Will & Rusty's Playdate - we surfed a tsunami

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

Will unveils his plan to date Kim Kardashian, Rusty recaps the Tyler Childers concert, and the gang opens fan mail from the Playmates. They also break down fart machines, birds that fly backwards, and the smelliest cheese in the world. Plus, the boys draft Adam Sandler movies and Jackass stunts that don’t exist. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP NEW MERCH HERE: https://playdatepod.shop/ RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg SUBMIT YOUR BUSINESS PITCH HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdPHd7Ps9TaX-TOozyLhDpr9Y7pFNMP9PX7cHuLxap1R78GWg/viewform?usp=header SUBMIT YOUR AITA STORY HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdQElfqdQutn3dzl5HcZfey6YWhbVd-n6XE7FkpfosWZyYhyA/viewform?usp=sf_link SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: SHOP SKIMS MENS AT https://www.skims.com/PLAYDATE AND SKIMS STORES. IF YOU’RE 21 OR OLDER, GET 25% OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER + FREE SHIPPING @INDACLOUD WITH CODE PLAYDATE AT https://www.inda.shop/PLAYDATE! #indacloudpod 00:00 Intro 00:23 Tyler Childers 11:21 If the World was Ending 19:29 Waymo Storytime 27:18 The Biggest Burp of All Time 33:15 Opening Mail 47:49 Roadmap 01:00:07 Pitch Submissions 01:15:42 Pitches 01:21:08 AITA 01:26:42 This Guy Rocks 01:31:11 Teach Me Something 01:34:04 Drafts #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

are we going look wait no what does that fuck it up i just like when i do it i was just clapping for you doing that is annoying clapping like a bunch have you ever done a performance nope imagine like you do a big performance and lauren's like oh fuck that's so annoying i oh i went to a big performance last night yeah i was just gonna say i'll talk about the klutz i am today what i get my coffee mug and my water cup i take the coffee pot just pour it right into the glass it's fine i guess oh that's like as far as mistakes go still klutz though yeah you were you're klutzing it up okay tell me you went to tyler chiller's and he got me a hat you got me a hat because he knows i love so cute this little i love two dogs because you know i

dogs and when my hounds go to heaven i think that's album yeah i uh it was sick it was a really cool concert so our my girlfriend's uh friend got her got these two tickets they were six rows back what was was it the eating part no no in front of that we i was the sixth row in the stadium in the uh there was no tables there were there were no there were no wait what venue it's the hollywood bowl we're just like the very front part by the stage is like these tables people can eat at we were no we were just sitting okay maybe they maybe they fixed that it was that because it was like super weird yeah it would have been this was not the crowd for it yeah but so last minute she gets sick she can't go so she asked if i want to take her spot which

was so nice and so i went and uh and we get there we're sitting down we you had to our thought process was like let's get all the beer and wine now so we don't have to go again yeah but the part we were in there were like bartenders and stuff so okay yeah they were like do you want to keep your stuff here and then we'll like bring it to you i was like what no and then they were like okay well then you have to put it all in cups so they poured all of our beer and wine how much beer and wine uh i'm gonna let you get 50 ounces of beer and a bottle of white wine 50 ounces of beer wait bear with me four beers okay well the uh 225 ounce beers which is like yeah not a round number for a standard drink of beer is 12 ounces that's correct yeah and so we sit down we had it

it's like kind of close enough proximity that like having a tray of like open beer and wine and then like food was just kind of like tough so i was trying to get one i got one down pretty quick and i like moved on to the second one and i'd already gotten up twice and then this very well-dressed man he's the only guy in the play it was at the hollywood bowl he's the only guy in the place with a very nice like blazer on that's kind of interesting and he's with this woman and flan was like and i was like oh it's a it's a it's a celeb but she's right next to us so i can't ask yeah i'm trying to figure i'm trying to figure it out figure it was uh it was one of the real housewives of beverly hills sitting next to us with her husband and he turned over he goes

where y'all from i was like oh that is not what i was expecting is flan what is flan an avid watcher yeah she is okay and uh they are real they are real but um it was funny because she had she had whispered it to me so i was expecting him to be this like bougie because he looked yeah bougie i was expecting him to be this like very beverly hills guy and i don't know if it was just like he's like a southern yeah he was for he was from houston i think but it was it was you know when you go to a country concert and you're you start talking a little more country like i said i was your country said is spot on man um but like you know you're saying like ma'am more you're saying whatever and uh so i there was a part of me that was like is he is he just from beverly hills but

like when he goes to country country he's like where y'all from Tyler is he considered country country like bluegrass maybe like some folk elements Appalachian he's country

he's he did a really cool thing I thought he was from West Virginia West Virginia I guess it says it on the hat wait let me see the hat again um he did a really cool thing he so we were up front yeah which was sick but when he it's such a big place that the people in the back when he's all the way up there

probably can't really see him it's more just like for the vibes he disappears in the middle of a song yeah and the two women next to us had gone to another concert and they turned around and we were like that's weird yeah and then he just fucking it was like a magic trick he like popped up in the middle of the crowd like a hundred rows back and played like three hits yeah for the back and then just reappeared on the stage it was insane yeah no one did that when we know it did that and he played main and that's my favorite song by him and i we were right there yeah oh that's such a cool move so cool he seemed he seemed like a really nice guy so he's sober now yeah he was drinking he came out drinking honey he was drinking honey how did you know about that

he always i've watched a lot of videos he just drinks honey well i didn't see him good for your vocal it was there on the thing but so he came out and there's a mason jar of a clear liquid and he like like flung the top off and took a sip and then made a face and i looked at flan i was like is that moonshine i thought he was sober and the in the women next to us were like no that's water i was like do you think there's a part of him that like pretends that it's moonshine again just to he made a face just doing a bit it's it it wasn't funny it was cool he looked i had badass no idea what he looked like this is not he looks like the one on the right yeah this no no no that's like what he looks like now he was in like a he's very like clean cut now yeah

he was in a really cool like cardigan and uh he's got a sick look he does have a cool look and he sings all like he gets those like crazy eyes noah kind of gets them too yeah the women next to us were like wait until he gets up there it looks like he's possessed yeah okay and then the second the second started happening or something that would be one of the i thought that that would be like a cool place to be i wasn't but that like i was like tyler jones would be a cool concert to be like high or on mushrooms or something yeah the second he came out it was like a it felt like a metal concert but like the music didn't match that and i looked at flying i was like thank thank god we're just he played jersey giant no he started playing that recently is that his song

Yeah. I thought that was a woman. He never released it, but it's like a SoundCloud demo that he has from forever ago. Gotcha. He played the hits, but there were... He didn't play Feathered Indians, I'm guessing. There's no way. I don't think he's played that song in like 100 years.

I don't think he did, but he played All Nyorne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He played... What's the other guy I like? Lady May? He played Lady May. He played... Follow You to Virgie?

He played Follow You to Virgie, and then he played... I think he played Shake the Frost. But he played most of those up for the back part, which people down where we were were pissed. But I was like, that's kind of a cool move because I feel like it didn't feel like the people that were sitting near us were like the real fans.

Right, right, right, yeah. There was a, oh, I got an updated list of guys who should be tried at the Hague. If you're at a concert, you can do coke. I don't care. don't start talking the fucking ear off of the person next to you yeah no one one row in front of me there was this fucking asshole with his girlfriend who seemed lovely and seemed like kind of like oh he's doing this again he did a bump turned around gave the guy behind him a bump

and then grabbed the woman next to him like physically and would not stop talking about how his uncle i didn't get the gist of it but i didn't get like where what he was talking about but it was something about how his uncle works in an office or his uncle was oh okay in his defense it was like that's pretty damn cool i remember flan looked at me and was just like how did he land on that like why why is like that the yeah like i've talked to guys on cocaine never once have they been like get this my uncle does what everyone else actually that is kind of well and it was it was like mid-song i'm assuming it was yeah it was mid oh my god it was mid-universal sound that's why i remember that's why it made me so mad that's a great song we were gone dude

tickets were expensive though the cheapest things are like 200 yeah i don't even want an i so i feel like i have to pay the friend back i don't for in some way just not like not like the amount but like yeah i need to come up with a a way to pay her back is this flan's roommate yeah why don't you just go to dinner and like that was my thought we'll just maybe take both of them to dinner yeah that'd be cute um all three of us well i got the hat so i'm like part of the crew sort of of the night or something yeah where yeah maybe i'll take him to dinner yeah where should we go um and uh and uh i wanted to say something to the guy because he had how it was going on for like two songs yeah and flan wouldn't let me i probably would have to be honest he was just like

super aggressive like he at one point he had his hand around his girlfriend's like neck but in like sometimes they're into that it felt like maybe that was like a thing that they do like it didn't feel like she was like in danger but it was just like it was a tuesday night if you're doing on a tuesday night we're just in general anymore he was like 30 plus yeah i think unless you unless you are currently rushing a fraternity you should probably not be doing or in but also don't be doing no don't really don't do it in general but i'm saying like unless you're rushing a fraternity yeah sorry i meant like i mean like there's like a one year window where it's like the your peers don't think that you're a loser for doing that yeah but then people think you're probably a

loser you're a loser if you're doing it totally actually yeah i was gonna say i was thinking about when i was watching this guy i was like i was thinking about this i think when we have kids we'll probably be like honest with them i think my if i was going to explain drugs to people i would say alcohol in moderation is fine weed in small amounts is fun if you're alone personally for me and then i would there's no i don't think anyone on the on planet earth would be like you know what's a good time cocaine agreed have you ever tried meth though because i haven't so i wouldn't be able to i wouldn't be able yeah i'd be like you know my kid if you want to go do some r and d i've watched i've watched uh enough breaking bad i knew a girl that did heroin once oh oh man

you ever you ever you ever chased a dragon no it sounds really ass the way the way that you've brought this up on probably three different episodes makes me a little the same girl you're skeptical no you asking have you ever done heroin oh i've never seen quite well i know you haven't but you just seem quite curious. I'm definitely curious. Are you not? I'm age curious for sure, but I'm not curious enough to ever do it.

