Will & Rusty's Playdate - the grunions had a party

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

Will and Rusty figure out which New Girl characters they really are, and Rusty follows up on his complaint that nobody wants him. The gang also breaks down a bizarre run-in with a livestreamer on the Venice boardwalk, the invention of the Testicuzzi, and a Playmate pitch that’ll fix your bad handwriting. Plus, they unpack the mystery of 2D lunch, the single-ingredient sandwich, and an Am I the A**hole involving a runaway customer. Finally, the boys draft It’s Always Sunny plots that don’t exist—and things that happened “back in their day.” FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP NEW MERCH HERE: https://playdatepod.shop/ RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg SUBMIT YOUR BUSINESS PITCH HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdPHd7Ps9TaX-TOozyLhDpr9Y7pFNMP9PX7cHuLxap1R78GWg/viewform?usp=header SUBMIT YOUR AITA STORY HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdQElfqdQutn3dzl5HcZfey6YWhbVd-n6XE7FkpfosWZyYhyA/viewform?usp=sf_link SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: GRAB A REFRESHING TWISTED TEA TODAY https://www.twistedtea.com/ HEAD TO https://guyfox.com/playdate AND USE CODE FRIDAY FOR FREE SHIPPING & $10 OFF YOUR PURCHASE RIGHT NOW! LAST CALL: THE AFTER-ALCOHOL PRODUCT THAT ACTUALLY WORKS. VISIT https://trylastcall.com/PLAYDATE FOR 25% OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER. 00:00 Intro 02:42 Getting into the Bible 11:22 Grunion Party 19:55 Scary Movies 28:21 Holidays 34:25 Balls Out 52:23 Dating Updates 01:06:39 Pranking Lauren 01:09:57 Roadmap 01:13:39 Pitch Submissions 01:25:39 Pitches 01:33:39 AITA 01:38:14 This Guy Rocks 01:44:39 Teach Me Something 01:48:27 Drafts #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think i am making a new playlist right i re i restarted a new playlist here's here's an unforeseen consequence of starting the rusty's songs of the day playlist all my other all my other stuff is out there for people to critique right and so i did a little did a little cleanup got don't hide

your light under a bushel basket i had i had my what don't hide your light under a bushel basket what does that mean that sounds lovely i think it's i think it's from the bible no i don't haven't read it haven't read it i used to go bushel basket i guess did i did i tell you did i tell you about my my best poop spot in college light under a light under a bushel basket new saying did i just do a saying i don't know that would have that sounded awesome though don't put your okay math that's matthew 5 15 that is not a saying that doesn't exist okay so it is it is in the bible i there was a there's a chapel in the middle of of my college campus yeah i think i might have already told you this but it was the greatest place to poop in the world there was one

bathroom one single oh you did go to the bathroom okay got it deep in the bowels of noel's chapel yes and i would poop there in between classes and it was just like a nice reset and then one day there's never anyone sitting in the chapel it's just beautiful lauren pull up the inside of knoll's chapel no they're just rollins college chapel oh did she spell that right no i think there's a w she might as well what she's close knolls go to like a was kind of close go to the inside of this lauren so look at this click on that second image so it was just this like beautiful church for babies church for babies it wasn't it was that picture doesn't totally do it justice it's like this yeah just really surreal place there's never anyone in there insane dump spot

insane place to dump and uh one day i was like you know what i i say i'm a i say i'm a believer yeah never cracked the never cracked the good book open yeah sat down read the first page was like that's awesome i'm gonna do this yep every poop never did it again but i was like if i because i pooped you started like genesis whatever the fraud made the it was i started with the first page so it was like in the beginning yeah it was like four score and seven years ago i'm like what is this the gettysburg that'd be funny there's a copy of the gettysburg address how long would it take you if you open the first page of the bible and it was replaced with the gettysburg address how long before you realize this is not the first i think

i think you're right you're right that's too recognizable yeah but maybe if they read so if they reworded it it was like a different abraham lincoln speech years i'd never figure it out it's not it's not uh it's not what i thought the bible was it was like a story the first little bit was like kind of just like a nice story i think it's a lot of just like stories i know it seems like a daunting task though but i think like yeah how many guys have read it how many guys have totally read it you think i don't know people yeah like i remember some hardos that in my catholic school that were like reading the whole thing but there's a new type of there's an in the last 10 years there became a new type of christian and they're hot they well they kind of

are hot there are have you seen those like the hot ones yeah you pick me up and you turn me around who's that oh that was like a viral video i just mean the ones that are the ones that are catholic christian not catholic no no not hipsters like hot catholic ones christian so there are both catholic i don't think there's any new catholics not i'm not saying those are the new ones those ones there can be hot catholics but there's there's these new hot just kind of blanket term christians agreed that's what i was you're like yeah you're like what you know what denomination yeah they go to the fucking seacoast that was like yeah it's like it's like a big it's a concert yeah and they're tan as fucking the day is long and there's like

a guy with like cool blonde hair that's like pretty hot with a guitar yep and he does all he leads all the songs yeah yeah and it kind of feels like at any moment they're all gonna turn and look at you and go and little lizard mouths will come out but they're they're good people they are good people because because i think there's no there's not really like a central like leadership thing yeah just the general message seems to be like dude the bible's goaded the bible's goaded yeah but it's the people that are interpreting it but the bible also was written by a thousand guys who weren't there that's the weirdest part of my fantasies when i was what did you say a thousand guys i was trying to make a joke but who weren't there

oh doesn't that sound like the dream what are you talking about oh man like a million guys who aren't there but it's like these new these new girls on tiktok that are like getting baptized have you seen this and they're all hot as all get out you've never seen a girl new girl love oh new girl yeah you'd like you would you're you're a you're a schmidt guy you're a winston guy what do you think lauren schmidt you think he's schmidt who do you think i am winston or nick miller nick i'm coach coach hey no you are i feel like you are kind of nick you have some yeah my high school girlfriend said i was very nick millery which i thought was cool at the time but i think it's kind of an insult no it's not you not at all i don't know what it means

jake johnson is the coolest guy ever but i think it was she was more she was more speaking to the fact that i might not be the smartest man in the world or that i get a lot of redeem redeemable qualities totally i think you you would see because he also that character does a thing that i do that i that i think you think is silly but also you think is very dangerous which is i believe what i believe regardless of if there's anything to back it up sure yeah and i feel very strongly yeah i i want to yeah go ahead i just want to get it i i'm trying to be better about i either care zero percent about something or i care 110 about something and i think there's it would be healthy to care just a medium amount about most things yeah fair enough i mean you

don't have to care about everything cricket i don't give a fucking shit cricket wireless well that who's that even for leah my friend leah has cricket doesn't scott have scott has scott got mint leah got scott has mint my two best friends at college had mint and cricket why what's the appeal uh it's cheaper yeah i mean i'm i can't judge a brother because i'm still on my parents phone plan and he's been paying his since like high school so my grandparents are on my dad's point yeah which that seems backwards to me i don't know it's my grandparents are on like everyone in my family is on the same at&t plan bro's racking up the points that must be what it is but he so my dad kind of handles i think a lot of things for my grandpa now yeah

but like did i already tell you the iphone thing no yes yeah yeah did i tell you this one did i tell you this on the pod i don't remember so basically the fucking this guy the the winter park at&t guy if you're fucking listening i got my eye on you you're you're a scumbag he sells my grandpa a new iphone every like two weeks because my grandpa if something like if it i literally think my grandma doesn't understand that it's like rechargeable or that like and it's not funny no no it's a little fun it is it's hilarious single use iphone he like so my phone number is the phone number that gets the pay confirmation so every month right it'll be like your payment has gone through whatever and then randomly once a month there will be a one that's like thank you for

your purchase like click on this link for like faqs about your new iphone 17 and i'll text my at him like who got an iphone and he's like oh my god no call my grandpa and be like stop going to the at&t store because he'll go to something will be wrong with it or he can't figure out how to get in he like forgot his password yeah and the guy will be like oh it's toast you need a new one and he'll sell him the most expensive iphone it's happened like three or four times and my dad called the at&t because he wasn't in florida anymore he called the at&t store and was like stop selling my dad new phones it's messed up and then at one point the guy sold him into an android and that confused him like way more because he had just kind of figured out the apple thing it's just

if you're upselling 90 year old men is he 90 he's 88 wow legend yeah i dude i think that is like a huge there's so much money to be it what i found out when i was working on like the campaign and like fundraising and like talk like so much of like political fundraising money comes from fucking old ass people yeah who don't understand and like we would have people that would give us like the best way to get the donation is to have them give you their credit card info over the phone because then you can guarantee they'll do it yeah but like as i'm doing it it's like i would never i would tell my grandma don't fucking give this random candidate that called you your credit card over the phone but like it's they they like prey on these people i remember i can't remember what

the problem was my grandpa almost fell hook line and sinker for some yeah thing and that's what's so frustrating he's like he's truly one of the smartest guys i'd i've ever met but he's just old as dust now you know what i mean like it's not it has nothing to do with his like intelligence yeah he just is like forgetful now and doesn't totally understand what's going on there are people they i don't know i it's it's he texted me he's getting really into emojis fun and he texted me i sent a great emoji yesterday they both love yeah that one is we'll put a picture right here will will has some i tried to google it without asking him horrible you loved that i didn't it was a you texted me on the side and said hey i know i'm acting cool but i love that

i'll air it we'll put the text right here he goes yeah willie it's like a guy it's a emoji spreading its butthole it's crass and it's childish and we don't like it but it was silly it was the funniest thing i've ever seen grampy goes i hope you're safe and away from that violence no absolutely no context as to what he's talking about and i go i'm completely safe bro thinks here in israel and he goes thumbs up smiling check emoji so he's yeah he's on fire he's on he's on top of you oh come on uh all right can we talk about the elephant in the room please grunion party tonight we i go willie what are you what are you doing we're gonna some of us are gonna go get beers and play some pool tonight he's like can't got the big grunion party it's the

grunion party it's part of the year all right let's hear about it what about you oh so you guys don't know about the grunion party it's like venice's biggest party of the year you're gonna you're gonna make me feel bad about not being on the list for the grunion google grunion party wait can i take a guess yeah uh it is a it's a uh run club end of year party google it no the second one second one grunion party grunion party a grunion is a little fish and apparently they all come up on the shore tonight and mate and it's a party i guess so you're gonna everyone's just gonna go in a while you're gonna go to the venice breakwater and all

the fish come up and mate nine months later there's gonna be a bunch of grunion running yeah and then there's gonna be one that's like half man and wearing like jeans and a backwards hat and it's clear that will got in on the mating i fucked a grunion so how did you hear about this dylan walker i was like what are you doing tonight and he's like grunion party and i i like laughed i was like good like i i was like that's a good one it made me laugh nailed me i was like that's a funny thing to when someone asks what you're doing to say grunion party is awesome thought he was just doing a bit and he's like no serious and so he told me about it so is there is this like it's tim rundick kind of runs it he's a self-proclaimed grunion geek and he sort of

