Will & Rusty's Playdate - willy's SPOOKY news

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

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and we can go playdate playdate halloween episode spooky that you guys you tuned into the right place because we're going to be telling you all the spookiest things that happened this year and ah quick quick jump cuts noises things like that andrew what are you i am uh well it's part of a couple's costume so it doesn't really make any sense without right right my girlfriend right uh but there's like this huge trend going around what is it what is it's uh it's called like peeping grew i love it yeah yeah i heard about that and uh so like the girl dresses like peeping grew and he like has like binoculars or maybe like um like a mirror on his shoe oh for like upskirt yeah yes for like oh and then what is the minion the minion has his little schmeckle out okay yeah yeah or or

the minion could be upskirted to it yeah kind of depends on if it's so it kind of gives you the flexibility to be your own boss there's a few different yeah you're gonna see different versions of people right when you go out i see why it's trending i think the best costumes give you an opportunity to kind of make it your own you're right so like andrew like you could have uh like like a opportunity for like a huge beaver shot if like peep and grew's mirror was under there right exactly what's on so did you go schmeckle or be yeah so i went i went schmeckle you went full schmeckle mode yeah i'll blur it with the yellow make it look like there's a little this podcast is brought to you by cash app cash app protect my money cash app here's a question

would would a minion what would a minion's um what color would the shrubbery be around his little schmeckle yellow or gray what color would a minion's bush be yeah i don't know man i regret it the second i went to ask it i could already picture um someone listening for the first time and going you know actually i don't on second thought no i actually don't think i will listen to these guys hey it is halloween though which means there's a bunch of kids out going door to door getting candy wait are you gonna are you gonna get any trick-or-treaters i'm gonna be in columbus ohio oh yeah we'll be together fuck i'm not really this is the only time i'm dressing up this year yeah i got a couple invites for for ohio state parties if you want to if you want to

just bring these i'm not doing that that'd be kind of awesome though when else are you gonna have the go to a college house party i don't know man they're playmates so they're probably cool yeah they're probably chill so like i think when i was in college if like a podcast i listened to actually showed like it's fun to like it's like fun idea that they're actually there and you're like oh okay i don't know it's just yeah when uh when my sister was in college she got the guys from doses and mimosas to come like your cherub or whatever cherub yeah it came to her halloween party just like their college party because they were like playing somewhere nearby and she dm'd them and was like hey you guys should pull up to our apartment we're having a party and they like

came and played beer pong and they like just played doses and mimosas on repeat and they loved it that's funny yeah i love that song we went to a lot back in the early days of friday beers i was i was going to any like when we would walk through college campuses you could just walk to like any fraternity and it would be like that was like normal yes now i think it would be sadder i think we've hit that age now where it's a little bit sadder i think yeah i think i think we're past our prime a little bit but i got an invite to afters already and i was like the like getting invited after is like a week in advance it's funny like you don't want me at the main thing but like once we're all tuckered out and tired you can come hang out yeah i yeah i got it i'm bringing

a date to ohio so oh right it's kind of a different vibe too you know that's pretty fun yeah you're flying a girl out i'm flying a girl is this your first time flying a girl out yeah i said girl i'm gonna take you to columbus you said girl i'll show you girl this is just a little taste of it just a little bit of the willie d experience i'll bring my you know what fuck it i'm bringing my girlfriend lauren oh hey oh yeah kind of what's her name her name is lauren do i know her yeah she she used to do oh she used to produce our podcast wait that lauren yeah you're dating that lauren i know you're next buddy yeah andrew you and i gotta i just have to be here water all over myself i just have to be here two years and then i can smash willie d yeah

sweet all right kiss you can kiss him they're not doing any smashing so how has that been how does that feel to finally say that i know it feels like a weight off my shoulders so when did you because i didn't know that you were even boyfriend girlfriend when did that happen uh yesterday goaded were you waiting until then to tell any tell the playmates i think so yeah so how did you how did that conversation come up i got down on one knee you you already married her um oh and i married her so you did what did you ask did you know i don't know we just kind of had a conversation i feel like that's like a like am i supposed to be like will you no i no i think it's just like at some point you're like we were going to dinner what's going on here i think it's nice to ask

yeah i asked yeah i mean i yeah i don't know it came up in a conversation yeah how did it come up very it was like sexy i'm gonna tell you no no we were going to well i had kind of asked like a few weeks ago and then we were like yeah i don't know we were kind of feeling it out i think we're feeling each other feeling so there i was feeling her up no we're going to we're going to we went to dinner with her cousin and her fiance last night and uh you got you got the bug well i was like well what no we're like she was like i'm gonna do you want to come like it'd be fun i was like yeah for sure and i was like what are you gonna tell him the guy you're like seeing is going is gonna come to dinner an old co-worker and so i kind of i was like she's like okay maybe i'll

save my boyfriend nice or you're sitting there you're sitting there and you you like how much they're dating so you're like we should be yeah we should we gotta do this dating thing looks awesome do you guys want to hear about my revenge game last night yeah hit me so i have a little bit of beef right now yeah with my oven because i like 10 of the time when i take something out of the oven i burn my hand and i drop it yeah so i put a pizza in go to take it out burn my hand through the pizza across the kitchen and it hit the wall and then slid down and was on the floor i think it meant burn my hand through the pizza you're like obviously yeah you better stop putting your hand through the pizza

yeah i burned my hand and then i flung it yeah and it went everywhere and i had i'll admit it i lost my cool for a second like full-blown meltdown was so excited to eat this pizza uh through like a 11 out of 10 temper tantrum yeah z and flan like calmed me down we're like it's fine we can just get something else and i was i was more mad because i was just like i'm a grown man and this has happened like multiple times yeah and this was kind of the last draw and uh the time before that i took the lasagna out and when i was uh going to lift it out with the spatula burned it and flung the thing so it was just like i'd had enough yeah i was tired of cleaning up i was tired of losing my dinner so last night put the lasagna in revenge game i don't

understand what your problem is you have oven mitts i do but with the pizza i was trying to scoop it out because it was directly on the rack and so the oven mitt would have gotten in the way i totally should have been wearing an oven mitt i wasn't the first to admit that okay yeah well second i think i was and then uh and so i put the lasagna in was like ready ready to prove my haters wrong forgot to set the timer had no idea how long it had been in there had to guess and then when it was time to take it out i put on 300 violin orchestra to hype myself up took it out i had flan cut it up and serve it but i took it out with no burns wait so revenge game is it wait where did you get the lasagna you made lasagna

