Will & Rusty's Playdate - we thought we would have 22k subs by now...

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/@playdatepod?sub_confirmation=1  JOIN US IN SUPPORT OF BEST BUDDIES: https://www.bestbuddieschampion.org/maine/supporting/#willandrustysplaydate&d...onate/5363257/0 GUESTS AND INQUIRIES: playdate@almostfriday.com MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/  SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: Download Cash App Today: [https://click.cash.app/ui6m/ba1zl21n] #CashAppPartner Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today https://www.twistedtea.com/locations So next time you’re craving something cold, frothy, and packed with unapologetic flavor — crack open a MUG Root Beer. Find MUG Root Beer at your local store or head to https://www.mugrootbeer.com/find-mug to find out how you can get your paws on some MUG and be sure to throw them a follow online, @MUGRootBeer. Playdate: https://www.instagram.com/playdate.pod https://www.tiktok.com/@playdatepod Willy: https://www.instagram.com/willdonnellon https://www.tiktok.com/@willydonnellon Rusty: https://www.instagram.com/featherstonerusty https://www.tiktok.com/@rustyfeatherstone RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg  SUBMIT YOUR BUSINESS PITCH HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdPHd7Ps9TaX-TOozyLhDpr9Y7pFNMP9PX7cHuLxap1R78GWg/viewform?usp=header SUBMIT YOUR AITA STORY HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdQElfqdQutn3dzl5HcZfey6YWhbVd-n6XE7FkpfosWZyYhyA/viewform?usp=sf_link 00:00 - intro 2:30 - rollerblading in the house 8:45 - money is tight 20:12 - viral moments 32:28 - dodgers date 37:20 - we play jeopardy 41:00 - roadmap 42:50 - pitches 48:00 - aita 52:25 - this guy rocks 58:14 - teach me something  1:04:36 - family guy cutaways that don’t exist 1:07:17 - birds that don’t exist 1:08:50 - rsotd #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Calculating route to avoid seeing poverty. Turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street. Then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food. Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away. Then take the next exit. Let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty. Your donations help the United Way fight poverty in thousands of ways, like providing food, shelter and crisis prevention.
Starting point is 00:00:27 Donate today at unitedwaygt.org. Guessing is for game shows, not your business, especially when your margin for error is zero. Workday is the enterprise AI platform for HR, finance, and IT with a deep understanding of your organization's context and guardrails. So every AI action is permission aware, giving you accuracy 24-7 and the ability to not just get work done,
Starting point is 00:00:55 but get it done right. It's a new work day. All right, we're calling our shot. We are predicting by the time this episode comes out, we will have 22,000 subscribers. Wait, yeah, what is this? I don't know. I know we will have 22,000 subscribers. So you guessed?
Starting point is 00:01:19 Yeah, I mean, the episode comes out like a week or two from now. so but i know based on our growth patterns that we'll be at 22k yeah and if we're not if we bomb yeah unless something like really bad happens then we won't be at 22k but like if we're not at 22k and this episode comes out you realize what happens to our careers we're gonna look like fucking idiot what's that you know what you know andrew say it again for the people in the back you know what's gonna happen to our careers it honestly seems like a good thing like launching like slingshotting them into orbit if we don't if we don't hit 22 000 one more time for the people in the back willie what's gonna happen to our course come on what is it you did it it's like
Starting point is 00:02:03 what is that you're questioning yourself new motion just dropped this episode is brought to you by cash app cash app bring me my monday cash app what speaking of emotion oh you have some i've been having a good week no i'm just kidding i went to the fucking baseball game last night oh my god that was i went in full reds gear with my uncle mike he was flew in for the game brought me a jersey and a hat we were all very excited oh burping burping he cut it out though so they don't even know that you burped prediction alert and um the reds got poopy do you think there's a chance anything anything that you like turns to goop and that's what's happening the gods are punishing it every aspect
Starting point is 00:02:53 of your life is going so well that they're like we have to punish him somehow we have to bring him down in a peg we have to peg him somehow i'm getting pegs somehow i saw a t-shirt that said begging for a pagan and i the amount and then you said and then you looked up like you oh like i was like banging a guy that was wearing like you were wearing oh i saw it and then i looked and then i and then i walked away from the mirror and then ah that would have been a better one the amount of restraint i showed not getting this because you know you know daddy loves to shop yeah shopping you know daddy loves to get pegged dude you know daddy loves to get pegged my rollerblades just got just came in the mail
Starting point is 00:03:31 yeah so you try them on i did try them on they feel like a damn glove that's awesome i'm thinking i'm wondering because i think my landlord is building a case against me so that they can evict us by saying we're walking too loud which isn't i don't even think that's like i don't think they could evict you for no i can't but i was thinking to just negate any possibility and so i know they're lying i'll start rollerblading around the house so that would be louder wouldn't but here's the thing they will then report the person if the person is real below us which i don't think he is then they will report like he's gliding around the apartment now they won't be So it's to test out whether it's a real person.
Starting point is 00:04:12 It will be louder, but it will prove that they're lying. Yeah, because they'll know it's a different type of sound. But then if they're like, now he's fucking rollerblading around the apartment, then I could actually get evicted. I don't think you're ever going to get evicted. What are you doing, man? You almost knocked my mug over. Which one?
Starting point is 00:04:31 When we were at dinner last night. He's got two mugs. See? Oh, nice. the dodgers game was on and uh and willie willie was at willie was at and willie had switched his allegiance to the reds and we the second i sat down at the bar four home runs in like 30 seconds and we were cracking up about it and then i flan opened instagram and will story is just him in full reds gear that i wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy i've been to a dodgers game with you
Starting point is 00:05:01 when we were rooting for the opposing team. When we were rooting for the Mets, there were at least other Mets fans there. I can't imagine there were many Reds fans. There were not. No, we were sort of on an island, if you will. But I was getting harassed. But I kind of like it.
