Will & Rusty's Playdate - the DISTURBING reason farts exist

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

Will and Rusty figure out why humans have two eyes instead of one, hear an extremely strange am I the a**hole story involving formaldehyde, and, of course, talk pirates. They also question the logic of paying for soup and whether or not they’re landlubbers. Finally, they wrap it all up with one of their favorite segments, sayings that don’t exist, and draft their top Greek myths. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod LISTEN TO ELEVATOR PITCH: https://open.spotify.com/show/2pRyB2jHaS1IxWeZ4LQXfm?si=7aEFgk_gQVa6W5MFFuP6-A HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  USE BETMGM BONUS CODE PLAYDATE AND GET YOUR $1500 FIRST BET OFFER TODAY https://promo.nj.betmgm.com/en/promo/geolocator?orh=promo.betmgm.com&wm=7123555 JOIN US IN DRINKING FIREBALL DURING OUR GAME DAYS THIS SEASON https://www.fireballwhisky.com/. MUST BE 21+.  TRY EVERY MAN JACK TODAY https://www.everymanjack.com/discount/PLAYDATE FOR 25% OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER. (00:00) Intro (03:24) Teach Me Something (12:37) Pirate Talk (18:23) PSA to Those Feeling Anxious… (24:30) Making Liam Pee his Pants (28:47) Hairy Guys (34:01) Soup (38:35) Willy Pretzels (42:34) I Don’t Buy Anything I Like (57:15) Roadmap (58:05) Two Truths and a Lie (01:01:35) Pitch Submissions (01:07:23) Pitches (01:18:19) AITA (01:27:33) This Guy Rocks (01:32:09) Sayings that Don’t Exist (01:35:00) Greek Myths that Don’t Exist (01:42:05) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

as always this podcast is brought to you by triple the original high seltzer redefining the party landscape are we podcasting yep played it played it wait what was i just about to ask you wait fuck i'm about to remember something okay this is horrible for podcasting this doesn't count this doesn't count are you doing worst podcaster ever no wait wait wait i was just trying to be like oh did you guys hear okay whatever do you see do you see biden snap at that um at that reporter no it's the funniest video of all time you get sicko mode she goes fuck what did you ask him we gotta restart this is it yeah wait it's fine wait i have something to announce actually you know how last week i was talking about that cantina crispy chicken taco

yeah so i was at work late last night so i get home i don't really have much food in the refrigerator so i ordered taco bell okay i ordered the cantina crispy chicken it was such a disappointment yeah yeah i've been trying to say it's not good it was ass cheese you've had it uh yeah i've had it i had it after the halloween party when i had a few drinks yeah i was sober last night yeah i wanted to vomit nerd yeah yeah that's how taco bell works but but i got i always get the bean and cheese burritos a safe you know no but it's sometimes it's not good i've got in the cheese is like grody um but i i remembered what the biden thing was she goes president biden do you think you can cut a hostage deal before your before your term ends and he looks

at her and he goes do you think you can get hit in the head with that camera behind you he's just he's he's had it he's on his that's awesome i hope he starts going crazy so your teacher who's retiring at the end of the year yeah i don't care about your works anymore that's so funny uh yeah so i went on i went on will peters podcast last night also i called the wrong you know we have two friends named will peters yeah i called the wrong will peters yesterday yeah to ask him a question and he let me get it was like a minute and a half question and he let me get through it without saying a word did he know was he clearly knew it was the wrong will peters and he goes i think you meant to call will denellan and i said no i actually

have another friend named will peters they know each other do they uh lovely guy do not have any way to differentiate their contacts it's just will peters i've realized i don't have our will peters number the only way i communicate with him is slack he doesn't have mine asshole um both assholes but they so if you're not familiar will peters has a podcast called elevator pitch you should go listen it's great co-worker is our co-worker will peters and you not the other not the other will peters and you click or you pick a movie star and you pick a year and you like pitch them tanner pretends to be so for my episode he was orlando bloom so tanner's pretending to be orlando bloom in 2007 right after pirates of the caribbean ended and my pitch uh i'll give

you a quick little history lesson right now this is actually my teach me something but um yeah should we just wait well now now you have to do it you want to just start the episode to teach me something yeah fuck it we'll start the episode teach me something teach me something in uh old england there was these things called whipping boys and and the reason that these whipping boys existed was you couldn't like punish a prince because they were royal so they would get him a kid his age and make them best friends and anytime the prince fucked up they just take it out on the whipping boy which is insane um that is crazy isn't that wild and so my pitch is orlando bloom is the young heartthrob whipping boy okay of a prince and uh he kind of likes it no he hates

it he hates it and uh him and the prince are best friends the prince mysteriously falls ill and dies and with no legitimate male heir the king announces that uh orlando bloom is his bastard son and the reason he made him the whipping boy was he was to get back at orlando bloom's mother for not wanting to be with the king and so orlando broom is now uh promoted to prince got it and he challenges the king to a duel oh and uh he brutally like slaughters the king and becomes king and frees all the whipping boys in the kingdom yeah is that a good movie idea yeah that is a good movie if you're out there listening and you want to buy my movie the whip i will sell it to you for almost nothing i just want to see it on the big screen yeah i would be an angle about

a guy who really wants to be a whipping boy he has like a good other job yeah he really wants he likes it lauren i wanted to ask about your live show last night oh yeah we did a live sketch comedy show last night can i say one more thing about whipping boys yeah whipping boys were what was on vine back in the day yeah there we go there we go continue well wait don't i have to answer my teach me something too oh yes teach me something you're gonna love this i was reading about pirates nice because i'm fucking watching dumb outer banks it's so bad but i can't look away wait so you put it on and you then you like read about pirates while you're watching it well it's the it's like all pirate lore this so you were not reading about pirates you were watching outer banks

no no like it prompted me to go and read about oh i see yeah i see steed bonnet you familiar no the gentleman pirate his name was steed or steve steed steve with a d uh steed bonnet he was just like a pretty like well-to-do guy right and was just like being a pirate seems like a blast and so he literally knew nothing about piracy but he had like money so he was able to like yeah pay people like build him a ship and then get like pay people to like be his crew and then they just went to the bahamas and were like we're gonna be fucking pirates they didn't know what he was doing and he met up with blackbeard and he was like yo show me the ropes and so he kind of teamed up with blackbeard for a while and then eventually split off but he was

apparently he was like very well dressed and like he didn't fit the mold of a pirate yeah he was like from just like a normal background he just wanted to be a pirate i don't know if this is the same guy yeah or if this was just blackbeard's like mo but the way blackbeard got started was a similar thing there was like a rich guy who was like a more of like a privateer than a pirate and hired blackbeard uh to like be his first mate or whatever and then blackbeard like very quickly became like the guy because everyone's like oh we don't respect this fucking because the rich guy wouldn't take part in any of the raids he would just like chill in his cabin and blackbeard was like clearly the captain of the ship and so he like broke off and became like edward teach

it's a lesson on leadership yeah apparently you putting in the work the rich guy would the rich guy would hang out in his like nightgown while the boys were like slaughtering each other probably one of those little hats yeah yeah yeah well i think that's a different story because i think blackbeard was established by the time steve bonnet came around but yeah steve bonnet ended up i think they both ended up getting hung in charleston have you ever heard how blackbeard got uh well blackbeard did not get get hanged or got decapitated yeah did you ever hear that story you ever heard how black had they caught blackbeard no black have i told you this before definitely but blackbeard blackbeard was like the guy like he was like the lebron of pirates

like very well known he was kind of like widely considered like the goat of like the golden age of piracy which was like the early 1700s so this is a real guy blackbeard yeah his name was edward teach no no this is pirates of the caribbean no no this is real i swear to god this is real what it's like the boy who cried wolf oh yeah we can't even like tell stories someone commented and they're like so this is just the podcast where friends lie to each other blackbeard is a real guy this was this was real okay and uh basically i think it was king george was like we are so fucked there are so many fucking pirates out there i'm gonna put an end to this and he declared that if you were a pirate and you turned yourself in by like september 15th i don't remember the

date like i will let you keep all your booty you just have to promise that you like won't be a pirate anymore pretty great deal because like a lot of these guys were like it was inevitable they were going to get caught at some point yeah and so that all these guys would go in and be like yep hand to god i was a pirate but like i'm done and they just like retired with their riches whatever that's awesome and blackbeard was like okay i need to make one like massive score before september 15th so that i can like go to king george or whoever it was and be like all right i'm done yeah and i can retire off all this wealth that i have and so they held uh this port in south carolina or north carolina like hostage basically and it was like anyone who came in the boys were

just like it was like buford right yeah they were just like smoking it was like right off like okra coke island are you familiar with that no no it's the only reason i know this is because that's like where it happened okay so him and the boys have like a huge night they're like partying their fucking balls off and they like anchored near okra coke island and uh they're all like hung over blackbeard's like fucking playing with his map whatever like walking the thing there's no way there's no way there's like historical documentation this is how i picture it happening but like apparently he was like still in his like nightwear gimme's like the boys were just fucking banged up no one was awake yet and he's like walking his thing on the map you know

just like playing with his tools and shit and he like looks out the window and uh there was this guy named maynard who was like a british general and like his main thing was like i'm gonna fucking get this guy i fucking hate this guy so much he sees maynard and the boys coming and so they fucking cut their slew whatever try and get the ship off in time like he's like trying to wake up all the guys being like yeah yeah like the british were right there yeah and uh and they see the boat and they're like oh maynard like does not have that many boys like it's just him and like six guys and they're like oh let's just go fuck up maynard solve this problem whatever maynard had told his whole crew stay under the deck because i know blackbeard and i know his

hubris and he's going to like think that they can beat us because there's no one there yeah so they board maynard's ship and all the boys just come out from the rafters huge battle breaks out they're like fucking shooting at each other like from like six feet away with like those those their guns back then had the bullets were like the size of your fist it's like dudes like chests are getting like blown it was crazy sword fights happening whatever maynard and blackbeard lock eyes from across the ship they like knew each other and it was like like if like lebron and curry like saw each other and they start like running directly at each other this is a this is there's there's historical evidence to back this up okay they lock eyes across the ship blackbeard used to carry like

six pistols because like you can't like reload them so he's just like firing at maynard like maynard's like missing him like like bobbing and weaving maynard fucking bests him with a sword I believe Somehow kills him Battles over They cut Blackbeard's head off And they put it on the front of their ship To be like

