Will & Rusty's Playdate - the cia made me cheat on my gf

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

On this Playdate, Rusty unveils that his mom is the owner of a new BB gun, Willy meets Sydney Sweeney, and Rusty gets banned from a bar. The gang also discusses notorious creeps of their hometown and a pitch that may help Rusty overcome his fear of peeing in public. Plus, the boys draft It’s Always Sunny plots that don’t exist and bands that don’t exist. Lastly we open mail from the lovely Playmates. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP OUR MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/ RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: Shop SKIMS Menswear at SKIMS.com Use our code for $20 off your first SeatGeek order*: https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/PLAYDATE Sponsored by SeatGeek. *Restrictions apply. 00:00 Intro 5:17 My mom got a BB gun 9:23 Running a 6-Man 13:10 Father Rizzo is a Playmate 18:40 Hard Summer 23:42 Hangxiety 27:20 Banned from the bar 28:38 Meeting Sydney Sweeney 41:00 Roadmap 41:56 Pitches 48:14 This Guy Rocks 59:12 Teach Me Something 1:07:03 It’s Always Sunny Plots That Don’t Exist 1:09:36 Bands That Don’t Exist 1:10:49 Mail Bag! 1:16:38 Rusty’s Song of the Day 1:18:00 More Pitches #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Do I have crinkies on my mouth? No. Nice. I have a... Today's off to a pretty good start. How are we going, Andrew? We are. COVID.

Play it. We were just talking about COVID. We were just talking about COVID. What were you saying? When we were... Andrew and I were hanging out in there, and we were just talking about how weird of a time... It was nothing no one else has said about COVID.

We didn't have any... COVID was insane. Yeah, we didn't have any new takes. It was kind of... The gist of it was COVID was pretty crazy, right? COVID was pretty crazy. All right. guys andrew is here our good buddy andrew is sitting in new guy just dropped uh he's sitting

in while we sift through uh the thousand applicants for lauren's new job but word on the street is if andrew does good enough they'll let him stay wow i don't know i don't know if that's true i don't think you have the do you have the bandwidth to do this and that for the record i don't think that's an option i don't know why you said i'm not i'm not i'm not that would be that's when you should you can you can say what you just said to willie and i but around the bosses when when when ray's time comes around the answer is the answer is no yeah i am working i'm slammed i'm working myself to the bone to get to get my normal pod done um but we are hard we are looking totally still hiring yes yeah that was uh we're in the process that was both not funny or true

so that we kind of hit both fronts and that is okay that is okay because we're all learning we're all growing there's one guy out there i want i don't even want to say his name oh god how tall is he oh my god i don't know there's one guy out there that even if i remembered your name i wouldn't say it but he is lauren's number one hater even on lauren's goodbye episode that dropped on monday he was being a little being a little snake what if it's um what if it's what if he's just trying to motivate her yeah like this yeah light a fire under her ass yeah we should buy this by the time this one comes out lauren may have posted her first girl beer they post they hate us because they ain't us yes yes she posted her first girl beer post now by the time this came

out and it's and it's for some reason it is to the sound they hate us because they ain't us it's Yeah, I'm excited to follow along. I am, too. I'm curious to see what she does. I found out that there's also a company called Beer Girl. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. They are dead meat.

Yeah, and they have, like, the exact same branding. Dead man walking. So, I'm like... They have what? Is that real? They have, like, the same branding. Google it up. Girl Beer?

Okay. So, this is Lauren's company. Okay. Okay, they're kicking it. I think. Girl Beer. Yeah, that's her company for sure. And then there's Beer Girl.

oh god which is this oh no yeah oh man it's yeah do you think it's like the same branding do you think they launched at the same time or do you think oh it's only three and a half percent alcohol yeah but for girls that's like an ipa for girls that's no i know i'm just saying like it's kind of like maybe it's uh maybe it's like an adidas and uh puma story nike well because weren't there two brothers adi and das that started adidas and then the other one like broke off and started puma am i making that up i have no idea adidas and puma adidas origin story so the dosler brothers so adidas started adidas oh god his name is adolf adolf adi and rudolph and then rudolph started puma yeah all right maybe it was maybe the whole reason i

was i was given misinformation i can't believe that was true honestly i'm shocked he made this that was insane that's actually wow will levis texted me this morning and uh what yeah we're boys no no actually yeah nobody we're kind of homies and uh he texted me that he liked the song of the day the other day and i was like oh thank you and he goes yeah kind of makes up for the l sayings i was like all right dude that's funny but he's down and hey hope your rehab's going great it's going great he's up in la today oh nice getting signed off from a doctor to go back down to dana point to do his uh his rehab very cool yeah he's like all his arms all fucked up he posted a picture that looks oh yeah yeah not good what was that is that like an in is that

like his collarbone is broke like what was that pointing out of his i don't know something's growing in there i you know it was weird i thought there was a i thought maybe it was like he had just done it you know when people make like a funny face yeah i thought he was like doing like a funny shoulder so i got went in the mirror he's making a funny shoulder stop making that shoulder your mom this is a this is a family photo stop making that shoulder but i went in the mirror shirtless and was like can i make my what am i doing here that's right um i andrew i told will this but my mom my mom hit me with an all-time all-time uh family group chat moment the other day so we have we have a kids group chat that's me and my

sisters and then we have one called family fam in parentheses ily oh like i love you yeah oh and that's what that's kids with my mom and my sister texted me and my other sister and was like hey you know i don't want to she was like i wasn't snooping but i was on you know our family like amazon account and she was going through like the orders and she was like i think mom ordered a it looks like it just says desert eagle like pistol but it's an aerosoft one and she was like mom bought this like aerosoft gun in like a thousand uh bbs and we were like okay like what do we do we bring this up like it's not like she can like hurt herself with it you know what i mean it was we were just like what could she possibly need that for let me read that actually it's not worth

but she she is like we need to you know confront my mom about this but not like embarrass her like how do we do it and so my sister texts a screenshot and was like mom like what you know i wasn't snooping but like what do you need this like high powered airsoft gun for and she was like oh i'm gonna shoot like ollie he won't leave milo alone and milo's our cat and and ollie's the neighbor's kid but i didn't like that's kind of what i thought because i don't know who she said it like this was like a person we all know and it was like another cat that comes over to our house and like fucking just mauls our cat oh and uh i was like is that illegal and she was like now that i think about it now i think i'll probably return it but like if we hadn't intervened my mom would

have who has to my knowledge is not the not a marksman she could have easily hit our cat because it's like yeah that is a good point you know what i mean like they they bind to each other you know like cats like when cats fight they like grab each other and they're like rolling around that's how we fight too she said they look exactly alike so it's just this ball of black fur running around like the odds of like i don't think i don't think uh who's chris kyle i don't think chris kyle could hit two cats roll it hit the right cat when two cats are rolling around yes he was the uh he's american sniper see i was thinking that's the two long brothers from the nfl that's what i was thinking i don't think chris long could hit him why would chris long be on kyle long could fucking

snipe him though but so to my knowledge she returned it but that would have been isn't there two of them there are two they're brothers right chris and kyle long we're yeah no big deal we're also buddies i went on their one on their podcast very cool we we went to the waste management together so you went to the uh trash facility or the the golf tournament well we did we had a big bag of cans after so we did go to the trash facility as well but uh yeah i'm i'm so i'm amassing this uh group of internet friends of of pretty good white football players that's i mean i got a stable of backups i got sam hartman kenny pickett will levis it's kind of it's It's a motley crew of guys that can really shoot the rock,

but they maybe are back. I think Wills is still a starter, but Kenny and Sam Hartman are not. I think they drafted a different quarterback. Cam Ward? Yeah. He's got nothing on my boy Will. Yeah, I hope that's true. Have you seen how kids now are trying to be like Cam Ward?

Really? They, like, when they get the ball, they just stand still in the pocket. They're nonchalant. They're nonchalant AF. Or ASL. Wait, do you think they're aura farming? They might be aura farming. Oh, fuck.

