Will & Rusty's Playdate - The Brothers Hopscotch

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

Rusty opens up about living with an alias and Willy has his heart broken in front of 20,000 people. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod (00:00) Intro (00:33) Willy’s Heartbreak (03:56) Rusty’s Predicament (04:21) Lying for No Reason (09:42) More Than Friends? (10:58) Sh*tty Family Cooking (14:16) Rusty’s Alias (14:57) Fantasy Football Draft (19:03) Business Pitches (21:38) Scar Parlor (28:52) UberGrab (33:14) Investing (34:35) Willy’s F*cked Up Driver (36:30) Conjoined Twins (38:31) Producer Tags (41:03) Brothers That Don’t Exist (50:21) Hangxiety Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Should we tell people that we named the pod? Oh, we named our pod. Well, I guess you probably know this already. By the title. By the title, but... There will be a sign here soon. But it's gonna be... Do you wanna say it?

We'll do it together. Will and Rusty's Playdate. We just think it's a fun visual. Because we're just little guys at Playdate. We are just little guys at heart. Yep. I had a funny thing happen last week. Tell me.

you know how i was saying i was gonna uh i was going to zach bryan and i was gonna be like who the personality i was stealing yeah so i went to the zach bryan concert and uh it was great uh but that he brought so there was this this person this like girl on tiktok that i had like fallen in love with okay this last year happens happens all the time happens you know what i mean and she was doing like singing covers and i was like well she's the one yeah uh can we say her name i i i guess yeah her name's lily fitz you ever see her let's look it up she's in i think she's in boston too or something and i was like all right i'm in love with this girl so i'd like i dm'd her and was like which is not a move i web i utilize very often oh you dm'd her i'm in love with you no i

dm'd her like hey like love your music or whatever and she was like thanks and i was like wow well she wants me yeah oh she responded she responded it was a while ago i was like she's in love with me uh i'm pretty sure she at no point had any interest and i think might have had a boyfriend the whole time yeah it doesn't really matter i like tried to ask her out and she like rejected me kind of ghosted me and i was like all right you know what i put myself out there i can live with that one yeah and then fuck i'm at zach bryan in the lakers stadium in you know 20 000 people crypto arena and he brings her out on stage to sing like my favorite zach bryan song so you fell back in love yeah so i was like i should be backstage right now you know i love

the visual of she is an up-and-coming musician yeah was responding to a fan's dm just being a good person saying like thank you i appreciate that and you took it as i should ask this girl out uh i don't think i was like i think i was like you know what i'm gonna just try it yeah she's very pretty i just looked her up yeah she's yeah so uh it was a little bit of a it stung to say the least did you follow up with her i did not follow up i did not follow up uh i stalked her instagram and i'm pretty sure she does have a boyfriend so i think i think it was misguided the whole time uh but it was just like a little it was like a little dagger you know what i mean when you put yourself out there and get rejected yeah always stings a little and then to have that

reminder like she comes out in front of 20 000 people when you're there it's like oh fuck does it um does does it get easier though like does it get easier getting rejected so much okay no no no that was not supposed to be in like a negative tone i'm just saying you should be proud of yourself for shooting your shot because there's a lot of people that are just going to live their life and never do anything about it like i i think you i think that's great that you did that but i never do that and like after that i was like well never doing that again so i mean yeah i guess it was yeah i guess i think no problem i'm proud of my i'm proud of my you know what i did actually when i asked her out i was like hey i have two tickets to i just looked up like concerts in

boston this weekend picked the best one i think it was like vance joy okay hey i have two tickets to vance joy this weekend would you want to come fully not having tickets to vance joy was just gonna if she said yes buy two tickets what did she say uh like that time she was like oh like she was like oh appreciate it but i'm back at school or something and i was like oh where do you go to school like trying to like spark a conversation and that was ghost mode oh okay so okay that's not good no it was bad i'm in a similar not similar actually i'm in a lady predicament of my own i've told both of you guys a little bit about this but the i met her this weekend did you yeah where at jameson's right probably yeah probably um oh yeah you were in my

car with her yeah i was driving so the backstory is we met like a couple weeks ago and i'm very nervous around new people and i was trying my i was fighting through this conversation to like keep it afloat and she was looking at my eyes and was like her and her friend were like i love your eyes and i didn't have anything to say to that so my knee-jerk reaction for yeah i should have just said thank you and just moved yeah what do you mean i didn't have anything to say to that i didn't i was so scared and my knee-jerk reaction for some reason was to just lie that was the only thing that came to mind and which is a horrible way to live life and i basically said thank you uh and then there was a pause and i and to keep the conversation afloat i said my grandpa's

are different colors which isn't true grandpa's eyes to be clear yeah my yeah i have biracial grandpa no i i said thank you my grandpa interestingly enough has one that's darker than the other which i don't know and i was like okay that was strange and i made a note of it and then i didn't think it would come up again and it has come up so many times in the last couple weeks that it has gotten to the point where it is it is eating me alive and i don't know we've gotten i could have easily the next when she texted me the next morning been like uh yeah i don't know why i lied about that i got nervous but i was just she was like send a picture of them and i uh almost had whitney like photoshop my grandfather's eyes that would

