Will & Rusty's Playdate - we got exposed.

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

LISTEN TO WILLY’S MUSIC: https://open.spotify.com/artist/6xwG19uRypVwAnIHjHhWRE?si=tqGVpRTgT9C7wjwV86AlVg  ANDREW LAFFERTY’S VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEynHWmDptE  SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/@playdatepod  NEW MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/  Playdate: https://www.instagram.com/playdate.pod https://www.tiktok.com/@playdatepod Willy: https://www.instagram.com/willdonnellon https://www.tiktok.com/@willydonnellon Rusty: https://www.instagram.com/featherstonerusty https://www.tiktok.com/@rustyfeatherstone Andrew: https://www.instagram.com/andrew_nelson_ PAID PARTNERSHIPS: [e-mail]  GUESTS AND INQUIRIES ONLY: [e-mail] SUBMIT YOUR BUSINESS PITCH HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdPHd7Ps9TaX-TOozyLhDpr9Y7pFNMP9PX7cHuLxap1R78GWg/viewform?usp=header SUBMIT YOUR AITA STORY HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdQElfqdQutn3dzl5HcZfey6YWhbVd-n6XE7FkpfosWZyYhyA/viewform?usp=sf_link SUBMIT YOUR CONFESSIONS HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSedx06Mo5EBt7WJAehTXwRoF3JzP0T7-kiDvYOphgxaPvtzKQ/viewform?usp=publish-editor  SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: If you haven't tried Barebells yet, go to barebells.com to shop the full lineup and use code PLAYDATE for 15% off your order. Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code PLAYDATE at mudwtr.com/PLAYDATE! #mudwtrpod Shopify: Turns out you don’t need a real job. Build your own business with a free trial at shopify.com/playdate 00:00 - intro 4:18 - email of the year 15:52 - mustard up the courage 23:40 - Ben Lualdi 55:01 - Will Smith slaps Chris Rock 1:09:58 - roadmap 1:10:29 - pitches 1:20:05 - this guy rocks 1:25:51 - teach me something 1:28:58 - confessions 1:34:29 - bands that don’t exist 1:35:31 - country songs that don’t exist #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

y'all rocking with willie dean are we rolling andrew prison andrew we are played it played it prison andrew would be episode 239 andrew's brother is that andrew's brother is sitting in and he just got back from san quentin yes sam quentin to be fair and on the record it was a blue collar crime i strangled a guy who's a blue collar crime but he deserved it got it yeah i thought a blue collar crime was going to be like uh fucking shovel fraud here's a question about shovel fraud no i almost died last night no way well i thought i don't i thought i was going to die okay okay i'll take that i go to bed at i fell asleep at probably 11 o'clock okay at about 12 45

so this is like i'm just hitting my stride sleep wise i wake up to what sounds like repeated gunshots under my bed this episode is brought to you by bear bells rusty show me your bear bells and i am like i was in i was in full-blown rem losing my religion like full-blown what's losing my religion it would have been funny if you just let me move on okay it's an it's an rem song got it okay um and oh nice yeah yeah it would have been like a little easter egg but now it's like now it's a big thing committing to um anyway what was i gonna say there are gunshots under gunshots anyway anyway what i i wake up to what i think our gunshot

I can't believe it's not a dream. I'm like, ah! And it's coming from the floor. So I'm like climbing to the edge of my bed. This is the last place I thought the gunshot would be. I know. I was like, I'm leaning over the side of my bed. Oh, so my bike got stolen out of my yard yesterday.

So I'm already worried about guys being in my yard. And then there's gunshots under my bed. So I lean down. I'm like, what the hell? And there's nothing down there. And then I realize it's the sound echoing off the floor. And it's actually coming from above me. And I look up.

What do I see? Two guys shooting at each other. no gunfight on your ceilings i had gotten for lauren's birthday her these big number balloons it said 26 oh my god in the middle of the night one had flown and gotten caught in the ceiling fan and it didn't pop so it was just like it was the loudest noise i've ever heard in my entire life and it sounded like gunshots and something about it happening up in the ceiling it was like sounded like it was coming from the floor and um i am marked safe from balloon i am glad that if there was like a tall guy shooting imagine you like look under the bed he's like no hey yeah hey

idiot i'm up here i want a little bit of like look look at me in the eyes scared um well i'm glad you're okay but and then bike got stolen that sucks yeah but also the other thing about that happened is like oh i realize what it is but it's still happening and it's really annoying to get out yeah it's like it's like one in the morning and i'm standing on my bed like untangling this thing you're the only guy that's ever been excited a balloon stuck in his fan it was great and then it happened again this morning because i guess in my like stupor i just moved it to the corner i was like oh i won't make it back towards the fan did it wake you up again no no it happened like while i was getting ready for oh my god that would have been i know it would have been insane

oh it would have been nuts bro you had my bike got stolen yeah out of my yard which means like a guy came in my yard and just took it scott's too yeah guy came in my yard and he took my bike i mean when it rains it pours also i was laughing scott was like oh my god take it too i was like you haven't ridden yours in six months and i was like yeah it still sucks i'm like actually no i ride mine every day like they did you a favor i take i commute with mine like i walked to work yesterday like if scott's it'd be like if scott's half of the car got taken yeah exactly the trunk's missing no it'd be like if if uh if scott and i's uh books both got stolen and i was like my book got stolen too yeah you'd be like all right my spreadsheet got deleted yeah yeah okay you

speaking of spreadsheets you had i think the group you might have email of the year so far i uh i was all time i was pretty proud of that i was a little nervous i've never sent an email to the whole you ever seen there's like clips of like barstool employees like dave portner like reaming them out because they like sent an email to the entire company they're like i feel like i might get a raise for this one you have like the opposite our our our boss sent out an email to the whole company which is like somehow like 70 people are on that email what yeah it was like 65 people dj press play is on it like i don't even know who that goes to uh it's just uh also a calendar invite to a fire alarm test oh so that's what it was yeah for d like can you imagine

that changes dj press plays day yeah like it's going out to people that don't even work in the office but it said fire alarm test august 14th at 2 p.m or whatever and i within about a minute like pretty immediately replied all to 65 to every employee in this company and said is this something we should study for or is this something we need to study for it was perfect as if there was some sort of fire alarm based examination it was the perfect response it was succinct yep it got the joke across you got the joke across in how many words did we get or is this something we have to need to study for eight whoa perfect i got all right also i believe i counted have to as that was pretty weird yeah maybe have to would count as one word but speaking of speaking oh my god

and by the way when you did that the half of the office i was sitting on it was it was like a laugh track it was like someone at the at pressed a laugh track i wish i had been over there when i did it because i was in the sketch wing isolated and i said it out loud to kylie and dylan right before i sent it and they were like oh take it a little i was like i have to make sure this is at least like a little funny yeah um but then you focus group yeah it was like a focus yeah i focus grouped it but um i've heard i saw some comments about there being a hole in these shorts i'm glad you wore it again yeah yeah well i just want to say there's a liner under so you'll never see my nuts okay and they're my favorite shorts so i get really worried sometimes editing i'm like

a nut was close to coming out there willy or me willy like when you're editing yeah yeah like the podcast or the clips you're watching clips of us and you're about to come out you're watching clips of us saying oh a nut almost came out there you're like oh that's about to come out yeah like that's Are you editing, bro? Freaky ass. And you're having sex. Come on, freaky ass. Look, man, I got to find something to get me through this.

Dodo head. Oh, my God. I've been watching clips of this black comedian, Mojo Brooks, and he calls people dodo head, and that always makes me laugh a lot. Why does his race matter? Definitely funnier picturing a black guy say dodo head. I actually don't think it's about his race. I also have, like, 50% of white guys say dodo head, like, on the reg.

