Will & Rusty's Playdate - what it’s like going to the World Cup

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/@playdatepod?sub_confirmation=1  MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/  Playdate: https://www.instagram.com/playdate.pod https://www.tiktok.com/@playdatepod Willy: https://www.instagram.com/willdonnellon https://www.tiktok.com/@willydonnellon Rusty: https://www.instagram.com/featherstonerusty https://www.tiktok.com/@rustyfeatherstone Andrew: https://www.instagram.com/andrew_nelson_ PAID PARTNERSHIPS: [e-mail]  GUESTS AND INQUIRIES ONLY: [e-mail] SUBMIT YOUR BUSINESS PITCH HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdPHd7Ps9TaX-TOozyLhDpr9Y7pFNMP9PX7cHuLxap1R78GWg/viewform?usp=header SUBMIT YOUR AITA STORY HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdQElfqdQutn3dzl5HcZfey6YWhbVd-n6XE7FkpfosWZyYhyA/viewform?usp=sf_link SUBMIT YOUR CONFESSIONS HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSedx06Mo5EBt7WJAehTXwRoF3JzP0T7-kiDvYOphgxaPvtzKQ/viewform?usp=publish-editor  SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: Pick up a bottle of Pinnacle — the vodka that started the whipped revolution — and mix up something good this weekend. Please drink responsibly. Must be 21+. Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code PLAYDATE at  mudwtr.com/PLAYDATE! #mudwtrpod  New customers get 40% Off with code PLAYDATE at GLD.com Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches . New customers get 15% Off with code PLAYDATE at takeultra.com! #UltraPouches #ad  00:00 - intro 5:01 - going to the World Cup 27:46 - you were belly ball 34:40 - working at barstool 46:59 - what is rice pilaf 57:58 - roadmap 58:44 - pitches 1:06:36 - this guy rocks 1:08:41  - teach me something 1:09:41 - Family Guy cutaways that don’t exist 1:11:34 - Dr Suess books that don’t exist #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

all right listen to this are you ready will yeah listen to this and i know i i want to say in advance i was being safe but this is a crucial part of the story i had a couple guinnesses last night at the bar yeah and i woke up this morning in one of those like oh like i didn't black out but just like holy moly my head is hurting more than i sure and my phone's ringing and like i never pick up random numbers but i was like yeah i got a good feeling about this one it didn't say spam risk which it normally does so i pick up i'm like hello they're like hi is this john kelly i'm like yeah they're like this is special agent so and so from the fbi and i was like oh my god hi how are you and like the my knee jerk was like what happened last night but it was just the fbi

calling to check on the friend i was telling you about that he's he got a job in washington and they were screening him so i was like oh thank god and apparently they they record it and he can he has access to these like after so he can see what people said about him i guess in case he wants to dispute something or whatever yeah but i'm i want to hear it back that's hysterical oh my god hi how how are you and then they asked you like what are they asking they asked me like 20 questions they're like is it bigger than a bread box i was trying to i was trying to figure out the answer but yeah it was all just like standard stuff and then they were like who who else would be good to talk to and i just gave my dad's number and then so i called my dad and i was like don't

panic the fbi is gonna call you and he was like what it's about cardboard bleep cardboard replace it with this cardboard wait that's perfect as per our meeting yesterday we can't be bleeping shit wait really what were you not there were you there no who said this we don't go to meetings anymore that was like a company-wide meeting no i'm joking we were on where the fuck i was we were we were on a shoot i was in mexico i took the meeting from mexico yeah wait what was the there was a company-wide meeting about saying curse words it was a it was a youtube guy someone who works for youtube came and did like a presentation hey youtube try this one on for size fuck ass poop balls balls balls testicles what did he say all right fuck hang on one second see that's the

problem so apparently in the first we actually wrote this down because oh in the first like minute you're not supposed to have a first seven seconds no curse word if you say ass shit crap damn within the first oh no no you did not you wrote down all the curse you can say ass shit crap damn within the 30 seconds but no f word um bleeps are equivalent to just cursing same with a moment of silence and um every you're supposed to think of every minute as a meter like you're only you should only say a certain amount of curse words in a minute and then like after that minute it resets like like if you say it like more than eight times and they'll flag it but if you don't say more than eight i'm gonna be honest come shit fuck ass use all your curses per minute is like

the max every minute let us know curses per minute fuck shit come ass come shit ass how many cpms is will i mean i feel like that doesn't matter for podcasts i think it does well because it's like i don't think our podcast is like people aren't finding it through like the i also don't think there's i don't think i think we rarely swear eight times in a minute right i feel like we're kind of a clean podcast you'd be fucking surprised are we have clean fucking podcast i don't fucking know dude i was in boston last night did you see that ben affleck duncan commercial where he's goodwill hunting it was it's like a fever can you pull this up i saw this it is like every movie in the world in one commercial and it is so confusing we're watching it

Dunkin' Donuts version right there. Easy to see the yes in the lead. Hey, Will! Did you arrange the munchkins in the Fibonacci sequence? I got a genius working for me. Who's such a genius, and why'd he put ice in his coffee, huh? Come on, Chucky, I'm just Will Hunting. I'm not a genius.

I will marry the first man that can help me with the Fibonacci sequence. Oh, every TV character. they really assembled the avengers for this one all right i don't need her i get it off the screen duncan get it off do you think that's what girls say when we walk into the bar they go that's thanos i think that what the guy who came over the ad was like and people are gonna look at it and say what the heck it's like a guy from every tv show like i think you it worked i was yeah i was a test group okay all right dude i went to the world cup last yeah how was it it was electric it was so cool although we lost on the it was a tough they scored

a goal with one second left um so that was a bummer i believe turkey went going leading up to this game had shot the ball 48 times and none of them had gone in yeah and then today yesterday they all went in but it's 48 to zero no no it was still sick though we scored right at the beginning it was electric i was i thought it was going to be an ass clapping i know after that first yeah But, I mean, it was like our B team, so it doesn't really mean anything. That was also his first international goal. The guy who scored the first goal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Trusty. There's a guy from Milwaukee on the Bosnia team. Really? Called Milwaukee Messi. Really? I swear to God. I'm getting Milwaukee Messi tonight. He played for us until this World Cup.

