Will & Rusty's Playdate - we need to talk…

Episode Date: July 16, 2025

The gang dishes on what really went down at the Cheesecake Factory — and Lauren gets emotional. Will and Rusty dive into witches, ghosts, and legendary Irish seaman Tom Crean, plus the hilarious chaos of making a Hinge profile for a friend. They also tackle a Playmate’s scandalous dream dilemma and draft their favorite fake ailments and nostalgic iPod games that never existed. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP OUR MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/ RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY BETTERHELP. IF YOU’RE THINKING OF STARTING THERAPY, VISIT HTTPS://WWW.BETTERHELP.COM/PD FOR 10% OFF YOUR FIRST MONTH AND GET ON YOUR WAY TO BEING YOUR BEST SELF. FIND MUG ROOT BEER AT YOUR LOCAL STORE OR BUY IT WHEREVER YOU GET YOUR GROCERIES. CHECK OUT https://www.mugrootbeer.com/find-mug TO FIND OUT HOW YOU CAN GET YOUR PAWS ON SOME MUG.  00:00 Intro 00:28 We Have News :( 10:26 Rusty Bombshell 14:22 Salem, MA 19:56 Nothing I’m going to tell you is true 26:39 Wedding Recap 38:37 7/7 Attacks 49:28 Roadmap & Mail Bag! 01:00:23 Antarctic Explorers 01:03:44 Pitch Submissions 01:14:55 AITA 01:25:07 Pitches 01:30:59 This Guy Rocks 01:41:54 Teach Me Something 01:45:56 Drafts #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

play date episode 123 uh david abc as easy as one two three how fun is that david beckham on the galaxy that's crazy paul is that true yeah how about michael jordan never heard of him oh yeah what did that i thought that was too uh bang lauren's like who all right speaking of chicago legends yes we've got some news for you guys today that we got some news lauren now has to deliver oh i have to deliver yeah of course floor is yours okay um hey lauren we love you and we're gonna be here for you throughout this all right yep okay the sad news is people well you guys can reveal like what i'm doing next but i will be leaving playdate at the end of july which is incredibly sad and i feel really awkward right now because i do not

i'm very non-confrontational and i don't like delivering any bad news well the way you did it how did you do it the way you did okay i broke up i broke up with them at the cheesecake factory My first ever time at the Cheesecake Factory, I was having the time of my life, and then Lauren broke up with Will and I. And now I can never go back. Lauren has signed on to an Arctic mission. She's going to see how close she can get to the South Pole

without getting cold or stuck to anything. And if she sees any penguins, she's going to write it down. That's her job. But that part, obviously, is a joke, but it is real. It's not a joke. That part is not a joke. no i'm saying the penguin thing is gonna make them think all of it's a joke oh it's not a joke i actually i am actually leaving um very very hard decision but i don't want that to discount

our my wonderful time here i love you all very much um it's just time what what are you counting i'm trying to count how many playdates we have i think we have five playdates left wait if we end on 28 that's gonna be kind of crazy because it's your birthday my birthday is the 28th we're recording our last one together on that day and it'll be the 128th if it is that would be wild that would be very i think it might be 127 fuck well not we'll just skip we'll skip we'll skip one yeah like how hotels don't have a 13th yeah yeah yeah um in memoriam the oh go ahead i was just gonna say obviously there's no part about this that is like fun but there was a very funny comment that i almost wanted to reply to someone commented on our photo at the cheesecake

factory and said i can't wait to find out why rusty will never go back to the cheesecake factory again wait did you say that no no i just they were making fun of the fact that sometimes if i have a bad experience i won't go back and now i literally think if i went back to a cheesecake factory i have a psychotic episode yeah um but we well go ahead no i was just gonna say yeah i uh i got my egg rolls jack got his chicken littles will was eating a skinny licious turkey burger very it was tough to order in front of my friends and i was just sitting there eating i'm like i didn't even have an appetite before because i was so nervous and sad i didn't want to say it and then i knew i knew i know it was up when she wasn't picking up the southwest egg rolls she was just fucking

nibbling on them they had a southwestern flair they had a little bit of a southwest phoenix flair i was laughing about the fact that so it's it's to our waiter it is uh two boys and a girl sitting there having a pretty normal lunch and then when she came to bring the check back we are all sad and the girl is sobbing and crying. So we were thinking, does she think that we are in a throuple? Not anymore. Not anymore.

Or did she think we were in a throuple? We de-throupled. Here's a question. If we're in a throuple and one person leaves, do you think the other two people stay together? I think we'd have one last passionate night together. Right. Right.

For sure. For sure. For sure. But Lauren is, all jokes aside, Edelorn is going to Tuvalu to count all the sharks. And if she gets it wrong, they feed her to them. So we are very nervous. It's like one of those contests where you try and guess how many jelly beans are in a jar.

But this is way higher stakes. Yes. And she's going to be, if she gets it right, though, she is the president. Yes. So high risk, high reward. But stay tuned because I'm sure I will, if they welcome me back, I would love to pop in. We will welcome you back with open eyes. didn't think we should talk about that vote right maybe vote privately well yeah so welcome back

thank this is it's sad there's been a fun it's been almost two years with the three of us lauren's a huge part of the show we are in the process of trying to figure out oh yeah we do to clarify will and i are still doing playdate yes we are we have no idea who the producer is going to be yes we're working on that will and i sat down to try and kenward told us to go write down everything we want in a producer which sounds easy until you're trying to do it and we couldn't think of one thing we were just trying to we were just writing down characteristics that you have we're like girl around our age lives with mia they're like guys the the you got to give us a bigger talent pool there's only one person that

lives with mia yeah um but yes very extremely sad but we're still the good news is you're not moving i think that would be much tougher as if we were losing you as a co-worker and also a friend yeah you will still still friend you'll still hear now we can tell now we can tell stories about Lauren on the weekend, and she's not going to be here to edit them out. So, stay tuned for crazy blackout stories.

Nautical stuff. We never, we always talk, every episode we talk about Lauren's huge sailing expeditions, and she edits it out. It's because she's finding new islands. I guess the whole cartography thing she thinks is cringe. I actually think it's really

cool, Lauren, and I'm excited that you won't be able to edit them out yeah yeah um but we love you lauren and yeah we're gonna miss we're happy for you there's a lot of money in counting sharks and i will never blame you for that i will never blame you for that yeah um but lauren do you want to say anything else or can i get into our bomb my bombshell of the week uh sorry that was so rude no i don't i mean it seemed like i want to move on i don't know no no i mean it's fine we don't need to i'm sure my last episode will be sad so yeah we also that's the good news is you guys are gonna we're gonna you know it's slowly uh you know we'll soften the blow we have we have a couple episodes ahead we're gonna wean her we're

gonna wean you off we'll have her be the one's weaning we're not weaning anyone i was weaning off last night and no another cool thing is we have like oh we have like three more weeks uh with lauren which means now and she's still gonna be logged into everything and looking at everything So now's your chance to comment all your favorite memories of Lauren and favorite Lauren moments and Lauren isms. Yeah. Viral. Just,

I want to put this opportunity to share all that. The cool shit that, that she's done over the last few years. I want to, on your last episode, Lauren, we're going to end it with an in memoriam and it's going to be all the best,

all those crazy Lauren moments that you guys have loved for 123 episodes. and it's going to be just gut-wrenching to watch. Mostly Google searches. Why am I crying so much? Because you love us. I think because you're sad because you're leaving. Or wait, actually, I don't know. I thought my Lexpro stopped me from crying,

but I guess it doesn't. Wait, you take Lexpro? What do you have, like anxiety or depression or something? No, I just got re-upped. Come on. Come on. Did you guys see that Playdate Out of Context video? Yeah, it was so cute.

Let's fire it up, Lauren. Let's watch it. Oh, are we watching it right now? Let's get you happy again, girl. How long is this video? 30 seconds. Literally 50 seconds. And then I got a bombshell for you.

You're either going to love it or you're going to hate it. I can't tell. Who, me? Yeah. Why would I hate it? You'll see, but it's kind of like it is the reason that I love it so much is the same reason that you hate it so much but sometimes you love it so we'll see it's a big crux and it's like one of the only cruxes in our relationship you got like upgraded on delta no

that would be boring boring morning morning i actually got demoted on delta i've never had that happen oh really yeah they were like we switched to a smaller plane so we bumped you out of comfort plus oh that's sad yeah we're like uh yeah all right let's see play date pod out of context this is from dylan i accidentally sexted mia what dog can dig deep damn don't come to the rally track if you don't want to get like willie blasted no oh you guys we went to laguna on saturday what what is uh what is it what is drowning potato with that nice it's me i have crabs look at this beautiful blessing god's given the first pentecostal church come on let's take a look

dude he's got a fucking rump all right wait if you only ate corn would it just come out cooked soda all right good thank you dylan um all right who's ready for who wants their bombshell hit me who wants their monday morning like i was eating dinner and i held a fork backwards for a second what no i'm just what is that in reference to do i tell bad stories no no no like like anytime you hype it up is like the most insane you exaggerate so much thing happened it's always like okay that was like a kind of awkward thing all right nothing cool happened

uh i want to preface this by saying i'm not doing it to one-up you okay i want us to still be buddies after this he saw chris rock two two things can be true at once he got a picture all right you know how last week oh he's related to alex cooper you know how last week willie found out that he was related to alex cooper yeah i have a celebrity of my own that i recently found out we are second cousins so slightly better than will's third cousins all right it all starts with slinky slinky is our great grandfather who gave birth to grontis and gompy and then grontis gave birth to cronin and gompy gave birth to grampy cronin is alex earl's grandfather and grampy is mine who gave birth to steve my dad and cronin gave birth to tj earl who is alex earl's

dad so wow if i could take a look at this yeah please uh i would like people to note this is actually third cousins this is the same relation i believe yeah but that is uh crazy names though right yeah yeah tj i mean what the hell that's the only real one what was cronin's deal cronin is Grontis's father who is so that would be Alex Earle's great grandfather is Grontis. I had

Josh make that this morning. You had someone make this? What? Or no, I had him show me how the printer works. God, I got it. I was nervous there. Just a fun little thing to lighten the mood a little bit.