Really? Yeah, dude. That's white as it gets. it's white as wonder bread and i am regretting doing the episode i i think it's more i i think there's like i don't know there's like yeah because it's a lot of the comedy centers around like he'll find like white people in the crowd and like go after him i don't know i liked it i'm scared of fucking comedy clubs now because you don't want to get crowd i do not want to get crowd worked this guy's all crowd work also when we went i went to the comedy store

and like months ago and we weren't gonna sit in the front but then willie simon's friend was working and was like no way we'll put you guys right in the front i was like it's not where we want to be did you get crowd work no but i think the guy it was that it was that uh i think i told you this it was that time where i was it was the day charlie kirk got shot so everyone was doing kirk and then i me and uh this guy jack got like hammered and uh and so i was like just not even listening like i think it was clear like i was not an active participant so i avoided it speaking of andrew nutting i come down this morning to my car and there are six condoms perfectly did i already tell you this andrew yeah yeah fuck tell it again tell it again

wait you didn't tell me there are six condoms perfectly lined up on my windshield under the windshield wipers and they're uh it's my car's in the parking garage so it could only be another tenant and i was like that makes no sense there are two girls that are our age and then the rest that are new and like sweet and nice like my the the it's got to be one of your roommates that was but i texted them and i go like did anyone put condoms i said what do you think this means i sent them the picture and they all were like maybe it's like a signal from someone it was like it was a condom fairy what it was the condom fairy it was the condom fairy i was like maybe someone thinks i'm like having sex too loud or not having protected sex or whatever

it was like but the guy that lives below me is a hundred so that doesn't make any sense because these were like yeah old people don't use condoms well these were college condoms like they were like different colors and i was like there's just no way and so it's like how alcohol is like when you first start doing it you get like the colorful like bottles and what's the old guy old guy kind of like leather skin leather yeah leather reuse it's like monogrammed leather mahogany yeah um but so i texted my roommates and they were like maybe it's the neighbors because the neighbors park right next to us but in their our age but the last interaction i had with the neighbors i borrowed two eggs from her which is like a completely that's like cartoon neighbor behavior

yeah so to skip straight to condoms on the windshield would be like insanity the way you're saying this sounds like there's a resolution though there is a resolution to this so i uh that i didn't know this morning so i you don't know the resolution which is great the resolution is kind of a letdown but so i'm texting we're kind of workshopping this and i was like that doesn't make any sense like and ty was like maybe the neighbor wants to hook up but i'm like the neighbor wouldn't leave six condoms if she'd be kind of smooth she would be the opposite of smooth because now i'm like she's sending me on a riddle like if it was like a condom with like her number six sexes her a condom with her number on it you just show up wearing it

I got your note It's the one with the number on it She only wants to do it six times Yeah Wait what? She only wants to do it six times It's like I can use the I like that I can use them whenever I want

It's like how Tarantino is only doing ten films She's like I'm only having sex with you six times She's like we can do it all right now Or once a month for the rest of the Next two quarters And so we're all trying to figure out who this is i'm like calling like people like what does this mean this is like am i in trouble am i not in trouble do i i was talking to edge edge was like that

doesn't make any sense and like tarantino she doesn't want paul dano there yes and then just my roommate ty goes it was sophie who's his girlfriend and i was like what like why would you do that and he was like her friends took them her friends like put them in her car and she didn't want them so she put them on your windshield and was like let's prank him i was like honestly great prank it took up like half my day thinking about it yeah i mean i got excited i was like maybe the maybe we got like some prankster neighbors yeah yeah so so just boring answer the boring end of the story worst are you wearing all six right now i'm wearing all six yeah i'm wearing all six for circulation do you ever wear two socks at a time when you're a

kid like playing basketball or something that was a style for some reason i would wear i would sometimes i'll wear two socks if it's like very cold i need that too i like skiing i like to wear two socks oh you're not you're supposed to do the opposite thinnest sock possible when you're skiing why i don't know it's like better fit in your boot snow i snowboard in college rra through this like std free party timeout timeout we're most that implies that all the other parties are like std friends chock full of them yeah yeah yeah every party should be std they say most stds are spread at college parties wait std free party means you have to do like a check to be able to go uh it was just you just have to wear a condom in it was supposed to be

like std like awareness you have to work on your balls or it's like they give it stds at no cost got it free yeah no that's the free std got it that's different yeah you get free stds that's what they call literally any party at andrew's house there's a guy with the most rancid penis you've ever seen in your life and it costs zero dollars for him to go to town on you yeah but the but what the fuck is it well it was just no no no i ain't gonna say shit i apologize really it was just to like raise awareness for stds and so you would go and he had like a bowl of like condoms like the colorful condoms that you have there and you could just take them for whatever

you wanted and so my friends and i thought it would be funny to take like whole like handfuls of them and we were gonna fill them with water like water balloons and we were gonna like hit our neighbors you're gonna hit the std party the regular std party but what we found out was when we were trying to fill them up with water they all had holes in them so water started shooting out of like the holes in the con what someone had like compromised the condoms apparently or they were just bad condoms and so then we had to go to the ra and be like hey by the way the the condoms that you're giving out dad from like aids are gonna give away stds if you use them so it like completely defeated the purpose of the party what an

interesting idea i never went to an ra party i don't think we even had we did and we call them hoots nice it was called hang hang out on tuesday we would um gather up and do and my ra was i think i've definitely talked about yeah and then you guys got community that's in that's in community the tv show fuck okay we got community yeah that fuck me duke because that means you didn't go to a party no we just cannot wrap our heads around i don't get so fuck you man so when was this std free party oh my god we got community i feel like a fucking idiot you guys got community oh god okay well one time i went to school this is a real story and chevy chase was there actually yeah nope you got community

um one episode but i think it was good it is pretty good andrew do you want to hear do you want to hear what i how i embarrassed myself this week yeah will and i were at dinner with a friend and uh wait you embarrassed yourself yeah you know what this is where i'm telling a story and i said uh so then i mustered up the courage oh this is all time this is all time he thinks it's a thought i thought this no okay no no no no you said it wrong already because i think the reason you've got away with it your whole life is that he's been saying i mustered up the courage yeah yeah which is how you said it but he was saying i had to mustard up the courage yes that was right i said it like present he said quote i i'll have

to mustard up the courage and i said it sounded like you say mustard and he said yeah i always he thought it was mustard i said yeah i did and then i kept telling the story and you were like i was like you said mustard he's like yeah mustard up the courage like he thought it was like the word mustard like on a stand like a condom yeah yeah he says mustard up the courage i mean it still sounds like mustard no but he was saying i in the yeah you're right i just must have been saying because he said it in like last tense my entire life and then yeah yeah yeah this was like the one sentence it was supposed to be mustard it's like i'll it was like future mustard up the i guess i'll mustard up the courage i was like you say mustard it's like yeah mustard up the

courage like you know put a little mustard on it i think that's what you said like you thought it was like yeah and i don't know and it was so embarrassing but then after that he was playing ketchup all night oh man but you live and you learn you live and you learn i you live or you learn that was the first time it's happened in real life i've learned so many things that i'm saying wrong that i'm doing wrong ways i'm living my life incorrectly because of like the comments on this show but in real rarely in real life is there one where someone's like wait what This would be a perfect basement yard clip. Yeah, that's what we were saying.

We were like, this interaction. Whoa! What? Did you say mustard? Yeah, yeah. There's no way you think it's mustard. For the record, those guys are fucking hysterical. I just wish we could capture whatever that is.

I think I just need to... I think we've got to script it better. I think that... We didn't script it. I know. I know. That reminds me of people always say a scapegoat instead of scapegoat. what do you do you say a scapegoat or a scapegoat okay i saw a comment today on the on the pod that

i have you say both you say like both yeah that okay wait i was trying to remember what this was because you point someone pointed this out one time i there are multiple words that i'm adding other letters yeah both ancient both yeah ancient that's like a new england thing right i've always said both i don't know what do you say i mean you also said mustard up the curve uh both yeah both okay what if we what if we invent like a new thing that like if you it's like subtle but if you ever hear someone say it you're like oh there's like a secret handshake they're in our they're in our playdate fraternity correct okay uh if you say if you well let's first let's pick the word what's a common word

why y'all it's been a while like i haven't seen him in a while i think it just sounds like you're like kind of a little fruity like i haven't seen him in a while that's how i said it okay what if it's like um what if it's just it's just uh key loim pie that you could be like what should we get for dessert if someone says keyloyum no but it has to be something we use more i say it pretty often do you remember when that

remember my key lime pie story from a couple weeks ago i was trying to buy a single slice of key lime pie and when the lady at whole foods went to scan it instead of using the gun and scanning it from the bottom she flipped it upside down and it smeared every like completely disintegrated and she scanned it and then ended it oh my god what about anyway anyway all right anyway i used to say uh epitome instead of epitome yeah because i'd only like read the kind of like your your dad's hermione yeah yeah yeah oh yeah hermione hermione edge and i are reading a book right now we're we're 100 pages into the 400 pages this would be the second book i've ever read if i finish it what what about like in like growing up i mean i've read a million

books 90 of the way i'd never finish one except for uh even like in school yeah what about like picture books like i've never read a million pictures okay those count okay okay if it had if it's uh i just could never do it i'd get distracted never start in the dark matter right now yeah we're reading dungeon crawler carl oh yeah it's supposed to be great it's good it is good it's great um the the thing with it so far is it's kind of uh do you have any like like really reddity friends like they don't not using it casually but like they're they're on reddit more than they're in real life it's kind of that vibe a little bit at the beginning dude even um like it's probably like like yeah like no no not not the incel

aspect of it but like the fedora wearing like uh my lady what the flip type of guys like monster energy kind of dude even project hill mary is like that yeah like ryan gosling in or not like whatever the guy who his character in the book is like very like oh perfect i'm stuck with yes yeah yeah that is exactly just me and a robot or just me and an alien oh this should go well i guess he's my best friend now. I went to sell the last of my Pokemon cards and I went to one of those gamer shops

and I brought my collection to the guy and I was like, yeah, and there's prices listed on there and he goes, that's irrelevant. What does that mean? And I go, yeah, I know how this is gonna go. Like, what Andrew's saying they're worth means nothing to this guy.

