Will & Rusty's Playdate - thank you for 50,436 subs | Ep. 247

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/@playdatepod https://www.instagram.com/playdate.pod https://www.tiktok.com/@playdatepod Willy: https://www.instagram.com/willdonnellon https://www.tiktok.com/@willydonnellon Rusty: https://www.instagram.com/featherstonerusty https://www.tiktok.com/@rustyfeatherstone Andrew: https://www.instagram.com/andrew_nelson_ NEW MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/  PAID PARTNERSHIPS: [e-mail]  GUESTS AND INQUIRIES ONLY: [e-mail] SUBMIT YOUR BUSINESS PITCH HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdPHd7Ps9TaX-TOozyLhDpr9Y7pFNMP9PX7cHuLxap1R78GWg/viewform?usp=header SUBMIT YOUR AITA STORY HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdQElfqdQutn3dzl5HcZfey6YWhbVd-n6XE7FkpfosWZyYhyA/viewform?usp=sf_link SUBMIT YOUR CONFESSIONS HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSedx06Mo5EBt7WJAehTXwRoF3JzP0T7-kiDvYOphgxaPvtzKQ/viewform?usp=publish-editor  SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: If you haven't tried Barebells yet, go to barebells.com to shop the full lineup and use code PLAYDATE for 15% off your order. LUCY is the only pouch that delivers long-lasting on-demand flavor. Find a store at LUCY.CO/STORES or get it shipped with 20% off your first order at LUCY.CO/PLAYDATE using code PLAYDATE. Go to Walmart, put some Dr. Squatch in the cart, then post that receipt. Rules and this week's briefcase clue are at SpeedRunMDM.com. One thing to pack, five ways to power! Get 10% Off @Ridge with code PLAYDATE at https://www.Ridge.com/PLAYDATE #Ridgepod  00:00 - intro 2:00 - runaway train 10:52 - our first ever memory 20:00 - The Pitt is communicating with me 41:15 - nun teacher 53:53 - puberty 1:08:18 - pitches 1:15:39 - this guy rocks 1:20:29 - Q&A 1:35:15 - teach me something 1:37:10 - here’s something  #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod #RustyFeatherstone #WillDonnellon  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

all right we are here andrew has put a series of balloons this feels like i told you i'm watching lost you remember when they got those numbers it's like 5 15 48 yep i haven't gotten there in my rewatch but i think this might be the either the day we die or how many days until we die i don't know what this number is at all i initially thought it was a zip code because zip codes are on my mind did i tell you about my new my new my new license plate my new zip code i i secured my hometown license plate or my hometown zip code as my license plate oh in california your main zip code yeah and it's just the number it's just the number that's cool and it doesn't i mean it kind of just looks like a license plate it's like one number shorter than

a normal license plate that's fun but there's no letters and there's no letters it's it's um can i guess your zip code yeah 04061 oh 04064 close oh that's what mine 04107 ah that's good though i also that looks like that looks like it looks a little freaky you were i was gonna say you're born on april 107th holy shit this guy is on another planet oh my god wait why does it look freaky is it like no i was just joking i thought maybe you had like figured it out already this episode is brought to you by bear bells rusty show me your bear bells speaking of being born you look awesome by the way but speaking of looks like jack harlow yeah you gotta look like jack harlow like when someone starts dating they start dressing each other i went to one concert

wait i want to say the get being born thing actually i'm not going to be able to figure i'm not going to be able to focus don't you tell us what's going on so congratulations guys on 50 436 subscribers thank you thank you andrew that's how many subs we have right now that's how many subs we have right now okay i was worried this was going to be another like goal that we wouldn't that you'll be like we're gonna have this by the time uh but i'm dressed like this because we are on a runaway train to 100 000 subscribers full steam ahead i would be honest this shit kills me this shit it's like nelson is in his bag you have been in your costume bag lately it's awesome no one has you know what's great

is no one like even if you were coming up with these things 99 of people don't have access to as many costumes as we have access no he's buying these i bought that i'm buying these yeah are you at least expensing it uh yeah sure let's go i don't believe you got expensive man like if you're gonna do this like venmo request us i mean if you're not gonna no i'm expensing it also don't i don't want i don't want like i don't want a venmo request like every month for a new costume wait hold up did you think i just had this in my closet i thought you went i thought you went back there oh to the costume department where there definitely is a conductor thing because will was just a conductor we rented that oh yeah that thing was nice that was a rental

okay dude i didn't even think about looking for it that's a good point no that you look good oh this is not premium so i actually found out exactly like jack harlock because your your headset is like mashing down your hat into one of those like you know like he wears hats like next stop louisville so i didn't realize when i was buying this um that this is jack harlow's a train conductor jack harlow jack harlow if things went like slightly like they still went well they still went well but not in rap yeah he was just a yeah sorry go ahead even the way your hands are right now that's how he would be like i'll i'll take you first class on the train yes that's pretty good pretty good okay um what's training brand new train just hopped in you

landed the place i was like what's popping andrew the type of guy to be like what's popping brand new train just hopped in that's good that's really good and it's way better than i like can't get over this he looks exactly like jack harlow i wish i could see myself right now i mean just you know jack i mean close close your eye yeah close your eyes and picture jack harlow that's what you and that's what i look like right now what are those hats called like why it's like beanie on the top with like the yeah also why are glasses a part of a train conductor So I didn't realize until the package came in and I opened up last night that I believe that this Costume is supposed to be Tom Hanks and Polar Express

because I also have like a hole punch and like golden ticket and Christmas Bell Animated yeah, oh, he's the voice yeah boys, but he was also like the image of it It looks like Tom Hanks. I haven't seen it in like 100 years. Oh, and also this. Does he have this?

Oh, it's like a time. Oh, and the Polar Express is on this timekeeper. So, yeah, I think it's Tom Hanks and Polar Express. This is Amazon? How much was this? I think it was like $22. That's a pretty good deal. So we are on a runaway train to 100,000 subs?

100,000 subs. Yeah, full steam ahead. Full steam ahead. Wow. You know what they say about runaway trains? you better catch it or you're the one going to jail bingo that's what i've always said that about runaway trends um are these do you repurpose the balloons i mean the three definitely was from last episode right uh yeah so i'm i'm trying to save the company money you're welcome um

and i figured we would just reuse the three from three year that's very resourceful thank you and i'm very i'm proud of you and would you maybe have picked a different number if we didn't uh the three would have found its place somewhere yeah in our subscriber is the lady at the balloon store like because you come in and you buy like some pretty random numbers have they ever asked like you know funny you ask that what crew are you i feel like we're developing quite a relationship over there you might be she's probably seen all sorts of occasions you might be the might be the first guy for 50 000 it was funny when i was doing the three-year balloons yeah she goes oh is it a boy or girl and i go it's a podcast two boys it's two boys yeah twins twins um but yeah i feel like

we have quite the camaraderie right now um do i say that wrong yeah yeah that was like my bit except real am i saying that weird i feel like jack harlow might wear the white gloves too yeah everything that's michael jackson like i think i could see him going into like the the early 2000s like usher era where you are wearing like a vest over like you remember when nba players would show up to the game in like business casual i learned why that was a thing the other day someone did like a video on it it was like why was everyone like clubbing in business casual back in the day and it was because the club set like a lot of these like really popular clubs set a dress code to try and like

discourage riffraff from coming in so they were like we want to attract like a richer crowd and they made it business casual and then that just became the style i think a lot of that was like racist shit too they'd be like yes yeah they'd be like no sideways hats or jordans yeah and you're like what's up with the that pitcher got in trouble for wearing his hat sideways and now everyone's like doing it that's kind of cool yeah i thought that was awesome like everyone across Did you see this? There was a guy on like the Angels or something. Someone came into it.

It was like, is it first? I won't be starting yet. His hat like this, which tons of guys in the league do. Like, I think Garrett Cole does it. Like, plenty of pitchers do that where they just have their hat a little off center. And the umpire was like, fix that hat. Not on my field. Did he fix it?

