Will & Rusty's Playdate - what REALLY HAPPENED at The Sobers | Ep. 246

Episode Date: September 21, 2026

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/@playdatepod https://www.instagram.com/playdate.pod https://www.tiktok.com/@playdatepod Petty Cases: https://www.youtube.com/@PettyCases https://www.instagram.com/petty.cases https://www.tiktok.com/@petty.cases Hosts: https://www.instagram.com/scubastevefurey/ https://www.instagram.com/williesimoncomedy/ Willy: https://www.instagram.com/willdonnellon https://www.tiktok.com/@willydonnellon Rusty: https://www.instagram.com/featherstonerusty https://www.tiktok.com/@rustyfeatherstone Andrew: https://www.instagram.com/andrew_nelson_ NEW MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/  PAID PARTNERSHIPS: [e-mail]  GUESTS AND INQUIRIES ONLY: [e-mail] SUBMIT YOUR BUSINESS PITCH HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdPHd7Ps9TaX-TOozyLhDpr9Y7pFNMP9PX7cHuLxap1R78GWg/viewform?usp=header SUBMIT YOUR AITA STORY HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdQElfqdQutn3dzl5HcZfey6YWhbVd-n6XE7FkpfosWZyYhyA/viewform?usp=sf_link SUBMIT YOUR CONFESSIONS HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSedx06Mo5EBt7WJAehTXwRoF3JzP0T7-kiDvYOphgxaPvtzKQ/viewform?usp=publish-editor  SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: If you haven't tried Barebells yet, go to barebells.com to shop the full lineup and use code PLAYDATE for 15% off your order. So next time you’re craving something cold and frothy — crack open a MUG Root Beer. Find MUG Root Beer at your local store or head to https://www.mugrootbeer.com/find-mug to find out how you can get your paws on some MUG and be sure to throw them a follow online, @MUGRootBeer. New customers get 40% Off with code PLAYDATE at GLD.com Looking to make every NFL week even more exciting? Introducing BetMGM Ultimate Teams, the free-to-play game that gives you a chance to win all season long. Here's how it works: Every weekday, Monday through Friday, play BetMGM Ultimate Teams and receive a team card featuring an NFL team and point spread. Play every day and collect five team cards. If all five teams cover, you'll be eligible to win a share of the weekly $50,000 Bonus Bets Jackpot. And the best part? Even if not all five teams cover, BetMGM Sportsbook account holders can still earn rewards when some of their teams hit. It's free, it's easy, and it's another way BetMGM gives football fans more opportunities to win. And if you haven’t signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code PLAYDATE to claim your new player offer. BetMGM: Make it Legendary. 00:00 - intro 1:20 - going wingo mode 7:23 - The Sobers 19:45 - Jack Harlow concert 29:41 - knifing an apple 34:56 - Hullabaloo  46:26 - Mets pitcher 53:38 - getting jacked 1:10:57 - pitches 1:18:17 - confessions 1:26:01 - this guy rocks 1:28:11 - teach me something 1:30:28 - fantasy football punishments 1:31:29 - fall traditions #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod #RustyFeatherstone #WillDonnellon  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

you get new pants no but let's talk i mean i was i was worried about it um so let's just get it out in the open i am trying to wear less navy pants wow because i just wear them every fucking day and i was like i not there was a part of me and i know i obviously know i'm not one of these guys and that's why i was like i need to stop doing this is like i feel like all the guys that think they're like the smartest guy in the world get one outfit they like get rid of their whole closet didn't steve jobs got like he like only wore black shirts and jeans david dobrik david dobrik yeah i don't want to like i mean i'm just not one of the yeah i'm not one of the goats so i can't zelensky zelensky like i can't i i'm not maybe i mean maybe i'm the fourth yeah you might be top five

but like my old ceo did that and it was mild ceo yeah mild mild ceo he's like i'm sorry that's not even funny mild ceo he's like uh i mean increase your old value if you want yeah it's not gonna be good it's honestly it's not the end if you want we can make money yeah we can like make money if you want this episode is brought to you by bearbell rusty show me your bearbells speaking of mild i went fucking wingo mode again last night you ate wings again i texted you this Oh, in my mind, it was the third time. No, that would be fucking crazy. And I was sitting on the toilet last night going like,

are you the dumbest fucking guy in the world? And then in the middle of that, Will texted Andrew and I and goes, are you guys aware of the definition of insanity? And I felt like a fucking idiot where I was like. Yeah, why did you do it again? I just, Andrew or Jacob was eating his fucking leftovers. And I was like, that looks pretty good. And it was the Wingstop leftovers?

It was Wingstop. but i was like i know i don't like it so i'm gonna go b-dubs and i sat there on the toilet and like cursed my own name for and then i this morning i came in fuck rusty everything okay in there man fuck rusty fuck you fuck me i hate me pussy rusty um and i i've had like i mean i don't want to get into the nitty gritty but it's been it was it was a cough it was a tough like 12 hours i mean the picture you sent it looked like you had just like flung your you guys are getting a little performative with these photos i swear i do that i do that regardless about painful was the reason they were that far

away was i was like i don't know how bad his clothes were talking about my clothes were on the other side about 15 feet to the left of the toilet um i bathroom too what you got you got a huge bathroom oh my god that was that didn't even do it justice really it's like two it's like like i wish more of it was my bedroom it's a waste it's a waste of space that they allocated this much it looks like the size of my studio have you seen his toilet he had to get like a separate thing because it's so big that he just falls in yeah are you serious it was like a separate seat that goes like inside the guy lived the guy that lived there before us was like huge i guess and so we had like the the really wide one in my ass i have a little ass

oh and so my ass would go in and like my balls would touch the water and so yeah will's right i had to get like an insert uh so that my balls didn't keep touching the poop water you got asked you got bold none of that's real um but yeah so that's what i that's what i've been dealing with And then I walked out of my office after lunch today and I said, I think Chipotle is back because I had a really good Chipotle bowl. And Kendra goes, let me get this straight. You came in this morning and were complaining about going Wingo mode and how much it hurt your stomach.

And then you had Chipotle. And I was like, it's a good point. Wait, Kendra's worked here like a week. Yeah. We're getting really comfortable with that. Poor lady. Well, she sat right next to Dumb and Dumber. so when i come in and i want to talk about wings got it wing poops i feel really bad for her dude

she got the short end of the donkey like a bad office a bad desk like she's like a mature like married woman and then she's just sitting married yeah jackson and bastion they're not married right jackson and bastion not to each other okay can you imagine if you found out they had they had wives it'd be awesome or married to each other would be even better jackson said he has a thing going on with like this dominican woman though really yeah wow dominicana yeah unexpected met her online apparently he met a dominican lady yeah yeah 90 days he's gonna make her his fiance are you being serious i told you my cousin was on 90 90 day fiance he was like in the background he was in the

background oh yeah that was that was that was phrased no his dad was the was the guy marrying like a foreign lady and we're watching it and we were like that's fucking lucian that's gonna say i thought you're gonna say your cousin was big ed no his cousin was big ed but not anymore not anymore he's like medium ed are you born with that like build like or does is there something like wrong like did someone go wrong maybe in a past life yeah you you were so bad karmically that they made you big ed have you seen the blur of his like dick in that one video wait what it's like the smallest blur ever oh god i feel like if you're the if you're the special effects guy you gotta like you got and i help every brother if i slip shaft i need you to help

a brother out and have it go down like all the way down my thigh yeah oh my god i mean they give him like no blur wait how is he maybe he has it taped up or something can you pull he was in the pool and you that is a crazy shit you go he doesn't have a waist can you go his waist he looks like uh have you ever like held he's snatched have you ever like held held a frog up no but is that what it looks like that's like how it's it's like how his body sits i never held one up how many frogs are you held up less than five okay you know we used to go to the same gym you and big ed yeah i if i went to gold no it's when i lived in san diego he's that's where that's where he lives yeah he lives in north park if i went to the same gym as him i would go i don't

want to fucking touch these weights because whatever it's doing to his body i don't want it like what if he just lift he's lifting the wrong weights and he's putting muscle on in the wrong places yeah he's doing he's doing all back and balls when i was doing the gym with him he would just do wrist ups the whole time so i guess he's got like really big wrists or something forearms yeah just for your forearms he just put his arm on the bench and just do like this well maybe a bit like because it was like jacking off no no genuinely like he would do this there's like a video of him doing it like he recorded it right next to me and it's on his instagram of him just doing like well in his defense maybe it was so he could like rub clit longer and his forearms

wouldn't get hurt sore maybe it's so he could rub a woman's clit longer and his forearm wouldn't get sore it's just it's just my knee uh my knee jerk reaction oh sorry can't say jerk my need to jerk reaction that's your need to jerk reaction i was just watching footage of the sobers and i guess it's out now like this moment it'll be out by the time oh okay so i think now we can talk about it right okay yeah what happened no it's just i got so hammered and so i was like you have to let me watch this before it comes out like i need it yeah i have a question did you do all the sobers in your panties all right whoa whoa whoa why would you say my panties because you were wearing panties they were boxer briefs but what happened is you were just you were just pantsless

