Will & Rusty's Playdate - Uphill Bobsled

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

The gang talks about getting in a car accident, Rusty leaving The Rolling Stones concert after three songs, Lil Huddy and Glen Powell’s respective posses, and much more. They also dive into Playmate pitches, am I the a**hole scenarios, and everyone’s favorite segment, Teach Me Something. The boys wrap up the episode by drafting Disney shows and Olympic events that don’t exist. It’s loads of fun. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL. OVER 2 MILLION BUTTS LOVE TUSHY. GET 10% OFF WITH THE CODE PLAYDATE AT https://hellotushy.com/PLAYDATE #tushypod DOWNLOAD THE APP AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR FINANCES WITH CASH APP. IT PAYS TO GET PAID ON CASH APP! https://apps.apple.com/us/app/cash-app/id711923939 GO TO https://amazon.com AND USE CODE 10PLAYDATE AT CHECKOUT FOR 10% OFF YOUR PURCHASE OF NOT BEER. ZERO CARB, ZERO ALCOHOL, AND ZERO TASTE… BEER. (00:00) Intro (01:15) Will & Rusty’s Car Accident (08:50) The Rolling Stones Concert (16:59) Glen Powell (20:33) Weekend Recaps (22:58) Decomposing Burgers (26:05) Noise Complaints (32:08) Befriending your Cool Neighbor (38:17) Roadmap (41:36) Pitch Submissions (48:41) Dress Code and Detention (54:14) KONY 2012 (01:02:25) Pitches (Presented by Cash App) (01:09:41) AITA (01:30:26) Teach Me Something (01:36:45) This Guy Rocks (01:41:13) Olympic Events that Don’t Exist (01:46:53) Disney Shows that Don’t Exist (01:55:07) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As always, Playdate Pod is brought to you by Triple, the original high seltzer. Redefining the party landscape. I'm knee-deep in the passenger seat and you're creeping me out. Playdate episode 46. I have nothing. Oh, come on. I'm gonna pull something out of the woodwork. It's our Biden episode. It's our Biden episode. No, we can't do the presidents. No.

this will be our last one I was like we can't start going down that road we're going to do a president every time we only have 46 of them but I wanted to think of a killer one you wanted to think of a killer one oh she's about to hit enter too no I'm not I'm waiting

show me Lorenzo Neal let's see it just google Lorenzo Neal what do you think I'm he might not come up it's our lorenzo fuck 41 he can still be it okay he can be it today he can be it lorenzo neil episode lauren we had i can't believe we haven't told you this lauren will and i had the craziest thing ever happened to us yeah we had a crazy day we got in a car accident yeah on saturday

a lady like turned right into us walking you guys were walking no no no no no no no The video listeners are like, yeah, obviously. We're in a full body cast. So we got in a car accident. Yeah, so elephant in the room. I don't know. No, we were driving to Jack's house, and a car hit us. And we pulled over, and we got out.

Everyone was fine. She was fine. But it was like a bigger car accident than I've ever been in. No, but it was like, I mean. Yeah, yeah. Her car was undrivable. It was a big crash Can you explain the

It was pretty scary We're in a sit-go parking lot And it was like this really confusing intersection And I went to pull out I was like waiting for traffic to slow down And when I pulled out Someone just turned left like into us So like I was going to go straight

She turned left The front of her car hit my driver door Like somehow didn't hit me Or any of us We all came out like unscathed We were kind of rattled we pull over there's this other woman like in the parking lot like waving us over here like get over get over here and we were like okay like we're coming and i thought she was the driver initially

yeah there was this like other woman who had nothing to do with the crash that saw it immediately like commandeered the whole situation called 9-1-1 was like by the time we got over there she was like these guys just ran a red light going 50 miles an hour we get here on the phone the cops were like whoa whoa like that's not but like we it's not on speaker so like she we can't give our side of the story she's like his eyes are fucking crazy like he's on drugs or something and we're all like what are you talking about yeah and then she's like she was mind you not involved in the crowd just a random lady passerby weird she's like trying to recommend this lawyer she's like uh she's like true turenzo like i know this but only to the other lady she wants nothing

to do with us she's like immediately like oh she's like i saw everything that happened which was like at best and ambiguous but she turned into us like so i don't even know what this lady was like i don't she didn't lot like the cut of our gym she did not yeah she was all over us like immediately she was like his friends drinking a beer and yeah i was holding a celsius like it's a celsius he's holding a beer right now i can see i was like what no this is a celsius she's like what is that and i was like it's like a energy drink kind of thing i don't know it's got caffeine and like it was but she's on the phone with the cops telling them that i'm drinking alcohol in front of her i'm like oh my god what is going on yeah was the other was the actual woman involved

like unable she wasn't really saying she was pretty shaken up she was just yeah so she probably thought that she was like stepping in and helping her yeah yeah yeah and then so the woman she was like an older lady that i think was like would have been a little bit out of her element like she was i think happy to have someone like take the reins but then this lady like took it way too far yeah called them paramedics called the cops ambulance comes the guys check her out like everyone was unscathed if this other woman wasn't involved it would have been like an exchange of information we would have like kind of gone about our business yeah um and then the paramedics showed up realized she was completely fine we're like kind of frustrated they left the cops showed

up we got like the cool cop the other one i think didn't really get a read on him i couldn't get a on him but like he didn't when i left to go get my registration like i turn around and like will has like the cool cop like dying laughing so i'm like okay we're in like it seems like we're it seems like they've realized that we're like the good guys and then she got not that the other woman was bad but this this woman on the third party this woman on the phone like turned the other woman against us when in reality we all should be like working together to resolve this situation yeah and then um wait what happened i i can't pick up for a second the it's like the cop is or immediately the cops like we're not filing like um you know report like it's nothing malicious

happened here you're just we're just going to facilitate the exchange of information work it out with insurance blah blah and then we're standing there and like i forget what i said to get it out of him but i think you had gone to get like the registration from the car and he he told me that that lady that had called the cops that was like the third party lady is like a crazy person that sits in that inner she looked like normal she looked like well dressed and stuff but she sits in that intersection all day every day and calls the cops like every day about something this just happened to be like her fucking super bowl like usually she's calling like about like petty like jaywalking or something yeah like a real thing happened in front of her

and i think she was like oh my god this is my moment so and he was like yeah like we're we we know exactly who that is uh blah blah chester asked the cop he was like are there people that like they call so much that like they just block the numbers and like they can't go through and the cop was like i'll tell you later and taps his body cam like to like tell us that he can't i don't know he was like our boy he was like i'll tell you off camera i was like i don't actually want was it just you three you guys yeah it was just me jack and chester yeah and then he was like he was like what are you guys doing later and we're like oh we're going to the rolling stones He's like, dude, I saw the stones at SoFi.

That's going to be like a blast. We were like, kind of like got sidetracked. The other cop was like doing stuff with them, and then we were just kind of chopping it up. Well, they figured it out. Yeah, it was pretty crazy. So is that why you don't have your car? Yeah.

Okay. Undrivable. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. There was also like a weird phenomenon where like a bunch of tow truck drivers just like like nobody called a tow truck or triple a or anything but they were like vultures like

all of a sudden there were literally three different tow truck drivers all telling us that the cars were both completely undriveable which wasn't true we drove it's undriveable like day to day but we were like a block from his house so we drove it to the house but it was like the guys were telling us like yeah you can't drive this and we like said that to the cops and the cops were like yeah they're tow truck drivers why do you think they're here like so i guess yeah they're not like an unbiased do they get like commission yeah probably interesting i when i when i was in high school i think i already told you the story but i same thing was i was in my jeep different jeep at the time got hit head-on by a drunk driver and the car was like actually

undriveable yeah when we like turned it on it sounded like a bomb was gonna go off so we turned it off whatever the tow truck comes and they can just kind of name their price because you only have like we were in we were in you know small town maine at night on like a wednesday and so the guy was like joyce i need 500 bucks cash and i was like i don't have i was like i don't know who you think i am i don't have 500 bucks cash he's like i don't know i'd figure it out and so i called my mom my mom like had to roll out of bed and come get us we like he like followed us to an atm like they're like skeevy yeah guys that's interesting to drive it to drive it maybe maybe a block yeah that is weird yeah i'm out on tow truck drivers put it that way after this

weekend the one guy that walked back to the car was pretty cool though yeah but then i was like was he just chopping it up with us to like getting our good graces yeah but it was like right after trump got shot like we had like a it was like a big we were in the car like holy shit trump got shot and then that happened shot and then we got hit and then we had to go like an hour later we were at the rolling stones concert which he fucking we got cash was that true that story about him leaving yes 30 minutes in so cash app one of our favorite sponsors they sponsor our pitch sesh got us a paid on cash sweet tickets like in a they were sweet too but they were sweet in a suite at sofi stadium like right in the middle like we were looking right at him uh

free booze rolling stones yeah it was free everything little huddy was there yeah we were in a box it was us little huddy

and like someone from Riverdale were like somehow like the I don't know it was the dream team yeah I don't know who was like the

coordinating who was alright so like alright we got we got the playdate guys we got little huddy we got one of the guys from Riverdale I think it was gonna be

a pretty killer night yeah it was pretty killer but yeah he left 30 minutes in he turns over to me he goes is this are you kind of bored too

and I was like what no this is like one of the coolest concerts i've ever been to we were in like like these are like movie cheat movie theater chairs too like it's like comfy like there's no bad part about it and then he was like ah cool i was feeling you out like i'm gonna head out and he just called nuber like five songs in people would have paid thousands of dollars to be sitting where we were sitting and he had absolutely no desire to be he didn't even stay for um whatever their hit song i can't get no satisfaction they didn't play beast of burden which i was bummed about that's my favorite yeah uh dude getting out of there was like getting out of sofi drunk is like oh like

like the interior of the stadium every no no even once you're out because the ubers can't come within like a mile of it and it's the middle of the concert so i'm the only nut job that's leaving the rolling stones that early so it's like a ghost town out there they were like i'm walking for what felt like 10 minutes and which i guess doesn't sound that long but like walking like aimlessly for like 10 minutes with like no stimulation was like this is pretty because it went from super loud to now i'm just outside i thought you couldn't hear it uh yeah i couldn't understand it he told me that he couldn't hear the music it was he i was like dude did you really leave he's like yeah i couldn't hear it like what are you talking about crazy and then i kept wrong

i ran into like a group of security guards like my like saving saving great saving angels they were they were like an angel they were guardian angels that were like they were saving grace angels god the blue angels were there they were mike trout okay otani everyone was there and uh they were like yeah you just need to walk to that 7-eleven i was like i was like that's like a mile and a half away they're like that's the only place you can get out so i walked over and then but i so i left ty my roommate the guy the guy we were role-playing about the garage thing the other day remember that we were role playing um he stayed with will and them and him and i were on a walk yesterday and he was like just raving about he said him and well at a great time we had a blast

yeah we went out he said that uh he said you guys were at the bar and like a girl that i used to hang out with what came up to will and was like it was like uh oh my god i love your like podcast and will didn't recognize i had no idea so will thought it was just like a like a huge fan i think she was like fucking with will and he came back to tell ty like yeah that girl likes my podcast and ty knows her it was like no that's like yeah uh you know i i treat everyone the same you know the fans fans mega fans mega fans super fans i was just playing it cool yeah i didn't i did i meet her ever probably like i i don't really feel bad about that no no no i think she probably came up to you thinking thinking you would notice it and then you just were like yeah thanks

yeah that's actually horrible from a perspective my bad montana yeah i've said her name i i'll bleep it please can you replace it with steven montana take that soundbite yeah yeah you just swap them yep yeah i went i left the rolling stones and went home and watched uh modern family with a new friend that's crazy yeah it was killer we watched that episode where that's why he left no it's not yeah that is why which is like embarrassing it's not everyone knows why you left it's not why i love i genuinely was pretty bored what how were you bored i don't understand you were with we were all like it was like our it was like our friends it was such a cool after like the second song i was like i get it i get i get that i get what i get what's happening you

clearly didn't get it if you wanted to leave well i feel like you're just not a big fan of them and that's yeah but like i'm not like a massive stones fan but they're like one of the best bands of all time they honestly sounded great yeah they sounded better than bruce springsteen did i had a couple drinks not that you need to be drunk but sometimes um i mean it was just like i'm going to mac to marco on friday and like i really love all of his i think it was just like i couldn't get into it because it was like, I don't really know anything about the Stones. But it's like, if you go to a bar, you don't know all the songs, but you're still hanging out with your friends and having fun.

