um my only here's my only worry we need to we need to somehow

negate like littering like i don't i don't want people throwing trash off i obviously don't want people falling off maybe it's a cage yeah but you still you need the you need the open air maybe it has maybe it has invisible screen maybe it has invisible screen and bugs can't first ever dual pitch trash it keeps trash in too it keeps you try and throw something out just like flies right back um yeah so that's i haven't come up with a name yet but it's um wait let's let's come up with this um party balloon no that's fucking stupid it's uh three sheets buttered of the wind hot guy balloon hot hot we'll we'll we'll talk about it later but that's yeah that's party balloon is going in a hot air balloon like uh a pretty accessible activity i think it probably

is more than we realize you could do it this afternoon if you wanted to i think i'm good i've never done well i don't want to i just have i have stuff going on this afternoon oh we had a i had a teacher oh i had a professor at at in college that uh he was like the most do you one of those guys that are just the most interesting man in the world yeah he was like telling us about his life and somehow we got to the point where like like what did what are your passions and he's he's a world champion hot air balloon racer so like the way they do it is it's not like going to a checkpoint it's like they go up and whoever can go the furthest away from the checkpoint in 24 hours like wins and he's like we're like how do you steer it he's like you don't

really you just get lucky he was like you well you're calculating like the where the winds are the strongest and stuff like that and he was telling us this story we're like have you ever almost died and he's like yeah we had a couple times there was one time where they're they're going through this fog and they're like altimeter or whatever altimeter oh yeah whatever tells you it's not working so i have no idea how either and they're going through this mountain range and he's like we're just like have no idea where we are and they come through this cloud and miss this mountain the top of this mountain by like five feet that's so scary he crashed into an olive tree once that he said was just rock solid but yeah that's wild so yeah it's erotic

ironic because like olive trees are supposed to be like a symbol of peace oh i thought it's just a branch wait was he part of the tree himself up there did he have i think you have a t it's like you and one other guy that's erotic it's like broke back oh movie idea broke back mountain in a hot air balloon now we're getting somewhere all right let's see your next one uh okay you got a car lane you got a bike lane you got a sidewalk what are you missing plane lane that's good speed walking lane yes thank god someone's finally saying it i feel like we might be coming at it from different angles because i would use it yeah i would use it as well i hate like not being able to pass people yes it drives me crazy if you're strolling

especially on the street that our office is on is like prime like window shopping like strolling people are going so slow out there and i want to go pick up my food or go home from work like it's i a lot of times just end up walking in like the parking spots yeah because it's more like do you ever do that one where you you go to walk around them but they're like are all the poles there so you grab the pole and do a spin around around the edge of it yeah i did that yeah exactly I go on the outside of the pole. So speedwalking lane, you can only use it if you're like a man on a mission getting somewhere. Can I interject real quick?

Of course. I think it's crazy. So I have two business ideas for you guys today. And one of them. You do? I do. And one of them involves, I thought you were about to say my exact idea. It's another type.

You brought two pitches today? Yeah. This is awesome. Thanks. I'm so proud of you. Sorry, are you finished? No, that's the end. i want to hear yours okay well this kind of has to do with in it's similar let's hear it okay i'm

so excited this is awesome we didn't know this is it what a treat what a treat okay so the first one i have is called a scooter road so they're concrete paths that are built above the road with the same technology that airport walking pads use so you can scooter on them and you're just blasting by traffic wait they have the like conveyor belt and you're on a scooter yes it's like twice yeah so you're hauling however they are exclusive to razor scooters bringing back the notion that they are cool because now some people are like oh what's that guy doing on a razor scooter um so no one's gonna make fun of you because it's exclusive and not everyone can get up there is it membership based uh it can turn into that yeah we should just start price

gouging it yeah i love it that's fantastic i've been i i think razor scooters are awesome i think they are too but they're like what maybe i should get one for my commute yeah it's just a lot they're not that they're not that yeah no they're it's honestly like slower than walking yeah unless you unless unless you have like greased up bearings like once those once those things start to rust your um okay so to yours i had one the other day where i was walking to the grocery store um down abbey kinney and um these girls were walking so slow and so i got caught up to them very quickly and they kept turning around like as if i was like gonna do something and that's why i was walking behind them but i was just like in reality you're just going four miles an hour i