have been hysterical that would have been should have done that i know i should have and then i was just like i don't have one and i dropped it and then she's texted me three more times or two more times about it and this last one i just didn't respond so she knows like just like you you were you ended your conversation with her have you talked did you move the conversation elsewhere we're in i'm we're in like a helicopter chase happening about um we are in group chats together and i text in those as if i didn't ghost her so you still haven't responded from like three days ago when you showed me that yeah um that's tough yeah you gotta just so my it's not that big of a deal no but i've made it into this thing where now our entire relationship our entire

inner every interaction we've had has been built on a lot how did that little factoid become such a big probably because you act we're acting weird about it yeah you think she checked up on it so that was my thought is that maybe she knows and is like why and she's been trying to give me okay so this was the text she goes she goes uh when when can i see your when can i see your grandpa's eyes and i said um i said i tried to get out of it by saying hey i don't know what i said about them but it sounds like i grossly exaggerated uh they're not that great expecting her to be like okay that's him admitting to this strange lie what is going on i don't know can they hear this someone can they what can the people hear this like oh i thought you meant can

they hear this do they not know we're recording a podcast right now they're pissed off we have like an on-air thing on the roof somebody uh somebody committed a pretty serious crime because it sounds like they're a bunch yeah exactly i was expecting that that would that would imply okay he lied about this strange thing it's circling it's like an active shooter on our roof like and then she would just drop it and then she followed up with wait aren't they diff colors why does she care so much yeah why i don't know hammering him i don't know and so i i we we had a little powwow i've asked a bunch of different people like what's the best course of action and i think the way to do it is just when we're hanging out on like friday or thursday or whatever

i see here uh or tomorrow whatever i'll just say hey um hey listen uh i got super nervous around you and i don't know why i lied about this but this is the situation that we've found ourselves I think she'll think that's very funny And I was going to say she could think that's cute Like oh you got nervous around me Yeah but also I'm worried that she'll be like Are you just going to lie

About everything every time You get nervous I don't think she's going to think that No because It's such a small thing I think it's very minor And you're owning up to your mistake Like a month later

it's crazy how long you've drawn it out quite honestly i think i would have immediately come clean it's eaten me alive oh and then on top of this red dot on any of these are they all recording yeah they are yeah sorry i'm done on top unnecessary on on top of this she calls me on sunday and she says we're just chopping it up for like 15 minutes so i'm just like oh this is nice like we're just having a fun phone call yeah she was just loosening me up to say hey listen i don't know if you remember this she was like she basically said that i implied when we were out that i wanted to be more than friends and instead of which is true which is true okay and uh i was just like yeah sorry i don't remember saying that and she was like oh you're such a dick i know i

don't remember i don't know did she seem intrigued by the offer like i don't know that's why i like backpedaled okay hmm yeah um if i were her i would be very confused and unsure of how to move forward in this situation ah probably she's probably fine yeah she's probably fine well hey whatever whatever works for you uh it's not working for me that was well that's what i'm saying wait but she has like girlfriends that you're also close with right i like why don't you ask that uh what like she has girlfriends that you are also close friends with yeah why don't you just ask one of them how she feels i don't know if involving the friends is always the best bet because then it's like too many people like talking to each other and it just becomes this whole jambalaya well

feels like he's kind of leaning into the jambalaya at this point like you're you're cooking the jambalaya you put the shrimp in there bro yeah i made it into this thing you got the you bought the crock pot like have you guys had jambalaya yeah yeah i'm from oh yeah wait i i don't even really know what it is my grandma used to make the worst jambalaya of all time and no one had the heart to tell her and she'd be like everyone come over we're doing jambalaya and my dad would feed it to the dog under the table like you know like a sitcom my uh my aunt ann has like you know everyone has like their dish like when you're going to like this aunt's house like you kind of have an idea she only makes baked ziti oh i like baked ziti so that's where she gets you

and um the the running joke is uh we have a giant family group chat that's like all the cousins and then my cool aunt not the other ones aren't cool but this one's specifically yeah cooler and uh listen to this you know yeah i'm hoping she doesn't well i'm hoping the other one doesn't and uh and basically someone texted in the group and was like um i don't know if i can even say this never mind what no it's not that bad it's not that bad someone texted it i'm just now i'm now you now you got in my head that she's gonna listen i know i started thinking about that when i was like grandma i was like it's fine someone texted a beautiful woman and texted the whole family invited them over for bake cd and my cousin uh texted in the group chat um

oh on ends bake cd i'm so excited in quotes and then it said said no one ever and uh we didn't realize that her sons were in the group chat and they were just like is this a is this an ongoing thing that we just shit on my mom's that's hysterical yeah oh it's sad so but okay i thought was in the chat with her she wasn't yeah wait same oh okay no no but her son's aunt on you guys say aunt on on on on pronounce your name on on like you can say aunt or aunt but you can't say an or on i say aunt sarah aunt and i haven't i think they've been aunt and yeah i maybe say that and we say it like an aunt you call your formal aunts aunts and your casual aunts and nope no that's not the metric i employ you're the aunt i think just with all of them i have