halfway through there was a challenge that involved like getting wet and everyone had been told to bring a change of athletic clothes and i had not oh and so i just grabbed a random sweater from the sports annex and i just took my pants off and then afterwards like i think they like took the pants out of my i think they were like this is must see tv so i think they took my pants out of my room okay so i was pantsless for like the second half of it yeah like the whole do you call your own underwear yeah why would you say panty i thought it was a funnier way than saying it was but anyway i'm in my panties for the second half of it for sure uh it was it was not bad it was funny it made me laugh okay the only part i so i got voted out

right before that happened yeah i got killed right before that happened and uh i just saw a clip of you talking to everyone and you're like so this is just a normal thing that would be happening when we're all hanging out and it the camera pans and it's like the sound guys like yeah they car you're like that would just be there if we were all hanging out no man that doesn't make any sense it's awesome it's awesome who won uh like did they win stop now if you don't want to spoiler i won oh fuck really yeah i think i made a binder one did they give you cash yeah i got $1,500 so that makes it worth it it is definitely something that i'm like oh my god i bet you wish you had a safe for all that cash well i was direct deposited oh they didn't have cash so i had to pay

taxes on it which sucks that does suck it was like 600 of the 1500 taxes are i am not a fan oh i know but anyway yeah it was it was it was pretty funny to watch back it's i mean it's like i i'm not doing anything bad i'm being pretty funny i'm just like my motor control is is pretty tough i feel like what i've generally what i've learned from getting filmed hammered this often is it's usually fine yeah it's just like my like i'm i'm like kind of just like tilted in weird ways and stuff you're you're speaking perfectly but you're just at like a 45 degree angle correct yes yeah yeah it's uh i think it'll be money i think it's it's it's coming out whether i like it or not so yeah but i won i won big time so what'd you do with the 900 bucks or 1100 i put

it in the savings oh it's kind of boring yeah well i want to buy a cat one day so oh yeah i want to be a cat i don't want to buy a cat i think i could be a good cat i think you'd be good at it yeah i just don't here's my thing there's no good place for the litter box if unless you're unless you have a huge and like you unless you have a big house yeah there's no good place to have the litter box so your house is just your house smells like cat poop for the rest of your life i would agree yeah like i don't even think we have a litter box for our cat he goes outside oh like at home yeah yeah i guess you can like train him to do that well he just he goes out so he he wanted to go out from like the day we got him and my mom was like rule number one of

having a cat is you don't let it outside yeah and then he was so persistent that one day she was like i'm gonna risk it and like honestly if he doesn't come back this is like clearly what he wants like he would rather be out there than in here and he left for like two hours and then came back yeah but he like goes like heartwarming he goes around town like he'll be there's like a job and everything uh he doesn't have a job but he has like us like we think he goes to another house yeah because he'll come back and he's not like like he'll be gone for like eight hours plus and it's like there's only so many things to do yeah in portland before he would like yeah i mean he could go to what a sea dogs game grab a even if he catches a sea dog game with the pitch clock now

that's only like three hours yeah that's a good point so that's a good point he could go to like the pinch clock he could go the pinch he could go to like the zoo the portland zoo the bar yeah the portland zoo the bar he could go to matt he could probably go to maps for like a little bit but it's not that big i know is he at least trying to get a job because like if he's at least like going to companies and like giving out his resume then like he can live under the roof but like he has to be like trying i'd like to think that maybe yeah i mean he's gone for a full work day hey nobody's perfect uh i think he just spends all his time doing scratch offs

uh he did go to jail for littering litter boxing he oh maybe he if he got a job he'd get a meow paycheck ah oh uh no i don't think he has a job if i'm being honest he's a cat so i like i you know obviously i have as much fun joking around as you guys but at the end of the day he's a fucking cat so why don't you guys just grow the fuck up i agree yeah okay um yeah so oh i was gonna say another thing about the sobers as i was watching it i was we were talking about this the other day there was like an inflection point in that thing where it was like they should have brought us dinner it was like i just had to get this off my chest

it was a 12-hour shoot and we got lunch and instead of dinner they brought around a bucket of energy drinks yeah that is and that and that felt like fucking terrified malpractice the best the best part of it was danny fucking dming her he dm'd a girl and peed in a cup in matz's office who did he dm one of the other girls in the thing he dms like gameplay oh but we're all like so but he was even he admitted he was like all right he didn't dm me gameplay i was talking to tanner about it and apparently she had a very funny reaction where in one of her like confessionals she doesn't understand that like clearly he's dming her yeah yeah that because he's like think she's like attracted whatever

and tanner said in her confessional she's like she goes like why would he open instagram track down my instagram follow me and then dm me if he wasn't sober like she was just like so fucked up that she like that's the opposite she just like completely missed the ball wait who was it ansley ansley spooky foodie yeah spooky food she's actually we're going on a haunted bar crawl yeah we are together for uh spooktober spooktober is willie willie and i are doing four the month of october is four haunted videos yeah it's gonna be haunted as hell yeah gavin gavin had gavin had four beers what did i say gavin danny had four beers and was like i'm trying i'm trying to get spooky he tried to get spooky what would even what would have even happened like they're

gonna hook up at during that during this over during this over during this over we all in our private rooms can you imagine i mean me and brett tried but he got voted off so quick before i could get hard bobby was next bobby was in the office next to me same he was in between us and i thought he was sober because he kept so he's in the office and there's like 20 minutes in between and he kept being like bro thinks he's doing something and like just like talking to himself in like a very like kind of loud and performative way yeah and then i found out he was drunk and so i was like he was just stimming out in there oh he was just like going nuts yeah for no reason imagine like trying to hook up with someone during the sobers and you get whiskey dick and you're

like see i'm not sober oh i'm not sober yeah yeah that's a good maybe try to drive a car and get arrested and be like see was that ever a thing that you guys dealt with that like you couldn't get a boner after drinking 100 yeah yeah i feel like i've tested like the hour the highest limit of like fucked up you could possibly be and i've never once not been able to get a prove it prove it prove it someone walks through the door on pants around my ankles you guys are force still hard he's still hard this is amazing still doing it uh olympics i uh yeah i just thought i thought that was maybe like a whiskey only thing no like a like a mood like a movie trope it's all it's it's yeah no it's real sometimes i can't um

why are we even talking i don't know i'm like trying to like i'm trying to let you let it die i forget it's going on the internet all this is going on the internet okay um where does this go sometimes it does yeah i do hear on that though it feels like where is this shit going yeah the way like all the balloons from our last episode are just off camera it looks like sanskrit no it looks like one of those codes you have to type in to like prove you're not a robot because all the letters like floated in like weird relationship to each other oh my god oh i walked is that an e or a three yeah sorry what i was walking into the studio like 20 minutes ago and rick had gotten breakfast for some reason for

context is 220 yeah but uh rick was eating breakfast and i think he thought he was alone and was trying to drink his orange juice and was like completely upside down hiccups drinking it and i was like rick what are you doing and he was like it all it's it's like almost exploded and i was like it's because you're holding it like that like just stand up right and so he stopped and then he came in and he goes oh did you tell andrew what happened to my orange juice and i was like honestly i didn't even know how to like explain it yeah i mean like even the way i honestly didn't do a good job right now i don't it was i don't get this story at all something i've never i walked in and you tell me rick was drinking his orange juice funny he i walked around the corner

and he's standing like this i say we go back to the jerk the common stuff i think i thought it was funny when in the moment it was the craziest thing i've ever seen and now when i'm saying it out loud it doesn't make sense no no i've seen some pretty crazy things what's the craziest thing you've ever seen name it name a crazier thing than rick drinking orange juice upside down i once saw and be serious i don't know i'm trying to think what is the crazy i'll say something crazy that happened today uh our office is completely out of water so everyone's just drinking mug root beer that is true yeah we just have which there's nothing endless supply of mug root beer but no water

i saw someone boiling out the mug oh yeah i don't they said the water guy came to deliver it and he showed up in a toyota corolla instead of a van and they were like they're huge water they turn them away no they were just like how many do you have and he's like i could fit six in here so we drank six today no this was i guess the other day i andrew oh you look scared for a second what nothing are you a haircut uh no thank you for noticing something's different about you from the last episode to this episode i can't put my oh you know what yeah it's without i got botox botox that's what have you had any work done uh a little bit yeah a little bit of botox a little bit of filler lips okay so last

night i was at the jack harlow concert oh yeah yeah and uh i was shooting it i was on a job but anyway his photographer is in like my top five favorite concert photographers he's on your he's on your your rushmore he's on well top five i'd say he's he might be fifth so maybe not the rushmore but anyway i saw i was going around i was shooting the show and i ran into him the photographer oh yeah during the jack harlow show and i was like oh my god dude i love your work and he's like oh thank you so much he goes do you mind getting a picture of me and this dude real quick and you have to understand this is like if michael jordan was like yo will you throw me an alley-oop yeah no no it's like if jordan was like throwing me an alley-oop right yeah yeah i was never more

nervous in my entire life and uh he was like yeah you just focus he had this like film camera and he was like yeah you just focus it here click it here camera and on his camera and i didn't know how to use it at all and i was shaking the whole time took the photo he's like thank you so much man it was so nice to meet you moved on and you can't even look at it because i can't look at it I have no idea if it's in focus I have no idea if I shot it right I have no idea if it looks good And I'm terrified now

