Will & Rusty's Playdate - The Mechanical Bird

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Will and Rusty read posts from r/AmItheAsshole, draft rollercoasters & extracurricular clubs that don’t exist, and reminisce on events from this day in history. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod PICK UP SOUTHERN COMFORT WHISKEY FOR YOUR NEXT PREGAME OR WATCH PARTY. SOCO IS EASY GOING AND DOWNRIGHT DELICIOUS. https://www.southerncomfort.com/ (00:00) Intro (05:44) Roadmap (09:13) Pitch Submissions (18:11) Pitches (26:08) Ads (27:18) r/AmItheAsshole (40:48) Rollercoasters that Don’t Exist (47:15) Extracurriculars that Don’t Exist (55:45) On this Day in History (01:00:26) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How was everybody's weekend? Oh wait, it's Wednesday, so that's... It's Wednesday. So that's not... I had a great... It's episode 24. 22. Episode 22.

I did two episodes you guys don't know about. Oh. By yourself? Yeah. I'm in my notes app. When are those coming out? Those are going to come out once I figure out how to edit them. I have a lot of respect for what you do now, Lauren.

Thank you. Yep. Appreciate it. Yep. I had a good weekend. How was yours? It was good. Nice?

i uh i had a re we had like a wig party on saturday for at sam's house for uh you sound you sound like thomas jefferson we had a wig party yeah joe joe's birthday was like a month and a half ago and they were doing like a joint birthday party for some reason and a hibachi chef came over that's awesome and then we took some uh some mushrooms and the there was this guy who had like the craziest looking like i looked after a picture of him to because like there's no way his face looks like that in real life i wasn't seeing anything he just has like the biggest eyes ever and when he was looking at you it felt like when like a dementor is like sucking your poor guy your soul out and like no one i didn't know who he was no one knew he was we went to a

bar we're standing in line and he like teleported there and i was just like this is too much for me and I Ubered home and went to bed at midnight. A dementor. That's scary. He teleported? I mean, I'm assuming you took an Uber, but to me, it felt like he teleported, and so that was super strange.

Imagine being just like a normal guy, and everyone else takes mushrooms, and then they start being like, your eyes are so big. You're teleporting. Get away from us. He's like a lifelong friend of yours that you guys all just turned on.

He was wearing like a, because we were all wearing crazy wigs, too so it was just not the right environment to be doing that on and uh i thought he was like a palm tree like i obviously i knew he was a human but like he just was giving off this like he was very tall and his wig was crazy it looked like palm tree leaves and it was like nothing he was he wasn't doing anything wrong he was just around the wrong people to receive everything that he was putting out insert photo of said man i like the idea that maybe they were just talking to a palm tree uh that's fun yeah i was i was down in san diego i went surfing wow i was terrible at it

how'd you do i didn't get up on the board once nice but i had a blast hanging out with my cousin timmy and his wife natalie and they have a golden retriever named joey i'm a big fan of human names for dogs that's a really cute well they met studying abroad in uh sydney so it's like you know they call baby kangaroos or joey's i didn't know that i want to name my dog mark when i get on that's a funny one yeah mark what kind of dog would you get i've i grew up with goldens and those are always nice but i ever since like i bit dogs at wally i kind of want a small dog yeah i just can't get one for so long because we travel too much because they made that rule yeah yep they've taxed me like there's no that new rule that if your dog is under five pounds

it's like five five million dollars weird law it's one of those like weird laws what's your what's the weirdest law we can think of right now um jaywalking yeah jaywalking i honestly don't understand why that matters like it's the person's they're putting themselves at risk why does that have to be a law because like if i hit someone in a crosswalk there we knew a guy that got hit outside of a crosswalk and it was his fault that's so whack he was like three feet outside the crosswalk and it wasn't his fault it was his fault because he wasn't none of this would be an issue if we just got rid of sidewalks and added an extra lane for cars yeah wait i think the 405 needs another lane we need more road i mean a new lane for cars like it was just all

roads and there was nothing no way for people to even get down there oh like we're not allowed to walk yeah excuse me that was i cannot imagine what that sounded like with headphones on someone recently like sent us a message or something there was a comment it was like love you guys love the pod but you have to stop burping and gurgling into the mic my favorite my favorite comment was lauren sent us this today i'll pull it up lauren you see this yet someone commented willie d has the shin length and look of a no i saw that i saw that yep i saw it i saw it i don't even think that one's shin length is crazy do you have longer i had shorts on this morning and i legitimately changed because oh

your shins are like you do a lot longer than mine i don't want to talk you're only like an inch or two taller than me but your shins are like three inch it's all in the shins it's all in the shins it's all in the shins i legitimately i'm never wearing shorts on this podcast again in the summertime i will be wearing big pants i thought about it i was thinking about this i think i'm done with shorts i think i've gotten to the age where it's time to just wear pants it's just the winter no but like you're doing you don't see your dad wearing shorts my dad wears shorts all the time Really? Mm-hmm.

He's probably wearing shorts right now. I can almost, I would bet you so much money he's not wearing shorts right now. He's in Maine. Never know. My dad just got to Maine today. He might be inside. He just arrived. I believe so.

That's nice. Wait, should we give him a rundown of all the fun stuff we're doing today? We have a lot of fun stuff today. Okay, so. A roadmap. We're going to start with your guys' pitches as usual. Then Will and I are going to do one pitch each. Then we're going to do two drafts, as always.

Or no, sorry. Then we're going to do a new segment where Lauren's going to read a story. Oh, I have three. Lauren's going to read three stories. Let's go. But we don't have to do three. We can do as many as our little hearts desire. This is our podcast.

Little heart. And from the Reddit, am I the asshole? And we're going to figure out if these people are the asshole. Then we get two drafts for you guys. And then Will and I are going to tell you something fun. We each brought one thing Oh god what is that Why did you put that there

I had nowhere else to put it It's like he's used zen I just touched You can't just set it on the How was I expected to Think about Why would your hand be that far over I don't know I was just doing like this This side of the table

This is my side of the table I could poop on that side of the table So you were going to wipe that up after you left I was definitely going to pick it up after Yeah, but then that's just your spill over the table. That's pretty gross. I only had one can. I'm telling Emily.

It's full of... Do you have hand sanitizer, Lauren? It's full of... All right, well, we have a long day. We're going to be here until 9 p.m. if we don't get going. Yeah, all right, go. Give us some pitches. And then, wait, and then...

That's just episode eight. This guy loves giving the road map. I love road maps. And then we're going to... So we're going to tell you one funny thing each. Is this going to ruin your day? No, just go. Just go.

Do you need to go wash your hands? No, I don't need to do anything. I'm a big boy. And then, you know what? Fuck it. Fuck the roadmap. Let's get into it. Okay.