aunt for everyone aunt tina i say aunt kelly oh you have someone in your family kelly grisanti yeah that would have been cool oh that would have been cool yeah my real name bleep that bleep that bleep that uh is that public info there are kids that have like found my my like personal instagram and i accept them because it's more like it's so impressive it's a treat that you like made it that deep into the rabbit hole like i don't even know where i would begin to find that yeah do what is it like having an alias i'm actually curious about this it's really strange and the thing is is it's so not my name yeah it's not even close that like when we're in meetings i can call them like can this go up on rusty you know what i mean because it's just

like a page that i have but then peep like the majority of the office here calls me rusty and it and it and it feels normal and it doesn't feel strange i would yeah yeah i introduce myself as rusty sometimes if it's like a stranger i call you rusty in like anything work context because i feel like yeah because everyone i feel like everyone here does call you that we had our fantasy football draft in the office on friday lauren you're a star yeah a lot of great picks i gave it my all um i wasn't really aware of like the logistics of it and like how you're actually supposed to pick people like i remember on the fourth or like the fourth round is that yeah you guys had three running yeah we had three yeah no wide receivers and i picked another wide

receiver because ed weren't you with ed dude ed ed had to go pick up the ed ed ed the mode um no edge had to go downstairs and pick up the pizza or something that pizza was great it was so gas and then i was left to my own devices and i got nervous and i died yeah but it was fun it was fun and i feel like that was your first in office event like that yeah it was fun yeah i thought it was good i thought it was a good one it was very chaotic very just really drunk everyone got really drunk the uh i had oh you know you got it i bought a case of did i tell you this no i went to the corner store like right before we started and bought a six pack of non-alcoholic beer nice and i was going into the back and just dumping mine out and filling them

up and uh totally cheating but i was just like i don't i cannot get this drunk and because i was trying to like make sure the video came together yeah so like i can't do two things here i had uh you know athletic brew and co yeah those are great they're really good there it's can we get them to sponsor this i would love it there it's a it's like an ipa it's a good tasting non-alcoholic beer like no no one had come out with whatever yeah and they had sent me this like mini palette i think there was like 36 of them or something and and anytime i would get beer from these companies i just put them in the back part of my room and when i moved out i forgot to take them and my buddy went and got all the stuff like all the good stuff and brought it back and they

probably thought it was beer he was like seven beers in and was like talking to his buddies he was like dude like i'm a tank i'm not even i'm not even buzzed right now and they were like those are non-alcoholic beers it took him like seven or eight to realize that i wonder if you would never know well i wonder if the placebo effect came into play at all because you know sometimes like yeah i don't know i feel like if no one told me i was drinking that i would just be like there's an episode of freaks and geeks where they get a keg of non-alcoholic beer and placebo effect everyone that's funny i want to watch it love that show it is a great show wait oh that's like scripted though yeah yeah it would be interesting to like do that as an experiment

here that could be a video actually that'd be fun i uh is it messed up i had the opposite thing happened last week where it was during work and i went and grabbed a seltzer out of the fridge and it was like it was like cali squeeze or something i thought it was like a local and i was uh i was about i was like wow this tastes like fucking shit but i was like it was like i was doing like the glue guy like woke to go yeah you're in a live stream so i was like i don't know just like had something i was sipping on and uh i was like this is not good and this will be the last one i have and then three quarters of the way and i'm like this is alcohol and it was i was kind of impressed that it i even figured it out yeah not off the taste but like off of like like i'm my

arms felt like a little different my arm my arms felt a little different but it was thankfully it was like 4 30 p.m so i was like all right i can i'm just going home now what do you drink after work i don't i i don't really drink during the week i don't either oh no i like drinking wine like i got rosé from trader joe's last night wonderful yeah you drink wine during the week i drink red wine during the week okay um i go through weird phases last night i got uh i went back to core's light which was a favorite of mine the problem is going to bed after drinking like eight beers is really strange when you're like just like we'll just be sitting there watching tv and you don't feel drunk because i haven't gotten up and then you

lie down in bed and it's like 11 p.m on a wednesday and you're like this is messed up i did something wrong here do you want to pitch each other oh yeah i have some business ideas um i think no tie honestly clips no tie or do we want to tie uh major disagree i like the tie all right i'm very excited how are yours this week uh um last week's were amazing so i think you guys have a lot to live up minor god i can't oh do you guys know how to tie a tie yeah okay good just checking emily was actually impressed by how quickly we could tie that i remember the first time i went to like catholic school my dad used to just tie my tie for me every day like i had to wear a tie every day and he would tie it every day for me and then one day he like went

on a business trip and i woke up and i was like holy fuck i don't know how to tie my tie my mom I was like, mom, mom. And she was like, I don't know either. And I was like, it was like the biggest crisis of the 19th century. Could you not just show up and have one of your buddies? Exactly. Totally could have just been like, or a teacher I'm sure would have been happy to. But I was freaking out.