And yeah, he fixed it. He was like, oh, sorry. But then their manager came out and was like, what the fuck is that? Yeah. And then the next game, every player on the team wore their hats like that. That's awesome. and other it was a black dude like yeah was it a racist thing yeah definitely 100 yeah yeah here's something i did yesterday hit me if you want to psychologically manipulate your friends

okay scott said something and i was like what do you say and he's like ah it doesn't matter i was like no what do you say it's like oh i'm not gonna say and i was like it sounded like something racist and he's like well no no it was and then he told me what it was oh that's pretty yeah you can get like secrets out of people yeah it's like someone's like okay i was like okay because it sounded like he said something really fucked up and he's like no no know it was just and so yeah if you ever want to use that tactic on someone maybe even a significant other that you're trying to like exert power girl at the bar ask her if she wants to come home with you and she ignores you you go it sounds like you did you just say something racist i could have

sworn you just said something right and then she said oh fine i'll come home with you yeah bingo this is how i do it this is my move do you go ahead the birth thing i was gonna tell you you know i was gonna tell you about my birth oh every person i've brought to maine or like a buddy or like girlfriends whatever when we land i'll be like that's the we fly over the hospital yes that i was born in and i'll go that's i was born there and then we'll land and we'll drive home from the airport and i'll go i was born in that place and uh say twice yeah like i'll just i'm very excited i was like very proud of like yeah this hospital my mom i said it to my mom i was like uh somehow it came up that i was like i was born at mercy hospital and she was like no you weren't i've

been telling i've been thinking i was born at the wrong hospital my entire life you've been lying out the apparently lying to like close friends of mine girlfriends um babysitters dogs pirates pirates by by the by the lint that's fucked i was born at a different fucking hospital did i how did and she goes where did you hear that and i was just like i don't know you just guess i must have guessed like years ago and then it said it so many times it became fact in my mind that's pretty fucked that's pretty fucked pretty fucked up right yeah pretty fucked up i'm sorry that that happened it is it's okay it's okay do you uh okay well a few things question hit me do you remember it at all my birth yeah no my first memory my first memory i told you

was mrs alexander gave it's like it's like a it's like a fake memory a kid has in a movie the first thing i remember was mrs alexander handed me one of those like cartoonishly big lollipops that's like a huge circle and it's like a rainbow yeah and i was like i just became she handed me i became sentient uh and then my second one i don't remember shit from my childhood what's your first memory it's like eighth grade like oh oh uh yeah i mean i honestly don't really know andrew first member mine was spraining my ankle at disney world oh my god i was five and i just my parents didn't believe me so i just had to go through all of disney world for a week with a sprained ankle they didn't believe you yeah they thought i just like were you capping like

all the time i mean i wasn't like capping capping but uh like i just i they thought i was sore they thought there was like no way that i would have like sprained it through overuse but like i 100 did but you were running what 30 40 miles a week at that point right uh like 50 yeah how bad was your walking form that like no no like no trauma happened to it but just i mean i was five like walking like 30 miles a day you know i don't know i i actually uh on a on a more serious note yeah i hurt my knee yesterday oh no running bummed well i think i heard it two days ago running and then when i went to run yesterday it immediately was pain and i tried to power through but i had to stop my run early and now i'm nervous and snared are you gonna go to the

doctor no it's not bad it's i looked it up it's a little something they call you ever wanted you want it to be like lethal knee badass disease it's uh runner's knee which sounds pretty fucking lame better than better than like dancer's ass yeah you know what i mean like pussy's knee at least it's like the thing you're doing like sometimes yes yeah there's sometimes you'll get like what is it planner isn't planners fasciitis like dancers something that's what my sister's been doing but at least you didn't get a disease that like kids get from eating dirt that's true well yeah you're right you're right this one's a little bit more manly than that one but it's it's just like i think i just came back i didn't run all summer and i just came back trying to run

like i used to and i should have eased into it more here's the embarrassing one i got athlete's foot when i wasn't playing sports dude i used to get that a lot as a kid i was just like how fucking i'm walking around town doing normal guy stuff and i get fucking athlete's foot i got jock itch and i hadn't itched a single jocks junk or how does i got jock itch and i was washing my hands after every jock that i hit that i itched also is the is the is the jock like the guy or the penis no it's like jock strap like around your jock strap but is it that's what i'm saying like is the jock strap called that because like this is your jock or is it a good point you know what i mean because don't they say like no it's probably because of the type of guy yeah do you

Do you ever wear a jockstrap? I can't even really picture what that is. Can I look up a jockstrap? It's a cloth. Can you look shit up? Yeah, it's like a cloth thing that you wear, but your butt is uncovered. So your butt's out, but your dick is covered. But it's not like a cup.

Or do you put a cup in it? I think you can put a cup in it. Got it. I think you've got jockstrap on twink. Wait, so... Oh, my God. That's what it looks like. Yeah.

What is that fourth one? Oh, okay. Holy... all right all bush or wait all right now can you look up jack harlow white gloves i swear this exists i can't get it out of my head every time i look at andrew now black gloves yeah maybe you were picturing his black gloves maybe you're thinking of michael jackson yeah you know you know who i was thinking of most def no the guy from super smash bros mario no he's like the boss you have to beat at the end it's just a big white oh yeah you know and he like the hand the hand

The jockstrap is kind of It's kind of zesty Why is that You know like most NFL players Wear jockstraps Really? Yeah when I would go to the locker room after the games They'd all be in jockstraps

I gotta get a job at the church It was like really scarring Hang on you're telling me Mike Williams was walking around with a jockstrap I'm not going to say names You're telling me you saw Easton stick with a

jockstrap that's a pole how do you know him I'm a Chargers fan oh really Andrew and the other boys in the locker room

called him Easton dick the way he was filling out that jockstrap that's right speaking of the Chargers

do you still get tickets or anything no dude the Jets are coming really when on the 22nd oh really of November

if you go to a Chargers Jets game I want you to take that LT jersey cut it in half with the Mark Sanchez and show it and have a half LT

half Mark Sanchez. You would be the first guy ever. Wait, that also implies that you're related to both of them? That would be an all-time jersey. I think you need to do it. I give you permission to cut that. Do you think I could take it to a dealer? Yes, dude. And be like, I need you to make this a hybrid Mark Sanchez, LaDainian, Tom. They could do it in

four days. I don't think I... But then it ruins both of the jerseys. I think you get a... You gotta get a shittier Jets jersey. No, I gotta get a shittier Chargers jersey. The LT one is nice. If you do it, I'll get you another LT jersey.

All right, deal. I was hearing, speaking of NFL players wearing jock straps, because your ass is bare, like we just told Will. I heard a thing when they play in, like, cold weather games. Yeah. All the D-linemen and dudes who don't wear sleeves will rub this thing called Tiger Bomb all over their skin. It's, like, icy hot if there was no ice,

so it's just the burning sensation so that they're out in the cold and they still feel warm. and they, like, rub it all over their ass and, like, every part of their body. They put this on there so they're warm out there. And there was, like, one rookie that they, like, didn't tell. He didn't know that you were supposed to do that, and so he just went out there dressed the way that they were dressed. And he's like, I got down in my three-point stance.

I think they were at, like, Lambeau Field. He's like, Augusta, wind blew right up my bunghole. That's what it's all about, man. That's football. wait so when they do their like pre-game rituals and they're like all shirtless out there they have that like thing on i think you're just thinking of david and joku no there this is like a thing where like the whole team will come out shirtless so you would have seen like easton stick shirtless yeah at like lambo field oh my god yeah i think it's like a dominant did you or did you not see

dj fluker shirtless dj fluker might have been before your time yeah i don't think did you see anyone's penis it was really weird because like girl reporters would like come in and they would just be like changing were you holding a you were holding a camera yeah right yeah yeah they just had to like trust you implicitly that you weren't gonna take any hog pics there's times where like teams will accidentally post like their player like naked in the background of the interview when did they like not want you the browns did that one time yeah and could you send us that link oh my god did they like not want you guys in there i feel like if i was naked i would be like get out yeah yeah oh they hated us being in there yeah i would austin eckler was always very vocal

about like he was like there should just be like a separate room that we come out to after we're done changing that you can ask any questions that you want yeah why didn't he's like hanging out with gavin now i know i thought that was crazy austin eckler yeah and gaver boys yeah because of gavin's viral mahomes thing yeah do you see mahomes tweeted back at us i mean yeah the moment the moment i just came up with that we could talk nice or we could call it that wait can i show you guys something all time hit me it's a it's like a video dude both of my roommates are leaving today i'm moving today too oh oh hit you what kick you while you're down kick me well piss piss and shit me while i'm down dude that's what pisses me off about my leg thing like i need to

be running i have nothing else right now nothing else i just like i'm already like i have nothing i'm already like yeah just i just that was like my one like outlet right now and now i know i don't even have that so now what the hell am i supposed to do you could bike biking's good on your joints yeah go for a long bike yeah i gotta get a bike and my bike got stolen see what i mean see what you're having an all-time bad bad month holy shit all right let me slack this to you and you look so much like fucking jack harley right now it's crazy bro like jack harley all right watch it this is a clip from the pit okay this is this is i'm convinced but i to contextualize this i am convinced that there is someone in the pit writer's room that is a detard

okay watch this and i think you'll know what i mean i i'm like 80 uh i would say i'm actually 50 50 that there might be a legitimate detard in the pit right i'm not fucked up 100 but it only works here as long as you and me doesn't get screwed about you you gotta find somebody to help you dance through the darkness did you isn't that insane that he goes you gotta find someone to help you dance through the darkness and he goes did you make that up he's like maybe it's a song lyric that is whoa unbelievable for the for anyone not in the loop i have a song called dance you through the dark on spotify that's viral and that's insane right what are the odds of that one i feel like