That made me laugh. I like this a lot. Cronin is an old time dude. um she is she's all right she uh um i went to keep this please frame it put it on the put it next to one soda by the way a big big apologies for missing 22 on the one soda thing i was saying to rusty before we started recording my defense is that i feel like baseball player numbers are like not relevant because you never have you can always tell who's who i don't even know what half the guys on the Mets and I've watched every game

weirdly I feel like I knew more Yankees numbers growing up because they don't have names because they don't have names and the and the the announcer has that cool like Star Wars voice Luke Voight I am your

announcer that was pretty good it's like you're warming up is that a guy Luke Voight Was that the guy that Mets just drafted? Great. One moment. Hold, please, Lauren, play that theme music while we fix the air conditioning.

I was going to say that the Red Sox were awesome. Very. They were awesome this weekend. They've been awesome. They've been awesome. They won 10 in a row. And I was in Boston or Salem Friday night. it was like the welcome drinks for this wedding they had this like walk-off home run it was

awesome and then yesterday they had a big win it was i was watching the red sox all weekend and they were very fun team to watch right now to watch right now did you see roman anthony on that double date yeah i did yeah pretty awesome cool name who does uh like our two young studs were out on a double date in boston and someone caught them and uh and it looked like they were hitting it off. I don't think I've ever looked that cool. What are their names? Roman Anthony and...

I forgot who the other guy was. Roman Anthony Double Date. Good images. I think it was just a TikTok. I don't know if there would be a news article. Videos. Go to Roman Anthony Outfield Designated Hitter

Controversy Alex Cora Managerial strategy young talent outfields baseball you know gumpy mexico gumpy actually is my that that one's real everything on my side is real except for slinky gumpy yeah is your great-grandfather gommy and gumpy i mean i never met him but that's what i heard slinky slinky slinky all right what are our grandparent what are our grandkids gonna call us grandpapa grammy that's my grandmother that's grampy's wife grant i want to be grammy i had nanny and poppo on my dad's side poppo poppo poppo that's fun what if i what do you want to be popeye r.i.p what if i'm just popeye popeye

maybe i got one that's just grandpa yeah sometimes they so what it's the oldest the oldest sibling usually comes up with it is there a rule i came up with grandy as his grandson i rewrote the book so what did they call i came in what did they call because aren't you you're like you're i'm like the youngest yeah so how they were just like oh the new kid is calling him something different so everyone else did yeah i think they called her granny for years and then i came along and i was like a little kid who couldn't talk right and i started saying grandee and then i think she was like oh that's actually cool because that's like a little bit unique and so then she was like we gonna rock with grandy all right i'll be skid mark your nipples slug no i don't

want to be nipple no nipples oh nipples yeah oh fuck yes yeah i was in salem massachusetts all weekend they really have leaned into the witch thing yep in a way that first of all beautiful wedding lovely little quaint little new england town on the water like beautiful and then they're every block is like a store selling like weird like witch gear and it's like or like weird like haunted museums and i'm like it's like a weird thing to be like it's like they like were like hanging these women it's a pretty dark it's a pretty dark period in their history that would be like if every time you went to new york they were like 9-11 gear get your 9-11 gear yeah it's very bizarre but i didn't see any witches or i didn't drink any brew or actually i had a coffee

called a witch's brew yeah what does that mean a brew like a witch's brew like a potion actually also i was thinking about when i was a kid i'll i'll protect the anonymity but i had a friend like a childhood friend like my family kind of knew him too he's a friend that i grew up kind of with and we would go over and hang out at his house sometimes and his mom was like a Wiccan like a she brewed

potions and shit. She was always trying to get you to clean the oven Wiccan. Okay she was a witch whatever so what does that mean? She like brewed Why do you say it like that? Brewed She brewed What kind of potions?

I don't know, dude. They were, like, and his dad was, like, really into ghosts, and his mom, like, was a, she dressed like a witch in brood. What do you mean she dressed like a witch? She dressed like. Like a huge hat? Like, more, like, all black. She was all mystical.

Yeah. Why were your parents letting you hang out at this house? They were really nice people. They were really, like, a really nice family. I would be like, you are absolutely not going over to the. I never got haunted. that's not how that that's not the thing i never want and we would go over but we'd be like i was thinking about this the other day like it just occurred to me how like kind of bizarre that

was but like we'd be like playing ping pong in the basement or something and i'd like go up to get a snack and his mom's like honey have you seen my have you seen my frog's blood that is it was insane excuse me will could i get a locket of your hair his dad worked at like some like old like historic home and i remember one time they're like he says dad was a ghost hunter what was his dad worked at like an old like historic building in lancaster the first thing you said what was he he was haunted or something no i'm telling i'm telling you right now he worked at this old place in this like old historic building in lancaster and i remember being like oh is it haunted he's like yes there are many i've seen many ghosts in my

which is like would you tell an eight-year-old kid that it's like oh my fucking god it was very interesting man maybe they're on to something i'd uh i had a uh teacher in high school that was he like started i had took a couple of his classes but he like always prefaced it with nothing i'm gonna tell you is true like at the beginning of the year and he would tell us all teacher yeah and he would tell us like all this crazy stuff and we'd go home and i'd tell my dad like mr st jar said this and he's like i don't think that's right what class was it i took a philosophy class with him and then i took like history classes with him which like feels like the one yeah the one class where true but he would take i'm trying to think oh oh this is why i was

saying he really believed in ghosts and he was like when i was a kid uh we'd come down and all the cabinets would be open and we'd go like what happened here and my mom would be like the ghosts just like them that way we were like it sounds like there was someone like coming into your house like we need to you can't it's like a dangerous yeah if you believe too much in ghosts you're like there are signs of forced entry yeah and we're like oh the ghosts were here last night the ghosts came in took my tv and made my butt hurt we i was i was always very scared of the basement at that house or my house growing up yeah that house was the only the only house i'm positive there was like some weird shit going like that we had an unfinished basement that was

just not comfortable to be in my sister would always always lock me down there yeah and i didn't like i think there were like scratch marks on the door because i would be like i need to i need to get out we used to uh go to our friend's house and tie each other down to a mattress with bungee cords yeah and then go everyone else would go upstairs and leave the lights off and see who could get out the fastest jesus and i think my dad would say we're not gonna hang out with those people anymore well hey but when this episode comes out we will have just also released scared and impaired or bringing it back what time does it come out 9 or 12 noon noon that that like this playdate youtube channel comes out like on the dot at five every morning the unscripted one is

just like whenever they get to it it's like whenever they yeah but they're today they will be out on the friday beers youtube channel of ghost hunting video which honestly that whole experience i won't spoil it go watch it what were you gonna say no spoilers i don't want to that guy if you haven't watched that's crazy you even watched the original one we were going over there and i was trying to get billy and willie ready for it and i was like he's the ghosts in the house are the least of your worries like this guy is just insane and they were like how crazy can he be and then he was kind of the man for the first like hour and in my head i was like did i remember this wrong is he like not and then he went off the rails he was going we he served his

ribs for dinner which apparently is part of his fee that we paid him yeah we give him 900 bucks and and money to for him to go buy ribs no no it was included oh it was like part of his fees like it costs like whatever 900 bucks or something for the ghost tour filming all night and and it comes to dinner and his ribs that he made and the whole time rusty's trying to get him to confess that they're human ribs he never said they weren't yeah but human ribs would be a way more expensive and be not shaped like pig ribs i don't think that i i don't think that uh i don't think he went out and bought them i think that his i think he took he pocketed the money that was supposed to be for ribs and he gave us human ribs and he killed a guy i never had any for the record

you didn't eat any i know were they good yeah they were fun you know they say they weren't like the best ribs i've ever had but they were like good like homemade ribs they uh they say that human tastes they in some countries they call it long pork because it tastes just like pig tastes like better pig people say people say it's good i'm not all i'm saying is the rack of ribs was this long and unless that human was wide as hell could i haven't seen greg odin in a while could have been him is he wide greg odin he's like seven feet tall and no but the ribs go this way you'd have to be like your torso would have to pull up greg odin ribs he was like okay look at him he's a big boy okay you do ribs

it's about the size of a large human rib cage wait what i don't know why that's you actually human rib human okay what are you doing she's going out with the bag that's what that's what he kept them in before I don't know how this was one of the things we tried to put on art. My brain actually just like He kept him in a human cage.

Human cage. You're gonna get put on a one word You're gonna get put on a list for googling human cage. What the fuck is that? I actually just like Wait, go to that third image.

Disassociated, I think. Go to that third image. Oh my god. That's way too small. Why does that exist? You can buy it on Artsy? What's Artsy?

He said it like Artsy. He's like Yeah, like a like a one-stop shop. Oh fuck, you can get that rt google human rib cage that could have easily been i know oh my god this is an ad by better help workplace stress is real okay and this summer you should take time to focus on your wellness and take small steps to manage your workday challenges it's

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on abit kinney but the guy was like it's gonna take like a week or something to get it like altered and stuff i was like i don't have that time so i biked to men's warehouse and i bought it i was like i need something i need to walk out with a suit right now so it was not did it fit yeah yeah i mean it was like yeah it was perfect it worked was it was it velvet it was velvet it was uh piping hot which was a little weird but no it was it worked and uh but the funny part was then i had i kind of had not really thought about how i was gonna get home with it so then i had to like have i'd like roll it up and then i was like biking home like this down like lincoln and washington it was kind of dicey actually so but i got a suit

it was a hit everyone loved it i was getting people all weekend saying nice suit man that's a hit and uh they come to i don't want to spook you everyone's talking about how much of a hit your suit is people were saying that maybe now i take it and get it like actually tailored like it probably wasn't perfect but it did the trick it was great uh and i danced it it's got good good support because i was pulling out my move on the dance floor you know no do you do the like oh yeah dude that thing what have i had a wedding full of like people who you know aren't the best like dancers blew their mind it is an instant circle creator women like no no like you know how like every like white person wedding well i don't know like i i've only really been to white

person weddings but uh you know chinese weddings always you know how white people be like uh no but you know how like everyone like there's kind of like a yearning for like that moment where like there's like a circle and then people go like yes and like but it's kind of like how do you start it like who's gonna every time i would do that move i did it twice and it just immediately opened up the entire dance floor of the way we're losing their fucking minds it was a freaking hit that's That's so funny. And a big thing I liked about this wedding, at like 10 o'clock, the groom just started walking around with a big basket of Uncrustables.