Like piracy's done Wow And they got him Isn't that crazy? New from Nespresso Blend wellness into your coffee routine With the Coffee Plus range Infused with functional benefits

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change your morning let your morning change you discover coffee plus on espresso.com yeah did you like that i did like that i was like i was like transported to another world how are they documenting that i know i'm i there were a few things where i wanted to be like all right there's no way anyone knows that yeah they lock up but i don't i don't want to i didn't want to be that guy i just like to picture him like like when we're hungover we're like immobile and like the alcohol that they had back then like surely gave you like the nastiest hangover he's just like like fucking sipping tea and he's doing this he's like walking his like this seems to be a big part of your story sort of cranking his ham no i'm picturing him like he has that little

like a compass yeah compass and he's like walking it on the map yeah where the fuck are we gonna go And then he, like, sees the boys. Where the fuck are we going to go? Yeah, but he never made his big score. That's a bummer, man. I mean, or maybe that's good. I fucking love pirates. Yeah, they're sick.

They used to, he, so his whole thing was, everyone thought he was this, like, super violent guy. Yeah. Very rarely did he, like, ever kill anyone. Because, like, his, like, reputation preceded him. So he, like, didn't have to. Oh. Because they would see the flag, and they'd just be like,

we're good. and he was he was actually like very very democratic in the way that's probably not the right word he he freaking biden voter he uh he would capture these people and he would be like usually they would just kill him or whatever yeah but yo you can join my crew and that's like how his thing got so big and he would let black people join which was like not it was kind of unheard of back then like pirates were like oddly progressive in their like views whatever yeah that said if they didn't want to join his crew he would sell them back into slavery so i'm not going to give him like too much credit but like he would let the boys hang whatever um but he would see how

he's smoking there lauren they he would put matches in his beard like slow burning matches and light them on fire like when he was like approaching a ship like people legitimately thought he was like the devil they'd be like oh black beard like his beard is made of fire whoa it's kind of savage crazy guy yeah they don't really know much about him they think he's from liverpool which is funny when he died what do you say it says he's from bristol it's unconfirmed did you say how old was he when he died yeah go to wikipedia oh god what no it's just weird you're gonna click something fucking weird 35 to 40 that's solid career yeah back then that was like 105 yeah yeah but he they think they think what happened was he was like a lot of these

pirates the reason they became pirates is the the british crown or like the spanish crown all these different they were trying to just they would hire pirates basically they would make they're these ships of like privateers yeah basically it was like you can be pirates but it's like for us and it's only against like our enemies right so like the british would uh would like steal from the spanish whatever yeah and um they just cut them all loose and the only skills these guys had were like pirate skills and they were like i don't really know what to do now so they just all became pirates in between like 17 13 and 17 18 somewhere around their pirate it was called the golden age of piracy and like everyone and their fucking

mother was a pirate i mean it sounds like a blast i know maybe not though you probably have scurvy and shit yeah that's what they did they put his head on the front oh gross poor guy i actually i i'm kind of with you i think it would be fun yeah yeah his flag was so cool that was badass i think uh it probably would be miserable yeah well like now because we're like used to you're just always on it if you were anyone but him yeah you'd have to be the guy you'd have to be blackbeard everyone else on the ship probably had a hellish existence yeah but i think they like revered him like they were they was like he got he made them all like way richer than they could be as like landlubbers yeah do you think are we landlubbers yeah we're flatlanders too

which is that someone called me a flatlander when i was it's like basically people who aren't from the mountains oh and i wanted to be like no i'm i'm a flatlander now but i wasn't i wasn't a flatlander going out in coastal maine i went to sugarloaf i don't think that counts um flatlander sounds bad uh yeah i don't know i kind of like it i'm a flat lander something i think um yeah i don't know so how was the live show yeah oh the live show was unreal dude it was like chicks like throwing their panties throwing bras at us like angus couldn't even get through one of his lines because he was just getting hit in the face by chicks bras the whole night that's sick and they're like huge bras um no it was it was fun it was fun it was a 10 o'clock show and then

we had to like chat with people after sitting at home till like 1 a.m which was you guys do like a little meet and greet yeah i mean it's a lot of like the other guy like i don't have like agents but the other guys do so it's like it'll be like their agents and stuff and like yeah other like comedians and stuff and that we'll hang out after which is fine theater uh yeah ucb but it was good it went really well i knew all my lines i didn't fuck anything up what was your favorite sketch oh can you explain hump day to lauren this is one of my favorite will did ellen joints i know this one oh yeah i mean you've been to the live show oh no well like the original video i've seen yeah uh it's just a basically an exaggerated version with billy with billy yeah which is really fun

yeah i fucking love billy yeah which one's billy again i'm kidding is liam technically a william as well no he's just liam have you ever thought that will and liam make a name i know that's funny they complete each other a lot of times liam is short for william interesting yeah but it's funny that we have will me angus and billy are all william and then liam is could be william yeah that's so yeah and then i didn't know billy was a william elise could be short for william too yeah can i give a psa to the playmates real quick that something i was thinking about yeah playmates if you're out there and you're listening and you're feeling a little anxious i want to tell you a story that someone reminded me of

that no matter what you did this weekend it's not worse than what i did this one time when i was i was a i was a business major in college with bimnus and they put in like halfway through our halfway through my college experience they put in this pool in the middle of campus and it was like just a place kids would like hang out in between class you could like go get food you could like sneakily bring drinks down there or whatever and the problem with that is like if you have a class at like two you'd like go to campus at like noon and like someone's drinking down at the pool so you're like I could have a couple drinks whatever we got like a little too drunk before one of our business classes and usually it was like you know those teachers

that just tell stories about their life like it has nothing to do with the class yeah yeah so I was like okay this will be this will be awesome like we won't have to talk whatever and every once in a while he was he was like it was very well connected like retired businessmen so like sometimes he would bring in his like very successful buddies to come like speak to us and like the cmo or like something someone some high up executive at starbucks was speaking in our class and we like didn't realize we sat down we were like hammered we're like okay just like don't say anything to this guy and then he opened up the floor for questions and everyone had to have a question oh god that was like a fit like our teacher would be like you know this is a relaxed

class but like when you do have access to these people like you should use it whatever right and it got to me and i couldn't think of anything and i was like hammered like like slurring my words and i said i know it was bad i was like um i was like have you ever have you ever heard of dumb starbucks and he was like what and i was like nathan free there's a show nathan i started explaining nathan nathan for you tim for like 10 minutes and then my teacher cut me off and was like all right let's just like move on to the next guy and i didn't have many friends in that class like except for like a handful of kids so this dude there were like 30 kids at rollins now yeah that that was probably the only time they heard me talk and think that i'm like the bit either

the biggest moron or like a drunk that like comes to class hammered so if you're two if you're feeling anxious about your weekend at least you didn't do that did you do that often going to class no no that was just like the only time like toward the end of the year i'm hoping yeah we were like seniors and it was like who cares yeah um yeah that we used to yeah we used to just like the professors would drink with us actually it was just like chaos and the senior year oh my god no i'm kidding doing like like shot skis in the back like where'd you guys get that no i was just thinking about i had this computer science professor i don't know why i said it like that but uh she would wear the same pants every day i was just thinking about it and there was

like this stain on the back and we were having this debate like she didn't wash them i don't know it was like a long-term stain like it was like a bleach stain or like something right right and uh she was the sweetest lady but it was one of those things i was like oh god she's wearing those pants again like how often is she doing laundry i don't know i guess i'll never know maybe she's a minimalist i know i don't mean to make fun there's no way she's listening to this but if she is i i've i've really loved your class i loved it i was telling liam and angus this story yesterday um but i you know my friend shamus i think so he would i don't at all i don't know why i said that it was just one of my buddies from school and uh his pants would stand up when

he took them off sometimes like there was a pair of carhartt pants that were like so stiff that they would like stand up and like he would he could prop them up on his boots so it looked like the bottom half of a man wait what were they like wooden pants i'll put a i'll put a wallace and grommet you know the oh yeah yeah i'll put a picture right here if i can find the wrong trousers grumet but he would send pictures like when he was pooping he would take his pants off and his he would just put his pants across the room and it would look like there was like the bottom half of a man standing there i can't picture pants that makes absolutely no sense we'll put a picture right here i'll ask him for it but um it's a funny picture that is funny

that's it's making me laugh just thinking about it i'll tell you that guys this podcast is brought to you by triple triple is the original high seltzer with three milligrams of thc and just 15 to 20 calories triple offers a social buzz similar to that of your favorite hard seltzer light on calories high on life it's all natural gluten-free and again just 15 to 20 calories i love triple me too i can't harp enough how this 15 to 20 calorie thing is huge especially if you're doing it you know maybe maybe you're in a group where everyone's drinking and you just kind of want to take it a little easier you don't want to feel hung over the next day just have a few triples and you're you know you could have three or four of them over

