Will & Rusty's Playdate - Tinder for Dogs

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

Will and Rusty pitch their final business ideas of the year, draft New Year’s traditions that don’t exist, and of course, share their best moments of 2023. See y’all next year! FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod (00:00) Intro (07:58) Claw Machines (13:11) Pitch Submissions (15:40) Sneakers (26:56) Pitches (37:15) New Year’s Traditions (43:22) Best Moments of 2023 (46:34) 2024 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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a couple beers on this podcast. It's the new year, brother. That's alright with you. Almost. It is almost the new year. It's the 27th today. Lauren, can I interest you in a beer? Absolutely. You guys want to see something cool? Yeah. I went to high school. Yeah, I went to high school.

Alright. There you go. Second time's a charm. Rusty Featherstone, ladies and gentlemen. my god we are so back so fired up to be back all right happy new year episode 17 we checked with emily it's cool if we have a good podcast today yeah we're gonna have a great one we're pretty stoked we're gonna do um what do you want to do we got new year's res new year's traditions that don't exist and we're doing a little year in review looking back over some of

our favorite moments from 2023 not not podcast moments for the record this is not like a no no some people do like a sizzle history yeah yeah no no it's not like a review you know in the old i always talk about in the old survivor seasons like episode like 15 would just or episode like eight would just be a recap of the first 15 days it's always really confusing when you get but i guess it's crazy to think about that there were days when you watch tv shows that it was like if you were falling behind you just had to wait till like a recap episode or something Well, no, they do, like, you know how I'm watching One Tree Hill right now? Yeah.

They'll be like, last week. Yeah, those I love. Here's what you missed on One Tree Hill, and it'll be like, Dan's good now? Yeah. Dan is, if you guys are One Tree Hill fans out there, Dan, at the part of the show that I'm in right now, Dan is going fucking straight up bonkers. Sicko mode? Oh, the coach?

No, Dan's the dad. Isn't he also the coach? At one point. Oh. Briefly. he's like the interim head coach for a little bit the only episode she watched um yeah i guess i had the craziest dream last night i so i my problem is i will like go on like two week hiatuses for melatonin and then i'll come back like home and i have it and i'll be like i'll take it and

i just have like either the most fun i've ever had in a dream or like like last night there was a polar bear trying to get into like this shack that we were in i think you were there and you might have been there as well doesn't ring a bell but i believe you and i remember like we had a dart gun that would like subdue it oh like a like a toxic like a tranquilizer yeah yeah and i remember just fucking like and it just wasn't going down and being like this is bad we kept locking the door and then it would unlock the door but like wouldn't realize that it did it and would like go to the other one it was a fucking it was a crap shoot sorry i had to deal with all that yeah it was it was stressful have you ever played you ever play roller coaster tycoon is that the one

where you build the you build a park and like you have to make money yeah yeah but like we used to just me and me and the homies would just build like a death trap like we'd get everyone in the park to like walk into a secluded area and then have a roller coaster that did like a huge hill and then just let off so all the cars would just go and then we would let i was just thinking what the tranquilizer because it was like the one that had like the zoo tycoon mod on it and so then we would just let lions like loose in the park and then you could go like hunt them with tranquilizer guns i did not make any money but i know that game there was i remember seeing an ad for that game like on like you know those pages that are only like not an only 90s kids no but like a type

of thing where it'd be like old nostalgic ones it was a commercial where i think it was the uh the guy that played um the older brother in wizards of waverly place it was a strange cast and he was like oh no no sorry it was chase from zoe 101 and they're talking yeah and and uh freddy from icarus like all nickelodeon kids were cast in this commercial about roller coaster tycoon it might have been roller coaster tycoon it was like you can build the park any way you want the girl goes i like to roam around the park and look for the cutest boys and then it shows like this this dude's face this dude's face that's like not fully rendered yet there's a there's a the way that i want to go if i ever i i think that we will be alive when they figure out like immortality

which i won't take part in but like there's a there's this roller coaster that some guy came up with where it does so many loops that you would slowly lose consciousness and just die and i think that'd be a sick way to go what really yeah that would be a weird way to go you ever done uh you ever done hagrid's at universal no never been fucking it's a movie no it's like a children's ride but it's like it goes it goes fast it's just there's nothing like scary so for guys like me that are not upside down or like fast roller coaster guys this is like right up my alley and you get to ride a hagrid's motorcycle so you're on that's fun and then your boy's in the sidecar that's sick so me and my cousin uh had the fast pass or whatever

and rode it like eight times in a row got a butterbeer and went home that's awesome a butterbeer I love that I um