Who? He switched. I don't know. He's not like he wouldn't have played for us. Can you Google Milwaukee Messi? she's she's gonna do that's pretty good you've got a w but otherwise i just when i type fast so that i could and then i'll correct it as mere barackatavidek so honestly i'm glad he's over there that i just trying to print it like if he scored our announcers would their heads would

explode um so i went to the bar oh wait tell me about the fucking world cup i keep trying to talk about the bar well the bar there was a bar at the world cup so i could see how you yeah that was great did you go for did you go did someone give you tickets no that was a sentence that was awesome she was getting there i don't want to be like did your fame get you a free trip to the world cup no don't that's up there with the the voice you do when you see birdie do you know what's funny is like i i know you hate that voice but like there are some people who anytime i do that voice they're like oh i love when you do that voice i'm not kidding i'm not kidding who like uh izzy and liz and lucas likes it dylan talks to me in that voice are you sure that izzy is i think izzy's

just trying to survive she's trying to get fired yeah her fighter her boss dylan always talks to me in like a baby voice yeah dylan that's weird dylan's parents are lucas lucas and i talk to that's also weird everyone we're all adults big boy voices oh oh hello emily anyway no i did not get any sort of i just bought tickets that's so nice well i mean his fame got him the money to buy those tickets so in a way your fame bought you those tickets it was actually money i'd save for my school it was my it was my allowance it was my allowance i blew my entire allowance on this so where it was you and your lady as ben fibus no it's just me and lauren did you leave ben fibus at home yeah did you crack a window for him yeah did you leave food out uh i left a

half-eaten grapefruit half-eaten grape yeah but it was very cool it was it was like once in a lifetime like just like did you guys kiss when you scored yeah did you really yeah and the lady behind us like after the goal was like hey i got a video you guys like celebrating oh that's like an air dropped it to me it was very cute i uh do you think i'll ever get to kiss a girl after the world cup um no you're probably right i mean statistically it's just only i'm like i think the only guy who's ever done that the odds you're with a girl who would kiss you when the u.s scores is pretty low yeah also like you tend to like bosnian girls right so she's not what are the odds of me kissing milwaukee messy in the next year

i bet you have a better chance of winning a lottery i've been playing the lottery again guys dude yes i know yesterday we were on set and jack was like i'm gonna check if i won the powerball and our sound guy mike was like ah yeah i just checked i didn't win and then rusty goes yeah i think my i realized my problem is like i just don't buy them enough no i'm saying like that's literally what you said like being if i want to get my head in the game i gotta like do it more consistently i buy like two a year and it's just like you need to buy more i think no no one's the number because if i'm gonna get lucky it's gonna be when i buy one you know what i mean then god's like it's his time but if i'm doing it only once a day then you know why i think i

lost this one there was a homeless guy behind me with like 12 steel reserves you've read a steel reserve bless you no and uh i totally should have bought him one i think that's how you win and then you take it back if they win no no no like we bought i don't know maybe it's like some sort of freaky we go v i'd be like so annoyed if you won the lottery oh okay see that's apparently why you're not supposed to tell anyone is because they whether you say it out loud or not don't want you to succeed so like don't tell anyone your goals because they the evil eye will they'll like manifest the opposite well i want you to succeed at all of your goals but but you don't want me to win the powerball i mean i why would it you know what i'd be happy for you why me specifically

would you be annoyed because i know you like because you make money like you make money like drinking alcohol and walking around the town and it's a good point that is a very good not saying you're not deserving of the money you have but i just think i should make less than what i make no i just don't think you should add to that with free money so i sit here humbly with sunglasses is on inside and you think that like i'm making too much money no i don't think you're making too much money i think you could be making more money thank you but i think i'm making the fair amount of money for what i do i think i think any more any more i think i would maybe feel i've heard like like imposters i feel like i've heard chumley say like that a lot

on podcast wasn't chumley i feel like has a similar thing that he says on a lot of pots he goes on where he's like i'm making the appropriate you know who yeah they're they're like you know who's making the appropriate amount of money chumley we nailed that what do you think do you think chumley makes more money than me yeah definitely i bet he gets like a million dollars now so are they still doing i don't know he's definitely got more money than you though he's definitely who's chumley is it fake no he's real google google chumley i thought you were doing a bit google chumley net worth i don't even know how to spell chumley c-h-u-m-l-e this laptop is so broken retype in ch the autocorrect was chungus

five million okay now do rusty featherstone they're just valuing the company okay wow publicly not publicly disclosed network can you google wilden ellen net worth it's a negative yeah negative negative five dollars these are accurate that's not bad you can get out of that hole damn wilden ellen most viral moment can you do that wait wait look at wilden on time bd it's a picture of a cutout of me it's not even a picture of me barely what barely moment yeah your debut single is out now all right what's the first who is wilden ellen what happens you

click on that okay we're in the hall pass yeah how old is wilden ellen no no it says it right there it says it right there 27 28 all right all right willie our friday beers republican click that one friday beers is not officially affiliated with the republican party though it's party centric guys guy comedy appeals to a largely right-leaning audience is partying republican yeah that's why that's why they keep not anymore that's why that's why we're like changing the world the republicans no the party us democrats yeah that's why like i'm the first democrat to party yeah i mean the democratic party why do they call it that i think you ain't getting down right if the democrats want to you know win they gotta start partying i just think like

if you are if you have progressive views and you're blowing down lauren doesn't like it when you pick your cuticles so stop it you can do whatever you want man go like go nuts rip them off you can bite your fingers off you tell you to say that no but i remember when she was here surprising you guys on the 200th episode and she was waiting outside she was looking at the uh monitor outside and she saw how much you were picking your nails and she was so upset and she told you was she crying she yeah a little she did shed a tear maybe for your one year anniversary you can get those like little rubber caps that go over your fingers i don't think i can afford that what if you get have you

tried that excuse me excuse me i haven't had a coffee today i can tell really no i mean you in that moment after you said it you looked like disappointed that you hadn't but uh have you tried the nail polish yeah delicious it stings oh what's the worst part about nail polish stings no i did i bought nail polish and i have it still it just didn't work yeah also like i thought though like i should have i shouldn't have gotten purple but wait what i just get clear obviously yeah that's what i should do for the next batch wait i thought you meant like the um the stuff that baby you paint on baby's thumbs to get them to stop sucking their thumb oh do you bite or you oil paint do you bite or you just pick gasoline uh i bite

yeah it's like if you bite your nails that it tastes weird yeah i know i just got like regular clear nail polish and i put it on and it didn't taste bad enough what if you give what if you do like the uh the thing where like you get a personal coach or something that like has you know your money and you can't get it back until your nails go back or something a personal coach that has my money until my nails go back go give go give someone like an an envelope of like 10 grand it'd be like i can't have this back until my nails grow back it's like who did i see i saw someone like it's like someone posted like i'm like an author and i have to meet my deadline yes so i wrote a check to the nra i gave it to my sister it was like

i'm not telling you what this is but if i don't finish my book you have to put this in the mail or something did he do it and then i don't know what's an amount of money that you would not you would keep biting your nails it's in an envelope you can't have it back until your nails grow back like would you keep biting for a thousand it's hard to say it's just such a i do want to stop i just i couldn't i can't remember a day i didn't buy my nails i've done every day of my entire life what if lauren says she'll break up with you if you don't stop that would be don't think about that that would be like like would you stop yeah i mean i'm trying to stop it's i picture it like the same feeling as like getting the munchies when you're high

where you're like i need when i get nervous i need to do this yeah i did i tell you i i the last two times i've gotten high uh the night before last night the night before that no snacking after i took the edible wow i'm really i was in my bed cracking up at how bad i wanted to eat something it was like what is i felt like i was possessed you know when you're just like i i would shoot someone for a cheeseburger right now that's why i stopped smoking weed because i was like the only way i'm gonna stop having these cravings is if i stop smoking i think i need to set up some sort of punishment system like a whipping if yeah you open the pantry and it's just like some dominator dominatrix in there i need to meet a dominatrix this year

dominatrix in your panty jesus man she's in panties she's in the pantry imagine like keeping all your food in the panties because you misunderstood what this sucks everything's going bad it's all stale your roommate goes out for a late night snack and opens the pantry and a fucking leather dressed woman gets out and starts whipping his ass Where it's like all your food's stored in the panty. We kind of... Coming at it from different angles. We're playing tug-of-war right now.

