Will & Rusty's Playdate - we wrote family guy cutaways that don’t exist

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

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play date episode 187 sydney crosby come on sydney the kid and i'm gonna go oh show me show me larry david larry david is no he's not 87 if he's 87 that's insane that would be crazy I mean he looks 87 78 I guess he doesn't look 87 Clint Eastwood's pretty good I think he might even be 90

I'm not even kidding oh my fucking god Clint Eastwood is 95 Clint Eastwood didn't he just make a movie he directed something recently he's gotta be one of the only

he's gonna be one of the oldest guys 95 year olds right 180 degree like he's still a straight line usually they're like oh like he's not like in a wheelchair or they're like yeah number two he directed at age 94 called juror number 95 yeah and it was more like juror number ass it was such a good concept that movie blew whatever was it really what's the concept the concept is like i guess it's a kind of a spoiler if anyone's gonna watch it but i can't i cannot imagine there's anyone in the comments like i was about to watch juror number two maybe a juror takes a big poop before the trial is that true that's why it's called juror number two no uh it's about a juror realizing guy's going to try guys on trial and during the trial one of the jurors realizes

it was him who did it that's fantastic he hit something with his car that night he didn't realize what it was what do you think he had like a deer because there was like a deer crossing sign right around there and he thought he had a he did thought he hit a deer and then he realizes he hit this girl oh my god the girl's ex-boyfriend is on trial and so he's realizing as all the evidence comes out that it was him because he knew he was there that night and holy moly which is a sick concept but the movie's just not very good but he's but the director was 94 yeah in his defense he was 94 years old which is i can't even really wrap my mind around like i don't know like is he actually directing that yeah probably i don't know i kind of feel like he probably was like

apparently he only does one take maybe he's like worried about dying like literally like i heard he does one take he does one take and then he's like cut it let's go let's move on that's funny um wait i don't even i mean 95 years old i don't know if i know a 95 year old i don't know if i even know a 95 year old i don't know if you even know a 95 year old i was doing make sure we get that on the make sure we get the audio of that i was doing my year-end review for our for our employer like filling yours out filling mine out yeah and uh and it there was a section that's have you done it yet there's a section that's like uh how have people around you grown in you know as a result of your mentoring or leadership or uh

you know whatever and i had to sit there and be like i have been thinking about this job completely wrong i haven't tried to get one there's zero percent of my job that's like and i should be i should yeah i should be like you know helping out someone here yeah i mean that's kind of a weird question a little bit for if we're in a job where we don't really have like people that like report to us i used it as an opportunity to kind of uh like hype up people on our team word so i was like as a cohesive unit we have kind of grown together in our own roles and i i just prefaced it by saying i don't really see myself as much of a mentor but uh but yeah i'm gonna say that i feel like i have mentored bastard liam liam i feel like i've

made him softer yeah you've loosened him up he was such a hard ass yeah yeah i gave him all these lotions and stuff he's like a baby seal now like you could if you put him on like a slip and slide he would go literally forever yeah he'd keep going you ever tell you about my slip and slide accident um maybe probably i think we've told each other everything but i'm down to here i literally think i every time the only time i think of new things to tell you are when we have a guest yeah because they jog a memory that i forgot i had i was uh i was at the bottom of a slip and slide that me seamus gavin and harper grove built in my backyard yeah and uh i was laying at the bottom and harper kind of came down and tried to superman punch me in the balls and he's so much

bigger than i was at that point that he all of my body moved except for my left shoulder and my arm stayed and completely popped out of the socket oh and he thought i was joking and i had to have and then i had to have him pop it back in and uh i went inside and i had to kind of weep it out for a second on the toilet but here's the real on the toilet there was it was the only like secluded place in my i just sat in my bathroom did you pop your shoulder back he did oh he did but here's the thing about a shoulder it's your socket apparently is like a golf tee and the ball of your shoulder just kind of sits in that okay and if you if it pops out you can slide it back in but if when it pops out it chips part of it like imagine like chipping

part of the golf tee yeah now the ball's never gonna like fully sit on it perfectly it'll fall out sometimes yeah it happens when i get like too excited like i won't even like move anything like i'll be like watching a movie and it'll like kind of hurt oh and then i hear it kind of click back in maybe the only way to fix it is to go the other way on a slip and slide run up yeah i think that might be the only way to fix it right i you want to hear the saddest part about it yeah it was like a tuesday perfect day it was so nice out and we perfect before figuring it out figuring out if any of like the girls or any of our guy friends could make a slip and slide day yeah we went bought all the supplies and set it up and so it was all ready to go and it was kind of just the

three of us and then we sent out the like you know e-blast yeah and everyone was like we all have class it's like 11 on a tuesday blasted them yeah we sent out like yeah like a an evite no it was like a i want to say like group me yeah like there was a group me that was kind of like for uh for partying yeah it was kind of like what's the word tonight yeah and uh it was just the three of us and it was we overshot the soap by a landslide so it was like it was it was way too slippery but it was also you're just covered in suds now but i got really clean probably yeah ass didn't stink when you wash it the next day this is the thing man i try and i try and get stuff off my chest about how i'm feeling the

