Will & Rusty's Playdate - strider wilson unlocks the best kept bedroom secret

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode is brought to you by Animals. How far would you go when someone threatens everyone you love? Who can you trust? From Academy Award winner Ben Affleck, Animals stars Affleck, Kerry Washington, Jillian Anderson, and Steven Yeun. When a Los Angeles mayoral candidate's son is kidnapped, he and his wife are pulled into a web of deception, forced to make choices that could tear their world apart.

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Starting point is 00:00:46 Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. okay we're okay we're back play date episode 58 58 oh baby show me chris letang boom put it in the books done chris letang pull it up on bing it's with a k but i'm guaranteed you google it on the way here nope okay will's got it i'm gonna go stuff i'm gonna go jennifer aniston oh 55 all right you want to guess you can either guess an athlete who wore 58 or a person who is 58 oh dude that's great um paul giamatti i like that

Starting point is 00:01:35 wasn't he a wide receiver though i feel like he wore something in the 57 close close it is close great actor that guy's still i still think a big fat liar when i see him and that is okay so will's obviously never seen we've talked about this we've talked about the the blue pool scene the iconic iconic scene put blue in his like shampoo or something that he turns blue really yeah i was wait didn't that happen to willie wonka yes that happened to violet vogue regard or violet violet vogue regard turned blue uh i texted will the other day uh i was in my hotel room yeah flex he texted me maybe each other's numbers yeah uh i i used either the force or telekinesis but i turned i turned the ac off with my mind whoa i was sitting

Starting point is 00:02:32 in bed it's one of the hotel rooms where the the ac units like like a box in the corner you know i'm talking you use the dial yes i had it on constant fan i remember pressing the button that said like don't turn off right so it wasn't like it reached the temperature and then went back down and i'm sitting in bed and i looked at the ac unit and out loud i said it's pretty cold in here i wish it wasn't as cold why okay can we unpack before we go further why are you talking out loud i was alone in my room and i was just talking to myself i said it's pretty cold in here that's a sign of intelligence i talk out loud to myself i think i've done it i'm doing it in public i'm getting a little bit older and you guys know this and uh we all are every second uh age since

Starting point is 00:03:10 i just said that but uh i talk to myself out loud sometimes a lot what do you say like not just in the car what do you say i'll just mutter fuck dude i actually had i i was i had one i was walking down our like abakini or something and i was just like said i was like what the fuck are you doing right or something yeah and a guy like turns and looks and so i panicked i just went all right i'll call you back the voice of the ear he was on the other side of me so like you couldn't see my left ear that's so good all right i'll call you back i got into i got into a small argument with my not argument but you know those guys that don't have like an internal monologue so they just say their thoughts out loud yeah when you're hanging morons you have to have an eternal it makes me so

Starting point is 00:03:52 mad but my my roommate matt and i was sitting building legos and ty was sitting on the other side of the table and was kind of helping me organize the pieces right so i'd be like good friend great friend i was building the i was building the starry night one which there's a there's a part where it's just a sea of blue and there's three different shades of blue and you kind of have to it's just a nightmare whatever so it's already kind of on edge and he kept just saying every thought that he had just out loud no no i can't be doing that out loud and after 20 in time i would make eye contact and be like i can't believe like how long is this going to go on before one of us says something and after like the third or fourth time that he did it in like a

Starting point is 00:04:27 minute i asked him if he had an internal monologue i said do you have thoughts in your head or do you like when you think something do you say it out loud when he goes what are you talking about i go like well when you're thinking do you have a voice in your head that says the thought that you're having inside he goes no and so we got to the bottom of it where he literally just sits he's a smart guy i went to princeton like it like he got he got through life without being able to have a thought just in his head well what was he saying he was saying uh he would just be like need to go pee pee in 15 seconds literally literally like feeling thirsty time not that not that far not that far off you would just be like it's hot out it's hot in here we should

Starting point is 00:05:09 close the window i'm thirsty like like literally like those that like body thoughts yeah thought thoughts of just things that were happening it wasn't like his take on things it was just like yeah like there's not a lot of art in this room and we would just be like like i asked him and he just he admitted he doesn't have an internal monologue probably slightly on the spectrum so That sounds like, what's the movie with Tom Cruise and Ray, you know, Dustin Hoffman? Yeah, Rain Man. A little Rain Man-esque. Charlie Babbitt's my friend.

Starting point is 00:05:41 Charlie Babbitt. I'm an excellent driver. He has thoughts. Kind of like that, probably. Has thoughts like that. Oh, wait. Sorry, but back to the telekinesis thing. I just think it's funny that we, like, five minutes into Strider, just diagnosed your roommate with autism.

Starting point is 00:05:58 that's what i do now dude all right classic classic so i said i said out loud to myself i said uh it's cold in here like i wish it was less cold in here and then the beep went off and the thing turned off it wasn't like it stopped going the full unit turned off and then i texted will and i said i know this is gonna sound crazy i think i just turned the air conditioning off with my mind and will responds and he goes how many milligrams and that's when i that's when i realized you know when you're really high you just forget that you're high it was it was surely just a normal thing happened and in my head i'd forgotten i was high and i had convinced myself i had used the force i can't rule out the force because i know was this in georgia that this happened this

Starting point is 00:06:45 was in uh this was in greater orlando okay okay so it wasn't the same hotel because we were just the same hotel and that one was on a timer for sure dude we had an awesome hotel you and me the best western in athens georgia this weekend the front desk guy loved you he hooked you he hooked it up he's like you guys gonna be wild we're like no we're not gonna be wild he's like all right i'll put you all next to each other then all had rooms right next to each other which kept the doors open it was sick i like him gauging the situation he's like are you guys gonna be an issue yeah he did yeah it was like a room though where it's like i'm like good like someone's been killed in here oh yeah he didn't a body there or something it was pretty gnarly with

Starting point is 00:07:22 their uh do you see that woman that just found a found a body dude didn't find a body or they think they're gonna find it no they dug i mean i don't know if anyone's gonna watch it like i could spoil it but you're talking about the sensational thing that's going on on tiktok with a girl in real time she thought her house was haunted and yeah they found like that rug in the way i think she showed up on my for you page but i had no idea what she was talking about because it was like the part three yeah i was like too late to the game i was like same there i was trying to figure out where it even started i just kept going i'm like 10 million views now dude kenward and i were watching it dude we yeah we showed he's like dude we went through all the

Starting point is 00:07:55 stories she's like i went to bed and then this is how i set all my stuff up and then i come downstairs and my laptop is smashed this is moved i never do that yeah then she's replacing her fence and she looks like where she's digging the hole for her fence outside and she's like and there's a rolled up rug in there like what's in the rolled up rug how you'd bury a body and there's like a tree planted next to it that like it's called like a blood yeah it's a ghost tree or some shit yeah it's a blood moon tree or some shit and you're like so it's very sensational part of me the cynic in me is like this is all set up she's manufactured it like it feels insane but it's any at any rate it's like a very interesting like in real time like unfolding

Starting point is 00:08:32 podcast like body murder mystery i like to i like to think that like the husband she was talking about like yeah the house is like kind of haunted and he had like googled something that he didn't want her to see on her laptop and like used it as an excuse to shatter the laptop he looked up lemon party dude he's like oh no yeah it is haunted yeah all the lotion's gone and my laptop the bro version of that dude yeah and a bunch of our a bunch of our rags are really crusty now yeah there's egg there's ghost ectoplasm all over your office that's exactly the rug was just covered in loads oh my god wait i didn't bury this shit i think i might have already told you but it can't even move the wheelie chair it's stuck a mutual a mutual friend of willie and i

Starting point is 00:09:16 this is one of my favorite stories of all time when we were kids uh he had uh this spongebob blanket that he would have i already told you the story will who is this yeah bleep that out we can't say this it's bad it's bad oh i didn't know it was bad yeah bleep bleep that no you have to give a new name for me oh we'll call him ryan crimble yeah okay so crimble crimble and i grew up together and he told me this he told me this story this is one of my one of my favorite stories i've ever heard in my entire life he had this spongebob blanket that when when he was discovering his body he would use it as for cleanup after he was done you know disgusting going to town on himself and it had gotten to the point where it was like beyond repair like he couldn't like put it in the

Starting point is 00:10:02 wash because it was so obvious what he was using it for he had found the secret formula and he panicked he panicked and didn't know what to do with it and uh when his mom went to work he brought it out into the woods behind his house and he buried it oh my god that's could you imagine that's like what happened here that lady's digging in her yard she finds crimbles her husband her husband had been using the entire rug for a cleanup and it was just like this is getting this is getting bad i can't bring this anywhere that is really funny though um do you think he had a silent moment for it when he buried it was he like he said it was he felt this this uh feeling of shame that he's never felt in his entire life did he was like it was one of the it

Starting point is 00:10:46 was one of looking back on it it's very funny but in the moment when you bring it bring a shovel into the woods it's definitely yeah you're getting also like yeah you bring a shovel to the woods you're trying to get away with just throw it in the dumpster why do you need to do all that that's weird he had to honor they lived in the they lived in like the suburbs so it was like he can't put it in their like trash put in your neighbor's trash i feel like that's some old guy's trash like imagine it's a garbage man he's like a known man who can't get boners anymore it's like dude what they're so virile all these old dudes are knocking on his house walt how do you do it your mom your mom comes out to be like hey mr thompson said uh your

Starting point is 00:11:27 spongebob blanket that we know is yours because you're the only kid on the street was covered in semen and you put it in his also the dimensions of this thing it might have very well been like crusted together it was probably a canvas at that point and it's like you can't just fold it up and put it in a way like this was like if it's like a six by five blanket that's not fitting in a regular suburban trash can all right a few questions are like where was he storing it i think it was in his closet okay and then follow up how many loads okay you know after listening to this i think this is i think crimbles on the dudes we talk yeah we're disgusting sorry this is disgusting but but to close it out crimble i think is on the spectrum definitely two for two dude

Starting point is 00:12:07 this guy's for sure how many loads before you can't it would a washing machine wouldn't fix it's like the question of like how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tutsi yeah like i feel like how many loads before your spongebob blanket can't fold i feel like it could be washed he was probably just scared to like do wash because his mom did wash or something yeah i I think it was also probably he was moving into a new phase of his life and he was like I need to get rid of this Iron Man blanket it was ceremonial he popped

Starting point is 00:12:32 one last boner how old was he again at this I think he told me he was like 11 or 12 yeah that's way too old oh when he got to 12 years old to be bearing that I don't know has Liam ever told you his

Starting point is 00:12:47 friend's ew blanket story ew ew like yuck oh no uh they were i don't want to turn this into coming into blanket segment but this is the last one we they were at a sleepover and his mom his friend's mom came downstairs and was like holding this blanket or whatever and was like what is this like i found this in your room like why is it like stiff as a board and he he said they were like 16 70 like way too old to be talking like this he goes mom no that's my ewe blanket he called he called his blanket that he busted into his

