Will & Rusty's Playdate - The Time Machine that Saved Sleuthville

Episode Date: February 21, 2024

Will and Rusty reminisce about their escapade at EPCOT in Florida, draft more words that sound like exactly what they are, and invent Disney Parks that don’t exist. Lauren fields more Playmate pitch submissions and AITA scenarios. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod HEAD TO FACTORMEALS.COM/PLAYDATE50 AND USE CODE PLAYDATE50 TO GET 50% OFF DELICIOUS, READY-TO-EAT MEALS. (00:00) Intro (03:03) Will & Rusty Go to Disney World (11:53) Can It Kirkland (18:52) Willy’s Absurd Prank (22:44) Pitch Submissions (32:59) Ads (34:19) AITA? (46:59) Pitches (48:45) Words that Sound like Exactly What they Are (51:58) Disney Parks that Don’t Exist (58:07) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's episode is brought to you by Factor. Factor's delicious, ready-to-eat meals make eating better every day easy. Wherever tomorrow takes you, be ready with pre-prepared, chef-crafted, and dietician-approved meals delivered right to your door. Head to factormeals.com slash playdate50 and use code playdate50 to get 50% off. That's code playdate50 at factormeals.com slash playdate50 to get 50% off. All right, podcast. Podcast time, episode 25.

Is it? Yep. It's a quarter of a century. It's our Austin Rivers episode. Is he 25? He wore 25 in high school. I don't know. It's our Austin Rivers in high school.

Why do you know that? He went to Winter Park. Who's that? Great. Austin Rivers is... Like an okay basketball player? No, no. He was in...

His senior year was the best basketball player in the nation. Oh. Well, he wasn't that good in the NBA. He had a great... He had a pretty great career, though. Long career. Yeah. I mean, he was around.

Turns into a basketball episode. Yeah, basketball. Welcome to our first basketball episode. Welcome to the first basking ball episode. Basketball. His dad, Doc Rivers, belonged to the same country club as my cousins. And they were both, like, really tall guys, like 6'7", 6'8". Your cousins?

Yeah. And so, like, when they were learning to golf, it was just, like, impossible to get them clubs because they were constantly growing, like, a foot every year. And so when they got to a certain height, Doc Rivers, when he got a new set of irons, gave my cousin jimmy his irons and they said doc rivers on them pretty cool that is pretty cool he's been terrible on this year yeah i don't remember by the bucks and i don't know anything about him i saw him the other day uh on tv he we can't be we can't be cubing right now well i don't think we can cube yeah can you hear this i mean it's just a little inappropriate

you can definitely hear it but i saw him the other day a kid got ejected and he was just like cool with it like there was no there was no like disciplinary action yeah that could be the move yeah just being like you're supposed to be the authoritative figure and they just get ejected he's like all right i guess that guy's not playing anymore today oh all right we have a we have a sick we have a sick episode for you guys today we're gonna do roadmap roadmap time so i saw people saying they liked the roadmap i the record i agree i never said they didn't someone else said that they wanted us to... I think that was a joke.

No. How do you even know what I'm about to say? The comment that was like we should do one in the middle and towards the end too? Not and towards the end. Just in the middle

to give an update. All right, this is what we've done. This is what we have left. I'm pretty sure that was making fun of us. I read the comment. It seemed sarcastic. I think it was sarcastic.

It was like more roadmaps. Whatever. All right, so we have our pitches, your pitches, Am I the Asshole? Lauren's got a couple of heaters. and then we are doing Disney parks that don't exist and more words that are perfectly named

and then our personality segment at the end. It's going to be great. Will and I had probably the best day of my – the entire time I couldn't stop saying this is the best day of my life. It was one of those ones where you're like, all right, dudes. We get it. It's going to not be that if we keep hyping it up. Yesterday at Epcot?

Yeah, we went to Epcot and drank around the world. we were supposed to go to the daytona 500 and it got rained out we found out like 10 a.m so we drove an hour to epcot and just yeah it was one of those things there i think the first person to say we were going was completely joking yeah and then just no one i think it was i think i threw it out i think it was you as well and then everyone was just like yeah i guess that's where we're going well because we got in the car and i think he put in epcot as like a a general direction like we have to go to orlando anyways yeah and then the car just never stopped and we got to it we just went to epcot it was amazing 11 countries 11 drinks he kept i was riding his coattails yeah

so i did a coattail around the world which is where you don't order any of the drinks on your own and he kept getting fro like i just got whatever he got in every country he kept getting frozen drinks i got category 8 brain freeze three different times there was one time where i was looking at him and it was like uh it was how i imagine you ever hear your grandpa talk about watching his friends die in war and there's like there's like nothing they can do to help him they're just like i watched the life leave his eyes in my lap it was like will looking at me for help and i was just like i don't know put the put your tongue on the roof of your mouth it was so fucking bad it was but i will say the frozen drinks were the best ones the one in france

we had a frozen like acai martini or something maybe not was that the pink one with the white on the top yes that looks so good it was it was it was banging we were trying to put our finger on it it was some taste from our childhood and we couldn't remember what it tasted like i think it was uh there were these popsicles we used to get they're called outshine yes that's what it is really the grape one that's the raspberry yeah yeah the red one oh my god wait that's because my fam my mom was like a healthy mom so it was like we didn't have we didn't have the fun popsicles they're not saying these weren't fun but like objectively healthier like the whole i think they were like there's like a green box and said outshine yep yep that's exactly what it

did you ever have the coconut ones dude the coconut ones had shreds of coconut in it and when you would be eating them like the way i would do it is i would i would bite it through the wrapper okay that my teeth weren't directly on the ice cream and then i would uh rub it up and down on the roof of my mouth to like get it to soften up and uh the coconut would just shred your mouth so it was like what if you like snuck one before dinner and we were eating something hot for dinner it was just like you you were in you were in for a fucking treat well the ones i'm thinking i've had like little bits of strawberry in them too yeah yeah this is so good well it was really good uh i woke up with a crazy kink in my neck this morning crink crink kink i think it's kink i think