So at the very least, it was that. Okay, it would be like if we were at the bar and there was a movie playing and you guys all really loved the movie, and I love hanging out with you guys, but I'm not really into that movie that's playing at the bar. Why is there a movie at the bar? What kind of bar is it? Okay, there's a big pool tournament happening that you guys are all obsessed with.

Like swimming? like billiards oh and like you guys are all really into it and i'm just not i just am not there i'm not there so like as much as i love hanging out with you i don't really want to watch the pool tournament i it's that was so much cooler than a pool tournament that doesn't count i don't think it was dude that's crazy this is crazy it's crazy it like it really it yeah i mean i i thought it was awesome how much fun you guys were all having i just wasn't there that's great huddy was loving it yeah that was fun because we were sitting there i didn't notice him for the first like two songs and then ty or will was like i think lil huddy's sitting like it would be like closer than you and

i are sitting to each other right now and uh he was with like a bunch of girls yeah like his little his little crew his little he had that he had the hudsters yeah the hud the hud the hud he had the hudlums hudlums there we go he had the hudlum globe this podcast is brought to you by triple triple is the original high seltzer with three milligrams of thc and just 15 to 20 calories triple offers a social buzz similar to that your favorite hard seltzer light on calories high on life it's all natural gluten-free and again just 15 to 20 calories you know my favorite thing about triple is what the way drinking it makes me feel me too man another great triple weekend golf i had some triples it's a perfect perfect thing again i have nothing but great things to say about trouble

but i do have a word of advice for uh people if you're at work maybe wait until you get home because i had a couple at work the other day and uh it was pretty clear that i was having a better time than everyone and um i went home but you should still drink them at home what are your favorite flavors will grapefruit grapefruit ayo i wish they could make a grapefruit too i wish they could make one that tasted even more like grapefruit i want more i want to get i want to start eating grapefruit because of these guys triple is born from a desire to blend thc's social buzz with the social ritual of sipping on a seltzer triple is now available in total wine locations grocery stores liquor stores bars and restaurants in florida texas and now missouri i'm

looking at you lake of the ozarks it is currently available online nationwide to get it now go to drink triple.com and use code playdate to get 10 off your order that's drink t-r-i-p-l-e.com and use code playdate for 10 off your order triple redefining the party landscape let's get back to the episode um i always think it's funny when you see a celebrity and they just are with a bunch of girls yeah i mean you think that's like a thing that like doesn't like i remember seeing glenn powell in austin did i ever tell you this walked into he walked into soho house in austin and we were all having a drink he walked in with like four supermodels he knew either kenward or someone else at our table came and said hello i was like starstruck like standing next to him he's like

the most handsome man ever and they had like these four supermodels and they all had like three drinks he like nursed one and then they got out left and got into no like it was like he was just like cat like it was everything he was doing was like very casual and they got out an escalade pulled up and they got in they all drove away together and i was like he can't be dating all of them yeah i mean they're just they're with glenn powell maybe they're doing like maybe they're doing like freaky five person stuff yeah that'd be killer but like that like i just can't wrap my head around it you can't be dating all you can only have one girlfriend yeah you can only have one girlfriend i mean i'm yeah oh yeah there's no way they're all okay with maybe they

all think that they're the maybe he has like a i don't think they care if they're with him they're just maybe they're playing maybe they're playing pickup basketball do you think about that no they were they were a team maybe that was after yeah they just won the ship they just won the county fair um you never know or maybe they're a rowing team and he's or a volleyball team he's the libero or something you know what i mean yeah that was when he was that was that was in the middle of all the like sydney sweeney's stuff too so he was like what's the sydney sweeney's where like when they were co-starring and something everyone thought they were like dating so he was like he was like the man the talk of the town yeah yeah cool guy and now he's with

like the new movie with daisy edgar jones is coming up who's daisy edgar jones uh this british actress she was a normal people i don't know if you know she's a normal person she's a normal person i don't i don't think i know her but she sounds great she's great do you see he brought his rescue dog to the who then pal brought his rescue dog to the red carpet so he brought his dog yeah yeah but the the headline was that he rescued it get a tiny little thing go to images yeah did he rescue it yeah I think like personally

actually what do you mean like it wasn't in like a river or anything I think he probably rescued it from like a shelter I actually yeah I'm gonna be honest if I was in a cell house and that guy walked in

and that interaction happened I would have asked who that was when he walked away I don't think I would recognize him I was I was I don't think I've seen anything he's in Yeah I haven't either But I

Like him Okay I feel like he's like a new guy He's a new guy For sure Like this like year No but like he was in He was in like Spy Kids

Like he's like been like It's not like We've already been over Spy Kids No I just mean like Like It's not like Have you ever heard how Jacob already got his start

He was like I just I flew here And like my first day Like a Talent agent came up to me What He's like disabled

That was not an Australian accent But like it's not like He wasn't he didn't just like show up To Hollywood and they were like you're 20 and hot And you can be like he's been acting since he was Like a kid Okay Is that him?

Yeah Lauren what did you do this weekend? I was in San Diego It looked killer It was very nice Were Troy's parents nice to you? Yes I love his family and we were celebrating his grandma's 80th birthday Does he have siblings?

He has an older sister. Is she cool? She's very cool. She lives up in Bellingham, Washington, and does marketing, social media for a brewery. She's a very cool girl. Oh, yeah. It was a lot of fun. Sounds awesome.

Was his grandma cool? Yeah. Was she old? 80. Same age as Mick Jagger. I didn't want to come back to him. Yeah, that was crazy. I will give him credit.

For an 80-year-old man, he still had it. He was still doing, like, all the, like... He had the moves like Jagger. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. I also still feel like I'm sleeping because I took a melatonin last night,

which I haven't done in months, and I couldn't get out of bed for, like, four hours. I, yeah, I... I don't like them. I don't like it. I went to the... How late did you take it? Not even late.

I took it at, like, nine. Oh, interesting. I know. Is it supposed to last that long? No, it took five hours, it should be. I went to the England soccer game. I went to a pub for it in the morning. Eel Kingshead?

Yeah, and then I slept all afternoon when I got home, and then I couldn't go to sleep at night. On Saturday? Just last night. I was just laying on my bed. Bless you. Thank you. It's kind of a bummer.

I love rotting. It's becoming my new favorite thing. On weekends, I rot now. Yeah? It's the new baseball. I got a bag of Halloween candy, and it's just, it's ruining my life. I mean, you just got a bag of candy. Yeah, yeah.

Why does it have to be Halloween? What makes it Halloween candy? They're all fun size. Oh, it's like multi-pack? Yeah, there's like Almond Joy's, Kit Kats, Hershey's. Are there Reese's? Reese's. What are they shaped like?

They're individual cups. Yeah, I feel like they'd be shaped like a pumpkin if it was Halloween candy. Yeah, okay, yeah, yep. Sometimes I'll be at like my mom's house, like she doesn't she doesn't like buy candy so the only sweets left around are like from like easter or something so it'll be like october you're like i definitely shouldn't be having this like egg shaped candy but i feel like that like you could if i found a reason it was 10 years old i think it'd be fun that's what i'm saying it's like it's concerning that they can hang

around for that long yeah uh burger king did a did a commercial where they were trying to show like you know like mcdonald's food is so not real that like if you left it like if you if you found a mcdonald's fry in your in your car from like years ago it wouldn't have any mold on it because it's like it has so many preservatives okay in it look up burger king uh commercial like whopper decomposing they like posted a time lapse of the whopper turning moldy to show that it was like real food and it's like that doesn't seem like the right way to go about it so this is yeah i don't want a moldy whopper Ooh, yum

It's just getting smaller Isn't this insanity? Why would you ever make this? Ooh, I kinda like it like that doesn't make me want a whopper at all that makes me never want to have a whopper in my life yeah that's a little crazy it's like i get where you were going for i don't want a whopper now i didn't really want one beforehand though no have you ever had one whopper whopper uh Uh, probably at some point.

I don't think I've ever had one. Oh, no, I want a burger. I want heavy handed. Well, I'd go with you. I've never had it yet. Neither of you have had it? No, we can take Brian's bike. Should we?

I can ride on my handlebars. I can't today, but. It's just a burger place in Santa Monica on Main Street. Okay. Oh, I know exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like got like an outdoor patio thing. It's kind of set back a little bit.