I love Hagrid I mean he's tall yeah no I'm so on oh guy who wants to

who wants to take part in the Harry Potter discussion but hasn't seen it the comment on the most recent podcast on YouTube was Rusty finds a way to bring up Harry Potter

in every single episode we're like three minutes into this episode it's a it's a gift it's a gift I remember there was a ride called the

the super duper looper at Hershey park. And it was apparently the first looped rollercoaster in the U S or in the world or something. And it just like, it was like a novelty. It was like the first loop ever. It was just like, wow,

thank God they polished these things up because it made you like, Oh, like you would like smack your head and want to throw up every time. It was like weird one called the Excalibur in Portland. I think it might still exist or not Portland in a, in old Orchard beach, literally right by your, yeah,

the one, I think it's like the Viper now. Yeah. think well it was still wooden if i'm remembering correctly which was like never a good sign you know what i mean fun fact my dad worked he was like i'm like one of the guys that ran that ride techie yeah well growing up him and his cousin ran the roller coaster in old orchard beach yeah and uh apparently one time there was like some sort of malfunction and like it just kept going and like it wouldn't stop and it was gonna hit the other car and like both had

people in it and it was gonna be like some nightmare and like my uncle tommy apparently It was, like, a legendary, like, impulse move where they had, like, a tarp that they used to, like, cover the desk when it rained, and he just fucking threw the tarp on the tracks in front of the thing, and it, like, grinded up and stopped the car and, like, saved everyone. That's amazing. And they were, like, 14 and got, like, no, like, it was, like, another day at the park. Like, there was no, like, award or, like. I like the visual of, like, they have, he has probably, like, seven seconds to figure

this out. Yeah. And he's like, all right, like, Danny, throw that tarp on there. And his heart was in the right place, but it just derails the car and makes it way worse. Everyone's like, oh, damn, fuck. There's also at, I think it's at the same park, but it was called Mousetrap. Is that the one that like? It's just only right angles.

And it's like, when you're in it, it feels like it's simulating a car crash. They call it the Wild Mouse at Hershey Park. Yeah, this one was in Maine and it was just like, it was bad. yeah there's it's actually funny i think my dad also was the he did the pop a balloon win a prize that seems like such a like a funny like yeah what do you even do summer job you just stand there like give people darts and hand them beanie babies there's like that'd be kind of cool there's a guy that has that is hacked not hacked you don't people like life hacks yeah he does like those type of hacks for um for carnival games and he shows people how to be oh yeah and he's banned

from all major carnivals just like we'll run them dry of pillow pets have you guys ever um gotten a toy or like stuffed animal from the claw machine yeah you you have ah well like like yes you've got you've successfully gotten one out like once or twice you know apparently all the kids these days are like obsessed with the claw machines i took my little my nephew pablito oh and is this real 100 real oh pablito yeah his name his dad is from mexico his dad's name is pablo and so it's oh it's like little pablo so they call him pablito he calls he goes by pablo i think to his friends but we all call him pablito yeah and me i took pablito to the arcade when they were visiting because so like where my parents live now is like basically like it's like

french canadian like ocean city new jersey yeah it's like the i mean where both your parents live right no well he lives in like a like a more respectable part of maine and my parents live in like ground zero of like white trash paradise no he he's he's he's he's being humble it's it's like turned into it's turning into something else but there is still a part that has not been reached by like will's type demographic that is like um that is like a like the carnival stays there year round like when i went to when i was went to will's house like the carnival's still there and it's like a legit it's like a nice area but it's like if you go downtown it's it's like jersey shore it's like jersey shore in maine and it's all french canadians yeah and uh they all

were like speedos yeah it's the whole thing is very bizarre but yeah wait so where were you going with this the kids so i used to this summer i used to go every day to the arcade and play skeeball and i got really fucking good and i was just nailing hundreds like i would i would run that I would win running that show it was awesome but then the machine they were rigging the machines

but anyway that was a whole nother thing I got in a fight with a worker and then I was like this is so embarrassing for me that I'm yelling at this like 15 year old that works at the arcade

so I stopped going but when Pablito was in town I took Pablito and he was like I just want to do the claw machines he didn't want to ride the rides he didn't want to pop a balloon he didn't want to play skeeball

he didn't want to do any of the he just wanted to do the claw machines and I was like this is baffling you're objectively like you do it like twice and you're like alright I'm getting scammed

i don't want to do this anymore and apparently i was talking to his my aunt heidi his mother and she said that like all the kids are just obsessed with claw machines right now yeah like they go on like tiktok and watch like live streams of claw machines and it's like totally warped this like when they go to like any place that has claw machines all the kid like kids like congregate like 10 year old kids right now are obsessed with claw machines have you seen the ones that are like iphones and stuff yeah yeah just like you're not gonna they definitely did the math here you're not gonna win that yeah i like to watch those live streams of guys um it's the thing where you drop the quarter in and it'll push all the shit off you know what i mean

there's like a giant stack of quarters it's like if you do the math is like i don't know it might be like 20 bucks or something i hung around that one a lot there are like random like 50s and 100s in it and there's this guy who's like legit and everyone was like stoked about it then it just turns out he owns the like he owns the thing so he would go in oh and he would and he would just put a bunch of his own money in there to make it look like he just won like 500 bucks. And then they found out it was like his pizza parlor. It's a classic play.

Should we hear some bitches? Yeah, we got some pitches. Do we got some pitches? Bitches? Can we say bitch? What can we say on this? At what point can we bleep it? Crud.