God, kids these days, man. What the hell? I went to Six Man this weekend. Okay. Have you heard of this? It's like a way bigger two-man. No, it's like a huge... Come over, we're running a Six Man.

Six Man. Everyone's like, I don't... You have to run a zone defense to like make sure all the girls get get equal attention we're doing a six-man weave get over here none of us know which girl we're supposed to be talking to no it's a volleyball tournament in manhattan beach and it starts at like everyone goes and like i guess it's like a big party everyone's like drinking at like nine in the morning sounds awesome it was very cool uh so we went to shellback and i got pretty drunk uh because i decided i have i'm training this

marathon so i have to do my long runs on saturday so i ran to manhattan beach and met everyone at shellback yep so then i was just like gassed yeah like hadn't yeah didn't eat enough had run what was the plan to get back funny you should ask that well i was i had my phone so i could oh okay okay um but i got pretty drunk everyone was going to like another bar and i just was like fuck this and just started walking i was like i'm just gonna walk out a little bit and then call an uber or something phone dies just ended up walking from manhattan beach to playa del rey was like the next civilization and then called it over from there six miles how did you charge your phone i went to prince of wales at barn playa i finally made it you went from shellback to prince of

wales yeah i've walked from shellback to prince of wales for for the people for the people who don't live around here to put in perspective how far that is i was in my car and when my when my like um gas light came on yeah i don't think i could have made it from i was in manhattan beach and the nearest gas station was like either there or like turn around and do one in manhattan beach it's kind of like a dead zone there's a huge airport and like this so that whole strip along the ocean that you're looking at right now is pretty much nothing it's just like a long road on like a cliff but i i didn't think i could make it there with like 10 mile range on my car that's a far walk it's six miles you know bobby is the uh bobby's apparently like you know there's the

prince of wales i've heard bobby's like the lord of wales like that's his that's his bar they call gavin calls him the the prince of gundo or something like el segundo is his like stopping but it's near it and so and so he got bought that like that little chunk under the airport is apparently like bobby's territory yeah like that's his turf i have heard that yeah anyway it was fun though it was um i didn't watch any what does that have to do yeah it was better what does that have to do it sounds like you were only at shellback did you go to six man it's right next it's right up front like i saw it when we were walking up but like you kind of just i think it's just like like a lot of people play in it yeah billy's girlfriend

was playing in it oh so it's not it's like a it's like an uh a pro-am like yeah i mean it's like she played in college like she's very good uh okay it's very competitive it's very high level uh high level it's very like high skill level right yeah i think like pro athletes playing it right yes pro athletes playing it like ex-nba players and stuff yeah yeah but i yeah i didn't even watch any of the volleyball i think it's just an excuse to yeah it's like um it was just like it was like the beach to beacon big party yeah it's like the beach to beacon was this weekend as well yes it's like the 10k in southern maine speaking of the beach to beacon i so i go down to my grandmother's house in dana point grandmother

grandmother and uh and originally they wanted to go i've said this before but they go to mass on saturday nights so i was like i'll go down i'll go with them and we get there and there's like the the house next door is clearly like setting up some sort of looks like it's going to be a pretty lit function and i'm like oh that stinks we would have been able to do this mimi comes downstairs she's like uh we're not going to mass i was like yes and she was like taco party happening next door we're going i was like awesome and so the guy next door because their houses are all like in one single file line so if you're in their backyard you can see or their back area on the beach you can see the neighbors and the guy was like where are you from

and i was like cape elizabeth main he was like oh do you know role model and i was like yeah he went to my he went to my high school and he goes do you know luke gilman who's just like another random guy from high school and i was like do you know luke gilman he's like yeah he's coming and the guy who i'm talking to is 50 he was turning 54 and luke gilman is my sister's grade and i was like okay that's pretty crazy and uh and so just i at this party of adults there was just one other kid and he was uh just a kid that i went to high school with but his dad the reason his dad ran the beach to beacon came in 26th wow for the 64 age bracket still yeah that's pretty ba wow pretty i'm coming for that someday oh dude and then so we went so we ended up going to mass

yesterday and it was great again because we also one of the reasons they canceled is andrew you weren't here for this but there's like a priest there that is just hysterical his father rizzo and he was doing it on sunday not saturday and so they're like we'll kill two birds with one stone we can go to the margarita taco party and then we can see father rizzo on sunday and we had talked about it on a previous pod that this guy was hysterical yeah and i'm not suggesting that father rizzo is a playmate but what i will say is he kind of like he brought it again because i was talking about how he was doing these like bits of stand-up like in between you know teachings and i think it might have been slightly in my head but i could have sworn like a couple times

when he like said you know like the this is the punch line he was looking like right at me so i think there's a there's a greater than zero chance that someone showed him because someone commented on the video i didn't mention his name and they were like that sounds exactly like father rizzo from saint ed's what if he just listens to the pod normally and was like oh my fucking god they're talking about me and then a kid there was there were uh there were there was a group of like because i guess this sunday night one is where like when all the kids go there were a group of kids that asked for they said hello on the way in and my grandmother was like how do you know them she was like you

only come here with us i've never seen you talk to them and i was like oh i don't know and then on the way out they asked for a photo and so i had to there was no getting around like those are just my buddies yeah so i had to explain it you should have said those are my fucking boys y'all and did like something like that like baited like a show right right i still like the idea of father iso sitting at his like macbook or something like you what in his back book his mat he's sitting looking at his macbook he's sitting on his macbook he's watching it he's Sitting on top of the MacBook, watching it between his legs. He's like, why do they make him like this?

Standing on his MacBook, listening to the podcast in his headphones. He's in the confessional, like, giggling. Yeah. Watching the podcast. Some guy's like, forgive me, Father. He's like, shut up. They're doing sayings. Wait, wait, wait.

Andrew, how was your weekend? That is funny stuff. We laugh and we share moments like these, and that is why we have a podcast. Andrew? Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know, the same way you can skip an ad. I get it. I'm Siyaya and I live in Ice Cove.

I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem. seat geek we are now uh brought to you by seat geek guys i am very excited uh that i am gonna go to a concert on wednesday and i got my tickets you guessed it right on seat geek uh for all my

seat geek geeks seat geek geeks is that did i just say that twice i said it twice didn't i dang it no uh seriously it's the best app for buying tickets can't say enough good things i I've got receipts to prove it. He's been geek maxing. I've been geek maxing. I've got tickets. Show the camera. I don't think anyone has spent more money on SeatGeek than this brother.

Yeah. Boom. Gracie Abrams. Mets. Mets. Mets. Mets. Mets.

MJ Lenderman. Mets. Mets. Mets. MJ Lenderman. You get the gist. It's about 20 minutes of that. Casey Musgraves.

Boston College. And if you guys want $20 off your tickets, use code PLAYDATE. at SeatGeek. That's $20 off your first purchase with promo code PLAYDATE. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you, SeatGeek, so much for sponsoring the show. Let's get back into the episode. It was good. I went to Hard Summer, which is like a rave. I don't know if you guys heard about it. Where's that? It was in the parking lot of SoFi. Oh, is that where that concert was that you went that one time where you remember when you and luke like explored sofi

after no that was at kia forum okay i'm going there on wednesday oh for gracie yeah yeah with lauren with lauren what you do to get you uh that's gonna be me taking on a hair like oh my god is role model gonna be there no i thought he was opening he was on like the east coast legs but it's griff is the opener oh wait east coast legs there's something there sorry continue you had a race i said i i told i met a girlfriend i met a girl from uh bangor delaware i said take this pants off i want to see them east coast legs so you're at a rave i'm at a rave back to you andrew it was good i i met god um did you really yeah yeah woman was awesome she was a woman that's that is good rumors are true yeah um but

No, it was like... Are you a raver? No, this was like my first one. Okay. But it is like funny to be like tripping in that kind of like environment. Totally. Because it's like you're in a parking lot, you know, and everyone's like... Like grinding on a Civic.

That's exactly what it was. This is awesome. Exactly. Wait, were people's cars there? Was this an organized... It's an empty parking lot. Well, I didn't know if it was like... Sometimes raves are like underground.