Starting point is 00:13:24 mom doing holding it and not i don't think she knew what it i think she was naive that's what are you doing what are you doing with this yeah what happened to this towel it got covered in load what happened where did you get all this load new topic yep lauren good call i was at uh i was i've had a big day today oh yeah you yeah you just flew in i just landed in la like 30 minutes ago an hour definitely at least an hour ago now yeah but uh i was at i went to the mets phillies game at citizens bank park last night i like how you did it i think that's an awesome just on a whim being like fucking i'm fun philly yeah it was fun it was there were definitely like a few moments on sunday i was like what the fuck am i doing yes uh why like because it was like

Starting point is 00:14:11 like it was like saturday night i was like laying in my hotel room in athens georgia and i was just like i don't know i've never been to a mets playoff game well i guess i went i was there when i was four weeks old in 2000 but that doesn't really count i don't remember it uh so i was like i just i wanted to do it and i was on the east coast already so i was like i'm halfway there and uh so i did it and then but then i woke up and i was just like so we had a long weekend in athens yeah and yesterday it was like pretty exhausting all around and i was like shit now i gotta go but it was fun my brother came down we went to the game together and it's cool hung out with my sister too but i was gonna say there was a moment uh so that it was a great game too

Starting point is 00:14:52 met's hit a two-run dinger in the ninth tied up and then but then the phillies walked it off in the bottom of the ninth it was nick castellanos castellanos probably castellanos uh but you know how like he always hits home runs when like people die and shit yeah you know i've never heard this have you every time he hits when something horrible has happened that day like or just like a big world event the original was like the guy who like said the f slur do you not know this clip it's one of the greatest announcements like said the f and he was apologizing and he was like i pride myself as a man of faith and i am very embarrassed and there's a deep fly to left field and castellanos and then like his next home run was like wow they were like honoring like some

Starting point is 00:15:35 military hero on the broadcast and then they're like and castellanos takes it and now there's this anyway moral of the story what bad happened or we do something so so that was i was like yeah this last one i leaned over there's a obviously philly's fans all around us so it's already like a little like dicey yeah like it's not a joke the police officers in the stadium were like hey be careful be on your toes today like seriously like two different police officers told me, like, hey, keep, like, be smart. Did anyone say anything to you? Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:03 I mean, people were yelling, like, fuck the Mets, fuck you. Like, every time we would go to the bathroom, they'd be like, don't come back. Hear that? It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. Elevate your savings with the Scotia High Interest Savings Account. Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply.

Starting point is 00:16:24 Visit ScotiaBank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotiabank. You're richer than you think. That's hilarious. I love that. That's great. As long as you're laughing, they're never going to escalate. And we also had a total obnoxious Mets fan, a row in front of us.

Starting point is 00:16:44 He was taking all the bullets. There's a smoke screen. I was like, dude, if there's anyone in this section who wants to kick someone's ass, they're going to kick that guy's ass. For sure. that meme where the uh the father is protecting his son and like all these arrows are in his back yeah the kids like playing with the toys you were yeah that was yeah he was he was our father would you have gotten his back bro if they started beating him up absolutely not absolutely not

Starting point is 00:17:06 i couldn't have what was he yelling i wouldn't he was just like when we scored like yeah let's fucking go yeah like dude we hit that two run home run yeah they're late dude remember they're doing this like yeah yeah yeah exactly like we weren't i wasn't even cheering i was just like it is it is funny if they're like we were at a red sox game and there was this yankees fan sitting directly in front of us and everyone was giving him the hardest time and then he just owned it and was like in on it and then you can't be mad at that guy now it's like i kind of like this guy's vibe yeah i think we actually earned some some respect amongst our stadium but anyway and there's also like a family next to us so it's like i feel like that's nice that's also good

Starting point is 00:17:42 production but anyway the guy the dad next to me when castellanos comes up in the bottom of the ninth i'm like hey did anyone die today yeah exactly dude and he goes no but if he doesn't hit this two people are about to the family in front of you they're like this isn't actually your son like the mother finally admits it that's so good but yeah that guy uh yeah damn i guess we didn't find out if he was gonna kill us but as you all know by now we've teamed up with bet mgm this season we'll be using bet mgm lines to make all our picks and we have special offers for our listeners each week. If you haven't signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code PLAYDATE and you will get up to a $1,500 first bet offer on your first wager with BetMGM. Here's how it works. Download

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Starting point is 00:19:38 What? You had something exciting that we were talking about before the pod. i was in florida with our good friend tanner and his family and uh we went uh gator hunting what so i'd never gone but if you're sick if you're not familiar the way you gator hunt is you have to wait until it's pitch black outside what is that about i'll tell you to make it harder so extra challenge so we went out during the day and we're in this kind of like swampy area on a fan boat right like a with the giant fan on the back so you can go on land like nothing because there's no propeller sick what yeah so it's this giant fan on the back that

Starting point is 00:20:19 propels you and you can go over like weeds dirt like you can go on land like because there's nothing for the boat to snag on right and we're driving around we saw zero gators during the day and uh and tanner's dad goes there are probably thousands of gators within like you know 100 yards of you right now they just are so good at camouflaging themselves you can't see them right whoa so you have to go at night because when you flash a floodlight across if their eyes are open there are these red dots that'll ping right back at you and you just fly towards the red dots and you go try and like harpoon it right and uh yeah it was this is the opposite of what i did last yeah this is i went and got a latte at the fucking coffee shop and it was eight dollars yeah i did

Starting point is 00:21:06 i was hanging out with my spongebob blanket like this is okay this is wrapped up tightly in my blanket yeah and uh and so we go out and tanner's brother is sitting next to me and has a spear gun that is air compressed so it has a red or as a green like laser pointer so he doesn't even have to aim it it just you just put the laser point on and you can shoot it cheating no no trust me you need that like these these guys are hard enough to catch as it is you need like any advantage you can get and uh it felt like we were like navy seals because you're wearing headsets with microphones connected to each other because it's so loud that's pretty sick what's loud the fan boat like the airboat thing the propeller is so loud that you're in like comms with each other

Starting point is 00:21:52 and tanner's dad would be talking to his brother he's like yeah we got a bogey on our left and his brother would pull out the thing and yeah and so we see one usually it was awesome usually you take like it takes like hours like if you're even gonna get one first 10 minutes tanner's dad's like we got a bogey on our left side like everyone get everyone look alive pull up right next to it his brother smokes it with an air gun uh you let this buoy out so that it like when it goes because it's it submerges itself so you would immediately never see it but it we just have a buoy on it that follows it everywhere and then how do you get the buoy on it it's connected to the harpoon so it's like it has like a leash on it now and then we go up tanner's brother pulls him out of

Starting point is 00:22:34 the water uh harpoons him again oh my god we pull him next to the boat and then tanner's dad is like uh all right here's uh this is the bang stick he goes this is where you're gonna shoot in the head with so it's not dead yet not dead it's and it's thrashing so like you're it'll come up to you and like if you're too close to the too close to it it can jump into the boat and like smoke you whatever and so tanner's brother gets him right up next to the boat there's this long pole and on the end of it there's a bullet and when you tap the bullet on anything or the stick on anything the bullet shoots out and so tanner's brother just puts a laser pointer he goes just yeah just hit it right there and it like the reason you do it there is it's like a painless yeah death it

Starting point is 00:23:18 just puts it out it like severs its nerves nerves whatever so the the brain doesn't function anymore so you're putting it out of its misery and uh so i shoot it in the head and it all splashes directly back up into my face oh man and uh and then what they don't tell you is that after a gator's dead its nerve endings will still fire so it can just like bite it can like its tail flap around like the tail could like break your ankle like it's it was an eight foot two gal alligator how big is this thing that's eight foot two inches either of us how much does that weigh oh it was the heaviest thing i've ever picked up my entire probably 250 300 pounds the whole thing four of us had to um and uh and then we we put a tag in it bring it back hang it up on an excavator

Starting point is 00:24:04 take a couple pictures next to our forklift take a couple pictures with it and we ate it the next day you ate it how does it taste awesome it's like chicken or no yeah it's like chicken but every once you ever get like a bag bad mcnugget yes you'll bite into it and there's like a hard piece in the middle yes uh that happens every once in a while and i didn't know that and tenor's grandpa was cooking it and uh he could see me like really just trying to like chew through it i thought they were all really hard to eat he was like oh no you got a rough piece just like throw that one out he gave me another one but the other ones are really good did you do the thing where you like drink the blood too no they when you kill your first gator they it is customary

Starting point is 00:24:39 to smear the blood on your face so they put their fingers in its uh in the gunshot wound and then put blood on my face that's sick that's gnarly dude it's the worst smell in the entire world yeah i could never do that dude it was uh it was pretty intense i didn't i did i had trouble sleeping yeah for sure your adrenaline is like so high for the next couple hours that i was just sitting in bed being like oh my god i did it dude that's crazy that the comms part excites me the most it was all duty or something i like just talking with my boys i don't even want to shoot the gator yeah going around on a fan boat with comms just play tag dude it was it was sick the uh we went to a gator place the next day to like see you know gators up up close and the guy next to me

Starting point is 00:25:23 was like how bad did it smell and i was like really bad and he goes he was like a gator expert so he had smelled a dead one before and he goes you want to hear something crazy and i go yeah he goes my buddy killed a guy and he said a dead body smells the exact same as a dead alligator whoa that's terrifying i mean i guess that makes sense yeah is that dang dude this guy was this guy was in ankle deep water throwing chicken cutlets into their mouths he was kissing them on the lips it was like bizarre then he gave me his pants pardon so we were we were we took us he took us out into the swamp and we were kind of just hanging out and then i was like i really like your pants and he goes what size do you wear i go 36 you just took him off and gave him to me

Starting point is 00:26:09 what a legend so he's going around no pants after that no he put on a different pair like wrangler jeans where do you have all these pants he told he told me that they're really cheap at the walmart's i like that because i was like the throwing the that shit always piss me off though like my grandma would always say like we're gonna go to belks yep it's like it's belk yeah we're gonna go to we're gonna go to chipotle's chipotle's yeah old people old people love adding s's on i hate that establishment i hate that shit yeah why do they do that i don't know let's get rid of them i think it's are we gonna turn into that i've always wondered because like our grandparents were cool when they were our age and then you were what do you mean i i just don't i

Starting point is 00:26:53 don't know anything about your grandparents oh i thought you were gonna be like i thought like they were sick my grandmas were sick my grandpas were dead before i was even born my grandmas were cool yeah gator accidents okay in my in my head i for some reason i thought your grandpa had to be like alive for you to be born and i was like doing the math yeah he died before you're like a great anything not i mean never met him no no we had a we had gami and gampi which were great uh great grandparents gami and gampi yeah i mean i was oh those are good names they're born they were born in the 16th century i think oh yeah i want i want a cool one like my great grandmother was pappy oh nice nice but pappy's good pappy's good dude we uh i didn't know him

Starting point is 00:27:41 we went to the horse races and uh first bet i misunderstood i don't know anything about betting and so like you know they're all the numbers and there's all this lingo yeah trifecta trifecta exacto when you're around those guys they talk all fast like to shame you i'm like dude just come on bro and i misunderstood the guy the guy who was telling me what to put my bet on so he was like i'm putting four on like this exacto box and i thought it was like shorthand for like four was like 40 right like i'm putting four four on this so i put 40 on the bet that he said and i came back and we're sitting with a guy who owns one of the horses and i i showed him the ticket and he goes if you came here 90 days in a row and you placed that bet on every single race he goes