Ooh. Huge. Hell of a move. Did you get a video of it? No, I just ate it. Nice. Yeah, I ate it. Grape?

Strawberry? I got a strawberry one. They had every flavor. Why was he the one doing it? I think he- Budget cuts? I think he just loves Uncrustable giving. i saw a video of a guy uh like blacked out at his own wedding and the and the that's a bummer

yeah dude the the mother-in-law was like had to feed him his dinner we were like i feel like that that would be the worst possible way to start your new life with someone yeah yeah that would be the nightmare they were supposed to bum or not remembering what's supposed to be like just do it again all right we're doing it again next weekend i saw i saw a video of a guy a guy re-proposing to his wife that he yeah some kid posted it his parents got re-engaged after like 15 years of divorce that would be such a mind fuck you spent your you spent your entire life like you've like just gotten over it and they get back together yeah that is weird i had a crazy thing happen please we end wedding no more end of wedding okay i feel like i'm there

there's like a shuttle from the venue back to like downtown salem like where the all our hotels are and stuff and they're like all right we're all gonna go to this bar for like after party all the young folks and we get there and somehow sam my brother and i are like the first people to walk into the bar and the bouncer is like sorry no after wedding parties i was like ah like give he's like no you can't come in here you guys can't come into this bar we're like what it's like we don't let post-wedding parties into the bar i was like what do you what is that even why would that even be a rule and he's like everyone's been drinking for six hours like gets out of control like we just don't we have there's only two bars in this town that'll let in post-wedding

parties he like listed what they were and so that implies not only do they not let them in but there's some sort of like union organization of bars that doesn't let in post wedding party yeah so we had to go to the one bar that let in post wedding parties we walk in there's like three post wedding parties is salem like a wedding hot spot like how what do you think happened that they were like no more i yeah i don't know i guess people were going like hog wild or nuts or something that was uh that was like uh i mean i was gonna like you're gonna go now and put my ass in between ass on people's drinks and put my poop in people's drinks you're gonna poop in people it's a post wedding party it's an american tradition i don't know how he knew though you were

in suits but also funny that no no i was gonna poop in oh but also funny that like me and my brother like we were i don't want to say fringe of the wedding in terms like we're the bride is my second cousin who we're close with but like we don't know like all her like friends and the other side of the family we're kind of on an island in some sense yeah and uh so if you guys wanted to just go get a drink after they'd be like did you come from a wedding not allowed yeah well i was it was more that we had to go out and deliver the bad news to the whole wedding who are you yeah we're like all right guys no post wedding which sounds like something i made up yeah and uh yeah that that reminds me like there were there were multiple towns in in florida that

banned uh i've told you about fox day yes so they put out a fox you all take a bus to the beach they put it they put out a fox on the middle of campus and that means classes are canceled that day we had like buses lined up each like fraternity we had like a charter lined up and you'd go to daytona but it used to be new smyrna and then then new smyrna said no more who's new smyrna new smyrna is uh it's the shark bite capital of the world really yeah pull up new smyrna beach sharks lauren should know about this then for her new gig um how does she she only knows how to spell the ones that are like impossible it's like how the fuck did you know how to spell that i've heard of i know what this is i mean i i didn't mean that as like how like i didn't know how to spell

that at all i would spell it s-i-m-e-r-n-a i just like i i know this place but they i feel like i they basically said no more because like you know a thousand hammered kids show up and like wreak havoc on your town for a little bit and then leave and so we had to go to daytona which is like how did the town say no the town was like basically made some rule that like if a charter bus shows up of rollins kids we will like we will tell the bus driver to take you somewhere else um but yeah so this is we would go hang out here and it's the shark bite capital of the world and i remember before i knew this we were out like floating pretty deep in the ocean some guy paddled over and was like a lot of sharks out today we were like what are you talking about

he's like it's the shark bite capital of the world which is not something you want to hear when you're like 50 yards offshore yeah what the hell what the hell i was watching a i was watching a shark video a shark uh show last night on nat geo shark wait i was just is it shark week no i think that's the end of july yeah but so i was watching cannibal sharks yeah fun fact if you had to guess how much of a shark in weight is its liver what fraction would you guess one eighth how much of a shark what this is also i'm painting with a broad brush but this was whatever shark they were talking about one third of their body weight can be their liver and they eat each other they're ginormous me after me after one night at the bar

what one third of my body weight is my liver one after one week or one bar have you been getting fed those ads that are like you ain't ugly you just need to detox your liver no it'll be like people trying to sell you this like new like detox thing and they're trying to they're telling people that like they're only fat because their liver isn't good like you ain't ugly you just need to quit your corporate job you're like how does that affect my liver i was today you're mostly getting like 18 progressive i was today years old when i found out i ain't ugly my liver just needs to quit its corporate job you're like what it's every ad on my tiktok or it'll be a girl who is the skinniest person in the world and she's like

uh this was me before i drank this cortisol drink and it's her like maybe one pound she's still like a supermodel and she'll be like i was such a little porker and then all the all the comments are like what what hey i didn't i didn't say the tiktok shop she says porker right that's awesome dude i got in i might feel like i got in at 2 30 last night that shit is ass i feel like yeah delta's been buns lately i was just sitting on the tarmac but yesterday i actually had a really fun oh oh it almost went in the candle sunday fun day my brother and i really like check out of our inn in salem a little jesus reference uh and then we decided we had to go back to boston i had to fly hit a train we took the ferry nice and they they

have uh little bloody marys on the ferries so we're out in the sea had a little bloody mary on the ferry and then we get in there i went to my buddy matt's house to drop all my shit and then i realized i have my brother's driver's license and his train was leaving in 15 minutes and i was a mile from the train station so i just booked it and i pr'd my mile wow you sprinted on foot yeah after after being on sea and drinking a bloody mary how much was my flu game i ran a 620 that's your pr yeah i mean i've never like gone i would have thought you'd be like mid fives i think i could run under six if i was i've never like gone for i never run one mile i don't i think i'm mid five though that would be really good

There was a kid, Tom Higgins. Shout out Tom Higgins. You know those kids that are just like freak athletes from like third grade on? Yeah. Our basketball coach said that he thinks Tom had an unhealthy amount of fast twitch muscles because he's the most athletic kid I've ever seen. Fast twitch. He ran a, if I'm remembering correctly, he ran a sub five minute mile in like middle school gym class.

He's the fastest man I've ever seen. He's, to this day, the best athlete I've ever seen in my entire life. What about Reese McFarland? Reese McFarland, shout out Reese McFarland, I actually think is probably the most impressive athlete I've ever seen just because he's good at everything. Yeah. Some guy DMed me the other day and said,

so this guy Johnny Hayes, Johnny Hayes IV, who is kind of a local legend in the main golf scene, dm'd me and said he wants to see me and reese do 18 beers 18 holes because like a nightmare because he reese is the best golfer i've ever seen yeah but i think after 18 beers it's anyone's ball game yeah so like 1v1 we were saying like we think it would be like kind of a grudge match because he would get off to a hot start but i think at a certain point the skill level levels out yeah and i've probably played more drunk golf than reese be a grunt match um i just learned about the craziest thing in england they have their own do you know england has like their own

equivalent to 9-11 what do you mean there there were on 7-7 there were these train these coordinated train terrorist attacks but i'd never somehow no none of us have ever heard about it there's a netflix documentary that ty and i've been watching these guys went onto the trains they all had homemade bombs in their backpacks and exploded each car killed like 50 people and then someone did it on a bus and they were on this like manhunt trying to like backtrack they're like watching all the cctv footage that's like impossible to distinguish but they've they've basically tracked these guys back to a car they went in the car there were all these bombs there they kind of figured out who the guys were and they were like how are these they were all like

seemingly like pretty good kids they're like how did they uh all like get radicalized and do this whatever they can't really figure it out at least where i am in the documentary i'm assuming they probably figured it out eventually but okay fast forward now it's 21 7 they do it backwards for some reason so april 21st and july july sorry july 21st birthday isn't that weird that they do 21 7 instead of 7 21 yeah everything's backwards over there but um they think there are going to be more attacks and they uh these four guys try and do the exact same thing that the previous four guys had done but they were using this like weird like sludge bomb like it was some like i know it it was like this yellow goo and some they all fucked it up fucked it up

they clearly didn't know how to like make it so when it was supposed to go off their backpacks all just started like foaming and guys realized like oh my god this was another like failed attack the guy gets away they're trying to find him they found this piece of an id that had like you know an address so they go and camp out front of this guy's house and they're like when he comes out uh we'll get him on camera and we'll track him the guy who was supposed to be filming was peeing the one time the guy came out of his house so they have you know a report that this guy in like a in like a jean jacket and jeans left the house but the guy who was supposed to get like the money shot was peeing so they like kind of were tracking him they couldn't figure out like

is this the guy is this not the guy me me if i ever was a guy who had to get the money come on and so they follow him he gets on a bus which is like the last place you want him because they've been attacking buses he takes the bus to the train station they're like oh fuck he's gonna do it again or he's gonna succeed this time gets off the train or sorry gets off the bus looks at the train station and then gets back on the bus which is a common they call it uh it's some i forget what they call but it's it's like a common method used for guys to see if someone's following them so they'll get off see if anyone follows them and then they'll get back on and if someone follows them back on they'll whatever they can't get a good look at this guy all they know is that

