Will & Rusty's Playdate - we wrote songs about our breakups w/ luke null

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

Friend, actor, and comedian Luke Null joins the pod again to talk feet pics, Sue Sylvester, and the logistics of starting a zoo in your neighborhood. The boys also reminisce about the magic twisty worm, break down terminal velocity, and praise the high honor of someone saving your playlist on Spotify. Plus, they hear some of the best Playmate pitches yet and draft adult film plotlines and breakup songs that don’t exist. This episode's a hoot — enjoy, kiddos! FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod FOLLOW LUKE: https://www.instagram.com/luke_null/ HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER AND TRIPLE DROP USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  CONTROL BODY ODOR ANYWHERE WITH @SHOP.MANDO AND GET $5 OFF YOUR STARTER PACK (THAT’S OVER 40% OFF) WITH PROMO CODE PLAYDATE AT https://shopmando.com/ #MANDOPOD F*%K YOUR KHAKIS AND GET THE PERFECT JEAN 15% OFF WITH THE CODE PLAYDATE15 AT www.theperfectjean.nyc/PLAYDATE15 #theperfectjeanpod PICK UP SOUTHERN COMFORT WHISKEY FOR YOUR NEXT PREGAME OR WATCH PARTY. SOCO IS EASY GOING AND DOWNRIGHT DELICIOUS. https://www.southerncomfort.com/  00:00 Intro 00:49 Welcome Back Luke 06:21 Milennial Restaurants 09:12 The Worst Person to Sit Next To on the Plane 20:58 Squirmles 26:31 Our Hotel Flooded 32:13 Luke’s Special 45:18 Polluted Waters 49:29 Buried Alive 52:53 Roadmap 58:19 Prank Call 01:04:48 Pitch Submissions 01:22:44 Pitches 01:22:45 Teach Me Something 01:45:19 This Guy Rocks 01:51:33 Drafts 02:07:57 Whose Personality are you Stealing? #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

as always play date is brought to you by triple the original high seltzer redefining the party landscape this is crazy i feel insane i kind of like this orientation guys we can't switch no we're not gonna switch we're not gonna switch you're being too nice luke you gotta play hard ball come on give us one of those classic hard balls these old rags our good friend luke knoll is with us today luke has a new special coming out called pretty songs dirty words i think it comes out what day does it come out it comes out probably already after when this drops the 25th i think this comes out this comes out the day before this drops six so don't go looking for it yet baby doll it comes out tomorrow but mark your calendars yeah uh luke how you doing guys

i'm doing so dang good i just did the almost friday pod so i got all day all of the darkness out of my system yeah they took the 9 a.m you're going b2b i'm going b2b i've never done that before yeah and i'll tell you this the i now i've been i've play dated once before yes yep and i had a freaking hoot of a time you got nominated for a webby your your episode got nominated for a webby for worst all time for most most viral podcast it was a razzy no they like the webbies i don't know our company's like we got everyone has to submit one episode to the webbies you remember we chose yes i remember we submitted yeah that's fun so we're going for uh we're gonna win it this year it's something crazy i want to win i was about to say

it's funny because you say that and i remember last time coming and not really knowing a hundred percent i'd what the vibe was right i'd watched like an episode i try to do my homework where i at least like will watch an ep and i'm like i was kind of treating it as though i was walking into a will angus and liam call it uh emily binder much different vibe much different vibe and you guys had like a bring a video scenario of like a check out this guy and i brought in like the most cursed psycho and you guys were like why'd you do that and i'm like oh i'm so sorry and you guys were like yeah here's a cool video of like a guy who's like really good at like riding a unicycle also ours were all like wait did we tell you to do that again you didn't tell me to do that again but uh

uh the amount i i immediately was just like oh i'm gonna bring in the most cursed worst disgusting uh and that wasn't the vibe at all and you guys were like hey you did your best lauren's like still shell shocked from it yeah i threw up that episode yeah i have a bone to pick with willie that i'm gonna i want to air i want to air it out oh no on playdate dish so if you know anything about me you know that i don't have a phone case i never have a phone case i don't like the way they feel in my hands and i just gotten the new iphone okay and willie and i decided to go to epcot to celebrate sick and uh willie and i are in the japan section of epcot and my an important thing of note is that my back is to him will has my phone my back is to him uh

this is not the time to exchange phones he puts his puts it out uh for me to grab it doesn't make sure my hand is anywhere near it and he drops the phone are you serious your phone is around it your hand is around it like clearly you hadn't gripped it but your hand was on it that's not how i remember it your back was not to me in your mind you weren't touching the phone at all he simply offered it to open air and i just put it out and dropped it yes no i he he like was he turned around and he had put his hand on it and i released too early it was a missed missed exchange i'll take accountability what i will say is that in the subsequent country our producer lucas boy dropped my phone so mine's broken too so now i feel like immediate break even oh just the back

right here wait so you dropped you wanted mine to break out of solidarity no yours had already broken and then mine broke and then i was like i deserved that yours was shattered the front of mine broke the back of his back of mine shattered but now i have a case you gotta go drop lucas's and then we're all yeah yeah then the karmic cycle is complete see a i remember in college yes with us having a system in place to avoid what you just described but with joints and blunts okay where we have what was called the cha-ching system where you would say chit and the other guy would say ching as though he was that's when you could like no that's when you could trust their grip I like

that cha-ching all right and I'll tell you what it only took us doing it in front of a girl once for us to never do it again we went oh it's not cute or funny and it's actually it's actually more sad and weird well if if you don't know what you're doing it looks like you guys like just saying that and we did and i kind of like it actually i think i would want to do that around girls here's the thing you want you say that now and then you do it and then like it's not in the order you or your cha is left hanging for longer right like your cha and the other person and that's the system working yeah yes ideally you can but chuck ching he's still talking some guy's ear off exactly the pyramids man yeah yeah he's

he's still talking about if he if you could jump into a pool of anything off of a diving board what would it be oh that's a fun one is that a thing that people don't we can do that right now but i do remember doing that in college fuck it starts off luke salsa um salsa would be a good one i think i'm going gogurt and you'll know that it's not normal yogurt you'll know that it's it's a little it's just yogurt but it's unopened tubes it's unopened refrigerated tubes of gogurt do you guys ever freeze them i never did that's the shit that's what i was saying that seems like i'm freezing it thrown in your lunchbox and by the time you get to lunch it's like half thawed is i guess frozen yogurt fro-yo fro-yo baggins you love fro-yo i went through a phase

i feel like america went through a phase yeah what was your guys called what was your store called coco mero uh i think tcby oh we had that are you saying like that's a thing that we that's like the oh oh that's like the chipotle of yeah oh we had pink dot what does it stand for that was our pink berry country's best i think right i feel like there were nine million fro-yo places and then they like silently died during covid yeah well it was They kind of, like, mimicked Mumford and Sons, like, Rise, where, like, the second they went down. You've seen those graphs that, like, shouldn't align, but they do.

Oh, no. Yeah, two things that correlate. It, like, doesn't make any sense. It'll be, like, babies named Mark and, like, the housing crisis. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah. No, but that's probably true. Well, it's, like, the same as, like,

I feel like the same one is, like, places called Egg Slut. Egg Slut. I walked by a place, and I was in West Palm Beach on Saturday, uh i saw air force one it's a fun fact yeah you know there's two of them two air force ones yeah and then there's also air force two yeah look at this device but air force one two we'll put it on the screen but it was just a plus restaurant called bacon bitch yeah good lord i don't know that we need that imagine raising a raising your daughter imagine like i'm getting into modeling you're like oh what do you what do you got what's your first gig she's like i'm the new bacon bitch

yeah or imagine i'm the face of bacon bitch like they had to like file for like an llc they're like uh is bacon bitch taken and they're like that's available all yours you can actually have that we won't even do a legal thing we'll actually just give that one to you yeah i don't like the uh i i hate going to restaurants when you have to you just want like the burger but it's called like the the fucking awesome explosion i love the i love the fucking awesome burger with dick sauce i feel like that's there's that's like a now a meme right like the millennial millennial burger it's kind of more your fault than ours that feels like we didn't do it i don't need to go down as the guy who's responsible for all millennial millennial shit but like

i am you did do the burger stuff but the burger shit was on me and i also was the guy that made it so that every craft cocktail was something that you didn't want to say where you're like yeah oh that looks good i would drink that you're like i'll have the i'll have the uh i came to think of a terrible pun of like i went to i went to get drinks fruitastic i'll tell you what i'll tell you a real one yeah give me a real one i went to get drinks with my dad are bad and i met him in in west hollywood and we're in the lobby of his hotel we're gonna walk across the street to dinner after yeah it's like you know stop get a stop get a drink so we stop at the hotel bar and they're all these like horrible cocktails they

had none of the beers that i wanted and the only one that sounded good was called the influencer I'm not getting the influence. Don't make me say that. So I got like a Japanese beer. Yeah. Can I have one influencer, please? Can you lean in really close so I don't have to say this out loud? I'm an influencer.

I'll have a me. I'll have a me. I'll have one of me. The usual. And the guy's like, you'll have 12 beers? You'll have 12 beers to the face? I said, I'm the worst, worst guy to ever sit next to you on a plane on the way. It was really funny.

I bet I can top it. for five minutes uh i sit down he is he has like really long um he just looked stinky is kind of he did have long fingernails too he looked very stinky i judged the book by its cover when he was walking down and i literally was like i pray to god this guy doesn't sit next to me and you know yeah there's times when you just know you're like like i was i got up before he's gonna touch my the corner of my mouth he's gonna go to sleep and he's gonna wake up and like and it's gonna hit the corner of my mouth and so he he goes to he sits down he goes to sleep and he's doing the like nod thing yes and like if you go down yeah yeah lay on the tray table but

usually like we've all done it and we've all done the nod i hate it so much after the third time you you admit i'm not going to bed and you stop doing it he did it for like 25 minutes like aggressive ones and i was looking at the guy because he's in the middle i was looking at the guy on the other side and being like are you seeing this and he was like yeah this is fucking crazy this is setting a record he wakes up uh throws on a tv show and is i don't even know if it was a comedy like it didn't look like one he was laughing the hardest and he was ever laughed for like 45 minutes i'm looking at the guy because it's one of those planes where it's like we're in the middle so we're both aisles and then so i'm like looking across at this guy and we're kind of like sharing this moment being

like this guy's insane he turns off the tv show starts playing 2048 on the screen they have that yes on the sometime yeah i don't know what airline but there's an airline if you have played 2048 like it's not a hard game like you there's a strategy you should know i've never gotten 2048 okay let me tell you this guy didn't even get 128 like it was it was he was doing just swiping in a circle and he would lose in like five minutes every single time and then just start a new game and like never adjust his strategy not learn and then we got i got off the plane and yeah it was brutal he was the worst guy ever how hard is it to watch someone uh losing at a game because like you don't want to watch it no like you're like but you're like i'm shoulder to shoulder with you

and you're in my like peripheral like i'm now watching like every once in a while i like i don't want to look at what someone else is watching on a plane but like every once in a while yeah like there's been times where i like looked and saw like the person next to me was watching and they see me they catch me and they're like and then they feel judged but i'm like james bond dies at the end or it's like a sex scene oh yeah can't keep your eyes off now that's me when i'm watching something i'm like i'm so sorry i was watching project x on a plane when i was in high school and i was sitting next to this like nine year old man he was watching the whole he was i've never seen a guy so excited and he was like he didn't know movies like that existed

i had this kid last night where i boarded a plane last night at five i was like connecting through atlanta finally get hours of delays finally get on the plane at like midnight and uh they end up going over the right before we take off they're like uh actually the pilot just timed out because they have like yeah so like so we're finally on the plane after hours hours of delay at midnight like you have to get off the plane and leave at 7 a.m tomorrow and i'm like no which is like the worst amount of time so i went last night i went to a hotel in atlanta slept for three hours they pay for it yeah they pay they give you like a voucher they give you like a voucher and then and i still have the food voucher which i think i can use after this so i'm