Who was the photo with? It was just an attendee of the concert Who had like avatar tattoos Like he was like bald With like the arrow on his head And it was like red And then he had all these other Like red tattoos all over his body

Where was the concert? It was at the Hollywood Palladium Oh nice I think I might go see Chance the Rapper Though this weekend Oh really? Yeah I saw their advertisement for it There was like not a bad seat

in the palladium yeah yeah which is ironic is it a bowl no it's like a ga yeah indoor it's like it almost looks like um like a high school gym he's only ever been to like huge have you ever been a small a concert with us and like 10 000 people uh fuck um i don't think so no no i don't think You've only been to like SoFi concerts No I went to I went to The Hollywood Bowl The Hollywood Bowl

The Greek Coachella Coachella Small There were a few small ones at Coachella And then you and I went and saw the Rolling Stones at SoFi No that was at the basketball one No that was at SoFi

Didn't you leave that show like 5 minutes in I left after 3 songs we were dude we were literally a mile away from the stage and we're sitting in like movie theater we've been invited there i know i just wasn't feeling it yeah i think that i and i'm i am like trying to be better about this but i also think it's not a bad quality to just be like if i'm not feeling something yeah but then you never let it be good you know you don't like wait it out see here's the thing with that concert that was my first concert ever so in my head i was just like i just don't like concerts it was i didn't know that it could get more

interesting sure yeah i was just like this is fucking boring i felt the same way at my first concert i think if we were in the like i'm a concert person if we were in ga i think i would have been like loving it it was just like so hard to i mean the lights were on in our suite like it would be like sitting in a room and watching a movie from a mile away yeah yeah but it's the rolling stone yeah it was cool it totally would have been cool if i said you know what it's like an all-time i like hand up i should i probably should state that's okay i i think it's a better story i get a better story out of it than if i stay sure yeah it's definitely created more materials for the day it was the day trump got shot it was the day you it was the day you and

i got t-boned yeah there was a lot going on it was he got shot at the rolling stones concert right yeah he got you got a shot he got shot you told me he got shot like i think the moment our car got it 30 seconds i was like oh my god trump got shot he was like really and then we just got t-bone i'm not that's yeah yeah there's a lot going on we almost lost two patriots that day i know man me and you no but you should you should really like just wait things out i think in the future wait for things to get better patience is a virtue are there other are there other examples of this that you're thinking of i think it feels like it feels like i did something to you recently you're you're holding the ground you leave like parties early like i showed up to

izzy's party and you're like i'm heading out and i was like for the record i just got here i was heading out with everyone else from the party but you told them to all leave yeah it was a sick move yeah you ever heard about this dude chet did that at my house and then no no no no you know what's worse we're all gonna vbb i was like okay you know what's worse is that is that you were like hey let's leave izzy's party we're all going to tiny's so we're like okay i just got here but i guess we'll all go to tiny's you said that to like everybody for the record i like izzy was coming with us i like later no she was like we're going to the bar and i she was like what bar are we going to and i was like tiny's and she was like yeah everyone's been saying that and i was the

that's because you started it anyway so we all go to tiny's because you told us to go there and as soon as we get to tiny's you leave tiny's first one in last one out or first one in first one out first one in first one out that's that's like nobody even saw you the whole night dude that's but then that's then you're like an enigma where people are like i feel like i saw him but like no one yeah for the record i parted my nuts off in time you guys were just in line for like an hour for some reason because that bouncer hates me yeah you gotta like asian gotta go up give him a crisp why does he hate you i don't know he just always kind of looks at me weird yeah he's all right he always looks at like my fucking driver's license he always looks at my

driver's license wait he looks at you weird yeah does he let you in uh sometimes yeah does he ever not let you in no but so he always lets you catch a vibe you can wait so how did that delay you getting in i think he purposely saw me in line and was like we're gonna we're gonna really make a little thing because like 20 people would leave i'd be like next in line and he would in his defense he had curated a pretty dope vibe in there i just think he was worried like you and your also it's like when he goes in it's like i was in the same crew as you we were coming from the same party when he goes in when rusty goes in you gotta leave a little bit more space in there for the moves he pulls off right i know that if you pack it too tight you'll sweep some legs when

i would never know i can't hit that uh that taylor lautner i saw you the other day you never opened the fucking things i said this was i have work this was the funniest thing i've ever taylor lautner was at a movie premiere and hit this like handstand where he was doing a split upside down like if you he has to let 20 people out and not let anyone in so that i could pull that shit right yeah without like killing people it is what i left didn't he let all you guys in yep yep pretty much Pretty much Here's what you do You walk

You walk to Tiny's You walk to the front line You hand him a crisp $20 bill And you say $1 for every person You don't let in behind me And he goes

Deal And then when you walk out He lets 20 people in So you can hit the lot in there dude You ever You ever I feel like Tried that

Just knowing the kind of Situations I'd be Put in like If I gave a bouncer $20 They would take it And then still make me wait In the back of the line For the record

I've never done that Really I've never paid a bouncer Really No you paid a bouncer one time When you had sandals that's true i paid a bouncer 100 definitely paid bouncers before i don't think to get in early i think it's only like they're like you can't come in you guys also did it for karaoke i think right

for a video we paid to skip the karaoke line i've done that a lot that yeah that that i think is fair game uh it's it's usually flip-flop related where they're like nope you're like yeah how much shit on your ass poop poop all over your jeans above your jeans balls hanging out your jeans 200 bucks get in here no i uh i don't know man i i i feel like you're angry about this about the izzy thing no i think i think you as a person should just like wait things out longer because you don't know how good they can get i will say in my defense i used to wait things out too long like you'd be you'd be like it's nine in the morning and then you're like probably should go them like i'd way rather be like i'd rather way rather jump the gun and be like i had such a blast

and i was done by 11 30 then have it be like like on saturday i was out until three in the morning and was like where do they even let you go i was at a house party until three in the morning if you want to be a homebody we're gonna have a house party with a few detours nice i told you that i walked in the guy was like i was gonna wear my wish this was pants sure i mean they're everywhere these days it's like i you know i don't i can't even i gotta tint my windows in my car now you can't even grocery shop anymore right i can't even grocery shop anymore yeah trader joe's the cashiers start jumping out of their pants when i was a kid that the trader joe's guy ever break you off like a piece of that peanut butter jelly chocolate thing

in the trader joe's line you give you like samples of shit no your mom was checking out i didn't i don't think we had trader joe's when i was a kid you had trader joe's as a child yeah maybe not like maybe not like six but how long these changes have been around can you look at like year like 30 years i'm i mean i'm sure you're right i just i literally had never heard of it until i moved to boston i think 68 years since 1958 i was with you i thought at the at the earliest oh but it's a southern california thing at the earliest like 1990 wait look at go to the show more i want to see the key milestones they didn't expand outside of california until the 90s okay that makes sense okay i can live with

that but yeah he'd be like you gotta try this peanut butter and jelly chocolate really break it off with a knife hand it to me never not once like the cool guy way to eat things like apple like knife and apple yeah or let's say cool guys do that it's like lyft's content you follow lyft on instagram oh a lift god yeah yeah yeah that's what he posts like mf is get a knife and start eating the apple maybe that's subconsciously where i know that from it's honestly so cool if i ever saw someone do it in public i probably remember them for the rest of my life knife and an apple did you ever like at the deli would you get like a slice of cheese yeah dude yeah i was all over he wouldn't let me touch it with my hands though who they the guy we'd put on like a little

piece of paper right yeah but like you'd put your hand like just put in my fucking hand what would he give it to you like he like put on a paper and then hand it to my mom and then my mom was like dude why are we making this yeah it doesn't have to be like a three-step thing you could have impetigo yeah did you have the little cookies the free cookies oh at harris teeter it was at hannaford did harris teeter do it too oh yeah harry the happy dragon cookies oh my god and it said for kids of all ages ours at one point they put it you couldn't get them unless you were under 12 well so that was the thing it said for kids all ages my dad would always grab one i'd be like dad you cannot and he'd be like so it's all ages i was like you really should not be doing that

you're like a really strict kid jesus man oh fuck the best was uh the lollipops at the bank oh my god at td bank yeah they would like in the little tube things they would shoot them down if they saw oh yes they would tootsie rolls at mine oh wait the guy from like the mail room would like shoot it no like at the drive-thru of the bank oh they'd shoot one through the airport that's awesome yeah that's so they did that at northwest savings bank one time at northwest savings bank they had a little lottery going on like a one on your buddy talking to a girl at a party one time at northwest savings bank i was going to that's what it was called although in hindsight i was not anywhere near the northwest i guess i wasn't near toronto dominion but that's what td is

i think so yeah i guess oh but it's based in pennsylvania okay maybe it's like northwest pa yeah yeah uh well northwest savings bank so there i was at northwest i entered a raffle one time and i i won it it's like the only like like anything like that i've ever won what was the raffle i got like a little alarm clock but i was so stoked just could to like get like i my mom got a call and it was like did it work yeah it had the time on it it was shaped like an egg oh i always wanted to be like i always like wanted to be an alarm clock kid but i would like wake up so early like i remember in the movies thinking it was so cool yeah when a kid like had to go to school and their like arm would come out of the sheets without looking at the

clock and they'd fumble around and find it and like turn the clock out yep and then like the music starts and they get their day started but i would just wake up at like 4 30 in the morning yeah i'm still an alarm clock kid do you set an alarm every day i've had to start recently like this last week i've been worried about it i used to never you know i'd be up at like fucking five i think i'm going to bed a little bit later going to bed now the football's back interesting yeah but uh i mean you set an alarm you have always yeah yeah because you get up hella early too right um no i get up at like 8 30 oh damn i thought you guys were at the gym like together like pumping iron i go to the gym like he goes after work i go like at not at like