he's like also tan which is not a good not a good jumping off point then he gets on the train uh these two secret agents follow him down there and uh they think he's gonna like connect the bomb or whatever so they shoot him and it was literally just a brazilian guy that had nothing had nothing to do with it isn't that insane they shot him they shot him eight times and we were like obviously you can't let if that was the guy you can't let him do anything but he didn't have a backpack he didn't have anything they no one gave them the green light to do this and they just like killed an innocent guy because he was he literally looked ty and i was looking at the photo of him versus the photo they had yeah it is the photo they had is a uh arabic guy with a huge

beard the guy they killed was a brazilian guy with like a clean cut haircut clean shaven and uh yeah it was insane jesus what is this the seven seven attacks no what's a documentary what are you watching it's just on netflix it's very cool interesting but it was it was one of those ones where we were you're watching it and you're like oh they're about to get him yeah and they were like and uh actually that was the wrong guy they shot him eight times and that was the one guy we're like oh my god l l l c2 and c12 that was their secret names oh like the guy they're interviewing the guy and he's like in the shadows and his his code name was c2 interesting it'd be funny if they were interviewing one of those guys where it's like all just like a silhouette or

something you know how they do that yeah but he's just got like a huge dong dripping down off oh my god do you see do you see like a penis do you see oh yeah he's he's or he it's his hair is so his hair is so crazy that it's like okay obviously it's that guy do you see connor mcgregor's penis i have not no he dm'd a girl last night a picture of his penis with a weight on it and he just dm'd her and said lifting weights and they weren't they didn't have a wait like it was balanced on it like he had an erect penis and then there was like oh gross fucking hell dude jesus christ and then there was a weight on it and it it went to her like requests because they didn't have a conversation going so that was the first thing he dm'd her jesus christ and uh she posted it

is it big it was big but it was um uncircumcised and it looked like it looked it almost looked like he had a uh sock on it a backward sock it was not i wouldn't recommend looking it up it's very strange i'm definitely gonna look it up but i'm not gonna be happy when i see it it's uh it's one of the it's one of the few times i've seen a penis and go oh it's one of the what happens That's the other times you see them. I go, hmm. Whoa. Wooka.

I think last week I said I was going to think I thought I was going to run the Long Beach Marathon, but then we got our work schedule, so I've officially now registered for the Twin Cities Marathon. Nice. Flann's hometown. Let's do it. Are you going to do it while you're doing a show? I'm going to do it mid-show.

it's gonna be the whole second half is gonna be of the show you know what i mean no uh we have like a yeah we have like a thing in ann arbor the third and then the fourth and then i'm gonna fly to minnesota on the fourth and then run it on the fifth so it'll be i put something on my calendar after like because we have that those uh show tour dates coming up yeah i put on my calendar like months ago like my buddy alex is getting married on september 20th please do not book that week and the first the first one we're supposed to go on is on september 20th i was like why did you what was the point of me getting that but you're not gonna go right i'm gonna go to the wedding i can't yeah yeah yeah yeah they it's that was annoying but so that i mean this is

because they had told me that weekend was gonna be at ucla so that's why i thought i was gonna go to long beach yeah and then it comes out and it's like i actually know it's in michigan i was like well that fucks my plans but i figured it'd be easier to just fly an hour to minnesota as opposed to flying all the way back here so you're gonna have to be disciplined the couple days before you can't go out partying 100 yeah i mean i probably won't drink for like at least probably like a month before the race what am i supposed to do i don't do i have to stop drinking you yes and new lauren will have to stop drinking what do you think new lauren's gonna be like freaking nuts dude should we just we have to make sure she has an l name so we don't have

by new block hey oh i thought you're saying lauren had an l name and that is just a little bit of the wit that i bring to the table on this podcast lauren what do you want what do you want new lauren to be like um stinky is there a part of you that kind of hopes she stinks not like literally but like she's like not as good as you well she's i hope she's not as cool as me it's impossible it's impossible to be not as cool as you wait it's impossible to be as cool as me no i obviously want like you guys are gonna continue to do well i'm just it's just gonna be sad what if it all goes like to shite no it won't i think they're they're gonna be some l some l heads that are gonna be we're gonna we're gonna lose a couple l well for all our ladies

i will still be i will still be existing so you guys can still talk to me i love talking you for wait tell us what new lauren's gonna look like what she's gonna look like yeah um maybe like a dirty blonde oh she dirty okay oh like a dirty she comes in she's like really raunchy you're like oh i will say for all the ladies out there for our lady playmates we are this will be a dei hire we are getting a woman yep so i don't know if we're allowed to say that is that elite is that legal to be like we only are gonna hire a woman what's the rooney rule we have to interview one dude or uh no we have to we have to hire it's like title nine we have to we have to give another guy a podcast yes produce if we want to hire because right now

it's even at this company yeah yeah yeah uh okay she's gonna be dirty blonde what do you want her to be like i want her to seven feet tall green fingernails top hat you know my type of huge uh i would say i want her to be swollen what if you guys like her more than me i don't think that probably not probably not i well it's gonna be hard at the beginning because you you have a We've done 123 episodes with you. We've done zero with her. So you win that thing. Yeah.

We can do like a stat comparison like on the sports podcast. Yeah, yeah. Yep. Let's make sure she is a tomboy. I want her to be part of like a skate crew. She's going to be like, what's that dog name? I'm going to be like, you have no fucking clue. You have no fucking clue.

What if we hate her? we should get someone we hate hey if you guys want the job I guess message us but you have to know how to do what Lauren does yeah and more and other things

should we road map it up oh Kevin King 2 took a tumble Kevin King 2 alright we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches then we're gonna do mailbag no mailbags first

Sorry. Mail, bag, three at a time. Mail, bag, making it rhyme. Mail, bag. I was watching the bag and I was cracking up. I sang it with you and then didn't realize what I was singing. You're like, what? No, we'll do them separately.

Why would we do three at a time? You're like, you just sang it. Then we'll do everyone's favorite segment, Teach Me Something, followed by This Guy Rocks, This Guy Rocks, This Guy Rocks Today. Hey, hey, I said this guy rocks. and he rocks so hard. He rocks in your house

and he rocks in your yard. There's rocks in my yard? See, New Lauren's not even going to fucking do that. We're going to have to teach her that. It's like getting a new dog. New Lauren's going to... Do you think she'll know sit? Lauren's going to be like,

her arms are way longer than her legs. Then we're going to do ailments that don't exist. Right. Maybe. And then old school iPod games that don't exist and then we'll end with Rusty's song of the day who wants the one with like the beads

Jack no I don't want beads beads bees bees nice throw nice toss brother ready molasses

alrighty this is from Sarah Hardy out of beautiful Georgia milwaukee come on oh hell yeah open them all at the same time i already have mine mail bag we got some beautiful yay bracelets mine says rusty jack we got lauren pink yay okay should we go to these people's wedding and then we got willie d we got wedding invites wait i got a card okay

oh my god that's so cute dearest curly larry and mo curly mary mary willie you're mo my cursive isn't great so i'll just quit while i'm ahead didn't we talk about the three suitors last episode yeah did they mail that in time i don't know that'd be crazy what is the postmark postmark postmark is i don't know where to find that here my cursive isn't great so i'll just quit while i'm ahead i don't have a pitch or an am i the asshole but just wanted to let y'all know you're doing a great job long time fan of the pod and you were my number one pick to listen to well i closed at the theater i work at that makes me so happy the buckhead theater what's his name this is um sarah hardy sarah hardy oh sarah

the pod has seen the highs and lows of that lobby from human dookie to a bra found in a theater showing that planet of the apes movie to the time a guy tried to sneak a whole pizza inside his hoodie pocket that sound that sounds like a blast human dookie is crazy that's what they call me in high school i dub the honorary georgia theater company employees for helping me survive such horrors hope the super huge success that comes from a verified spot a playlist goes uh to your head and we get a super a super public iconic crash out that's better than any aftv skit if that doesn't happen i can settle for a couple more segments added to the pod till it hits a weekly 10 hour count we're gonna be we're gonna be there in no time

uh i included some bracelets for y'all inspired by the pod color scheme hope they fit it didn't I didn't put that much work into guessing. Hugs or hags? Hags. What does that mean? You don't know hags? Have a great sandwich. Have a great summer.

Have a great sandwich. Are you joking? Sarah, P.S. I used that stupid. Wait, what? You guys don't know hags? I can't tell if this is a bit or not. Obviously, I know hags. What does it mean?

Like in your yearbooks? Of course. You've never heard of hags? No, I was joking. Jesus, where's the hags? Yeah. Oh, no, I haven't heard that. Wait, that's blowing my mind.

That was like every yearbook. Like when you would write, everyone would write hags in your yearbook. Yeah. P.S. I use that stupid flashing hole emoji too much now that I'm officially a nuisance. Thanks, guys. I love it. And then she drew our little blocks.

What is flashing hole emoji? It's the one you sent where it's like the guys like feet up and he's like spreading a hole. Also fits perfectly. So thank you, girlfriend. How do they get it? I don't know. that's very nice we also got invited to a wedding where uh summit new york when is it

should we go october 30th no august 30th wait what this is like the venue well no that okay it's a town oh i'm gonna say this town looks a lot like the big city i just looked up summer are you sure yes well i just looked up summit new york yes but that's a place called summit in new york so you're already adding an e change it in summit no so oh my god this is summit new york summit town new york there we go what click it no not images look at matt oh my god we'll have a fucking meltdown dude god this is tough all right somewhere in central new york sure i'm in

Should we go? What's their name? 5018, stand up. I think you're going to be going. Me? Or you're going to be home or something, right? August 30th? August 30th, unfortunately.