no frozen oh okay from rayos oh they make pasta sauce yes but yes they make pasta sauce yeah can we talk more about lauren i want to hear yeah i i did feel like we steered away from i feel like i got i i was so excited i was so worried i was going to forget about my revenge game that i kind i'd stop that early now let's get back to your girlfriend yeah you can talk about my girlfriend so how did it start you guys how did it start how did you meet her well i i met her right here what it's kind of cute actually yeah yeah i mean i yeah i had a crush on her for a long time and uh but i nothing for the record this has nothing to do with why she left the company nothing happened until after she had left the company i'm a i love hr your company man i love

hr and so we kept but she did have a she told me she had a crush on you before she left but i didn't know that i know she like swore me to secrecy well i think her plan was like surely if i because i think it's probably it's probably nerve-wracking to admit to your friend that you have a crush on them so she i think was like telling me in the hopes that i would tell will and then it would be like an easy way to do it and he didn't fucking tell because she swore me of secrecy i'm a i'm a man of my word that is actually very honorable she said don't tell him and so i was just like what you just told me like the most interesting thing of all time now i can't do anything and then she quit and i was like surely now she'll surely now she'll make her move

and then she did and no one told me for like a week i was in the dark for like a whole week yeah okay i wanted to i wanted you to facetime me before this is when it was like i wanted i was hoping that we kind of like you would be there for our first we were like the three musketeers i was hoping you'd facetime me and prop the phone up and then you guys would go nuts on each other's faces you're right i should have done that just do it next time right yeah well i did say that she didn't want to quit but she just like really wanted to date this guy right and it was going to be a conflict if well i think her exact words were uh she was having such strong urges that she couldn't work here she couldn't distract yes she was so flustered all the time yeah she

couldn't make it through an episode without throwing up yeah the playmates called it to like months yeah so that was the funny thing it's like all the fucking playmates like speculating they were like ahead like when we went to like that gracie abrams concert and people were like freaking out on reddit like is this a hard launch like we were just friends at that point nothing had happened but you both secretly had it but we both secretly had a crush on each other as it turns out so who made the first move uh me dude you're a king i'm like the man isn't that a it's not a crazy feeling making making a move on a lady for the first time yes nerve wracking it was the probably the most scared i've ever been in my entire life yeah because i know her so well it

was like what if i'm wrong was there a in your head was there like a was there a chance she was gonna be like what no i mean i kind of thought i was i was pretty confident at the point that i put myself out there but you know there's always that back of your head like what if i've got this wrong and she's like what the fuck did you go like oh last night i was fishing i caught a fish this big and then put your armor on it was that your first move he went last night i went fishing and i caught a fish this i thought that's what you were doing he was rock hard no i did yeah i did well i did fishing but i did sort of like a oh you like she was across i did like across the and you were like,

hey, oh, come on, girly. You did, sir. Plant one on me. No, I do remember, though, when we, yeah, we went and got ice cream and I was like, the whole time I was like,

all right, you're going to do it, you're going to do it. And then I just like, obviously waited until the absolute last second. So she's like getting in her car and I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, one second. Something I was supposed to do. One second. I got the wrong flavor. Yeah, wait. Let's go back. I got to buy myself more time.

I left my hat at your house. I left my wig in the shop. Can we all pick up my wig? It's in the shop. There's a guy like, you weren't even lying. There's a guy like, with like a welder's mask

and there's like a wig on the table. He's like, Will? Three more hairs, I'll send you an invoice. And what did she say about the first? Was she like, ew,

stop harassing me? Or was she like, get off of me and call the cop? Did you have like a killer line after you were done kissing? Did it really wear down? Where you were like,

I said, that's for almost getting us killed and that's for producing my podcast i said i looked at her and i said you can teach me something oh what oh what you got this guy's rock hard was she like ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to date a podcaster yeah because my mom's gonna be so happy i'm dating my podcasting friend i think i might meet her mom this weekend a lot of pressure yeah yeah i mean i'm sure her mom listened to every episode so she listened to a lot of them yeah so i'm sure you got nothing to lose at this point that's a good point actually yeah wait can we do more lines that willie would say after he's done

these are lines that willie probably said after he was done kissing his girlfriend um you taste just like i thought you always would what the fuck is that this is a lady stop this is imagine if i said that about your girlfriend we have the same lip um we use the same lip your lips are really chapped yeah it's like a beautiful moment you're like your lips are really chapped yeah uh i thought that they had to be like playdate themed like i did too i didn't think out of pocket am i am i the asshole for kissing for kissing my friend kissing that does my former boss and this is kissing that does exist and i leaned in this is a kiss that does exist

oh this is i should have done that wait wait we're gonna do more this is a kiss that does exist that would run all the time saying she got me new jeans oh or she picked them out for me i'm pretty excited about them did you buy them yeah i bought them oh so she didn't get them for me but she told me that they look good what brand what brand i don't know we got thrifted them crossroads oh you were in a killer crossroads shirt earlier i got a shirt and jeans everything i'm wearing well those are the new ones yeah they're go to great right unbelievable yeah and now i'm taking her to ohio wow to the motherland the trip of her dreams every little

girl every little girl grows up and goes one day i'm gonna start dating a podcaster and he's gonna take me to columbus ohio for the mug root beer tailgate tour it's pretty special and we're gonna go to some college house party when afterwards dude you should take her to you should take her to some frats um yeah no i'm not gonna do that when else you guys then she's gonna fall in love with a frat boy you realize like i'm like a i'm like a little soft little beta boy like if i get around those ohio frat boys she's gonna like freaking lose her mind can you imagine you bring your girlfriend to you bring your girlfriend to columbus ohio and then she leaves you for like a sophomore it is leaving me for like a frat boy probably god she leaves you for a pledge she's

leaving uh yeah yeah it's cool though i'm pretty fired up did you feel pressure to hard launch it before everyone saw you together at the mug tour yeah i knew it was gonna get out this weekend yeah oh my god i just think i think the the longer i went without saying it it felt like it was like we were like intentionally like trying to curate mystery right but it was more just like you gotta let it breathe for yeah you want to make sure it's you don't want to put more pressure on yourselves yeah than necessary but i think i feel pretty secure in that were you nervous like when you guys went out on dates that somebody was gonna take a picture and put it on reddit no that would be like sick

that would be sick right I mean you know Lauren like you came in oh no they caught me on a date with Lauren like yeah

like she's freaking awesome and beautiful are you gonna go like all Hollywood now yeah like walk around like with like you guys should both