tim rundick yeah rudnick rudnick tim redneck look it says uh hundreds of the fish slither onto the sand to lay eggs a process described as thrilling by organizers yeah of course the organizers are gonna say look at that shit go look at that that's that's what it looks like there's three of them grunion grunion i think there are three lore yeah i think there are three right there at least it's probably like a million there tonight though grunion wait i don't yes why do you want to see this i don't know it feels like i i'm a do you just you just stand on the beach and party what happens yeah that's me after eight beers me after one cores light after one cores light fuck fuck him fuck him yelling at the grunyans yes we're joking we're gonna go down

as you see jill and jerking off jill and jerking off oh cool i saw a meme today that reminded me i saw a meme today and this this guy screenshotted uh you know there are comments on like porn videos yeah of course man is that weird yeah i got top comment actually recently did you really yeah no oh i don't know man but someone commented it was just a screenshot of the comments and it said it had a time stamp and it said i don't know if anyone else heard this but at 1604 one of the black guys in the gangbang goes i can't do this anymore she smells like a dead fish and walks out oh my god right it's not horrible yeah i've never understood the not to get gross i've never understood the allure of wanting and wanting more men than women and yeah no finish

what you're saying like like i knew guys that would have threesomes with their buddy and i i've and they were like yeah it's funny it was like there i've never seen the allure to that i've never have i been i know making sweet sweet love and been like i wish one of my friends was here Dude, I know someone that had a threesome with these guys, and that was, like, their thing. They were, like, best friends, and they would, like, do that with, like, a lot of girls. Was this one of your friends? It was, like, a friend of a friend. I just, like, heard through the grapevine.

Wait, so she heard that this was their thing and tracked them down? No, no, no. She was just going to hook up with the one guy, and then... He offered? And then it just became all three of them, and that's, like, their thing. Like, those guys just do that. Have you ever been offered that one? No.

Have you ever been offered a threesome with them? Are we playing dumb? That that's not our thing? I want everyone out there to know I don't think Will and I have ever been naked in the same room. Let alone... That's what he thinks. I've been making sweet, sweet love to a woman.

Whose burger is over there? That's mine. I didn't finish it. It's making me queasy. You had one 20 seconds ago. No, but it looks weird. It looks like a meatball. Are you not going to eat the rest of it?

No, you want the last bite? No. I feel like you want it. well that's my thing is like i always finish my meal and i gave you shit for not finishing your meal the other day willie what about that right there i know i was gonna tell you i was just saying it occurred to me today that sometimes i'm full before the the unit of food that i'm eating is is gone yeah and so i just didn't well i didn't want that last piece no but i gave you a lot of shit for were you was that me and you lauren we gave will a lot of shit for throwing out food

well i tried something new and i didn't like it well and then you said i have to eat all of it oh the it was a i mean i don't want i probably can't say on that we shouldn't say what it is but it was something i'd never tried before and i tried it and i said i don't like it and then you made you like all day we're like i'm gonna be really mad if you don't finish that well because i was i was raised that wasting food is very bad 100 i agree but it's like if i don't like it i'm on your side now it just occurred to me that like me not taking that last bite of the burger yeah isn't like doesn't have any effects around the world that was when i was a kid i when they were trying to tell us to use less paper and plastic i couldn't i remember not being able to

wrap my head around like supply and demand like i was like why if it's already here yeah why would me not using it count but it's because if you use less than we order less but i never that never occurred to me what are you doing this weekend hollywood what am i doing come on i'm house sitting for the for my old neighbors nike nike good memory nike and chloe didn't they get out last time you were you let him out right so you had something to chase no i saved i saved nike he escaped and i rescued him from this oh you weren't even working too right no yeah i was just in my in my old home so i'm gonna oh guys it's friday the 13th right now as we're recording this oh yeah come on maybe watch a spooky movie to celebrate is mia coming over no mia is actually

mia is also house sitting for the next two weeks her cousins place in frog town No it's That's where That should be where They do the grunion party Next year It's real Yeah

Any big weekend No probably just gonna Take the wife up to Frogtown It's real Is that like a euphemism For something No it's

Went on a date last night He took me to She took me to Frogtown Guys it's near downtown Shut up Where is Frogtown It's near downtown

It's Elysian Valley Is like the technical name I'm pretty sure But Frogtown is what Like locals call it So like hip kids call it Sure Nice

but it's technically called elysian valley but locals call it frog town well i think it's because there's a creek or something that runs along it i don't know but me in downtown los angeles there's a river the la river that's like a drainage thing it's yeah it's like right here near yeah right dodger stadium and so mia is also house sitting for the next two weeks and then which i'm excited house sitting for two weeks yeah how much are they paying her i don't know i mean it's family she's like does that suck for like commuting then though no because she works in west hollywood like it's honestly probably easier for her we ho but what was i gonna say i we are kind of opposite in the sense that i love being alone and like

having my space whereas she's like so bummed she's like can you please come over and hang out with me i'm like bro i'm so allergic to cats like she's watching their cats they have two cats and i like can't hang around them for more than 10 minutes um but i'm excited to have the place to myself for the next couple weeks i'll be fun yeah you're gonna watch a scary movie alone well i'll have the dogs with me kind of counts no it does okay they're very cuddly and cute when i was a kid you guys ever seen uh hush what is that a movie yes i have hush is a wait wait don't don't spoil imagine watching that with some dogs oh you think what i'm thinking come on hush puppies yeah um but it's this this deaf girl lives in a cabin in like it feels like maine maybe

rural vermont somewhere it feels like new england whatever and she's deaf which i think i might have mentioned and this serial killer guy like goes to kill her at her house and he's like tapping on the window to like fuck with her and then he realizes like she can't hear it yeah she must be deaf and then he just spends the rest of the night like kind of fucking with her and she's like fending him off and uh he has like a crossbow it's like whatever oh my god it's like that just scared me I know. Seriously, stop. No, you just screamed in my ear.

What? He said crossbows. He screamed. Oh! You're scaring us. We watched it. When I was in high school, we watched it in the jack shack in the backyard. And it was like eerily kind of the same setup where the jack shack was almost back in the woods.

and it's like maybe like a 20 30 yard jog from the jack jack to the house and i had the thought of like because we finished it everyone left now it's just like me and one of my friends in the house and it was like okay we have to either sleep here and be prepared for like a guy in the woods or like book it and maybe you could hit us with a crossbow and it was not rational thinking but i remember like sprinting and like genuinely thinking he was gonna like shoot me in the achilles with oh yeah that movie is gnarly ankle is that what it is i think so i remember my like this part of my leg hurting when i watched it totally spoiled it dude that was honestly i think that was one of the first horror movies i saw or not i don't know just i feel like now if i watched

it would be dumb no it's not oh 2016 ew yeah creep yeah that guy was freaky oh freddy cougar what the high school with that guy oh freddie cougar oh freddie cougar oh credit food freddie freddie cougar is a serial killer bangs moms come on i'm having a beer that looks good it is really good lauren lauren can't we our boss is out there grilling hamburgers for everyone yep and lauren was like oh oh we should have beers on the pot and i was like yes like great idea and i got all excited for it and then lauren at the last minute was like you know i don't want to have one but i already got excited so i'm having two and that's great well you can drink for me i just have to finish editing the pod after and i don't want to be slumpy tired slumpy oh you know what i saw

yesterday please i saw a restaurant called sloopies in manhattan beach that's fun that song hang on hang on sloopy sloopy hang on is that real is that real be honest Ohio State is that real or bad yeah it's an Ohio State thing hang on sloopy

sloopy hang on O-H-I-O hang on sloopy hang on she she didn't know the lyrics so I think that this is a prank on Jackson she was only saying the lyrics she would say the lyric

one second after you said it hang on sloopy sloopy hang on oh h i o hang on sloopy sloopy hang on oh h i oh you think this is made up google google's all right let's get it out of the loopy hey yo all right google hang on hang on hang on sloopy you got sloopied song by the mccoy play it oh my gosh play play that shit a high quality japanese style kitchen knife as a gift for less than 20 bucks i want that seriously this is a okay body get fucked okay wait so it's real yeah you thought that was made up wait so wait why did

you say ohio state then because i know that's the song but i didn't know that's what the words were what does that have to do with ohio you knew that that was an ohio state thing yeah but you didn't They play that song at the football games And then everyone goes oh H Her body is T It is I just wanted to say that What?

You think my body is T? You thought I was doing a bit? Whose body is more T? Me or Willie's? Our bodies are both T Also ever since I voiced my complaint About people not wanting me i got a bunch of dms from people saying they want me all guys

nothing wrong a lot of guys have experimented crushes on you on me or willie on you bang do you think it's because i'm an otter it's because you're an otter and i'm a twunk hang on sloopy do you think that we would do better or worse with men if we were gay would we do you think we'd get more tail or less tail i don't i don't like this line of no why not i like get tail what are we all right sorry uh grab h what who do you think would who do you think would get if we were gay or what's eight grab hole um i'm like aaron judge brother i'm hitting a home run in any ballpark all right who would get more i'm like no i'm saying do you think as a gay guy yeah i agree i'm like they call me francisco lindor the way i'm going deep from

both sides of the plate oh lord oh my god good lord i have a gay friend and i learned there you go bragging again i learned that he only bang from a third party he only bangs like small puerto rican guys like that's his type it's awesome doesn't that sound like a fucking delight yeah that's awesome man oh yeah right yeah i don't know i don't know it sounds opine i guess for him I don't know. I don't. I'm trying to be a team player here. I'm drowning.

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Oh, yeah, boy. You got a twee on your head. Uh-oh. Just a tea. It goes down smooth, and there is no carbonation, which makes it easy to drink all day long. Let me tell you, Willie, Lauren, and I are getting into the summer mood. And let me tell you, when the sun's out, sun's out, twee's out. That's what I always say.