I think you're thinking of the window. Maybe. No, it has a bunch of picnic tables. That's close, though. Well, that's a different street. You almost had it as a different street, though. Here's another thing I did yesterday. Me and Troy had to go to urgent care

because he got a cactus needle stuck under his nail and it had pus forming in the middle. How quickly did it start decomposing? Okay, so it happened a couple weeks ago and he was decomposing. Wait, he let it happen for weeks? He didn't notice that the needle was under there and then it just all of a sudden

started clearly getting an infection and we had to go to the doctor and I got a video of him like they had to numb his whole finger

because he had to dig like deep under his nail I thought it was interesting I'm interested I can show you guys the video later

I'm so skittish about nails it was gross but the doctor was very cool I've had a finger infection before and it like ballooned up

and then I had to like lance it with a needle like pop it basically to get the pus out and the pus smelled so bad

are you guys enjoying this it's not like poop oh oh guess uh another funny thing this would have been like my best story if we hadn't also had all this other shit happen but on thursday night there's a dj press play concert which is epic and afterwards me and dj press play can't tell you who that is or i'd have to kill you uh went back to my house can you explain what dj press plays to people who maybe like playdate but don't like he's like he's like a dj that friday beers made that's like anonymous he wears a helmet kind of like marshmallow yeah and uh i know who it is we'll put a picture of him right here but i'm not gonna tell you i still don't know who he is or she or all i know is they feed me tequila every time they were together yeah yeah he has an interesting

diet i mean to keep the head that big you gotta eat a lot of greens we went back to my house him and, you know, me and the press plane is his cronies. And we were having a fire in my backyard listening to Kings of Leon. It was like two in the morning on... It was a Thursday night, so I'll concede that, like,

I didn't think we were being that loud, but... What time is it again? Sorry. It was like two. Okay. Anyway, water starts falling down on us. What the fuck is going on? And I go and open my gate, and sure enough, my neighbor is standing shirtless

shirtless in his yard spraying his hose I didn't tell you this oh you weren't here on Friday he sprang his hose over his fence over our fence and onto us around the fire and I just walked I was like what are you doing man

and he was like trying to put the fire out I'm trying to fucking sleep at 2 in the morning like I don't know maybe I shouldn't have done that accent but Eastern European yeah I don't know what he it's 2 in the morning I was like oh my god I'm so sorry like I didn't realize you could hear that like can you next time just tell us yeah finish the story in the

stream like coming that i mean that was all he said you always do this he's like oh yeah he was like you always do this or like something and i was like i've never talked to you ever in my life like i've had no interaction with this guy i didn't know you existed i didn't know yeah it was bizarre is your neighbor on the right is my neighbor across the like like it's like a pedestrian street yeah yeah but it was just it was such an insane like i don't how do you even think of that no i've been that frustrated but what do you mean like i remember my sister and her friends would have bonfires and like if i had work in the morning like in the summer i'd be like so mad it'd be two in the morning you had to text them to quiet down that's what they did they would

quiet down and then they would start back up but that didn't happen he probably didn't have your number but he didn't even say anything he could have walked across the he probably he probably yelled you guys didn't hear him i i don't i you always do this it was insanity did it have the did it have the setting where you can change to like jet or shower i don't even know i honestly it was like pretty impressive range like we were like pretty far away and over the fence too like he couldn't really see what was happening i don't know it was it was insane but i was just like oh i'm so sorry and we turned it off and i went to bed but it was uh just press play keep his helmet it on all night yeah he got it got wet because of the hot boxes no i'm kidding i pranked you though

did you guys have neighbors growing up that were like like if your parents were out of town you had people over they would like call your parents or like come over and say something i didn't really have neighbors no because all my neighbors were friend like we're all friends yeah where did you live now like the house to the right like they were always out of town i think and then the house to the left was like on the market my whole childhood it was on it was on the market i guess not i don't know i guess well the only time i had people over was like yeah late high school yeah my dad created this like guy like a fictional i think looking back it was fictional he'd be like i have this guy that he's like he's gonna be coming around to

like make sure nothing's like happening and we like he's eight feet tall we like believed him and then sometimes he was just like right like i think he would take stabs in the dark and he'd like set a text being like like uh bill says like like you know you might have some people over right now and then if i like just called his bluff he didn't like he had nothing to go on beyond that so it was like sometimes he would just like i think take a stab in the dark be like saturday night like he probably has people over yeah like let me send a might as well yeah that's funny i in in college or like house off campus there was some like apartment i don't know every time we played music outside the cops got called and it was like it got to the point where like

the the one time the cops came like i don't know why he was like so aggressive he's like if i have to fucking come back here i'm gonna fucking throw you in the back of this fucking paddy wagon and and i was like he from boston or is he chinese boston okay and uh and i was like I feel like that wasn't the worst accent do it again I picked up on Boston you're in the fucking back

I'm gonna fucking throw you in the back of the now the heat's on some of them are Boston you're like you're like I'm gonna throw you in the back of the

paddy wagon but I was anyway I just remember having an argument with him one time or a civil discussion where I was just like okay you don't understand

like they call every time we put any music on they call like there has to it was like during the afternoon on a Saturday

I was like there has to be like some amount of music that i'm allowed to have on yeah that they're not allowed to claim you can google it each each like neighborhood has a different like noise ordinance that's what i was like can you just tell me like like is this okay like how many like like i don't know we used to call the city and you can get uh you can like get a like release or something that's like i have a noise like i can break permit yeah exactly i think it was like a permit it was like we have like a noise permit for like this time that's so that we could have like bigger parties maybe we should have gotten a noise permit then um did i ever tell you my the frog my neighbor

sophomore year that would he came over to bust us and it like backfired no we were like we would it was uh sophomore year of college and we lived in like a family like we were the only college kids every other house was like new families yeah and uh we kind of had like established his kids were always waiting for the bus when i was leaving so i'd like wave and we'd say hello like we knew who each other were yeah we're having this party and the neighbor comes over and he was super cool he's like hey boys like uh you know the wife's the wife's kind of on my ass like can you guys can you guys help me out like yeah for sure for sure he's like thanks so much and he's like this looks pretty fun we're like yeah you want to come in for a beer he's like yeah for

sure and so he comes in he like kind of meets the guys that he hasn't met yet it was a pretty low-key gathering whatever he ends up staying until like two or three in the morning like really how old he was probably i remember this he was like 35 maybe okay stayed really late and you were in high school no no sophomore in college okay he was like partying with us like legit like like some switch got flipped yeah where he was like this is my chance to like relive oh no glory days he was doing like kind of all the cliches like i think he did a keg stand at one point it was like it was like legit whatever and then he i can't really remember the whole someone was like hey you know that guy's doing like blow like it got to a point where it was like weird like

he had brought it was like not a big party it was like kind of like more of like a kickback and then he was like blowing down in my bathroom and so we were like it got weird but then i think he was so embarrassed based off the interaction that like he never came around again oh so so we were thinking like he it must be funny he probably went home got screamed at by his wife for being gone that long and then the next time a party was happening she told him to go shut it down and he was like probably too nervous too like embarrassed to come back over like we never heard from him again so yeah it worked out gotta get out of jail for your card yeah maybe i should have invited that cop to hang out yeah should we uh should we hear some pitches should we roadmap it that's what i was

There was some funny comment about you, about Will in the roadmap, but I can't remember. Yeah, Will hates it. I hate it. Did you guys hear that Trump picked a vice president? Yeah, it's not our boy. Who's our boy? One of our friends. JD Vance.

He's an Ohio guy. my friend my friend gianna texted me about uh one of her interns at her job right now apparently was at penn state when you and i were there and i didn't go to penn state oh shoot then she was there when i was there and uh i was like oh god she was like he said he met you and i was like that was my evil twin whatever and i go uh i go tell him i say hello did he say we had a good time and she goes he had he said it was so much fun it was the best set the bar high as a freshman for sure so that's good good impression yeah good impression all right don't know why i felt like i need to tell you guys that oh sorry i have one more thing this kid ryan ryan de palma shout out

rd rdp ryan sent me this and it's awesome uh mit will award a certificate in piracy if you take archery pistols sailing and a fencing as your pe required classes so like you would be you'd have like a minor in piracy that's sick and he goes me and you went to the wrong school brother name one pirate who archers my cousin goes there i need to tell him tell him to do it name one pirate who you've seen shoot a bow and arrow i'll wait tall socks tall socks tall socks grantons but i just thought that was fun so shout out shout out ryan to palma that is fun i don't know if it's a minor it says you can get a certificate in piracy so i think it's more of like a joke but fun nonetheless yeah that is oh yeah it's a certificate mit pirate

yeah that looks like a solid group of group of lads oh my god that we used to we used to go and watch the sailing team that feels a little overboard yeah for sure get it oh nice yeah the the sailing team at rollins would practice on the ron's was on a lake and so like they would you could just walk straight from class like my freshman dorm could see the sailing team whatever we'd go down on the docks and like watch them sometimes because they always like if it's a really windy day like they're always capsizing oh so you'll be like i have like i have like econ with that kid you're watching him like drown like the middle of the lake um all right you know the best way to get your fingers clean after some buffalo wings is by giving a little lick same

thing with your butt all right and that's why we partner with tushy it's the coolest bidet you'll ever see in the whole world and it sprays your butt and it gets it clean and my butt's never been cleaner what about yours rusty dude i just installed mine the other day and it was like so much easier than i thought it was i felt like a plumber doing it but what i will say is my toilet water is like really warm yeah i used it and will came over to my house the other day and and was doing his business in my bathroom and he came out and was like oh wow and i was like what he's like the water coming out of your tushy is really warm it like burned my butt yeah it was really hot but it's normally it's like that's a him thing yeah that's like a my plumbing issue that has nothing

to do with tushy it it actually has changed the game and here's why i need like a lot of toilet paper like i don't i'm not a one square guy i'm like a six to seven squares guy and i go through toilet paper like it's my job and then i got my tushy and now all i need is a little bit to dry off after i don't know if there's like a better way to do it but uh that's the only toilet paper i use now and my my ass is my ass is clean yeah my ass i've noticed stay shower fresh all summer long and join the two million butts who already switched to tushy for a limited time our listeners get 10 off their first bidet order when you use code playdate at checkout that's 10 off your first bidet order at hello tushy h-e-l-l-o-t-u-s-h-y.com with code promo code playdate with crode let's get

back into the episode all right guys we have a great episode for you today we are going to do your pitches followed by our pitches brought to you by cash app it pays to get paid on cash app then i think we have a couple am i the assholes lauren we have three actually every time you're Like, I think we got them this week, right? I think it's fun. I did my job. I think it's fun. No, wait.

I think it adds a layer of, like, maybe, like, this is a treat. Yeah, maybe one week we won't. Like, we're lucky to have them. Sometimes they're good. Sometimes they're good. Yeah, sometimes they're good. Do we have any callers? Yeah, one guy.

Let's go. Then we're going to do everyone's favorite segment, Teach Me Something, followed by This Guy Rocks. And then Will and I are going to do some Disney shows that don't exist and some Olympic events that don't exist. It's a jam-packed episode, but I think it's going to be a lot of fun I think we're going to have a really good time And I'm just excited to be here with you guys

And making it happen And that's all I'm going to say Oh, and your hair looks nice today Thanks No, I just washed it this morning Cool Are you a conditioner? I also think your hair looks great

Thank you Are you still in the no shampoo, Granwell? No, I poo i i uh i don't know i i honestly i've gone back and forth so many times i don't know i just kind of i'm just kind of like a feel like right now like i it's like greasier than i want it to be i think i should it's pretty frustrating because it's like i think me and a lot of other people want to get a read on like what your routine is and you're like i don't know it's just like this i just pick every day like half the time i'm in the shower i'm just it's a flip of a coin yeah

it's a flip of a coin i feel like you gave no information nope none in the last 30 seconds You said nothing that actually provided information. I almost wanted to razz you. You said I get in the shower and then... Wait, razz her. Razz her, dude. Get her out of here. I was going to say, yeah, what do you think every conversation with you is like?

Got him. What? Hey, what? You're an asshole. I'm trying to rant. I think you have a lot to say, Lauren. Thank you. Well, you attacked me, and so I'm on the defensive.

