Will & Rusty's Playdate - we built the biggest rube goldberg machine

Episode Date: February 24, 2025

Will and Rusty discuss Segways, the origins of Zoom Schwartz Profigliano, and what could possibly compel them to throw a chair at someone. They also reminisce about childhood time-out spots, invent the speaker shirt, and debate why Willy refuses to watch chick flicks. Plus, the boys draft cool ways to say everyday things, come up with new ways to say you're drunk, and welcome Emily Binder from AFP to talk about her trip to Aussieland. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod BUY OUR BUILDING DEPARTMENT SHIRT: https://almostfriday.shop/collections/playdate-pod/products/building-dept-longsleeve HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  TRY EVERY MAN JACK TODAY https://www.everymanjack.com/ GET 20% OFF @CHUBBIES WITH THE CODE PLAY AT https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/play #chubbiespod USE BETMGM BONUS CODE PLAYDATE AND GET YOUR $1500 FIRST BET OFFER TODAY https://promo.nj.betmgm.com/en/promo/geolocator?orh=promo.betmgm.com&wm=7123555 00:00 Intro 01:38 Weird Hash 07:04 Lauren’s KP 16:14 Housewarming Gifts 22:41 Concussions 29:29 Little Siblings 36:42 My Server Cheated on Me 42:57 Roadmap 44:41 Prank Call 53:49 Pitch Submissions 01:04:09 Pitches 01:13:43 Rube Goldberg Machines 01:19:07 Teach Me Something 01:24:51 This Guy Rocks 01:29:06 Drafts 01:31:45 Binder Blast 01:38:39 Whose Personality are you Stealing? #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This family is on the brink of civil war. Mobland, the hit original series, is now streaming on Paramount+. We are the Hartigans. Don't know the net? Then Google us. From the underworld of Guy Ritchie. Do you want to step up the ladder? I want Comet dead. Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan, and Helen Mirren. Do I have to do everything myself?

You want more? I'll give you more! Mobland, new season is now streaming on Paramount+. As always, Playdate is brought to you by Triple, the original high seltzer. Redefining the party landscape? Playdate, episode 82. Episode 82, our... I feel like maybe Roddy White. Sure, give it a shot, Lauren.

Show me Roddy White number. This would be a snipe. I'd be very happy with this. Think like wide receiver Chris Chambers 84 again Al Pacino age I feel like 82 is like an old school wide receiver number

Now they all go like single digits I didn't really think about that He's also 84 Vincent Jackson We are locked and loaded For next week 83 this is brutal

you're so close 82 didn't Aaron Hernandez wear 82 at one point he was always 85 no he was 81 oh this is devastating Dion Branch final guess

we can try again at the end if we want to 83 happy Monday happy monday guys it's it's the beginning of the week and i think this is going to be one of your best weeks yet um thank you i was more talking to the playmates oh i'm getting eaten alive in the comments for my my lack of stance politically um and i have i spent all morning thinking about it and i'm sorry for that well don't let him get to you there's a lot of people

out there you know that doesn't mean anything correct that was pretty much nonsense no like worst uh well i mean you know where you know i feel i'm not gonna rehash an old horse worst re how's your hashed horse that's a good one what was the what was the red oh my god i had a meltdown speaking of weird animal hashes i had a fucking meltdown the other morning oh y'all don't get to it so lauren had a killer party i will tell you we can all talk we can all talk about that in a second i have a very funny lauren put me in an awful predicament at that party but we'll get into that after uh so i wake up very hungover and we have brunch with my family and all of us uh yeah where were you guys

we have brunch with my family and uh my girlfriend is like looking at the menu of the place we're going to in advance in advance classic girlfriend i know i'm glad she did though because it's it threw me into a spiral i don't know if you guys have eaten at gelena they don't tell you what the food is it's just the all the ingredients listed and then you have to like do the math of like what that would equal really i was granted i was exaggerating a little bit but like in the moment when it's like a confusing yeah menu i was furious she was trying to find things that sounded good yeah and one of the things was like she was like you could get the duck hash and i was like what why would i do it was the worst thing she possibly could have said

so i'm so mad we show up but you have to put on like a nice face now yeah because you're with your family and i was just sitting there fuming there were scrambled eggs the whole time i just didn't it was the first thing on the menu i didn't i apparently she had told me multiple times and i tossed inside of the bird dropping and i was just not having it um but yeah i was like just the the worst thing you could possibly say to someone who's already acting like a child yeah is like a you can get the duck what about the duck hash that sounds good no what about the intestine soup why would i ever have that but um yeah killer what's the predicament i'll tell you once will had something oh i was gonna i was gonna ask if you i was thinking about segways

because you said segue do you ever know guys that like they actually wrote on the yeah like at school i had a neighbor that would cruise around in one of those dude i feel like i heard of at least five accidents that happened uh like people they got in accidents on segways like oh yeah do you know bad ones awful and unrelated to segways but like when i was growing up there was a car accident on our street and a guy got like launched across our whole street and i'm not don't make that face at me you can't say you got launched across and hit the tree and like hit the tree in front of our house and died isn't that fucking insane i don't remember it i was how did he get launched he didn't have a seat belt on he got in the car and he flew i thought

i thought you meant he was on a segway no he was not he like hit the brakes too hard get like cartoon shot no no no speaking of wearing your seat belts uh sometimes i sometimes i take my seat belt off before we land oh on airplanes on airplanes dude i've definitely done that before hundreds of times yeah that might be an exaggeration but like they don't know no one tell they i feel like when i was a kid they'd like time to put your seatbelt on and now they just don't i think they assume like that guy's an adult you would put it on the i was listening to an interview of a guy who was on the plane that flipped and he was like yeah we all landed thank god we were all wearing our seatbelts and we were all just hanging upside down yeah i was

thinking about that like we might have fucking died holy shit yeah well or you were like scattering down the aisle everyone and the flight attendant is just shaking his head you're joe cool until you fucking i don't think i deliberately ever do it but it's just like if i get up and go to the bathroom sometimes i forget and then i'll land i'll be like oh i didn't fucking yeah or like sometimes like i remember one time recently the guy came by and checked he's like looked at me and nodded and i looked down i was like i'm on my own but i had what no i had jeans and my jean jacket on so i was like plausible deniability there's a blue seat belt there's a sea of blue there how did nobody die that's what i'm shocked have you watched it yeah it happened like really

it was obviously i'm not trying to make it seem like it wasn't a huge deal as far as plane crashes go this one looked like a walk in the park like it landed completely normally and then was just like did you notice there did you see the guy this screenshot that was going viral it was like passenger interviewed who survived toronto plane flipping over and it was like screenshot at the exact moment that his the subtitle that he was saying was i didn't really notice anything wrong he's talking about like the initial descent but they screech out yeah so it looks like that's really funny um yeah wait so lauren has a killer had a killer wig party on saturday oh yeah so lauren what room are you in right now lauren they built

over the weekend apparently built a room behind lauren aunt linda's aunt linda's living room they built like some seinfeld ass set behind lauren where it looks like if someone walks through that door it's like a minute of applause before they get to deliver their line uh so lauren has a killer party yeah thank you for having us did you have a good time a great time i feel kind of bad that we upset my neighbors but that's like a one and done lived there and then one and done through like a high school party um they were okay there were only a handful of high school i had so much fun we were playing king's cup and one of will's friends was just putting the card you know you you know you put it under the tab yeah was just putting it

like in the existing pile and like somehow had a really good knowledge of like friction like you know if you like fold two phone books together you can't pull them apart yeah even though there's nothing holding it she would put it in there and so technically it wouldn't the card wouldn't fall out but it's not adding any pressure interesting to the tab and so i called her out on it who is this i think it might have been leah you can ask her she's cooked and uh and then unbeknownst to me the landlord had texted lauren like you know time to wrap it up yeah because the name apparently was like a baby blow and lauren just phrased it to me like let's go come on let's go to the bars like tell everyone we're going to the bars and so i started like going around being like hey all

we're gonna go to the bars and it wasn't really making any no one was really listening it wasn't yeah it wasn't sticking and so lauren was like make an announcement it you did do it twice but so my thought was like lauren's gonna be twice like got everyone's attention and announced a bar that was closed but lauren i thought lauren was gonna be like standing behind me and it was gonna be very clear that this got like lauren he's doing this on behalf of lauren the host of the party lauren just walked away both times so it looked like there's just a rogue guy trying to shut down someone else's party and then after the second time you have to just stick to your guns because if i stayed yeah yeah everyone loses respect for me so i just left alone and

then no one had to lead the charge and then no one followed me and so i just look i was thinking about it the next day like because there were a handful of people i didn't know there yeah that would have just been like who's that guy that just announced the party was over and then left you guys were like five seconds behind me but i that was the most embarrassed i've been in a while being in the elevator just like fucking no one respects me the well the funniest part too is that the bar you announced literally was not open what bar did i say no i think it was open it was just dead it was closed oh it was actually close yeah um we we ubered there and then but i actually yeah the other yeah i want summer but dude hanano was crazy that night it was someone's got a chair