it's kink i think it's crick no crick is also is correct but a kink in my neck i have a kink in my neck i was googling videos your neck's like into weird stuff so bad um wait crink i was gonna ask what was your favorite country oh germ now yeah germany might have been mine norway was pretty sick we got these steins that had like little tops you could play with yeah the germany germany had the best presentation in the yeah but i don't know if it was necessarily the most fun it looked the coolest i think yeah the like aesthetic was very yeah honestly mexico was really cool it was just like we were so drunk at that point and it was like it had been a long day yeah we went will and i did a victory lap like when we were done we went we just went back to england yeah we just

kept going was the music suited to what it would maybe yeah i don't remember at all i'm assuming though i think so it was funny too because there's there's 11 countries we were at each one being like we were filming a video and literally in mexico rusty goes all right we're in our ninth one two to go like just have this and then we tried to go to the what we thought was the 10th one and we were just done we like completely miscounted but i also watched the footage back and like i think i counted correctly but like there were just a couple times where i didn't say like this is the we just missed two of them yeah i don't know i thought um japan was cool yeah japan we were in japan for like an hour and a half though because we sat down for lunch

and edge ordered sake it was like the you don't like sake you got unfiltered sake i've never seen all the comments on the video you see the ronnie's comment who looks like someone took a load in your coffee or in yourself yeah someone yeah dude people were fucking people not to get too graphic but people were going to town in the bathroom in japan and they were just like you could tell that oh oh oh like poop pooping like i thought that too it would walk in people pinned against the wall people in shackles on the wall getting fucked a bathroom in japan is a podcast you could tell that like you could tell that japan was a popular pooping spot because the bathroom music was just so loud because i think like disney does everything they can to like not take you

out of the experience yeah and if if you like hear someone having diarrhea that's like oh this isn't very japanese and so it was just like the loudest dojo music you've ever heard and everyone was just like fighting for their life i texted i texted will in the bathroom when i was pooping and i was like i don't even know why i'm saying this but i texted well and i was like um hiroshima a two oh god that's i might have to fucking cut that out did you guys get sushi there yeah i got a spicy tuna roll and some miso soup and i had some of will's edamame and i don't eat sushi i don't eat seafood i don't eat seafood at all i had really good food though wait what you're on a sushi guy or you're on a seafood guy no you have told me this and you will grow up in like the two

greatest places Charleston and Portland Maine yeah I did I but I got something with beef and it was really good and we went to Outback for dinner and just all we were like also for the record I ordered at medium rare which was weird in and of itself but when it came there it was like still mooing it was like so rare why is medium rare weird that's my order at Outback no no if you're at like a legit steakhouse I think medium medium rare is the way to do it that's like the proper way to order steak out back is like you want to err on the side of like let's give this guy enough time to cook it back there because like it's presumably just some high schooler it was uh learned it was kind of startling honestly it was hard to i'm i usually get it

medium too i just was riding his coattails so i just said yeah i'll take whatever he got and then i was worried your coattails for everything all day it was great yeah and i the only time i steered you're wrong was the steak and the uh second frozen drink the one in america was i chugged that one and had no trouble with it i got four brain freezes from one drink brain freeze is the most it's the worst pain of all time about it we should use it as like a torture method yeah it's like our version of chinese water torture yeah american brain freeze torture we just duct tape an ice cube to the roof of their mouth like i'll tell you where it is i'll tell you where all the other terrorists are yeah amer why is america one i don't know it was really it was it was not good

america was a bummer because it was like the only thing that they could think of that was american was for some reason like like congress washington dc yeah there's there's other things that we do here and the guy that was planning it was just like i guess we can just make it like it's an empty empty congress floor um well i'm glad you guys had fun yeah yeah it was good we didn't we did so we mind you this whole nature of this trip was going for nascar we flew to daytona we were there for three days flew back we did not see one single car race at all they canceled all the races for the whole weekend they reschedule it it's all yeah it's going on right like as we're recording right now the daytona 500 is going on oh interesting yeah the last two

things that i've gone to where i'm i'm going there to review the thing yeah hasn't happened yep the waste management the waste management got rained out and then this we're joking that it would be funny if your thing that your stake became you review things that don't happen that don't happen like i reviewed the super bowl like next weekend yeah no one's there all right should we hear some some pitches pitches yes oh actually sorry before we get into this i'm doing something really fun after this uh i don't know if you guys are familiar with the like can it kirkland guys you ever seen those where they have they would they would do they'd buy a kirkland brand vodka like costco brand vodka and then like gray goose is the name brand or whatever and you take a shot

of both and you have to pick which one's the costco one and which one's the the regular one and i was their first guest like a year ago and then since then they've been getting like a-list celebrities and i texted the guy and i was like hey can i come back on and he was like yeah wait what's it called yeah they're they're a band called never ending fall but they post uh it's called can it kirkland oh what kind of a-list celebrities are we talking cody was on it the other i guess cody's not a but like like musicians uh he's like b plus yeah it was that felt weird that felt weird to to yeah judge his celebrity i just i'm guessing he listens cody he's probably big playmate cody cody co yeah of course of i mean he's a list internet it's just like i never

biggest person on the internet i just never know like where the internet in blends yeah like where those billy eilish was pissed that there were so many tiktokers at the people's choice awards really but it's like if you imagine caring how many tiktokers are at the people's choice every place that i walk into i count how many tiktokers yeah if it's over five i leave we got that's fun though wait you're doing that three in this room what do you say you're doing that today tonight tonight we're doing long island iced teas so i'm like i can't drive there where is it they live it they live like 50 minutes away from here geez yeah it's your uber i don't know i was more just saying i wouldn't drive because we're on the podcast i'm definitely