I'm going to Dana Point tomorrow. I'm going to go down to the beach. You got to go to Olamandi's. And now I'm going to go to Olamandi's and drink a twisted tea You took the words right out of my mouth I think they have it But truly I mean we've all had it

We all know what it tastes like It's delicious It's perfect Delicious My thing with like If I'm drinking during the day And it's carbonated My stomach

I turn into a balloon Same And I'm just bloated And I feel yucky Yunky And it doesn't Most carbonated They're not very summery

twisted tea is like this tastes like summer i feel like a like an old southern gentleman having my my half and half twisted tea come on keep it twisted y'all and grab a refreshing twisted tea today let's get back into episode pride night of the mets game tonight speaking of june at edge just those we don't get juneteenth off what the hell's up with that i know that feels like a uh well because we follow like the wme calendar i think usually yeah and it's interesting because that feels hard to believe that they went back on that because they would see the thing at our company is we have no black employees so right there's not going to be any internal do we get mlk day off yes yeah but like the funny thing is we don't get juneteenth off but we get the whole

week off for july 4th we just get wednesday thursday friday and that's and that seems excessive agree agree no i completely agree but give me the after let's do half day on juneteenth yeah i mean i don't know it's not really for us i guess yeah but what's like a white holiday all of the other ones yeah i guess and everyone else could celebrate those yeah i guess i don't even know what point i'm trying yeah what's what's your guys's favorite holiday uh it used to be christmas and now i think i lean i skew a little bit more thanksgiving mine's thanksgiving for sure because i uh i really

enjoy getting together with all the cousins cousins with two z's i just booked my trip home for denellen week is that a real holiday well i don't think we get off for it if that's what you're asking but oh people are getting off for it let me let me tell you it's we people are get a bunch of denellans out on the loose some people are gonna get off let me tell you we pick a week in the summer every year that all the cousins all go to maine nice i'm doing i guess you could argue kelly week is kelly week is the week before labor day then oh fun we go we're going flan and i are going to maine the week before labor day and i am very excited that'd be awesome very very excited we did none of my like everything is

awesome now all my buddies i had a couple kids that either like took a post-grad year between college or took an extra year in college and so like they were still in school and doing like full summer break so whenever i went home there were like a bunch of buddies and now like all my friends are working yeah so like you only maybe get two or three there yeah i mean i have no buddies when i go home so to maine yeah you mean man yeah me i know you have no main buddies no i'm gonna start making i didn't grow up there i know but i'm saying like i guess i have people from my my little bond me shop i worked at but yeah like they're there i just like spending time with family when i'm there honestly i don't get to see my fam enough yeah there are like local

local kids that i've met from booth bay that i didn't grow up with obviously but i wouldn't say we're like we're not hanging out outside of running into each other yeah i uh oh come on tell me i got a story please i was i was running on the boardwalk the other day and these live streamers it was like a textbook like i don't know how many times i've actually seen that in person where it's like a guy holding like a camera on a stick like filming oh we got hit with that the other day but continue these guys just like being they were like climbing on a playground when i ran by and then when i was coming back they were like kind of in the same area and like the guys like pointing the camera at the guy it is like this like fucked up like

culture of like trying to get i guess like a viral moment or something so it's like he's filming him And I'm running by it. So the guy just steps out into the path. And he's like, hoo, hoo, hoo. Like, doing that to me. Like, trying to, like, psych me out. Or, like, kind of, like, trying to, like, trip me. And I just kind of was like, oh, sorry.

And just kind of went around him. But it was very bizarre. I never really had that sort of experience. Why didn't you just... Like, if you kicked him in the nuts, have you now... Why would I do that? Like, I jumped in front of you and was like, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. Yeah, but that's just...

That's exactly what he wants me to do. that's the clip he wants i can almost guarantee you he doesn't want to get he does not want it yeah but that's playing into his hand i was more gonna say like is that a crime oh no i wouldn't know like it if you he jumps in front he goes while i'm running and i kick him i think that's fine i wasn't worried about it legally but also i would i don't i don't hate i wouldn't do it either but i just i'm thinking about like yeah there are there are there have been a couple moments in my life where i'm where i feel like i really got got and i'm like if i could go back if i could just go back and redo that yeah i would have done something oh i actually had the

thought that if i could go back and redo it i think i would have been i think it would the funniest thing to do would have just been like and like try to juke him out and do like a spin move around him i think they're like a fun little no because then it's like then it's like validating that behavior the funniest thing you could have done i guess i don't know they're not trying to have fun was your grown man uh teenager probably i don't really know i'll let i was picturing like 25 i i guess i don't really know if you're if he was over the age of 18 he's the biggest loser in the world he was a loser no no doubt but i also don't know like you never know i guess like in theory there could be that could be a famous live streamer the dream scenario for me if i could if

i could like have a time machine and be you and do that again would be bend him over that little concrete thing pull his pants down and spank his bottom raw that probably wouldn't get a clip it would be a great clip but he could never put it anywhere because his acid balls are out that's a good point my friend spank his balls too oh speed bag it bend him over high score there was i got sent a video my good one of my good good good hometown buddies sent me a snapchat memory from five years ago today and it's uh you can't really tell where the video is going and i was like why did he send this to me it's just us facing the camera and he's like shotgunning a beer i was like okay this doesn't seem like super memorable and then i swiped away from it then i was like

you know what there's no way he's a smart enough guy there's no way he would have sent this to me unless there was something yeah at the end you can see me in the back kind of like figuring out what i want to do to the camera and i at some point i realized i don't want him to be taking this video anymore and so i take my balls out and i show the camera my balls and i say to the camera or i say to him now you can't use this video because i showed my balls and then that clue didn't work because it's still on his phone yeah and that that was the first video i've seen of myself where i was like oh this one would be this one would sting a little bit if like his eye cloud got back because it's like it's not the most flattering angle of mine is your penis out too

somehow just balls nice honestly pretty but you can see the bottom of them and it's i think i says there's video on the friday beers main page where my balls are actually in it i did it that's like a bit during one of the takes and it made the cut uh but it's so fat it was the original like nightmare remember we did like nightmare post game yeah and then there was like nightmare uh office or something yeah there's a guy trying to leave the office at the end of the day i was like hey man can i blah blah blah and there's one paint it whips across the conference room window at our old office which is like all glass and for one of the takes i just put my ball took my balls out and pressed them up against the glass as they were filming it and uh ended up making the

cut i mean there would it would you would never be able to prove that those were your balls yeah like you'd like if you freeze the frame at the perfect moment it's just like there's like a tiny tan spec like microscopic little tan thing but um there was a it is funny to know that my balls are on the main page i kind of also was like oh i can't tell anyone this now because yeah there was there the all the good news is i would be shocked if there's any picture of my penis on anyone's phone i do think there i do think one of us i do think there are a ton of my balls we how many of them probably i would bet i would one picture but of a ton of your balls i would say i would say probably 15 people have at some point in some way shape or form a picture

of my balls the one that the one that i'm really there's only one i'm really worried about yeah coming out my buddy jack that i went to rollins with uh we were at this bar and in the it's like this rooftop bar but in the on the ground floor there are all these antique cars it's like a really cool setup like old sick look up m lounge orlando and so i went to the bathroom and i came out and uh go to like yeah there are all these like cars on the floor it's really cool and uh and there was this like tiny little smart car size thing one of those old volkswagen ones that the front opens up like the front of the car is where you get in and uh jack told me to pose in front of it and i took my just my balls out and are pressing them on the hood and it's the only

one where it's like there's no plausible deniability that those that that's not me because it's literally me like staring at the camera very clearly willing wait didn't you just talk about this or am i tripping i told you privately i think okay but i pressed them on there and it's me looking very very excited about what i'm doing so it's like you couldn't even go back and be like that was a slip of the hand it's like clearly like look at what i'm that was a slip of the ball slip of the balls this is what i'm doing i was thinking about getting a case for mind like how i have for airpods right right just like a plastic like a cup no it like clamps over it's magnetic you know we're getting close to a technology for you can dip your balls in this

tiny little jacuzzi and it renders you like not fertile for a couple hours so it's like male birth control what we're getting close who's getting close scientists oh google that up google ball koozie ball koozie koozie jacuzzi ball google ball koozie uh yeah look at this no that's a sexual act in which a man places his scrotum in a cup or a bowl of warm water oh sorry testa koozie that's what it is right there it's right there that's a testa koozie and you put your balls in it what looks like well look it's like the airpod case that is literally what you're talking that's crazy but it heats your it it heats it up so all your swimmers go to sleep and then you can well this looks like it's just that's just like for fun no no this is this is not this for isn't uh not for

pleasure it's for business they gotta make a set read this oh oh no this is like golf balls or something huh i mean all right so i'll just get one but i just want one that clamps on there it's just on there all day but what is it what are the purposes of the surf i don't know why do people get belly button rings it's a good point do you guys like belly button rings i'm not the i mean uh i like feel nothing when i see one but i think that i don't know i guess i've never been with someone who had one i just i heard they reek if you like you got to be like very diligent about i had one for a little bit i i would say it's not my thing yeah the pierced nipples and the pierced everything is kind of just it seems crazy to me i got i got no opinion honestly you know some guys

pierce the tip of their uh penis yeah what'd they get i think it's like a bowl ring or some people Oh, wait. You said they pierced it, but for some reason I pictured they tattooed it. That's why I said with it. I think some guys tattoo it. What's the movie where the guy gets a tattoo of Daffy Duck pushing a lawnmower through his pubes?

Can you tattoo your penis? Yeah, of course. Well, I don't know if... Oh, like if it would fall off? No, or if it would even stay on. Alright, wait. Read that Reddit thing. Yes, I have tattooed a couple of penises. A friend of mine was tattooing...

can you read it a friend of mine was tattooing me a few years ago and she was telling me about a time she had to tattoo a guy's dick she said he got hard like the second he dropped his pants so she stuck on the stencil then had to wait for him to go soft again before she started oh wait that's crazy because then that means then that means it's a different picture when it's when it's hard versus when it's soft it's like when it's a it could be like a duck or a pretty or a rabbit using that optical illusion where what it just says also bleeds a lot oh definitely not like all right well uh i don't can we google something else all right can you google like a fun guy having a crazy baby movement movements crazy baby moments yep lauren if you if you went

out on a date with a guy and he was completely normal and you guys started dating and you waited a couple months and then it was time to you know have sex and he had a he had a pierced penis is that a deal breaker i don't think i would like that i don't think i would like that either i mean if i already like him i don't think it'd be a deal breaker he's a nice guy i'll do anything yeah i'm just like oh that's different you know some some women pierce their crotch that's kind of odd can we talk about something else yeah sure this is grossing me out uh my cars now worth three thousand dollars it's friday the 13th it's friday the 13th we're gonna talk about penis piercings for an hour did you guys hear my car is worth three thousand dollars now

yeah you got hosed so my i thought it was 1500 i called another guy and i said i got i said i got someone who'll buy it for 2500 he goes all right i'll do it for three i'm just lying is that fraud no no it's good negotiating yeah you're negotiating um so my car overnight i lost about twenty five thousand dollars um my engine no longer works and the guy called me and was like hey man i am so sorry but it's going to be about like eleven thousand dollars to fix your engine i was like what i'm obviously not gonna he was like unless this car is sentimental value like i wouldn't do that and so i was like all right what can you what can you give it this is the santa monica deep jeep dealership i was like where can you give me if i just leave it there

he was like dude honestly i can give you like 1500 bucks and isn't that insane wait so then you called him back and said no no i called another guy and was like i told him the problem i was like i have a 31 000 car it needs 8 000 of work what can you what can you do for me he's like what's your dream scenario i was like if someone gave me 10 grand i'd be stoked he was like yeah i just can't how many miles are on it 98 000 and uh he was like all right like you know he was like maybe i could do like you know 1500 bucks i was like can you just give me three and he was like let me talk to my guy and then he called me back he's like yeah i can so i am on monday i'm having him go pick it up and he's giving me three thousand dollars for a car that i bought for