gonna go get lunch after this i'm pretty excited for that lax no no i think i can go i don't i think it's like a fake credit card it's like a prepaid card thing anyway uh i'm getting lunch clear tonight yeah yeah so it's like three hours but no but when i was getting off the plane the first time when they're like we now have to deboard the whole plane after we finally thought we're leaving the guy next to me is like i could already tell he's brutal and then he's just he's just going like and then looking around to see if anyone's gonna like make eye contact so that we can share a moment you can go delta or atlanta or like he's like mumbling delta atlanta right and like no one does it and i'm like right there and i'm like i'm not looking i'm not he's right

next to me and then like a little louder and i'm like i'm not gonna do it and he goes and i was like all right i i have to so i look i'm like crazy huh he's like dude delta and then that was it but it was like he did it it was so sad because i heard every he kept thinking oh they're not hearing me they're not hearing me i had a brutal one the worst flight i ever had in my life i am middle seat already starting bad yeah i am on my way to new orleans to go see my favorite team the cincinnati bengals play the new day saints who day baby who day over who dat um i'm going down there i uh i'm on the plane guy gets on he's wearing bengal shit yep so i go this guy's coming to the bengal game too yeah he sits down right next to me i go

hey i got a hat but it's more low-key i'm like i'll see you at the game sick i'll see you at the game man we take off his i look over and the guy is just struggling like his face is green yes i think i ate something and i went yeah he's he's baby grinch yeah i'm next to baby grinch he's eating ornaments sack of presents sent up bye-bye yeah he's eating yeah but like the guy is not doing well he pukes exorcist style all he doesn't even grab the bag doesn't even grab the bag pukes all over it goes all over my right leg oh i got are you airborne we're airborne oh he get he immediately then gets up buckle and runs to the bathroom which first of all pause on the story we've all had

a moment where we where our tummies didn't feel good and you knew something was up you have like at least yeah a minute and a half yeah to where you're like i did i did a water burp and i gotta go to the bathroom well he just didn't want to admit it he didn't he didn't want to admit it he was flying in the face of god thought he could swallow thought he could go like swallow it down like but nope he puked all over me the lady comes over which i'm like you didn't even grab the bag the puke you gotta make some you gotta have it in your hand it's like the wallet dance like you got to at least like make it look like you were trying to make it yeah yeah he didn't even try like just seated to full stomach all over the seat and all over my leg we're in coach because

i'm poor the lady comes down uh and she's like she comes over with a pinch of like cocktail napkins and i'm i looked at her like i'm about to be the captain i'm about to go captain phillips I'm about to commandeer the plane if you don't go get me the first class like towels to clean up the puke from my leg I'm going to drive this plane into a mountain I'm sorry I'm about to be the captain

you're a sky king this bitch I will sky king Debo Russell shout out sky king R.I.P. you know his name? oh yeah we love him he has a day in our house sky king rocks oh is that the guy who took the plane? yeah he rocks

did a loop to loop we just crashed it right? he eventually wanted to crash on the loop-de-loop and was like didn't think i was gonna survive the look i thought that was gonna be it and then he just goes all right and then like like shot it into mountain air yeah he eventually did crash but he did complete a loop-de-loop by like 10 feet and we yeah we we root for the sky king we love sky king sky king r.i.p dude but i almost i almost uh rode into the fucking mountain if if and i i was like i'm not gonna clean up all this puke with a pinch of cocktail what did they help you no i didn't do shit and then the guy came back he's

like i'm sorry i don't feel good i'm like was he drunk no i would that would have been better yeah he was just like i don't think i just didn't eat i ate something bad in the terminal and when he goes nine i know and i'm like i'm first of all i'm trying my best to like because you like the bengals too maybe not i'm like and he goes like i'll see you at the game i'll buy you so i'll buy you a beer at the game i went if i'd never have to hear or talk to this guy ever it should be way better oh brutal i've told this story a million times but i need to tell luke my favorite plain barf bag story of all time we were kids i'll make it brief we were kids we were going on vacation my uh sister and i are sitting next to each other in one aisle uh my parents are

sitting next to us in the other across the aisle and uh my sister's a little bit of a prankster and so whatever so she she presses the call button which is something i thought like that was like pressing like the fire alarm like i didn't know you were allowed to do that flannery comes over she's like uh hi how's it going and my sister just goes like um there's a turd in my barf bag and my you told this story the last time i was here but there was a leftover turd there was a turd in the previous flight yes there had to be a dog turd right it had no it was a human it was an unsmushed human turd there's no way it was human it was dog it had to have been dude to this day it is one i actually think it's one of like the great mysteries the great capers

in the history of the world because there was a perfectly unsmushed turd in there and there was no mess on the brim of it so it wasn't like someone like a wet into it it was like they somehow pooped into their hand and like perfectly slid it in there and then put it in the in the thing and it didn't smush it didn't smush it's a there's a lot going on with that i think i actually hadn't thought about the dog theory until now but now that makes sense you know when people have those dogs and like those little duffel bags it was literally this big oh no that's a human turd it was a it took up the length of the barf bag retriever yeah yeah it was a big dog it was a marmaduke i was like i have told him that's so funny because i right as you started i went i

think there's a turd in that bag we'll play it here how did we get to the same story last episode i'm very curious and i was on the plane and i was in the middle seat the guy to my right is green i'm not feeling good and i was like what are you going down to new orleans for he's like i'm gonna go on to see the bangles there's a bangles game down there i went no shit i'm going to see the bangles too i'm striking up conversation yeah yeah i'm like we're both bangles fans cool this guy ralph's huge chucks all over my leg i flagged down the lady i'm like hey he's puking guy goes the bathroom and she comes back i am my leg is covered in puke she comes back with like a pinch of cocktail napkins for me i'm like i'm gonna 9-11 this plane when we were kids we were we

were flying somewhere and it was like me my sister and my other sister in like one row and kids are like curious so we're all like looking through like the pamphlets and like i think it was pre-ipod touch it was like nothing to entertain you and my sister was like looking in the barf bag it's like oh and a huge barf no no hear me out it's the this is the most foul thing i've ever heard the flight attendant saw that we were all like ah and we didn't know what was going on in there so the flight attendant comes over she's like is everything all right and my oldest sister was like um ah there's like uh she was trying to like rack her brain for the best way to phrase it she's like there's like a there's like a turd in my barf bag what if i told the

same story yeah okay we've had the exact same no we haven't heard i don't think we've heard yours i don't think we've heard that either but what if it was but what if wait i have one more airport story and then we can talk about this play date all we talk about yeah we're gonna scott club is poop and then this morning i get back after my three hour nap at the stay bid stay bridge suites in atlanta sucks uh yeah it was ass for some reason i just i should have just taken an uber but i was like i'll take they're like the hotel shuttles out there and then i just sat there waiting of course and then i was like finally like fuck this all the shuttles were coming for different hotels so i was like fuck this i'm gonna take a taxi right as i walk away the state bridge

suites one comes on anyway it's like a party bus yeah it was way more fun so i go to the state bridge suites come back going through security at like five in the morning and uh really just want to just fucking get home at this point they flagged my bag for like security like once i finally get through and i'm kind of cutting it close so i'm like stressed also i haven't opened my bag since the last time i went through tsa right so i'm like either the last guy missed something or whatever it's all random it's random like i was like this is literally random and then sure enough the lady in front of me they're like calling in the supervisor and like making a whole like they can't look at my bag until they've looked at this other lady's bag like people

who are like opening them up they call them the supervisor they're making a whole thing out of the side like hers is definitely the bigger threat yeah they're like literally they're like waiting like we need our supervisor take a look at this they open it up and i kid you not it is filled with i don't even know what to call them they're like a thing you get in your stocking that's like a worm on a string that looks like that you know how it makes it look like there's like a worm crawling all over your hand oh oh it's like it was like the commercial right after the fushigi ball you remember the fushigi ball it's like magic google magic worm so wait she filled with them like a hundred of them they were probably like yes there were probably like 15

there was other stuff in there too but that was on top and that was oh that was the first thing the ladies like opens up is that is that illegal no it was they were like evidently they were looking for something i think under them but having this like i'm so stressed out i haven't slept i want to go fucking home i'm like pissed like i don't usually get like i know you angry you're like i'm a pretty list but like i was like oh i just want like travel and yeah that travel angst and they open her bag it's full of these guys magic and she goes yeah the machines probably caught that the machines are built to test for these and you you exceeded the limit they all scurry out she opens it she's out trying to wrangle kevin king i remember being so confused

as a child like yeah i loved it so bad i remember my mom being like no there's no way it's cool black magic we don't know dude they like my like uh my my brother and sister went to like sunday school i did too but the the person that you did too oh yeah big time my mom's church school director we called the ccd though yeah yeah so their teacher would not let anyone read harry potter yeah we didn't quite have it that bad like that's crazy that's pretty well by the time i came around i think they were like this is a losing um message demonic we're gonna lose a couple pretty cool guys if we tell them this there's gonna be some dudes who don't make it because they're wearing a pokemon shirt they don't evolve a charizard was made in god's image

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like okay well i get up do we have to get up and then i was like okay i'll try and go back to bed but it was like chinese water torture where it's like i'm waiting for the next one like that's not gonna happen a man's voice comes over the thing it's like get out get out now evacuate now get out and it's like wait one thing that it said that you forgot to mention it said collect all your belongings no it didn't it did it said belongings oh okay whatever everyone in the hotel same way where your fingers were on the phone before it was dropped everyone came actually you know it might have said like collect your belongings and leave but like i was the only dumbass out there with a suitcase i'll tell you right now we all come down everyone's like in

their robes whatever will's fully dressed has a packed suitcase in his backpack he's like i was i thought the place was on fire yes i couldn't believe it we but the alarm wasn't continuing no it was this was going for a while being like get out out now everyone evacuate get your things now like like run it was like terrible and it didn't sound like an automated voice it was like there was a guy dude yeah on the thing and so we all get down there the firefighters show up and are all like drinking coffee and like like grabbing ass like they're not doing anything and uh and i went to the it was clear like whatever was happening it wasn't gonna be a big threat so i tried to go back up to my room and the firefighter was like the elevators are

gonna shut down any minute the fifth floor is flooding and sparking and we were like oh what and so we go outside and then willie leaves whatever for the record i brought my stuff down and my dad was also staying in fort lauderdale different hotels i was like i'm not dealing with this shit i called an uber immediately left with all my shit we were laughing that it was like like he was like how dare you like i'm going down with this like yeah you can't leave the leave a second shit i will go down with this hotel a good guest goes down yeah putting tape on my fingers i'm ready to fight this shit and uh i'm breaking little mini bottles seriously when i got the uber though i did like everyone kind of turned it was like

asshole what the fucking hell is that guy's leaving this is our hotel yeah we were willie's gone i'm in the hotel like lobby waiting for all this to be over and everyone is out so like when a new person comes down it's like a big thing where you're like how was that maybe that was the person a fucking i don't know if i've told you this yet an escort comes out of the elevator and i know i know what you're thinking rusty how'd you know it was an escort yeah it's you know it you know when you see one sometimes you know she was wearing like a clubbing dress but it was like an escort dress nine inch heels uh like purse whatever hair hair was low job hair was disheveled and she quickly walked out of the hotel and me and

all the guys sitting next to each other were just like i was an escort right and she was like yeah that's awesome yeah but some guy but she definitely pulled destroyed the whatever and then like the fire chief walks out and he's like all clear he's buckling up his overall yeah yeah he's like yeah or he fires done he wipes his mouth you're like whoa whoa damn where did you ever see lucas boyd yeah no he's i think he's i literally think he slept through it i haven't talked to him about it either so did you ever figure out what had happened the the fifth floor started flooding and it hit some electrical thing and killed the power in the fifth floor and then shut down the system and so i came out and i for

some reason had will's key but not my key so i had to go try and get a new key and they were like the system's down there's a huge crisis happening this guy walks up that's like i'm trying to use the gym they're like so the fifth floor is on fire where's the concierge i want to know what's the best burger yeah you're like i'll try to go to the indoor pool and so one of the guys came up and like swiped me in but it was like this would be the perfect time to just rob everyone because like i had no way to prove this was my room i was like i need to go to 1236 and he was like cool sick took me right up there we're also laughing they're like yeah it's bad the flooding's real bad and then the fire department pulls up yeah it's like oh they're

gonna be so pissed when they find out what these guys do they're gonna spray more water on all that water you're saying like the the guy who called them thought like they were gonna bring fire to dry out the fifth floor. Yeah, we need to counteract like, they have giant flamethrowers shooting up to the fifth floor. Yeah, they needed to call this kid that would set fires all

the time in my sixth grade class, Richard. They just needed to call Richard up and have him roll. Is that real? Yeah, Richard would set fires all the time. Why would they let him stay at the school? Not long. Not for long. He did a lot of damage in like one week. I remember the same scenario happening where I like, it was like