soap the soap thing i thought everyone was going to be like yeah get it off your chest yes i saw a lot of dms saying they they agree the same thing all the comments were like you know i don't want to hear about your ass juices i don't want to know about rusty's ass if they didn't want to hear about our ass juices they would have tuned out a long time yeah it's like it's like do you not want to hear about are you aware that we're men yeah we have ass juices so it's not a juices thing it's like a just general why do you think i'm washing it i'm washing it because it's not clean anymore and if that ain't money you ain't honey here's a question can i tell you yeah please um it's a totally unrelated is that okay go for it and it's not

a question okay unrelated statement and go we were watching there was today we're recording this i think a week before this will come out but uh today is uh the quarterfinals of the olympic hockey the u.s just won in overtime finland had this like insane comeback and won in overtime earlier and i had placed a parlay this morning on both of those teams to win and they both had like insane wins like the film one was actually unbelievable they were down two goals with five minutes left in the game and ended up winning i just went to reap my rewards right and realized i guess i had placed it was like a three-way bet so it was like only regulation so it was just a draw so i just got my money back oh my god but i i i thought that i was like the richest guy in

school how much would it have been i would have won 200 whoa whoa if i had 200 right now i would be you go home early i would i would no i would have gone straight to the bank and said give me a million dollars and i would have oh you know that scene in breaking bad where jesse just drives around throwing money out his window at people's houses and then crashes and like horns yeah i would be doing that with pennies i was like ow i uh but anyway it's like it's like kind of like okay fine i guess nothing big nothing burger but the amount of emotion i had tied up into it it's almost worse than just losing no definitely not worse than losing fiscally better fiscal also i'm glad i didn't know that because the goal for the u.s was so hype and for finland so it was

like i still got the dopamine out of it so i think it's fine i'm realizing i don't think i know what i think i've been using fiscal incorrectly i use fiscal or fiscally anytime i'm talking about money but now i'm thinking isn't it only like an economy thing no fiscal means relating to money it seems like you got to be up like you have to be like a government no but like a company has a fiscal year right but can i be can i be fiscally responsible so i've been using that correctly i think so do Well, I don't know if you can be, but in theory. On paper, you can be. I don't know if your brain will allow it.

There's something in my brain that is really hard for me to be good with money. And I know that might come to a shock, comes a shock to people at home. You guys think I brought it all together and I constantly am right. But no, behind the scenes, my finances are kind of a mess. I think you should bet it all on hockey. if i i literally think the only the only difference between me and like a homeless guy is that i is that sports betting is not illegal they're not illegal in california you think if sports betting was legal you'd be a homeless guy yeah yeah like i think for parts

of the week i think i'd be i think i'd like you know i kicked out of my apartment and then i'd you know i'd get it back but my girlfriend's homeless yeah how's that been going she's gotten doesn't even have a semblance of a home so she's moving she's gonna move in with you for a little bit she's moving with me forever we're getting a place together no not actually we're she's just for like two weeks she's gonna stay with me so you i'm very proud of you and your romantic journey you went from you know you were you couldn't be tied down you could you could not be tamed to now you have a girlfriend and when she gets back from spain you have a long distance girlfriend now and when she gets back from spain you're gonna let her live at your house imagine telling that

to will what this time last year that lauren that lauren and you were gonna be dating lauren denellan a little sneak preview oh yeah that lauren and you were gonna be dating and that she was technically gonna be moving in with you for a little bit technically moving with me is an exaggeration two weeks it's not a vacation she's gonna be working out of your house she's going to be she doesn't have a job she needs to get it together she doesn't have a house or a job she's got nothing she doesn't have any things what does she have doesn't have a family she what's your favorite she's never learned how to drive she can't speak she's got no skin her fingers have worn off she's honestly just like a concept if she if it's higher than uv3 she

explodes yeah and it is every day um i tanned the other day in uv3 i think that's my new i think that's my new jam because here's what i don't like about tanning it's stressful for a guy like me because i get burnt very easily true and so when it's uv3 i was like i can fall asleep out here it's gonna be good yeah i i don't i wish it was a little i wish i was getting tanner this past week of rain has been devastating for my psyche really yeah i do not do well i always beg for it i beg for rain and then when it happens you've not enjoyed it no i have a blast but there's this i get so anxious i feel like something's gonna like happen well something might happen this weekend what's that nothing probably nothing do you actually have something no

like i if i didn't get that hole-in-one the other day that day would have been a fucking nightmare is it true that you had to get new pants because i shit them because you got a hole-in-one you have kind of a backlog of golf more golf jokes than i think all my uncle got hurt on the golf course this is real how he fell off the ball washer oh really yeah i thought he got shot wasn't there like a mass shooting at like a right wasn't there like well he was the mass shooter and then he turned it on himself okay yeah so okay hypothetical you go into the future right what's and you can tell them one thing about the past what do you tell them it's actually a good question because it's like you have to think about things that could maybe like i'm thinking of it through

the lens of how can i benefit future me yeah no you're going you're going a thousand years in the future okay cars flying cars are old tech at this point okay what's new tech uh do you think that in a thousand years car flying cars will be old tech i think the planet will be extinct do you think so yeah that's kind of interesting to think about i would so yeah i guess i would probably tell the dinosaurs because it'll go back to dinosaurs then uh i would tell the dinosaurs to recycle i'd tell the microplastic dinosaurs i would tell no i would tell me macroplastic i would tell them about um ozempic yeah maybe they it's like a lost technology and everyone's fat again if i could go into the let's say i could go 100 years or 50 years in the future okay that's