This guy's an encyclopedia. Oh, did you sell him? That's how it went down. I got $22 for like six cards i think all right yeah but it was the last of them i was happy to get rid of them it's our total haul bottom of the barrel um i think like a total like fifteen hundred dollars nice i got for all of them yeah what do you got like a i got a safe right about now wait why i sold all of them put your cash in it oh i'm not walking around with like cash like that but um i have this sick in your safe i have a sick ken griffey jr like signed card that nobody

will buy from me drives me nuts i have a ken griffin jr because it's the son of the guy who owns citadel oh what's citadel it's just like a hedge fund it was dumb oh it's a call you know it's weird i saw nancy i actually saw that guy in maine so the off chance that he sees this that was a weird comment ken griffin jr yeah i'll make sure to make it the time stamp for like an hour of the episode dude i got another text from ben lewaldy no way he hit me back and he said it was a screenshot of us talking about him again like 10 minutes later and they'll text you after this the yeah he probably will and the the chunk is like we were like who is the smartest kid in grade and i said ben lewaldy and then we moved on and he just texted me that chunk it made me laugh

yeah i should start maybe just start a way to come let harry pussy i love harry pussy dude is that a real person yeah that's my roommate in college that i should just talk to him the other day it's good oh my god uh it's actually puzy yeah but it's so much funnier if it's harry puzy okay well you're saying you just said p-u-s-e-y which isn't such a bummer where his parents thought like hey this might be like it's his middle name and it's also harrison right and it was harrison and then the kids just started calling him harry and i think they were like oh we didn't go yeah we didn't think about that do you ever think about like naming a kid and you're

like if i name my kid like a name that is also someone i know or knew in high school are they gonna think that i thought about that i'm more worried about looking into my child's eyes and only thinking about that person no this is i've okay i think maybe i've said this but i like always always wanted to have a son named scott and now my best friend is named scott i'm like now i can if i ever had a son named scott everyone would be like i've lived with him for three years now like it but i actually think that that would be i had there was a real thought in my mind where i was like if i had like four boys yeah naming them all after your best friends would be kind that would be sick but is that like weird and then like your fifth best friend is luke's like what

the fuck yeah yeah it's like groomsmen all over again yeah i don't oh yeah yeah i uh i'm just worried every as you know i feel like i have kind of like if someone has a name i know a person named that and i'm worried that like if i name my daughter she would disagree i think you have some bizarrely named people in your life that's what i mean like i have all my bases covered like i couldn't even go out into the like you couldn't name your kid dobin that's true how do you know dobin i don't even mention her or him or her jk or jk no that's her first name uh uh but i'm just worried about like naming my daughter something and then thinking about something that i know that that girl did well i want to name my daughter i mean i've literally always want to name my

daughter sadika but now i feel like it'd be weird yeah how come do women ever name their daughter like fully white daughter and sadika yeah i think back in the day i think it's like a very lauren and i have lauren jr i think it's lauren too oh yeah you know what i mean yeah yeah it's different for girls junior i think is boy lauren two would be kind of sick lauren two l2 l2 they made a lauren two it's like r2d2 l2d2 ever heard of it here's a question or no you wait you have to name your kids first two initials have to be rp and then he can name his kid after him and he'd be rp2 or he could be the number two in like sports yeah it'd be his nickname it's like yeah rp2 like um like um ak ak 17 what is his name i know they do it but like cj2k yeah cp3 cp3 can't

believe it took us that uh here's a question um no it's a thing that happened actually it's a story no this is funny uh so i put a video recently about going all the midwest ballparks yes and for each one i brought along like a fan of that team yes oh yes i heard about it and in and the first fan in the video is this kid andrew lafferty he's a comedian and he responded i put a dm up like hey any milwaukee brewers fans want to come with me this game or whatever and he responded and i saw that like he was followed by a bunch of people i knew so i was like oh this guy's probably like normal uh and no sorry to all the playmate there were i could not believe how many people were in milwaukee were like let me come to the game but i was like i just couldn't risk it

on a random person in case they were weird i'm sure you're all normal but i was like this guy's like knows people i know so that made me feel comfortable he just put out after our video comes out months after we filmed it he just put out a video on monday where he revealed he uh is not a milwaukee brewers fan in fact he drove from michigan and bought a shirt the day before and fully pranked me that's all what was the and how did like how did he he just reacted to the video yeah i actually haven't watched the whole youtube video did you watch the whole thing okay yeah it's hysterical i need to watch the whole thing i've just had a crazy couple days but i uh yeah i i got well it was just funny because we'll put it we'll link it and that you guys

should watch it because he I he deserves to uh to to get people eyes on that because I think it's so fucking funny and another funny thing is uh who was just telling me that they know him I think it's oh it's Hyde so Hyde who was on the last episode knows him personally and said Hyde said that he asked him Hyde to be in the doc like the video that he made and Hyde was like he didn't know whether to do it because he was worried that like it would be received poorly by me and well-known famous hothead so i just want to be clear if andrew if you were at all worried it would be received poorly i think it's the funniest fucking thing of all time but literally after we filmed we were like i didn't understand like what is he from here like what like we

i remembered the day after yeah we're like i still brought it up like one time just like yeah it was i or i asked like you were like oh does he live here it's like you were like no No, he's from, like, Kalamazoo. But he used to. Like, I don't know. We were like, I don't know. I couldn't really get his story straight. And, like, he has a shirt on in the video that when we were in the team store,

we saw the shirt he was wearing. Oh, man. That's hysterical. And we were like, oh, that's your shirt. And he was like, ah. And, like, moved on. Yeah, but then we was like, oh, my God. That's awesome.

Yeah. Oh, man. I mean, he edited it so well, but it's just so funny because there are times where you're like, wait, so you got me a jersey, but you don't have a jersey yourself? And he was like, I don't like how they look. And then later on, Willie's like- Wait, was all the footage just pulled from our video?

I think so, yeah. Okay, yeah. And then he's like, oh, Willie, you asked him what his favorite Brewers memory was? Yeah. And he was like, ah, too many to say. Are there any iconic Brewers moments? I feel like they kind of just slipped through the cracks. I'm sure there's something like Ryan Braun's 100th home run.

and then you asked him about like the coach's name and he like couldn't remember what the coach's name was for the brewers that's so funny yeah well thankfully strider had set the bar so low in the first video we did where he knew nothing about the angels and it did grow up an angels fan went to their world series yeah par for the course but uh ironically not ironically funny enough maybe i know the name that the brewers manager is named pat murphy which is the same name as my late grandmother which is kind of funny because it's a dude and a chick yeah of course it's like my uncle sandy really uncle sandy and aunt chris are married isn't that crazy that is funny isn't that interesting yeah and their son's name is bump

really true story you can google him if you want sounds like a rollins kid to me yeah i think i met him at a college party in the bathroom yeah he was unbelievably popular a bit um i no he his name is alex but they called him bump okay that makes more sense he would ski so fast when he was a kid they like wasn't turn i'm sure he was fast he was in the olympic trials yeah this does sound like i'm doing like a coke thing um wait fuck what was i just gonna tell you oh ow i want to issue a formal i want to issue a formal redaction reduction reduction like a girl comes in here and we do like for any playmate who wants a formal reduction i'm in a tux yeah um okay okay i have been i have been kind of a champion of the idea that marvel movies

had a net negative impact on the movie scene and i was like i know i think it's like cheap and i don't like it i watched i watched one of the new spider-mans last night i'm in really i am in i don't know i don't know the brand new one i'm going to the brand new one that's why i watched i'm going to the brand new one on thursday that's why i watched thursday okay there's at 8 45 how bad am i i'm usually asleep at it yeah the hell um and so i wanted to get caught up if if this might be this might just be it was the no way home one this might just be an awesome like one yeah i was like it gave me a similar feeling to like the first time i saw harry potter where i was like holy shit this has been going on the whole time yeah and i haven't fucking tapped into

this i think this could be my new thing and i'm not going to be like annoying about it i'm going to do it privately and quietly but i want everyone to know that i'm in on marvel now that's good as far as as far as i'm concerned you're gonna do something about what you're gonna do it privately because i'm gonna be honest you're off to a bad start i know but i don't think you need to do it privately no i make an announcement on the podcast that i'm gonna be doing this privately and not make a big thing about it i want the playmates to know i don't want people to like stop tuning because they're worried i'd be like marvel yeah yeah yeah yeah wait have you never seen a marvel movie no and i like it was like a hard line in the sand for me that was your first ever marvel

movie yeah i mean i saw like the toby mcguire spider-mans whoa but that was but you've never seen like iron man m game can i say i've never seen it the only marvel i've ever seen is the first guardians of the galaxy whoa yeah wow you guys have like really been living under a rock well no we were i mean it was just like they were coming out when we were i think like we like just stopped being it was like cool it was like cool to be into like breaking bad like i didn't want to be like at like the lunch table being like new marvel movies oh man that's all we did i think everyone watched marvel yeah there was no stigma around all my buddies were like stoked on it i think i just got in my own head yeah um better than getting in your own pants i feel like in