I was watching YouTube videos for like 30 minutes and I got it and I never. It'd be funny if you showed up with like giant bunny ears. Yeah. Okay. I got the Shampower. Nice. Let's go. Shampower is, it's got shampoo.

Think about it. What's the worst part of every shower? um lately my uh drain hasn't been working so i just sit and angle your eyes so open your eyes grabbing the shame open your pee hole that hurts okay or what you were also thinking was when you go to grab the shampoo bottle and it's all slippery and it falls on your foot or something and you're like slipping them and it's just like cut out the crap shampoo is built into the shower thing and it just while you're standing there it automatically dispenses a little with the water gets in your hair then goes back to just water then does a little condition then goes back to

just water and uh there's like a little button on the side of shower you just go like so you're standing under the stream yes you press it does the water keep going yeah there's there's still residual water a little bit but it's it's mostly mostly champ are you catching in your hands or you want to land on your head on your head all right i love it go straight into your head and then you give it a little like this and then you will rinse it off is this uh similar to like toilet paper as a utility where no you get to pick do you get to pick the brand oh yeah yeah you can you can fill it up with whatever you want you buy your shampoo and then you just fill up a little tank i like it it's pretty good i like it yeah all right that's a sham power my first business

bitch i don't know if you're gonna like it oh it's kind of just for hard-nosed guys and i'm not saying you're not a hard-nosed guy actually wait no no the second i just thought about it it's for the opposite of hard-nosed guys oh so soft it's called the scar parlor and the it's a tattoo parlor but uh instead of tattoos you can go in and a doctor with a scalpel will uh make a scar that of anything that you want on any part of your body and then you look really cool yeah but you don't have to go through actually falling it's very clean yeah and uh make sure it heals right you know what they like put you under for it so they just numb you up yeah like drew breeze probably went to one of those honestly drew breeze is a is a returning customer is the

coolest scar of all time yeah yeah that is pretty cool so just imagine you wake up and you're like i need some edge to me yeah no one's afraid of me people keep cutting me off i've noticed that no one listens to what i say why don't i get a gnarly scar and then people will be like that guy's seen some things yeah like i would do eyebrow and then it finishes right here very faint and uh yeah it's a scar parlor i do gunshot my foot no i like this plaxico burra style i like that a gun like a hole yeah it's a complete comes in with a cantaloupe circle baller and just fucking yeah scoop that out all right that's the scar parlor all right this one i'm excited about this is a a practical solution to a problem i encounter a lot i call them they're called

leaker sneakers all right it's for when you're at a concert or a similar type event and you gotta pee yep it's you know those like shoes that have like um air like air air maxis yeah like air with like the bubble in it but you can like see it it's like clear too it's like that but it's like hook goes up your pants like a catheter yeah so you can pee during a concert and just fills up into those bubbles in your shoes and you don't have to go to the bathroom that's a fantastic idea and the name leaker sneakers perfect i think it would fly off the shelf yeah i saw a guy he came out with this it's for it's for like outdoorsy people and it's a it looks like an athletic cup attached to a water bottle okay and it's so like you can pee if you were it's a horrible product

and all the comments were like you'd still need a place to do it and he was like in your oh he's just replying to every comment being like in your car in the porta potty and people are replying just being like just go and like you could just pee outside yeah normal person well you know what i something i did once that i'm not very proud of but it's kind of crazy that i got away with was uh you know college game day of course uh my freshman year at boston college they came for the clemson game and uh i got i was like front row at college game day up on the fence on the lot like literally broadcasting live on espn i had to pee and i was like shit faced and i just took my wiener out and i put it through a hole in the fence and held my sign in front and peed during a live piss like

there was a camera on me live on espn and i was peeing why is that guy's sign so wet yeah why is it soaking from the back the the ink's running insane like in the moment and the best part is kid next to me was like what the fuck was that i was like i don't know he got like tinkle on him yeah i don't know man it's a good man anything's probably a little spritz or something all right those are the leaker sneakers the name is stellar the name is very excited about the name okay okay this we fucking fuck this up i think we should work on having two ties i have another tie downstairs i can call it my tie guy yeah um okay you know when you're in public and you're you can kind of hear what's coming out of someone's headphones you know what i mean

and you're now in public yes i do you know what i mean yeah and you're do you ever have your music and you're trying to figure out like how loud can i go before like yeah people can figure out and then you kind of got to like change what you're listening to because you don't want to be listening to something embarrassing yep these are headphones that make it listen make it sound like you're listening to npr okay i like that so you can be listening to anything and people you people don't know what it is but also they think you're smart and like well-rounded i like that a lot yeah so i was thinking like i was in the airport and i really like the song as it was by harry styles but i don't feel like that fully communicates the whole message of who i am i don't want people to

just box me in and be like right for the rest of the flight like all right the guy i'm sitting next to is a harry styles guy if if you're next to me and it's like just current events it's very faint it's not annoying either it's just you hear like the uh this american life jingle or something and people are like okay this guy's this guy's uh a highbrow individual i completely agree yeah i think that's a genius like it's got a little like it's a little speaker on the outside of the thing just faint it just plays just so ever so they're like is he yeah because i this would have been good for i was in this big over my head by the fray phase Where I'm literally worried

It's going to be on my Spotify rack Just that one song? Yeah, like all of June That was all I listened to And I'm so scared It's going to be on my Spotify Can you give me a little snippet To refresh my mem?