6 a.m. alarms going off everyone evacuates we go out and then all it turned out to be was like some dad left his waffle in the waffle maker in the fucking like breakfast area and just fucking lit the whole place on fire we're just like sick that's awesome a dad dad dad strikes yet again there was a businesswoman standing next to willie and i who apparently stays at this hotel like all the time for business and she mentioned to her friend like she's like this happens every week we were like why do you keep coming back to this like we wouldn't have booked this hotel if we knew this was like a weekly i'm a one striker that's a one strike you're out scenario what have you

been doing luke what's up like what is your life like you know what just running and gunning i'm excited got finally got the little special out what's the what's the process of tomorrow tomorrow yeah yeah it's all songs it is stand-up comedy special that is performed yes mostly in part with a guitar i got wayne brady i improvise a little bit with wayne brady's in it i have the exact same reaction shout out to wayne wayne's wayne's the best wayne brady's goaded wayne brady stays goaded yeah yeah uh i have a tupac hologram of myself that's crazy yeah we get a full hologram situation and you're like what the how did luke afford this luke does it again hollywood movie magic you ever put it out as like a spotify thing yeah it's gonna go out on spotify

are they like songs then are they broken up they'll chunk it up like yeah different like little songies but yeah they'll definitely chunk that that song in the studio all right yeah just just chunk it up for me there was a minute where i had to go in with like the uh the audio engineer for like the mixing and mastering and the very end of the of the thing i do oh it's one song at the end with a full band where i got guitar keys bass drums everything and it was very fun it turned out great i'm super excited for people to check it out but afterwards i'm like listening to the recording and i'm like something's messed up someone is not doing a good job and so he's isolating each of the instruments and being like who is it it's me i'm bad and i'm like oh turn my

guitar off because everyone else is like killing it and like on top of it and i'm like because i never play with a band so i'm like bad yeah that's like a whole different skill i know like the timing and stuff especially yeah i like to speed up and slow down and stop if i want to stop yeah i can when did you have the cool like musician earpieces i had a britney spears mic like the like can i take your order mic for the first like song or two and then i ditch it that's awesome and yeah a scripted ditching or was that a there was a scripted ditching okay got it because i come up from the crowd got it i wanted to be raised or to be lowered like um like uh jesus christ superstar style like onto the stage but they were like that would cost double the budget

i'm like sick sick i didn't so we'll cut that cool all right i'll just walk out where do we watch it uh youtube youtube or wherever you stream but there wherever music stuff is streamed too i got it all that but if you're trying to watch the dang thing tomorrow pretty songs dirty words do me a favor play play mates play mates would be the people bit listen playmates go on my uh go on my special and like start a comment fight in the youtube comments oh so like go in and say something controversial and then like just to get people engaged with that comment and say something like hollow earth yeah it's true we should also have them comment uh let's pick a random time stamp that like doesn't like we don't know what it is

but for some reason it spikes they'll be like they will do that 35 27 yeah comment 35 27 blew my freaking mind yeah it's just me setting up yeah it's me taking a sip of a water bottle my favorite uh i saw luke and was that in cincinnati yes cincinnati hometown show hometown show and uh luke there was this crazy you did like the porn the porn one where it was like you had people from the audience say like what category of porn they like that's in the special and one guy said something that like none of us knew what it was and you just like moved on to the next guy you were like sometimes you go no all right don't like that what do you have was it ebony squirt i don't know he was like i don't like digestion porn and i'm like what's that

it's like it's where i think someone said anal i think i heard anal over here and i heard anal over here is it digestion he said something like that and then i like had to look up what it was and it was like when you get your dick stuck but then she just swallows it like it's food fully digestion and then your whole wiener gets stretched out into like a nine meter long limp wiener and uh and you just poop that out is that online can you get that you can get that online and you can get that on pretty songs dirty words on youtube yeah you'll see no i don't know what the person yelled but that has there was a couple times because i would always say like the the bit was like shout out what you search for and i'll tell you what that says about you

yes but then i go but don't just yell out the craziest thing you can think of if you yell it out you have to own it yeah like if you yell it out you search for that and then like some guy yelled out like i don't even know what's your i don't fuck with like consent stuff so i was like it was probably something like that where i'm like nope okay yeah um i like the teen the teen one you do i break it down i break that one down yeah because it's like it i'd never thought about it before but it's like if you're searching for 18 18 like the only reason you're stopping at 18 is because that's the lowest you can go if you if they made it legal tomorrow to search 17 your ass like you're not you know what i mean i'm like yeah yeah my thing is like you would yeah you

would bang a kid that was in a comedy club behind uh uh gm it was it's in a terrible spot it was such a cool there was a bar right next door but like when you're pulling in you were like where are liam and luke playing right now this is bizarre you were playing in montgomery uh ohio which is like montgomery where the moms go to ask for the manager i went to the montgomery inn in october oh not too bad yum delicious meats they had great meats good barbecue sauce one of my favorite real good one of my favorite sauces good ribs good ribs yes ribs but if you had to eat a person what you had to take one bite of a guy adam dunn no you're picking the guy he's a freaking beef cake

one part of the human body would you take a bite out of a butt cheek a rib gotta be like breast like i feel like you could like fillet a nice breast like a like a pec muscle uh i would go for the thigh i think i would go for ribs i okay i feel like i get some you think your ribs would be good i bet my ribs would be yummy as fuck i've heard they're a little fat i've heard that human taste uh good like pork they call it long pork isn't that crazy who calls it that they're what country called it that again i think it's calling it i think the people that call that are freaking usa baby they were i think it was like dudes in world war ii were like experience like in you know odd places and they were like you know do you want some long pork and they're like yeah what

that sounds awesome and then they'd eat it and they'd be like a human you just ate a guy you just ate dave you cooked one bite of my butt cheek a butt cheek might be a good choice that was gonna be my butt cheek yeah take it out of his butt cheek one single bite mark dude you see john gruden john gruden's been cracking me up lately did you watch him at all i mean i have i've been i have in the past he posted a video the other day it's he just has this like zest for life that i one of a kind it's the funniest thing he went to the steak restaurant in like you know tampa or something and they let him cook his own little steak on this tiny little stone how tiny like like you know the size of a softball and he like correct me if i'm wrong john gruden has like

a hundred million dollars right like he has like a lot of money i think he's still being paid by raiders out by the raiders yeah i think so like this man could be the move well he had a hundred million dollar contract like email something horrible yeah they bought sit into his emails and found all this like fucked up shit and i've never like read a story like that and been more sure it was true i was like yeah of course that guy said some insane shit but he like he can experience anything in the world and like he is stoked about cooking these tiny little chunks of meat on this like he okay baby he was guys like he was so excited he had to whoever was sitting with him take out their phone and start filming him and he was like are you guys seeing this shit

you can cook it on this stone and he was like this is awesome it's a matter of time before i touched the rock accidentally she said it was 690 degrees is that possible i don't know what's the hottest thing i don't know i mean a thousand kelvin yeah kelvin measuring kelvin that's how You know, it's really, really hot. Kelvin. Ooh, that'd be a funny name for a guy. Kelvin Benjamin. Yeah.

Former wide receiver for the Carolina Panthers. Kelvin Benjamin. Yeah, he was a dog at Florida State. Yeah, and they made fun of him for coming in overweight. Did he win a national championship? Did they win it with Jamison? I don't remember. Kelvin.

Jamison. No. Jamison. I think they came. Jamison and. Jamison Kelvin. Maybe they were. No, I think they did.

Maybe they did. Well, you know that Jamison eats W's. Yeah. he's cool talk about a guy who's cool and talk about a guy without a controversial past yeah yeah what he sold crab legs no but they gave him they they that was the story to give up that publics was just clearly giving him free crab legs got it because he got caught like obviously like publics in oh so it was like avoid ncaa stuff yeah because you can you can like stealing is way less bad in his eyes i had the greatest dinner who's catching it what sorry the security

cameras yeah but like the cops are like i don't know get this fucker yeah well we gotta nab him he looks so happy we gotta catch he had like butter sauce on his on his towel yeah he's got but they catch him butter handed bunger bunger um something i'm saying i went to i went to dinner at this place you guys ever been to companion no it's really good if you it's in venice yes it's great i've been there if you guys haven't gone go to if you're in la go to companion here's why i was sitting there we we had to it was so busy the only reservation we could get was at 5 p.m sick love it and i was totally bird i was told not to eat lunch because i always eat lunch too late and then i'm not hungry for dinner like a nine-year-old and i

tell you a little baby uh flan was telling me this okay she was like don't eat it's like i'm always told don't i mean like i'm just doing i constantly i'm not hungry for dinner because you ate lunch at four because i eat lunch at four and then i have dinner at five and i thought i could sneak a couple pieces of pizza before dinner and i was full when we showed up and uh but i didn't want to admit that so we ordered a bunch of stuff and then uh she got very full and so we had to start as like new stuff was coming out they had to pack up the old stuff we went home with like more i have a lot of to-go stuff whatever but the cook it's an open kitchen so the people in the kitchen can see who's eating there the guy cooking pizzas saw me gave me like a nod i was

like oh that's pretty cool whatever uh they come out keep in mind there are not chorus banquets on the menu we were drinking wine he brought out two we'll put a picture of it right here he brought out uh a little like very nice bucket that you would normally put like wine in and had it had another guy bring out a stand and they brought it out put a stand with two chorus lights next to the table and he was like rusty thank you so much for dining with us i was like this is the coolest Where do you even get the chorus at? He goes to my personal stack. I think he ran across the street and bought chorus

because they didn't have... They were canned. Again, we'll put the picture right here. He wanted to get you the nice little tan banquet cans. I want to show you this. I want to show you this because it was so... That's love right there. Dude, it was...