high school every weekend we'd go see the new marvel movie and then we go to bj's and we get one of those huge pizookies oh my god i want to hear about you blowing a huge pizookie that's disgusting at bj's wait wait there's a there is an item at bj's called the huge pizookie you've never had a huge pizookie before i mean it feels like a trap i've had can i plead the fifth i had a huge pizookie this morning bro like oh my god i had one i won this morning that i i might have to install like handles on the side of my toilet i thought we were talking about like cum shots it's like recoil i'm like worried about it dude it's uh install handles massive load oh oh you're still talking about well that's what i was thinking about coming

as you were describing why are there handles on your bed it took me a second oh it's like a fire hose like it's like whipping you around the room like it's like shooting it up against the wall like in the conjuring or something like that mirror in the conjuring i uh yeah oh my god oh my god having handles for jacking off because your cum comes out so or wait no it'll shoot you down like your neighbor's like cooking your downstairs neighbor's cooking breakfast and you just come through the ceiling oh and through like 10 floors there's a me jacking off shape hole in the wall in the floor also my fucking this is reminding me this is such a bad transition but comments like this are what reminded me remind me of this

my grandma apparently found the podcast and i'm just like i literally had to like plead with her i was like stop no enough no oh no because i was like then i'm gonna like stop yeah talking about i'm gonna if i start talking like i'm talking to my grandma we won't be we won't wouldn't be laughing about big bouzouki's handle to hold you down while you take them here's a question what is a big bouzouki so it's like i'm gonna google it google it andrew the base hands on like this at first so it's kind of uh you kind of hold it shoots sort of out the base the base is like a huge like cookie but then there's like three different flavors of cookie i mean here's the we just we just we just got off of penises and andrew just immediately jumps into huge cookies

that's disgusting and then they put like a ton of ice cream on top we don't want to hear about a cookie covered in cream that's just ditch the cum shit i want you started i know and i want to end it this is what it looks like it looks fucking madness it's amazing wait bj's i thought i was picturing like the sam's club competitor sam's club you don't know what sam's club is oh i was also picturing the grocery store wait what's do you know sam's club yeah but there's like a version of that called bj's oh right oh yes you're right but i now i am remembering what andrew is talking can you google bj's restaurant bj's google bj in restaurant no um i'm not gonna name names i've never even heard of that what really you guys didn't have these i think they're in florida but

i definitely they are in florida actually i went to one um huge pizookie there speak so it's a pizookie with a p oh oh oh what did you guys think it was buzz bazooka maybe that's how we can tell if a playmate's real or not is they say bazooka with a b maybe or wait what was it anyway anyway um i'm not gonna name names but speaking of family members clearly clearly starting to consume this podcast and not telling us i had a family member that up until an older family member that up until this point i've had an extremely formal relationship with like buttoned up conversations whatever and i texted him that i found a diner where the breakfast i like is only eleven dollars and his response is as follows one of the most

shocking texts i've gotten in general can you say like bleep this out who it is bleep this so i said 11 11 and i was in and out of there in 25 minutes he said big busty blonde waitress can turn an 11 breakfast into 20 bucks pretty fast crying laughing emoji i'm surprised that 11 will get you a cup of coffee out there i i put my phone down and like went for a walk and how much did you tip ten dollars he called his shot he fucking called game he found emojis like last week and now he's clearly listening to them there's no way he just after 25 years of knowing me decided to talk start talking about busty chicks this week i mean it's possible he just found out about busty chicks

they didn't exist when he was a kid no growing up back in the old days no now if he said busty of the day is long yeah then you would be like all right this has gone too it's like an inglorious bastards when he holds up i feel like we talk about that on a weekly basis i think um sure yeah or he does he like does this motion i think sometimes you do a thing a lot like everyone has things they do a lot and then sometimes you go i feel like we like i feel like you do a thing where you like try to like i feel like we've been jacking off a lot yeah oh man we don't shaft hurt this i feel like our shafts are i feel like our shafts are about to fall off like it hurts to pee now have you guys noticed that yeah like it's like

an update yeah i feel like this this week my piss has just been stinging yeah i feel like piss stings now i think i i uh i went through a multivitamin phase okay night of it it made my pee like neon neon green really green apparently if i think it's like the zinc or something like if your body's like not used to like having the right amount of vitamins can you google why do multivitamin make pea green it just means it's like go to the doctor now uh the riboflavin yeah of course it has a fluorescent yellow green pigment that mixes with your so i'm usually a clear guy i'm a clear clear pea guy this was i thought there was something like wrong it was like the color of grass it was the color of your collar right now

will it was the color of my what it's the color of the it was the color of my collar collar hello collar should we have colors that's how my dad answers the phone he goes talk to me collar you're on the line really i like that well okay but it sounds like that's normal did you stop taking the vitamins because of the green i think i stopped taking them because they made be nauseous because i don't usually eat breakfast and you're supposed to eat them with a meal and uh and that i've stopped washing my coffee mug every day because i want to because i want to use the same fee mug did some work huh what's that like i the way you started i thought you were gonna say something else okay did you guys have that poster in middle school

in like the locker room that was like your p like color and it was like it was like good teammate bad teammate oh oh oh yeah the clear was like champion yeah yeah it wasn't in our school but i've seen that in the like alabama yeah the dark green would be like can you imagine if they had green on there you'd be like yeah it does what kind of teammate am i if my piece is darker it gets darker to like brown and brown is like yeah bad teammate there's a separate needs to eat breakfast with his might of it might might of it there yeah it's it branches off it's not in the pyramid it's its own thing and it's like or no it just says jack wait what was i it's okay if you're jack he has green pea it's okay where did i put you don't wash your coffee mug anymore okay

so no no i wash it so what was happening was i have six mugs that are in rotation they're in play at any given time but i got you know when you like get a new shirt and you're like washing it every day because you want to wear it like multiple times a week i was getting i want to only drink out of this mug because it's so fun and uh i'm just tired of not being able to drink out of it so what i do is i finish my coffee i rinse it with hot water and i put it back onto the coffee machine and then i'll wash it like every other day and then i found there's like this culture of people that don't wash them for like years it's like a point of pride and like they'll like they'll have it not washed and this girl found her dad's mug and washed it and he his

like whole life crumbled it's like a thing that people do they like they like not having washed mugs why i don't know it's like a no fan thing it builds like yeah google it why yeah i'm curious sorry that seemed like good well fucking google it why i am curious why do people not wash their coffee mugs they believe residual coffee oils improve flavor or out of sheer convenience and habit okay so the thought is as long as you're not putting like cream or sugar in it yeah it's not it's not gonna go bad or be bad i rinse the stains out like i don't want anything in it's essentially clean uh so you're like scrubbing it out already are you just no just hot water right after i'm done so it doesn't have a chance to stick to the side but uh i got this new mug

of the lewis chessman they're like these chess guys it's really fun who knows what the lewis chessman mug scrolling it's that first one that red checkered one no no down there yeah buddy oh yeah oh nice mug that's fucking cash where'd you get it on etsy i ordered it from the from a museum in scotland what how did you even end up there i was talking to someone who said said that that was their favorite mug it's actually the second one on the inside it says it too um yeah the national museum scotland shop they got it in scotland it broke and so i then stole their idea and just bought it for myself but i'm pretty excited about it i'm pretty excited and it's it's just the perfect size not too thick around

you know like diner mugs sometimes like so thick that it'll like drip down the side but you know about things being so thick it drips down the side you're huge he has what's the thing called oh what what's the thing the bouzouki yeah yeah you're big as bouzouki yeah i feel like you are packing because yesterday with hyde yesterday with hyde we said something about six and a half inch penis and you like scoffed at that i don't even know what an inch is i follow the metric yards yeah it's a half yard andrews andrews penis is 0.76 meters quarter mile andrews penis shows up on google maps um this reminds me of the cast iron skillets cast iron skillets yeah no you know you can't

wash cast iron skills dude i wash chess piece mug reminded you of cast iron it does you can't wash them when you could okay yes yes okay i watched peter buell's cast iron one time in college trying to be like a good roommate yeah it was it was a dark day in that house in the lakes lake sue drive they yeah you know those those videos where it's like if mj did this they'll like it'll be like a normal jump shot in 2026 it'd be like if mj did this they'd call it the day time stopped oh yeah it was it was it was a dark day on lake sue drive oh my god yeah my roommates and i were making pizookies one time in college and i cast our skillet yeah you're obsessed with that shit all you talk about never come up did you do anything i've talked to you

about everything that's ever happened you know like a thousand pounds holy eight was fucking four foot chocolate chip cookies covered in ice cream jesus christ bro's addicted to bazookas bro it's insane bro here's my question wait i want to fucking hear i just no you're not getting off you and your roommates were making giant bazookas in your it was movie night what were you supposed to do you ever get caught popcorn You ever have a roommate walk in when you're making a bouzouki Dude