gonna drive it's two drinks but long island i see is like like one of those like three drinks should we pull up do you guys want to watch mine from last time no i would like to actually i because i don't really know what you're talking about oh you have the remote yeah um look up like uh just go to tv.com look up uh look up never ending or wait actually i'm just gonna slacky i'll slack you the link we're just slacking off uh yeah i've been watching true detective yeah dude i heard it bull i heard this new season blows though i'm watching the third season yeah so apparently the first the first episode of the newest season is great and then it just gets so weird okay i just slacked it to brian i've been watching season two of love on the spectrum

is it not the best episode best tanner is that his name i've cutest person i've ever seen in my life i was post notifications on no he's i don't want to miss anything the guy puts out i've cried i mean troy we're watching it like actually crying laughing or like no like tears yeah so happy for him he's so sweet the funniest thing tanner has done this season is we talked about this on the pod already well say i i think i know what you're thinking well i got lunch with this girl and he's like he's like uh he's like do you like milk do you like dinosaurs do you like cats yeah cows and he goes are you a dinosaur expert it was just like a funny series of of questions the nicest thing he did is he was like wait i thought after that because then he goes is that

what you're about to say yeah oh yeah she's she's yeah he's like are you a dinosaur expert and she goes no and he goes that's okay i am oh no i was gonna say he goes like i don't know what to say but i'm still having a good time that's the best line of all time i can't think now i know what you guys were talking about because i didn't know what you were talking yeah he goes i can't think of anything else to say but i'm still having a good time yeah i'm gonna start using that um yeah but he he like just lists all the things that he like likes about this girl to her face which is really nice no it's so sweet and she looks so happy the whole time that's awesome do you guys See, I get this one guy on my For You page all the time.

It's like James Jones or something. I don't know. Jamie Jones. I think he's from that show. This was last summer. All right. Oh, my God. It's on 100 volume.

Hello, and welcome to episode 13 of our series, Kenneth Kirkland. Can you hear it? Where we try to determine the difference between name brand and Kirkland. Today's drink is... disclaimer we are all over the age of 21 and do not condone underage drinking please drink responsibly why do i want a shot right now this was this was i'm having the opposite reaction this was the middle of the day and it was 90 degrees out

so these guys are all like their crew they're all in a band they were just got off like a like a five month tour or something crazy how did you meet them i don't even remember how good looking is that guy he's pretty good looking yeah the first guy was very good looking yeah i would kill myself i was the second guy watching this For the record Will was saying that Because we only commented

The other people He's not saying He's not saying I think He meant it was insane That we just Complimented too But it didn't come

Aren't they the same thing? No two different brands of mine. Yeah, but... Curriculum. Can it come true? And for some reason at all, contestant number six was rich.

Wow. Oh my god. That's Curriculum. And for the tiebreaker, special guest Cousin Longshanks Which one? You're just doing the same thing again

Yeah I was the tiebreaker This is my alter ego Cousin Longshanks Got it You look like you'd be related to that guy Really what? It looked like you'd be related to that guy I don't know why

Yeah that's what a lot of people were saying It looked like what? That we like look They'd be related Like cousins Yeah, yeah, yeah That reminds me That's awesome

I like that concept Wait, that's fun I feel like I've seen this guy Dude, they're like They're also like The greatest hang Like I'm like stoked To chill with them tonight

Yeah, it'll be a blast Lauren What? I just This just reminded me of this Will did Maybe the most Insane thing to me

This weekend So we're at the bar In Daytona And You know Will and I will and i've been drinking like all day so we're like hammered and uh um wait don't turn that off i don't like looking at like how long the thing is how long like whatever how long we've been

recording no no i'm sending her the video oh oh okay let me let me preface it yeah yeah so we're at the bar bartender gets up on the microphone and is like yo where's rusty and i was like oh fuck wait my second to you or brian brian and i'm like oh my god like what did i do like i knew i was a little bit drunk but i was like i don't think i'm like causing a disturbance or anything i like kind of like go up being like really hesitant like what's about am i gonna get kicked out blindfolds me handcuffs me pins me against the bar like back on the bar so it's force feeding me shots i'm like oh my god like what is what is happening this is the bartender this is the bartender and the security guards like holding me down and i'm like what is happening

right now and then uh they take my shirt off and they're writing on my body she like put hearts on my nipples and then wrote like milk me and then flip me over and wrote bully me i'll come with like a bunch of dicks on my back i'm like in my head i'm like am i i'm getting like assaulted right now i think and like i can hear will like laughing i'm just like why is he not doing anything to stop this they flip me over start spanking me i'm like this is the worst thing this is the worst experience i've ever had at a bar in my entire life and so they untie me whatever will's just like cracking up filming and i'm like oh my god that was pretty crazy like what did what just happened he goes i paid the bartender 40 bucks to do that too that's literally a assault it was uh

yeah i mean i guess there's a couple ways of looking at it but that's definitely one of them i in the context is that we had been there the night before before rusty got it it was like me and edge and uh armand and we had seen him do it to someone so i knew that's like a thing they do that's like a thing they do at this bar and i knew about it because i'd been the night before but he had no idea so it's like a brutal like shtick okay it's not sending it's the funniest video well i'll just put it in the put it put it right here right here i'm excited we'll just play it we'll play it yeah yeah um all right it was insane should we hear some pitches no that's absurd it was funny too because i thought he knew that i had paid for it no i i thought i was i

thought i was just getting assaulted i was like oh so i have the worst friends that would never help me would never help me in a like a predicament but it was better once you found out that it wasn't that we wouldn't help you it's that it's that you like well i more so like i was just like i didn't see a light at the end of the tunnel like when i was under there i was just like this is gonna go on forever this is just it was legit it was probably five minutes yeah i've been too long my video is four minutes long feeding me shots i feel like 40 bucks like isn't enough it's a hilarious amount for you to do that to someone yeah well she said i asked and she was like oh we're pretty busy it's gonna it's gonna cost a lot and i was like how much 40 bucks she's

