Will & Rusty's Playdate - we wrote country songs that don’t exist

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

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play date play date 188 this is our patrick kane episode yep our des bryan episode if you will and an 88 year old would be andrew mountbatten windsor he just got arrested or no he just turned 66 so never mind who's andrew matt bowden how many names was that what the hell kind of fucking name is he's the he was he's one of the prince and okay oh bro dropped the government name was like you don't know him bro dropped the royal name he's the one guy that'd be like if you said what is pope francis name like like antonio googley he might be the one guy who doesn't have a government you don't know him he's the literal pope he has like a royal name you know what i mean yeah only a handful of them all right here's my question so we got this barrel

of knights of the kingdom or whatever um we got a big keg that's like a medieval thing and i want to host like a medieval yeah barbecue and scott and i are in a fight because he thinks there's no way i could get everyone to dress up medieval uh i yeah i think it'd be harder than you think i don't even know you'd have to go that that's one of the only themes that i think would require purchase purchase that's not true i feel like what do you have that's medieval people go to renaissance festivals all the time but those people i feel like there's not a lot of people that do that that are in our circles yeah but like you would be surprised like how well people can put something together that's true i also think like people like i like when there's a

party that's like got a weird theme and they're like and we're doing the theme like we're committing yeah that's fun to me yes i do i mean it's gonna require some some purchasing though yeah wait what are you saying what would you wear if you didn't purchase anything i've got like shirts that look old-timey that i wear for like renaissance festivals how but that's have you been to the renaissance fair here when is it uh around this time it's like in the spring i'd love to check it out then scott was like i think we'd have to make it like a pre-game for the renaissance fair yeah that's not a bad idea that could be fun i want to get like a crazy outfit though yeah i want to get something that like i want to pop you want to

pop off p word i think like a jester outfit could be cool yep a uh i mean you could just go full suit of armor it'd be kind of cool oh do you hear that dude i did hear that yeah i could go um be like a hedge knight did you buy those things because you were going to the no i already had sort of like a base thing and then my friends also had stuff like my friends and i like traded around what's a base thing i'm picturing like a softball shirt or something like i i just wear like black jeans but then i had like a flowy almost like piratey shirt um and then piratey shirt like with the frills yeah it kind of had like but that in black jeans doesn't feel very medieval well but then like my friends had like elf ears that i could wear or like they had like

a belt that i could put like a fake knife like there were little things here and there that they just had from it sounds pretty cool party bus to the renaissance fair sounds pretty cool i think it's too far though where is it i mean we drove like an hour hour and a half to do it you can what's the range on a party bus that you can go that far i mean they're at your service it's just gonna be at your service it's gonna call more cost more money i got unlimited money now yeah how's that been for you uh the unlimited money yeah i've turned it do you know you can just keep opening credit cards yeah yeah it's actually been totally changed my life it's awesome so i think that that would be a great idea but i do i'm i mean i feel like i have if anyone has

costumes it's you and i and i feel like i don't know if i have any medieval you're right pull up like medieval guy medieval guy outfit outfit like i don't even know where i'd start do it in all characters yeah like i had one of these that's kind of crazy if you google medieval guy outfit it's exactly what andrew described that's exactly what black jeans a flowy shirt and a belt i'm telling you it's not that hard like a henley and like yeah jeans but even like like i feel like the pants like what did they wear for pants they wore boots for pants yeah you need like a night shirt like your shirt needs to be like too long yeah also you can get literally anything on amazon and then just return it after you wear

it that's illegal we do that on the podcast what what like the priest costumes you returned them yeah how much were they i think they were like 38 each couldn't the company just eat that yeah probably huh but i'm a company it'd be better to have them after that i have them not need them yeah well i can order them again that's true that's so interesting so we're committing kind of tax fraud yeah some sort of tax fraud tax oh here's an here's i did an idea for a musical called tax frogs i haven't cracked like the whole right right right yeah it's more important that's like yesterday we were laughing about uh casein yeah who does cold cases with us is big on coming up with the name before he knows like what it's gonna be yeah for like what a kid

no for like his series oh oh yeah his series is on his tiktok uh are all like it's clear he was like that's a good pun yeah and then i'll work backwards like what cold cases what else he has uh pull up what's his what's his what does he do he has other ones what uh soup maxing okay i see no milk mac can't the can film festival where he drinks beer and then reviews a movie that's fun um what about the um okay i can't i can't i'm getting nauseous Going to dinner tonight He like split me open like a coconut last night So I'm getting nauseous

Wait what happened Split him open like a coconut Too many beers Wait you don't drink for cold cases do you Yeah it was after We were at He split me open like a coconut Like he fucked me

I've never heard that In this scenario the coconut is his little bum We were I didn't drink last night. I don't drink on cold cases. On days that ended, why? I tried to have an edible after I sobered up yesterday. Yeah, you tried.

You couldn't fit it. Dude, you've taken Caminos, right? Every day. What is up with the packaging? No one can get it open. I Googled it, and people are having to pry. I had to pry one of the screws out. Was yours dented or something?