That I still don't know if it's Jack and I'm a poop I'm making a bouzouki Get out of here You're chained to your own bed Same house Lake Sioux Drive Peter Buell walked in on me making a big bouzouki

Because he thought I We had another roommate Who got high the night before and ate peter's pub sub that he had in the fridge yeah and when i was in the shower the roommate peter was like who ate my pub sub and the roommate was scared of getting in trouble and so to delay it by like 20 minutes he knew i was in the shower it was like it was jack and peter kicked down my bathroom door and was like where is my pub sub and i was like washing my butt and was like what are you talking about get out of my room you're washing your butt in the shower yeah is that

making a bazooka checks out i guess i was cleaning up after a bazooka wait i'm confused making a bazooka can be anything you're cleaning up after a poop no i was just said it just reminded me of your roommate walking in on you like i thought maybe you like would like skip teepee and do like the shower but did i tell you that you've mentioned that you've done it no no i didn't do it i told kids there were younger kids in my i was their pledge master and i was we were talking and they were telling me about how school was going or whatever and uh one of them mentioned that like he doesn't or that we're they i was talking about my bidet and they were like yeah i kind of do the same thing like if i know i'm gonna shower after i poop

i get in the shower and i just don't wipe and i just wash it off in the shower and i was like are you fucking insane and they were like what that's like i'm gonna wash it off with soap and then literally six hours later he sent he texted a photo in our like 50 person group chat and it was his white towel with like a 20 inch skin mark down the thing where he clearly clearly he clearly did the like floss and and just pulled a perfectly white towel just down a nugget of poop and he was he was like yeah point proven i'm never doing this again oh my god how often that that must have happened so many times before he like got caught he turned himself in yeah jesus oh my god i was gonna ask you did you just move i moved yes i moved units in the same

building okay i was like that i saw that story and i was like that is crazy yeah yeah it was um that's where i found this that's why i have this is i found it when i was like moving all my stuff Oh, I think you meant in your new apartment. That's not a good idea. It's like lice maxing. No, I just moved down one floor. It's like $300 a month cheaper. Are you on the ground floor?

I know it's weird. It looks like the ground floor, but there is one floor lower that's actually the ground floor. If that makes any sense. Why was it $300 cheaper to move down? I think the view is worse or something because now my view opens up to the courtyard area rather than Suntown Street. someone on the ground knock on your window uh that would be what do you like constitute as like the the ground could a like person who's not doesn't live in your apartment like get to your window could victor womenama off the sidewalk knock on your window okay yeah i don't mean like

with a running start i mean like someone standing flat foot well it's weird because like i feel like this is a yes or no question are you well so like basically you walk in the front entrance which is like the ground floor like street level and then you go up a floor and then that's my floor but then it opens up to like a courtyard area so it also looks like the floor yeah you've erased i think it sounds like you live on a hill i think that's what we're solving got it okay the back of the building is higher than no no it's just like there's a second floor that also looks like it's ground level because all face time andrew and his he's gonna be like diagonal yeah it sounds like your building was built on like the side of some sort of okay if you if you hail if you

dropped a if you dropped a tennis ball on one side of your bedroom would it stay where i don't think the walls are i think it was built into the side of a hill no no it's like it's just like laid a corner on its side would it roll across your room i am having a hard time have you ever heard of a hill that is yes have you ever seen a building built into the side of a hill yes so that like the exit out the back is sometimes on a higher floor than the entrance on the front it's funny that you bring that up because my water or my shower has no drain like um no drain like he's like scooping it up with cups i'm trying that trying to work with you man what sadiq ass like drink it with a straw well it's like it's like uh you know how like usually like a bathtub or a

shower they'll have like a way for the water to like go to the drain like it's slanted yeah mine is just a flat floor but there is a drain there is a drain but there's there's no there's nothing leading it to the drain got it do you know what i mean kick the water to the drain i just let it sit wait it fills up it will like it'll fill up but eventually like it'll get high enough that starts to drain but like there's nothing like there's nothing leading to the drain so there'll be like pockets of water in like the corners and then i'll get like to be honest it kind of sounds like a normal shower experience there's gonna be water on the ground right no no no because like a tub it's like it's a curve you're in a tub no no i'm not in a tub that's like a 45 degree angle

there's like there's nothing that like separates there's nothing that separates like my shower from the floor besides like the shower curtain oh so it's just so your bathroom floor is just fucking do you live on a boat by chance there's a shower curtain curtain that blocks like the water from getting on the floor of the bathroom but inside the actual shower part like it is just the shower curtain just blocks it it just dangles all the way down there's no lip yeah dangles and touches the floor yeah are you standing on hardwood floor when you're showering no i'm sitting on tile bro have you been in a bathroom why would it be hardwood floor the other part of a bathroom is hardwood whoa yes it is mine's not currently but that exists every bathroom is

tile it's both every bathroom i grew up in that's not true every bathroom i can think of right now actually mine might be hardwood yeah in maine this is like a thing i have carpet in my bath carp you have carpet bro what oh carpet yeah i'm a shag kind of guy and he lays down and rolls around the floor there's like carpentry but there's never serpentry it's the serpent aspect of it like building snakes oh right okay okay what the fuck are you talking about i love you guys i feel like lauren's back that's something like lauren would say hey what that's my keep my wife's name out your fucking mouth i watched that clip again recently the chris rock thing it is oh oscar slap the fact that we're not i'm not trying to be the

guy that's like dude chris rock whatever not that that feels like i was coming at jack happy bladed birthday jack um a lot happening right now yeah what i watched the chris rock getting slapped clip again that is so much crazier than i remember the fact that we're not talking about that every day oh oh the fact that like that happened and we were all like that was crazy for like a week and then we stopped i mean people were like traumatized remember how did he how did he get away with that did he get in trouble like legally for that no i press charges but well do i have to if you hit me i have to press charges like it's not just illegal yeah interesting what can you get away with murder if the person if the person's family doesn't press charge no

like i like you couldn't kill me and my dad was like we'll call it even like chris rock is i think is effectively saying like i wanted him to hit me or something like legally i don't know weird weird um i want the oscars to know that if i was ever there and you they made a joke about a lady i was with i wouldn't say diddly i wouldn't say shit i'd be like yeah fuck her out loud yeah it cuts you're just laughing in her face don't no one said no one said that to my girlfriend i didn't mean that how is lauren i was just trying to be funny lauren's good she started a new job she's she always got a new job she's like rainy from uh from live and met or uh from uh austin and alley oh yeah yeah every episode she worked guess where she works do you

At Austin and Alley No I'll give you a hint it's viral Disney No Disneyland No viral Oh the hospital Viral coffee shop

Saba No way she works at Saba She works at the new viral coffee shop Is it viral The owner ran on Love Island Oh nice Cool She worked there with Matt

yeah i think yeah she just started yesterday so or actually fuck today does she know how to make coffee she she's training now oh was this the place that was this what she was telling us about like months ago where she was like there's like this training process or is that a different coffee shop she was like they bring you in for like a month before oh i think that was when she was looking at maybe working at blue bottle apparently blue bottle has like a yeah they They pay you to, like, train for, like, two months before you ever are on the floor of a shop. Dude, they know how to make a coffee. And all of them are, like, experts on coffee.

Yeah, but no, not that. Do they teach you how to be a dick to their customers? Say it again? Do they teach you how to be a dick to their customers? Are they dinks? They were always so friendly to me on the bed. Blue Bottle? Yeah.

They were such dicks. The Venice one. The Abbot Kinney one? Yeah, the Abbot Kinney one. I think it's my face. The Trader Joe's employees, like, never ask me about my food. You have a face where they're just like, I know I'm going to get away with this. Yeah.

what's he gonna do it just drives me nuts because every time i go to trader joe's like the person in front of me they're always like oh i love this like oh this is really good and then when i get there they go hey this kind of sounds like an anxiety that like i would normally have where i would be like they are like i would be like convinced that they're they hate you it's just bullshit i'm buying just as much stuff as they are i'm like buying the same stuff they are too like i just heard you gotta buy more shit bro you want to be treated nice maybe you I go in there, it's six coffees. I leave five of them there.

I just want to tip them more. I order six coffees, throw five at a homeless guy outside, drink one, and then now the breeze is no longer on. Speaking of, this is interesting about, not to jump to conclusions, but I'm pretty positive that whoever stole my bike is probably a homeless guy. Safe assumption. I think I'm going to see it. 1,000%.