like yep that works that is a lot here yeah dude the drinks are so cheap there you get like you you get like five shots it'd be like 17 bucks dude uh i went out on friday night and and i never go out and buying three drinks and it being like 50 bucks or however much insane yeah i was like i'm uh i'm gonna i got we had a fun few weeks but i think i'm another hiatus gonna take a little bit about yeah at least for the next couple weeks yeah we're at a wedding in march so probably until then i won't how many pitches are we gonna hear uh i think we're gonna do three three and then two one am i the asshole is uh submission from someone it's a short one though and the other one is the one that i was going to read last week um okay so the first pitch

submission is from colin preston he says so his idea is a movie theater type building slash layout but instead of showing movies and having seats they have a stage in an open area in a bar with in a bar that show different historical concerts with realistic holographic people on a stage such as theater one is showing michael jackson's motown set all week theater two is showing leonard skinner live at the atlanta fox theater theater three is showing wu-tang clang clan doing the whole 36 chambers record from 1992 would be able to watch a realistic concert from dead or retired musicians in a smaller more personal venue that's sick i thought originally she was when she said historical i thought george washington doing number five no no no no no that would be hilarious

too i was picturing like you'd be you'd go into like one room and it would be a reenactment of them like crossing the delaware that would be fun too i like how that no it's everything it's the bands and then also they have stuff like that yeah we get to watch like napoleon bonaparte uh did you ever you ever see the letters that he wrote to his like girl no i mean he was just like he was just like so frustrated that she wasn't writing him as much as he was writing her and he would just fucking freak out it's hilarious respect what would you guys want to watch i would watch uh i would watch elliot smith yeah i mean that would be certainly a vibe or like uh like i would watch old old mac demarco sets would it be pretty cool i'll go like some bruce springsteen

Like young Bruce Springsteen Yeah Would be so cool Probably watch like Like Bill I'd probably do like James Madison Covering

Like some old Oh I got a good one Doors or something I would do I would just do like Whatever the hottest band In 1534 was I think it was the Eagles

The Kings like The Kings band Was probably a fucking vibe They all had like Probably a hoot What were those weird guitars Piccolos Piccolo

Piccolo is like a flute I thought piccolo was that They had the weird They had the weird shaped guitar It's that too Oh I think it could be both Piccolo is like a small flute

I feel like this is actually Going to exist In some amount of time I think so as well Yeah Alright Spooky That was awesome Preston

Alright Colin Colin Preston Well I think you could call him Preston I call him CP Don't call him CPA Okay Next is from

Finley Baker Everyone has a great name Colin Preston and Finley Baker It's two for two Okay he says Hey Lauren I've got a pitch idea For you and the boys I call it the type and write or

Like typewriter but type and writer Yep This is a keyboard slash some sort of software that as you type a letter slash note it will all it will automatically convert into a handwritten letter the letter then can either be printed off by the user and sent or there or there will be an additional option for premiere subscribers that allows you to send a letter to the recipient and their and their printer will print off as a letter for you saving you all the fuss of sending a real letter this will allow you to send a heartfelt letter to those you love

or to a business associate without the fuss of writing the letter yourself. Love, The Pod. Yeah, that sounds great. I mean, it feels like a little depressing, but I like it. Why? Because it's like taking the personality out of it?

Yeah. Did your parents make you guys write thank you notes when you were kids? Yeah, all the time. I try and still do it, but sometimes I just forget. I'm pretty bad about it, which I feel bad about in general.

i went and stayed with harper for uh for new year's and i brought like a candle as like a gift for his mom whatever and uh on the plane right there it had like shattered but like i didn't notice like how bad it was it was just kind of like like some some chunks of glass had like chipped off and harper and i were leaving really early for the airport and i was just like i'm still just gonna leave it and so i just put a can i put the candle that it was like kind of Destructed Just on their counter And just didn't say

It was from me They probably saw it And was like What happened Where did this come from And why is it broken Alright let's hear The third one

Yeah What were we gonna say What Didn't you also get a candle In Fondlema What I'm not falling for that What did you just say

He was trying to get me To say like Fondlema nuts Oh I was pranking him Real mature Well These are the fucking Name of our podcast

Alright okay the silence is loud today i don't know what it is well we're also the only fact that we drank around the world at epcot and then had a 9 a.m flight from orlando this morning we're also the only people in the office right now so it feels a little spooky it's also pouring rain outside it's just a lot there's a lot it's gonna be a really cozy listen yeah cozy yeah we need to start in the beginning giving like prefaces like all right get your hot chocolate get your yeah popcorn playing playing no more

if anyone wants to send Will a fidget toy well I fucking had one and then I got yelled at I thought yeah silent fidget toy we need to get you like that's not even a fidget toy

that's just a game um it's not really a game I was thinking about it we should start the episodes with a fun song at the beginning oh yeah like

we sing no no no like we put it in before uh like part of my take yeah but not like I was listening to Riot on the way here

that's Riot nope from the it's like or oral sweatshirt did a um like new version of it but the old one i'll play it it's a band or a song or i'll play it wait while you look for that song we should start doing every week like on instagram like what we're listening to and then put our favorite song of that week i do like that yeah wouldn't that be cute yeah and then we can each have a pick each week yeah or and we can

start a spotify playlist yeah wait we this might actually be a are we allowed to put music in it i think we can do it out of the ass we want you're willie fucking d that's right that's right let's hear the third no i was just worried about like like copyright i think youtube five seconds it's fine okay maybe i don't know it's a parody parody law we're making like whoever like makes the decision is listening and he's like i got oh oh it's a parody fuck they're joking i do know that song that's a good song okay um the last pitch oh okay believe it or not this is from michael scott nice i mean come on isn't it crazy i know i didn't even think he was real crazy all right

michael says pitch submission that has the potential to change the world awesome that's exactly you have my you have my attention yeah all right so it's shazam but for the weird noises at night it's pretty self-explanatory so it's your go-to app for identifying and explaining strange noises that disrupt your sleep whether it's a creaky floor or your dumbass cat it provides straightforward explanations helping you rest easy say farewell to nighttime mysteries and enjoy a peaceful night's sleep and wait oh and that one in a million chance it's a creature beyond human comprehension you'll be prepared that's so funny that's so good in la it would just be like you'd hear like yeah like you like shazam and it's like crack crack can