thrown in his head oh what do you guys see all this shit it was when i went into the go to the bathroom you guys were sitting outside there's this guy that was going there was a guy with a backpack running around outside like telling everyone that elon musk was going to shut down hanano and like telling the bouncers and like coming up to people's tables and the bats are like yo but like and the people like he was being a total nuisance was he joking or was no he was like office rocker yeah but he he looked like a normal guy which was like so he like when he walked up your table to the government yeah you give him the benefit of the doubt but like he wasn't clearly had something wrong with him yeah and he was like uh anyway and then i i went to the

bathroom right just as we're waiting for the uber and in that time i guess someone fucking launched a chair at his head and so he was like bleeding out and shit how did i miss and then and apparently one of my friends went up to the bouncer i was like should we call the police and they were like technically he hasn't committed a crime so there's nothing we could do and we're like no because he's bleeding out on the sidewalk oh like they were like should we call 9-1-1 meaning like to help the guy technically hasn't committed a crime well he's like oh not to arrest him like the guy i feel launching a chair at someone is it sounds like he was like asking for it in the way that no one blamed the guy he's like come on yeah come on you won't you won't throw that chair at me what would

compel you guys to throw a chair at someone the next day elon musk shut down i don't know so i mean hey if that if it comes to that me not me not being involved in politics is not gonna have to not gonna be something you're gonna worry about i'm gonna be leading the charge that guy was there to get you into the movement that's a good question lord lauren asked what is something someone would have to do for you to throw a chair at them uh call my mama a hoe that's good i guess you the real question is like you'd have to be in a scenario where there's like right now someone could say almost anything i don't know if i could muster up enough strength to throw this chair at them but if we're at a place where there's a bunch of to be yeah you have to be it

has to be the perfect storm where you're in a sea of throwable chairs and i'm picturing like an outdoor barbecue like penmar everyone's like kind of on the floor you just like grab someone's folding chair and i think if i've said if you had a chair at penmar's people would eat you a lot these things are hard to come by oh i don't know i've i've never been it's all like i've gone a long oh another thing that i don't i don't mean an actual like high up chair like a like a little Oh, like a beach chair. Beach chair. Yes, beach chair.

Yes. Another thing that happened to Hanano. We get in line to order beers. And Paseo. And Will. Can you hear? Does it register on the microphone when he farts? Not really.

I didn't fart. Oh. I didn't fart. Oh, prove it. That one sounded like it stung. It hurt. But I didn't do it. If I had done it, it would have hurt.

Okay. So we get in line to order beers, and it's me, Will's friend Leah, and my girlfriend. And I give them my card, and I'm like, I'm going to the bathroom. Will you guys get, I was like, get two beers for us, get one for Leah. And then apparently the second I left, Will just queued up with like eight other guys and was like, come on, Jack's buying. No, that is not what happened. What happened?

what happened is i walked up and i was like should we get a picture and then your girlfriend said yeah i got it and i said no don't worry about it i got it and then she said it's jack's card and i said oh okay then you got it that was one picture way more believable it was one picture it wasn't eight guys i was like get on come on guys me and your girlfriend you and the guy who threw the chair next round's on me guys um and i went out and threw a chair at that guy she told me that story and then she saw me write it down in my notes and then she backpedaled and was like wait maybe i i might have she was like yeah jack i might have like pushed back like twice i was like all right yeah it's his card this podcast is brought to you by triple triple is the original

high seltzer with three milligrams of thc and just 15 to 20 calories triple offers a social buzz similar to that of your favorite hard seltzer light on calories high on life it's all natural gluten-free and again just 15 to 20 calories i love triple me too brother uh i did i partook partook can i say that canadian partook in uh some tripling this weekend it was awesome uh i went on a nice hike on saturday and then we got back and we played wingspan and ate in and out and let me tell you when you're playing a board game and eating cheeseburgers there is about no better drink to have in your hand than a triple it's truly i don't want to speak for the people over at triple yep that is what triples were made for it was awesome it was awesome it was fantastic

guys triple is born from a desire to blend thc's social buzz with the social ritual of sipping on a seltzer triple is currently available at grocery stores liquor stores bars and restaurants in Missouri, Kansas, Iowa, Louisiana, Georgia, Florida, and South Carolina. Looking at you. Take a vote on it. Okay. All right. It will be available in Illinois, Arizona, and Ohio by the end of the year.

Looking at you. Cleveland! This is for you! Cleveland, stand up. Nationally, it is currently available online. To get it now, go to drinktriple.com and use code PLAYDATE to get 10% off your order. that's drink trip or that's drink t-r-i-p-l-e.com and use code play it for 10 off your order triple the party landscape i like grapefruit was bringing the wine over was that flan's idea or yours oh

yeah i thought we should have done that that would that would have been the right thing to do it was a housewarming party you didn't bring lauren again the only people that brought you like the wine well we haven't opened it yet but i'm going to crack it open on friday i kind of forgot it was a housewarming um ryan our ryan brought me and mia a guacamole bowl like the biggest a mortar and pestle really did you not see this well like so kind that's awesome but that's also hysterical it was so funny where do you get that i have no idea i like to think that he didn't have one lying around that's what i i think he did he it's so the text exchange between lauren and ryan after that is truly one of the funniest things i've ever read because she lauren texted me it

was like get ryan's address but don't but don't tell him that it's me asking and i was like i can't text him he's gonna think i'm like drone striking him like if i'm like probably probably would go to drones what are your coordinates and he so what did you text him one well i just i just said hi what's your address and he goes he wanted to know why so i don't really go over to his house and kill him and i was like don't worry about it and then and then he eventually gave it to me and i was like yeah i just wanted to like send or he goes oh you're thanking us for the mortar and pestle i said yeah now now now it's funnier than now that well i don't i don't i don't know how to recite it but um i just feel like that's like a thoughtful thing to do and like it's funny

to be like oh i'm gonna send a card that is awesome that's so nice i did yeah and i probably would have gone my whole life without buying a mortar and pestle and now i what's the second one pestle I'm glad you asked because I thought I was like I'm not going to be the one guy who doesn't know what a pestle is mortar and pestle the pestle is the thing that you like when we were at

I you know I ordered you actually a bigger bowl right but I lost it Will and I actually chipped in on we bought all the ingredients for guacamole but we bought it way too early and it spoiled

we ate them that's that's understandable and i bought you a hat and mia i bought you and mia one of those two-person hats for when you go out you guys go out together where it's connected so you never lose each other and you look great perfect but i lost it what are those bikes called were there tandem yeah we got your tandem hat i did a tandem bike over the golden gate bridge with my dad when i was like way too old to be doing that right i was like 14 or 15 and i was just like my parents like we're gonna go on a big bike ride i was like i don't like i made like a big stink when we're vacation in san francisco my dad was like all right fuck it you'll you can do one of these

little dumb ass tandem ones with me and i was like fine and then it was just humiliating the whole time it's hard to coordinate right yeah like two butt like butting heads with the guy about what gear you want to be in well it's like the the bridges part is like kind of fine but it's like when you're in the city and you have a bike like we had to get from our hotel to you know i thought it was like you start at one end you drop it off and we biked it all the way to like sausalito which is like on the other side of the bridge and then took a ferry with it back it's just a big object to have you know it's like 11 feet long yeah my dad jerry rigged like a a thing to hold my car seat on the back of his bike yeah when we were kids and it was like held

together that's terrifying terrifying that's like the one thing you don't you don't want to jerry rig you want to be you want to have professionals bolt that in and it was like held together by those um like you know those like it's like a elastic rope with like two hooks on the end that like every dad has in the garage yeah it was a bungee cord yeah so it was like just held together by a bunch of bungee cords yep and he said we were biking to church when i was a kid and the front one fell off and so the the seat went back and i was like inverted but i couldn't speak english yet so i couldn't like what were you speaking then taiwanese maybe but he was like he was like you there was no way for me to communicate what the problem was yeah and when

you're biking it's kind of hard to like assess the situation so he just heard like and it was my head hitting the back tire i was wearing a helmet it was my head hitting the back tire and he was like thankfully we were like around a corner so my mom couldn't see it yet because he was like 50 yards in front of her he was like i got it back fixed by the time she came around the corner and we had to like pretend we were just waiting for her oh that's so that explains so much i know one time his head was hit on bike tires as a little child i mean that is it's all connected he he he actually got like got me to hit my head like a lot when i was a kid when i was got me to like he like egged you on

no no like like it was like completely his fault multiple times there was one time we were snowmobiling and the plow had pushed all the snow into just like the perfect jump yeah in the world in our driveway and so we were coming back across the pond there's like a pond that when it freezes you can go out on there and like dick around and he was like i was sitting between his legs like this and so there's like the front part of the handlebars on a snowmobile that's like kind of padded but like not really and i'm wearing my new yellow helmet it was sick i had a visor on it and uh he was like should we should we hit this jump i'm like yeah and he was like i just he just gunned it and like kind of didn't really think about like how it was gonna go and so when we

landed we landed like ass first and it like slammed forward and my head went into the middle part of the handlebars and popped my visor out and like nothing happened but i was furious that my new helmet was broken so i was like i'm gonna go like i like got off to run to tell my mom like he broke my helmet he broke my helmet and he said we have like a negotiation in the lawn about like dude if you just just be cool like we'll go get a new one like right we can get you can get whatever one you want and so we like kind of like slapped the visor back on and walked in but the visor was like shattered and she was like what happened and we made up some story but i still i don't know if she knows about that she's gonna know now like multiple