That's some real shit. It made me feel like a celebrity. This is, dude, table-side guacamole. But for the rest, Meister, they're going to go get you a table-side chorus banquet beer and show it right here. again over there you'd have to edit it in right here and then put luke no playing baseball right and then get rid of it and then put it over on this they brought them out in this little that's

cute bucket and they're giving you next to the thing and i like that they gave you two because they're like giving you just one feels like where'd you get this one from yeah yeah like that's a lucy i don't know i want that oh did you see uh uh there's a funny tweet i saw online oh nice i love online the internet is the coolest so much good shit and it was like uh it's just the captains just like bullpen game tonight and it was a picture of their fridge and like a bunch of that was always like having a party and like seeing what was left over in your fridge and you're like what were people doing yeah my brother works uh he's like a consultant and his client used to be boss the boston beer company yeah and i guess they were like sending a bunch like the

new like test products or something and he was like i'm not gonna like i'm on a work trip in boston i'm not taking these back and i was like college there so he's like come if you come to my office i'll give you just a ton of weird test things and so then we got a bunch of them and we hosted what we call the funky pregame where it was at all funky drinks and we listened to like funky music and it was really fun but they were all gross i don't know if i can say that i have a buddy who worked it was uh worked at a brewery and they would do like test cans but they wouldn't they would be cans with no label on got so like literally he brought over a uh a cooler one time of just all test batch bruising he goes i don't i genuinely don't know they're all unmarked tall

boys and so you're just kind of like sometimes you're committing to a weird ass you're like Ooh, a coriander sour. Remember a milk stout? Literally, I want to throw up thinking about them. Look, a milk stout reminds me of like a zero degree day in Chicago. That's when you get a milk stout. Give me something I can chew. Give me something that makes me forget where I live.

It slides. You open it like a can or like a jar and it like slides out into a glass. Like the dog food from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Do you miss Chicago? I do miss Chicago. I love Chicago. Because this weekend was like their big day. St. Patrick.

This weekend. They dye the river green. So does that kill all the fish? Also, it's one. Jokes on you. There's already no fish in that river. The dye comes in all. The whole river is dyed in a jar that is the size of like a paint can.

Yeah. So apparently it's actually really good for the river. It's got like really, right? Electrolytes. That's what plants crave. He's buying big, big dye. That's what big, big dye is trying to peddle that narrative. we know big guys in your pocket trying to say the plants actually like to be highlighter green now

the fish like being green they think about their fish color their whole life right you can only be green once no i think i've heard actually unironically that they put a bunch of stuff that's like good like nutrients for like the ecosystem in that shit the chicago river is famously gnarly all right like yeah it's like you do not want to get in that river it's absolutely polluted as fuck they reverse the flow of the river um to dump out like a fucking toilet into indiana so they're like we're just all of our poison just goes right down to those those guys what is it with city rivers they can't be clean like no city has a clean river no the ohio river now that's now that's a brown gross river we were like when we were in amsterdam the uh i was

studying abroad there and they they pretty much only gave you like three tips it was like don't it don't walk in the bike lane avoid the red light district and if you fall into the river like get to the ladder no like you like you just have it was basically like if you fall in there your life will be fundamentally different for the rest of your life yeah you're gonna have to get a lot of shots for like uh like waterborne pests buy twice as many shoes because you have like four legs yeah yeah you come out with four legs yeah your body actually rips in half and there's an evil version of you that you have to fight with like a bow staff on

one of the canals. Lauren's loving this. You like that? Lauren likes... Have you ever been to Amsterdam? No, I haven't. Amsterdam's pretty sick. I'm going to Spain in like a month though. Me too. Yeah? Yeah, I'll see you over there. When are you going? We're going in at the end of April.

Or at the end, I think. I fly to Barcelona on April 26th. Nice. I think we're there around... We might be there in May now that I think about it. We're there in May. I'll be there for two weeks, maybe. When you say week.

But we're going, me and my wife. Okay, got it. Love her, great gal. Can't wait to be buried next to her. That's something you've got to think about. Do you guys have a plot yet? When you pop the question. We don't have a plot because I just told her, just dump me in on top of you.

Right. Or I'm going to die first. So I'm like, just plop you down on top. Just like in life. My grandpa used to show us the plot they bought. And we were like, stop. No, but it already has his name on it. doesn't have the end date doesn't have the end date so it's like him and my grandmother and it

has the dates they were born and then the it's like the dash but there's no date on the other end it's like please don't show us this i don't want to see this it's a cool spot it's like a little quote on it it's him it's a picture of him it's him my grandmother and all their golden retrievers that they've had oh that's it is it's a great stone but like very cute i would have like to see it once in my life i don't want to see it every week as a kid here's a here's a draft for you right now uh i want to hear what would you as a joke have be some options that you want on your tombstone as like a flex but i would like to posit that you could have like an answering machine style like motion detector where if someone comes by my headstone i can have my

voice pre-recorded say something as they're rolling by yeah i want to be like if you freaking try to dig me up i'll haunt your ass or something that has to be like someone has to have done that before i'm definitely gonna try to right i don't know i'm gonna be like i'm alive down here hell they should have a little bell with a little finger bell bell with a string that was real they used to be worried about people getting buried alive so they would have a bell attached to it with a string in the casket so if they pulled it

and then you would hear it did that ever happen? in real life? in the south if you ever go on a ghost tour in Savannah or New Orleans yellow fever hit and it was like Romeo and Juliet style where it looked like you were dead

and they couldn't tell your pulse so they would bury these people and then they would be alive in the mausoleum and be like yeah we were not good at uh we are not good at checking if they were dead but i'm also like who was the first person that got buried alive and was like did they do the like uma thurman kill bill style did they like punch their way because like somebody had to get out somehow yeah they were like she punches her way out of her grave didn't they sick then they they opened someone's grave to like do an experiment on them or something they were like scratch marks

not good that being said i want mine to say at least i'm not as dead as that guy no it says i was stupid and there's a there's an arrow pointing at the green i think i would just put like a like you can put anything right like they're not gonna like you put like olympian scholar yeah you can lie son lot known liar genius olympian nfl player scholar liar two truths and a lie i'm dead what about like a tic-tac-toe board a tic-tac-toe and like a little piece of chalk at the bottom so people can go play on your grave yeah don't let your dog pee here yeah if your dog piss here my dead ass i'm gonna get my son that still love kick your ass mine's gonna have a skills mini hoop on the top let all

the local kids come play just dunk yeah yeah didn't you hang out did you were the one that told me you used to like hang out in graveyards no no but i i think someone someone at this company was like yeah we used to go like hang out in the graveyard sounds like some shit liam his friend that's a liam like pants kids and they go do ketamine lines the shit out of kids and throw them off dump trucks man i used to throw them in a dump truck and put them in the trash compactor it was because of their sexuality yeah and they couldn't freaking help it was boston man it was boston we found out you were gay we're gonna put you in the trash compactor we're gonna bury you in a mausoleum we're gonna we're gonna seal you up cask of a

monteato style and we're gonna give put a bell down there but not actually make it work so you think they hear you think you're ringing the bell but really every time you pull on that it just Plays Soulja Boy. Wobbly you. Soulja Boy up in that. Should we road map it up? What? Sorry.

I keep doing anything. Road map. Yeah, we should road map it up. Road map. We have a road map? Is where we tell you everything we're going to do this episode. Oh, Jane Hoagland just DM'd me. Or no, that's Playdate.

You have conversations with a bunch of people on the Playdate account, and it'll be like her roommate Mia. Do you get a notification for it? Yeah. Oh. I just like, if I see something funny on the play date, I'm not going to like send it to myself and then send it. Yeah, that's right.

It's just a whole process. Yeah, you don't want to have to click the one button to switch to your notes. Yeah, it would take an hour. Hour. It would take an hour to do that. It would take an hour. All right. We have a lovely episode for you guys today.

We are going to do the permitting division of the building department. I have a very good one that I've been putting off because I got nervous, but it's from our good friend, Olivia. uh and then we are going to do everyone's favorite oh sorry we're going to do your pitches followed by our pitches then we're going to do everyone's favorite segment teach me something no none of these so far are ones i know and then we're going to do this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today and then we are going to do uh breakup songs that don't exist and we're going to finish up with porn plot lines

that don't exist. Yeah, yeah. Adult film lead-ups. Yep. No banging. No banging. This is the storyline that you guys skip.

Yep. That you need to try. All you little sick fucks at home. Yep. Before we do everything, could I... I have to go to the bathroom. Blast piss.

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let's get back into the episode all right i'm a little nervous about this prank call to be honest because it is it's it's like an all-time one so like i want to get i want to get it right i hope you don't mess it up because you are in front of our friend luke and he i'm really scared i'm really want to fight i'm really wanna fight okay our our great friend olivia writes in and she goes uh she goes i have a prank call for the pod my mom is really into gardening and last summer the rabbit population in her backyard was so large that they kept eating all of her plants and she started absolutely crashing out so much so that she bought a live trap and started capturing the

rabbits and driving them to a park near our house and releasing them there throughout the summer she's dropped off around a dozen rabbits in the park but caught other things like squirrels and possums she got really paranoid about the neighbors seeing her catch things that she would sneak that she would sneak the cage into her car and sneakily release them into the park because she knew it was insane but couldn't help it because she loves gardening too much you should prank all my mom and say you have footage of her releasing the rabbits in the park she lives in dakota county and you could say you're the wildlife protection agency or something her name is trisha she lives in dakota county and her phone number is blank my dad literally does that with moles

really he does that with moles he'll catch moles that are like chewing up people's lawns and he'll release them in the park that's kind of fun is that fuck the park up probably put the park up you're releasing at least like rabbits it's like they're gonna like live peacefully like moles are gonna like create a more fucking diverse like what the hell is the point of that i know there are a couple in our backyard in florida and they are odd looking because they pop out and then you like step towards them and they get freaked the fuck out or you could say that because she's been putting all the rabbits in the park that the park has now like reached a point of critical mass where it's like the rabbit population in the park now is like destabilizing the ecosystem well that's

what i was gonna say like say like there's like a elementary school that's like been trying to grow carrots in that park yeah and it's completely fucking up their project like the amount you added over the you added enough rabbits to tip the scales to where it's like it's legally a zoo it's legally a pet like honestly all of the local flora and fauna is threatened because of the amount of rabbits you've introduced so we all right so uh we saw trisha jesus i'm getting like a million texts right now we just know for a fact that you have flex relocating enough rabbits to yeah we have footage of hi is this how's tricia like you know they're mating and they're getting bigger they're getting yeah like you you've just yeah i i think we've just seen you add enough to

where it's like we have to call it out we have to let you know we have to stop are you yeah are you starting some sort of uh live zoo like what is happening are you doing is there a reason are you are these ones you're raising are you trying to fucking kill people now there's a new species that guy a guy passed out last night these are hyper aggressive rabbits i think we need to say what we need to say is like we have we have footage of her yeah releasing these rabbits from her subaru and um we just want to know like where she's coming from yeah and then she'll tell us where you're getting them from she'll tell us the story and then we tell her you know well i have to i have to let you know uh last night uh some of the

rabbits ganged up on a homeless man and ate him these rabbits have had or that they're like hyper aggressive rabbits and they're like biting uh people's ankles or something whatever you're doing these rabbits they're hyper aggressive what are you doing what are you doing what are you feeding these they're biting people's ankles like kids that aren't as good on the monkey bars when they drop down the rabbits are darting out i do like that it's like she's completely maybe it's Maybe it's more like she's completely disturbed the ecosystem. Yes, like that you've now introduced enough rabbits to the park that, like, nothing else can survive there.

Right. Yeah, like they've eaten everything. I really hope she answers. This is the perfect division over that time. Yeah. Okay, wait. So I'm Mark from the Department of Fish and Wildlife. Yeah, I'm Mark from the Department of Fish and Wildlife.

This is Tricia. Yeah, we have videos. i think you say you drop the drop the name of the county the dakota county yeah yeah yeah okay holy fuck i'm nervous you got this jack This is Trisha Dykeman. I'll call you back. Wait, what's her last name?

Dykeman. Just try to call again. Right now? Yeah. Just try, just try. If you don't, then Luke has to. Yeah. Do not make a deal.