Everyone knows I'm in over my head Over my head It's a second step In overtime She's on your mind Lauren sings She's on your mind

Where are the vocals? Alright I didn't want to I didn't want to Upstage us overpower you guys yeah that's fair you sing lauren i do i just found this out yesterday i was telling him um one of my newest when you guys find new music that you like do you get like super fixated and like that's the only thing you can listen to because that's been that's been me lately yes

with the new gracie abrams gracie abrams for me with the zach bryan album yeah uh all right you're could ask me what mine was yeah still slightly wait who's that sad sad guy sad sad boy is that what you're gonna say um it's that or uh there's this song called uh lavender girl that i was like camp yep yeah lavender girl take me back to your heart or um or a lingering love by fruit bats okay i go through like bats are great fruit bats are great if there's not the actual animal those are quite a nuisance no no but i go through like two week periods where uh i only listen to the same eight songs and then i refresh it yeah lavender girls are great that whole album's fantastic lavender days yeah nice rusty uh what was the name of the invention again the uh

do we have a name yet um still in the works share pods cute cute thanks for that uh all right i've got uber grab i'm excited about this no this one is actually would be the best one to be real uh it's like you know it's within the uber app like you know how there's like uber x uber black uber whatever it's called uber grab and you pick it and you call it and then you just put your phone in your pocket you don't have to check anything because how it works is when he gets there he goes into the bar and finds you and is like hey man we gotta go that's awesome it's genius because it's like you hate being the guy it's like you're trying to figure out like how many minutes to leave to start leaving with and

then you're like you have to do the whole thing like i gotta go because my uber is here like you have to prove it it's so much easier if you just say someone like grabs you like hey we gotta go you're like oh you gotta go with him i also think you look you look cooler and more important yeah someone come when someone comes up to you and hopefully he almost is dressed like a bodyguard where people are like how yeah i actually think it's funny if he's just like whoever the guy is has to come get it you don't know what he looks like until you gotta bounce it's like hey william yeah we gotta go that'd be great that would be great and then it's like there's nothing your friends can't convince you yes exactly that's my thing is they like your friends will cancel you

we're canceling if they're looking right at yeah the guy right there also i hate like constantly checking it and you're like oh it canceled like oh it's three minutes now it's four minutes like you just put it away and you don't have to worry about it at all my my worry also is like when you're if you jump the gun too early and you're sitting outside the bar you look like you got kicked out or you look like you have no friends yes yes okay i love uber i love this uber grab i would actually not be uh mad if they implemented that it's kind of a fun surprise i have one more yeah it's a fun like i like that like oh like when are they gonna be here yeah i like it i like it You try and, like, evade him.

It's bad if you accidentally call it while you're just at home, though. You're, like, in your bed. Come on, let's roll. Is it cheaper than normal Uber? Like, what's... Four times more expensive. Yeah. No, I don't...

Definitely more expensive. It's got to be more expensive. How is this tie such a nightmare? Wait, what's the situation? Is your head bigger? Like, why do we... No, no, no, no. It's like it won't...

But why do we have to keep... It won't loosen. Because we tighten it when you put it on. oh right yeah yep all right um my third one is friendlier cats okay so they're just like regular cats in every way um but they act like dogs and they don't poop in sand in a box in your house okay where do they poop just outside you don't have to worry like most cats like aren't outside cats because they would run away right these ones want to stay these ones uh like hop up on the couch they come when you call them i like they're they're slightly fluffier just everything about

them is just a little bit friendlier i think that's a great idea i don't really like cats so this might be a game changer i like cats i want to get a main coon cat oh you know my my buddy will redmond that i like started the tiktoks with his family brought the main coon cat to america i kid you not what is that what is this it's just like a type of cat it's big yeah it looks like a bobcat we were in a we were at freshman year college i don't know why i said that weird freshman year college i was in like a like one of those like 250 person lecture halls yeah it was like a history class and some the guy i was sitting with my buddy will and the guy was like does anyone have like an interesting story we're talking about like immigration he's like

an interesting story tied to immigration about your family and my buddy will next sitting next me raises his hand i was like like you know like that like what the fuck are you doing like we're supposed to lay low here i'm playing games on my computer and he goes tells this story about the main coon cat how his family brought it to america like on accident i was like that was the greatest bit of all time he hijacked five minutes of this lecture to talk about like something he made up it turns out it's a real type of cat and the story was real too it's really fun yeah it's always the wills whose family invented something yeah like i went to rollins with a kid named will diesel in his that can't be real swear to god nicest kid ever in his like great great grandfather