No. Yeah, but in your mind, you're like, I wonder what that is. If there was an asteroid heading towards Earth. I don't think I would do heroin. Really? Yeah, it's like your last week with your family. Not week.

I'm not saying do it though. I'm not saying go on a bender. I'm saying like... like if we had three more days to live no no it's like it's like it's like two miles out and it's humming two miles that sounds like it like an hour yeah that's what i'm saying i'm not saying like spend the whole week like gacked out of your gourd but your last hour you wouldn't want to be with your loved ones you would be doing heroin i don't know man i don't know when you phrase it like that maybe it's not doesn't sound as cool okay tsunami you don't have enough time

to get back you're gonna do tsunami oh is that a joke i don't know it sounds like what you don't have enough time to get back to the east coast um yeah i don't think i don't think i would do heroin i think i would want to like fine i'm not gonna like pressure you i'm just trying to you can do heroin thank you i don't think i'd have time to make it to yours to do to do it with you what what would you guys in all seriousness actually do if it was like okay we have an hour left an hour wait wait or no okay is it a tsunami no i do not i do not like if it's tsunami boat boat boat what does that mean okay no tsunami grab my boogie board boogie board you perfectly timed a tsunami

it's like oh oh you have uh you have eight hours 12 hours 12 hours people's skulls what would you do uh right now where we are right now someone comes in and goes eight hours can i get on a plane yeah but think about how insane the airport's gonna be everyone's gonna be going crazy i think the airport would be a ghost town i didn't know if it was i had 12 hours to live or like the the whole world everyone uh i will go to the beach i would sit there like the end of rogue one with scott he'd be mine oh i think at the end of look at rogue one ending i think i'd grab a barbed wire covered baseball bat and go out swinging wait what is yeah i guess i don't know you'd go out in each other's arms yeah as like the

death star just struck off in the distance you can see is a tsunami like thanks for the spoiler i've never seen that either sorry it's okay i mean you know that they die i don't even know who these people are okay what do you mean i know that they die i've never seen the movie yeah i don't even know if i've finished i keep getting too high so i don't even know where i am in star wars well it's like it's the whole yeah oh this is a prequel it's a prequel to wrote or to a new hope oh then so obviously none of the characters are in anything else so i you kind of know that's kind of part of it oh that's fine i didn't i didn't but you're right maybe that was fucked up um no no no no no no no i um dude we willie and i were talking about this lauren are

you star wars girl no i don't really know much about it so but you know like yoda's like this like chill you know what i'm talking about oh you know what i actually said to will on friday night i know thursday night you got offended that i thought andor was like the like baby yoda mandalorian he thought she thought andor was baby yoda like i didn't i didn't that's like i didn't know that somebody like be up i was i i was i was what i was throwing punches no he was like flipping like bar stools i was flipping bar stools i was flipping off guys from bar stool that's flipping off stoolies left and right she had me riled up yeah found a bunch of daddy gang and pantsed him alex cooper just came out with a documentary i know i actually i'm so excited

people were like so sick this doesn't need a documentary it's like shut up i want to watch it it's interesting shut up i'm very excited wait anyway what were you saying oh about so like i hadn't seen i hadn't seen i'd only seen the prequels of star wars like kind of in here and there when i was a kid yeah and what i thought of yoda is he's like this old kind of chill like wise yeah you know calm level-headed guy and then i just watched for the first time a new hope empire strikes back and return of the jedi and in those ones and this is after he was chill in the first ones yeah he's like a fucking madman that like runs around and is like wow yeah he's literally like and and like hopping around and like he's like kind of like

uh like impish i guess would be the word like he's just i don't know it's weird the original three are just so much more like especially like the first one dude it's like way more like silly goofy like yeah ragtag grouping he's also balls and then they kind of and then he kind of like was like oh i want to make this like way more like yeah well i think like maybe i like to think that maybe george lucas was like you know giving direction to the puppeteer yeah and the guy was just like yeah whatever man i got i think i got i think i yeah dude i got it i know what he's gonna be like this episode is brought to you by skims i've actually got mine on right now come on let me see come on yeah he's not lying they are they are truly the best underwear i've ever owned

if you can go through every episode that i'm wearing my skims there have been zero rusty rearranges i i personally i like the cotton tight briefs or i go with like the brown the phoenix i think they're called phoenix like looser ones but i go i go the longest ones they have they're the softest underwear in the game i put all my buddies onto them and it's like it's truly game changing stuff well don't you always have people try them on when they come over yeah well what we what we like to do is we like to put each other in them and then we stress test them yeah wedgie proof really can't break wow that's not that's that's an FCC violation you can't ever claim something's wedgie proof um but if if you could it would be these they are the softest underwear I've ever

owned and here's here's my favorite part you know when you put them on you put on your briefs in the morning and they're like down here of course but by lunch they're freaking all the way up here i don't know what what the design is they stay locked down here guys shop skims men's at skims.com please let them know that we sent you after you place your order select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop down menu that follows if you let them know that we sent you it really helps us out but go buy some skims today let's get back in the episode oh i knew from nespresso Blend wellness into your coffee routine with the Coffee Plus range, infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like Coffee Plus B12 to help support immune function and Coffee Plus B6 to keep your day moving.

Or go with the flow and choose Ginseng Delight, our new double espresso with ginseng extract. Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning. Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. a funny i had a funny waymo experience waymo time wait was it when you were trying to leave work yesterday or two days ago yeah did you see that i saw well i saw you when i was walking out because i saw that were they stuck behind the crash yeah i told i just gave it away so there is it no no that's not even now i think okay we're even now for rogue one yeah so uh i order

a waymo and it's stuck behind what looks like a car trying to turn left onto our street not a big deal but he's like fucking blasting music and like jamming out and then the more i looked at it the waymo what the waymo no the guy in the front and then there's a there's a forerunner behind him and there's a girl driving and her boyfriend is outside of the car wait i totally zoned out i actually took i took a video of it i'm just gonna there was a crash that happened just no god lauren you keep ruining all the highlights of his story that was like a key point probably that was like a that was like probably one of the like wait spikes in viewer retention you know we look at our pod episodes yeah i haven't looked at those we used to be like we have these meetings every

week where like analytics guy will be like we turn the airdrop looking at like the retention spikes in our episodes and there was a few times where it was just like rusty showing his belly like we're like in a conference room where he's like all right let's see what people were liking this episode and they're like oh all right i'll slack it too this video might not do it justice but the guy in the front car is like fucking jamming out to house music and he it seems like he just got rear-ended so he got rear-ended by the car behind him and uh and then my waymo can't figure out that a car crash happened okay so it's just stuck behind them and then like uh uh the women's workout class right across the street just got out and they're all watching it happen

and you're in the waymo no i'm wait i'm taking the video so i'm just waiting for i'm waiting to get in because i can't go walk into this like crime scene so look at this guy jamming like he just got rear-ended and he's fucking bump it's all it's at 100 he's bumping house music and just making the situation like way worse that's weird for our audio listeners all that rusty farted for our video listeners lauren farted okay look at this so you just got in a car accident and his first thing is to just bump house music and like make it worse yeah he's all weird that is weird oh look at that bird oh look at him it looks like he's walking on a tightrope

um and then so i finally get into the waymo and uh wait how's he flying backwards Wait, what? She's rewinding. Dude. Wait, what? No, look. When she's going forward, he's going backwards. Wait.

When she's going... Play the video normal. When she's going forward, the bird flies backwards. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. In what world is that thing flying backwards? Its tail is facing us. It must be flying forward.

I don't think they can fly backwards. Dude, look at his face. I think we just caught... Did we just catch the first bird flying backwards? That's his tail. We just caught the first bird flying backwards? We caught... Episode title.

We caught the first bird flying backwards. That's... Oh, it caught. I think we just caught, like, a glitch. Yeah, we've always had suspicions, but we've never been able to say it. It does look like he's flying backwards. Yeah. I don't see it.