In the wild. you don't you don't want to go down this path though of trying to steal it back no no of of this is like when that homeless guy stole my bait sweatshirt yeah i would like lose sleep like if i ever see a guy to be a homeless kind of bait sweatshirt i'm beating the brakes off well it's just not gonna beat the brakes off of them what if it wasn't your bait sweatshirt what if it was like because it was so i beat the brakes off and then even if i get it back i'm gonna stop you fantasize about beating up a homeless guy this one he stole my car their sweatshirt the sweatshirt was like a byproduct of that i got the car back i didn't get the sweatshirt back so it

was like if i see a guy in the sweatshirt i know he's the one that stole my car yeah yeah he also slashed my tires on the way out that will never sit right with me you stole my car and then when you ditched it you slashed all four at that point you slashed your own tires it's like you had the car why'd he ditch the car i didn't tell you this when he hotwired it he couldn't get the horn to stop going off so that's so however he did it he was driving around town for like a day probably just blaring the horn everywhere and then must have gotten sick of it and he ditched it in this guy's lawn

and the guy called the cops and was like, there is a guy laying on the horn in my front yard. That sounds like a career criminal if he can like hotwire a car. How many homeless guys can hotwire a car?

So there is, I've never said this. I've never said this to my dad. I think there's a world I had a spare key in the glove box. but here's the thing there we have both sets of keys there are two but what how would the horn have been going that's what i don't that i've never accounted for that part okay but the might be in the clear the new the new the guy who like fixed it we brought it to someone and the guy who

like got it like re-squared away was like i cannot figure out how this guy hotwired it like same thing that andrew's saying he was like this guy he's like really good like there are no signs of hot wiring and i was like oh my god like did i have a was there a third key but i don't think cars come with three i have three okay we only have two right now so was that an insurance thing to be like yeah well no because nothing happened insurance wise okay they just had to reconnect the horn and then the guy was checking that there wasn't like because i think sometimes they just put with older cars you can just put a screwdriver in and like turn it like the key aspect of it isn't important it's just something that will fit yeah in that thing uh and so i didn't have a horn

for a while my left blinker would just start going on some like this thing was like chitty chitty bang bang it was like yeah to get the talk it would start beeping and to get fly i think it just like made a lot of steam okay yeah fly steam steaming and so it would start beeping at night for some reason and the only way to get it to turn off was to quickly turn the lights on and off and i got pulled over like three times in college because i'd be driving down like aloma which was like the main drag and i'd be like ding ding ding ding like turning them on and off and a cop thought i was like either trying to get his attention getting his attention or like telling people there's a cop or whatever it happened like three times and i had to be like i know this doesn't

make any sense but my car beeps until i turn the lights off and he was like it's fucking pitch black outside that's extremely dangerous but then we figured out you just you could signal left and it would turn off so now we just signal left dude we had a uh i had a i was driving to josh scott one time i think we had chet's car and uh it someone was like flashing their lights and like drove by us and was like and like we were like oh shit so we got off at like the next exit and we're like inspecting the car we literally couldn't find anything wrong with it and we decided the only possibility was that he's a huge uva fan exactly because he had like a virginia bumper sticker or he like

he hopped and went like and we were like whoa oh my god oh my god like the idea that some guy just drove by like go Cavs and like derailed our fucking trip he drives off a cliff yeah it was insane oh my god we had this little Russian kid that lived in my neighborhood

who how little that is hilarious like how short does a guy have to be to preface it yeah with this tiny Russian or was he young or was he barely russian he had a little russian kid we had a little russian kid he started out full russian but then it kind of like it kind of dissolved worked it out yeah yeah been there um no he was adopted like from russia and uh he lived in my neighborhood and he stole our neighbor's car because he had left a spare key in the glove compartment

it and then just took the car and then parked it at his house down the street like maybe like a mile down what and then and that's how they found it because like the next morning my neighbors bringing it back no no no not at all he wasn't like joyriding no he like stole no no he like fully stole it and so my neighbors like call the cops and they were like hey our car stolen and the cops did like one lap around their neighborhood and we're like found it that's awesome can i go poop yeah jesus can i go crap my ass wait when we get back remind me to tell you i am excited because i've got my favorite bear bells flavor in the entire world with me today it's the brownie batter have you had it of course how is i'm doing a taste test even though i know

exactly what this tastes like i freaking love it bro insisted on doing a taste test i gotta do a taste guess i gotta do a taste test uh guys bear bells is the number one protein bar in the u.s they make protein bars with 20 grams of protein and no added sugar and i think most importantly they taste as good if not better than a candy bar their bars strike the perfect balance between flavor texture and function remind you of anyone uh they are available at retailers like target walmart vitamin shop and gnc can i say something yeah buddy i know there's some people who are like oh i got one flavor and i'm sticking to it right and then some people are bouncing around right i'm a medium bounce i'm in the middle okay i like this i like a few others and and then i've

got like i've got like my mains like in smash brothers i've only got like three or four that i'm choosing from but they really have so many options and i've been going to the gym now and these things are making me jacked yeah buddy they got flavors like cookies and cream chocolate dough cookies and caramel peanut butter and many more if you haven't tried bear bells yet go to bear bells.com to shop the full lineup and use code playdate for 15 off your order are you a coffee lover of course i am too uh the taste the smell the ritual i love it the problem is sometimes the caffeine gets me a little too amped up a little jittery anxious i start to spiral i love trying new coffee shops fun seasonal drinks but you know i just my heart gets racing and it's a little too

much sometimes that is where mud water saves the day i'm telling you this stuff is legit okay gives you the same morning ritual you get the coffee chai matcha whatever you like but it's got functional mushrooms and adaptogens instead of a full caffeine hit so you get steady energy with no spiral i've specifically been really into their original blend it's cacao chai turmeric and functional mushrooms like almost like a spicy hot cocoa it's warm grounding it's actually satisfying okay so for coffee shop lovers who just can't handle the full caffeine load anymore mud water is the version of your morning drink you didn't even know you need it because loving coffee shouldn't mean negotiating with it every morning guys mud water is a coffee alternative made with

mushrooms and adaptogens and about one-seventh the caffeine of coffee so you get the focus and the energy without the jitters, crash, or anxiety. So if you're ready to make the switch to cleaner energy, go to mudwater.com slash playdate and grab the starter kit. Use code playdate and you will get 43% off. The frother alone is worth it in my opinion. That's right, up to 43% off with code playdate at mudwtr.com. After you purchase, they will ask how you found them. Please support our show and let them know that we sent you let's get back into the episode uh should we roadmap it up yeah do you want to talk about the joyride oh yeah i guess it's i guess it's not as interesting as i'd imagine but in maine it was it was uncommon to lock your car or uh house like at night

especially like when my dad was a kid and my grandfather was like someone is driving my car at night he would leave his keys in the car and he was like someone is fucking driving my car we've heard this right oh oh i don't know i guess no no it's okay okay okay they remember the way i remember the story was he was like some one of the neighborhood kids is like stealing my car and so he was like it was just a thing he had accepted like wasn't bringing his car wasn't bringing his keys in yeah or whatever and then where he drew the line was eventually someone like took the change out of his car and he was like enough that is where i draw the line he started bringing his keys and said oh that's actually not what i thought i thought there

was like a homeless guy like living in your car that was my car got it okay i could tell when there was a homeless guy in my car because they'd leave they would like i would also leave no one locked their fucking cars i probably should have been because i was staying i don't even that's the easiest thing to do yeah not in my car my car was i had to manually go around it was a 2003 jeep i'd manually go around and lock the two doors i guess i could have just leaned over and whatever yeah but uh this would happen in portland because there were homeless guys in portland i would say and when it was super cold out i was like i'd rather a guy sleep in my car and be a little stinky in the morning than like a guy die in our whatever so i would obviously not lock it

good guy and uh and one of them took it too far and like threw all my shit like everywhere and it like reeked and he would like change the setting on my seat and i almost wanted to leave a note and be like you you know you ruined this for everyone just put it back with like the way you left it pack it and pack it out yes it's like a campsite and it was and you was treating it like a campsite there were s'mores everywhere but it was uh there was one guy in particular that like fucking it i'd get it in the morning and be like this is insane it smells like it smells like a snake pit in here it smells like a snake in here it smells like snake piss in here all right let's road map it up road map that shit up we got a beautiful episode for you guys today we are gonna

hear your pitches our pitches that's right this guy rocks teach me something and then willie and i are gonna do bands that don't exist in country songs that don't exist ain't that the truth andrew pitches brother and you know what let's throw in uh let's throw in some confessions or something in there as well right yes all right we're in a confession recession please submit more all right my my name is katherine hi chippy dippy and dong dong dong i'll be girlfriend what's the worst part about cleaning your shower oh man um the hair in the drain has grabbed on to just lint and all sorts of things and it's gross by the time you guys it's like soapy hair that i have to put in the toilet and flush it yeah i mean i think it's like you ever get like the corners are just like

that the shit gets like packed in yeah yes so i would just say yeah getting the poop out of the corners that's right trying to get all the gross hair unclogged from the drain oh yeah 50 50 have a girlfriend she has hair it's in your drain you've tried all the gimmicky drain covers and other tricks to prevent your hair from going down the drain but none of those are permanent uh introducing the any drain disposal a garbage disposal for other drains in your home shower drain clogged with your girlfriend hair not a problem turn on clogged with your girlfriend guys trying to get her out of there dissolve his girlfriend in the shower continue you can even get one installed on your toilet no more stubborn clogs at any drain in your home with our patent