Starting point is 00:05:17 It's like a turn on for you? It's just like... It makes people show their true colors. It's so embarrassing for the people that are actually mad at you. It's like, what kind of guy are you? If a stranger shows you his true colors, you didn't even know what you didn't even know what he was like what his what the mask he normally
Starting point is 00:05:36 puts on is like so what does that do for you you're glad it's a random guy at dodger stadium showed his true colors dude you're like you you showed me who you are today well it's i think it's because maybe i because i hate the fan base here's a funny thing though i get there and i'm like going to post an instagram story and i almost captioned just like fuck the dodgers or like go whoever they're playing for like something like that because and i was like my buddy not my buddy but a guy i know from college is a pitcher for the dodgers okay and i was like oh he might like see this and then that would be like a little bit like much to be like fuck the dodgers because we've had like a cordial exchange and so i just made it like i hope the dog like rooting for
Starting point is 00:06:19 whoever plays the dodgers or whatever i put on my instagram and then he did swipe up after the game and he said what the fuck like he just hit me with a wtf because i was uh did he play no no is he a pitcher yeah oh it's like a game of uh guess who guess who is your person a pitcher for the dodgers is he it's just funny that yeah it's like it was it's funny because i had been messaging him about being like i was like he was talking about like we should meet up at some point i was like honestly i'm a huge mets fan so why don't i hit you up after the season because like it's war right now yeah and then i said something like if they even make it or something and so i've been saying that i was a mets fan and then i posted a picture in red's gear at the games that he's like
Starting point is 00:07:04 all right so you're not like us you showed your true yeah it's true i just hate i just hate the i don't hate him and i really do wish him the best but i don't like the dodgers i took a girl to a dodgers game i think like two years ago oh little d and no it was not my current girlfriend what um it was little deaky that's my girlfriend that's her instagram handle a little deaky little deaky like that um is that okay that i said that does she ever um she dm does she ever call you little she calls him but little deaky when you're calls me a little banana she calls him banana bro because i see it because they fucking like they sexed in our dms it's true she takes me that's who's doing that yeah i thought that was um i thought that was uh isn't there another isn't
Starting point is 00:07:57 there another girl named sadika no i don't think i know any other ones who the hell did i think that was oh no i thought that was um we've talked about it on this podcast i just i just i know her name we just were dming madison beer no she was at your barbecue she's british sonali sonali i might be racist yeah that is really racist if i stand mixing up the only two brown people enough they can't cancel me um i thought okay wait why did you call me what is uh we talked about in the last podcast but what you don't wait do you actually don't remember this no i have like the worst memory in the world wait that's it was we recorded it yesterday yeah no no it came out it came out wait we recorded on monday i think it came out today all right indulge me what do you
Starting point is 00:08:48 why would i call you banana oh uh because i'm like into minions and minions oh you did okay you did tell me that no she texted me today she goes i just sent a nude to the playdate podcast like in the dms and i was like you know will and rusty like did you actually do that no thank god but i checked the mute i was like you know will rusty also have access right she was like really and i was like yeah you can't like send bad stuff in there what was she gonna send that was like dirty a nude dirt oh roar our boy rory uh dm me willie and said thank you so much for the video rory if you're listening we're thinking of you we're thinking at you pal and keep us posted on how you're doing we we love you and i i regret that he
Starting point is 00:09:34 initially said if we run into him beers are on him and i said beers are on me and i actually am now regretting that and i think beer should be back on him because money's pretty tight money is oh here's money actually was tight yesterday here's what happened i switched banks i switched banks and what they don't tell you when you send all of your money at one time is there's like a buffer period where it's just in transit crossing a bridge you kind of like a like an electronic bridge switching banks you are good you are damn good i didn't even really that was just like the raw form of the joke i didn't really figure it out okay sorry but it's just in the ether for like 24 hours all of your money all of my money so fifty dollars in one time at one time both
Starting point is 00:10:27 what was that noise i go that was my joke oh i said i said all ten dollars and then willie said all fifty dollars and i go mine was five times as funny easy fifty one dollars zero dollars yesterday so i was at we were at whole foods you know the song god is real god is real god is actually real god no i'll send it to you please please if it's anything like the rendition you just did right now i am gonna love it yeah but we so for 24 hours yesterday i had zero dollars and what the fuck is happening right now did you guys like talk about this earlier like if he tries to tell a story we're just gonna cut him off or my story's that bad no sorry sorry zero dollars look at his shoes i'm sorry i'm sorry sorry kelly calculating route to avoid seeing
Starting point is 00:11:16 poverty turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away then take the next exit let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty your donations help the united way fight poverty in thousands of ways like providing food shelter and crisis prevention donate today at unitedwaygt.org so i there i am and i have zero dollars and and we get to whole foods and i didn't explain to flan that i have zero dollars and we're going to get dessert and she had said at dinner i had just enough money in this other thing that i was like i can just pay for dinner and then we'll go to whole foods and uh she had
Starting point is 00:12:06 said like you're getting dinner i'll get dessert i was like sick i don't have to explain to her that like yeah i don't have money for the next 24 hours and then we get to whole foods and she i grabbed the mochis i thought like worst case scenario was like five bucks i probably have like five bucks somewhere and she just starts grabbing stuff but she's paying it but i'm like i think maybe i maybe a detail i left out was like no i got it because it was just muscle memory she starts grabbing stuff for lunch the next day and i'm like oh my god i'm keeping a mental note like 30 bucks whatever and i we get to the register and she just stands behind me and so i'm just standing there saying nothing after the guy's scammed why wouldn't you just tell her your
Starting point is 00:12:51 situation it's not like embarrassing no because i because we're in front of the cashier so i didn't want to be like i have zero dollars i don't know it was a weird it was a weird move i feel like it was a weird yeah stock scored let's go two two uh it was a weird move and then she just goes she looked at me and i was like or she said do you want me to buy these separately and i said i need you to get my mochis and then she bought them and the cashier i think now this is so normal i know there's no way the cashier was like no no i think he was weird now that i'm looking back and i think he was weirded out by like how weird i was being about it and not the fact that i had zero dollars but let me tell you i now i know credit card what don't even credit card funny
Starting point is 00:13:35 story almost maxed out so that was that's why i was what is your credit limit not high okay um yeah what's your credit is yours like like twenty thousand dollars more i don't know why my credit limit is so i'm it's because they make money off it's like forty thousand dollars no but 30 40 what oh my god how do you buy a car that's 10 times more than mine mine's 4 400 4 400 on my on my amex on my on my amex that is that is mine oh i have the i have the reserve amex i have like a shittier amex you can just call them and like bump it up i don't want i've never i don't want to like ask them they're happy to do it but you i remember yours like was like ten thousand dollars no no it's 32 000 what the fuck why would they 20 000 yeah which i max out like every time
Starting point is 00:14:30 how do you every month how do you guys have such a high i mean my apparently my credit score is goaded too my credit score was goaded and then it did i tell you about the capital one thing they i closed my capital one credit card account and they sent me two i'd like oh yes a thousand plus bounce they accidentally sent me two checks i cashed both and then thought i closed the account they realized their mistake and for six months were just dinging my credit score yeah that's so it went from like goaded to like pretty much woated that's at one point at one point guess what the lowest it was this is fucked up and they didn't fix it after i called them because they no that would be like i don't know anything about credit score i just 591 which is like