No, you guys have said it all, I think. Funk? I bet. Could we say fuck? Right? We've said it many times. Many, many times. I don't give a...

I don't give a dick. about this i don't give a dick i don't give it i don't give a balls about this dude we are insane dude what the ass is happening on this podcast right now okay so this can we just say that's a nice shirt lauren thank you it's a fun shirt wait can you see tweety yeah did you do the embroidery no i got it from a vintage store my favorite vintage store in cleveland i've gotten like so much in cleveland yeah her parents live my family lives there now right cleveland this This is for you. As of 2020.

The city of a thousand wins. Yes. Is what they say. And her brother went to St. Ignatius. Yeah. Did you just guess his high school? I know, because it's where Dennis Grissel went. Who the heck?

Who the ass is Dennis Grissel? Boston. Boston College's single game passing yards leader. He was like our backup quarterback. It's not Doug Flutie? No, he tied. This guy, he was like our backup for like five years. I was a waiter and he would always come into

my restaurant on Sundays he was a nice guy our quarterback got hurt and he went in against Virginia and we lost the game but he passed for like 600 yards was it down to the exact yard exact yard so there's two guys tied for the whole time

do you think he got there and the coaches were like get him the fuck out of there we can't have Doug lose to this fucking guy alright sorry Lauren anyways Anyways. I don't know why I always say that. Sorry.

And my buddy Dom Conti went there. Mmm, Dom. I knew a kid named Dom Tachi. Okay, okay. Yeah, they should hang out. First pitch submission is from Charles Henney. There we go. Or Hen.

He says... By Henney, like Chad Henney? Yeah. H-E-N-N-E. Yeah, Henney. Okay. He says, context pants. Context pants?

Context pants. I love that. I love this already. what's one of the most embarrassing things of all time and when it inevitably happens to you is a constant source of harassment from your peers spilling water on your crotch making it look like you tinkled yourself if only you could this guy's awesome if only you could add some context i do that all the time actually okay no because you know what i find is i lean my i lean up against the sink counter sometimes and like doing what and then it creates like a line of

like while i'm washing my hands for some reason i like your shirt though that's fine no no it's like usually here because maybe for you because you're so small but well how tall are you on five eight five seven and a half okay i'm pretty tall for a girl okay how much do you weigh no i'm just joking i'm just messing around okay anyways enough about your freaking all right all right sorry okay context pants introducing the context pants a pair of pants with a velcro patch right on the upper thigh then when you spill your coffee on your ding dong right before the big meeting you attach the i did not pee myself this is just coffee patched your pants problem solved embarrassment turns to confidence oh it like has the words on it yeah sure yes it says i did not

pee myself this is just coffee so embarrassment turns to cop turns to confidence heck turns to sympathy all you need is a little context here's here's what i love here's what's the name drew um where'd he go charles charles here's what i love about charles is is he's drawing more attention to it oh yeah but in his head in his head that you are just free and clear because of that like no one is asking any questions i have i feel like i tend to try i like if i have it and it's noticeable i'd rather walk into the room and be like hey guys it's just water because then it's like everyone laughs and they believe you i just pull my shirt and i hunch over yeah I don't know.

I think what he's saying is perfect. Maybe there could be another one that's like, okay, this one's actually pee. You caught me red-handed. This one's pee. This time it's piss and shit. All right. I love it, Charles.

Let's hear the second one. Okay. This one. Just laughing at different liquids. Willie, you're going to like this one. Okay, I love it. Rusty will probably also love it. Rusty probably will love it, too.

i know but just wait okay so this is nathan lynn he says sneakers wait wait boys are fired up boys are fired the fuck up today sorry can i like when we ask we ask lauren to read something and then you just start screaming there have been multiple times where where she's gotten halfway through and like one of us has started a story yeah yeah sorry sorry it's okay i'll forgive you because it's it's cremas or new year it's cremas was two days ago greatness cremas okay sneakers not what you're thinking snails should have the option to listen to music too i present to you speakers for snails it's a it's a shell with speakers built in for snails it could also work for hermit crabs as well what's this fucking

coward's name bang this guy's red hot what's this coward's name nathan nathan i love you to death and there's nothing more than we that then we like than when you're listening but fuck you you were pandering to will and you knew exactly what you were doing and i love it i for one love it why do they need music because because they gotta hey again nathan love you pander to will again i fucking swear to god i'm not gonna do anything about it but i feel i want someone to pander to me is it too much to ask for someone to pander to me well i feel like all the pee and poop ones are for you fair all right what what do you what song do you think a snail would be listening to highway to hell just fucking he's on it what was his snakes the snail skates or

whatever snakes bikes he's he's on his bike just listening to highway to hell and he's like this is fucking i get what this what all the hoop laws are about man i'm trying to think of like a funny like a pun like um what would a snail be listening to is like um take it slow take it easy take it No, but like a pun on like Snails Shell something We'll come back He would be listening to

Shell Silverstein's audiobook There we go That's good No, don't Highway to Shell Yeah It's funny we were We were almost there