that's like a nod to me they're like maybe it's a song there i and in the first season the two the two head nurses are collins and langdon yeah holy shit wait it has to be right that's what i'm say the odds of it being Collins and Langdon and like those two things separate yeah that's I'm the only one who has a song called that whoa that's fucking awesome how does that make you feel I mean maybe maybe it's a Bruce Springsteen reference dancing in the dark yeah but he says dance you through the dark and that's your lyric right you gotta yeah that's not like a normal also that's not like a normal way to phrase that like you would never be when you're consoling a friend being like you got to find a way to dance through the dark yes some and he finds someone to

dance you through the darkness that paired with the collins and langdon thing i i would bet my life can you put look up like pit right pit writer well i don't know i don't know we'll figure it out later because i don't know how we would ever figure out if they're maybe they're listening right now send me a dm if it's yeah what's something they can put in like the next episode oh yeah that would like confirm it i think the next season is already like shoot i mean i'm i don't think that but they probably can like sneak in little things but yeah yeah that's what i'm saying is like what's like a what's like a code that they can have a train conductor walk through the back it's gotta be like a dialogue thing like what's like a what's like a word we say

um have them mention like rice pilaf or something rice pilaf yeah i want rice pilaf in season three of the pit yeah oh my god that will be confirmation to us that somebody in the writer's room is a willy there's gonna be a guy that it's about the hospital right yeah it's gonna be a guy gets wheeled into the emergency room he has a cheeseburger lodged in his chest it like it's the burger the burger freak off went wrong oh yeah or they're like oh my god what's wrong with him choked on rice pilaf like turn to the camera the actors are like you're like we don't get this line i can't believe that dance through the dark do you make that up maybe it's a song lyric that's that feels like they're teasing me yeah yeah i you know what's funny is like any other

guy like if a guy at your office was saying this you'd be like we need to get you help right right because we have a platform it's like plausible they're speaking to me through the yeah i think i think the writers of the writers are trying to communicate with me yeah i mean i'm pretty blown away and i'm fucking yeah i mean or like a what's another thing that like a guy comes in and he tried to drink 12-4 locos yeah he's covered in his mouth's covered in blue he got so drunk at epcot he was on a reality show called the sobers He's here having a panic attack because of how drunk he got. He can't believe that's on the internet, and he's really scared.

Oh, man. Dude, so I'm going home tonight, back to Maine, and we have a car that my siblings and I, my sisters and I use when we go back that neither of my parents use, and it's my mom's old car. And it should have been taken out of commission, like, years ago. where it all started and i hope my mom isn't listening to this but i accidentally set off like a domino effect that just sent this car into disrepair she asked me to change the oil or put more oil in it or something and there's a little cap that you like unscrew and you pour it in there

and i got distracted and went and did something else after i'd done it and my buddy and i had to go get breakfast or something so i just closed the hood and drove off yeah and we're at this stoplight and the car is like shaking like and we were like that is not good and so we pull over and i was like i never put the cap back on so it's just like shooting everywhere no i think it's like an airflow thing or whatever where if it's not sealed on the top it just like throws everything off and so now you get back like when you start the car any possible alert that could like it's it's it is i'm not joking 45 seconds of alerts before it stops where like the little display between the speedometer and whatever will show you like 40 things and then you're good to go

but i'm trying to like watch a porno yeah yeah it's literally like pop up okay enough i know there are horny women in my one of the alerts is that there are horny women in your area but the uh the worst part is which is unrelated is the brakes okay where if you if you're going like under highway speeds anytime you tap the brakes it makes the loudest like and it goes we're going the loudest and then doing like a really quiet it does like the loudest and it does it until you're at a full stop so if you're in like traffic that's moving kind of slowly where your foot is partially on the brake the entire everyone around you like hates you yep i was driving up to booth bay it's like an

hour drive and there's just one stoplight that if it's like labor day weekend or some busy you know friday or saturday it is like a you know you're in this long line of traffic for 25 minutes and i had to sit there with that going like every time a car moves up every time a car moves up for 15 feet while i go it's like the most horrible sound of all time and i am i mean i'm not driving it until saturday morning and i yeah it's been worrying me for you could get taken to the shop my dad has had them switch out the brakes multiple times there's something like it's like a mouse in it or something it's a guy a mouse getting tortured for a few months i got dylan and i swapped cars this morning

just for fun and uh no i like no i'm kidding it was he needed to move something bigger and a bigger car so he took mine and i took his to work i was like well he was like can i use your car because I need to put this thing in I was like yeah absolutely and I helped him load it in this morning so can I take your car to work then he's like sure six miles left it says like range six miles in your car in his car oh but I mean we live a mile from work so I was like all right that's fine but I feel like that's at least the range we're like heads up what was the range that Scott got mad at you at you left 45 yeah 45 I think as long as you could fucking make it halfway to san diego as long as as long as the um little like gas icon isn't on it was on for the 45

oh okay that was the debate okay yeah i think when that i mean unless it had like just gone on it had just gone on and i i don't know i was mad at him i think i saw a guy i actually have to pee so bad i'm sorry i shouldn't be before i have to move my car i've got a little hot take here because i've i bounce around on the flavors but i think the new best flavor might be i don't i bounce around between the different flavors i think the new best flavor might be cookies and cream have you had this bad boy of course it is so freaking good look i'm gonna eat it right now you tell me about bear bells while i eat it Guys, Bear Bells are the number one protein bar in the U.S.

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chemical let's get back into the episode it wasn't much it wasn't a lot of poop no i don't want to talk about on the podcast they hate poop stuff you all-time playmate was the guy that i met or we met that was like you know what i actually kind of like the poop stuff yeah he's like keep it up don't let him get to you dude i was at the gym today you know the gymnasium yep is that what is is that what I know that like gym is short for gymnasium but is a is a gym with weights also a gymnasium yeah huh I always pictured a gymnasium as like a PE teacher that's weird with the girls we had one we had one that was like you couldn't you couldn't say it because you had no proof but you were like there's something fucking weird here I think I told you

guys in like when i lived in spain that year the insane move to take a drink of my water in the middle wow what like commandeering the conversation waiting with like baited breath i know uh that was fucked up but no that's like a good tactic i feel like that's like you got to make them wait for it yeah yeah in spain my rpe teacher literally like just liked kids who were like good at sports and that's like the grade you got was like how good like i feel like in the u.s it's a little it a little dumbed down i didn't fail but i got like that was my worst grade on my report card i got like a their their grades are just like one through ten yeah and i think i got like a seven in p or something like the kid there was a kid who like played for valencia like the soccer team

yeah and he got a 10 and like yeah but i i kind of like that because it's like it evens the playing field a little bit like english they're probably doing worse at other things english is the like english class are the kids that are good at writing yeah you know what i mean like i ours was like tests i guess you're right on the sports and it was like well this isn't even gym at this point yeah ours was that too it was like knowing like the rules and stuff ours was like if we had scoliosis or not f f you got f yeah we didn't i got an s they nice that's pretty good they checked you for scoliosis or they just yeah it was really weird we had like go in a private room like take our shirt off bend over i guess where else are they gonna bend over yeah you're like bend shut

up you're fucking no you actually have to bend over to like show your spine i feel like upright is the easiest way to tell right but they didn't grade you based on that um it was part of our participation grade yeah but you did it yeah yeah yeah i mean i get it's better than them doing it like history class like if they're gonna you're already yeah you're already there the scoliosis segment of history class yeah yeah so it was also like i'm just thinking back to that it was funny that like like i did take well i took english class which that i was pretty good at but i also took like spanish class which was their english class and other like like ethics class and like i would have to like just write like essays but it was in like broken spanish yeah so then they

would have to just they would always just kind of give me good grades yeah i was like trying really hard so they were like all right this is like you could see where his mind is at at least a little but and then one class was valencian so it was learning valencian in spanish because they like their own language there it's like similar to catalan so it was like learning a third language in my second language that i was also learning so in english were you doing like the abcs and then in spanish you were reading like war and peace yeah yeah except in english i also got like i didn't get a 10 because i it was like i like obviously didn't study or listen or do anything and i'm just like i'll just ace every test and uh i think the teacher didn't like me because

she was from spain so i was like better at english but also the test would it was like i remember one of the questions was like it was like identify like match these this word bank with these like descriptions one was like a geological feature and one was like a mode of transportation and the the word was underground and i didn't know i guess it well i now know they call it in london like british the underground yeah it's like that's what they call like the subway the london underground so i was like i guess that's a geological feature underground wait so what'd you put for it so what was was there another like double meaning one that was yeah i don't know what it would have been but yes there was something i got i remember being like