It's important. I'm so hungry. Oh. all right we'll call her we'll call her back next week or or we give it a minute we'll do something else and we'll try one more time i agree one more time later one more time later one more time later now do you do the really desperate thing and leave a message we've done that before it doesn't work though they they don't buy it unless you have like if you have them on there's no payoff too yeah yeah um oh wait i gotta turn my i gotta turn my phone off

work mode so that they know work mode all right uh let's get into our favorite segment of the day teach me something no no no playmate pitches oh do you idiot idiot idiot idiot pitches i told you i'm just all right i'm some uh dibs dibs simon okay who do you want to be i want to be uh schuster or no way glee oh no shit i'll be sue sylvester i want to be sue's uh sister you know the you No, she can't read. That's Lea Michele. That's Rachel Berry. I want to be the wheelchair guy.

The wheelchair guy. Who isn't actually in a wheelchair, is he? No, he's not. Because there's an episode where he's walking. Yeah, the guy who plays the wheelchair guy in Glee isn't in a wheelchair. That's what it was. All right. And Derek Criss.

Straight. Not good. All right, then use someone else. Bless you. Thank you. What the hell was that? oh wait so they're about we're calling them okay no no they're pitching us ideas they dm'd us ideas and we're the judges like from shark tank we're the shark tank so you're the wheelchair guy from

glee no problem yeah all right simon you're simon i'm mr sylvester i love it all right this is pat the dingus he is a longtime playmate he's been around um he says hello to my favorite little munchkins i'm back with another one billion dollar idea what is the best part of being hung over the best part best part excuse to rot all day giggly okay sort of giggle with my friend pat says that's right crusty it's eating a delicious breakfast at like air or what at like 1 p.m in your bed wait wait can we pause it for a second lauren does this thing where she will act like the like the next word is not from the english language and then she'll read it and it's what you got hung up on there was at 1 p.m no no because i almost started saying air p.m so i was

now air p.m was weird air p.m would have been weird she was gonna say air p.m well now i feel like a moron if i knew you were gonna say air p.m i wouldn't have called you he's a dingus the guy that wrote in his name dave the dingus pat pat the dingus oh pat the dingus i thought his name was like pat the dingus oh that's a tougher name pat the dingus what was that guy remember that coffee joke joe just drew joe dispenser dispenser he's a real guy joe dispenser yeah that's what i call my coffee maker come on i made that joke before we started airing so i wanted to get that on the record all right well pat excited to invest pat's pitch is the rito rocket this is like one of those vacuum tubes they use to use at banks to shoot money

around except it goes from your favorite from your favorite breakfast burrito spot and straight into your bedroom you're sitting you're sitting in bed like oh last night was crazy and then a burrito like shoots across your room like slams into the wall warps inedibly destroyed against the wall imagine placing an order for a double bacon breakfast burrito windows open it like flies across the street it's like t-shirt cannon the salsa comes right after like coats your wall imagine placing an order for double bacon breakfast you know and having it launch into your room at 185 miles per hour just a few minutes later no driver no wait time no tip no awkward face-to-face interaction just straight just straight burrito to belly happiness installing

the tube system is for the little picture guys they can figure out all that nerd junk by themselves we're big picture i love that he does 185 miles like he's like even in my wildest fantasy it's inedibly bazooka the only feasible way to get it from point a to point b is to put it at mock one yeah it's to break the sound terminal velocity it won't break the tortilla maybe it's so fast it's so fast that it's just like your face yeah it's a burrito size hole in the wall oh that would have been awesome also i was laughing this reminds me there was some episode earlier where we were talking about like how squirrels can they can survive reaching terminal velocity yeah but you kept saying squirrels have no terminal velocity which

implies they can infinitely speed up and the way the way i explained it was like you could shoot one out of a t-shirt cannon like off the empire state building and it would survive and there was a girl that commented like i don't think he understands not what that means but i do now I'm you're painting a picture of it's not so different from the Rideau. What is it the Rideau rocket Rideau rocket? I like that even in the even in the hypothetical description. There's no way you're gonna be able to eat I get what you're saying. No you thought that I meant it speeds up infinite. Yeah, that's Doesn't have a terminal velocity. It means it would infinitely be gaining speed Yes to them, but he's thinking terminal means like that's what the velocity at which a squirrel dies

That's what I thought it meant I thought it meant Like that's the speed that they die When they hit the ground Terminal is just like When it maxes out accelerating Your hands go any faster Your burrito comes out of the burrito rocket

Shoots through the window And then two seconds later a squirrel comes by And it's like I thought it was like I thought it was like Like a bank thing I thought it said well they're the bank thing like if you're like a drive-through bank too yeah so it's connected

to your bedroom yeah but it has to come out at some point like it can't slow down thing doesn't fly out no but in this scenario the bank thing is also not a burrito it doesn't come one of those little capsules that like pops open yeah oh my god but it's still hey either way it's how i get my guac i like that the dingus is too lazy to even go get like a uh uh uber eats order that where you selected like no face-to-face yeah like like that's too much you need to be in your bed receiving the burrito i've told willis before but i have a friend at rollins who would her in the notes on her postmates would tell the guy to come into her house and so the guy would come into her bedroom and hand her food we were like you have to stop yeah like that is so good as like a pretty

girl just inviting some random guy who's doing postmates into your bedroom murder zone oh i the burrito the burrito rocket is that's the hardest i've laughed in a while that is a good that is a good thing i'd like to make an offer and that is i'd like that for my house specifically to be hooked up to my favorite burrito place los fios cafe right by my house oh my god shout out los fios cafe shout out los fios cafe it's the suyuk breakfast why is so good why is uh what are towns in in california like not the correct pronunciation white people what like i said i was talking about My mom lives in Hermosa, but I said like,

yeah, my mom lives in Hermosa. And my mom was like, Hermosa. What are you talking about, you idiot? You fucking asshole. Hermosa. I mean, even Los Angeles.

Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Yes, he's not right. New pitch. New pitch. Come on. New pitch. All right, thank you, Pat the Dingus.

That was wonderful. Pat the Dingus is, we need a leaderboard where it's like, you have to, this is the one at the top. Until someone pitches better than him, like his photo is in this room.

He's been around, this he's a he's a long time playmate we appreciate you let's put his profile picture with uh and he has pants he has pants next to his name pat with a pair of jeans oh yeah no no let's just move on then i don't like that shit all right this is i'm a shorts guy this is a shorts guy shorts guy okay he shows dong for 11 shorts guy i show my dong for 11 all right maddie says hello lauren and her disciples i never thought i'd send one of these in but it's 6 a.m and i think i might be a genius do you ever wonder who the funniest person in your group chat really is who drops the most fire takes who's just lurking in the shadows introducing a group chat mvp the ultimate

chat scoring system that turns every combo into a game here's how it works every message you send earns points based on reactions a laugh plus five a heart plus three thumbs down sorry negative two for that one bonus points if your message gets reacts reactions from everyone in the chat monthly leaderboards to crown the chat mvp custom badges meme lord hot take king ghost mode turn your group tread into the ultimate competition and finally figure out who's the king or queen of the group chat dude the playmates are on fire so here's here's the thing and i think maybe this is part of the game i always feel like you know uh i would assume that we all to some degree in our friend groups are like some of the more like talkative like jokey people yes and people are

way more reluctant to give you a laugh because they know that you like expect expect it and when you get like the quiet it hurt too much but i know they know you want it like it's like when like the guy who never chimes in or the guy who's like not usually the funny guy comes in with one yeah you will see the likes and share or reactions like skyrocket you have to be more selective with like your text yes like firing from the hip but they also know in real life i'm you know i'm i'm gonna stick and move i'm kind of a live guy yes maybe over a written thing i'm not as i'm not spitting as hot a fire as some guys who are better at right like the text format is their way i have a text chain though that this might fuck up the scoring system with this scenario which is our

ultimate like that's the funniest thing is by is giving someone the question mark because you know there's only like the standard like yeah you know heart yeah thumbs up thumbs down what are you talking about we love the the implication of like a what the fuck are you saying yeah being the best thing you can give yeah like that you get a bunch of question marks it means that was very fun you could probably set it based on your meanings for your group chat right now i would hope that you could have settings but in that scenario we would really throw it on its head by letting everyone know that in my friend group uh the question mark is kind of like question mark there should be like a golden buzzer too like once a month you can give out like yeah goat that's kind of question

mark for us yeah the question mark is reserved for like that's that was really funny yeah lauren's been buying bitmojis or emojis yeah what's up with that you've been spending real money i clicked on the other day and it was like you had to download an app and buy it i spent five dollars to get these special emojis but they are amazing i mean for the record the one that she's been using a lot lately is like a is like a fuck boy where you guys funny yeah there's a bunch there's so many of them and there's always they paid five dollars for this okay well it's supposed to be three dollars whitney got it what do you mean you got it on the reverse if it's five dollars for all those are all in reverse sale i actually take down what you're worth there are so many like

unlimited amount and they're hilarious dude foot joy just dm me and ask us if we want any golf shoes oh i thought they were gonna be like can you send us some feet i thought yeah i thought that was like a thing too foot joy is like the coolest golf shoe i think feet pics i'm like what's the hang up absolutely someone yeah i would be fine no problem i did that i think i've told this i did that in college there was a guy who over the span of like a week paid me like two thousand dollars no problem what i did not know this when i was a sophomore in college this guy was like like were you doing the rusty stuff yeah okay he was just like i will i'll venmo you for every thing you do so you send me like 500 bucks and send him like a video of me i literally just be

like on my i'd be like playing xbox my feet would be out like this no problem then yeah i'm fine it then he ghosted me but i am worried about those coming out because why i don't know because it's like anyone's i guess yeah i guess if i explained it the way i'm explaining to you right now you'd have to go i literally made like i made like thousands of dollars in like a week i want that if anyone is into that yeah willie and i will willie and i'll do it we'll do we'll do we'll tag team it i'll do it for five bucks just so i can get those emojis and i want to go on record and say i will do feet but i'll also do full on ball bung bung i'll do but no cheat i will also yeah a really tight shot really tight shot of hole only cheeks too personal cheek is

like that's for my wife yeah i saw my bh for the first time in 10 years a couple days ago what was the scenario where you got there was a there was a there was a mirror in my hotel room and i had to fart and i always wondered like what it looked like i was always like does it open up in my head it opens up it didn't yours didn't even open up it went it went well you were probably it was a And that means you were bent over stretching it, so you were already opening it up, doing the work. No, no, my butthole wasn't open. My cheeks, I don't want to get too much into it.

You spread? I was looking down the barrel of the gun. You were trying to see if you could gape. Yeah. And see out your mouth. It'd be funny if there was a guy down there. If you fart hard enough, you can see daylight out of your mouth. Is that real?

But imagine farting so hard that if anyone looked at your butthole in the right angle, they could see out of your mouth. it's like a telescope it's like a it's like magnifies it periscope from all of the yeah like you see anything up there oh yeah it's like when you're in a submarine yeah periscope yes oh i'm sorry to everyone and that's for the playmates and that's the stuff that i try to get out of my system with almost friday but it just it stayed in no i like that i like that a lot um sometimes you want to be up but like i would hope that when you fart it's a sex position

It at least gives you a little bit of a whoop. Mine definitely does. Yeah. You listen to 88 Point Luke. The Fox. Oh, man. You guys are crazy. A lot of playmates have found my Spotify.

I'm getting all sorts of saves on some playlists. This is a great feeling. That's a great honor. Dude, getting one hit on your playlist is like a million likes. Oh, yeah. like i have a i have a post right now that uh has like 60 saves nice that's an honor that is an honor it's awesome because but then there's times where i feel a little like if you if you are looking at my playlist that i didn't know that i forgot were public and you're looking at it and

judging like what i'm going for that day or whatever that feels like you're it's almost more intimate than seeing out my mouth it's kind of like you that's like seeing into myself well i once i figured out people doing it i cleaned out all the posts that weren't it's only it's only bangers only the hits now see i know yeah i get that no no giant yeah compilation i had uh good music songs for chilling is this all-time playlist i had this is before like even the podcast and stuff i think like i've sent it to a few people i think they were sending to their friends and i looked at it one time i was like like 50 saves i was like that is awesome oh that's great see i I feel like I've done the opposite

where I thought I was killing it and I'm like, no one likes it. No one likes my Windows Down playlist. I wish you could go viral on it. People scroll through playlists? I don't know. I think people do. There's some people I've come across on Spotify

that have all of their playlists are like 20,000 saves plus. They're big on Spotify. I can't remember who this was. One of the people we know has a Christmas post that's like the premiere. Oh, that's funny. Because sometimes you just search Christmas songs.