31 000 yeah that sucks but but here's i this is what i think happened i wrote down every i wrote down all my goals for the year and or like just for the future and one of them was like i will drive this type of car it's like my the car that i want to get and then i want the two-door defender 90 have you seen that jeep wait no it's a land rover those are really cool defender 90 go to images oh wow like the first one that silver one like not that exact but it's like a two-door i just think it looks cool um and uh and the day after i wrote it the guy called me and said that my jeep no no longer works so i think i manifested a situation where i have to get a new car

i don't know if i abundance mindset i mean i definitely wouldn't buy that car cash i would have to lease it because it's like yeah it would be it would be like most of my money it's like an eighty thousand dollar car yeah minimum uh it depends but they're really cool my dad really doesn't want me to get one because they like if something goes wrong like land rovers are like kind of prone to problems or whatever so like if i bought one i would i would be in the situation i was in with this jeep where it's just every once in a while i have like a 1200 fix um but i'm thinking i could lease it maybe i might just do something more modest though just to i don't know yeah do you guys think it's musty in here yeah girl yeah come on sorry sorry i forgot to

wipe you what like my ass crack is making it musty wow jack just took his whole shirt off whoa i'm wearing two oh my god someone called dollar shave club all right elephant in the room what is that you haven't worn the hat i bought you yet oh i'm sorry you hate the hat no i i left it here you gave it to me on wednesday and i left it here overnight do you hate it no i haven't worn it yet no i haven't hated it yet i haven't had the chance to hate it yet lauren the socks are playing today are you rooting for them the red socks you're wearing a red socks i know um sure who are they that's the best record baseball right now yeah i'll root yeah i don't like the yankees and you like the mets yeah i like here's all the teams i like ready yeah mets red socks

Guardians, Cubs, Blackhawks, the Buckeyes. I think that's all. I think that's all of them. Flyers, the Dayton Flyers. I think that's all of them. I think that's everything. Cavs. No.

No. No. She's still pissed about LeBron. Bulls. L-A-F-C. Bulls, sure. Strider came in and was wearing an Angel City hat, and I was like, oh, is that a new team?

He was like, yeah, man, pro. He's like, women's pro soccer. it's fucking awesome took took my lady he's like in love with his wife obviously but like more than more than the average he's just he loves us when he's like took my lady out we had a great night it's like oh awesome he's like dude it's such a great experience i'm like really like what what's it like why is it so great he was just like dude no one's there so you can get the best seats and then he was like no line for beer ever i was like that's all it sounds like it just sounds empty yeah i mean i kind of i that's like why like minor league baseball is fun yeah

the action you can get a beer easy game yet been a bunch yeah fucking awesome yeah i saw fucking ben attendee and y'all moncada coming up i saw roman anthony recently i saw i got high hopes for him what's his name on a rehab assignment one of their like stud pitchers are sick yeah i got to see all sorts of guys come down big poppy came down at one point I knew the family that owned the Seadogs. I don't know if they still own them. Oh, what's his name? I don't even remember their last name.

I'm trying to think of a mascot's name. It's going to be a joke. What's the mascot? Slugger. Slugger. See, I would have gotten a laugh if I said that. I'm forgetting their last name. but they they grew up in this or they lived in the same town that we lived in but their sons

or their son and their daughter i believe went to wayne fleet the private school or whatever their their son went to the high school but oh i just remembered the last name actually no that's the wrong one slugger they their son went to the high school was on the lacrosse team and a bunch of the kids were eating weed brownies and he like told and then he got bullied so hard for telling on everyone that he went to like a liberal arts private school or not liberal arts like very liberal crunchy 50 person crunchy crunchy 50 person school nature valley granola bar very very very expensive private school because he told on people for eating weed brownies at the river dogs games what at the sea dogs no no no like what inning was it kids kids on his team

i think like just recreationally i don't think it had anything to do with us Did you guys guess 15? What? Did you guys guess a 15? Oh, no. Tim Tebow at Florida. And on the Mets, actually. And on the Mets.

Tim Tebow? Yeah. That's a football player. Yeah, he played baseball, too. And then he played for the Mets. He never made it to the Major League roster, but he played single A. And he had a home run his first ever at-bat. I went and saw him.

I bought a Mets Tebow jersey. And he was the first minor league player to ever get a Major League, like, merch contract. What? You could buy actual Mets jerseys with his – yeah. And I had his jersey, and I went to a game when he was playing against Charleston, and I, like, shoved kids to get him to autograph it. So I have an autographed Tim Tebow Mets uniform. Wait, that's so sick.

Yeah, so I'm in spring training a few times. So was he a baseball player first, like in college? Yeah, I think he had played – maybe not in college, but in high school. How did he even end up doing football then? He was better at football. He was just a – he was always a football player. Yeah, he was doing both in high school, and then he settled on football because he was better at football.

Oh, I'm confused. He was like the best college football player ever, kind of flamed out early in the NFL, so he was still young enough, and he was like, all right, I'm going to try baseball now. I don't think he ever played in college. No, he didn't.

Funny, fun Tim Tebow fact I learned. You know how he used to put John 316 or whatever on his eye black? Bob Overse, very religious guy. I can't remember what game it was, but there's a game that he played against Alabama. yeah he averaged 3.16 yards per rush he averaged 31.6 yards wait wait wait no this was the playoff game against the broncos oh john 314 i got you and he had no it's 316 or 316 sorry yeah and it

was yeah it was it was that playoff game against the broncos and then their their time of possession was 31 minutes and 6 seconds. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Crazy, right, Lauren? Crazy stuff. Can you Google Carlos Beltran Mets? 15. Bang. Alright, now Google

Lauren Hoagland. Okay, now Google Google Rusty Featherstone. It's all like guitar-ing. my tiktok am i guilty you have 5999 followers all right someone go follow lauren and she'll hit 6 000 no i already have 6 000 we're looking at it right now it's not accurate that is the

internet no it's right there am i cute all right what do you want i don't know but uh lauren you went on a viral date oh she said she wanted to talk about it now she's being bashful you're on date i went on a date last night fun detroit unite lauren came in she goes i went on a date last night i go awesome like where'd you go she told me i was like dinner or drink she was like both i got a steak that's awesome wait why is that like crazy i just thought steak sounds expensive and actually this place wasn't that expensive where'd you go uh we're in hermosa sizzler wait who is it with uh a person i met how'd you meet the person through uh like a mutual like a friend of mia's oh nice it's like they met we met out they met at a bar i saw a picture of it no no i

was just saying she was beating around the bush yeah but she showed me a picture he he was wearing a titan's jersey so he seems like a pretty chill guy he's wearing a cam heart titans he already has a cam heart titan's jersey cam ward cam ward sorry that makes sense wait uh that's awesome was it fun you're gonna have another one maybe yay yeah do you not want to talk about it i thought you said you wanted to talk about it i know and then i got also he's a playmate now oh no he's a playmate now steer hey brother so if he's listening you're clear all all i'm saying lauren you gotta be gotta be careful dating playmates i uh flan flan hid that she had listened to the pod apparently after our first date had went and listened to some playdate episodes to like

get a feel of course of course no but she had pretended like she didn't know what i did for work until like the third date got it and then was like so i heard this from our friend my now buddy jack who's dating her friend yeah and uh and uh apparently before we had even matched he had told her they were near each other and he was like oh that's so-and-so and then we got it and so i like to bust her balls and say that she was a playmate and she hit it god is even Last night I was talking about you guys And just being like Oh yeah and Will

One of the other guys I do podcasts with And he's like I know He knows Do you think he wants to be my friend? Yeah Is he hot? Yeah Really?

That's awesome That's your type No I'm not No but that's your type Just show us and we'll blur it I'm not doing that No but that's your type I'm just so we can get up

That is You do love hot guys I do Hunt I love hot, guys. Got the hantavirus. Is your type hot, girls? Is your type?

Duh. It's busty and hot and freaky and sexy and smart and dumb and hot. That's my type, bro. But also very cold during months. Hot and cold and icy. And stinky. You're so icy, I'm a glacier girl. Stinky?

Yeah. Is he stinky? No. Does he smell good? Yeah. does he poop at dinner no while he's eating that's good does he poop right on a seat in his pants while he's eating because will and i a lot of people don't know is will and i poop we don't have our intestines don't coil it's a straight line from our mouth to our butt right so uh the

second we eat it falls like it's like a when an elevator shaft the cable breaks it just falls directly through that's why i can't do the hot dog eating contest right oh is that why when you go to restaurants you have to get chairs that have like holes in them yes kevin chintley yeah kevin role model has been role why did i say like that role model role model that's how you say breaking bad role is that you i think breaking bad yeah breaking bad breaking bad breaking bad the he's been on a tear lately he's hot man tucker yeah i'm not even like in the top five most famous people from my high school now he's gotta be yeah i forget you went to the same high wait who else i don't know there's gotta be somebody right yeah i think um do you think

it's him than me i'll take that i'll take that probably take that all day long there aren't that many kids in my high school yeah probably so i'm there is a list if you do some mental math there's a list where yeah if you rank people on fame i'm one slot below role model yeah there's so many famous people i'm probably i'm probably i'm probably number one out of charleston catholic school oh i meant to ask you about this did you go to bishop mcdevitt no that's in pennsylvania yeah but you mentioned bishop mcdevitt when you grew up in pennsylvania yeah what no i didn't no i didn't go there wait what's the question i in the one of the last podcasts i heard you say bishop mcdevitt they were like a football powerhouse in pennsylvania uh uh tayvon austin

no what was that guy's name he was on qb1 he went to wake forest i never fizzled out he was from bishop mcdevitt and they they were ass his senior they were super good his junior year and then all those wide receivers left and so he's just throwing to like it would be like if you and i i know about there's just like white guys like running aimlessly and he was just like trying to hit them i went to my dad had a his buddy's son was like a three-star recruit out of like a school and outside of philly and i think they played against bishop mcdevitt in like the state semi-final and i went so i saw a game brendan nosovich that was his name he went to south carolina i don't think you can google him lauren can we see if you can please see a picture of

your date and we'll blur it i just want to see what we're working with here i'll show you on my phone like later wait but i want to for just for this context nos n-o-s-o-v-i n-o not s-o i feel like that's is that weird of me no well you told me it wasn't weird when i put it oh He went to B.C.? I guess he went to B.C. too. That was him, man. Where do you see him on B.C.? Go back to all.