what the fuck i can't figure out my english test am i a fucking idiot or like and then and then there was stuff like they were turned there uh they were they were learning like tensing that like you don't really think about ever right in i don't know it was weird like there's like weird stuff like that we learned in like i guess like grammar that like even now you wouldn't really think about like it was like so like the difference between like i've got to go to the store or like i need to i don't know there was like weird like tensing shit up yeah anyway it would be confusing to like rick asked me how uh how it went the other day how our recording went yeah and i just didn't think about it and i said it went good yeah yeah or like that stuff like

that where you're like you leave and you're like oh i guess that was i guess that was wrong but if you were hanging out with english-speaking kids that would like it would be no one would bat an eye a nightmare yeah because i also had to learn a i did latin too so i had two languages that i was learning in the other one it was fun though they all gave me like the easiest they were all like he's trying did i tell you about my latin teacher in high school no was she from lata or he was from deering okay and uh and he i have so many videos of him doing things that if other teachers did it we would all be like this guy's a fucking freak like ass fucking no he would like take his jacket sleeve for the record i want to preface this by saying like when he did it it

was endearing like we all like he was beloved yeah beloved he's beloved yeah and he would take his jacket sleeve off and he would go up to different kids in our class and he'd hang it was like a gray trunk like this and he'd put it on their face and go and do that for like you know the first 30 minutes of class just like walking around he was just like a madman and then the last 10 minutes would lock in and teach us latin that's awesome and we were like maybe it's like a what are the odds you had gray sleeves on dude yeah yeah that's a good can you do it to me he would could walk up and he'd go and we'd be like i quite like okay all right yeah i like that a lot and there was you should have him do it to you later there was a part of us that was like is

this a teaching tactic where like he's fucking around and like he would like move kids desks around like while they were sitting in them and like race car them around the room and then like the last 10 minutes would get very serious and we'd all like lock in we were like i guess having like a captive audience for 10 minutes is maybe better than yeah having kids not or kids half pay attention for the full 50 maybe that's uh smart it felt like it felt like a guy who watched um who watched like dead poet society and decided like i'm also gonna be an eccentric teacher but like didn't really know how to do it i mean i i feel like that shit does work like my favorite teachers were the ones that yeah they were oh my god they made me like them unrelated and then i

wanted to listen to them this andrew's gonna have to google this this i can't believe i forgot this i believe he also wrote casey at the bat what's that you never heard casey at the that poem about baseball no it's like a book of google casey at the bat was it mr soul i think his name was mr soul it was written by ernest lawrence daya oh in the 1800s so not my yeah yeah not my teacher Okay, never mind. I had a science teacher who wrestled a student one time in class because he forgot to do the egg drop project, and he said, if I beat you in a wrestling match,

will you give me an A? And he said, sure. Do you want to see the video? Of course. We're red-blooded Americans. He wrestled a student? He wrestled a student. Oh, damn, you'd already sent it.

What if we had said no? Yeah. Hey! That's it! Was he a wrestling kid? Was the kid, like, on the wrestling team? No. It looks like the kid's winning.

Oh, my God. Yeah, but he ended up, like, throwing him kind of into the wall. Got it. And knocking him pretty good. I told you about Mr. Worthley. Flipping a kid onto a desk? I don't remember. We were just talking about this when I was with my hometown buddies.

These kids tried to pull a prank on him. I think at the beginning of the year, they were like, we're going to get you under the shower, you know, in like science rooms in case you get like chemicals on you oh yeah they were like we're gonna get you under the shower before the year's over and pull it and he was like i'd like to see you try to the teacher to the teacher okay and this kid came in and pretended to fall under the shower and so the teacher goes over and is helping him and then like he rolled out and another kid was gonna grab the handle and pull the water down and he like reacted very quickly and apparently

grabbed the smaller kid yeah that was gonna pull the shower and flipped him onto a desk oh my god and this was like a this was like i'm picturing like one leg dude so he was he was he would always talk about how he used to be a bouncer at like a nightclub so it was it was also kind of like yeah we'd like to see maybe this in action but this was always folklore this happened like when this was this happened to a senior class when i was a freshman and we were talking about it in maine and my buddy was like oh my god my brother was in that class and texted him and the brother gave the full story and it was like close to what we had heard damn but there i wonder how many of those are just they just didn't like just made up stories yeah probably a lot of a lot of

them a lot of them a lot of them a lot of them whoa okay jesus bro that i didn't know i had it like that i'm serious that actually kind of has you're like that motherfucker from sing i'm like that motherfucker from singing like that motherfucker oh no no the elephant oh remember when they're singing happy birthday and she's like happy birthday to you that was pretty good actually um i was gonna tell you when i was in middle school i found out that uh we were we i had this teacher i loved and uh we were talking about him to like our art teacher who was a nun i went to catholic middle school so a few nuns my art teacher was a nun and we were like oh yeah he's so cool and she was like oh yeah my my niece like went on a date with him

and i was like oh no way that's cool she's like yeah but she smelled the cigarettes on the first date and that was it and we were like might be weird seventh grade or eighth grade i don't know yeah like cigarettes she's like yeah you didn't know he smoked cigarettes your dad no no no my the teacher i like got it got it sorry you thought my dad went like completely i like completely the zone okay i'm so sorry the a teach the new teacher that i really liked was a dude and i was telling her that i liked him she was like oh my niece went on a date with him yes but she smelled the cigarettes right away and we were like he smoked cigarettes and we were hysterical like devastated our favorite new teacher i trusted you it was the fucking man he was our basketball coach

if you're listening now i forgive you uh but i was very upset and we went to the next class and i was told like the next teacher was like did you know that he smoked cigarettes and she was the next teacher was cool and she was like shut that shit down right now that is his personal life i was just thinking that it was funny that the nun was like spreading tea like what is she's like you got like you gotta get laid or something yeah yeah you know right like she was just like board she's like i'm gonna tell these kids that their their hero smokes cigarettes which i guess maybe to her was like not a big deal but to us was like he's like gonna die tomorrow at least to call him the backcracker because he would he'd crack he'd crack all the women's back oh

backcracker yes yes yes do you ever feel like guilty that you didn't follow through on your red ribbon week pledge what's red ribbon week you guys didn't have red ribbon week it was like a pledge to not do drugs or cigarettes we never had that no really that was a big thing no every week or one week every year we would have red ribbon week and we would all pledge to never do drugs in our life yeah we'd watch like scary videos of like people on heroin reefer madness yeah well like the most convincing argument i ever heard from a teacher of like why not to do drugs is because like you're basically like helping the cartel you know you're like funding the cartel well that was always my mom's argument and then it became legal and i was like so now you're okay

with it yeah oh like weed and stuff like that yeah yeah yeah i remember i had one teacher who was like yeah interesting angle yeah he was like you know drugs are bad for you whatever you'll be tempted to do them but he was like you have to know that every time you do them you are basically funding this horrible horrible organization yeah you know whether it's like in mexico who like you know paying people from highways and stuff like that and we were like oh shoot you're right and that that was a pretty convincing argument way more so than like yeah like tweak out on i agree well yeah i think in maine it was hard to make that argument because i'm sure the weed you were smoking was grown near you yeah i doubt it honestly you think it's coming up from mexico

yeah really i think a lot of it until until legalization most of it was yeah i don't know i or my aunt dini's yard bro yeah for real you know she got that and then he got that good and then he got that sticky yeah she got that sticky icky did i tell you that like my brother got the sticky icky from aunt dini yeah yeah ours was like uh the sticky from not from his aunt don't make it weird chill bro you no you our health class was like largely uh it was more tobacco the the fears of tobacco than anything we i didn't have health that's true really no where'd you learn about like i i took a a opt-in voluntary thing with your parents with my parents called choices and changes oh

oh my god oh yeah i told you the jerking off story yeah yeah yeah that's oh the uh the i remember they showed us the dangers of uh chewing tobacco of dipping and it was a guy whose jaw fell off from like that he had to get it surgically removed i remember being like really like i have never seen that i think they found like the one guy that that has ever happened to where he like dipped enough that they had to get rid of his jaw i remember like asking my dad about it and he's like yeah they showed a similar thing when i was in high school and he's like i just have never heard of that in the real world like i know dipping is not good and you can get like gum cancer and stuff like that but they they picked the wrong it's like they show a guy like

do dip and then get hit by a car well i'm not saying it's good but i don't know that this is the most convincing argument they had uh all these like silicone uh fake unhealthy foods that they would pass around yeah the class and one they it must have been in rotation since like the 90s because they had like the cucumbers like worn to a stub they had like hair no it was like unhealthy foods it was like a piece of apple pie with like a slice of cheese on it and it had like hair and like chunks taken out from just like the years of kids like passing it around the class i was like yeah it does sound unhealthy and we were like i mean yeah i get i was never gonna eat that to begin with yeah they would pass around apple pies to tell you not to eat it i guess i don't

know it was like these are like fattening i remember one girl in our class was like when my mom and dad started dating my dad like smoked cigarettes all the time and then my mom said if you want to date me you have to quit smoking and he quit that day right and i remember sitting in class being like well he's definitely just doing it he's doing it at home yeah he's definitely just doing it like on the side like when she's not around like he's definitely still doing that no way he just like quit cold turkey that day your boy arnold at the some an hour ago are you serious i see him every day are you serious every i saw him yesterday i saw him the day some day before what time do you go or i saw i guess i didn't go yesterday i saw him two days

ago i saw him the day he's there at about 8 45 every day what's funny is the one time i saw him there it was like he had a gravitational force to him like everybody was in some way like angled towards him but here's what you know what i mean a lot of those people are with him no no no i'm saying like outside of that like people that were like 10 20 machines away everybody's body language was still like centered around him like you could tell it's funny because i feel like he like his staff might be like all right this kid's clearly like a arnie uh arnie barney yes yes yes one of yeah yes an arnie bunny an arnie harney yes because i just i do the same machines You have the same routine as Arnold