wear like hats really down low and like sunglasses oh like like black hats that like don't have a logo on them black unbranded

the one celebrity hat you know who you should you should get that UCLA guy that harasses Sigma Chi kids oh my god to film you guys he already got you and scott that's right have you seen this guy andrew uh

is this the live stream guy yeah we talked about this or whatever yeah well he ran into emily too right binder yeah what do you what you don't remember this no we talked about this on the podcast was he on abbott kinney is that where he was i don't know he got me on main street skyler sent me a picture of him uh he was on fox news oh yeah oh that's something you see kid rock said the r word on fox news yeah what is i think that's like the one place you can say it yeah when did this happen you can just you can just it's obviously not funny but like it's it's like funny in the sense that like this is a real life like you if you someone could turn on the news it's kid rock calling someone the r word yeah i mean it yeah i don't know i don't know how we got

here it's like we're it's like we're like life is a is a wwe thing now i yeah and i don't and you know what i don't like wwe i like wwe really who's your favorite ray mysterio i don't know any of the new guys but ray mysterio i guess is a good old one i don't know him john cena logan paul oh yeah yeah yeah john cena john c jake tapper oh uh who's the who's the political accommodator tapper hmm john taffer bar bar aficionado john what the fuck am i talking about john taffer and jake tapper wrestled in wrestlemania this year what tapper i hardly know her yes spooky wait where did you take lauren for your first date uh i took her to a restaurant called felix nice you know what i don't have it did you pay yeah i paid do you pay for everything

um most things like dinners and stuff yeah i heard that i heard that um you're supposed to pay for dinners but they can pay for coffees or something that seems to be sort of the order of operations right yeah which always makes me i mean it's it's very sweet but it's like it's like such a disparity you ever pull like do you ever pull like babe the podcast views are low i need you to pay yeah girl beer stock is up this one's on you yeah dinner will be like 400 and then in the morning yeah she's like i have your three dollar coffee yeah she's probably gonna listen does she work at girl beer hey okay yes yeah that's where lauren works do they know each other this whole time it's like a small company this whole that's crazy

how many old co-workers of ours works there they probably know each other they keep poaching our co-workers that's where all of our girls are going they're all going to girl yeah the girls have been leaving this company at an alarming rate i think it's coincidence um well there were a lot of harass well i'm glad she got i'm glad lauren got fired because it a allowed for our yeah do you think you would have started dating if you were co-workers no well remember at the at the company the year-end meeting or whatever there was like a whole slide that was like do not date your co-workers nobody if you date your co-worker you have to tell us yeah which is awesome because like there's like three total girls that work here yeah it's like guys can

date guys also she didn't get fired i was joking earlier didn't she move to antarctica she broke up with us at the cheesecake factory are you guys doing long distance from antarctica we're doing long distance she well i sometimes i go there and help with the seals oh counting them and so nice you inventory it works it's mostly counting i've from what i've taken what i've gathered it's mostly counting trying to count how many seals are there but it's like i'm always like how do you know that's not the same one well she marks she marks them she tracks them down with a red sharpie yeah anyways that's like my big life update it's really great i'm really happy yeah yeah you've been moving different yeah you had you've had a little bit more motion

it is it is funny because you always were a very confident guy but there's been a there's been like five percent more pep in your step you've been walking around walking around can you blame a brother can you can you blame a brother no it's cool i haven't dated anyone in a very long time so it's counted for like five years five years really wow wait when did lauren tell you that she had a crush on willie like two weeks before it was like right after she broke up with us at the cheesecake factory so it was basically like oh here is it from my point of view it was our podcast is going great she breaks up with me at the cheesecake factory and then she tells me she has a crush on our co-worker and i was like why would the last one be a bad thing it's not a bad

thing it was just like so much to take in yeah yeah that was a crazy and then i had the same thought that you had where i was like oh my god is she leaving because she has such a big crush on willie but i don't think that was the case if it is she hasn't revealed that to me yet but how would that make you feel goaded flattered yeah oh my god a girl i need a girl to leave their job for me well i mean it was just like wouldn't matter like if we're dating in this context it would maybe be like fun for the short term but like if anything bad happened then it'd be like a nightmare that would be even better that would be so much as ex-lovers yeah it's like when Fleetwood Mac would break up

and then they'd be like singing at each other. Yeah. I'm trying to do like sayings that don't exist. Yeah, my sayings are like sayings that don't exist. Your sayings are like, a woman's words are worth nine thousand knives. Yeah.

Well, here's some lies that I believed. I love you. I care about you. I want the best for you. These are lies your ex-girlfriend told me. Lies. these are things my ex-girlfriend hasn't given me back yet my t-shirt my jeans these are the biggest scams i've fallen for i love you am i the asshole am i am i the yeah lauren's like lauren's am i the asshole she wrote them about yeah am i the asshole for hating my co-worker

am i the asshole for telling my boyfriend to pick up after him oh yeah well i've told him a million fucking times to take the dishes out am i the asshole for not willing to see my boyfriend every waking moment of the day am i the asshole for yelling at my boyfriend when he doesn't take his shoes off in his in the apartment is that a thing you know i just forget a bunch right is she like she does i know shoes household yeah but it's okay she doesn't get mad at me she's just trying to teach me she's trying to teach you something teach me something all right teach me something take when you're at my apartment you take the shoes off her pitch is like a boyfriend that knows how to put on deodorant yeah

oh dude i had to switch back to i ran out of the deodorant my normal deodorant i had to go back to like the old school stuff i have been rash maxing right now it looks like same it looks like someone took a sandpaper grinder to my armpits a sandpaper grinder sandpaper what is it just sandpaper No, like a buzzsaw with sandpaper on it. That exist? I had to use them. It's like for metalworking. I had to use one at the shop.

That's sick. I was a big carpenter back in the day. Were you really? You know who else was a big carpenter back in the day? Sabrina. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, yeah. Well, Sabrina too.

Jesus Christ. Why did he do that? I feel like he... Carpentry? Yeah. I feel like it was very humble. No, but I'm saying, like, surely he could have just done, like, speaking, speaking engagement. Or what is it called?

Like, where you, like, go and... Keynote speaking? Yeah, he could be, like, a keynote speaker. Why would he just be, like, a keynote speaker? I don't think he was that famous until, like, towards the end of his life. But even then, he wasn't, like, that famous. Do you... At what age do you think Jesus was more famous than you?

