Will & Rusty's Playdate - Twice-Polished Marbles

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

Will and Rusty field your business pitch submissions and share their favorite sayings. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod (00:00) Intro (03:10) The Coolest Guy We’ve Ever Met (06:12) Pitch Submissions (12:12) The Salsamigo (18:07) Pitches (20:15) Trader Joe’s (31:36) Handwriting (32:22) Journaling (38:53) Shuffle for Uber Eats (42:43) Drafts (48:23) Rappers that Don’t Exist (52:19) Whose Personality Are You Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did you hear how crisp that clap was? Crips. Crisp. I don't want any trouble. They run my neighborhood. I don't want any trouble. Do they actually? Yeah. I don't know if... The Crips run your neighborhood? So I was warned.

So I went to Boston College and we had the big, the red bandana is like a big thing at BC. Yeah. It's like a guy who was a hero in 9-11 wore a red bandana and they were like, the red bandana game and everyone has one in their backpack. So I've had a red bandana in my backpack for four years and we're walking home the other day and someone was like hey man like you should really not like i

know that's not what it means but you should take that off your backpack it's not safe yeah i think that that guy is i think it's insane that you have been walking around la with a red bandana on your back i just didn't even think about it dude i was taking like shot in the head i know i know and i had these like 12 year old kids harassed me on my walk home once and now i'm convinced that's why well i mean i think that's funny unless there's it's bad if we talk about we're gonna get we're gonna get ops on us should we tell should you tell lauren that um what happened to that this weekend yeah i was um i like i know exactly what you're talking about this story because i was going through t i feel like i talked about tsa last week too but we've

talked about it every podcast we've talked about the what is it the task section uh no the um transportation security administration security yeah i was going through tsa and uh what was in Nashville we were flying from Nashville to Philadelphia I go through the thing it was like you put you know you put your arms up or whatever and usually walk through and the guy's just like all right you're good or like sometimes he's like look on let me look under your hat right but he always says something well this guy walks out and just looks me in the eyes and he's like visibly uncomfortable and just like clams up and I'm like what like why is he not saying anything like just say I'm good and then he was like I just just just take a look at the thing yourself and like you

know the little yellow boxes that show like where there might be something they need to check out there's just one yellow box right on the tip of my wiener and the guy is just like he like couldn't bring himself to be like i got he was like uh and he was like i'm gonna i'm gonna have to i had to like complete his house like pat pat me down he's like yeah is that okay he's like i'll use the back of my hands like he was freaked out i was like just get this over with you think he'd be more like professional professional and like comfortable doing that it was crazy to me the way he handled it but i would almost think that happens once a day i know but it was just it was funny there was just one box and it was just why do you think it was was that part of your body wet

it was soaking wet i don't know why that was but it was pretty funny i wanted to get a picture of it and post it i was gonna post on my instagram store and say watch out ladies i got a metal peace well and i had well and i had a great travel weekend yeah we met we met the coolest guy in the world literally the nicest guy we were so we sat down at this airport bar in the nashville airport and moments after this the metal piece incident yeah well i wasn't there with whatever semantics sorry we sit down at this airport bar and usually there's like a lauren you don't strike me as an airport bar person so typically there's like an etiquette that is like i'm here to drink in silence you're here to drink in silence let's kind of just stay out of each

other's way and this guy in the first seven seconds broke the silence with like very eager to have a conversation i remember being like it's like a 60 year old man yeah and i remember being like fuck are we doing this yeah right now like this is gonna suck and then after 30 seconds i was like just hey this guy had me hanging on every word he said he talks for 45 minutes and it was like he sucked us into conversations about his personal life and i was fascinated by everything about it he was an incredible storyteller i mean it was that guy has a gift turns out he's an on-air yeah nascar tv host for 20 years which makes sense but he it was just a master class and like he had a great voice he had a great storytelling it was awesome we talked about

um len bias like the saddest story ever and it was still enjoyable for those of you that don't know len bias was a celtics draft pick and he died like the night he got drafted and this guy was telling us the story which i had already heard but he the way he told it was like he was boys with with lefty miles lefty drussell lefty drussell which is a great every name he said was it sounded like a fake name like he was like me and lefty drussell were together and and what was the i wrote down oh his friend was named ozone yeah yeah they call him ozone because he jumped so high he jumped so high he would leave the atmosphere crunch bugsworth was like his neighbor crunch bugsworth is crazy i don't remember that one i think you're on the phone for that really good

oh yeah joe joe pomeroy uh who we work with his dad texted his dad dm'd me on instagram it was like have i told you this yet i don't know dad his dad texted me his phone number like over instagram dms and was like what's up brother call me and so i called him and he's like hey man like are you in alexandria he doesn't have this accent i don't know why i'm doing that he was like are you in alexandria virginia and i was like no and he's like these people are swearing they saw you i was like wasn't me i'm sorry and then we just chopped it up for a little bit and he's like he handed me to joe's mom they both they both told me they loved me which was awesome and that's and uh and angus told me this morning he said that uh because joe wasn't saying anything when i told

the story and he was like i bet i bet they've never said they love you to joe he's just he's so jealous i'm getting it first try that is very um okay we have a very exciting thing happening on the episode today first uh pitch submissions from you guys yes we we didn't we did ask for it at the end of the last episode but even before that people were starting to yep throw them out there so we got some sweet little little pitches how do you want to do this do we want to trust that lauren is going to pick the best one or do we have her quickly yeah why do you rattle them off and then we like it's like an improv game we're like all right give me more about that one Or we listen to three of them quickly