Starting point is 00:15:12 like horrible i don't even know i just checked it for the first time 591 is that bad no 591 is like poor okay no in in the sense of like poor score yeah on the on your fico thing like poor is a category i should have chosen different i should have chosen different very good good affair how do i look at my you're in fair we're not doing credits we're not all looking at our credit scores i was gonna try to look at my credit score oh why didn't you just say so all right i think i'm like 700 something god you guys are goaded yeah i'm not an agent messed up though they like almost ruined my life i'm not um oh i just lost 30 points it's like a game yeah how do i get how do i score nobody knows no i'm being i'm literally
Starting point is 00:16:04 being dead serious yeah nobody knows apparently you're supposed to stay under 30 usage of your credit thing maybe you don't have enough divert you don't have enough lines no it says yeah it says the only thing that's not not length of credit history yeah oh you know what they also ding it when someone runs your credit report so maybe when you got your car they dinged it i didn't get credit check on the car though do you do you know you know willie shares a car with scott yeah yeah we talked about on the pod god i need to get i'm almost at 800 i get any of them but yours is probably really good because you have student loans too oh that helps it yeah that helps it a lot oh like paying something like consistently on time yeah yeah once you pay off your student
Starting point is 00:16:47 loans your credit score will go down isn't that crazy oh that's a good thing i have loan it's a good thing yeah i think that's a good thing it's going to like 2036 2037 2037 is that what i said yeah yeah so you can remember that but not all the stories yeah that's crazy because i don't even remember i think i made that number up too i don't know exactly i will the problem with my memory is like if i'm if i have this conversation completely sober i will forget what we talked about okay and so like if someone is at is talking about something from the night before even if i was like moderately drunk yeah it seems like i blacked out because i also we talk like a mile a it so it just it's hard to keep i don't know where the beast i'm going where the beast
Starting point is 00:17:30 hey hey hey hey i think so was that goaded or woated i think i'm struggling with loving myself okay so i actually learned i learned this because i was like for years so confused it was like i cannot i cannot love anyone and then i i saw a tiktok i was like what's wrong because like all these people like i'm like dude people aren't there's nothing wrong with these people but i just like can't can't like look i can't love like i used to apparently if you you need to learn to learn to love yourself for me i'm being dead serious i know you are i know but that's not like some like rebel it was i i saw this like i saw this like a year ago and was like oh that makes so much sense is that like a well-known thing yeah yeah i mean i'm not trying to validate
Starting point is 00:18:21 like that is no no no that was that was meaningful but i thought it was just like a cliche apparently it's like a real psychological thing where like until you okay until you are able to be totally comfortable with yourself you're gonna reject anyone i mean i think that yeah that was like in the david dobrik liza koshy breakup video what it was like she was like i need to love myself first before i could love anyone they don't remember being like 13 and being like damn that's real david dobrik and zyza koshi broke up zyza koshi is it because she did naked gun she didn't make a gun she's like one of the stars of that isn't it whoa what isn't it no the vinyl is a koshi what about kashi go lean anyone ever had that yeah i hated it you know
Starting point is 00:19:07 fuck that shit that's like grape nuts but just better branding you know ty you're right guess how much how many boxes of uh kashi tie eats per week three yeah nailed it isn't that like a prize or a treat yeah you get a treat prize he i'm worried i'm worried about his like insides it's so rough yeah it's like it's you're literally eating like they're getting like rearranged he will be eating dinner and already have a bowl he's a dry dude that's what i meant to say he's a dry a bowl of dry kashi with every meal he's jacked he's in phenomenal shape but dude how about this i'm having make i'm having grill your own cook your own steak night tonight some people call it dinner but yeah
Starting point is 00:19:55 no we're like having people over and everyone brings their own steak and then we all cook them i guess dude we are we have to be at the airport at like four in the morning tomorrow and you're doing you're doing k-y-o-s-k cook your c-y-o-s god i seem like such an idiot all the time you don't look i just i just like get hung up on random things and and and and come off as kind but you don't think that's gonna you don't think that that's gonna go late tonight uh you ever been to a cook your own steak night that ended before nine andrew never i mean i'm fine if it ends at nine really yeah we have to wake up at like three in the morning yeah but like i'm not gonna be able to fall asleep before nine o'clock shoddy will sleep over yeah is she gonna be mad that you wake
Starting point is 00:20:47 up at three no she knows she can just stay in my bed does she know what you do for a living yeah how does she feel about that yeah it's a normal job i have a normal job me in the mirror every morning i have a normal job this is fun everyone respects me for the line of work that i'm in everyone gets it everyone sorry babe i have to go to drink around the world at epcot sorry oh yeah we decided we're we're gonna we're originally gonna go do something ellison orlando and we were just like let's just drink around the world again yeah we're going back to epcot is it your first time back since the viral moment this is our third time third time around we did we had two of our moments there okay we've gone twice this is epcot part three
Starting point is 00:21:35 we're gonna go the other way this time we're gonna start to do it the correct way i've posted it twice and the two videos combined have 18 million views it's insane 18 you have any like cool likes from it like cool people that liked it oh yeah there's this one guy marcus he seemed chill as hell uh spencer like another guy we checked out that liked it he seemed chill yeah if you like well i think what willie's trying to get out is if you like one of our videos we're gonna review your profile deeply and make sure you're cool who's the girl from oh sophie cunningham liked my harry potter video yeah like i would just like imagine like my eyes popped out of my head right now the girl the viral uh alabama rush girl kylan darnell recently liked the video of
Starting point is 00:22:17 yeah what is that i've never heard of this person she she was viral rush i'm not really on alabama rush tiktok it appears you're not really online in general i'm sort of well i'm reading you don't have it you know willie willie can't get into his tiktok i can't on my laptop he only scrolls on playdate oh i know because the entire for you page is like gracie abrams mj lenderman um audrey hobert that's all it is i'll scroll on it for like five minutes and they'll be like wait this isn't my profile you and i should go you told me it was all music and lib shit it is it's like far left kind of lib shit like like far left like very radical what is the far left mosey antifa talk yeah and then like kyle riddenhouse like fan edits which is odd that's
Starting point is 00:23:04 just well it's kind of i think even though will doesn't agree with him politically it's kind of like the forbidden fruit yes oh how about this a real for we make a fruit we put forbidden fruit we put one fruit in the office and no one can have it first one to take it gets they actually win but they don't know okay so what if we we recreate the adam and eve thing we all start coming to work naked and there's a one tree in the middle of the atrium oh you want to see a picture me naked yes i don't know if i have one and it was last hog pick you took hog pick um i think it was five minutes ago wait did i tell you guys did i talk about this already on the pod my hog video dude you cannot be like you were just like in your grundis knuckle deep in his grundis
Starting point is 00:23:53 what were you gonna tell us that the scenic piss i did oh yeah did you talk about it yesterday oh yeah your shaft was in it i think i would blackmail you with that every day cardboard why i have a nice shaft oh killer it's the base that gets weird oh i forgot to tell you i don't know this is a horrible time to bring this up because it i don't want to i don't want this conversation to follow shaft talk but when you're running your marathon flan's mom because you're gonna run right by her house she said she'll be there with a playdate hat on and a sign for you so keep an eye no way really a few people commented on spotify that they were gonna have signs for me at the race i said you're planning on running at 3 30 so is that what