something invented diesel fuel oh really yeah that is crazy that's insane damn yeah well anyway main coon cat um yeah friendlier friendlier cat friendlier cats oh now we have to pick what we are going to invest in okay so uh run me through yours again uh i had uber grab leaker sneakers and sham power i'm investing everything in uber grab i i stand yeah let's do it so the only thing like my first day as an investor when i'm trying to figure out where my money went i want to know how do they find you they you have to upload like six pictures of yourself like wearing like like like not with other people like you have to it's like profile site you know what i mean they get far away before you go out you have your friends take yeah yeah that no when you call it

from all angles that's what it is when you call the uber yeah you have to get like your friends to take a picture of you so it's like what you're wearing that night i love it or you can do it before you go out maybe and upload them and when they arrive you also oh i guess they're gonna grab you i was gonna say you should like buy him a drink or something but you guys are getting out he's also driving you home yeah that's true but that would be a huge liability i think tell lauren bottom line uh tell lauren what um he was telling well he's telling a story today tell lauren what the driver said to you in minnesota when you got in the car what you were he was like he was telling you that he hadn't slept and oh yeah we were in

fucking wisconsin no it was michigan it was when we were on a we're on the college tour like when we first got hired yeah uh i wasn't there you weren't in the not in the van okay so we were in michigan we went to like michigan state central michigan uh grand valley state and minnesota yeah whatever we were driving there's like four colleges four days we had this driver guy driving us around in a van and we get up one morning it's like we're all like a little hung over whatever we pile in the van he's like wired ready to go i was like what's up dude and he was like nothing feeling good did not sleep last night i've been doing a ton of cocaine we're going to grand rapids baby and i was like the newest guy at this company so i was just like wait what

everyone's just like hey yeah it was terrible it was terrible and then you guys just let him drive and carry on i mean i i yeah in hindsight i guess well that's not a good that's not a guy you're negotiating with yeah he has set his mind on driving i mean he was fine i guess it was just like the scariest yeah oh that's funny um yeah also like a crazy why would you do that to yourself but uh there we are all right so i gotta pick which one i'm investing in now yes what were your three again i had um uh scar parlor okay friendlier cats and uh what was the first one i don't know scar parlor was the first one but i had scar parlor headphones to make it sound like You're listening to NPR.

Oh, headphones that make you sound like you listen to NPR. Sharepods. Sharepods. Yep. Love that. Why are we calling them sharepods again? Because you're sharing information. It's true.

Oh, you can turn up the volume. Hey, if someone's like, ooh, what are you listening to? You can turn it up, and then they can also listen. Oh, and they can stick their ear into the, like Lady and the Tramp, but ears. Yeah. There's a double-sided air pod. There's another tip on this side. Yeah, double-sided air pods could be another version.

And you're like conjoined twins. how do you guys feel about conjoined twins oh fucking hate them i um thank god someone asked me finally i've been waiting my whole life they just make me idiots why do they do that why wouldn't they just separate no why what do you mean what do you think about i don't know i have thoughts about them i mean they make i mean you have weird thoughts they make me they want to know your it just depends on where they're conjoined i always think it's very funny when they're conjoined like and they share everything except for like like one shoulder and their own head yeah and then one of them's married is that a thing yeah oh my god this is the worst thing i've ever heard

oh great we might not be able to put this in but there there are these brothers who are conjoined twins and one of them is gay and the other one is not and the gay one is married and they share a bottom they share a butt can you can you eating peanuts can you imagine the conversation where he was like listen man i'm gay and i know we share a butt and a penis oh it's just sad but i'm gonna marry this guy and he oh so when you're getting married you're up at the altar Are they like blindfolding the other person Of course they couldn't let him see No they have a bag over their head

Because it's not their wedding day I bet the other one's just texting He's wearing like normal clothes Yeah that would be funny if his half was just t-shirt Yeah Alright should we draft some shit Let's do some drafts First one

Do you want to start with Yeah we're going to start with producer tags that don't exist Mine are so bad Lauren is there a way you could like no we're doing it i got it okay i got the i looked up trap style beat all right all right we're drafting producer tags that don't exist ready innocent till proven guilty that's my first one

I love it You and I went in Drastically different directions Alright you ready to go? Sure I'll play the same beat I don't know why I'm holding my iPhone up Daddy did it so you know we had to

Keep it going Yeah keep it going He stepped on my property I see where you're going with this And it's awesome and I love it Alright you ready Ruh roh this is Rusty's beat Lauren did not like that

It was just a little off the ring camera footage was corrupted oh this is great okay uh i actually made one for you okay it's as if willy was ever a producer okay willy made it wet okay i don't like that one at all i didn't even put the beat in that it's willie d on the track now you kind of phone that one in yeah all right you ready for my fourth one oh get off me garrett it's garrett i don't know it all happened so fast

oh i wish i did what you did your narrative is way funny um this iphone this last one end but dj i'm scared i kind of like that all right that was the worst draft we've ever done uh will your first one was good i don't remember what it was now but well they were all did you no i caught this story yeah no i understood innocent till proven guilty yeah it was good It was a good It was a good hook It was a good I was trying to do like a bit

And then it's Willie D on the track And I was supposed to be like funny Because it was just like Yeah I liked it Intentionally Yeah Mailing it in Yeah