times almost like clip this and send it to her yeah how many concussions have you had uh i think two or three i got two in a like the same month i think i told you that right now i was in college i told my mom i was playing basketball but the truth i was is i was too i'd been over served and i was walking down like a really steep street and i just ate shit and slammed my head on the concrete and i woke up uh like there's like blood on my forehead and shit uh it was kind of scary and so then i went to like concussion protocol and uh there's like athletes there well that's thing i went to like the school like the college doctor and it it literally was like the athlete guy uh i was not exactly an athlete at that point but i was like i had i was getting through it i

remember i had like one week left and it was easter there's this all-time moment where uh we had planned this trip to my parents house in maine for easter with all my friends my parents were gone and uh the doctor had told me like the three things i i had been running a lot of that time so he said no running no uh drinking and no like blows to the head and we went to easter like the last week i was supposed to be in the protocol and i was like i'm gonna be fine you did sprint boxing i kid you no i kid you not we're in my backyard i'm running through the yard with a beer in my hand that i was drinking and someone nailed me in the head with a football and we're like that was all three in one i was running around the gauntlet and then i was actually

supposed to be cleared my last i had an intramural frisbee game and i was like i'm not going to play in this intramural fight or frisbee game because i'm getting cleared tomorrow and i was just on the sideline throwing a frisbee back and forth and my friend maggie threw it over my head and i was chasing it backwards and i tripped on a bench and hit my head into the brick wall in the stadium and went in the next day and he like evaluated me he was like yeah this is like worse than the first one so it's like my whole spring of my junior year of college i was like in and out of a concussion oh but god saves his toughest battles for his strongest warriors oh and then i had one i maybe last year too when i fell off a scooter yeah speaking of hitting your head yeah

same brunch on saturday sunday we're sitting there and there's this kid kind of like rocking you know like you find that perfect pivot point on the chair yep and i was like why is no why are his parents like this was a just a disaster waiting to happen yeah and no one's stopping it and then you see him and he because he's doing the like bounce thing where he like comes back and then hits the table and bounce whatever and he just gave it like the biggest push i've ever seen how old is this kid seven six seven yeah and he just went like ass over tea kettle went all the way back smacks his head on the ground and like everyone in the restaurant like rushes over to him as if this wasn't a thing that like i could have seen this coming 20 minutes before it

happened and so he obviously because everyone around him is panicking he starts panicking and has like kind of a mini freak out and uh and he was like a celebrity for the rest of brunch because you were like got to watch this whole thing happen yeah and then when he's leaving he was kind of like like i think he probably got a concussion and we were talking about it like if you're a parent and you like freak out when your kid gets hurt like they freak out but have you ever seen those parents that like the kid takes the biggest spill and no one acknowledges it's the kid like doesn't like i think if you just parent them in a way where like when they take a spill you're like are you are you okay instead of being oh yeah like they don't freak

out yeah i agree like i like those videos where they're holding a baby spit on me and kick me and say bet it hurts now fucker did you guys get i'm just kidding they never did that and my dad's gonna listen to this podcast and be like what the hell why did you say that you guys ever get soap in the mouth or like spanked or anything soap in the mouth maybe i think by because my mom's parents were very strict yeah but she was like just the nicest woman but every once in a while i think it was like a new thing would happen and she didn't have the parenting tools for it and so she would like go to revert to like what happened to her and then realize like oh wait what yeah i uh we had a timeout chair yeah that i was very scared of that they would make me go sit in

but in retrospect it was like the comfiest chair we had in our house yeah and i always thought that was funny well it's just because you're confined to that yes even though like chilling there wouldn't be bad at all but you ever see that there's a monty python sketch where they're like we sentence you to the comfy chair it's like no not the comfy chair it's just it's just like a silly thing they do on and so it's like an on it was like online before it was on tv and they would do this sort of silly joke nice one another and they was tv yeah it would take me so long to explain it's like a movie for shorter guys shorter length guys shorter it's a movie for it's movies for guys with no girth it's like a movie with a guy like a tiny shaft i guess

um ours was the third step on the stairs dude i was i was you couldn't sit on the first or second and it was torture because it was just like you couldn't get fully get your foot on the ground and it would be like i think it was like the longest ever sat in there was like 15 minutes but i remember just being sitting there and being like when i get off this fucking stair all hell's gonna break you ever know about when tim denell and executed the triple carry so we let my brother and sister and i our bedrooms were on the third floor of our house and there's this like kind of big tall long staircase up to it was pretty steep and like my dad i guess growing up with my brother and sister would do the double carry where you like

take one over each arm and take them up to bed but they're my brother's seven years older my sister's nine years older so by the time i come around right one of them's nine one seven there those are pretty big human beings so apparently there's only one documented ever and like i had my own room until i was like two or three and then i moved with my brother or like three or four maybe i don't know so there's only one documented ever triple carry that he executed in like 2005 that he's the goat went down you know like he would literally talk about it like five years later mary pat remember when i did the triple carry she's like oh yeah that was so hot oh that was probably so fun for your siblings having like a little baby

sip like brother yeah apparently my my sister uh sobbed when she found out i was a boy but then also was like i think i was like really mean to her as like a little kid like she always wanted just to love me and hug me and i would like scream when she picked me up so i feel a little bit of guilt for that but i don't know i didn't do it i mean i don't remember doing it and then i was a terror to my brother in his teenage years knocking him out for drinking and stuff yeah i remember finding out my oldest sister smoked weed and just being like i gotta do something like i gotta put to stop to this like she's gonna die i found a grinder of weed on my brother's nightstand i had no idea what it was and i like looked at this thing when i was going to bed what the hell is

what the hell is this little like container oregano like i actually had no idea so i'm getting into cooking i went to bed and then years later he he like something came up with like weed and i was like it like all clicked and i was like yeah and i was like mom mom two years ago november 4th 8 p.m i found a container of it i had a similar one where they're 15 my sister would keep weed in her center console of her car and uh she wouldn't take me she wouldn't give me a ride somewhere and i was just like all right like last chance last chance to give me a ride she was like nope and i was just like mom there's weed in kara's center console she was like what like no don't no she was like we're not those type of people like you're not we're not gonna

like rat on each other that's odd that's odd like i'll talk to your sister but like that's weird that you're one of those they used to dress me up in like dresses and stuff yeah and uh my sister posted a video of me dancing on youtube one time like in like women's clothes yeah and it got like 10 000 views which i got the time was like yeah just a career ender and uh at a tough time at keeping that one off people's radar at school my my brother uploaded a video in 2008 that got over a hundred thousand views jesus and it was called uh i don't even know if i can say this word wanksta rap it's all about joking it's not to my wanksta rap you might try to say that It is crap, but you know it's not.

In fact, it's hot. If you think that's not the word, you're really absurd. It was him and Jimmy Wallace just spitting bars. 100K, that's pretty crazy. Yeah, that was like very early YouTube. Like there weren't enough videos. Yeah. And yeah, it was like, it was the talk of the town, man.

I saw a video of the YouTube founders like a couple months into it coming out. And they were like, just talking about how they didn't think it was going to be. They were like. I just saw that video. videos uploaded and they're just like no one is using this do you guys remember the very first youtube video going to the zoo was that this is i was trying to remember what it was um i just saw that this week there was a video there's a video of me that i think inevitably will come out if this keeps going the way it's going um and i just want to get out ahead of it i may have already

gotten out ahead of this but um i went as a rasta for halloween one year and i got like these dreadlocks i thought they were the coolest thing in the world i was like eight and i was like you know who else has dreadlocks lowane and he had just dropped bedrock so it was i used to listen like when i would go to sleep like i was obsessed with bedrock i was like let's make a bedrock music video and so i'm in the dreadlocks so i didn't do blackface but i did black hair and uploaded an entire full-length music video of me as little wayne to bedrock you're also eight so yeah uh no i think i think we i think you're going down for this yeah i just want to say to all eight's old enough man when i when i was eight i was reading scholar reading scripture

any scripture i was reading yeah that yeah there's i've yeah there's pictures of me with like me and my dad used to dress up with sombreros and mustaches for the jets when mark sanchez was winning all those playoff games and those pictures are very much still out there so i think that's more damning for for denell and tube plus than you yeah yeah on tube plus We wanted to take a second to let you know about our go-to personal care brand, Everyman Jack. I use a lot of Everyman Jack. I'll tell you a little bit. You need a lot of it.