Go back to all. I thought that was me. You know what's crazy? We can run the tape back. Lauren, go back to all. When Googling Lauren's own name, she misspelled her own name. Did she really? Give me a break.

Yeah, this guy, man. What am I doing? He's supposed to be the stud, man. um you want me to show you a picture yes please yeah i do too i want to see okay i'm like being creepy i can't that's not creepy at all i mean you told me i literally came to you after that one episode and i was like is this weird and you're like no i wouldn't care at all this isn't creepy at all okay when that girl what's his name i'm not saying wait we'll believe it as if as if like i'm not the one editing it i'm like too scared it's fine i'll show you guys text it to

okay or text into the playdate group chat oh he's handsome yeah that is not what i expected to look like what do you think i like his eyes yeah he's kind of sleepy but he's even earring he has very pretty eyes does he have an earring that's badass what did you think he was gonna look like i'm not even i can't i'm not keeping this in but wait yes you are you can cut out the other stuff but you're definitely keeping this in he's all right for everyone at home he's a bit of a looker he's a bit of a looker and he has an earring on the left ear and you know what they say left is right and right is also right because you can put a piercing wherever you'd like uh i just got here and i don't know what this is

i just started i just refreshed lauren pull up washboard abs no stop i can you i i'm tired of googling me on the podcast does he look like that do you want to eat like hot butter off him and like melt him washboard apps that's something yeah pull up washboard apps nice okay very cool

let's see Paul Allen's card now let's google that hot guy from the Friday Night Lights oh Paul Riggins Tim Riggins Paul Riggins Paul Riggins Paul?

Paul? Wait, all right. I was just saying, like, Paul Riggins isn't really a hot guy name. Paul? That's his fucking hero, and you decimate him. Hero? Paul? Paul?

So this podcast is about sports now. All right, these are grandparents' names that don't exist. Poopy and Clit. That was mine. Peapod and Nina. Nipples and Skidmark. Wait, I thought I was Poopy and Clit. Oh, yeah, you were.

That's my poopy and clit No that's mine Who knew that a Friday afternoon recording Would be so fun I know I think we should not do it more But we'll do it next We're doing it next Thursday

Oh yeah Your skin Is full of little bugs Road map it Yeah I'm gonna go pee Alright, another pitch. A little bonus one for you today. What is the worst part about finding a new cologne?

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It barely hurts. No, don't spray it in your eyes. Here's the real thing. I truly have always struggled with buying cologne because I don't know what it smells like online, so I just have to go on, like, who has the coolest packaging. Right. With the sampler set, you get to try everything you want. Here's the best testament to how good this stuff is.

We have a cleaning team come to the office twice a week. Yep. I have Guy Fawkes on my desk. Yep. And every time I come in after the cleaning team has come, my whole office smells like Guy Fawkes. And I can tell they've been Fox-maxing. They were Fox-maxing. They've been Fox-maxing.

They like hot Fox the whole office. Since the dudes from Guy Fawkes are playmates, they're giving you $10 off your first. Ooh, that smells delicious. What is that one? We'll talk about it later. I believe that was Nelson. Okay, Nelson smells awesome. They're giving you $10 off your first purchase.

Head to GuyFawkes.com slash playdate and use code BEERS for free shipping and $10 off your purchase. for a limited time get more compliments smell unbelievable and spend less with guy fox y'all last call is an after alcohol product that actually works and let me tell you they freaking hate us because they can't keep up with the demand from so many people getting in on the last call train all aboard choo-choo uh because they've been listening to play date and almost friday and the the words getting out all right so here's the thing last call uses uh a method an ingredient that has been a uh fan favorite very popular in korea for forever for literally decades dhm dhm aka the miracle the miracle thing the hot money that's what i call it it helps you

break down alcohol faster time tested ingredient and it's been used in korea for i said decades actually i'm seeing now it is centuries so i feel like a freaking bozo uh what the heck but seriously i'm not kidding i every i take these every time i go out it's not just like oh i drink a lot tonight so now i'm gonna take one if you just take this every time you go out it's you get a little they come in these little packets yeah with two capsules in it you just slide it i use a lot of people they go what's this little pocket in your jeans for no one's ever known it's actually these jeans were invented in korea and it was meant for last call you slide it right in there and then on the uber ride home what i like to do take them take a little bit of water

and then i go straight to bed you know what you know about the willie d guarantee no i guarantee that every time i've taken these i've felt better the next day i don't know if legally i can guarantee that you will but you're not you're just guarantee i'm guaranteeing the willie d guarantee is that every time i've taken these i've felt better the next day than i would have had i not uh seriously guys go order some at try last call.com slash play date for 25 off your first order uh the code automatically applies if you use that link if you do have to type it in though the code is play date so try it this weekend take it out with you pop it before during or after you drink try last call you won't regret it let's get back into the episode all right i just noticed something

really funny we just took a break to go out and pee yeah and i went back to grab go to the other bathroom and there is a guy i don't know if this episode has come out yet we had a we have this show called cold cases where we we drink a case of beer we try and figure out an unsolved mystery and will like set up this thing to prank me and the other guy where this guy came in and he uh he's just like a guy people met at the bar you know what i'm talking about the long hair guy yeah how would you describe what that i'm trying to figure out like what that guy how would you describe that interaction oh we needed a pa for a shoot and tanner said he had met a guy this weekend that was down for anything yeah so he like he's just this random guy i guess now he

kind of works here yeah and stuff i didn't really know what he was doing and then i walked back and carly who's like a brand person yeah is explaining to him how to fold t-shirts there you go it was just a weird thing to walk by we're like this feels like neither of your jobs like there's no scenario where like yeah carly would need to be folding t-shirts and there's no scenario where that guy well would be working with that i don't know it just felt it felt odd that the guy that we met randomly two weeks ago now works here and is working intimately with

Carly. You know, isn't that the beauty of a startup? We all pitch in in unique ways to make this work together as one crew. Let's prank Lauren. Let's tell her we're both hammered. Let's tell her we thought about being hammered.

Let's tell her we know someone who's hammered. Tell her you actually know that. Like, take a look at that photo and then say you know that you know and that he you do it he kicked a dog no because i already saw the photo you have to i already looked at it too you're not gonna believe me okay he kicked a dog he kicked my dog wait i don't have my phone he kicked my dog what if i yeah i got it guy guy guy lauren guy guy guy guy where is where is he from can i see him yeah he looks he looks like this guy that we are men he looks no that's his fish he looks like this guy we know

but we're thinking there's no scenario where that's him where is he from well i'm not keeping okay you can take that he's not is he friends with alejandro who does like food pop-ups no i don't want to ruin this i don't want to ruin it for do you know this guy yeah i think i've met him but i don't really know him are you serious there was one night out with this like meat is meat is a stretch you you weren't there were you i'm saying i've heard this story i'm saying meet meet him is meeting him is a stretch yeah no we there was just a bad incident it wasn't that bad Wait, what? Are you joking?

No, he was... We can't keep this in. We can't keep it in. Wait, you've met... There was one time we went out... Oh, no, is this going to, like, make me mad? No, he was just, like... You're not going to like it?

...yelling at the bouncer of this place, because he said he was, like, too fucked up to get in, and then he kicked... There was... Is this real? Yeah. He tried to kick the guy, and there was a lady walking her dog by, and he, like, clipped the dog's leg. This is, like, a famous Manhattan Beach story.

Yeah. it was it was it was like i was at shellback with my buddies kai it was in his defense it wasn't it sounds like it wasn't his fault he didn't mean to kick the dog but he wait what clipped a dog it was funny though he was just drunk he was just drunk it's like just bumming me out sorry i i we contemplated not saying initially i was like i won't say anything but you know joe joe was there it was the only time i met him Joe was there and he said... Is this being real?

Yeah. Joe told me... I had heard this story like six months ago. Yeah. But basically, Joe said he caught it like square in the ribs. And it was like a big thing. It was fun. What?

It's not a big deal. You're pranking me. You just got dogged. You couldn't... We had her. You got kicked... Square in the ribs. You got kicked...

I just said he clipped its leg. Do I have to keep that in? You got kicked off. Yeah, you gotta keep that in. Okay. All right. We got a beautiful upset for... Hey, what's his name?

Hey Gruss If you're listening I made that story up just to fuck with her I know you're a good guy And I don't know you at all I actually got scared You were like what He kicked dong

Yo pull up we're kicking dong Alright we have a beautiful episode for you guys today We're gonna hear your pitches Followed by our pitches Then we're gonna do Am I the asshole And Lauren's dropping stuff left and right Lauren, did you just break the teleprompter?

Now I don't know any of my lines. Now everyone's going to know this is scripted. I don't know any of my fucking lines. Da, da, da, da. Is this what you want? Lauren broke the teleprompter. And then we're going to do everyone's favorite segment. Teach me something.

Followed by this guy rocks. This guy rocks. This guy rocks today. Hey, hey, I said this guy rocks. And he rocks so hard. He rocks in your house. sandy rocks in your yard there's rocks in my yard my yard and then we are gonna do it's always sunny episodes that don't exist and then a segment that i'm very excited about but it's kind of

hard to explain called back in my day uh fall and then we'll wrap up with rusty's song of the day we got about 2500 of you bad boys following that thing right now you sneaky little fuckers go follow Rusty's songs of the day on Spotify. I believe a couple playmates have made another copy on Apple Music but that is not sanctioned by me so anything that gets added to those

is not necessarily what I said. We have some written in pitches today. Come on if you guys want to submit if you guys want to send us anything pictures, money, trinkets money, money, please trinkets, million dollars, anything

Send it to 149 Bay Street, Santa Monica, California. 90405, baby. 90405. Is that right? Yeah. Nice. Thank you. It's the most expensive zip code in the world, 90405.

Is that true? No. No way. Really? I thought they just give you zip codes. You don't even have to buy them, right? All right. Is he on the screen?

I don't know. Yeah, of course. He's going to be, like, under the, like, where you scrub to find the episode. Ow. If you're scrubbing on the thing. I'm good right here. That looks comfortable. Here, wait.

Guys, hover your mouse over the like button, and then when I tell you, hit it, and it's going to tase Will. Ready? What? On YouTube. Three, two, one. Like. Oh. Oh, never mind.

He loves it. Oh. Oh. oh boy oh boy my buttons not dr sluggo not my gumdrop buttons oh boy all right pitches that's what it sounds like that's what it sounds like to make love to will oh boy great heavens not dr sluggo who is that you know dr sluggo i've heard of dr Sluggo. No. Roe did not have a childhood. You know Dr. Sluggo, actually?