probably a better one i'm gonna do that because here's what i'd do right now i'd pick a stock can i tell everyone at once if you can get on tv and they still have that okay so i would no one watches it if i could tell everyone 50 years from now i would just i would just buy a stock right now go 50 years in the future yeah and say everyone buy this stock right now and then 80 74 year old me his stock price would shoot up and he'd i'd sell it all okay make a billion dollars when you're you would get a billion dollars when you're 80 74 74 74 70 yeah so then you hopefully i'm like i'm like still fine like it wasn't like nothing i went to korean barbecue last night how was that it was really good it was so good um it was my buddy diego's birthday so there were like eight

of us that went it was probably some of the best i love korean barbecue yeah you and i did it once yeah i just look well i don't think we have did you always say it wasn't real but it happened in we didn't do new york it was a grill in front of us was it in new york or maybe there was the option i don't think we've ever done cream barbecue oh man like were you cooking on the thing in front of you no i maybe the stove was there but we didn't use it i don't think yeah we got like yeah take out hot soup yeah chicken katsu i uh i think our ride is here yeah we gotta go all right okay did you guys see that uh the iowa fraternity thing yeah that was fucking is that what like what that was like not for me

not for me i swear that made me like sad i also think so for context there's a video of like cops raiding like a iowa fraternity during like pledging there's like all these kids like tied up and like blindfolded it looks like there's like poop on them yeah it looked not good it also was like the most silent i've ever heard a room and the craziest part is like think about how deep they are into it like the cops are telling them to like get out of the room yeah and they none of them move a muscle because they don't know if it's like a prank i don't know i don't know you see this video i did i was confused because i just imagined that's how all fraternity hazing is and then i was like could anyone get out of fraternity hazing just by calling the cops

you know like why why wouldn't someone being hazed just call the cops to get out of it well that that fraternity is now shut down ceases to exist so anything that they did yeah i mean you'd get out of hazing but it would you could also just leave you can also just get out of hazing by not doing it well don't they like lock you in a closet and make you like figure out a puzzle like you wouldn't be able to get out of that what if you freaked out we're like i don't want to be in this fraternity i'm gonna call the cops then they would let you or you wouldn't i mean that would i think there's less intense ways you could just be like hey i am done and they would let you go yeah the were you in a fraternity no that also i wanna i wanna preface i hope they

were playing me i hope they i hope they were playing music or something before the cops got there because if the hazing is just silently standing there in that room that seemed there was like shit on them right oh i don't know that looked like they were getting like covered and stuff like the mustard yeah those big schools the stories i've heard are pretty grim i heard a guy at alabama say they uh like what you they want you to like figure out who's going to be your pledge class president like each pledge class has like a guy that like kind of speaks for them yeah and when they decided they break his arm isn't that does he know that his arm yeah broken so they're like taught like you know the thing

that comes off the top of the toilet apparently they like put his arm down and then they just like slam like these people those big school people are insanity i heard of one where it was like 10 guys locked in a closet and they had like 10 32 packs of like natty lights and they were given that and a plastic bag and they said if you throw up you have to throw up in the plastic bag and all the beers have to be finished as well as the plastic back has to be empty meaning if someone throws up you got to eat their puke what and i was like did you do it he goes i had to and i was like no that was a buddy of yours huh that was a buddy of yours he like i wouldn't be able to be buddies with that guy yeah he's like you have no spine i heard one where they had to get like a bunch of college kids

together and they no i'm serious i thought it was i thought it was gonna be i'm sorry no and they took them to like upstate new york and none of them like had any idea of really what they were doing and they were they like had to compete against the soviet union i guess and her brooks gave him like a huge pump up speed they had to go to lake plaza and that's where it was lake plaza i knew it was upstate new york somewhere and i guess this one guy was they had to just her brooks was just making them skate back and forth across the ice until this one guy michael ruzioni was like spoke up he said like usa and then they they let him score the game winner against the soviet union and then they beat finland for the gold medal

swear to god my grandpa this is a true story that was awesome my grandpa when he was uh when he was pledging his it's a miracle they survived sorry go ahead by grandpa when he was pledging his fraternity he said they woke him up in the middle of the night and they he went to university of maine it was already kind of in the middle of nowhere and he said they drove him like you know 10 miles away from campus like into the woods and dropped him off and they're like you have to make your way back and there's no if we find out you hitchhiked or you have to walk like if you if we find out you you know gamed the system there's gonna be hell to pay and he said he just immediately hitchhiked and uh got dropped off

like he was like i was i was out of my dorm for 45 minutes and i just went to my buddy's house and just uh pretended that i never got back to campus and so for like three days he like made them think like oh my god jim's dead and then he was like after like the third day he was either at like a buddy's house or a girlfriend's house they were like dude you're gonna you have to go back he was like you'll be a hero if you go back and so he said he went in the backyard and covered himself in dirt and like ripped his shirt and stuff and walked back and was like like you have no idea what i've been through and they were like so happy to see him that they were just like we didn't make they didn't make me do anything that's kind of awesome actually

he totally turned it on them yeah yeah oh my god i mean what if one of those kids did call the cops who knows well so the fire alarm went off maybe one of them pulled it yeah i mean that's what i was thinking like how do you get out of that we were always and i'm not just saying this there was nothing that we did that like no matter what side of it i was on whether i was a pledge or the other side where we weren't laughing about it after because these are your friends also like maybe it's just because we were a smaller school but like these are like your buddies so it was like yeah and we had known them for a semester before so when you're pledging like you're already buddies with these guys so like the power dynamic is kind of gone yeah but like i don't know how