No, you just... No, I just thought it was funny. All right, everyone say something really mean about each other. So I'll get over this You're not allowed to be mean I didn't even notice your hair look good until he said it Oh That's fine, I don't even do it

I don't even think your martini shirt's that fun Oh, I love my martini shirt It's so fun, I was just lying through my teeth I don't like those socks You love these socks If you're gonna come with the king, you better hit the king If you're gonna hit the king, you better kill the king Yeah

Alright, should we hear Wait, what were we talking about? what you want on my shower routine no i was just funny because you really get in the shower and then i just pick like i pick anything any day like what like i have shampoo conditions some days i just condition some days i shampoo and condition some days i don't do either and i don't really have a red a re a method to my madness i feel like i'm losing my fucking mind right now yeah you sound insane do i sound crazy yeah dude also the other day we got when Will and I had a couple triples at work, and I was like, I just need to go home.

Oh, you drank them at work? I had three triples, and I was just like, I need to go home. Like, not in, like, a bad way. It was just like, I'm having too much fun to be at my desk right now. Yeah. Wait, when? Friday, I think. It was Friday afternoon.

Everyone was doing it. I was gone. Okay. Should we pitch it? Yep. Knee deep in the passenger seat, and you're creeping me out. All right. First pitch is from

Sophia Karp We've heard from her before I feel like we have too We have heard from her before Lovely lady Yeah I like But I like this one That's a great name

Yeah Is that really her name Or is it Karpinski It's just I mean I'm sure it's short for something It's just Sophia dot Karpinter It's K-A-R-P It's Sabrina Karpinter

Sabrina Karpinter She's gonna be a playmate one day Mark Meyer Alright wait wait Can we Let's manifest real quick Who's in 2024 by this time next year so on on episode 92 who's someone that you want to be a playmate

by then yeah we got the white whale we did get that zach bryan certified playmate yeah he sent a picture of my face to the playdate thing he goes i'm crying he said yeah zach bryan sent a screenshot of rusty's face from a photo and said bro this sent me yeah i love that he like cropped it too he made it very clear yeah for some reason just my face was making him laugh yeah and i was but i was also wearing his merch in that photo i think the reason i think that's why he cropped it is because he didn't want it to seem like he was like gassing up his own i don't know yeah i don't know but he's a cool guy certified playmate um he's probably listening right now what's up z um i speaking of certified playmates i'd probably want the certified lover boy

you want drake to isn't i think he's ice cold right now yeah i think he's ice cold i want kendrick i want brian i think brian will be a playmate by next year hi give me let me get jj reddick oh yeah i want dua lipa to be a playmate movie or movie to be a playmate she's cool she does i want ariana grande to be a playmate i'm trying to do more with her than do a feature Mubi or Ariana Grande? What? Dua. Dua Lipa.

Oh. I was like, you want to do more than a feature with... I want to be a feature on Dua Lipa's song. Dua Lipa, I'm really just trying to do a feature. Dua Lipa, I'm trying to be with more than... To her, I'm trying to be more than Creeper. More than a Creeper. Knee deep in the passenger's seat and you're creeping me out.

okay sofia she looks down you're wearing like a crazy mask okay she says are you anything on your mind before lauren gets into this one nope all right good pitch idea what's the best and worst part about living in a big city let's think about it flies bugs is that a thing i don't know uh the worst part about living in a Big city, no grass. There's nowhere to play, nowhere to run around. There's no oxygen. Too many scary buildings.

There's so many options for places to go and things to do. It sounds like a good thing. But sometimes I get overwhelming. Okay. Whether you want to get coffee, go to a bar, or just do something cool with thousands of places to choose between, it can feel hard to decide. Well, say goodbye to the decision paralysis with Shuffle Maps. With this app, you can enter in three plus tags for the place you want to go

and shuffle maps will start giving you directions to match your description. For example, it might be... She was going to explain. I didn't know she was going to explain it more. For example, it might be something like coffee slutch... What? Slut?

Coffee sluts. Coffee sluts and beer. Coffee sluts? Wait, her idea is coffee sluts? Coffee plus beach. Wait, that reminds me of something. When I was a kid... Coffee sluts?

Yeah, this is a coffee... You have two timeouts left. This is a coffee sluts story. I can't pass up a chance to tell this is probably the one time I have a chance to tell my Kloppy Slut story when my dad and I were a kid when I was a kid and my dad was taking me

to like Washington with our family friends who lived in Seattle we were going to go to Roach Harbor and we were going to pick up our family friend's boat from like the boat yard and on the way there me and the other kid are like sitting in the back and we kind of hear like rumblings in the front

like yeah should we take him there what are you guys talking about they're like oh there's this like coffee shop that we used to go to and we were i guess they were friends when they were in like their 20s like we used to go to the coffee shop and the people that serve you coffee are topless so they're like they're literal like coffee sluts and then we got there we got there he got there i'm gonna give you that one we got there i mean objectively if there was a coffee slut it's the one with their boobs out handing you the coffee and so we get there i'm like freaking the fuck out i've like never talked to a woman in my entire

if i'm like how old are you i was like probably like 12 that's kind of weird to take you yeah in hindsight it was pretty strange move but that's where we were at we were going to see coffee slots and so we get to the drive-thru and i guess since like the 80s when it started they've kind of tamed it a little bit so it was just like this woman in a bikini handing us like our completely normal coffee and we had gone like 30 minutes out of the way to get there and my dad was like they used to not wear tops it used to be way cooler it was like kind of creepy now not that It wouldn't have been creepy if she was naked, but it was like, it felt like it was like the Hooters of coffee.

Yeah. I don't, I actually have no coffee slut stories, but I hope to get one one day. By next. By next podcast. By next podcast, I will have a coffee slut. We see you at like Intelligentsia. You're like, just take your top off. I need a coffee slut story.

For work. Oh my God. I got topped off at Starbucks. Can I go pee? Oh, my God. Dude, can I finish? Just three minutes. Let me just finish this.

Okay, yes. This feels like a good time for him to go, because then we can just get back into it. No, I'm giving you three minutes. Okay. Timer starts now. For example, it might be something like coffee plus beach plus aesthetic to lead you to a nice coffee shop on the beach

or activity plus energizing plus adventurous to lead you to a hike. You can also filter by number or people and distance from your starting point to hone down the options. Discover your next adventure with Shuffle Maps. Oh, we're going to have very different opinions on this, I think. I like it. I feel like a lot of the stuff I wouldn't have a... All right, can I paint you a word picture?

Baseball plus worms plus painting. Yeah, we go to the same level. Well, I mean, there are some combinations that just wouldn't come up with anything. That's what I'm saying. But, like, we're on the couch, and we're like, you know, what's everyone feeling? We all type in, like, Will wants a chill vibe. Joe wants to be outside. Sam wants to be near the beach.

And it's like, whaler. Yeah. Will wants the waiters to wear orange stuff. Jack wants white tops. And Lauren wants wings. We go to Hooters. I have been wanting wings. I do like wings.

I used to have a shirt that said, Hooters, chicks, dig me. And my second grade teacher was like, told my dad. You wore it to second grade? I didn't know what it meant. And my dad was just like, yeah, I guess in hindsight I probably should have let him do that. That's funny. I remember there being, like, really strict in high school about, like, shirts you could wear. Like, yeah.

I feel like boys didn't have those regulations. People were allowed to wear tank tops smaller than three fingers. Well, that, first of all, we don't want to get distracted. Yeah, that was always a funny, like, argument being, like, you guys can't, your shoulder can't be showing because the boys are going to go fucking berserk. Yeah. yeah like lauren's wearing a tank top you and i are doing like your heads are spinning around no i was gonna say like if it mentioned like alcohol like if you had a shirt that was like from like a brewery they would yeah you take it off i was in uh i was in uh like u.s history

or something yeah phone rings teacher picks it up she's like yep yep hangs it up uh jack can you go to the office i'm like yeah walk into the uh into the office the front lady was like there's beer on your shirt like you can't like you have to go home and change and the way she said it to me i thought like i was wearing a shirt that maybe i was wearing that weekend and i like reeked of like alcohol so i thought it was gonna be like a way bigger deal yeah she just phrased it weirdly and she was saying like there's like a beer logo on your shirt but in my head there was beer on my shirt didn't you look down yeah well i mean i don't know it was just it was like a nascar shirt but there was like a small like that's why it didn't occur to me like in my head it wasn't a beer thing

but there was like a tiny beer logo that's interesting all right go get your rocks off i got detention for every table when i got detention for now all of a sudden i can hold my pee because i have a killer story uh i was in physics class with this lady miss desborough she was crazy and uh i had a was she the teacher or she was like a ti yeah no she was the teacher she would she was a sweet lady but she we we were probably mean to her but like she we found like her like rape my teacher thing or whatever and it was so clear that she was going in and getting them like it was like miss desbro it was like was was amazing like it like no no wonder she got her masters at like and like putting in like facts that like aren't even public i was like obviously

that's you like anyway but one time we were playing i i'd been to like a national park or something i got a deck of cards that had like different bears on all of them so they were like that was awesome yeah they were like yeah like every like like a jack was like a a white bear or like a black bear and then like i probably want them that exist yeah anyway but every time when she would get up and she would turn around and wasn't looking i was throwing them like uh like shooting stars and they would like stick right in the into the like board or whatever and uh she kept like turning back around it would be like and she'd turn around like what was that like clearly the guy just got back from you like i wasn't gonna like

but uh eventually she wrote me up and gave me detention and she put i watched her type in the thing because it was like on the smart board and it was like reason for detention and she put throwing bear cards and so when i went to detention we were all sitting there and i was like all the other kids are in for like graffiti and stuff yeah i was like i knew exactly what it was but i just wanted to hear her say it out loud so i was like excuse me could you read what it says i'm in detention for i just i don't really remember and she goes okay like the detention lady's like throwing bear cards and everyone just lost it i was the king of detention and then i had another detention and i didn't know about it and they multiply exponentially if you don't serve

them so i got called into principal's office once like you have 600 detentions i was like what she's like it's been multiplying for the last three months i was like i didn't even know about that it's more days than there are i remember passing did you guys have kids would get like in school suspensions uh yeah so they had to come in but they couldn't go to class or something yeah they'd be in like a different room i don't think we had that i remember walking past and like just some like troublemaker would be like because i don't think they have their phone or anything so you're just in a room going crazy six hours like pulling their hair out that's funny sorry sophia carp yeah sophia that was a killer idea i'm sorry we got sidetracked a little bit but it's not like us

not like us at all and it's not gonna happen again yeah yeah i like that idea i like i don't know i what are your qualms i don't understand my qualms are the my understanding of the how it would work is like once you you put it in then you kind of just go wherever it sends you yeah like i would like another layer of like let me double check like i feel like i could just google like sunset ribs bar and it would be and it would like pull it up let's give it a shot lauren google sunset ribs bar okay sunset ribs all right yeah prove will wrong see and so then well that that place just happens to be called sunset bar and grill and have ribs no it's called look at the one on the right sunset ribs and it's permanently closed

bar with ribs to watch the sunset rainbow rainbow bar and grill oh i want to go there oh my gosh looks like christmas that looks like tony's high dive or tiny's high dive coney's high dive yeah it does we used to call we coney was happening

like in the middle of summer lacrosse in 2012 yeah I remember that I remember no actually

I remember being a lacrosse player it was in the spring okay so maybe it was just a normal because I remember covering the night it was in April yeah and

there was this drill like butt to butt where you'd like they'd put a ball like under the two of you and they'd like box each other out and everyone called it

coney camp and they did not like that that's that's messed up dude that guy was doing some bad stuff you know about the guy who started that no who made the video like that like created the whole company 2012 movement no what happened jerking off on a street corner a year later sort of got he had like a mental break oh you want to oh oh you want to start a political movement next thing you know you're gonna be whacking it on a street corner i know it's kind of sad like i actually think he just like got like apparently it was just like extreme like stress induced well didn't he make he made it up

no that's real coney yeah he thought it was made up lauren look up coney 2012 fake oh i remember that it's not fake

i'm almost positive it was fake what are you talking about no it was real it definitely happened i don't think coney was a real guy

what are you talking about no no no i will die on this hill i'm like 99% sure it was fake who would that guy be google like google joseph coney

was coney real bro this is not This is like the whole The Blur thing. Oh, yeah. Will and I got in an argument. No, this isn't real. This is all a movie. Go to his Wikipedia page.