It's his tail. He's facing us. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It's, like, out to the side a little. It's right there. yeah that's facing us his neck's facing the car it's like an optical contusion they had guess what they ask it guess what they ask at trivia last night

what what's the biggest bird in north america okay i was like fastball because wingspan is only north america dude it's just like what's the and i honestly was floundering scott saved me but oh so you didn't even get it was it we got it we got it we got it they don't there's not north america i've seen them in north america at a zoo oh oh oh like native to yeah i gotcha so what's the answer uh it's a condor california condor lauren can you pull up ostrich running ostrich is the biggest bird in the world though for sure you make me like i'm the biggest bird in the world yeah this is the funniest video i want to get the sound to work i'm like let's try this again wait it was on no i know but just coming from my computer

It's like not You can't really hear it Holy shit That was not even The fastest one There was one That's like going faster Oh my gosh

I think they go like A hundred miles They can go 85 I believe Whoa Which is crazy They're huge Maybe not 85

45 How fast 85 would be like No they're They're like I think other than Like a cheetah They're like up there

Yeah Alright let's see How fast can I get a passport 43 that's 85 43 is like 43 is like the highway minimum like it could like yeah yeah that's scary so when i last last waymo last waymo thing i got in that waymo and we're driving and it it's like overly cautious this whatever operating system it is so if anyone tries to cut you off it'll like stop and so we pull up a pull up at a stoplight stop sign and we have the right of way

we got there first and there are these two kids in a tesla and i had my window down and they just had like a shit-eating grin on their face i was like all right let's do it do your worst whatever you're gonna whatever you're gonna do to the way i'm i'm riding them enough now that i'm like used to people like fucking with them yeah and uh we went and then he like let off the brake for a second just to like fuck with it and our way most stopped and the thing they laughed they looked at me i laughed and then that made them laugh harder yeah and so it was like it was just cracking me up i think it's i think it's a testament to like if i was like oh whatever like that would have they would have won yeah we got to share a we got to share a funny moment together

what's your oh lauren's stinking up her wrist what no i just deep in something earlier no i put on Mia's perfume and I like how it smells. My roommate's and I wanted to smell it. Miga. Miga. Oh, Willie. Dude.

You don't even try to hide that. Hide what? God, these mics are fucked. Oh, great. The barking spiders are back. One time, my brother used to be a paper boy like you would toss them you talk is that still a thing it wasn't like he got laid off i think because they got rid of it but like when he was that actually was he used to be like i got laid

off because he was like you could do it when you were like like a 13 or something yeah two he was like 14 years old or something and uh he's a paper boy and he would deliver to our whole neighborhood and like everyone knew him and stuff and you know sometimes we get calls like my paper was lodged in a bush like you know people call and complain because like his number would be on the thing or whatever i guess anyway yeah he uh one time cindy holden called and she was leaving a message about like the newspaper or something and just in the middle of it let out the biggest burp of all time mind you this is the sweetest lady of all time like lives across the street her son is like my brother's age and her husband is like works for the city like they're

very like you know nice family and she's like hi i just wanted to like thank sam for i needed to swallow because i was gonna spit that out yeah he's like hi you know thanks for like our paper just want to let you know that and then like carrie going on and uh it was the funniest thing like we listened to the voice record like you know it was like a landline yeah and it would be go like beep on new message and then be like play it again play it again play it again and we we were like that is the funniest thing we're like we can't ever bring this up like she must be mortified like this is insane it's like a very respectable woman anyway i think like months later there's like a some sort of neighborhood event where people are drinking and finally someone's

like all right cindy holden we gotta fucking we gotta ask what the hell happened and uh she reveals that their son john had bought this like joke phone that had like buttons for like like uh or like a burp or like a mowing and like you could do it and it was like the phone she was calling on was like i guess he had like bought like i think they like i feel like at that point like landlines were becoming obsolete so their son was like oh can we get this like funny one that has these extra buttons or or you know you could like unplug the cord from the thing like the the physical hand oh yeah maybe he like plugged in like a rigged one it was so like i think they were aware that it exists in their house but it didn't usually accidentally hit

the buttons and uh yeah then she she was like mortified but it was very funny a joke it was a legendary legendary voicemail i wonder if it exists it's so funny when we were i had one of those uh like fart rig remote control fart machines yes you could like put it put it um my uncle sandy came over one time and i put it between the cushion the cushion of the couch and the frame or whatever and yeah my dad when he gave it to me was like you know you have to like pick your moments he's like you know you can't just it's not to a kid you it's hard to explain like don't just spam it yeah like because that's not funny you have to like wait until like the moment's right or whatever like he can't know it's there and we're sitting there for like 20

minutes and i'm just like i haven't seen like a good window yet for it to happen and then i can't remember what he was talking about but it was like we were having a pretty light-hearted conversation that it it got serious for a second and they were talking about like some like serious adult thing and i just for some reason was like this is the moment i let like the it was on like shuffle too it was a grown tis part you couldn't like there was no like this time i want it wet or this one i want like a little one it was just like on a shuffle of like you know there were 10 options whatever one it was on and he was talking about something and i was just like he was like what the fuck

i i used to have some fun with whoopee cushions i'm gonna text my brother real quick and just see if he has this voicemail because if it's as funny as i remember it would be worth it did you guys know that teslas have like fart noises and like a megaphone setting and yeah did you know about all this you can also like make your horn like yeah like a woman i just learned of this last week in an uber and i was that seems like that wouldn't be the uber made like a fart noise yeah he was showing us all the settings no and then that you can you can turn it to megaphone and say something and it'll like announce it outside your car i feel like that shouldn't be allowed i feel like that would be illegal for some reason we can have a pa system my buddy has a system on

he had an old like 90s bronco yeah and he had a pa system and i think i think you're right that it's elite like the cops were like you can't you can't just be like driving around yeah doing stuff but there is like a time and place where it's allowed there's alexa does can you look up alexa whisper fart the like the guy from amazon jeff bezos girlfriend yeah this is crazy why would they make this they did my oh my dude but uncle kevin has explored every inch of the fart feature i'm sure he knows that that's his favorite thing he goes alexa fart yes he doesn't know about that hey alexa i want you to fucking fart for me i think you just whispered to me from now on when you whisper i will whisper back oh you're a dirty bitch

oh my god oh my god alexa i'd rather fart for me okay here's big fart oh that was a deep one oh yeah that'd be an option there's like all different kinds of farts guys i've never seen a whispering but i have uncle kevin and i've had some fucking laughs dude you can be like do a loud fart do like a silent but deadly do like a do a silent but deadly yeah you can do anything have you seen the kid that his mom has like a nanny cam in his room and he uh he uh he goes like hey google uh how do you make a flat piece of metal that can give you in unlimited millions of dollars in diamonds and gold and it was like i'm not sure and then he's like google resume and it just

like blast katie perry yeah yeah yeah oh wait you guys should we open this mail new segment mailbag it's the mailbag mailbag mailbag time mailbag mailbag mailbag time yeah yeah okay i got it open one of them all right can i get the biggest one sure the smallest one or uh mediumist one medium okay so uh mediumist one these are from emma mary we'll do them one by one can we open all of them sure no she got the smallest one i want to open this one i want to open two you get two yeah you guys both get one each that's fair okay um i have a feeling because a couple if you guys didn't listen to that episode we had a pitch mailed into us dog bite awareness so we will see because of my art like there's a stamp on wait if if

they're pitches i don't want you guys to see them so maybe i should open them no i want to okay i'll just read the pitch to you guys all right no but i have pitches for today all right well let's just see what they are okay this is for miles brown and i'm gonna read his address now wait miles brown and he stamped it with the thing that says dog bite awareness what is it we have a needs awareness of that everyone in this fucking office dog bite awareness too what we have a co-worker who has a very cute rescue dog named bear yeah and it has bit like 30 of this office and it's not like little nips like it like breaks skin and it looked it looks like a cobra bit you it's like two dots yeah it's got these tiny little fangs all right what is it oh my god is it just a note

or is it a pitch don't read it if it's a pitch okay don't don't read it don't read it i'm just Okay, I got... Will, don't read it. I got Emma Baker from Omaha, Nebraska. I wish they didn't have, like, a return address. I didn't read it. Okay. Because...

Don't open another one. No. Why do you get to open all of them? Because... I want the littlest one. Give me the littlest one. You're so annoying. All right.

I got Emma Baker from Omaha, Nebraska. Omaha. Be careful to not show their address. Show their address. Put your mic closer to you. Show me their address. Yes, their address. Damn, that one's long.

All right, here we go. Let's go. Holy. Let's see if this is a pitch. This is a pitch. Gosh darn it. Can I read the beginning? Hello, Lauren, the twunk and the otter.

You're the otter? Does that make me the twunk? Yeah. What is that? Shouldn't it be twink? You got some hair, but you're still a twink. No, it's like a funky twink. It's a 70s twink.

Hello, Lauren, the twunk and the otter. A while back, someone's pitch said twink, and y'all were trying to figure out what the boys would be. As a member of the Alphabet Mafia, with gay lingo knowledge, I'd say... Alphabet Mafia? Is that like LGBTQ? It's got to be. That's awesome.

That's very awesome. I wish I was part of it. It's like how Italians can't be... Or if your father's not Italian, you can never be a made man, but you can be like a henchman in the mafia. I'd say Will is a twunk, combo of twink and hunk. Okay. Especially since he's been a workout king lately, and Rusty would be an otter since

he's a young, fit guy, too, but hairy. So I'm a twunk? I think that makes me a bear. All right, don't read anymore. Okay, anyways, long-time listener, first-time letter writer, with my handwriting being akin into chicken scratches plus lauren already having issues reading pitch submissions i figured i'd make it easier and type out this letter i figured using comic sans would be goofy enough to make it not feel like you're reading an essay i'm sorry it does feel good i know uh and then she has a

pitch at the she has a pitch that i can't i got i got a letter from kate nutter hey i recognize that name i see her in our dms kate nutter all right i hardly know her wait what well i want to look at that one up close there's a four leaf clover i want it that's fantastic can we put it on i'm gonna need that you're gonna need that look i am and it's got oh it's got two oh there's three oh my gosh one for each of us how do you get this many four leaf clovers what do we that's crazy looking for that shit as a kid and i never found that can you talk about the drawings please not a pitch what can you talk about the drawings there's drawings whoa we'll frame that that's me the fish i'm bare no that it says on it you're the fish i'm there lauren is a butterfly and we're

all cherries lauren i'm gonna read it let me read the thing first this is terrible radio this is like what is like how like preschool teachers feel there's like pizza party hello fiona shrek and donkey donkey fiona shrek no pitch today just wanted to send us some fan mail Actually, I'm definitely Shrek. You're definitely Donkey. True. All right, read it. Read it.