8 45 do you guys have calluses on your hands from lifting now you're never gonna get lifting gloves pretty sick right yeah buddy i've always had them just from golf but like perma ones it's the first time in my life i've ever had them nice feel good huh showing them to girls at the bar there was a point uh i should i like when i first started i was also playing guitar a lot for a couple weeks and i had oh double calluses holy shit just wait until you get stretch marks from from lifting dude really yeah i'm not getting that you definitely are you're gonna get buff wear your stretch marks and they're on my like pecs because i started taking creatine in college and they get that big yeah i think they just grew too fast um which is not a bad problem to have

are they big and purple yeah they are but luckily they're like tucked underneath like my pack and like my shoulder so you can't really see it's kind of like in my armpit area yeah but uh yeah my mom saw them one time and she was like you're not supposed to have those unless you like are like taking substances and at the time i was just taking like pre-workout and creatine but that was enough to cause at the time grow too big at the time now i take like tea and dmt and Take DMT before the gym Oh this was the wrong You're seeing the face of like an entity

I think I took the wrong one I'm not feeling very strong I'm not feeling very much stronger I've been listening to these These like frequencies At night Like instead of white Literally like kind of

Like it'll be like they're like ones for different You know they're like calming frequencies Whatever I don't know if it's like malarkey but or hullabaloo but i uh i lived in hullabaloo in college no you really yeah my dorm was named oh no way that's crazy what was your dorm your dorm yeah the hullabaloo dorm it was the nicest dorm on campus why would they name it that uh because it's part of our fight song we say hullabaloo connect connect and then people go that's not very your fight song is just like

Like, beep, bong, bop, halabaloo, ka-da-ka-da. It's way cooler. Beep. All the friends. All right, freshmen, do your part. Coco, la-la-la-la, pa-pa, coco, ka-ha-ha. All the juniors are down on all fours going, ay, ay, ay, coco, pa-pa.

You know what? Kind of tribal for Texas. Wait, what is your fight song? So it was based on veterans that died in the wars. um and you guys just no what made fun of what are you calling hullabaloo connect connect is if i died in the war i would actually be pissed that that was how you're on that connect not connect connect what does connect connect at least it's just a sound at least the one i said what does that mean honoring dead soldiers no but you guys just make fun of it what does that mean

i'm gonna make fun of it until you tell us what it means i i don't know if it means anything It doesn't sound like that great of a tribute It sounds like a bad tribute It sounds like you guys did a bad tribute And then you were mad at us for Hullabaloo connect connect Traditional nonsense phrase That opens to Aggie War Hymn

The fight song of Texas A&M University So it is nonsense Is the rest of it words? Hullabaloo connect connect Hullabaloo connect connect All hail to dear old Texas A&M Bonk bink bonk Bonk bink bonk

Ba-donk. Ba-link-a-link-a-link-a-link. Boop-bop-bop-bop-bop. Wait, one of the verses is... Chirigarugarum. Chirigarugarum. Chirigarugarum. Rough, tough, real stuff.

Cornball ass. What? No, it's cool. It's cool. How does this honor dead veterans? I don't think it does. I was just... I wanted you guys to feel bad.

Got it. But it's cool because at games, people will bang on fences and they'll go... they'll go like and then everyone goes whoop because that's supposed to be like hullabaloo connect connect and then people go the whole crowd goes whoop and anyone can do it at any time

it's such a good feeling when you're the one that's like hanging on the fence I'm glad to know that because I would want to do it all the time I'm glad I could do it whenever I want it because it does seem like something I would want to do hullabaloo connect connect whoop see wait so you can do it like

whatever apparently whenever you want yeah whenever you want there's no like whenever like in class oh that's a good idea i should have i'm not totally can i be honest i'm not totally sold really i'm sorry oh it's such a cool like experience when you go to a game don't you guys do the weird you have the guys in like all white coveralls that are kind of like zesty yeah and they're like the hottest guys on campus so what's up with that oh my god speaking They're like, do the thing, and they, like, get into, like, this pose for some reason. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They're not, like, they're not, like.

Pull it up. They hit zesty-ass poses. Have you seen this, Willie? What's wrong with being zesty? There's nothing wrong, but Andrew's saying they're the hottest guys on campus. They are. So hot guys can't be. No, no, hot as in, like, like, they're, like, cool, and, like, all the girls want to be

No, that's what I'm saying. All the girls want to get with the guys and go, and they get into this. Sounds like they're confident. They get into this position, Will. I mean, pull up a video of them. Pull up a video of this. I'm sure they're nice guys, but I don't understand what, like your school confuses the daylights out of me.

We're going to beat the ever-living. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ever-loving, compound, complex, fine Texas Aggie, Alabama is praying, but God is an Aggie. What? Bro, what are you talking about, man? i'm telling you yeah i mean i mean is that cool to you i mean

i'm glad i'm glad that the rest of the world like doesn't think these guys are cool because like every girl wanted these guys like so bad like they would get paid to show up to sorority houses and the girls would just get in lines and like take photos with all of them all the time but like was anyone like they wanted to like hook up with these guys all of them after seeing this yes all of them wanted to hook up with them so like they would leave whatever this is at midnight and they would go out and have to like beat the ladies off with a stick yes that's fucking i mean every day every day every day of their life yes fuck yes it was unbelievable ever loving and so if you were a guy on campus you're like fuck those fucking alabama is praying so you're you're with

us well yeah because they stole all our women what was it where is this waco no no college college station what is going on down there because it seems like it's the strangest place in the world don't say cult um it i mean do you say don't say people say it's a cult people say it's a cult texas a&m isn't a cult if texas a&m alabama is praying you even see that i mean every school has their traditions you know what i mean no one has like they're always like cool though i feel like this every time i see something this was cool to students on campus but it's not cool to everyone else yeah that's fair like that is that maybe that is what the cult thing is like if you think that that's cool then clearly there's some brainwashing has taken place well i'm glad

because those guys were the fucking man on campus did that did were you ever at a bar talking to a girl and one of them just stole them like right away all the time all the time with that move yep yep you would see their eyes just wander behind you at the bar they'd be like there's a yell leader and they walk into the bar a yell leader a yell leader that was their name let me buy you a drink we are gonna win your body is rocking tonight let me take you back to my place Andrew's a pervert. Andrew's like, fuck. This happens every fucking night.

Every time. Your roommate is one of the yell leaders and you hear him in the other room. I'm taking your pants off now. Now my pants are coming off. Andrew's a smell leader, bro. Yeah, bro. Come on, man. You know I own you.

You know I own you. He knows I owned him there. He just had to tip the cap and say goodbye. He's a smell leader. Would you guys, what if I said that I was one of those guys? I wouldn't believe you because I just don't think. Really? I mean, they have a very distinct look and also you seem like a normal guy from what I know about you.

I mean, like I said, man, those guys were like the goat of goats. Like you were basically a celebrity on campus if you were one of these guys. How did they know who they were? They were at every football game. No, but like girls would, like if they were in street clothes, people would be like, that's a yell leader. Yeah, always. Yeah. I mean, they take photos of people all the time.

They have a lot of followers? No, but just them on campus in their bubble. But how do people know who they are? Because they're in pamphlets. They're at events. They're in pamphlets? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what are pamphlets?

Well, you both said it wrong. They're in flyers. See, you said pamphlets, and you said panphlets. Wait, I thought it was pamphlets. It's pamphlets. Pamphlets. I thought it was pamphlet. wait that's crazy that you i thought you said pamphlets you said pamphlet yeah and he said

pamphlet but it's pamphlet is that are you positive google it p-a-m-p-h-l-e-t it is a ph but even if regardless of whether they're in a pamphlet a pamphlet or a pan pamphlet who the fuck is reading the pamphlet enough to be like that's the fucking they're at they're at like hip rallies or on flyers they're at every football game they would walk into the bars and girls would like stop what they were doing and be like i'm gonna go fuck that yes yell leader yes all god damn yeah she said like i want to be the yell leader tonight they were more famous than the athletes on the team johnny manziel not johnny manziel johnny manziel is the only person that's probably more famous mike evans okay mike evans was the second who was anyone good there when you

were there um i don't think so was miles garrett there when i was there i don't think so but like so girls if they're the football team's there and the yell leaders are there the girls are going to the yell leaders if the girls are there wait who is it i don't remember either pamphlets the football team is at a bar yes the yell leaders are all are at the same bar. The girls will go for the yell eaters. Because here's the thing,

football players aren't in the pamphlets. Good point. Guys, I love Bear Bells and I love all the flavors, but I really love their Camp S'mores flavor and here's my new routine.