When they get fucked, they get fucked, but normally they're pretty easy. you push down when you twist yeah i had everyone in my house try it sometimes they get stuck i googled like camino how to open caminos and it wasn't anyone being like here bless you here's like a nifty trick to do it it was all people just being like all right so you're gonna want to shove the screwdriver in here and just like let like this is a common problem totally it gets like caught sometimes and i don't know what it is and it's impossible to open and it's happened to me on the airplane before and it was like i was like like i had to like pry it open in my backpack it was epic i don't understand why they make the packaging that way it's not that's a it's not

supposed to be like that no i know but 99 surely they're aware that other people that people are having these issues yeah and they have bro google the camino de santiago they also like the band camino what do you like the band i don't know who that is uh what are they saying i choose crying over you definitely you imagine if your girlfriend shows crying over you i choose like that bad over being lied to okay i like that one i'd rather drinking alone drowning in the tears in my bedroom if i could make you come tonight tonight i would if i could make you come tonight i would trust me okay if i could make you come i would just not for lack of trying having a meltdown when you're hooking up with a girl

trust me if i could make you come tonight it would have already happened let's just move on and go to the movie y'all be watching uh y'all be watching movies and shit come on i'm supposed to be watching withering heights soon i've heard it's sexy i've heard it's sexy as well and and i don't know how i just feel uncomfortable with the promotion of movies when the uh when there's like a married person like being very sexy with their co-host like that would hurt me a lot if i was oh i feel like that's like most movies no i know it's become normal because it's just like oh it's always been they're doing promo for the movie it's people weren't putting their fingers in each other's mouths until very recently in movies no no no

sorry in the promotion he put her fingers in i believe so maybe is that the movie uh it's in the movie but like a movie okay well they're getting very handsy at different you know celebrity outings i do i do know you mean yeah like the promo now i mean it works it's like when glenn powell and like sydney sweeney yeah and she like fully had a boyfriend or vice versa yeah i just i i i hope flan doesn't get into acting because that would hurt me flan that sounds so familiar i know i know well i i've always i think it's always funny like doing like the sketches because like we're not really at the level where it's like i'm an actor like like there was one where like chet and elise were like a like they didn't like kiss but they

had to be like very kind of like touchy and flirty and i remember watching it and being like that's kind of funny because like like it's just i don't know it is like it was good for the sketch and like it you they were obviously professional about it and it wasn't weird but like just watching i was like that is funny yeah like at what level of acting can you be like i i'm making out for a role i guess any level like any role but most actors aren't also like co-workers so like true like they yeah it's like not as yeah yeah like when when elise and and angus had to be like shirtless in bed or yeah yeah for that one i was like that would be like i feel like that would be hard yeah you and i did a makeout scene for uh that top gun video oh yeah and that wasn't

weird that was actually viral i think i think that went like i think that went nuclear mode dude i'm going trying to go nuclear mode i got i'm very excited we're shooting a sketch next week that's like i've my idea i wrote it i'm very excited bleep it but what which one is it yeah is that the one you just did table read for yes how do those go this one went poorly like everyone was eating oh nice so myself included i kept being chewing during my lines is that where you guys are all sitting around a table reading the script and people are saying their lines yeah and do people normally laugh when you're reading them out loud or it's good if you gotta laugh but no not normally i mean this one so we did a table read two days ago

that went really well and like got a lot of good feedback but i think the way the feedback was implemented maybe didn't totally land because this one didn't feel as good i think it was um too long i think that's sometimes hard it's like when you get feedback your gut is just to like inject it into the script instead of like swapping it yeah you know what i mean um because right now it's like 12 pages and how long are they normally i think like 10 is like sort of the higher end like it's a page is like a minute so like got it usually our videos are somewhere in like five to 10 minute range but how many are you writing this this season i've won solo right well i'm billy's helping with it too i mean one of my like my own ideas that we're making this can you tell

me what the idea is yeah it's the bachelor argo one oh where everyone has to like leave everyone has to come up with excuses to leave or whatever yeah i mean i don't want to spoil it so we had our morning meeting this meeting this morning morning where it's the whole company and there's a guy who normally runs them who is in oregon and edge edge and every all the other like executive guys trying to figure out how to the meeting started 30 minutes late well it's because the canada finland hockey game that's true but that was only like a few minutes after and then they spent the the three of them couldn't figure out how to turn on a zoom and then they forgot to to breakfast and it was just we are just just bear with us today we are having a really hard day i

texted zoom was 15 minutes late and we haven't had breakfast i texted edge a picture of them trying to set up the zoom yeah and he was like i've explained it to them a hundred times some people just don't want to learn that's funny he's in oregon right now what's he doing i don't know i just checked his location we have our locate our each other's location same yeah but we go to the oregon trail i would like to so what happened with the oregon trail it was everyone going west everyone there was just it was like everyone was going west does that have anything to do with the gold rush i think it does i uh no i think the oregon trail preceded the gold okay this is right this is a new segment where you asked me about a thing that i like might know might be

right about and i'll just tell you like it's fact the oregon trail was before the gold rush uh and it was just the settling of the west sort of as we expanded and then when the gold rush happened then things got crazy but i think the oregon trail existed beforehand and it was just people going to find there was all this open land and well they all got dysentery didn't they um you know you know nick saban mad and when you dysentery or something i used to try and write his wife named terry miss terry miss terry i used to oh he's like yeah i'm with him oh so nick tell us about your mystery girl or something that's very i'm on fire today way ago this morning sorry i used to try and play oregon trail on my laptop in class and i don't know what i googled something

at one point in my laptop just stopped working very well that day so it was like overheat like if i had more than one uh tab open yeah it sounded like pretty crazy and oregon trail i guess took all the energy of my laptop could possibly use and i could get a couple good minutes of playing it in before like the kid in front of me in class would like turn around because my laptop would be like you know like the fan kicks on or whatever and uh so i would just sit with my laptop open because even if i opened like excel or something it sounded like it was going to explode so i couldn't do the stuff in class that i was supposed to be doing because i was too embarrassed that it was gonna the fan was gonna turn on imagine you look look at a guy you hear like a guy's computer

about to blow up and you look over and it's a spreadsheet up like oh my god if you if you were trying to excel and it was doing that wait what like that would be like badass like if you you should just run organ trail in the background and it had spreadsheet up and so then it looks Oh, my God, he's cooking right now. Insane numbers. What is he even trying to figure out? What is bro crunching? What number is bro?