I have a similar routine to this 75 year old man I mean he's not I'm lifting more than him at this point Really? I think so yeah Oh he's not lifting much? Not really Whoa Will could be lifting a lot No I'm not

I didn't even think about it like an insult But I use I use the He's in the front yard The outdoors by the entrance Which is kind of like it's it's definitely a more unc section than other parts you think so that's where i go like the whole time the outdoors part i think you said you oh i'm mostly outdoor oh okay yeah well are you on

the machines like towards the back of that part i'm in uh oh no you're on that like dip machine and shit um i'd like the um the bicep machines oh yeah yeah the resistance bicep this is probably really boring to everyone else but no i well that's the one arnold's right there yeah arnold loves that one yeah he does that one and the shit like right around there okay every like piece of marking material they use of him at the gym he's always on that one like the bicep really preacher curl i think they call it yeah machine why do they call it the preacher girl because it's like you're like preaching yeah it's like uh or it's like you're like on your table feels yeah i guess you're i don't know well your your arms are like elevated like it's like you have a table like as

if you were like praying yeah yeah got it and you're like yeah but uh anyway actually today so his son is there a lot which oh wait not the one from white lotus oh he's the one that's like with the maid or with the housekeeper i don't know his personal life but i know he's there and he's got like a crew and one of the guys in his crew came up today and was like love your content if you ever want to like like how long you've been coming here with i was like ah like a month like well and then he's like if you ever want to work in with us like i'm here every morning and i was like his son's event no but like a guy in his son's i think it's his son i'm pretty sure it was his son's crew whoa it was a crew of like jack guys and i was like um

yeah maybe one day like i'm not gonna work in with you and then we have to like change the weight drastically every time but there's i saw uh well so there is one son that he had but like wasn't acknowledging was his it was his housekeeper's son okay who looked exactly like arnold schwarzenegger and uh he like for years was saying it wasn't his and he looks more like arnold than the one with his other wife yeah look at this kid there's just like this super jacked kid with x house and he's like yeah it's not mine uh go to the picture on the left this one yeah yeah that's the kid and he was like no not mine that's i'm that's the guy i see oh really yeah um i'm yeah but now that i'm looking at it maybe that wasn't i think it might have been

an unrelated jack crew that was right next to arnold today i don't know an unrelated jack crew but it was just like funny like it was like if i was like all right yeah let's i want to go with you guys i'd be like shitting myself i don't know what the fuck i'm doing i saw this thing the other day where uh if you look at the marks you know you take the peg out and you put it into the different yeah there's like a an even bell curve usually of like wear yeah on them but then it'll skip and then there's like another wear mark on the hundred that is way bigger than like the 95 if that may or 195 yeah it's like the 95 is never used when you when you uh when you assign like um like a round number or like an ego thing to it or whatever people like yeah summon the strength to

be able to do that isn't that bizarre that is i mean yeah it makes sense what are you throwing around these days um what do you bench i don't bench why that's like the one i want to know about you're actually smart for not doing that because i've heard it doesn't really grow your chest that much really benching yeah yeah i'm trying to get those milkers remember oh yeah you were saying you wanted those like huge mommy milkers kahuna moona boona yeah of course you were saying you wanted those kahuna moona boona yeah i uh yeah no i i mean are you gonna be like are we gonna be hanging out and you're gonna be the guy who's like nipples going through his shirt now um i'm gonna have nipples into your shirt if we're looking at each other i remember there was a kid

yeah there was a kid we hung out with uh when we were in middle school that was way way beyond everyone else physically like he just hit puberty when we were in like six hit this is a true story his girlfriend was a sophomore in high school and we were in seventh grade or he was in seventh grade and i was in sixth grade like he would just say which i know is wrong but at the time was very cool i guess that's allowed i mean what is that she was probably 11 15 or 16 and she was like 11 or 12 that feels um i remember we were at we were at lacrosse practice and he he was telling me about getting head and i had literally never heard of it no i knew what so what is that but uh i had this was when i was still in that phase where you're like you

have a girlfriend but you ignore them in person yeah and he was getting head and we were like you're on a different i mean that was the story my my whole i was hearing about guys getting head for so long before i ever got head uh well yeah i mean like you longer than whatever you're picturing longer uh i was gonna say diving being the one guy in your crew that is that's never experienced it and you're just like yeah my that's my favorite dude like i love when freshman year of high school i was so like underdeveloped like i hadn't like i didn't have body hair i what i i wasn't like touching myself freshman year i was insecure freshman year of high school about the fact that i didn't jack off because everyone was talking about jacking off so why didn't you just

go home and bang it out because i didn't like i didn't have the urge i didn't i didn't even want to i don't know i didn't and one time we were at soccer ever tell you this we're at soccer practice and uh jack barna was like like oh yeah isn't the best like when you get home from from school and like right when you get you ever like get right home from school and you just like immediately go and jack off and i was like no like like in my mind like that's disgusting i was like no and she and then he was like you don't jack off and i was like oh my like my heart was like melting into my body and i was like no i just don't do it right when i get home from school i just need a minute yeah i just need a little time after school he's like oh okay and i remember like oh oh i got away

with it they think i jack off he's like you like to build it up a little more i respect that yeah you've been doing it for a while i could tell excellent control no i was i was mortified by the fact i had no hair on my legs or any part of my body i wore undershirts when i played basketball because i didn't want people to see i didn't have armpit hair yeah i had to like duck out of any conversation about jacking off did you lie about like getting head and having sex like up until no i don't think anyone i don't think that would have fooled anyone really like even in college you were just like yeah no i mean i got i i had i lost my virginia my like first month of college oh okay it was just like but all throughout high school you were just like yeah all your boys i

just yeah i mean again i don't think if you knew me i don't think anyone was asking i don't think really yeah i mean i was yeah all your buddies have beards and you're like 4 11 you're like yeah i also got into some strange this weekend yeah really i mean it's just it was just a different world but i remember for the longest i also learned about sex late like i was just late to the game when did you learn about it um when i took choices and changes which i think was fifth grade which i feel like that's like a little on the late side it's like i was that was the year we watched the movie okay but you guys probably knew about it i thought it was rubbing boobs together did i tell you that oh my god i i had well you didn't know men and women could have sex

i got very that's a very like no no no no no men's like men's chests got it i because the only thing i knew about sex was i was at virgil slaymaker's house i'm dropping names left and right and uh he put on like a monty python we were watching like a monty python movie and there was like it's it's like i think it's like life of brian or like yeah no no it's uh that wouldn't make sense holy grail no it's like a it doesn't matter but the opening scene is like a couple in bed and it's like he was like this is sex oh but it's only the time it's like a movie scene so like their bottom halves are under the covers oh my god sex is when you're up so when my mom gave me the talk shortly before choices and changes she's like when a man and a woman love each other's like

i know they rub their boobs together and she was like oh this is harder than i thought it would be to explain this i remember she was like what do women have that's different than men i was like boobs she's like okay i'm gonna need you to get off this whole boobs thing like i was aware of the other difference but it in my mind that was irrelevant to what right this conversation was gonna be i didn't have the talk with my parents really no did you have with his parents yeah i had him with his parents my dad set you down uh i just think that would be and i don't know if i'm gonna i think i'm gonna hope health class takes care of it as well yeah uh also they by that point like by the time it would have been a normal time to have the talk with me i think everyone was

aware like i had a laptop like they knew i was that's a scary thing now it's like yeah i mean i didn't have a phone or laptop or anything until i was in high school so i i told you we were at a track meet and uh this older kid came up to us we were watching all of our older siblings and this older guy came up to me and was like uh i was with my buddy val yeah and uh he was like you guys watch porn and we were like no and he was like go home and google alexis texas we were like okay and uh like the following week i had like written it down somewhere so i didn't forget it and the following week everyone was gone and i went on our family desktop and googled it and was like oh my god and went down a rabbit hole it isn't scary like i don't know how we're gonna