There's a ton of fun stuff after the drafts. And Will just had to... Actually, I do have to pee now, so you can wash your hands. I know. We literally just... I'm sorry. I'll be right back. I mean, I guess I will...

We literally just started recording and they already are going to pee, so I don't know what that's about. Rusty just said he peed his pants. You peed your pants? never said that you just said you got you guys all right lauren let's hear we're here among friends what is what is that i've just like lately i've just been like putting it back in my pants like way too early there's like there's like an extra okay i've been doing that too well you don't have what you don't have one so that's not possible she could and that would be okay

no like we'd still love you like just you think that you're done peeing and then you're not but yours it seems yours seems way harder to do that because ours is like pinched in our boxers and then like when you put it back in the there's a pressure release you would have to put your pants on while you're still peeing no i'll like leave the bathroom and then have to go back oh but you're not peeing your pants no oh ours is i don't know why i'm bringing you into this yeah yeah mine mine is like is like i put it back in my pants and then there's like one extra drop that comes it comes out in his pants sweet all right let's hear some some of the he did all the time he still left that

nasty as in what if i want it later i guess fair all right let's hear some fun pitches Why were you touching my side of the table? That's not how the table works. If you put something over there and I was like, oh, what the heck? Then you'd be like, why were you touching my side of the table? If I put something that gross here, I would... I don't think it's that gross. It's this big.

All right. Anyway, the first pitch is from Oliver Miller. There we go. I don't even have any comment on that. Wait, my eye's been twitching recently. No, it's just really annoying. happening like all day okay he says movies nowadays are getting longer and longer meaning that bathroom breaks when seeing them at the theater is inevitable with this idea you'll be

given a pin code on your ticket given to you at the movies with a corresponding app when you what just read it when you need to he just when you need to take a piss or a shit you can plug this pin code into the app and watch for a limited number of minutes on your phone while you do your business nice i like that that's awesome that's actually kind of practical it's really good that's pretty sweet you want to go to popcorn you use that i thought it was gonna go i believe there was a pitch very early on i don't know if it was us or someone else but it was just the movie theater is just like a trough oh god yeah i think yeah i remember that that was like the first episode yeah like you just you just pee off of your seat and it would just all float down

to the bottom and collect so grains so grain gross so great that's like oh there's some new lingo like some that's just grain yo that's grain like if something's just kind of like gross gross rain all right uh i love it i oh my god i feel i feel tired today same i'm actually falling asleep okay um lauren's falling asleep oh wait that reminds me i just looked at lauren's tattoo did i tell you guys i got a tat you did yeah what your first tattoo reveal are you serious what it's like a sticker yeah it's not real that would have been an insane drop um uh it's like it's gonna last like uh it's gonna last like a month to see if i want one there what what is it uh you ever you ever seen like you know when they're talking they show the storybook and

shrek it kind of yeah it looks like that what are you just like a where did it what's the backstory on there's no one that's cool i actually want one like that i just thought the design looked cool and that's like the kind of long lines of what i would get i'd be sick in a box like yeah it's like a tarot card almost i like those i want to get stuff on up the palms of my hands can you get tatted there yeah it would just wet it all well it like wears off you're not supposed to get them there yeah okay okay this next one is fun so um i don't know what their real name is but their account is lil dicks there we go yeah yeah uh that guy's probably a hoot and a half d-i-x i mean yeah d-i-x his name is probably dixon blary lover is the username

game okay so this is just a hodgepodge of things that aren't names okay so this one's fun i mean if his name is blary lover that's awesome because they said lauren first pitch is perfect for willie and the second is catering to rusty another similar to him so it's like a two twofer the twofer okay i'm ready give me the willie one so the first one but the rusty one's about p or shit i'm putting my money in right now okay so the pitch is song glasses you pronounce it like sunglasses yep sunglasses that shazam the song playing and then project the lyric the lyrics karaoke style through the lenses to the wearer saves you the embarrassment of messing up the lyrics in a group setting or being the only one who doesn't know the song i like lil dicks

blaring lover yeah that's he gets me or they get me that's like exactly that would be perfect for me because i love singing along i love singing and i don't always know all the words i like it as well let's hear the second one all right now this one's for us this one's gonna be so up his alley i can tell i'm gonna hate it i don't know why okay i hope it's something like insulting no no no okay something for like fat people yeah something like pedophiles it's a bar but it's it's a bar but it's frozen yogurt shop style instead of picking a cup for your yogurt you pick a plastic glass for your drink this is fun first station is to salt sugar glass rim yogurt dispensers that give you up to three

shots of alcohol different types slash brands in place of yogurt flavors next set of dispensers is for various juices and mixers topping station limes olives fruits you make your own drinks throughout the night and get to experiment with different combinations while catching up with friends oh okay i get it now that's awesome originally i couldn't get the fro-yo part out of my head so i was i thought it was still a fro-yo bar that you added alcohol to that's fantastic though i would hang there i've been to like bars that are like that kind of with beer but not mixed drinks you could serve your own beer yeah there was this bar i used to go to in greenville uh greenville greenville back in my greenville days when i was 19 i was using my fake id and i

would get you you like get a cup when you go in and then there's just like a million different taps and then you go up and fill them as much as you want that's fun there was a like tracks it you like you get like a card i think yeah yeah happen then you do there was a bar at rollins that we would go to it was called wine bar or wine room and you would pre-load a card same way you do it but if it was wednesdays girls would they would double the amount that girls put on their cards so you could go with your friend that was a girl give them 50 bucks then they would give you card back with a hundred dollars on it and you go around nice conversation but there's like uh hundreds of bottles and you put your glass under it you can like select how big of a pour you want

it was awesome that's fantastic it got i mean like the you're never supposed to drink that amount of red wine though and then people are mixing like red and white like never ended well making rose no no mixing in their stomach oh that would be crazy if you're making your own they'd be like hey stop hey stop doing that um those are fun those were fun thank you blary lover yeah shout out blary little dicks okay our last one is from cole anderson i i played golf with a kid named cole anderson is he is he wearing a florida state thing in his no he's taking a mirror selfie in what looks like a hotel probably not my cole then yeah not my cole Okay

Cole says Yo Lauren Read this one I'm kinda I'm kinda cooking I like this guy Yo Lauren Read this one

Hey shawty That's a good That's a good way I like when people Cause Lauren can only See the first line Yeah That's a good way

To cook her in Now everyone's Gonna do it You know she scrolled Past him and was like Wait a minute He says I'm kinda cooked