Dude, two nights ago, I did take a marijuana edible, and I was laying in bed, and Modern Baseball came back. The band. Wait, what's Modern... Oh, oh, oh. It's a band I like. Well, one of the members, they like did a... Wait, they came back?

One of the members has not performed in 10 years. Got it. And they did a show. in philly two nights ago and it came up on my page i just start was watching videos just like teary teary-eyed in bed oh sad no like just like emotional like it was so cool i just never thought i'd ever get to see them live and met now i feel like there's a chance and then it inspired me and i i got my guitar and i was up to like one in the morning like writing a song it was i was hit by you're hit by inspiration a struck of strike of

Strike. Strike. Strike. Strike. Strike. Strike. Jack, our CEO, comes in here and he's like, no, what's going on? Oh, man.

I'm going to, I'm doing an Airbnb brand deal this weekend where I'm staying at a house with Jacob and I'm very excited. This is like why someone else needs to win the lottery. Like, you just get to stay somewhere for free for Airbnb. Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm providing goods and services. So yeah, Emily. No, you deserve it.

I just, I'm jealous. I'm just jealous. Thank you. That's what it is. I'm jealous. You can come hang out in the pool if you want. Where are you going? It's in the Hollywood Hills.

You just, you're just vibing in the hills this weekend? Yeah. I mean, I'm making a video for them and then Jacob and I are going beekeeping. What do you mean beekeeping? Did you just poop your pants? No. Are you positive? Who's Jacob?

No. He's my roommate and close confidant. Wait, so you just, is it like a mansion? Do you even have a roommate? yeah i do uh it's mansion adjacent for sure wait i want to come yeah you can come hang out friends it's mansion adjacent yeah wow i mean are you like staying it's listed as a villa if that tells you oh you're going on love island yeah i'm going i'm the bomb we talked about love island all last episode are you kidding me the guy from the surf shop is on there yeah i know do you have a crush

on him do it again no i we've like matched on hinge before though really yeah but i like see him out all the time and we don't like really speak you don't ever like grind or anything no hand stuff no otph no damn it if i ever see either of you guys doing over the hands pants stuff or over the over the pants hand stuff into public you're getting a stern talking to you're getting a spanking calling your mom yeah if anyone's touching your junk either of you guys over your pants i'm spanking your little bottom roth and that goes for both of you today starting now i've let them i've let a handful of them slide with you missy what yeah what are you saying i don't know man i got i got kind of lost can i go to the bathroom do you have to poop yeah is it

gonna be like 20 minutes it's gonna be like seven minutes i might go is that okay pinnacle pinnacle pinnacle pinnacle i have a question for you yeah buddy what's your go-to pleasure drink for drink occasions my pleasure drink is of course pinnacle vodka okay uh what's your sunday scaries drink uh a bloody mary with pinnacle vodka okay what is your lazy go-to drink pinnacle vodka on the rocks and what is your favorite part of about me when you drink pinnacle vodka with me guys pinnacle vodka was born to be the pinnacle of value vodka from the beginning they've sought to do two things make high quality vodka and offer that award-winning vodka at a reasonable price distilled five times for a crisp smooth finish uh speaking of crisp smooth finish

it's a hundred percent distilled from cane here's the thing about cane sugar it's got a simpler simpler sorry guys i think what will's trying to say is cane sugar cane sugar has a simpler molecular is a simpler molecular structure that uh then sugars derived from grain and because of this this simpler sugar structure which bypasses the sacrification sacrification process uh grain must undergo means fewer congeners byproducts and fusel oils resulting in a cleaner naturally smooth end product and more importantly it is made in the u.s of mother freaking a baby come on so next time you're stocking the bar grab pinnacle vodka great vodka at a great price please drink responsibly must be 21 plus all right guys here's the deal uh sometimes in the

morning you want to cut through the brain fog but if you drink a bunch of caffeine then you're all jittery and anxious me guilty me when i drink coffee me when i me after one cup of joe uh mud water's got some newfangled mushroom technology i listen i live we live in venice california i hear all about these functional mushrooms whatever i didn't really understand it until i tried mud water it's a game changer okay you get the same morning ritual as you know whether you do coffee chai or matcha but you get functional mushrooms and adaptogens instead of a full caffeine hit so you get steady energy with no spiral i've been loving their original blend it's got cacao chai turmeric and ever heard of it and you guessed it functional mushrooms like a

spicy hot cocoa come on warm grounding and actually satisfying so guys if you're a coffee shop lover who just can't handle the full caffeine load anymore mud water is the version of your morning drink you didn't know existed because hey loving coffee shouldn't mean negotiating with it every morning and if you're ready to make this wish to clean your energy go to mudwater.com slash playdate and grab the starter kit use code playdate and you'll get 43% off the frother alone is worth it that's right up to 43% off with code playdate at mudwtr.com after you purchase they'll ask how you found them please support our show and tell them that we sent you let's get back to the episode you know what it's still june and i'm i'm off of men for the month of june so i don't

give really yeah how long have you been off of men 20 days 25 days purposely 20 26 days but like before that but before that i like i hadn't like i haven't like kissed a guy in a while either like a year no no like a couple months okay i like that you took control of the situation like you like you unintentionally were not kissing boys and then you were like you know what no i'm declaring i'm declaring i'm declaring it's on purpose no but i actually like i didn't realize at the time but i purposely like deleted the apps and stuff for in the month of june yeah and like made it a point to like focus on myself you're what have you done for yourself oh my god so many things really i've been going to the gym so much more than i ever have been i have made all

the doctor's appointments i've needed to make and like done a lot of like scheduled them yeah like that i thought like a common thing for you was like i i never make it there on time oh you've made this no i just like there's a lot of things in my life that i just keep pushing off and i'm like man like i'll get to it yeah and it's like no now's the time well i'm proud of you you're you're locked in i know and now it's it's like i have moments of like like i went out once last weekend and i felt like just shit i was like all the hard work like i feel like is going to waste just by drinking so much i think if you i think if you do it if you do it twice in a week that's bad but i think you can get away with one night of like a couple couple beers right yeah i just

like i'm so hard on myself i need to stop being hard on myself yeah i mean you did you you look great there's you're not you're not there's nothing like you're not sorry that came out wrong i just meant like if you're worried that like you're undoing that was weird i just know listen as a guy who's hard on myself i hear you yeah i i just was saying like you you're fine you're not i'm hard on myself i'm hard on myself you deleting um you deleting the apps i deleted postmates really that's like my apps i like i like going there and i swipe around and then like i pull i was my chair was wobbly at the bar yesterday and so i put a bunch of coasters under it and every time someone came to the bar they kicked my coasters out from under me on