insulate our kids from it they did not do a good job yeah but uh i don't i mean i wasn't watching like i know some kids that that and with andrew that he was like go home and google alexis i love this car this car is dope you were in texas oh okay all right yeah it is i'm worried the good news is was i'd landed on like normal porn like i think if the first thing you like accidentally clicked on was something like crazy then you'd have like a fetish i guess maybe yeah oh do you ever get meat spun on accident um talks about this so i think on this podcast i think you meat spun us yeah if it's gonna happen no that was like gonna happen to me it's gotta lemon party was that you that was andrew i think i don't know what no i don't

even know what lemon party is sounds like you know what it is okay you know the whole like obviously like the the pen like pen island yeah of course you know about pen pen 15 it's same idea pen island is penis land if you write it out penisland.com oh okay when i was in college fully 19 20 years old worked i was a waiter at this restaurant and our like assistant manager one day uh was like ah god like because like annoying thing that happens in the restaurant is like people take the pens yep that they write the tips with so like you always need more pens he's like god i'm like so sick i'm having to order pens like i'm gonna have to tell seth that we need seth was like the gm he's like i'm gonna tell seth we're gonna have to order more pens and

i was like oh actually this is actually like a life hack if you want to get like really cheap pens go to pen island.com oh god and he was like oh perfect this is a grown-ass man this is a 35 year old man he's like oh really it was like yeah pen island yeah like my mom's a teacher and like told me about it so like which is a lie he's like okay sweet i'll write a note for seth and rgm seth was like the biggest like scariest guy of all time and so he wrote like willie told or like check out and i don't even put my name he's like check out penn island.com like stuck it on the laptop in the office and i went and i finished my closing and i was like walking out the door to go home and i was like he's this is gonna be bad if he looks up penis land on like is that a real

website you think gotta be right i don't know i don't know but i so i panicked and i went back and i was like nick i'm gonna i'm gonna bail you out here take off the penn island sticky note it's penis land uh so remember um i went on my 21st birthday we all went to that restaurant and uh we're partying it up and i just started going on like the monitor where you would ring stuff in and just like you could just like send memos back to the kitchen and it was like suck my balls penis and the manager had to come off and be like we are letting you go run amok in our place like please stop suck suck my balls so like yeah the poor like wine cook was probably like wait there actually is a pen island that you can buy pens i mean it's gotta be a joke

we specialize in wood no i think this is real no they got plastic samples testimonials he would have just been like this this is penn island.net they ship internationally i feel like this is fake and they just sell ads on the website because enough people go to it as like a prank or maybe it's real and could be real oh could totally be real okay yeah i'm back in now cool oh uh all right should we road map it up yeah i have a gift for you guys no yes yeah in honor of us being on a runaway train to 100k full steam ahead you gotta get better than that am i doing it wrong am i saying that weird

so you know we have a lot of new decorations on the set a lot of lego yeah the rumors are true and the lego sets are not complete without us on them and so i made little lego versions of each of us what that's crazy how did you do that uh you can do it on the website the lego website yeah yeah yeah that's wild and so this is willie you are a uh pilot nice star wars pilot yeah well that's sick yeah and then uh rusty i thought this was a very main fit uh you're like a sailor with your with the white pants that you got recently that's awesome just like oh thank you dude and then uh this is me i got my overalls nice wow like a major that's fantastic and we can put them up on the set with all the other lego sets thank you so much dude yeah that's

fantastic um all right we got a beautiful episode for you guys today we are gonna hear your pitches our pitches we'll do are we doing that q a thing andrew yes we'll do a q a from questions that you guys sent in we're gonna do this guy rocks uh teach me something we'll do uh confessions and then we're gonna do uh here's an idea it's our new segment here's an idea oh yeah i'm gonna be honest this is insane i have to pee again i'm so sorry oh that's all good i kind of want to get a drink all right this episode is brought to you by dr squash guys receipts have gotten crazy the the length the combination of items i mean it is unbelievable to try to get through an actual receipt and make it make sense dr squash and i show speed launch the speed run million dollar

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ridge.com and use code playdate and you're all set after you purchase they will ask where you heard about them please support our show and tell them that our show sent you well elephant in the room there's a new viral show petty cases is out guys it's hosted by our friends willie simon and steve fury first episode just came out okay please go check it out all right it's a new show from almost friday media if you like us i think you'll like petty cases uh they willie and steve basically argue the pettiest cases imaginable each episode brings three petty disputes submitted by the audience into the courtroom a host prosecutes the other defends the road there's a rotating cast of hilarious comedian guest judges to hear the evidence i'm actually in episode two which

comes out next week with burt kreischer it's fast entertaining non-stop laughs so subscribe on youtube or wherever you get your podcasts and we'll have all the links in the description so you can check it out thanks guys let's get back into the episode what is the worst part of working in an office oh man uh got to go and you can't just wear your pjs every day get a dress up i mean i that doesn't apply here but most offices that would be my issue i don't know clearly it's the weird internal noises your body makes from holding in all your burps and farts all day i have the perfect solution to these embarrassing noises my invention is a small device you put over your mouth like a court transcriber device that sucks all the burps and farts out of your

body it's small portable rechargeable and just one 30 second session prevents burps and farts for the next eight hours go back to enjoy go back to enjoying lacroix at your desk and packing beans in your lunch i listen i listen to your podcast from my desk every week thanks for making me laugh abby think about hey abby do me a favor and let one rip for us right now let one rip for us imagine how bad it would taste having all the farts come back through your mouth oh yeah do you put it on your ass too or do the farts come through your mouth i think it's everything's got to come out through your mouth i will say this oh my god what and then also like so i'm assuming it goes into some sort of tank like let's say you i guess yeah when you bring

that out to like empty it outside it is just a week's worth of farts and burps but that would smell yeah i mean you have to drive it to like uh the dump or like the wherever you're supposed to take batteries our dump when i was a kid had like an open pit that you'd throw like it was like an inside that we throw directly into the trash compactor or whatever it was i think i can't remember if they like spurned it this was early like we might have been burning it yeah how bad that would smell if you threw it in there and you're combusted all your farts and burps what it what combusted that's that word is kind of sus combusted i didn't even think about that holy shit combustion uh yeah i mean honestly this isn't something i can relate to because i

let it fly i let it fly but i would imagine other if i did a different job that might not be the case i would use it here's the thing that i i know you do i know you have said you don't deal with this i guess andrew i don't know if you and i have talked about this when you're seeing a new person building up the courage to just like fart or poop when they're at your house yeah how do you get over that because i would use this up until i would use that use this more at home yeah i agree than at the office i did i never there's been one woman in my life that i've ever farted in front of or pooped when they're at my house i i yeah i mean i how long do you wait usually oh all butts are off the moment we're like boyfriend girlfriend okay but let's say you're just like hanging out

with a lady oh then no you can't poop when they're at your house what if they're like over for like a day and a half oh wait they're at my house they're at your house and you can poop when they're if i have to poop i have to poop but what do you say i need to use the bathroom and you're gone for like 15 minutes i try to make it quicker yeah wait till it's yeah you can make it quicker i literally cannot i cannot yeah you can if you just wait longer no but then the longer i wait the longer the poop what like then there's like you're bursting at the seams dude it's like for me it's like boom yeah all right you want to hear my pitch i have a question yep if you poop on a train does the conductor have to smell it if you poop on a train do you here's an idea

now here's a guy if you poop on it if you poop on a train uh is your poop technically moving 80 miles an hour yeah pretty cool minus however minus the five miles an hour it comes out your butt it um okay what's the worst part about scam scam callers telemarketers if you prank them they keep calling you yeah i'm gonna go with that one you can't get them back you can't get them back because if you try and get them back then you're gonna yeah you're on their list this is a service that we offer we will you send us the numbers at the end of the week i hear all the people that prank call or telemarketed me whatever and we just berate that

phone line with pranks they can just get new phone numbers so quick we call them with their social security number what you name it we're doing it if you really need to get a hold of someone you dial their social yeah no no i mean like you call them and you scare them god i gotta go into finding another line of work by just reading their social number i feel like they would just get new telephone numbers but you're right if you call them once and you know but the first time you call them back you read them their social security number they might maybe yeah i'm gonna you know work at mcdonald's or something yeah i like that fuck mcdonald's sounds so good right now pitch me brother uh what's the worst part about getting in trouble

with the law dude i have fucking points on my license now remember that yesterday yeah you told me that i found out yesterday i have fucking points on my license so i'd say there there are repercussions to your actions i was gonna say there's no it's like sort of your word against their word right instant replay for legal situations you get pulled over he says you were going you know you ran that red you were going 40 and a 25 you can send it to new york yeah it's like almost like abs where it's just kind of like a hologram pause right shows up and it just gives you the play-by-play and or it's like the it's like var yep like your car was across the line as it was red i like that i like that like challenge flag yeah i like that i was