Like Whitney maybe? Someone in this office, I'm pretty sure, has one that has like it is the if you search up like christmas christmas songs like they have positioned themselves as like the marquee christmas post that's all that's that's an honor it is funny how like when it's on a weird social media it is so much more validating god yeah you gotta you gotta get on that uh uh playlist seo like what are people searching for and for me yeah oh songs to cry to yeah well it's like when you got like you know like 20 likes on like a yik yak post yeah you're like oh i'm on fire i get one up vote on blue sky i am like

treating myself to a steak dinner that's also one that i forgot to turn off the notifications for so when someone does and i'm like oh i actually don't have it i was do you i do but i'm like why i'm big on i'm big on truth social what is the twitter guys just like started a new one yeah they were like what if what if we did twitter but with not as many nazis and porn it's so much porn Not none, but less. That is funny. You go to see what people are thinking about a tweet, and it's just porn.

Nazis and porn, dude. Non-stop Nazis and porn bots, which is really cool. Sipping on that SoCo like usual. This episode is brought to you by Southern Comfort with one-of-a-kind blend of fruit and spices. SoCo Whiskey is the original ready-for-anything spirit. Satisfying on its own and ideal in any mixed drink, southern comfort is easy to enjoy however you drink it and whoever you drink it with

we think soco can go with everything but let's let you be the judge find your comfort zone and try out a soco cocktail today if you know anything about the way i get down with soco i like to do a betty armstrong and of course everyone knows half my group one part my group beer three parts soco you know what i've been doing yeah i've been doing the buzz aldrin yeah it's a diet coke and soco boy does that hit the sweet spot for a guy like me i guess we're not getting that creative but that is kind of where i'm at with it so but i would love to see what you guys come up with so honestly if you have a more creative fun idea for a cocktail uh mixer something with your soco drop it in the comments and we'll read some of our favorites on a later

episode no matter the moment soco is ready for everything packed with flavor mixes with anything and it's easy to drink we challenge all of you out there to find your comfort zone try out some southern comfort drinks and send us your favorites we will shout out the best ones on a future pod pick up some southern comfort today camo let's get back into the episode brother do you guys have pitches i have pitches what is i have a pitch what is the worst part about singing a singing a tune in the car um people giving you shit about hey who sings this song let's keep it that way um yeah or it's cold so you can't put the windows down i like wasn't people mad that you're singing over the song that they want what did you it's cold so you can't put the windows

what does that have to do with singing the song it's so much more fun to sing a song with the windows i agree it's cold so you that's just the thing in the car i'm saying like it's so much more fun to sing with the windows down sometimes i'll be singing and i go to put the windows down i'm like ah it's cold damn i really wish i could i was gonna say the worst part about singing in the car is sometimes you don't know the lyrics and then when i mess up i've told you it's like sometimes i'll be rapping and i mess it up too hard and i just have to skip the song because there's no recovering it there's no coming back carpool karaoke on the on the car play of your screen there is an option where whatever song you're playing it will have the words so that everyone

in the car can look at it and sing along we're all hitting the right notes we're all having a blast next thing you know uh we're on the highway to fun town that's very fun but i'm worried that james corden will be like you have to pay me money now i don't like him i don't like i know but if you do what do you mean he's a go to comedy he probably has yeah he's the he's my goat people say like norm mcdonald or charlie chaplin or whatever it's fucking charlie chaplin yeah james corden that's james corden four times is my mount rushmore of comedy charlie sheen charlie chaplin james corden uh what do they all have in common goats they're all freaking goats of comedy blake griffin and then i want like griffin's comedy blake griffin actually is

he is pretty funny truly like for i think in more like a podcast i haven't listened to his stand-up like listening to him just like riff with guys he's he's got to be the funniest athlete he is very very funny conversational he's on my street last weekend you were you mentioned that oh i saw you that day wait what does that mean dudley market he was like in line dudley market they make him wait in line yeah so the restaurant at the end of my street has become like the hot like something has happened in the last like well i told you my girlfriend went there and they got there at seven o'clock and they didn't get sat until 10 30 yeah i mean it's insane and they don't take reservations yeah i mean i i really enjoy it but it's it's also like the it's like

right on the boardwalk and the sun sets right there it's like very much like a good location kind of like venice but it is really good too and uh when you walk by it's like all the cool kids too so like we like we were leaving venice beach bar my uber pulled up right outside of dudley market and i was like i'm gonna just walk yeah do you have to walk through a crowd of like the coolest people ever yeah yeah a bunch of really cool people with asymmetrical haircuts but yeah damn dude you don't even have any they don't even look the same on the other side yeah but anyway they they open at i think two o'clock on the weekends and people start lining up like there'll be a line like all the way down the block to get the first tables and uh first in line was

blake griffin when i went out there so i was like that means he got here and like waited for like and he couldn't 45 minutes and they made him wash dishes and they made him yeah and they said you can't say you gotta wash ditches sorry wash ditches watch them ditches you have to watch watch it's the holes all right you gotta watch you gotta watch ditches but i do like a carpool karaoke that thank you uh because you're right that but then there are times like do you ever look at the uh a song you know the lyrics to on spotify and it's like i think genius is what it is on whatever there's like a program yeah sometimes it's fucking wrong and i'm like i know for a fact i was just i was wrong see i doubled down and i'm like that ain't the right

words willie and i were in the car uh driving to the airport from new orleans and i was listening to bless your sweet angel heart i was listening to son of sam by um elliot smith and i was reading the lyrics and uh that's when i found out what it was i thought it was just like a fun song it's about uh the serial killer if you start out by listening to an elliot smith song the chances are it being a fun light-hearted are nearly zero this is fun but i know but like i like him enough that it is that is one of his more fun songs it's like more bop yeah but then it was like son of sam son of a doctor and i was like oh that's because we were ghost hunting so i had learned about him earlier ghost murderer did not find any david berkowitz all right what's the best

thing about a birdhouse watching them watching watching birds have a great time i'm thinking this from a bird perspective oh living it's a fun it's a fun place to meet up with all your friends there's bountiful food you kind of get together it doesn't seem like a blast it sounds dope birdhouse for people imagine if like one of your buddies kitchen so somewhere you have to crawl in through a hole where you brought a lot of sticks and all your seeds and sticks are inside like newspaper and stuff it's not you leave your kids in there you just leave them there a soup kitchen it's a meet-up place for the neighborhood imagine there's a birdhouse and it's just got a bunch of food and all the neighbors and all your friends

in the neighborhood can all just go meet up there and kind of chow down and get to know each other come and go um i don't know whatever the birds eat seeds we eat what potatoes and meat we riddled with racked potatoes and meat. We're Irish, dude. It's like a big potatoes and meat stew and all of your neighbors are there. Lauren, what do you think?

Sorry. I like it a lot. Chocolate chips. I want chocolate chips and pumpkin seeds. Pumpkin seeds? This is a birdhouse. It's a hole cut in a little house

that you have to come in through one hole. Oh, it's a doghouse. but it's elevated it's hey you have to fly and you have to jump from a tree and land on it yeah you have to no it's no it's nothing like that think about it's just like one of the houses it's a house yeah it's like a tree house for all your neighbors all right i do like it but i feel like stew i do feel like if i think you think multiple birds are living in one birdhouse and i feel like this this is like if my babies are in there i'll kill you if you oh i think he was i think he's mixing up birdhouse and bird feeder and bird colony yeah because there's ones where

multiple birds like the ones like i have a nightmare scenario that happened to me that's like a core memory that's burned into my little cousins it's bird in here this is a it's bird but uh my little cousins were playing kickball in their backyard and they were ass up against another property there was a fence and they the people on the other side of the fence had a bird house on the edge of the fence facing their house so like we only saw the back of the bird house right you nailed it i go up to bat i absolutely rope a line drive directly into the birdhouse the birdhouse leans forward like it immediately dumps out baby birds their dog and the other runs up and eats the baby all my little cousins see this in one fluid motion me absolutely line

drive a ball which would have like shot the ball into the neighbor's yard didn't go in the neighbor's yard hit the just the one obstacle the birdhouse cracked the birdhouse forward dumped baby birds dog eat the baby birds and my little cousins all saw it i was like you're like couldn't have been come on that was all right now you're on second yeah first of all i'm i'm running the bases can i get it how long ago was this um my little cousins were like five and i was probably like 11 how are they doing now oh they're non-verbal now yeah they can't they never talk after that no it like it was so fucked up it was it was so messed up because the dog it was it all happened in two seconds like the dog and i'm waiting for the moment the dog knew that there was

the dog was sitting with his mouth open under it and it was one of those little like white old lady dogs yeah they were like where it's like it has tear marks and it's yellow on the bottom it came and immediately ate those baby birds and it was 100 my fault and shout out to the birds i'm sorry poor mama bird my grandpa was really into his uh bird feeder but there was a this one red squirrel that would like just get in there and so he'd like every week had like a new method to like keep it out and it would like figure its way around he was like greasing the pole he was like putting like domes like on it that the squirrel couldn't climb he had like suspended it on this thing that like a squirrel couldn't get to and it would just beat him every time and like every week

he was sure this new edition was going to thwart him and uh it never did and i think i think you just gave up he just won those girls like yeah you need to quit game i want that food i have a pitch for you guys it's a bad pitch but i feel like this might you guys might be down most of ours are bad what's all so far everyone slam dunk this one might not be um what's the worst part about like when you haven't um uh had a good old-fashioned jack off in a while what's the worst part what's the worst part about you haven't had a nut in a minute it hurts way worse what that's exactly right when you do it yeah it hurts more yeah like if it's been a minute since you had a good old-fashioned nut sometimes that first one ain't good hurt so you get a little

gummed up you would know it hurts yeah there's a bit of a like if you've ever had like a you're gummed up like an easy cheese can yeah you haven't used it in a minute and then you try to use it and there's like a little hard or with toothpaste like an old toothpaste where like it kind of gets crusted at the tip but then when you pop through the rest it's totally good too but how do i not know this because you've been jacking off all non-stop the whole time you've never given your body a chance to get gummed up oh so my thing is uh a neti pot for your dick where you pour salty hot water into your pp and then your whatever the built-up come will come out it still goes out your nose all right i guess out your mouth would be worse but maybe out your

butt oh my lord maybe maybe it could come out of your butt but yeah you just like pour a neti pot into your wiener oh so this is really a real issue yeah a lot of guys out there having a tough time it's fine honestly it's good that we give a space to talk about i've never known this yeah maybe i haven't noticed it there have been times i was sitting on the couch one time my not one time i'm sitting on the couch the other day and i don't know where my balls hurt it felt like someone kicked me in the balls and i had to i had to go like away from everyone and then it went away yeah sometimes you just accidentally go when you the older you get every once in a while you accidentally sit on your balls yeah i think that's probably yeah how does that not i feel

like that should be happening all the time that's a psa the guys that they don't tell us guys where it's like just so you know you're gonna sit on your balls a couple times the older you get the more that's a possibility when you're young your balls don't have that far to go the older your balls older you are the more your balls get yours are like they hang low they're gonna touch the water in the in the toilet every time coming out of his pant leg if i flush the toilet on a plane there's a chance it might get sucked out there's a chance it might fully suck and then they go i just got my nuts sucked out same brother you come out of the plane he's like nuts sucked into the

nuts sucked out of the plane yeah we'll send him out a baggage claim your nuts are probably in baggage your nuts get sucked out on the plane get sucked out to the point where they're like laffy taffy stretched out when I was a kid

I thought oh they don't take them it just stretches them more it just stretches them big time when I was a kid I thought like when you

flush the toilet on a plane it was a direct hole to the outside or a bus I feel like somebody there's like a movie

that made that seem real where if you flush the toilet on the plane it just dumps it out into the wherever you are

that's so good but yeah you can get your nuts sucked out of the plane in summary in summary um yes every once in a while your nuts are gonna have like a phantom like what did i do and the chances are you probably sat on them a little bit yeah you sit on your nuts do you see it get sucked out of the plane i'm sucked out of the plane and then you're in in your seat and you see your nuts like look at the tapping tapping they get hit they get

they get sucked into the fucking engine that's the worst case the pilot's like we're going down I think we hit a bird do we get like a bird strike no the flight attendant's like captain not to alarm anyone

Luke's nuts did get sucked out of the plane you mean code 3 it's only code 3 Well, folks, we're going to be experiencing some rough air here. Luke's nuts got sucked out of the plane and into the engine. So, so hard out of the plane that they went into the engine. His nuts are somehow still fine. The engine has been fully destroyed.