Like, in his life? Never. i mean after he died right right but like rice peel i mean let's just have perspective here rice peel off to reach like five million people more than the bible our last epcot or epcot three has 20 million views more views than there were people on the earth when jesus was alive exactly how many google how many people were on the earth when jesus was definitely more than 20 million let me have this oh i want to take this moment while andrew's setting up to tell you guys about our merch our merch shop we've been making some killer merchandise killer merchandise i'll

put it right here if you guys want to buy we let's make a secret code that only people who listen to the podcast can know frond clay frond clave you use code frond clave five how do you spell that they have to figure it out that's like part of it oh yeah wait we make it like use code use card oh look at all the emojis oh wait maybe we make the code like emojis what if the code's just the word emojis use code emojis five for 37 off your order we should do you know we should do like fucking fondle every episode we have we have a code that only works for one person and it's like 99 off and so that whoever can get to it first and we hide it in the episode yeah it's right here do we have the ability to actually deliver on that

i don't fucking know they don't know what you do to get me off it's like really hard to google with these gloves okay okay freaky yellow little freak did my horny ass could not have a pair of gloves or andrew are you going to like a halloween party um that is a good question yeah i think so guy who's lying yeah yeah probably probably hit a big one probably do a rager i will probably do a rager it's a lot of people wow that's still less than i would have thought 150 million your video god damn that's crazy wow um your video got how many views 20 million 20 million views that video really blew up is that your biggest tick tock ever yeah wow and it didn't um my favorite part is the same willie and i've been using the same joke for them yeah for three years now and it

still is always the the most common to think where people are like you said you were going to go to a different country and then you went to another one yeah guys listen speaking of countries over the weekend guess what percentage i did the whole world on satara whole world map it's like 220 something plus countries and territories guess what percentage i got correct and i did it in 25 minutes 100 5 no 85 i think okay but like pretty damn good right yeah so what did i say after christmas break i'm gonna be able to do the whole world i also realized we don't really have a christmas in my head we still have like a big christmas break it's just edge told me our our last day our break starts the 22nd yeah we could break so our last week off right yeah our last

day is the 19th our last day is what am i talking about why am i talking um no we kind of get it sometimes i'm talking i'm like oh my god the playmates are gonna hate this why would the playmates hate that i was just like talking about like my calendar no they do hate when you talk yeah playmates hate when you talk about calendar marie calendar whatever happened to her dude invented the calendar invented the chicken pot pie vanished from the planet earth well i think here's the thing when you get that pot pie money it's hard to stay humble so you just kind of go live life as a recluse you know a stoner like me just call that chicken pie we were at my we were i was at my uncle's 90th birthday party yesterday

whoa really yeah where uh your balina your balinda yeah uh bleep that i guess i don't know what i don't know i don't want to like dox my uncle that's a city isn't it oh okay i thought it was like a really like small small town um people and there was a slideshow of like all these memories yeah of his 90 years and there was one family member who was there who in every photo from like this from like his like late teens to 20s looked like so high and every time it would come like like unbelievably high and uh and someone finally brought it up to him and he was like yeah i'm not really a weed guy anymore but like 18 to 21 i think i was high every just every second i didn't even know they had like pictures back i didn't know they had weed

back then yeah they were it's really weird seeing because he's sitting right there when we're watching the slideshow he's 90 years old and then there'd be like pictures of him and my grandfather who are brothers as like toddlers and that kind of freaked me i was having like a little existential crisis because it was like you see your grandparents like oh they've always just been like a hundred years old yeah seeing them as like a baby it was kind of we're gonna be mad old one day dude i had photos when he was like cut to the us to the podcast in 50 years age really can't figure out i think we're recording i think we're recording does red mean recording red or you're colorblind yeah imagine like which one of us is gonna lose our

minds first and how do the other guys approach it you know we know who's gonna lose their mind we're gonna lose our minds we're doing seven episodes a week yeah um what you do to get you my grandpa showed so i didn't know how formal this was gonna be so i i wore like a collared shirt the pod no no the birthday party so i wore like a collared shirt and a sweater and pants and loafers my grandpa shows up in a full bills velour tracksuit and i was like velour pull up a velour tracksuit it's like a i think it's like a it's like that material but he shows up in that and i was thinking about i cannot wait to be 80 something years old and throw like parties for my family and just you get to wear whatever you want who's gonna stop him he's wearing a full

bills like buffalo bills yeah should we get a should we have velour tracksuits those look sick no okay did you guys win best buddies no someone raised 88 000 oh my god yeah we raised like 15k was it the daughter i don't know there was a girl that won it last year that raised like 60 how is that possible how do you raise i think it's like hustling and then you have like one person that gives you like they got 60 000 of it came at the gala which means people that they invited to their table spent $60,000 in like the silent auction and the

because you can invite people to like the gala to your table and then anything they spend counts towards your total. And so for ours, so I didn't grow up in Maine, right? And I got 10 different people at our table and he grew up and lived there his whole life and he couldn't get

one person at the table. So I just to give context for how the tables work. i keep going that's it i have a couple thoughts on this uh one his mom lives there and works for best buddies and has all sorts of friends there all of my friends your mom lives there too your mom works for best buddies she's like on the board my mom's like a nepo baby i'm gonna for the gala you're my mom my mom was out of town none of her friends live there in the winter anymore my dad was out of

town he also doesn't live there in the winter uh the all the people i invited were already going and had their own table because their kids have special needs and then uh and then i donated i i this i the second highest donation to our own thing you didn't donate a dollar that would be my rebuttal so okay yeah okay what kind of prizes were at this gala that people dropped like 60k on there last year there were like a lot of trips so you could like buy a trip you could buy like paths tickets bruins tickets yeah uh you could what else was i actually did mean i actually completely forgot i didn't donate until right now well you're so busy soliciting it right yeah well when your mom runs the company yeah she doesn't

run the company it's kind of hard to yeah it's not like a paid person what's like why even like donate to the cause when it's just like gonna go straight back to your family exactly it goes to our new we're doing renovations on the house right that's where all the money goes and siphoning siphoning money out of best buddies would probably be one way ticket to hell that would be the sad that would be the slimiest thing you could possibly all-time worst things ever i am not gonna name names but i recently found out that apparently uh like small tax fraud is like much more common than you'd think like i've been kind of doing it by the book which i think is like the only way to do it apparently a lot of people are engaging in in like like they like bury things in