thinking of a sketch where like a couple guys are like watching baseball and they're like oh will you missed the toilet and he's like no i didn't and he does like the hat tap for like abs and then they like show a picture of the toilet and like the poop is like on the on the seat and he's like oh man thoughts will you had me for a little bit i was thinking of a excited to hear no no i was thinking of a gay ass outfit where i look like a train conductor but i mostly look like heart jack harlow you can't say you can't say gay say it again well oh sorry i meant gay in a positive way i think it looks great yeah i mean to be honest you do look pretty gay like this the

not good or bad it's just that's definitely not a straight outfit the sideways hat he's wearing an usher vest with the tie and i should notably straight guy jack harlow notably straight who listens to usher though the most say with me one two three women thank you women aren't gay though well they can't that's a good point they can't be boxed in there now now i'm really really no but women liking you is is like the straightest thing ever right if you're a dude i actually don't know no i think guys liking you is this like guys thinking you're a good guy what about eating a t-bone steak in the end zone pretty straight uh all right i sent you my this guy rocks oh this is awesome i love this this is awesome so this guy this guy is a like um

he coaches people on how to respond how to text women oh i think i've seen this guy this is this is if she goes to do do not so fast here's how to get her messaging you back send her a funny playful follow-up send her this message to your diary charming woman has gone quiet send search party question mark flashlight emoji it's playful and the secret to texting and flirting is being playful hit follow because i'm a dating coach and i post new texting tips every day if you here's the thing if a girl might try did that to me i think it would work yeah i mean i'd be like what the hell he has some really good ones he has one where he's like i'm at a fancy restaurant right now is it pronounced big mock i yeah do you think so is he just fucking like crazy

all the time like do you think he's getting more ass than a toilet seat or less ass than a toilet seat i would my guess would be less yeah really i'm gonna go more i'm gonna go over but have you seen the videos of him like in a circle of guys no and he's like telling a story yeah telling a story they're all sitting at a table on the sidewalk and he's like running them through like tips and like i took this guy out one time and we tell us about him surrounded by guys and all their tips i am sold i'm sold i think he's incredible i love him i don't think he's good i i'm genuinely curious if that would work on a girl it wouldn't and you don't think so no dude they would block you if you send a girl should i try it dear if any text you send starts with

your diary you're in your and ends with a flashlight emoji you're in bad i think if it's the woman that i'm gonna marry she would she would respond i wouldn't want her to i wouldn't want the woman that i'm gonna marry to think that's good okay that's a woman i want to marry to have a uh a boat i don't think i would like that too i would like that too i don't think i'm gonna get married you don't think you're gonna get married really dude i was thinking about it i think no kids no wife no rules oh and there's a sign on my front door that says that no i think one of those fourth grade t-shirts yeah i paused i paused my game to not have to not have kids I was under the impression

or the very strong belief that this crouton was my son like my child and everyone was like just throw it out and I'm like no I'm not throwing it out

this is my son eventually I just kept it in my mini fridge in my dorm room under my bed I had a mini fridge and I kept it in there and I kept it in there the entire year and molded out the entire fridge because the fridge was off

and I remember thinking at the time I'm like well this sucks I just lost a mini fridge but I never thought anything about this crouton and I never thought that belief was odd and I think with psychosis it comes a lot down to

that's a real thing he thought a crouton was his son average average freshman year roommate yeah best freshman year roommate yeah best literally best case scenario scenario is you have a your roommate thinks a crouton is his yeah son that was at yale too it does say students with psychosis yeah so oh what'd you say it's weird but i like believe him it was just like that crouton was kind of his son i mean they turned off comments like i feel like they're silencing the mother was like yeah it's like croutons like yeah i slept with him your your roommate who just fucked a loaf of bread so oh it's like a little

baby bread it's kind of cute actually that's really cute um all right all right you want to see our new segment yeah oh wait no we have all sorts of stuff before that uh q a yeah let's do oh sorry hey we got a q a submitted by the play date mates i'm excited i haven't talked directly to the playmates in a very long time we have a new merch lady and i was like yeah one of the playmates sent me a dm about the shirts and she was like what she she was thought like the playboy oh she didn't know that our listeners are called playmates if you had to be haunted by one friday beers employee for the rest of your life who would it be oh that's a great question uh caleb i think having having caleb around generally would be a good vibe he always

laughs at our jokes he smells nice can you still smell the ghost of course um yeah i think i would probably want to be haunted that's a really good question i would i probably want to be haunted by billy oh that would be nice kind of a good influence to have in my corner yeah yeah you go you reach for something unhealthy yeah and then you see billy's at the gym how do i do this machine all right what are you guys reading right now i'm reading the i'm attempting to finish my first ever book started started many only finished or my second ever book started many only finished clementine but i'm almost done with sorcerer's stone and then i'm gonna move on the chamber of secrets nice um i just finished dark matter

like a few weeks ago and i am now i started reading red rising nice what's red rising it's like a fantasy novel thing that angus is like obsessed with and dylan's random joe's obsessed with them too everyone in this office guys what's that the netters guys have a whole show the netters guys have a show on it now and it was funny i i've known about it for a while but i'm really bad about like series they always feel like a big undertaking and so i'm reluctant to start them um but recently i was looking after i finished my last book i was looking up like book i would like if i like the show and or because i've been re-watching and i'm like it's so fucking awesome and the first reply on reddit was red rising so i was like all right i just have to do this so

i'm like three chapters in i just started it but nice i'm also reading dungeon crawler carl because edge wanted to do are you still reading it yeah it's fucking i mean we're doing four we're doing four chapters a week and we've been both traveling i'm i'm not really enjoying it but i do not want to let i mean i'm i'm not i'm not i don't dislike it but i would never i would have stopped if it wasn't for edge sure i just don't want to let him down yeah nice uh would you guys ever do a live podcast i think you were i think so at some point i think we're trying to figure out what that means i don't think anyone wants to sit there and listen to us talk lives we'd want to make it more i mean we'd be talking but like some figuring out like a way to like

structure it yeah that would be fun we were talking to that our buddy joe from the basement yard and they have a really cool live show and like they do a lot of like interactive stuff and games and stuff and so i feel like figuring out what our version of that would be uh would you guys ever go on dancing with the stars we were i was just asking willie this willie said i think you have to i don't think i'd be able to get myself to do it i'd do it tomorrow yeah i would loved it i'm not a very good dancer at all but yeah i mean i i feel like that sounds like the most fun thing to get i don't know it sounds like a blast it would be hilarious so i feel like we are not even close to big enough where they would be like who yeah i mean there were definitely like

half the people on that show i already don't know but yeah we're definitely not big enough one of the guys ezra freck i don't know how to say his last name he's a paralympian that's on the show this year and we interviewed him at the sbs a couple years ago and i was recording it with my phone and i have like a minion phone case and i have a clip of him being like that's such a sick phone case i love that really yeah i was like oh thank you so much guillermo's on it this year as well that's right yeah that's y'all's homie right yeah that's true yeah yeah yeah he just followed us on instagram uh connor wood nice it's about time i know i really want to get him on this pod once he's done with dancing with stars um what ministry of magic job would you want

i'm gonna be honest i'm racking my brain to just think of one right now what are the jobs uh i would be the minister i want to be the minister that's true what is a right who are the guys who are the guys that in goblet of fire like show up to the scene of the crying to like find the guy they all they all like go to uh town on him no they all they all like throw a spell at harry and then mr weasley's like whoa it's just harry i don't know whoever they're like they're like boots on the ground guys are i think maybe a guard at askaban well those are dementors cool you want to be a dementor i want to be the minister of magic I only the Dementor if I can go suck Andrew's face

You're that there's a mentor that just sucks your face. There's one. There's one Dementor that just keeps going for the crotch sucking his crotch You didn't like that, Andrew? Oh, fuck, I'm going to expend the onus. Crucio. Whatever the opposite of Crucio is, this is heaven. Expecto. Expecto boner in my pants.

Expecto becoming. Expect me to come any minute. What's the next question from the point of view? No, you guys have to sit in that one. Nervous. Wait, wait, wait. Don't tell me. Don't tell me.