I don't know if they were like... True. A little neat by the forerunner. we did like tailgate for like a little bit so you could tailgating for something that's like in a parking lot it's funny though yeah you just like tailgate in the stadium yeah you're just tailgating and then like the thing starts you're like oh perfect yeah close the grill exactly exactly what made you want to start raving uh so my friends here are really into it and they go to like edc and stuff every year and i was like oh i'd love to go with you guys sometimes

they're like there's this hard summer thing but it's like so fun to go to a festival where you don't care about any of the acts right because you're just like oh like if i have to go to the bathroom if i had to go get food like i'm not not a big deal that's a good point yeah um so it was like really nice it was really chill i could just do all the drugs and drinks i wanted to do just like mushrooms nice um but i did like the most i've ever had in my life um and i yeah i was surprised i made it here this morning was this yesterday yeah this was yesterday it was two days it was a two-day festival so saturday and sunday but sunday i was like i didn't go hard enough saturday so i need to go i gotta turn it up a notch today yeah damn that's funny i've never

i've never once woken up after a night out and been like i just didn't go i didn't i didn't go hard enough it's always like that was way too far we took that way way way too far yeah i've yeah the i've been i the the past few weekends now it's doing the long runs and then i always like treat myself with drinking after because it's like a thing like i can't go out friday because i know i have to get up and do it and then every time like the last three because i'm like all right i went a little too far there i'm like they hand up i don't have enough like food in my stomach or like yeah that one's on me i gotta get better at mitigating this because i'm my body is not used to drinking after that amount of what is the perfect situation look like

perfect situation is i don't know maybe i take a second after eat a bunch yeah have a few beers i'm getting to the i'm getting to the point now where i i think and i truly believe this i think everyone like you get a certain amount of like drinks in your life and i think i just burned like the large portion of that way too early and like it's not as like i think there are people our age who are kind of just discovering like their social how they go out and drink or whatever and i think it like i just hit it too hard for like two years and now the allure like it's not rarely do i wake up anymore and i'm like that was a that was awesome it's like that was no that was too far bad night yeah are your hangovers getting like worse now my hangovers are

it's weird because they are they're worse than they've ever been but i'm starting i feel like i know more about i know more about like how to treat it than i ever have yeah so it's maybe getting slower the the anxiety i guess i don't feel any worse but i used to wake up and probably have done way worse way worse stuff than i do now yeah and been like i was killer last yeah i mean there it is insane to think about like in college like nights where you're just like not you but like no me me too yeah like an absolute nightmare and you pop up and you'd be like that was fucking sick yeah i mean i i don't know andrew hasn't heard this one the worst the worst one ever or perfect example of that of doing something so horrible but still being like i'm the man when

i woke up was we uh we were playing pass with a brick walking to another bar and i i someone in my group maybe me maybe someone else i don't know threw it through threw it too far and it went through a storefront window and we just left like didn't call anyone we're just like oh that sucks the cops were out there like all right we got a forced entry didn't take anything there's more honestly i've i have i've told more of the story and given more details but now i'm thinking about if that store owner ever hurt it's it's such a the things that we left at the scene and whatever can you google statute of limitations on throwing a brick through a window google statute of limitations like vandalism throwing no put throwing brick through a window

they'll know what it means oh throwing oh throwing oh throwing in california or in or maybe florida maybe florida depending on the answer to this google search in florida throwing a brick through it yeah that's what okay i remember criminal mischief being so three years okay so it's been three years andrew i can now confidently tell you it was on halloween and it hasn't been four years yet what it hasn't been four years yet i was a sophomore in college junior in college okay is that three years i i whatever it made someone was a sophomore in college someone was a sophomore in college and uh was wearing a teletubby costume and uh we may have thought that that would be the easiest way to spot a

criminal would be like teletubbies running through the street so we left all of our costumes there you have you have told us in the shattered glass and uh and does that mean he told the time he told the story before was when you were guest producing no i listened oh you're a playmate Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a proud playmate. Let's go. Respect. Respect.

But I remember waking up and being like, that was hilarious. And now if I did that, I think I would stop drinking. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What you do to get you off? Anxiety in college was horrible. Really? I remember it being crippling for me.

Now it doesn't matter as much, but I just feel like in college you're in smaller, tighter groups. It is true. like you see yes sitting next to the same people every day like sitting next to a kid you like bit at the bar last night like in your class be like hey i'm really sorry about that yeah i remember i put my wiener out at the bar one time yeah what was that about i was trying to just prank my wait this is real it's pretty bad actually i don't know what this no i i was to my roommate i was just trying to like show him my ball like a classic prank like oh look it's my ball and my wiener flipped out your wiener flipped out it's like oh hey i was like oh my god oh my

god and he it was fine but the next day i was like that could have i could be in jail yeah but i only he saw it okay and he was fine with it yeah he i actually think he might have liked it but i got band from my favorite bar in college it was owned by an irish guy and i didn't know i honestly i thought the potato famine was like a kind of like a joke like i didn't think it was like a big thing or whatever and i made some like kind of just bush league potato famine joke to him and he was just like 30 days told the bartender he was like 30 days you can't come back so i had to wait it out i think i can't i think you let me in a couple i think you've told that story too really yeah do we have any ones that we haven't told no i think only new stuff that happens i think we've covered

most of our i know but we our lives were cooler earlier i guess we need to get it's fucking sick right now bro you know you know what i did yesterday tell me i went to a movie screening what yeah no way this new movie with sydney sweeney and i i was told sydney sweeney was gonna be there i think she was there and i think i just missed her i just didn't see her like you just missed her like she was like she you got it there right as she was leaving or you just missed her like she was there and you just didn't see i think i they had like churros and i was kind of excited you got a little you took your eye off the ball a little bit yeah i took my exactly i kept going and getting churros and i think i i think i just missed sydney sweeney okay let's

let's you know willie because it was cool when this opportunity presents itself again yeah you need to be ready i already got i already in my life let's role play it andrew would you like to be sydney sweeney or should i be sydney sweeney uh you should be okay you're glenn powell i'm glenn powell and you're over there because wait they're not together that's why i'm saying he's over there he just is also at this party okay hey uh i love your jeans hi that's how she talks is it have you heard that jeans commercial it's like janes can be passed down from family to offspring yeah i would go i love your jeans and she'd be like oh she'd be like haha it's actually

kind of a dark time for me it's like kind of ruining my career and then i'll be like no i meant jeans like g-e-n-e-s g-e-n-e-s you sound like sydney sweeney do you i was you actually said i meant jeans like g-e-a-n-s g-e-n-e-s neither of the words are spelled that way what did i say g-e-n-e-s you were like no i meant g-e-e-s you're saying g-e-a-n-s she's like all right okay cool jean pull up the sydney sweeney jeans at it pull up sydney sweeney um bring out sweden bring her out james james can be passed down from family to offspring that's what my friend jack hamley sounded like that you go kelly i always thought he was irish but he's from alabama or i guess he is jamiel rourke was the laziest man i'm not here to tell

you to buy american eagle jeans and i definitely won't say that they're the most comfortable jeans i've ever worn or they make your butt look amazing why would i need to do that but if you said that you want to buy the jeans i'm not going to stop you but just so we're clear this is not me telling you to buy american eagle jeans city's tweeny hasbro jeans you see what i did there right i wish it wasn't so quiet in the room i wish there was like a uh maybe like a band in there like you know how like jimmy fallon and he's like hit it boys you wish the roots were there there was like a house band when um when i was at my friend's house this weekend he was like hey man you want to see something i'm like yeah sure he opens up like a cupboard just filled with the

sydney sweeney um soap yeah the bath water soap oh and i was like i looked it up dude they're going for like 2500 online i'm like these are like why doesn't he just sell them and retire i think that's what he's planning on doing but google like like bath sydney sweeney bath water soap for sale wait i thought it was just like regular soap you could buy no it's apparently they only made like 500 bars do you think they actually used her bath water they did yeah there was like a bunch of science into like how they like so like let me answer you or let me let me ask you guys this do you think like how do you think they went from get it like getting her in the bath to like getting the bath water i think they were like they probably lowered her