With Highway to Hell And we didn't get there Yeah Alright, that's great I was about to ask a dumb question No, no, he listens It's like Snail

okay thanks nathan we're red hot i'm so fucking on fire today holy okay we're gonna do we're gonna do four so i have two more okay okay so this one is from fuck i don't even fuck it it's 2024 i don't even fuck it dude yeah we're almost there okay sir duncan that's i'm assuming that's not his name but that's his instagram you'd be right you'd be correct in assuming that that feels like a safe assumption well could sir be a name probably not um he says this is a pitch for fans to make it on their favorite podcasts i'd love to think i could chop it up with the guys and so does every listener that's why we elect a pod father this wait oh yeah this way podcasts could trust the pod father to test the guests and every i mean in different situations

to see if they could roll with the punches the pod father would be looking for good high school stories commitment to the bit abilities and general podcasting skills this would give people like me clarity on if i could talk shop with the guys no you know no one could do what we do are you kidding me the hardest job in the world i i just want to go on record that say you could hang based off that you could hang i agree i don't i think that there are there are people that would just be a tough listen i think some 99 of people we're a fucking we're a brutal listen but uh yeah it's all about finding the right yeah i mean hey if you're a playmate you you have impeccable taste in podcasts which mean you could chop it up with us yeah i also like that

we're having you on we should do that once a year just randomly pick someone we have three days to pull it off fuck i guess we'll do it next year next year yeah next year we're having this guy on uh yeah screenshot his name sir duncan sir duncan we should do a full sir duncan interview what was it like he definitely would be fun i'm sure how did knighthood change you that would be my first question um you want to do a fourth or was that the fourth um do you want me to do a You said you wanted to. You said it, but, I mean, we have a bunch, too. Oh, yeah.

Maybe we should just pitch each other. Let's do one more. Let's do a fucker. Let's do one more. Okay, okay. I'll say it real quick. All right. This is from Bennett Power.

Bennett, this is a two-time submission. We've heard from him before, like, several. What was his first one? I don't remember. Just read the first line. We'll remember. Well, I'm going to have to go into Instagram. I wrote a parody.

I was looking at my notes app for my pitches, and I accidentally found this old note, and it's a parody of Jessie's Girl. called Messy Squirrel. There we go. Did you guys, there was a squirrel in the living room today.

Yeah, it was in the office. You let it in? No, I saw it, I saw it, I saw it on the balcony and I didn't do anything about it.

Gross. Oh, do you want to read your messy? Sitting in a tree. Yeah, he's sitting up on top of that pine. But lately,

these acorns ain't hard to find and he leaves them everywhere like he doesn't even mind. And I'm watching him with my eyes. And he's not gonna clean them up, I just know it Yeah, he's hoarding them in his den late at night

You know that really is a messy squirrel That really is a messy squirrel Where can I find a vermin like that? A vermin? Yeah, because the real lyric is woman Well, it's a vermin A vermin is like a rodent Anyway, that's pretty funny

No, that was good That was from, I'll read the date That was from September 22nd, 2020. You were fucking, you were just. I was cooking. You were knee deep in quarantine. Three and a half years. Yeah, I was.

You were like, I need to fucking. Yeah. Finals. Wait, what was the month? September of 2020. Okay, yeah. So you were just back at school. No, I was, that was during my year off.

I was living alone in Greenville, South Carolina. Yeah, that's exactly how you come up with some of that. Yeah. All right, I'll read this one quick. Okay, so Bennett says, it's called the Reef Food Do. Picture this. You ordered the wrong thing at a restaurant. We've all done it.

You go to some trendy spot with your friends for lunch or dinner. Everyone sat down, excited to eat, ready to order. Your friends all order something different from you, but you're confident. You stick to your gut and order what you thought would be good. Only for it to come out and look way worse, smaller, not what you wanted, etc. While your friends all have deliciousness sitting right down in front of them ready to chow down. With the ReFoodDo, that horrible dilemma is now erased. The ReFoodDo is a small little device that could fit in your wallet with a single button.

when pressed the device quickly scans the table and replaces your trash order with whatever delicious meal your friends are about to enjoy this saves time and embarrassment and you can now bond over how good your similar meals are i love that i love that i'm just worried about like i don't i don't i only took like two economics classes that's okay and i don't really know didn't you fail one yeah i failed micro this is actually a great story it was like while we were like i'll tell this after but but sorry i don't know why i feel this way i feel like this would have some like grave impact on the economy supply and demand because what if you just paid what if you pay you ordered like water and then like you the thing just scans the table and replaced it

with like an ice cold beer i mean that's fine i think for the economy the the the micro macro failing story was uh i was in nashville and this kid called us and was like uh was like where are you guys it was me and my friend seamus or maybe maybe i was the only one in the class but he was they were like where are you like what are you talking about and he was like we have the midterm in like five minutes and i was like oh that's so bad and i soaked a zero on the midterm but it was basically like soaked his ear it was a great one it was basically like if i if i like aced the the final it was gonna be fine like you know you can go into canvas and do like a what if grade it was like i would have like scraped by and uh i don't know if i should be telling

i'm out of college whatever i called my friend harper who's in london and is like a like econ genius uh he he got one a minus in italy and that's the reason he wasn't valedictorian At Rollins? Yeah, he pleaded with the teacher and the lady. Pleaded. I guess that's why I wasn't valedictorian. And she refused to move up his grade, so he had a 399 at Rollins. Wow.