these kids go through like horrible things and then are like friends with them after at a big school there's just no way that you could be like yeah i'm out and they'd be like okay yeah you could i don't think a lot of kids not in the frat like you're not in the fraternity you're there because you right i mean i don't i genuinely don't know what do you like you think they're gonna like kill you if you're like i'm no but they like like lock kids in like dog cages and stuff i don't think you could just be like i don't want to do this anymore i don't want to be part of this frat and i know kids there you go i know kids that have done that you're i mean and the pledge masters just like they're like we'll think about it there's a it's a crime if if they keep

it's all a crime no i know what i'm saying like committing crime no but like it's a it's a crime that they're gonna get caught for the second they let you out of the house because if you said i'm done and they said no you're still gonna leave right after and then you'll just go tell the cops the whole point of hazing is like is like yes it's a crime but like the reward at the end prevents anyone from going and saying anything yeah i so if you get rid of the reward then you have no incentive to stay quiet i mean i think what you're yeah i guess i don't know i don't know i would like to think they'd let anyone leave if they didn't want to but i hope i don't know you might be i don't know i had a buddy who went to boston university which was his first mistake

and i'm not and okay before everyone thinks they're getting micro rizzioni again you're not getting mike arizzione right now mike a different guy than mike arizzione went to be you my buddy and he got hazed horribly and i swear to god like something left his eyes yeah he's not the same after yeah like anytime i've seen him since like i just i think it's i don't know that shit scares me it's torture it's psychological torture when you're when you're in your most formative state like your brains your brains play-doh and they just make it into a different thing my brain is like granite granite concrete yeah you need one of those machines that shoots water at like the speed of light to cut any one of those machines

that it's like you shoot water at a little target and if you hold it for long enough like a thing moves along the thing and then you get a little stuffed animal right totally or okay new idea for the podcast balloon wall every episode we throw a dart and there's a new prize pop a balloon win a prize that was my dad's job when he was a kid he was at palace play balloon he was you know pop a ball win a prize no he was pop my balls pop a balloon win a prize it's just his balls through like a hole in a wall yeah and they just keep seeing everyone like oh oh boy my muffins so another fact we just stepped out of the podcast for a second because our friends from hbo were here which is home box office we forged this

real friendship no pun intended with the people that that's just a medieval word oh yeah with uh with the people that work at hbo for this show a night of the seven kingdoms which we did a few videos see it felt like he was about to reveal like an hbo shirt oh yeah uh anyway they brought us a custom keg keg keg's not even the right word keg holder it's like an old wine barrel yeah with a keg spout and it's got our it says hbo night of the seven kingdoms and then it has our names carved into it and i was thinking we do something called keg and kegs and egg instead of keg and eggs kegs and eggs because the guy the main one of the main characters in that show is named egg yeah have you seen it are you caught up so fucking good really good i'm not all been we've all been

watching it independent without talking about i know we yeah the one time i watched it i watched i watched everything we didn't watch at the premiere this weekend same so it hasn't come I actually watched it all this weekend, yeah. But the finale's on set. This sounds like we're not doing an ad read at this point. No. We have no incentive. We have no incentive other than maybe more GIFs down the line.

Yeah, maybe we're GIF baiting. GIF baiting. But we, it's a funny phenomenon. I was just saying to the HBO people that, like, we met Peter in, who's, like, the main guy in it. Sir Duncan or whatever. In October. And we did a thing with him, and he's the coolest guy. and like at the time I followed him on Instagram

he had like 10,000 followers and like what does he have now? I looked the other day he had like a couple hundred thousand I think does he follow you back? no he doesn't follow me either he follows fucking Angus haha dude fuck! I know sorry

sometimes I think about it and I'm like did he know he was gonna blow up and he didn't want people to see that he followed me why would that make sense? what does that even mean? oh man like the industry would blacklist him or something why would they blacklist him for following you? bad i have like a i have a reputation of like any actor it's like the rusty curse oh you start kicking it with me and my crew you like get into the bad stuff all right i didn't

know about that fuck but i'm not peter teal peter teal followed you yeah and then all that stuff came out about him peter teal involves peter teal follows me yeah he does who is this are you being serious yeah peter teal follows you on instagram uh yeah he i mean i don't know if he still does but he did wait he co-founded paypal like with elon musk yeah he's part of the paypal mafia he's the guy in in the social network that mark zuckerberg goes to meet with he's like one of the richest guys in the world he also says oh i never even connected that he also says that he is developing an interest in the antichrist i think he is but he says he's like fascinated by satan isn't that weird that sounds about right a weird thing to say out loud yeah but yeah he

really likes my beer reviews peter teal is that real no peter teal doesn't follow me oh that would be so fucking funny i would like change the way i operate oh my god that would be so funny if like oh what's like the yeah netanyahu's like yeah netanyahu like loves the oh my god netanyahu who's obsessed with sayings that don't exist he's been using didn't he go on the fucking milk boys yeah he did i watched it that was the only milk boys pod i've ever watched we gotta get him on we gotta get steiny on here we gotta get steiny and ben benji who's benji nanyahu is that what do they call him again he has like a nickname benji no bb bb nanyahu yeah me yeah do you think he was in a fraternity he went to an american college and he went to like penn state i think