Alright this is our draft of Brothers that don't exist As a preface I was like Rusty what do you mean Brothers that don't exist He was like Just take it any way you want

Yeah So I don't know if I got this right Okay Um My first group of brothers They're called the bonus brothers Shit I did this wrong I already did this wrong

There's no right or wrong There's no right or wrong There's no right or wrong Mine is wrong the thought behind the bonus brothers was the jonas brothers had such a lucrative career why not do it again so i was gonna farm children okay pick the most handsome curliest haired three yeah straighten one of their hair make them make make them cover songs of um who did they who sings the year 3000 jonas brothers no no so they covered their first

like eight songs were a cover of another band oh shit i didn't really yeah brutal maybe they're called something strange it's brutal out here um i have not heard this look them up busted busted yeah so their first couple songs are just covers of busted wow um and i just figured we could just make them sign a really bad contract early yeah and uh reap all the rewards i love it i love it i just feel like kevin would be hard to replicate i agree i don't know anything and i don't know if i don't know if there's a fourth one that's kind of a playoff of frankie but we'll figure it out oh i forgot about frank yeah all right who's your first pick i i just i just simply did not understand where we're going with this i got james and mike so i had one like that as well

but i i what's their deal what do they do there's no right or wrong no no they're just brothers man they just hang out i guess okay i love james and mike well what do they do they're both doctors nice okay of they're smart they open to practice together no no no they've never practiced and they're totally separate they're they're unlicensed cat doctors and then okay yeah you go my second pick i'm gonna i'm gonna go um his his older brother's a little bit more well-known okay his name's theonardo dicaprio okay um people just call him theo okay and uh he is just like a real estate broker that didn't he didn't get the handsomeness of leo dates really old woman yeah yeah he he breaks up with women uh until they're

25 okay yeah oh i've got the stanley brothers okay i'm really i'm really i'm rooting for you here for the record mom and dad i don't know i don't know i got nothing for the record for the record i didn't force this draft on willie i said it as a joke and he was like let's do it so i thought you had like really good answers well my next one might be good um with my third pick i'm gonna go the stutter brothers okay they both have crippling stutters um and they don't it takes them a while to say something but you listen because you know it's going to be important because they always have very wise advice it just they just have to fight through it a little bit more than other people okay yeah um cool third i have randall and david i don't know so you

uh this is really this is you've put us in a strange predicament here like here i gotta go one for fourth one i gotta get one let's power through let's power through um with my fourth pick i'm gonna go bruce and brody bronze they're they're just about two things tanning and coming in third i like that yeah yep third yeah bronze bronze yeah oh yeah there you go like olympic yep they're not olympians though okay well special olympians you know who's a musical artist you would love who the brothers hopscotch nice okay i like them yeah that's your first that's your first hit they're like a like a midwestern kind of folk folk influence band the brothers hopscotch they're like will you sing just a quick 10 second snippet of one of their songs yeah well my mother

came down the valley and she told me what to say she said son i don't like the way that you are i that would have been living yep there you go you're a talented lad let me just tell you that oh thank you lad it sounds something like brother tops got um with my fifth pick i'm gonna go to prince eric he's a lesser known prince okay he was originally in line for the throne uh and then just william was cooler so they just kind of you know like you know robert or jfk jfk's uh sister they just kind of sent her to like that asylum because they don't want to deal with her they did do eric's not insane okay but they did uh they did send it wasn't as cool yeah they just as bald no no he had he he was he was super bald more of a young age got it and so they were kind of

banking on william keeping his hair got it and he didn't that makes sense yeah it makes a lot of sense okay well then i got i feel like i towards the end i'm kind of getting into the swinging things i got ej watt like there we go jj and tj watts brother and he likes art so his their parents fucking hate him they're fucking all mean to him and he's like skinny and he likes art and they just fucking treat him like shit he's not invited to any family stuff they fucking hate him because he's not tough all right that was brothers that don't exist that might these might those might have been two of our worst ones two of the strangest things i've been a part of um but it was fun all right yeah big weekend coming up this weekend yep we got on the docket and whose

personality are you stealing um okay so i forgot to come up with one for that do you want me to go first no i'm gonna fight through it i um so i'm gonna try and bank three bar reviews over the weekend this weekend friday saturday sunday monday oh because it's labor oh we have friday and monday we have friday and monday i don't even know what i'm gonna do i don't really have that much stuff i know how to do uh i don't even have that much stuff that i know how to do i um four days that's a great way to describe you but it's untrue like i i am going to steal oh you know who's who's uh whose personality i'm gonna steal this weekend trevor or not trevor uh max grinky is that his name who's the like we odd pitcher zach grinky zach grinky and what i love about this guy so much

yeah is um all apparently all he did for the beginning of his career was complain about how he wanted to be like a garbage man like it was like someone had was forced is that cranky or max scherzer what are you trying to say i'm talking about cranky okay and uh really yeah he would or like he would just always want he's not a very sociable guy like he would go sit in the stands like when during code because he didn't want to be on the bench with people strange cat and uh i like the idea of having a really good job but yearning to have a simple life that's like yeah yeah that's like what like i feel like zach bryan's songs are all like i just want to be a working man it's like all right come on like you could rock star is pretty damn cool