I like when there's a guy, when you can see a guy with his calculator app open in public and you can try and figure out, like, what numbers he's crunching. Oh, yeah, like, what does this mean? Like, he'll be, like, adding a bunch of numbers together and then, like, doing the average of it. Are you talking about the plane video? That is exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one's, like...

What, it's a video of a guy on a plane? someone told me what he a kid that uh i can't remember like why he knows he was calculating his like monthly income he could tell yeah he could tell like i think it was either his tax liability that year or like he was like i've seen this equation before that he's doing and it's almost surely his well i think he also like divided by 12 at the end so they're like clearly this is like a fiscal year got it the number he got was like 175 000 so i'm curious if he was like super rich or something pop off king maybe it was salary do you think we're gonna be super rich one day i don't want to be super rich i don't think i mean obviously i want to be able to like

take care of my family and buy a house and stuff how rich there's a level of wealth that's a sin you're an atheist yeah but i believe in like i think there's like parts of the bible that are good like modesty and like you're kind of like alex handled he said he's basically mormon except for all the god stuff really and then he called it r worded everyone's like oh my god yeah i don't know i don't know that i feel like it's a shifting goalpost of like how much money you need to be like come i don't know like yeah obviously i want to be able to like send my kids to college and stuff but like i don't want to like live in like a big mansion like that feels weird and it's not if i wanted to no i think that's totally normal i think most people do and i'm not trying to be

like holier than thou either i just think like i i feel like there's like something that happens when you start to live like that that changes you like i i feel like i don't know it's it has less to do yeah my biggest motivation is just like i want to like be like grounded okay i like I want a nice house, but I want it to be relatively modest. Cut to me and someone's going to clip this when I'm living in the hills with hookers driving me to school and stuff. Hookers driving you to work. I go back for my masters and hookers drive me.

You're doing all the right things, but you're doing them in the wrong way. He's getting his doctorate, but he keeps getting hookers to drop him off. I just think the odds of you sucking get way higher. 1000 like the more lavishly you live i've always heard whatever you are just gets magnified when you get a bunch of money so if you're already a generous guy you'll be like way more generous and if you're like already a dick you're gonna be like a mega dick when you have yeah like i think i think we you might get out you might get a little bit out of touch with more money but i think like generally you would just i would hope you would just become a more magnified version of

yourself yeah i guess i think more about like more my kids like how i'd want them to grow up too like yeah i mean you could also just be one of those guys that has a lot of money but doesn't you know spoil yeah i think that's like maybe the dream yeah you could just be completely completely secure yeah just be like very secure have like a nice modest home in like a nice neighborhood but not like yeah i think that's the dream there are kids that that said they like grew up like not knowing they were rich because their parents were very intentional about not living lavishly i think that's the dream that would be really funny though if you if you took it too far like you you're like yeah my kids i can't eat i can't put food on the table living like

paycheck to paycheck and then you're like that was a test you're all good kids now yeah i don't of what uh but you're right generally kids like like rich super rich kids at least in my experience they're like wealthy wealthy wealthy kids are the the odds that you're going to be an enjoyable person go down it's like yeah it's not like obviously there are good nice ones and mean ones but it's just like a numbers game and i think i want my children to and this is again this is all operating under the assumption that i can make a bunch of money which i if i make a bunch of money i would want my kids to grow up like you know feeling like it was like a middle class like i want them to like get jobs when they're 16 and not like have a guy driving

them not like a hooker driving them to school right i think i'm mostly worried about my kids having a hooker drive yeah that seems like kind of the main thing yeah and i think that the odds that you the odds that that's a thing you do in your life go up a lot the more money you have yeah i i it's like you either are the richest guy ever or you're like one of the poorest people ever those are the only two scenarios where a hooker is driving you to school yeah i think i i think and i i think i would like to start a foundation that's called the wilden ellen foundation and no one really knows what it does but i do just and the only thing that it is is a golf tournament every year i feel like that's when you that's when you've made it yeah we did

we did a charity golf tournament every year when we were in college yeah and uh it got to the point where it was benefiting like our philanthropy was benefiting so many bless you so many different charities yeah that it we kind of lost sight of the goal because it was like one each you know now the amount each charity is getting gets diluted but also it's hard to keep track of like you'd be like yeah all right it's our annual father-son you know golf tournament like what is it for and we'd be like for the cure yeah we're just generally trying to cure things it's like i think they kind of spoofed that in arrested development but the they do like the thing for they announce that they're having a gala for tba and then everyone starts donating and like makeup

and illness but yeah i think that is funny like the it'll be like the austin eckler foundation right like he's well he's nominated for the walter mayton band of the payton man of the year because the whatever it's like what the hell and you look it up it's like we contribute to education and ending poverty and i'm like like i trust me i'm sure the austin eckler foundation i a am positive that exists and b and positive it's doing a lot of good but it is like funny that every like athlete has like a shell corp or like a yeah yeah yeah a non-prof the austin eckler foundation let's do an audit they also like and i think any charity is good charity yeah sometimes i'm like i feel like with your influence we should have picked a bigger problem the austin eckler foundation

turning setbacks wait wait can i read it turning setbacks into stepping stones we inspire passions and unlock potential okay what we do just like the boys and girls club oh it's for gyms four gyms renovated today they just renovate like planet fitnesses no they do like high school gyms okay wait feels low it's like not enough gyms yeah four scroll down wait go up to the top and do what we do what if we like all right this one actually does have kind of a a it appears like a santa barbara high school long beach poly okay these are pretty affluent areas

no wait long beach poly i don't know anything about santa barbara is santa barbara and what do you know long beach poly yeah yeah i used to live in long beach oh okay when i worked for the chargers i i lived around long beach yes oh i thought long beach was like bougie south bay no i think it's like a it's kind of like a um wharf town long beach is like where from snoop snoop dog is from well he's got a lot of money the austin is actually kind of the perfect example where you were like we're like really like we're renovating gyms like that you know i might be in on the austin eckler foundation no they do they do good work oh you know this austin eckler yeah austin eckler is also a really nice guy okay you're right i we're gonna like you have you