No. I don't know. He's cool. Dr. Sluggo. He's from Mr. Bill. What? You fucking made this up. No, I didn't. Google Mr. Bill. You're trying to slug me. Click on that first one that says Mr. Bill. Top left. My dad knew a guy named Sluggo. No, get

the top left Mr. Bill. See where it says Mr. Bill? Yeah. Ew. Hey. That guy's Dr. Sluggo, the green striped guy. My dad knew a guy named sluggo in high school and that's like they're slow on the right he was a he went into minor league hockey to be an enforcer and then that didn't work out so he went to like amateur boxing oh all right let's do pitches so a lot of money in amateur boxing this this pitch

we already we already opened this on on monday's episode um this is from emma baker but we didn't read it because how about ab wait oh no this is not emma baker this is from miles i'm sorry i've seen if someone else miles sent this so he says do you not have emma's um no we need remember the fire wasn't starting so we needed something right meanie what who's meanie no i don't i actually might have just emma baker if you're listening i don't know if that's a person it is did is that a real name we read from maybe think of nut nutter kate nutter i don't know love you love all you guys okay miles says hey alvin simon and theodore i think i think it's pretty clear who's who simon i'm alvin i'm theodore you're simon i'm the chipmunks wait you have to be simon because

he has glasses right yeah but i'm not simon you ever seen that meme like who getting the best head and it's can you pull that up learn i don't know how to do that we're pulling up too much google who getting the best head it'll come up you'll you'll see what it is no it's not yes it is who get in the best head chipmunks you've seen this really no but i know about head it's uh chipmunks yeah go to the images lauren so it's like three of them getting head and people were arguing about based off their facial expressions and the other ones who get in the best it's the bottom left one actually lauren ew okay jack i don't know if we can show that i think probably uh middle alvin's faking it yeah yeah wait is that theodore in the middle yeah theodore got put to sleep why is

simon looks shortest because he's he is the shortest he's also i thought simon was the tall skinny one that's alvin normally wears green wait what alvin is the red what are you talking of it that's what i'm agreeing no but the tallest the sign you're a tall green no he's not google look it's you if you click on the full image you can see simon's leaning forward because he's getting totally but he is the tallest one this is i don't know he's just getting crazy dumb cool that's weird um what's the worst part about getting a card from your grandparents aside from when all that cash falls out when you open in front of them and you gotta act like you ain't notice um the worst part about getting a card from your oh is like the awkward 45 seconds we

have to like pretend to read it or actually read it i think it's like i keep on my desk for like a year and i'm like throw this i don't know i save all my cards i do too but i agree that i'm like most of them i mean i feel like after several several years i will eventually like but no i have like cards from years and years all right what's okay well he says um you can never read their old person ask cursive handwriting true i did i did take a picture of the last card my grandma said and put it into smart math chat gpt and say translate this and did it yeah oh that's sick um ever trying to read a card or letter or someone else's notes from the class but can't decipher the chicken scratch handwriting i propose to you the right right so it's w-r-i-t-e

r i g h t um the right right right fuck this is a tongue twister the right right is a specialized specialized ink pen that lets you set your preferred handwriting font before you begin writing and then glides effortlessly across the page with perfect penmanship as you put your thoughts on paper now you'll never have to worry about decoding illegible scribbles when copying down a buddy's notes or having no clue that sweet sweet sentiments your grandma was trying to express in her birthday card to you and i know you're probably thinking who writes on paper anymore but to that but to that i say let's all take a step back from this digital mayhem we are living in and put pen to paper every once in a while plus the right rights effortless glide

feature means your hand will never cramp again while cranking out an in-class essay or churning out thank you notes tbh i only thought of this because my friends all make fun of me for having bubbly girly font like handwriting lol cheers love the pod oh ps i was also a late bloomer in high school and did comedy in college so my friends all say that willie d and i would have been best friends oh yeah that's my guy that's my dog i will say when i started reading that i was like that i was surprised that it was a dude based on the handwriting handwriting yeah and i very nice handwriting yeah it's very bubbly it's the handwriting that i like always wanted yeah mine's i don't know mine's weird i i've gravitated i somehow ended up having the same handwriting as

my dad it's all caps it's all caps yeah right in all caps that's i think my dad does that too yeah and i see that's i thought it was weird that my dad did it and then i just started doing it that's not like a handwriting thing more so than just you're purposely writing in all caps now yeah i think my handwriting is always so bad that i felt like all caps is the only way it looked okay interesting i've been told i have pretty good handwriting really you always say you gotta i have to write is that just you don't want to do it when we do wavelength you always say can you write in my handwriting is horrible all right busted you're writing them now i shouldn't have said that busted um wait i don't

understand i know i actually don't remember uh so it if you already have an existing letter how does the pen or it's for your grandma to write with it's to write with it so it lets you set your preferred handwriting before you begin writing so as you're writing it'll just glide and do as i got okay this would be sick especially when i'm journaling i always want like when i'm journaling and my thoughts to look like nice and ends up just being like yeah gobbledygook gobbledygook yeah i love it love it okay i love it i'm in on the right right well done miles that's sick thank you miles i hope you hit puberty soon have you seen that there's a kid that reminds me of maybe you guys don't align like on everything but it's what i envision you being like in high school that

kid that's like he drinks raw milk and he only eats like steak and eggs and stuff and like no processed foods but he looks like nine years old oh no i haven't seen it it's him being like i'm gonna live to a hundred because he's like eating he's like only eating like unpasteurized milk and like everything he's like this and a godly woman all that comes like why are you nine just graduate He looks like you looked when you graduated high school. Wait, is he cooking eggs and stuff? Just Google, like, this and Google, like, kid that only drinks raw milk and steak and eggs. Yeah, this kid.

Raw milk kid eats steak. Wait, go to, yeah, go to Owen, like, go to his page. Owen Stubblebine. Click on this most recent one. This is him graduating high school and he looks 11 years old. Oh, my God. All his buddies are like 7 feet tall Alright by the time I graduated

I was like tall enough I still looked young He's like a little baby Yeah that's crazy He's adorable Alright next pitch is from Matan Hi Matan Matan says

What is up to my friend, my enemy, and my lover Lover Friend awkward who am i eminy eminy wait i'll you know i'll dive on this grenade i'll be the enemy wait and then in parentheses he says it's not who you think who you think i would say then i'm the lover i'm the lover no i still think i'm the enemy i think i'm the friend because that's like kind of neutral i think you're the eminy eminy ebony i love ebony when i was kid i thought ebony was just a porn category i didn't know that that's that was a real thing and so i was scared to say

i also thought compilation was a dirty word one time i called my middle school teacher a prick and i did not know that was my i like at my house like i was to my family i was like yeah she's just kind of a prick my parents all and brother and sister were all like what my parents all my parents were all like in unison my six parents were like they were like go to your rooms i was fabulously wealthy okay matan says do you ever wish your friends like three lives at the same time what do you ever wish your friends would take your tv show or movie wrecks more seriously yes or that you could keep better track of the wrecks that your friends send you for songs yeah then look no further than the wreck record the rr is an app addition to iMessage that allows

it's rec record rec record no it's a record isn't it rec record yeah record i guess yeah record i think you actually might have been right i think it's rec record yeah i think you're right i'm sorry because it's keeping a record of your recs right record record yeah the rr is an app addition to iMessage that allows that allows users to send recommendations to each other and interfaces with letterboxd or spotify and goodreads if we expand to music and books to give the recipient information about it before determining if they want to try it it also keeps all wrecks in a separate folder so they don't get buried and lost in messages optionally you can rate your friend's taste after each interaction which boosts their wrecks in people's inboxes i'm a day one playmate huge fan

also lauren this is cute these last few months you've seemed much more content and like you're enjoying the pod more than ever which is great to listen to keep up the good work gang yay i love that i like i like the my favorite part about it is your rating like an uber rating yeah where you'd be like i will listen to will's wreck because of his track record yeah with other people this is actually a really good idea because for me it's like we're gonna watch a movie it's like oh what was that fucking movie someone was just telling me to watch yeah like i guess maybe it happens verbally sometimes which is hard but it would be really nice to have some sort of like inventory of the things i've been recommended and who recommended them like a falbo movie wreck

is gonna hold more weight than like than who jerry no jerry's a movie guy too scott jack i thought if i stopped talking it would all go away i i prided my in college carly in yeah true in college i prided myself on people listening to my recommendation like when we come home from the bars and like what should we watch yeah i had like a stretch junior senior year where i was like i hadn't really missed yet yeah and so people listened to what i wanted to watch after and that's the most powerful you'll feel in the world is when you get to when you when you're in a group and you're watching the movie that you wanted to watch yeah but it's also kind of scary because you're just hoping that they're all gonna

like it but if they hate it then everyone hates you i was watching goodfellas with my sister for the first time and she hadn't seen it and she kept going on her phone and it was it was like someone stabbing me in the heart yeah i actually i'm on her side like i hate it when someone's like oh you gotta watch this and it's like if i go on my phone i feel like guilty it's like i can still watch it yeah but you're not but like she was she was missing crucial parts so i was like yeah you're not gonna understand the rest of the movie unless you yeah yeah i love this though thank you matan miles miles and matan you guys killed it yeah you guys did really good m&m community we built all right what we've been able oh yeah sorry no you're good i was just

saying about how the community's yeah tell me no it's fine what's the worst part about cuddling too hot hurts it hurts it hurts that's kind of joking when you're when you are the man yes and you're not very jacked and your girlfriend wants to lay lay on your shoulder you feel bad because you're like i'm not giving her a very good pillow right now right right and then you're like she's probably thinking about all of her like old buff boyfriends i feel like it'd be worse if you're buff no no because there's a muscle there like she's directly on my joint i think it's like soft is like but there's no soft there i'm a soft man if there's one thing i've gone for myself i'm a soft little gumby soft little no boy just looking for his pokey what you know gumby and

pokey right wait your grandparents you don't know do you guys actually not know gumby and pokey fucking let's get it out let's get it over with just rip the bandit off or and pull it up wait what this is like a big part of my childhood say we got gumby and pokey you've never seen gumby oh i didn't know i did i guess i am aware of his existence oh i like him what does he do him in other places like they made like animated like claymation shorts and then i used to have a little gummy pokey they're my favorite toys growing up all right so if you're built like gumby or pokey yeah and your girlfriend's laying on your shoulder it's not very comfortable for her and you're worried that that she's gonna leave you she's gonna leave me for

like a guy with like huge traps that she can lay on yeah or lauren in your instance like if you're a girl and you're laying on some guy's bony little freaking shoulders and they keep adjusting and it's like oh are my shoulders not comfy enough for you yeah introducing the shoulder pillow it straps on like you know those or like desert or uh sand troopers where the they have that orange thing that goes over their shoulder yeah it's one of those you strap it on it goes under your shirt and then she can lay on your shoulder and she doesn't have to think about all of her old buff boyfriends that used to have nice big traps for lats for her to lay on or whatever you muscle heads are growing these days or be fuck wads are growing these days it's actually really

good thank you really good it's like the no doesn't exist i just came up with it no what the fuck lauren's computer's broke no no it doesn't exist i know i just came up with it i love that what what would it be called the buff boy the freaky boy express the freaky boy express is what I called my car in

high college because I was constantly transporting freaky boys from point A to point B just for them to get their freak on in different locations maybe bring them from the dorms back to my house or my house to the dorms it's not totally important where the freak