I saw that when you were coughing, I was on TikTok the other day. It was really making me laugh. This guy dressed as a doctor, and he's like, Lauren, for you, if you don't know, when you get your physical, they tell you to turn your head to the side and cough. and he's like uh balls do go up it's kind of cool he goes uh he's holding the guy's balls and he

goes all right turn and cough for me the guy does he goes all right good news you got a great set on you but you got a little bit of a cough that's a great joke that he's done a hundred thousand times but it also does make it a little easier that he was just touching your nuts yep um now that scenario the you saying that there's a non-zero amount of playmates out there who are listening who did do an experimental cough for their own nuts when you said when you cough your nuts kind of go up i know for a fact some dudes out there did a little cough oh yeah i wonder if it does it i bet it does there's got to be something uh for ladies that happens when you do a cough down your nethers they get nuts i don't know for a second they pop out you get

your nuts pop out for one second just that thing where you uh you like squeeze the ball and like the eyes pop out yeah like one of those little like fidget toys there was a uh this is super gross i forgot about that i'm here so i'm already i've already talked about your nuts getting sucked out of a plane we'll put a picture of it right here but when i was a kid one of the first albums i bought on my ipod was like it was either like a ludicrous album or like a snoop dog album or whatever and it was a girl it was an animation of a girl from behind and she was wearing it looked like she had like two balls hanging through her thing but it was just strings from her like shorts or whatever and until i was like 11 i thought there was i didn't i knew they weren't

balls but i thought there were two things that hung down because that was the only thing that was the only like knowledge i had of female anatomy was just like ludicrous album why do i ludicrous it's an out it's a real pull up like loot like yeah album covers yeah i guess we don't want to sort through that girls but they're more like strings not adjacent ludicrous albums scroll down google balls but they're like strings for girls uh maybe it was a little way i don't know i'll find it later you believe until you're 11 and then you like finally like went to the library and we're like i'm getting to the bottom of this i think it was just like porn and i was like oh oh the whole i had it all wrong uh all right should we do a segment okay yeah let's do

teach me something do you guys know about the irish snug that's what they called me in high school no what is that i will find this album uh the irish snug basically uh so here's the history here's the history of it uh irish snugs are small private compartments or enclosed seating areas found in some traditional irish pubs oh yeah they're typically you've seen them at some bars i never knew what they were for yeah they're typically tucked away in a corner near the bar and separated by a wood panel uh separated by wood panel walls with a small door or partition i'm not gonna read the whole thing but basically there's this little like nook in places and the reason they were there is there were some groups of people that it was frowned upon for them to

drink in public i.e police officers women like priests priests like that but they wanted to go have a pint at the pup and so they would go in this room that no one else could see them in and there was a little like draw door and they'd put your beer through there you the other patrons would just see a hand with money it would close back up and then you and your boy you and your other priest cop and women friends could a priest woman a priest a woman and a cop walk into a bar they're going to the snug yeah could the snug only fit one person no it's like it's like three or four like it's just like you and the other people who aren't supposed to be drinking behind this thing it's awesome that's pretty sick and then you're like that's a little sad that if you're

like you just you know you you put in a hard day of work at the priest priest factory all you want to do is suck down a couple of guinnesses with your guys and you have to go sit separate because you're mad that people will fuck they can't you can't priests can't drink right no but it was like they it was it was frowned upon it was the same reason like you don't want to see your cop you don't want to see your the people who are supposed to be protecting you do it and then the only people that like were not supposed to be doing it were it was not very ladylike for women to be drinking in public interesting and then it still isn't lauren the way lauren the way lauren does it it still isn't very ladylike whatever you're always shotgunning everything you never just

you know lauren has like a crazy drinking problem no not anymore i went out i went out with her and it was honestly it was like scary she was shotgunning everything shotgunning glass like they would hand her a pint like in a glass and she would poke hole in it in a glass bottle sometimes no glass like the cup drink out of a cup in a pint she would drink beer out of a bong but not like a beer bong like a weed bong that you'd fill with beer and drink it out of the little nozzle lauren you gotta stop kid i watched lauren fill up a 10 foot bong with four loco smoke a smoke a um what's it called when it's half half and half uh spliff of it so some tobacco smoke a spliff of it and then four loco ripping a bong of tobacco would fucking suck you're an

animal yeah and then she drank it oh no man then you drank the four loco no i was trying to remember what what is that called like a chop chop yeah that's what it's called chop chop is half and half in a bong when was the last time you had a four loco luke for luco i feel like i've had for luco yeah dude i remember being at the university of dayton yeah for loco the loco lines um oh they changed their formula yeah and uh a dude that was having a party that night was bought bought pallets yeah from the liquor store of the original like uh recipe for loco that would like stop your heart yeah if you drank like two of them well i remember hearing people they would do this thing on saturdays like loco lines would all line up in shock on them i'm like

why are we doing this it was college man it was that was the only way that was the only way girls knew you were like a really cool guy yeah you're like a really nice guy who could drink a whole four loco in one single drink yeah we'll put a video of right here but we used to me and three of my closest friends used to play four loco roulette are you familiar go buy go buy a bunch of four logos keep them in the paper bag oh yeah like tall boy roulette put them put them upside down yeah so in hindsight but there was like like the gold ones were like two percent more yeah so it was like so you'd get mad if you got the watermelon one but you're like this is still like we're all gonna drink we're all still drinking them the other thing was like i'm only

drinking these because they're two dollars oh i was drinking them because i like genuinely thought it was awesome i mean i also did that but i was just like this is also the most economic way to get absolutely hand bones was just ripped to and they had other ones that were just as shitty called like juice j-o-o-s-e they're like knockoff for locos but like i remember a kid whose birthday it was one time at a party bonging a for loco and instantly vomiting like going to puke out the window but the window was closed and it was his house window just all over his own house in the own kitchen window and i went oh sick paul forgot his windows closed dude dude it's so funny that like when you're that age you could beer bong a four loco and then wake up the next morning and

like be fine to like learn about something yeah i had to go to class if i if i like had if i had a four loco right now i think i would be out of commission for like a while it would end my life i think it might actually like someone would have to like yeah i had one sip of one for the how cool shoot like two weeks ago and it ruined my day scary yeah they're bad yeah but not as bad as they used to have some fun yeah fun with some of them things you ever see that local cosmic encounter no problem yeah one of the alien races you're forced to drink a four my teach me something is about this guy on the pirate uh on the pirate yep the pirates sorry the pirates uh i was reading about this guy i gotta look at his name again uh louis louis perdomo in 2017 this is just really

obscure baseball fact but kind of interesting he's a baseball player uh yeah he was on the or sorry he's on the padres and he hit 109 he was a pitcher he hit 109 5 for 46 in a season his five his five hits were a double and four triples whoa they're like he doesn't get on base but when he does he delivers i miss pitchers hitting there i said it me too i think it's dumb i miss it but it is better for the game yeah but it was fun because jacob degron was like the best hitter ever for a pitch wait the national league doesn't even do it anymore no no one does it's all gone do you ever see that kid from lsu that um hit a home run he was a pitcher and he like told the lsu coach that he had that he batted in high school and he just didn't yeah yeah he like told

him to put him he was like he was like a reliever that would never have got but they needed him to go an extra inning he's like oh i batted in high school i can do it and then he hit it um all right home runs are the best bartolo you ever see that one until cologne san diego lauren here is my this guy rocks this guy this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today no i don't want to teach you guys shit we're just trying to keep it gripping i was about to say lauren told us to pick it up are you upset with how long no no no i just also for the studio like We can't just be in here forever. Okay, so, Lauren, pause this immediately,

and I mean immediately. Turn on the volume. I'm sending something cool. This is a guy by the name of Joseph Atumu. Okay, sick. And he is his neighborhood stuntman. So for our audio listeners, I would recommend you take out your phone right now,

and if you're on Spotify, you can now watch video, but you're going to want to see this. It's a ramp hastily made out of 4x4s. It looks like they did it in a rush. And let's give it a shot, Lauren. All right, so he's just testing out the ramp, making sure that he's got the speed down. This is Joseph Atumu.

Okay, now he's testing out the speed. He feels like he's got the speed down. Now let's give it a shot. He does have a landing ramp. Oh! Oh! oh shit yeah tyler he's already standing up

he clears it by 20 feet i thought the first one was gonna break i thought the opposite was gonna happen i thought he was gonna do a hot rod oh my god well when you see where the second ramp is positive it's already bad sorry what'd you say when you see where they have the exit ramp located you know not happening the funniest part is like this isn't a stunt bike he's doing it on like a harley davidson this is not a dirt bike yeah this is a hog oh no the guy in the back the bike is destroyed yeah right it's destroyed it's completely fuck the bike is fully destroyed it's actually kind of sick uh he's already standing up he crashed he just landed a motorcycle 20 feet in the air and he's already standing back up

how are your legs not broken yeah tyler oh he goes oh man he goes no no can we do it one more time we gotta keep going because we have a we're like we have 900 we gotta do too all right uh this is this is one of my favorite videos of ebombs world era and it might have been willie d when he was little what is ebombs world this guy's got it whatever it is he has is the factor and someone else is behind the camera that thought this was a good idea too what is ebombs world Bless your heart

I just wanna I wanna go on record saying He has yet to play a chord On the guitar he's holding No but that guitar is sick Yeah I want a Pikachu guitar Oh my god

Look at Snorlax Alright Luke I wanna ask you a question about this Where do you think he is right now? Um, I think he's sitting to your left. I think he's sitting to your left right now. Oh, that was so good. Dude, that kid rocks.

That guy's in Viridian City. Honestly, if I had that much Pokemon shit when I was a kid, I would have been sad. Turn the camera on, I got it. Turn the camera on, I got it. Did the zoom out. There was a video there called the Autism Simulator. He had cool fingerless gloves, too. Like Ash Ketchum.

Fingerless gloves. Why did Ash Ketchum have fingerless gloves? Better grip on the Pokeball. So you can press the... This is Wilkie, and he gives warnings to cyclists. Better grip on the Pokeball. Next. Idiot. Watch out for screws up there!

There's screws on the cycle path! You okay? I don't know why this video is absolutely killing me on the plane, like hallucinating. Dude, he goes to warn... The guy wasn't expecting, like, a warning. He thought it was for him. I don't know what he thought. Yeah, I mean, he was trying to warn the guys across the street.

But there are screws up there? This is what I thought. I thought he said, there's scrooge up there. There's screws. Watch out for screws up there! Screws. Maybe. There's screws on the cycle path!