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that's drink t-r-i-p-l-e dot com and use code playdate for 10 off your order triple redefining the party landscape let's get back into the episode did i did i tell you that like i was trying to make liam pia's pants thing i saw him right after it oh my god we were driving to the live show right after and he had a full dunking coffee and i guess you'd been like filling up and billy billy's like got that you know that new york driving slams on the brakes you know what i mean i that shit's stressing me i hate being in a car with someone like that he's like going so close to people's bumper anyway he's like i'm sorry billy if you're listening i still want rides when i ask for him uh he pulls up really close and liam has that like massive

dunking coffee in the cup holder and it just flies out hits the center console starts spraying everywhere and then liam like picks it up and like puts the top back on and then there's a leak coming out the sides we're like oh fuck fuck and then will's like put it out the window put it out the window so he goes to the moment he puts it out the window then that just means there's like crazy airflow so then it's just like spewing spewing anyway he just had to throw it out the window on like pacific it's not like um what did he say about the peeing his pants experience he said it didn't work but yeah it didn't they said it was funny i uh i i basically met with this like joke writer off craigslist to like craft the perfect joke for liam and it was like

obviously horrible yeah um it was just the most awkward because i was waiting like okay i have to do this at the end of this podcast and so i was like nervous why did you do that because i didn't want to do it in the middle and then like have to just sit there with them for another like hour um but yeah it didn't work but i was trying to make liam basically like two years ago liam pointed out that i had a drop of pee on my pants and so to get him back i was going to try and make him pee his pants and i kept like refilling his iced coffee and that didn't set off any alarms for him he was like oh thank you um but yeah didn't work um what was the joke i think i mean i think that podcast will be out by now yeah it was basically it was basically just um

this story about like a dog and a monkey having sex fuck i see my pain i came my yeah imagine all right that counts i came my pants oh my god um and then the nine months later the i can't wait for us to see we basically me and the joke writer like whiteboarded it we had like a writer's room and we came up with like literally the worst joke of all time but i think he was just too nice to say anything he was like now that is funny and it it was the yeah it's not even worth saying if you can watch the how cool when it comes out later can't wait watch the one that just came out too yeah watch the gator hunting one that one was fun i watched it yesterday and it made me sad oh yeah they're an invasive so you

like alligators when they chomp people's arms lauren they chomp people's arms yeah but they're an invasive species and you need to they don't die the hunters yeah they literally don't die the hunters need to do their part would you want an alligator in your house no no if we don't kill all of them then there will be one soon i've been seeing so many tiktoks not so many maybe me too i feel like i just keep they keep coming up on my for you page nice one or two videos recently of of bears just being in people's homes i saw this video of like these girls come home drunk and there's a bear like scavenging through their fridge and then they and then the bear just leaves with a plate like made a plate no no just a plate

not even any food what a nightmare that must be to come home from the bars and there's a bear yeah you think i i feel like russie's definitely a bear but i think i might be a twink what do you think what does this mean like in gay relationships there's like a bear yeah oh i don't know i mean you're a hairy element that you're definitely a bear yeah i would agree but i'm worried i might be a twink am i a twink maybe i'm not worried i guess you're definitely not a bear i'm not a bear i don't have a third more full of the same like physical size he just has all the hair maybe like a middle is there like a middle guy like lauren you were the one that said we have the will and i combined have the hair of two men but it's all on me well i'm

getting better when did i say that you remember when you yeah that one time when you were looking at our bodies wasn't that you no that's someone else yeah um i saw a picture of myself like lying on my side yeah without a shirt on the other day and my tummy was like hanging to the side it made made they made me i need to get in the gym or something yeah it's the winter but i'm the hairiest like i like i'll look at myself in the mirror i'm like i'm pretty hairy this picture it was the hairiest person i've ever seen in my entire life and it was me hey a hairy man makes a happy woman nice do you want me to make you a workout routine nope i just gotta eat better okay gotta have to stop drinking seven beers yeah yeah i just have an i'm an app called my fitness pal

and i plug in you just scan the barcode of everything you eat and i was like okay technically i'm like under the calories that i have to lose like i think i put it set it to like i want to lose two pounds a week which i have been doing but all the calories are just like beer and like slim gyms and it's like this might be this might technically be working but i don't think it's gonna get me my dream bod i don't know i think you gotta focus on breakfast i don't eat breakfast no but that's that's my point like if you wake up and you are committed to making like a healthy breakfast like that will just like set your day up better really oh yeah how is that better than you want eating binge later like it'll yeah like you feel like a good baseline wake up scrambled

eggs and like some fruit i know i just can't i'm i hate waking up my i've i had to like quit my gym because i because i was going after work and now it's like we do i like the live stuff or now i have softball mondays and now i have live stream on mondays on wednesdays yeah and then i'm traveling every i'm literally traveling the next six weekends so it's just wait why for all live shows no some live shows some work trips what do you have work trips just had in nashville uh we're going to vegas oh yeah me and you will and i're going to nashville and we're going to dallas just for funsies what's in oh fuck we ain't doing that yeah you're right and then i have a weekend at home a live show weekend and then another thing what are you taking pto off for this weekend i'm just

taking friday off oh just friday yeah i uh my best two of my best friends from college are coming out and i don't have to go to they're coming to visit for the weekend but now i have to go to new york on saturday so they're gonna come and i'm gonna show them around la on friday and then we're gonna go to see rainbow kitten surprise how many times can you see them before it gets old i feel like you've seen them four times this year uh yeah i've seen them dozens of times probably almost and it doesn't get old that's great it's like my favorite thing in the world like it's my favorite single thing to do is where are they saying where are they playing where are they saying uh the hollywood palladium nice you've got i mean they have a new album there's also new what's that

you have good seats it's general admission oh so you get there early you can get to the front yeah but i don't do that i pee too much i get anxiety and big crowds like that so i just like to hang in the back where i can like dance and then i can go pee or grab a beer or whatever nice hopefully my hopefully my crew doesn't want to cut up to the front i hate that shit same i can't do it same i used to be yeah oh i used to be that big like oh i want to get to the front like squeezing by everyone i'm the same like being like i used to be like a dick about it like yeah excuse me excuse me and they're like

what the fuck it's so much more fun to just be free and not be squeezing up against people it's so much better yeah it's so much better

yeah I'm excited it'll be chill it'll be killer chill vibes I saw Trampled by Turtles last Friday it's a band I like the horrible way to go out I know

that would be fucking brutal they were sick a kid one of our friends that just moved out here like has just discovered

the turtle racing at oh yeah Brennan's I've never gone to that It's It's honestly It's

You should avoid it Underwhelming Really They just put a bunch of turtles In a circle And you can't really see I went once And I was like

Standing up on a ledge And I still could barely see Unless you're like Right around The circle You can't see it It's also weird Like what do they do

With the turtles They live there I know But like that feels strange Right Yeah There's no way They're getting the proper care

They need No I mean you're the guy who just fucking murdered an alligator that's true yeah why are you so you're some sort of you're like the pita expert now wait when they wiped the blood on your face were you like oh gross it's no kind of stung it stinks is that what you said oh the gator stinks no i know bad imagine living your entire life in like sulfur water and then someone blows a hole in you ew she blew a hole that doesn't sound too bad to me jersey mike's on main street opened nice

oh that's actually pretty huge massive someone was telling me that they've never met a girl that's eaten jersey mike's i'm i love jersey mike jimmy john's way jerry had a good take he was like i ain't paying for soup yeah like that is a good point i think getting soup anywhere like going to anywhere and paying for a bowl of soup is dumb because any soup you get out in public is going to taste just as good as canned soup that's true is that a hot take no i completely agree i will get it from panera though that's what they we were talking about panera and jerry goes i ain't paying for soup but the broccoli cheddar in a bread bowl oh bread bowls bread bowl elevates it does are there paneras in la i was i wanted to order it on sunday is it is it

Panera or Payne Raw? What? Is it Panera? No, no, continue. Panera. Let's see. Let's flesh this joke out, Will. My friend from St. Louis, they call it Bread Co.

Because that's where it originated. So it's just Bread Co. Bread Co? Yep. we were watching family guy last night and uh there's a great st louis joke brian goes back in time and stops 9-11 and then the terrorists try it again on st louis but they just drive right through the arch and they go we missed wait you know there's like the big plane goes right through the arch he goes we missed oh so they actually call it that there yeah that's just

what all the signs are there uh i was talking to someone last night wow was talking to talking to uh talking to someone last night and they and they rusty rusty talking about a girl is the funniest thing of all time he's always like um well i don't want to say their name her name uh they're there i'm dating a non-binary person um but she i asked her what she had for dinner and she was like oh i had chicken noodle soup and i was like are you sick She was like, no, I just wanted it. I've never once had chicken noodle soup when I'm not sick. Oh, I've done it.

It's good. That doesn't sound enjoyable to me at all. It's not, chicken noodle soup is not a good soup. Oh, what? Yeah, the only reason you have it is because you're sick. Wrong. Chicken noodle soup's the best soup. That's objectively not true.

That's my favorite soup. I like vegetable soup the best. I mean, chicken noodle soup to me is, yeah, go to number one without a doubt. Really? Yeah. Better than broccoli cheddar? Yes. Better than tomato bisque?

Yes. better than lobster bisque yes ew okay better than clam chowder yes french onion yes i mean i just said it's the best i've had matzo ball soup yes have you guys had mrs grass's chicken noodle soup no oh who's that i think the only one that competes is italian wedding soup all right lauren lauren just tried to type mrs grass and three of the letters were slashes i mean it is like i'm far away from the keyboard mrs grass it's so good you guys okay that looks weird but we um no it's so yummy when i was a kid i was obsessed with this this uh how the fuck is that sorry they're like it's al dente noodles they're kind of hard so it's not it does not look good i

will oh god looks like shit honestly lauren i'm sorry that looks like dog shit it looks like I'm pissed and shit. I wouldn't eat that. All right, go ahead. I was obsessed with this soup called Chickarina when I was a kid. Okay. Which is not an appetizing name, but it was basically- I don't know what that is.