there was a guy that hangs out outside of our office and like if he's sober he's like he kind of looks like a delight to be around like he kind of finds his own business but then like five hours later you'll pass him and he's on something and he's just like he was going crazy did i yeah i think that was a different guy that guy just kept going fuck i was pissed i i feel him though because he's probably just thinking about something embarrassing he did like 10 years ago fuck all right let's hear it for the asshole no we're not gonna talk about this anymore oh um yeah i mean that would just be awesome i mean it's like the best probably one of the better pitches yeah in a while but like my only worry is like sometimes ignorance is bliss like i don't

if it is a creature beyond comprehension i don't want to know yeah it's like it's like it's like demonoid alien you're like oh god you you do it you do it it's like it's like carl mad ghost threatening ghost like oh god mad scientist my uh my social studies teacher in high school um would tell us about like how much his family believed in ghosts and so they would like he says that their house was very haunted growing up and they would come downstairs and all the cabinets would be open and instead of them being like that's something we should address his mom would say that's just how the ghost wants him that's very bizarre it's not like they were getting like broken into or someone was getting snacks someone someone is constantly raiding the snack cabinet

to close it the mom's like i guess it's just like dude i grew up with a kid who was like it was like that and then his mom like she would she would like make potions and stuff too and she it's like a wicking me and it will angus went into a store called lotions and potions the other day and uh and it turns out the potions were just perfume like we did they weren't like drinkable you went in you're like i'd like something with the hair of a hog we were like we were just asking her like what's your craziest potion she was like oh no they're just perfumes but i had it i had a thing of lotion it just exploded in my dob kit and so My toothbrush was covered in lotion.

Today, that was a fucking nightmare. Your teeth are probably so smooth. They're like soggy. Eating has been a nightmare. That just bumps me out. Scary. All right. They like blow in the wind.

Soggy teeth. Yeah, like just a little. I have like whales have like bristles. Yeah. I have those now. We're taking a quick break to tell you guys about Factor. Factor's delicious, ready-to-eat meals make eating better every day easy. wherever tomorrow takes you be ready with pre-prepared chef crafted and dietitian approved

meals delivered right to your door you'll have over 35 options a week to choose from including keto calorie smart vegan plus veggie and more and there's even more to enjoy with over 55 nutrition packed add-ons that help make your weekly meal planning even more delicious what are you waiting for get started today and have a feel-good week of meals ready to go we just ordered our factor it's showing up tomorrow and we were both super stoked to try it we'll follow up next week but i already know it's going to be delicious there's no prep there's no mess it's easy that's why i love factor i ordered the chef's choice ones that's what i picked too i don't know what he's going to choose i am i trust the guy with my life but i have absolutely no idea what's going to be

in them i have looked though and they all look delicious we're very excited to try guys head to factormeals.com slash playdate50 and use code playdate50 to get 50% off that's code playdate50 at factormeals.com slash playdate50 to get 50% off let's get back into this delightful episode all right lauren tell us if someone's the asshole all right do we want to do the longer one from actual reddit or do we want to do the submission first let's start with the submission okay this one shorter all right so i'm not gonna say his name he said that we can say his name but say his name though his name okay crunchell chris cox that's why he said he could say his name he gave you a fake fuck no oh wait so this is what he said you can say my name i don't care

just get rusty to say pirate somehow pirate i can definitely connect whatever all right that's my that's my goal for this story is to somehow connect it to pirates i think that'll okay so this is his issue his dilemma he says am i the asshole my girlfriend is awesome however the second we're around her family and family friends she like shuts down emotionally and i can't be my goofy self without a dirty look i don't get it need help thanks lord and the boys or wait love the podcast ps5 your relationship and sorry obviously me being an asshole part comes when i'm like okay this doesn't make any sense when i'm like what the fuck we have fun but all of a sudden we can't and i can't be myself towards her when there's people around i don't even

mean weird pda just mean me being a drunk white male okay so let's let's wait yeah you gave it you gave a you gave a really important detail that you slipped in the most important detail that you're drunk so but here's the thing i i i see where he's coming from minus the drunk part where personally like so i i'm trying out this new facial hair right and like i went over to my grandparents house the other day and there was a real thought that was like fuck like i'm only gonna see him for an hour but i was like is it i don't i want to look more presentable around them and i was like do i shave just for this one interaction and then i was like no i'm gonna be myself and everything went smoothly but did they say anything about it no i think that they

i think it was like usually if i if it's just the mustache they'll they'll be like and for the record they make nice comments about it but it's just i don't want to have those conversations yeah i think if the drunken part is what you feel like you can't be around like that's just life dude like you can't be hammered there are certain people you can't be hammered around and the girlfriend's parents are definitely one of them well yeah i just don't understand like like being my goofy self is does that imply being drunk like i'm curious about the correlation there but yeah i think i think that's definitely an issue that you need to figure out if it's just like you can't be yourself if you can't be yourself for owner yeah that's a whole different

thing or it's like what what is she why not like you gotta unpack that well and he's saying that it's not even just the parents he's saying that she gives him like a dirty look if if he's doing something weird like yeah i think he's i think she i think he's saying that she only gives her to look when there are people like around like she's more buttoned up when it's family friends or yeah her family i don't know dude five-year relationship too oh it's five years okay i was gonna say like maybe with time it'll come but five years you've you've cemented what your relationship is already like for the foreseeable future i just feel like she should be on your side in it like if it's one thing if it's like i don't she should just be like open about it like

you don't always have to get in law and get along with your in-laws but yeah she shouldn't be making you feel like an asshole for just being yourself that being said the drunk the drunk part is a wild card there's part of me that thinks you're just getting way too drunk around her family yeah which but i don't know we've all been there we've all been there but you might be the asshole here's here's what you do here's what i don't think you're the asshole but we don't know enough about the situation here's here's what i do when i'm around uh if you're around your significant others family you just match their dad's drink order right stay on pace with everyone it doesn't have to be the same drink don't be the person that's ordering more than other people maybe