Starting point is 00:24:35 you plan on so i god willing she'll be out there 3 30 would be i think it'll probably be probably closer to 3 45 but we'll give it a go what if you run next to harry styles i was he running he's not doing that one are you sure um is he a big runner yeah he just ran berlin and under three whoa so he's fast but he ran tokyo at 324 like last year so like kind of an insane jump do you gives me hope now that i have my rollerblades do you want to run down the boardwalk with me will i blade next to you yeah i'm so stoked about my rollerblades they're bauer they're like hockey skate rollerblades yeah bless you and bless you Bless you
Starting point is 00:25:23 Dicier That one Yeah that one Felt like Like a chunk Came out Yeah It's just like
Starting point is 00:25:29 Chew that one Chew that one Oh You like You like You like Volley it back to yourself Yeah
Starting point is 00:25:37 Put it back in FIFA FIFA Back into my butthole Oh my god Dude Yeah Oh this is gonna be
Starting point is 00:25:47 After my marathon So there's no point in What Of this episode the concept of going and watching a marathon is insane to me it's kind of fun really we should do it in college i mean we should drink and it's like a la marathon we should go or we i wouldn't we had a couple beers for the boston marathon that was pretty fun yeah uh but that was fun because your buddy happened to live like right on the thing because you could you were like sitting
Starting point is 00:26:14 oh scott's buddies yeah oh that was scott yeah like this scott yeah whoa full circle moment andrew we we should go with like tomatoes to a marathon and in the same way you throw rotten tomatoes at like bad uh bad comedy acts or theater acts we throw them at people that aren't running fast enough i like that i'm pretty nervous i don't think you have it you've done all the preparation this is gonna be coming out like a full week after my race probably right okay do a statement now for if it went well and if it for if it went the problem is that i had like a bunch of beer last night which was stupid but it was really fun this episode is not coming out until we hit 22k subscribers so it could be months wait where'd you where'd you beard out where'd you be
Starting point is 00:27:00 oh and i just i feel like i've been i don't know i think i've heard that there is some psychological torment that comes with torment is dramatic but they're like two weeks before the race like you really cut down your running and so it feels like you're like losing a step like it's weird like i haven't done a long run in like three weeks now two weeks okay here's the thought i just have to trust my dream but you're yeah you're you're doing you're on the right path here's a thought for you you're a hundred feet away from the from the finish line there is a guy they're gonna ask for the third time if i would be willing to shit myself no no did you think that's it there's a guy there's a guy with some sort of like physical deformity and it's like a miracle that he's
Starting point is 00:27:45 running at the same pace as you yeah would you let him finish first or are you gonna dust his ass you have the ability to sprint past okay then you're ready yeah that's your final question you wouldn't want to be cuddled i would like to be i just don't know what's gonna happen what if it all what are you worried about that you're not gonna finish it or you're just not gonna i want to have a good time time you're gonna have a blast you've already run you've already run i've already run really close to 26 i don't know oh flan's mom is on the is on the 24 mile mark too so she's oh really yeah she's like saint paul yeah yeah she's gonna see you at my worst she's gonna see you at your work flan said when they would go watch it's like the funniest place
Starting point is 00:28:26 to be because it's people who are like they've had all the physical effects of like running a marathon but they're not close enough yet where like the euphoria yeah like that's like the right after them is like where the euphoria sets in and people are like oh my god i'm gonna finish like on my time but 24 she was like people are in rough shape i think that the only people that are the only people that are gonna struggle are people that are unprepared and unathletic you're you are both athletic and prepared i know it's just like it makes my like heart race think about i think about how awesome it's gonna be after yeah who are you gonna celebrate with my mom and dad are oh they're gonna be there yeah they're fantastic do they have a spot lined up for
Starting point is 00:29:07 you to party after no i don't know that it'll be like a party i'm gonna be it's like pretty are you gonna wear one of those like physically trauma blankets it's not a trauma blanket it's a heat blanket the plastic ones yeah it's like it's like metal almost yeah don't they like but they put them on people after like bad things happen to them right oh i feel like those are usually more yeah i don't know it's like foil yeah and they wrap you are you cold after you're not cold but your body is like losing so much it's like exerting so much that it like helps you recover if you can trap the heat or you don't like lose as much are you supposed to like walk it off after i don't know i i'm not i don't want i'm not planning on doing anything after like i
Starting point is 00:29:51 remember you don't go to a bar get a beer yeah maybe but like i need to make sure i'm like okay like it's pretty my brother always says he's like after a half marathon it's like yeah go like have fun after but you're on a full marathon yeah that especially if i go as fast as i want to go i'm gonna be dead i remember when we ran the mile in high school our gym teacher would always be like do not stop running immediately after like yeah don't sit down we're running a mile we're not like going to war there i remember all the cool kids would like walk it to be like badass like i talk it yes exactly yes exactly oh yeah they would like walk it i know what you're talking about like in the back yeah and uh and then the saddest thing ever was there was this kid who was
Starting point is 00:30:34 like really trying his hardest he was just so little and they beat him walking he was like he was like running his hardest that's a bummer did you guys ever do indian runs yeah bro which like Yeah. Native American runs. What? Native American runs. Native American runs? Where, like, the back person has to, like, go in front.
Starting point is 00:30:56 Indian runs were not fun. What? Native American runs. You don't think it was, like, from India? Are you thinking? Yeah. I mean, they would all be the same to you based on the stuff he's been saying earlier. All the stuff we had to cut.
Starting point is 00:31:14 Oh, yeah, implying that we had to cut, like, horrible stuff. this episode is brought to you by cash app guys your security deserves to be a priority and cash app treats it that way with security law cash app requires a successful face id or biometric authentication to access your account it's like your money is protected by your own personal bodyguard even if you accidentally leave your phone unlocked or someone gains access to it without your knowledge plus if you're about to send money to someone in cash app notices something looks a bit off or that you might be falling for a scam like willie always does it will send you a warning before the money is sent to make you take a second and confirm that everything looks right
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Starting point is 00:32:31 Give me a T. T. Give me an E. E. Give me an A. A. And put twisted in front of it. Twisted T, T time.
Starting point is 00:32:41 Twisted T, y'all. i only got the a right now but let me tell you every letter of this stuff is delicious it's five percent abv no bubbles and is the perfect drink for summer you know what i'll say it it's actually kind of fall now yeah and you know what's even better than a twisted tea in the summer i think i know a twisted tea in a leaf pile add a pumpkin patch at my house we like to we like to throw them into the leaf pile and then have everyone go and try and like fish them out like a treasure hunt Oh, that's really fun. Very fun.
Starting point is 00:33:11 I love Twisted Tea. Me too, brother. Guys, Twisted Tea is the perfect alcohol to keep the good times going all day long. Whether you're hanging out at a friend's house, at the bar, or on a weekend getaway, or just looking to let loose, Twisted Tea is there to turn your day up a notch and make a good time a great time. Twisted Tea. Willie, what do they say?
Starting point is 00:33:29 Twisted Tea? Keep it twisted. Come on, brother. Twist me. Willie and I. My favorite flavor is peach. I love Twisted Tea. What's your favorite time to drink one?
Starting point is 00:33:38 Morning. 3.04 p.m. Dismissed it. Get it next time. Get a Twisted Tee today. Seriously. Football season, maybe a little tailgate twee. I might be popping into some this weekend after my race.