And then we invest in one of them I like that too But I also want to tell you about the one my buddy Michael texted me last night Michael He's like one of the guys from down south Great guy Great dude and he texted me yesterday Fuck Jesus

You just went like Did I move my body really fast? The fastest I've ever seen you move That was crazy I've had like 150 billion milligrams Of what? caffeine yeah about three of these which are 150 each that's 400 yeah do you guys want me so we want to do this now or we want to do it later i think we do it i think we're jumping

into pitches before our pitches so we'll listen to them we'll do our pitches then we got uh two drafts for you guys today it's gonna be a fun episode this is okay i want to read what my buddy michael texted me okay pitch idea road trip rescue the worst part about road trips is when you have to take a 25 to 30 minute detour to go to the bathroom and get food what if there's a little stand right up the highway that you could order food in advance and have port-a-potties behind the stand. Grab your food, take a piss, back on the road in sub four minutes. And I just

responded, hey man, I think you just invented the rest stop. That's exactly what a rest stop is. So I was thinking I was actually, because you told me it was a bad idea and my I didn't make the connection. I was like, that actually sounds like a great idea. Yeah, but it just

fully exists. Well, I think what he's saying is like, I can order like Uber Eats or something to this rest stop this is so i texted i think you just went to the rest stop he said it's more about the uber eats yeah so it's like it's just a place where where you can get like longhorn delivered oh so they deliver it to the place yeah the place isn't the business that's just the place that you stop oh to get your food that's actually kind of good yeah i feel like an idiot now yep okay all right all right moving on first first ever first ever fan friend first

ever friend of the pod submission i'm so excited play partner yeah friend let's do friend play partner is gross play playmate yeah first ever playmate submission all right starting things off we have riley therm okay is that the pitch or the person no i'm shouting i'm shouting out riley it's a horrible business name yeah it tells me nothing about what it does okay all right he says you build a house where everything is scaled up to twice the size so that adults can play hide and seek but feel like kids perfect for birthday parties like an escape room but actually fun that's awesome riley that is so good sounds so fun that is so at first i thought he was just he was just describing the mansion where he was like it's like a regular house for toys

that's such a great idea so he's saying like under the couch is twice yeah yeah the cupboards are or adult size because i used to go in a in a cabinet in my kitchen yeah there's one cabinet like on the bottom that i could fit in behind like the cereal dude was it on the counter yeah no it was like below the counter mine was on top of the counter and it was uh my mom called it the bread box so there was like a like you know almost like a mini garage door that like slid up and you just like put the bread in there yeah and it was like kind of my claim to fame we lived there until i was in sixth grade and i could fit in it until like the day we moved out so that's awesome it was like just one of those things like my body could contort in a way because i think it was

like if i took a week off i don't think i would ever be able to get back in it was that i was doing it almost every day until like seventh grade it's like you trained your body my body like just never you're doing it every day almost it's like it's like you play hide and seek every no i think it was like just to check if i still could like the day you couldn't would have been so sad you know how you know how like if you put a bass in a certain size tank it won't grow any bigger than it can be in that tank i think my body that's true my body needed to stop going in there in order to grow again well that is interesting to think about like in theory though there would have been a day yeah i'd moved where it wouldn't have there would have been one day where you fit

and one day where you didn't which is crazy which is insane to think about yeah wait i'm still struggling to visualize this you said it's on top of the counter top of the counter i honestly didn't get it at all but i just kind of it's like a box it would be i would say it's probably no bigger than this table in in volume and it was a it was a it was i don't know what that wait i also ready you said it's like a garage door now i'm sure like you have a remote a thing in your car so you can open up the bread it's a wooden door that like has like folds on it and you slide it up and it goes up into the i can't picture it's the only time i've ever i'm not i'm not i'm not like saying you guys should know what this is to my knowledge we are we were

the only house that had one okay we called it the bread box and i could it was just kind of my thing that i could fit in it okay yep all right riley i love riley dude riley's idea is definitely so good right now it's better than most of mine it's better than i think every single one i have today all right we love that that's not true i don't want to i don't want to yeah you really ruined yeah okay next we have the salsa amigo by davis shout out davis ashbrook um d-a-s-h d-a-s-h he says we sell jars of salsa where the lid of the jar is also a little bowl dish so that you can oh sorry that you can pour the salsa into and dip your chips in then when you're done just screw the lid back on eliminating the worst part of salsa which is getting out a little bowl and having to

wash it after i think this could be huge then we sell the tech to tostitos oh wait wow why are they all so small wow sorry one more thing hold on wait wait guys hold on here wait no he just says by the way love the elliot smith shout outs big fan so this guy rocks yeah that's a great idea riley i'm not saying yours so yours was better or worse i'm just saying so far both of these bitches have knocked my socks off that that one's so good that one's so good and here's why as as two as a 22 year old and you're a 23 year old i can't imagine that you have any more tiny dishes than i do i have normal size bowls and i have plates correct and neither of those are conducive to a salsa eating environment i also don't want to be the guy that dips straight