Go to his Wikipedia page. It's right there. Joseph Kony, Ugandan militant and warlord, founded the Lord's Resistance Army, terrorist group designated by the United States. We were in the car the other day, and he was playing a song by the band Blur,

and he was like, have you heard this band? I was like, oh, yeah. i only really know song two but i like that one which is the one that's like you learn you know the song it's like and we got heavy metal yeah and he goes no that's the blur that that's not blur and i was like what it's like that's the blur i just got a car crash too yeah he was like what we were fighting about when we got in the car i was like what do you mean it's the blur he was like no i know that band i know that song that's called the blur that's different than blur and he

was just like i 100 positive dying on this hill he was completely wrong i i'm pretty sure coney was not real it's right there oh you're gonna believe wikipedia yeah also says he has 42 kids so yeah they like yeah i don't buy it huh i remember hearing it was fake and so i'm gonna to say it's fake he married sally i think he married he was an altar boy until 1976 my dad was an altar boy growing up and one time they got reamed out because he and his cousin tommy would be on like opposite sides and they'd just always be giving each other the finger during mass and they got caught one time that's funny yeah all right should we do the other pitch yeah I was never an altar boy

no nope I was the lamb in the Christmas pageant oh that's a big role I nailed it I fucking I used to go to church a lot

cool I was just thinking about Catholic school I went every Sunday when I was a kid when I was in Catholic school I was like because we had to go like Wednesday and then I would go on Sundays but I don't know it's just like a big part of my life that I kind of forgot about honestly yeah it was just it's definitely like I don't go anymore out here but we would go to Rollins and

it was like a nice way to like end the week yeah but then we would go to the bar after so kind of like there were some kids that were like really into it and so we'd be like sitting there and like uh Billy would like want to like talk about like what we all heard and we were like we were not like fully listening yeah it's also funny like over beers yeah yeah breaking down the scripture yeah like if you walked past like a group of like college like frat looking guys you'd be like i wonder what they're talking about then they're like that was crazy that like joseph and mary did that that is i mean that whole thing is insane that they birthed the son of christ yeah i mean i just do you think joseph was getting razzed people being like oh oh for sure yeah oh

you guys haven't had sex but she's saying it's the son of god yeah it's a nightmare scenario to be in as yeah as joseph for sure but then like after he got when jesus got to like 12 yeah he's doing a miracle he's like i fucking told you guys the son of god yeah okay yeah who's making fun of me now all right should we do the other pitch yeah oh do you think jesus played like little little league sports he's probably fucking nasty he was really good at like uh what was that game like the aztecs played or you hit the ball through the hoop with your hip quidditch yeah all right let's hear it lauren sorry this pitch is somewhere to be today yeah it was no i just i i'm keeping you guys on track what on track for what it's my job it's just like a loosey-goosey pod i guess

sometimes i think we got a loosey-goosey permit okay this is from emily hi emily binder emily hardly know her binder i didn't even know she was into that no she was stoked to give me a pitch binder what what's what are we studying what all right you want to hear it oh fine she says she's into snm do you ever hear a car honking near you while driving but you can't tell if it's at you or someone else yeah ever wanted to honk at someone but you're afraid everyone else will think you're honking at them yeah introducing honk helper a car horn that tailors its horn towards the driver that you're honking at. Only you and the person you're honking at can hear the horn.

Or if you want to upgrade your honk helper, you can make it so that it just screams the name of the car you're honking at or customize the phrases. So it'd be like, Ford Explorer! Yeah. I like to picture it's a really long horn, and it will go into the sunroof of whoever it is, and then it's like, ah!

I like the idea that it's like an airdrop type thing. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's a little screen. and it shows all the ones in your area, and you're like, blue Ford, boom. And then it just plays a honk on their speakers. Like, oh, whoa.

Oh, okay. Yeah, Emily and I were driving. I was driving her home, and I honked at a guy, which I don't normally do. But that was one of the only times we've been in the car, so now I think she thinks that I'm a honker. Yeah, I'm not. He just wasn't going.

There's nothing more frustrating than the lights green. It was one of those short ones, and we were all turning left, to no one was coming the other way and it was like this is our chance this is our chance like why are you not yeah doing it and so i laid on the horn and then he went and then like all of us would have gotten through but me and like three other guys didn't that's fucked were you but you weren't the guy right behind him no i was like three cars back see that's exactly because then in that situation the guy in front of you is like it's not me asshole yeah i wish i was a honker but I'm not

I picture you being a honker I just get really mad but I just internalize it and I forget that I can honk people I don't know I've probably honked like twice in my life my horn stopped working in college and so I was just driving around without a horn that doesn't feel that bad

it feels like the probably best thing to be driving around without no it was like I was like this will be the time like no one needs you don't need it until you don't have it someone starts like reversing into you Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what happened was...

You brought the window down. Hawk! You know, I told you my car got stolen. You should have just brought a Vuvuzela around. The way that the guys who stole my car got caught is when they hot-wired it. The horn wouldn't... Like, halfway through their joyride,

the horn wouldn't stop going off, so they had to ditch it. And then the person whose yard they did it was like, someone is laying on the horn in my... And so that's how I got the car back, but then I had to unplug the horn because i couldn't get it to stop working oh that's funny so that's why you didn't that's why i didn't have it interesting yeah oh wait if you do our pitches presented by cash app

all right welcome to the pitch sesh brought to you by cash app well does it pay to get paid on cash app it pays to get paid on cash app here we go this week's cash app pitch sesh features will and rusty featherstone sweet i have an app for you guys oh uh it you download it and it takes over it kind of has access to everything on your phone right and okay not not not totally in okay um and it basically it can tell when maybe you've had a couple drinks okay so when you go on it first it'll give you like you know an alert at first being like hey maybe some things that you want to do on your phone right now like you wouldn't do them if you were sober yeah and so that's kind of like the first warning shot and then if you neglect that and you still go to send like a

drunk text if it's like two in the morning and it's like come over it'll change it to like someone completely normal i like that so it'll send the text and to you it looks like you said come over but to them it's like pretty pretty beautiful weather we're having or what what if it's like it's come over and then if you fall if they don't respond and then you fall asleep like it changes overnight yeah so that if they if they end up seeing in the morning it just says like have you seen this new movie yeah or you know you know sometimes it'll say like sent with siri yeah it'll be the message but it'll be like sent well hammered i like yeah i like it i think like yeah how does it know is it like a it's got like a breathalyzer

If you open it, you just look, like, blitzed. Like, it has facial ID, so it's like his eyes are a little droopy. Like, I think he probably doesn't need to be sending these texts. With your eyes, you'd just be constantly getting banned. Yeah. That felt like kind of a dig, but... I don't think that was a dig. I feel like people just say that you have eyes that always look like you're on drugs.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it is. It's, like... I just love the lady at the... Including that. Well, that was the lady. Like, she was, like, calling the cops.

She was, like, his eyes are... And I was, like, no, his eyes are like that. you should see the comments his eyes are insane alright what's your pitch presented by Cash App Willie my pitch presented by Cash App is what did you say she gave up on it half way through

no I just had a really delayed reaction to that she's like I think that'd be good but I don't want it what hit the app so you don't think it would be good I'm sleeping right now sleepwalking

okay anyway Mine is called DoorDash Extreme Alright, lay it on me DoorDash Extreme This is a problem that sometimes I have Which is I'll order food and then fall asleep before it gets there Of course So DoorDash Extreme is

They come in and put it in your fridge Can I ask a question? Sure What's extreme about it? Are you kidding me? It's extremely dangerous To let a strange man into your house Yeah We used to

What? Your like shoe Oh am I crunkling it? Yeah I'll just take them off What Oh do you know what happened with my Wait are they gross?

I didn't say anything Do my feet look gross? No Shoeless episode I'm putting my shoes back on now What? A lot of smells happening on this side of the room Do you smell it?

No I don't know if I believe you What was I saying? I completely forgot This episode feels like a fever Yeah, it's ridiculous, I'm sorry for everyone at home Actually, I think it'll be great I didn't sleep well last night

I slept like a fucking baby I woke up 11 times, shit my pants Dude, Peter used to do that when we were in college, would order like a crazy amount of McDonald's and then it would just be on the front stoop in the morning and you can't eat it the next day Yeah, exactly

It wouldn't be better if it happened to be a Taco Bell yeah wait okay here's a small little am i the asshole one time in college like senior year my one of my roommates ordered a bunch of mcdonald's fell asleep i come home like an hour after them and my i was drunk and i wanted food so i me and like whoever i was with like we ate like all of their mcdonald's and the next morning my roommate was mad at me but i was like you were asleep yeah no you have you did the right thing no you got to try and wake them up i don't we used to put all the food we can put a video of it right here

when Peter fell asleep without his McDonald's we'd put it all on him you'd take it out of the package I think I've said this on the podcast before but I did one time I came home and there was just it was like at the base of my dorm building by the door there was like a McDonald's order

you took one McChicken I broke the seal took one McChicken and resealed it it was pretty fucked up it weighs on my conscience it weighs on my conch shell Alleging my conscience. All right, guys, let's take a moment to talk about Cash App. You probably know Cash App as the place to send people money,

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So you can get control over your money like I have control over the thoughts in my head. They have no bearing on me. I can control them. Just like you can control your money with Cash App. Guys, download the app and take control of your finances with Cash App. Join the millions who already manage their money with Cash App and start saving today. Make the most out of your money. It pays to get paid on Cash App.

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flying an airplane, eating a soup on a vacation in Belize. I mean, seriously, there is no limits to what you can't do with this. To what you can do. Or can't do. with not beer and that's why i love it again the brand is called not beer n-o-t-b-e-e-r you can find not beer on amazon go to amazon.com and use the code 10 playdate 1 at checkout for 10 off your purchase that's code 10 playdate 1 for 10 off your purchase of not beer let's get back into this episode of podcasting all right should we hear some am i the assholes yeah when

in rome why did it get really dark in here all of a sudden i turned off all the lights no doesn't it feel like it's nighttime it's about to rain did you see my mug beer probably probably beer yeah it's not okay it's not it's coffee all right two of these have to do with toilets perfect awesome so i think you guys will like them yeah that sounds great wow grape all right i'm going to destroy india grip i he wants to be a pilot grip all right That's a strong message. I'm going to name this guy Sibyl. Sergio.