accident it was what bar do you go to so i started at thunderbird because i know the bartender's there and i walked in yesterday yeah everyone in my i know and their mother was at i left why was everyone out last night why why thunderbird was there like a permit like a i just like thunderbird and uh so i went and the one of the bartenders that i know that girl that like came out with us after like my buddy buckley was in town and we like went out with the bartender um and her crew she was like are you guys looking for a table and we're like yeah and she's like it's been full it's been full for like three hours like we were there an hour like it was just one of those things we were like oh because yeah we were just knocking again so we went to q's went upstairs

it was empty so we got like prime bar spot and then filled up completely i was like the bell of the ball because i was there i was right where people needed to order drinks and so i could get the bartender's attention that's nice yeah you were belly ball i was belly ball you guys want play belly ball at my house later emily i'd be honored are you texting yes tweeting sorry i'm going to kid cuddy tonight and it's gonna be unreal boring emily's tweeting she's tweeting are you excited for kid cuddy no yes i'm very excited but it's a funny thing where it's like it'd be fun like my my buddy was like oh i'll bring a couple joints because you can just like smoke a joint yeah i can't just smoke a joint and be okay in a stadium full of people you could

just you maybe you could not inhale i think i might get like an na joint and and do they make those i have those cigarette want those i have like really low thc joints really i ordered the wrong the wrong type if you want them they're tiny and there's like no weed in them you you gotta try my buddy's joints they're tiny and there's like no weed in them i found an old snapchat memory of like one of the first joints my buddies and i rolled together and it is this is the length of a dime it is it's like a bat like it's it's i used to roll these hysterical ones it was like a run my friend kathleen would like it was like a running joke she would take photos of them she's like gathering people around you're like get around he fucking will sucks

everyone's trying to do it when i was drunk and it's already kind of hard can i confess something yeah i've never rolled a joint i've been there many times i mean i've never it's not that hard to do it's hard to do well dude when a guy rolls it is hard to do unless you have like a cone i'm saying it's not hard to do and like you can do it but no it's hard to like get it together i guess i'm just him i i haven't done it in five years when a guy rolls a cool nice crisp joint crispy crispy joint crisp yeah we're like i used today we're auditioning people at paramount studios yesterday to be in will's band and let's just say just say crisp was out of this there was a guy named crisp with an h with an h with an h that was someone named chris why aren't you on

love island have you tried yeah didn't you try i interviewed once and how'd that go it was weird but like this was before it became the raunchiest show in america i remember it being horny no it wasn't i remember exactly when i auditioned it was right after the season that wasn't raunchy oh yes and then you and i you were like thank god it was last season that was started to get really wrong and i was like raunchy like i didn't get on the making out what i mean they're like orgy thing it's just like orgy like sex sex focus it's really gross how do these people get do you watch it every day it's also just like nobody nobody wants nobody want there's no way that they want to be making out with everyone there it's not like you're attracted to every

single guy there and they're like basically forcing you to like make out with and do weird like licking toes and stuff that you don't maybe want to do but you have like they let you look do they let you lick their toes there no there's like lots of like toe licking on this season it's disgusting if you got on though you would do it no i actually would like walk out the door but they'd know then you can't i just like wouldn't i just wouldn't do it if it was what if it was what it was back in the day i would maybe do it but now you don't want to be on love island no no no if you got an email today emily binder we want to cast you for the next season of love island i would like really really have to think about it but i probably would lean no because i don't want

to like be look like i don't survivor i don't want to be like i don't want to you'd get you'd get uh i don't want my body to be my the main focus of my future career yeah i want my personality to be uh yes yeah there's like a third thing you could find yeah is there another thing that about Are you maybe? I'm joking. Maybe, maybe like. Your hair, your hands. Yeah, you did say my hair was hairy.

Your voice, you got a voice for radio. Yeah, you have a voice, you have a face for TV and a voice for radio. Good save, Jack. Do you, do you think you'd go on Temptation Island as one of the temptresses? Because there you don't have to be slightly. No, I would do a different. I don't think you could find 30 women to do the, if I was the bachelor. Like, how do they find, like, are all of the women interested in him?

Yeah, I think, like, specifically they'll find. Girls. Because I know a guy who was about to go on and then he found out who it was and he was like, no, I'm not really attracted to her. Like, I'm not going to do it. I was wondering about that. So, like, do they pick the person first and then they cast around them kind of thing? I think, yes.

Or do they pick a cast and then all the girls have to agree? or like if you're a girl on it like when he comes out you're like that's what i think you've seen them oh because that you have to be attracted to no yeah they'll they know who's oh i would do like a show like that so that it opens up doors to like other shows like there's like bachelor in paradise or like but like you can go on golden bachelor yes what are you 30 are you actually 30 no 32 um 35 27 are you really only 27 i thought you were like like i thought you were older than us yeah really how old are you 25 i am older than you but like 27 and 25 is the same thing i'm not calling it wasn't when i was working at this company and you were still in college

yeah when i met you for the first time in nashville i was like she this is a full-grown an adult and i was a child you were a child you remember when we met yes and willie is like for the reason why i chose to work here what i was nice yeah and um you were just saying like all the right things oh okay about the company and like oh i bet even he was like whispering like sweet nothings no but he was just like the nicest sweetest boy and i was saying all the right things i met a i met a 29 year old at the bar last night um that's insane i know it's like good like i was go to the old person's emily and i met at winston house really that's very specific i don't remember i remember meeting like on that trip you weren't working she was like doing like she was like here

to like check it out no they like flew me out here to like try and convince me to work here yeah and then you like went to you're obviously awesome but why would they i feel like why they don't do that and find something local because she had been at barstool and god oh my god i forgot you worked at barstool yeah holy shit what did you do there bars this podcast producing how who what podcast um i like hopped around a lot but i produced um this girl alex bennett's podcast i know the mean girls yes weren't they the ones that like i didn't produce their that show i produced the one there was one with her and her mom i like her her baby content yeah she's found her niche for sure wait so what were people like were mad at her for a while what what what did

her and that other girl do that people were so mad about they i don't even remember to be honest with you so glad we have avoided that yeah type of office i just feel like i'd be like on edge if there were like cameras I like a lot of the Barstool people I ran into a bunch of them in Daytona and they were all very nice you know who I still talk to that said that he ran into you at Indy

or IndyCar or something who? Spider oh yeah he was nice oh oh oh oh oh Spider yes I still talk to him he's the best

you know who I did you know Jake Malasek when you were there? yeah I did so he him and I started as interns together I see him every New Year's Really? In Florida.

His parents belong to the same club as Harper's parents. Is he still there? What? He's still at Barstool. He's like Gruden's guy. So he lives in Florida with John Gruden. Oh. Or maybe at a different house.