so yeah i was gonna ask if there was any hazing in shovelhead hello did you have any oh i i think i maybe mentioned this uh i guess maybe this was a secret i don't know but yeah no there's no hate okay so the first night sounds like there's hazing no because they're everyone i'm i'm everyone's really i we're all anti-hazing here it feels like you have like something happened to you with hazing you're very anti we did have hazing and it got shut down by the university wait what group it was it was so stupid it was like um i was part of this organization and like part of it to meet your big you had to shotgun a beer blindfolded okay and one of the kids in the organization was just like calling his parents afterwards and he was like yeah it's fun you know they made us

chucking a beer and then i got my big and his mom like flipped out and emailed the president of the university and they like cracked down on everybody and that's like oh my that's just like pre-gaming i was supposed to be roommates with the kid the next year and i was like okay if you're if you're gonna like snitch like this yeah that's no way i'm gonna live with you sorry what was your hazing thing and i got hazed so bad no i think i told the story of like they come the night you get in the club oh yeah how you find out as they come in like two in the morning and take you out your dorm and bring you to this like party and i had gotten i'd done a bunch of jeeps as the kids were calling them and i was so high like i remember like being like i was like i was like on the couch

just kind of like motionless and then i'd passed out and i got woken up like oh and like they put me in a car and they take me to this party and they give you a bottle of andre and what's andre like a it's like cheap like prosecco got it and like a 40 and they're like drink this but then immediately they're like also you do not have to drink and like there's like kind of like you you should drink it but you really do not have to if you don't want to i was so high i immediately fell asleep with both of them i didn't drink a sip of either of them and it was never like drink this if you want yeah drink this if you'd like to drink this drink this if that sounds fun if you are interested you may drink this but anyway i think maybe i wasn't supposed to say that so

i don't know what happens my friend davis bleep andre and 40 makes it sound worse yeah my friend with bag and molly do this bag and molly if you please bag and molly if you'd like only if you want to would you say my friend davis broke his jaw when we were at ron's and i have a video of him trying to shock on a beer through it and it is just it was like a bud light platinum wait what what does that mean like through it like like his mouth is wired shut oh and he's just trying to like still like and he does it what he was on his kanye shit dude he does it he completes the task but we were like if you threw it like if you throw up with a broken with a with a wired shut jaw you can like die we were like that'd be the dumb really yeah you get

my when my dad had a broken jaw he said he carried around a piece a pair of pliers in case he needed to like rip it out because you can like suffocate yeah he everyone had his uh through the wire through the wire through the wire he went to he did a post-grad year right after he broke his jaw and he said for the first like six weeks everyone there thought there was like something wrong with him like they thought he had special needs there was oh because he was like talking crazy yeah you're talking crazy you're talking crazy right now i know kelly you're talking crazy oh he said it was the only time in his life he could dunk though he lost so much weight he was just like six three like 145 and he was like i was

i was bouncy as all get out he didn't say it that way but he bros bouncing bros bouncing on it oh lordy lordy lord i'm going to my mom's house for dinner tonight really oh wait like her she's like airbnb or yeah she's she you know she does like a couple months out here in the winter yeah she uh we moved her in the other day she's got this cute little place and flanny and i are gonna go over and my mom texted us and was like your sister can't make it anymore and we were like oh no and she was like she was like i'm very sad but honestly i'm kind of relieved and we were like what and she was like because my sister's vegan or vegetarian yeah she's like i'm gonna have to make a whole new every time like she's there we have to make

a whole new sauce stew yeah so there has to be a vegetarian sauce and a meat sauce yeah yeah it's not a stew not a stew right completely different what do you mean a whole new sauce for what pasta oh yeah which i actually don't think is true because the sauce doesn't have meat in it she's gonna make meatballs with lots of onions that's how i like it i like it with lots of onions yeah i'm good with that flan and i are going to the usc ucla basketball game and i ordered some like usc gear online so i can look like i went there is that weird no that's funny you know i love that like yeah it's fun like if you're going to a game dress like but ordering it online like it's like a week in advance it feels like i'm like kind of maybe well it's no it's i think that's totally

fine i think it's something that you would like shit on me for so really yeah you constantly shit on me for like wearing team like apparel of teams that i'm aren't my favorite team when on this podcast right this took a turn oh yeah you're constantly shitting you constantly shit on me you make my life fucking hell wait what do you wear the reds jersey right i don't know i I don't really care. I don't think you have. Do you have a Reds jersey? Yeah.

I wore it to the wild card game. I wouldn't. I don't think I'd give you shit for wearing it. Isn't, like, my whole thing that, like, apparently I don't understand sports fandom? Yeah. So wouldn't I be like, what even is, what is that that you're wearing? Yeah. I'm, like, I'm exhausted today.

Yeah. I woke up at 6 in the morning. I couldn't fall back asleep. We did cold cases yesterday. Yeah. And we did it so early that I sobered up before bed. Just somehow completely avoided it. Is there something with a hangover that you have to fall asleep when you stop being drunk?

Because when I'm awake and I sober up, I'm not immediately hungover. I felt completely normal. Really? Yeah. Is it a sleep thing? No, I get hungover in the middle of the day. Yeah. If I drink in the morning.