Right now gangstas But I hope this pitch I like everything About this guy Sky rolls I hope this pitch catches your attention what is the what is the worst part of making plans wait let's think about it what's the worst part about making plans well that you have to follow through you have to

you have to do them once it's the time to do them yeah i'd say that's probably the worst part he says figuring out where to go me okay yeah all right fair enough i guess it's like a logistical yep okay sorry me intro intro link is an easy to use solution for all function planning you and your friends swipe tinder style i feel like we've done something kind of similar to this through all various bars and clubs in the area this alleviates the stress suggesting bars and being shot down by your homie's lame girl only matches his friends listening to this just being like yo cole only matches with every user in a group are shown as potential options we're obviously high level so i don't have specifics on algorithms

damn right or other lame stuff i trust it's pretty dope and works great still a work of work in progress but would appreciate any and all input yeah i like that a lot i think he just says love the pod since day one or since episode one keep it up fuck yeah love you we wouldn't be here without your call um yeah no that's a great idea i think it it can be like because sometimes there's i mean i'm never one to shy away from saying where i want to go or where i don't want to go yeah but there are people that are like sometimes don't want to be like like i'll go wherever but you know secretly they they don't want to go to x bar yeah to give them it kind of evens the playing field in terms of it's not just going where the loudest people want to go yeah being the loudest

person in the group i can't i never have to worry about that but i would like i would like everyone else to have fun that's what i'm yeah i mean it's again yeah i think we're both in that i just put my feet down my foot down foot i put my feet down i put my foot down and i feel like we always end up going where i want to go which i need to work on that yeah i mean if no one else is gonna take the reins sometimes people want people to take the reins too i like when other people take the reins i don't like making the decision oh yeah all right should we pitch each other that's a great one cole should we pitch each other yeah i'm so excited about this i've got the mechanical bird it's think about all the best bars have a mechanical bowl time out what do you want to

what i'm picturing right now yeah we're gonna see if it's the same thing i can't imagine it is there's a scene in the king you know the king with timothy chalamet and robert pattinson we need it oh here's the business bitch uh uh silent cans for will to play with and he gifts uh when timothy chalamet becomes the king everyone from across the kingdom gives him gifts to show respect and someone gives him a mechanical bird it was like before they'd figured that stuff alias they all thought it was like a magical bird that could walk on the thing but it was just like a oh it was like a you like wind it up and then it was like yeah that's not what it is at all this is at a bar it's like you know the mechanical bull that everyone loves to ride yep

so this is like it's like attached to the ceiling it's a big mechanical bird and it's not really as much about like can you fall off because it'd be dangerous yeah it's high up it's just like a joy ride of the bar yeah so it's like there's there's a huge mechanical bird up there and there's a guy that's just like like you take turns and you do like a whole lap of the bar with your drink that's awesome and everyone's like whoa and you see you go over your buddies it poops out shots yeah the bird poop is shots the bird poop is is white russian and people like catch it in their mouth can you like fly out of the bar yeah if you want to get arrested lauren no it's not it's on a track yeah but no okay yeah if you want to get fucking arrest yeah if you want

to go to jail for the rest of your life sure if you want to go to bird jail let's cry that's there's something here that's it's not if you because if you cross the street on the bird it's not jaywalking it's jay hawking it's jay if you want to go to crossing isn't jay hawk a bird It's a Kansas mascot. It's also a bird. Is it a real bird? Pull up a Jayhawk. I mean, there's hawks and there's Jays.

I think it's like a combo. Oh, it's a mythical bird. Yeah. Well, I just feel stupid now. Okay. I got... Who did that Photoshop? Mythical bird.

Look up craziest bird. Look up what? Crazy cat. Crazy cat. craziest bird whoa that that boy on the right is crazy damn oh wait what's that one in the one on the third one this is like a meme on the internet wait i'm taking two seconds so i can record the screen for the rest of the episode the craziest birds because that one is like a that one i see all over meme pages the third bird

the first and the third one i forget what they're called the second one i see in the white house hopefully never hopefully never again what could the what could that like because why did it evolve to that point like what would it possibly need that horn horn for which one the the second the trump one yeah um fighting yeah it's like a rhino can you click on the third one what is yeah i don't like that I don't like that bird at all I like the colors Oh you know what that is

Go back Lauren Correct me if I'm wrong Will I believe that that's the back Of the bird and that's one of those things where it evolves To look like it has eyes on the back so that predators Don't sneak up on it Why the hell would I know We can't just look at pictures of birds

People are listening to this on an audio platform Just google craziest birds And that's what we're looking at I mean, that's literally what's happening. No, I'm describing. I'm saying talk to our listeners. Yeah. Get this off the screen.

We're stuck in a loop. Get this off the screen because it's going to distract me. There's so much pee in my pants. What? What the fuck? All right. My pitch is. Solidarity.

One second. Oh, God. With the cans. My pitch. I'm going. I'm losing my fucking mind, Hoagland. Rude. Rude?

Rude. Can I pitch, guys? just throw things around like this is like a toy store it's a can what toy store you're like a will in a toy store right now you're like throwing things around like it's a toy store it's the opposite of a bowl in a china shop you're like a will in a toy store right now um all right my my business pitch is a beer label that depending on who's holding it it changes colors so you get a round of beers right we were at the bar the other night playing pool and when everyone's moving around and we're all drinking the same brand of beer i can't tell which pacifico is mine they all

have yellow labels when when you grab the beer you're assigned a color so like when i grab a pacifico the label now turns green when you grab it it turns blue when lauren grabs it it turns purple that way we all know whose beer is whose and we're not all drinking each other's beers i like that i have an idea what if in case we don't have the technology to make this happen not saying that would be the case what if everyone when you go out with your friends everyone dips one of their hands in paint of a different color so then when you're grabbing the beer it yeah i mean that's the prototype yeah until we can figure out the attack we were at so we're at this bar in venice lauren's taking selfies no i'm lauren but first let me take a selfie i'm getting

like allergies i don't know what's happening what does that have to do take a selfie well i was will's cancer over there and he started playing with my cam okay continue um we're at we're at this bar the other night and this is when i thought of us and the bouncer was selling soap and his name's curtis and he like apparently is like everyone's soap dealer like i didn't know that like like all of sam's house buys their soap from this guy that's awesome and uh apparently his wife's like the queen of some african country and they're like trying to like liberate i don't know was crazy it was one of the one of the wildest interactions i've ever heard and i promised i was going to come back on sunday and buy a bunch of soap and i was too hung over and now he just

thinks i'm a fraud he's definitely thinking about it well when i on sunday when when i went to a bar in san diego to watch the playoffs uh there was a guy in the parking lot selling like stuff out of the back of his car including a i was there i was rooting for the lions but not like i'm not like that into the Lions I just my cousin Zach shout out Zach Bianchini it was a devastating loss for him and his family they're huge Lions anyway the guy in the parking lot was selling a chef apron and hat that were Detroit Lions just one or did he have multiple he had like different teams I think there was only one Lions one though so I bought it and then I was wearing it around the bar and everyone so then everyone thinks I'm like the biggest Lions fan so like