don't have any malicious intent i had a similar encounter yesterday where the guy kept being like this which i would do if there was a guy that close to me yeah but it's like it's also just like get out of the way you need either you need either a speedwalking lane or a scooter road scooter road scooter road scooter or plane lane or plane lane plane lane sneaky good idea um all right you got one yep of course i got a vr headset that mimics first class no matter where you're sitting in the plane love it um it turns like the biscoff cookies when they hand them into you like it turns it into a full meal um but when you eat it it still tastes like biscoff cookie like you're getting are you guys a biscoff cookie person or a pretzel person i they don't offer

on delta it's on delta it's like biscoff sun chips or i'm a sun chips almonds different okay yeah i'm a sun chips guy as well i i i on southwest i like the honey roasted peanuts and on southwest they can only give me those fucking trail mix bullshit i also don't fly southwest anymore because it's a fucking night what whose idea was it to be like let's make you know it's you know what's missing from board in a plane straight more stress uh that's that's I actually disagree. Because it's a free-for-all. You don't have an assigned seat.

There's no boarding group? Oh. You don't have a... You have a boarding... You're assigned a position to board. Like, you have to board in an exact order. You don't have a seat? No.

You pick your seat when you get on the plane. It's fucking pandemonium level. Oh, I never fly Southwest. Yeah, it's the worst. I will... As a kid, I thought it was great when we would travel, like, with the family, and we would fly Southwest, because then we could all sit together. Why don't you just book your seats together, and then you don't have to worry about stressing?

Well, because if you book it late, then... I actually like Southwest. and they used to be really cheap I feel like now it's not even anymore but the want to get away fairs used to be like

$69 it was awesome let's just spend the whole episode talking about talking about Southwest don't even get me started on American

it also it makes it it makes it gives you more leg room like in your headset I think this would actually be a nightmare

because you would be like oh wow I have all this room and then you'd be like you'd be like tripping over shit the whole time and eating

you'd be like trying to take a bite out of a sandwich and it would just be one cookie. Yeah, but it tastes like it. No, no, it's still a Biscop cookie. It's a bad idea. You'd be like all over the guy next to you.

You'd be whacking him. You'd also look like an insane person. Imagine the guy in a VR headset. He has an Oculus on. You're not doing that in first class. In first class? I'm doing tricks in first class. You're doing jumping.

Juggling rings. Pulling bunnies out of hats. You should see this guy in first class. i uh no the one the one i feel like i'm possessed there yeah no i do if i'm in if i'm in first class i'm doing tricks yeah i'm doing tricks on it yeah i love when people say that she's doing tricks on it oh oh like like i don't know let's not get into it but all right i let's talk about it the f formula one f1 drive to survive i that show on netflix i haven't seen it but i've heard really good things my brother watched it and he said it was great everyone's into formula

one these days and the reason i bring that up is that we've got an awesome podcast in the almost friday network it's called red flags and they had they had a guest on this week noel miller ever heard of him from he does videos with cody co i mean not that he's secondary he's just that's just like another frame of reference um noel miller episode is out now red flags pod with our buddies matt and brian they're awesome it's a great episode noelle miller came into the office he sat right in this chair well he probably sat in that seat but i was here when he came in and he walked right by me and i he i wanted to say hi but i clammed up i clammed up and i didn't um so the next best thing is listen to the podcast which i'm gonna do and you're gonna do

it's gonna be great listen to red flags noelle miller out now all right what's your next to next pitch um i got screen shield it's sounds similar to my last it sounds almost my first one but it's totally different and it's it's it's really actually it is very derivative of a previous pitch but not that one it's very similar to share pods okay but it's for your tv because i have this problem i have this situation i would say where if i'm sitting on my couch and i'm looking at my tv the way my house is in the neighbor's house are lined up i'm look if i look through the window i see their tv screen and so then and our neighbors to get to their apartment have to walk right by a window that sees my tv screen and the other night i was

kind of dozing off on the couch i like wanted to put something on and i was like for some reason in my mind i was like i gotta put on something that's like not embarrassing if the neighbors are seeing this yeah so it's it shows the news no matter what you're watching this is now the third pitch that we've done that is the same idea for different devices what's the other one last week I did it makes all your tabs look like you're googling