can essentially reach unlimited people i think there should be like we're renovating renovating four gyms wait no i'm not i'm not shitting i'm not anti the austin eckler i was yeah yeah i'm not anti it either i'm more just saying like it feels one gym at a time my i'm actually saying they actually have a kind of a concise like agenda like they do one specific thing and i respect that what i think is funny is that a lot of these athletes will raise money for like a non-profit that's just their name and then they kind of like disperse it to a bunch of things so it's like by donating that you're just being like i trust that i trust justin jefferson will distribute my money and that's just like a funny way of yeah like why not just give direct to the

that was what i was coming after this i'm i'm bought in on the austin because it seems like they're doing a unique thing and they're doing it a very targeted thing let's try a different guy show me the melvin gordon foundation it's only chargers yeah i am i am i have been skeptical of non-profits for a very long time because i've heard horror stories okay putting people we know about misappropriating the farm the melvin gordon is a non-profit focused on supporting children fighting hunger and providing educational opportunities see that's the kind of all all good things but it's like what does that mean in practice we're spreading ourself a little thin yeah yeah what do they do well they also you'll look at some of these like non-profit ceos and

they host and they pay themselves so much money because it's like they're they're allowed to like as long as long as they don't pocket any of the money like the foundation oh yes yeah you're allowed to still pay employees like you know these crazy we should start a non-profit and just take it all what would our non-profit be i bet do you think there's any chargers running back i can name that doesn't have a non-profit omar hampton omari ham our marian hampton foundation he might be too new yeah i feel like you get a you get a foundation your sophomore season no wow he needs to fucking figure it out can you go show me the darren can you show me the darren sproles foundation oh oh he's the stuttering found see i like that i'm on board with it i'm on board stuttering one

it's like a concise yeah yeah what about again what does that look at like in practice like i could give a kid who has a stutter a million dollars he's still gonna be stuttering well know i think there's like it like helps i think if you get like speech therapy all right all right i'll believe it when i say it well he definitely yeah what about your goat he's the danian tom does fucking you know i here's a funny story about the danian thompson when i my high school tomlinson's touching foundation touching lives foundation okay when i applied to my high school i had like you to get accepted to my high school and i had to do a writing sample and it was like you don't know what it is until you get there so like in the place they hand out the prompt and

it's like who is like your hero and like why basically and i wrote about ladanian tomlinson and i think maybe i've mentioned this but the part of it it was like i loved him as a football player but also his charity work during the california wildfires he helped provide tvs to families or something i remember that being like the big thing and yeah later being like what i guess it helped them get like news but like that feels like watch their house i know i don't feel like can you google a dana thompson fire tv fire stick fire tv stick no and fire fire tv but dana thompson gave 300 wildfire victims hd tvs on the dr phil show that's how they got into high school it that's crazy when was that 20 2007 yeah look at that also a really nice guy you met him

i'm so jealous it's like a marshawn lynch on the sideline there's like a he was miked up and richard sherman's like oh yeah what are you doing for thanksgiving he's like i'm going to give out turkeys in the hood in the hood yeah i like that boots on the ground yeah no middleman you know what i mean like directly i don't know sometimes i just don't sometimes i don't trust that the the money's gonna make its way to the i agree i agree especially if it's a player i don't like too i went to compton the day after the bro just laughed at that i went to compton no it was just it was just i don't know it was the day after it felt like a funny transition it was the day after that raiders yeah we talked about three black guys and then andrew goes i

actually went to compton once i went to compton sorry go ahead no i was there for a charity event a player was doing a charity event at a compton elementary school okay the day after that raiders chargers game where the raiders put up like 90 points on the chargers and they fired this year that morning oh oh uh brandon staley yeah yeah they fired staley and all the little kids were like brutal game last night huh like to the players and they were like yeah and they're like now the coach is canned and they're like just take the toys wait that is actually hysterical yeah yeah it was like awful awful time did you ever talk to him like meet him brandon staley i was around the area but it wasn't ever like yeah it was kind of like you have to wait for

them to talk to you before you talk to them yeah it's like the it's like royalty a little bit there were a couple times we'd grab our food at the same time and he would look at me and then he would keep walking like i think he was like why are you getting your food at the same time as me yes that or i think also he was like making sure i wasn't one of the players like otherwise he should like have a conversation i tell you about when i served nancy pelosi bacon no yeah i feel like i must have told this probably like two years ago right i've never heard this no new listeners uh when i worked in the capitol building the summer 2019 or something um 2018 i don't know it doesn't matter 2019 i yeah my i worked for the majority whip james cliburn

whose office is in the capitol so i went to work in the actual capitol building every day for a whole summer which is the coolest thing of all time and uh one thing that like cliburn would do is he would host the democratic caucus breakfast like once a month and our job as his interns would be to like serve the breakfast so i was down there i was on the bacon station and i so i served like every democratic member of congress and then pelosi walks in like kind of late comes up and i've like got the tongs to like serve her bacon and she doesn't even grab a plate she just walks up sticks her hand in and just grabs one piece of bacon like straight out of it and she goes and i was like oh and then she she goes to me she was like i've already had breakfast

don't tell anyone and i was like you have my word and then she went and stood right next to me and just ate it like a squirrel kind of and uh she's running one piece of bacon and um yeah that's it and then was she like stopped saying i died and then oh pelosi yeah and then and then i said wait i have an idea wait what was the oh the speaker died yeah yeah but it was just funny because like pelosi it was very it was actually like it kind of reminded me like some shit my mom would do like like walking up to the buffet and taking like one little thing and being like oh i'm so bad and then like nibbling on it like it was kind of wait did she did she acknowledge that you were like it was hysterical that she just grabbed it out of the thing but i know i i don't know i