in the jar because that's kind of gross right so i just don't eat salsa until i'm at my mom's house yeah no i think it's totally i i've always said that i think the biggest issue with the jar really is that your fingers like yeah can't get through to the bottom yep i you have always said that about the jar wait that was like my first viral tiktok oh really it was like the start to all of this was just like me making it it was like the guy who invented the salsa jar and i was like it was like a normal bowl and he's like this is great what if we made it so you had to get shit all over your head yeah i do remember that but i also like if you just made it wide enough that could be a solution too but i i know what he's saying it's for sharing it's for sharing

you don't we're not messing around you know what would also be great is after you wash it out then you're not getting that crust on the no you don't wash it out that's the whole point you don't have to wash it out because the salsa is on the inside of it so you just screw it right back on all right i but then maybe that's kind of i would probably give it a little rinse yep yeah yeah i think it's like why not you know give it a little rinse you wipe it off screw it back on yeah okay really well done davis that's a great idea that is we gotta start we gotta oh we did have by the way somebody reached out that said they wanted to start trying to make prototypes oh yeah yeah that guy that guy rules that guy makes the i don't want to get a nude well we'll we'll we'll

show it when when it happens but it's basically at some point there's going to be a guy who wants to help make uh the best of these the salsa one would be great my only worry with the salsa one is um is it would be kind of hard to stack like like you can't we how would we ship them in mass quantities if the top is a bubble well the bottom the bottom is a bubble yeah that's they fit into each other good stuff guys all right we're really on that one that's like an unironically good really good one yeah incredible all right love that we're gonna get rich one one of these days should we just do three three guests or three friends of the pot yeah i have one more okay all right Okay.

All right. This is from Sam, the sailor man. Love it. Oh, Sammy, the sailor man. Yep. You know him? No, he's just not that cool. Seems like a cool guy.

All right. He says, a beer that makes you feel like you've had four or five beers, whether you drink one or 20. Just a voodoo ranger. Oh, wait. There's nothing worse than- Wait, wait. Sorry.

Say it again. I got distracted. Okay. Okay. All right. Starting over. This pitch is a beer that makes you feel like you've had four or five beers, whether you drink one or 20.

there's nothing worse than going too hard and feeling like shit or blacking out when all you wanted to do was hang this beer keeps you right at a solid buzz without letting you get too drunk but not letting you slip out of it either there's also different levels so if you prefer the one to two beer buzz or nine to ten beer buzz or whatever you can pick your spot what dude that makes no sense i love it you think that makes no sense whether you've had one or twenty there's scientifically this makes no sense literally the whole premise of this podcast i know that is that you came up with the idea that we don't have to listen i know i was i was saying i love it i was saying i love how absurd it is so is that sam the sailor man so sam the sailor man gets it

sam that would be perfect sam is is probably one of the biggest brains of our generation that is a that is a problem that i face almost nightly is that i was just going for the four or five buzz and next thing you know you're way too drunk for for a wednesday yeah so sam riley and davis you guys did such a great job and i'm very very proud of you guys and um i'm gonna i'm gonna try and step my game up that that fire those pitches fired me up to be better that makes me really happy yeah like made you guys made my day but i'm gonna say i would invest in uh just personally i would invest in the beer thing because that pertains to my life the most true what is what which one are you um um remind me the second one again i'm thinking i got big house beer and the uh

the oh the salsa i gotta go with the salsa i i legitimately think well i think the beer ones if we could pull it off the best one but i think the the salsa one is like realistic and would sell a million and then that means lauren is investing in in hide and go seek yeah so then you got the hide and go sequel so here's here's how we're gonna do this look it's like it's like it's like shark tank where so now if we ever make those like next week you get to pick first lauren go second i go third and so now like if any of these ever get made like we have our roster of of friend of the podcast submissions that we kind of have the right oh we have like a team it's like the voice yep yeah so my yeah all right that was great should we pitch each other now yeah yeah

All right. I'm having a, today, the morale seems high today. That's good to hear. I was really tired, but I do feel having fun. I feel having fun. Okay, can I give you one? Yep. I got one I'm really excited about.

It's called, they're called grocery goggles. Okay. There is no thing that stresses me out more than grocery shopping. I like the way you said no thing there. Okay. Like instead of nothing? No, keep going. Yep.

There's no thing. Now it sounds weird. okay there's nothing yep that could that stresses me out more than grocery shopping like i actually like hate it hate it hate it really like just would rather just like i hate instacart too kind of but like when i'm in the space like the place i get like freaked out i don't know why i feel like it started during covid yeah like overwhelmed like overstimulated like like i'm stressed out i end up like leaving i literally have like panic attacks and i leave with like half of what i went there to get and not because i'm just like i have to get out of here i it actually freaks me out

so much no i get this completely i have like it's like the one situation in which like my like social anxiety just like off the charts freaking out okay all right so what are grocery which is an extreme example for why you would need this i think that anyone would want this but i really would like this grocery goggles are they connect to an app on your phone you put in your list of things you want to get and then you they're like sunglasses that you put on when you go in and then they just show like they show like footsteps like in a video game on the ground yeah like the harry potter map yeah like the harry potter like the yeah the marauders map or whatever and it takes you in the perfect order to hit all of your spots and then the items that you need to

get are like glowing when you see them through the glasses you just go like boom boom boom you just go like the items you need are glow i love that it's like yeah and you gotta there's like a noise when you when you yeah when you pick it up it goes like i love it um i can't even remotely relate to the social anxiety part i feel like i uh hate being in public but the grocery store is not an issue for me yeah i the grocery store is the worst i well like what you said about being overstimulated i feel like i walk in there and there's so many options so even if i have a list i'll just like veer away from that so quickly and i'm like oh what about this this this that's why trader joe's is so much less overwhelming than like ralph's like i can't go in ralph's i i have