But I was reading him the questions. He's on a jog. This is how smart he is. And he's telling me what to type in. And so I have all the answers. And then she quotes this economist. uh and it says like blank like so-and-so said this about the 2008 great recession and only harper would know that this economist died in 2003 so there's no way he could have been talking about

something that happened in 2008 yeah and he was like it's a trick question like like she like she definitely mentioned in class whatever and you weren't there like type in like this economist was dead by 2008 like there's no way he would have known this and like it's obviously something i wouldn't know that this economist died and so she that's how she found out that i cheated and gave me a zero and i failed the class yeah wait but you were right but how can they how can the how can your professor she was like she was like it was a typo she was talking about the great depression and this this quote did happen and she was like only harper grove would know that she knew we were roommates and was like he definitely didn't take this take home exam damn yeah kid

sounds like a genius he is he's a he's a beautiful beautiful man we spent last weekend together rusty went on a golf trip last weekend he took thursday and friday off and was like i'm going on a golf trip with my buddies for the weekend i was like awesome that sounds great he gets back monday morning i'm like hey how was it like how's the golf trip he's like oh i had a blast it's great it's like how'd you hit him you know classic golf lingo and he goes oh i didn't play one hole of golf and i was like oh and he's like yeah we were just drinking the whole time we didn't even get around to playing golf and i was like oh that's probably annoying because you you know did you bring your golf clubs out there he's like nope didn't even bring my clubs i was like at what

point was it a golf trip and you didn't even bring your golf clubs i was gonna play out of somebody else's bag um no we had a blast that was that that was uh that was one of my better like instagram story weekends like i was on fire yeah yeah you were posting with some like santa girl yeah all All my friends that are girls from Rollins were all wearing Santa costumes. And I kept just posting. I think I did it three times. I posted. It was a picture with one of them.

It happened three nights in a row. I'm slaying. It was spelled slay like Santa slay. You guys ready for my first pitch? Oh, yeah. Yeah, bring that sucker over there. Thank you, Playmates, for the last pitch emissions of 2023. Yeah.

And 2024 is going to be even better. Keep them coming in 2024, please. All right, ready? It's a noise filter that makes all your farts sound like coughs so that you can just fart freely in public. And it's just like. And I've always just like, I hate like holding in a fart. There's something like inhuman, inhumane about it.

Unhuman. Unhuman, yeah. And I want to just like let them fucking fly. Yeah, I have a bad. i think i got too comfortable in college yeah sometimes i i rip one in a context where someone's like oh my god and i'm like i have no choice but to be like what i don't care and i'm like i actually feel pretty bad about that one dude it is crazy like with your with your buddies how comfortable you get farting around them and then you'll be like with like new for like i remember

when we moved when you and i moved in together with billy and chet we were on the couch one time and like it was just me and billy like billy's the nicest man on the planet but like i just like let one like go and it was like a week into our friendship and i remember him being like i was like he didn't say he like he like laughed but he was like that was i could tell he thought it was strange yeah i thought yeah i like that a lot someone's gotta be the first to do it harper and i were sleeping butt to butt uh on this on like our big it was the couch that was in harper and peter and i's house and we moved it peter took it this year and it's like this giant couch like easily could sleep two people we didn't like touch each other but like our butts are facing each

other it was when we were like kind of both like waking up and like half on your phone like he's like still asleep and i let like the loudest fart ever go and and he just rolled over and it made me feel really bad they're gonna say he sucked it right up with his butt all right what do you got willie also while you were pitching that i got a flashback to like the first or second episode when you pitched um the fart oh underwear underwear that makes your farts smell i actually like got deja vu i like that it makes for for people that weren't here for one of the first episodes it was underwear that makes everyone else's farts smell like or makes makes your farts smell like other people's farts that they like them yeah which is genius to this day all right i've got um still

holds up this is an idea i mean i felt like there couldn't be a better way to wrap up 2023 with sorry i forgive my burp uh there couldn't be a better way to wrap up 2023 than to pitch my all-time greatest business idea i won't lie i've had this one in the back pocket for about five or six years i'm not even kidding like since high school and i think it's gonna get me rich if i can figure out how to pull it off yep it's called it's well it's the idea is tinder for dogs and what you're thinking is something involving banging there's no banging there's no dogs banging or a lot of times people think it has to do with banging banging there's no banging um what it is is it's an app for dog adoption for pet adoption it's uh has the interface of tinder and it compiles