it wasn't like she grabs it she spits in the she spits in the thing and goes no one's gonna believe you bacon boy who are you gonna fucking i told you my biden story right no you met him also breakfast related yeah i was it was uh i was eating is that like a is that like a like that almost sounds like a like a diss trump would have about democrats yeah they're always eating they're always eating breakfast nancy nibbling on her bacon nancy nibblets nancy nibblets over here joe bacon we call him joe bacon the way he never misses breakfast it was a great or sorry what was the biden the biden story oh no i was it was martin luther king day 2020 of course i remember it um and it was the democratic primary for the president

and i was working for a congressional campaign in south carolina but that's a huge primary so all the candidates were there for mlk day because it's a it's a it's a majority black primary so like you know they they're there to pander on the black holidays but wait majority black primary Sorry, the majority of the Democratic voting base in South Carolina is black. Got it. And it's the first primary that has a majority black population of the Democratic voting base. And it happens on MLK Day? No, but everyone goes on MLK Day because that's a big black holiday in South Carolina.

All the candidates. It is kind of like when you see it happening, even people I like, they're all there. It's just like this is like pandering. Interesting. They show up for the black holidays because it's a black, I don't know. But wouldn't it be weird if they didn't celebrate? No, you're right. I don't know.

Maybe I'm being a little harsh. That's, like, the hard part about it, you know? But it's just... It's weird when you're there every year working in South Carolina politics, and you're at the same breakfast the next year, and no one's fucking there. Actually, the one guy who goes... I think Cory Booker is there, like, every year, but, like... He's black, right?

But he is... Yeah, he is black. But, I mean, like... Yeah, that is weird. Black or white, it's just like, oh, the election year, everyone wants to come to this breakfast that's held. Oh, I see, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I've been to all these events, like, years in a row, and then the one year there's an election, everyone and their fucking mothers. Was the MLK Day breakfast, like, way better food than, like, the normal ones? I guess I haven't been to that exact—it was, like, some NAACP event or something. Like, Word's gotten around town that, like, they pull out all the stops for Martin Luther King breakfast. It has nothing to do with, like, winning the thing. It's just, like, I can't miss breakfast. It's unreal. People decide to run just so they can get into the breakfast.

anyway i was there my candidate got to sit with like elizabeth warren's table because she like endorsed her or whatever and i was just put at a random table with a bunch of random people and uh all like everyone running for president was there and joe biden was walking by my table and i looked up and i was like oh that's kind of cool like he was the vice president at that point or former vice president and i just kind of gave him like a head nod and then he i like go back to eating my eggs and then i feel two hands on my shoulders and i turned up and joe biden had come around and put his hand on my shoulders and uh he goes took a deep whiff of your hair yeah oh shit and he goes if you're sitting here you gotta pay for the whole

table and i was like oh i gotta get out of here then and he was like i'm like patting me on the back and walked away what is that supposed to mean or he was just like a grandpa joke like honestly i found it extremely endearing and it caught this maybe a bad take but like when all the stuff was coming out about like him like grabbing people's shoulders yeah you can't stop now i was like that was the most like and i could understand if i was like a professional woman like maybe it would come off differently but in in the context that i felt him on my shoulders i felt like a nice grandfatherly touch yeah i think he's just old as fuck like i don't think it was like sweet and he made like a funny little dad joke and we laughed and i yeah i remember like

that's fucking insane that and then that was before he was even president if you're sitting here you gotta you gotta pay for the whole table and i remember pete budaj looks really little and what would you what do you think would have happened if you told him like shut up shut up to biden yeah he's like if you're sitting here enough shut the fuck up i'm eating i should have tried that actually can the bill de blasio is like 10 feet tall i'm trying to think of like all my encounters that i had with people on that trip uh is that the eyepatch guy no he was the mayor of new york who's the guy that looks like uh he has like elephant titus he looks like abraham lincoln john kerry is that a guy yeah that's a guy he went to bc

yeah elephant titus yeah he has that thing where like your face and fingers get really long like over time what if you look at him i think that's who i'm thinking of yeah or just john carried disease john carried disease that makes you long as hell he's gonna he's gonna type it verbatim i do respect that bless you i'm farting up a storm and a half john carrey does not have a disease that makes him long he's 64 tall a trait he has had throughout his life no it's not a height thing it's like extremities and fingers look up like abraham lincoln what disease did abraham lincoln had that made his extremities and face long marfan syndrome that's maybe

they was described as a tall spider of a boy yeah there's like something that makes your like you you just keep your face just never stops growing yeah look at that hand marfan that's definitely what it was i always thought john carrey had that as well but maybe he just looks like that he went to bc he's a fellow eagle women's hockey yeah the girl scored that goal is my classmate no oh i'll be honest the hockey team like they were like our that was like our super bowl super like star athlete like you didn't So they were, like, too cool for you guys? Maybe not too cool, but, like, I don't know.

They weren't partying with you guys. Yeah, I mean, these kids were, like, pretty devoted to their... I guess I knew people that knew... I had some mutual friends on the men's team, but I didn't really know... The girls. The girls were, like, all Olympians. Like, our whole... Our entire roster was, like, Olympians.