All right. I'll tell you a little bit about my morning this morning. I woke up, got in the shower. I have a rotation of four different body washes because they sent us a bunch and I'm a greedy little boy. But I use that. Then I use the three-in-one or two-in-one. I can't remember what it is. the shampoo and conditioner it's two in one two in one i just counted the two in one shampoo and

conditioner gets me feeling right i get out of the shower i throw on the aluminum free the red one i think it's cedarwood or sandalwood yeah that i'm wearing it right now you can probably smell it from here because i smell like a million dollars i've talked about this before i've used everyman jack since i was a kid because i used to get rashes in my armpits and my mom switched me to everyman jack and the rashes went away and they never came back everyman jack is the clean men's care brand specifically made for guys from body wash to deodorant hair to beard care they've got everything you need to look smell and feel great without breaking the bank guys give everymanjack a shot today and head to walmart target or amazon to pick up your next body wash and stick of

deodorant try everymanjack today this podcast is brought to you by chubbies spring is almost here so it's time to shake off those heavy layers and bust out those beautiful thighs boys whether you're on spring break heading to a backyard barbecue playing a round of golf or delivering a podcast ad read chubbies has the styles for any spring occasion with a variety of bright and comfortable polos and high quality thigh exposing shorts chubbies has the style to fit whatever spring vibe you're going for i want to say i love the original stretch shorts uh sometimes i get crazy and get the four inch inseams which i know you say might be too much skin because my body rocks too much i don't think so and i don't think people out on the venice boardwalk think so

i like to walk there big long strides with my four inch inseam chubby's original stretch shorts and the ladies love it even more if you thought the deal couldn't get any sweeter prepare to be proven wrong in the best way possible for a limited time only during the chubby spring break sale all shorts and swimwear is 35 off with select styles up to 65 off now that is how you do spring break so head over to chubby shorts.com take advantage while you can don't blend in with the crowd stand out with chubbies let's get back into the episode i went to dinner last night with my mom dinner oh ospy ospy oh you went to ospy of course ospy my favorite and we got i got the i got like the greatest waiter of all time his name was chris he was just killing it very cool like

we were talking about i was telling my mom a story about negronis story about it's like a guy you know i was i was at dinner a couple weeks ago and the guy asked me what gin i wanted in my negroni yeah and i had never considered what alcohol was in negroni and i and i don't like gin and i was like gin in my negroni like i knew what was in negroni and he was like yeah that's what's in them i thought it was whiskey or no it's apparently it's gin what's a negroni i don't even know it's like campari gin it's like a red drink it's kind of bitter it's lovely you'd like it i don't think i would like that at all okay i always mix up a negroni and a manhattan yep and uh and so i learned that i apparently do like gin just in a negroni so i

was telling her this awesome story and our waiter like appeared out of thin air and he was like did somebody say negroni can i get you guys started with a couple and we were like uh yes you can i like this guy and then he was bringing us free food he was cool he was everything was quick just all around great waiter yeah and we were i thought we were hitting it off which we were i hadn't considered maybe he's just like good at like wooing the guest yeah and then i look over and he has this other table like cracking up the rage that i got filled with when i saw like another table having fun with chris yeah it was the it was the most mad i've been ever i looked over and he hit her he hit this old woman with

a zinger and she like almost fell out of her chair and i was like you whore that's my man i was furious yeah it's kind of like when you found out dr vu that's exactly what i was gonna It was the most mad I've ever been in my entire life. Yeah, that is really brutal. It felt like... It felt like... Same thing with your babysitter, too. Yeah.

It just felt like getting cheated on. It felt like getting cheated on, but a hundred times worse. Well, that's like when I walked in here and Lauren was recording another podcast yesterday. Is that true? Yeah, with two way hotter guys. Maybe. What do you have to say?

They were doing sayings that do exist. i have more fun with you guys but you they're just eye candy yeah you have a side pod what's your side pod a side pod elevator pitch wait what was i gonna say uh oh i don't remember actually but what no nothing no i don't have anything to say we should clip that i don't have anything to say yeah man nothing um okay were you in here when uh he was reading the prank call option nope because it's your turn i'm done did you hear i saw gone girl for the first time yeah did you like it yeah i thought going in i thought it was a chick flick oh that's why i had never

seen it flick not did i well i don't really yeah yeah i just thought it was girl it had girl you don't like girl movies like my sister grew up like making me watch like 27 dresses and shit and like i don't yeah that that ain't gonna do it for me and that's what i thought gone girl was turns out it's not and it's got that rugged sexy the town energy that i like ben affleck bingo he he's rugged sexy the town energy i watch gone girl for the rugged sexy the town this sort of detached might be a psychopath sexy hunk i like hate him in that movie though yeah he comes off as pretty but i feel like he's kind of supposed to wait why he's just he's like so he's like so what happens i haven't seen it okay this is the part of the bucket where

he spoiled your own girl as a heads up if you have it if you haven't seen gone girl skip two minutes ahead he his wife goes missing and he gets framed or they that he's like the top suspect and everyone thinks that he killed her and then it basically comes out that she left and framed him for killing her why did she do that because he was cheating on her and she had found that out it was a loveless marriage well if you like and he was cheating on her with emily radzikowski oh you know she hooked up with gibby emily radikowski on icarly on icarly well her character hooked up with gibby she was on icarly look up emily radikowski it's the funniest clip of all time uh that might be a overstatement well if you liked gone girl you should watch girl on the

train it's okay so funny is that another chick flick if you like gone girl you're gonna love this episode of icarly go to videos oh and neil patrick harris is in it but he's not gay uh the bottom one look i really appreciate you coming over here how long are you gonna keep me waiting who's she who's you wait so she was like a child actress she's just a friend give me two seconds no literally justin i've never seen her okay who is that that's awesome tasha and you're on a date with her yeah what's wrong with her nothing all right we get it but he's in a he's in a gibby's in a velour tracksuit and is presumably hooking up with emily with tasha gibby soprano remember

how insane it was when uh cart when sam and freddy kissed yeah on the balcony yeah yeah i remember that you didn't have tv i don't have it i've never seen the show uh all right should we do the permitting division of the building department oh wait we should do our road map road road in your seat hit the road it's a road map time road map time buckle in your seat hit the road it's the Roadmap time. Roadmap time. Presented by... Should we just call our shot

with a sponsor and then they have to sponsor us? Falcons are winning the Super Bowl. Oh, for what? That's a rule of podcasting. If you say something's presented... We just say it's presented by someone and then we invoice them. All right, welcome to the Roadmap presented by...

I feel like we shouldn't do that. Presented by Driscoll's Strawberries. Yes. All right, we have a lovely episode today. dilute the importance of our actual sponsors we have actual sponsors i think so i think so what we've just been faking it till we make it cheers we create a sense of jealousy amongst like other other brands by just making up the response yeah making up none of these are real but these are all companies we secretly started yeah uh all right we have a lovely episode for you guys

today we're gonna do the permitting division of the building department where we call your parents and tell them that something's they did something wrong to the house yeah we're gonna have to change it and then we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches and then we're gonna do everyone's favorite segment teach me something then we are gonna do this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey we're gonna teach you guys cool ways to say everyday things and then we're gonna do we're gonna tell you new ways to say you're drunk love it all right all right wait first i have the permitting you have the permitting wait where is it jack do you want to do you want to read it again yep okay i'll read it again for you willie is it the one lauren texted yeah

permitting division of the building department is it prank call my dad recently moved around a ton of dirt on our land in our town. Chapel Hill, North Carolina, I guess. We live near gas lines, so tell them to do the gas lines. We've got to move all the dirt back to where it was and get that out of there or something.

His name is Joshua. Hi. Hi, is this Mr. No, no, no. Well, I'm going to have to say it. We'll just believe it. Someone made a comment in the last prank call, where is Minnesota, and you guys were doing southern accents. Or whoever made the call.

god forbid god forbid southern gentleman makes his way up to the land of the lakes oh um uh jane is probably gonna move back to charleston like permanently really because when her when she leaves boston permanent well because she's permanent permanent permanent permanent division because she's where went um in like august or september oh she's been doing travel nursing for the last like three years and she's ready to just like stop traveling so you know msc that's like what am i yeah best friends from colleges yeah she loved loved that hospital and like what like part of it mrs charleston um she lived in what i mean like mount her work not pleasant not pleasant not pleasant wait say that

again like what type of nurse is she uh pediatrics okay yeah all right permitting division he moved a bunch of dirt on our land he moved around a bunch of dirt you don't really get it he like moved a bunch what do you mean is this her dad yeah okay oh my balls oh is my name michael or michael nathan are we all michael no you're aren't you mark i'm my i don't know hello hi is this mr yes hi my name is mike i'm with the permitting division of the building department here in chapel hill um did you recently move a bunch of dirt around on your property uh recently yeah we just got some reports we're just worried about uh interference with gas lines We just can't have, like, big piles of dirt being moved around too much.

No. Oh. All right. Like, the only problem, I sent in a report, like, several months ago. Are you talking about the gas line that runs behind my property? I believe so, yes, sir. Yeah, I just, I've got, like, with the change of that pipeline over the years, I know that it was replaced, I don't know what year,

But so much water runs in that Everett Branch Creek that runs adjacent there. I don't even have my five acres behind my property because of all the water. It's washed out my bridge. So I haven't moved anything, but the water has. All right. Well, that makes sense. That might be what you're referring to. Yeah.