Chicken noodle soup with chicken meatballs in it and Progresso. What is it? Oh, Progresso is good. Is that the brand? Yeah. Progresso. Progresso. Progresso discontinued Chickarina for like years or like my grocery store stopped carrying

it. and then one day after i i'd like just gotten over it like i remember like telling my mom like i would write it on the grocery list every week yeah and she was just like they don't have it buddy and then when i was like 16 it came back and there was a week where i like only ate chick arena to like try and like make up for all the lost time and um turned into a meatball i turned into a meatball chick arena sounds like something you would like contract yeah you have type two chick arena oh i speaking of discontinued groceries oh that looks fantastic yeah it was delish it's like it's like like the noodles are little lentils instead of um it's like

couscous i think i might have that at some point it's delish it's kind of like italian wedding that is a very kind of yeah i uh chick arena i had a very hard childhood in a lot of ways um growing up you know it's tough being upper middle class and i don't even i don't even want to get into it honestly sometimes sometimes i can't even what's the worst thing that ever happened to you when you were a kid and that's what i'm about to tell you okay uh snite have you had snyder's pretzels the honey mustard and onion ones so good but they used to make and i don't even think they make them anymore the nibblers yes so it was like a full little nibbler pretzel which they make the regular sourdough nibbler still but it would be like a nibbler and that

which has the slit in it right and then that part would be honey mustard and onion right and then they got rid of them and now they just they only make the pieces yeah i don't like this gets all of your fingers and it's way it's too much you have to like yeah and it's like the nibbler is perfect because you would get the thing and then i would always lick the slit and i would get the honey mustard and onion oh do never say lick the slit again is that where you got so good at it your mind is in a grutter that lauren that didn't make you uncomfortable he said i honestly he said i would take it and then i would and then i would i'll lick the pretzel jesus fucking christ You love licking slit, man

I'm Willie D That's disgusting to you? Not to me I think it's normal and healthy Anyway, I would lick the slit of the nibbler And then you get the sauce And then you can still suck on the pretzel That whole sentence is crazy

Yeah Like the slit How often were you licking slit, man? of the nibblers so okay so there i got all distracted because you your immature mind couldn't handle i mean it's just it's so sometimes as an intellectual sometimes it is so hard to be around you heathens who make everything about sex and and grabbing ass and poking chicks or whatever you guys do on facebook anyway uh no we they first of all i love them so much we call them willy pretzels they were known as willy pretzels in my house like even my brother wanted him he's

like where are the willy pretzels my dad would be like oh let's get some willy pretzels and and we when we went to the grocery store we all everyone got one thing that was like our rule like when you like in addition to like the normal like our mom would get like the stuff that we needed for like the house and then each kid got one thing and mine always be willy pretzels and they discontinued them and it was effing devastating pardon my use of the word that is weird why would they keep the pieces because they were selling better dude because they're like crack those things are like crack they're like crack because they're like way more like shit on them there's more seasoning and yeah it's like yeah you know my mom my mom like

my mom wouldn't let me get those when they had both because they were like way worse for you yeah well moms also get convince themselves of that one thing is worse than the other yeah without any like real like i remember my mom would never let us get apple juice because in her head that was like so much sugar orange juice has way more sugar oh and i pointed it out after and she was like oh yeah i guess right i mean my mom wouldn't let us have orange juice she said it was like mainlining sugar it is a quote yeah the most it's like and we think it's a normal we think it's the healthy one it's not yeah i don't know we all see my dad used to like make drink a glass of milk every dinner oh i had for our bones three glasses of milk a day i think

like voluntarily uh well we just had milk at dinner and then i i still enjoy milk i mean yeah i just think that sounds crazy now milk fucks me up like a race car on a sunday i mean i literally it runs through me like a train going through tallahassee yeah when i have a bowl of lucky charms fucking oh i haven't had cereal in so long i got too addicted in college yeah it's so good oh my god in college i would eat so much cereal it was like yeah it was awesome nice you should buy some for yourself it's like myself it feels pretty easy i don't buy anything i like that's kind of my rule because if i have shit i like at my house then i snack too much someone's grandma said the key to the key to being thin was to only eat things you don't like yeah then you're just

eating too i mean no okay i i get things i like for like meals but like i don't get any snacks or like cereal is just a waste of yeah i still don't have enough willpower to like buy groceries because i'll just eat them all in one day i get so excited to have food at the house that i just eat all of it you gotta buy shittier stuff i know i buy i fucking knock it out of the park every time i know i come home and i eat it all so you don't eat you don't buy groceries i mean i have stuff but like the first day i do fucking damage and then it's like whatever's left i'm fine with what do you usually eat for dinner last night i didn't have dinner but the night before we had skipped it yeah um i had like three kate was doing stuff for 60 for 60 so we had to

like eat so like when when they're shooting the overheads for will's show 60 for 60 you it like slowly the food slowly disappears and so kate will like round up all the guys and we were standing around the table she's like all right i need three bites out of that piece of pizza and you like they're doing it quickly and then i looked up and i was like i've had three pieces of meat lovers pizza in five minutes um and so i was pretty full from that and the beers um the night before we did sushi stop the night before that we did i don't know i usually order stuff ty and i will do chipotle sometimes um talking about shot town i was just thinking about it lauren from chicago nice what do you get at chipotle bowl bowl white rice ready white rice black beans

chicken uh corn salsa my mild corn cheese and guac but that's almost my exact order except i got that's the best order if you're doing anything other than that you're doing it wrong you're fucking ass okay the other night when i got chipotle you know how the best part one of the best parts is the lime rice the lime white rice whatever you call it cilantro cilantro lime that's okay hey it's okay thanks i went the other night and the rice was just like normal white rice yeah sometimes they get lazy they didn't have any no green specs no flavor i'm like what the hell well the people that work there typically are the highest people in the world have you noticed that i'm the highest in the room not always the i think i've told this

story already but the our local chipotle at school was run by like all the like local high school kids okay and they were just always so fucking high and you'd be talking to them like you could tell like they would forget that they were working at chipotle for a second and there was one time we walk in there's like a huge line and this like 16 year old kid he's like cracking up with his buddy and while they're making the chicken we're like are they putting something in the chicken like what's so funny about it and then he goes to move the container of chicken from the back counter to the front counter okay and he drops it on the ground there's 40 people watching him and he like looks around and just picks it up and goes and puts it starts putting it in the thing like

in the whatever whole line left like it the meat touched the ground no it like i think it landed lit like some of it might have like fallen out but like it landed hard on the ground and we can't see what happened down there god so all we see is the the loudest noise of all time is a bowl of chicken hitting the concrete and he like looked around and was like okay they tie has ties really bad ordering chipotle like fucks it up all the time on accident he sent it to his office okay on accident the other day that's a bummer he ordered a chicken bowl and it came as sofritas and uh what is that like the veggie yeah it's like whatever and he asked for a refund and the guy was like i don't know what you want me to do he was like i want the he's like i want what i ordered

whatever and so he just didn't eat he also eats kashi dry with every meal kashi cereal with no milk he just eats it which feels like it would just tear up your insides oh i never like it would be like nothing burger no i mean like sharp like it's not going down whatever yeah i ordered uh does he chew it yeah he does it uh does he chew it i ordered two six packs of corzite the other night from 7-Eleven okay and it came and one was space dust one was just not the right brand oh and I looked at the guy and I was like oh one of the one of these is uh actually not Coors Light he's good I don't know man and I was like what do you mean you don't know this is like your this is your job company this is your job to like make sure it's the right beer yeah I always

I feel like I hate, like, it's like a weird, like, I don't want to, like, make them go back. No, I would never. But I was just like, what do you, where do we go from here? Yeah. He's like, I don't know, man. You could file a claim and order a new one. And I was just like, space dust. But then I didn't realize how powerful those are.

So I went from, I went from one beer, three beers. No, no, you're okay. Oh, that's Rick. He's interrupting our podcast. no we love rick rick mater and matt teapold are on the shit list of playdate now matt teapold is getting gonna get i'm gonna kill him i'm gonna kill matt teapold that would be that would be damning evidence if a murderer came out shit dude i don't even think i don't even think they can extradite so i think i'm fine

yeah matt teapold is canadian he's an illegal immigrant so the mexico of the north they're doing mass deportation soon anyway buddy anyway does that apply to canadians i could do you see that presumably would not be discriminatory towards one race but who knows i feel like these i feel like i got a pretty good feel for this new administration it seems like they might focus more on the southerns yeah well i think it's probably happening more too do you see his new guy his new department of defense guy was just like oh i don't think women should be in the military no really did you see the video of him throwing an axe he just missed by like six he hit a drummer at like an event actually yeah with the axe or like it was

like landed like a foot from like some drummer god wait i was gonna tell you a story please did you know my mom walked to the hospital to give birth to me that's crazy how long that walk was that i lived like two blocks from my house damn maybe a block where was this well uh when lancaster pennsylvania oh is that like a city lancaster yeah yeah so they lived like in the city the hospital was like it was like she was like walking down like a road was walking like city blocks uh city blocks yeah right right it was like a around the corner but do you think that affected anything with you no i think i'm perfect yeah i think so too no i don't think i'm see pookie and jet had their baby?

No. Oh, they did. Little Pouquet. Really? Girl? Named Pouquet? I hope so. Pouquet.

We were taking guesses last night. I think it's going to be like Tammy Lynn. Or like, it's something with ending with like E-I-G-H. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Friendly. Baby friendly. Crably.

She did a full, full face of makeup directly after birth. She is on top of her. She's the goat. I know, she is the goat. went to Ole Miss with her. Really? He knows her?