Starting point is 00:28:26 i would be shocked if it hit one time and i go what was the bet it was i i i correctly picked the force that the horse that came in first place and the horse that came in second place which is like it's tough and i picked two underdogs and uh and then the bet hit for for twelve hundred and eighteen dollars did amazing on the first bet we placed so i go and get it i have it in cash uh i hit the next two bets in a row so i'm three for three i'm up like fifteen hundred dollars we're tipping everyone dirty everyone's everyone's hammered on dirty shirley's we're having a blast is that a horse drink it's like a shirley temple with vodka no i know why i'm aware i just mean like is that something you drink at the racetrack no i panic perverse drink

Starting point is 00:29:09 no no i don't know i don't know the the bartender asked me what i want a shirley temple but weird dude it kind of is a pervert drink totally yeah it's like because you want it like you want hold on you want to be able to like relate to kids or something it's a weird yeah exactly that's it you cracked the code on it i was like it just feels icky but but anyway sorry sorry sorry no no i'm glad you had a nice time uh but dude you're getting full-on beginner's luck right now this is how you develop a gambling addiction i left yeah left the horse races with 1300 in cash went to the lego store uh the next day i bought every single one that i'd wanted the lady who worked there she said i worked here for six years i've never had to use this bag like the bag that

Starting point is 00:29:47 they packaged them up in it's the size of lauren it was it was wow it's huge it was like we usually put gators in this thing when i was walking through the mall people were pointing and laughing at me because it was like it was like the biggest bag i remember you told me about this you got ashamed it was awesome that was a separate that was a separate time oh is this a bigger bag than the one of the photo you put on your story no it was that one oh it was that bag and that photo didn't even do it justice it was it was the size of me i thought it was the size of lauren yeah which one okay now first first i was like wow that's really big and now i'm like okay now i don't know it was it was it was it was somewhere in between me and lauren okay okay um okay find

Starting point is 00:30:28 myself sometimes yeah yeah when you guys are recording pods when we're recording podcast you're kind of in it now too yep yep exactly yeah i feel like we haven't entered we're with strider wilson oh yeah strider's here what up boys well you guys are doing way more interesting things than me i'm like you killed a gator you went to the mets game like it's true i watched bad monkey with my wife last night it was a good time monkey it's a fun show takes place in florida you said that like that was like we were gonna be like a bad monkey of course monkey yeah it's It's the Vince Vaughn. Vince Vaughn vehicle.

Starting point is 00:30:54 Who the fuck calls it Bad Monkey? Wait, my dad was like raving to me about this. See, exactly. Like, it's a fun show. Yeah. So what happens? It's basically a detective. He's solving a crime.

Starting point is 00:31:03 It's kind of like Justified. Like, real stakes with silly, stupid, like, characters and criminals. But, like, people die. And it's good. It's just good. It's like a, not really a whodunit because you kind of know. But, like, this detective has to solve his crime, get his life back. Is he, like, a bad detective?

Starting point is 00:31:22 like i was like when they have a little edge to them he's got edge like he's he's good at his job but like he's rough around the edges yeah so it's uh it's great it's great super fun watch that chilled what else you been up to man dude trap hitting the road with the boys going to freaking athens oh dude the biggest news which i appreciate you boys having me on is i got the specials coming out on 10 29 oh hell yeah that's huge yep it's gonna live on all things comedies youtube for free so there yeah watch it come on you had a great set at uh you did a set at the fraternity we did yeah that was a couldn't have been like a a fun crowd to walk into it was tough you know what dude's funny i talked a few of the brothers afterwards fraternity brother called the brothers

Starting point is 00:32:02 and we were in the lobby of a frat house in a lobby very long narrow guys were chilling guys were too comfortable the guy laying down on a bar table and uh that was big mike who later won a wing eating contest met that guy good dude and uh some of the guys were like dude and it's up to the comedian to crack the code which i didn't quite do i just hit him with material was okay but like uh they're like dude i felt like one of my brothers would like razz me if i like laughed at something or whatever or like this or like they're like i felt uncomfortable you know like which i get in comedy shows like you don't want to laugh like you say a joke that's a little bit weird or whatever like you laugh at it you feel you're gonna get judged it's like you know knowing

Starting point is 00:32:39 everyone in the room is detrimental to like people letting it's a little tough unless it's like a roast like i should have just picked a dude and roasted him and like everyone would have been like oh this is great like yeah so when you you ever laugh at something that it wasn't the punch line yes so like i'll i'll like i cracked up in the middle of one of those guys jokes and it was during the setup and he kind of like he kept his composure but he like made eye contact with me being like what is he what was funny about that yeah yeah the first guy that went up there uh the crowd just didn't i don't think anyone was warm yet yeah and no one laughed and we were like oh this is like a brutal crowd and then the guy after him went up and just kind of like murdered

Starting point is 00:33:17 yeah you're like that must be a horrible feeling where you like you can justify it as like okay i did well but the crowd just wasn't feeling it and then the guy directly after you had everyone in the palm of his hand yeah he he bit the bullet that's what they say he went up he bit the bullet also it was like a 5 p.m show or something like that the sun was still up so yeah he for sure that first guy because he was funny i was watching him like i liked his material like did a good job like had a good like cadence and was fun but like yeah he was he was he punched in tell willie about that uh starting we're talking about guys that bomb earlier and uh strata was telling me about this like magic theme oh yeah dude i used to do this open mic at the kibbitz room which is a bar

Starting point is 00:33:56 connected to the deli the cancer's deli iconic deli in in um la right off fairfax and you'd go of that that was like an early mike like 4 30 or whatever and there was this dude there i forget his name but he was like probably 65 and he was like a normal guy you'd meet him like hey craig nice to meet you great happy to have you okay we'll put you on the list and then his whole set was just him being a genie which was basically an excuse for him to like kind of harass women like the one girl on the mic and he'd be like his it was the same punchline the set had never changed in 15 years and he'd be like i'm reading your mind you want to go shopping and you'd be like oh no dude oh man it was so bad that's what you guys do to me yeah yeah i relate that would

Starting point is 00:34:37 get me if someone if i feel like that actually sounds kind of funny but i mean i'm sure like it probably got him laid like 15 years ago and he's like this worked this work must repeat must do again this work but yeah really chasing that yeah otherwise nice guy but yeah dude you would love this i'm in i'm in that same hotel where i turned the ac off with my mind and uh i'm flipping through cable and uh you know there's no guide it's that old of a tv that you have to just old school like surf channels you know what i mean like see if anything piques your interest and i get to channel 17 or 20 or something and it's called like shocks with an x i was like i've never heard of this channel like probably meet some good stuff on here and uh there's this

Starting point is 00:35:23 woman in like a slutty nurse outfit and she's talking with a doctor in a completely realistic doctor uniform and so i go okay this you have my attention you had my curiosity now you have my formula works i'm curious where this goes and they're kind of just having like there it would be like if they gave you a normal tv script but you were reading it in like a sexy way yeah so it was like the writing actually wasn't bad and so i texted skyler who was also staying at the hotel and i said hey just a heads up like throw on channel 20 either either this is the worst tv show of all time or this is going to turn into porn yeah i have a really good feeling this is going to turn into porn and they bring that it now turns into a couple's counseling thing but

Starting point is 00:36:09 there is a slutty nurse is doing the she's like the mediator wow and then she goes all right we're gonna go upstairs for a private examination and i go okay this is surely gonna turn so you he's watching porn so yeah he's not certain if it's porn or not we don't know yet okay basically to fill you in i stumbled i stumbled across this tv tv channel called shocks and i was like this is either the worst tv show of all time with an x or it's gonna turn into porn with an x with but only one x obviously porn shocks and uh and then it was like they ran out of time to shoot the transition between when it turns from a tv show into porn yeah and they just start having sex to a song that the woman in the scene is singing and uh whoa and then it just went back

Starting point is 00:37:01 to normal television and so i think i either like you know when you used to be like jailbreak your ipod you like stumbled into like apps that didn't exist like it's there we go all right and uh and yeah it was just porn for like 15 minutes on soft core channel was it uh 20 okay and then seven and then and then teeper 20 on teeper teeper texted me uh the next day and he said did you know 17 is also porn and so i went back the next day to be like let's let's check it out and it was just like a robert de niro movie so it was like they just heated it was like someone had hijacked the airwaves for like 15 minutes and put the worst porn on ever on a normal channel see that would be good like that's what internet hackers should do like the russian

Starting point is 00:37:52 spies like why steal people's money like you know or government codes or you know burn like notice on agents you know undercover agents just give the people a nice classy porno like in the middle of a baseball game or something like that like a good just scene you know do you guys ever get Something tasteful. Yeah, it's tasteful. Like that. Yeah. Like, do you ever hear about those people that get their phone hacked where it'll record

Starting point is 00:38:14 what they're watching and then it also records through their camera and they'll use it as blackmail to be like, you were jerking off to this. Whoa. And I always get worried about that. Of course. But it's like, when that comes out, it's like, oh my God, Rusty Featherstone jerked off. Yeah. I know, but I think you'd still want to probably keep that off.

Starting point is 00:38:32 Yeah. Right? I mean, I usually do. I delete them and then I clear the recently deleted videos after. when i self-record myself because you always self-record yeah because that's the thing about willie he's always recording capture the moment that's what he says hackers come i want to be able to say you got nothing on me i got way more worse can i tell you it's a smart move you know control the narrative exactly get out in front and it's not like you're watching anything too

Starting point is 00:38:55 weird i mean i don't know i'm not going to hear to shame anyone no but like you know it's always consensual and normal stuff yeah it's like um you know it's like someone's wife is getting pounded by a jujitsu instructor yes it's that's nice like a martial arts theme to the guy and then like um some sort of like black belt element i love that yeah i love that good yeah good anything with like karate stuff yeah that'd be funny if they were like yeah we're gonna release a video of you jerking off but they were bluffing dude president you got out ahead of it and you just tweeted the video of you this is what i'm talking about presidents should do that like like Voltaire's candide

Starting point is 00:39:32 right candidate comes from that word candide means about being candid open let these people be open and honest let me know

Starting point is 00:39:39 I want to know Trump just rocks off to pictures of himself dude we all know like I made that building very good very nice you know like

Starting point is 00:39:46 we know the ladies probably don't have to I don't want to get into all that what's that what do you think he says when he finishes huge huge

Starting point is 00:39:55 this was huge this was huge that was fantastic phenomenal did you hear this came out recently history of gums someone's saying that the whole reason the the whole reason we got into this whole trump message because of christina aguilera you heard this story no what does that mean so she he was doing the apprentice and she was doing like the voice or whatever show she was a host on and he found out she was getting paid more than