every time the Lions score like all the Lions fans come up to me and give me high fives and like i i realized i kind of took on like a role there that i wasn't really ready for but it was a blast so i think they should do that more at bars it's like sell team gear out front so just like if you're just a guy who wants to be into that game you can represent yourself as way more into it yeah i had a similar predicament at a soccer bar yeah and like i was i think like crystal palace or something was playing and i don't have any allegiance so whenever we go to this soccer bar i just pick the funniest name and it was like nottingham forest or something and i was and they scored and i went like wild and so the other three guys in that bar now think

that i'm the only other nottingham forest friend yeah and then they start trying to chop it up about nottingham forest and i know nothing about that i look like a fraud this episode is brought to you by southern comfort with an innovative blend of fruit and spices soca whiskey is the original ready for anything spirit satisfying on its own and ideal in any mixed drink southern comfort is tasteful and approachable however you drink it and whoever you drink it with we've got two different kinds of southern comfort with us in the studio i'm holding the original uses an iconic recipe of sweetly spiced fruits mixed with a dash of whiskey flavor that has been popular for decades in a category a league you might even say of its own and i have

the soco black it is a whiskey that has a kick with a hint of sweetness that is suave and complex but welcomingly simple to use in any cocktail of your choosing guys no matter the moment southern comfort is ready for anything packed with flavor mixes with anything and is easy to drink next time you're at the bar go ahead and order some soco sour shots one part uh one part soco plus two parts sour mix they're delicious and guaranteed to keep the party going let's get back into the episode cheers message shattered so hard should we do our first am i the asshole oh yeah i hope i'm not the asshole i don't know how this works all right so do you want me to pull the whole thing up on this no i think you just read it so you don't like yeah we don't read it because

well and i can read my i get really distracted right okay oh my god okay mondays these are fun i actually love reddit i'm on reddit so much i'm not gonna lie yeah me too it's like looking up random questions probably for a different reason what are you looking up nothing inappropriate pictures no i would never do that they have that online yeah dude it's reddit is actually the craziest you can look up anything it's there okay you guys are on different wavelengths anyone that you want to see naked is probably on reddit so you should use that information don't be a creep i'm not okay how do they get all my teachers on reddit okay i need to take a deep breath i feel like i'm gonna like

you should take your time thanks all right am i the asshole for bringing my oh wait this is gonna be brutal we can't even get through the title my sis sil sister-in-law right yeah yeah okay am i the asshole for bringing my sister-in-law's wallet to the restaurant when she conveniently always forgets it that's awesome my sister-in-law amy always comes to visit from out of town she stays with us instead of a hotel and always wants to go to expensive restaurants she always conveniently forgets her wallet or comes up with some excuse as to why she can't pay her share she has implied that since i make much more money than her i should be the one to pay i do make a fair amount of money but not so much that i can treat someone every time they

come into town nonetheless in the past i have just never i've just paid the bill and asked her to pay me back she never has she had made a reservation at an extremely expensive restaurant last night and before we left i made it clear that i wouldn't be paying her bill this is where i might be the asshole and i'll admit i got this move straight from an episode of two and a half men as we were leaving her and my husband went to the car i pretended i forgot something and went back inside i found her wallet sitting right on top of her suitcase i put it in my purse and we went to the restaurant when we were done eating i asked for separate bills she said no we need one bill because she forgot her wallet again i reached my purse and said this wallet she was extremely

furious she said that i should not have touched or grabbed her wallet so am i the asshole for taking her wallet and bringing it to the restaurant definitely not no you're not the asshole at all but that's awesome and it's an awesome move but you knew the reaction you were gonna get when you did that i think i think that no you're completely in the right but what a crazy what a crazy move to purposely leave your wallet yeah insane i think that the there needs to be if your sister-in-law your husband needs to be like yeah like i was picturing like your sister can't stay with us if she's gonna pull some shit like this again yeah she also made the reservation typically whoever makes the reservation if anyone is picking up the bill it's that person yeah also

kind of on the flip side of this amy is that the sister-in-law's name kind of an elite play she makes an expensive reservation and forgets yeah i kind of respect both sides this is like a duel this is like lebron and michael jordan dueling it out i think they're both assholes though because it's like why is she going in her shit and taking her wall because she's done this multiple times yeah i know but i feel like the more mature thing to do not that i'm like perfect well you are thanks um she could have been like uh yeah to her husband hey can you tell your sister to bring the wallet like i don't know yeah a better okay you should just address them before they walked out yeah be like everyone got their wallet like do you have your wallet yeah amy's a

little amy's a little sneaky snake i like it i like it so your consensus is that she they're not the asshole definitely not all right but but you know who is the asshole and i think you touched on this a little bit earlier the the husband i kind of agree he's just taking a backseat and just letting this happen yeah you gotta get your gotta get your sil and in order yeah all right next one yeah this one's funny okay am i the asshole for putting mistakes in my shared google doc notes i 21 male am currently taking organic chemistry needless to say the class is incredibly tough luckily though i've been studying since day one so i'm doing all right in the class i'm taking the class with a group of friends so to help them out i shared the personal

notes that i take in class with them via google doc and i encourage them to invite anyone they know recently one of my friends invited a friend of theirs let's call her jess who i've really who have never really interacted with but i have a massive crush on i think yeah i think she and i would make a great couple who weirdo but she's not really weirdo well just to like he doesn't even know this girl he's like we'd make a great he has a crush on her whatever but she's not really into sensitive smart guys because on her instagram she's a tough guy i'm out time out if you're calling yourself a sensitive smart guy you're probably a pretentious asshole but continue yeah well i well so he says she's not really into sensitive smart guys because on her

instagram i see all her stories show her out with really jock like men our third exam is in a couple of days and as I was going through the going through the google doc I realized that she was using my doc the most you can see who looks at or edits the doc on google docs and most of my other friends would pop up sometimes but I would see her icon pop up a lot I also know for a fact that she isn't doing very well in the class so I got a really good idea I would put subtle mistakes in the docs that she wouldn't do well in the exam and then I can offer to tutor her this got crazy that way I can interact with her and talk to her so that she'll realize that I have a great personality and we can hopefully go out together i told my friend about this plan and they called

me an incel asshole um personally wait that's psycho just ask her out what personally i think they're overacting because jess isn't going to do well either way even if i don't put mistakes my plan will actually benefit her grades while also allowing me to interact with her and talk to her i think it's a win-win for everyone but i was wondering if my friend may have been onto something so am i the asshole i don't are these real like someone posting that yeah they're real Like, he's unsure of whether that's a crazy thing to do. Okay, the question is, the question is, is he the asshole? I'm going to say you're not an asshole, but you're just, like, a very strange cat.