Starting point is 00:33:54 So grab a twee today. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tee today. Let's get back in the episode. Can I tell my Dodgers story? Okay, so I was taking this girl to the Dodgers game like two years ago. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. and she she goes oh i wonder if uh so-and-so is playing and she named this really niche pitcher for the dodgers that i had never heard of before and she looks him up she goes oh no
Starting point is 00:34:20 he's not he's not starting tonight and uh i go how do you know him and she goes oh we used to like bang and i was like oh that's the first date yeah and i'm like oh awesome by the way we're sitting in section 800 we're at the very top i did not she's like i used to she's like i used to i used to sit in the dug i used to sit in the clubhouse and just wait for him now i'm in the 800 section now you're in the 800 section with me because i couldn't spend more than 50 on tickets anytime i find out about anyone a girl that i'm dating has hooked up with in the past it's devastating i cannot imagine it being a guy who i'm watching make millions of dollars yeah oh he was like too niche for me to be like like it wasn't like clayton kershaw or something that
Starting point is 00:35:05 would stink there was a girl we grew up with that hooked up with carter hart which was cool until it wasn't cool carter hart he was that guy that well i guess they were found innocent but they got accused of assaulting a woman and so it was like this fun story that people would talk about and then it was like oh that's not good anymore she also hooked up with uh with uh alshon jeffrey y'all rocking with really he was here the wait was that is that the eagles receiver i'm thinking he was on the eagles he's on the bears okay yeah when he was on the eagles day flowers is my eskimo brother what wait we'll believe it was who no one you know just bc person oh is he bc guy yeah who do you think is that funny that is awesome who do you think's the cool do you think there's any
Starting point is 00:35:52 really cool eskimo brothers that we have out there that we don't know about you and i mean zay flowers is a pretty good one yeah that's pretty cool what was her name believe it why would i tell you because i just want to hear it no yeah did she never have can we pull up her instagram you're lying about you're lying about hooking up with zay flowers i did you hook up with her before or after she hooked up with him i was after zay flowers you were after zay flowers she had a type bro she had a type all right did she say better or worse were you better or worse i didn't ask oh was zay flowers like big at bc dude he was like yeah i mean he's like the best football player we've had in the last 10 years really he was unbelievably good wait we need to
Starting point is 00:36:35 complete this willie and i willie and i are eskimo bros so you and the ender need to hook up with the same girl are we i think like many like multiple times over we're eskimo brother we're eskimo double brothers at least we're eskimo cousins twice removed it's kind of weird i've never really thought about that actually i didn't realize it until the other day liam mentioned it to me really yeah he said he said we like to fish in the same pond which is kind of gross i don't like that okay um that without without giving away where this person works i will say we've both seen her since and it is horrible it's not that weird well three sharks mating at the same time it's pretty cool why was liam saying we like to fish in the same
Starting point is 00:37:23 pond why doesn't he mind his own damn business i mean he's holding on to his fins i think he's probably taking him back to the cribbo oh really he's like come on ladies whoa get in here get a pond get up get a tank get a reef uh all right we have a beautiful have you ever been to tenerife yeah really where is that bust it right next to i'm gonna i'm gonna tenerife i'm gonna get my hands all over your little lane twist it who do you think can who do you think can name more countries me oh i think maybe between me and andrew i think you can name more than both of us yes all right how about give me a capital andrew can you pull up can you pull up uh jeopardy and willie
Starting point is 00:38:16 and i are gonna play against each other wait i can i can tell you the capital of every state same give me a state wyoming w it's not true isn't it bozeman the capital w bozeman that's not even in wyoming it's cheyenne oh i thought he said montana wait wait it's still not bozeman give me another state give me another state main m oh oh i like it it's i like it helen andrew willie and i want to play five minutes of jeffrey any state give me any state uh hawaii willie and i want to play five minutes of jeopardy pull up of jeopardy game for kids no pull up jeopardy game for jeopardy game for adults jeopardy adults he's such a jeopardy adult andrew could i do olympics for 500 please it is the meaning of sidious altius and fortius
Starting point is 00:39:10 city high strong harder stronger higher stronger something higher stronger you gotta say what is what is better higher stronger faster higher stronger god damn it how did you know that it's a book negative for team two Andrew could I do the human body for 100 please it is the largest organ in the body wait for him to finish the question
Starting point is 00:39:37 what is skin wow fuck yeah we gotta wait for the audio people they have to be able to hear Andrew finish the question can I do human body for 200 please it normally accounts for 40 of your body weight what is water he got it okay oh
Starting point is 00:39:59 i was gonna say water too i would have said that too also you got a slap at your knee i thought is it clapping now i just thought that'd be quicker well it is quicker that's why i'm saying uh president's 500 the president seldom went to bed before 2 a.m you got that obama negative a thousand and you have to read the answers as well oh uh the answer is who is chester a arthur i mean what is that that's like a dumb question like it's like not like it's like it's not like a fact andrew can i do presidents before i'm still up you get it oh it's 500 to presidents for 400 he was the first president to hold a press conference on television who is john f kennedy who is john f kennedy is correct
Starting point is 00:40:49 andrew could i do presidents for 300 please john adams and this man died on the same day who is andrew jackson survey says who is thomas jefferson wait what is that oh oh because we are supposed to go yeah i could still get to answer yeah yeah well we didn't do that in the beginning so we'll start doing that now okay yeah andrew could i do presidents for 200 please i've been to the couch where john adams died this president collects spider-man and conan the barbarian comics who is george w bush he's the only one that that would like make sense who's reagan
Starting point is 00:41:35 what do you guys both get this both negative obama collects conan the barbarian comics this is at none of these questions are like about presidents i know uh andrew i will do the human body for 300 you blink your eyes about this many times a day i have no idea this yeah let's move on this is like not even like real what is 20 000 well let me just get one more okay final jeopardy final can you skip the final jeopardy is that an option oh no let's just do ancient rome for 500 yeah yeah is it too late ancient rome 500 final jeopardy name one of the three men who killed julius caesar brutus who is brutus
Starting point is 00:42:26 who is brutus who is brutus mark antony and cassius see willie that's how we're supposed send it on a tie that's great all right that was our jeopardy countdown all right we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitch followed by our pitches then we're gonna do am i the asshole then we're gonna do this sky rocks followed by teach me something and then we are gonna do more family guy cutaways that don't exist and birds that don't exist followed by rusty's song of the day go follow rusty's song of the day and go go donate to best buddies click the link in our description please they gotta do translate feature on uh on imessage yeah so somebody said we have this group chat where we go to a japanese restaurant sometimes there's a
Starting point is 00:43:20 couple of buddies and someone was like and then we were talking about going to the chargers game and scott said let's talk chargers my buddy kai said only if it's in japanese and so i google translated something said in japanese and then now everyone's just sending everything our whole group chat is in japanese but it's actually convenient because you can just hit translate that's fantastic awesome all right let's hear a pitch andrew yeah mr jones and me tell each other hey benny smalls and the beast uh the beast i want to be geese the beast i want to be the geese you want to be scott geese who's got he lives above sam okay i'll be he's the guy that we showed that video he he knocked that can of hairspray into the furnace and it like set their
Starting point is 00:44:03 whole wall oh my god yeah i'll be hey benny smalls and what is the worst hey hey doctor when you coming to say well the doctor's in today and he's checking you hey hey hey the doctor's here he's got a pulse on the situation for sure why aren't you reading the pitch what's the worst what's the worst part about doorbell cameras you're gonna think it's funny to flash you're nuts to your buddy's ring camera and then that screenshot will get sent in your college group chat every year when it's when it comes up in their memories i don't want to know when he's bringing another woman home when someone comes up to you you either talk to them like some weird freak that watches their camera all day or you give them the automated voice introducing the
Starting point is 00:44:51 soundboard doorbell just like middle school prank calls you have access to every generic movie quote as well as the ability to add your own so now when your friends show up for the game they can be greeted like harry and marv in home alone side note i'm a firefighter in austin if y'all come to town i will put you in the fire truck to ride on calls and go cruise down sixth street with the boys we have y'all are down yeah let's go do that that sounds awesome great uh i'm gonna be in austin this weekend i know how to be low and slow too right isn't that what they say oh that's cooking meat it's i'm thinking of drop stop and roll stop drop and roll drop drop stop and roll you'd be like on the ground like what how do i roll how do i roll drop stop roll isn't
Starting point is 00:45:34 that a song of our remote kitten surprise drop stop and rock oh i'm gonna see them this weekend too at acl dude the new album unreal you should check out the song tropics okay what would your what would your doorbell say like what would your keyboard have it would say detonating in three 3, 2, 4, 5, 6, 3, 2, 4, 5, 6, 4, 8, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, show balls. Flash, flash, Shohei Ohtani highlights. Flash booze. Oh, and it's gone. Flash caca.