Labor Day weekend. I am in Maine. Oh, that's LDW. Unfortunately, we're not going to make it to the Pressman Casey wedding. I don't think so. But congratulations. But congratulations. And we were going to send you a $100 hat.

So if we get that in, we could go if we wanted to, right? Yeah. That's crazy. That's not why any invites work I know I just feel like Like if we like showed up And like didn't tell them We were coming

But we were like We have an invite You have to RSVP Lauren are you gonna go? Sure If you guys wanna go There's a link on there If anyone wants to RSVP

Okay let me read my Little thing It's a little postcard It's a coast par Coast guard It's the coast guard It is the coast Yeah

Willie, Rusty, and Lauren Hello from America's Greatest city Detroit Thanks so much for making My drives to work filled with laughter and smiles if you're ever in detroit i'd have to show you all the best spots come on love ben thank you ben d town stand up oh and on the postcard it's uh it's the tunnel

between windsor ontario and detroit oh beautiful wait what ontario and detroit connect crazy all right that was our mailbag segment segment segment sexment sexment sexments sex once sex mints pitches pitches pitches a sex mint would taste awful tastes like bugs okay oh a bug made it can i use the bathroom sure certified mug moment look at my shirt is this hysterical guys this episode's brought to my mug root beer i am so glad that we are working with them they sent us a pallet of mug root beer to our office and i have been putting back these mug zero sugars like it is my job literally i think they dropped off 5 000 of half zero sugar half regular i have always been a root beer guy

i think it's my favorite soda yeah i have been drinking those zero sugar ones until the cows come home it's zero calories zero sugar no caffeine it's just a it's a sweet treat for for guys who like to party can i just say on sunday i was having a few of these and i had that dog in me and i had a few people at the party being like that's a move right there drinking a mug root beer at the function willie's uh cooler was like yeah it was like beer and other stuff and there were just a bunch of mugs in there and everyone was like oh nice like good play lauren most of the time you had that dog in you i mean at the barbecue of course yeah you get that dog in you i there was a there was a baby pool that i was standing in and that was pretty sick or no

baby pool is that the right kiddie pool kiddie pool i had that dog in me then i want to know we want to know about when when you got that dog in you and when you had your mug moment yeah drop in the chat if you ever had a mug moment spam mug moment certified mug moment this is i'm actually so happy that we're getting to work with them i love this i've been drinking mugs since i was a little kid does the dream come true next time you want a delicious cold frothy root beer grab yourself a mug you guys can find mug root beer at your local store or buy it wherever you get your groceries check out mugrootbeer.com slash find mug to find out how you can get your paws on some mug let's get back into the episode all right pinched in pinklin um look

You ask me what kind of girl I want? I'm trying to find me a renaissance thot. Give me that renaissance thot. And the arts? Renaissance thot. I want a girl with arms. I want a girl with arms, legs. Renaissance.

Oh! What if... Wait, okay, here's a question. What if they find the perfect candidate? She's awesome, cool, she's just like me. But she doesn't have any arms, so she can't actually, like... I mean...

Like... I think... We're going to face a lawsuit if we don't... We have to fill this line. If anyone... We would give her arms. If anyone can...

If someone can do the job, I don't care how they get it done. It's like... I think it would be really just... Guys, this clip would be... Oh, my God. It'd be so distracting. She's, like, adjusting the sliders

with her feet. I might be... I might, yeah. Do you think any playmates... Chad, don't clip that. Chad, don't clip that. Do you think any playmates Don't have arms

Maybe Probably Let's see Let's find out if they can produce Yeah Do you think there's AI that could do your job So we could

Oh we could like Take the money that we pay Lauren now And like pocket it Wait we pay Lauren now Barely That's why she leaving Come on

No Come on That's why she going to Sharkville Sharkville Sharkville Alright lauren's the shark lauren be honest how much is shartville paying you to leave

i i can't disclose that information lauren be honest if you get to the south pole then what you come back i'm just gonna let the wind take me so yeah well if you take the let the well i'm if i get to the south pole they might have like another expedition waiting dude wait can i tell you guys one more thing about tom crean sure i'm telling you this is legit there's a guy called tom crean and he was an irish dude and he was just like the most badass guy of all time so he got brought on these like antarctic what you're vaping you guys are vaping during the podcast nancy lauren is vaping

who's nancy her mom your mom's name is nancy nancy anyway the no no no nancy moment this guy tom crean put a picture of nancy right here sorry continue put a picture of tom crean and nancy okay tom crean tom crean was an irish guy and he was just like his super badass guy okay and he got basically was on a bunch of antarctic missions led by like the british so he kind of had to be like on the dl about it because people don't really fuck with the british but he was uh he's from like rural ireland and he was like the the goat of antarctic expeditions but he never actually made it was like when they were trying to make it to the south pole and there was one time they made it like with like extremely close but he had to like someone

else was like had something wrong with him so he had to like take a guy back and everyone else died and so he made it like he never actually i don't think made have we ever been people have been now yeah what's it like uh just cold yeah irish semen no i don't want to hear about your irish seaman will yeah that guy that first guy oh yeah seems like an awesome guy he was like the most badass guy of all time did all these missions and they just went back to his little town in and a squall ireland and uh they're like tom where were you just opened a little bar called the south pole pub or inn or something it's awesome who was the guy that flew over antarctica and he said there were like giant like alien bases

maz mike that would be funny that's like that's my kind of guy he saved 22 men sailed 17 days in a lifeboat through 800 miles of storm tossed oh i thought he was flying no no no this is they didn't have planes he was sailing he was sailing took boats there and then they like traversed on land god that's crazy and he like saved all these people and was like kind of the goat of all these expeditions but he because he was like always doing like the right thing he never actually got to go himself can you google south google south pole is there like a marker there like how would they know my new home is that real you think looks like yeah we're gonna click on the pole this is gonna be my new home the bar it's like a barber thing there's a you get a haircut imagine

getting your haircut at the south pole imagine getting south pole with all the countries have we been oh yeah there we go it appears so okay pitches pitch me lauren tom crean moment okay this pitch and that moment was brought to you by tom crean we gotta get him on the pod you know todd cranes is raising canes guy i know oh i want canes we should get canes for lunch soon you see how is she going to be distracted by delicious crispy tenders one love brother

dude where'd you get those glasses barbecue I saw a guy I saw a guy do this the other day and it's one of my

favorite jokes I've seen you want to see this is not my impression someone else did this you want to see my impression of a ancient Roman ordering five beers

yeah that's pretty fun there was a there was a question in trivia how do you say 400 in Roman numerals it took me way long

wait wait let me think let me think so I did get it have you been going to trivia every Tuesday yeah do you ever want to come

400 or 4000 400 is L 100 no what is it just tell me CD why

because D is 500 and C is 100 hmm alright ready yeah yeah okay this pitch is from maizey manuti and maizey is the lovely woman who made us she made a spotify playlist oh i saw that this was so cute i was dming her last night she's great so i and she put a lot of ryan beattie in mind because she was actually i was messaging her and she was sending me a lot of ryan beattie so we appreciate you girl um she says hi dipper mabel

in seuss dipper i am um mabel what who are these people these are dipper mabel and seuss are the the three of the people from have you ever read that book a forewarning no i never read that like in school no it was like in that era of like grapes of wrath and stuff it was john ralichek oh you're being serious yeah a forewarning i i was i thought i was like wow this isn't this is impressive that he came up with that on the spot no no i'm serious they no you've a hundred percent But it's like the retelling of the Aztec stuff. Lauren and I were cool in high school. We were in the back smoking meth.

Joints. We were rolling fat doobies in the back while you nerds were up in the front talking about John, who was his name? Ralachek. John Ralachek. You've never read a forewarning. They go to Mexico and they're retracing the steps of the Aztec empire. Well, you and Lauren, well, you were learning about John Ralachek.

Lauren and I were in the back trying to get a check, selling weed. that's the all time like i think people always reference like when he the he goes down the the mayan temple like on his shield like it's a skateboard well you were learning about that lauren and i were actually in the back skateboarding doing kickflips oh you know what movie i watched yesterday for the first time wait let me guess what uh it's related to what you're just talking about uh troy mid 90s oh how is that related to can you drop it already what oh um i'm sorry troy if you're listening okay mid-90s it was great the ending kind of mid-90s bummed me out jonah hill's directorial debut it's about uh skateboarders in the 90s

sunny soljic plays uh what's his name again fuck shit bob burnquist no he's sunburn sunburn fuck shit is the the wait but i we went and saw we went and saw midnight that was the first we were so excited about watching this when i was in high school and we took our like cut like boo thangs at the time and had like a triple date to me okay maizey says what is the worst part about casually re-watching sitcoms you know what's happening you know what's gonna happen okay she says it is that there are so many seasons available to stream and it feels psychotic to start a rewatch not on season one episode one it's a good point back in the old days you could turn on tv and catch a random rerun but with streaming that is no longer an option introducing

streaming shuffle all streaming services will have a shuffle button so you can plus play and random episodes will queue no more rewatching pilots trying to remember which episodes are your favorites or scrolling through the endless episodes looking for one that could be the move if we can shuffle albums and playlists we could we should be able to shuffle television too hope you guys like this idea and if not give it your best shot at pretending to love the pot and keep up the great work i love it i actually do love this idea here's here's why when i i'll use new girl as an example when i'm about to fire up new girl not only am i trying to find a good episode i'm trying to find an episode where i like like the following three after that too which makes

it hard i also like she had she was kind of onto something there for a second if people could go in and make playlists and be like these are the new girl episodes where uh it's like mostly focused on these two characters or whatever or like there's a there's a common theme maybe sometimes i get in the mood to watch like the thanksgiving ones like they could put all the thanksgiving ones together totally uh i love that no i i feel that big time like arrested development i feel like i go to rewatch that most and it's like there's like certain arcs of it that i just think i'm not yeah in love with and i just yeah yeah this is fun i love it thank you maisy um is it maisy or maisy maisy m uh m a i z y beautiful name i knew someone named maisy perkins growing up i actually

once knew someone named maisy as well i'm serious i'm a hundred that's insane i know do you know fucking crazy you sound right now i know we honestly can i be transparent yeah didn't know her that well i met her a handful of times sort of a friend of a friend okay cool all right lauren fucking hates that pitch us pitch us next pod or wait what next pod next pod oh oh yeah that's whoa that's lauren's impression of of leaving of leaving us you guys all right had fun uh next pod if i see you producing another podcast i will go to the studio and burn it down like that scene in goodfellas what if she's gonna if you started producing another podcast i would actually i would she's gonna be on brooke and connor make a podcast yeah i would she's gonna i would actually

she's gonna be connor i would lose my hey emily shut the fuck up sorry the walls are too damn that was mean i thank you though okay um dear this is from I didn't know that was going to work. I didn't think she'd be able to hear. Sorry. No, you can hear everything. Okay, this is from Droopy. Droopy?