their taxes that you know what are you talking about like no one like we know i was talking to like adults oh and they were like yeah we just kind of like you know bury stuff in there i mean i think that's like why like professional athletes like hire like accountants it's because like they know like loopholes to like tax breaks and no i'm talking like like you'd be in trouble if you you met someone who's can okay we just said he was at his uncle's thing no he didn't want us to know where and now he says he met someone who's come i swear i swear i swear to god it was no one at this there's no one at this thing but i just here's my thing i we don't we've never had we're never gonna have the thrill of committing like you know serious crime because we just weren't born

with that gene yeah but a little white collar crime that'd be kind of fun right yeah and if you have an interpreter you can just blame it on them right that's actually a really good point yeah oh i wore my i have a chauncey billups jersey i wore it at the show on friday that was a nice a little homage how many jerseys do you have a lot you have some deep cuts i got some deep cuts chauncey billups who are the chauncey billups this guy i like chauncey billups you gotta check out that that pro pro style sports or wherever that jersey shop is that i went oh yeah what is it was in it was in the culver city mall it's next level dude we went to thursday night football my new randy moss jersey and they got slacked yeah the chargers fucked them it was not fun being a

vikings fan for what happened i actually so this wouldn't have like determined the outcome of the game but the vikings should have had three more points did you see that kick that came up like 10 yards short i think it was about like 30 yes i'm taking it but the kick hit the wire that the sky cam was operating on and they just were like oh really yeah and then it fucks up momentum i've never heard of one dude you're right how was the game though it was awesome we were in we were in like kind of a like nicer it was like a club thing whatever which i was like this would be fun whatever yeah they the woman that was supposed to let us in like didn't believe so i bought i had three tickets on my thing and she like was skeptical that they were like real

and like was kind of like giving it she let like everyone else in and then like gave us kind of a uh like a weird hard time because one of flan's brother's ticket had like a qr code instead of like a barcode and she was like she thought we like snuck him into the stadium or something but other than that it was pretty fun i had a bunch of like maybe she'd never seen a white boy with that much motion shit yeah it's actually a really good point that is a good point she hadn't seen a white boy with that much motion and i think it threw her for a loop and i here's the thing you can only it was free food and drink which was awesome when i bought them there's only so much you can do with that if you're not drinking like i had like a bunch of diet coke and then it was

just like yeah i'm only doing this now because it's because it's free i definitely think if i was a security guard for a suite and i'm just letting in like 40 50 60 year old business execs and then you and your girlfriend and your brother walked up i would probably yeah take a second look i uh was it like good view of the game though yeah it was sick we were on the 50 yard line wow we were very cool third row of our section so like that like upper 200 level thing but like right on the yeah oh so you have like a regular seat you have a regular seat but you can like go back up to this like club thing um there was a make-a-wish kid uh in a chargers jersey that they put on the jumbotron and flan had missed that he was a make-a-wish kid that she thought

they were just putting a chargers fan on the thing okay and so we all like booed no thank god but we all like stood up and clapped and like and then she looked at she was like she didn't hear that it was a make-a-wish kid and she looked at me and was like what are you doing it's a chargers fan i was like it's a make-a-wish kid she was like oh that's like a curb your enthusiasm plot yeah like in the bathroom and he comes back yeah oh boo and everyone's like this is another another like curb-esque thing happened so you know when like a veteran comes on the field that they're like honoring that night it's like a really heartfelt moment we all get up and we're they're like veteran like you know andrew nelson like everybody gave him a round of applause i did and

we all get up we're like going nuts and then they were like he served he's in the space force and we're all like oh come on it's not wait is that real swear to god like how could you be a veteran of that i think he just like he is an i don't know he was an active but it was like yeah we were all like oh come on dude like that's the guy we're fucking on like i have nothing against the space force i think that's really cool but like you can't bait us into like like i was like on the verge of tears being like this guy fucking he fought i put his life on the line it was like he's just out there looking for fought at the battle of yavin one time i was working one of those military homecoming things yeah where they like surprise the kids on stage with their dad

okay and i was like in the green room with the dad who had like just served and i was like so like how long were you overseas when's the last time you saw your kids he goes oh like a month ago and i was like what come on i was like what why are we doing this big homecoming if you saw your kids like a month ago and literally he came out his kids were like not shocked they were like oh they're just like oh good to see you again yeah there was not like a reaction or anything i was like yeah you saw them a month ago this is like some people that have been gone for like 10 years that's so funny yeah i always also just thought that was like those were weird because it'd be like so this means like you probably could have seen them like this morning and you

were like no i'm gonna wait all day to do it at the halftime of a college basketball game or something you know what i mean it's like like a box like wouldn't you want to immediately see them the moment you could see them right yeah yeah it's like their flight got in last night yeah like their flight got in like two days before where they wanted to save it for like the duke unc game dude there's a funny uh you know kenny from tmg oh yeah he had a funny sketch did a funny sketch the other day where it was like a soldier comes home you know for this grand reunion but like he shows up at the same time as the pizza guy the dominoes guy was just standing there where they're doing this like heartfelt reunion he's like so like cash or a card like

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And as a special offer for our listeners, new customers get 20% off site-wide with our exclusive code. Use code PLAYDATE at shopmando.com for 20% off site-wide and free shipping. S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. mando's got you covered with deodorant plus sweat control say goodbye to sweat stains and hello to long lasting freshness let's get back in the episode i've been thinking i want to take a vacation okay in the new year sure i got my eye on this place they hit me if you you know you know you know more about me than most people what would you say i look for in my perfect

vacation like cocktail on the beach chilling not doing anything how many people are there how many other people zero there are zero other people yeah i think i found the place hit me it is a beach shack in an undisclosed caribbean island like you won't disclose it to me i'll tell you later but i don't want other people to i don't want other people to blow my spot not like that not like people coming because i just i want to keep this i found it feels precious to me it is on a lagoon little like a bean vacation on top of a grape it is it is like a little beach shack probably like the size of like half the size of this room and like just this part it's under all these palm trees it's got a little like thing beat a little mini beach thing on the lagoon

two chairs outdoor shower there's a beach you can like paddleboard around you can go swimming in the lagoon with there are like animals in there and stuff and it has a full service like bar like they'll bring you anything oh there are how are there no other people there because they're i mean there's like a main area where there's like got it stuff like that but if you get this one little shack you have your own little jack shack jack shack area lagoon area beach lagoon lagoon are you saying lagoon bees doesn't that sound awesome yeah wait when you say no one else there like no flan no family like just you the people i would bring would be like us too yeah willie would be there yeah i tried to bring it up to her today so we have two very different approaches to life