data from all your local shelters into one place i'm just realizing you've done this one already but continue no he hasn't but you were telling me about this i haven't i've told you guys about it because i've had this in my back pocket for five or six years but i don't think i've said on the podcast but anyway five or six years it's the it has the interface of tinder you can swipe through a compiled list of pets up for adoption in your local area based on where you are you can favorite the ones you like and you can revisit those you can adopt or foster it's called spot and the logo is it's the word spot but the o is a paw print nice and it's light blue it's kind of like how the o and rover is a paw print is it i think so is the o and rover a paw print i don't

to learn or no she doesn't learn or no she takes work off and goes and does it no you guys i haven't had any takers since pip what you got to do this is what i'm going home for two weeks when i was in college i was the only person in greater orlando that would take dogs over 120 pounds so i was just making fucking hand over big boys yeah there was one that uh i had one named kovid and it was kovid yeah it was like legitimately 300 pounds it was the dog was named kovid yeah I didn't like it. I disliked it just as much as you do. What kind of dog? It was like a giant mutt.

They named it Kobe because liberals were scared of it. Come on, that was good. Lauren, let your guard down a little. Come on. Let your guard down a little. Come on. Lauren, we know you voted for Greenhouse. We know you voted for Biden, alright? Jill Stein.

We know you voted for Green Goblin. We voted for the Green Goblin. Just let your guard down a little. Come on. No, I was just trying to picture it. I feel like that dog was, like, the Sandlot dog. Okay, it actually, it looked kind of like that. Yeah. All right, I got a, it's kind of like, what was it?

Who was the guy that pitched the Podfather? Sir Duncan. It's kind of like Sir Duncan. No, no, no. Yeah. It was Sir Duncan? Okay. It's kind of like Sir Duncan.

Basically, you hire, like, it's like a subscription-based thing, like most of my pitches are these days, and it's uh they get these two podcast hosts get like a brief on how your life's been going and then they also get access to everything that you've been doing on your phone and they have an hour-long podcast just for you like analyzing how your life's going that is terrifying but i love it it's almost like a it's almost like a sports show because i feel like they'd be like they'd be like rusty featherstone needs to lay off you know and steven you know what i mean you got to stay off Stay off the weed.

And you're like, this is fun. Shit, dude. Yeah, I love it. All right. You want another one from me? Think about it. What does everyone love? Air fryers.

This is the air freezer. Opposite of the air fryer. It's the same thing where you press a button and it goes like... And then it does like a magical... Like, yeah, it freezes anything you want. what would you use it on popsicles yeah that was my first thought yeah my my buddy had this uh ice cubes you can make ice cubes lickety split you have this machine that you'd put a you put a beer can in you press a button and it like it like circles cold water around it so quickly

that it would you could take like a lukewarm beer and it's like freezing after that's awesome yeah all right that could be a good use for the air freezer too yeah like it doesn't you could adjust a setting you just put a beer in there for a few seconds and then you're good to go do you know what my move was if i have warm beers and i need and i need a cold one asap you grab a paper towel you wet it and you wrap the beer in it and you put it in the freezer for five minutes and then it makes it so cold without freezing it i love that um let me look i got diet diet coke so diet coke has zero calories but it's not it's not actively burning fat right like it's still you're still putting stuff in your body this is a diet coke with a fat burner in it so it's like the best

of both worlds you're you're getting your fix you're getting your you know soda but you also are losing fat i love it i saw uh you know those you know like the thousand pound sisters yeah they had they go to a this this actually made me sad because it made it made all will liam are our friends um it was it was kind of like a wait because before when you see them you're just like okay those are people that like i have no idea what you're talking about there's a tv show there's these two sisters that add up to a thousand pounds like it's like it's a bummer thank god and and and my thought process was always like okay like they have the tools to be healthy but they like just choose not to i immediately realized after watching one episode

it's like an education thing where like they just weren't taught the same things that's like they asked they go to this they go to this uh nutritionist and they're like explaining to her like how many sodas do you drink and they call them sodas and she's like i don't know like 12 or 15 or something and they're like why do you do that and they were taught when they were kids that if you eat a sweet you have to drink a soda to offset it so like they just had like horrible advice started that like their mom just told them like if you drink a sweet eat a soda or drink a soda to offset it and yeah that one bummed me out that's tough all right should we draft um i have one more oh sorry sorry sorry okay also after i do one more one more i want to go to

the bathroom real quick before i draft okay okay i'll be quick okay my last okay my last pitch is think about it you know how guys drive manual cars you drive a manual and up until now my with stick shift and why do people drive manual cars because it's cool because it makes them seem cooler and they can brag about how they do it even though it's objectively less convenient picking up a girl in a manual car they'd always be like oh my god how do you do it and i would take my hand and put their hand on it and then do it perfect so you could do the same thing for what i'm about to suggest manual appliances blender toaster microwave whatever it's all automated what if you had to manually crank it and get it hot and blend it up yourself and if

You had a girl over and she thought that was hot. You could put her hand on that shit and blend it up together. Come over here and toast this toaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just have to, like, crank a thing to generate the energy for your toaster. I thought you were just going to say fake manual. Like, your car is going to run regardless. Oh, that would be good, too.

And it makes the noises still. It's just, like, totally, yeah. Also a great idea. All right. Do you guys want to do year in review first or? Ooh. I think we recap the new year. You don't want to draft first and then recap?