Starting point is 00:46:11 And it's date to left field show. Drop trow, show shaft. Shohei Ohtani moment. Count the freckles on your peepee. Mama. Something like that. Oh, boy. My buttons.
Starting point is 00:46:22 No, mine would probably say greetings. Let yourself in. It's a diaper dandy. It's my Dick Vitale impression if he was a baby. What is the worst part about jerseys? My pitch is about jerseys. Is it really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:38 What's the worst part about jerseys? You can't change their color when your team is losing. You have to. What is it? Oh, women online said I can't wear them. Women. Women online said you can't wear them? Take showers.
Starting point is 00:46:51 on our comment section no not on our comment section just in general you have to have like one for every sport like if you're if you're like generally a new york fan you need like a knicks jersey you need a mets jersey you need a jets jersey for sport jersey when it's fully when it's fully assembled it is resembles a hockey jersey right yeah when hockey season's over or maybe you're going to a red socks game you cut the bruins sleeves off now it's a red socks jersey celtics are playing whoop pop the sleeves off and like so the inside is different so like i can like flip it to be anything i want you can like take the letters off and like rearrange them for sport jersey that's awesome i look well this was this is a thing that i feel like we did wrong
Starting point is 00:47:39 in america with our sports is that that's like europe has figured out so it's like like valencia basket or like say like real madrid it's like real madrid is a basketball team it's a yes a soccer team it's a volleyball team netball it's a handball team and they're all part of the same club and they all have the same uniform and logo and that's cool because then it's like if you have the jersey to one you wear it to the other like i remember going to a valencia basket game when they were in like the semi-finals of the uh euro cup or whatever and i just wore my valencia soccer jersey is that kosher do people like are people like fake fan totally kosher totally level of play is unbelievable there really yeah spanish basketball is like really good oh oh
Starting point is 00:48:22 they they're like a they're like a tier one team yeah they're one of the best teams in spain like they were playing against luka donchic i gotcha i actually think i might i saw them play a playoff series against real madrid but remembering back i was like i can't remember if that would have lined up with can you look up luka donchic yeah in the 2015-2016 acb season he averaged 4.5 games yeah yeah okay so he like wasn't that good but i think i saw luka play that's crazy i'm sure he was good that's actually insane i've never looked that up but i've always i've been just it's one of the things i've just like said like yeah so luka play but i kind of always thought i was kind of lying i didn't know it lined up that's the exact year i was there 2015-2016 all right should
Starting point is 00:49:01 be hearing am i the asshole what uh what was your pitch willie uh the jersey that changes colors when your team is losing so last night listen i'm not saying i didn't want to be there after they were losing by eight runs but i certainly wish i just had a t-shirt on right oh yeah it doesn't even it doesn't switch to the dodgers but like no it's just like you pull a ripcord it's just like white yeah or no just it changes like the mlb logo but it's yeah exactly but it doesn't slowly so people like i could have just taken it off but then it's like target on your you know what i mean yeah it slowly fades like the picture from back in the future what was he wearing all right let's hear an am i the ass wipe my sophomore year of college my roommate and i
Starting point is 00:49:40 were in a band and whenever our friend group got hammered out of place we would make dumb satirical rap tracks sometimes about each other became sort of like a tradition every few weekends and have everyone lay down an incoherent verse uh anyways across the courtyard our two friends uh one morning woke up to find a fresh pile of shit in the middle of his room when confronted number two denied it but weirdly offered to clean it up right away my initial suspect is number two i would agree yeah like who would offer to clean someone else's poop that fast he eventually admitted it but one but swore one to secrecy of course one told my roommate who told me but now we both knew but couldn't talk about it weeks later we're drunk again making a beat i freestyle a line
Starting point is 00:50:33 about two shitting on the floor boom 15 minutes later we got a full track about it i even wrote a verse from the perspective of roommate one and two um it was really some of my finest work then perfect timing two stumbles in drunk and asked to hop on the mic he doesn't know what the song about so my roommate slaps a new beat and lets him go he then records a completely incoherent verse he uh leaves never asking to hear it we absolutely lost it later when he found out the truth and everyone knew he thought it was hilarious and still asked us to play for his friend so am i the asshole for making a secretly secret diss track about my friend pooping on the floor and having him unknowingly feature in it another classic like you know you're not the
Starting point is 00:51:16 you just said he loved it you wanted you wanted to tell a cool story and let me tell you you succeeded it's a great story yeah that's a great story i would love to hear honestly i don't even hate it i don't even i'm not a player hater if you want to get it you want to get a you want to get a fun story out there where you're your guys i like i like that a lot don't buy a golden horse if you don't think you're gonna get a bad poop once in a while i yes exactly i can relate uh as you know i had a rap group called the boston three party that's right yeah in high school uh and we were writing as old as classic playmates know day one playmates know they were all about my buddy dying who was alive and we would like make it like one was like about
Starting point is 00:51:58 like it was commentary on police violence so it was like he was jaywalking and then he got shot and killed by a cop and uh we didn't tell him that we were doing these and he would we'd hang out with him every day but if we were recording he couldn't come over and so he had to stay at his house and then when he came over he asked what we were doing for like three hours and why he couldn't come over and we showed it to him and he loved it so i would say if you want to make a rap song about your friend in secret always do it i mean you know i did one about you did you really yeah you don't know why'd you have to go and walk the jaywalk what's the one about me called you don't know this no oh yeah my boy he's so busty sitting in the chair featherstone i call