into it no i mean i'm saying like was there a guy was there a guy was there a guy was there a guy in there where they're like making sure like they're like a notary was a notary in there making sure that she was actually in the bath yeah it was a notary what are you talking about like because you're telling me they were like all right go like did they bring her to a house did they go to her house commercial they filmed a commercial of like her in like a bathtub and then afterwards they're like well we have all this water might as well they didn't even ask her no no they did they did like yeah like they filmed it i guess she wasn't naked oh she was not naked she wasn't naked i'm guessing uh i'm assuming not but uh oh

they made 5 000 bars that's what it is because this certificate is like from how many does your buddy have um like he had like 10 or 20 what does he do with them i think he's gonna resell them sniff or sniff them did they have a hole in the middle or was that a meme that that was uh that was a rumor but it's not true i checked i checked this week they did after andrew let's just say all 10 of them now there's like a like 10 new ones reached the market and there's just like a like someone clearly like crammed their junk through them yeah like a penis right shoving like a yeah right uh well i wanted to ask like i was like who was the guy that pitched that idea right and like how does that go down you stake your whole career on yeah it's a dicey

thing to pitch if that meeting goes differently you're like oh anyone have any ideas all right i got one idea but don't be mad the horniest guy in the world is like come on come on no i wasn't there come on knuckles we're doing knuckles now do you think we're doing knuckles now you know you know old guys are in on the fist bump now have you noticed that what like all old guys now like like that's their like their greeting of choice he's like knuckles like someone taught them that that was cool yeah both my grandfathers do it every old guy that i meet like golfing does it now okay i don't know i think someone told them because that that like do you think at some point they're gonna start dapping that would be weird we're gonna we're gonna be dapping up and

people are gonna be like look at those old ass people fucking what are kids gonna what how are kids gonna greet each other i have an idea okay elephant trunk a little bit of that and you kind of hit your hands on it it's like like what's up yo what's up yo how you doing our kids i feel like that could be huge like the whole new generation it's like old our kids are gonna suck they're trunking it i can already what is uh what's infra brando like the dolphin high five you know what i'm talking about no oh you know infra brand you know infra brand on uh on tiktok he like yeah he like goes up to people at walmart and he's like super creepy with them is he the guy that's like true poppy something that guy makes me so poppy that's the

podcast guy no no that's that guy i like that guy i the guy who like goes up in people's ears he's like true poppy more than you no i fucking hate that guy that guy's coming on the pod next week i love that guy all right let's see uh oh oh oh oh and he's like he's like hey matt like he like pretends like he knows them yeah check this out though wait what is that oh that's from a good time let me tell you you want to smell it oh i can't tell if you're cool or not right now i don't know oh i'm cool as shit buddy dolphin dive high five you want some always wait we're here on the same kind of mode aren't we it's made for finches but humans can drink it too finland finches no it's tuna juice and it's made for finches but humans can drink it too

is that a real thing no you want to taste why is this guy going along with it this guy's cool in the belt it's carbonated tuna juice it's made for finches but humans can drink it too hey people from Finland are humans too no it's made for a second it's made for finches so that guy said to the guy who's filming it seems like we're both here on the same mode yeah what does that mean that means that that guy just before this went up to a different guy and gave him finch juice and did a dolphin dive five do you think they're both do you think that like that guy is on something right 100 and that's why he's going along with this is he's like this is a this is a figment of my imagination like does

drugs like andrew yeah true how many how many mushrooms did you take how much um a couple grams i think wow yeah because like in the past i'd only done like half a gram you were all like yeah it was like it was one of those things where i was like i want to go slow and then like every five minutes i'd turn my buddy to be like more than chocolate yeah that's one i know they scare me they scare me a lot they scare me a lot really yeah why after that one time where you and i took like a real amount because i liked him when it was like you could i could kind of barely tell it was there yeah when i was actually feeling the effects of it i was like oh this is not it was fun in the moment it just lasted like when we go to like joshua tree

to do every once in a while but i don't i just kind of stopped using them yeah what were you feeling recreationally willie and i were having a lot of fun in the moment but then i think it just lasted too long like i i remember we went into the kitchen and willie is a very normal kitchen and it just felt it felt like we were in uh like a painting basically he hated my kitchen no it looked really cool it just felt like we were and then we were i remember thinking everything that wait that the bonfire we were in a painting did you think that was because of the drugs yeah no we were in a painting oh who painted it how did we get in there chet we're in one of chet's oh great we're in one of chet's paintings got hammered last

i ended up in one of chet's paintings that's like have you seen that that guy posted a video and he's like it's like when the post game sucks and he's like calling he's like getting ready and he's like calling his buddy he's like hey man how is it and he's like i don't know he's in that he's in that one painting it's like that famous one where it's a diner and there's like two people there and there are no doors and he's like i don't know there's like this weird feeling of like uh like lonesomeness and he's like i don't it's a really odd vibe but yeah all right this episode is brought to you by skims skims what nothing i wear skims every day of my life i discovered skims before they started sponsoring the pod and let me tell you i begged

months for this sponsorship they're the most comfortable underwear of all time i go with the cotton briefs yep originally i only had the white ones now i have green and gray where the white ones have been an issue for you the white ones were not an issue for me it's just sometimes i just want to maybe have to worry about it a little bit less if i'm if i'm having a big lunch or something right semantics here's the best part about them when i wear briefs they ride up all day long they ride up you used to see honestly you could run back to tape before we got skims as a partner the rusty rearrange was a real problem because they bunch up or in my nether regions when i put on my skims wherever they are on my leg when i put them on in the morning they

will be there when i get home from work uh they got five inch cotton brief they got three inch cotton brief i think they got regular brief for our men out there that like to live life on the edge a little bit willie you've been rocking skims lately i have been skims maxing yeah is what i call it and yeah no you you put me on and uh they're good just say they're goaded they're goaded and uh i highly recommend them they're not just for for women as i found out i thought skims like a woman thing now i know it's like a men thing yeah i love them well couldn't have said it better myself shop skims men's at skims.com and please guys let them know that we sent you after you place your order select podcast in the survey and then select our show in the drop down

menu that follows we love you get some skims let's get back into the episode uh all right we got a beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches then we're gonna do am i the asshole and then we're gonna do this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey i said this guy rocks and he rocks so hard he rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard there's rocks in my yard bang still got it still got it true playmate and then we are gonna do everyone's favorite segment teach me something and then willie and i are gonna do it's always sunny plots followed by that don't exist followed by bands that don't exist and then we'll wrap up with mailbag and rusty's song of the day where my mailbag where my mailbag at

uh we actually got mail back yeah we're mail maxing okay what is the worst part about shaving uh shaving your facial hair it hurts i wish i had more of it you have a good beard what's wrong yeah it's okay okay it's filling in uh when you're trying out like a new style you've never done it before so you don't like i have a technique to get my mustache i now have technique to get mustache and soul patch but i don't have like i couldn't do like a good goatee i couldn't do like mudding chops i couldn't do like a different type mudding chops mudding chops you know what mudding chops i think it's mutton isn't it i thought it was like you take like it's for guys that like go mudding no it's m-u-t-t-o-n i'm pretty sure like a lamb google mudding chops

now like with a d mudding chops is a phrase that could okay in facial hair no yeah you're right wow i thought it was like that like why it's like why like only like rednecks have them so they like wear a mud guess it's like a sheep isn't like mutton like sheep yeah it sounds like you know way more about it than i did i was way i was fucking way off mudding i mean it kind of makes sense it's like you know what i mean like look at that guy's mudding chops yeah uh okay it says it's a stencil for your face like you know when you're a kid you have that stencil that has like triangles and squares circles that you can trace you put it over your face and then there's like gaps for each one