I grab one of these at around 11 a.m. I've already had breakfast. I want to have a late lunch. One of these in the afternoon gets my tummy feeling right, gets the protein I need to stay jacked

And, like, I'm going to start looking like Andrew soon. You just wait. I'm going to get taller, too. Because, I mean, I have the best person in my corner, which is the number one protein bar in the U.S., okay? Bear Bells makes protein bars with 20 grams of protein and no added sugar that taste as good as a candy bar. Their bars strike the perfect balance between flavor, texture, and function.

They're available at retailers like Target, Walmart, Vitamin Shop, and GNC. They have flavors like cookies and cream, chocolate dough, cookies and caramel, peanut butter and many more guys if you have not tried bear bells yet please please go to bear bells comm to shop the full lineup and use code play date for 15% off your order I got that dog in me this brought is episode to you by mug root beer guys I have the dog in me and listen I think if you if you just look at a guy like me it tells you everything you need to know about guys who drink I've been drinking one all episode.

It's the best drink on planet Earth. I'm obsessed, and it's kind of made a difference in my life, all right? Sometimes I'll take a little five-minute mug break, and I come back. I'm, like, bouncing around, like I'm moving, like I'm grooving, but I'm not moving like I'm not grooving in the right way. Does that make sense? Does that make sense? Indulge in the creamy vanilla flavor of your childhood

with this nostalgic soda guaranteed to help you let out your inner dog. I got dog popping out of every side of me, guys. So next time you're craving something cold and frothy, crack open a Mug Root Beer. Find Mug Root Beer at your local store. Head to www.mugrootbeer.com to find out how you can get your paws on some mug. And be sure to throw them a follow online at Mug Root Beer. Let's get back into the episode.

Can I say, can I pivot to something? On Friday, on my birthday, I was on the train to Boston, and you were dropping the gun. okay still lefty yeah wait did i tell you this already no i told you i took the train and then we had some uh but did i tell you about the mets pitcher no the mets um one of the mets starting pitchers follow me on instagram oh and he follows playdate i saw no i was like holy shit well he just got called up like a month ago so he's like younger than us but was he on the portland sea dogs the portland sea dogs are the red sox affiliate but they were playing against the

Mets double-A team. The Rumble Ponies. Was he on the Rumble Ponies? No. He was on, he's on the Major League roster. He's been pitching for us for like a month.

He's been playing great. And he pitched Saturday. So he pitched, he was pitching the day, the next day. And he followed me on Friday. And I was like, oh my God,

like, this is awesome. So I followed him back. And I sent a message. I was like, big fan of your work. Make Judge look like a fool tomorrow. Because he's pitching

against the Yankees the next day. And he liked the first message. and then he just didn't respond to the judge part okay and i was like he definitely was like god why do you say that now i can't because if he like likes it or is like will do right then if he gets shelled and i screenshotted it like blows up on twitter and then so it's just like kind of funny i think i fucked him you ruined your you ruined your chance of being buddies yeah i could have been buddies with him but i put him in like okay you know i i don't know you well

enough to i can't interact did he get shelled no he pitched lights out oh really struck judge out and the judge didn't get a hit. He had Judge go 0 for 4 with a strikeout. Ooh. Yeah. Where did he go to college? I don't know. I think maybe somewhere in Texas.

Zach Thornton? Maybe he might be listening right now. I don't know if he actually listens or he just likes the clips. He played at Grand Canyon University. Oh, yeah. Did you see what they teach in that Grand Canyon University? um valley anyway he uh yeah i guess it's like my close personal friend now do you how many years until you think you can throw out the first pitch of the mets game i hope it's next year i'm gonna

be honest do you think there's a world you can no but i want to i think you could next year i really want i mean we gotta really we got this product needs to blow up bro do you think do you think they'll i would be like nervous too i don't know if i'd like want to oh i would want to so bad i just don't trust my i mean i'd spend the entire week i'd get a spot on the roster in no time do you think how how do you think anyone will ever throw out the first pitch and get signed no but there was a guy at one of the there's a some school where a guy got called on the field for like a field goal competition oh yes he was a texas tech kid yeah and he played the next day he played the next week uh there was also a kid that they like i can't remember if it

was a it was one of lane kiffin's teams yeah they their kicker was blowing it yeah and uh one of the guys in the football team was like i know a kid in like se that can kick and he just like they went to his fraternity house and were like do you want to be on the team i mean that that could I could see if I threw a fast enough pitch that they could bring me up in like an emergency situation. What if you caught it so well that you're a catcher? I mean, I would be down with that too. We could use a catcher.

No shade to my buddy Francisco. But do you think, Zach, if you're listening right now, I can replace this with you. Put him away for now. Go Lindor. Yeah, maybe he could. Oh, my God. We could do the burger freak-off during the seventh inning stretch.

Oh, my God. He would probably be so good at the burger freak-off. We should get. Are they going to play the Dodgers at any point soon? No. Are they going to play the Angels anytime soon? No. They're not going to play.

They just got eliminated from the postseason yesterday. But it's actually good because I actually have a ton of stuff going on this fall. Yeah, you're swamped this fall, right? oh yeah it's just like not a good timing for me yeah way too much so i think maybe next year would be better for them to win the world series what do you have going on this fall so much stuff you're like swamped right swamped yeah so i think it's better if they don't make the playoffs right wait what kind of stuff do you have swamps with stuff well like what what kind of just like name something yeah tons of work and play yeah like what like what kind of work between work and play

i'm almost i'm almost chalk and the life balance it's just my life balance has been oh my god i i got a little too balanced this weekend bless you did you hear that that was like the tiniest fart of all time that was uh that could be world record quietest fart that's not silent yeah yeah yeah oh man you ever have one that's like so silent you're like was my bottle completely open when that came out yeah it's like a it was like uh it's grabbing all the poop on the way out so that's how you know it's stinky why did i say that i don't you know sometimes i say stuff to you and i go why no you he doesn't want to hear that well in my defense you were begging for it in my defense we are contractually obligated to sit next to each other for right several hours a

week right um so i don't really have a choice whether i want to hear or not right oh so i can just blast away and i technically can't leave right do you want me to blast all over where did we land on the burger freak off has anyone no pun intended have we gotten have we got we're getting more i saw two more yesterday have we got anyone that like won it There was a guy that went like 60 yards Who I think is the front runner I thought the guy went 72 that is accused of freezing it Frozen or not

He did it a second time He did a follow up and he got it like 60 yards 72 frozen or not Doesn't like an NFL quarterback Throw the football like 70 yards I think it rolled a lot I mean regardless if you cheat or not He's gonna have to do it for real for the real thing

Like you wouldn't want to embarrass yourself You know what I mean Cause I'm gonna get better i haven't i haven't done it since the burger i'm yoked yeah have you been doing it since i haven't done it since i've started getting yoked what if i throw like 100 yards have you been gaining you've been gaining a lot of muscle no have you have you been getting weight have you seen it on the scale i don't have a scale you don't check in the gym no just free eyeballing it yeah i mean i've definitely gained some but not enough to where i'd be like look at all the muscle

you know what i mean the bar was so low before that i can tell but i don't think most people would be able to but i'm also now starting to run a ton so i have to i just gotta eat a lot and are you gonna keep lifting while you're doing the running yeah like so i lifted this morning then i'm gonna run after work are you just gonna be like fucking jacked i mean if i if i can keep up with it maybe yeah oh my god if you're fucking jacked next year and andrew's jacked and i'm the only one that's not fucking you're jack and i'm jack that's true well it's not too late to start but i don't i don't like really you know i don't really want to or i don't want to i don't know there's not even one percent of me though yeah i would i would

i would like to be i would like to be toned yeah i mean that's all i'm not trying to get jacked i think you're gonna get jacked though no i don't think so are you gonna have abs i would like to maybe have a little bit of abs yeah that would suck for me i feel like you've been looking really good lately i've been meaning to tell you yeah oh thank you yeah it's not true but i appreciate you don't think so i don't think i look any there i think if you looked at me this day today and this day a year ago i probably look no i noticed when i was making the thumbnails the other day i was like oh it looked like noted yeah fuck i want to grow my mustache back out but i'm worried it'll hurt i'm worried it'll hurt continuity

i'm worried because i have to go beard first and then shave it shave it into the mustache and i hate doing the beard part uh wait why do you have to do the beard because if the mustache slowly grows in the first like week and a half yeah so brutal because it's just stubble stumble and harper and i are playing in a golf tournament this weekend so i don't want to be i don't want to have just like a i don't want to be distracted by where booth bay you're going to main this weekend yeah for how long just a weekend oh wow we're playing the member guest wow yeah are you gonna win we actually might because both of our handicaps are pretty high right now and that counts it's a net tournament so if we can play well what how does that work like handicaps in