Starting point is 00:40:18 him under like whatever network was paying them right and he was like that's horseshit you know i need to i need to get a bigger paycheck than her and so his thought was as like a publicity stunt i'm gonna run for president become extremely relevant for like a couple months and then drop out and now i'll be able to like get paid more and then they say it's on video the first time he goes to one of his like rallies and you can see him coming down the elevator whatever and the doors open he sees like however many thousands of people are there supporting him and you can see the light bulb like switch in his eyes where he's like oh my god this is real and like i really enjoy this feeling of people like cheering for me and they said like that day he went like full tilt

Starting point is 00:41:02 into like no i'm actually gonna try and be president wow fucking agulera and then christina dude shit dude fucking agulera why don't you think chance the rapper's making for that stuff is he on the voice i think he is or was huh you think he makes more than christina agulera or less that's hard to say it's hard to say how did simon cowell stumble into this business i know he's like just being a producer like a producer ran a label he tells it how it is rusty he says what he's feeling and i like that no because that's like we have all these paulas and randys it's like they just want to be like simon does it he'll tell you what it's like you know i'll tell you the real deal i'll give you the business i'll give you the business they'll say just quit

Starting point is 00:41:42 let me save you some time just don't quit your day job i've been in your mother's bedroom for 15 years you ever see his punk dog i thought it was pretty good i i liked it too that's my impression of all three american idols it's like they're in the room with us you just saw every season in two seconds right every season all like how many so dog philip phillips is awesome oh actually i don't care for him who was randy who was randy before he's michael jackson's little brother no randy jackson yes he is no what yes really nope yep nope yep nope yes no simply go to siblings he's 68 years he's michael jackson 58 he's not michael jackson's little yes he is he's part of the jackson oh oh willie who's that guy in the who's the fifth guy

Starting point is 00:42:32 he's the youngest jackson you didn't know this no yes randy jackson is michael jackson's little at least he's got a music background that's not him i don't know if that's him bro it's not randy jacks there's another randy jacks yeah dude this is hilarious that's not no that is him that is him that's not him though those are different guys they look different guys for a thousand percent dude they don't look the same yo it's like because it's hollywood i was like did he get work done like i was like what happened and the jackson family i was like no one's face right now dude just to clarify i was correct that randy jackson is michael jackson you were right but not the randy jackson dude that's fucking hilarious i feel like we got into some murky water i think

Starting point is 00:43:25 we got i said they looked exactly we're definitely in gator hunting water right here dude this is a little bit yikes dude yeah you're in that part of florida too long i think did you ever see simon cowell's punk episode yes 62 years just on age dude it took us like a second dude we were like damn what's wrong dude at first we both looked at i was like i don't know if i'm right oh my god man that's fucking funny you know what happened okay but who the hell is randy jackson why is he why is he besides an american idol judge funny if the american producer made the same they made the same mistake i did and they thought they got the other randy that'd be so funny and they're like this guy he's he's charismatic he's good he's just an executive

Starting point is 00:44:06 he's just a music executive i guess that looks good dude music executives you know what's crazy when we were kids they convinced us he was really fat and he was just he's just like a normal size guy he's on his mpic now yeah he looks like in that one photo it looks a little bit interesting oh go ahead no no please i was going to talk about were you i think you were there when dr locks was showing us this this uh this move that he learned about yesterday oh yeah all time i tried it last night oh did you do it yeah i can show i'll show you yeah uh the move is uh so apparently this guy at this bar like was doing it all night and like really proud of it and him and his friends do it all the time moves you take a panoramic photo of a group of people and then

Starting point is 00:44:51 once it makes it past the first person that person runs behind the camera puts their arm around the guy on the end and you can just keep going endlessly so to be a picture and it looks like it's like eight people but it's just the same three guys you know i hate to break it to you but i think you're late to this i haven't heard of that what i i yeah that's a thing i had some friends doing that back in the day yep my buddy did it in his fourth grade photo but but i'm like what it could be a new trend on your brother did his fourth grade photo my brother's friend The fourth grade photographer had a panorama? Because it was like a class photo.

Starting point is 00:45:27 It was like a Lauren Stantz class photo right here, except it was the whole class, exactly. How did he get in it twice? Because it was a pano photo. It was like the class of like, I don't know, a couple hundred kids, and he was the first kid on the end. And then he ran around back behind the bleachers

Starting point is 00:45:40 and then got on the other side. And they didn't budget it to take another photo. No one noticed it, and the photos came out, and they're like, this thing's haunted. This kid's in it twice, dude. It was genius. Well, when you said you had a new move,

Starting point is 00:45:51 I thought you meant a new dance move. No, I just... I thought you were going to stand up and do a move. Just the one. Yeah. That should have been my answer. Can I send you the one we did last night, though? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:01 See if my laptop comes up on AirDrop. AirDrop. You know what's cool? When Kobe back in the day, or maybe NBA players do this now, I'm just freaking old, but they would have a new move the next season. They'd have footwork.

Starting point is 00:46:14 They've had it worked out. You're like, oh, sick. He's going to display this new move. How cool is that to have a new move? It used to be more like everyone had a signature move yeah now everyone's because i think basketball was easier back then so it was like you had there was more room for flair now it's like we just need to get the ball in the hoop as efficiently and it's shooting it's a lot of shooting and just yeah yeah you ever do this

Starting point is 00:46:34 one i used to do the one where i'd be dribbling and i'd like put my knee like this and i'd bounce the ball into my own knee sick that's very sick oh yeah look at that one it's like the professor yeah it's like you're there twice the photo in question like my like sister's morphed face yeah yeah isn't that epic it made laura it made laura look like who's this fella that's just a guy that was at the bar he loves it though he's having a good time laughing yeah oh how sweet pretty sick oh i wanted to i wanted to tell you guys this before we before we get off uh before we get too far away from sound cal there is there is a there is a sorry i thought about this earlier i talk a lot about simon cowell you're safe there's there's there was this episode

Starting point is 00:47:15 of punked where they're like how do we get simon like we need that we need to put this guy in his place he had bought a rolls royce phantom or something right like right when they you know that was the thing and he was obsessed with it and so they him and ryan seacrest go to this party together ryan's in on it simon's not they swap his car at the valet with an identical phantom and then when he comes out of the party they just total the phantom right in front of him and so he thinks that his car the valet guy like crashed into like a tree or something and uh he gets so mad and then they reveal that it's like a big prank but then they never address the fact that like how did you how did you actually destroy the other one like there's

Starting point is 00:47:57 no way simon cowell's episode is worth enough to be just like a quarter million dollars of an episode yeah destroy probably is honestly yeah i guess he was a big name did you ever see the other video you know the guy ross creations of course so funny dude he used to flip people's cars upside down identical car when they go to the grocery store they would swap it out with an upside down but perfectly still in the spot yeah in the same parking spot that's amazing that's so good that's so good dude before we get into oh i saw the reason they did like his buddy kind of was homeless and they went they went to disney world and just he acted like a homeless guy like in disney world so he's like next to like the attractions like curled up with like a blanket

Starting point is 00:48:38 like asking for change how are people are people just like how did he get in here um dude we lauren when the three of us were in uh atlanta the other day we're walking from we're walking to a new bar and uh just dropped and the crosswalk goes like stop yellow like the whatever and chester was like okay there's no traffic here i'm just gonna walk across and these two bike cops pulled him over and we're giving him a citing him for jaywalking no way and so uh will walks past him what did you say to him willie uh no i don't think i said anything someone walked past chester and was like um hey chester they don't know about like the embezzlement right and and then someone else was like they kept making jokes they had like guns in

Starting point is 00:49:24 his pocket or something and the cop looked at chester and was like dude i can just bring you downtown right now he's like all right i'm done i'm joking i'm joking but now apparently he has to go to court in athens oh you want to know he just should just pay the fine i think it was hilarious i think like and i didn't see it but i think billy was across the street like yo man give me some skin and then he's like all right yeah and the cop was like don't do it and he's like dude i gotta give him some skin and the cop's like dude i'm seriously i will write you up but chester was like ah and just literally like i gotta tap up my boy and literally went across and gave him the cup was like you idiot dude i told you not to and got him this is a 12 ticket

Starting point is 00:49:59 i heard well you you yeah but apparently he has to represent him he's to go back and represent no way unless he can get like uh like exemption or something guys we were officially partnered with ricky to bring you the best canned alcoholic beverage on the market ricky was created to finally give the world a premium spirit based drink ricky is made with award-winning vodka or tequila and just a touch of that thirst quenching fruit each can has only 130 calories no added sugar and all natural fruit juices ricky has a seven percent abv which is a lot more than his competitors each can is one and a half shots we're talking two and a half shots in a tall boy one 12 pack that's a full bottle 24 pack that's two full bottles not to mention the price is a

Starting point is 00:50:43 lot better too the reason it's so good is because it's real liquor and real fruit juice and it's not made with any of that typical malt liquor that you see in other canned cocktails that nobody likes a little bit rickied yeah in athens georgia this weekend we did a little cranberry action i was cranberrying it up i was liming it up he was liming it and there was one point we did a little interlock our hands type thing where we each drink so i had a sip of the lime you had a to the cranberry uh it was goaded it made our tailgate experience unreal and we had a fantastic saturday thanks to ricky head to ricky spirits.com to find out where you can get ricky near you follow at friday dot beers and at ricky spirits to stay up to date with upcoming ricky contests

Starting point is 00:51:30 and giveaways let's get back into the episode yeah let's road map it up road map road map road map all right we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna do your pitches and then we are going to hear our pitches followed by this guy rocks and then we are going to do teach me something and then i'm very excited about these we're going to do sex positions that don't exist and spotify playlists that don't exist or probably just playlists because i don't want to it's not sponsored by spotify we don't hand out no free hand out title playlists that don't exist we love spotify but mine i don't know if some of mine i don't know spotify would want their name stamped on right right title playlist that don't exist um all

Starting point is 00:52:11 right tree or some pitches lauren first pitch is from ty mclaren he says hey lauren and the lads here's a pitch for you what's the best part about baseball best part about baseball uh home run wait stealing a base hot dog and a beer group urinal hear that it's your money calling it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think trough urinal oh oh wait before it's good stuff you look around you know where you're standing you know exactly where you're at yesterday the moment the fellas moment they

Starting point is 00:53:05 philly's walking off my i'm like all right sam let's get out of here so me and my brother go down and we go into the bathroom there's like 15 guys in the bathroom we're all peeing we all look around all mets fans 15 out of 15 all mets fans like everyone is like celebrating the stands we are all going to piss anyway go ahead all right well ty says the walk-up song nothing gets the adrenaline pumping like watching edwin diaz hit the mound with narco blaring in the background he's the one who blew the game last night oh that's funny he fucking blew it now imagine having your very own walk-up song that plays wherever you go introducing the doorstep dj the speaker that connects to your phone and plays your personalized anthem the moment you step into

Starting point is 00:53:44 range simply choose your favorite track and every time you approach a place with a doorstop or doorstep dj your song will kick in automatically heading to a friend's house let them know the party's starting with welcome to the jungles as soon as you arrive coming home after a long day crushing spreadsheets fuel up with gasolina blasting as soon as you step through the door these are just a couple of examples but the possibilities for a walk-up song to elevate any moment are endless yes this is good this is good uh that's probably the cisco's the thong song great freaking walk-up song dude just because the people haven't heard the thong you've heard the thong song ever let me see that thong oh it's great dude i love it what about you guys