Interesting. Well, Sunday, if the U.S. is in the gold medal game for hockey, yeah it's at five in the morning so we all gotta go to the bar i'm i have to wake up and film a white claw video or a bed mgm video for it maybe we can i got my cousins are visiting i can't i uh one time in new york i guess this is disproving my theory about the midday hangover because it has happened once i was in new york and we did mimosas yeah i know this me and my friend gianna and her wasn't there my friend gianna yeah oh in that basement yeah yeah so we all went to brunch yeah you were there exactly and then you went somewhere after and we all went

and got pedicures without you and uh halfway through that chair the mimosa buzz had kind of worn off and i went back to her house and me and her boyfriend fell asleep on the couch for four and a half my head was throbbing like i got like a bad bottle of champagne a bad bottle of champagne i think it expired my mom flan and i were sipping on that prisoner tonight you ever had the prisoner what's that google it is that the wine yeah do you like the prisoner 19 crimes is that what it is or i'm thinking a different one no 19 crimes is snoop dog's wine the prisoner is uh the grapes actually come from flan's friend's orchard the prisoner it's really cool and yummy and we we sip but we sip on it a couple times a year girl

come on pick it up at whole foods bring it back to the house cut open and cut up in a nice aged gouda beamster 24 months come on what is that beamster it's my favorite gouda is that cheese yeah nice do you like cheese why yes i do my favorite's gouda and willie or andrew what movie just ask her if she likes cheese uh do you like cheese why yes i do my favorite's gouda what is sorry what we're playing we're playing i we're playing rusty quote willie answer okay ready just ask her if she likes cheese do you like cheese why yes i do my favorite scooter pulp fiction minions three she's the man cheese the man wait she's the man she's the man right well you can understand why i can understand where my mind went are you sipping on that 19 crimes

often i just see it a lot it stands out to me you see it a lot where are you hanging out the wine bar i've got um this snoop dogg's gin and juice it's like a canned cocktail made by dr drain snoop dogg it's called snoop dogg's gin and juice made by dr drain i was like that is confusing that it's not made by that it wasn't no no i think it was like a collab and someone at some point we had a party and they i think it was will jones brought over like five like eight cases of it and it's just still on my patio we gotta throw it out no one i think i tried one sip and it was ass and no one's really even your cooler whenever i've been at a backyard shindig of yours your cooler is like a fucking free-for-all root beer twisted tea it's awesome

seltzers i got the best cool at the best cooler i want to take that barrel home with me i know the second you started saying it though i got filled with this like huge amount of rage that it would be at your house and not mine and i don't know how that's going to do for our friendship where would you put it at your house my i mean my apartment's bigger than your house so by that logic where are you going to put it in your apartment in my apartment okay i was good that's where i was going to put it all right and we leave it here and then if one of us having a party you can bring it home what if we do beer trivia and best of best of seven questions and the winner gets to take the kegger home that feels like that plays your strength okay i would like to

do star wars trivia okay baseball trivia what's in between those two here's okay the minnesota wilds instagram account i saw this video where they're asking each player like what what's one thing that what's something you know more about than anyone else on the team yeah the guy said trivia matt zuccarello goes uh probably trivia i was like i like that he's calling a shot he's like i'm smarter than everybody that's like the one wrong answer to that question what's one thing you know more about than no that's the best answer that's like what does that mean the most like well-rounded of everyone but i think what he like the question i think what he's getting at is that the question already is clearly like trivia based yeah what's the one thing that you know more about

than anyone else on your team trivia maybe he meant that he knows a lot about trivia like the history of trivia did we talk about this last episode or am i tripping no you got me a trip all right so how are we gonna settle this how are we gonna settle this keg debate i think we i think it's just like a you like i i don't need it right now i'm just like i want to bring i want to have like a party at some point to bring them yeah no what if you like share custody oh yeah what if we just joint custody it joint custody would be a good like man no like weed uh like a movie about divorce where they're both like crazy stoners and it has snoop dogg and wiz khalifa yeah maybe like that like

there's together there's like they're breaking they're divvying up their assets and there's like this you know totem pole or something and they're both like clearly you know that's what they're most hung up on it's like we want this thing and they find the lawyers find out that it's because it's full of weed and so they're all both trying to get custody of this totem pole custardy dude speaking of custody valentine's day dinner dessert comes out it's like this lovely custard thing and we're eating it it's the only thing left on the table there's nowhere for there are no like side plates that's important and so you know we put down our spoons for a second to like gaze into each other's eyes talk about you know our love for each other and the woman we must

have put him in a way that made it seem like we're done here and just came and just swooped it up before we could before we could finish it did you say anything no it all happened so fast you said ma'am i still have custody of that the problem was it was there was just like five percent left yeah so it would have been like all-time fat ass move to call her to say something yeah that's like in uh have you watched the chair company no there's a really funny bit in like the opening episode where there's like one deviled egg left and the waiter like they're having a really serious conversation with the waiters people keep trying to clear it and he's like don't stop we're gonna eat that it just makes me laugh it just makes me laugh there's a good and the deviled egg becomes

it's like a chekhov's dental day where it comes back it's a huge plot point what's a chekhov's like chekhov's gun you know it's like it's like something in the beginning that plays a role later yeah it's like if you're like in a movie and they like show a gun it's gonna get used nice like in anything that there's like a murder like usually like at some point they'll show the person wielding or acquiring the murder weapon being around the sketch team like you guys specifically or just like the editors yeah now and like thinking about how things are edited it's kind of made movie watching different where you're like you know nothing is on screen by accident so you start overthinking things or like i know that's gonna come into play later