so you just like only shave the stuff so like if i wanted to keep mustache goatee whatever i would just shave everything but what's in the like stencil line yeah i like that facial beard stencil stencil that'd be good for my goatee now you got a killer one now i gotta reshave the rest of it yeah do you think you ever just for men it no what is that when we were in high school we used to just for men our mustaches so they'd be like jet black and look thicker oh i do that yeah but if you leave it on do you actually yeah because like some of my hairs are like blonde yeah you can't see it mine gets red i'll like dye it yeah yeah i'm on goatee i will say you you're like there's still some like skin under there and i've seen guys try and just ferment it when it's when

it when their skin showing you get like chemical burn on your face oh so i would say yours looks past yours looks good as is um okay what is the worst part about sitting in a chair that is too like long so you start slipping it's too long so you start slipping bingo ass clamps ass clamps are a little attachment you put on your butt or on your jeans or whatever right and uh if you have that sort of seating situation you can get in the right spot lock them in they lock you down into the seat right and then you don't slide and you can lean back without worrying about slipping and sliding so i was watching this movie last night and then i was wow i was gonna say did you just come up with this like while sitting there no but i came up

with it recently for sure um but i was watching the movie last night i was like slipping i was slipping when i when i was watching the movie i was slipping right for i just got a notification about my insurance payment and i this is the first time i've ever paid my like uh put it on my card my car insurance and so i first time you ever paid car insurance so like before it came out of my like savings account i just like never looked at my dad set it up this time i had to do it because i was the one that went to the dealership and you can't drive the car away without car insurance so i had no idea how much car insurance cost my dad was on the phone today and uh he's like how much are you paying in insurance i was like i don't know

like 500 something a month and he was like what like that's like six thousand dollars a year i was like what is that like way too i knew it was like high because i got in an accident or whatever i thought maybe and he was like that is literally there's literally no one in the world that is paying that so now i have to call them and be like what the hell like they just they took me for a ride what company geico that's why i thought it was like they're not gonna lie to me i didn't they got a cute lizard that knows elise right yeah well uh yeah should i go like berate elise um i think california car insurance is like super high though but like 500 and whatever a month is so like i think my last one was four thousand dollars a year

this is like seven thousand yeah i don't know i've never owned a car so i don't really know what average car insurance what is ever what's like an average guy yeah yeah so i'm paying 200 literally double the literally double the highest oh that's right i gotta make a lot of calls now google the biggest fruit they've ever made oh let's guess banana squash that's not a fruit is it yeah there's banana banana no squash the fruit banana is a uh vegetable oh pumpkin wait wait pardon bananas has uh seeds banana is a vegetable right strawberries have seeds everything has seeds i thought it was like like tomatoes or fruits so bananas are vegetable google is banana fruit or vegetable i mean if banana is not a fruit

this is going to challenge my understanding of the world banana's a vegetable that is like you've had a worse misinformation but that is the most ridiculous that is like textbook fruit now yeah is squash or fruit fruit okay wait that says zucchini yeah squash that's the same thing i think okay all right that was one for two nothing nothing wrong with 50 percent but banana like i'd be like apples a vegetable apple banana like adam and eve of fruits those are like the big two yeah those are no apples and oranges that's i thought it was like i you know what after someone told me you know when you're a kid and some like smart ass is like you know tomatoes aren't a fruit

yeah i just that ever since that day i have had no fucking clue you just assume they were all the opposite yeah so let's do this guy rocks yeah all right andrew i'm gonna slack this to brian and lauren i got a good one or brian and you now oh that's sad would you ever have meat for lunch okay we don't have to watch the whole thing of this one andrew pauses immediately and i mean immediately oh no oh no i haven't looked oh my gosh refresh it refresh it and then pause okay we don't have to watch the whole thing of this but this was one of the funniest not even necessarily what he's saying just the the predicament this guy's found himself in he cheated on his girlfriend and so he to get himself out of it he sent a video to his ex

uh saying that the cia made him cheat and that they are framing him got it so let's give it a shot okay the information i'm about to share in this video is classified so please do not redistribute it without my permission as you can see it's sealed pause it in his head this manila envelope being sealed means means that it is 100 from the cia in his head that was a foolproof plan i mean so far i believe him okay let's see it I don't know why you're making fun of them it was literally sealed

classified it's got the CIA logo confidential So this document and any documents delivered with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed. If you have received this document in error, please destroy this entire communication and any attachments. This message contains confidential information and is intended only for the individual name. If you are not the named recipient, you should not. Pause it.

I don't know that word. He wrote this. He wrote this and he doesn't know what it says. Continue. Distribute or copy this document. Please notify us immediately by email at CIA underscore FOIA at UCIA.gov. if you have received this document by mistake and destroy this document and any attachments.

If you are not the intended recipient, you are notified that disclosing, copying, redistributing, or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibitive. It's literally just like five minutes of that. And then he says... This just now is the furthest I've made it through this video because it was so painful.

I just could not believe that this is a real guy. Should we fight through it and see if he says anything about them cheating? I don't know if I literally can. Let's see. dear ex-agent blue 32 miss roberts i received your concern of us hacking quote-unquote hacking into your ex-agent blue ones your descendants device and sending fake messages out back in february we discussed ex-agent blue one safety concern with the central intelligence agency

this video is getting too long it will be continued in a minute okay so i can't the best secret agent name that he could come up with was blue 32 agent blue 32 which is he probably does more like a gridiron related crime and stuff right yeah yeah yeah or like there's a bomb in the football yes exactly like at the all-star game yeah all right willie i know it's gonna be tough to beat that but i think we should maybe maybe see if you have a guy yeah we'll see is that the worst guy is that the worst guy that's ever gone to high school i mean what's so funny to me is the staple in the corner of the document because i don't think i've ever seen an adult like staple papers together from the corner yeah it's only like a high school that's the way your your

elementary school teacher gives you your packet exactly exactly i'm gonna be an elementary school teacher one day he thought that that was gonna work there was a real part of him that was like nailed this i i you gotta respect the hustle and it was something that took time too i mean like the whole like my my guess is he probably got caught cheating and had like 10 minutes to come up with a good response and went in and chat gpt and was like right of what's funny to me is that he didn't make i thought it was gonna be like the cia made him sleep with that girl but it was that they like hacked his phone or something that would have been honestly that would have like that might have been so funny that it would have gotten him out of the dog

like the cia made me cheat you don't understand the world was gonna end if i didn't sleep with this random girl i had to sleep with yeah there was a bomb in her underwear i wasn't i wasn't touching her i was diffusing it all right willie good luck beating that that was probably the toughest watch we've had on this guy rocks this one will be an easier watch for sure is it ai is it an ai baby no is it an ai baby no it's not an ai baby it's a guy new from Nespresso blend wellness into your coffee routine with the coffee plus range

infused with functional benefits choose the coffee you love with added b vitamins like coffee plus b12 to help support immune function and coffee plus b6 to keep your day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning. Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com What do you think was this

like a chore that his mom told him to do that he like it just like he was trying to make it more fun this is his job really what does he do he's you what we just watched a video he swings a big eric the level six wizard level 24 iron worker okay swordsman in training okay so that video had a thousand views where did you find that i think i'm a thousand views three million oh oh oh sorry and we actually got tagged in it on tiktok so shout out whoever tagged us in that i'm not gonna it looks fun yeah it looks like a fucking it looks putting it yeah putting in your mouth seemed like oh yeah how heavy is that thing like that would like hurt fucking my mouth imagine the heaviest thing you've picked up today do you think this guy's him

No. Or, no, okay. I like the intro where he, like, ducks underneath it. Yeah, that was, like, the coolest move. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. But then he kind of was like, oh, wait.

Like, didn't think it all the way through. Oh, shit. Yeah. Okay. I'm in on him. It's something. I'm in on him. This guy's rocks.