Starting point is 00:54:24 what are you guys listening to uh bailando enrique ingles good song smart honestly i want to i want yours but i'd go uh i think she liked me rick ross nice what if you have sad energy and you need just like karma police by fucking garden song elliot smith i'm angelus you walk into him i'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl they're like great fucking rusty's back there fucking hate this i mean dude you could change your walk-up song based on like the day i guess probably yeah that'd be nice if it started playing like five seconds before you walked in yeah pick something down the middle you know yeah like acdc is

Starting point is 00:55:11 probably the best like back in black or something yeah toby keith yeah yeah all right all right that's a fun one thank you ty next one is from nick grimes he says nick grimes nick grimes he says what's up lgrf and wd nice lg what submission for a new lauren gogland right submission for a new business pitch for the pod what's the worst part about buying jeans or pants in general uh having a fucking having a sometimes i wear baggies to the store so i'm not wearing underwear and then i have to just eyeball it oh yeah what sure like sometimes i'll be wearing shorts that i've built in underwear and i will not realize that until i get to the store baggy pants with no underwear oh no i'm free balling yeah uh yeah i'd say that i have to try them on

Starting point is 00:55:59 my biggest problem is when you order a bunch and your roommate clearly went through your your package did he open that yeah it's a rooted i was gonna ask you how did you how did we land on old navy super cheap dude check it out it's sick well you buy old navy i just did finally crack the code i'm like who's buying old navy dude they have some good stuff i haven't been in a while because dude are you going back to school dude what's going on my friend avery found these these pull these half zip pull over things for 50 they were on sale for 15 bucks so the whole friend group got them and it's cost effective and this pant is 20 bucks it's a good risk low reward true true reward low risk yes but are the ladies liking

Starting point is 00:56:44 a dude in old navy lauren i think it's fine all right okay i stand corrected what the fuck dude i used to work in retail so i'm a bit of a snob i used to work at nordstrom i'm also like denim you should always try on no i wasn't always but like i like uh i was like the you know the way i would relate to dudes was like look it's not about the look it's how it feels get in there get him on you know i'd want to get a guy in a changing room maybe buy a shirt as well but i think that's true i think it's more form you know it's function more than form a designer snob is someone who only likes that song panda yeah or timmy timmy timmy turner okay well back to nick's pitch he says the worst part about buying pants is not knowing what size you are for each store

Starting point is 00:57:28 you're in yes introducing what size am i what size am i provides the user with a concrete answer to the age-old question what size am i by scanning the user's measurements on the iphone the app is able to scan the internet and determine the most comfortable fit regardless of the brand lose a few lbs and put on some shape or put on some shape no worries just simply rescan your measurements and the app will take everything into account keep track of your gene purchases over time creating a log for easy access next time you're out shopping and wonder what size am i i love it and what's this guy's name again nick what i love about nick is he just instead of saying gain some weight he said put on some shape i like that i like that oh that's a great perspective

Starting point is 00:58:03 promoting body positivity i love this guy gain some shape is a nice that's a nice yeah i like that that's perspective bro looking killer that is sick i like that someone was just telling me that they were gonna they were gonna i can't remember who said this someone said they were gonna prank their girlfriend by buying an extra small shirt and then putting a medium tag on it and giving it to him that's a criminal i was gonna prank my wife and buy a skateboard and she'd be like what are you doing now you're skateboarding but yeah i skateboard now that sounds like you just buy yourself a toy yeah but it'd be so alarming but being almost 40 and buying a skateboard dude odd like yeah you've changed dude like can you do a kickflip

Starting point is 00:58:48 i used to be able to do when i was younger i used to have a half pipe bro i used to be able to drop in and in your house pop shove it yeah dude my dad was a doctor i grew up like i grew kind of very nice dude i was a very lucky little bitch and uh we had a fun ramp really so it didn't have that much vert as like three feet but it was fucking awesome dude so i could i could rip it on that we'd have skate sessions it was sick awesome someone said that it they lived in uh some part of the south and i didn't realize the sizes are like different down there so like she was like an extra small in like georgia or whatever and then moved out here and is back to like a medium or something because they're like so big down there damn weird yeah that doesn't really make

Starting point is 00:59:32 sense at all like a small they're a small person there but like that doesn't make like i feel like clothing isn't like i don't think it's applied to like urban outfitters but like places that might have been like local shops okay all right dude we were talking about this maybe was i talking to you about this there is like regional style though like when we were in georgia like it was very much the style of like you wear a sport polo shorts and tuck them in like you yeah you wear you're just like kind of like a postman the tucking in the pole to the to the khaki shorts was jarring it was like all but then it might be interesting when they come out to you know in southern california i grew up it's like dudes in rainbow sandals yeah with like longer shorts

Starting point is 01:00:11 yep like a like a like a tenant so low on the butt too those like o'neill shorts that are like bro and off your butt exactly o'neill exactly bro i like that there i like that you can change how you're dressing depending on where you it's kind of fun like when we went to austin i was tucking my polo into my jeans and then my cat i'd cow my boots on that's what i love about you is you immediately adapt to your scenario like very chameleon chameleons in a very good way like yeah yeah it's very good i would do that you should yeah i would do that every year when i got back to school you're like okay now i'm dressing like a like i'm back in florida you should have seen when we were in the ghetto one time that's where it got dicey yeah this guy yikes i didn't even

Starting point is 01:00:49 know you owned him i'm gonna dress just like randy jackson and i'm not talking about some glasses i'm gonna judge everyone's singing abilities a b c the only the only black guy knows is randy jackson yeah the only it's your only reference south central la in a in a really unbuttoned linen pull-up um what were you saying the other day about your seersucker what does it do again oh yeah we were uh i can't remember oh my dad was getting mad at me when i was a kid one time he walked in on me like ironing my seersucker or something and you can't do that and he was like he's like dude what are you doing i was like what are you talking about he's like you gotta let it pucker or whatever i like that dude yeah we were talking about strata and i were

Starting point is 01:01:31 talking about this the other day but uh he got mad one time because i think we were all as like siblings kind of turning into like douches and he walked in on me and my stepmom uh talking about driving moccasins or something oh dude he was like what have i rate like what is what has happened to you guys like some saint patrick shit no they're like they're like a special type of loafer like specifically for driving and he was like what are you guys yeah it's a situation you like like snow shoes necessary you don't want to sink into the smell and suffocate driving shoes no just wear your shoes dude just be in the shoe you're going out in the world yeah yeah exactly dude do you see you have yeah if you have different shoes for different settings dude unless like like who are

Starting point is 01:02:15 you mr rogers yeah exactly he went to my uh college my ice cream really yeah i love mr rogers there's a there's a giant eight foot statue of mr rogers on campus now that's how big he was but it got taken down during all the like protest stuff dude yeah i think he's the only guy that's protest proof he's never done anything no they got confused dude yeah they thought he was general edward e lee they just took his sweater off and changed it into a is that was that guy related to robert what did i say edward oh it's like edward edward james almost like edward james almost is the man dude i would like i should leave the country who he's he's in uh battlestar galactica they don't know what are they some people like no spoilers he has so many names

Starting point is 01:02:57 that like people it was a thing where people would mess up his first name so they didn't know if it was like james edward almost edward james i was gonna ask you that when you said ryan seacrest it's like is that the best famous guy name ryan seacrest ryan seacrest um that's good i don't know but it's the greatest name in the world it is all time if you're gonna be famous dude but also no no uh who's the guy from uh edward james jake starlight who's the guy from uh timmy turner from fairly odd parents designer very fairly odd parents the guy's name is uh something starlight starlight whatever it's not important we're running out of time we gotta go we got all right here's my picture never even by my time we'll just hang out all right the boys

Starting point is 01:03:43 what time do you oh yeah we are going a little faster yeah yeah i have to shower and shit this is my thing all right street queen queen street queens not street queenie street cleaning yep if i know this doesn't really apply to us maybe but maybe it does to you guys not me but like in some parts of the country that's it's a very big thing it's like you got to move your car oh it's bullshit it's a racket in la i'm currently parked outside your house in a street cleaning thing right now dude why would you do that it was the only parking if it was really mattered like i hope i'm not it ended at 10 it ended at 10 a.m so it was like oh i was my thought was what are the odds they're coming in the next 15 minutes exactly that's really what you have to do and

Starting point is 01:04:25 if they do it's like can i just sweep this with the broom and like we're good that's my thing is like what if like they they start selling things where it's like if you buy this attachment to the bottom of your car then you can leave your car there because it sucks up all the leaves under it oh you know what i mean it's like yeah sure you've got a sticker that says like no no i'm good i'm street clean certified yep yeah i got my scs license and uh yeah and then it's just like a big suction thing on the bottom of your like a big vacuum on the bottom of your car basically that's a great call like we'd catch you under the car down there that's like a good simpsons i can see that big something that happens in the simpsons i can see

Starting point is 01:05:10 that for sure what happens dude are they still around i don't know been on forever i probably canceled i think we were i think comer a bunch of stuff came over did somewhere dude we were watching i've been watching piggy blinders and there oh there was something i think it was like some sort of like war related like mental thing or something it was like oh have you seen him like he's got a big bad case of the flanders blues that's what they called it yeah we were a lot we were laughing like it's like a cut scene like homers driving me crazy parts off the wall have you ever seen the uh you ever seen walk hard the dewey cox story oh great movie so good he goes uh cut my brother in half and they're like it's the first time he's

Starting point is 01:05:53 ever sang they're like all right this guy's pretty good the best thing is tim meadows offering weed to uh john c reilly you don't want no part of this shit it's non-habit forming it ain't gonna make me want to have sex is it it makes sex even better exactly it's a nightmare so funny um all right here's my pitch what's the worst part about being hung over in a hotel room being alone you don't have your comfortable bed you're scared uh you have to walk downstairs to get like any supplies that you would need to recover are further away than they'd be at home it's like the power raids are downstairs you got to go all the way down yeah they need to install mailroom style tubes that connect from the uh bodega in the lobby to your bed stand so you

Starting point is 01:06:43 can just be like powerade and the lady just puts it in it goes like in a like at a bank yeah old office building yeah it shoots it across the room on it lands perfectly on your desk on your desk ow ow um and then skittles to the eye it just charges you

Starting point is 01:07:00 charges you to your room I like that thank you that's cool yeah um I think um

Starting point is 01:07:08 what's the problem with when you're in yeah I didn't but I'm like what's the problem with when you're

Starting point is 01:07:15 partying you're gonna throw a party yep and you're like man the only thing that way this could be better is how do you make a party

Starting point is 01:07:21 that's gonna happen even better uh uh uh because here's your problem all the guests are coming you got a space for it the booze have been bought chicks okay that's a great one uh i don't it sounds like a killer time already problem with a party that's about to happen horse tranquilizer only way you can make it better i got it i got it uh that you take away that time uh where you're waiting and you're wondering when everyone's gonna show up yeah oh yeah the anticipation is it actually gonna happen people actually gonna come or what maybe are the people actually gonna show up yeah exactly yes