Sergio. Sibyl? Sibyl. Sibyl. There was someone I knew growing up named Sibyl. Me too, and I can't remember why. She worked at my school, I think. I think mine was just like a generic character.

It was a woman's name, though? I don't remember. Am I the asshole for dropping my roommate's toothbrush in the toilet? Imagine dropping your bracelet out the window. Why were you carrying it? And putting it back. Hey, Lauren and the rag tag duo. Let's go.

In the fall, I was in the bathroom getting ready to go to bed when there was an incident. I was reaching to put my toothbrush back in the cabinet when one of the shelves collapsed that had all my roommate's stuff on it. the shelf was poorly put together and frequently did this but it hadn't ended in disaster until this time the cabinet is situated right above the toilet you had a shelf that was consistently falling and you kept putting stuff on it yeah i think we should put more stuff on this booby trap show right above the toilet all of his toiletries fell in what felt like a slow motion towards the toilet and i scrambled to catch them i got his shaving cream some of his other stuff missed the toilet but his toothbrush fell in i quickly pulled it out but it was there for a few

seconds at this point in the night he was asleep i'd been drinking earlier and against better judgment fixed the shelf rinsed his toothbrush underwater for a bit and put it back where it was i thought i could swap it out in the morning but woke up at like one and knew he had already used it i felt like i was in too deep at this point so i didn't tell him about a month went by and one day we were drinking a fair bit and telling each other stuff when i something had oh confessed I had dropped his toothbrush in the toilet and put it back. He was upset to say the least. He then swirled my toothbrush

in the toilet. Eye for an eye. I love it. I love what this guy said. And now you have to brush your teeth. I'm going to make you brush with it. And he says, and I let him punch me in the stomach. But it didn't even hurt that much because he's pretty weak. Be sure to read that part

because he's a playmate. He'll hear it out. Let's go. I do love they're using Hammurabi's code to like and we called it even important details we're the only ones who use the bath bathroom frequently i shit about 1.5 times a day hold on hold on hold on none of these you have roommates that don't use the bathroom they probably just have another why does him cheating 1.5 times i think he's saying like that's how you know they're keeping it in the family like the only germs in there would be from his butt or his roommate's butt oh yeah he said his roommate shits about

three times a day there's no peer point who i think that's healthy toilet at the time so am i the asshole for telling him and making him realize he was using a toilet toothbrush is he the asshole for seeking revenge on my toothbrush after i said sorry well let's break this down let's break he's not the asshole let's break this down piece by piece you're not the asshole for telling him you should have not you should have told him you should have thrown it out and texted him immediately like i will get you a new toothbrush but please for the love of god don't use it i do i love where your guys heads at that you immediately went to eye for an eye like it was like yeah you get i get to swirl yours healthy yeah but did i guess also like did he use it that's what i'm there's

no way that it counts as retribution that's probably why they did the they did the stomach punch yeah his roommates houdini yeah he's like i was i was also thinking like when stuff's falling down and you're trying to catch a few things, I've already kind of run through this in my head. The move is you put your hand over the toilet and you go yep. You know what I mean? It's more important that it deflects away from the toilet than

catching any individual items. Should we call the roommate? Yeah. The roommate? Yeah, he said feel free to call or I'll add my friend's number if you want a fresh perspective. He's a playmate and would be down for a surprise call. Yeah. Hopefully he answers. I feel like he's gonna think I'm a...

Is it a phone number? Yeah. What's his name? Connor Shawnee Oh, that's his real I mean I don't think there's There's no like

What? There's no victim in this Should I text him? Should I try calling him? Text him and say This is Lauren from Playdate Can we talk about The toothbrush situation?

Well, he might not know about the Wait, let me try calling him Yeah, because he'll recognize Your number over there Wait, that was kind of rude I said this is Lauren from Playdate Answer No, it's

What? Oh You didn't want me to? you're just maybe a little forward well he probably doesn't know that his buddy dm'd either wait i think that's fine obviously it's gonna be something funny if i'm trying to call him what you don't like that i'm on your side what rusty what's wrong with that nothing is he gonna think that i'm a mean he's gonna think you're the worst maybe he's at like something really important he's in like a huge meeting

hello oh he answered hey it's it's play date the podcast the podcast oh oh oh sorry sorry how are you wait what did he say you didn't know all right i sorry i my text was probably mean i don't know yeah sorry yeah okay well your your roommate we read the toothbrush story. I don't think he knows that he submitted it. Oh, yeah, you're probably really confused right now. That's what I was trying to say. So your roommate wrote

into our Am I the Asshole thing and was telling us about how he dropped your toothbrush in the toilet and then he told you and then you swirled his toothbrush and then he let you punch him in the stomach. Yep, yep.

Did you make him use the toothbrush? Yeah, did he use the toothbrush after you swirled it? Yes. He wanted to prove the point that what he did wasn't that gross. Oh! He made it worse. I love it. He's stuck by his guns.

Oh, yeah. That was nice of him. Did this affect your friendship at all? I personally think he's the asshole for waiting a month to tell me. Oh, he didn't let us know that it went on for that long. I thought it was the day after. Oh, no, no. so so what happened is he dropped we we just moved into school and we were there for like a week

he dropped it in and then a week or a month later he uh he's like hey connor i have a confession oh i i guess i told my name whatever he's like i got i got a confession and he uh he uh tells me the story i i lost my shit because i'm like i'm i'm not a germaphobe but like that i that that I don't want poop in my mouth. Yeah. I'm not a germaphobe. I don't want poop in my mouth, though. Reasonable.

So, I – sorry, I lost my train of thought. You're good. This is all coughing off guys. I was about to light up a bong and I was like, who is Warren? Yeah, I'm sorry. I forgot that you didn't know that he submitted it. no yeah he he mentioned it a couple months ago that he he should submit it yeah he told me about your podcast and i've been listening for a little bit um but i didn't know he actually uh went

through with it so has this taken a toll on your guys friendship at all or have we kind of gotten back to a good place we we got back to a good place um the punch really was a big role in that it it felt really good i'm not gonna lie um i'm not i'm not much of a fighter personally yeah he said it hurt too in his thing oh oh that's news to me he he tried to play it off like uh it was nothing because it was in front of a bunch of people but that that makes me feel a lot better yeah um wait did did either of you guys get like strep throat from this uh i so i don't remember being like specifically sick um we we didn't live in the nicest place so he kind of had like a nagging cough just like throughout the whole year just been like the frat flu and stuff like that

yeah but i don't remember like a specific sickness interesting all right well wait did either of you guys get new toothbrushes or you oh yeah do you still rock it okay so what's funny about that it was our uh our fraternity's dad's weekend that weekend and my dad happened to be there with uh his dad and i so i confronted my dad i was like tell him tell me he's not like the biggest asshole in the world um and my dad like completely took my side and like he actually like was pissed at him he's like you know i lost a lot of respect for him i'm like all right all right dad but the next day he was uh he had an early flight back to um uh back home and uh i noticed he left he was like sleep on my couch downstairs uh to save some money and uh he left

a note with a toothbrush on my couch said please use this from now on there we go that's cool so you didn't immediately get rid of that toothbrush once you find out like was were you like well it's been a month no i i used it i used it for the rest of the school year that's insanity what you uh yeah well i i just like i figured i'd gone a month with it and i I was still fine, so I figured what could the harm be. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Stronger. All right, Connor, thank you so much for giving us some insight

into this funny predicament. No, I appreciate it. Sorry, I was a little caught off guard. No, I'm sorry for my forward message. No worries. You guys are awesome. I've listened every week. I appreciate it.

Thank you. We appreciate it. You can listen on Wednesday I appreciate it Have a good one My message This is Lauren from Playdate Sorry that was rude

Might you hear another M That was funny Also pretty funny That I said He said it really hurt Oh no I know He didn't sound weak He will hear what Sybil said.

Yeah, it's fucking Sybil. I forgot. All right. Next one is from... It's another S name. Starchy. Sure. Starchy.

All right. Kinda on brand with Will's poo nightmares from today's episode. I've got two Am I the Asshole situations. Wait, what was your poo nightmare again? I don't know. I don't remember either. it seems like it would be more memorable than poo nightmare yeah did i have a poo nightmare yeah it was in one of the last you can ask yourself what did i do what was the poo nightmare

now whatever we'll figure it you can figure out googling it first is one first is one where i clogged a girl's toilet in her apartment one morning and then just irish exited and didn't say anything the other is when i clogged a family friend's toilet when i couldn't find a plunger i tried using the toilet brush oh toilet brush and got it completely lodged in the toilet hole and could couldn't get it out and had to get the owner of the house to come dig through the poop water and yank it out of the hole so am i the asshole for pulling a clog and jog at that girl's place and then for making someone get deep into my own poo and fix the mess that i started yeah um well so much why did they have to get deep in your poop i don't understand why they

were the only ones that access to like gloves well but at that point you put the gloves on and do it yourself i know i know this actually sounds like my nightmare um she she clogged and jogged her friend no it's a guy he can you read it again he clogged a girl's toilet in her apartment and then just Irish exited and didn't say anything. Was it just the two of them? No, there's no, I don't know. I would assume it was probably a social setting, but yeah, you have to tell,

you can't leave your poop for someone else. I remember when I was a kid. Clogging jog is crazy. I know. I clogged the Latrell's toilet and I was so embarrassed to tell anyone and then I went and told Mrs. Latrell and she was so nice about it.

And she was like, yeah, this happens all the time. I don't think it happened all the time. I think she was just trying to make me feel better. I had a toilet that would clog a lot at my house. Cool. That's awesome. I think... Oh, I know.

I think you're the asshole for not doing it yourself. Starchly. I feel like starchy should have offered to reach in the poop in the second one. In the first one, I would need more context, but I think you might be okay. It implies that, like, the owner has, like, a special knowledge of, like, the toilet that they can get it out of. Maybe they have, like, incredible, like, poop-digging hands. Probably. Probably.

All right. Should we hear the third one? Home run derbies tonight. Cool. Oh, and college football came out today. I thought it was tomorrow. I'm pretty sure it's... Killer.

If it's today, that's even better. I don't know. I'm going to play that tonight. I don't have it. All righty. The third Am I the Asshole is, oh my gosh, it's another S name. This wasn't even. Sharpay.

Stinkle. Sharpay. Okay. Sharpay. Am I the Asshole submission. What's up, Lauren Rusty and the lead singer of The Question? I don't know what that means. That's my band.

We're a band, dude. Oh, I could hide. That was an awesome. That's awesome. Lauren Rusty and the lead singer of The Question. Sharpay's a true playmate. We haven't talked about The Question in months. Yeah.

That is kind of badass. Last summer, my best friend was hosting these family friends from Australia. They have a daughter who was a few years older than me and then a brother my age. We instantly became friends and started hanging out almost every day. Wait, wait, sorry, sorry. There's a daughter that's a little bit older than her and then a brother who's the same age?

Yeah. Okay. And they're from Australia? Yeah. What does that mean if my family was hosting them? Like? A host family. Like they're like exchange students, probably?