pre-game it a little bit so you can see you can have like can't be the advice you need a little buzz on and like you just need to you just need to oh all right sorry i just thought of a new pitch you find the most fun person in her family or like the family friend and you appeal to them and you're like hey like let's let's bring it up a notch tonight like like i need you to lead the charge because you're part of the family you're or you're the family friend like if you get the party started or sorry if they get the party started then you can kind of just surf that wave with them and you're not the one you know being the drunk speaking of surfing waves yeah what i'm supposed to do a pirate thing oh um you can sail the high sea i actually had

something i actually had something he said he was gonna try to tie to pirates i was trying to set him up i think i think here's here's how you tie it to pirates you can be you can be your true pirate shanty singing wild man self when they're not around but maybe button it up a little bit when you're when you're around the family and just you know try and fly under the radar or talk to her and be like yo it doesn't have to be about drinking but like why are you why are you shutting down when the family's around also if she makes that dirty look around a family next time hit her with a parlay yeah you guys can go off and work it out or uh i think my pirate code lauren get the get the youngest brother drunk i think that's my advice his advice is insane um i think that there

might be a bigger issue it sounds like she's getting a little annoyed with you i'm not gonna lie chris sorry but like if she's giving you dirty looks and you're just being yourself like i don't know if maybe she's not in love anymore oh all right that might be too heavy what well she's just obstinate like lauren trying to help lauren's trying to help the rest he said get her youngest sibling no that sorry that was too deep

you're not the asshole I think she just might have an issue so talk to her about it yeah

thanks alright keep them coming submit them alright this so this I stand by

getting the youngest brother drunk I think that's always that's all cause then it's also like

it's on them they have to focus on him they can't they can't attend to your shenanigans I was with my

buddy that was visiting me last weekend he told me they had like a family game night with

like their family friends over the holiday break and everyone got so drunk that his brother fell down the stairs head first and just put his head straight through the wall all right so this this am i the asshole post is like one of the most popular ones apparently um it's kind of long so am i the asshole for not wanting my husband to go to his ex's funeral okay so oh lord i'll admit i'm biased right off the bat i couldn't stand her i call her his ex to myself and others he called her his friend we're all in our early 40s she died recently aneurysm i've been with him 10 years now but he'd known her for 20 plus the way i was thinking about how insane it was that whatever she's been with him for 10 years and his and the boyfriend has known no knew the ex for

over 20 so much longer relationship the way he tells it they were friends in college decided to date got married then realized they weren't a great couple and decided to just be friends all that happened years before i met him he was clear early on that she was important a couple months into dating it came up that his friend was actually his ex-wife he explained the oh so he he didn't he wasn't up front about it wasn't on it he said she was a friend and he was she was actually his ex-wife um he explained the above to me saying that she was one of his closest friends and that it was purely platonic i expressed some discomfort at him being so close to an ex and he told me that's fine if you have a serious issue with it let me

know now and i'll and save us some time i'll choose her i like you and all but i've known her for over 12 years and she's one of the most important people in my life red flag wait did he just say he would choose the other yeah over his wife if he's not happy with her being with him being friends with her yeah it's crazy yeah um when we were engaged i asked again he gave me this perplex perplexed look and asked why would us getting married affect my friendships i sucked it up and went along i resented every moment of knowing her especially when we had to be social she understood some part of him i couldn't her husband was friends with mine as well so it's not like i could use him as an angle he'd have lunch with the ex they'd go to their geeky movies and

whatever the few times i brought it up he said we had this conversation before you had your chance to back out this is this is wild intense she died after they had lunch the other day on the way to her car he spent a bunch of time crying but honestly i was really sorry this is crazy they had lunch she just dropped out in the parking lot she had an aneurysm i know but like that's just crazy that like they were that it was together also like the tone you read that you're like she died the other day after you got lunch dropped out of the parking lot you said you uh where am i this is fucked up okay he was working wait blah blah blah okay oh lord

will will the other day was going like like trying to like get something out and i just like didn't say anything but that one was fucking crazy there was someone on a plane coughing the whole time today also our plane was full of teenagers sorry yeah our plane was the average age was like 13 so fucking weird that would be a crazy business pitch uh teen airlines just the hottest teens moment we landed everyone stood up and i just looked around i was like what i'm the oldest person here they were all like talking and the gossiping okay i'm almost done so he was working with her husband on funeral planning oh so she also had a new had a husband yeah she already mentioned that they were friends

the two guys were friends oh i missed that i told him you don't think you're going do you my argument summed up she's dead so she's not a factor anymore he doesn't get to use his she's my friend excuse since she doesn't exist anymore he had his cry for a couple days he gets to be done with mourning her already there's no need for him to go to her funeral since i wouldn't want her at his he was the angriest i've ever seen him when i told him that replying that he'll be going no matter how i feel and that he's willing to burn this to the fucking ground while holding up his wedding band oh my gosh besides you she was the closest friend in my life him her husband and my sisters are calling me an insensitive asshole over this all saying that there was no romantic

aspect to the relationship and that i'm heartless her husband went so far as calling me a ghoul for how i've reacted someone called you a ghoul i know she's no no they said lauren was ghoulish okay you're right totally different i never felt the relationship was appropriate and i hid that for years because i wanted to be with my husband now that she's gone i don't feel i should have to hide it anymore and and can speak freely so am i the asshole for just wanting him to be done with her and for him to not attend the funeral okay i think you there might be a little bit of blame on both sides here i think she should at this point it's like you put up with all the shit just let him go to the funeral and then it's fucking done yeah putting up a fight right now