So I think it's... Whoa. They have to take things pretty seriously. They're... Do they live... Do they get special treatment, or do they just live in, like, the mods with you guys? I think they live normal. i always wonder about that i never i feel like there's no way that offensive linemen were

sleeping in the same beds as us right but they allegedly were i know at michigan my friend's older brother curtis was on the michigan lacrosse team yeah and john harbaugh and the michigan lacrosse coach got together and they were because they were tired of the like you know super rich prep school lacrosse kids like all like siloing by themselves and being that way and then like the football coach was tired of the football kids like only hanging out with football kids yeah that they thought like if they made them all live together then they'd like rub off on each other so like the lacrosse kids would like calm down a little bit and the football kids would maybe like try and be more like that's funny did it work whatever i don't know but so curtis lived with

a an uh offensive lineman or defensive line that was like a first round pick got it and he was like they had to you know his bed was not even close to big enough like as a freshman and they had to like do all this stuff to like but he was like the first day we were just sitting there like kind of feeling each other out because they've like never met you know they were feeling each other out and they're hoping that they would rub off on one another i remember my friend riley was like a big volleyball recruit yeah and she uh ended up coming to rollins for whatever reason and they gave her like mac daddy accommodations i remember being like she totally deserves it but like is there there's not any money in d2 volleyball you know what i mean like what

incentive do we have to like put her in like she lived in we were all in triple she was in a single that was like in like the really nice dorm that you couldn't even apply to get into it was like reserved just for these kids interesting yeah i don't i think they just lived among us oh the ball player like falls out of the vents yeah um i remember pre-nil going to college campus pre-no and you every college athlete would have like a scooter that they're driving yes they had and you're like there's just no way you guys all bought scooters right no these were clearly very much gave all the athletes scooters at bc which is hysterical because bc's on a massive hill with like stairs going up it so it's like having a scooter they would just like all like yeah they'd

have to like go off campus to get up or they would all pile up their scooters at the bottom of the stairs yeah yeah it's just funny for people to think that there were no gifts or money before nil no everyone there always was no but i feel like the scooters that could be like the school bought those for you like i think that was allowed i don't think you can no way you can give you can yeah dude a kid got in trouble one time because his grandma gave him like 20 bucks for his birthday that can't be true that's impossible i'm serious your family can't give you money that's impossible that doesn't make any sense his grandma gave him 20 bucks for his birthday and he got arrested and went to jail for like some rusty fucking misinformation thanks one to no one they shot

him because his grandma gave him a crisp lincoln i swear this was a thing because like they didn't want it to be so like the school would give the grandma money and then the grandma would be like here's twenty thousand dollars for your birthday it's still that's super twenty thousand dollars different than a twenty dollar bill but i'm saying but like they investigated that twenty dollars because it's like no but like the school could provide things that are like like they can give you uniforms and like shoes and like they also can give them cash even back before nil so like not like a huge amount but like my friend oh like a per diem or whatever yeah play d1 baseball and wake forest gave him like you know two thousand bucks a month or whatever it was like

a stipend can i go to the bathroom real quick please i did end up finding a story that matched my case uh yukon women's basketball player accepted forty dollars from cash app from fans from fans via cash up from fans on her birthday and she had to donate it to charity okay that's not his grand that's him but yeah that is still ridiculous but that is very different yeah but i think that was why they push nil because they're like this is getting ridiculous like but i think fan i mean under those like previous rules no matter how stupid that still is like technically yeah could be like abused because like then you know 100 fans from wherever could just donate for you to come all right here's another funny thing please tied to my past life in politics the guy

who's have i've said that the guy who's like the front runner to be governor right now is eric swalwell okay front runner to be governor of california okay what's happening in newsom he's not running for i i don't know if he's term limited limited or just not running but he's not running but i work this guy a cool guy i worked for his presidential campaign anyway i uh i was like the only one of two people for his that worked for his presidential campaign in south carolina bless you very short-lived bless you campaign and uh yeah he called me the night he dropped out and then he ended up getting me the job for the congressional campaign i worked on he got me the job on this podcast he actually got me this podcast he had a two-man team and

you were one of the people yeah how did he find you i reached out to him because i my freshman year of college i was dating a girl from his district in like the bay area okay so i was aware of who he was um and he was like taking a hard line on like gun violence and i was really involved with like the march for our lives stuff after the parkland shooting and like anyway so i reached out and he was like yeah i would love that so anyway does every presidential candidate have like two people in every state usually a lot more than that in the swing in or not the swing states but the big primary state south carolina is a huge state for the primary like i was saying because it's like the third one it's the first of the majority black uh i see voting base but it uh

there they had one actual employee in south carolina it was a tiny campaign to fail i mean he didn't even make the debate stage when there were like 20 people on the stage what did he say in his phone call to you um he called me the night he dropped out and he said it's been a good run it's been a good it's been a good i will say this it seemed like he'd maybe had a couple cocktails and uh i was sitting i was my intern well i was working i was in dc that summer so i was like working in the capital and i was and then i would go home and do stuff for him and he i remember him calling and i lived with a guy who was like a super like mega whatever and where in dc how did you meet this guy uh just i've i knew the i subletted from a guy i knew and that was just

he was a very nice guy he just we did not agree on was he in politics or he just no he was in college or he was yeah anyway i i get a facetime from like a number and i like answer it was from my i think it was from my girlfriend at the time who was at his like dropping out party in dropping out in san francisco or whatever and he i answered it was him and i was like oh my god hi congressman he's like hey man just want to thank you for all your work and my i remember my roommate walking got behind and then after the call i was like all right have a good one he's like is that fucking congressman eric swallow like yeah apparently wait what is that common for them to have dropping out parties i i don't know but i would imagine if you drop out you probably get your your campaign

staff together and say we're gonna go get a drink i don't think it was like a scheduled party i think it was more of like a the day he dropped out he probably told everyone at the office like let's go that's kind of like when uh when you lose the super bowl like that your the team still has a party after because they had it planned in case they won. Those are always apparently very fun, but it's like grim. People are just like drinking their

face off. Can you Google USA Hockey? I just heard a big cheer, I think. I believe it's 1-0 now. Are you just assuming? I believe so. Based on the cheer? I believe so. No, but I'm wondering what your basis is. You're right, but it says right there.