For the summer? Maybe there was a family? No, his best friend was hosting family friends. Got it. Family friends. Gotcha. From Australia. And they instantly became friends.

They were all... Sharpay's a boy. Sharpay's a boy. Well, why would you let me name him Sharpay then? We should have done Stinkle. I wanted Stinkle. You know. I wanted Stinkle.

Run the tape. I like Sharpay. Let's just keep going. Wait, I'm still running the tape. Wait, I'm in a different part. I love this podcast. Oh, my God. My friend who was hosting them was working at the time,

and I hadn't started work yet, so I could go over during the day and get into hijinks with the brother and over the course of a couple weeks we became best friends. Total kindred spirits. Time out. You see where this is going Will? Is he going to kiss someone? He's going to kiss

the girl. He's going to kiss the girl and he's going to sacrifice his friendship with the brother? I think so. But let's hear him out. Maybe he's kissing the brother. We became so close that he invited me to New York which was the next stop on their American tour and during the trip after one night at the bar i mean my sis wait me and the sister

me and the sister ended up hooking up after which she told me she hooked up with my friend who was hosting them back home i haven't told the brother who i talked to pretty frequently what would you guys do um the sister the sister hooked up with the friend and the friend the friend that like of the family that is hosting them okay the friend so she had a killer summer yeah it sounds like she was red hot um i don't think you need to tell the brother unless you think this is gonna happen again which it sounds like is pretty possible if she's hooking up with everyone yeah i mean i guess i would have to know like i don't know is that like is that something he would be upset about i don't know how much older is the sister like i feel like some people are like

that's like a like you never hook up with my sister like yeah i think if like like if it's like a nice enough guy yeah yeah i think it i think there are some there are some guys where that's a weird line for them yeah it's never really been one for me but i've also never had a friend hook up with my sister so i don't know which you you're okay with it i think i'd be fine with you doing it i wouldn't want like every tom dick and harry like no i don't i feel like we're not giving that sound of advice today but i think i think maybe you don't need to tell him so it doesn't sound like it was like a you didn't like start like a romance like you hooked up once yeah last summer like i would just leave it in the past yeah yeah i mean definitely if you want to

do it again then you have to talk to him you have to get his blessing you have to get his blessing um you have to invite him yeah i mean this the australian sister is a pretty irresistible uh thing to find yourself inside i know an australian i love australian australian australian is hot australian's hot australian's hot right now i'll say it uh no i don't think you're the asshole i think i think what i'm learning from this am i the asshole segment is is you can you can avoid being the asshole if you just don't fuck everyone's siblings probably what

like I feel like a lot of these are like are like I hooked up with like my friend's sister like I hooked up with like my sister's friend and it's like maybe we all just

stop owning each other and then we and start loving yeah yeah maybe you invite the brother next time maybe you just start loving each other

and treating this world like we only got one world God's creation like it is we only got one world maybe it's time that you stop hooking up

with your friend's sister and start acting on climate change Before it's too late This is the summer where you hook up with You hook up with your friend not your friend's sister Yeah and you start recycling And you're recycling

I've been giving you hints for months You want me to hook up with me You or your sister Yeah Alright Stinky I don't Sharpay Stinkle

I don't think you'd tell him But I wouldn't do it again Unless you tell him. Unless you're going to tell him. But then you would have to be like, I'm going to hook up with your sister tonight. No, don't make it like a threat. Just be like, hey, I'm going to hook up with your sister.

And then if he's like, I don't care. Yeah, maybe be like, did you know that your sister and I kissed last summer? And you gauge his reaction. It was last summer? Yeah. Are they coming back? I don't know.

I mean, they live on another continent. So it's like, if he gets really mad. Is it a continent or is it Oceania? Oceania is like is Australia, New Zealand, Papua New Guinea and all the surrounding islands but Australia is like the 90% of the land mass okay

yes but my question is more like growing up I was told Australia was a continent and then I feel like they phased it out and started calling it Oceania cause like there's like Tuvalu and the Marshall Islands and the Solomon Islands but it's like they're so small that it's not even like

worth it but what's the name of the continent? Oceania. So why didn't he say she's from Oceania? Do you guys want to do Teach Me Something? Yeah. All right, dude. I'm joking.

Yeah, let's hear it. All right. Teach me something. Teach me something. Teach me something. Teach me anything. Please. Did you ever hear about the baseball game where the score was two and a half to two?

No. what uh in 1893 about a batter fouled off a pitch and he broke like the last bat that they had like bats were just more bats were breaking and so he walked over to a wood pile and picked up an axe that was in the wood pile and used it as a bat he the next pitch he swung he cut the ball in half and half of the ball went over the fence and the game ends two and a half to two is that real according to this article what's the article ball hit with axe splits in two pieces baseball game one by two and a half to two flick it up it's snopes check it out please tell me this is fucking real scroll that the fuck bro that's the worst intent i love you but you constantly are

throwing things out that just oh yeah yeah yeah can i swap mine i feel like you have a really bad like gauge of what's true and can i can i swap mine then false you guys fucking ruin everything we had to fact check it all right can i give you a new one then sure that's fucking sucks um in 1997 at cornell yeah people came outside and at the top of like there's like this you know old building and there's this spire that's like hundreds of feet in the air and there's a pumpkin perfectly speared on the top of it and it was like way too high for someone to throw it up there like no one knows how they got it up there and uh i i when i googled it there were people that are coming they solved it um but it was just like for a while people like didn't

google it google like pumpkin spire cornell and uh and people didn't people didn't know spire people didn't know like how it got up there pumpkin spire cornell pumpkin spice cornell okay how the pumpkin got on the tower perfect oh wow it's just way too long yeah pumpkin watch 97 it was like a big like they were like how is it still up there and like how is it interesting isn't that crazy yeah is it still up there no i mean it rotted off yeah it was kind of wow all right you guys fucking ruined everything okay you want to hear mine yeah look at it that was they put it in a yeah it's like on trial like in a courtroom i believe that was during its opening statement it's a pumpkin correct good no grip dude i'm reading my god it's a pump

on the certificate it literally says it's a pumpkin wait it's a pumpkin what do you mean it says it's a pumpkin it's a pumpkin right there okay do you know about wojtek he was a corporal oh he's the bear you know about this of course dude fuck i just found out about this guy it's awesome tell learn about it wojtek was a corporal in the polish army during world war ii and he's okay it says it's a pumpkin why is it in like comic sans all right watch tech was a corporal in this watch tech was a corporal in the polish army during world war ii and he was a bear he was a bear they found a bear cub and they started like hanging out with it and then they like trained it and it would like help like go

get ammunition and bring it back and forth for them the yeah like i think he was like it fought and like it like served in battle he was like an officer at one point he like he's a corporal he's like really good leadership skills yeah no no apparently they had to give him rankings so that they could justify like the expenses for like his food and everything like that that's why they made him like an official part of the military so that he would be like on there can you play the piano too bro is bro has the worst sources what do you read like where do you get all this w o i'm pretty Google Wojtek plays the piano. Official music video for Wojtek the Soldier.

Yeah, you can put guys in full Nelsons. He can't play the piano. Yeah, he can. No, he can't. Google Bear plays the piano. There was one that could do it. I thought it was this one. This music is freaking me out.

bro is printing youtube bro's trying to print a youtube video what's up with you and bro today bear breaks in a house plays the piano but not very well

that's not Wojtek no it's a different one I was just no go back this is it this is the video yeah bear breaks in a car

yeah he just put his arms on a piano that's not playing the fucking piano wait what does every other guy who's playing the piano do

okay it wasn't intentional You know exactly what you meant. He just walked on a piano. He played it. Watch him. I think he plays Mozart after this. Watch.

Watch. He's about to do it. Very good. That's not a bear playing the piano. What would you describe that as? A bear stepping on a piano. Yeah. He's not playing it.

He objectively played the piano. And what picture is held in? He objectively played the piano. Animals playing instruments. instruments. Look at that squirrel playing the trumpet. Oh my god. What is animals playing instruments

mean? I mean, I won that interaction. We just watched a... You said Wojtek played the piano. You found a different video of a different bear stepping on a piano. He played it. Alright.

Should we do This Guy Rocks? Yeah, Lauren, I'm going to airdrop you one. I slacked mine to Brian. I actually sent him two. You are going to love this bear. Or, sorry, this video. It's a bear playing the... Oh, this guy?

Oh, wait. Have we got... Oh, yeah, I've seen this guy. So, for the listeners at home, it's a small Asian boy playing a pretty big electric guitar. And let's give it a shot. Like, that's insanity. Yeah, that's awesome. I don't even know if his fingers are, like, big enough.

What's stage presence, too? I don't know. I would vote for this guy. we're down some stuff right now i'm laughing to think about like the audio listeners are just like cruising there's a cool riff all right well who's your guy i slacked it to brian you can do either one i'm gonna do both of them i got a two-parter okay oh you gotta make sure you put the music on for the audio listeners there's a fire fire in like a pretty looks like a pretty redneck backyard there's a really large speaker

in the back and let's give it a shot this was sent this is submit oh hell yeah that guy has some of the most insane moves i've ever seen no one's matching his freak dude i know cameraman got in on it a little god this is what it's all about that's what it's all about i know this kind of looks like a blast so can you pause it for a second he's doing the stanky like we've all i know exactly how drunk that guy is because there's there's a there's like a really brief period where you want to dance yeah but your body like he thinks that he is he's killing it killing it but it's only lower body

like i've been i've been that amount of drinks in before where it's like i'm just gonna move my legs yeah to the rhythm yeah that's what he's doing he's killing it at one point it looked like he was like levitating it was like he was like really low to the ground like defied physics He was just on his toes. Can we watch the beginning again? We were talking about after the Trump thing, the only move for Biden now is to survive an assassination attempt in a cooler way.