You might be, like, a psychopath. Yeah. Well, also. No, I think he's an asshole. He's purposely, like, putting it on. Yeah, I think he's the asshole. Like, he's going to do bad on this test now. Like, this poor girl has just, like, got this thing shared with her.

Yeah, she didn't ask for it. All this guy has to do, like, why does he have to tutor her to just ask her out? It's also like, if his stuff is wrong, that's not the person that I'm going to ask to tutor me. That's actually a good point, too, yeah. I think you're an insane person. I think you're crazy. Yeah, I'd say yes, you are the asshole, actually, now that I'm thinking about it. Me too.

It's just weird in its stuff and the, like, incel behavior. Well, to be fair, she's more into jocks, so this could be his in. what's the what's the strangest i've never had that problem as a jock as a fellow jock yeah um what's the strangest thing have you ever done anything like that to get a girl to like interact with you not like that but like have you ever gone to like some sneaky lengths oh i have yet to get a girl to interact with me yeah no i uh i don't think i've ever done anything the tutoring thing never turns into something romantic either i think that's like he he's watched too many movies where that's how it yeah goes i've never once been attracted to

someone tutoring me that's not true i just lied but like she's not gonna you're not a jock you're not on her instagram story so she's not gonna like you yeah yeah sorry buddy yeah you're the asshole all right let's hear it okay i haven't read this one yet so i don't really know where this is going um i used to mow the grass on on campus and i would mow the grass in specific areas to you weren't like a side there you weren't assigned like specific areas they just i had like i had like a territory but i could hit it whatever order i want so sometimes i tried to time it that's a rid to see a girl i had a crush on yeah did you ever try and look really cool in front of tour groups yeah all that that's literally all my job it was in the summer

mowing grass i'm just like i would just yeah i would do sick like moves and stuff i used to um there was such an easier way to get out of campus from where i parked to get back to my house in school but i would drive through campus just so i could see people okay i just kind of skimmed through this one this is funny all right our last one is i assumed you read these yeah this is it is insane to be like let's take a let's take a chance and see if this one's good i want to be surprised for me too kind of that's fair this was the first two i read but this one i just saw one phrase and i was like okay this has to be good am i the asshole for scaring my sister-in-law with a cardboard cut out of the rock my 32 female sister-in-law is super

nosy it's come up before but she's one of those people that will just deny something to the death no matter how much proof you have and then get angry at you for not believing her at my house the guest bathroom is partially shared with the master bedroom basically you can get into our bedroom through the bathroom without going through the main door so when she comes over she would sometimes take just a bit too long in the bathroom during maybe the third or fourth time i happened to be walking by the bathroom and her two doors closed i asked her if she was looking for something in the bedroom and if i could help her find it she then replied no why would i go in your bedroom and then change the subject the next time she was going to come over i said something small behind

the bedroom door so i could see if it had been opened by the small item being pushed back later i could see that it had been so for me confirming that she had been snooping again i asked directly if she'd been in our bedroom and she said something like i don't care what's in your bedroom get over yourself rude so yesterday a sister-in-law and brother-in-law came over but before that i ordered a full-size cutout of dwayne johnson which i placed in our bedroom facing the bathroom door after an hour into the visit she heads into the bathroom very shortly after there's a scream a thud and a door slam she came out clearly angry she'd been quite startled and slammed her upper arm into the door frame while turning away from the cutout brother-in-law

made it worse by asking well why were you in the bedroom why were you in their bedroom but she didn't answer and they left are you like reassembling the mic right now it's fine she's posted on facebook that she has a big bruise on her arm as a result of my nasty prank people are saying she could have been hurt worse and that she's too old to be the victim of a childish prank i feel badly that she was hurt it wasn't my intention but i might be the asshole because i still think it was hilarious this is so stupid yeah i uh you're not the asshole you're a little you're like a little prankster no funny that's hysterical why was she did they ever figure out what she was looking for people are some people are just snoopers my sister love her to death snooper

we'll like we'll like catch her we were like catch her doing doing like snoopy things and you'll call her out on it and she'll be like to the to the grave be like that doesn't make any sense like i would never do that that's like what this is exactly what that is i think scaring someone with the cut out of the duane or rock johnson is never a bad thing it's also like how how skittish is this woman if i walked in a room and i saw duane the rock johnson i wouldn't be like yeah a scream and a thud in a door slam i mean he is a he was a former professional wrestler That's true I'd be worried

He's gonna like suplex me He could definitely hurt I feel like going on Also I think The best part of the story Is that that was the lady He's like This is how I'm gonna get her

I'm getting a life size Cut out of Dwayne Yeah Rock Johnson is awesome I would've gone With like a more Traditional booby trap Yeah like

Marbles or something Yeah something from Big Fat Liar Yeah Turn her blue somehow Yeah Oh like a Maybe like a thing

From like the bank When you steal money Oh an ink pack Yeah she comes out Of the bathroom She's covered in or a net that like drops from the ceiling yeah captures a net would be good yeah would you guys ever do one of these on reddit like write them yeah no right like if something crazy happened

i would just text my friends like i'm i don't know i won't judge but yeah some people are some people are so invested in those that i feel like they look for reasons to post on that board yeah All right, that was fun, guys. That's a cool hat, that green one. This one? Yeah. Thank you. It's from the bar in Nashville.

I like it. You like it, too? Mm-hmm. Nice. All right, well, that was fun. All right, we have two drafts today. Which one do you want to start with, Will? I would like to start with roller coasters that don't exist.