The freak offs were happening The library to the Alright let's get the Elephant in the room If you didn't know What was happening At those freak offs That sounds like

A pretty good time Someone was like We're going to a freak off And you didn't know What it was Like that sounds awesome Sounds like a dance battle Should we have a freak off

No You want a freak off real quick No Jerry always trying To get a freak off with me But he's just Freaky Bob For real Freak Bob Freak Bob

Lauren call him Freak Bob Lauren Google Freak Bob's body This is the most The way we tell Lauren to Google stuff Is like if Joe Rogan Was like dumber do you actually know what this is yeah hey man it's free i don't like this

thanks for answering people usually don't answer wait wait copy that google wait copy that youtube link go control command shift t what about it oh copy that youtube link why and then i need you to slack it to jerry right now yeah right now from brian yeah and then say get freak bob no don't say anything he'll know what it means all right good all right here's my pitch the single ingredient sandwich here's my problem with sandwiches i buy the ingredients for my sandwiches and then i run out of one of them and then it sort of renders the rest of the ingredients a little bit obsolete right it's Like, if I'm out of meat, then what the hell am I going to do with cheese, lettuce, tomato, and mayo?

Right. So. Yes. And I seem to always get it wrong and get less meat than everything else. So here's my pitch. A single ingredient sandwich, it's individual blocks of meat, cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayo all in one cube. You just take your single ingredient and you put it in between two pieces of whatever bread you like. Wait, it's a cube?

Yeah. Like picture like craft singles, but like each it's like layers of each thing. It's like it's like a cube that's like this big. So it's not a cube. All right. You're you're you're getting nitty gritty here. A rectangular prism. It's a prism.

It's a rectangle. Google rectangular. Shouldn't it be 2D? My body's a prism. No. Well, 2D. You eating food that's 2D? What was the last time you ate dinner that was 2D?

Lauren eats like the static on the TV. Yeah, what? It's a rectangular prism. rectangular rectangular prison i didn't know we were in el salvador what does that mean they just opened that new prison that's like fucking 10 miles wide and all ms18 lives there oh nice what's that ms18 is a rival gang of ms13 and they have kind of fundamental differences about the way they conduct their business but mostly it's um one time will peed on a ms13 graffiti tag after we left a dodgers game and i was really worried that he was gonna get shot i'm bad i'm bad i

really throw up that east coast eco shot uh char town all right so do you like chuck town stand up do you like my single ingredients i actually fucking love this i think i picture it almost like it uh you know when you buy those you buy those krabby patty gummies and everything's in there i i also just like the efficiency nature of it because then i like so i freeze my bread because i don't eat it quick enough before it goes moldy i just picture in the morning getting up putting two pieces of toast in the toaster putting some mayo on them slapping down one of those rectangular prisms and just good to go bang wait so i have a question for you like every good business we have to start with like a home run skew of it it's ham ham cheese

lettuce tomato mayo oh mayo's in it yeah i think maybe we should leave the mayo the mayo can stay on its own all right fine mayo's not part of it okay then think about this blt all right all right you like that one tlt do you know what that is do you know what a tlt is i do turkey lettuce tomato no no no tomato lettuce that's that's a club sandwich tlt is tlt is uh tuna lettuce tomato ew no nothing with tuna that's part of it you don't like tuna i have two cans of tuna i was trying to eat healthier last week so i instacarted all this different stuff got all the tuna there realized didn't need a can opener uh i haven't eaten that yet i have a can i have a can of sounds like you

can't open her come on sorry i have a can of tuna in my desk that's wild it's just fine do you need a refrigerator start there did you put it there it just like started there when we moved in wow it started right there like why isn't it refrigerated it doesn't need to be refrigerated tuna it's canned really cans yeah that's like uh whatever you call it uh non-perishables very good all right lauren tell us who's got an asshole all right all right that emoji all right put that emote wait put that emoji right here put that can i go on youtube yeah you can and it's gonna fit perfectly in the playdate circle lauren replace the playdate logo with will's butthole emoji all right now replace it with just will's butthole i'll send

you a picture i'll send you a picture i've only seen my butthole three times they were all last night way different color than i thought it was gonna be did i already tell you this yes pink pink is the day ew okay please stop it's the title of my memoir what sorry it's like bubble gum pink ew hey i have bubble bath on my fingers right now it looks like you dropped a piece of gum on the barbershop floor. That's what it looks like. I'm sick. That actually ruined my whole weekend.

He's not going to go to the grunion party now. I'm not going to be able to go to the grunion party. I'm not going to be able to make the grunion party. I can't get this grunion party. The grunion party is the funniest thing of all time. I'm so excited.

Is grunion the name of the fish? Yeah, I think so. We googled it. We know the answer to this. all right talk about it for 10 minutes i know i just got my memory wiped a second ago all righty sorry i didn't see you there okay i or a i'd see a time hey hey lauren and one and two a town stand two lauren one so i joel work at a coffee shop with my older brother one really busy saturday a customer came in while i was talking while i was taking a breather so my brother handled the order when he came back he looked disgusted and told me the guy hadn't said a word

didn't make eye contact just pointed out what he wanted took the drink and walked out without paying i got mad and decided without paying i got mad and decided to do something about it i literally sprinted after this dude like the full-on length of a football field and caught up to him just as he was getting into his truck where his dog was in the passenger seat i don't like confrontation so i awkwardly waved and said hi sir you forgot to pay he looked confused pointed to his ear and then mouthed oh my god i'm so sorry over and over before jumping out and running back into the shop to pay that's when it hit me he was clearly deaf i felt horrible and basically wanted to move out of town immediately later my brother later my brother told the story and said he totally

picked up on the fact that the guy was deaf from how he acted the pointing the lack of speaking even pointing to his ear but when he told me what happened he failed to mention any of that so am i an asshole for chasing down a deaf man and making him pay for his coffee no if you're deaf you still the pay i was about to say that he's using i don't care if you're deaf blind or you might have forgotten to pay i'll give him that there is i've bought hundreds i've almost forgotten to pay for coffee i've done it before but that's like the also what kind of coffee shop are you running where the coffee's in their hand before they've paid in spain they do that you have the coffee before you are you just are you sure that wasn't just a restaurant no lauren just lauren's like

actually in spain they don't make you pay for any of the food yeah you just have to like sleep as long as you leave before the waiter comes you don't have to pay for anything i think that i think this deaf guy he might be the asshole wait i don't think anyone's the asshole it sounds like a misunderstanding wait wait why does someone i've never left a store and been like i've never left to store without paying in my life i have done that on accident before and had someone like oh excuse me i was like oh my god i completely forgot i'm sorry well how just like they hand you the thing and you forget that you hadn't settled up interesting yeah i'm kind of with will i will say your brother if your brother your brother said that he saw him point to his ear and then point

at the menu yes that would have been relevant to disclose your brother your brother no one's the asshole to will's point no one here is the asshole it seems like a misunderstanding yeah your brother needs to get better about relaying information to you i think yeah yeah it'd be like if you were like oh my god there's a there's a guy robin the guy's robin or he's robbing there's a guy named robin yeah then that's the miss that was the misunderstanding that i was gonna be like there's oh my god there's a guy robin and you you're like no when you tackle him beat the fuck out of him and shoot him no it's my buddy robin my buddy robin glad we got to the bottom of that yeah does that clear it up that should make it make sense right don't no more fidgeting

all right should we do should we do everyone's favorite segment this guy's ross yep this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey i said this guy rocks and he rocks so hard he rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard there's rocks in my yard i saw this video last week and it made me chuckle all right oh i've seen what are we looking at this is so good so for the people at home we're looking at a like teenage girl holding a beer and she's outside of a teenage girl she's probably not a teenager she's serving beer actually i guess she could be you can't 18 okay she's a she's a girl somewhere between the ages of 18 and 22 holding a beer that i guess that wasn't relevant there's a 23 30 all right there's a woman holding

a beer outside of a brewing company vault brewing co in easton and she's holding a beer and she's a waitress there and she's about to explain what's going to happen here throwing a beer at my manager to see if he could guess which one it is all right pause it lauren so if you couldn't hear for the audio listeners she says throwing a beer at my manager until he can guess what kind of beer it is and then she fucking nails him in the face with it it was a perfect throw yeah that was that's a great idea she it made me laugh so oh you've already liked it you already saw this really yeah nice yeah i think this is a fantastic idea my question is the second i saw it how does that guy get home safely now because if you get pulled

drunk no i'm saying if you get pulled over you like absolutely reek of beer it would just tell what happened it's not illegal no i know it's not illegal but i'm saying like you i feel like this would be hard to explain to like an old cop just show him a video and be like yeah my one of my employees chucked a beer at my face i mean that would have like i would when i got off my shifts like bartending like you go outside and throw beers at each other you'd like spill shit you'd always reek yeah we got uh we when i worked at i worked at uh bats and river brewing company in portland maine i think i think some of the best beers in maine or no brewing company is pretty good they're uh lone pine there are a lot of good ones but i worked at this place and they would

give you a shifty after yeah and i got pulled over after drinking one shifty and i was fully of age but it was like well like when i was a kid it was like if you have one beard and you get pulled over like you're going to jail for the rest of your life totally and i thought i was screwed so if i reeked of beer yeah fair sorry i mean it wouldn't be i just think it would i think it would it would be harder to explain than than we would understand true all right willie show me who rocks lauren cue the dunk it yeah this is sammy d custodian i think so okay we're filming ready yep see i can only do half i mean he can only do half he did it on the third chair he only gets

it halfway down for audio listeners the guy spazzes out and kicks a bunch of chairs pretty cool though right yeah i think that's pretty cool he's a full-time custodian living the dream jack you should grow your facial hair like this i want to do i think i'm gonna get a buzz cut soon so i might have to do a beard that's fun to balance that out yeah you should i think i think your buzz cut look cool my buzz cut did look pretty cool i also think i that i did it when i was like 200 pounds and i think i still looked cool so i'm thinking my thought process is yeah if i get if i lose a little bit more weight then i'll look even cooler and sexier i think you'll look cool and sexy no matter i do too i think i need to go i