It's like he gets shot and it nicks his ear or whatever, and then he moonwalks off the stage. Should I do this one? Yeah, let's see it. That guy rocks. All right, here we go. well you want to you want to you want to set the scene real quick dog it's a dog riding a horse in cloak he's also wearing like a necktie for some reason

let's watch that again i need to take that in it's one of the craziest things i've ever seen so one of the top causes something like imagine like you're outside at night and this thing i wonder how many tries that took i mean is there a guy in there or is he like it's just the dog yeah how's he that's the best thing i've ever seen no way you can hold the reins yeah i don't i have a i have a quick this guy rocks sweet hey oh lauren i saw it with my own eyes this very cool guy when i was driving down to san diego oh that is sick he had a he's probably like could be could have been in his 80s um he had a harley davidson jacket he had his vans on

he had these cool orange sunglasses he got his jeans and he just looked like yeah can you zoom in on him a little more zoom in yeah i think the vans are the coolest part yeah yeah yeah no for sure yeah imagine this guy's a playmate it's like no fucking way he just looks he just looks cool i like and i really thought yeah that guy does rock yeah that guy's rocking okay these are some olympic events that do not exist ready um i've got the four by four sprint home from the bar so each country they they pick like a neutral bar yeah and everyone has to go go there and drink for four hours and then they set up uh there's like a mile long run home to their respective houses so it's also like advantage like who has the closest house oh that's almost seems unfair

it's completely unfair and you run a relay race hammered home it's a four by four sprint home from the bar that's wait how did you plot out are you all four you just you just you just send everyone off and you hope that you run into the other guy um well that kind of reminds me of the quadathlon do you know about that so you know triathlon right of course so the quadathlon is hot dog eating archery baseball and cornhole and it's one of the most prestigious in no particular events no it's it's it's in that order so you start off you eat you have 10 minutes you they eat like 70 hot dogs then they go do archery and then they play baseball but the guys in the dugout who aren't hitting are playing cornhole love it it's it's really hard that's awesome uh really

fucking hard it's not a joke thing it's like a really hard yeah it's horrible like only the best athletes could do it like you like mike tyson or you couldn't do it mike doesn't or me couldn't do it yeah cool um have you guys heard of ice and field hockey no like in the middle of the rink there's just like random patches of like dirt and like grass and it like makes it like a huge nightmare to skate on and then like it's co-ed so like all the female players are field are in field hockey garb and all the men are in ice hockey garb so the men are like eating shit when they hit the grass and the women are like slipping all over the yeah and then like at halftime it switches from a puck to a ball okay and it's just a just a crapshoot that's awesome crosby do it no

okay uh last man standing do you know they're actually i think they're starting this one in paris uh it's after the opening ceremonies the each country uh the last man standing in the arena know where the opening ceremonies took place wins another gold medal very so each country designates one guy that's just really good at like hanging out in the arena for a long time yep and uh they just sit in there for you know there was one time they went all the way until the next olympics and they just gave a joint medal nice yeah um it was it was canada and norway yeah it was because i guess they're they have nothing but time yeah they yeah um do you guys ever watched fencing yeah um well they're doing like a different type of fencing this year where

it's who can erect and paint a fence the fastest yes yeah um and yeah that's awesome yep uh oh we should we should tee it up like what like what are the new olympic what are the new events they're doing in the olympics are you excited about yeah okay what events are you most excited for in paris um i'm really excited about icing yeah so uh all i'm i think you just went yeah sorry that's okay uh speed skating with hurdles it's speed skating but they have hurdles that are just as tall as they are in regular jumping and um they're in hurdles you know yeah but the problem is uh no one has ever trained for this someone like they just realized that they added it yeah so it's just regular speed skaters and they're just gonna have to try to leap like four

to five feet out of the air and it's probably gonna be dangerous it sounds horrible yeah um i'm really excited to watch icing yeah they lock um a bunch of different countries in like a just a generic looking living room okay and they're constantly all trying to ice each other okay so you have to avoid getting ice but also trying to ice other people yeah yeah that's awesome thanks uh gardening is in the olympics this year it's so fucking boring it's like watching paint dry i'm not gonna watch it yeah like last year like one guy grew like one tomato and he won and so that was like the best thing that happened yeah i think he was juicing though he brought fertilizer yeah you're right he got caught with peds yeah um i'm really excited to watch the bird slalom oh yes

they find the steepest hill in like whatever city so like this year it's like the steepest hill in paris they round up all the bird scooters and then each country has to go down and avoid like different obstacles as they go down this hill that sounds like a blast yeah but they tape safe they tape the handle down all the way so it's going full speed the entire time you can't slow down or break got it yeah no that makes sense from alembic well it's kind of the opposite of the uphill bobsled the uphill bobsled they just added and it's a nightmare it's uh just four guys they're just doing the pushing part they never get in it yeah that doesn't make any sense no so just push one guy tribe minute like it took all the progress though yeah it took everyone

down with him too i think he died yeah so the uphill bobsled is grueling it's 15 miles straight up it sounds horrifying all right those were olympic events that don't exist what events are you most excited for in this year's olympics i think that's yeah that's a good one you like that okay well we got some new events in the olympics this year what are you most excited to see are these in the episodes no no oh really well and the positive kept him in i don't care all right what are your favorite disney shows from your childhood i always really liked the street life of zach and cody they they they pulled like way too big of a prank on mr mosby and so he kicks him out of the hotel and they have to resort

to like a life of crime and dealing and we just kind of watch them you know figure that out yeah that's good dude the guy the guy from the street life is coming on the other podcast yeah Dylan Sprouse is coming on almost

right yeah I heard about that he's not a player have you seen Trenchcoat no Trenchcoat is three kids want to sneak into an 18 year old movie so or not the movie's not 18 years old but there are three kids dress up in a trench coat to sneak into an r-rated movie yep and then while they're about to go in some sort of big crime or something happens and they end up stepping

in and saving the day and they become heroes and it vaults them into like fame they end up getting elected president and it was all it's but so they have to stick with the trench coat yeah and it goes way further than they ever expected and uh so it's a it's all yeah it's all about them like on the campaign trail and stuff it's awesome yeah oh did you ever watch stocks and blocks no so yeah like the murphy i think it was the murphys they had this baby and while he's playing with his blocks like he kept spelling out like ticker signs for stocks and they they realized that he's really good at day trading so he gets hired by goldman sachs and and he becomes the hottest thing on wall street and why'd you say it like that

he becomes the hottest thing on wall street and um yeah we watch him you know grow up and be this kind of like day trading savant i love that thanks have you seen found no i found is about the the a kid who's on a ship out at sea that sinks and he he comes ashore on this island and it turns out the island is full of everyone notable who's gone missing throughout history oh so like amelia earhart is there who's amelia earhart amelia earhart you don't know who that is amelia earhart oh no one thousand i think well that's how it's spelled but it's definitely not ear like on the wikipedia it'll show up it always has it at the beginning oh yeah you're right air heart well amelia air heart's there amelia ear heart is there too um who's other missing people the

MLK. No, he got shot. Edward Snowden's there. Hitler was there. Edward Snowden's not missing. He's not here. Anyway, so it's all the missing people. Mostly Amelia Earhart. Honestly, when I was coming up with that, I was like,

I'll be able to riff other missing people. And it just occurred to me, I only know Amelia Earhart. Yeah. Hey, she wears her heart on her ear. did you guys ever watch kid counselor growing up yes classic kid counselor was so he like this kid breaks up a fight at school and uh jefferson elementary where he works is like he was really good at that let's hire him as the guidance counselor and so we watch him help kids through like their parents divorce he gives advice about applying to college and all other sorts of

stuff but he's also a kid so he has to he's like so much younger than all of them yeah yeah yeah yeah that sounds really good have you seen drafted no uh the draft there's a big war and the draft age gets lowered and four 14 year old high school freshmen get drafted into war and they go into war and they do all sorts of silly hijinks and yeah um one of them gets killed by an ied but i guess I don't want to spoil the rest of the... I don't want to spoil it. One of the kids gets killed by an IUD. He gets killed by a DUI on an IUD with a D-I-U-D.

Have you guys ever watched Willie... I feel like I'm losing my mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what I'm saying. Do you guys ever watch Willie West? No. Best friends Will and Rusty stumble into their scientist dad's time machine. Do they have the same scientist dad?

No, it's your scientist dad. Oh, okay. they get sent back to the wild west and we have to watch them navigate you know the going through puberty and like talking to girls but then there's also like duel it like they're constantly having to like duel in the town center yeah it's like just throws a wrench in like normal kids have to deal with like middle school dances and stuff and they're like get they're like getting shot at and like like stealing stuff or like um also there's like a saloon everything has saloon doors Yes.

That's awesome. They work on saloon doors. They work for a saloon. They own a saloon. Something like that. Have you seen Little League? No. It's about a Little League baseball team that just,

all they want to do is win the Little League World Series. But that year, there's this team from Italy that's insane. And so it's like a big rivalry. It's like. Yeah. Are you sure this isn't like a documentary? No. I thought I said something more.

That's it? That's cool. That sounds awesome. Thank you. That's great. I don't know what's going on, man. I feel like I'm losing my mind right now. I do too.

Why do I feel like we're in a portal that's getting smaller? Doesn't it feel like that? I don't know if I feel that. I just meant I was tired. Why do I feel like we're in another fucking dimension? Are we in a portal that's getting smaller? Little league. The pitcher can throw a 90-mile-an-hour fastball.

Here we go. I always really liked kid dealers. Okay. So these two girls, they're at their middle school named Lauren and Mia, and they start selling their, like, famous homemade candy at school, but it's not allowed. Oh, I thought they were going to be, like, selling kids. No.

Oh. Kid dealers. Yeah. They would never. He's a kid dealer? No, no, no. They're dealers that are kids. Okay.

And then their kind of, like, empire expands, and they have to start selling in bulk to, like, other schools, and they're avoiding the CEA, the Candy Enforcement Agency, and, like, the IRS because they're not paying taxes on any of this. And it just becomes, like, this whole—it's kind of like Breaking Bad, but for kids selling candy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, I'm going to try to do a wordplay thing with, like, kids—like, candy and— They have to look out for the Reese's Peanut Butter Cops. They have to look out for... That's pretty good. That's good.

No, that show sounds good. I'm surprised I've never seen it. Wait, we're doing it again. We're doing our thing again. Remember, this went viral with Mitt Romney, so just let us cook. They got caught in an almond ploy. Let's go.

I think we might be one hit wonders. Remember that Mitt Romney joke Yeah remember With that Oh man That was the best Thing we've ever done

You guys got anything Else on your mind Yeah well I still Have one more thing The sequel to Kim Possible Kim Prisoned It's really graphic

Oh god Did she get caught Yeah she got caught For dealing kids By the Reese's Peanut Butter Cops It's the Reese's Peanut Butter Cops

I didn't know They were on this case No more mic fidgeting Sorry. Mike Fidgeting. There's a name for a guy. Alright. Reese's Peanut Butter Cops. We should sell that. That should be like an ad.

Reese's Peanut Butter Cops? Hey! Alright. Guys, we had a blast hanging out with you today. And we love you. And what are they going to comment, Lauren? Personality. DK Metcalf's personality.

Oh yeah, DK Metcalf's coming on 60 for 60. I just got a text he canceled. Actually? Yeah. Damn. Why? He doesn't want to eat all that food.

Is that true? What's his name? Are you joking or not? Yeah. No, I'm not joking. I just got a text. He canceled? Yeah.

DK Metcalf was going to come on Will's show. But I'm going to take that and just start canceling plans. He's like a sick wide receiver for the Seahawks. Yeah, he's a pretty famous football player. I was supposed to be interviewing him tomorrow maybe, but he bailed. So I'm going to steal his and start just looking out for myself. Doing what's best for me I'm gonna steal

I'm gonna steal Olympia Snowe's Personality She has a cool name Who's that? I think she was either She was either a congresswoman Or on the women's volleyball team

Google Olympia Snowe Oh was she the Senator from Maine? Yeah Olympia Snowe Yeah Was she Democrat or Republican? Democrat Republican

Fuck 50-50 shot Yeah I like her hair too I'm gonna wear it Yeah she's a cutie Wow really Fin strong here guys um all right what are they going to comment willie comment where you want to go for vacation

comment i'm going home next week cool oh that'll be nice that will be fun and he's not coming to montauk with me because he's going to be home correct um comment comment your favorite children's book ever okay all right we love you guys uh have a great rest of your week and we will see you on wednesday wednesday