pending any drain disposal you can get a really quiet one for your toilet so the whole house doesn't know that you're using it p.s big fan of the pod keep up the good work boys much love from indiana go to yours i love it you had me until how stubborn are your poos that you need to shred them with knives wait like he's saying he's saying you'd like poop in the toilet and then of course it can't you can't flush it in that condition yeah no i think it's it's uh if it gets clogged toilet paper right oh uh okay anything like maybe if you had like a kind of a corn heavy meal and there's like a lot of undigested corn in there you just shred it for like good measure i think it's definitely for toilet like i don't think a poop has ever clogged the toilet right

is that true i thought it was like when you have like a really stubborn log that like no i think it's always toilet paper right so like have you ever gone to a friend's house and they have the small toilet that drives me nuts like just for fart load of the you've ever seen the one with the tiny hole it's just for farts that's my that's my favorite thing you've said today really yeah toilet for farts is the funniest thing tim robinson sketch oh the turbo team damn it i was like my house and they replaced my toilet with one for it's just for farts and it's just like as a tiny hole like this big google toilet just for fart babe oh that makes me so sad i

thought you came up with that that's why i was laughing sorry sorry totally just for pee all right that's it yeah that's hilarious wait andrew are you saying like low to the ground or it's like not wide enough for your ass i'm saying like the little small toilets you know what i mean like a bidet like i've been like touring a lot of the sink i like that bar in in milwaukee where we i was joking you couldn't tell if it was a low sink or a high urinal yeah yeah i've been i've been touring a lot of apartments lately i think i know what you mean and like yeah i i will i will cross a apartment off my list if it has a small toilet oh like the round one instead of oval shape yeah yeah yeah they're always fucking cold as hell too

because they're made of like porcelain yeah and like like the seat is porcelain too it's those are the ones that like get clogged like so easily because they're just so small can i confess something to you guys yeah when i was a kid our downstairs bathroom was one of the small porcelain toilets and it was so cold on my little tuchus that before i would poop i would sit on it with my shorts and go to warm it up that's kind of awesome that's yeah it's really you ever got like a wood toilet those feel like unsanitary to me yeah oh my god all right um i love it i love that pitch okay i'm gonna keep it in the bathroom you ready i have a i have a bathroom one as well okay i'm gonna keep it in the bathroom what is the worst or you know what i'm gonna keep in the

house what's the worst part about sinks in your house i just had a thought of if you actually turn the disposal on while you're pooping and it sucked you by the log through the asshole all right you go what's the worst what was the question what's the worst part about uh sinks in your house can't poop in them um did you run out of soap sometimes like i spend fucking 10 of my week trying to get like toothpaste washed off the thing like food chunks down the disposal whatever there should be a separate faucet that is the width of the sink and you press it and it just washes everything down it's washing the whole sink at the same time like a toilet flush almost almost yeah for the sink or just i think yeah like a handle you could

pull and it flushes the sink like a toilet i think we need to flush this i want to be able to flush the fucking sink yeah i'm like the amount of times i'm just in there with my thumb getting fucking toothpaste i'm like that toothpaste has been on there for three seconds how is it super glued to the thing yeah you're trying to like wash a piece of chicken and you're like guiding it and it's just going around the sink yes am i gonna have to get in there with my hands i think i'm gonna yeah i like that it comes down like the rims like a toilet yeah that's great that's actually really good that's actually kind of a genius i thought about the other day when i was high and uh yeah i yeah oh yeah that's all that happened all right uh this is my idea brown

toilet they're white which makes it so obvious when you get poop on them if they were brown you would be so much more at ease because you would never know yeah oh my god skid markless toilet skid mark proof toilet yeah oh my god that's phenomenal i don't even get how those happen skid marks i don't i don't mean the poop skids on the i know you mean like in the on the rim or on your undies i feel like skid marks is like on your undies on that word no no but it's also on the toilet and i i just don't i had i had like four people staying with me one time and one guy just openly like we were all sharing one toilet and he just openly left skid marks on the toilet now you gotta pay him off you gotta pay him off yeah we were like did you not think

we were gonna catch you like did you think we were all gonna kind of point i never have blamed anyone for it i think sometimes you just take a heavy deuce and it just but i've also just never left a skid mark in it like i've never had to pee it off either oh intro maybe you just take really light airy poops yeah maybe also the idea of the idea of a guy perplexed about how skid marks keep getting in his underwear is so funny to me like not changing anything how does this keep god damn it where are these coming from that's also my pitch brown underwear yeah if you ladies if you ever take a guy home and he takes his pants off and he's wearing brown underwear you better those things are probably more skid mark oh god lee lee get out of there

run for the hill run for the hill the skid marks are structure are part of the structural integrity of the washers if you wash them they just said it great what were you gonna say andrew you said more skid mark than cotton that's like a nightmare 100 skid mark underwear pre-skidded yeah you get cotton oh my god i got cotton on my skin um all right this guy rocks this guy rocks let's do it let me whip my thing out i okay i want to preface this by saying i am not laughing at the um i'm not laughing at the content of this video i'm laughing at the um just the the way it's delivered and that this person is being serious oh my god have you been keeping up with the dean withers saga i saw a guy uh jump in the pool that made me laugh

i heard a guy turn on the shower yesterday yeah uh but no i i mean yeah it's like those are the highlights yeah those are the highlights you in the bath by chance you in the bath all right if you've been sitting on a business idea shopify makes it easy to make it happen all right everything you need to start selling is included and ready from day one all right This is including the moment your first customer is ready to pay. Shopify checkout helps more of them finish their purchase, and when they come back, their details are already saved. One tap, and they're done.

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at shopify.com slash playdate let's get back into the episode okay pause this immediately and i mean immediately okay so this is a woman named katie gangl yeah and uh she has she if you go on her page it's mostly this it's this video over and over again but then her answer to the question sure is different every time and this was like just mind-boggling to me that there's a person out there like i feel like i'm not i'm pretty hard to shock of like types of guys this one blew my mind because it i just am confused it's it's kind of like a fusion of two genres that i didn't realize existed i'm stoked see you later oh what do you want for your birthday i want the global downfall of white supremacy i want reparations paid to the black and brown

and indigenous community for the continued genocide against their people i want white people to learn history and sit with the uncomfortableness of it every single day. I want white people to take steps to being anti-racist and know that if you really want to be anti-racist, you're going to be on that path till the day you die. And it's going to be uncomfortable, but you're going to create a better future. I want white people to be actively anti-racist and active allies

not performative ones myself included everyone should want that and take steps to make it happen still stuck I don't know if you caught this at the end of her skit her two and a half minute skit monologue

she urges us to not be don't do it performatively sure she dressed up like doctor who and did that is doctor who okay i think that's was that not am i not am i crazy that was the i saw it this morning like how is this a person that's walking around i mean she she nothing she said is crazy it's just setting up a skit where doctor who asks you what you want for your birthday and that's what you want yeah well i actually don't know which one is doctor who is the first person doctor who i guess go to her page and she does

this over and over and over and over again oh is that what dr who dressed like with the suspenders i guess i don't really even know just click on no i mean store take half oh what do you want for your birthday the fall of fascism in america yeah yeah yeah i got it it is i i watched these for like 30 minutes this morning i was like surely you probably learned a lot she got a lot of birthdays dude i was like is this a scene from a doctor who movie work but it's like she should what she should be doing is just maybe monologuing those things and being like this is what i believe i think what you don't account for is doctor who fans are horribly racist what do you want for your birthday this is a way of like trojan horsing it sort of into that community can we watch her ice

one i believe it's the third one the ice one is hilarious this sorted getting some grub i'll bring back some what do you want for your birthday global recognition that transgender women are women transgender i can't watch no we're done with this we're done with this go to mine he doesn't get four of this guy rocks she her ice one she put agents in quotes that kind of made me laugh i don't know why i just did i don't know i just did oh riding for rookies just play it Wait, no, no, no. You have to tell them what's the website on this. Ridingforrookies.com.