is like too late in the game like what if what if she let him go and he like jumped in the casket well also she said what she said like she's she was your friend but she's dead now so that's over it's like what like you i'm in complete agreement that it's like dude you made it this far just let it yeah let it slide but also for the record it doesn't sound like this is a healthy relationship whatsoever so it's like at all yes this is like the tipping point but i feel like there's no way you have a you have a good foundation in your relationship if like you're acting like this towards each other agreed yeah also sounds like his relationship with this lady was a little bit us yeah they're banging each other's brains out okay god literally that feels yeah he literally

banged her all right all right this these are real people it's not anymore um yeah i'd say i'd say you're being an asshole but also like he's the worst yeah this is just such a sad situation i really hope this wasn't real for the sake of i would say it's almost surely real yeah that's tough all righty well everyone comment down below what you think about this but we have pitches i hear we do have pitches i've got i've got 24-7 sports all right okay let's hear it what's what's going on okay it's a league of there's like there's like 10 or there's like 20 teams and they have like each have like 50 people you like pick a team and you get really into it and then they just play different sports back to back to back

24-7 on the same channel so it's like your your team is always playing something something and it's just but it's all the same guys so it's like you got you got guys that might be an asset in the football field but a liability in the soccer net yeah that's why you have 50 of them yeah yeah and that's so you have different like specialties and it's completely perpetual and you can watch it whenever and if your team wins a bunch you get a bunch of money nice um i don't have a name for this one yet but it's basically the gist is it's social media for your clothes so you whenever you buy a new thing you upload it to the thing and everyone can see all the stuff you have so if i see someone that i like i can follow them and see where they bought their clothes so i can

you know mimic their vibe and then it also can make outfits that sounds like a really good idea it could also like um you could send someone like a trade proposal and be like i'll trade you this shirt those shoes and they could accept it yeah i like that a lot actually thanks and uh yeah i mean it would just be hard to like people would have to really commit to using it to make it effective yeah mostly women yeah girls love shopping and stuff girls love shopping right lauren weren't you saying that yeah i'm like addicted i'm addicted and i just can't get Should we Do more words

That are perfectly named Yes More words that sound exactly Like what they mean Say that more confidently Alright we've got more words that sound exactly like what they mean First up I've got rancid

Yeah I like it Do you see all the people saying fuck you about the needle thing So fuck me Or fuck you guys you and Will all I saw was rare Willie D miss

the top comment was justice for needle for the record most people were saying that you lost that draft I don't think that's true at all it's not a competition I mean he just made it one by saying that I saw rare Willie D L

Willie D falling off I don't think this happened I read all the comments I don't think this happened But he's still pissed off from sayings Sayings won I started dominating sayings Alright my first one is mud

Mud's a good one I love it I've got concrete You're back You aren't the arbiter of when I'm here or not I'm going to show you the needle comments I'm fucking pissed now I'm getting fucking hit

We've seen the needle comments We were just not talking about them He's denying them I'm a needle denier alright I got I got slice slice yep it does feel like a cut

alright I've got voltage yes there's some charge in that word yeah there is a lot of charge in that word I got slumber deep sleep like whoever came up with slumber was cooking that day Merriam Webster

I've got flannel Yes. I don't know why. You can feel it. You can feel it. You can feel it. This one's kind of weird, but crump, like the dance move. Never heard of that.

It's like when people do this. That's objectively crumping. You remember, imagine Lil Jon crumping. I don't know if the comments are going to like that one. Look up, Lauren, put a video of someone crumping right here. No, no, just do it in post. Tell me that that's not someone crumping. Tell me that's not crumping.

What was that noise? You? I was a little sick going into this weekend, and I think it's gotten worse. Trumpet. Yeah, you can hear it. Trumpet. Trumpet.

And the trumpets, they go. All right, my last one is chalk. Chalk. Sidewall chalk. You could be describing this food as chalky. I like that. I like that. It's got like a pastiness or like a...

Oh, I just like pulled a hair out of my mustache. It hurts so bad. How's that gross? No, I don't know. It's just like too many little... It just is to her. No, it's just that your face grosses me out. It's that you talked about anything.

Okay, what do you... Is that it? That was all five, yeah. Yep, you too? Yep. All right. All right. So as you guys know, as we just talked about earlier, Will and I went to Epcot this weekend.

Bless you. and um we thought it would be fun to come up with some own some of our own disney parks yep will what are some of your favorite disney parks that don't exist uh big fan of the seven seas okay it's a lot like epcot kind of except when you get there you and your boys all get a little boat and then you paddle around and you go from each ocean and each ocean has a bunch of different themed things it's very much like epcot but every place is like you paddle it up to the bar that's a drink you paddle over to the gift shop so it's all on boat um my first one is called maze world so it's a giant maze and there are no maps but in the maze there are different bars and so you

just like stumble into different cool bars and things to do in the maze how do you get out just fucking oh there actually is a way to get out of maze if you just if you just took a right every chance you got eventually you would get out of a maze i'm pretty sure wouldn't you just go in a circle i don't know i read that somewhere or maybe maybe it's you pick one wall and you follow that wall that makes sense i don't know yeah i feel like there's dead ends though i guess then you like loop around i don't i don't make the maze i don't make the maze that is financing all right uh i've got wonka worlds or i don't think it's disney but they would buy it in this case yeah i think it's warner brothers yeah and it's just a massive chocolate factory they've got

that elevator that goes up and sideways and i never understood the physics of that i think that could exist honestly i think you probably could too yeah i'll talk to my guy but uh yeah and they have all the different little things you can go to the chocolate river you can actually go swimming in it it's allowed and you can drink it it's a chlorinated chocolate yeah it's disgusting um my next one is called summer camp it's just like a simulated uh you know like 80s summer camp and you can go around like cabin to cabin or like try new activities there's a mess hall i love it's a fun stuff wait this isn't even on mine but i'm gonna pivot because i like it better than my one of mine okay disney does make the percy jackson show now a percy jackson park