10 foot cliff in front of my bridge now because the water you know just the amount of water that runs through that that um through that creek and it yes so if that's what you're referring to the answer is yes i haven't moved it but the water has so you said it's about a 10 foot cliff oh yeah it's washed out all right well we might need to come in and take a few inches off that then because that feels a little bit steep for a cliff now take a few inches off of it it needs to be the dirt needs to be added okay we could we got plenty of dirt if we could bring more dirt dude you would you would i mean yeah because it's just washing closer and closer to the gas line but and that's important to y'all but what's important to me is that that'd be great if y'all

could fill it in and i'm gonna actually build a retaining wall to help that problem um but if y'all could fill it back in with dirt so i could get to my property it has to be jumbled perfect yeah i've Uh, we can, yeah, I will, I will see what we can do. Uh, yeah, we got, we got a little bit of a dirt shortage, uh, but we are working on it. So I will, I will see what we can do and get some guys out there. Yeah. Could you keep me posted since you have my contact information? Yeah, absolutely.

We'll do. And you know where I'm talking about, right? Yes, sir. Right behind the property. Okay. Do you mind if I get your name and number? Michael. Um, yeah, my name is Michael.

Okay. My last name is Featherstone, F-E-A-T-H-E-R-S-T-O-N-E. Okay. Yes, sir, and my number is... Man, I appreciate the call, but yeah, if you couldn't take anything away, but if you could add, that'd be great. All right, will do. I'll see what I'm talking about. Thanks, brother. Yes, sir, take care.

Right here. What did I just do? I don't know. I was trying all sorts of... He wanted more dirt. That makes me want to cry. This has been on his prayer list at church. No, no, no, he said he'll put Will on his prayer list at church. That's the worst prank call of all time. The funniest prank call of all time where we, welcome back to the permitting division of the building department

where we call you and actually have a conversation about things that we can't fix. I guess the prank is that I'm not going to bring him to church. Should we call Coop right now? I feel like a piece of shit. Yeah, call her right now. Okay, Coop. Oh, my God.

Okay, let me find him. Oh, my God. I don't know what to give. Michael Featherstone? You didn't even say, like, one joke. Was that a random number? I was trying. I was like, we might have to take a few inches off.

I got, like, a 10-foot cliff. I'm like, what? You have what now? Is the cliff jumpable? I felt bad, like, fucking with him too much. Oh, yeah. I probably should have just fucked with him. Yeah, because now you, like, got him all excited.

He was like, oh, man, that is going to just really help me out. also actually don't feel like because he lied to you he moved the dirt around yeah and he was just like nope he's stuck to his guns water has oh he was so nice you facetiming him it was so nice so nice why did i do that i should have fucked with him i got i got nervous i know you i feel like we need i feel like they need to start ending with saying yo i just called your dad holy shit well put it yo what's up put it in the i just i just called you uh yeah yeah yo what's up what up dude uh i called your dad and he was cracked i don't he i got so put in a blender that i just i told him we're gonna bring him more dirt

and then he was really he got really like excited and he said he's gonna put me on his prayer list and then asked for my name and number and then was like thank you it was the worst break of all time because i i think he thinks that i'm gonna bring him dirt now i don't know i got really nervous man i don't know so just one way you should let him know that i'm not gonna bring him dirt i feel bad yeah my dad loves dirt oh no it was yeah he was he was talking yeah i i sent it in so long ago to lauren yeah i thought it was never gonna happen dude i know i responded and then i told my mom about it last night and i was like i'm so upset because like i thought like me and my friends were so excited for them to call my dad and she was like he's

don't let him call him i like i like didn't even fuck with him that much because he was like he was like yeah well we got this new now we got a fucking 10 foot cliff and i was like i don't know i was like well we're gonna bring more dirt and then i thought that he would be like no i I want more dirt But he was like Oh yeah more dirt Would be great So then I was just like

Anyway Yeah just Just let him know Because I feel bad That he's going to be Expecting more dirt Alright cool Alright cool

Alright It'll be out on On Monday Cool Awesome Sorry Talking to you guys Later brother

Sorry Sorry about your dad Peace Bye Oh my god He was nice Yeah it almost would have Been better if you were

Like a dick I know You were just like Yep, we can do that. We can fix that right up for you. We're one of the worst prank callers ever. I don't even know. Like, what even was that?

I don't even know. Call a pizza place and, like, place a big order. I don't even know what the joke was. And then pick it up. I don't even know what the joke was. Should we hear some bitches, Lauren? Yeah. The last one actually was so funny with the shower head.

I couldn't even hear it. Oh, yeah. I don't even know if she... Whatever. We said we had to put the shower head on the floor and then I had to spray him upwards. Because then it's technically a sprinkler. All right.

Pitches, pitches, pitches. That's great. You literally didn't hear any of it. He like blacks out when I do it. Oh, no. I can kind of do it, but when someone else is doing it, I like can't listen.

Oh, my God. I have to sign documents. Bleep that. and replace it with sign documents. Oh, I really have to sign some documents. I have to handle some paperwork.

Pensions. First pitch is from Cal Smith. Wow. Attaboy, C. Smith. I like the name Cal. It's a cool name. All right. Cal says, what up, low dog and the life-size little guys? What is the worst part

about being drunk? uh you can't like you're just wherever you are you're stuck there because you can't drive anywhere waking up and feeling like you're the worst person ever yeah the anxiety cal says embarrassing drunk texts may i introduce you to drunk two-step verification this is similar to signing into google on a new device when they make you confirm that it's you once you get the app tag people in your contacts that you would be embarrassed to send a bad drunk text to your phone will hear you crack open your first cold one and if you text one of those contacts it won't wait where'd i go oh won't send until you perform some sort of skills challenge

alternatively you can assign one of your sober buddies to get a code to sign off on your text much love from the great state of massachusetts thanks for getting me hyped for mondays and wednesdays you guys rock all right i love that so much a lot i'm excited by the prospect of the skills i am too i have one hole to poke in it hit me he he is implying that um that like you're gonna know who it is which is usually usually true where you're like okay can't text these like eight people but like sometimes i'll wake up after like a big night and be like what how did that what even how did i send that to that person like it'll be like someone i went to like middle school with yep we had like a full dialogue yep like the the thought of being able to foresee who

you're gonna want to text is almost an impossible task yeah agreed it's uh what kind of skills would you need but that's also the yeah it's like you have to like set your phone up and like do like i don't know like a cartwheel cartwheel maybe i guess you do the abcs backwards i can't do that so good now that one feels so hard that one i'm terrified that's like should we try it yeah z wait z y x r no r r i don't know it's as far as z y x w t oh v yeah v u t s r q p yeah i would have no idea if you're even right yeah but it sounds good and okay my problem with this pitch good my problem with this pitch is that

okay that was good you'd be in the drunk tank all right um i don't really go on my phone when i'm drunk like i need this for real life conversations like people i actually kind of agree like i don't want to say things and talk and yeah i feel like i don't yeah i like actually like go on my phone way less when i'm drinking yeah just kind of yeah but like once you have a moment to yourself you're like yeah who's gonna feel my wrath i feel like i yeah i think it's it's more irl which is sometimes scary because then there's no like paper trail yeah which is nice i guess in theory but then it's like you can overthink don't know what i think that weren't bad i mean you were really bad on saturday i had so much anxiety after really after lunch party yeah

i was i was joking you guys were totally fine really yeah i was with you the whole time then i guess i left unless the last hour went like insane i left at like midnight and you guys were fine that's what flan tried to tell me she was like what no i was like i was so bad last night and she was like what no i was with you the entire night like you didn't i was just worried the the having to make an announcement twice and then stick to my guns was like that was the most i don't think anyone thought they all knew who you were like 90 of the party knew you oh i have one i have one thing that i said was bad not bad but uh ryan had this ryan brought like the two coolest friends yeah ever they were nice and one of them was wearing like a really long pink wig

yeah and like that makes anyone look like not good and then he took it off to adjust it and he was like very handsome when he took the wig off and what i meant to say was like something along the lines of like like i wasn't expecting you to be this it was a weird comment to make regardless but i basically was like oh that wig really threw me for a loop like i didn't think you were gonna be handsome that seems normal oh that's fine okay never mind i have nothing that's like what i would want to hear yeah oh when i looked over at ryan he was like what that's funny um oh wait i actually those pictures of me were myself oh i was dying i looked way more ridiculous than i thought did you see the one mia took of you at hanano