He knows her. Wow. What did he say about her? Probably shouldn't say, but he's not the biggest fan, I guess. That is super awkward. He said she was really nice

around him. But he had heard maybe she was mean to women. What? Bleep out her name. Bleep out... Now bleep out this. Bleep that.

I went into my friend Brendan's we had like a senior thesis paper or something in high school I can't remember what it was called but it was like the longest paper anyone had written all year like you spent like the back half of the year like writing it and uh we were went in like as a joke his like ipad was open when we were at his house and wrote like penis penis penis penis that is funny and I think we forgot to like like he caught it at like the last moment and was very upset obviously and was like you could have like ruined my my chances of like graduating yeah that would have been a bad look actually yeah i'm glad you wait lauren beep this don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life you know the same way you can skip an ad i get it i'm

and i live in ice cove i've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way i planned and today i'm still figuring it out somehow things usually get worse before they get better apparently that's how i roll so bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride stream a new episode of north of north tuesdays on cbc gem i um i used to write i just professor mr murphy in high school or teacher i guess it was like ap gov and we figured out pretty early on that he wasn't reading any of this stuff so I would put really funny things in the middle of my essays

and get him back and be like A plus and I'd be like look at this shit it's just like nonsense in the middle of it my friend Chris we found out that our social studies teacher in middle school wasn't reading his papers and just giving him a C which was so fucked up that's crazy she hated him

and so his mom had his older brother who was like at Trinity at the time write a write one of his papers like a college level essay he got it back it was still a c and she came in i we saw her like we were in class we saw her outside the door we're like oh it's about to go fucking down when this class ends she we all leave like i think he like dapped her up or something she went in closed the door mother fucked this teacher like up and down and then

i think chris like didn't have to do work for the rest of the year chris was like the principal the next day what did your mom say all right guys it is time for the rusty only segment of the podcast well will and lauren are gone i'm gonna tell you all their deepest darkest secrets you ready uh will sleeps with one sock on only the right one and lauren um sleeps suspended from the ceiling like a vampire. I sleep perfectly normal like a baby, cuddled up. Do you know Will smells like roses? Bet you didn't. You like that? You like learning about that? As you all know by now, we've teamed up with BetMGM this season. We'll be using BetMGM lines to make all our picks, and we'll have special offers for our listeners each week. If you

haven't signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code PLAYDATE and you will get up to a $1,500 first bet offer on your first wager with BetMGM. Here's how it works. Download the BetMGM app and sign up using bonus code PLAYDATE, deposit at least $10, and place your first wager on any game. You will receive up to $1,500 in bonus bets if your bet loses. Just make sure you use bonus code PLAYDATE when you sign up. Disclaimer, see BetMGM.com for terms. 21 plus only. U.S. promotional offer is not available in New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Available in the U.S. Call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY to 467-369 in New York. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP in Arizona. Call 1-800-327-5050 in Massachusetts. Call 1-800-BETS-OFF

in Iowa. 1-800-981-0023 in Puerto Rico. First bet offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements rewards are non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire in seven days in partnership with kansas crossing casino and hotel don't forget if you haven't signed up for bet mgm yet use bonus code playdate and get your 1500 first bet offer today quick shout out to our partner fireball fireball whiskey is the perfect shot for game day whether you're grabbing some of those sneaky little shooters before going into the stadium or going big with the fireball keg for your party whether it's a pre-game shot in the tailgate lot or a celebratory touchdown shot at the bar no matter the method fireball is guaranteed to ignite your game day as you guys know will and

i have a little bit of a tradition whenever bc scores we take a shot when bc wins we take a shot guess what we now do this week i don't know if you're looped in we now take a shot when our quarterback walks away from the team tommy castellanos is no longer with the team awesome we'll take a couple shots for that uh lauren is definitely we've had this bet going yeah lauren is in the driver's seat uh guys well so many things make football great we can all agree nothing beats crushing your rival there's absolutely no better feeling as an athlete or a fan this season fireball whiskey wants to provide an extra spark to ignite football rivalries all season long yeah we've got that back on with lauren it's not looking good yeah

i mean we lost a quarterback teams in shambles guy walked away from the team bad look for the camaraderie camaraderie uh so i'm a little flipped out but i guess lauren's getting a cake with her face on it i'm pretty stoked about my cake yeah hey man a bet's a bet thanks to fireball it's all fun you know even though we're on the losing end of this bet we still get some fireball shooters to keep our vibes up agreed fireballs iconic cinnamon flavor tastes fire and goes down easy making it the ultimate crowd pleaser go pick up some from your local liquor store and join us in drinking fireball during our game days this season let's get back into the episode i still can't get over the biden thing do you think you're gonna be able

to get a hostage deal done do you think you can get hit in the head with that camera behind you i'm sorry anytime lauren asked me something i'm gonna say that shit dude we're honestly we're thinking about we're talking about maybe turning on you because almost friday guys were i guess they're gonna be nice to emily now so we're gonna start being like really dicks okay we'll see how that we'll see how that ends i would feel horrible i'm kidding um all right we have a fantastic episode for you guys today we're gonna do your pitches followed by one of will's pitches and then we're gonna do this guy rocks you don't have a pitch i unless i think of one in the next couple minutes um and then we're gonna do am i the

asshole lauren yep and then we will and i have greek myths that don't exist and everyone's favorite our og segment sayings that don't exist i probably shouldn't have started eating my bar during the one time i have to talk oh that's fine well self-awareness at least but before before we do the pitch submissions really quick can i do my two truths and a lie yes yes i wrote them down the other day and i wanted to get chosen and i didn't but i still want to read them anyway you're on the oh yeah is that fine yeah okay two truths and a lie lauren two truths and a lie segment all right more segments all right i've pet gracie abrams dog i went to the principal's office six times in second grade and three i've pet harry styles dog

i think that you have pet gracie abrams dog i think that you have pet harry styles dog and i don't think you got sent to the principal's office i don't think you've had harry styles yeah actually i changed mine to that true you've not had harry styles when did you pay jerry gayson's job whoa jerry gayson whoa when did you pet jerry gayson i love jerry gayson jerry gayson is that a real guy uh no he used to be uh when did when did you bet crazy abrams i was at great white last year it was probably like march of 2023 and she was sitting right next to me and troy were there it was like a tuesday morning i took work off because i was like kind of sick and she was sitting right next to us and i was like oh my god before i knew it was her i was

you took work off because you were sick and then you went out for brunch i think i was like it was after coachella and i was like depressed and scared because you weren't sick you hung over lucas has been doing that this week which is okay well it's before i worked here so it's fine oh it was at a different company oh great yeah i don't care i don't care at all just if you ever did that to us i'd freak out but no i i was like oh my gosh can i pet your dog like it was she has like the cutest little wiener dog she's like yeah and then we were like chatting for a little bit and then i realized it was her and i was like freaking out and then i always think about that i'm like you played it cool though oh yeah and then she and then when she got up she was like

have a good day i'm like oh you too and we could have been friends she knew she knew what she knew that you knew no i don't think so she knew it sounds like she because if she noticed it halfway through i feel like it sounds like she got away with it yeah maybe i mean that was before she put out um i would want to be yeah that's when she was more low-key i still can't get over that picture of her abs which one dude there's like a hundred dude i am so in love with that woman same she's the prettiest girl i think i've ever seen tanner told me that his mom asked him if uh he thought she was beautiful crazy abram no if tanner's mom was like am i beautiful to tanner which the obvious answer is like yes mom like you're a very beautiful one he said uh you're pretty

approachable looking tanner isn't that insane that's t-rob man that doesn't sound like something that would come out of his mouth isn't that crazy i feel like sometimes he has moments of just brutal honesty well he was telling me a great story he's talking to this new girl and he walked her back to her car he's like we were talking for like an hour and a half like at her car and she goes can we just like make out or something he goes one second i'm almost done with this story that's so funny dude i think also like you know how she has like that like little like gap in her teeth it's why is that like so it's so cute it's so cute yeah sometimes i wish i had a little gap or like yeah like i don't know i can't is gorgeous i just my that's

most of my for you page these days would you would you date her yeah this is gracie gracie answer the call well talk to her has that mic been in the camera frame well he was talking earlier no sd cards am i right uh all right all right should we get into pitches yeah yeah if there's any chance you're a playmate gracie i would i would love to just get a coffee we go to great white love to pet your dog i've also seen her around here on abbey kinney really last summer yeah she's probably too famous now though i know i used to like nobody appreciates good riddance and i was telling all my friends listen to good riddance oh did you see um you see riffwood reposted our clip hell yeah love those guys yeah they're epic all right pitches pitches pitches first one is from

bryce goats or bigo guts i don't know i had a friend named bigo i have a friend named you it's not his birth name two to really d wusty and low dog nice what is the worst part about eating or drinking something hot burning yeah you gotta wait for it to cool off i always i'm too eager every time i burn my mouth burning your tongue that's right so i introduced to you the remedy of this minor inconvenience called taste buddy it's a pocket-sized little container like listerine breath strips that you apply directly to your tongue it heals it heals your burnt taste buds in seconds so next time when you are really excited to have that first sip of your oat milk latte or bite of bolognese you won't have instant regret of not waiting for it to cool down love

the pod and love you guys thank you for healing my inner child playdate bye oh for healing my inner child playdate by playdate i love that i absolutely adore that i am i am confused why you wouldn't just put it on first as like a coat i don't know i kind of like the idea that it's like all right i miss like i feel like sometimes that i'm like waiting trying to time my coffee and then i miss reading i'm like oh misfire and then i just want to like fresh start you know what i mean like what would if you put on first what it would just make it the perfect temperature i guess or i guess you lose out on some taste yeah that's what i worry about i don't know i like the idea of just like a clean reset i do it so much so much so much i've gotten better about it i also don't

really drink hot drinks anymore kind of only an iced coffee guy oh that you know i was talking about this yesterday i'm a little that's kind of one of the things i don't like about la is that like this time of year getting a big black coffee in boston was the best thing in the world Yeah, it's freezing right now. It was like 45 this morning. Not during the days. Yeah, that's true. Wait, it was 45 this morning?