You guys always inspire me to help get me in a more creative mood. Truly my favorite podcast by far. Too many good segments to count. Let's go. All of my love from Ohio. Oh. O-H. I-O.

I included two four-leaf clovers and one five-leaf clover. The fifth leaf is to bring wealth. The hell do you live? I want that one. You can have that one. Hopefully, they will bring you all some good luck and money. Keep up your work. Keep up the good work.

I just got my God as a Playmate tee. So good. Hell yeah. Love, Kate Nutter. I'm wearing my God as a Playmate tee right now. From Gallipolis, Ohio. I go to school at OSU, so thanks, Willie and Lauren, for the support. Go Bucs.

Oh my gosh, I love her. Well, love all you guys, but... She's like, I got you a four-leaf clover. I got you two four-leafs and one five-leaf clover, which are extremely abundant on my planet. Which are just clovers on my planet. um i forgot about looking for four leaf clovers you used to grind that shit so apparently i think it's like if you if you blocked off like a six by six foot square yeah there might be one i'm

really like in like if i if it was off of 30 if it was all clovers like not like grass where there's like yeah i think i'm gonna get into oh god careful lauren you could have tripped i know wait guys i need a sister i need to read mine oh yeah uh emma what's her name kate kate nutner i'm actually kate nutner wait kate nutter kate nutter i'm gonna show you guys up close with these drawings can we frame that lauren no this is literally perfect well we i have a lot that i want to get frames for yeah i'm obsessed okay wait frames are so expensive you gotta go to you gotta go to marshall's i learned this oh sorry you guys no no i'm saying like i was in the same thing where i was like there's no way if i want to frame these prints it's gonna be like 90 bucks

yeah i went to marshall's buy one get one but there have to be like you couldn't like if you get something framed i guess that's what i meant like dude that thing is insane i went to my sister got me a a giant print that goes over my bed i took it to the frame shop and i was like okay like i'm i'm aware this is gonna be kind of expensive we went through the whole process and then she was like all right cool and that would be thirteen hundred dollars and i was like it was a two hundred dollar print what are you i'm not gonna spend yeah it's like it's like a rolls royce you said frame this talk to the hand because the frame ain't listening talk to the booty because the hand off duty um i love that one you guys didn't even let me read mine oh i know we were focused on

ourselves yeah like you always are whoa sometimes not always most times was there a picture of her in there yeah if you let me who's this from crandall walsh tessa okay well the the letter is from uh mary wabasuski i'm sorry i don't know how to say her last name she's from new berlin uh wisconsin solicit this i think we just said our address oh we got a grad party invite sorry I probably shouldn't show that. Just cover the thing. From Tessa. Just cover yourself in eggs.

Just cover yourself in ants. You're going to love my teach me something. It's about ants. Wait, but listen, listen. Oh, my God. We're fucking listening. Sorry. I'm just saying.

Oh, my fucking God. You were doing your thing. We just talked. The mailbag segment really pits us against each other. I will warn you now. You can't give us. If you're going to send us something, definitely don't send us more or less than send us exactly three of whatever it is or else we're

gonna have a fucking meltdown dear rusty will and lauren i'm a huge fan of the playdate pod and i've listened to every episode on spotify i rarely listen to music in the car anymore because i'm always because i always have the pod playing thank you for fueling my rides to school the past two years that's first of all that's weird that it's been almost two years like that trips me out yeah it has been almost two years she said okay sorry you're so awesome and i'll be tuning in all summer lfg play date tessa so we love you beautiful um did we already miss her grad party no it's on to go that'd be hilarious oh my god where is it wait we missed it i don't know oh it already happened oh my god she's probably sitting i'm picturing her sitting there like waiting for us

like a hat like a birthday hat on like a birth like off to the side she didn't invite any of her friends because she only wanted it it was on um streaming down her face it was actually last saturday well we hope in new berlin wisconsin it was oh i can't go i couldn't have gone but emma what is it tessa tessa tessa we oh mary we were there with you in spirit and if you felt a gust of wind come through the room that was just us saying happy graduation or i think that might have been that gust of wind i come on loose earlier or come on mrs mcmanerny what was her name oh cindy holden cindy holden i see my brother my brother's ghosting or if you saw monarch of butterfly that was holy shit brian wilson died who's brian where were you the family

boys i thought he died like a hundred years ago isn't there a whole movie about how he like went insane and then died must have been someone else that's really sad yeah they they the music industry chewed him up and spit him out what what did you say did you hear what i said yeah what do you mean i made it a joke i didn't hear what he said oh i thought it was like i was thinking of a different brian oh brian griffin yeah brian griffin died uh oh no they brian wilson's story is very sad they like put him on drugs to keep him dos out and they took all his money that's it's not fucked yeah and the guy that if you ever do that to me just do something good with the money dude i know i don't want you to but you're gonna you're gonna be like

i've been high for like a month and i'm in like a mink coat you have anything to do with this good buddy nope keep on keeping on diamond grill i don't know what you're talking about bud i had a guy that plays his evil the guy who takes all his money is the guy from big fat liar that's now like a critically acclaimed actor what paul giamatti what are you doing what are you talking about in the guy in the movie oh what movie about brian wilson got it the guy who like plays the bad guy paul giamatti plays a good bad guy paul giamatti is awesome i almost might just be making that up i saw him on a billboard today he's just been on the top of my mind i like the new black mirror i liked him in um the holdovers i haven't seen it i really like that movie black mirror uh

jackson i can't even think of anything good all right let's do something bitches oh road map or is it too early there's no place why are you trying to get on my nerves what time is it will's been trying to piss me off this week you guys are like what are you talking about school girls today you're such a school girl well yeah i was definitely mostly directed at you i'm a school girl like a sassy little short skirt school girl what like bottom begging to be spanked school girl okay like in detention where you put me in detention i saw i saw a video the other day give me a demerit oh my god did you guys ever get demerits oh i got what is that it's like a it was like a it was like

a big detention what it was like a warning for a detention longer or like it was worse than detention in my middle school i got demerit what did i do oh yeah i've had a bunch of pictures of honey badgers oh yeah you told me that pad yeah we had school issued ipads and we weren't allowed to have anything on them that wasn't school or god like religion related it was a catholic school and i had a bunch of pictures it was like honey badger don't care you remember that whole thing no of course it was like a phase and uh i had a bunch of pictures of honey badgers and goats in trees you know goats in like morocco will climb up in trees that's where they get argan oil they get out of the boots get it the goats eat the thing and then they poop it out and then they

harvest the seeds from their poop and that's where they make argan oil which is in like a lot of shampoos and stuff anyway i was found that out that year so i had a bunch of pictures of goats and trees and honey badgers and i got a demerit wouldn't you be like wouldn't you be like this these are all god's beautiful yeah i mean it was insane all right insane lauren how long we've been recording for 48 minutes that's fine right i think we should go for another hour i'm just kidding i'm just kidding i'm fighting like a school girl with lauren i have to file my taxes you want to go we bleed no can you replace poopy with this file my taxes you never actually do it will you please yes i do you never take his audio yes i do

really yep i've never heard it one because you don't watch the pod after i edit it you watch it before you're getting owned neither of the boys watched the pod before i well you never watch it hate watching or listening to my own voice yeah okay it's really anxiety inducing for some reason i like my voice but i do i agree with you that i hate listening to you um all right we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches then we're gonna do some am i the asshole yes and then we're gonna do everyone's favorite segment this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey i said this guy rocks and he rocks so hard rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard there's rocks in my yard and then we're gonna

do everyone's power trip other favorite segment teach me something yeah what is that what does that mean bro it's not a power no that person was really reaching i'm fine also whoever whoever's out there whoever's whoever's out there and said my tattoos make me look like an idiot yeah someone what will someone comments it was like the mean hey lauren nice tattoos they make you look even more like they make you look even more like an idiot and lauren lauren commented back from the Playdate album and said they have bad taste in music.

What? I said your music taste concerns me. How do you know their music taste? Because I clicked on their profile. Searched up their spot. And they have ass music. You can't let the haters get to you. I don't let them get to me, but I also like to stand up for myself, so if I want to say something mean back, I'm going to do it. Yeah, but then that's just

indulging their bullshit. That's fine, but it's funny to me to respond. I love responding to hate comments on Instagram. On a play date? No, dude, on my personal. How much hate comments do you get on your personal?

No, not about me. Like, under, like, I used to just, across random videos, if people were, like, shit-talking someone in this thing, I'm like, I try to stand up for them. You're a stinky baby. No, I just. Stink. I just like to call people out for being an asshole.