No, they share a bend. Bend. Am I saying it weird? Bend? Bent. I miss Birdie. But anyway, Emily and I met at Winston House. And then I saw you the next day at Teddy's Tacos.

how do you remember i just remember that we kept running into each other i just remember him having this like he was just this little guy with like a little mullet and i was like he's so adorable the mullet was anything but little that was the biggest mullet ever no like at that point he was like literally just like a character and i was like yeah this guy is such a chicken nugget like and he's so nice and like if the people at barstool are this nice or sorry if the people or friday beers are this nice like then i'm definitely in the wrong so you every binder blast ever you have me to think yeah you were at that with that haircut and like what you wore you were like a caricature oh he was you know who you looked like wait pull up who's the guy that

nude like defense contractor that sells like the pilotless planes um he wears a hawaiian he has a bullet that's the only thing about him go to like i was also gonna say that night i was on a date and my date like we were like talking about the company for a while and she was like upset she was like why were you talking to that girl for so long we at at the at winston house oh at winston house yeah we were on a date like at a bar why'd you go out on a date no we were on a we were dating we had just we were like we had gotten dinner or whatever um i'm not gonna say name but she's actually actually i think is married now we have we have the ability to take cuts i just wanted for my own reference do i remember uh yeah oh yes yeah yeah yes um i think

she's married now wait can you pull up like like defense contractor hawaiian shirt instead of flowers it's like plant bombs yeah this guy the pentagon's favorite tech guy yeah he's the man i was like my oh no a little coffee on my hand where else is he gonna put i don't know this was like if willie kept his same style and haircut would have evolved this would be what he looks like now i don't i don't know what i want to do with my haircut i want to do virtual reality i want to get you know what's weird about sunglasses like polarized sunglasses yeah turn them sideways it like turns you can't see like you can't see

electronics anymore it's not weird um that's how polarized sunglasses work i learned that in the science of light is that real take it and look at the screen and then turn them sideways screen goes away wow isn't that wild dude have you like never held a pair of sunglasses that's crazy yeah oh bright you know i'm getting over my fear of sunglasses and glasses inside yeah i'm wearing them on planes now i'm wearing them on the why why am i getting over it why are you why would you want to be wearing sunglasses inside when it's too bright in there i'm just i'm like i think it's awesome because the plane's like basically outside you kind of look like a douchebag do i actually

not right now i'm just saying if you're wearing something that's on a plane really no maybe i feel it's like kind of i mean emily come on give us something um i was just gonna say that wait in regards in the context of that i just asked you a question the reason that he probably wears sunglasses because he doesn't want everyone to compliment his eyes that is true my eyes my eyes are striking all people want to talk about wait no but if you guys if you see a guy wearing sunglasses on the airplane what's your butt you're either using that so that you can shut your eyes without being embarrassed or you're weird it's embarrassing to sleep fellows fellows is it embarrassing to sleep on planes is it gay to spank your boy ass and stick a finger up maybe

like darken it for when you're sleeping i can't wear sunglasses on the plane now i just gotten over that and then you guys immediately were like you look like a douchebag do you think i'm a douchebag no i just think that emily do you think i'm a douchebag i think that's a i don't i'm just kidding now put i'll say this way anytime i'm wearing sunglasses inside i'm like do i look a douchebag and i'm anxious why why is it this we make these stupid fucking rules why don't you rewrite this you can't do the thing it kind of looks like chumley it's like the no eat like whoever's making up these fucking rules no eating after 30 minutes of swimming no swimming 30 minutes after eating no sunglasses inside like never know your penis out no flip

flip-flops on the plane like i'm tired of this fucking why can't we all just do what we want i wore flip-flops out in the library if i want i wore flip-flops and shorts on the way back from dallas on the plane but i didn't give a damn flip-flops is insane flip-flops are insane no no the concept of flip that's become a new thing like isn't is insane like mustache is insane like when someone said something mustache is insane flip-flops is insane can i be can i be honest i'm not saying that flip-flops are insane i'm saying that the idea of wearing them on a plane is insane so flip-flops but who gives a fuck it's not weird to wear them at like a restaurant we're just in we're just 30 000 feet higher you know what i mean if i was on the bus your dogs

are out and you're in a confined space with other people who maybe wouldn't prefer to see your feet oh it's about them seeing my feet and like maybe smelling them if you have smelly feet i don't have smelly feet though okay well people don't always know that i've got smelly feet okay we'll get to you in a second okay what i don't know it just doesn't it doesn't make any sense to me if i was on the bus that's a confined space where we're sitting next to people and i'm in flip-flops bus or bust i was on a bust okay yeah if my do you think if i ever get a bust i'll be wearing flip do you think about yes yeah oh definitely right yeah i'd be like michael jordan without his like shorts do you think if there was a hundred reasons to to give up we would still go keep going

yeah man i do i think there are i think there are that's special man that's special i think there might be like a million reasons to give up there were a hundred reasons there's definitely if there were a hundred reasons to give up you and i would keep going that's that tells me everything i need to know that's before i go into business with anyone that's what i ask but like how many reasons do you think there are for us to give up thousands four i think there's way less than a hundred i mean i think you could if you got really specific give up doing what like life or podcasting our families there are a thousand and reasons to give up our families do you think you'll start two families or do you want just the

one when you're a grub one at a time but three over the course of my life yeah emily thoughts what do you mean like i'm thinking about starting maybe a secret family oh like behind your wife's back well yeah if you want to call her that probably i think i'm good with this one probably won't go by wife i should go by bartholomew yeah the brave bartholomew the brave would you guy if his name was bartholomew if he was hot and perfect and nice then yeah what if he had weird calves yeah he's a 10 but his calves are like one's huge one's tiny yeah we can fix that so you can't fix it can't fix it yeah it's like he's medical condition yeah then he will just hide it with his pants okay okay but he uh when he wears pants he

pees have you thought about that when he wears pants he pees all right would you rather ready this is would you rather for you guys okay would you rather a boyfriend who his always his pants are sewn to his leg so he can only wear one pair of pants and he always has them on okay or a boyfriend who goes hunting every day for three hours the hunting one obviously that sounds awesome can you be a girlfriend for me he's hunting uh it's depends on the season ducks deer can i mice can it be can it be a girlfriend for me yeah i'd take that girlfriend that hunts she hunts for three hours every day and in addition to work so like she doesn't get home until like eight or nine oh my god okay um i'm gonna stick with pants man is she

tired after well how do you get how do you get access to their private parts if their pants are to the fly oh my god what if my penis like hits the zipper and it cuts it well it wouldn't be your penis it's his you know she's on the she's wearing oh it's a girl oh yeah then i don't know then it hits the zipper man oh my god do you think anyone's ever done that had sex through a girl's zipper i think through a man's zipper for sure definitely through a man's zipper but the woman's zipper like i don't think so you know what i mean like a quickie but she's wearing jeans like ow i don't think that would it just occurred to me though what's the point of the woman's zipping it's just easier to get your pants on okay yeah because

you're not ever peeing out the hole in your no um sorry i'm sorry can women pee standing up emily like would it come out would it come out forward or would it come out straight down does it come out straight down between your legs or forward like maybe like a little bit of an angle but like it moves around what do you mean it moves around like there's not like a steady stream like it'll go like oh interesting nervous what you don't want to learn about women peeing i don't want to think about women using when emily's not here that's like all you want to talk about is well i'm code switching emily what's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean something about a chick peeing really i don't know a chick can pee in a isn't it like i wouldn't