would be awesome that would be cool and then you can do like the fucking capture the flag i never saw percy jackson or you didn't read him either you never were the leighton thief i had sex in high school i was yeah i was reading percy jackson in high school um all right i didn't read those books but i loved the movie i was obsessed movie's terrible no it's good panned it got panned what does that mean everyone hated it they canceled the franchise panned yeah critically panned i didn't know that panned like i think you just made that word up no i didn't i promise all right i got the time machine so uh similar to epcot you walk around it but each instead of countries it's a different era so you okay you'd stumble into like prohibition

and it would be a speakeasy you stumble into the that's a great one that'd be sick yeah think about how cool that would be stumble in every decade yeah stumble into the 70s there's like a there's like a you know egyptian themed one i don't know well that's a different country well no no but like what what the type of egypt that you're thinking of that i'm thinking ancient ancient egypt got it got it yep i like one that's just modern egypt and then it's the 70s after uh okay i've got sleuthville okay it's a huge park and when you get in you and your team are assigned a case and you have the day to solve that case and it's like and you but it's like open world like you don't know who you have to talk to to get the right information or where

you can find clues and it's just like free for all and you try to solve it that's awesome um i got back to college so it's just a giant college campus and but there are like parties happening you can go to class if you want to you can uh you can uh haze people i don't know You can do whatever you would do at college Imagine being the guy who gets the job at Disney And they're like alright you're Gonna be one of the people that gets hazed You're one of the pledges

You're in the Ohio State band Ohio State band is sick Yeah but they got into trouble for Like apparently like band hazing Is like the worst type of hazing It's like super bad I did hear about that You were upset that I was coming after the band

For a second I know I was I'm an Ohio State fan Yeah that's true Same O-H I-O Cool

It's our thing Cool Alright I've got Night at the Museum Yep Similar to my Video game idea

But it's a massive Well it's like It's like the whole Like Smithsonian complex So it's like All sorts of museums But everything's like Animatronic

And like alive And like You can talk to Teddy Roosevelt Yep ben stiller is there he's just hanging out got him on retainer yeah it's great what pirates is to me like the topic of pirates is to me is your night of the year it's just an under underutilized franchise yeah i'm not like the biggest fan to be honest i love i loved it i love what were those

guys called that vanished in the dust again the terracotta soldiers yep that's awesome um my last one is called assassin's world so sounds like a blast when you go there you can either be the hunter or the hunted and it's like laser tag or whatever like or like they have some method of start real gun maybe no maybe it's like a squirt gun or whatever but like you're avoiding like like you're paired with another person so i have to like hunt down a stranger and i have the whole day to find them and then they like are avoiding me and they're dipping in and out of bars all it might have to do with bars yeah that's awesome okay well whose personality are you gonna steal this week you know i'm gonna give you credit i think you posted on our instagram story yesterday

it was like a bear in like a recliner yeah that was a good vibe i just want to do that bathtub i think well i want to be a bear in a recliner you're thinking of the sleepy time bear i just want to be a bear in a recliner i just want to be big and warm and full yeah and comfy and i don't want to do a lot this weekend i'm gonna lay low yeah i agree um i think i'm gonna steal jimmy buffett's vibe oh i like that yeah i'm listening more like beach country than i normally do yeah a little bunch of good it's just a good vibe there's this there's a kenny chesney song called uh keys in the conch shell yeah it's basically about he's like telling this girl like hey i'm gonna be out like wind surfing all day but like roll up like if i'm if i'm not back

by the time you get back like the keys in the conch shell just let yourself in like make it make a drink and i was like that's an awesome move yeah keys in the conch shell it's like sounds nice it's like a literal yeah yeah love that hell yeah lauren who's personality you're gonna see this weekend um well we're already talking about him but tanners from love on the spectrum yeah he's just you want to be autistic this weekend you're gonna get that drunk no I was just saying she gets so drunk his positivity and happiness

is just so sweet and wholesome and I need to embody that more because sometimes you know focus on the negative and then it's not great I agree his laugh and his just like general vibe it's contagious alright

I might have to check that show out oh wait what's everyone gonna comment oh yeah we need to bring that back um you guys are gonna comment your shoe size in centimeters and then not centimeters what like europeans use centimeters yeah but someone's everyone's gonna have to google that and just look in your shoe wait i kind of want to know where everyone's from like their city google google your hometown and then also yeah everyone pause the video go google your own google your home down and paste the first

sentence from their wikipedia yeah okay do that and then also uh comment someplace that you want to travel this year google your hometown google your hometown copy the like quick synopsis of your of your or yeah just the first sentence so it's not even like there's no context and then somewhere that you hope to make it to this year all right perfect wait also you guys we need to start acknowledging like it's so interesting to think that every episode like this could be someone's first yeah so i think we need to start them off with like a welcome or like yeah i mean if it feels like a bad time to be bringing this up i know i was gonna say at the beginning well like yeah well if you're a new playmate we are so glad to have you in the family

what should we call oh wait we already have their playmates yeah and we've been we've had some growth play pal is good yeah paypal all right everyone comment your paypal password What were you going to say, Willie? No, no, I was just going to say that that's a good deal I brought up because we have been growing pretty well. Yeah. We've got a lot of new playmates.

A lot of new faces around here. So we're pretty excited about that. But for the record, the OG playmates obviously have a softer spot in my heart. Well, it's... Yeah, you can be a playmate after two consecutive weeks. I'm soft all around for all of them. I'm rock hard for the early...

All right. Everyone DM Will a picture of your cat or your pet. Is that like a sex thing? Oh, you had to make it weird. Do not DM Will a picture of that cat. That would be straight crazy. We'll just get a bunch of off shots this week. Actually, now that I think about it, go for it.

And if you're a guy, if you're a guy, send that gooch, baby. Send a picture of your gooch to Will. Ew, you're probably going to get some. I'm going to fill my inbox with some gooch. We got to cut all this. No, I'm not cutting this. I'm going to be, all right. All right, we love you guys.

We'll see you guys next Wednesday. Have a fantastic rest of your week and a great weekend. And we'll see you guys in seven days.