anxiety attacks in ralph's yeah yeah ralph's is nightmare it's no it's horrible trade shows is better because there's no there's not choices unless it's like a monday night and then there's like a four thousand people in there trader joe's can be bad because it's smaller usually yeah so it's like if there are a lot of people i don't go to trader joe's because everyone there is too hot and i get like at like at ralph's at ralph's i'm in the at ralph's i'm in the top 50 percent half of the store is is less hot than me at trader joe's there's like one or two guys that's that's that's less hot than me but everyone else there is just good looking and it makes me feel like a show bad about myself that is fair you're like you're like a smoke show at hanaford probably

at hannaford i am the hottest dude there and every mom wants to fuck me and at arowan you're like a like a gremlin when i go into when i go into arowan to get a hot plate uh dudes look at me and like like they like they want to spit my food when i'm in there like offer like hey man this one's on us we know you need it yeah like you know how have you ever been in the cbs and a homeless guy walks in and they tell him to leave because they tell you they can they know he's homeless like they they know actually it happened to me the other day and i thought about it i was like how does he that is like i get snacks he can't buy snacks he's not doing anything the guy he walked in and the cbs guy goes hey man you gotta hang outside like knew he wasn't gonna buy

anything and then the guy's probably a regular he probably knows that specific guy that'd be pretty fucked up if he was just like yeah yeah like they have like a dress code at cbs though all right i love it um grocery goggles don't i wouldn't use it for the same reason as you i would use it just because i have scatterbrain yeah not because i'm like fucking terrified all right so scared it's it's embarrassing dude this one this one is called the tuck and turn okay it's a small um i haven't really figured out the science behind it yet oh maybe you guys can help with that you connect it uh to your body when you're peeing okay let me rephrase let me rephrase these are always what what is uh at the phallic is not the right i mean in this

okay they're always like yeah they're always like toilet related yeah what's the most what's the most vulnerable time as a man uh what is it when when you're at the urinal when you're at the you're trying to get yeah when you're at the urinal you're facing away your face is six inches from a brick wall yeah you're you're you're one push away from getting pee all over yourself it's a and even if you do you're just defenseless this is uh it's something you connect your body so that you can tuck between your legs and be facing the rest of the room while you're peeing in the urinal so people can't sneak up on you it goes out the back it comes out your back oh like so it's the urinal but everyone's facing out it's the urinal but like but but like i now can

see the whole room no one can sneak up on me um so like for example if i saw a guy doing that i would freak out we were at the pll championship and out of the pll it was a great time actually um and so there was this guy sitting in the row that we were all trying to walk every time you had to walk to the bathroom you kind of had to walk by this guy i didn't see that there was another way out and the second time i did it he basically said no like i'm no i'm not wait where like when we go up through that row he was that guy in the sun hat sitting whatever he refuses to move for me would have taken two seconds so i was like okay and i like called him a bozo or something like i like i like i was it just pissed me off and everyone else in his section was like

on my side being like yeah you can come up through here and uh and i he was like an angry guy so when i was peeing at the urinal there was a real thought that said like my face is so close to this wall like this guy might fall me in here and fucking bash my head which would have if i had the tuck and turn and he walks and i just fucking ow you'd be ready yeah i mean 90 of attacks come from the back that is that true i think they said in the office 90 of attacks come from dwight says and then jim just punches him in the face um jinx okay wait that seems very niche and would be unsettling i would go to a different bathroom i would walk halfway around the stadium to find a different bathroom if i walked in the guy was facing outwards also it's still somehow peeing

into the urinal i want to get it off the table that's my last pee poop come one of the day wow just of the day okay so um what if in the bathroom there were just a bunch of urinals and they were in a circle facing each other so it's like kind of the same premise except because i don't i'm i guess then your back is still a circle urinal where you're all making eye contact that would actually be kind of fun then you can keep your eye on everyone you know yeah but then there's stage fright just to the max true yeah stage fright is a big i get i get it bad too it's so it's like the worst part of my day it sucks it sucks all right that's a good one um i kind of got carried away with like couch ideas this week yep i was just thinking about

how we can make it better well okay i have okay this is a twofer two it's like a choose your own adventure you're gonna pick which of these ideas is a better solution to the same issue yeah basically yep oh i keep we got a new couch and it's great big fluffy comfy but it's like deep pockets must be nice it's great yeah be nice oh you have a shit couch i forgot about this and like the roommate made him buy a 1700 couch and it's the worst couch ever really and i texted him on his birthday and i said happy birthday man and uh and he replies and he said um i got two more white couches uh and i just didn't respond what does that mean he just knows that i hate it so much me and our other roommate uh it's like it i don't want to hijack all your time

But Face you did That was actually It's He said he would clean it Every time it got dirty And then We just

It's impossible to clean So It's making my life A waking nightmare But Yep Must be nice I am sorry

That you're having to deal with that We got a A really good deal On a really nice couch Actually it's great Anyway But the pockets Like shit goes down in the pockets

And it's like Really annoying Obviously it's like Everyone's dealt with that Like your phone's in there The TV remote What are you saying pockets The crux

The crux. The crevices. The crux. The crevices. The crux, if you will. I will not. The crevices. The crinkles.