Yeah, I got you, bro. Stinky baby. Yeah, stink. Stink it up, baby. And then we're going to do Adam Sandler movies that don't exist. followed by jackass stunts that don't exist and then we're gonna wrap up with rusty's song of the day can i go pee please all right guys this episode is brought to you by in the cloud i gotta say something get it

get it off your chest man this is one of my favorite sponsors you've ever had the opportunity to work with come on because i like getting i mean they're edibles they got edibles they got pre-rolls they got vapes vapes they got everything you need to uh you know you're a little stressed at the end of the day maybe unwind with a little thc that's what i call tender having care you know will and i like to indulge a little bit in weed yeah of course but we like to do it we like to do it legally and safely into cloud is the best way to do that's legal hemp derived thc we're talking the best of the best it's all third-party lab tested 2018 farm bill compliant and every order is shipped discreetly so your mailman or your

roommates or your freaking mom if you still live with your mom isn't going to know that you're doing stony baloney stuff if you're 21 or older head to intocloud.co and use code playdate to get 25 off your first order plus free shipping that's into cloud.co code playdate 25 off free shipping you know what to do yeah then a little bit of r&d uh i had some r&d i watched sicario yep and ate a quesadilla with chicken and let me tell you that shit works again if you're 21 or older now's your chance to float above the stress because into cloud is giving all new customers 25 off their first order plus free shipping just use code playdate or click the link in the show notes to claim your discount that's into cloud.co i-n-d-a-c-l-o-u-d.co.co use code playdate for free

shipping plus 25 off your first order and when you order fill out that quick little survey helps support the show and keeps into cloud sending you the good stuff so go ahead tell future you you've got it covered then grab a gummy and vibe out within the cloud let's get back into the episode what is our like our little like piano riff that's now like our song is that like a royalty-free music you found online that's hilarious so someone else could use that yeah fuck don't give him any ideas don't give him any ideas it's kind of like world of t-shirts have you ever thought about how give them any ideas it's like the one of the funniest names of all time world of t-shirts yeah we sell t-shirts really yeah that's how it all

started but yes it is like his owner he worked at a retail store he like was in high school he made like a little online site for t-shirts world was very kind of sweet and endearing and then a bunch of freakos and then it all went downhill took advantage of him now it's all gone south Okay. What was on the t-shirt? I don't know. All right. Who opened this like a mania?

I did. I don't know how to open letters. Was that you? I think I just took a bullet for you. I just took a bullet for my boy. That's the type of shit we got. I'm going to Long Beach on Saturday. Long Beach?

Long Beach. Long Beach? Why is it so long? Well, it's not... Yeah. Why? My cousin. and her fiancé are there for a wedding.

And they just got engaged, so it'll be fun. But I've never been. And I've got to figure out how to get there. Long Beach. That's going to be epic. I will tell you it is not as far as you'd think. Remember when I accidentally drove there? Yeah, well, you...

It's close enough that you can accidentally drive there. But you have a car. Oh, Uber. It's like 40 minutes. Yeah, I know. It's going to be expensive. Can you use Gerald's car? Maybe.

I might have to ask Gerald. gerald i want to ask see chester is doing this thing where he's always been like cool about like letting me use his car he lives a few blocks away and uh but his license plate expired like six months ago and now every time i ask since then he's like ah sorry i got expired plates but he's been driving on expired plates i mean he has no obligation to let me use his car but it's just a funny thing where he's like sorry dude expired plates like i don't want to risk it but he's not doing anything about it i will say i had i accidentally had expired plates for like over a year yeah and uh it was i was kind of doing a similar like fucked up thing where i was just like

we only have two parking garage spots and i'd be like sorry boys gotta put like like i had to park in the garage every night because i would get a ticket if i left it out but it was like this is shouldn't they shouldn't have to pay the price for me just being like a moron who can't keep track of time yes yeah but i mean this is different because i think if you got pulled out if you got pulled over in someone else's car with expired plates that's like a pretty big problem it's worse it's bad if chester gets pulled over it's bad if you get pulled over i think it's probably worse interesting getting pulled over with expired plates is like like like pretty not what does that mean you're saying it's like you're in jail no you wouldn't go to jail but it's like

i think it's a hefty hefty what happens if you get pulled over with it like expired plates plates plates expired tags expired tags what 25 dollars starts starts at 25 bucks or they could loose the car loosen they spelled it wrong i'm just reading what they wrote loose i don't know i i've been back in the that's such a that's an all-time like rusty misinformation one where it's like it's bad it's really it's really bad 25 bucks

honestly it might be cheaper to just never get plates and just 25 it'd be worth it'd be cheaper than ubering to get pulled over both ways all right pitches oh you know what i'm thinking about i'm thinking about is the uh the insurance no there's you know how in maine there's like the thing on the windshield yeah you've talked about the color thing that's what the cop told me was like bad got it i don't remember what that is inspection maybe inspection oh yeah yeah that's different yeah because i don't know what that was i think that's only a thing there we don't have them here yeah all right pitches thanks a lot newsome okay hey thank he actually did the thing that makes our life easier really thanks a lot newsome we were actually saying it but thanks

obama thanks obama obama obama cookie don't fit in glass soda who's that you haven't seen that video no soda is that biden yeah pull that up why do you always go facebook i don't know why'd you click facebook dude i don't know like a normal one completely completely useful uh youtube joe biden soda youtube link you're dragging it Why are they going nuts for it? I think he said, how are we doing, Minnesota? But they clipped it and then they would pair it with it.

It would be like, Obamna Soda. Google, can you type on YouTube Obamna Soda? You haven't seen any of it? Yeah, Obamna Soda, there it is. Good stuff. The second one. No, go to Obamna Palestine HD Remastered. Do that.

The second one, second one, second one, second one. Obamna. Soda. What? Why did he say Obama that way? He just like misspoke. Obamna. Soda.

Obamna. Soda. This is from like three years ago. The way you do it Do it again Obama Soda He's loving it

Well I mean like You probably liked it Just as much when it came out I love You're right You're right You're right You're right

I do love it I've experienced it For the first time Oh it's really funny It would be like Who you voting for Then it would be that clip Soda

Soda oh man wait till i show him bad luck brian soda i go why are you letting this go on so long i'm waiting what just go read it i'm just making sure whenever you're gonna let me do soda for 10 minutes yeah apparently soda soda okay let's hear it where are we not gonna do the ones we got mailed no okay sorry i had these picked out um we'll do them next episode though okay soda um all right first pitch is from allison she says i want this turn okay hello to the goat

and oh to will and rusty love you big fan of the pod i've got a new coach for you no i don't think big fan you're willing rusty introducing the family lore.com it is a one-of-a-kind search engine for your family drama and secrets its function is to provide family fight history and other secrets for example if your mom and aunt kathy hey i have an aunt kathy i don't know mine's a second aunt though she's like my mom's cousin then that doesn't count mine is i mean that doesn't mine is also a second aunt yeah can she count yeah she's the york county da so if your mom and aunt kathy are beefing and you can't ask about what's going on you look up mom and aunt kathy's bar fight on the great thanksgiving kerfuffle of 2009 this

website will tell you what happened from a neutral standpoint yeah direct quotes from all parties involved will also be available this way you can make your own opinion on who is actually in the wrong the site will also show you who's siding with who in the aforementioned fights access is public however you must be careful as your own fights may be documented for later generations to speculate about familylord.com your all access site to the juiciest family affairs keep up the great ups i like i'm going straight oh no i'm going straight to when mary pat knocked over the christmas tree i've been hearing about that uncle kevin every day to tell you about when mary pat knocked over the christmas tree apparently my mom when she was like before what was that no no

know i was clapping but the apparently my mom was like in high school she was like angsty one year and like yeah didn't get with enough attention or something so she in the just went and just knocked over the christmas tree with all the ornaments and made a huge scene wait your mom my mother yeah that's crazy that's also apparently i gave her a black eye when i was a kid oh i just nailed her as hard as i could with a bop it oh oh that's painful yeah i mean i was like two i wasn't in your in in your defense it was but it was time you had hand you had hand on pull it and twist it you're like oh um i like to picture that like if you you google it and it's like a mini like