Oh, we need your photos. Come see what's new at BetMGM. Score bigger when you win with boost tokens, odd boost tokens, and more. And even if your bet doesn't hit, we've got you covered with no sweat tokens. And that's not all. Sign up with BetMGM today and you'll have access to countless betting options, including new look, same game parlays, teasers, live bets, and so much more. take advantage of these offerings and be sure to use bonus code playdate when you sign up with

bet mgm that's code playdate when you sign up with bet mgm let's get back in the episode i have another pitch oh perfect from the playmates pitch from the playmate from the playmate oh did you know that the australian accent is just a drunk british accent apparently really because they like exiled other guys to like tasmania let them go down there and they had like a bunch of alcohol yeah that makes sense and their accent just developed into a drunk accent it's funny don't fact check me on that though i will not all right that'd be a cool name will not william not there's a book there's a show out right now called will trent it's kind of funny that my buddy trent and i are like what the hell that's us

all right all right um thank you cal next pitch is from is that's really good at skiing my buddy trent he's insane sorry it's okay uh this person doesn't have a name it's great we'll put a picture of trent at lauren's party right here it was trent's brother oh that trent i was talking about my other oh you have an actual or you've yeah one of my good friends from college is named trent and he's insane at skiing cool huh it's also a really nice guy more importantly yeah okay all right this is from is everyone okay it's not all about his slopes for you to remember me it's not all about his slopes it's not all about the slopes for me all right i went on a first date her slopes insane what does that mean okay ready now we're gonna listen to lauren new segment where we pay attention

where they don't give into our impulses yeah just actually listen to lauren okay it uh don't know what your name is it's just the username is everyone okay will what's the worst part about being an adult uh i constantly am learning new things that my parents were taking care of that i didn't notice did you get like bills for stuff yeah i would say bills in general bills in general um like nobody could you have to like keeping an eye on my credit score stuff like that all good he says you can't be in a womb introducing the adult the adult womb that's not exclusive to being an adult any stage of life hear me out it's just a giant orb that you float in you don't have to eat or drink or think you're just curled up in the warm embrace of a womb with

no obligation to do or say anything you're just vibing could partner with spotify to play your favorite tunes long day at work plug in and curl up in the adult womb sounds great that sounds awesome does it like feed you through like osmosis um no i think it's through like the intestine i i love it i just worry about getting all wet yeah i don't know if i actually what about bed bed bed is adult womb bed is adult womb you can create a i create a womb like every sunday put my blinds all the way down yeah get my get my room as dark as possible put on how i met your mother and get under the covers i gotta get new blinds my the blinds that come with an apartment like mine suck their ass yeah i need to get new ones uh all right i love it i got blinds that

just came with the apartment are they good nope yeah they're like they like barely barely stop the sun are they like the plastic ones in the morning i thought yours were like the sheer like linen one where just like the sun like still was my last apartment oh but my new one it's no it's plastic ones but it's if i turn left it's so bright so i have to sleep like this so the bright doesn't get me do you guys are you then bright doesn't get you are you guys back sleepers side sleepers side i curl up like this back back and back and fetal i always start on my stomach and then i and then it's on your stomach yeah then it hurts starts to hurt my back it's really bad for your back wait how is it and that's why where do you put your mouth oh you put your arm like

this it's so comfy it's like you're like this but it's really really bad for your back and i've been doing it for quite a long time i'm trying to undo that habit i've never done it um all right what is the hardest thing about becoming a baller uh letting go of the people who bring you down your muscles are sore no no like a money baller like brad payne no like you get me it's expensive being a baller is hackenberg being a baller is expensive introducing baller share okay split the cost of baller things with other people who can't afford to be ballers okay like you and i can't afford nice things yet but if we all pitched in we could afford the baller lifestyle so rolex yep new whip yep yep you get access to one baller

thing a week to flex around town and it's just like a rotating thing i like that it's still expensive yeah but you like i own one i own 150 150 second of a rolex like one month of the year i have a lamborghini one week of the year i have a rolex one one week of the year i have a lambo one week of the year i have a steak i have a huge steak one year one week of the year i have like a mink coat one week of the year just a rotating thing i all pitch it one week of the year you have a house we're pitching a time chair now i like but it's like yeah you have a new baller thing each week and we all split the cost done yeah i want to share a porsche with someone Maybe the three of us could go in on a big hat.

That'd be funny if the three of us probably could go in on like a nice car and just split it. Probably, but then it would be hard to like... Well, you'd get Mondays, Tuesdays... No, I would want it on the weekends. You'd get Saturday, Sunday? I would only want it on the weekends.

I'll take the five days you get Saturday, we'll only get Sunday. But you have to pay five-seventh of the cost. I'll get Friday. Monday is not equal to Wednesday. Monday is not equal to Saturday. can we hash this out later guys you can get sunday afternoon and i get friday i want sunday all day morning i need sunday morning by the time this has come out i will have already dog sat birdie so we'll put a picture of me and birdie right here is that dog from carol i don't i don't

know if that's true are you gonna have these photos by friday i'll have one photo by friday oh cool uh wait what were we saying about splitting the car oh yeah we split a big hat okay teach me something willy what or sorry pitch me pitch me something remember when you used to always do that i have to i have to poop so i'm sorry we got a lot yeah you want to go do it i have a lot more stuff to get through i want to go do it all right play that theme music and when i come back i'm gonna be two pounds lighter oh i feel just so much better so this is rusty after pooping well you imagine you look like totally different like you have like four hands wow grip pitch me willy oh i got a good one

are you tweeting no i'm paying me up for the wi-fi bill how much is your wi-fi bill well just this month it was 36 because it was a first fee or whatever do you get charged by the amount of like six that's not bad at all no it's normally gonna be like 20 a month but that that was really i pay 68 in wi-fi yeah all three of you pay 68 total are you like hacking oh total the main or you're saying so it's 40 for it's it's gonna be 40 total i don't think 68 is bad we have like the highest speed one yeah we have like a basic one okay we got like the highest possible because jerry no edit sometimes that makes sense i thought you were 68 each i don't know do you pay it yeah for sure i recall because like our utilities some guys like the bill goes directly to them twice

yeah so i don't i'm like completing multiple venmo's requests a month but i don't really you don't know what the allocation is yeah that makes sense yeah i was like i have to request everyone it's like 22 each a month it's not because there's three of us yeah but we got that good shit bro you can look up anything you can look up like the biggest thing about the big no seriously bear with me picture the the biggest uh website of all time no no question wow isn't that insane lauren's wi-fi confines her to like bing yeah she or she could look up like a tiny wet like a website about like ants like a little mouse lauren lauren like a website about a little mouse exactly lauren's only goes to miniclip yeah she's like yeah that even that might be too many letters

because we'll get and also make love has commando and eight ball pool which is probably right and at club penguin right and for um she could probably go to cool math games though because that only has like 12 games yeah i'm getting all heated again oh there i go getting heated um i want to say something here's my pitch uh the speaker shirt so our friends at accelerator sent us this it's a cooler do you see this it's on my desk it's a cooler with a speaker bluetooth speaker built in i'm like i like that because usually when you're going to the beach you want a speaker too this is a good two-in-one i'm a slut for two-in-ones sucker pardon my language speaker shirt sometimes when i don't have headphones i'll do this thing where i go like this

and walk around because then you don't have to play it very loud and other people can't hear it but you do not okay for our audio listeners he's resting his phone on his shoulder you have to tuck it like in your shirt a little bit so it's not like often but like in college sometimes like if i forgot my headphones and i was walking around i would just do this really yeah like yes i have done this probably 10 20 times in my life not like on the reg wow but obviously also like i wouldn't do it in like crowded places because i look like a freak but like if i was walking around the pond or something like you do like i in college there was a big pond that used to walk around recreating that scene from goodwill hunting well how often were you walking

around ponds like almost every day in college there was a pond that was on my way to classes for when i lived off camp anyway so i'd put my thing like this or sometimes i use the backpack strap anyway so this would be little speakers that are built into right here in your shirt you connect your shirt via bluetooth and you can play music at a small obviously listen if you're inside or in the library you can't do it because people will hear it but if you're outside walking around and there's no one within 10 feet of you then it's like headphones but you don't have to have something stuck in your ear i like it i think you should take it up a notch if you're gonna have no long sleeve if you're gonna if you're gonna have a speaker shirt like you gotta own it i think

it's like you show up to a party oh it has a giant speaker in the middle it's blasting now now everyone congregates around you and the bass gives you abs and the bass gives you abs that's good yeah i was picturing every thread and like morsel of the shirt being a speaker every morsel not a morsel like every little web the entire shirt is a speaker now i'm picturing just two little ones here but we could do one with the morsel idea so whatever that morsel thing she was saying we could try that we'll put a picture right here but i'm picturing that like lebron sprite commercial where his head like comes apart maybe drake but like his head like comes apart it's all like speakers then it goes back in

trying to get a sprite sponsorship should we do teach me something what was that what are you so no i i the thought of that just like made me queasy like his head having speaker head i have a question she gave me that speaker head she gave me that speaker head i said she didn't connect um i have a question is starry just sierra mist yes cool starry they rebranded as starry they got rid of when was last time you saw a sierra mist you haven't uh like last year nope at least three years i've never seen this in my life that's not true it's everywhere that's the new sierra mist literally i've never seen this look you've never been outside then because it's literally it's everywhere you probably never clocked it you probably thought it was like

sprite or something it's an ice cold sierra mist oh it's full of a picture shotgunning a sierra like you're like see oh yeah when i was in middle school i remember when tfm came out total frat move uh i don't remember when it came out but i remember it existing i remember seeing that and thinking like shotgunning was going to be like a big big part of college yeah and i was like i need to start getting prepped and so i would shotgun polar seltzers which burned oh so much more than a beer yeah that's way worse but it was almost like uh like resistance training you know like sprinters sprint with like that parachute behind them so when you take it off they can go faster oh really i got really good at shotgunning beers because it was like if i can

shotgun this like acid water it's gonna make a beer away a beer was like walking the park i when i was in paraguay when i was uh like 14 didn't they like smuggle you in there no i had to go hide under the seat when i was crossing the brazilian border but that was a different time but i went back to prayer that was when i was like eight but when i went back when i was like 15 i lived there for like six weeks and they that we would play i was with some americans and they would like play drinking games every night like we'd play like king's cup and stuff but i wasn't drinking so i would just drink pepsi for all the drinking games how old were you like 14 oh and you're not drinking because you didn't want to because like your parents were there my parents