i wouldn't pay i wouldn't pay five hundred dollars to have a garbanzo bean on me i liked i wouldn't pay a garbanzo five hundred dollars to bean on me i actually have a question that you're gonna hate me for asking okay i used to be like a picky eater so i just don't i'm not fully knowledgeable on food okay all foods what is rice pilaf you want to take this one yeah it's like i've never had it you've never had rice pilaf it was actually my favorite food growing up uh with barbecue chicken yeah it's like a rice it's like a middle eastern right it's just like a can you pull it up kind of fluffy seasoned rice it's really good oh i have had rice oh i've definitely many times

actually it's like a yellow more times than i would care to uh yeah i mean the most common version is like scroll down like um oh wait i saw a bowl that looks like perfect that shit on the right i feel like is what it'd be looking like oh mama i don't know like google like near east rice pilaf you ever see those boxes no i don't really that is the good shit right there i love spanish rice oh my god some spanish rice on a taco mama call that mama mama have you noticed sam barrett does that sometimes no what does he do mama i can't remember the context but he definitely has done that to me more than

once which is enough to recognize a pattern he's your boss he's gonna do a little mama mama wouldn't be a good boss if he didn't do a little baby that's how emily says birdie wait have you been watching love island no uh i was and then now i'm not when did you stop i stopped on the 30th we watched the orgy on the last episode though my roommate's girlfriend uh was watching it with me and him but uh now i now i'm over it whenever they watch it i'm out i'm out i'm gonna go watch rick and morty i'm gonna go take an edible and watch rick and morty i'm back on did you not see the girl's soul with the short hair is she the one that like goes into the splits every time she gets like nervous what the fuck is up with that what you guys are just doing reminded me

like at one point her and her mans were like talking about their feelings for each other and he was like saying he really liked her and she goes mama happy oh it was yeah you pull it out if a girl did that to me i think i would throw up or get hard no in between oh god i'm really worried emily is it gonna be okay mama happy so my home is where i want to be wait that wasn't that bad go try again no i'm happy mama happy mama here's the thing i liked it i like that but also like i get that maybe that's like a little weird but like if you filmed me walking around all day and interacting with all the people i interact with get a few bad sound you would get like a hundred of those every minute okay you're so right you'd get a lot of mama happy mama happy

i like i like that i like her short haircut that's cool i love that you love that i love love i love i love pie i love lamp i love cake i love lamp oh my god wait i love that lamp did you see that brick thing i sent you that yesterday no uh this steve carell was talking about brick's origin story and they never ended up making it but it's so funny he apparently was their like platoon leader in vietnam and when they were the way they were gonna do it is he was like this super brave like follow me into battle boys and i'll get you out of here alive yeah and then they were just gonna cut to present day and not explain how he went from from that to that but that is that was cracking me up um so how do you guys feel about roadmapping it up right now uh i

was gonna say you should probably get there because we've been going for like an hour okay great grape crepes call me cafe du mont the way my life is crepes oh i love cafe du mont i've only been once we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we oh my god wait i have one more thing that i wrote down that i saw today have you seen these fucking amazon pedal bikes that they're making the delivery drivers use now uh no these guys are pedaling like around amazon pedal bikes delivery i made the same mistake when i tried to google it look at this they're fucking man-powered pedal bikes now to to drive around town shut the fuck up isn't that unbelievable this that's like dystopian i feel like i think there's

oh they're little though they're e-cargo that one's little the one i saw was fucking huge they don't have to they don't have to power it but with their man you saw it in real life oh it's e-car i got it no no no it's like how it's like how like a pedal tavern is it like it has a battery but they the guy i saw was pedaling like they pedal to charge it that's sure yes yes i'm fucking sure can you go to uh videos emily i need you to see this i mean if they're electric i think that's good but i think they need to pedal to this is electric car your next amazon package may not be delivered by truck take a look d.d and Amazon are launching a 10-month pilot program using these battery-powered e-cargo bikes for deliveries across D.C.

The fleet includes up to 15 electric cargo bikes designed to carry packages while taking up less space on the road. District leaders say the goal is to reduce traffic impacts and study new ways to handle growing online. The guy I saw was pedaling it, though. I think he was just doing it for fun. Maybe, like e-bikes you can pedal, but... like if you have to wear a helmet it's a bike he's peddling it it definitely is it's assisted by electricity but even those like pedal tavern things like you don't have to pedal them yeah but you'd like someone needs to do to charge you

he's not weird these ones are smaller than the one I saw the one I saw was huge hmm actually I might be coming around on these i'm gonna be honest i was on your side and now i'm like it kind of looks cool i know but like maybe it's only guys that want to do the biking part yeah i don't know i think it's for new york city where it's like they're not using gas urban areas yeah all right guys come on fellas summer is here i'm talking festival season beach trips yeah parties weddings come on man everywhere that you need to look fresh this is the time of year where the fit actually matters and when you're not hiding under hoodies and

jackets anymore the details stand out a clean chain beret sorry a clean chain bracelet or pendant can take a basic outfit and make it look complete without even trying that's what true true guys that's why we're rocking with our sponsors GLD you rocking with GLD Emily I'm rocking with you guys wearing GLD I'm rocking with GLD because GLD is rocking with us and the best part about uh GLD is that you know summer style can get expensive fast but GLD gives you that elevated look without draining your wallet the value is actually crazy for the quality you get they use real gold every stone is hand set and the craftsmanship is on another level you can literally see the difference and if you hold in your hand you can feel I mean I'm feeling it right now and like if you look

closely like you can tell when you get close to it that it's go to the quality yeah so guys if you're trying to level up your summer fits without overthinking it GLD is the move they got everything chains pendants bracelets watches whoa uh listen over two million customers 50,000 five-star reviews it's worn by names like Justin Bieber Malik neighbors Micah Partington Micah Parsons A$AP Rocky and plenty more and the best part every single piece is guaranteed for life it is a no-brainer this is the instant upgrade you deserve if you want to look feel and be your best or just want to level up any outfit this is the missing piece you've been sleeping on and for a limited time only new customers are getting an insane deal i'm talking if you use

code playdate you're going to get 40 off at gld.com that's 40 off with code playdate at gld.com after you purchase they will ask where you heard about them please support our show and tell them that our show sent you it's time to lock in and upgrade your style this summer with gld guys have you ever woken up and immediately needed a nicotine pouch and or a cup of coffee just to feel like a human how many pouches cups of coffee or energy drinks did you need per day to stop yourself from crashing or even from feeling nicotine withdrawal uh i just tried ultra for the first time that's where these come in uh first off these pouches are completely nicotine and caffeine free and you're probably thinking they don't have caffeine in them what exactly is in them that is a great

question ultra partnered with leading neuroscientists to design these pouches they use clinically proven nootropics and adaptogens to deliver immediate focus and smooth energy that lasts one to two hours more specifically they use infinity px l-theanine alpha gpc and vitamin b6 and b12 uh all those have different benefits that are fantastic yeah i mean they're blowing up i'm seeing them everywhere i honestly didn't know it's possible to feel this energized and focused without nicotine or caffeine i feel less on edge and not nearly as anxious uh compared to nicotine and caffeine but it still gets me going and keeps me locked in so my workouts have been better my recovery's been better my sleep has been better it's awesome 90 of users saw uh improvement in