No, I believe that's what I'm doing. Like, did you see it or are you just guessing uh i mean aren't we all just kind of guessing through life the amount of guessing i do just on kind of a hourly basis is i think higher than the than the layman yeah anyway so i'm gonna have it i'll have an in with the governor if he wants so i hopefully can is he do you like you jet you like him yeah i think he he's um i have i have reservations about him what is it like he could be too powerful no i just don't find him particularly i don't think he appeals to young people as much even though he's a younger

guy i think a lot of his support tends to be very uh more like unks unks and i think also he announced his candidacy like a week after mum donnie right one and his whole platform is like affordability which is like i'm on board for but it feels like a little like pandery waited to see the blueprint and see if it would work and then decided which is smart but how is mom donnie doing it's still good i think um there's been a lot of blowback like this last couple weeks because the like rainy day fund thing well yeah that he's like gonna raise property tax well he wanted to put like a tax on billionaires but the governor of new york isn't letting it happen so now he's but isn't that people kind of knew that a lot of the stuff he wanted would all would need approval

from the capital right uh yes and no like some i don't know i think i'm not super well versed on like how those inter yeah act but i think governor of new york a democrat yeah but she's not as far as he is yeah i mean she's not like a socialist but she i don't know raising it is he raising property taxes for everybody yeah i think so like across the board yeah it's interesting he can do that but he can't yeah i guess that's that's a little bit what i'm not i don't totally understand the logistics i'm not super dialed in right the ins and outs of who do you think is gonna be president next let's call it now let's call our shot now that's how people that's how people get their podcast to blow up is like yeah and then four years ago i called it i don't know i don't

know i really right yeah right now it seems like the democratic front runner is gavin newsom which i don't want so but he's very handsome he is handsome i i ever since we didn't get romney there's a handsome hole in my heart like yeah like a like sort of a gray fox like back i just kind of what what about obama obama was definitely but he was getting older yeah he was hot in his first term but he and he's still hot he's still very hot now he's kind of got hotter like in the last couple years he's got this like swag he's got it he's got a aura right now yeah i just here's my thing with politics i fit i like it being kind of romantic like i like you know what i mean yeah yeah you want like a heartthrob like no no uh romantic in the other

sense like i want to i want to i want him to be kind of kennedy-esque yeah yeah i liked when there was a little left to the imagination and we could you could create narratives in your head and you're like he's like naylin palin have you seen that no google naylin palin it's a porn yeah it was like a super famous oh that's um lisa ann lisa ann okay interesting she does kind of look like palin yeah but uh yeah like i think a nice handsome soft-spoken gentleman i'd maybe like to him to be having some sort of affair maybe john ossoff you know him that might be your best chance i just want john i want a little bit of drama but it to be behind the scenes like i want him to have their kind of rumors of an affair with maybe like a movie star i guess i just want jfk back

is kind of my what about this guy you think you get behind him uh i can get behind him i don't know if he's sort of like a twink no i don't i want a hunk okay at bare minimum a twunk like i don't i just feel like if we have a twink president we're gonna get blown off he's tall though he's kind of like a tall he's a skinny guy yeah tall twink i just i worry i worry we're gonna get nuked if we have a twink i don't think i think we need people to be worried about us okay and twinks people are they're too nice can twinks be mean oh yeah oh yeah i knew some mean twinks i was thinking about you know how the you know how people were like explaining to us you know otters and cubs and stuff like that just ferret exist yet because

ferret could be like you know he's a twink but he's super like slender and hairy and he's kind of like a weasel like he's talking behind your back and stuff oh that i'm if ferret doesn't exist yet i think i'd like to submit that i don't think yeah i think you'd have to get like to the community yeah i would i'd just be curious to see how much better life would be with like we just haven't had a hot president in a while it's been eight years eight years no 12 years but even like obama's handsome and obama's handsome i'm talking like hot you know what i mean did you ever see young biden young body so yeah that's what i'm talking about yeah but even like by the time he was in politics he already kind of had like long hair on the sides but he was like bald

i mean come out but that was like when he was in college i'm talking he's been in politics like his whole career but look at him like even when he was a congressman like he's not like i'm talking like draw like i want him i want our president to be trying to think like who we could get i don't even know if there's like an option right now oh yeah newsome's kind of a panty dropper that's true like i want yeah i want him to and i want him to be aware of it that's kind of the whole thing yeah you want obama was like a little coy about like i want him to be aware that people are turned on by him yeah yeah i just think everyone would chill out a little bit if he was if we had a hot sexy president and he'd probably get more done yeah i mean like and even if he's

not he's hot you know what i mean like yeah like worst case scenario worst day possible he's still hot yeah you know what i mean like when when like biden fucks up or trump fucks up it's like there's nothing not even hot yeah there's not even hot jfk got us on the moon that's what i'm talking about that's what i'm talking about spoiler alert yeah and like i don't know i just think i think we are less of a country though we become less of a country each year we don't have a hot president i think i'm tired of these fucking old heads in in office i need i need i need body fat in the teens i need some salt and pepper hair i was gonna say a lot what i don't know I was going to make a really fucked up joke about it.

There's plenty of politicians that have been in teens. Put their body fat in. Oh, God. It's like an Epstein. I need people to start putting their body fat in teens. All right. You know what I'm talking about. I need sub 20% body fat, salt and pepper hair, nice tailored suit.

I'm tired of this fucking, these baggy ass suits. Listen, I'm- This isn't an early 2000s NBA draft. I'm trying to think of, like, who the hottest politician is right now, and I honestly don't. RFK. AOC's pretty hot. I thought we were talking about dudes. Yeah, but I think that could also be sexy, too.

I'm just, let's keep our options open here. Yeah. We get Trudeau to become an American, maybe. Can you go hottest dude politician? Hottest, yeah. Yeah, like. Oh, Zelensky definitely has. Dude, that guy is good.