something smart I love it it's yeah I don't like derivative no no it's good I don't know why it's such a change of heart Lauren you want to give us your second one

stupid idiot guys stupid hey well i'm sorry well i'm sorry man it's all right you do it you're no it was a good idea it was a good idea i'm sorry you're good at that do you have that feeling you're trying to make myself cry it's like closed up yeah yeah all right lauren what's up that's what of nightmares about okay sorry okay this one is called the friend sitter so it's like a babysitter but it's a friend sitter so it's wasn't this his idea last week i don't know it doesn't sound familiar you could hire a friend that's prostitution for friends yeah it's another just wait you don't even know what's happening okay so it's a micro a microscopic creature

with a with a built-in security camera like it's tiny it's so tiny okay that you can send to your friend's house if you're worried about them and make sure that they're doing okay a lot of times this is like kind of dark not dark i'm just whatever a lot of times people will say that they're okay and they're really not so the friend sitter is a discreet way of checking in on your homies without being too overbearing or nosy or at least they don't know that you are so it's like a tiny little guy that hey lauren if you want us to check in on you you don't have to invent something okay um no this feels like people would immediately utilize it for spying yeah but no no it's not so the thing oh oh wait oh no when i said that i didn't realize it wasn't

what okay so the thing is um you have to the only way you can get one it only works at specific people's houses and you have to like prove to the company that you guys are like really close friends before you can buy it and like it's a whole screening i mean this is also just a wellness check like you can do this to anyone yeah but it's like a tiny little thing but it's tiny yeah i feel like you're overlooking that part it's microscopic they don't know it's there no okay i zoned out for a second what if you like you're like oh i gotta like you get approved you get the whole thing and you you send it over and they're just they're just flicking it going crazy on themselves going crazy on yourself i guess she's fine oh he's going crazy on himself

oh no he's going crazy on himself okay well it won't let it won't like a little creature can sense that and it won't enter if it can hear it can hear skin hitting skin okay all right yeah yeah oh what a gross visual it's the friends i know okay now i'm picturing you going crazy on yourself do you guys like it i was picturing you going crazy on yourself when you said that i hated it um i do like it i just i ruined it okay um oh god i actually wrote this i actually wrote this one down while lauren was while lauren was saying hers and i was gonna say it on next week's episode because it yours reminded me yours reminded me of this for some reason it's um okay it's an app that that everyone you know downloads okay once you're friends with someone you you

like once a week you put in all the people in your thing of whether you would not whether or not it's for friends mostly like would you hook up with this person but like you can't say that you would or whatever and then like at the end of the week it'll be like these are your friends that are kind of down okay but it only lets you know if you both indicate yeah it doesn't let them know like that you want like if i wanted to hook up with you you wouldn't know but you would know if you also wanted to hook up with me okay yeah so it's kind of just like tinder for friends another situation where dude you can just text me you don't have to invent the app um i like that because it's very subtle it's subtle and like tinder for friends like think

about like all the like after you graduate college and you're like talking to people and they're like like why'd you never like make a move yeah you're like oh i didn't know yeah i didn't know yeah no i like that one a lot what would you call it crimble crinder why like crow crows crows and tinder it's like crows all right it's tinder for crows you don't even need like a profile or anything it's literally just the name it's like your contacts it's tinder for dogs your contacts and then at the end of the week you both get a text at the same time it's like yo will will and will also wants to bone and then imagine getting a text like haha i did that as a joke yeah i'd be like suck lmao me too oh that would suck all right those are our pitches for

the week that was it right all right let's do a draft that was quick was it actually yeah do a draft no i think okay i think we're vibing we got we got some good stuff for you guys today we got um we got pirates that don't exist in board games that don't exist pirates that don't exist let's do pirates i think it's gonna be a fun way to get into it all right you want to start yeah i got uh wait you should tee it up okay today today we have pirates that don't exist i'm gonna start us off with skid mark splinters oh he is just a roughneck pirate and uh and he that he was walking the plank and he slipped and it gave him splinters all up his bum

and then they felt bad enough for him that they let him back on the thing but they started calling him Skidmark Splinters. That's great. I love it. I've got old Snap Tooth. Yep. He's got a tooth that he can snap on