their overall focus levels i love the blue razz or the watermelon yep both are delicious guys ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine new customers can use code playdate to get 15 off at takeultra.com that's takeultra.com for 15 off with code playdate after you purchase they will ask you where you heard about them please support our show and tell them our show sent you let's get back into the episode um okay we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we are going to hear your pitches our pitches this guy rocks teach me something and then we're going to do dr seuss books that don't exist and family guy cutaways that don't exist you know that's right

let's hear a pitch emily emily when you go on your phone it makes me feel like i'm actually i'm writing notes of like what to like for andrew it's dead ass what i'm doing okay but earlier you said you were texting well i'm not gonna lie to you can you promise maybe you won't be texting yeah because i want you to talk to us i value your opinion wait that's like so nice what is the worst part about singing karaoke uh takes forever to like wait for your turn if it's like you get nervous turn it takes forever to wait for your turn okay uh that's right sometimes you down a few too many cocktails

while waiting for your turn and the next thing you know you're far too drunk to sing to go sing your song introducing gatekeep karaoke nice this device is a microphone that doubles as a breathalyzer if the mic detects you may be at a blood alcohol level too high to perform your song pick well perhaps it's because it's too fast paced or requires a more skilled vocal range it will skillfully guide you into a different song that may be closer to your inebriated skill level i love it of course it will always choose something of a similar vibe and it links to your spotify at sign up so it knows exactly what songs you plan repeat oh um i am i'm i'm in i do think we've heard this one before but i love it yeah because i've definitely had this problem

that's why you pick one song and you just master it yeah i have not yet you just gotta pick one after three beers i forget every song i've ever heard and i end up doing what i did in uh hollywood where i sang a song in spanish oh that was awesome though that was awesome um all right you sang a cancion in spanish what is the worst part about being a boy when you have a lady over or you want to look special for a lady can't perform emily um you need to scratch your balls and you can't jesus fuck emily jesus christ scratching balls here what's the worst part about being a man before a guy or girl sorry what's the worst part about being a man being a man when you like want to look sexy in

front of your lady you can't because you're not sexy you can't because you because they have lingerie but who doesn't boys lingerie for boys lingerie for boys i'm talking crotchless boxers i'm talking yes like pajama tops with the nipples cut out like there's it's still like normal staples because for straight guys sure it's like normal you know j crew boxers but like the crotch is cut out and then like it's a normal like ll bean pajama set but like crotch and nipples cut out ass cut out and yeah i mean that's so money isn't that cash yeah crotchless crotchless like khaki shorts that'd be so good i don't know i just thought it'd be fun like because like guys don't really get to feel sexy but if you were like that is kind of sad and interesting if you

were in your normal like boxers i would like normal completely normal cotton boxers but they're just missing the crotch i would like to feel sexy i would like to get head through crotchless boxers yeah what is that too much to ask what all right what's the worst thing about little cute little stuffed animals what's the worst part about little caesars uh the worst part about stuffed animals is like if they're around long enough you start to treat them like they're a person even though they're not where you're like i would hump them i meant like like if you like are sleeping on it you feel but you have to be like careful around this fucking thing that's not real yeah well mine is that guys this is another thing like let guys in on the fun

yeah i've got a couple of laurens at my house because she's like got too many and they're lovely yeah what do you do i got like a squish mellow i've been snuggling with every night and it's like what kind it's a blueberry nice is it big no it's actually one of the smaller ones i kind of you kind of like do you ever put it between your legs no i put a pillow between my like sometimes the best sleep you'll ever have okay if you're on your side yeah maybe you don't put the blueberry in your crotch i mean i would feel bad bad that's what i'm saying like it's it's no different than a normal pillow but for some reason you're like i have to be like careful it has a face my point is there should be tough as nails stuffed animals for guys like a jack

it's like a jackhammer or like a football or like a tiger yeah full-size cougar dragon yeah i don't know just like shit got like a steak fuck should we get dude steak would be awesome should we go in on some fucking jellycats together what's a jellycat you just told me 30 seconds ago well i said squishmallow oh is that the same thing is jelly similar similar jellyclad i think is like the like i had to get my college girlfriend a jellycat for some reason i think i like pissed her off okay so it's definitely it can straight guys can do it but is it weird um like if a girl not anymore not when you have those toughest nails if a girl comes over and you have a fucking jelly cat they're gonna be like what emily thoughts here i mean you saying you get wanting

to get one is like adorable but then if i'm trying to picture like if i were to walk into a guy's house and he had it like really depends like if it was if it was like a genuine if it was like dirty and you've been sleeping with it and you can't sleep without it like i'd be a little concerned dirty but fucking filthy when you watch it's like reeks wait i can't talk because i have like a ratchet like blankie from my childhood and teddy bear you know my blankie's in pristine condition like it looks brand new like that's weird well it's at home i mean i don't use it i'm an adult it's in a drawer oh weird i use mine and i'm an adult what's so wrong with that because you're a girl my sister has she

whose side are you on here we start focusing on each other ah ah um emily my sister has a sheepy that literally is like unrecognizable like i think it is like a piece of fluff that she carries lauren just put all her stuff through my washer and it totally cleaned everything squishies yeah nice all our guys um so i think yeah or like a beer like it's a beer yeah you know what i mean or it's like it's a line of coke it's um no it's like a sports game on a tv yeah the the your plush your squish what the fuck why can't i remember that your stuffed animal is a tv with a football game on yeah that's badass all right that's a that's one of your better pitches thank you that's an i i would invest emily thoughts i

yeah i think men should feel empowered to do things that are deemed feminine so i support it all there could be like a mike tyson one michael you want a guy you want to date a guy who wears dresses i mean no like i don't know if i wore a dress to work do you think how long do you think you could go without saying something or would you ask laughing kind of saying something oh okay so remind me not to wear my fucking dress anymore i'm going to maine on sunday maine it up nice i have two main trips planned i'm trying to get i'm trying to squeeze on a third without anyone noticing but i think that might be getting a little ambitious a little ambitious i have golf planned every day that's great 36 holes on one day 18 holes on every other day you're gonna get

nasty i'm gonna get i'm actually i've been playing pretty well i didn't score very well in dallas but i uh but i was hitting the ball very well do you see that that three wood i posted on my story i smacked a three wood and and my caddy said good job oh i don't know how did i miss that are you being sarcastic no i mean like i i feel like i oh see when i yeah yeah now i just reposted harper's story all right emily do you have a pitch i didn't no i'm just i'm with you man all right don't worry about it bro let's do this guy rocks emily i'm gonna slack you my this guy rocks and could you do me a favor and pause this immediately and i mean immediately yes because i don't remember what it is nice emily okay oh yeah