Who's that guy? Who's that? Brandon Gill? I like that. This guy? Holy shit. Yeah, but they're not old enough yet. No.

no no no no eric's wall is one of the top hottest guys looking no no like no vests that's what i'm talking like i don't want these fucking red pillars in office i want fucking oh i patch maybe like kind of like he's like a sexy villain kind of cranchaw kind of gets you going that's the all we're fucking working with can we just get one smoking hot smoking hot silver fox dud muffin hanny dropper in office they they elected a president way back when only because he was hot and he's notoriously the worst president of all time um james buchanan he was gay his name it was in the book i'm reading by malcolm gladwell warren harding warren g harding yeah but even like yeah he had like a kind of a phallic last name he's not hot what are you talking about he's like they

elected this guy because he looks like every old guy i've ever seen well they said that and like he looked like a president yeah he's good looking i mean jfk they say was the uh yeah was the first guy to get elected because people could see how good looking he was with the tv maybe maybe it was just that he looked like a president but he looks like a president i remember him being hotter for some reason yeah i uh yeah like warn g hard cock war a warning i'm warning warning g harding warning g hardening i'm hardening do you think they ever get boners at the oval office or at the at their desk in the oval office and they're like what am i doing right now like they get they like their mind wanders for a second no i think that they're like love it so locked oh

you think they they do get boners but they love it or they call their secretary in and she slurps them uh who was the first guy to get head in the oval office bilkland no no there was like george washington no no no they didn't have the void there was a guy who kyle gordon has been doing this series where he like does like different presidents and kind of like makes fun of them and one of them was allegedly got head and then kyle gordon looks at the camera and he's like this is awesome i'm probably the only president that's ever gonna do this that's funny i can't imagine getting like i think about how much less important my desk is than the one in the oval office and i couldn't even fathom getting head of my desk

you know what i mean well i don't yeah yours wouldn't really work because it's up against the wall you could be under the desk i guess yeah maybe i could get ahead i could be under on my desk until you guys share someone comes to share a desk no someone comes to open the door and i'm laying down on my desk getting head they're like that's not how you do it or you're under the desk and the person giving you a head is at on your chair hold your leg you guys suck at this no pun intended oh all right well if anyone has any thoughts out there on hot presidents yeah is is mom donnie gonna run for president you think he can't why he wasn't born in the u.s oh he was born in africa is what was it zimbabwe or did i

make that up that can't be i don't know where was it zoron born uganda he doesn't look he's not ugandan well but his parents were living there got it yeah so he moved to new york when he was what happens if my parents had me outside of the country could i still be president um like am i an american citizen i actually don't think yeah i don't think you'd be eligible unless you're born on like a military base but yeah wasn't the whole weren't people like accusing obama of being born in like kenya kenya yes he's born in hawaii right he's born in hawaii there any validity to that no but where did they get kenya i think his parents are kenyan Yeah, I think, like, his dad is Kenyan, but...

Yeah. I can't believe he's only one letter up. It was Trump, though, that was, like, the biggest, like, pushing out. Oh, before politics? Yeah. Weird. Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah, it was Trump. Can we do a segment? We do? Please. Called, Do I Need a Lawyer? Do I Need a Lawyer? Do I Need a Lawyer? This is brought to you by Morgan & Morgan, America's largest law firm.

Hit us with one, Andrew. You got something? all right do i need a lawyer if i don't invite my roommate to my birthday dinner at our apartment i'm a sophomore in college with two roommates one who i really like and get along with and the other one that i don't uh she is the bane of my existence we signed a lease really early on and kind of just grew apart and then once we moved in this year she has been extremely hostile towards me refused to do anything in terms of chores and didn't pay for any of the common space items like furniture kitchen supplies we obviously don't get along because of this and we

never hang out or talk about anything not related to the apartment my birthday is coming up and i love to cook so i want to have a dinner party for my friends would it be fucked up of me to not invite maddie to the dinner or is there a respectful way of letting her know that it's happening but she's not invited she literally never leaves her room so she would definitely be home while it's happening and she is always loudly on her phone with her long distance boyfriend which would not be great to hear during a dinner party let me know what you think do i need a lawyer i would say you do not need a lawyer unless it's dan morgan because i've heard he's a great dinner guest but you might need a lawyer for what she might do if she finds out wait i feel

like i think i feel like this kind of thing comes up a lot where it's like we both hate each other am i an asshole for not inviting them but it's gonna be awkward if she sees it yeah but she's gonna be like yeah she didn't invite me because we hate each other but it's like also her space technically yeah but it's your an apartment just tell her like hey i'm having people over hey just a heads up behind people over for dinner tonight i feel like this is totally overblown i have a thought you hate each other she's not gonna be mad that you didn't invite her to a thing she's gonna be glad you didn't invite her to hack her boyfriend's instagram account her long-distance boyfriend's instagram account and post a story like slide up for a slide up if you want to come

kick it with a real one or something and then she's gonna be on the phone with him for so long yelling at him about that that you can have the dinner no but it sounds it sounds like she doesn't want them to even be on the phone which that one is like you're just gonna have to that one i think is like just cook at someone else's apartment wait i think you just do it and you don't invite her and that's fine and tell her you're even worried that she's gonna be loud from the other room oh then just tell her hey i'm having people over i feel like people blow those things out i girls love to have friends that like they both hate each other but they still feel like they're supposed to invite each other yeah like if i have someone and we both hate each other they would

never in a million years care if i didn't invite them to something yes yeah i would say i don't expect tom brady to invite me to his birthday party so this goes zach brian i don't know i'm Am I sitting around waiting for tickets to his concert? Right, right. So I would say you don't need a lawyer. Don't need a lawyer. Next. Suck it up.

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