Starting point is 00:52:41 him rusty uh on the pod you know he's spitting wearing red socks jersey man that's straight linen uh yeah and he said he's really like that that's why he pulling up with his little green hat with his gray pants and his birkenstocks and i said man you wear them with the white socks he said white socks what you mean that new pope i said shut up bitch why don't you just go cope Cry more, cry more Little bitch, you're a bitch Yeah, little tiny, little bitch Andrew spittin' on the pod, he's right next to him
Starting point is 00:53:15 He said, man, that Rusty Featherstone Little bitch, little bitch Little, little bitch, little bitch But I love him, and I love him so much now Yeah, I love my boy, Rusty Featherstone I didn't finish it. That's where it ended. I have a couple notes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:32 You are wearing a green hat. How did you know I was going to be wearing this? if you wrote it in advance and two what the hell was the middle about you make why did you turn on me so quickly oh yeah okay i got a different one then oh harry mack you know i'm spitting sitting here while my boy rusty he's shitting he's a little bitch all right should we do this guy rocks yeah let's do it wait check the score something crazy that sounded like jack though that might be bad for you when i was on the high school tennis team we had a kid quit midway through the season and so i'd always post on my story
Starting point is 00:54:13 like he died oh my god i'd be like this one's for him you know and um at the end of the season we won one of our matches against another team and they were like hey you know good match and everything but like it seemed like you guys really needed this and we were like what do you mean and they were like well for your friend that died and i didn't have the heart to tell them that like it was just totally making it up the whole time yeah thank you and i was like yeah thank you so much that it does mean a lot to us it's really nice yeah my buddy famously my buddy daniel my best friend high school famous he quit publics and he posted on his instagram goodbye forever with a picture of him leaving walking out of publics and he like everyone was like swiping on being like
Starting point is 00:54:56 dude don't do it like you have so much to live for and he had to post like i to be clear i was not killing myself do you know it's all sad like your friends have to think you your life is for like that either first thing yeah dude i know i know like you might not think your life is much right now but like you gotta fight through it's like i just quit my grocery job i know your life sucks and nothing's going your way i get why you would want to i told you dude if i was in your shoes i would i wouldn't have even made it this long it's a miracle you've made it this long guy that's like pushing you more off the cliff this one is for the boys who are root beer drinkers
Starting point is 00:55:40 we got mug mug mug honestly this is like a throwback to my childhood it's nostalgic it's frothy indulgent no caffeine I love these zero sugar ones
Starting point is 00:55:58 how many of you had today this is my sixth one i've only i keep it i keep it under 100 i like to have three but i mean i don't know i don't know how else to say it i've never seen willie attach himself to any drink more if you see willie without a mug in his hand it is not willie it is a it is a evil is an evil twin evil twin seriously i got that dog in me you got that dog in you just dog it up come on this one is for the boys who are rupee drinkers get that frothy indulgent taste in your mouth baby grab some mug today dog let's get back into the episode this is blind albino raccoon begs for food in the wrong spot oh this is truly the cutest thing i've ever seen andrew go over one slide search if you're why if you're at home stop whatever you're doing and
Starting point is 00:56:55 watch this watch the raccoon on the left this is the cutest thing in the world look at his little arms no oh but here's here was my takeaway from it willie and how it was not heartbreaking for me because i was very sad at first yeah he clearly is running with a good crew that is supporting him because he's not like skinnier than any of the other ones yeah they clearly make sure he's getting fed but that is so just hands out like gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme yep isn't that adorable yeah that's a good take yeah i love that and they're they're not leaving him behind like he knows where he is that's really cute panda panda i got broads in elena legacy Credit cards with the scanners
Starting point is 00:57:47 Calculating route to avoid seeing poverty Turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street Then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away Then take the next exit Let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty Your donations help the United Way fight poverty in thousands of ways like providing food, shelter, and crisis prevention.
Starting point is 00:58:15 Donate today at UnitedWayGT.org. To me, to me, to me, to me. Oh my god, I'm sorry I got a little carried away there It just feels really good to let it out sometimes This is Mike Davis 9306 Is he like in the paint? Where is he?
Starting point is 00:59:05 School gym wait pause it for a second i initially thought negative things about this guy that actually looks like kind of a vibe minus the setting yeah the school gym part makes it minus the setting that looks like a fucking vibe and i like that song what song is it i don't know some 80s jam yeah imagine like slow dancing with your girl four cores lights slow dancing with your girl grinding grinding grinding grinding leaving a belt buckle impression on her lower back oh did you come bung buckle did you buy did you come did you come did you come are you coming yet are you coming yet is it coming why
Starting point is 01:00:03 is this taking so long come am i worse than the other guys you've been with why is this taking so long are you enjoying this as much as i'm enjoying it does this hurt for you or does it just reek i i stopped enjoying this like 15 minutes ago are you almost done yet i'm terrified growing up all right teach me something 10 cent beer night ever heard of it i have yeah did i tell you this uh i i actually believe this has already been a teaching something but i also already knew this it happened at the cleveland indians game yeah on 19 on 1977 for on june 4th 1974 the cleveland indians hosted 10 cent beer night to boost
Starting point is 01:00:47 attendance this has already been one of the years i'm pretty yeah i think you already did this as a teach me something with you two no not with me but i think i heard it 25 000 fans showed up many becoming heavily intoxicated they got hammered and they all got hammered they all stormed the field players had to fight them off with bats yeah players armed themselves with bats and my game was ultimately forfeited to the rangers due to the uncontrollable allowance when do you at what point in my life do you think i'll stop like fucking everything up now it's teach me nothing teach me
Starting point is 01:01:20 that was so messed you just piled on me you kicked me while I'm down you know Skyler wrote that you kicked my dog prank on pranktile.com what? what?