Let's do it. Can you do a little intro? Yeah. Will, let me know when you're ready. What are your favorite roller coasters? i used to grow up going to hershey park you grow up going to amusement park i don't want to start it that way just just go well what are some of your favorite roller coasters i've ever been on the sandwich i like the sandwich it's a roller coaster that has it's the first roller coaster

to have no harnesses or seats or anything it's just they fit so many people in between two walls of a thing that you're all it's the pressure of being up against each other that keeps you all in line that's fun were there any fatalities ever not yet um i got barbershop extreme i really liked that one growing up it was basically like uh everyone writes down what kind of haircut they want and the person behind you has to give you that haircut while the roller coaster is going um remember that one yeah it's like really hard to figure out how to give someone like a skin fade especially when it's like going so fast and doing loops yeah and stuff yeah you better hope the guy behind you is a barber or something they're almost never barbers yeah i um

kind of reminds me of whiplash yeah have you been on whiplash no all right no never it's the first roller coaster that's designed specifically to see how hard you can slam your head and neck into the back of the seat so it's got a lot of uh it's got like a really hard back of the neck and like a weird shape and then it stops abruptly over and over again well if it stopped abruptly you would go forward you go you ever been on a roller coaster that stops you go oh you come back yeah okay yeah get whiplash um that sounds fun you like can't walk or talk after wow yeah i always really liked tsunami um you know how like the the track is like way out in the pacific ocean yep and then it waits for a tsunami to take shape and the tsunami kind of carries the cart into whatever

island is getting hit i remember that yeah yeah and you have to like try and save people and uh like avoid debris loose wait what what ocean is this one pacific pacific um we should go yeah it'll be fun we can all go together you have to wait for a tsunami like yeah it's like a year it's like months or even years we just had one so that they probably had a blast you have to avoid like debris and like hitting stuff and then you have to like also save like real um people yeah that's fun how many tickets does that cost a ride um it's like a bunch right they use like delta sky miles tickets i think i would be golden uh okay have you ever been on the bat no the bat is the first of its kind roller coaster where you're attached to it hanging down

with your feet stuck to the ride so you're you're like a bat and it takes you all along the track and you're hanging upside down by your feet and all the blood goes to your head yeah oh my god baller um i always really liked the highway man uh i remember that one yeah it's you basically they're in like a horse-drawn carriage with a bunch of valuables in it and you have to fight off uh highwaymen who are trying to attack your cart and um yeah that's kind of it that's awesome uh have you ever been on the troll toll no it's a roller coaster that stops periodically and asks you a trivia question and if you get it wrong you drop 500 feet and so into what like just like on And, like, the track is, like, designed so it's, like, if you get it right, you just keep going.

And then if not, the track, like, goes down. And you go down, like, a crazy hill. It's, like, straight down. And so everyone has to, like, come to a consensus. And then you submit your answer. And then you all wait. And then if it's wrong, it's, like, pfft. And you're, like, ah!

The drop ones are always really fun. I like Gladiator's Revenge. Oh, God, yes. uh this coaster flies around a replica of the roman coliseum and you have to fight gladiators and wild beasts and stuff like that and then at the end of your fight the emperor based off of the crowd's reaction decides if you put on a good enough show and if you did you get to go hang out with like senators and the emperor and other people in high society and if you did not put on a good enough show you have to go hang out with the plebeians and these are all actors

yeah yep okay well they're the crowd the crowd is is just other park doors guys yeah yeah okay uh my lead my last favorite not my least favorite one is blackout have you ever been on blackout no it's the first roller coaster where you can't see anything and it's a little different every time so they make you put on this helmet with these super obstructing eye covers yeah a blindfold maybe yes yes a blindfold and you don't know what's gonna happen would that be terrifying i was just thinking about that would be on a roller coaster you don't know when it's gonna do a loop or drop or mummy was kind of like that you ever in the mummy at universal uh super dark for most of it

and then like flames come out and you like it'll drop when you don't think it's gonna drop okay so yeah maybe it's already been done then sorry i i really liked the solar coaster uh it's a roller coaster at the speed of light that takes you around the solar system and you encounter extraterrestrials ufos you get to see planets up close um and you're just hauling ass around the cosmos yeah i remember that that was a great one wait i have one oh i had to like uh remember the finishing touches on it so it's called king of the hill it's like everyone is around a circle and they're all in their own carts and then you press a button and then everyone blasts to the top of the mountain going like 200 miles per hour and whoever reaches

the top is like the king of the hill and then everyone else just gets like shot back down really fast 200 miles an hour yeah do you hate each other um no you just like hopefully stop really quickly that's awesome yeah good job i've never been on it but i really want to you've never been on it no i've just seen it from just one of your favorites yeah i've just seen it from afar from like youtube videos yeah yeah i admire it did you guys have uh like fun clubs that you were in in school really extracurriculars yeah yeah of course i did what were some of your favorites oh my god well i guess most of high school i was really involved in model pto okay you know like model un and stuff but it was like the app for parent teacher organization

oh so we all took on roles in this fictional town and we were all parents of children at a fictional high school that had to organize the gala um fundraisers field trips things of that nature yeah gala i think you meant gala never heard anyone say it like that gala gala gala gala gala gala is gala a word i think i don't think so what about the apples gala is what we called our lesbian friend leila i don't think that's funny uh when i was in school i was in the tag club that was a real thing i think it was like a fundraising thing oh really it was like an acronym sorry well it was real and it was also real in the scenario that i'm describing uh each semester a new game of tag started and whoever's it after the last final is done has

to repeat that grade oh my god that would stink yep it did stink yeah it did stink in real life well you know what else just happened that was real was the fire drill drill club it was for kids who love fire drills so much they just wanted more so they would run fire drill drills yeah after hours and they would practice like unique ways to escape so like yeah because like during normal fire drills you kind of have to follow this like standard procedure but during a fire drill drill yeah you can jump out the window you can zip line you can build a um rapunzel style thing you can use the vents you can use the vents you can use um any sort of like peds it's pretty i almost touched it again okay i don't like the browser anyway yes that was a fire

drill drill club uh we did a groundhog club would you put it don't fucking worry about i'll pick it later i just don't want you to better pick it up uh we should just fucking this podcast stupid this podcast is stupid we're um at my school we did groundhog club you gotta stop disassembling the mic trying to backwards engineer the microphone will all right what's your club uh we did groundhog club at my school which is where we would go we would dig underground and we would dig like tunnels that connected all the buildings and then instead of dorms we all lived in like catacombs that we had built under the quad that's very fun yeah yeah i feel like that was a big thing in because you were in new england right yeah like new england schools did that a lot

yeah we it was just so cold out yeah i i i found in my part of the country at least um the down the stupid down the downloading club was huge where it was guys who just loved downloading stuff off the internet yeah but like they would always get yelled at about like file storage or whatever it was like there were a few computers they would let them use after hours and they could just download all unlimited stuff terabytes files documents videos songs music audio songs track music albums you name it tracks it's a hot track um that's fun we did treasure hunt club at my school i remember that uh at the beginning of the semester the president of our school would hide uh all of the answers to all the tests and quizzes that year and then we would get sorted

into tribes yeah uh who would spend the rest of the year you know looking around campus looking in the chapel digging underground uh raiding each other's file file cabinets it was a good place to hide he like three semesters in a row hit it in the chapel is that It was a Catholic school or something? We had a chapel at Rollins. Oh, I was thinking in high school. No, we didn't have a chapel at Cape Elizabeth. That makes sense.

Yeah. We had a chapel at BC, I guess. Same. Cool. Dayton's a religious school? It's Marianist. What does that mean? I didn't know until I went there.