where i'm like excited about planning stuff in the future and like having stuff to look forward to she in general is kind of like that way but if i catch her at the wrong mode like she's already just like thinking about like work and stuff like that it was like seven in the morning i was like lagoon place and she was like that i can't think about that right now and so she kind of so it's kind of like that it's imagine i just can't i'm just thinking of like you just you and flan two peas in a pod just beans bean sorry i will stay on task and she she's like yeah that sounds great but i don't um she just doesn't want to think about it right now which is which is fine we can talk about it later but um she also kind of she told me that that area

apparently is supposed to get like smoked by a hurricane so i'm hoping fingers crossed this hurricane season though that's what i'm yeah i think she's saying like oh like it will happen that i don't know what is it can you say jamaica oh um and it's very it's but there's only so many places there that i think people would know which one i was talking about but um ty wants to go to what's the concern that like other people would book it all yeah i don't know when because the at the rate flan's taking i can't take any i can't have anyone else booking uh ty wants to go on a vacation in december nice and uh he's thinking hawaii or something i think that could be fun i think i need to pick vacations though i can't just go on everyone it's also expensive

because i want to if i'm going to do a vacation i want to do it do it right so i don't want to spend all my money on one and then be did i tell you i think i created the perfect financial system okay hit me everything at one bank was step one because i was getting confusing i got everything at one bank now same place that my investment account is at everything goes into one account and then i automated payments to go out to checking and the other one and then every i don't have to i don't have to lift a finger everything just comes comes in stays there a little bit because i was i had a problem you know i had a problem with overspending right now now the amount that i can spend goes straight into my checking and i only spend that yeah self-sustaining that's

kind of cash money i gotta it's fucking ball i'm reluctant to admit but that's like fucking money and everything goes the right amount goes into my investment account every month i got that set up too are you do you have the investment bug i've been getting really really into that i just put everything in like mutual funds i don't like no no that's what i'm saying like they like that that's what the bank i'm i'm doing it at does but i have i get to go in and like look at what they did so it feels like i'm doing something but i'm not doing it you got like you're like pull it up on the screen yeah i go into the thing and i'm like oh that's yeah that's a good stock you literally got mad at willie for saying that your for you page was

full of like stocks and investments and yeah remember you like freaked out at me yeah wait what when we were talking about like what's on my for you page i was like i'm sure yours is like stocks and investments and you like got mad at me yeah you gotta mine's not stocks and investments okay i'm just blindly i'm just blindly taking the wait why did i get mad about that because i don't remember what i i was surprised you were offended well because mine is that mine i like to keep my my for you page and my finances separate yeah also the finance advice mine blends together because my for you page is all videos from concerts and that's where i spend all my money yeah yeah what the fuck so we're getting attacked see now i'm it's gonna be like a

how is this spooky is did he do a spooky halloween prank halloween prank i think that was the other door there's no one in there it was the back door is he fucking with us you're getting spooked He's fucking pranking us No I'm not Yes he is bro I bet there's some There's no one in it

Emily Go get Emily behind there Okay She's not in it We're gonna get Halloween pranked Is he fucking I just heard her I just heard her voice

tell them about your buddy I should just pull my pants down wait Andrew go back out for a second go back out for a second go back out for a second all right i believe you yeah sure whatever

yeah fine were you pranking us no i don't know if i believe you dude what was that what was that noise um i don't know sean's sitting there make sure you're not showing b i'm not showing b uh this reminds me of those tiktoks where they like they're like what's the happiest moment of your life and the guy starts talking just drop their pants wait what have you ever seen have you ever seen yeah we'll pull oh viral what's the happiest moment of your life pants drop prank every time i feel like we're getting like a grasp on like what we could tell our parents we do for work that something like this comes out dude last night was i think i said it

was at the dinner with like lauren's cousin and her fiance they were like asking me about my job like so what's the podcast about and like okay you're fucking with that's not me you told someone to go do that no i didn't why are the doors shaking i don't know do you want me to go check i'll do i'll check let me check wait let him check What's this thing again, Charlie? Yeah. I don't trust his unk, ah. We're getting pranked.

Oh, it's a fall prank, too. It's topical. And what made that day so special? Because yesterday I became a father. What the hell? Just have any what makes those days so special because you've been given another chance to make the things right Jeez you know what like made it so bad, you know, I don't know it just hit me harder than And what made that day so special it was special because I did things that was

what made that day so special because it was easy five hundred dollars it's free can you expand more knock in a oh but what made it so bad is it really good they're asking like the same question every like what is the follow-up he's like but what made it so bad i think it was like what is the worst day of your life wait can you pull a baby monkey backwards on a pig have you seen that andrew he was trying to tell me about this is boring i have no idea what this is backwards oh wait tell me so your grand your where were you the you were lauren's fiance lauren's sister lauren's cause jesus lauren's cousin's fiance and and what about our job no it's just like impossible they kept like they were being like nice and inquisitive

and i was like i don't really know what our podcast is i'm like no like but like what is it Like, what do you talk about? And I just couldn't really articulate what we do. I like this. This is good. This is really good stuff. Look how many views this has. i'm a big fan of whatever this is

yeah did it make your relationship with lauren rocky when you made fun of her check-in videos no we weren't dating you weren't dating back then yeah oh were you seeing each other i think maybe for the second one yeah yeah but um my i had a similar experience with my grandma yesterday where she was trying to explain to a guy yeah that i have a show yeah and he was like well what's it about i was like it's like you know like kind of comedy and we come up with these like you know things that don't exist or whatever and he was like oh like what are some i was like oh that is the worst that i'll never like describe it as that anymore because you have to come up with like sayings that don't exist on the spot you know like heisenberg martini

yeah it's like uh it's like a jesse hermione tom collins jesse pinkman jesse stinkman should we roadmap it up all right we want to take a quick moment to talk about a new sponsor of the pod lucy lucy's intelligent nicotine for adults designed by scientists to deliver the most satisfying nicotine experience and always tobacco free whether you use nicotine to enhance focus boost your energy or relax there's a lucy for you they offer products from hydrating breakers to pouches to gum with individual servings ranging from four milligrams to 12 milligrams ensuring satisfaction for even the most demanding nicotine routines what's your favorite lucy i actually switched oh recently i did this last fall gavin and i did this and i'm doing it again falls here