This guy's rocks. This guy's rocks. This guy's rocks today. Wait, give me your best strike call. Hoo! oh wait i was doing like i was doing like a strike out yeah just a regular you wanted just a regular strike yeah and then you wanted my strike out did i tell you what i was at i umped a little league game one time yeah and i i wasn't i would

only call it if it was a strike i wouldn't say anything if it was a ball because these kids were like five whatever and uh and one of their moms yelled from behind me she's like you have to tell us when it's a ball we don't know what's happening and then that was it and then let's just move on and that was what what happened let's just move on i think he just like lost a lot of steam wait i got another one i got another one i got another one wait what happened girl wait andrew andrew one second i got another this guy rocks i'm sorry i have to redeem myself you're doing another one i have to redeem myself this one's quick this one's quick have you guys ever wondered um wondered what the work week would be like if days were longer

yeah we all have so let's check this text me this is this is called if days suddenly changed to 52 hour days instead of 24 i think that's a little commentary on the on the blue collar work class let's give it a shot okay so what time do i show up at the job site at 6 a.m oh that's right the sun doesn't come out till 13 a.m yeah but wait by the time 6 a.m comes around i already had plenty of sleep oh but it's still dark outside till 13 a.m okay i'll see you at 13 a.m so what time do you close sir at 51 p.m okay excuse me sir what time does the club open at 45 p.m so right now it's 20 p.m so i have to wait 25 hours till it gets dark he's just gonna have like a breakdown p.m gotcha yeah he's having a breakdown

i wrinkled my brain i was like when he was like doing the 13 a.m and six yeah i was like trying to follow sleep yeah it'll still be dark it's a pointless effort it's gonna be dark i was like fuck he's right but at least you have plenty of sleep by then yeah oh but i'll have plenty of sleep by six a.m but it's still dark out that's awesome i really love that tiktok gave these guys the platform yeah there's some really good stuff that happens there all right should we do teach me something something andrew yes where am i from uh you're from maine where in maine uh role models high school good good i grew up in a town called cape elizabeth and did you know that we almost had a serial killer on our hands he was called the cape elizabeth watcher pull him up pull up

cape elizabeth watcher the possibly the creepiest looking guy of all time so that was the sketch of the cape elizabeth watcher and people single women were waking up in the middle of the night and they would see this guy standing over them breathing very heavily just watching them sleep and then the second they woke up he would like sprint out of their house and like jump out a window or something and uh no one locked like i lived here for 18 years and i don't think we ever locked our door once like people just left their doors open it was like a safe place he would just go into your house and watch you sleep and then the second you woke up would fucking lose his marbles and like sprint and jump out a window she's never

caught him it happened for like a while in a row and i i have a theory it's because it didn't seem like he had any i have a theory do you really lay it on me it kind of looks like your buddy phil it does kind of look like it looks like sketchy phil a little bit i have a i have a theory that what do you say he kind of looks like role model yeah i guess it could be like role model with a buzz cut i'm sorry that would be so funny but it didn't seem because it like the one woman one woman said that when they when she woke up and that and he saw he saw that she was awake and startled like the first woman it happened to she said he seemed like shocked that she was like thought this was like abnormal she said she

screamed and he was like what what about i mean it makes you rethink some of like oh shit here we go again i'm watching her sleep like now that kind of sounds right yeah yeah yeah you really dive into it at xanm we have this thing called code maroon okay it was like a text blast that would send all the students if like there was like something like dangerous on campus maroon it was called code maroon yeah and um there were multiple times where it was like girl woke up in her dorm and some guy was just like staring over her and like ran or whatever code maroon sounds like i know poop isn't maroon but something about like code maroon sounds like you got to take like a giant steamer yeah i'll excuse myself i gotta take a code maroon actually means something really

sad though this could help us crack the case but kate elizabeth's colors are maroon and gold so there's gonna be some sort of connection there yeah one one person was like yeah they never talk about this when they talk about the capels with watcher but i woke up because he was motorboating me like who like are there people that want to be motorboated or can you only be motorboated can you only be serious can you only be motorboated like i want okay i'm serious i want to be motorboated but i'm saying like is that a section is that a sex act or is that like a yeah 100 have you ever motorboated someone seriously like not joking uh actually that's a good point you know what i mean like you've never done it like you've never like

like a dare at like a party or something you know the girl's like i dare you to motorboat me or it's like everybody's like i dare you to motorboat that tn like well we used to have like parties and stuff where it's like you had to do a checklist of things and every time you like did something on the checklist like you'd put a star by like your name right and one of them was motorboating was motorboating did you like ask the person if you could motorboat them yeah you asked for consent i don't know if it was like a champagne and shackles type thing where it was like what's that you never did champagne and shackles no you had to that was also consensual totally i don't know yeah it wasn't a good comparison i was just i can't picture andrew

sweet andrew walking up to a girl being like may i motorboat you have one motorboat please guy what would you ever do it to a guy i was only doing it to guys at parties uh champagne and shackles was uh you were handcuffed to your date and you couldn't un unhandcuff yourself until you both had finished a bottle of champagne yeah okay which was uh the worst because i get pee shy so if you're like connected to someone i'd have to like close the door on the thing and have them be on the other side of the door and then i would just piss right on them you piss in the bottle to make it longer in the bottle to make you're almost you're almost done with the bottle and then you pee and then you're like we have to start over ew man i don't know peeing peeing all right how

about this my teach me something is also about a creep and this is about the kirkwood tickler it's a really real thing at bc like kirkwood i bet you yeah google it yeah there was a at this isn't kirkwood where uh where isn't that the name of the dorm that zuckerberg invented facebook in i don't know but kirkwood is a street cereal tickler breaking see cereal tickler this the main off-campus like house street at bsu's kirkwood have and uh a man has been breaking in like watch them sleep or tickling their feet 10 sightings of the tickler and it like we used to like hear about yeah look at this is no myth said sergeant michael o'hara it's happening like we always heard about the kirkwood tickler and

everyone thought it was like a bit sounds like a batman villain yeah the tickler he disarms you would break into houses and just tickle people's feet that's actually like my own personal nightmare i didn't take anything and there were laptops and wallets out in the main room i i hate being tickled more than that i actually i i wasn't gonna tell this story because i didn't want it to come off wrong but you kind of teed me up i accidentally kicked my girlfriend in the head this morning because she tickled me i was laying down on the on the bed while she was getting ready yeah and she tickled my leg and i did like a like a just like kind of knee jerk reaction thing and no pun intended oh yeah i did a hip jerk reaction and i uh healed her in the

temple and you healed her she i've never it was one of those moments where it was like you don't like you like uh kick your girlfriend in the face you ever kicked your girlfriend in the face it's kind of just like that no it's like uh it's like when because she's really like sensitive not that anyone should not that anyone would react well to getting kicked in the temple but like you're like a baby like someone's like holding their child and they accidentally hit their head on the doorframe and you have to like wait to see if they're gonna react to it was one of those moments where i was like oh like how's this gonna go and then just slowly like i was like i'm so sorry and she was like the only she was just scared because it hit her in the she was like it didn't hurt but

because i hit her in the temple she was worried she was gonna pass out yeah it's not like you usually die and so yeah it's like a pressure point uh should we do sunny plots that don't exist or bands that don't exist willy you pick let's do it's always sunny plots got it these are it's always sunny plots that don't exist uh the gang decides that the best way to keep the bar busy is to start a free shuttle service from downtown philly to the bar after struggling to get people on the shuttle voluntarily charlie who's in charge of getting everyone uh he tries offering candy uh when he arrives at the bar with a shuttle full of kids that he baited in with candy the gang has to explain to him what he just did charlie finds an old bible and becomes

obsessed with jesus he convinces the gang to help him be more like jesus with stuff like installing a pump in charlie's robes to turn patrons of the bar's water into wine charlie starts to amass a cult-like following but loses them just as quickly when he gets mugged outside the bar and they all realize he has no divine power love it the gang decides that if they want to increase revenue they need to make the bar bigger so charlie starts knocking down the wall and when he gets through the wall to his surprise he finds a second way cooler bar called frank and dennis's love and lounge he discovers that frank and dennis have been funneling patty's customers into a second bar they built next door to get all the money that's fantastic dennis gets a call from a girl