It's some sector of, like, Christianity. I thought it was a public school. No, it's private. The mall you know. book making club nice they would uh set lines on everything going on around the school different type of book making okay that's fine i thought you meant like you were like like book binding you meant like you meant like gambling book yeah yeah like you could bet like the over under on like the mean score on like a test yep or you could bet like you bet like odds on like teacher

of the year yep um you could mrs currington mrs currington was a dude yeah um at my school we did the rumor club dude i'm just thinking about high school i got why do i keep thinking about are you thinking college for all this i was and then you went the high school route and i just i just i just i just kind of like audibled okay all right um because i'm thinking of all this there's so much crazy stuff that happened in high school though yeah i yeah high school was high school i forgot about high school two guys who get a podcast like high school have you seen this podcast i've been getting clips of it i'm sorry no no no like this but uh it's like just like these kids all like sitting in a basement and they just have like the most like like

run-of-the-mill takes of all the time i haven't seen this what was like their most recent take the one it was just like yeah man when i heard morgan wallen's album and i heard last night i said i said to my brother this song is gonna be a hit this is gonna be a huge hit that was it he was right um oh god at my at my school we did the rumor club so every week we would get together before school started and we would come up with a vicious rumor about a student or a faculty member or like someone's mom i love that and just like make their life a living hell for a week that's really fun yeah unless you're on the wrong end of it right yeah what would happen after a week we would tell everyone it wasn't true we'd start a new one it kind of ruined our credibility after

a while yeah that's fucked up what do you got well wait that one's fucked up his high school did that um i got the sleepover club nice uh it was just like any it was basically a way for kids to just sleep around the school whenever they wanted it was a fictional club that just became sort of a a blank canvas for kids to slowly take over the school as their homes yeah and by the end of the semester everyone lived there and had set up shop did you guys ever do that your senior year like we had all the we'd all set up walk-in and we all set up set up tents outside and like the bruins were playing that night so we projected the game like onto the side of the school it was fun no that was fun um one of my favorite clubs uh was the you're

familiar with the rotc though yeah so we were like super anti them or no we weren't anti we trying to help them basically like it just didn't feel like there was they were getting enough like real war practice before they got sent to the real army so we formed like this guerrilla militant group um to help the rtc kids like get in you know some reps before the real army um we would use like guerrilla warfare tactics to you know ambush them on their way to class um we would like shoot them with paintball guns and just kind of like get them ready for the war you yeah i mean that feels like the right thing to do yeah because you don't want them going out there unprepared no all right that was uh extracurriculars that was extra clubs that don't exist

oh also uh julia mentor came up with both of these drafts so love you julia she is truly lauren lauren and i did a little zoom call guys fucking i know yeah those are bad we we did a little zoom call with julia for some playdate merch and they did it off we had a scheduled time and then they did it beforehand and didn't tell me so then i joined a zoom was sitting there for like 10 minutes like an idiot you were in the you were driving to san diego i thought yeah like i before i left i said hey i'm still gonna join the zoom and you guys honestly i'm just gonna say it they boned me they boned me all right should we tell each other some fun things that happened on this day in history yeah i mean i don't know if they're fun they're just

historically things that happened yeah so today what is the date today the 31st january 29th Well, it's the 31st, so... We don't have to hide the fact that we pre-recorded. I know, but like... We already acknowledged this. But I did mine for the 31st, so that when people are listening, it's actually something that happened on that day. All right.

January 31st. Oh, yeah. We didn't learn about the secret segment alert. Oh, you didn't even know about this. It's my... January 31st. Okay. It's my buddy, Matt Russo, who's a big-time listener of this podcast.

I'm now clicking. January 31st is his birthday. So, happy birthday, Matt. Happy birthday, Matt. uh it feels like january 31st should be new year's eve but it's not true yeah we'll talk about i can make some calls we could work on that in okay but you didn't know this january 31st 1783 yep to celebrate independence from britain which had just been achieved the founding fathers all went to cancun in a little documented

spring break style yeah all-inclusive resort trip john adams whipped out a brand new dance move that is people have written about it in a way that it's seems almost impossible to replicate yeah um it's sort of this this moment of history that was kind of lost because of how secretive it was people didn't want you know they didn't want people to know that they were in cancun in cancun with oh my god yeah it was the first million dollars the u.s ever made yep blown one weekend cancun anyway it was insane um can you like try and describe the dance move yeah i'll tell you what the what the journal entry said no there's only one documented journal entry it was it was john hancock the next morning kind of in like a hungover blur just like wrote a few things down

it said john adams captivated that nightclub in a way few men have the way his arms moved mimicked the great white elephant's tusk birthing through the dawn of a new day wow that is beautiful sounds fucking sick insane right i want to know that move the the visual of like a 1700s nightclub sounds fucking awesome oh my god it was a blast like they're like spraying bottles of mead yeah yeah it was great like probably reeked strippers were showing ankle um that's awesome i my one of my favorite things that i found uh i'm glad i didn't pick that one because that would have been awkward my so on january 1st 1700 31st january 31st 1700 bc bode of thebes accidentally became the first guy to drink alcohol uh after accidentally leaving his

grapes out in the sun for too long they began to ferment being the only food that he had left he decided to ingest you know the sludge that this these grapes had uh created and um when he showed his friends like how hammered he was they were like we have to figure out a way to start selling us and he became the first guy to open a liquor store wow and he sold this to all of his friends wait that's amazing yeah i didn't realize i actually i had another one that i thought was interesting as well do you guys want to hear this one yeah it's a big day i know dude i didn't realize it until i googled it um 40 000 years ago on january 31st the first song was ever played so these two cavemen were basically playing hooky from like hunting they were like oh we're too sick

to hunt we're gonna hang back in the cave like we'll see you guys when you guys get back and they were bored so they were like kind of whittling with this bone and like a strong gust of wind came through and like kind of blew like a g-flat note through this like really primitive flute and they're like that's crazy and so they started experimenting they like made holes in the top and they kind of figured out how to play music and when everyone got back they showed them what they had made and like blew everyone's mind they started just like jamming all night that's awesome Yeah it was sick It's crazy to think about

Like that first sound Like guys Like This real story Yeah But then how did they figure out Like what notes were good Uh

Just trial and error Trial and error yeah Trial and error Like all things What a special day Yeah I liked it Like we didn't tell Lauren

That these were gonna be like Things that didn't actually happen There was halfway through yours She was like What the fuck Did you Did you think it was real No

You did it for the first Like couple seconds For maybe 10 But I was like Stazing out Kind of um all right will whose personality are you gonna steal this week i forgot we said we were doing this you go first um one way you're talking have you guys seen like the king of venice outside

that dude that like bikes around he's like always like covered in paint he's like an artist and he wears like really nice glasses and like he's biking around and just never seems to be working is it arowana every time i go there um i just like his vibe he just coasts up and down abakini And I don't know his name I've heard him referred to as the king of Venice Or maybe the prince of Venice I forget And I just think he has a good outlook on life

So you want to be him I'm just going to mimic him for a little bit This weekend I want to take the personality of I thought it would come to that You were the one that was like We should just start doing I don't have one either Give me Dan Campbell

I'm just going to be taking risks and not feel in any shame when they go horribly wrong. Yeah, that was tough to watch him do that. He's the coach of the Lions, and he just kept going for it and just not kicking field goals, and they lost. Except for at the end of the first half, he kicked that field goal. That felt inconsistent. Who are you guys going to root for?