or snap off depending on what he's eating. I got Gapesy Underdeck. Whoa. You do not want to get caught by this guy. that's subversive he um like his crewmates have said that they hear just haunting screams of people that go under the deck with gapesy oh my god yeah i don't want to know what's going on down there you you have an idea i have a glimmer of one all right uh my second one i've got tom johnson he was in a he was an accountant for 12 years and he decided that accounting wasn't his

calling and he wanted to get into the high seas he just wanted to live a life of piracy and unfortunately they were like yeah no we're all born with cool pirate names and he's like well it can't just be tom johnson and they're like no you gotta stick with it can so that's tom johnson it's almost like more intimidating because he's like he's like such a good pirate that they don't he doesn't need the intimidation factor arg will ye feel the wrath of tom tom I think I have a good Barbosa William Barbosa He's a pirate

Captain Barbosa from Pirates of the Caribbean Welcome aboard the Black Pearl Oh that was good I got Two Legs Reinhardt They're calling it They're making fun of him when they call him that Because they think he's too much of a coward

To lose a leg Oh because they all have pig legs yeah he's a goody goody two legs and they call him two legs reinhardt it's everyone else it's such a pirate thing to have a peg leg that like it's a notable characteristic that he still has two legs absolutely well that's a good segue into my next one square peg sandy okay uh he has he has a unique square peg leg yeah um and his catchphrase is watch me watch me fit this square peg into your round hole oh okay because you know the saying hated that can't fit a square peg in a round hole yeah no we know the same but the visual is fucking grotesque well that's sandy for you

um i got i got cyrus planks he uh does not sound intimidating no he's he's kind of the goofball group and he's like a good locker room guy like um after a good after a raid he's the guy like spraying everyone with mead and love that yeah you're gonna say with meat i love the idea that oh they have like locker room celebration like they won the division they go under the deck and they're like like i'm just dancing on my own they all have oakley ski goggles on yeah um okay uh and all the other pirates have to ship their t-shirts they made to africa oh okay i've got red balls he was trying to capitalize on the success of blackbeard yep and he doesn't have any sort of distinct characteristic other than a severe sti

so that red balls he went with red balls um i got i got spooksy pendergrass he's out spooksy is is good he um he's like an old head okay like he he was really good back in the day but now he serves more as kind of an advisor to like how to do it he's a really good strategist or like that's kind of all i know about him yeah that's okay that's all you gotta know yep i got brass eyed brigham there we go uh he has two brass eyes incredibly ineffective he's they don't really know why he's they kind of feel bad for him he wanders overboard all the time it's like a huge waste of time and resources getting him back on the thing but it's like he's so lovable and innocent i mean the the brass eyes look really intimidating sometimes

they'll use it like if you see him you're like but he can't see at all the light glimmers off them like yeah perfectly yeah he'll also every time he falls in he sinks head first it's such a nightmare to get him back on board um one top heavy all right so i only have one more or we yeah that's my last one um i got oh i'm between two just give him do him both i'll give him no i've been i've been trying to think as you guys have been going i like this series though this is fun um thank you i like this one i got fuck i don't know which one i'm gonna go with little levi the marauder okay he's um he's a child that they picked up like his parents were they would they did a good deed they didn't steal him his parents were killed in one of their raids and

they were like oh my god yeah what have we done and they took him under his wing and it turns out he has like this crazy knack for marauding do you know i've never heard the verb marauding no i don't know if you can use it as a verb it's it means like to loot i learned that from a tribe called quest album and um and he's just so good at it and they were like at first they scolded him and we're like levi like we we have a responsibility to raise you responsibly and and you can't be out there looting he's like but you guys do it and they were like fuck like okay that's i guess we're being kind of hypocritical and then they started letting him go on these raids and he like fits into places that other guys can't but now they're worried like when he grows up is he or his skill

is going to translate to an adult body yeah that's literally by the murder i also had a guy named coin that could be a book i like that little levi the marauder yeah it sounds like a children's book i love it your other one is coins i had another guy named coins or uh casey dull blade oh does not sound very threatening no no it's because he's doing so much hacking on people that it just like yeah it's more whatever whatever i won't spoil it um okay and then we have what else we have we got board games oh what you got no i thought you had another one all right we've got board games i don't have one okay we've got board okay we've got board games that don't exist yep all right first i have too good to be true that's b with two e's it's a game of deceit and deception