that he slept with saying she thinks she's pregnant to make sure this never happens again everyone sets off on their own trying to find the best ways to make themselves sterile mac goes to a boxing gym and tries to get guys to punch him in the crotch charlie re reads that hot water can make you infertile so he installs a hot tub in the bar and tries to get women to hook up with him in it dennis gets a call from the woman saying that she's not actually pregnant and they all immediately drop it and forget about their plans that's awesome when the rat problem becomes uncontrollable charlie starts to lose his mind dennis decides to buy some snakes to help charlie then bonds with the snakes over their shared role of hunting rats and begins to buy more snakes without the gang

noticing soon there are no rats but the bar is taken over by snakes uh the gang wins the lottery dennis sees an old woman drop her lottery ticket and pockets it before she notices that night it hits for 10 million dollars dennis decides that he wants to start a wealthy dynasty to rival the rockefellers and the vanderbilts so he moves everyone into a mansion makes them dress classy they join a country club and they hire a chauffeur to drive them around to expand on their wealth dennis decides to invest all the money in railroads because that's how the vanderbilts did it they lose all the money when they realize he bought an abandoned railroad that will never be used again love it uh all right should we do bands that don't exist these are bands that don't

exist punctured rupture flood scare tired ringleader anal hibachi two-course lunch free hands soup opera bottom tier tenders uh the fragile boys spin sale cracked foundation hot dog freeway naked polaroids hat that hurts the wooden hat finger monkey uh the clay warriors i'm i'm not even reading these up on the spot uh uh cosmic wi-fi i like that it's a little derivative of cosmic uprising but we can talk cosmic uprising is your band name that was one of the first ones we did sorry i wanted to make a shirt for it and it was gonna be like an alien rasta like doing the bob marley thing where he's holding his hands up what if there's a guy like that all stretched out on

it yeah what's the most you've ever stretched all right should we do mailbag yes mailbag how many do we have uh i think just two mailbag one at a time mailbag all right whoa what do you got you want to start yours sounds way cooler yeah this one's insane for lauren okay she's for lauren thanks for all your laughs played it isn't gonna be played it without you oof tough luck andrew uh we will miss you wishing you the best of luck on your endeavor you'll do great things xoxo leila and then and then she wants to say how grateful she is for the pod and um she gets her we get her through commuting on walks so thank you you're welcome you're you're very welcome and thank you i guess i should say that instead of you're welcome

all right she doesn't have a patron name by the asshole but a story that may interest us please fuck it let's ball she is from webster at mass home of the longest lake name ever lake charga Nailed it. Wow, I think I nailed it. Okay, we've recently had some big news in town. Imagine my surprise when I opened Facebook to see a news article stating that a five-foot-long water monitor has escaped from their owner's home and is now on the loose in Webster. It's a water monitor. It's like a huge lizard.

Pull up a water monitor. More specifically, Blueberry Lane, where I live. You might be confused as to what a water monitor is. It looks like a Komodo dragon. Because I was too. It's a fancy name for a gila monster or giant lizard. This happened about a week ago, and authorities still can't find it. They've issued warnings in my neighborhood to be on the lookout,

and that it might be headed for pools because it's looking for water. It might be headed for pools. Of course, this is happening the week of my pool party. College graduation party. Hopefully, I will not have an unexpected lizard friend lurking in the depths of my pool. If you guys are up for a lizard hunt, you are welcome to my grad party. And then she sent the time and address. wait that's like a tv show plot like they're like we already missed it the the water monitor that is

is heading for people's pools is on the week of her pool party yeah that's insane i'm thinking about them being like keep your pools inside oh her name is lilia not layla lilia fuck i have an outdoor pool keep your pool inside keep your pool inside oh that was brutal andrew said that to me and then i laughed and then i said it and you what you laughed like i only heard it yeah you just said it way louder than me i guess wait google webster mass water no i'm not googling anything anymore okay uh what water moccasin no that's a webster mass webster ma web water monitor yeah sure oh okay well you're gonna fit in really well here webster police captured it oh they got it uh pull it up click on the cbs boston well done webster p that giant lizard

that's been on the lam for the last couple of weeks has been found. The monitor lizard named Goose escaped from a home in Webster by jumping out a second floor window. Was spotted as far away as Connecticut and more recently, last week, in Douglas. But just about an hour ago,

police in Webster announced that Goose has been captured. We're standing by for specifics now from officials there. Wait, so this was someone's pet? Yeah. Is that legal? It must be. Dude, jumping out of a... All right.

Jumped out of a second floor window. That's insane. All right. I got a wedding invite from Jackson Reed Hewlett and Lacey Claire Stafford on the 6th at 5 p.m. I don't know if we're going to be able to make it, but I will be there in spirit. I got a... Dear Will and Rusty, enclosed is my fiance and I's wedding invite for September 6, 2025 in Anderson, South Carolina.

Jackson and I are huge fans of Playdate. this show isn't that crazy that there are people that are like like they have their life together enough that they're getting married and they listen to us together that's crazy i don't know i'm getting married by the end of the year uh this show has been a constant source of laughs hot takes and chaotic joy during this exciting yet stressful time in our lives whether or not you can attend we wanted to both we wanted you both to know that your podcast has become a fun part of our relationship we listen together laugh together and we thank you both for manning making our mondays and wednesdays better if you'd like to come our rsvp info is on the back and we'd love

to have you both it will not be a dry wedding so feel free to party accordingly love you guys jackson and lacy we love you too p.s jackson's birthday is july 30th okay we missed that by a couple days sorry jackson sorry jackson uh feel free to tell him happy birthday but no pressure jackson from the bottom of will andrew and eyes hearts happy birthday man happy birthday man p.s p.s.s uh we will miss lauren so much we will too we love you guys so much thank you for uh all right it's cool that like couples listen to you guys like together like do they like throw it on the tv like do you think they make a whoopee to it oh yeah you guys think you're in the background of like people having sex we're in the background while he's hitting it from the back

All right, so these poor people, they obviously haven't had sex in a bit. They're not married. Not Jackson and them. Not Jackson and Liz. But September 6th, they go back on their honeymoon. They fire up the Grunyans had a party, episode 126, and they go to town on each other. Grunion mode.

They go Grunion mode on each other. We love you guys so much. Again, if you guys want to write in, it's 149 Bay Street, Santa Monica, california 90405 ask for will and rusty um you want to hear your song of the day song of the day rusty songs of the day now has let's see how many followers this motherfucking thing has this playlist has 4500 people following again when we get to 10 000 two two of you are getting 101 today uh i'm yeah andrew today's song is as it was by harry styles it makes me happy and uh i think it's gonna make you feel the same way i'm all in the net i just took a bigger shit

i just want to go with me suck with my ball i'm not soccer ball today today was the first time first uh add to the post since lauren left and lauren kind of ham-fisted one of her own in there So if you're wondering why one song doesn't fit the vibe at all, it's because our lovely Lauren added it. And I almost didn't add it, but then I was like, that's kind of messed up. Did she have control over it? No, no, no. She pitched me a song on her last episode.

Oh. So I added it this morning. Your tubes are tied. And Lauren is sharing the... Her tubes are tied? Yeah, his tubes are tied. My tubes are tied. I had no choice, man.