You okay? That guy's humiliated. And I also love this guy's voice so much. Watch out for screws up there! I like videos when there's multiple things happening and they're all funny. You know what I mean? Yeah, and then it pans out and it just shows that it's Shrek.

And he's rock hard. It's Shrek and he's absolutely naked. I'm just going to go on record. This is the most fun I've had on a play date in weeks. No, this has been a great episode. Watch out, Webby's. Watch out, Webby's. This is top last time.

Have we gone for like two hours? You're the guest. You get to pick. Do you want to start with breakup songs that don't exist or porn plot lines? i think we go with uh adult film plot lines that don't exist and we end with songs i like i like adult film what's funny that'll be more that'll clip this is gonna be one of our longest episodes in a while and i remember you were there you were our first to crack two hours actually so it's kind

of like so i'm a repeat offender no it's good it's like you just obviously we like talking to every guest but i think you're you're on the same wavelength with will and i where it's like let's see how long we can talk before lauren says something let's grip it and rip it until lauren goes and does she she throws sometimes i have to drink i have the shotgun we're gonna walk out there's gonna be a line of like other podcasts of guys that just look like a melted like just a candle melted a little bit of will angus and liam uh all right willie do you want to see up adult film these are adult film plot lines that don't exist lady plumber comes to fix a clogged toilet after she's finished uh the man says that he doesn't have enough money to pay and she says

that she will do it for free if he shows her where the poop came from that's pretty good now that a new twist on an old classic and then we get a wow it all happens on a shag carpet oh yeah a woman in a bathroom a woman in a coffee shop has a breakdown after finding out that she isn't approved for adoption and she is infertile so the baristas make sweet love and the whole time are saying this is for you we're gonna carry this for you now that's what now that's her is to love this is your child that's kind of sexy off the books yeah i would kind of sweet and she watches because she's watching the conception pouring almond milk all over each other yeah yeah yeah doing some latte art with something else latte art on like latte art with a jizz yes and it's

a little perfect heart yeah now that's good stuff right there that's something i would joe po to that's jack i'll pass out yes sir jack i'll pass out uh for me i'm thinking i don't know what the title would of this one would be but it takes place and it's like a dmv love story where a guy goes in his license is expired he's got to get a new license he goes in it's bleak the lighting bad all right he's in there crack of dawn the lady looks like the little mike wazowski guy you know it's not a good you're not this isn't a thing you want and then right away she goes do you want to be an organ donor and he goes yeah why not she goes i have to make sure that the organs are good for donation and then but it would be the little mike wazowski lady i love that uh

two ufc fighters are sparring when one guy gets the other in a rear naked chokehold they both get turned on and go to town on each other yep that's there's no way that one doesn't exist there's no way that one is not a thing uh guy storms the cockpit of a commercial airliner oh no to to have sex with the pilot oh i thought it was going to be a second tower scenario he goes i'll show he goes uh this cop show me your cockpit or she says she said she says the cockpit goes the cup pilot's like we're going down on each other autopilot autopilot is fixation oh yeah touch my co-pilot how about autopilot

i tried we tried we're past it um how about bang bus with a actual city bus where the everyone there's a lot of commuters on there and they're just on their phones they're like watching or reading a book but like two people are absolutely going to town but it's just pretty much someone's actual commute and no one acknowledges what's happening in the back that's hot that is hot to me that's hot to me i would jopo to that i would jopo to that jack off pass out jack up pass out uh mafia guy catches one of his henchman wearing a wire when he takes him out into the ocean

to feed him to the fishes. The guy says that he knows some way that he could make it up to him. And let me tell you, keeping his mouth shut is not in the cards this time. I like that a lot. I gotta wear my sunglasses. I got

lifeguard is called. I think I like that one. That's me going. I think I like that one. Lifeguard is called because there's an emergency on the beach and it is a guy fully buried in the sand and all you can see is his butthole.

That's like a variation of the I'm stuck. Yeah. It's like, how is he breathing? Is it a straw? Is it a straw coming out? He has a straw. Just his exposed body. We're already having fun.

That's really good. My face is hot. I'm laughing so hard. I'm thinking of like, this is like a handy cam thing where like the footage visceral of an of a car wreck happening in real time yeah and you get out you're like there's no way anyone survived this these things are two mangled messes but two people just get out and they're really fucking just immediately post car wreck in the middle of an intersection you're like you okay do you have insurance

just immediately post car one of those ones where like a car gets like railed by a train yeah like the conductor gets out rock hard sorry things are hard to stop i'm gonna give you the jaws of life yeah yeah i got your jaws of life right here please don't bite my wiener and off uh all right burn unit butt stuff you ready these are breakup songs that don't exist all right i can start uh i've got uh broke in more ways than one this is about uh this is a guy who's dumping a girl and he she was living off his money so she's like i hope you're broken more ways than one love it that hurts i'm broke in more ways than one baby my heart hurts and so does my bitcoin

she knows my bitcoin password to my wallet and to my soul to my soul oh that was really good thank you so much thank you so much we don't have to do them all but uh don't fax me two 80s business people fall in love and they fall in love over fax and when they break up he tells her to lose his fax number don't fax me don't fax me don't fax me don't call my car phone this is the era where car phones are a thing i love it how's about how's about something now this one is called

i know we broke up but i'm still going on that cruise with you and your parents i like that i don't have a let's see i already paid for that carnival cruise and i'm gonna hang with your dad and your mom and you and i know you don't want to see me i'm gonna be there i'm gonna ride that water slide with you and your dad and your mom will be there as well mom will be there as well that was beautiful this is so fun i've got uh in the morning or in hell this is about a couple that they have these big fights a lot and so he's like all right i'll see you either in the morning or in hell because he doesn't know if she's gonna come back right you got one let me hear it uh well uh okay all

right yeah well i know i didn't always treat you well so baby girl i can see you in the morning or i can see you in hell it's up to you goodbye seen you walk right out that door don't know if i'm gonna see that beautiful face anymore inhale beautiful wow willie d some soul good amount of soul well you know i had that people always say i'm i've got a little soul in me yeah you do i don't know what that means i don't know either but you got an old song uh this one's called keeping your seat warm two guys are in a motorcycle gang and they fall in love and uh they break up the first guy misses having the other guy wrapped around him and he says if he ever wants to get back together i'm keeping your seat warm i like that

i miss my buddy he normally rode in my sidecar but sometimes he rode right behind He's gone now And I still leave that sidecar attached I kind of miss my buddy I miss his warmth I miss the feeling that I'd get As we're going down the highway at night i miss his warmth and when my little buddy was sitting behind me wrapping me up tight

i miss my guy you have a whisper i got emotional dude that one this is this is the greatest thing about being friends with luke is like getting to see these like come to fruition you're like oh dude that was that would be a good one about like uh like that that rendition specifically like if his dog used to ride in his sidecar yeah now the dog's passed away he's like i miss miss my buddy oh yeah i didn't make that one as sexual but no that was perfect make it sexual can you make it like about like banging next time or something banging banking make it about banking oh you got one now right yeah i looked at my notes app and i saw what i wanted this one to be which is i miss you we've been broken up for almost one entire year i miss

you but please don't change your password to hulu i use your hulu still oh yeah i use your hulu and paramount plus and max and netflix and everything i use all of your streaming services please don't change your password oh luke well done all right willie bring us home i really do mean that too i mean that one's that one goes out to all the people out there who know the pain of going and seeing that your ex's thing that was still logged in yeah they got wise to it they saw that you were watching too much reno 911 and they went i'm not watching all that reno 911 that's gotta be that's you that's so fucking funny that's a funny show for it to be yeah you're like that's a dead giveaway yeah uh keeping my

heart uh something about like you can take my money and you can take my car but i gotta let you go girl because i'm keeping my heart do you want to rip another one oh god you and set oh yeah oh well girl you could wait you got it got it got it now that's that was cool well you can take my money and you can take my car take what you want girl but i'm keeping my heart oh you can take my poster that you said was weird to have i said kate upton's cool she's really from my dad hey oh yeah my dad gave me that kate upton poster girl but you can keep it i like her art i like her art oh what i love about what i love about that scenario is that you're giving it to her

it's also it's also like what scenario like she's stealing your car and you're like yes um my last one is called you withdrawals uh two heroin addicts break up and they go to rehab to get clean and they're both talking about like you know that the heroin withdrawals are hard but what's harder are the you withdrawals i am emotional we rode the horse together we did some h we had some high highs mostly low lows but i'm gonna miss you babe I'm shaking in my bedroom I'm puking up my guts

But the worst withdrawals I ever had Were from love Oh From love That was awesome That's kind of a cutie You were a gift

It's just the chords to California Girls California girls Are undeniable Daisy Duke's bikinis on top Sun testin' so hot I'll melt your popsicle Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

And then we stick the landing And then we stick the landing Because we had such a good oh, oh I'm having just the best day ever I got one little mini bit of a breakup song Yeah, bring us home, Lukey I want them to see so nice

true love is like a wind it don't care what you had planned it's gonna blow into your heart and Rip through you Know what I say is true By a single look at you The entire world just stops And time stands still They can call me crazy I know that's untrue

I'd take you out to dinner But you cannot leave the zoo I love you baby I fell in love with a Burmese python, I fell in love with a Burmese python, I fell in love with a Burmese python. It's a snake, it's a snake. Fell in love with a Burmese python, fell in love with a Burmese python. I'm aware that it's a snake. I think if we made love, your body would explode.

I would try to put it in you And you would pop I don't even know Oh my god That's not good Did you do an ad-lib Where you went Yeah do a little

Throw in a little whisk Oh that was fantastic Luke Noel everyone Luke Noel Guys thank you so much For having me You can hear more of that

Tomorrow That's true Pretty songs Bad words Yeah go Pretty songs Dirty words Dirty words

Fuck But I'm there Let me just search my name Angus's fake That's special Yeah yeah Yeah that's his I mean

i'm essentially doing angus's fake special for real but with a guitar uh that's awesome whose personality are you stealing this weekend it's our last thing we do i'm gonna steal um my brother's personality this weekend and i'm gonna be uh headlining the raleigh comedy festival no but i'm stealing his personality and that means i'm gonna like do the minimum amount of work and get hammered and then go to a hotel sounds like a man oh yeah um oh you remember those strawberry fuzz guys that i hung out with yeah i've friends in a punk band no big deal sick and they all wore like there was one guy that was with them and he cut his car heart so they were frayed at the bottom and i'm having my sister do that to a pair of mine so gonna be

sporting those around town just doing you know general like frayed pants guy stuff and general frayed pants putting some miles on the frayed bottoms i this feels now derivative but i'm also stealing luke's brother's personality i did not know you're gonna say that and i didn't know you um but yeah perfectly valid good guy shout to my my brother jake what up dude what up jake what up jake i'm stealing that like that little worm guys the ones from online yeah from online yeah they look fun and awesome i'm still yeah i'm still that lady's personality who's traveling with 15 magic worms. She's smuggling cargo, dude.

What could she possibly have been doing? Maybe those are cat toys, right? Are they? No. No, but I feel like you could. When I saw one, I went, a cat would like that. A cat would like that for sure. Alright guys, check out Luke on everything. He's the greatest.

We'll probably have him back in a couple months whenever we can get him. Guys, we love you. Once the Webby's are... We'll see you at the Webby's season. um we're also we're having chris webby on later this is what they call webby bait yeah this is a webby bait um all right we love you guys have a great rest of your uh monday have a great tuesday we'll see you guys bright and early on wednesday take it easy

don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life you know the same way you can skip an ad i get it i'm siaya and i live in ice cove i've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way i planned and today i'm still figuring it out somehow things usually get worse before they get better apparently that's how i roll so bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride stream a new episode of north of north tuesdays on cbc gem