Yeah, it's been so cold this week. At least in Brentwood. Look up the weather. Weather. I feel like I'm about 70 degrees right now. Yeah, it heats up. In the morning. It heats up at, yeah, low of 42 on Friday.

Low of 49 today. All right. well all right i love that pitch i wish it was colder during the day yeah i love that pitch i want to buy i would like to buy seven random side comment are you guys tired of the creator of fans no not really oh i mean i have nothing against him i just i do what his new album's really good i'm kidding i just wanted to ask okay steven foodena oh foodena he says what is up lauren shuttlecock and birdie i'll take it consider this what is the worst part about seeing an animal you've never seen before wait wait say it again what's the worst part about seeing this yeah

what's the worst part about seeing an animal i don't know what the fuck it is you don't know if it bites so what rest you said that's right not knowing what its name is well fear not oh oh like i see like a dog i thought you meant like a type of animal you've never seen oh that's what i thought too yeah yeah i don't like like ryan like is that what they're saying like a glorbis or like right all right go wait well fear not i bring to you shaz animal we are high level so shaz animal can be downloaded in slash implanted into your brain or maybe they're just glasses and shaz animal allows you to look at an animal and it'll tell you what kind of animal it is the animal name and info will appear in your field of vision like the inside of iron man's helmet

it can be turned off slash take the glasses off as you please i feel like this would be particularly convenient for bird watching so love the pod love you guys so it is yeah that's what i was thinking dude taking that thing out just into the woods it would also be cool like a safari yeah oh that'd be fun but it would be cool too because it would probably pick up on birds that you couldn't even see oh yeah she'd be like oh like a blue-footed boobie is up there god of course you picked the one with boobie uh a crane a crane's over there and also why their knees go the other way not a fan not a fan of that yeah i guess i guess it would look weird if they went forwards too because it'd be like i think uh yeah no i think it was just an accident i think god just got what

if they went sideways and went wow wow i love that i love that and i would probably get into bird watching because of that i agree i think i would get it for just going around town if it could do the names i would like to when i meet someone know their name yep if she's animal applies to humans we're animals so i'm an animal my favorite was when kids figured out the humans were animals you remember like that in like second grade you'd be like what's your favorite animal and they'd be like, humans are technically animals. You should throw yourself off a bridge.

Yeah. When I was also a second grader. That was a good pitch. I love it. Playmates cook today. Will pitch me. What's the problem with traffic cones?

You run over them and stuff. You can't take them home with you. Yeah. well uh yeah so more along the lines of lauren's uh like you got to put out like a bunch of individually like if you're blocking off a big section of the road that's like 40 different traffic cones and it's like one of them falls over it disrupts the traffic cone setup so my idea is like so they have like i think they have like trucks that like or how do they put i don't

know however they put out traffic cones i think it's by hand yeah like they have to they don't have trucks yeah or maybe they know that you're right i think there might be a machine where it's i think it's just people i think it's just people i think i think what i'm thinking i think my dad tried to invent one that was a truck and it didn't work i'm not even kidding after work he's like down in the basement like i'm so close no he has this story of like in college he was like an engineering student and like his senior thesis or like some big project for this class he tried to like he invented this like truck that dispensed the cones like but i'm an awesome about it but it was the back was way too heavy and that was like his miscalculation so he like failed because

they were like if the moment this truck set foot on the road it would just flip over you have failed conclusively but i don't know why would they just make the front heavier yeah but then it wouldn't it would take too much gas or something i don't it's so interesting i don't know i don't know what i'm talking about now anyway i think maybe they do do it by hand anyway it's a whole bitch so this one is it's it's called the long cone and so what it is it's like it's the kind of the same way they like 3d print stuff out of like a car where it just makes one big long cone to the exact shape of your traffic situation uh so that it's all kind of connected together she can't knock over an individual cone

no one tries to steal a cone and uh then when you're done you can you can just eat up in the machine the long cone it just melts it back down into the material and then you can just re i love you can do you can cone in any shape any size any format i love it love it all right i feel you guys are just saying that no i love it i love it no it's great um i'm sorry i was a little distracted by this yapper in our office i was i was also thinking of a pitch while you were crander crander he's crazy these days i know i think he's on um drugs yeah probably all right next uh what's the worst part about having a nose sniffing you smell um things you don't want to smell your your friend your pot your co-host or your podcast is a stinky butt dude my i my farts

lately have been they've been peeling the paint off the walls i don't know what the problem is um a couple paint peelers never killed nobody the worst part about having a nose is you get stuffed up it's the only part of your body that gets stuffed up like your your mouth it's never hard to breathe out of your mouth sometimes just i wish i could breathe more clearly this is a attachment you put onto your nose covers your nose like this and it goes and just sucks everything out of your nose so if you have like a little cold you can like just get everything out it cleans out like boogies cleans out like just anything that's in there it's the hardest part of your body to clean and it's the thing that you use every second of the day that would be sick

and it just it just sucks that all up sucks everything out and then uh and then it you they it could be made into wax for candles oh wax sandals no i think this is great i'm so stuffy these days i've been blowing my nose too hard and it starts to bleed so that's been fun for last night during the live show i i went and like i almost just did it there like booger all over the mic no i almost did i caught myself but like i went like i tried to do like a laugh out of my nose and i like shot boogers out during the live shows then i'd go like i've had a couple laughs lately where all i got like

and just like a little like perfect ball of like boogie comes out and no one ever sees it though i'm very sly about it guys we want to take a second to let you know about our new sponsor every man jack i am so stoked on this i've been using it forever but they came out with this like harry potter pack that i use i just ran out of herbology and now i'm onto charms i'm in i'm using charms as well yeah it smells so good but i like herbology better so i'm gonna take this one home with me i'm wearing their sandalwood i think deodorant right now the yellow one i like the red one as well i have the green one okay we're all over the place but i love it they all smell fantastic and

the problem is with like the normal deodorants that i had when i was a kid is they gave me a rash on my yep on my armpits and my mom switched me to everymanjack when i was a kid i haven't had a rash in years it lasts like all day i feel like i sweat less but maybe that's just in my own head best part too is that they're affordable like you don't need to be spending over 10 bucks for body wash or shampoo and that's where everymanjack comes in give everymanjack a shot today go to everymanjack.com and use code played it at checkout for 25 off your first order come on that's a deal that's everymanjack.com code playdate at checkout

for 25% off your first order let's get back into the episode alright should we do this guy rocks this what about A-I-T-A oh let's do A-I-T-A am I the asshole am I tassel

do you guys think you're the asshole this week what like just yes or no do you guys think you've been oh no I think I've been pretty nice I think I've been good behaviorly I do feel like my life is crumbling around me though. Why? I don't know

I've been very very stressed out about life. I have too I think it's mostly in my head but I feel like I'm not doing a good job in any aspect of my life which is very frustrating. What are you talking about? Look at us Yeah this is kind of a lone bright spot for me. It's the only thing that's kind of

going well in my life I'm just frustrated about the performance of How Cool which is annoying yeah i feel like it costs a lot of money putting a lot of effort into it and no one watches it well if you're listening right now go watch how cool i think it's awesome it has a lot of potential i agree truly i think so too it's not gonna happen yeah i think it's just we we have been lulled into like a false sense of how easy it is to create something successful yeah and this is

like the first kind of like failure that's annoying yeah which i think most we've been pretty lucky in like most of the things we do have worked out 100 and uh running into something that doesn't immediately work out i think it'll be more rewarding in the long run because you can there's no way you can coast through life and everything works out well no but the hitting a roadblock is frustrating but if you're a playmate and you're listening and you're hitting a roadblock uh i always think about this there's never been a point in your life where you've looked back and like something didn't eventually work out right like you need to just keep keep your nose to the grindstone and out of the pills yeah do not okay yeah unless you are addicted to percocet

it usually works out there's a guy there's a there's a playmate like he like broke his femur or something and he's going to take his percocet right now and he's like oh what the heck percocet molly percocet uh we should we should get into those everyone i know that everyone i know that does painkillers is wildly successful but they're all rappers how many rappers do you know hundreds i know of them of them oh here's an idea uh we we do everything that future did but we're called past i like that bitch from pakistan what up you know the song gucci flip-flops is about scotty pippen's wife i just fucked your bitch in some gucci flip-flop it's about scotty pippen's i thought you meant gucci flip that's a big one was one was bad baby with laura that's what i was

thinking i love that song she's also dating michael jordan's son now bad baby no scotty pippin or uh scotty pippin's wife oh wow or ex-wife that was actually a very sweet like little moment of inspiration though thank you that was good perspective i kind of needed that too yeah i think it'll all be fine but um yeah just think i'm not doing a very good job at life right now but we'll figure it out no such thing i feel you do you think i'm doing okay i think you're doing great i think you're doing great i think we're both doing great i think all three You've been looking progressive, like better each week, which is frustrating for me. I'll take it.

I feel like at some point we were, it might be. I feel like at some point we were kind of, we were growing together and it feels like you're creating some separation right now. Okay, that's not true. You look good. Thank you. You both look great. But I'm more saying, I'm not saying I've started looking worse.