golf like how is it just that like it's the best i believe it's the best 10 of your last 20 okay and then however many strokes over par you are with the like accounting for how hard the courses you're playing are it's like how your index would be uh how many strokes over par you're expected to shoot on like your when you're playing good golf yeah but i'm saying like how do they just like even the playing field there like you would never let a four foot guy play on stilts in a basketball game but how fun would it be if you could you know what i mean like if you were playing pickup and they were like everyone was seven feet tall so you'd you'd have like a couple inches of stilts and then like everyone's the same height every yeah everyone's seven footers

so also that's not that's not like the norm that's not every tournament yeah is it for money though yeah like a lot i think i would assume so so you could i mean couldn't you just lie about your scores for months leading up to it yeah yeah i mean guys do but then you're like everyone knows that you're sandbagging and you would be like blacklisted from your country club you'd never be able to go back there and none of your friends would want to play with you again but what if you put but you're saying like you're gonna basically do that but not on purpose but you're saying like your handicap's way worse than what you are no i'm saying both of our handicaps are high right now like neither of us are playing good golf right now that's like i'm

not playing better golf than my handicap is saying i am i'm just not my handicap but if you play you're saying we could win if we play really well yeah but then what if people accused you of what you just said they'd know i mean they'd know that i'm like a uh stand-up guy i mean all i know i know every i know all the people that work at this country club i'm just saying that this could be our ticket to a lot of money to our country club my head you guys are missing you don't want to be you don't want to be uh it's a it's a gentleman's game yeah yeah i know but we're doing it to make money just right i don't think it's like a ton of cash i think it's like you know pro shop credit and like you get trophies and you get stuff like that all right i'm trying

to get that buoy like what if we recorded that we've shot like 150 like 20 times in a row yeah then you could go and win it then we could go and win it yeah pretty sweet but then the like if i found out harper was doing that i just wouldn't invite him to another tournament you're right because you need to be a member there so if you did that then the people who work at your country club would be like you're kicked out you're right yeah is it your last 20 rounds at booth bay or no in general course in general yeah see and the courses are so different nobody said it accounts it accounts for that so like when i play a really hard course there's like a slope rating on that course and it'll like like i played sugarloaf which is really really

hard and i played bad what'd you shoot i believe i was 89 and uh so bad yeah guy who could never shoot that and uh and because of that it like doesn't it doesn't hurt me as bad i believe i'm gonna be honest i've been playing golf since second grade and i don't totally understand the handicap system like i don't think i fully explained that my buddy played in one of those like pro qualifying tournaments yeah one time and um when they were supposed to turn in their scorecards one of the guys in his group was just erasing the entire scorecard and he was like yeah i know exactly what's going down and then when the results came out his uh score was like i think like 10 strokes or 20 strokes like better than what he actually did but your buddy has to sign

that scorecard that that happened i don't think he signed that one or maybe they had already signed it or something but he was like how he had he had changed it completely there were kids that did that growing up and you just don't everyone knows it and don't they don't play with those kids anywhere yeah but this is like pro qualifying tournament like he's never gonna see this guy ever again so what does it matter he would get like banned from if he gets reported i guess why didn't your buddy report him i don't know busy day he was just his fault i get it i get it as much he saw it happening he was like oh fuck like falls right around my falls in swamps is the next one. I just can't deal

with this. Can I go to the bathroom? Yeah, I have to go to the bathroom as well. Alright, back to school season is here and every year everybody shows up with the same thing. New shoes, new hoodie, maybe a fresh backpack, but you know who actually stands out? The people

that have put all the little details together. That's where GLD comes in because jewelry instantly upgrades your whole look without making it look like you're trying too hard throw on a little chain maybe a bracelet throw a pendant into the mix and all of a sudden a basic foot a basic fit looks way more put together i know when you put that thing on i get you get he said he said i get yeah guys guys this isn't the cheap mall jewelry either gld uses real gold every stone is hand set and the quality is honestly on another level you can feel the difference immediately show boom they got chains

bracelets pendants watches all the pieces that take your fit from just getting dressed to actually having style and it's not just hype all right they've got over 2 million customers i'm talking it's been worn by justin bieber malik neighbors micah parsons asap rocky i just call him asap and plenty more and the best part every piece is guaranteed for life so you're getting if you're getting ready for so if you're getting ready for back to school season don't just upgrade the clothes Upgrade the details with GLD. They have a collab with the NFL, so you can get every NFL team on a pendant. They also have collabs with the NBA, WNBA, MLB, the NCAA, the NHL, the MLS, and even DC Comics.

Head back to school in style with GLD for a limited time. Only new customers are getting an insane deal. Use code PLAYDATE to get 40% off at GLD.com. that's 40 off with code playdate at gld.com after you purchase they'll ask where you heard about them please support our show and tell them that we say you looking to make every nfl week even more exciting introducing bed mgm ultimate teams the free-to-play game that gives you a chance to win all season long here's how it works every weekday monday through friday play bed mgm ultimate teams and receive a team card featuring an nfl team and point spread play every day and collect

five team cards if five teams cover you'll be eligible to win a share of the weekly fifty thousand dollar bonus bets jackpot and the best part even if not all five teams cover betmgm sportsbook account holders can still earn rewards when some of their team hits some of their teams hit it's free it's easy and it's another way betmgm gives football fans more opportunities to win if you haven't signed up for betmgm yet use bonus code playdate to claim your new player offer Bet MGM, make it legendary. And hey, guys, I got some exciting news. There's a brand new show from Almost Friday Media.

If you like our stuff, you should check out Petty Cases. All right? It's out this week. It's hosted by two hilarious stand-up comedians, our buddies Willie Simon and Steve Fury. I'm actually on one of the episodes. I'm in the Burt Kreischer episode. Are you actually?

I duke it up with, I chop it up with Burt Kreischer. I don't know when that's next. That'll be next week's episode if you're listening. It's fast, it's ridiculous, and it's highly entertaining. It's basically nonstop laughs. If you like our comedy, our content, you'll love this show. Willie Simon was actually on our show, and I know you loved that episode because he's hilarious.

So go watch that. Steve Fury's awesome as well. Go subscribe to Petty Cases on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. And then all the links will be in the descriptions. You can check that out. Check out Petty Cases. But don't do it until after you finish this episode.

Let's get back to the episode. do you see willie simon and steve fury got like a an article about their pod yeah deadline i wanted i want like a like a an article that was like will and rusty going to continue their podcast i was gonna say will and rusty still still still doing it yeah yo will and rusty keep keep can't still haven't missed you're yeah those ones where it's like uh someone tweeted like my grandma just got out of like a 10-year coma or something it's like teller braun still doing it that's funny do you think someone's in like a two-year coma and the first thing they were curious he's still doing it do you think willie d still doing it yeah i mean yeah teller willie d still hasn't cracked

rice pilaf three that shit behind you look the shit from sing the whole sing is that a callback or something that i don't remember what is that andrew what the fuck is that andrew you know i'm is he pranking me right now after you that looks like the motherfucker i'm saying you never seen sing i turned around like that was gonna help no i haven't seen sing what is it you know you've seen sing sing's great yeah it's a really good movie is it a animated movie yes and that looks like matthew mcconaughey's character mcconaughey plays him thank whoa the parrot is it's a parrot movie not even close koala movie yeah warmer all do you mean warmer wait okay okay that gorilla song and that is like oh unbelievable chill is that when the the dad's

in jail and his son i've seen the clip yeah so what is his son is like a leather jacket wearing rock star yeah and his dad is in jail for what what if it's like a kid's movie i want to say it's like our animal rape yeah animal rape where is it just speaking of fucking i guess it's for them and that's just regular speaking of animal rape did you see the kash patel thing he is like in front you know they're always i've never understood what the like congress hearings are for they just bring guys in to like ream them out and then no one gets in trouble for anything sure yeah yeah he's in there and he has to answer all these fucking questions and i guess they like change the rules on like what you're allowed you're allowed to join the fbi or the army i

didn't have any context on it and previously if you had committed crimes i don't think you're allowed to like if you committed a felony and now and andrew you're gonna have to fact check me on this if you committed bestiality you're the guy was like so if you committed bestiality now they can join and he goes on both sides and the guy the guy asking him is like hole and is like no the guy the other side was like the animal too he's like what do you mean the other side of bestiality i think that's if the animal bangs you can you go to yeah maybe like that girl that video where it was like girls from central did you ever see that yeah yeah oh go to the google a cash patel bestiality this was the most confusing thing i've ever seen in my life

during a senate judiciary committee oversight hearing on september 15th fbi director cash patel and senator john kennedy discussed a controversial policy shift regarding bestiality in the agency's hiring rules so now are you allowed to join or did he crack down on it i guess it's if the animal fucked you it can join it can join oh my god he they also quizzed him the the thing right after that he was mad about he goes and you went you crashed the team usa hockey locker room after the olympics you couldn't just let them have that moment to themselves and it was like i agree but also let's get back to the fucking let's do the bestiality thing right go to the bestiality thing why would you even get into bestiality we we are not into bestiality but