weren't there and they were like you can if you want but i was terrified of it i was 14 i don't know and uh i mean yeah i was i guess i was a worm i didn't drink till my senior year of high school this was in this one of my friends damn yeah i started sophomore year what were you doing high school uh uh i don't know like big parties happening what you're just you would go but you wouldn't drink no i i didn't really go not until my last year then i would go but i didn't i was scared of it i don't know i mean it definitely served you better in the long run i think the longer you wait the more yeah i mean i would just like we just like have my buddies come over we just like play fifa and build rube goldberg machines and shit it was awesome what

was the second thing we used to build rube goldberg machines which of course i like it's like you know like okay like this that's like really cute as like a junior in high school that's awesome yeah yeah i was living for the weekend i mean i i kind of just said that in passing i definitely didn't do it like that many feels like you did it a lot that was my first ever viral tiktok we were featured in the local news for rube goldberg machine i built during they were like local dweebs miss epic party to to build children's this is contraption this you've never seen the oh my oh my goaded rube goldberg machine no we'll play it we'll play it right here just google wilden on put wilden out at the beginning of that google no just put

wilden out at the beginning i bet they have a news article comes up yeah family with lancaster ties goes viral on tiktok for rube goldberg machine wait take two like a sophomore in college well this was the this was the the final boss of my rube goldberg wait let me read the beginning while some people binge watch netflix or clean out their space cabinets other people like wildanella 19 and his brother and father are getting creative oh how many engineers in a campaign in campaign finance structures to take to pour a beer the answer is three how cute yeah well others were getting laid did not wait i i don't know is there not a link to the video oh wait it ends with it pouring a yingling yeah it's awesome wait oh man oh

oh yeah is that a group chat oh my mom yeah my mom was so mad that i put the screech out of our text this is uncool and unfair 11 45 it is over wait she was upset that you were taking too long building it yeah or testing it wait wait oh there was there was wait but also look look denown says he hopes to make more tiktok videos like this Wait but You did it Scroll down I'm trying to find the video

It's right at the bottom Yeah I think Samuel It's another beer Yeah just one more Isn't that sick With the subwoofer This is sick

Wait this is insane Then it pulled a string That had this whole like Lever on it That triggered the garage door button I'm incredibly impressed Wow Wait wow

But like it only has like A thousand likes I was about to say I want I don't want to kick you While you're up Yeah kick me It has 800 likes

I know But Okay so what happened is i posted it the first time i got like maybe 5 000 likes and then i privated and reposted it because i was like i think it could do better but still the new the news thing was like the guy just like it came across his page and that's awesome yeah i think sam wants another beer yeah i know and so you're you guys were just shooting basketballs across the house and blasting music and your mom was 11 45 p.m and then the article comes out because it's definitely

the shirt yeah that says length so it was in like we lived in charleston at this point but it was in our length is the length is for newspaper and my mom was so pissed because she was like oh great now i'm like the fucking bad guy in the local newspaper and like all her friends are hitting her up like oh my god like yeah that's so funny yeah also i love how your dad is in on it like that's just so well he was like yeah he loves that shit so adorable he's an engineer that makes sense so this was i mean honestly i would probably be it's not like you guys did this for the first time like what it sounds like is you spent she had to listen to this your entire high school okay i did probably five or six of them over my the years far too many lamps are getting like

shattered me and aiden gomez made a sick one i would do it for like projects and stuff that's awesome i think i think the coolest part about is the subwoofer being a vessel to knock the yeah that's crazy where it like started on the computer yeah um song age poorly though yeah should we do teach me something uh yeah i would love that teach me something i'm gonna butcher the pronunciation of this okay but tardigrades also known as water bears can survive in the vacuum of space these tiny microscopic creatures can endure extreme heat freezing temperatures crushing pressure and even radiation when faced with harsh conditions they enter a state called cryptobiosis where they dry out in nevada what where is that is that near

i'm sorry cryptobiosis where they dry out and essentially shut down their metabolism they can survive like this for decades and then rehydrate and return to life as if nothing happened so there are these little tiny microscopic organisms that like if the shit hits the fan they just shut down and can wait like a hundred years and then just wow i kind of want to go back to life isn't that crazy i think i've seen or heard of these guys what are they called again tardigrades well like you're in like an awkward conversation you just dry up i'm shutting down for a hundred years i actually don't know if i can look at that why why i don't know like the whole is like freaking me out you don't like it's like a gun you don't like it's whole i love that hole wait

oh they do look kind of like weird like bears how much how big is that it's like microscopic you wouldn't be able to see it that's awesome i do like that that crazy yeah that is insane have you guys ever heard this one's sort of interactive you ever heard of zoom schwartz perfigliano no so i it's become delight recently that this isn't something everyone grew up playing but this was a game my dad and i and my brother and i used to always he would always play lauren you got it ready we're gonna play the game so it's just like i say so i was trying to make you i was trying to make lauren realize how it feels when she does that but then she was still on her phone i was i was pranking imitating you again all right so real

quick the game is if i look at you and say zoom then you're up okay and if you look at him and say zoom then he's up so you just pass it by saying zoom you just can't zoom back to the person that zoomed you i feel like i did this in like theater class and then if you kind of like when we were playing king's cup at lauren's and it's like room skirt yeah yeah kind of and then if you look up and say profigliano it goes back to the person that zoomed it to you and if you say schwartz and look anywhere side to side it also sends it back all right so if i zoom lauren yeah she has to zoom you if you say she can do whatever she wants she can't zoom back to me though because that a zoom yeah but she could schwartz it and then it will go back to you or perfigliano and

then it will go back to you so both perfigliano and schwartz just go back okay all right ready zoom zoom zoom schwartz you lost oh so you can deceive me by looking okay so anyway that's the game zoom for i think i did something of that variation but it wasn't those words well anyway so i brought this up to my friends the other day and they were like this is the dumbest game of all time i was getting clowned to no end this is absolutely ridiculous this is worse than old maid which is another game that is kind of ass anyway and then we i look it up because i google it i'm like is this something my dad made up and sure enough there's a massive wikipedia page about it and it has the section

section called possible origins that i think is just hysterical perhaps the most diabolical version of the game was played in the late 80s at suny university of buffalo is that where he went no but there's like all these different ones and it is like all colleges like around where he went to school it's like the game drinking game the eight was a drinking game yeah the game began with the three standard calls uh but then progressively added five others and it was like the final call to be added is the dreaded morowitz which returns it to the person who is it two turns ago i was just crying like i could say this wikipedia page would take you hours to get through oh my god it's all these different rules about like in the 70s princeton had this innovation

and then in the 80s suny buffalo that would be an awesome documentary it's insane yeah the game apparently started in 1914 at towson university shout out the wikipedia pages uh zoom schwartz pig perfiguliano zoom schwartz perfiguliano that's awesome yeah so anyway um oh i want to playmate too or maybe lauren could answer this my sisters went to this summer camp and they would come back and they learned this game called like snaps where they're like oh yeah the game is snaps and like like i would think of a celebrity yeah and they would teach it to the they would get it to the other person without ever saying anything except for like snaps and i never figured out how to do it does anyone do it i think i know how to do it okay do you know how to do it no well i can't

do it solo okay well we need a can you explain it then i think it's something like the first word you say is the first consonant and then you snap through the vowels like a e i o u so if i was trying but they but i remember being like tom cruise and the first word they said was not t so i think it has something to do with like of course whatever you know what i mean like second letter of course it would be this person oh maybe yeah i could i guess i i could be wrong yeah you know what i mean and then they snapped through it because i remember it being like in like i spent hours trying to crack it like in front of a cork board yeah yeah uh all right should we do this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey all right

uh lauren pause this one immediately and i mean immediately this is a gentleman by the name of jamie goldspink okay uh he is about to play some guitar for us yep and i want you to pay attention to his expression while he does this done i think that there is a very deep lesson in here that is like if you bring the right attitude to something that is the most important part i agree with that because he is giving it his best shot jamie i don't want to bring you down at all but he doesn't he doesn't necessarily hit every note but he's so happy to be doing it that i think everyone loved it love it Yep