I'm just saying it feels like Will has found some secret sauce. Yeah, I don't know. hair is sitting good your skin's very clear i think i did figure out the hair a little bit yeah and then i got i got these jeans that was big yeah those jeans help jeans help you know i think uh and i got this killer mustache so we used to just for men our mustaches in high school and what's that mean you'd like dye them oh really yet we'd go to cbs and get the darkest just for men that they had and it was like shorter than what we have going on right now yeah so it was like more like you're dying the skin under it and i remember going to class

after and our teachers were just like you know we know what you guys are doing that's awesome all right should we hear some am i the assholes learn yeah let's do it all righty this says this is like kind of gross but i thought it was funny okay am i the asshole for keeping things i found interesting at work i'm a veterinarian i picture them just like taking staplers helping being like i thought it was interesting yeah i want to figure out what it did isn't that like a bit that's like a fireball offense right like if we got caught taking stuff from here i mean if we had a specific if we had a real job i told when we were moving offices i went into edge's office and i was like hey can i take a bunch of these throw pillows and he was

like yeah i'm honestly shocked you asked no one would have noticed yeah i i actually well this is funny i mean i don't know if edge listens to this because i was over at chester's the other day and he has like a new like like a monitor at his desk yeah he's like yeah i just took this from the office i was like really and he said he said what he did is he went over it was like in like that part of the office and his his office is over there and he said hey can i take this and ed was like yeah sure and he's like but he definitely thought i meant like to my desk in the office and he just walked out the door and took it home chester has an awesome little office space that used to be your bedroom you're my br he has one of those cool i forget what those lounge chairs

are called but they're like seven thousand dollars but he got it out of he got it at an antique store yeah they're sick though am i the asshole for keeping things i found interesting at work i'm a veterinarian technician student in my third semester i'm getting experience and completing required skills by working in a local vet clinic i noticed early on that it is common for techs and doctors to keep things they remove in surgeries if they are particularly interesting oh i'm not sure what exactly i can and can't describe in detail so i won't be too graphic i participated in a spay recently and the things i think most people know what is removed in a spay it's the dog's uterus being removed were in very good condition and easy to identify

i commented on this and the tech i was shadowing asked if i wanted to keep it i thought that it was super cool so i said sure i preserved it in a bottle of formaldehyde and took it home my boyfriend is horrified and wants me to get rid of it yeah however he is a hunter and keeps the taxidermied heads of deer on the wall and i claim that that's not so different he refuses to agree because it's normal to keep taxidermied animals that have been hunted as trophies and it's not normal to keep preserved things removed in surgery i'm refusing to get rid of it am i the asshole i don't know if you're an asshole but you're i'm freaked out you're on the fast track to serial killer that's like it's that you want to fucking cat's uterus oh i mean don't we all

but i don't act on it yeah i mean obviously i want a dog's balls you gotta you gotta control that urge man that's i mean every serial killer me out yeah sorry i thought it was yeah why did you pick that one no no i think that's interesting i'm pissed i'm pissed um yeah i think that's fucking bizarre because your boyfriend's right the the taxidermy like presumably like deer on the wall is at least like adding to the vibe of the room right like it might not be it might not fit with your morals but it's like widely considered a normal practice and it like looks cool on the wall where the fuck are you gonna put the dog's uterus in formaldehyde you have a bomb and at the center of it is a dog's uterus

is it a bomb formaldehyde isn't that what they make bombs out of i think that's just what it like preserves how you preserve it's like that smell you know when we do if you threw it at the wall the room would explode no no no no dude we had formaldehyde like all over our hands when we were doing uh like whatever you call it in high school i know i'm laughing at the idea that like about his like he's like that's crazy like it's a ticking time bomb he threw that against the wall and blow your house up guy that doesn't understand what's

wrong go google formaldehyde I think it's with an A formaldehyde you re-threw her into a tailspin I mean I said I think it's with an A and then she typed an E alright colorless flammable chemical yeah that doesn't mean it would explode if you threw it against the

wall it's essentially a mazel tov cocktail mazel tov cocktail what is it it's like with like the jews do the irish have the car bombs and the aldi is essentially a mazel tov cocktail okay taxidermy though is also gnarly yeah but that's like way more normal it's clean it's also like people have been doing that for centuries i don't think i would date a guy that had that in his that's fair but in a different way though yeah i mean i would never i don't i would never want

that in my house i would be i don't like the idea of having a taxidermy to anything or people that actually do that to their pets you're taxidermy you got you haven't heard of this people will like taxidermy their cat or dog so they can have them that is crazy no it's insane can you get someone else's like if like i wanted someone else's dog can i get that taxidermy probably I was friends with this guy named Dennis. He sold us Callie, my dog. And he had a hunting cabin that you could stay in when you'd go hunt with him.

And it was like everything he had killed was like all over the place. So there were like beams and stuff. Beans? Bees? Beads? There were like log cabin beams crossing the thing. and he would have, like, lynx that he had killed, like, perfectly.

Like, the whole room was filled with animals. And you'd wake up in the middle of the night and forget. Whenever you're in the middle of the woods in Maine, so, like, you, like, look up and there's, like, a lynx, like, I cried at the scene in Tarzan a couple weeks ago where the kala saves Tarzan from the jaguar at the beginning, and she turns around and snarls at it. And it was basically, like, she had saved Tarzan,

and then she looks back up at the jaguar who's caught in the net and gave him like a fuck out of your bitch, boy. And I sobbed. You were sad? No, I was just like, yeah, fuck yeah. Because she was like, this is my baby now. You're not going to fucking touch this kid. She turned around and went.

Look up Kala snarling. Yeah, yeah, it's this. She looks back out of the room and goes. That's sick. Get the fuck out of here, punk ass bitch. Mark ass bitch. That's awesome. Love that.

I think I'm going to start calling people trick. Trick ass hoe. Hey, what up, trick? No, no, no, like, no, not at women. Like, if someone, like, cuts me off, be like, trick-ass hoe. Is that a thing? Mark-ass bitch. I'm gonna say sharpie-ass bitch.

Mark-ass bitch is my favorite. Is that, what is this? In a rapper, in a rapper's say, like, Mark-ass bitch. All right. Marcus? Mark. Yeah. Mark's a bitch.

Look up, what does Mark-ass bitch mean? Yeah, what does Mark-ass bitch mean? I got called this twice last night after What does it say? I got called this twice last night after failing to win the round when it was 1v1 rainbow 6 thing Easily to be easily killed

or gonna be killed Mark is like the target Mark ass bitch It's why I fucked your bitch you fat mother What is this man? Oh it's a Tupac lyric It's why I fucked your bitch you fat motherfucker Take money

From hit em up too many hit him up hit him up all right this is put should we do the other am i the asshole yeah okay wait there's another one yeah what's wrong nothing we're just i'm just worried about time it'll be fast uh and there's no formaldehyde involved in this right right okay that does usually tie us up yeah that am i the asshole uh roommate is mad at me for making sound in the night so i work her roommate's a werewolf yeah i work sound in the night make me sound in the it's such a funny way to phrase it okay so she came over last night we made sound tonight i work the evening shift and go home at 12 a.m i have a mechanical keyboard and i game and talk to friends

quietly during the night my roommate lives in a separate room in front of mine she has a very light sleeper and she says that i make too much noise in the night you do she basically doesn't want for me to use my keyboard even though i bought o-rings for it it's an accessory to decrease its sound and i put a blanket on the wall facing her room she also doesn't want me to talk at all during the night i ended up telling her that it's reasonable to want me to be quiet at night but i'm not going to be silent we were both paying rent and we have and we both have rights she said i'm not being quiet i told her that that at this point it's not my problem and she got very upset i don't know what she's planning to do now am i the asshole you're in the wrong you if if she can

hear you if she can hear you you're making too much noise if it was before 11 p.m that's fine if you're doing it at midnight and she's sleeping presumably has work in the morning uh you're making too much noise yeah anyone who games late at night and keeps me up get out of here dreams yeah i agree i would that being said the other lady is like i feel like sometimes you have like roommates that you just kind of like all right get your plugs or put headphones in yeah you know what i mean sometimes you just kind of deal with people but buy her a noise machine buy her a white noise machine yeah yeah i've started putting on white noise can't hear a fucking thing there could be there could be a murder in the living

room and i wouldn't hear it there'd be a murder on the dance floor i wouldn't hear it you better not kill my booze dj when i drop this drop i drop it down baby where'd you run babe i will do you wrong yeah that song rock um yeah i think you're the asshole though yeah you're the asshole yeah i don't know i think i'd be annoyed i guess i would need to hear the volume if she's working the night shift and like that's her time to that's what i'm saying i'm the person doing it is the asshole oh no i think there may be not i think i think this i think the person gaming is a mark asshole you're saying the gamer isn't an asshole i don't like what a ghost oh you look as if you've seen um all right should we do this guy rocks yeah let's do it yeah you start willie

all right this guy rocks so this guy i think is some sort of scholar um all right so this is some sort of like businessman or scholar or something oh god well can you describe what we're looking at it's yeah it's some sort of like um businessman or scholar or something he's got a green egg with a headlamp on a knee-high yellow high heels and what's on top of it a frog tiny frog all right here we go new from nespresso blend wellness into your coffee routine with the coffee plus range infused with functional benefits choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins like coffee plus B12 to help support immune function and coffee plus B6 to keep your day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double

espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change I'm actually obsessed. That's what he rides on in the water. That's what the frog rides on. Oh, nice. You don't think that guy rocks? I think that guy rocks so hard. I want those boots.

They're cute. Our boots are cute. My boots are cute. I got a frog on my head and we're going to bed. I said, Willie D on a track, play date pod. I said, what you going to Google fish for some cod? Nice. Nice.