Starting point is 01:07:53 exactly you're worried no one's going to show up dance floor with the different colors or it's been and now here's the thing now that i'm aging every party's too planned it's they have end times you're seeing someone's kid gotta go home by three gotta gear up for the week lame making me feel lame so how do you unlamify the party with a theme instant theme service it works just like um that one of those chest box services for men that you buy clothing and you put that you send back what you don't want yeah except it's only either 80s gear or it's only either all white clothes you can all wear jeans that they're walking into a theme and you don't even know and you walk in and yeah it comes in a big chest it's enough for everyone yeah and it's gonna create jobs gonna drive the

Starting point is 01:08:37 economy there's a guy there's a there's a butler style guy in the mudroom and when you walk in he just dress he takes your clothes he's similar to a coat check but he puts you back into the outfit of whatever you're walking correct you get a little tag like a valet you value your clothes with them and it's instant themes for your party that's i like that we didn't tell you to come with a business pitch you came with you just came up with a good one the best that was nice i think about it every day yeah i mean i'm trying to raise money for it yeah all right donate sharks sharks we'll put your venmo in the description uh rusty just quit rusty just went to steal my idea he's stealing my idea he said i'm taking that to the races he's like hello copyright office

Starting point is 01:09:13 exactly he's he's disgusted what were you doing what's another good idea what do they do with costume yeah we're in october what do they do with like costume palace stores that aren't happening they wiped out like a different thing like what they throw rage usually what is it's like an old circuit city yes or a radio shack yeah that's just like uninhabited and they're like all right we'll we'll lease it for a month i don't even think they say i think they just squat they're just glad someone's there yeah will you just clean it when you want squatters party cities squatters squatters rights is what i call uh what i did to will's toilet earlier oh yeah you didn't know you were on your flight back and rusty got you

Starting point is 01:09:56 to dead neighbor that dead oh if they said you dead neighbor me and i was like i don't know yeah we put a dead body in your bathroom your name your neighbors your neighbors in the toilet But when you come in later, you're like, yow, yow. We're inspired by that girl's story on Instagram. We rolled up a body and put it in your shower. And we had to kill a guy. And I had this underwear in my shower. Do you know about this?

Starting point is 01:10:18 What? Well, I'm out of town one weekend. Come back. I go take a shower. There's just underwear hanging on the door of my shower that I've never seen before. So what he did is he opened all your clothes from your jeans. Tried them on all with no underwear. He's just a guy we work with.

Starting point is 01:10:32 He doesn't live here. I'm like, whose the hell's underwear are they? and then jerry was like oh yeah tanner and i got kind of drunk and went and jumped in the ocean and then he showered in your shower and left him forgot his underwear i love tanner i love that i was gonna say how did you find out that he put like t in his last initial underwear like he's still like t robert initials all right guys let me introduce you to something that's going to change the way you think about wallets meet extra extra wallets are practically impossible to lose How, you ask? Well, with the Find My App integration, you can track your wallet

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Starting point is 01:11:51 dude i think i left my wallet in your car i would i guess i was gonna buy something because i needed it uh he was like i don't see it i was like texting my but my other roommate and then i was like oh my god i can literally track it and play a sound sure enough pull up the app play sound it beeps it was on the floor right over there it was like within eyesight of where i was sitting having this crisis right now you can get up to 30 off on extra's website with any purchase and if you use our special code playdate you'll snag an additional five percent off that's code playdate at checkout to get up to 35% off your next extra wallet. Let's get back into the episode.

Starting point is 01:12:28 This guy rocks or teach me something. I feel like maybe we should jump into the drafts. Oh yeah, let's do the drafts and then we can dismiss you, Strider. Love it, thank you. All right, these are sex positions that don't exist. Want to do that again? What is it?

Starting point is 01:12:42 These are sex positions that don't exist. I'm excited about these. Strider, start us off. Okay, I wrote mine down in my handy dandy journal where I keep all my sex positions that don't exist. um this is the this is the diplomat okay hit me so you're having sex uh with a lady yeah and you're doing a good job and she climaxes full-on been there full-on enjoys and then ladies first as always if you're a good lover which we're all gracious lovers

Starting point is 01:13:21 then because you have been watching a lot of alpha male influencers on instagram as we all do you decide you know what i don't want to appear unmasculine and be like oh babe i'm about to come i'm about to come yeah grow up you know coming for the chicks you shake her hand and say thank you babe i love you i'll see you at dinner very diplomatic very diplomatic very diplomatic that's very that's in fact i'll go ahead and start reheating stuff i think we had minestrone last night i'm going to start repeating that i'll get the ball rolling i'll get the ball rolling on dinner it's the diplomat i love that i love that i've got the flying dutchman yep you also could if you invite if you're cool and you're swinging sorry if you're cool and you're swinging and your

Starting point is 01:14:01 wife's into that too you could invite someone else into the bed you say i yield i yield the remainder of my time to the gentleman from massachusetts or the gentleman the gentleman from maine which that would be that's if you're on the house if you're on the house floor which is where you have sex with your wife i forgot that's an essential part of it but i yield the it's how you it's a classic cucking i yield the remainder of my time to the gentleman from your wife chooses and then enjoy my time is up here's the senator from atlanta yes exactly and it's usually a senator senators are into that uh willie what do you got i got the flying dutchman oh i love it all right guy lays on his back spread spread eagle rock hard the woman runs towards

Starting point is 01:14:43 the bed leaps into the air and perfectly times her landing it's just that's beautiful stick the landing and you're in for a treat and it's a flying dutchman because there's no blankets on top of either of you because like a like a flying dutchman there's no bun or burger so it's bare right you usually do this in a park the flight here he's thinking of the fine dutchman from in and out it's just it's just meat and cheese what is it oh it's like flying dutchman is a name for if yeah you have a burger i was thinking of that robin van percy header dude that's great she's just leaping i think you do in the bed you could do a park i guess and that takes a lot of trust it is it's high risk high risk high reward what's the injury

Starting point is 01:15:23 rate on a flying dutchman four to one oh yeah in favor of injuries yes you have four broken wieners before you get one stuck landing okay you guys you guys are familiar with 69 right of course of course you did that's how you call someone back who just called you you don't find out oh yeah we're all familiar with the 69 this is the 11 okay this is when you lay you're laying directly next to each other very straight and you tell her that this never happens to you you're just you're just having a really stressful week at work and that it's gonna be better later and you just lay very still like this i've done a few 11s in my day yeah been there you guys you simultaneous except you don't simultaneously come you

Starting point is 01:16:10 simultaneously get just get bummed doing that position simultaneously like oh man uh this one's called the emmy what are you constantly trying to do with your partner this is one that you do with your partner to keep things fresh keep the relationship going you got to mix it up sexually it's called the emmy you're saying oh what's better than having a show to watch together so what i would do i just referenced i watch bad monkey but i want my wife to watch band of brothers so bad so basically we're familiar with reverse cowgirl yeah you guy lays down like that she gets on you so reverse cowgirl style you are watching episode five she's watching episode five of band of brothers well you're watching different things she's watching

Starting point is 01:16:45 the show you're not watching you've seen it okay so you're you're enjoying this nice position your head's looking that way you can be looking wherever you know what i mean but you're probably dialed in here honestly you're probably trying to sneak around and be like what's mark wall but you know, what's Donnie Wahlberg going to say next? Yes. Is Spears going to connect

Starting point is 01:17:01 with iCompany? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, you're in it. That's good. I haven't seen Band of Brothers, so maybe I'll have to try that one. We should try that together.

Starting point is 01:17:08 I would like that. Should we Emmy? Yeah. You could Flying Dutchman into an Emmy. You could do that. Never been done before. Never been done.

Starting point is 01:17:17 One of us is going to get hurt. No, that's when, that's when like the, you can do a Flying Dutchman into the Emmy when the show's starting quicker than you'd think. Yes.

Starting point is 01:17:24 She's like not ready. she's like in the other room like sprints in jumps in flying dutchman into the m you would be a great show for it it's honestly a good thing i said it's probably a good thing if it's your new lovers as well because you're connecting on what art do you like her stuff what's the what's the famous show with brian cranston rusty i'd like you to answer but brian cranston where he makes the drugs breaking bad he says breaking bad yeah breaking bad breaking bad breaking bad breaking bad breaking bad it's like bray king bad says like breaking batch it's break bray king batch it's a vine vine themed show remember king batch oh dude king batch is still on it when there's

Starting point is 01:18:04 like an earthquake in la the guy's posting faster than i saw him uh i saw him on melrose really yeah so he's ripped he was just he i thought he was gonna be doing all sorts of crazy stuff he was just hanging out normal all right willie what do you got so i got the duel this is uh the duel is two dudes okay oh god two dudes what's wrong with that i thought you were gonna say like and i was picturing them like double teaming a woman no it's there's no women involved it's just two dudes they start back to back they walk 10 paces each direction count to three turn around fire their loads that's so funny um do you yield that's beautiful dude that's beautiful that's amazing

Starting point is 01:18:53 that's if you were gonna make hamilton x-rated that scene would be in there i've got cat style uh i think doggy style is overrated cat style is when you both get down on the floor and you arch your backs and you walk around in a circle around each other and you like hiss and stuff at each other i haven't really figured out where that when the sex starts but you're walking around with your arches back and it really gets sets the tone it sets the mood i like that i love that i guarantee you people do that i guarantee you there's like a sub if you go to reddit that's happening i guarantee it um i've got i prepared three of these this is from the women's perspective so many of these sex moves are dudes doing this you know you hear these

Starting point is 01:19:38 moves like your buddy what did you do have you heard of the rusty trombone or whatever dude shut up fellas shut up okay this is from the lady's perspective i wrote this and it's called the souffle okay this is when you're probably i think it's best for geriatrics older people maybe 50 plus and they've had a lot of sex and honestly it's like dude gary are we gonna really do this again let's just go get dessert and you just go get a souffle and that's it he's like but i just took the cialis it's like dude cialis is a curse as a plight on women leave us alone and just you know i'm pretty sure my wife's waiting for me not to get hard anymore like she's just waiting for that to happen but i think it's nice is a souffle dude so it's great it takes time sort of like

Starting point is 01:20:21 making love it takes 30 minutes you got to order it before your entree it takes 30 minutes you don't want it to drop and oftentimes it comes a la mode but doesn't have to but it's like it's like you know when you go to outback steakhouse you get the warm fudge brownie of course it's like the gourmet version of that okay okay i'm down to souffle all right it sounds sexual it does i thought it was gonna be something different yeah uh so we're just gonna do three each time right we can do five i'll come on let's just do three i've got the oklahoma drill this is incredible are you familiar yes so yeah uh both you know you line up in a three-point stance across from your partner on the count of go you go full speed into each other but like

Starting point is 01:21:01 into each other and it's more to determine who's on top yeah what yeah i mean yeah technically oklahoma drill does have three people involved who's running the ball you got that one of your boys no oklahoma drills when you lie down on your backs head to head and then you both get up and you run and turn around and then you oh i think that's it i thought it's when you're between two like pads no that's just like a that's just like a oh okay i think he's right you're laying on the ground and it's like go and then you get up and run at each other and try to tackle the other guy okay that's great okay then it works perfectly yeah that's okay i learned something new today yeah in a position i'm gonna try you gotta you gotta report back there's only guy here as a wife