this was cracking me up this is exactly my type of humor he nailed my type of humor this is what i want to see on instagram quick question is there anybody out there that can help me teach my cat how to chew gum because i'm telling you that'll be how cool would that be people come over chewing gum i mean i have a quick question exactly right yeah if you're if you went over to someone's house and their cat was chewing gum that would be the funniest thing in the world i it would be how i mean that would be the coolest thing i've ever seen you teach a dog to do that i feel like a dog might be easier i feel like it would be it would have to eat so much gum in the process i don't even know how you would convey not to swallow it yeah i guess it's a word it doesn't

know how good were those breakfast sandwiches this morning i was so good just thinking about i fucking love you know i text edge on fridays really i have like some i'm like the puppet master what do you tell him to get like you just today i said i want muffin me crazy really it's actually called muffin can stop us but edge he calls it muffin me crazy edge called it muffin me crazy it's like deep it's like far away that's why they're always cold when they get here but they're still so good all right i sent you it i'm retaught i'm retaught do solemnly sincerely enjoy that's pretty good her name is marie todd but she's british she's like i'm a retard that's pretty good all right do you guys want to do teach me something yeah did you know

andrew jackson had a parrot and it had to be escorted out of his funeral because it was screaming uh swear words at the top of its life actually apparently can you pull that up emily andrew jackson parrot funeral funeral apparently it was just like fuck apparently no is that real andrew jackson at andrew jackson's funeral in 1845 his pet african gray parrot poll had to be forcibly removed from the service the bird learned a highly profane vocabulary from the famously hot-tempered president and caused a massive disturbance by screaming obscenities at the mourners that's funny fuck i would have loved to see a video of that that would have been pretty great um you got anything really no okay do you want to draft yeah do you want to do family

guy cutaways that don't exist yeah let's do it okay all right i got a good starting one if you want to do it these are more family guy cutaways that don't exist peter goes this is worse than when i ordered a molotov cocktail and it cuts to the outside of the bar and it just explodes that's awesome uh uh hey no running when peter says hey no running by the pool i learned my lesson there and he's running alongside the pool and then uh a guy just comes up and shoots him in the head um okay this is better than when i got blown by smithereens and it's peter sitting next to a girl with a name tag that says smithereens on and he goes that was unbelievable that's awesome thank

you uh some people some people never get the credit like the guy who built the space thread uh and it's like a guy like looking up at the space needle and then he squints and it zooms in and there's a tiny little thread going through the end of it phenomenal and then it cuts back and he goes you can't even see it this is worse than when shaggy stayed at my airbnb and then it's him it's like it's peter on the phone and he's going yeah he did it on the counter the bathroom floor the shower everywhere it's a mess that's awesome thank you uh peter says it smells worse than when the guy who started taco bell died and it's like oh my god he's dead he's dead and or it's like oh my god or sorry in uh uh uh uh uh sorry i was trying to see if i could hit

that note uh peter says this smells worse than when the guy who started taco bell died and a guy falls over like oh my god someone check on him and then he shits himself and everyone just it's the worst smell and ever just clears out a million miles like leave him leave him i like because it like smells so bad yes from shit because you shit when you're dead i like that hey i'll shit when i'm dead all right should we do dr seuss books that don't exist yeah these are more dr seuss books that don't exist that bench speaks french okay you write like verses for them i wrote like a couple sentences okay uh so sir won't you be a mensch and go speak with that old bench he said i can't speak with that bench because i only speak french i said well good news mensch

that bench that bench speaks french i like that i just i can't i don't know how you guys do it you said this last time we did dr seuss books too it's like kind of the dr seuss books are no just like everything you guys are so smart and curious my my aunt slant my aunt's name is slant and it's a strange sight to see her body tilts at 45 degrees when she goes to sit down she always full falls over and when we walk through the lawn she gets a face full of clovers love that thank yes my my mayor muslim my aunt slant what is it but you know never mind my bagel's jewish what you know that like thing that was viral no you didn't see that no it's like my mayor muslim my bagel jewish my what is muslim mayor god people were posting during the next round

it's like my mayor muslim my bagel jewish my christian dior my nixon four nice my my rusty featherstone my producer jewish my christian dior podcast and four um those are jeans those are beans and uh you know we actually don't even have to do the and there was little timmy teens who went on and there sat little timmy teens he woke up and went to put on jeans the moment he put on those jeans he looked down and realized oh no they're beans those aren't jeans yes those are beans that's great when my clone got a loan when my clone got a loan he bought some new socks he bought a new car and medicine for his chicken pox this is all good and fine and he wouldn't be to blame if the loan he took out wasn't in my name that's awesome i like that one the moose

who rode in the caboose the moose who took it in the caboose no rusty like ass stuff rusty like ass in the caboose you're on a podcast in the caboose at the end of my very train there was a moose who went by the very name of caboose moose canoes loose cruise to boost Dr. Seuss boost boost boost boost boost boost boost boost boost boost boost and there he came to

roost that moose in that caboose covered in a alright you go now oh my god I thought you were going to say something about Maine I wanna go to Maine on the moon with a spoon this past June I went to the moon I brought my

space suit my space boots and a very big spoon i started taking bites and it tasted quite chalky for the first time in my life i wished i was eating broccoli oh i thought it was gonna be milwaukee ah george costanza what are you doing george why don't we go to seinfeld that's my watch i found my my i do you have another one no oh my god your heels i know it cracked it cracked this is why you can you have to wear socks on the plane why because my heel is cracked yeah like gross it is okay moisturize it's gross no why do you care if my heels cracked i didn't say cracked i'm gonna crack your heel i'm gonna crack you do you wash you do you wash your feet in the shower probably needed you know what's funny i uh i don't do it every time it's

so i'm worried i'm gonna fall lauren told me she saw me do it and was like damn like i should make more of an effort to like get down there like i like put soap on my feet yeah specifically i feel like same yeah i feel like the water just like runs down i think most people maybe i'm wrong i think most people it's like a once every five times thing no maybe i'll you know think about the fact though that like sure yeah your feet are gonna go back on the floor anyway but like once your feet go into your bed your clean bed yeah i guess my just my head is never at the foot of my bed i mean i definitely need to wash my feet more that's a good reminder i just like don't want a single piece of dirt on my body and like but do you wash like do you like cover everything like

belly everything yeah i have like a scrubby like a i need to get like that i just am like that is so much i like have a separate like one i get like when i go to like beach tennis and stuff my feet get like really dirty and gross so i like when i shower i have this different thing that i'll like scrub the bottom of my feet with it so it's not touching the same loofah as like the rest of my body and then i'll use the loofah to clean my feet like i'll clean my feet twice maybe i need to start washing my feet more i mean i just i'm like i know mine smell so i'd try to mine just don't smell i guess yeah all right don't get like dirt in there like just clean them good god i'll try they kind of clean themselves no they don't you're standing in like you have self-cleaning

feet you're you're standing in a puddle of soap you're standing in a puddle of dirty soap though that just came off of your dirty body i don't think it's possible so the whole point of soap is like germs can't stick to it right so you you would you would let's say someone just bathed in like a soapy bath would you dunk your feet in that and say they're clean all right we love you guys we will catch you no because they're not me all right we'll see you later peace it's gross