No. It's a new type of fitness class. First date idea. Taking Shadi to riding for rookies. Can you imagine? Also, is that how people are riding each other? It's a fitness class. I have never been in that.

class it's called fantasy fitness it's in maryland okay turn this audio off at least what uh it's a fitness class where they ride each other jesus christ bro can you grow up can you i don't think i could i don't think my penis would be touching the person in front of me if we were in that position she's like four feet away from him where am i missing am i missing this there's gotta be like eight andrews would be like going through the other side of her andrew be hitting another rookie i mean i think they're like pretty much pressed up against each other that's kind of like the whole thing but like think about like where harass is in his ass like there's probably like 16 inches of ground between them i mean they're not going butt to butt imagine instead

of dinner and a movie taking taking her to riding for rookies and then that's what it says dinner and drinks gets old try something unique interactive and fun it's sexy it brings you close to try something new do you think sex is butt to butt uh the way i have it yeah yeah okay the way i have it it's it's scissoring but with our assholes oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah i want to see riding for riding for professionals for veterans riding for veterans.com nice okay um just want to get the word out yeah um okay why and so this is fitness yes and it's called fantasy fitness so you get a little workout are you it doesn't really seem like a workout it seems well you haven't seen all of it okay should we do teach me something

yes all right are you ready for this yes there is a star there's a star that exploded when the dinosaurs were alive called sn 2015 f and the light didn't reach us until 2015 isn't that crazy what i know i've always known that stars are that that there are stars that exploded like forever ago that we are still seeing but something about it exploding when the dinosaurs were around and it reaching us while we were alive feels like crazy like i was like snapchatting when it got here yeah was the light something i should have been like aware of it was just like a new star in the sky like appeared oh like you'd be like looking at like a dead black space and then it'd be like whoa isn't that cool oh that is really cool yeah that is cool i thought maybe you guys

were gonna think that was boring no i like that fact i just thought it was a lot that's crazy to me this is cool i will say i went to trivia last night how'd you do we got zero points okay well we wagered it on the last question got it but one of the answers was shallow how and i got it because of you because of this shit let's go what was the question remember the movie where jack black's with the girl and she's like oh yeah we talked all about it what was the question it was like a bunch of like still frames from rom-coms and you name it and it was like him and the girl and she i was like i think it's shallow how and people were fighting on i was like the one where like she's a really fat girl but she looks skinny and people are like no i think it

might be this and then i was like guys literally look she is in this the freeze frame she has like a milkshake the size of her head and he has like a regular size one so that's like it like it's like that she looked but she's like in the skinny version but she has the that's awesome yeah i'm glad we helped that's like the first sane film the first good that shallow hell has ever done first good that's ever happened uh but now my fun fact was going to be um i just thought this was moderately interesting do you know what was the most populous city in the u.s in 1790 first the first u.s census 1790 would still be relatively like eastern seaboard i don't think we had explored the midwest yet so i would say the most populous city would of course be

um i feel like you're trying to trick me so i'm gonna say charleston philadelphia terrible guest yeah philadelphia well the correct answer is philadelphia then we looked up it sounded like it might have been new york terrible guest felt like a kick in the nuts it was a terrible guess uh we put we put boston but we wasn't even close so i was right with philly he said philly and then we looked it up and it said new i feel like philly or new york is the correct answer okay we're like neck and neck got it okay but yes you were right um but boston was like well behind them which i just because people started in boston i thought maybe philly ever the was philly ever the capital but new york was the first capital yeah new amsterdam

even old new york was once new amsterdam why they changed it i can't say because i just liked it better that way stan bull not constantinople now it's just no it's they might be giants been over this right that's right confessions yeah let's hear it new rule if it mentions jacking off we block them on spotify okay next one um i'm just joking i kind of like no no i want to watch that that one yeah okay okay forgive me fathers i feel like i've been sinning i'm a straight woman and almost exclusively watch gay male porn i don't watch porn in general very often but when i do it's two men 90 of the time i know it's normal for straight men to watch lesbian porn but for some reason the other way feels the other way around feels weird and gross am i going to hell

no you're not going to heaven you're probably i've never it is interesting because watching two women make out is completely like socially acceptable yeah but a girl a girl like getting excited for two guys if you will go nuts yeah yeah i think you're going to heaven actually i think you know let's uh the next one jacking off too wait i think that yeah i think that that's kind of awesome because here's the thing with like lesbian porn is like there's nothing you could look at that would be gay as a guy you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah like sometimes watching straight porn it'll like cut to the guy you're like whoa like the uh watching gay porn as a woman like yeah like any jump cut you're ready for yeah like if it's good if it's a goot shot

you're like perfect ass wipe i think it's like a star wipe with the guy's ass i think it's good i think yeah i think you're honestly i think it's better than watching straight porn straight porn's kind of weird sometimes where it's like or i guess i just call that porn but uh come on like you know it's like it can get a little aggressive never seen it so i think you're probably avoiding but i actually i would imagine gay porn gets pretty rough sometimes it can yeah all right let's hear the second one all right in college there was a door in my hallway that had some type of button outside the door that looked like a doorbell and when we'd come home drunk every night i'd always hit the button a bunch of times and we'd sprint to my room

as a type of game did not get caught at the end of the year when people had all moved out i discovered that the room was a handicapped room and the button set off a bunch of flashing lights in the room because the person who lived there was handicapped. In case there was a fire. You were going to hell. Hell. No. Yes. You're going to purgatory and God will be like

was this a one-off? He didn't know. It wasn't a one-off. Every night. Oh my god. That fucking... I'm shocked that the RA wasn't like Eric is not getting any sleep. You guys need to stop. That's actually insane.

I think there was one of those in our dorm too. that is awesome yeah you're gonna hell sorry bud i will say there was a but it's funny yeah but it is harmful i did when with this college or the apartment that scott lived in after he graduated college in boston i was still in college for a year but i would go over all the time and it had it the first floor of it was like a law firm and they had like an ipad screen on mounted on their door that had like their law firm with like the hours or whatever and they would like leave it up and on after hours it was just like always on and every time i went to his apartment i just it was like safari and i just searched fortnight battle pass literally every time i went to the

apartment i never told him because like i knew some of his other roommates would be like don't fuck with our neighbors but i just did it literally every time and every time they would have to they would be switched back like in the morning so i just know there's some guy who every every like other weekend would be like twice in a row like god damn it i thought you were like 12 literally i'm shocked you went so tame like it could have been like yeah because there was like a ring camera so i was like yeah that was also the point he's like i'm i'm not even attempting to hide my identity but it's so tame that it's like they're probably not gonna yeah all right let's hear another one all right last one though because i i am in a bit of a crunch long when me and my

brother were younger young enough where he has forgotten the true story i made him put coins his mouth and spit them out to see if they would be heads or tails this was a very funny running gag we had and it always made me laugh one time though a quarter got stuck to his tongue and it fell down his throat immediately he panicked told my parents that he swallowed a quarter and he had to go to the er when asked by my mom i told her he did it on his own terms he did not i practically begged him to do it time and time again he was in the er and hospital for two days in insane pain i swallowed a quarter and i wasn't in any pain because the coin was lodged in his throat oh he couldn't swallow uh couldn't eat and was bedridden all day eventually he was put under

and they removed the coin from his esophagus adding if you want the process was cool they took a magnet and dragged it up his throat i never told my parents i made him do it for my amusement and all he remembers is making me laugh i feel guilty every time my family brings up a story and describes how much pain it was p.s the quarter was a virginia 1978 quarter which my brother still has to this day no you get you gave a fantastic you that you gifted him a fantastic story he can tell for life yeah heaven yeah i was gonna also was gonna say kids are gonna say go is gonna say go girl's gonna say girl's gonna say um do you ever have one of those maps where you try to get every state yeah i had like a little hole in each one i loved that when i was a kid yeah i was being

my horny ass could not have a map with holes in it all right i'd go nuts on it um all right should we do bands that don't exist or country songs bands these are bands that don't exist all right uh left foot first it's a teen pop band i like that um the sphincter brothers they play at a frequency that like opens up your butt and you poop yourself awesome day traitor pop punk band pop punk band outer base it's all base and that's it that's awesome tammy funka and the bad time barbies metal uh drowning in fire is reggae disco horse snort it's a children's sing-along band okay um should we do country songs yeah you want to see it up or wait you just did that one yeah or wait does it matter for no okay i'll do these are more country songs that don't exist

cowboy cologne it's a it's from a woman's perspective and she hates when her man comes home drunk and she can smell that cowboy cologne on his breath i like that a lot uh a hay wouldn't hurt uh it's about people they fell out of love and uh they they work on a farm and they work with horses and she's she says next time you walk by a hay wouldn't hurt i love that that's awesome uh when i see your truck it's about breaking up in a small town and you kind of are making progress to get over it but every time they pass each other you're back to square one and you're healing process every time he sees her truck he has to he has to start healing again yep that's good uh lake for a lover this one is about a guy who loves his days at the lake

but he's always says i'd trade a lake for a lover a boat for something mother a fishing line for someone to love okay um let me see what this one's about oh you put air in my tires it's about a guy who's not going anywhere in life right now he's unmotivated he's sad but he meets a new woman and she puts metaphorical air in his tires and now he's ripping and running spinning yeah i like that a lot thank you uh nothing better this one is it goes like the sun is shining and the work is through so won't you join me for a drink or two the flavor of a perfect friday afternoon Yeah, nothing's better than a Mountain Dew

Oh, that's pretty good. I like that one. That should be a real song. The flavor The flavor of a perfect Friday afternoon The sun is shining and the work is through So won't you join me for a drink or two The flavor of a perfect Friday afternoon

Yeah, nothing's better than a Mountain Dew guys that's a real song and it's out right now on spotify and i made it with mountain dew and you can listen to it right here what do i put there a link link oh but maybe that works on reels but it just pauses the video yeah all right we love you guys thank you so much for listening have a great right here monday have a great tuesday and we will see you bright and early on wednesday love you peace Thanks for watching!