a lot of these individuals i know you're not but you changed you you changed but i'm trying to explain it hang on you change the qualifications and mention bestiality if joe if joe participated in bestiality not as the animal but as the human don't you think he ought to be qualified disqualified if he voluntarily did it sure but if he was trafficked into it okay how do you involuntarily do it in a lot of these cases when human traffickers who are some of the worst individuals on planet earth they don't just traffic you for prostitution they traffic you for degrading acts of all kind and they force you into that type of conduct and some of these individuals would go on to be law enforcement officers who qualified to be law enforcement

officers and later applied to the f what do you think is gonna what do you think's gonna come out because the only reason they would change that is like if his buddy wanted to join the fbi yeah and totally he totally like fucked a bear or something giraffe giraffe or something draft would be a hard one to do yeah so they're like i mean and i'm sure that that has happened before but are it why is that something that we're focused on at all i it should not be also i'm as we're saying this i'm remembering i totally falsely accused the gorilla's dad it's robbery remember there's like that theft i thought you were just being funny but yeah i don't know i forgot yeah do you think his but like next week they're gonna like hire his buddy that like

totally hooked up with a dog his buddy who uh his buddy's dog was a girl's buddy and he's like i'm just proud of i have my whole family to be joining the fbi and he holds up his son his son has like koala ears his buddy was dating a gorilla in college consensual bestiality yeah yeah i like how they were like he goes on either side we just want to hire them on either side yeah that yeah has to be uh animal fucking you right how but like this probably this but it took him like a few hours to like pass this bill or whatever change the rule or whatever like yeah why are we what could have possibly happened where he's like we need that we need to make it so that people what do you want me to say

i don't know i'm just fucking perplexed yeah like this is this is i i know you and i don't have the most traditional work days of all time but imagine coming home and the guy who's the guy on the left what's his name senator john kennedy senator john kennedy his wife goes like how was work and he's like you know what pretty weird actually yeah me and cash had a pretty weird conversation that's me every day because i'm gonna literally have to say the same thing yeah when scott says what'd you talk about today i'll be like we talked about bestiality jack went on a rant about bestiality he went on a rant about cash patel's rant on bestiality yeah i guess i'll give you the benefit of the doubt or the benefit of saying including the cash patel part answering

uh answering someone's question about bestiality with i'm trying to explain it to you is really funny yeah at this point uh should we move on yeah i think we should move on i think i'm sick talking about this do you want to road map it up yeah all right we got a beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches then we're gonna do confessions we'll do this guy rocks teach me something and then we're gonna do uh fantasy football punishments that don't exist and fall traditions that don't exist that's right rusty let's get into it all right hey ed ed and eddie eddie eddie i'll be eddie what's the worst part of a microwave oh man uh all the food heats unevenly or you don't know how much time to do if you put in like a lot

of stuff when i do something too saucy it explodes and i have to clean the microwave yeah that's right sometimes parts of your meal get blazing hot in 30 seconds while others are ice cold I'll give you more time in there. Well done. Introducing the Many Mike, a microwave with four quadrants so you can isolate different parts of your plate. Got some potatoes that only need 30 seconds? Click.

That chicken breast need a full two minutes in there? Let him cook. Gone are the days of burning your mouth or settling for cold, nuked food. Going to Japan next month, and we'll be on the lookout for the new golden guy. Love the pod. See you at the Burger Freak-Off 2. I like that. Yeah, I like that a lot.

that a lot maybe it could like scan what the what the food is in each quadrant so it would oh it auto does it however i like that i mean if we're already building the quadrants you might as well have scan might as well make it natural yeah dude i just that made me think of the golden guy that was all tough that was one of those moments that i'll remember for the rest of my life you watch those videos ever uh sometimes i do know that there was a guy dressed in gold because he was promoting a business what was it in the tokyo episode we went to a neighborhood called golden guy okay we were like drunk and we kept being like i wonder who the golden guy is maybe we'll see the golden guy if we're lucky we'll see the golden guy and then the next night

nosaka in the background while we're filming a guy just fully covered in gold walking right past oh my god and he's the guy that they were unrelated in a different city this is in a different city it was just a guy promoting a different bar but we were like we've been joking all the previous day about like are we gonna find the golden guy and then a literal the only golden guy i've ever seen walks right by us that's awesome oh my god um i just made eye contact with your crush i'm sorry oh all right what's the worst part about watching football with your buddies you're rooting for different teams you want to watch different games you all want to watch different games what i'm pitching is a channel right that has every just hear me out i'm

not i'm not red zoning you it has every it has every game going at the same time right but to see each different game you put on like 3d glasses where it would cancel out everything but the light of your game so you could all be sitting on the couch watching your own game and not have to do the fucking quad box so you think that would be like wouldn't you want to be able to like talk about what's happening though i think it would be hilarious if you all did oh yeah oh and you could like flip it like you know like silent dj yeah yeah they're like they're like go to green yeah that's great yeah um oh and you have yeah you have the headphones on too that's great they did that for um the world cup did you know that you know how at the world cup they have they did

that yeah yeah so like you know how they have those um banners at the bottom that oh yeah they have them on different i told you this did you it's like it's operating a frame rate where like in different countries so it's playing a million different ads at the same time and then like if you're in like the u.s it'll be a coca-cola thing if you're in mexico it'll be like just whatever company paid for it on telemundo or whatever but in real life it's like a it just looks like a blur like static or whatever i think so like the stuff on the field was we just use that technology maybe that's where i fucking got that from god damn it no it's a good idea that's great i'm just over the quad box it's not fun for me yeah i agree we've been we watched red

zone last week i was dude i was on a flight and the jets game was on perfect i was like that's a miracle so i got to watch wait red zone's goaded why are you upset about that yeah i like red zone unless my team's flying i that's i guess like i don't want to do this they were playing on what i'm saying going forward i think i will like yeah i'm not into it and z does the quad box z will do quad box have his laptop with like basketball on and then like women's tennis on yeah that's kind of a good setup it is pretty good but it's just like i can't i can't do it um what is the worst part about balloons do you just think of this right now nope like once you're done celebrating the thing now you just have these fucking things around yeah and they and sometimes

you want to pump them up more and so they've like pick you up right so this is a balloon with a lever on the string that you can increase or decrease the helium. So when you're done with them, you can decrease the helium to zero and then you can save them for the next third anniversary or whatever it is. And if you want to fill up so much helium that you start floating a little bit, you can just crank

it up. Adjustable balloons. I love it. I love it. Are you having fun today? That's good. I was going to say the worst part is when you have to pop them at the end and it feels like you're murdering somebody and then you wonder, could I do this to a human?

see the life sucking because if you see the life sucking out of their eyes you might feel the most power you've ever felt in your life right the most in control you've ever felt right well when everything else is going wrong in your life you get on top of it and you get to release the life out of it then you're in control of the balloon like urine control call urine control pee everywhere when you drink urine on accident you have to call would you ever have to call poison control i did one time yeah what'd you drink um i was grabbing something from the top shelf of my brother's closet ass and there was just like a bucket of poison for something you say ass or poison oh i said poison oh what did you all right so you're lying what did you ever have

to call poison control wait wait no no i was being serious a bucket of poison yeah yeah there was like a random bucket of poison genuinely no no no i think it was for sure no no no i believe you what kind of poison it was poisonous poison i mean it was like it was made to like i think like keep bugs out of the closet or something like that there was a reason too many gay bugs but a splash on my face and i drank some a little your brother had bug poison in the top of his closet i think so my mom put it there so and then okay yeah i've never no i've never caught poison poison control i do yeah i drank contact solution one time i woke up in the middle of the night and i thought it was a glass of water but it was someone's contacts you can't

drink that stuff no really i mean it wasn't like lethal but we had to yeah definitely not supposed to it goes in your eyes but i think but don't bunnies eat it isn't that why they have like such good vision carrots still the carrot that's what i'm thinking of carrots yeah um i'm so confused about the your brother why did your brother have poison i think it was something to like keep the moisture in the closet oh he had mothballs is that what how'd you get your legs between them between you ever smelled mothballs in here no yes yes yes i have how'd you get your nose between their legs my grandma said that to me when i was really little yeah she's it was a goat it was the goat uh all right should we hear some confessions yeah

we're running kind of low on them um okay for context i have severe stress induced ibs episodes okay let's i like the big terminology you get scared shitless irritable bowels and good welcome to the club brother i recently went to nyc for the first time in december with my mom and fiance we took the subway from brooklyn to the soho area and when exiting the subway i exited first and then the doors shut on my mom and fiance leaving me alone on the subway platform and both of them still on the subway naturally my stomach started to hurt and since public bathrooms are such a rarity in new york city i got a small hot chocolate from starbucks nearby so i could use the bathroom asap i was on my period at this time and