The 49ers. Same. I just can't. I'm kind of the Chiefs, honestly. Really? Yeah, because I hate Tom Brady so much that I would like Pat Mahomes to be better than him. But they won last year.

Like, I don't really care. They've won four out of the last five AFC championships. Yeah, like, I think it'd be cool if they, Chiefs, I don't know. I like Mahomes. I like that girl, Taylor. I don't. I don't rock with, like, what's happening with the whole Taylor thing. So I just would.

I think it's so awesome. Really? She's amazing. She seems really happy. It's super fun for both of them. She rubs me the wrong way. Why? she just always has they hate to see women this one lauren they hate it i tried to sneak into

terry swift's fourth of july party in watch hill when i was 12 and they said no so fuck her when you were 12 she was so my buddy's house is like down the road from her house and we walked up the beach and um and like tried to get in and they said no can't believe they wouldn't let a 12 year old in yeah that's uh my my buddy's house is also on that in watch out i think we talked about this yeah i actually this might be this might be one of those stories that i have heard so many times i think i was there and i might not have actually been there but this the story went i definitely wasn't there now that i'm thinking about it but the story went my our two family friends and their other buddy tried to pretend that they were delivering a pizza to taylor swift and they

pretended they were in a car so there wasn't a car there but they were all lined up like they were driving a car and like squatting down they were like we have a pizza delivery and the guy i was like no that's just terrible it's the lauren you know the last great american dynasty no this song oh yeah it's all about that house in watch hill oh it's about like the lady used to sick house okay same holiday same trip a couple days before i got there their other friend we're staying at our family friend's house their buddy tried to pool hop in her pool so if you're familiar with the house it's like on this giant cliff yeah they like scaled the cliff and he like jumped over the fence and apparently like all the lights went on like they security like immediately

grabbed him i don't even think she was there yeah they bring him into a they bring him into a room and are like interrogating him they're like there's no way you did this alone like just tell us where your buddies are and they were all hiding in the bushes they took him down to like the you know watch hill police department and we're like and he just like refused to to snitch and they let him go because he was like 14 jesus christ yeah i forgot that i took these off yeah i hope the mic levels are okay like if lebron took his shoes off fa3 again as we were wrapping up i was thinking that i feel like it'd be fun a lot of people submit sayings and just like yeah their own should we end with like a playmate saying yeah okay yeah i mean it looks well looks furious

about that idea what's the problem things are a thing okay well i want to find a good one because actually my buddy hawaii fibo ben fibus sent me a fire one saying yeah can i read it yeah sure i was gonna steal it actually i never even responded to the text so sorry ben uh feeling like a donut in a box full of bagels nice you're just you're stunting on them hoes yeah like you're flashy y'all y'all don't y'all a bagel that's how i feel every day at this office i feel like a donut in a box full of bagels did you guys try the donuts yeah so good oh my god i had so too many our office was like the best donuts today i had a raspberry rosemary flavor i was i was i was munched on that one as well yeah i had that

one with you oh my gosh incredible so good so good you guys like lady and the tramp a bite no i lauren had already had it i just ate it with her she wasn't eating it i was with her when i was eating it cool cool i had a bagel today too i did everything with cream cheese what are you guys gonna eat for lunch oh um no i feel like like i don't know if i'm even hungry my mom's coming to uh get me a pair of birkenstocks today so maybe ask her to get lunch or are you getting the hard ones or the soft one i don't know it's gonna be a game time decision lauren and i've been for the last like week trying to figure out if i want another pair of hard birkenstocks or another pair of soft you should get the soft ones i already have the soft i had the soft ones

and i ruined them i was at a lobster bake and i thought i had my crocs on but i had my burks on i went fully in the water to grab the big bake like you bake it like seaweed and i just soaked my shoes and i looked down i was like oh no that's hysterical that you thought you were wearing different shoes and didn't bother to check like it required any degree of definitely crocs down now i don't even need to look uh those are the only two shoes that i was wearing at that point in my life so it was like it was a toss-up it could have been either of them yeah all right well this has been a blast i've had a great episode 22 yeah i don't know about you oh i thought you hated her so much i don't everything will be all right what are they going to comment

wait also you guys let us know what you think of the new segments like if there's what you want us to continue and and add if you want if there's a segment that you guys would want to hear yeah yeah um and the comment for this week is will your favorite comment your basketball team comment your comment the last flavor of ice cream that you had oh that's a good one and and your first memory as a human perfect what was your first memory will oh god i don't remember i i can't ever distinguish between what our memories and what our stories that you've heard apparently the first joke i ever told i was like two years old we're on a road trip and it was like napoleon dynamite had just come out yep we like watched

it as a family and uh my sister was like having some sort of breakdown in the car ride and was like i don't know what i'm gonna do and i was like two and like barely talking i just went whatever you feel like gosh which is a napoleon dynamite quote my first memory was uh i believe it was a birthday party because people were giving me things but i had one of those like comically large child lollipops oh yeah a rainbow and then mrs alexander gave me a fire truck a toy fire truck that sounds awesome that was a great day that's sick when i was a kid i got i fell off the trampoline we they were doing like yard work or something in our backyard like landscaping so they had to move the trampoline so that it was like in the driveway kind of yeah and usually

there's this little tykes picnic bench that we would use as a way to like kind of brace like you'd jump off and you'd like land on the table and then get down and i was so used to it being there that i like jumped off and i looked down it wasn't there mr clifford had moved it for some reason and i smacked my head on the pavement and my mom said i was blind for a couple minutes like that's when you get a concussion that young you like lose your vision so i was like telling her i couldn't see and she was like am i gonna have to raise a fucking blind blind kid wait i don't understand why the little text thing i'm being there made you go ahead first like i jumped and like that would like usually like break your fall and i like looked down and just like wasn't there

and i think i like flailed i don't know it's just that's brutal just a story i was told all right we'll see you guys next wednesday i hope you have a fantastic rest of your week and will and i love you we love you