also it's really frustrating when they do that because you're like you could so easily go do that if you wanted to yeah and you're choosing to do the coolest thing ever i think that like bruce springsteen got a rap for that like he would write these like he has that song on this darkness on the edge of town album his song it's like the work the work and just the work in life and he was like selling out stadiums this is kind of funny um all right personality i'm stealing this weekend i'm going mitch mcconnell yeah he had a second freeze up i don't know if you saw that i did it's like it's the funniest thing of all time and i kind of want to channel that like if someone's talking to me this weekend and i get like uninterested i'm just gonna go mitch

mcconnell and just see how long just freeze yeah don't say anything let them take me out of the room you know what i mean get my friends to come up and be like all right come on come on let's get him out of here let's get him out of here i like when the lady so someone asked him a question about like re-election and he froze for like 10 seconds and then another reporter just goes did you hear the question yeah we asked you a question and he's just like you know i'm actually going to change my answer because i need to get through this interaction with her shawty yeah with shawty um who's a guy that's getting out of stuff all the time houdini i'm gonna shout i'm gonna channel houdini and get myself out of this mental pretzel

that i've put myself in i think that's a good idea do you think that it's gonna be the end of the world no i don't think it's gonna matter at all i think she'll think it's funny but you should own up to it i think you're really overthinking it it'll be totally fine 100 hey lauren so i've invited lauren to now three four things oh yeah i've been uh or no it was it was i was going to ask you you were going to no no because you asked me why i didn't invite you to come to lunch and i said because i'm gonna wait until i have something that i'm sure she's gonna say yes to because she keeps uh she keeps dodging just just declining my invites yeah but uh do you want to come to one of my bar reviews this weekend yes wow i will come

i actually i don't if she drinks she's gonna be all grumpy on monday though no we know about this production meeting we had oh yeah we're trying to figure out like our scheduling for this podcast and we're like the like the clear obvious best day to record is mondays and lauren's just like yeah but i'm grumpy on mondays could we do any other day i always have a bad case of the grumpy that's like come on it was like monday afternoon if i drink on this is a real quote yeah for the record if i drink on friday i'll be grumpy on monday i didn't say i didn't say grumpy what'd you say i i said cranky no i said i was mentioning my anxiety okay but there's no way it should last until monday afternoon that's what i'm saying lauren so that's what i'm saying you

invited her with barbie it means she's gonna be all grumpy no no i'll be fine because we don't have i almost said we don't have school on monday lauren i drank 12 beers last night and i'm very chipper well did you really maybe not 12 jesus christ we're watching temptation island yeah you wouldn't and i was i was in the office this morning before lauren really true story i came up to her to ask her a question i go where's lauren brown goes not in yet yeah oof oof why were you late um well i don't think i was late i was just on the later end of this yeah what's late i don't even know what late i don't either i don't know what time we're here there's no late late it's like 10 30 i was i was really i was here 10 30 today i was here 10 today but i had

my first meeting at 10 30 and i just i was up and at home i was just like i know i know guys here not going to name names that that come in at noon but they but they stay and they stay until like one in the morning because they take a hundred milligrams of adderall yes but apparently they told me they had a great night of sleep last night they did they i like it yeah yeah yeah um uh yes i will come to the bar review so fun where are we what are we doing i was thinking two of them are going to be day spots i like that i like that i would rather do drink them yeah i would we should day drink on friday do you know what i'm bringing back to my apartment like vibe wise like what i'm like i'm bringing back like i'm i used to do it now i don't do it

anymore is uh is having the supplies for mimosas in the house starting your day with a mimosa is the greatest way to start it and i haven't done it in i haven't done it since uh college no that's not true brian and i got most set on sunday saturday morning so you haven't done since then then dude i haven't day drank since saturday it's the week we should go like yeah we should go to like the beach or something i also might just re i did a video once where i ranked my homemade mimosas yeah it's so easy and i might just redo that yeah or you could do like something different bloody mary's you know i love bloody mary i love bloody mary's yeah i like when there's all sorts of chunky stuff in them too i was at the airport in uh in amsterdam and the guy i went to the bar

and the guy said i was like can i get a can i get a bloody mary and he goes how spicy and i i was just like fighting for my life and i go that's the spiciest you can make it and then he just made a normal bloody mary i was so excited really i think you're gonna say like kicked your ass no he had presented it to me like it was like like he's a real spice man a real spice man and he just um just gave me a normal one there was a little spice but well this has been fun yeah i'm enjoying i'm enjoying it i'm enjoying it i think this was great i think it was a really strange episode we the drafts that we got a little i don't know if this is correct i always use meta incorrectly but i think we got a little meta with the drafts today i don't think you used it correctly i don't

I'm going to go to the Lego store on Friday if anyone wants to come what are you going to get? Legos this has been such a blast thank you guys for tuning in we'll see you next week time for recess