because he wouldn't have just they wouldn't have just put that in the movie for no reason yeah i've i've i've been watching twin peaks and i'm finding it very lynchian where it lynchian is like there's a bunch of golf scenes where he makes like golf puns like james lynch oh you're like that's kind of it was kind of a lynchian ending i just find twin peaks to it comes across very lynchian and what does that mean and that's just film talk what is lynchian well it's sort of just a style it's sort of um dreamlike and almost um like rococo unsettling okay those feel like two different things not in the lynching style okay and this is a new style i've learned about this week are you

familiar with rococo paintings no you they're very lynching they're very dreamlike that was kind of my one takeaway when i learned about them in class the swing you know about the swing it's one of the world's most famous paintings it's about a woman can you google it yeah there's a woman and she's swinging right yeah and there's a man at her feet and he kind of represents um adultery right where she's swinging towards him but in the background there's her husband who's pushing her on the swing you know towards that and so it's kind of a commentary on the modern relationship where you know if you keep pushing your wife away she's gonna um she's gonna swing right onto someone else's cock is that what i'm doing no your girlfriend's in spain so she said

i push her away yeah you gave her you made her go to europe i did just get to meet her spanish boyfriend though he's very nice that i think if that will never happen but if that happened i don't think you would ever trust again i don't think uh i ever i don't trust anyone all i'm saying is if flan was in spain she sure and lauren will be hanging out if flan was in spain jackie's in pain that's all i'm saying girl come on oh no no i i'm i'm like get her away from me go farther have you like go to asia next how have you been dealing with long how's long distance life it is i mean paradise no i don't have to take i don't

have to go sit and to go to the shopping department stores or something have you been have you become familiar with like kind of the boyfriend couch at different stores is that a thing you've oh encountered or you are you an active uh when she's trying on clothes are you kind of on your feet it kind of depends if i'm having a weird day then i sit down but well you know you age more in in uh like aritzia than anywhere else i certainly feels like it am all right has she taken you to aritzia uh no it's like um it's like dan flashes for girls that's what zara is like it's like johnny rockets for girls johnny rockets zara is my least i enjoy shopping with when yeah zara is my least fucking favorite place in the world it is just it's man

it's mayhem and it's also i've been there with her five times and i would say she thinks she likes the stuff there she never finds anything she like we've been together for a year and a half and she insists that it's normal there's normally stuff she likes but we we go in there and she tries on 12 things yeah we just go get the clothes somewhere else we're like she never buys anything there that's fucking dog shit she insists it's always good i i went to the mall this weekend yeah with my banana culver uh beverly center i bawling you bawling like that andrew come on i felt like a kid again i feel like we really lost the art of the mall were you like a mall goth god i mean you don't know what mall goths are no mall a moth full of mall goths

and then continue what you were just to get was that like the like kids with the swag shirts no no those were uh those were just like swag kids okay yeah now that i'm looking at this was exactly what i looked like it was so cool um no it's just so fun man i remember going like your parents would drop you off for the whole day you take photos in the photo booth damn one time my friend dropped like twenty dollars worth of candy on the floor of an h&m because like you know those candy shops where you can like scoop yeah they weigh it or whatever his was like a pound or something it was twenty dollars and we saw some girls from school that we didn't like and i was like dude hide hide under

this clothing rack and so he ran and just spilled candy all over the floor and i was why didn't you like these girls i don't know i was like middle school we were scared of them but we were like they were nice people uh one of them was racist one of them was racist i think they were both there are those racist girls from school hide hide but i was they hate us we're awful people if we don't like pick this up so i picked it all up and i put it in the bag and then i i went to my brother i was like hey do you want this bag of candy and he was like yeah sure and i was like 20 and he's like okay and he paid me 20 and he ate like is that an older brother younger brother yeah okay i think you is it better you might have poisoned your brother yeah i think you did the

right thing yeah 100 right people don't need enough shit off the floor i thought i was on my like bill gates shit doing that yeah that was big brain yeah i never the problem when i was growing up there was in charleston chucktown brother charleston so too many chews everyone the only candy you could back in my day in Charleston the only candy you could get was a chew and everyone was doing this everyone was it blew our minds we said how do your hands leave

is he swapping knees is he swapping knees or is he swapping hands the only mall in Charleston was the Citadel Mall and the Citadel Mall was like not it was like scary kind of is it where the military is it was totally

military controlled and that and they did stuff to you and they would point guns at you if you didn't buy anything no it was it was just named that it wasn't related to the college they would if you didn't but it just sucked it was like the ass is small and now it's like i think most of it's like righteous gemstones now righteous gemstones the tv show they like bought half of the mall i think and they show a tv show there or something so is that a good show i've heard it's fantastic i have this thing i need to get over in my head where i just for some reason right like make a decision in my mind like i'll never watch this show and then when i watch them i love them i need to just do it i

haven't really there's a lot all there's a lot of charleston shows that i have like all the danny mcbride stuff is all like vice principals and righteous gemstones and i guess those are the big ones but wait danny mcbride's in righteous gemstones he made that show yeah oh that's i was thinking of uh i was thinking of white lotus righteous gemstone is where he's a preacher right yeah yeah okay yeah white lotus is awesome that's one of should i watch that one it's a fantastic is sarah cameron in that one no no she she's in outer banks no or sorry is the actress who plays Sarah Cameron in one of the White Lotus things. Is she in Knives Out?

Yeah, Knives Out. Yeah, is she in Knives Out? Yeah. What's Knives Out? Knives Out is like a murder mystery. Who done it? James Bond's in it. They're movies, though.