Really? Yeah. Come on, that's what they call me in high school. Dear LaRusty, Wilson, and Miss Lauren. LaRusty. Miss Lauren. Will. Okay.

You ever go to the bar and see a couple people smoking cigarettes on the patio and think, damn, that looks pretty cool. Maybe I'll go do that. Yes. But the only problem is you don't like cigarettes slash would hate yourself tomorrow for smoking one. Totally. Introducing the Aura Farming cigarettes.

no nicotine or tobacco or any of that bad stuff just completely for aura aura farming purposes don't feel like shit the next day and doesn't hurt your lungs but everyone remembers you looking dope as shit at the bar last night love it this actually exists i hate to be the bad news man i've tried i've done them before what are they like green tea look up like green tea cigarettes or something yeah but then you're getting like a caffeine buzz i don't want that or not or it's like look up cigarettes for pussies yeah yeah wait is it no yeah yeah that's it i think someone gave me one of these ones they smell good yeah it's just like i don't think it's like a bunch of caffeine i think it's literally or just like yeah that's

kind of awesome i might start doing that it's just like a little like tea or something in it yeah but then like if a girl asked for a drag and you give it to them they would be like what are you smoking well you would say sorry mouth herpes and then you still look cool and then you get to look even cooler it's medicinal yeah all right should we do you might have a boo thing should we do boo thing hour yeah boo thing hour will how's your boo thing coming have you been making your boo thing coming how's your boo thing learn um don't have one all right that was our boo thing hour how is yours is that what you want us to have no i'm fucking miserable you have a girlfriend she's lovely in fucking hell she's lovely I'm actually in heaven you're in heaven yes oh wait

tell tell tell the playmates about that girl that slid up on your hinge that was silly oh yeah that was all the time wait did you do you seriously think that's I don't know but I got a did she respond uh i had sent yeah i sent you no i'm saying did she like did the conversation go any further no i didn't i haven't replied i don't this first person i like matched with on hinge and forever but it was because i was like i can't tell if i mean she's pretty too i just yeah wait explain i just i kind of have given up on hinge but i was uh on the air i was stuck on the tarmac last night and i was like all right we'll see what's going on here and she swiped up on my thing or liked it and said do you know the will and rusty's play date podcast which i was like

this is either like just like a funny intro or like could be all time yeah and i said sounds super familiar what is it and she said quote i always get clips of them on tiktok they're funny but you legit look like a blend of the two hosts which i don't think that's a bit like i feel like a weird thing to say i agree or she is she knows but she wants to come off cool she's dragging But why would she Then she just wouldn't Bring it up Yeah

I don't know I thought it was pretty funny So she's probably my wife She's probably your wife My wife We made Z a hinge last night Yeah Against his will

That's It's always such a What's that I love doing that for friends What'd you do against Will We made We made Z a hinge last night Oh nice

And I realized It's like that episode Of Modern Family Where Where Phil Is talking to the girl Like he's doing

All the chatting For his son Yeah like z like did not want to do this so like ty and i were just sitting there like coming up with the prompts that's funny then we were like this doesn't this isn't representative of his sense of humor or like anything about him because we're just doing the prompts yeah he's gonna want it i uh i loved creating my hints that was so that was very fun it's fun for like it's fun for like a minute yeah and then are you on it no i deleted it are you back on or you just i've never not

I've always been on it. I just don't really use it. No, I went off of it a couple months ago. You went dry? Should we do Am I the Asshole? Oh, yeah. Come on. Tell us who has an asshole.

Am I the Asshole? Okay. Do I have an asshole? Be honest. Be honest. Is there anything back there? Because I can't look. I don't understand how your butthole is waterproof.

Mine isn't. Hello to the Holy Trinity. You guys can choose who's the father, son, and Holy Spirit. Son. Father. Pirate. Wait, what? Pirate?

Pirate. Okay. Wait, I think that I wish this was pants shirt. I think already sold out. Really? Is that true? I'm wondering. Oh, I don't know.

We haven't done a lot of promo. No, we haven't. Well, I posted like two photos of Jack wearing it. I still need to get mine. I wish this was pants. Come on. All right, I'm Pirate. Pirate.

All right. choosing to rename remain anonymous but you can call me addy for the sake of my dilemma that was my dog's name let's call her frinkle my password to everything has addy in it because that was my favorite dog you guys can't you're not gonna be able to figure out the right it is it is the unhackable password it's impossible unless you knew every unless you knew everything about my life you would not be able to guess this it is a small novel emoji movie i have been with my boyfriend emoji movie emoji movie my password to everything is sometimes when when one of our when like our analytics guy armand asked for my password to like log in i go change it to

something cooler oh all right sorry i've been with my boyfriend for around four years i love him and that guy rocks over the past year i've had an increasing number of dreams where i hook up with other people in some dreams i don't have a boyfriend to begin with and will fully hook up with someone in other dreams i'm dating my boyfriend but the whole dream i consider cheating and usually wake up before fully cheating i don't know if this is too much info but i'm usually cheating on him with people who were my childhood slash high school crushes and even my old high school boyfriend i'm not 24 and well over these people or so i thought i love my boyfriend and feel guilt whenever i have these dreams i would never cheat on him in real life but these dreams

are a guilty pleasure am i the am i the asshole for having dreams of cheating on my boyfriend and secretly enjoying them a little or is this normal and do others experience this thank you in advance gang i'm a weekly listener and you guys have been getting me through my current period of unemployment what do you think willie well i would consider myself the expert here um i don't know i think that i don't i don't think you can help it no but i don't know what to do about that i think the the the dreams are out of your control but the secretly enjoying it part i think is yeah where we should get it i think that um you're not doing anything wrong i think that it is a sign that you're a good person that you are feeling a little guilt about it uh the

important part is that you're not acting on it and that you don't really have those feelings it's just in your subconscious when you go to bed uh i would keep it to yourself i would not tell your boyfriend definitely don't tell him maybe take like maybe take like a bunch of melatonin and see if it gets worse or better yeah uh i don't know what why do we think this is happening i think maybe you are you know you hinted that not hinted you told us that you know you're going through a stretch of unemployment right now i think that uh becoming an adult is stressful and sometimes we yearn for a simpler time when you had no stress and you and you thought you maybe had your life more together and so that might be a coping mechanism to bring yourself

back to a more comfortable time where you were getting you were getting crazy loving i think also i don't know how long you've been with said boyfriend four years yeah so i think if you're 24 and you've been with this person for four years it's like okay you're kind of at that inflection point where not necessarily after four years but it's like you're gonna start to think about like okay is this a person i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with right and that's a very real thing more so than it would be in the first year and i think there's a very natural tendency once you start having the thoughts of like is this a person i'm gonna spend my life with that you start to kind of revisit all the past options and indulgences of like

the past and i think that a lot of times that is what ends up making things not work out or it can be like just a hump you have to get over like i think it's just a natural part of like don't talk to her about humping yeah like if you if you're gonna spend the rest of your life with someone your brain wants to make sure you've considered every other option because you want to be 100 confident and i think that's like a subconscious thing and i think it leads to a lot of people breaking up but i also think it leads to a lot of people falling even more in love and making and being confident in their decision that they're with their life that is really smart i don't know and again what the fuck am i talking about i haven't dated anyone no i think that's

but to will's i know a lot of people who have gone through similar things i feel like maybe not exactly this but like in that vein to will's point the fact that she talked about how much she likes her boyfriend means that through this process of you considering all your options you still are with this guy and you love this guy yeah so that is that's a good sign and that's like your your mind like wants to reaffirm that it's like okay i thought about this other guy that used to like be someone i liked and guess what i wake up and i still want to be with him right and i thought about a different guy that i used to and i woke up and i still wanted to be with him like if anything it's an affirmation of your love for your current boyfriend if that is how you feel

i'm gonna say i'm gonna say nta not the asshole bang well done addy and addy we love you and you're gonna you're gonna get a killer job soon manifesting you're gonna be the new art oh yeah do you want to be the new lauren i don't even need to hear anything do you have a heartbeat you got the job if you have if you have a heartbeat and you're and you're not great at typing and you got a good work ethic won't you google human cage one word hey lauren pull up human rib cage human cage coming on coming right up coming right up um yeah girl not the asshole subconscious thoughts are normal okay blah blah blah wait i have one more i'm an asshole actually okay this is from oscar oscar is 17 years old from australia down under down all right am i the

asshole for not wanting to grow out my hair for my girlfriend's formal towards the end of this year my girlfriend has a formal i like this one that i've been invited to go to i used to have a long i used to have longer hair similar to rusty's and recently buzzed it all off my girlfriend suggested that i grow my hair back out for her formal and when we have pictures and when we have pictures taken at the formal she says she doesn't mind and likes both of my haircuts but seems to be suggesting that long hair is the move i hated having longer hair and don't want to grow it out i feel like i should because it's her special day now and now feel like she doesn't really like my short hair am i the asshole and what should i do oscar oscar i feel you brother as

a guy who just cut mine off it can having that much hair is such a burden will and i have both i think the thickest hair anyone's ever had and it is god and i i didn't i didn't fully shave it off but i i'm pretty short now and flan kind of liked it longer as well and i said you know what no this is for me i'm cutting it off because this is something i want to do and if she wanted me to grow back out i'd probably grow back out but i think that you should do what makes you comfortable I think that she would probably love it if you grew it out. Maybe you grow it back out, and then you say, listen, I'll grow it out for your formal, but daddy's buzzing it. Daddy's buzzing it the next day.