Starting point is 01:21:39 thousand percent my my last one's called the batman you hang from the ceiling uh with your feet like a bat and you have you have like a big black cloak you know tied like this and you're kind of you'd be like if you're like you'd be like hanging from the ceiling like this like a bat and then they're standing and and they just go to town that sounds epic yeah it's awesome that's great you do need to buy like some sort of apparatus for it yeah you need the thing that he shoots that like the rope thing like they like try to sell you to like work out with or some shit dude you know what you could do like hook like they have in the office they like hook their oh yeah like a door frame oh yes yeah well like one of those pull-up bar oh yeah you do abs on

Starting point is 01:22:24 yeah you just buy one of those yeah dude you know what you could do from that position which is a real one you could do the featherstone oh yeah honorable mention the feathers yeah what is that one that strider and i came up with in uh in nashville and we had our uber driver hysterically laughing he wanted to try he's like he wants to try the featherstone so do you want to explain so it's basically it's maybe a little crude i'm sorry for the listeners yeah um you know titty fucking of course that's what you're doing so you're doing that so instead of every sex position where it starts dding it you're doing it you're titty fucking but then you're a savage demented twisted person and instead of like you would imagine if you're doing that typically you

Starting point is 01:22:59 if the lady's laying down or you'd be standing up typically you'd be like with your butt and stuff would be like maybe over the stomach normally be going like this way yeah the feathers stone the feather stone is you're doing it from the other side so your butt is over there your butt is over there yeah and it's fully and it's fully demented and i'm pretty sure i know joy comes from that for anyone no one enjoys that i don't know you're getting mostly chest yeah little very little boob it's mostly rib cage yeah it's it's a bad stone no one likes that dude but the uber driver was like brilliant this guy was like dude like unironically you've cracked the code yeah he's like he's a sadist yeah i gotta be so quick dude i love how much willie's

Starting point is 01:23:51 dude he's three to four times an episode he's also only he's barely made any progress on his on his venti uh the cold brew or whatever he has so i don't know where all this p is coming from true all right these are playlists that don't exist what you got this is called the uh relate to my stepdaughter and it's got chapel roan it's got who's the other girl the small blonde girl uh it's got sabrina carpenter taylor swift on it it's like that's i need to be dialed into what's going on i need stuff to talk about yeah love and it's for like it's the it's the most popular songs just for dudes 40 plus i love that yeah uh i've got bruce sting scream it's all bruce springsteen the police and the scream soundtrack oh that's awesome that's amazing dude

Starting point is 01:24:44 i love that that's great the vibe music songs to text and drive to so this is this is for your commute uh it's songs that are really high pace you you know you're reminded to look up from your phone every once in a while um and it keeps you on edge i love that i love that this relates to yours more heavily this is the uh about to call my dad and it's just bruce springsteen songs it's a fully bruce springsteen album plus highlights of the rogan podcast for talking points that's all that it is yeah uh i've got round trip it's just three songs it's leaving on a jet plane by james taylor love it uh margaritaville and then i'm coming home oh i love that come oh yeah and then actually there's a fourth song home by philip phillips

Starting point is 01:25:34 home rusty's rusty's tunes for sad grinding i think sometimes a little sad grind sad grind uh you know grinding is fun but sometimes you know i don't want to do it to uh the baja man i don't want to do it to um little john and and who who's saying that who's saying who's saying get low john in the in the three six mafia no idea oh sometimes i want to grind sometimes i want to grind to james blunt sometimes i want to grind to ben foltz five yes the jackson five uh not the five yeah it's just songs to grind to in a slower manner typically one-on-one in your hotel room uh yeah love it i love that that's a great one dude um this one is maybe a blend of both i want to blend both and it's just the social network uh movie soundtrack yeah but

Starting point is 01:26:33 it's so when you can go down on your wife and it's just and you just totally stay to that rhythm the entire time i love it yeah it's like more and yeah it really gets you dialed in i've got vampire weekend but it's got no vampire weekend songs it's got halloween stuff like the monster mash fun and a bunch of songs by the weekend oh i love that that's good yeah uh okay i'm gonna set the scene here for a little bit uh you want you and your dad are going golfing or something he's moving slow you have somewhere to be and he's kind of dragging his feet this is songs to get your dad up and moving so it's it's van halen uh you know there's probably some springsteen on there uh some singers and songwriters and it gets him you know fired up to go attack whatever

Starting point is 01:27:21 thing you're gonna do together love that i love it all right those were oh i had one more sorry it's just called punishment songs that suck and if i'm acting bad that day it's all joe jesse there are some songs that you turn on that you're like i hate this song so much there's advertising jingles that i hate like i hate maybe this is only in california but it's cars for kids yep i i hate that song you know it's um shit i don't i can't even tell cars for kids eight something eight hundred five eight eight two three hundred empire what's the song promised lands um dude there's a couple not that many i'm trying to think you asking trying to wonder yeah what do you hate i don't like halsey every time i hear her what

Starting point is 01:28:14 do you say but closer okay i actually do it i don't know walks close something about her voice bum not bums me out there are some things you don't like the it's not invoking the right feeling sentiment within you yeah yeah that's probably more so music than like nails on chalkboard for me yeah invokes the wrong motion that i don't like yeah yeah sometimes like do you know the song fleet i love fleetwood mac when the landslide comes on i'm like i pretty much always change it you don't like i kind of slide i mean it's a great song that's crazy but i change it because it bums me out yeah man there's like a few songs it's like i can't really listen to because they make me like sad yeah we were driving somewhere with my mom and i put on dreams by fleetwood mac

Starting point is 01:28:57 great song just out loud she just goes are we doing this right now right exactly dude i'm about to go there like really like we were having a good day oh you know i don't really like tate cray that much that's crazy i loved him or actually you're entitled to your opinion but she's fantastic i think of all the other pop stars up and coming she she is the least captivating i think she's awesome and like such a cool performer such a good dancer she's so incredible to watch but i'm not a big fan of her it's not like your like vocal style it's like the singing in cursive type i sort of i know what you mean i know what you mean that's a cool way to put it being a good dancer would be so sick um all right should we get you out of here strata yes oh i i love that

Starting point is 01:29:35 i've been dismissed you're dude i love you guys thank you so much for having me lauren sorry about the subject matter i was talking about oh it's okay um happy to have you here thank you guys for having me for coming on again we will we'll probably have you back in a couple months honestly please yeah i feel like you're a quarterly guy please have me back dude i'm honored to have the title is your q4 up are you guys gonna prank me and crash my rolls royce when i go outside have you guys seen those uh tiktoks that are like uh it'll group two initials together so it'll be like wait where were you just talking about it's it's been like taking over my life so it'll be like what what the other initial wants to say to you and it'll be like

Starting point is 01:30:15 q or wait let's start over because i just said the i just said the actual initial bleep that out replace it with this q it'll be like so like let's say let's say like lauren was my like ex-girlfriend and i'm like looking for like i'd be looking for like l plus j and it'll be like they still miss you or whatever and i'll be like swiping through like looking for that and it has found out that i like these tiktoks and so it just feeds me them and it's taking kind of embarrassing it's very embarrassing it's very sad i don't think that you should be getting into that stuff i know i think it's a slippery slope it is a slippery slope like a um a tourist or something next i am a tourist are you yeah right here in my city i'm a tourist what are you burgo nice what

Starting point is 01:31:01 does that mean lauren does that mean we're gonna urge or was that me i like virgos there's a lot of virgos in my life my sister's a virgo you guys are very like strong strong-willed and like calm do you think i'm strong-willed and calm i think so like you have a good i don't know understanding of yourself that's funny i just feel like i feel like i don't i feel like there's just no consistency though because there are two people that are born on the same day and they're completely different so there's no way people like you and another person that's born on 9-11 would be flagged well will see how you're like i don't think that that's because that's your sun sign and that's how you're coming off to other people but like your moon sign is how it's like

Starting point is 01:31:44 the reflection of yourself no he's saying that because that's how he is there's nothing to do with when he was born no i strongly believe my moon sign though well i don't what's your do you know what your moon you guys need to get co-star and then i can analyze your charts for us no you have to get the app like the tv no actually maybe if you know if you know what time you do you guys know what time is 4 30 a.m 4 30 a.m yeah i remember it seriously yeah i mean by the time i checked the clock it was like 4 45 but i probably okay well you need to go find no i actually was 4 30 a.m i'm not there's some there's some like genius that claims he remembers his own birth yeah i guess probably hammered you know you'll send me like a bunch of memes

Starting point is 01:32:25 and like i never responded i never send you any no i always thought you loved them i mean i do like them but i never like respond to them yeah but don't you like you physically tap them usually like once every five i'll give you once you know that i'm like keeping up yeah but i and i feel like i don't ever consume content that way like i feel like most of my for you page is usually like music or like sports it's not as like you're a guy i'm a guy but today i was on the airplane and i was my first flight and i was scrolling on reels and i was just cracking up at everyone to the point like the guy was like looking at me yeah they're so good like there were some of the funniest videos like i had like i bookmarked i think eight videos this morning are you save

Starting point is 01:33:05 them for later no well because i was like oh that's my this guy rocks and then i was like oh no this one's my this guy rocks yep everyone on my for you page rocks should we do this guy rocks yeah let's see this guy rocks i gotta pull it up now all right lauren i'm gonna air dry all right who are these john this is moscow knights they're a tongue choir and this is their 1982 performance hear that it's your money calling it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account. Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotiabank. You're richer than you think.