30 for 30 on like the beef oh yeah the palace thing where they're like kevin you should have seen kevin he was in his prime and then mary pat came in like a wrecking ball and dude or the do you know about the fart at my aunt meg's wedding no this is crazy but there's no chance she listens to this podcast so i'm gonna just say it but during my aunt and uncle got married in my living room in charleston it was like a late like second marriage and they want to do something kind of low-key and the charleston's cool so they came down and they got married in our living room right in new year's right as the ball dropped i think it was like a legal thing i don't really know but uh like i think it like made sense for them to get married

in the new year somehow it was for tax purposes yeah like literally i don't know anyway it was very lovely though but during the reading of the vows someone ripped a huge fart who was it and everyone blamed my dad and my dad was like i didn't do it but like he couldn't say i didn't do it without laughing yeah so it's like kind of made it seem like he did it and he's he's a big farter did they stop the proceeding no no no they they like didn't hear it i guess but ever i was like it was like room clearing and uh smell no it was just so loud and then right after my aunt mary was like hammered and fell off a bar stool it's like an intimate setting like it was and uh uncle kevin was he's getting a lot of air time today he was right by where the fart happened

it was my dad my uncle kevin and like this guy from the other side of the family we don't know named uncle vic and so of course my dad is my dad's like it's uncle vic uncle kevin during the valves right after it happens goes it wasn't me it wasn't me it wasn't me and my dad for years is blaming uncle vic and uh then we were we would like joke about it like it was like sort of like a running joke in the family and then we we i've started making like a documentary thing about it because i thought we like mapped out the trajectory of like who that could possibly be also the only one filming the ceremony was uncle vick so it was like you know we could ask for the footage but i'm sure there'd be a chunk missing and then sure enough

we were like talking about it like five ten years later now uh and maybe like yeah it was way later we're all joking about with the cousins we're talking about like getting putting together this like documentary thing about it and my aunt just kind of is like hey let's just drop it all right like that kind of has this like and so it became very clear in that moment that i think it was uncle vick and and i think that he had like because then i found on facebook that he posted something about like gastrointestinal issues so i think that it was like from the the groom side my uncle robin who we didn't know his family really but i think this guy had like some sort gastrointestinal thing did this kind of embarrassing thing and then our family spent 10 years bringing

it up at every family event because we thought the reason we were bringing it up because we thought it was my dad so it was like funny to make fun of him for but uh they kind of had like a moment my the way my aunt reacted it became clear that this was something like yeah not that we shouldn't joke about not anymore control which is uh kind of makes me feel it wasn't me it wasn't me it was like literally during like like the vows like uh you are the most beautiful it was insane it wasn't me it was anyway so that's funny i would like to go back to that moment using uh familylord.com yeah you can do it you can make it happen it is funny it would be it would be nice to have that too because like i grew up with all women besides my dad yeah two

sisters my mom they're like teenage not that it's teepold teeper he texted me oh really i gave him permission what do you need he asked unlike dan powers matt teepold it's at teeper on instagram you can dm him and say thanks for interrupting the podcast please dm matt teepold on instagram and say teeper fit and say say hey fuck face no no no we love teeper teeper's our favorite canadian he got true he got stopped at the border one time yeah deeper you want to tell oh no don't say he's canadian our favorite puerto rican yeah that's america that's fine that's chill it's a province i would use it for uh for my sisters because they would do the fucking most outlandish thing in the world and then just deny that it happened we were going to school one time and i like critiqued

kara's driving or something and she threw a thermos of hot coffee on me and then didn't turn around to get me new clothes so i just had to go to and we went to school in maine so it was like hot for a second and then the second we stepped outside i had like a frozen t-shirt jesus and i don't remember how we fixed it and then another she did the same thing during midterms she was really stressed out and i guess i wasn't stressed out and was like joking around at breakfast and she threw a cup of hot tea on me again and then just said i'm just really stressed out right now and my mom was like that's not how that's not how that worked but if you bring it up she's like that's that never happened you made that up yeah that would be good to have

it would help with some yeah winning some arguments i guess in high in hindsight those both are i always thought those were like kind of like silly memories those are kind of like that's kind of serial killer yeah she's lovely now though i might toss some hot shit on you one one time she uh she wouldn't drive me somewhere and so i told my mom she had a mason jar of weed in her center console i think he said yeah my mom was like that's not how we we're not that kind of family all right lauren great pitch thank you miss allison um next pitch is from okay this person actually didn't say their name so let's go with gary gary do you know what's crazy i was i was gonna say larry

so i don't know if that counts as crazy but although it's larry gary i was gonna say you know what's crazy i was gonna say mike i was i was gonna say grand titan what all right what is that that's a name just a thing my brain's capable all right gary sure gary says what is the worst part about eating a pastry oh crispy uh flaky mess flaky lap mess flaky lap mess finally your your lap is a flaky mess flaky lap mess final answer buzz golden buzzer that's right the crumbs getting absolutely everywhere especially if you're enjoying a little croissant breakfast in bed introducing the pastry puff a revolutionary fabric ball with adhesive properties specifically tailored for pastry crumbs similar to how every restaurant worth their salt it gives you a moist

towelette with your wings when buying a flaky pastry the bakery would include a little packet containing a pastry puff similar to how you use a lint roller to pull lint off of clothes after eating your pastry you roll you roll your pastry puff around and all your crumbs are controlled love the pot i'm always the happiest guy on the l shout out lauren in chicago shout out shout out the l that's actually what they call the subway yeah of course because that's actually above it's a fantastic pitch and then here's the kicker pick them all off make new pastry yeah double pastry good i mean it does seem like laborious to have to like cover your whole bed with the thing no no it's like it's just wherever you are you just like

yeah but like i feel like usually it like kind of like gets everywhere which is kind of the issue yeah the making a new pastry thing makes me there's like i can't remember who said this but someone said they used to wait for their ice to melt in their cocktail and then they drink it again they call the second drink no pam said that in the office is that what that is yeah okay that's when she's hammered at chili's that's where i heard that okay it's like second drink she's like shit face in it pam there's that one episode where pam beasley gets fucking hammered wrecked but She's like a legend still. Like, the way she puts up with Roy and Jim's nonsense, I will never...

And I just think... What about Kevin? What does Kevin do? Well, he's really chilly. Chilly on the floor. Chilly carpet. Yes, nightmare. Pam just doesn't get enough damn respect.

Totally. Jim's like, I'm going to Philly to be like a movie star with Daryl or something. And I'm like... Sports agent. I don't give a shit, okay? I want to be here with Pee Pee and all our kids. pee pee and caca i just don't get it wait and then what about the proposal at gas station oh my god they're oh i'm gonna propose while it's raining at a shitty gas station and art school

how romantic it's like if this wasn't a tv show this would be the most ass proposal of all time i always thought about that that's that's a that is an ass proposal an ass proposal what is this chris humphries proposing to kim kardashian i don't get it she's a huge ass i don't think that It's true. You don't think that's true? All right. What's the worst? I want to start dating Kim Kardashian.

Yeah? You get the Kardashian curse. Wouldn't that be so hard? Your femur. Her new boyfriend? Yeah. I feel like you're not, like, looks-wise. You're definitely, she's dated the uglier guys.

For sure. I feel like. Pete Davidson? Kanye. Kanye was pretty hot back in the day. how are you guys gonna propose to your future wives very carefully skydiving and the ring is on the ring is tied to the thing that opens the parachute and the only she has to she has to put her finger in the ring and then grab the thing that's very good so that she has to um we have

to be engaged for her to save her life shipwreck ship oh you're gonna love one of my adam sandler movies shipwreck um okay now in all seriousness i would say uh i would propose i would think how do you know he's not gonna propose to you that's true because of gay yeah i'm on fire dude that's the kind of jokes guys like i don't get it that's how guys are you saying because of gay yeah that's how we rib on each other with guys you say something like that and then the other guy's like what the hell i'm in a blender now the heck the hell blender i'm in a hell blender now just put you in a hell blender dude just wrestling moves that don't exist he's in the hell blender

like knee is like coming out of his ass all right let's do our next well never mind what well i was gonna say if my future husband is listening oh i want to get proposed to and somewhere in europe greek no not greek greek and i want no i want nobody watching egypt i i hate that shit when there's like a million people like with their phones in the corners and the cameras baseball game that's how i'm gonna do it no on the jumbo drum yeah kiss cam yeah where do you want to be in europe just like somewhere what if he's poor and he can't take you there you know i'm saying what if he like well i'm gonna take myself then she's already gonna say no so does it really matter yes that's true lauren would

you marry a poor guy um lauren's really chosen that was crazy what's the answer well you wouldn't if i loved him yeah i mean that's a yeah yeah because i'm gonna be wealthy so it's i go lauren would you marry a poor guy wow yeah the impractical jokers wow lauren's tonight's biggest loser I'm joking. From Impractical Jokers. I'm joking like Murr and Q. I kind of hope my future wife is poor so that she gets trapped and has to stay with me for fiscal reasons. Jesus Christ.

I hope my future wife is a girl boss. I'm going to be the breadwinner. I would like to find a breadwinner so that I can just hang out and start a candle company or something. crandall company no i don't i want us to make the i want us to make the exact same amount of money and then uh when she leaves me she gets nothing changes i'm gonna leave her before it starts for a descalbo well did you pick a venue pirate morocco oh morocco yeah and where morocco america i guess i don't know anything about morocco i didn't book anything i just picked it in my head don't people get like kidnapped in

morocco no my mom actually went last year never she said it was lovely she said there was a hundred people that didn't kidnap her so i think twice there were a hundred people that didn't kidnap but like 10 did no i spend i spend too much time with you guys because just now when you're about to say there were 100 people i thought you're gonna say bigger than that i like finish that all right here's a pitch paper saver come on it's a camera pointing up at your butthole in the bottom of your toilet connected to an app on your phone so it's think about it There's always one – you always wipe one more time than you need to. Right.

With Paper Saver, you just check the app on your phone, look at the live feed of your butthole, and you see when – You see when it's done. So you don't – you think about – we would save literally trillions of – Live feed of your butthole? We're reporting live here from Will's butthole. No, only you can see it. And things are a mess down there. It's not hackable.