Got it. Yes, Daniel Craig is in one of... Or he's in all of them. He's the only concept. The most recent one of those was the best, I thought, by far. I still think the first one's the best. I thought the second one, I didn't love as much. Yeah, the second one was trying to be too modern.

yeah but the third one i really like the thematic scheme the schematics yeah do you hear jacob alorti might be james bond next i did i also heard apparently he's gonna be he's doing like a podcast with us with like him and johnny manziel i think are doing like glory johnny manziel and terrell prior they're doing wait is 12 prior doing something yeah is that real yeah i thought we were or are you joking about the jacob lordy thing yeah oh oh thanks me wait our co-worker johnny mizzo wait i'm confused are you actually you got priored i love trial prior bro's got priors uh no but here's my thing with jacob lordy although prior when is enough enough he has everything you can't be james bond too james bond is supposed to we're supposed to

because then i'm going to be watching it and i'm going to be going that's not james bond that's jacob lordy i need a guy that i've never heard of and he becomes j like daniel craig is james bond in my head it's the only thing i know him from aren't they not a lot of other james bonds before him though yeah yeah there are lots but like in my time only him i've never seen a james bond movie oh my god you'd like the og ones i goldfinger that's what they called me in high school make them come make them come before i even walk in the room gold i had to wear gloves because people would just come from looking at them i'd wear gloves because people kept running and trying to jump on it old guys for the record you know what we're gonna do today uh what is it

the hottest new segment do i need a lawyer do i need a lawyer it's brought to you by morgan and morgan which is uh america's largest law firm fun fact we're gonna hear some scenarios uh that you guys are gonna give us and try to decide if you might need a lawyer yep all right uh do i need a lawyer for denting my best friend's truck in high school and never telling him about it okay for context we used to go to a certain chicken focused fast food restaurant after church every wednesday night chick-fil-a after a fun night of hanging out we all start making our way to the parking lot to leave for the night as i'm walking outside my buddy pulls around in his trusty 2006 ford ranger i excitedly run up and plant my size 12 chaco on his fright on his front right quarter

panel and jump off i landed and jokingly said something dumb and told him bye before looking at the quarter panel to see a massive dent in the quarter panel i never said anything to him and he went to school the next day and after school posted a snapchat story saying some dumb ass hit and ran into his truck in the school parking lot i never had the heart to tell him but like three or four years later he totaled it so i feel less bad do i need a lawyer that's wait i don't you like karate kicked his car and he didn't notice in the moment he's like okay let me think about it he was like oh what the hell happened what the hell someone i got hit in the exact spot he kicked it yeah i think you might need well now that the car's totaled you don't need a lawyer

right but i think you might need a lawyer for your awesome new parkour uh career that might be taking off yeah because it sounds like you got some money to launder the money when you make all the parkour money i would say if the car hadn't been totaled you would need a lawyer now you don't need a lawyer and i don't think you ever need to bring it up and if i was your lawyer i would tell you this get a different lawyer i'm not qualified go to morgan and morgan go to morgan and morgan guys you wouldn't hire you know a cat food factory worker to change a tire that is what i have always said and i wouldn't hire a barber to cut my feet i wouldn't hire anyone to cut my feet but if someone did cut my feet and i got injured i would call morgan and morgan yeah

exactly it's it's hiring the wrong people can be disastrous i think it's what you're trying to get here uh and that's where morgan and morgan comes right so if you are ever injured by the negligence of another morgan and morgan is america's largest injury law firm for a reason i'm telling you this thing is like 10 000 square feet they only have three employees but they it is a physically large building no it's a largest in terms of people uh whenever i see an injury or a car accident happen i automatically think uh morgan and yeah another morgan i'm gonna call morgan and morgan they have Over 100 offices nationwide and more than 1,000 lawyers. They recovered over $30 billion for over 500,000 clients.

They have a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation. Guys, if you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan & Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. Wait, that can't be right. Yes, that's right. Free. for more information go to for the people.com slash play date or dial pound law that's f-o-r the people.com slash play date or dial pound law to let them know willie and i sent you this is a

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Right now, our listeners get an exclusive deal up to 43% off your entire order, plus free shipping and a free rechargeable frother when you use code PLAYDATE. that's right up to 43 off with code playdate at mudwtr.com after your purchase they'll ask how you found them please support our show and let them know that we sent you let's get back into the episode let's get it started in here let's get it started in here let's get it started and i just did a bump in the bathroom so i'm ready to go oh my god we should do a fucking coke episode one of these times that would be unbelievable man we gotta do a meth episode we have to do meth together oh my god how do you even get into meth um you how do you how sorry how would you get i

think i could get meth in 20 minutes how would you do it i would take out 500 at the atm across the street is there an atm in that place maybe and i would go down to the boardwalk and i know i'm i could find someone do you need five hundred dollars for a minute yeah how much can you know that but to get it that quickly with like no questions asked i feel like if i just had no but that's like a they'd think you're a cop can you google how much is like one math how much is like what yeah one gram i don't even know what is it coming grams how much is a unit of math 20 to a gram is 20 to 40 dude an eight ball of meth for somewhere between 40 and 60 dollars in the state of california what is an eight ball of meth like a weekend's worth or is that how much

are we talking here how much is it go keep scrolling how much is an ounce of meth they all feel like they kind of cost the same okay so if i had 500 bucks i could get like an ounce of meth i guess you get two ounces of meth depending on who i mean you go to jail for two ounces of