And that's a nice compromise for the two of you. I like that. After our third date, Flan said that she liked mustaches, and so I grew a mustache. and then i realized that i don't want i i want to do it because i want to do it you should only you should only do it because because you want to do it yeah but yeah i would say i would say let go to her and say hey listen i'll grow it out but i'm shearing it off i'm going full full buzz after my girlfriend said she loves chiseled abs okay is that why you got chiseled abs that's why i knew i knew something was up yeah my girlfriend said she hated them that's why i look this way

nta oscar nta but do whatever you want man yeah honestly do whatever you want tell her to buzz her hair oh oh okay say you'll grow yours out if she grows her one armpit hair out one just my armpit hairs i thought it was gonna take like a year to come back in it's cooking you've one thick one no it's like totally back oh all of your you're not sure remember how i did yeah can i say oh wow yeah right yeah nice your chest hair is coming in too i know it's coming in thicker than ever because i think that happens when you shave it yeah you're like me in no time and that's exactly what you want i want to be like you in no time do you like hairy guys or smooth guys hairy or smooth tell us um i don't know guys come somewhere in the middle comment down below if you

hairy smoother somewhere in the middle spam spam spam hairy body comment down below if you think armpit hair it should be 100 feet long comment down below how long you would like will's armpit hair to grow for oh my god comment down it just stops growing or stops stops keeps growing there you go all right do we already do pitches pitches all right guys this is one of my favorite pitches yet what is the worst part about drying off with a towel after a shower you're all clean part of it in your butt crack and then you have to put that part maybe near your face thank you exactly ass part of the towel goes near your face you always lose sometimes when to get a new fresh towel out of the dryer i try and go like okay this part is for my ass and balls

and then you know the other side is for face try to find like an identifiable part so this side is for ass or you like maybe you like leave a skid mark on one part so you know that it's for your ass okay let's get serious here towel that is broken up into different color sections for in our label so like there's a small square that's like this is for my ass and balls yep There is armpit, armpit face. Yep. There is legs. There is back.

There's all sorts of things. So you never have to worry about dry, getting your nice little butt dry and then forgetting where you dried it with. I love it. So every time you can be confident that you're not putting a stinky butt crack right on your face. Now that is a bitch. Wouldn't that be? I'm actually shocked that doesn't exist. Hear that?

It's your money calling. it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think this yeah i like that a lot maybe it like maybe on the maybe on the towel it's like your body it's like the dick towel what's the dick towel from always sunny it's like max invention it's just a towel that makes a google dick towel pull up dick towel images oh nice wait i don't get it it just like shows a penis uh did i tell you guys about how i i think

i told you this already uh the best way to wrap your towel around you so it doesn't fall over do you know how some people like they wrap it and they like tuck it in that's what i do here's what you do now you wrap it around yourself like this and then fold it and then you fold it and it is anchored in place sometimes i keep my towel on for like 45 minutes before i take it off because it's just so damn comfy and it's not going anywhere crumpy all right pitch me buddy you gotta remember what mine is i don't i don't i have a comfy cozy robe so i don't really do that what like i don't need to do like towel foldings because i have a comfy robe take me home to the place i belong

nice and fluffy nice and fluffy around my body take me home take me home Comfy robe Woohoo Woohoo New Lauren's not gonna be able to do shit like that Okay I got the vac broom Come on Vac broom

Take me to the future with the vac broom I am in the future Oh my god sexy robot Haha What was that noise That was you What there's like a rattling or like a shaking there's like a guy doing a robot voice

that was lauren playing with her bracelet in her lap oh is that what it was were you doing that yeah you got it got it okay vac broom it's a broom it's like all right you're brooming some shit up that's not what that's called what you're sweeping some shit up you're sweeping some shit up and instead of having to like go get the dustpan and do all that shit it's just got like a little tube at the end it's for like small scale sweeping sweep it up into a little pile click the end of the stick and it goes sucks it up into the tube and then you empty it out the broom kelly what is the difference between it and the vacuum because you can't broom with a vacuum you can't sweep with a vacuum it's a good point that's a very good point you can you sweep it like like

the vacuum is like kind of annoying to like hit all like it's easier to sweep it and then you just suck it right up what if like the bottom's a broom and then the top is the part that sucks so you flip it over and go okay I love it I'm actually shocked that doesn't exist happy happy birthday happy happy birthday we can party too

happy happy you know what you guys still haven't gotten me cake with a face on it yet we'll get it on your last episode okay it's like a deposit so you can't leave early yeah

Vanilla cake chocolate frosting Okay Yeah I can do that I like vanilla cake I would go vanilla vanilla is my go to What about you? Carrot If it's in the vanilla chocolate world

Why can't it be carrot? I'm just saying I would go Marble Alright Wait that's half vanilla half chocolate Just say vanilla chocolate, chocolate vanilla. I would go vanilla cake with vanilla frosting.

That was, yeah. If I had to. But it has to be buttercream. Like buttercream. No. Why is she allowed to do buttercream? She's not allowed to do buttercream. She's not allowed to do buttercream.

Wait, why can't it be carrot, though? If I'm already at the store, it's definitely going to be there. I don't know if they're going to have it. Wait, but isn't marble technically vanilla and chocolate? Are you like regular carrot or baby carrot better? Baby carrot cake? Yeah. I like regular because sometimes when you buy the mini ones from the store,

they half-ass it and they don't taste as good. Yeah. You want a full ass. I want a full ass one. I ain't no ass white, but I still in there. Ugh. All righty. Should we do this guy rocks, this guy rocks, this guy rocks today.

Hey, hey, a set of this guy rocks and he rocks so hard. He rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard. There's rocks in my yard? A rock. All right, I slacked it, Lauren. All right, I got a good one today. Pause this immediately, and I mean immediately. This is, I believe, somewhere in your neck of the woods, Willie,

here in Pennsylvania, and these guys are driving down the road and they see an Amish man, and let's see what he's up to. Jeb Adair. Where are you going? Going to chop some wood. Chop wood? Yep. Would you rather hang out with us and drink beer?

Sure. All right, let's go. That's all time. Took almost no convincing. Hey, Jebediah, what are you doing? I was going to go chop some wood. Would you rather come hang out and drink beer with us? Do they know him?

I was just going to ask that. Yeah, they know his name. Jebediah. Where are you going? I didn't know if that was like a slur. Chop wood? Yep. Would you rather hang out with us and drink beer?

Sure. Sure. All right, let's go. Isn't that awesome? Yeah, that's a great... That's a great... I mean, he's... I don't think he's Amish.

I don't think he's wearing the right garb for that. He's probably like Mennonite or something. I think there's like... I love Mennonite. He's a Quaker or something like... Yeah, maybe. Isn't that... Isn't that awesome?

So, did you hear about the Amish prostitute? No. She slept with 10 Mennonite. lauren do you know my uncle got hurt on a golf course jesus no i fell off the ball washer i don't get it am i am i if you knew what a ball you know what a ball washer looks like on a golf course it'd be like a really funny thing to be sitting on with your balls like you're nuts in oh it would fuck your the first time willie told me that i almost fell out of the cart

all right look at what he's eating carrot cake i had a few options and then i saw this like oh it has oh god um all right you want to tee it up with his turbo tim baby eating carrot cake okay let her rip tater chip he does this every year for his birthday okay let me see pick your face up tim lift your face up he does this every year come on lift your face up this is rusty getting that carrot cake i'll show you a video here Timothy lift your face up

lift your face let me see he's going back for more what the hell is this yummy now pick it back up show us what you got what are you doing

pushing it let me see your face show us your artwork can i just tell you something willie yeah you know me very well if you'll bear with me for a second yeah i'm gonna pull up a video hit me your skin this is why are they do you like camp yeah the band yeah aren't you going yeah do you want to go when wednesday oh uh you have an extra ticket maybe cool where is it greek oh actually maybe get him to the greek ever see the movie no me neither actually um maybe when do you want do

you want an answer um maybe by tomorrow okay hold tight i'm sorry the first i ever met you guys see mr matt eating shit yeah all right all right um lord i'm just lacking a video what you did see mr matt eating shit do not pull this up yet but let's just say i understand uh I understand the urge to do what Tim was up to. This was my birthday, probably around the same age. Oh, my God. Let's give it a shot, Lauren. Wait, sorry.

I'm trying to make it big. Put the sound on. Oh, my God. No, I didn't do it. That's awesome. Wait, what? You got a way better pick up. Yeah.

He was in there for so long. There was like four crumbs on this thing. You look so happy. That's awesome. Is that carrot cake? Peaches. Yeah, so we, honestly, in hindsight, this was, wait, did you just get one little carrot cake?