The crinkles. I'm okay with crinkles. The crevices. Yeah, the crevices. The cracks. The crevices. The cracks and crevices. Stuff goes down in there.

It's getting stuck in there. TV remote. I mean, phone, wallet, keys. Chester, we can't find the keys to our house. I thought you were going to say we can't find Chester. Yeah, that would be it. Chester fell on the couch. Anyway, so there's two possible solutions.

i've got the spring crack couch or the toaster tray couch toaster tray couch but i want to i but you know what both of them are i want to hear the spring crack couch because i already know what the toaster one would be okay well the toaster one is there's a dish at the bottom like you know the bottom of the toaster you can pull out and it's like all the crumbs oh that's not what i thought it was gonna be okay i thought it was gonna be like you know it shoots your bread back that's what the spring is i can't even think about that it's also like a toaster okay i love it yeah so the okay they're both like toaster couch hybrids basically so the spring crash is the spring cracks there's a button on the side you click it and it just

shoots all your stuff out i like that one better because then it's fun for the whole family it is but i got high stakes the other one the other one's just a dish that you pull out that one's that one makes infinitely more sense that one's like practical that one's like i think couches should start doing yeah it's just like a little tray in the bag and you just like pull it out and it's like all the stuff like everything just falls right through to it collects on the bottom yep all right yep i like it okay um i need i need um i need help with the name okay but it's it's uh okay it's like an alka-seltzer pill that you only take once a month it's an alka-seltzer pill that is a discreet way to turn any any liquid into booze so you come on

the plane orange juice is now a screwdriver uh cranberry juice is now a vodka cran orange juice could be a mimosa um yeah and i the the name alka is already in the product so like alcohol alcohol but um it's basically it's just a discreet fizzy packet that turns any drink into booze yeah i mean you just call it a shot pod a shooter prod uh wait what kind of like what kind of alcohol or just inject you can get any kind right yeah you can get any kind it's like it's like a it dissolves into you just say that yeah sorry i i started getting really hot i had to take my sweat dude it's always something new with her last week you didn't hear it because your tummy hurt now you didn't hear us because

you got hot um you gotta go with better reasons why you can't hear such a crazy that'd be like lebron here we go yeah you keep comparing her to lebron like that'd be like lebron like just missing a wide open rebound and they're like he's like i got it was so hot i got hot um yeah so lauren it basically it reacts to whatever like the mixer is so like it it it will uh it goes in and it it figures out okay what alcohol pairs best with this mixer yeah and then it does it makes it oh it can be anything can literally be in oh that's great it's fucking sick yeah and it comes in like a mentos package oh yeah so you have a bunch of them yeah um what was that i just thought i just thought it was funny that that like i my brain can go to a place where like that exists

but it couldn't go to the place that like it was packaged in more than single ones like that was i was like oh there are a bunch of crap i didn't even think of that holy shit dude there's so many of them fucking way um all right that's alcohol alcohol yeah that's a good name um oh god i can't I got two terrible ideas I'm going to go I said this out loud in the office earlier And someone was like this totally exists But I don't

If it does I'll do my other one Spicy ketchup That's good I mean I can't imagine Oh Trader Joe's Yeah Trader Joe's makes spicy Speaking of Alright then I'm going to do my other one

You could have so easily googled that Well I did I told you I didn't use I used no technology for my notes for the pod today don't why would you just show me your handwriting looks nice your handwriting does look very nice really it's all caps which is weird that is weird let me see it again it's kind of like kind of looks like i'm a murderer but i think it's cool all caps is a crazy way yeah you know what's so funny my dad always wrote all caps and i was always like i was

like that's so weird and then like two years like in college i just started doing it all of a sudden i feel like it's not as quick i feel like no it's not like it's slower but i'm not like i'm never in a situation now where i'm like writing for speed really it's like the only time i'm writing like i need to quickly give someone something before someone else sees what what do you what situation the only time i would have to write something down is if i was in like a spy altercation other than that i would just text them so like i obviously have to be fast do you guys ever journal yeah yeah uh i just lied to your face i don't know why i said that no i don't i wanted you to think that i was a journal guy well i didn't think you were but i wanted um

i took a visual journals class okay that's kind of cool because what is a visual journal you need to well if you'd let me finish i would tell you okay sorry um yeah it was at uh i went to a liberal art school so you needed an art credit and this was basically she would give us different prompts and we'd create a visual journal page on it and uh every one of my class was so angsty and so good at art and i was just fucking a whole it was me and this kid um danny i think was his name and he was in kai sai which was like a different that doesn't mean anything different fraternity no wait wait danny was in kai sai are you fucking serious i meant like i meant like it was like two like fraternity two like fraternity kids and they like thought we were like idiots because got it because

like classic for our boys he was always really high and i was always really hung over and so we were just like kind of us can i just say you're a freaking legend i'm sorry that i knew that would make you feel bad about yourself and i i did it anyway i was mean that was mean that was mean i wasn't saying it i know you weren't i know you weren't saying and i said it in a way that would make i apologize for the record i don't think being hung over is cool i'm not 16 anymore yeah i just think it's a part of my life that it was it was a fair point to point out that these people thought i was a fucking bozo i agree i agree and i apologize yeah that was me willie i feel like you journal uh i write like songs and poems so i think that's my version of