all around the hive it's it's um it's it's like kind of like bs or something where you're trying to figure out if someone's bluffing or not yeah but it's all about like bees and hornets and wasps and that kind of stuff i haven't really figured out the gameplay but too good to be true i like it yeah i got skirplat i like it uh i actually almost had skirplunk what well because because kerplunk yeah right yeah this is very similar to kerplunk but it's life size so it's a giant like chamber or like dungeon and if you're familiar with kerplunk it's uh this one is there are rods that go through and instead of marbles you're the marbles so you and your friends load yourself into this thing and you uh pick out different rods that are going to be pulled out

trying to get your friends to fall into the dungeon i like that i like that a lot oh it's also safe i was gonna i was thank god i was gonna i was gonna play with i was gonna play with like do i go dark and like like they died them but i thought like it's not a good yeah that wouldn't be fun because i was gonna say it's like a foam pit it sounds like squid game like that would be some like squid game yeah yeah it's a foam pit maybe uh yeah i like that nice no no it's a pool and then at the end everyone has a pool party oh pina coladas yeah okay uh i've got shoots and ladders oops all shoots fuck did you have this i had some embarrassing one all right shoots and ladders oops all shoots it's a classic a take on the classic game shoots and ladders but there are

no ladders it's all shoots and it takes fucking forever that's awesome yeah okay i'm gonna counter that with poops and bladders it's um it's just like shoots and ladders but there are consequences when you land on a shoot um not only do you slide down the shoot but you're sprayed with a foul smelling odor um it smells it reeks like it smells so bad yeah you mostly play it outside i like that okay um i've got this one sucks i got spider love lauren the look that lauren just looked lauren just looked up from her phone at will and went spider wait i didn't mean to make that face spider love watch back the tape Spider-Love's like Candyland, but it's all spider-themed.

You're trying to find the perfect spider princess. Oh, that's cute. That's good, Will. Why do you think that sucks? I like it. I don't know the way you guys reacted. No, I wasn't listening. I'm sorry.

But now I'm listening, and I think that's very cute. It's Spider-Love. It's like Candyland for... It's like Candyland. It's like... Spider-Love is like Candyland for spiders, and you try to find your spider princess. I think that's adorable. um that's so cute well well that's good it's cute and fun i got uh eight legs but only one heart

sorry um i got honey i'm home i like it you have to roll so you're a housewife and you have to roll a series of dice combinations that equal different chores from around the house and you have to get them all done before your like uh abusive alcoholic husband gets home oh wow that's a bummer I liked the first half and it just got kind of sad

no it's a commentary on the patriarchy it's to teach kids how bad it is oh okay okay good yeah that feels good then

yeah okay alright I've got El Board Game Español think about this have you ever seen a board game have you ever played

a board game all in Spanish no well but I also don't speak it that well yeah but I don't even

as far as any of us know That doesn't even exist Alright well let's try Let's try and get Let's try and get through The explanation here Without saying something bad I bet you can't

Yeah Tell us What's the objective Okay Take this out Bleep all of it So it sounds like He said something horrible

There are four players It's very similar to Monopoly And All the places Instead of Atlanta City Are streets of Madrid so it's monopoly and you like you buy streets like atlantic city and madrid i don't know i just am reading the directions i don't i don't know what any of that means you didn't write

the directions i don't know what any of that means okay i putting something in spanish is not offensive no i was worried that you were going to be like it's about tacos and uh well there is well i won't i won't just take yeah there is part of it well there's a little bit of it that is about tacos but i won't even i didn't even all right i got civil war operation okay um a real civil war soldier is bleeding out and only you can save him his leg has to come off and it has to come off now it's not a game of precision like the original operation and it's a mess oh god it's a guy yeah also he's a union soldier so he's on the right side of history and you have an incentive to, like, not let him die.

I like that a lot. Thanks. And you're just going for speed and, like, effectiveness. It doesn't matter. You give him a stick to bite out on, and then you go to work with a hacksaw. He doesn't buzz or nothing. No, this is his second amputation.