Maybe you've got a hard wire in it. You've got to plug your phone in. It's like a cord coming out of the toilet. though it's on like a sat phone yeah it's totally off book it's not like anything you could hack but it's if you think about it if you save one piece of toilet paper every time you poop and everyone is saving that that's one billion pieces of toilet paper within the first hour of implementation is that true i guess one in eight people are probably pooping at all times right no i don't think so okay five or sorry one in eight people probably poop in an app in an hour

a chunk that you're probably maybe probably not far off maybe all right i love it willie um what i do worry about is is absolute freaks getting a hold of this technology and putting it in toilets that it doesn't belong freaks can't touch his tech i'm gonna tell you right now freaks no tech no touch how much does it cost i am the only 60s guy in the world i am jump well someone said that he looked like you well he does not i'm gonna fucking kill myself well he's a 70s guy um he looks like uh me in like five years when the podcast goes under that's why do you always say no this podcast in five years this podcast can have a billion hosts you know each one's smaller than the last all right you do your pitch one louder than the

last each one yeah all right what's the worst part what's the worst part about uber stinky driver the driver is trying to kill you if i know you that's gonna be the answer it's not but he said stinky lauren we had an uber yesterday and the guy uh messaged me and he goes hey just a heads up my dog's in the car um he's small enough that if you have like four people he can sit in my lap and i was like oh no worries at all or he's like uber makes me notify people i was like okay no worries at all like i love dogs and then i was kind of like hoping the dog would like maybe be in the back so i could like pet it but it was in the it was sitting shotgun which is fine and then i got in and the cuteness wore off because it was one of those dogs that like fucking reeks like it

has like some sort of like skin infection and it was just like oh like you gotta have some self-awareness that maybe just leave it at home yeah or something all right what's the worst part about uber uber crumbs on the seat you can't you can't get upgraded you can't there's there's no chance to get upgraded okay status status for uber no i thought we're gonna go a whole episode without hearing about it relies it it rewards loyal customers and when you book a car you can use your mile your your miles to upgrade to a nicer car if you have like a long you know you're Like last night I was going to a concert, I would have liked to have been in like a sweet, comfy car. I mean, you get Delta miles if you use Connected.

But that doesn't give me a car. It gives me a plane. I don't need a plane to get to the Hollywood Bowl. Yeah. Why do you guys both hate that? What's wrong with that? I'm just kidding. No, that's good.

It's just like another Delta status. Yeah, I think more things should have status. I mean, I have... I think it's a good business model. I have Uber One. I do too, but that doesn't get me nicer cars. No, it gets me discount on my tacos. wait what's uber one you wouldn't get it it's just like kind of like big hitters for uber and

they give you like a little disc if you uber enough i don't know like postmates a bunch works i don't even yeah like i think it told me i saved like 130 on postmates one yeah yeah it shows me the because there's no fees laura and there's no fees even hidden ones yeah all right i'm in uber what's it called uber plump come in okay what's the word okay i thought you guys were in a way no that's good i like you guys were both like okay yeah we're just doing like a character oh my gosh we're doing a character and now and now i'm doing we should hear about who's the a-hole yes the pirate who's scared of water that's the character when i when i auditioned for my comedy group in college they told me on this they gave me one minute to come up with a character

and uh do it for us in like a live audition i was like oh my god i don't know what so and i was kind of uh baked on dope and uh i came up with a pirate who was scared of the water do it argh we set sail today uh you go on without me i'll watch the docks i'll be you you go i'm good here get that loot oh make sure the docks are it was literally just that that's pretty good it was could have been better tell us who has the bum tell us who's asshole it is do we want to hear opinions are like assholes they reek all right so this a-hole situation is kind of a relationship one um pardon it's it's about relationships perfect i will be really good at this i've had one what is up rusty and his semen

come on semen rusty his you're his my name is noah and i have a pretty good am i the asshole so one time about three years ago three years ago right before i went to college i just got back into town from wisconsin i went over to my buddy's house 45 minutes out of town he was with his girlfriend we were just kicking it and drinking some beers my buddy ended up getting pretty sick from drinking he ended up laying down on the couch and went to sleep it was just being his girlfriend we kept drinking and hanging out talking and having a good time this is whenever this is whenever she comes on to me and starts trying to have sexual relationships relations with me she was damn near blackout drunk i obviously respectfully declined and moved on with

the night like nothing happened the next morning she apologized and said that she that should have never happened i told her that i didn't remember it even though i did just to make her feel better nice am i the asshole for not telling my best friend that's a good question that is a good question first of all i want to i think we should applaud this man on a couple different couple different things one you never take advantage of a drunk lady that's good two even if she was sober you didn't hook up with your friend's girlfriend even though from what it sounds like she is a looker so that's you're off to a good start he seems like a good guy and number three for going to wisconsin man and number and number four you were drinking that sounds

fucking baller yeah invite me next i want some cheese curds uh do you think they have cheese curds we've all we got a couple we got hungry our all of our inner fatties came out there try to encourage your enthusiasm oh dude you've been on fire i am willie d it's just like people come on it's gonna come do you think they have a lunch today can you google jameson's jameson's menu cheese curds oh sure you want to do this before we dissect nope i think we can figure out if they have cheese curds okay yeah and nothing but time come on cheese curds cheese curds come on cheese curds come on you fucking little menu fuck okay they actually have great food yeah really yeah they're chicken shepherd's pie

their chicken tenders are dead i'd split a shepherd their fries are dank can we get shepherd's pie i changed my mind can you guys bring me back wait is it wednesday i think today's all you can eat prime where it is i've done it once it's the answer is one the answer the answer tip from my experience is one one prime rib okay well anyway noah is he the asshole what that's a really tough question i don't know so here's the here's the good news you're not worst definitely not the worst case scenario you're not an asshole now let's get to the bottom of should he what do you do in this situation should he have told or should he tell i think i think he did the right thing i think it was a it was a moment of weakness for her

and she was blacked out drunk and nothing happened and you did the right thing and i think if you told unless you feel like stressed about keeping this secret if you're fine with like not saying anything i would my advice would be to not say anything and you and then she owes you one and then you can like get a like i she has to give you like rides places if you ever i yeah if ever again definitely but i think you could give her the benefit of the doubt just to preserve the peace i think that's fine i don't know if i were noah's friend i would want to know if my girlfriend was hitting on my friends yeah i guess you're right if the if the three of us were hanging out will or me my girlfriend and you and i got drunk and then she tried to kiss you would you

tell me yeah i probably would just because i feel like you would appreciate that i couldn't sit next to you every day not yeah yeah yeah yeah i guess maybe you you're not an asshole you sound like a great guy but like to be honest i don't know what your relationship is with this guy like if he's your it's like your best friend his best friend oh that's icky or actually i don't know yeah he said my buddy that's a tough i mean here's the thing if if like it happened a while ago no no he said this was three years ago yeah i think you're not yeah now don't that's fascinating that you were able to keep this uh i actually i think that you know what you did the right thing i think that they deserve to be happy together and uh what he doesn't know won't kill him

if you had done something you would have to tell him what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but that's crazy i am i feel bad that that girl did that that's kind of messed up yeah all right wait that's not the asshole it's kind of baller a girl like a girl came onto him though how often does that happen never once in a million years yeah all right now should we do this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey i said this guy rocks and he rocks so hard he rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard there's rocks in my yard i slacked it to brian brian i don't remember what this oh oh okay pause this learn i or not pause Don't do anything yet

I know we like to get I know we like to be silly With this guy rocks I saw this one I couldn't pass up the opportunity To show you guys It It made me cry So let's give it a shot

Crying Do you want to buy Stanley Cup tickets for a dollar Stanley Cup tickets Do you like hockey Who's your team How big of a fan are you Oh, I'm a big man. There's a game tonight.

Oh, yeah. Who do they play? Florida. Who's going to win tonight? Edmonton. Have you been to a game before? Nope. What's your names?

Eric. I'm Zach. Nice to meet you. Gavin. We're brothers. What do you think's inside the box? I don't know. I think it's a handicap ticket for a dollar.

Wayne Gretzky. Wayne Gretzky gave it to him. Him and his son, Ty. Ty Gretzky. Yeah. Oh, yeah? Two bucks? The box is yours.

You'll not be home tonight. We got the Greg Dupin inviting you to the Stanley Cup game tonight. Are we going? You're going? We're going. You're both going. I'm going to cry. Isn't that awesome?

Really? Yes. We're going tonight. Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, Doug. Oh, I love you. It's going to be lovely.

I got $1,000 cash. A dollar tonight for you guys. Oh, thank you. What can you use the money for? A random food. I don't know who this is. I don't know if this is, like, someone he knows or if he just gave a stranger a thousand dollars. Are you kidding me?

I want to give you a hug. Oh, yeah. Whoa. Oh, my goodness, you guys. I want to cry. We're going to the Johnny Guts. Oh, yeah. The ladies of Bamba, baby.

This is the best day of my life. Oh, yeah. Are you ready, guys? Is that sick? Yeah, that's fucking awesome. Shout out Wayne Gretzky. My goat. Yeah, Wayne Gretzky.

Is this like a foundation he has or something? I don't know. But Wayne Gretzky officially goaded. Yeah, I'm also totally on his side of that whole. I think he's definitely the greatest hockey player of all time. Oh, I thought you were going to say he's not the asshole. Wayne Gretzky, not the asshole. We reviewed the tape

Isn't that sweet I don't know how he knew That those guys were going to be in that grocery store I think maybe they got in touch with his family With their family That's sick He was like We're going to the Stanley Cup

I don't remember what mine is But I feel like it's going to be a different tune Alright It's just like I am the only This is the local news in Charleston. A 53-year-old man led North Charleston officers on a three-mile-per-hour police chase in a construction machine. 766 legs.