Sure, I don't care I don't even know why I asked, I was going to force that on you Okay, so you want to Alright, should we draft our What are some of the You do it Alright, here's my question for you What are some of

The podcast is just you guys burping It's crazy The moment we had like alcohol, it's just all burping It's like burping pissing What are some fun New Year's traditions that your family does? In my general friend group, we all hold our breath at midnight. And the first person to come up for air has bad luck for the rest of the year. Wow, that's a fun one.

Yeah. Because it kind of reminds me, in my family, we change all the clocks and put on the ball drop from last year at 9 p.m., wake grandma up, pretend like we're doing the countdown, and put her back to bed before 9.15 so we can all get drunk for the real one. Nice. I like that. do you guys do like a new year's kiss every year yeah in make out with hot chicks every new year's in my friend group we do the new year's diss where whoever you're standing next to you have to rap battle oh i love that yeah that's super fun well what we like to do is um

we eat a we eat a hot dog every second of the countdown so you have to eat 10 hot dogs in the 10 seconds before um Um, that's super fun. We, uh, usually like me and my friends will sit down and we vote on who had the best year. The year prior, that person gets to be king or queen for the night. And they make a rule that everyone has to follow for the entire night. That's super fun. Yeah.

So it'll be like, it'll be like drink every time we'll eat a hot dog or something. So that'd be a lot of drinks. Yeah. Well, it's fun. It kind of runs in my family. we all scream fire 10 seconds before the ball drop so no one gets to enjoy it that's always a good time um well like you guys do you guys watch the fireworks ever wait sorry can i be funny like pull like i'm gonna revise mine in my family we pull the fire alarm in our building 10 seconds

before the ball drops so no one gets to enjoy it that's fun yeah i like that um do you guys watch like the fireworks do you guys have fireworks at your new year's yes of course you guys into this at like the ski mountain that we did it at there was like fireworks and everyone would go out it was at like 9 p.m or something so you'd go watch fireworks then you go back to your party we uh see who can get the closest it's like a game of chicken and uh like the first person to touch one of the fireworks on their way out wins oh that's awesome yeah you get like a prize or something you have less fingers that's awesome like jason pierre paul yeah exactly yeah well in my family we come up with new names for the new year and it's permanent like give me can you give me an

example like you know i'm will that's just something my dad came up with last year last new year's yeah this you are you were ryan until that remember when i was decklin in 08 yeah i was crazy awesome vince young was on the cover of madden i was that was crazy they did barack in 2007 that was kind of bad timing felt weird felt weird yeah yeah but um yeah what were you saying Me and my friends will sit around and we make a list of everyone who wronged us the year before and we come up with ways to ruin their lives in the new year. I love that. We all kind of crowd around the window that points into our neighbor's house

and right when things are starting to get exciting, we use our universal remote to change the channel to The Simpsons. That's awesome. All right. All of mine are just about ways to ruin the ball drop. i wrote all of those i wrote all of those hammered on my couch last night that's great and i remember thinking they were way funnier yeah i like that that was great all right all right it's our last episode of the year first of all we should just say this is pretty sick in i'll be earnest for

like a half second here pretty sick that we got to start this podcast this year and then we have all these people who enjoy it and listen to it so we are super grateful and i think this next year is going to be really big so let's check back in in a year but we're 17 weeks in 17 weeks is also pretty sick that we've been able to do this yeah consistently 17 weeks in a row um yeah we we do we do want to say thank you it's all guys you guys made a pretty cool situation for us we have yeah i mean we're also i'm gonna go on record and say and say playmates might be podcast listeners of the year oh i i i would definitely put them up there i mean they're in the running is time have they picked the time person yet the time yeah it's taylor swift and it's her birthday

it's between today's taylor's birthday it's december 13th in the back of the car um the time person of the year was between like the iranian protesters and playmates yeah it's like Two people doing really important stuff. It's like essential workers and playmates. It's kind of crazy that... Actually, no, Taylor Swift is definitely the person. Oh, 100%. That feels like an overrated.

She had probably the biggest year since, like... I feel like Genghis Khan had a bigger year in, like, 704. Yeah. But... Well, who... Okay, here's the real question. Who's white boy of the year? Jack Harlow, still.

I feel like... It's a tough one. Pete Davidson, kind of. He had a good first half of the year. Matt Rife. Matt Rife Matt Rife White Boy of the Year

Matt Rife's worst white boy of the millennia who do we think I haven't heard of Pete wait wait wait I want to crack this I want to crack White Boy of the Year

alright you want me to be serious yeah who do you think so it's Jack Harlow's In the Running definitely yes

he made a late push too with his new song yeah I feel like was there like a good like Austin Reeves low key no

I think it's Jack Harlow White Boy of the Year, Jack Carlow? He definitely was White Boy of the Year last year, so I don't know how I feel about a back-to-back. I know the year before that, it was Fauci and Colin Jost. Oh, Colin Jost is sneaky one of the best white boys. Of this year?