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off and here comes the fine print lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every customer is age verified warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical let's get back into the episode all right this is time for the spooky road map uh okay so like andrew aldrich said like what is the uh thing happening with the door i don't know i think emily's just jiggling the handles we're getting binder blasted all right we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches then we're gonna do everyone's favorite segment am i the asshole followed by this guy rocks and then we're gonna do teach me something and then in the spirit

of halloween willie and i are going to do halloween cocktails that don't exist followed by pumpkin carvings that don't exist and then we will wrap up with rusty song of the day andrew throw us a fast could i say something about pumpkin carving real quick i pumpkin carved last night yeah kind of mid yeah what's the point right i mean it's kind of fun to have it now but i was like not having that much fun what'd you do with the guts i had lauren i loved it but uh i didn't have that uh i like had to put it in like a bag right the guys throw them out and then throw them out a trash bag did you guys bake the pumpkin seeds yeah but she liked them i don't like them i like pumpkin but i was just like it's kind of hard to do yeah did you guys have any like

cute rom-com moment where you like turned your pumpkins at the same time and it like made like a sentence no but i wanted to do i wish this was squash but it was really hard i started and i was like this is gonna take fucking forever wait really like carving like little words that was pretty funny though wouldn't that be funny though one time i carved a squash because they were out of pumpkins really yeah how about fucking idiot what do you mean i well i didn't have to do the gut thing i don't know don't don't back off now that's fucking stupid yeah i didn't have to pull there were no guts i just got right to carving it was nice there's no guts in a squash no did you make like a crass joke when you were like all up in the guts or anything no

i mean i was um when i was in college there was a girl that had a crush on me and she made the best pumpkin thank you she made the best pumpkin seeds i've ever had and so i kind of like played into it for the rest of the fall so i could eat keep eating her pumpkin seeds right and that's not code for anything and that wasn't code for it no she genuinely made this girl came over last night and i ate her pumpkin seeds my roommate will made a cool pumpkin it was like a dachshund like a wiener dog yeah and it like he did it like so it looks like it wraps all the way around the pump whoa like it isn't done on the back but it's long enough that if you're looking at it it looks like it would go all i like that a lot i like can you google like ducks and pumpkin did he look

something i think he found it online wait i have a picture of a picture that's not me shut the fuck it's not me oh here's my pumpkin actually it's not me i'm not doing anything worst halloween prank of all time is he oh i didn't even hear that what was it like spooky noise is there someone like in the rafters i hope so this is me and lauren carving our pumpkins oh hard launch it's gonna be like a crazy like that's like a that's like a code for something we don't want to hear about you guys carving each other's pumpkins you did it inside yeah it was kind of cold she looks happy this is gonna be so mad that i've made wait why so you didn't even you didn't even attempt the i wish this was squash i did the eye and then i turned it into the eye if that

makes sense yeah i mean what the fuck that's not me it's obviously you no one would go rogue and just do this i thought i'm gonna be honest i thought it would get a laugh the way my feet are that's kind of why i did this whole thing i like it a lot i thought you guys andrew will you read us a scary story yes well now i got the wiener dog one now is the airdrop still on yeah lauren's hair looks nice you get a haircut no well then that's kind of a weird comment someone didn't get a haircut pervert why is your why is your mouth like a pp my my guy got tooth surgery and so it's like what does gb stand for girl beer she was like a work that's why there's i think this was like her work photo i just used it to me but she kind of fucked up the b but i'm

still proud of her i like the dachshund one a lot yeah isn't that cool very cool i guess like you can kind of see the edge there but you get a picture that there's an angle andrew we got look at scott's didn't he mail that shit in he mailed that fucking shit in andrew will you read us a scary story now yeah yeah i want to be spooked out of my mind did the prank not work no not at all dude is it sean that you have up to this yeah no it was binder took time out of sean's valuable work day also i like andrew put buzz balls as decoration look at this willie no well they're cool they look like cauldrons and you told me he drank a buzz ball this weekend really i did well we shared it and i didn't buy it it was at the party and everyone was like take

a pool we slapping the buzz ball yeah i was slapping the buzz ball dude wait your party sounds so much cooler no one's like running around at the parties i'm at being like slap the buzz ball yeah i kind of went nuts this weekend it's pretty fun i didn't at all i went i just can't go nuts sober like i was just tired at 10 p.m and left sam's birthday party i went to a beer garden i went to october fest oh i wore leader hose in i was gonna say are you and lauren gonna go to like a pumpkin patch at some point maybe in ohio i was thinking like we can go apple picking what's the most what's the most couple thing you've done together so far has she shaved your back yet ew no my back's not hairy mine is oh did she shave it i tried to get her to do it

once she didn't want to she pulled the shopping she plucked a hair out of me the other day i guess mine are all like body hair yeah yours all just body hair related she shaves like fun designs into my chest really no remember when joe palm shaved a four in your chest yeah all right i i was curious if you guys have experiences so i went to a concert on friday and i was so drunk i couldn't stand up straight okay and i think that's the first time that's ever happened to me because i'm thinking of all the times i've gotten drunk before where like i'm at a party i'm in a music festival like i've been like pretty drunk never once have i been so bad that i can't stand up have you guys ever been that bad yeah yeah do you remember it yeah but i like i'm genuinely

surprised that like we didn't get kicked out of the venue because i was literally like holding onto the chair behind me to like keep myself like propped up what concert was it it was a katrinada justice show it is always funny getting like cartoon side effects from being drunk like the things that like happen and yeah yeah you get a little you learn about in health class yeah above you when was the last time you got like like the spins really bad last night yeah or no saturday night yeah did you puke no i was close i just got i was supposed to spend the night and i was like no i'm getting a lift because it was like a housewarming and i was like my first time at your apartment i can't like just throw up yeah can i confess something yeah when i was in college

uh i learned about like you know like pulling trig was a thing you learned about yeah i thought that was like a like a cool thing to do so sometimes i didn't even have to do it and i would just go out at the party and do it because other people were oh yeah i don't think i could like force myself to throw it makes me feel so much better i used to do it a lot one time i ate my dinner too fast before a celtics game and i did it they win they actually did win so it worked so it worked so my i have yeah so now i pull trick before every we suck this year the celtics yeah oh no it's three games into the season but the patriots are on fire i hadn't felt this jets are red hot yeah got our first win of the year drake i think we're gonna

win the super bowl this year i'm calling it now who's gonna stop us we had a funny moment before we started recording where rusty was watching tiktoks and like a sadie mckenna tiktok pulled up and binder goes i'm telling your girlfriend and rusty goes good she knows how much i love drake may well no because she's dressing up like the video was like i have to dress like whatever the top comment is gonna be and then the top comment was drake may and and emily was like i'm telling your girlfriend that you were watching a sadie mckenna video which wouldn't even be bad it was just on my 40 page we saw her at in florida remember oh yeah we were at your dad was there yeah me will his dad and sadie mckenna yeah like a like a day club in fort lauderdale oh was that