He's just driving a fucking backhoe. Oh, wow. what did he uh what did he do or is that the crime damaged a landscape supply store and barbershop he stole a excavator and just drove it down the highway oh that's i like these the pursuit lasted for one hour and 12 minutes i like they can't just get out and be like yo like why i don't know i guess like if they try to like pull the car in front he would just steamroll them yeah i don't know i don't know it's fucking he kind of rocks though yeah all right should we do teach me something all right you ever heard about the

mind control fungus yeah obviously no i don't there is a fungus that can mind control ants big i'm being dead serious when you asked chat gpt to get this i just i think it was like i think it was give me the craziest fact in the universe and then it got confused and it gave me like three space facts in a row after i kept saying another and then i was like another and more obscure okay and it said there is a real fungus called ophi ophiocordyceps unilateralis that turns ants into zombies it infects a carpenter ant takes over its nervous system and forces it to leave the colony to climb a climb to a specific height and bite down on a leaf vein then the ant dies the fungus then sprouts a stalk out of the

ant's head and rain spores onto the forest floor to infect more ants it doesn't just kill the ant it controls it timing the death in location to maximize its own spread it's a real life parasitic mind control happening quietly in rainforests right now isn't that fucking terrifying what is can you google this thing ophiocordyceps unilateralis can you google ophiocordyceps unilateralis i don't know zombie ant fungus

bang rusty's right for the first time like ever scary guy terrifying shit yeah no thank you please please move on you don't have to keep

you're like i'm clicking more trying to get out all right uh do you know that about the smelliest cheese in the world veal belong it's a soft french cheese with an orange rind it is so strong that it was it was so strong that it was banned on public transportation in france i thought that was funny what's it called? V-I-E-U-X. I-E-I-X? B, and then space, B-O-U-L-O-G-N-E. Oh my god, it looks like it fucking reeks. Yeah. That looks fucking awful. The world's stinkiest. Does it taste good you think all right banned from public transit imagine getting on the subway with a v-ball wolf and you just get shot no it's like the less lethal ones yeah you bring that cheese

on here you're gonna get i'm gonna shoot you um all right should we do adam sandler movies that don't exist let's do it so confession we're doing adam sandler movies and jackass stunts that have never never seen either i've seen happy gilmore okay that's all i've seen of either of those okay these are adam sandler movies that don't exist afloat okay this is uh adam sandler is a kind of goofy light-hearted lifeguard uh that's got a lot of promise but he gives it up because he wants to be a break dancer on the boardwalk okay and so he's just this regular old break dance on the boardwalk but every day when there's people drowning he ends up having to step in and save them because he's the best lifeguard the town's ever seen that's fantastic and then one

day he's just there break dancing doing his little thing the governor starts drowning and so he goes in and he saves the governor and he becomes the lieutenant governor nice i love it something that he would do sure adam sandler is hating it no i'm not okay i think it's good really good uh adam and rachel are on a couple's cruise separately they both got broken up with the day before the cruise and decided to go alone anyways they see each other on the ship from time to time but they haven't fully met yet in the middle of the night the ship strikes a coral reef and sinks they wake up on a deserted island it's just the two of them and then rob schneider and uh so they start to beef when they're trying to make their shelter and they decide

he gets one side of the island she gets the other and they both try and coerce rob into living with them uh he decides to live with adam because his side is more like laid back and fun and hers is regimented big storm comes knocks her shelter down she goes to his house uh and he welcomes her with open arms but it's so cold and rainy they all have to spoon to conserve body heat they wake up in each other's arms fall in love that's beautiful i'm gonna cry uh paper boy he's a paper boy in washington dc and he gets kind of adam sandler gets a little turned around and ends up inside the capitol on january 6th where he uncovers government secrets for an alien spy warfare drone pretty crazy that's sick and uh he has to alert

the public but he's just a little paper boy these fucking suck no that was good dude you're fine i hate myself adam is a former rock star who lives alone in a secluded mansion in maine off of the money he made from his one and only world tour okay his world tour ended abruptly because he accidentally gave a fan a heart attack because of how awesome his music was yep so he went into hiding uh sally watkins was on vacation with her family in maine she sees him at a pub tells him that years ago she was the girl that he gave the heart attack and that she made a full recovery and that she misses his music she goes over to his house to try and get him out of his shell and she organizes a concert at the local pub and uh choruses him to play and then he finally plays

an acoustic version of the song that gave her a heart attack many years ago and everything's fine and then they live happily ever after touring the world and spreading his good music it's beautiful thank you uh would you like that one lauren and she's really young what she's really young oh you couldn't credit barely legal barely legal uh did you like that part no okay all aboard he's a humble coal boy shoveling coal on a train across the country okay and while he's shoveling coal one day he witnesses a full captain philip style coup that overthrows the train the conductor is now evil the new conductor is evil and it's all evil people running this train and they're going to drive the train straight into the atlantic ocean he takes just a boy a shovel

and one lump of coal must save the day and he does i love it did you fall asleep during that promise cut the long going during my pitch did you know i was just thinking about the polar express oh no because you said train conduct evil all right evil knievel yeah adam is an inventor who hasn't had a successful invention in years when his wife leaves him because he's spending all this time uh on work he dedicates all his time to now inventing a time machine to go back and redo their relationship and i think this is uh just the movie this might just be the movie click though oh yeah it's awesome i actually didn't see that movie i did not like it i didn't like it either really i thought it was dumb doesn't this dog like hump a pillow yeah it's awesome yeah

that's the only good part or did you do more no i did three okay perfect yeah these are jackass stunts that don't or no i think we should do it like all right what are your all-time jackass all right rusty what are your all-time favorite jackass stunts oh dude do you remember who's on second where they uh slingshot each other from first base to second base in a shopping cart and when the shopping cart hits second base they like flip over into the outfield yes absolutely do you remember when they glued a bird to steve-o and made him jump off the brooklyn bridge oh you didn't fly he did not work do you remember water no slide they go down a water slide one by one but there's a 50 foot stretch that is bone dry so when they hit it they stop sliding and

they have to try and crawl out of the way before the next guy come it comes and nails them you remember johnny knoxville had to stand behind joey chestnut in the hot dog eating contest and eat every hot dog when he pooped it out of his butt oh dude cigarette there's a pack of cigarettes here's the kicker one's a firecracker yeah they're all blindfolded they have to take it that's awesome wait do they all have names yeah oh that's they'll be like this is cigaroulette got it uh they lit bam on fire and sent him to a full screening of the brutalist wave poop they're all in a wave pool every fifth wave full of poop steve-o had to put a live grenade in his butt and attend a broadway show

if he farts or poops the whole place goes down how powerful do you think grenades are is nuclear if a grain if a grenade was in your butt and it exploded like i would be fine right yeah the navy would get fucked what navy seals like dive on grenades and it like explodes under them grenades is literally just like a grenades is literally they said it's not it's like not an effective like tool in war like you like throw it unless it like landed like right at your feet like nothing would happen huh i believe agree to disagree i believe uh freedom fighters they go to north korea and walk around in full american flag suits drinking smoking and talking loudly about how they don't like their fearless leader i love that what about when johnny knoxville skateboarded

on the wreckage of the titanic his head almost his head almost exploded all right who wants to your rusty song of the day do that again that was awesome and for our audio listeners will just whipped out a new dance i got for your love by william white it is just a lovely song about all the things he would do for his woman he says he would uh swim the ocean blue he would climb a mountain wait what song is this for your love by william white for your love for your love i would swim the ocean dude i was thinking of you know that song in your love by tarot shoulders yeah that song yeah so pretty wait he played one what did he do that was so good it was like shockingly beautiful you can never die forever the fuck song was that one second one

one second yeah yeah what we i just had can you just pull up the thing i just slacked you right this is the cough dance this is i guess what oh in your love that's when she sent me that was so pretty yeah oh have you seen that are you gonna be hitting the cough have you seen it i follow hoopify talker that just created the dance of the summer this is merrick hannah and he's one of the best dancers in the world merrick recently debuted his new dance where he fake coughs and then hit some crazy high level moves will you be hitting the cough dance at a party this summer high level barstool hired that guy yeah he's like an intern for them he works at he seems like a pretty normal guy i don't know what happened he actually dm'd me a while ago something about like if i knew like

want like someone to help him like film stuff in the boston area and i didn't respond because i thought he was a freak but now i think he might be a normal guy i think he was like this might be a bit which is actually hysterical i don't know if it's a it definitely is no it's like but it's not a bit in the it's not a bit in the traditional sense like i know i'm not doing it's like a it's he he knows it's brain rot and he's not one of those guys but i don't think like i don't think it's some like master plan i think it's in the world the sound effect coming ding ding uh all right what should they comment comment on adam sandler movie plot comment no just comment adam sandler yeah wait spam spam adam sandler make all the people that

didn't make it to the end be really confused spam adam sandler comment 150 fucking times comment adam sandler wait did you guys even do a 14 today 14 sam darnold do that i know it i know it too i was just sam darnold jet legend seeing ghosts fight on all right we love you guys Have a great rest of your Monday Have a great Tuesday And we will see you bright and early for our Wednesday Webathon It's going to be four and a half hours long

And it's going to be live And it's going to be hot We're all going to be naked and oiled up Naked That is not happening None of that is real It will be four hours though No

Okay it'll be two It'll be at least two I don't know Webathon Come on What are you saying Webathon What does that mean Web

See you guys at the Webathon Spiders be like alright we love you guys bye