Wait, wait. Fuck. Wingardium, Wingardium, let the old come. All right, give us the next question. Okay. How slash when did you two meet and how was that for you? we met in austin texas whoa at south by south by southwest and we were we met mark cuban the same day and we said the three of us are gonna be something you said i think we should start a

company i mean we got hired by this company separately from our own tiktoks and then we got brought out to he was already working with the company and i got flown out as like a test for the weekend in austin and we stayed at the same airbnb you ever stayed at the same airbnb and first person i met was lucas really walked in the door yeah and uh i had no idea what i was doing and we had a fun weekend but i don't even know what we did there just partied yeah i remember the first the first night that we slept there i came down for a glass of water and you know sam barrett can't sleep without the tv on he had his laptop six inches from his face blasting it's always sunny and being like this is a strange this is a strange truth that was a that was a

fun weekend but i think a little bit much yeah i mean i i was like no way i got this job well i've told that story i was on spring break from college and i didn't have enough money to go on spring break and so i had stayed home while all my buddies were in puntacana and i was just at my house or my parents had sold their house in charleston so they were living like this like tiny apartment in charleston and i was like oh this sucks so bad all my friends are posting stories of like singing the singing the place you are yeah and then i just got an email one day i was like sitting on my home and i got an email from max and it was like can we do an interview and then they're like can we fly you out this weekend so i was like oh my god that's

one of the odds i was like i got to get my little spring break and i had so much fun but i was like i didn't do anything that meaningful actually billy and chet and i made a tiktok while we there that got like a million views so i think that was a good look and then and that was the same weekend they flew billy chet out to try them out and then we all got offers on monday and i was like no way i went straight from that trip to spring break there you go yeah so was that cold email from max the first time you'd like heard about friday beers and i knew what it was but i hadn't i didn't but that was the first time you had heard from them yeah yeah and i had stopped making tiktoks i had been doing it but i had not posted in probably three or four weeks and was

like kind of at peace with it and was thinking like i think i'm done with this it's like the gym in the office was like it was my last audition i mean who knows like maybe i would have gotten back into it but i i genuinely at the time was like i think this is behind me because we were getting ready to graduate and or my buddies were and i yeah um dang and i got a cold email and i came out so it all happened within a week basically yeah email email tuesday in zoom wednesday flew to austin friday got an offer so crazy i didn't know that monday or something yeah i didn't know that that's why did you guys like hit it off immediately i think in austin maybe a little bit not we did not get along and we lived together that summer they brought us out and we hated each

other oh really we just share a bedroom yeah we just like got up each other's asses yeah um and then took a year off came back and then when we got back we were better friends already i think by that point and then they were like hey you guys have to start a podcast together and we're like okay wait they forced you guys to start well it was just like we both had contracts we both had contracts that said we each had to start a podcast yeah and they were like you kind of were like hey we think you would be good if you guys did it together we're like all right we'll try it and then nice we did that and then started that youtube channel or i guess that kind of existed but not really that existed in like every once in a while they'd be like you have to do or like

this is what we're doing but it wasn't like on a schedule and now that's like yeah much more buttoned up were you nervous for the first podcast episode like i don't know if i can talk to this guy for an hour no at that point we were like good buddies yeah it was just the first we lived out here for a summer this was a full year before we started the pod yeah we're here just for this this is between junior and senior year yeah we all we both went back to college came back out and that's when we started the show but no it was it was good right off the bat um that's so funny it wasn't like y'all's idea like we have such fire conversations we should start a pod no it was it was definitely i mean it was like we have to i remember like

those first few weeks when we had graduated moving out here we're like i was really doing anything you literally just sit there we were sitting in the office like fucking around all day and we're so it was kind of nice okay we have like now at least okay because like i i don't know i mean you had a you had a pretty substantial personal following at the time but i was i was more like i guess they they really just saw it in me i didn't really have that many followers at all i had like five or six thousand on instagram or something wow and like yeah and so that i was like i need to prove myself or i'm gonna be gone it is funny looking back on that will and will and liam said the same thing where they were like the first couple weeks that they were out here

you're not like given anything really like they kind of just like figure it out figure it out and so like i think everyone that's been on the content side at least the first like month you're out here you're like what the fuck am i doing yeah but then we figured it out and the pod for months was getting like 2 000 views yeah not a good app and then yeah yeah they did give us a a good runway which was nice that was i remember being like stoked that it was getting 2 000 views though yeah it is now we're getting like 50 000 episode that's pretty cool twice a week too that was only once a week back was it always twice a week with you yes it was we went to twice a week i think with lauren yeah i mean i guess we must have right yeah um all right hit us uh need to

know what your at bat walk-up songs would be that's a good one that's a good question fuck do you go cool and intimidating i guess is the question maybe uh oh you know i said i'm on my beach boys kick yeah i think i go don't don't worry baby it would just calm everyone calm everyone down yeah i like i would my favorite one that i hear and there's a few guys in the nba or that might be that have it including adam adevino former met alive by kid cuddy is an awesome one you know like i don't know and every time the moon shines i become alive well i i because it's been done i wouldn't do

that but i do like that song i would probably go with crazy train good drink nice bike two chains yeah or or no i maybe door swinging probably door swinging by two chains no it's something from that pretty girls like trap music album okay last question i'm a grade eight teacher the boys in my class keep farting on one another what should i do give them a raise let it happen let it happen i think you suck it all in man i think you have to make it not cool right so like you telling them to stop doing that is only like making them want to do it more i think you should start farting the second the second like an adult takes over a trend you have to go and fart on one of them and then they'll be like it's over the moment's passed my

aunt my or they'll develop some sort of fetish fart fetish well my aunt is a seventh grade teacher i think yep and she said that the when all the six seven started stuff started happening her and all the other teachers got six seven shirts and all wore them and did it for like literally one day nuked it for the whole school that's no way that's perfect was that intentional yeah they were like let's get rid of this thing make it that we think it's cool and then they won't think it's cool that's that's exactly what i'm talking you have to yeah or honestly send them to the principal's office make them go make them go talk go fart on the principal if you i remember like doing something that i thought was funny in class and then when you have

to explain it to another adult it just sounds so stupid like if they have to be like i was farting on my friend that might change their mind yeah they yeah yeah so either fart on them or send them to the principal's office or have the principal fart on them oh yes yeah uh all right do you yep that's it do you want to do teach me something yeah i learned this the other day you can attest to this because you're a native spanish speaker yeah not native you're a fluent spanish speaker i spoke a little bit of spanish but i never made this connection there are 3 000 spanish words that you can learn if you just learn these rules so it was like we can play the video if you want this blew my mind it that all start with the english or like the you know

the beginning of it's the same but you just change these watch this video i know this sounds stupid watch this video this blew my mind this could come in handy this could come in handy guys this is from a woman named maria maria moran i think this is gonna blow your mind i'm gonna teach you 3 000 words in spanish in 30 seconds if it ends in al it will be exactly the same in spanish natural natural original original but ends in ty in spanish it will end in d a d university universidad pretty cool yeah possibility i didn't know it was every word and she does that for like

a bunch of different endings interesting yeah i didn't realize now i'm trying to find like exceptions to that rule yeah i didn't know it was it was across the board isn't that cool yeah okay you just unfollowed her yeah i didn't know she had kids that was awesome dude you're on fire you are you are horny these holy shit um all right do you ever teach me something i don't know all right do you want to do let's do our let's do our new segment here's an idea yeah okay you want me to start yep i don't even think we teed up i think we just did all right here's an idea reverse sweeney todd people come in to get human meat pies and then they fall through the floor and have to get their hair cut

is that something that's something i like that uh okay here's an idea what if here's an idea what if van gogh cut his ear off and gave it to that woman because he was tired of hearing her talk about shopping and her period jesus man that's not okay well I was just thinking what if that is what why it happened was that one good

what if Obama and Marge Simpson had a kid oh okay my my fellow Americans okay I like it I like it All right, here's an idea.

What if the reason the Cold War happened is because they didn't have any jackets? That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Okay, you can try this one. Okay, here's one. Here's an idea. What if birthdays were the opposite?

What? Siadthrib. I don't get it. think birth is backwards okay all right try this one on first eyes um what if here's an idea what if they killed julius caesar because they were tired of eating his stupid salad that could be true okay here's an idea what if there was an air balloon that wasn't so fucking hot that one was awesome that was really good

that was off the dome that wasn't even on my phone that was awesome oh man do you want to hear one more? here's an idea what if the handshake was invented because the ass shake was too stinky i like that okay that was a real life oh thank you all right you know i meant like okay it's

like at the end of this um i think i like that segment that was fun i got another one i couldn't totally couldn't totally land the plane on this one but here's an idea what if the reason guantanamo bay was so bad was because they weren't allowed to splash around yeah yeah no that doesn't make sense yeah i like the i like did you like the period one edgar not really oh the van gogh one yeah you didn't like it um no you're like covering you like covering your mouth and like keeping your head down well it was like oh you didn't think it was funny well i don't know if we should clip that one i'll be honest that one's that bad if out of context maybe originally it was shopping and purses should i just have done that

i don't know so it's not the period part is wrong no i i think it's fine in the context of the long form where people know who you are oh really he died like 200 years ago we're talking about him we love you guys thank you so much for 50,000 subscribers that is 50,436 50,436 that is a crazy number

we'll catch you guys on the flip side peace you