journaling because i think i would get tired of like writing out all like i can just like you can put like your thoughts and feelings into a concise like phrases and i think like words are fun so coming up with like cool ways words words are you feel it's fun i think in one of these episodes you should read us a poem probably never gonna do that mine are all incredibly sad for some reason same for some reason the only things i can write down are sad things like like like would make if i read it out loud you'd be like oh no we like you wouldn't want to air it i left you a voice memo that i remember being really spooky like i it was when we were in nashville and i was like fucking blackout and i can't i thought i sent it to you but i can't find

it in our things and like i was saying it jokingly to you i said some really spooky stuff but i can't find it in our text so i sent it to someone over something i had no idea where it is it was a voice memo it was a voice memo and it's like a like a text message yeah i thought i did maybe it didn't go through interesting they do disappear after okay well i'm hoping it's not in the wrong i didn't hear anything or maybe i did i don't know actually maybe was it while we were at the bar yeah i was still home though it was when you went it was like oh my god jesus christ not not actually that but it was something like i remember being like oh yeah i i'm glad i didn't hear that that would have freaked me out no i don't think it was that

let's let's not put that in cut that wait you just don't actually just bleep it okay um dude I don't even know. My last pitch sucks, dude. They're called shocks. They're shoes with built-in socks. The socks are like a layer of the shoe that you just peel out when you're done. What? Shocks?

Wait, why shocks? Shocks. Shoe socks. You could also sell them to Nike and do Nike shocks, too. Because the Nike shocks are the greatest. Oh, you're right. That might be a branding issue. But anyway, that's why I don't know.

Wait, why would you want that? Because then you don't have to have separate shoes and socks. it's all in one i feel like oh i think this would be useful for babies i was gonna say for me thanks lauren now i feel like a baby um yeah wait why i just don't understand why you want them to be just because they can be one doesn't mean they need to be yeah i would like it because i always lose like i just hate socks dude i lose them all the time i don't know where they go i probably lost 100 socks this year it's such a fucking staggering number i know i've never 100 i don't

know i have like two pairs i mean i wear flip-flops every day and part of it's just because i can't find socks that's crazy but crazy that's crazy socks shoe material or the shoe yeah break this down the socks are i keep getting caught i feel like you keep getting caught in the cycle this But it's like the material That the toilet cup is No yeah But that sucks Why would you ever want that

It sucks Just buy Just keep track of your socks Where are you taking them off I don't know That's where they all go Okay when was the last time You wore socks

And when was the last time You took them off Like yesterday I wore socks yesterday They were soaking wet And I took them off When I got home And I put them on the floor

Of my bedroom It probably smells like crap When I get home We got crud all over our socks We went to this We went to this lacrosse game And it was pouring rain And we had this

tailgate in the mud so we were covered in mud and the way to go straight to the airport and or believe that rusty and chester took off their their shoes and socks in the airport and put on new pairs of socks and just put their shoes in their bag they boarded the plane with just socks on i don't think that's that crazy boarding a plane without shoes on is crazy i had one guy look at me and be like we doing this dude that's what do you know what chester happened no do you happened see what chester happened chester sat down with he got through everyone like no one said anything and he sat down and the guy next to him goes did you take your shoes off at the airport or did you just like raw dog the curb in those socks and chester was like explained what

happened kind of and then the guy was like okay and then chester like put his headphones in and just watch this guy take off his shoes he like converted him that's awesome yeah the guy went no shoes the whole point right i am i sat in muddy socks i had the pruniest stinkiest feet of all time when i got home no that sounds terrible hell on earth okay here's my final have you done three yeah okay here's my final one you're gonna love it like i already do it's shuffle for uber eats you put in how much you want to spend i do love it you put because i you put dietary restrictions yes you put in allergies you guys know more than anyone like the majority of my day is figuring out what everyone else had to eat and which one sounds

like best like i i feel like i i at all times know what everyone in the office had for lunch and what they're having for dinner yeah and and like i was uh texting my friend the other day and she was like because i asked her every day like what should i have for dinner okay and she made a comment like is this how you decide every meal like you just ask everyone what they what they think you should have because i have like and and then by the time i figured out i'm so like over it that i just go to bed hungry or like i'll have something like shitty from the freezer and this one is i put in i say i want to spend this much i have like i can wait this long uh don't put like peanuts or shellfish if that's what you're allergic to whatever i'm not because i

am not a nerd yeah um and then it just shuffles and you have like one skip like it can be like okay no i don't want that you get ones it's or it's like fifa where it's like you get three random three yeah you do a do or die yep no you you do three random genre three random you know like in fifa you'll do three random countries best league three random teams this this it'll be like you get three random genres or whatever and then three random you pick the best genre and then then i told i know what i know what you've been trying to say for the last 10 seconds okay three random restaurants so that was pitches i like that one a lot i'm gonna invest in that one i have a little spin on that okay so shuffle for uber eats but what about shuffle for regular uber

and it's like all the bars in your city lauren where it's gonna take you to yeah yes that's a fucking doesn't that sound fun that sounds like a blast and i'm glad that you're fun i think is that your first business pitch yeah oh everybody everyone clap if you're watching at home do a little clap first business pitch i mean it was kind of just mine she took one she took one word off of mine but we are still so proud of her so proud okay lauren um that's probably that's one of the better business pitches you've ever had thank you guys um that's yep that's what i was saying all right i have a new format what is the new format what if lauren invests in in one of us so we can keep a tally of like who's been killing who's winning yeah all right starting

this week we it's now a competition so you have to invest in one of our six doodly doodly doodly we do a brief run through yep shocks which is probably gonna win so i'll just say that i don't Oh, I actually like my odds from my first one. Grocery goggles. Oh, yeah. And spring crack couch slash toaster tray couch. No, thanks. Actually, no, this weekend I did lose my phone on Saturday.