i don't poop with tampons in so in the rush of this explosive diarrhea i yanked a tampon out and left it in the toilet i was in there for about 20 minutes i knew a line had formed outside because of how many people had been knocking asking if the toilet was occupied people were even saying jesus christ what's taking so long outside the door when i finally flushed well yeah it wouldn't go down the first time in my life a toilet clogged on me for flushing a tampon and it feels like i had half of new york city waiting outside the door my mom had to get an employee to put up a sign and caution tape to close the bathroom they had to call an off-site plumber to fix the toilet leaving me doing a walk of shame for my ibs episode past an angry mob of new yorkers

who had been waiting to use the bathroom that is that's one of the most vulnerable things i've ever read truly my worst i would never have typed that out that's what i think is gonna happen every time i have to go i really appreciate your honesty that is just that is really bad heaven heaven you deserve yeah you're going to heaven man you do whatever you want for the rest of your life you never have to that was god has given him giving you everything he had to handle that one day dude listen to this did i already tell you did i already tell you my my pooping thing from this weekend i mean you've told like three i don't know if it's the one you're about to say i so i'm at that i'm at that party and uh i'm talking to this lady and i'm like my vision i

have to poop so bad that i'm like i just i can't even focus on anything i was like i'm so sorry i have to go and i went to the bathroom locked the door and pooping as quickly as i possibly can because i'm like i don't want anyone to know that i'm pooping and uh do it as fast as i can get up we've come back like 20 minutes later to go pee and go to open it and there's someone in there and she was like oh my god i'm so sorry i thought i locked it whatever we figure out that the lock like doesn't the person who owns that was like oh my god yeah that lock like doesn't work so i was pooping in there and this i knew one guy at this party can you imagine how bad that would have been if someone walked in and i'm and no one did no one you just rolled the dice dude

oh i didn't know that until later got it oh that would have been like i got walked in on at in a brunch restaurant on saturday pooping yeah i was like i had you know classic take a sip of coffee and all of a sudden you're like oh lordy and i go to the bathroom i'm pooping and it was the same thing i'd locked it but the lockings didn't work and like the lady like fully walked in the bathroom i didn't look up i was like oh and then by the once i was like oh i was wiping already so i was out like 30 seconds later yeah and the lady was like not even in line like i think she was like so humiliated that she was like i can't wait in line but then i'm like she knows she might have seen me so like she knows she knows but i don't know i'm looking around like best case scenario

like you don't know who you don't know who it is you're just not worried i guess all right let's hear another confession forgive me father fry i've sinned in college me and a bunch of baddies crashed at buddies buddies crashed at a friend's house after a night of partying we woke up in the morning and realized someone had peed all over the owners of the house's video game console everyone instantly blamed it on one of the friends who was a drunkest and a party animal two weeks later i went home from the bar's hammer drunk and passed out on my couch i woke up and had pissed all over my dvd player in that moment i had a foggy memory mid blackout of peeing on my friend's console i never told anyone and when the story came up years later i kept my mouth shut am i

going to hell hmm that's interesting i think the more important question is like what is compelling you to peel over your electronics and other people's electronics yeah are you fucking joking what you just like squirted did you hear that ender it literally i mean it's it sounded like someone like squeezed a ketchup bottle in his pants and he just went he was just gonna go on with this first of all i did not oh my god what is this fucking show anymore this show sucks now this show's like all farting and squirting it shows like 60 squirt fast now oh my god wait what is the one that says i am the mystery masturbator forgive me father for i've sinned i am the mystery masturbator i have never told anyone

this in 15 years but now it's time to break my silence this is all happened when i was doing a working holiday of france at various host houses when i was 18 at this one particular place when there was about eight other people staying at the host house from all different nationalities and ages there was one main bathroom that was shared by everyone and as a horny 18 year old in a packed house the shower was the only place to jerk it however as a horny 18 year old i was choking the chicken a couple times a day in the shower when i thought i was it was which i thought was harmless and not affecting anyone until the oldest of the group a 32 year old irish bloke called a house meeting to discuss the residues being left in the shower he must have had a shower shortly after me

and as a habit of backpackers he washed his shirt in the shower at the same time only for it to come out crusty everyone around the table was silent and the girls were disgusted saying that they noticed that there was cum all over the shower and it needed to stop as an 18 year old i didn't know that hot water doesn't wash away cum only cold water does so my cleanup efforts were not successful am i going to hell for my gunarific tendencies love the pod guys been listening since day one and look forward to it every week oh my god is that true gunarific tendency what do you mean he washed his shirt in the shower and it came out crusty i think he's saying like it was like on the thing and like got you first further you gotta you have to watch it go down the drain yeah you

don't leave that shot i mean is that thing like a grenade it comes out at all angles you're going to hell also hot water doesn't wash away semen is that true i feel like i've heard of people doing that doing that for years i feel like i've heard of people doing that for years on end And they're really, really hoping it does. And they could have sworn they watched it slide down the wall into the drain. They are really hoping that it does right now, those people. All right, you do this, Guy Rocks. You're going to hell, buddy.

You know it. Oh, my God. You were just fucking Jesus coming all over the walls. All right. uh here's my here's my this guy rocks you're gonna love this video so for the audio listeners it's a woman and she like suction cups this corn of cob thing to her to her bathtub and let's just see what happens it's a guy reacting to it well what do we have here but hey butter's a weird choice but all right i'm not i'm not gonna draw no no no well why'd you have to pick them up like

that you knew what the fuck you were doing you know ask is it well what do we have here it was just that butter's a weird choice is that it's just the dog can lick the butter off it you knew but it looked like she was gonna put it up yeah what wait i don't understand what it is that's It's just so the dog can lick the butter off. Well, it's so it's to distract the dog while you give it a bath What do you think it was I thought it was just like like butter time I Just like Yeah, huh I see everything dude You sent it to me

this is someone's grandmother like they you need to visit your grandmama oh she got me that she got me that she got me she got me It's pretty long Yeah It gets longer I wonder if she's gonna drown Is she hanging off Do you think her legs are out of the pool

Cause she's up against the Okay Pretty good right yeah that was interesting all right should we do teach me something yeah have you heard of the giant cuban owl no there was an owl that was apparently four feet tall and 60 pounds called the giant cuban owl can you pull this thing up not insane you're a four foot like an old in the olden days yeah yeah like hundreds of thousands oh my god a four foot tall owl is like that's like i have like buddies that are almost that wait someone told me about this

the giant cuban owl yeah i just learned about it today didn't someone tell us about this danger i mean look at it next to us i've never a soldier cuban owl look at it next to a soldier someone wait you know who it was who kash patel like at all you made an owl noise oh is that anything no all right let me get my teach me something i mean a four foot owl is like this big how tall is four feet this big like that's fucking huge yeah that's really big that's big did you see the guy on the met the met's top prospect he's like beautiful no look up mitch voight this was the guy this was one of the

guys i went to see play against the sea dogs and he like blew up yesterday at voight but yeah i don't whoa holy shit like he's like beautiful it looks like a kendall or something yeah yeah it's like uncanny valley but he's the guy from uh he went to michigan he did the like oh yes that was awesome he looks like he'd be a really good like greaser yeah yeah he that's a guy i've never seen a guy like that i never even have either wow he's stunning all right he's why he goes he is stunning yeah um did you know like like i don't know i got no what something that was a good one like look like that like learn how hot this guy is all right do you want to do fantasy football punishments that don't exist yeah let's do it uh all right you teed up all right these are the

best new fantasy football punishments you can only eat at buffalo wild wings until you've had every sauce and you have to have minimum five wings with every sauce oh jesus it's like maybe you alternate or something yeah uh you have to go to your old high school's next football game sit in the student section dress in theme and do all the chants and not tell anyone why you're there all right you go get drunk with the rest of the league and everyone can show youtube videos except for you that's all uh you have to drive inland until your car runs out of gas and then figure out a way to get home i like that um oh this is good you can only listen to the radio broadcast uh of every game until your fantasy team wins three games that's awesome uh you have

to delete all the apps on your phone for a month i like that all right should we do fall traditions yes these are fall traditions that don't exist the pre-carved pumpkin you get a young baby pumpkin and carve a little image into it and then watch it grow into a big beautiful jack-o'-lantern i like that that would work like a tattoo i don't know i know if you do it to like trees it works yeah Blumpkin carving make spooky faces while you're getting

a Blumpkin leaf buckets right before the leaves start to fall everyone gets to place one bucket somewhere in the yard you try to strategically

place it in the spot in the yard that will have the most leaves in it by the end of October whoever's got the most leaves by the end of the month wins

that's awesome but you can't move it that's awesome doesn't that sound fun yes that actually does sound fun uh a lot of families do leaf piles we do beef piles at my house so tenderloin pigtails cow hoof jump in you name it we're jumping in it that's awesome apple cider bath enough said hottest chocolate competition you get all the ingredients for hot chocolate whoever can make

it the hottest and then drink it is the winner i like that a lot thank you like sexiest or no like i'm talking like like boiling boiling yeah yeah all right we love you guys have a great thank you all so much thank you guys thank you guys all right we love you give them hell out there this week come on man see you later