went way too i had one guard last time so it was like i was like essentially bald yeah for the first couple weeks i think maybe this time i'll do like three guard what does that mean like so it's just like the amount of millimeters off the electric razor so like they basically shaved my like we we were partying and kind of the last thing i remember was like us talking about getting buzz cuts and then i woke up and i was almost fully bald i almost went to the it was it was a floyd's in florida yeah i almost went back to the floyd's and was like i'm happy with it now because it looks it felt great like you went to the barber shop that's what i'm saying i like i almost went back to them it was like you're like i'm like i i'm not upset about the haircut

like it looks cool but i was like the fact that they these college kids stumbled in they were like give us buzz cuts and they just did it yeah that's the story i was numerous of your friends i thought you meant like you guys did it to each other no three of us did it at the same time and then more guys wanted them so we did them with the clippers at home that's pretty funny um yeah he rocks buzz cut is cool what i did notice was when everyone gets them at once it seems like you're trying to make us like a statement it seems like you are trying to start a neo-nazi group we were literally like i you you said it i was kind of beating around the bush we literally like it was lauren it was one half centimeter of hair like you could see my

full scalp and the and like maybe five or six guys did it at the exact same time yeah and we were like kind of always together and so when everyone now has shaved heads it did suggest maybe more yeah i would love to shave my head but i can't it looks crazy if i shave i don't think you've done it yeah i used to have i was at a buzz cut until sophomore year of high school and it was my head is too big i might do it after work i don't know i was gonna go play pool but i might go do that do it i've had fun i've had a couple beers and made every every time i have a couple beers i'm like get it it's kind of like the same thing as uh like when you have pants on but you wish you had shorts on yep yep it's like get it all right who wants to hear about egyptomania

oh that's your teach me something yeah teach me something me something tell me about egyptomania british like upper the the the aristocrats in like 19th century britain would go on these trips to egypt and they would like this is when you know there may be less laws around like what tourism looked like so they would take them to see these mummies whatever and then you could take they could buy them take them on they'd buy these mummies from like you know whoever and they'd bring them back to england and have like an unwrapping party and they would unwrap the mummy and like look at it and then they would like take whatever it was buried with isn't that fucking crazy yeah imagine being like a mummy and you're like oh god oh god i didn't know

they were all going to see my body do you know king tut was my body's not ready mummified with a boner that's awesome google that i think it was king tut one of them was he was one of the boner mummy they've only seen one boner mummy king tut mummy boner mummy boner it's funny because yeah king tut was mummified with an erect penis that's pretty awesome look at that piece he was working with wow god to be a woman in egypt back then you know cleopatra was around closer to the iphone than the building of the pyramids i was clean like crazy patria all right teach me something willie can you google just mummy boner yeah pull up just mommy i'm just kidding don't don't please

don't wait lauren pull up mommy but no no no not at work okay this was just kind of a little fun fact but did you know that the uh the guy who shot john lennon mark david chapman i believe is his name yeah he just at when they like later asked him about in prison he was like yeah i regret that he's like yeah i shouldn't have done that hand up that one's on me that was fucked up that one's on me i should not have killed i'll sit on that i should not have shot the beatles i'll eat that that's my bad wasn't he like he was like a mega fan he was like they're yeah it was like some i don't understand the psychology of it at all but do you have any more like they they were just like what was up with that and he was like i don't i didn't really dive into i just

read that and was dying laughing i was like because like how imagine being like you yeah it's like i'd almost rather you gotta stick by it stick with your guns at that point yeah because it's it's like uh if the guy who did it regrets it like you robbed us of more john lennon music like you're like at least maybe one guy was happier yeah yeah he's like he's like guys you know what hand up that was on me hey that's that's on me i fucked up hey i'll eat that one i'll eat that one it's like when i when like an nba player like acknowledged that they gave the foul that could have gone so much worse i don't think that could have i don't think i don't think there was a scenario that went bad it was an empty can of no i hit this oh to the can cool

kinetic energy we all love it connecticut shout out connecticut everyone i know is from connecticut everyone shout out a different town in connecticut three two one new canada london i literally can't think of one three two one darian bridgeport three two one greenwich cape cod massachusetts massachusetts three two one mystic shout out mystic three two one Plymouth Rhode Island I think Massachusetts I'm just saying stuff all right shit Willie do you want to start with always sunny episodes or back in my day can we do back in my day first absolutely yeah all right these are things that happened back in my day give me one second I'll just need another minute and then I will be ready to go we didn't have time to wait around for honey

we'd put bees right on our toast like a hundred I have to find the best ones back in my day having sex with a man was just called horse play back in my day taxes weren't paid in money it was little pieces of your skin and your teeth back in my day

if your wife burnt dinner you could throw her out the window birds were piping hot you couldn't touch them without burning back in my day your doctor would run across the room and try and kick you in the balls to test your reflexes touching hurt

everyone kept to themselves back in my day if your pants were baggy they'd shoot you there were two presidents and they could kiss women didn't shave and we liked it that way

do you not have any more that was fun can i read all mine sure back in my day if your child misbehaved you could make him sleep in the chimney back in my day we didn't have deodorant so we rubbed tree sap on our armpits and crotch back in my day if you liked a girl you'd set a house on fire to show you can't back in my day if your hair was parted down the middle that meant you were a communist back in my day baseballs were made of cat hair and petroleum i think lauren when you clip this just can let's just pick my best ones because i don't even think i came with my fastballs yeah back in my day the first time we heard a guy rap we thought he was possessed by satan and we put him in a psych ward back in my day planes were made of wood and smoking was

encouraged that's just true planes were not planes were made of wood first plane oh oh i meant like commercial ones back in my day we fought our wars with children soldiers like men uh back in my day they amputated back in my day if you got a paper cut they amputated your whole arm and let the dog play with it in the backyard uh back in my day you had to eat sushi in secret or they'd throw you in a prison camp back in my day finger foods were only for railroad workers good good stuff that's either the best one we've done the worst really funny okay just rapid fire all right you do these are always sunny episodes that don't or do you want you to know okay these are always sunny plots that don't exist the gang turns karaoke night into an american idol style

competition where dennis is simon d is paula and charlie is randy jackson they make the contestants sign a contract where the bar gets 90 of their future earnings and they try to get the winner addicted to drugs because all rock stars have a drug problem the gang strikes gold uh while charlie is digging a hole in the bar basement to bury rat corpses he stumbles upon a literal gold mine realizing this could make them all rich d mac and charlie start a promotion where if you buy a beer you get five minutes in the gold hole. They fail to account for the disparity between the cost of a beer and the price of gold

and very quickly lose all the gold. They celebrate their best day of beer sales ever, oblivious to what they missed out on. Dennis and Frank return to the bar after a day at the beach, horrified to find out what happened. Dennis is determined to find more gold and goes into the hole.

Charlie forgets he's down there and buries him in dead rats. After seeing the January 6th Capitol... What would you call that? The Capitol storm? Capitol riots? After seeing the January 6th Capitol riots, the gang gets the idea to storm other places. They storm restaurants for free lunch.

They storm Eagles games to watch the game without a ticket. And they storm a dental practice to get Charlie a cleanup without insurance. I like that. Thank you. The gang plants evidence. A new bar opens that is undercutting Patty's business. After seeing a news story about an illegal animal smuggling ring in Philadelphia, Dennis devises a plan to plant illegal animals in the bar owner's office and

call the cops on them. He sends Mac and Charlie to poach illegal birds and fish and bring them to patties where D will then infiltrate the bar and plant them. Charlie gets too curious and eats all of the animals arriving back to the bar with no animals and a horrible illness. Frank decides he will take matters into his own hands and organizes a big crew of underage kids to go to the bar and get it shut down. He refuses to answer questions about how he mobilized so many underage kids

that quickly. A woman gets hit by a car on the way out of the bar and gets $2 million in a settlement. After seeing this, Charlie and Frank try and get hit by cars, but they're unsuccessful, leading them to agree to hit each other with their cars and then collect money from each other's insurance companies. That's awesome. Thank you. The gang counts to 1,000. Mac, Charlie, Dennis, and Dee get into a heated debate about whether they could count all the way to 1,000. over the course of the episode they sit in a circle and count one by one to 999 at which

point charlie messes up and says 990 10 they all freak out and the episode ends that's great let's get back into the episode all right we're gonna finish up with like really hot in here yeah girl i'm like way to turn the ac off because it was going yeah i'm like it's making me like daughter mead see all right we are going to wrap up with rusty's song of the day if you haven't if you haven't followed it yet go follow on spotify uh it's called rusty's songs of the day and it's linked in the description it's linked in the description uh by the time you are listening to this there will be four thousand of you following and if there are not we will i will not add another song yes except i will but please please go follow if it if it okay i gotta i gotta

i got a promotional for you if it hits 10 000 listeners or 10 000 uh followers i will pick one of you who sends me a screenshot that you're following and i'll venmo you 100 bucks damn if it hits 10 000 all right so that's that's probably a couple episodes away but if you go do it i will venmo you a hundred dollars i love that today we got gentle on my mind you know i'm in for a dollar 101 101 lauren you in for a dollar all right 102 dollars to the winner 100 for me a dollar from each of them uh today we got gentle on my mind by glenn campbell i think this is the only song that is on every single playlist i have it's one of my favorite songs ever it's i can't tell if it's romantic or if it's about a friendship but i really like i like the visual he he talks

about leaving his sleeping bag rolled up behind their couch so i picture it as like a buddy where he's like i love this guy so much like i just leave it there because i know i'm gonna use it at this guy's house yeah i love that it's a beautiful song go check it out on rusty's songs of the day lauren what are they commenting today beautiful oh what are they commenting comment comment something that happened back in your day back in your day and comment the highlight of your summer thus far oh is it summer yeah it's summer i mean i guess technically not i think summer officially starts on like the 24th or something actually next friday the 20th is the summer the longest day of the year summer solstice is that what that is yeah yeah also comment

your favorite alvin and the chipmunk and comment if you're going to the grunion party all right what already happened by now oh yeah i'm gonna send you a picture everyone guess will's phone number and if you get it correct no no because some of them know it dude there's some playmate i thought it was my friend from college because we used to you know the game coffee golf Of course. Where I used to do that with my buddy. And we had like a crew that would do it. Anyway, I started getting these coffee golfs and responding to them.

And then I realized it's a random playmate that got my number. That's so funny. That I was like sending my scores back and forth. Oh, that's funny. So I ghosted them. All right. We love you guys. Have a great rest of your Wednesday.

Have a great rest of your week. Have a lovely weekend. Tell us how it goes. And then we'll see you guys bright and early on Monday. Peace. Love you. Thanks for watching!