All right. so i've been i'm thinking about you know how i'll get like fixated on things for like a little bit like it's kind of like legos right now but like we're kind of we might be like nearing the end i've oh no not nearing that like i'm still like a huge lego guy but like it's not filling my my wells as much as it used to i think i'm gonna get into this okay i'm ready so these are like i want to say like native american flutes or something and they make this just gorgeous sound and i just picture myself starting the morning like out on our patio just like and like making like siren songs for like the whole neighborhood that would be awesome

it says on the screen which high spirits drone flute sounds the best like picture me with one of these presumably the one or not presumably uh hopefully the one on the left this one it's really calm so calming i was just gonna say that i feel like i just took a deep breath Feels like there's like an effect on it No they just like they're perfect Doesn't that make you want to like make love On like a mossy rock

i think it makes you want to just like soak into the earth yes it's awesome i love that it it reminds me of like braveheart for some reason okay yeah have you ever seen braveheart never seen it they his brother and his dad get killed and in the movie it's actually bagpipes but it gives me the same feeling yeah and he walks out and they're like you know mourning his father and his brother with the bagpipes and he asked his uncle he goes what are they doing and he goes they're playing outlawed tunes on outlawed pipes because the british the fucking british fuck the british fuck the british uh or the old british we actually i actually love british people now starve my people fuck the british they did exactly what they did to the irish to the scots

and they fucking raped and pillaged them and one of the things they did is they tried to take away the scots culture because that was what banded them together and they banned bagpipes and they weren't allowed to play these tunes pull up pull up outlawed tunes on outlawed pipes and then we'll move on i'm sorry oh i needed this on outlawed pipes also that was zach the flute guy love you you're great uh sorry do braveheart braveheart braveheart scene i gotta go back to typing yeah okay give this a shot just leave it Laura love that

okay that was it but he looked at him and he goes what are they doing they're playing outlawed tunes on outlawed pipes that's kind of sick I feel like if I started like you're so right if I started every day

like this I would be so zen it's awesome I love it yeah I would like you to do that for us maybe can you get the pipes yeah I'll buy one

like right after this alright perfect alright do you guys want to do Greek myths that don't exist or sayings that don't exist

let's start with sayings let's do it alright you start it Willie these are more sayings that don't exist digging with the handle okay we're making things

harder on ourselves like if someone's doing a task wrong or like taking like the long way you'd be like all right we're kind of digging with the handle right now like let's let's turn the shovel around i like that thank you uh watching paint dry and bad in the sistine chapel love it because you know it's when you're you're somewhere where someone can't just appreciate the moment and they're like all right what are we doing we're just sitting here

it's like look where we're sitting this is beautiful especially if you're outside watching paint dry ain't so bad if you're in the sistine chapel the tin man in a lightning storm you like walk into a room and like they're in an argument and then everyone just kind of like starts throwing jabs at you and you're like whoa whoa whoa i feel like the tin man in a lightning storm right now got it i like that oh you're direct yeah that's good that's good uh hey every road trip has a few bathroom stops all right you know if someone's getting frustrated with you know having to take a break or not be able to keep going and whatever tasks you're completed like hey every road trip's got a few bathroom stops i love that still that's just part of getting to where

we're going teeing off from the green okay someone who's been given like all these advantages in life you're like teeing off from the green yep yep that's good uh do you want to yeah wait a second there's an emergency so now i'm kind of realizing that that's just bowling with the bumpers on i feel bad or born on third base thought he had a triple kind of oh is that but i feel like a lot of ours are will said will said one time bowling with the bumpers on oh did i yeah i remember that one uh sometimes you got to sit in traffic all right you know someone is a little too too eager it's kind of like the last one i said i guess a little bit but uh yeah sometimes you gotta sit in traffic all right rewriting these on a road trip wait it out i

was i was in traffic when i wrote this one yeah um living in a paper mansion someone's life who might look glamorous from the outside but it's actually very fragile and it's not as glamorous as it looks there we go thank you even the banks close sundays can't be all go go go sometimes you You got to take a little stop. Dude, what are you talking about? What do you mean? Wait, I like that. No, no, that was fantastic, but they're all the same theme.

Well, the last three are all the same concept, so take your pick of which one you want to use moving forward. Right. I like it. Thank you. Chopping from the top of the tree. Okay. Taking the wrong approach.

We're not making any progress. If we go to the bottom of the tree and we get to the source of the problem, we can get the tree down a lot faster. Love it. that's all I have I didn't mean to say that I didn't like them I was just laughing I know I thought it was funny too

it's funny because I wrote these and I didn't realize three all meant the same thing should we do Greek myths that don't exist yeah let's do it well do you know about these are Greek myths that don't exist what are some of your favorite Greek myths

what are some of your favorite Greek myths Rusty it's like in greek i can't read any of this oh zephyrexis and the storm he was a brilliant sailor but his mom told him to stay in the harbor because if you go out sometimes there are storms and no matter how good of a sailor you are the storm is too powerful so he's sailing one day in the harbor and he hears a beautiful siren song from a woman out on a rock but he says that's out of the harbor but there's probably no harm in just going out there and checking it out for a second not a cloud in the sky he's like there's no way a storm comes the second he gets out of the harbor

a big storm rolls in and sinks his ship and he dies because of his own arrogance oh god it's basically saying uh you know even when things look great yeah listen to your mom but also even when things look great uh there could be like unforeseen problems down the road absolutely Do you know about Specus, the god of conversation? There was a man back in the day, Pontules, and Pontules never talked. He didn't like to open his mouth. He didn't like to say anything, just kept his mouth shut. And Specus, the god of conversation, took very poorly to that.

And so Specus kidnapped Pontulus and took him and gave him a piece of chewing gum. and then poncholus was like okay i'll have the chewing gum and then he went off and started chewing it and what he didn't know is a cursed gum that immediately ran out of flavor and he could never stop chewing so he could pay for having kept his mouth shut and he just had that for the rest of his life until his jaw broke off and he died of krentis oh no uh unrelated did you uh did you ever hear why humans have two eyes uh i don't think i did the gods originally created humans with one eye thea the the uh goddess of sight um originally gave humans two eyes but quickly realized that uh grandpas couldn't wink at you from across the

table to let you know that there was some inside joke happening so they gave humans two eyes so that grandpas could do that that's nice yeah do you know about a clumsos and how he he started he invented or led to the invention of skiing uh clumsos was a a god uh of clumsiness and he one time accidentally dropped one of zeus's uh treasures off of mount olympus and it rolled all the way down to the bottom and they were worried that the muggles were going to get to it so all of the gods of olympus started trying to get down mount olympus as quick as they could to get zeus's treasure that klumzos had dropped and a few of them hephaestus mostly was sort of the innovator there hephaestus yeah love it he's he was the god of like uh welding or something

i'm serious this is a real guy you don't believe me google hephaestus no no i believe h-a-p-h-a-e blacksmithing and metalworking right beautiful the face disc crafted these skis and he got down to the bottom first and they said that was a blast and so then they started skiing mount olympus pretty regularly that's awesome that's how skiing started yeah um have you heard of argyle the muscular yeah so basically argyle was was that fighter jet outside oh yeah i think we're under attack it'd be crazy like a cannonball comes through oh who are we fighting why are their weapons so primitive um argyle the muscular was like the town strong man and he would bully people who were weak and didn't have big muscles and one day a great flood floods the town uh and

the city walls are holding all the water and so people are drowning and there's only one opening for people to get out of and uh all the skinny people and all the people who don't have big muscles easily fit through this um opening but uh argoyle is too muscular and he gets trapped in the hole and uh he dies because he was too proud of his muscles so the lesson is to not get too many muscles yes that's good or be kind to the there's there's a downside to everything i like that write that down like i'll be saying uh do you know about norclis the god of confusion no he was a nightmare uh he got he got kicked off of mount olympus because he was so fucking confused all the time that he was i what was my story about this

i had an idea but you're norclis you're just i don't know what's going on i guess i'm norclis that's it um do you know why farts exist no so uh when the gods created man they uh created a man and a woman and they decided that the most intimate thing between a man and a man a man and a woman two women the most intimate thing that they could do together was make love right and then uh they realized pretty quickly this isn't intimate enough we need to create something that they can do in front of each other that really seals the deal that this that this is an intimate relationship and so they created uh the fart so that couples could fart in front of each other

and truly experience pure intimacy that's amazing right you want to hear more there you go more yeah do you know why clouds exist no zeus the uh god of the sky i think uh was tired of like changing in front of the other gods he's like everyone can see me up here and so he created clouds as a veil oh to separate him and the earth yeah so he couldn't see his massive zeus dog that's awesome well this has just been a hoot guys alright let's steal some personalities you know what else we didn't do number 64

oh number 64 or 64 year olds Matt Light Joe Thomas Matt Light number 72 not even close Joe Thomas

73 who's 64 Al Pacino No, no, no. He's like 80. No, it's Meryl Streep. I was like thinking her in my head. That was weird.

Oh my God. She's 75? We have done her. She looks fantastic. She does. She looks hot. All right, let's steal some personals. All right.

Giving up. All right, comment if you know someone who's 64 years old. I'm stealing... I'm stealing... I guess technically when this episode comes out, it'll be right before the we're going to vegas so i'm gonna steal sammy paradise's personality who's that oh the guy with the fucking beard oh no two eyes himself lady luck they call her lady luck sit why if that isn't sammy paradise old two eyes himself

that's one of my favorite eyes off the merchandise the lady's spoken for hot dog oh my god I love that I'm gonna go to the bathroom and suck my own dick pay whatever you want I'm gonna steal Spongebob's personality I like his zest for life and his belief in himself

Spongebob's zesty I'm gonna steal Dora the Explorer's personality cause I don't know what I'm doing this weekend I'm just gonna maybe try to explore LA more cause I haven't done that in a while nice guys we love you have a great rest of your week a fantastic weekend and we will see you guys

on Wednesday love ya Lauren play the music play em out dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Thank you for watching!