Starting point is 01:34:06 I mean the boys after one Chorus light There's no way this is like They don't need to do that to make They have to There was one guy who just wasn't doing it I did see that That's so funny

Starting point is 01:34:30 Dude my sister was I don't mean to put her on blast but she was in the marching band in high school and she like learned the flute like to join the marching band because like she wanted to like do something so to her credit like it wasn't like something she'd been doing her whole life but uh i think the marching stuff was like it's kind of a lot to be like having to be in you know like they were like a cool marching band where they like they were like making shapes and state like they would make like yeah make like a guy running or like spell a word or something so it's like a lot of discipline just to like be at the right part of

Starting point is 01:35:03 the field so i'm pretty sure she would just not play the flute like half the time because she's just like i can get away with that but i can't get away with the marching band part and she would also wear her pajamas under her uniform because it was like a really uncomfortable uniform and one time her pant like fell out of her marching uniform and it was just like a bright pink pajama pant she got reamed out okay that's the end of my story you can play his this guy rocks i like moscow night okay so just to set the table a little bit for my clip this is a family uh they're at disney world and the dad is giving the family a pep talk before they head into disney oh yeah i don't want to someone out there getting distracted by the overpriced churros and

Starting point is 01:35:53 mickey mouse ears think bigger think seasonal think pumpkin flavor okay characters read jj i got you on mickey and minnie mouse the baby's like intently listening they're quick they're elusive okay i think you can find them ellie i got you on bell she's gonna try and outsmart you i think you she's book smart we're on the streets today leah i want you on rapunzel okay she's gonna be something she's in the tower painting and singing next thing you know she's out gallivanting with her boyfriend Flynn okay leave Jasmine up to me I'll take care of Jasmine when we get out there it's all about attitude and it's about effort okay I understand that we're gonna make mistakes that's all part of life that's

Starting point is 01:36:48 part of the game that's why we're here we're gonna make mistakes you make a mistake you don't eat the whole thing you throw it in the garbage and you move on to the next one okay i just like the baby i'm just like yeah the mistake we get a lot of these people who cares we have fun with each other that's kind of it but i just liked how like you think he's gonna be like being like a hard-o yeah and he's like think bigger he's like i don't care if you if you don't like the snack just throw it out we'll get another one like think seasonal stuff the baby who can't speak english is just looking at him like okay i like the implication that baby speaks russian yeah that was very funny um all right should we do teach me something yeah except i forgot to do

Starting point is 01:37:30 mine okay well i can i can give you one i'll give you one i'll do two i'll do two for you okay all right uh are you guys familiar with diogenes no um can i guess uh he was a cynic philosopher that was my guess he was he was a cynic philosopher uh i believe in ancient rome and he will beat ben shelton's final and um one interesting thing about him was that you know people back then were very they were very interested in in wealth and in luxury and stuff and he was like this is annoying how caught up you guys are in this yeah and to prove a point and to separate himself from the trappings of wealth he lived in a wine jar which was like what like it's like the size of like a

Starting point is 01:38:24 keg like it was how big was sisyphus diogenes diogenes it was like a barrel basically like similar to like a whiskey barrel and he called it out and he filled it with hay and he would just like sit in there okay and uh alexander the great heard about this like fucking freak and was like i gotta i gotta go meet this guy like seems like he's got it figured out and alexander the great who was like you know the most respected man during that time went and asked him like yo what do you want like i'll i'll help you out i'll get you whatever you want like i just like your vibe and he just replied he said i would like for you to get out of my sunlight because he was blocking the sun he just blew and alexander

Starting point is 01:39:02 the great off what's uh that guy's deal alexander the great yeah uh i believe he was like a great like general like leader okay um in general yeah or maybe even an emperor at that point and uh and then another cool thing about him he saw like a poor like a peasant boy whatever drinking water he didn't own like a cup or a bowl or anything he was drinking water out of his hands and diogenes was like oh i like this bowl that i have is too luxurious if like other people have so the only possession he had was a wooden bowl and he destroyed it because he wanted to start drinking out of his hands like the boy where was his barrel like posted it was like right outside the some like some very popular spot so everyone saw him like every day i hate this is he kind of

Starting point is 01:39:47 seems like a bad hang yeah he's chill i feel like he just wanted attention to forever be like who's in there my one bowl it's like no one's like oh that rich fucker has one bowl no but the whole point was like i was like 15 dude this is too luxurious i need to i need to really get in touch with like what it means to be dirt poor i don't think i'm picturing this correctly so he was in this barrel just in the middle of town and there was like a little hole that people laid on its side and he had taken the top off and he would like sit in this thing filled with like hay and just post up there all day yeah okay do you want a better teacher no it's good i just don't like him for good behavior he has been awarded time in the canoe yeah they were in like an insane

Starting point is 01:40:31 asylum or something it was like no yeah pull it up look up like i've also bookmarked that for good behavior we've awarded him time in the canoes it's a time it's a time for prisoners to unwind his reward is the canoe yeah despite his criminal mind this man is behaving well This reward is the canoe This time we can sit in the canoe For up to an hour Up to an hour It's also totally a kayak

Starting point is 01:41:02 Is it? It's ten seconds I just skipped No that's a canoe It's a kayak It's closed, canoes are open faced I thought it was the opposite here's my

Starting point is 01:41:21 my teach me something for you yours that you can take so I'm gonna tell you and then you'll repeat it I'm gonna repeat it yeah okay have you guys seen

Starting point is 01:41:28 School of Rock have you guys seen School of Rock have you seen School of Rock yeah no great movie

Starting point is 01:41:35 and two of the you know the backup singers like the little girls yeah one of them's Miranda Cosgrove yeah

Starting point is 01:41:41 no she's the she's the like band manager oh right but can you picture the little blonde one she's also in Malcolm in the Middle

Starting point is 01:41:48 for an episode but the picture the little blonde girl from school of rock you're at home listening her and the security guard the heavier set boy uh met up at a school of rock like reunion and now they're married isn't that cool can you google what go back go back go back go back no caitlin harrell and are not married what i can't get anything right bro is the worst no look at it says they got married are now oh they're engaged they're engaged over after oh okay but yeah great guys can you go to the images i don't i'm trying to picture them oh wait not i know i know i know here we go oh i

Starting point is 01:42:33 do remember her yeah now click the side by side when they were kids oh my gosh i feel like that girl was in everything yeah she was great when they were kids that's awesome it's cute um do we have any more segments you know the guy made school rock was on survivor yeah he's so he's in it he's the actual ned ned schneebly yeah and we were watching did i watch that season with you i was watching with chester i think and uh halfway through we were like wait a second yeah that's and he made white lotus really yeah he like created white lotus is there gonna be another season of that yeah it's in like the philippines or thailand this is it coming up this winter i don't know wait white lotus or survivor uh that's actually i can apply to both

Starting point is 01:43:18 uh i don't even know what white lotus is what you don't know what it is i guess i can't cast stones here but have you not seen it well i've seen yeah it's so good so good what is it it's like an hbo drama is it hbo yeah yeah yeah it's just like a drama that each season it's like jennifer coolidge and yeah great cast in both seasons oh nice aubrey plaza is in the first one i love aubrey proslow sydney sweeney's in the first one no aubrey's in the second one which one do you like more i think the first one i don't think i remember the first but yeah it was so long ago yeah i don't even remember you should watch them you watch get high and watch them get high and watch them i mean you're an addict because i want to lauren has to get high before

Starting point is 01:44:01 she does everything no i don't do that oh you need to be baked on pot just to have a good time lauren you know there's more to life than being stoned out of your gourd you know after i finished my lego set yesterday i rewarded myself with an edible and then i got into the space nuggets so i bought a bunch of chicken nuggets that are shaped like moons and stars and aliens and rocket ships that's fun and then i dip them in a sweet chili sauce and that was my question i was gonna say what's your dipping sauce sweet chili sauce and uh i get in bed and i threw on that mr mcmahon documentary and uh yeah it was awesome i'm in a bit of an f-hole right now the my meal service f-hole yeah he can't say i can't say the word fuckhole

Starting point is 01:44:44 his meal service name of my meal service i don't actually i'm acting like i remember the name and i don't we've done ads for them before actually so i want him to come back i don't want to give him free ads oh yeah but i recently got back into it and i'm in an f-hole where i'm like i'm behind because of the travels and i'm like i have like too much why don't you just eat it every day for lunch and dinner i do i am gonna this week oh nice you know what i'm fixated on chicken caesar salads oh chicken caesar i randomly got into that but then i'm also just do the movie thing i was trying to i don't know does she do some of their fingers oh yeah you're right she's funny um all righty what were you getting no lauren was in the oh

Starting point is 01:45:25 i have more to say what i don't know i'm i'm getting i have a meeting hungry um but we can keep jetting it's just with casey i can blow him off oh well we haven't talked about whose personality oh right uh dude i'm going i'm going camping this weekend really where joshua tree oh do you want to see i gotta that reminds me sorry keep telling the story this isn't the thing with the girl right no that's no this is with scott and my friend lily yeah and then i'm also going hiking next weekend maybe book this whole trip like all f by the hurricane i can't find it but it was a guy talking about he was doing a stand-up bit about camping and it just wasn't landing it was about trying to order a pizza he goes what do you what do

Starting point is 01:46:13 you tell them there are rocks and trees around and everyone was just like oh no how do you how do you tell the pizza guy i'm in the middle of nowhere i'm gonna okay my personality then is gonna be alex huddled oh the free solo guy yeah he's awesome i'm gonna climb like a tiny boulder that thing was in i still don't understand that story it's absolutely insane um i'm gonna steal come back to me lauren who you got i'm gonna steal don't do french montana again you do them every since i'm doing sober october i'm gonna steal someone who's been who's been sober for like a year john mulaney so i can just power through not that i'm struggling but you're an addict

Starting point is 01:47:04 it's fine you have a huge drinking problem no i think it'll be i think i'll i just want to do it to feel accomplished at the end of the month trust me we all want you to do it too yeah it's so that we can be around you and enjoy your presence wait um the halloween party is low-key coming up yeah wait that reminds me will and i will and i went to will and i were in atlanta and he's like yo we gotta go to this you know this really great pizza spot and uh try this like deep dish pizza whatever we go there and and uh shout out nina and rafi yeah so good and uh atlanta detroit red top we ordered beers and i was like we had kind of like a real conversation about like uh how you gotta keep an eye on i was like did your parents ever tell you like like like you

Starting point is 01:47:51 know alcoholism like runs in the family whatever like you gotta keep an eye and we were like yeah and we had like this very mindful conversation about like moderating our drinking and then went to the next bar and the bartender was like giving us shit for like not finishing our beers fast enough and like literally blacked out and had to leave the bar because i was too drunk and i was like i'm going home and i left will at the bar alone because i got too drunk after being like it seems like he took a lot from our conversation it was like yeah we gotta we gotta start keeping an eye on this you know like we you know got a drink in moderation and then just 45 minutes later blacked out and left will alone at the bottom of the he left dude i was there we're watching the

Starting point is 01:48:29 mets game and it was like going into the ninth inning we're down to oh he was like i gotta go so i called him an uber home and then pete alonso hits it it also wasn't even like all right i'm gonna head out and then i called myself an uber it was like i gotta go home you gotta call me an uber yeah my phone was dead so yeah it's okay oh my god all right last last thing before we leave will and i another crazy thing happened to will and i we get in a taxi home from the airport we're staying at two separate hotels that are named the same thing but one is like north and the guy drops will off everything goes perfectly smoothly and then he doesn't believe me that there's another one it was like embassy suites atlanta airport north embassy suites

Starting point is 01:49:12 atlanta airport north and they're two different hotels and we drove around why were you guys a different oh we drove around for 45 minutes together he spoke like little to no english and then kept looking back and this is his fault that he can't figure it out where the thing is you're a taxi driver you should know like where things are i kept putting it in his gps and then he wouldn't believe me and he'd be like no that's where we just were and um and then he pulled into a parking lot found a guy who spoke better english who was also a taxi driver and that guy was like yeah it's right there just like drop him off and then he goes this better be a big tip and i wanted to be like this was your this was your fault that we're in the car for 45 minutes together

Starting point is 01:49:51 um nightmare all right we love you guys personality oh personality um i'm gonna build the hogwarts express so some sort of conductor or engineer love it we love you guys have a great rest of your week we'll see you on wednesday peace

Will & Rusty's Playdate - strider wilson unlocks the best kept bedroom secret

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