I like that he's still moving his fingers around The fretboard too Wait pause it He does like when they change keys he does he understands that it's time to change keys but he just he can't play the right notes you know i love that that's a guitar what an awesome sweater he's got the vibes he's got a whole there's a lot of like a lot to like about jamie i agree that guy rocker all right i slack mind to brian this guy's might not rock i won't lie this guy might not rock

um all right what's the caption well this is baseball player wore this sock a month i put the sock all the way in my mouth oh by living to dream i don't know where he got it all right just watch it just watch it no you know all the comments are always like built this fyp brick by brick the top comment on this one is i did not place this brick i don't know where he got this from a baseball player but baseball player wore this a full month it's so smelly i i like can't watch that no we have to i'm sorry you can come up for it i just came up on my 4e page i was like what is going on ew ew

that guy works here i thought you were gonna throw a row i'm like not no william denell why would you show this william why why dude i had to see it so i felt like you guys had but he doesn't rock he far from rock can i can i just say that he might not rock let's think about that guy sucks all jokes all jokes aside the only baseball players that are wearing the only baseball players that are wearing like normal dry fit socks yep or like little league baseball players that's also have you considered that this might be like a legitimate pedophile no it didn't cross my mind until just now oh well that was a room clearer oh

he goes not his only offense can you go to the one of him in a skirt lauren wait i you have to i'm sorry just for me what the actual oh my god is this wait no this is like sad like he clearly has like a very serious problem yeah yeah i didn't click on i'm not i'm not i can't i guess i'm sorry well your guide next week better you're out on wednesday better fucking rock let me tell you that much you are on thin ice right now he's gonna knock it out of the park don't worry it's willie d all right willie would you rather start with cool ways to say everyday things or new ways to say you're drunk cool ways to say everyday things i'm very excited about this one all right all right these are cool ways sorry i can't see my these are cool ways to say

everyday things so i think you say like for blank blank crying is emptying the feelings tank love it uh for lighting a candle flick and wick i like that a lot uh getting a haircut is trimming the hedge like it definitely makes me think of pubi oh uh turning on a light is torch and bulb nice brushing your teeth is cleaning fang brushing your teeth is scrubbing fang that's kind of crazy beat you to it uh tying your shoes is now lacing boot like that i got a lace boot real quick that's very good uh doing your laundry tossing cloth um oh locking the front door is now securing the fortress like that uh if you're gonna take a nap you say i'm gonna close up shop for a little like that uh that's all i had turning off the lights is making night i like that a lot

uh and then i also had taking a shower is cleansing bod kind of mailed that one in and and drinking coffee is powering up i like that fuel for the day gonna go cleanse bod i gotta go cleanse bod real quick i didn't have coffee today yeah but you have an accelerator drinking accelerator that's what i'm saying um all right i put i drank one right when i woke up all right uh yeah these are new ways to say you're drunk i'm lost in the liquid forest i'm down a few buttons i've lost my footing keep me away from the nukes i've been thrown overboard i can't hit the dartboard i'm solving the impossible riddle i'm halfway to horsetown i'm bass ackwards i've seen a thing or two i'm drowned

i'm crinkled i got folded what are you doing if she whispers that in your ear what is that it's like a binder i feel like i'm getting binder blasted right now binder binder get in here binder binder oh get in here yeah binder yes yes take a seat take a seat come on get in here get in here binder binder yes yes okay binder tell us of your travels you were gone for two I feel like I'm being pranked.

No one would ever willingly ask me. You're not being pranked. You're not being pranked. It's a podcast. I hear about my travels. Tell us about your travels. Yeah, how was it? It was amazing.

Tell us about it. You're looking tan. You are looking tan. Thank you. I went to Sydney. I went to Melbourne. And I went to Queenstown, New Zealand. Did you meet any hot Australian hunks?

You know what? I did. Nice. How'd that go? So I went on a date with one. It was one of the best dates I've ever been on. Really? Tell us about it.

Does he know you live in America? Yes. He's been to LA before, and I think he has plans to come. Now he does. At some point. Skin me. He... Okay, so we went to a rooftop bar.

This was on my last night, and I was like, is this even worth it? But I'm glad I did it, because it was just fun. And if I ever see him again, that'd be great. What do you mean it's not worth it? Oh, because... Because it's on my last night. What's actually going to end up happening?

Did you guys kiss? I had to make the first move at the very end, because he like didn't do anything and then he ordered my uber which we love and i was like all right so should i kiss you before i get in this uber and then you said that that's ballsy yeah because i was like i'm gonna be sad if i wait good for you no did he give you an australian kiss i was like you know what i get i get kind of like i get kind of anxious when they don't make the first move and i'm like all right well i'm not gonna leave without kissing this man i want to kiss him was he hot unless he as long as he can sense no that's we'll put a picture of him right

here um no we're not putting a picture yes he's hot like typical australian with they all have the nicest tattoos like just tasteful ones like billy's yeah exactly um it's just in binder thinks billy's tattoos are hot willie ask her your question i don't want to say it to her ask her ask her your question no i don't want to say did he get will was wondering if he gave you an australian kiss what does that mean it's like a french kiss but down under oh no i mean considering i had to make the first move with the with the kiss there no i knew this guy used to say that i know so many people used to say that and i hate them all oh i hated him he stole my girl okay wait so you went on a date with this guy he might come to la do you think that he's your

new australian hunk um i don't know i mean like we only hung out once so i think like he probably doesn't know whether or not i'm worth coming to the states no i don't what's happening visco any guy who asks me for their snapchat i say i don't have one because i'm like i don't want to snapchat yeah that we're way too old for that i was joking that's why i said that we are not you can't group us in we are not the same age i agree i don't i been snapchatting someone in years no i feel like using it is different though than a guy being like what's your snapchat yeah no i've had a few okay but i also met a new zealand boy nice how'd that go but not in new zealand i met him in australia cool he was very nice he was like i invited him

out with whitney and i um and he was like down for whatever and we had a great time we danced the night away what is down for whatever it mean like we went to this club and it was um the line was not moving and they were being very strict and i was like ready to finesse and be like i'm gonna figure out a way for us to get in and whitney was like um i'm gonna go home and i was like like what ass no no no just like sometimes you can you're gonna be like i have a hit podcast no it only mostly works as a girl um like i guess in terms for you if you wanted to finesse you could yeah you could probably just be like these are my followers but like that's cringe um but for me i kind of just like actually do that i've seen people do it yeah like it's such

an oh that's closer thing i i think i could like bobby does it oh no all right so you went on wait wait wait let's do let's do a hypothetical dating show the two men are competing against each other which one did you like more this that's not what if they're never going to listen to this but what does that mean they're both playmates wait you think their pockets is ass no oh but by the way we met up with these girls that were whitney's sister's friends and i was like she's like oh they were like oh you also work at friday beers what do you do there and i was like oh i produce a podcast they're like what podcast i go almost friday podcast they're like never heard of it but we are playmates let's go i'm obsessed with that

playmates stand up stand up that makes me so happy obviously i wish they listened to what i'm talking about but actually makes me so happy i would definitely prefer they listen to ours yeah i i mean yeah they're also more your all right wait can we role play that can we role play the dating show will's the australian guy i'm the new zealand guy and we'll come in oh my welcome to the dating show contestants come on down let's hear your aussie good night mate i had a lovely time with you but i didn't like you pressuring me into kissing you when i was just trying to get you nutty about and i had lots of fun because i'm i'm not from new zealand and i'm down for anything

mate and i'm a kiwi and i'm a kiwi i play rugby tired of the kangaroos in my house the shrimps the shrimp's not the only thing i'm putting on the bobby tonight oh whoa i'm gonna put your shrimp on my bobby i'll give you a new zealand kiss tonight it's like a french kiss but off to the left emily they're perverts on this podcast we have to ask them dating questions oh oh i forgot oh okay alright question number one what are you going to do to impress

Miss Emily Binder why am I I'm going to take her to the rooftop show her all the beach sites and what not I will take her

to my rugby match and show her my strength by lifting other men up by the knickers are you an old timey yes are you a footy

I sound like you're still American you're still American I sound like fucking Tom Hardy in Peaky Blinders alright this has been a lovely episode of Planet

we love you guys oh wait Emily can you do our last segment with us oh yeah Emily whose personality are you going to steal I'm Alfie

ooh whose personality are you going to steal this weekend this week it's our Monday episode oh okay this week fucking

personality can you guys go first while I think alright my fucking personality is fucking Blake from

Birmingham I hate that what I sound like fucking Alfie from Peaky Blinders my aussie accent's gotten quite better oh i'm like that's good well that's right now i literally like i couldn't even do one before i went but now i'm doing a little bit better that's really good that is very good thank you i learned so many terms while i was there okay tell us

hat okay these are like such playdate terms honestly i don't know why but like the things that they call their workers so like construction workers are called um workies brickies no no that's a brick layers um a bricky how many brick layers and then an electrician an electrician is a spocky nice and um a construction worker is a why am i blanking why am i blanking um this is the easiest one uh sheet um we gotta do ads before 11 30 okay uh if i think of it okay well whose personalities are you stealing oh i'm stealing strawberry shortcakes personality who's that Emily, you never watched Strawberry Shortcake? Oh, that girl.

I finished Peaky Blinders last night. I'm stealing the personality of the dog whisperer because I'm dog sitting this week and I'm very excited to do so. Oh, yeah. And you guys, I'll maybe bring Birdie in for the Monday episode. Birdie can sit in for the Monday episode.

Only she don't bark. She don't bark. All right, cool. I'm stealing the Australian boy that I went on a date with's personality because I'm going to bring out the Australian accent this weekend and it's my friend's

birthday so we're going out for her birthday and he likes to party so I'm going to party. I cannot wait to hear that accent. You love doing accents. I love doing accents when I'm drunk. Yeah, wait, what was that? You were doing like your rapper the other week. I hate when they do this. Oh yeah, that's all the

comments too, right? Alright, get out of here. We're doing ads. Have you heard Emily's Xi Jinping accent? It is spot on. Alright, get out of here. Can I help with the ads? We love you guys. we love you guys have a great rest of your Monday

and a great Tuesday and we will see you guys on Wednesday later thanks for having me on