My tubes are tied. So this pitch is from Calvin. he says what's up michael jim and dwight i'll be gwipe kevin you're angela uh what's the worst thing about peeing at urinals at bars stage fright there's no dividers splashes back onto your shins if you can't if you can't get a stream going in the first five seconds then you have to think about whether you're going to give up and go wait for a stall or if you're this is so not relatable to me i'm sure there it is to some part of the population something really weird in my brain i yeah i'd say stage fright wait you go from the urinal to like if i can't get a stream going

immediately i will push as hard as i can for another five seconds and if that doesn't work i will go out and wait and wait for a stall also i feel like if you walk in and there's a stall you'll just go to that yes but i'm saying he always just goes and pees in the stall oh okay i don't like people because i'm worried someone's gonna like push me i'm just thinking about someone seeing you go to the urinal and then go to the stall that's what i'm saying i sometimes i'll be like you know what no you're gonna be a man you're gonna pay at the urinal and then it doesn't work so i just go out and i wait in line for the stall but if the stall is open i immediately oh i see i see what you mean because there's like yeah the fear isn't that someone will see your wiener it's

that they'll push you i don't care if anyone sees my wiener i'm worried like something's gonna happen i'm like piss all over myself what i don't know it's not like a rash it's the same thing with like i'm worried that there's a snake in my toilet like i'm aware it's not a real thing you got bathroom trauma yeah yeah do you have like something that happened oh when i was a kid i got bumped at the end like a little bit and i peed on my pants but like i don't i'm not thinking about that specific instance i think i'm just it's so much pressure there's so much happening i'm also worried it's more about like if i can't get it going immediately then i'm worried that people are thinking that guy can't pee yeah yeah i'm working on it though yeah peeing sorry what's

the worst part anyway um so calvin says you can't bet on it you know that's a good point i like where his head's at you know those water gun games at carnivals where you keep shooting at the target to make your heart to make your horse cross the finish line first imagine that but the target is in the urinals and you have to pee at the target to get your horse to cross the finish line the horses would be shown above the urinals and everyone else in the bar would be able to bet money on which urinal would win the race you can bet as much cash as you want and if you bet on the winning urinal you split the total pot and how many people bet on that urinal the only downside is that i think guys would spend more money in the bathrooms than in the bar but ultimately i

think it would be an awesome feature for any dive bar i love that that actually might get me out of it like if there were some stakes i like that a lot yeah man that would be really fun i love uh p i pee a lot i'd be really good it's p maxing sometimes if there's you know some uh some urinals have like a shell or something yeah like a target apparently they put it they put that there because instinctually guys will try and pee on it and that's the part where the splash will be the least yeah that's interesting that's cool all right okay uh what's up neil buzz and michael buzz armstrong i'll be neil aldrin who's michael buzz aldrin uh i think he was like the third michael collins the third less yeah he stayed on the ship oh while the other two went down to the that's like

a family guy cut away yeah i feel more i feel more left out than michael i mean he knew going into it but yeah it is kind of crazy he couldn't have like taken a peek kind of someone else together the thing i guess i don't know go all that way and not i feel it have you seen it leave the moon like it like going back up it doesn't make it there's like no like oh the way like the way it leaves it just like it looks like almost like fake it just like floats back up it's crazy spaceship maxing also how did they how did they film it like they left a camera there that filmed it from it was like remote controlled how did they get that footage well michael collins was in the thing orbiting the moon yeah while a separate little craft went down and landed on the moon but

i'm saying you know like there's footage of like it leaving with neil and buzz back to go back up to the thing yeah but michael collins would have been operating that from the or your camera that the camera that was on the moon that's like watching that always like blew my mind yeah watch this watch this video and tell me how this works yeah watch this and the camera like tracks it like he does like a good like pan that's fucking impressive stuff wait how do they film it that's what i'm asking you i don't know it doesn't make any sense wait can you google it they're saying it was like remote controlled oh but also the like there was no like sense of propulsion it was weird

using a camera mounted on the lunar roving oh that was like the rover the camera was controlled remotely from earth that's crazy also they were like on the phone with the president that's that is the that is so cool i can barely i can't even get the president on the phone now i talked to i talked to him like this morning i was like what the hell man um all right should we hear a what are we on pitches pitches yeah um oh that was what we were on the neil one that i got distracted neil buzz and michael um what is the worst part about going to pick up a bagel and a coffee from your favorite shop you desperately want the seeds to ask you if you're if you want the usual but you don't go

frequently enough for them to know what that is the seeds sting your fingers on the bag we got two good options yes uh that's right getting stuck behind a family of eight to place a massive order yep obviously they do not know the menu the way you do and your order will only take a few seconds to place therefore i introduce to you the singles line for bagel and coffee shops nice your efficiency will be rewarded with elite frequent flyer status ensuring that you have access to the high speed ordering line those who try to sneak in an extra bagel or take too long pondering the menu will eventually be blocked from accessing the singles line p.s keep up the great work love the show lauren will miss you nalin i i love that because it combines a few things one efficiency two it

seems like there's a status aspect to it we all you get you know bagel miles or something but that is there that happened to me at leila a couple months ago there was a family that i don't it seemed like they weren't even they'd never been in a coffee shop before they were trying to wrangle their kids and ask them what they want when the kids like running around the shop and it was like if he doesn't clue doesn't want to bagel that much let me let me order in front of him i like that i'm in sold i always feel like when i'm at like a drive-through for something the people in front of me take so much longer and i'm like in and out and i'm like what are other people doing and we only know people that are in and out yeah yeah i went to mcdonald's this weekend and like

the lady was there for i should you know like 10 minutes yep talking and then when i pulled up she order like the whole menu and i was like oh my god like why do you need that much bring out the whole farm bring bring out ronald i want to talk to ronald i love it tell ronald to turn off his body cam um i don't know if i have tell ronald to turn off wait go on the cam yeah have you seen those have you seen those where it's like uh the jersey mike stuff they're like tell mike to turn off his body cam do you see that that guy that uh that cop that just slept with the um suspect he pulls this woman over and he's driving her back to the stage yes and she's like i'll fuck you right now he goes don't say that don't say that it's recording yeah and he just hands

just goes over and he clicks it off and then the next footage is another cop getting him from the back he when he because he went in the back to hook up with her and it locks from the inside and so he had locked himself in there and then they bring him back the next day and make him recreate how he got stuck in there and he's him trying to explain pull it actually pull that up yeah nothing but time pull up cop gets stuck in the back seat i'm down to fuck right now well i can't hear you now don't say that right now I said don't say that right now because everything's being recorded right now

What's going on? Wait Wait Yeah, you're right here Yeah, watch this, right here Oh Man um am i the asshole no okay oh oh i think when are you it's a separate google sheet uh

do you want to just pull one from reddit we'll do it next week yeah all right next or we'll do it on monday yeah we'll be prepared on monday we we're gonna guys just bear with us as we learn and we grow we're also we're learning we're learning about all the things that lauren did behind the scenes that i didn't know about yeah like did you know there was no bagel and coffee on my desk when i got in this morning i know it's insane i had to wipe my own ass no i know oh she will be missed she will be and she will oh and then 120 who's number 29 really oh good question or who's 29 no i got it ready clyde edwards e lair would have been a crazy poll huh 29 is peter tarling you can't do god no you have to do

that's not peter tarling lacrosse that's not part of it lacrosse that's just your that's just his friend there's not even any evidence of it we'll put a picture of him right here we're in 29 no we gotta get a real one there's a running back there's okay who's let's it's probably easier to get someone who's 29 years old no i'm gonna get a running back what about role model how old is he oh uh running dominic fike oh dominic fikes 29 wait no there's a running back probably javid best what is it j-a-h-v-i-d oh i don't know i'm seeing a four 44 uh 29 year old is ben jarvis green ellis no he was oh maybe actually maybe Who was

Who's the guy that's dating Gracie Abrams Paul Mescal Yeah Paul Mescal age I was like What sport did he play 29 Is he

Yeah Bang Yeah Alright then I get I get one more I get one more poll You get redemption Michael

What was that guy's name He was like a running back for the Chargers and then he went to the just Google like Michael Chargers

running back. No, he's better on the Falcons. Michael Turner. You didn't even get one in the 20s. It was 40s. No, Clyde Edwards

E. Lair. Yeah. All right, come on. There's a guy in the Chiefs. Wait, we already got one. Paul Mascot. I know, I want a football guy.

All right, I get one more guess. I get one more guess. If I nail it. Oh, what's the running back for the Vikings? It used to be on the Packers. Adam Jones. Aaron Jones? Aaron Jones.

Why did you put football? I don't know. I panicked. God, you were all over 33 today. Oh, no, 29 right there. Where? When he was on the UTEP minors. then that is what i meant exactly or is that a three 29 29 there we go okay aaron jones at utep

when he was on the utep minors all right we love you guys have a great rest of your wednesday have a great weekend and we will see you guys bright and early for our monday episode drive safe drive safe calculating route to avoid seeing poverty turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away then take the next exit let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty your donations help the united way fight poverty in thousands of ways like providing food, shelter, and crisis prevention.

Donate today at unitedwaygt.org.