Okay, wow. I like that. It's like a little history game. I like that, too. All right, my last one is risk to interplanetary domination. It's risk, but for planets. Okay. you what is that it's like a war at risk no it's like a game of uh world domination where you try

to conquer the world with your little army but this one there's other planets cool i guess i guess that one no it sounds no i like it i like it i got uh i got connect 35 uh that sounds like a long one fun bar game it sounds like similar to the board game classic connect four players choose yellow or red discs they then drop the discs into the grid starting in the middle or at the edge to stack their colored discs upwards horizontally or diagonally use strategy to block opponents while aiming to be the first player to get 35 in a row uh it is a full day affair and the board is the size of a school bus i like that a lot sick i would yeah that actually sounds great yeah right it would suck to lose it's so long i i'm envisioning this in like a uh like those

outdoor bars yeah like a huge courtyard yep and then you can like line up it's teams too yeah yeah that sounds sick um i love that wait rusty what was that thing you were talking about earlier oh um we were talking about how like have you ever met these people that their name fits their occupation perfectly yeah we my gardener growing up was named basil and um he was just like the nicest guy and i hadn't thought about him until like a week ago and i always wondered did he did he become a gardener because his name was basil or did his parents like envision were they all gardeners and were like we're gonna name basil that is very i actually went to high school with a girl named olive gardener her parents hate her no her mom was like the sweetest lady in the world

Wait, I hope she listens to this. I haven't talked to her. I would be very shocked. Why would they do that? It's actually great. Her mom was very quirky. I think it was intentionally kind of funny, but actually a cool name.

I think Olive's a cool name. Gardner is their last name? Yeah. Do you want to hear a spooky story to end it? Yeah. Oh, yeah, Halloween's coming up. We're doing a Halloween episode next. Oh, are we really?

Yeah, next episode is all in costume. okay well no i'm serious we're wearing no i know i'm excited okay oh yeah that's our next one yeah that's next week next week oh should i save the spooky story then no no no it's fine we can have more spooky stories okay are you ready yeah i'm ready so this is true by the way should i turn the lights off yeah no no no no don't turn the lights off no you won't be able to see anything well that's the you will it's a spooky story all right we have to turn our phone flashlights on no let's just leave let's just leave

no it'd be funny no no we can do that for next week why don't we do turn the lights off and then we do this yes

alright you ready don't want you to scare the fuck out of me okay this is this is a true story for the record you know the you know the

Cape Elizabeth or the Portland Lighthouse Portland Headlight Portland Headlight yeah there's like this other lighthouse that's out in

the water like a couple hundred yards and it was the old one and it's like probably like the last time they used it was like 1850 or whatever old old decrepit lighthouse right and the story goes that there was this lighthouse keeper that lived there and his wife died who had he who had he he had divorced and and his daughter came to live with him in the lighthouse and if you've seen this lighthouse that i'm talking about it's like we'll put a picture of it right here okay if you've seen this lighthouse that we're talking

about it's there's no land like it's just on a rock and there's like a there's like was an old like dock to get there or whatever and she brings her piano and she's obsessed with piano right and she would play it and she would play it and she would play it and he would kept telling her like fucking stop it like i hate when you fucking play that stupid fucking piano and and she chester she kept doing it and so he cut her fingers off so that she couldn't this is a true story you can look this up oh cut her fingers off so that she couldn't keep playing the piano and my friend was kayaking by it and he swears to god he heard piano while he was kayaking by it that is spooky i i'm just gonna talk what what a what a wild way of dealing with that situation totally oh you wouldn't

stop just throw the piano in the ocean or literally just break the strings on the piano it takes two seconds just cut the cords wait Rusty when was this this was I mean I'd have to look it up

but it was I would probably guess 18-4 your friend oh when did he kayak by a couple years ago that is creepy

but other people have claimed that they heard piano as well so he knew so he knew he knew going into it he knew going into it

that's my thing I don't know do you guys believe in ghosts we can talk about that next week let's talk about that yeah I gotta pee really bad again

so it's insane we had a blast guys we love ya we love ya Will said this last week and I thought it was fun we're proud of you guys

for listening we are proud we are so proud of you I um I hope you guys all have a fantastic week and we'll see you guys again on Wednesday

Halloween episode next week next week love ya