It fell into the creaks and the cracks. The crunks. Crunks. Shut up. And I couldn't find. I wasn't on my phone for like 17 hours because it was in the couch. That's way too long for you to put up with that. You need to immediately find that.

no but i didn't care because i i was like i was visiting with like friends and family and i just was you're literally so carefree that's crazy all right um i might have just ruined my chances by making fun of lauren but my three were alcohol alcohol shuffle for uber eats and uh tuck and turn i i'm sorry i don't like you don't like any of those if i were to pick one it would be shovel for breeds but i don't really do breeds ever so um i think i have to go with grocery all right one point willie i gotta find out what your other fears are and find solutions to them all right today we have two drafts for you guys we're gonna go can we do sayings first yeah we have sayings that don't exist and then after that we have rappers that don't exist yeah um first

we're gonna draft all right we're gonna draft sayings that don't exist yep and i'm so excited okay i feel like you'd be good at this i think i am okay all right ready yep first one that's why cats i got so nervous that's why cats scratch and dogs bark nice and it's like it's like that's everyone's got their own thing it's like that is that's a good real one hey that's why cats scratch and dogs bark brother it's also like a good way to explain that to like children that not everyone has to be the same yeah we're all different cats some some cats scratch and some dogs bark that's why cats scratch and dogs bark can you use it in a sentence yeah it's like like you're like you're like i really want to go like i really want to go surfing with the guys but i'm just

like i don't know how to do it and it's like embarrassing i was like hey no you're fine dude you have your own things that's why cats scratch and dogs bark nice that's actually like a really good one right like that could it's like rolls off the tongue that should be one already yeah well you just made it one i just made it one you can start saying it well now mine in comparison doesn't seem as good my first one i have a couple good ones but uh my first one is don't get your socks wet yeah i can see where that came from it's like uh it's like it's kind of like um you went out it's dry from like you went outside to like take the trash out and your socks got wet you're like oh well that like i should have seen that coming yeah your socks wet yeah yeah that's

fine no don't get wet socks on a rainy day maybe something like that so it's like if you know it's you don't have to one-up me every time just move on all right uh i got don't break a sweat on the escalator like nice don't try too hard if you're already on the way up yeah like just ride enjoy you're really good at this a poet i want you to know when i was writing these i was like i am so fucking good at this like i i felt really confident and then i came in here i was like i really hope i wasn't you you look down at your pen you're like you're like can't can't believe your own power all right i got um i really shook the baby on that one i like that it's like admitting that you uh it's admitting fault for something that you did with malicious intent and

is going to have permanent and you should have known better and you should have known better and you're admitting yep really shook the baby on that one um and it's like it's pretty bad that's great thanks uh i got that's why salmon don't swim downstream it's like the the reward of doing something more difficult is worth the sacrifice you are shockingly good that's like you know they swim upstream lauren's head lauren's head is in a pretzel right now i was trying to wait well what's what's the it's saying like like salmon salmon swim upstream so i'm saying that that's why salmon don't swim downstream it's like you got to take the hard road to get the good reward yeah if you go downstream it's just like easy and you're not going to feel

has validated internally yep i got a don't polish your marbles twice doesn't really mean polishing a marble is hysterical it's like you don't need to do it more than once it's not it doesn't have a deeper meaning it's just it's just i feel like it's kind of like don't beat a dead horse right kind of yeah yeah i guess yeah don't polish your marbles twice dude you already did it don't polish your marbles twice quit quit polishing but no it's it's 90 of the time it's used literally okay i like that it's just like hey you already did that don't do it again oh yeah you don't need to beat a dead horse i like that you need to polish your marbles twice yep uh i got hotter than a southern stovetop yep uh really good two things that are

hot a stovetop and the south i like uh i like this one already exists but my friend used to say it's It's hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock in here. Really? That's a good one. That would be great for us. This one I said on accident once. Okay. And I like it.

So Joe Pomeroy, we were talking about him earlier, was telling me a saying to say in one of my beer reviews. And I said, I'm three sheets buttered to the wind right now. And I don't know what it means. Isn't it three sheets to the wind is a saying? it's very close to something but i like three sheets buttered to the wind yeah i think you might have just added buttered maybe i don't know okay i like it though yep you're gonna hate my last one my last one is you can't raise a horse without a saddle you can't try to accomplish

something without having the pieces in place already you got to have what you need to get something done before you try to do it mine's very mine's very similar my last one's very similar to that um you can't make a cum sock a sock puppet okay so there you go yeah it's uh it's like there you've already i thought did he not say it was his last cum piss or shit thing i said his last cum piss or shit pitch okay it's basically like you can't make a crappy situation into something fun for kids yeah okay sure fun for the for kids part was on that you you have good ones and you're just terrible at explaining them i feel like first of all Let us know if we missed any in the comments

Yeah, let us know if we missed any in the comments Now we got rappers that don't exist I'm not I don't know if I did a good job My first one is ASAP Pronto Okay Oh, that sounds great

He's part of the ASAP crew Yeah With a Spanish twist And they mean the same thing Yeah, that's ASAP But all ASAP Pronto

Like we need to get that done ASAP Pronto My friend My friend in high school used to say that So I stole, I stole ASAP. Okay. Well, uh, next time just pretend like you came up with it. Yep. Gotcha.