So that was, like, that was not my birthday cake, for the record. That was, like, someone else's. That was, like, an old, like, that was a cake from, like, the week prior that we, like, didn't eat, and, like, they were, we were doing my birthday thing, and they were, like, oh, you know what, if anyone wants this one, and then we realized it was, like, not good anymore, and I always wanted to put my face in a cake. so i did it that's very funny when i went to uh monterrey mexico one time in high school and uh we found we figured out like the dollar goes a lot further in mexico of course uh and

it was just i was like senior of high school there was some cia guy that said they they all kept like 20 usd on them because if you ever got into a bind like in most other countries that could like get you anywhere yeah i mean it was well dude i don't know if i ever told it but we i was in model un and we had gotten like a new principal i was in model un and then it model un had like kind of died at our high school and then we got a new principal my senior year and she came in she was like super into model un from her previous high school and was like who runs the model un club and it was like i was the only person like still technically in model un because i was like the last everyone else had graduated and so i was like oh yeah that's me and she was

like oh well my she had come from a high school in mexico she's like i want to bring the model un team to this conference that we do at my old high school in mexico whoa you should get the team together and i was like great i'll go get the whole club together and i just texted all my buddies i was like guys we're the model un team now i have a chance we have a chance to go to mexico if you guys just fucking play it cool so we pretended like we were the model un team i was the only one who knew how to do model un like taught them how to do it and uh she took us to mexico and then it very clearly or became clear very quickly that she just wanted to go like visit her old like friend and stuff so she like dropped us off at a hotel we're like 17 years old 18 years

old and was like i'm gonna be staying somewhere else we're just loose in monterey mexico and one of us was 18 which means we could buy alcohol which is like it was revolutionary at the time so we just went hog wild in monterey mexico showed up every day to model un like the most hungover of all time because we were just like going yeah anyway but the one night we we'd made some friends at marion and we're like we want to take you to the nicest restaurant in monterey because we realized like our dollar went a lot further and they took us to this place and then the people the mexican people they're really nice it's actually really cool and they told us they told them it was my birthday classic prank and they bring out the cake apparently in mexico that is

like tradition is the birthday person always gets their head slammed in the cake i've seen videos where guys are like trying to avoid it and someone like comes up behind them and like slams their head in the cake i could not believe like we were in like a nice restaurant and i'm sitting there like oh this is so funny they said it was my birthday and then they all get behind me and slam my head into the cake i was like oh my god like i thought we were gonna get like kicked out i was like what's that like the workers said no no the like the workers were like there and then it was like the other the mexican people that were oh i see and they took us to like a night a nightclub yeah and uh it was it was the best night of my i mean at that point i was 17 years

old and we got to go to like a nightclub it was unbelievable being in a new country where your age is now like legal to drink was the craziest thing in the world we went to uh we went we were in palermo sicily when i was like a junior in high school maybe and palermo's fine but i think if you're it's not super safe to like walk around if you didn't know what you were doing especially at like 16 17 yeah and we were sitting in our hotel and there was a restaurant across the street and we were waiting for our parents and our grandparents to go to sleep and then the plan was we were gonna leave the airbnb or hotel or whatever we were staying in and walk down there and try and get like a couple beers to go and bring them back and i remember like

tiptoeing through this like old i think it was an airbnb this old like airbnb in palermo and stepping on one stair that just was like comically loud and someone came out and i was like in the middle of the night like where are you going oh i was trying to find the bathroom so our plan was foiled sleepwalking and then the next day we went to this market and uh there was this place selling limoncello and to me that sounded awesome yeah and so we got a bottle we hid it in our pants and then we waited for again for people to go to bed and we'll put a video of here me and my me and my cousin uh finished a bottle of limoncello together and that was one of the one of the stinko mode literally one of the first times i drank was

half a bottle of limoncello that's awesome it's awesome uh first time i ever drank all right this would be a lot and then we'll get back into it first time i ever drank was my buddy's house got i feel like maybe i told the story my buddy's house got struck by lightning so they moved him in like insurance put him up in a hotel but him and his parents in separate rooms yeah so we snuck a bottle of wine we went to the hot tub of the hotel and it was the first time i like ever had a sip of alcohol was in the hot tub of the residence drinking white wine out of like a turvis tumbler so funny it was awesome yeah they i i almost ruined drinking for myself the first time we i came home and uh all the older kids at our high school dipped and so i thought that was

very cool i remember putting a lip of copenhagen wintergreen in fell asleep on the couch woke up i had swallowed all of it and uh the absolute panic that set in when i like i remember moving my tongue around my mouth trying to find it there were just like a few loose pieces left ran upstairs went in the shower and face down puked in the shower for like 45 minutes and then went back to bed it was awful uh archie would you teach me something teach me willie i realized i actually i kind of tipped my pitch here okay on the it's about the polls it's it's about polls uh so i was reading about tom crean okay and then i was reading about uh the guy who actually did make it i believe he was the first person to the south poles guy named roald amundsen amundsen he's

like a nordic norwegian guy i feel like i've heard of that guy are you thinking of roald doll oh no i don't know anyway uh but then he also became the first person to go he didn't actually make it to the north pole on foot but he flew over it in 1926 on the norge which was a like it was like a basically like a blimp and they went i don't know all of this just kind of blew my mind i guess it's tied in the stuff i said earlier is kind of going to be part of mine but look up the norge the norged did i spell n-o-r-g-e n-o-r-g-d yeah the airship oh that's crazy doesn't that feel insane that that was like went over the i don't know something about blimps and things are crazy to me that would have been probably the coolest way to see it

though just a slow moving because now if you're like in a plane you like fly by it that you're just like hovering over it anyway i have a norwegian hat that says norwich on it that's right that's about the airship oh no i think it just means norwegian um norwegian that is fascinating yeah thank you i wish blimps were still remember when i told you that awesome thing where blimps used to dock on the empire state building that is the coolest thing you've ever told us it did it once for 30 seconds but it counts blimps were the top of the empire stave holding was originally meant for blimps to dock on it and then i think they only did it once because there was a storm happening yeah um all right did you know that there's a type of plant

that explodes and launches its seeds faster than a bullet no it's called the hurrah crepitans or more dramatically the sandbox tree sometimes called the dynamite tree its fruit builds up So much internal pressure that when it dries out, it explodes with a bang as loud as a gunshot, flinging seeds at speeds over 150 miles per hour for our European folks, that is 241 kilometers per hour, and distances of over 60 feet or, again, for our European friends, 18 meters. I thought that was insane. Yeah, that is wild. Imagine being in the... Do you think it hurts when you get hit by him? a bullet wait what's the thing the sandbox sandbox dynamite tree sandbox tree

google like video of the oh that's creepy looking that triggers my fucking whatever that shit's called which one yeah that one's probably good this is the sandbox tree a tropical titan native to the americas with a height exceeding 100 feet it boasts large glossy leaves and a spiky armored bark but its most fascinating feature explodes in your face literally the seemingly harmless green fruits transform into explosive pods at maturity with a loud crack these pods split open launching seeds like shrapnel at incredible speeds this ingenious strategy ensures the seeds establish themselves far from the parent tree but be warned the explosion and the tree's milky sap are no joke admiration is best where do where

do we find these guys i think they just said south america oh south america north too yeah amazon huh yeah it's the amazon south america yeah north and south uh isn't that fascinating yeah yeah that's really cool all right willie do you want to do ailments that don't exist first or old school ipod games that don't exist you pick let's start with ailments that don't exist these are ailments that don't exist. Banker's ass. You sit down for so long that your pants fuse to your cheeks.

Yoga feet. You spend so long in the butterfly position that your feet become welded together. Oven nuts. Your nuts suddenly become 450 degrees for 15 minutes. That's fun. Barber's finger.

After so much touching hair, hair begins to sprout from the tips of the barber's fingers. Rubik's body. Your body gets shuffled in your sleep and every morning you have to rearrange it like a Rubik's Cube to get back to the way it was supposed to be. Stress-induced burfardus.

This is when someone gets really nervous and they burp and fart very loudly at the same time. Headphone hair. The hair all over your body gets tangled like old Apple headphones and you have to spend hours detangling it. Nail connectus. This is when your toenails and fingernails connect. Sand teeth eat anything too hot

and your teeth disintegrate like sand. Librarian's eye. your eyes you go blind from reading so much all right these are old school ipod games that don't exist p meter you play a guy and you try to see how far away from the urinal you can pee while still making it all in bite force uh you bite your screen as hard as you can and see how many psi you can get before it cracks reverse fishing you're the fish you're trying to find the hooks i love that drown it if you can dream it you can drown it uh we're talking people we're talking dogs we're talking anything you want

you can drown it in this game yes uh snail derby takes 15 hours dog wash you run the busiest dog grooming store in town and you have to bathe cut and clip every dog before their owner gets back and gets mad love that slamming salmon you got to make it up the river before the river takes you down inheritance you try and make it through the mansion uh without getting caught by angry family members to receive your inheritance grunion squirt you try to grab as many grunions and ejaculate them as you can in under a minute work affair you try and seduce your boss without nosy hr noticing and firing you love that all right should we do rusty's song of the day for the record my prediction both those clips do horribly really i don't know i think those are gonna do

great all right well we do we are a couple behind still so okay uh worth ruffle i got sex attack by larue oh it is a jam it's on a lot of my playlist but now it's gonna be on rusty songs of the day on spotify uh i like the way it makes me feel it reminds me of boulder colorado because that's the first place i heard it and kenward played it in the rental car that we got and i really liked the jam cute guys again when rusty songs of the day reaches 10 000 followers on spotify two of you are getting 101 we are currently at just under 4 000 so slowly but surely making our way there bit by bit bit by bit go follow if you're an apple music guy or gal i believe a couple playmates have made their own on apple music uh but those are not those are not uh a

direct affiliate of rusty songs today merely a an offshoot uh lauren what are they commenting today um your favorite shark because shark week's coming up comment your favorite shark well and we already gave them like five other things to comment to throughout the episode so you know what to do you know what to do like you know what to do with that big fat butt guys like this video subscribe if you liked it and comment r.i.p lauren comment r.i.p lauren come oh here's what you're gonna do comment things you want the new lauren to have comment your favorite memories about lauren before we move on okay well we still have like comment where you think lauren is gonna live find all the best lauren moments and make a compilation and i will give you five dollars

comment a picture of lauren that's distorted put a picture of put a picture of lauren hugging a shark here now put a picture of me when i'm nine all right now let's do the thing where we snap and the episode ends three two one fuck playdate episode 124 we're starting over i'm so confused what just happened can we go back three two one oh my god it killed them All right. Bye, guys.