Yeah. I don't remember what happened this year. Who's like the president of Israel? Netanyahu is not White Boy of the Year. All right. Will and I thought it was... He's not white. Will and I, he also doesn't really sound like that great of a guy.

Well, we're not getting into that until next episode. Our next episode is the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. All right, Will and I thought it would be fun. We brought some of our favorite moments from 2023. It was a big year. We just want to go over them with you guys. And I would assume there's going to be some overlap, but we can just address that when we get there.

Now presenting the best moments of 2023. Yeah. All right. You want to start? You want me to start? Let's do that again because I talked over you. All right. All right.

Let's look. Why don't we draft our favorite moments of 2023? Let's do it. I got when we found that secret alien base in Antarctica, and they turned out to just all kind of be like, they were very similar to people from Appalachia. Yes. Like they weren't as alien as we thought they were going to be. Yeah.

They all had like weird drug addictions. Yeah. It was crazy they figured out how to do heroin down there, too. I know. They always find a way. There's a will, there's a way. Well, there's a way. My top moment was, one of my top moments,

was when they invented that new nut that they put in trail mix. I mean, trail mix has been the same for, what, 20, 35 years? At least. And all of a sudden there's a new nut and it's in there. And, you know, honestly, not that good, but I respect the effort. I wish that. I don't even know. Krung nut.

crud didn't i just found it i found it kind of off-putting that it didn't crunch it was like a liquid when you bit into it it creamed yeah um i just i thought it was pretty crazy when we outed britney griner as a as a russian spy and she was giving them all the information on who was going to win the finals that year yeah that was insane they did all the lines they did all of that just to fix the wmba finals crazy i mean crazy i couldn't believe it when everyone decided the pope didn't matter anymore i know yeah that was a weird day he was a that was a big deal for a while now the pope's just like whatever i guess yeah what a fall from grace yeah literally i thought it was pretty strange we found out ai was just one really smart guy typing all of our papers

and answering all of our questions yes how does he even have the time to do that yeah i mean i couldn't believe it honestly iconic moment of this year was when mr beef honestly an iconic moment of this year was when mr beast humanely euthanized 1 000 sick people yeah i mean that was a crazy video it's kind of nice yeah um that was crazy it wasn't as crazy as when uh vladimir putin dropped that x-rated porn video i like that though the golden shower was pretty never pegged him as a missionary guy yeah his his his legs were on her shoulders good for him i couldn't believe it when sports got harder yeah that sucked for us dude yeah we were we could barely play him already blue yeah it's not good for the common man the rim

got way smaller yeah they were all triple rims um i'm just gonna round it out my when my friend eric hooked up with three girls in one week that was insane legendary like probably one of the coolest things i've ever seen shout out ebone ebone that was epic um you know what i couldn't believe when we did the declaration of independence again just to mess with england i know crazy what like it was just like kind of felt like overkill at that point what a year though i know what a year what are you guys looking forward to in 2024 oh god i'm looking forward to finally settling down getting married buying a house getting a pet a morgange i don't know the guy who's clearly not ready to get a house just take on morgan

why'd you like why'd you what did you say what'd you mumble morgan i'm getting more did you did you know that when his lips are taped together all right sorry go you go it was stupid i'm kind of glad you cut me off it wouldn't have been it would have been bad okay well i was gonna say i feel like this is the first year where normally by the end of the year i'm like oh my gosh it's the new year but like i feel no sense of like that there's actually a new year about it because don't like in general you feel like nothing inside and the days kind of blend together weren't you saying that i think the i think the why it happens is is we live in we live in los angeles now and like the weather facts yeah like when you're at facts dude when

you're in when you're in when you're in maine or like or like kind of anywhere else there's there's a change of seasons yeah even if you're in like florida they're still like it gets colder like the leaves whatever i agree here it's just the same fucking day over and over and it's like it's like i gotta go on a new podcast like i gotta i gotta i gotta rank another beer i gotta you know i gotta do whatever it is i do here yeah that's what we should do in 2024 is figure out what the ass we do here yeah we gotta figure out what we do here honestly wait i have a question yeah when are you going back to maine i'm thinking like maybe uh monday i'm going saturday and i can't wait i was thinking about flying back saturday because uh my lady friend is in boston

and i was gonna come with you and then take the bus up fun yeah but i think i might just say here because i haven't had a weekend alone i think i'm just gonna like walk around the house naked just hanging brain hanging brain dude we're guys we're guys we're gonna hang brain all seriousness guys um this has been so fun and we're stoked to see you guys in the new year there are a lot of new faces around these parts and we uh we love all you what should the what should the comment be this week we didn't last time it was like or two episodes ago it was very it was like it sounded like hard it sounded like we were comment your comment your i want to know our playmates favorite moment of Playdate's

history. Yeah, maybe a favorite episode. Favorite Playdate thing. Their favorite Playdate. That, but also what do you guys want to see in the new year? What would make your little day if Will

and I did? Let us know. And Lauren. And thank you for an awesome 2023. We love you all so much. Love you guys. See you next year. Bye-bye.