I got POV crud. I like that. It's just like, they all have like let like acronyms. So I just, all of them, a lot of that, that is a Y N W NBA. Yeah. So POV crud is just POV crud is good. I like POV crud. Yeah.

I'm going to go to LeJackie butter samples. Butter samples is fun. That was my, that was my, when I was in the Boston Three Party, which is my SoundCloud rap group, my rap name was LeJackie Butter Samples. I like that. And you can hear in the song, they'd be like, hey, LeJackie, LeJackie. Butter Samples is like, sounds like. LeJackie Butter Samples.

Sounds like I would want to listen to the samples. Yep. They're so buttery. They're buttery smooth. Yep. I got Mike Raffoni. my dad used to work with a guy named mike raffoni and i always thought it was like the funniest name it would be such a great like singer or rapper i guess mike raffoni yeah because it's like

microphone oh oh oh oh oh well done okay i got cecil de wordsmith okay he is um yep he's really good at rapping he's see it sounds like a great lyricist yeah cecil de wordsmith cool uh i got mousetrap that's it i don't know if that's really a good rapper but hey can i talk to you for a second i got perk cousins perk cousins yeah that's a good one he's uh he's always on percocet and he And he slings those lyrics Yeah Kirk Cousins

That's good And he's good in prime time Yep Which Kirk Cousins is not right now Oh yeah Whatever I got Don't really care about talking football

Behind bars with a Z Yeah Yep So it's like bars But it's like behind bars I love it Yeah I think it's really good

I'm gonna go to Icarus' son Daedalus? Oh no that was his dad it's uh it's it's like s-o-n so it's like but then it's also oh like play on words with that like icarus and the sun had this tumultuous relationship they did they did a very tumultuous ended up with icarus plummeting into lauren clearly has never read uh this so yeah i've well i don't know who icarus is he flew too close to the sun he melted the wax in his wings in his wings and he plummeted back into the ocean and his father Daedalus was a

great inventor and Greek mythological times that's where the saying don't don't fly too close to the Sun comes from or have you listened to Hamilton well that's you married in Icarus alone too close to the Sun Lauren what did you study in college that you just missed out on Icarus media production yeah okay well checks out it's only it's only one of the only one here using your degree So that's I gotta give some Some credit

Yeah I guess I guess that's good Alright Do you have any more? My last one is Lil guy I like lil guy Cause I feel like

We like saying like Oh you're my lil guy So you're just You're just a little guy That I get to have You're just a guy I get You're just a little guy That I get

You're just a little guy That I get Okay so It seems like we forget To do this every week But Let us know if we missed Any in the comments

Whose personality Are you gonna steal Oh I forgot about that again yep um lauren you have to go first again so we can i feel like it's hard i feel like this is sometimes easy to forget when we just came out of the weekend and we're already okay whose personality you're gonna steal this week yeah i like that uh i'm gonna steal pablo picasso's personality well tell me about his personality well i don't know his personality but he's good

at well he was good at painting and i'm trying to get into painting okay okay yeah yeah see that's He's only, like, one of the greatest of all time. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I like that. Oh. I'm going to steal Oscar Pistorius's because I've been trying to get back into running.

That's so bad, dude. Try to run this week. That's so bad. That's okay. Right? What? That's okay, though, that I said that, right? I mean, he murdered his girlfriend.

other than that yeah he was pretty inspirational um lauren if you don't know who we're talking about he's a double amputee runner for australia i want to say south africa and um for some reason just like killed his girlfriend um i'm gonna steal um my dog callie's personality this week that's cute she thank you put up a picture of her yeah put up a picture of callie right here ding right there put it right there she is she is just the sweetest and um and she is nice to everyone and i've been um not doing that recently so not being nice i feel like i could be nicer is this because of the vape thing yeah yep there's this video going viral on the internet somehow someone at this game took it and it's a rusty getting his vape confiscated by the security

And I'm being a little out I didn't think you looked bad in that at all I think you're overthinking I'm calling the security big man He's like oh big man Because he took his vape I think it's funny I think I look like a little fucking prick

And I need to start being nicer To everybody And Callie doesn't talk ever She lets her actions speak louder than her words That's terrifying And I talk so much Yeah I like my words way more than my actions I know, but I need to stop talking.

All I do is yap. Yeah. Well, this has just been a blast. That's the most fun I've ever had on one of our pods. I don't know if you got it. I feel like that was a good episode. I think it was, too. What do you think, Lauren?

I thought it was a good one. What do you guys think at home? You never say it convincingly. Well, Lauren also just blacks out for half a minute. Yeah, she has no idea what we talked about today. Sorry. Lauren's either hot, has a tummy ache, blacked out, or is on her phone. Yeah.

Okay, I'm barely on my phone. Right after I said I was going to start being nicer, just started rifting to Lauren for some reason. All right, we got anything else to talk about? I think that that was just a peachy keen episode. Love you guys. Thank you so much for tuning in. Let's all clap together to end it.

One, two, three. What? That was so crazily far away. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three.

One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. All right. All right. Love you guys.

Take it easy.