Starting point is 01:01:30 remember that prank website that you could like type in someone's phone number and it would send like a guy that would be like you kicked my dog Skyler wrote that? Skyler wrote that
Starting point is 01:01:38 Skyler wrote that I don't know what that is pranktile was this website that was extremely popular when I was a kid and when we were kids and uh skylar wrote like a lot of the prank calls and then the ceo of the company his assistant uh beheaded him yeah i didn't know that part but i didn't know i don't know my dog prank yeah i guess so you kick my dog prank is a pretty insignificant uh part of
Starting point is 01:02:02 the story why did the assistant head in he the assistant's like pissed no the assistant owed him like a ton of money like either like was embezzling and then got caught and then instead of the instead of the boss turning him in he was like extorting the assistant and so the assistant uh beheaded him in his own home insane you can google it uh willie will you teach me something that's my teach me something the prank dial ceo got beheaded by his assistant yeah but we already knew that too yeah i think we already knew that one um do so here's a question for you that i asked earlier and i felt like i was screaming into the void because no one responded to me at what point in my life do you think i'll stop fucking everything up
Starting point is 01:02:47 okay do you know about the the drummer boy in the civil war who was there was no it's about time i learned something no no this is an insane story there was a battle here's the thing i love you but just despite andrew you understand that i have to like hate this teach me something you're gonna love it though okay okay it was in like south central pennsylvania like south of gettysburg and there was a civil war battle where the confederates were on their last legs and as a last-ditch effort they strapped explosives to the drummer boy who was like it was like completely taboo to shoot the drummer boy like that was like completely against the rules so they it was actually a dude and they had him
Starting point is 01:03:41 drumming and he was totally laced up with explosives and he pretended to have like gotten caught up in the battle and like retreated to the enemy lines and then he detonated it and he killed 15 union soldiers was that insane they have explosives back then they were like very elementary explosives but it basically just started like a huge fire that like burned all their tents down they had no they had like no clue this is the first time they'd ever like detonated them so they they were like let's just let's like double it up just because we're not sure how much they're and then it's like way more yeah they started like a massive fire it was like hakeem jeffries did he survive uh no he did not look you can do it you're such a little shithead what it was like
Starting point is 01:04:24 did he survive do you jeffries wasn't the union like the first you got my minority leader of the u.s house of representatives i made all that up i don't think they'd explosive i was about to say or drummer boys i feel like that was like a revolutionary war did you know what was the like come on you got hakeem jeffries just admit it just admit it dude i got you idiot fucking moron fucking idiot who's the what was the first army to use guerrilla warfare was that revolutionary or was that the civil yeah that was like francis marion they would like hide in the trees yeah the swamp fox down in south carolina awesome right i think that was like the first gorilla dude hanging out with you that was revolutionary
Starting point is 01:05:11 they were doing that shit to the british and the british were like wait what the fuck yeah it was like so it was like so against the rules that is so funny back in the day they're like this is ungentlemanly as they're like tell me when you're coming yeah tell me when you're coming by the way because this is my arms getting sore dude funny fact here's another this is like a real teach me something i guess um like in charleston it was british occupied the british had successfully occupied downtown charleston this is totally real uh you understand why i'm on it yeah of course uh and when the war ended basically when like the british conceded to the colonies charleston was a stronghold for the british like they had completely occupied it and so
Starting point is 01:05:56 they basically just found out one night they were like oh yeah no we lost even though they hadn't like lost charleston so one night all the british just got on boats in the middle of the night and just like fled charleston oh i thought everyone woke up and they were just like all gone and they're like oh all right we're good awesome and no soldiers can live in your house all right should we do family guy cutaways that don't exist oh yeah i had an idea like post game in the 1800s yeah it's like a sketch idea oh dude i'm honestly kind of like feeling kind of crazy is it cool if i just crash on the couch he's like oh i i and then it pans out and he's like a soldier because i like the amendment these are more family guy cutaways that don't
Starting point is 01:06:43 exist peter says it's always too good to be true like that barber shop that offered two for one haircuts and it cuts to him in the barber shop and him and the guy next to him are getting cut by the same barber with one hand each and he's like oh and peter keeps getting cut i like that peter goes i'm more embarrassed than spider-man after a one-night stand and it's him and a girl sitting in bed and the walls are covered in his web and he goes i'm so sorry this never happens to me you're just really pretty that's great always wait for the right moment like when i propose to lois and it's peter getting down on one knee to propose and then a train comes by and it's like and then it's like the longest train of all time and then right when
Starting point is 01:07:23 it's ending a car pulls up and it gets stuck on the tracks and then another train comes hits it and the car gets like totally totaled and the guy's like ah like an ambulance comes and they respond and they get the guy in the ambulance and they take him out and the train leaves and then he goes like and he gets down and he proposed peter goes that's more annoying than a co-worker who wants you to ask her what's wrong and it's him typing and then the girl next to him it's like and he stops typing and then he starts typing that's really good and it just goes on for like 30 seconds that's great yeah it's all about how you market something i mean think about it nobody ever talks about what is it going to be no what is the thing
Starting point is 01:08:04 going to be that i'm going to say ready it's all about how you mark about it's all about how it's all about how you market mask it's a market master never tell you what i southern market master naked yes it's all about how you market something think about it no one ever talks about lou gehrig's other disease and it cuts to him at the doctor and he's like yeah you got crotch fungus oh i like that peter goes i'm more nervous than amelia erhart's navigator and he's sitting in the back and she's flying and then she like starts doing her makeup in the rear view mirror and he's like and then she like turns around he's like rummaging through her purse and he's like
Starting point is 01:08:49 amelia amelia because women because she's a woman is that a joke i have a backup i have a back because women are shopping i also had another one he goes that's weirder than voldemort's obsession with harry potter and it's that scene in goblet of fire where in the grave where they're in the graveyard and voldemort goes now i can touch you and one of the death eaters leans over to the other one he goes it's pretty weird that he just said that these are birds that don't exist the scorched footed pot belly the northern wait i had an explanation for mine oh really yeah what do you you don't want to know why it's called that sorry yeah the scorched footed pot belly it is an extremely overweight bird that is native to
Starting point is 01:09:37 the equator and it burns its feet on the rocks but it's too fat to stay in the air for long enough for them to cool down i love that the northern woodcrest forgalar the diving duchess kill their uh kill their prey by going to the top of the atmosphere and then going into a perfect nosedive and hitting them with blunt force trauma i like that scorlix wallow this was your idea I didn't think they needed an explanation. That's probably true. The roof eater. They survive strictly off shingles from single family homes.
Starting point is 01:10:09 The carinine. He's going sleepo mode. Wake him up. He's going sleepo mode. Oh. The Carolina claret. The flightless finkel burrows itself deep underground to avoid predators and eat worms. Tarot bellied swan duck.
Starting point is 01:10:26 The translucent or it evolved to be. completely transparent so that are translucent so to avoid its predators but it only eats really bright berries so it's actually went the other way because now they can spot the berries in their tummy i like that blendies halt all right all righty my song of the day today is birds don't sing by tv girl i like the name of the band and i also like the song so it is perfect and it fits because it's birds fits because it's birds yes thank you thank you it fits because it's birds oh and it's birds and yes see that's what willie was just saying yeah it fits what else does it fit willie i'm burned and he's burnt i'm burnt all right true i didn't think that oh guys have
Starting point is 01:11:19 a great rest of your monday have a splendid tuesday and we'll see you bright and early for our wednesday episode new band named third degree birds i call it calculating route to avoid seeing poverty turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away then take the next exit let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty your donations help the united way fight poverty in thousands of ways like providing food shelter and crisis prevention donate today at unitedwaygt.org

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