the um the place bonnie was at that picardy limona corona i'm zoning did they also fly out sadie mckenna no i think she was just there yeah i'm gonna be honest i don't really know that is should i take talker okay she was in the hype house you don't know oh my god the hype house dm'd me did i know they dm me too ah should we go that was just me should we join the hype house i got invited to the hype house we got invited to the hype house yeah do they like still do stuff there is i guess i was like i know there's like that one guy that like steals everyone else's money yeah and so they all left what were you gonna say well sorry i was like this would be the funniest thing in the entire universe if we joined the hype house yeah we just don't have

anything to offer everyone else would be like doing the renegade what you do to get me off we're like these are renegade these are tiktok dances that don't like oh that guy should be good we do we say we're gonna do tiktok dances that don't exist and then they have to act them out yeah the storkle this is the this is it's like a stork and a snorkel so it's like or something like that right the storkler or is that the sprinkler not the snorkeler what's the snorkeler or the snorkel so it's like that's the storkler i like it do you think we deserve to have a platform one time

there was a bird like that on the golf course that i grew up at and a kid sculled a golf ball and it hit one of them in the leg oh no and all the other ones left it because it couldn't keep up and it fundamentally changed who i was as a guy it was just literally the saddest thing i've ever seen in my life yeah what did you do about it i think i told the pro shop but there's only so much you can do yeah should we hear a spooky story yes okay don't read it willie okay there's an unspoken rule in the mountains that no matter who you are friend bitter rival stranger anyone if you're ever in a pinch and come across another hunter's cabin you're welcome to seek shelter there i never expected to get caught in a blizzard that day it had started out sunny and cold but as

the day progressed a few clouds formed by the time they had amassed into a heavy cloud covering i was already on my way back to my cabin with a couple hairs hanging over my shoulder i'd named them dinner and breakfast i was planning on eating breakfast for dinner and dinner for breakfast wait hair is h-a-r-e-s yes hair isn't like uh bunny yeah the snowfall seemed to come out of nowhere like someone had knocked an awning shot and all the snow collected on top uh it got very dark very fast and i kicked myself for leaving my flashlight back in my lodge snow prickled painfully as it darted into my eyes i had squint almost all the way to keep those sub-zero jerks from stabbing me blind the wind howled as gales cut through my clothes and right to my bones

i could barely see two feet in front of me um the hairs on my back the hairs at the back of my neck became stiff and battered against me with every puff of air i ended up finding a cabin and i walked right into it it had become so dark and the snow had become so heavy that i couldn't see the structure until i stumbled face first into it i held my hand against the wooden facade so that i wouldn't lose it in the storm and circled around until i found door i wasn't just in a pinch it this was life or death through the howling wind i could have sworn i heard come in as i swung open the door and stepped inside a small avalanche of snow tumbled in with me i didn't bother trying to check it out as i fought against the wind to close the door behind me um thanks i whispered

i turned towards the inside of the cabin and tried to get my bearings but all i saw was blackness which meant i had no way of gauging the size of the cabin yeah i'd circled around it but i'd stumble around half blind focused on trying to find every doorknob so i had no idea what can you put a little more spookiness yeah yeah um okay through the darkness all i could see was the vague outline of someone sitting in the corner you're a real lifesaver i said he didn't answer i paused looked around for a lighter a lantern a matchbook anything that might emit light but all my fingertips touched were chains and barrels of hunting rifles. I stopped poking around when I felt an open bear trap.

Wouldn't want to get my arm caught in one of those. It was safer to sit still and wait for daybreak. It occurred to me that stranger may have been seeking refuge as well. So I started keeping my tone light and instant. You the owner of this cabin? The answer was more of a hiss than a word. But in that hiss, I heard a faint, yes i sat on the floor let my hairs down beside me and reached into my pack why i'd taken a

sleeping bag with me and not a flashlight was beyond me i removed my wet clothes and quietly slipped into the sleeping bag to warm up making conversation as i did thanks again that blizzard really came out of nowhere he replied with the slow labored wheezy breaths of an elderly man on deathbed. Dangerous. Yeah, I chuckled. That's an understatement. Hungry, he exhaled. You got a fireplace? I've got a couple hares. I'll cook them up. It's the least I can do, I offered. His reply was drawn out like a wolf howling, but without the majestic hum. No. Okay, as soon as the blizzard dives down i'll go gather wood and make us fire can you wait until then i saw his silhouette shift slightly there was a rattle of chains no again the oath stretched out in a long bloated

groan no no yes the final no morph strangely into a yes like someone drastically changing and to a much higher note on a flute halfway through a breath i craned my neck to look at the single window in the cabin it was pitch black pitch white it was an afterglow visible against the black backdrop of the wood yet still inherently dark i focused on it rather than the rest of the cabin if you don't mind i'm gonna try and catch some shut eye i said tirelessly he didn't respond but that didn't surprise me mountain folk don't talk much even when they come down to town to town for what supplies that they can't make themselves. I shrugged it off and settled for the night,

but I felt something hard against my side. Sighing, I tossed my hairs back a bit further and got comfortable. I was exhausted, so I wasn't all that hard for me to drift off despite the wind strong playing outside the wind. I was awoken by a different sound, a weird snapping crunch that made me shoot up in bed, believing the ceiling was about to collapse under the weight of the snow.

I braced myself, but as the sound came, I realized it wasn't above me, but rather next to me, near my belongings. The silhouette was gone from the corner. I could hear his deep, raspy breaths accompanying the crunch. What the hell are you doing? I snapped. He retreated, back to his corner with a rattling of chains. My adrenaline was pumping, and I wasn't even sure why. Something about the stranger put me in a state of near panic.

My interests were telling me to leave, but I couldn't afford it. Whatever this guy was up to, I was safer with him than out there in the blizzard. I grabbed my backpack and propped myself against the wall in a seated position, staring at the silhouette, expecting him to make a move. I kept myself awake and alert, never looking away, even as the howling wind slowly diminished. once or twice i felt my head begin to dip and my eyes begin to shut but every time i slipped the faint rattle of chain snapped me back into consciousness as the blizzard cleared and the sun slowly rose light began to trickle into the cabin the scene filtered through in tiny increments which each layer uncovered by the sun like a printer slowly printing out a full picture one

line at a time i wasn't in a cabin i was i was in a large supply shed that was maybe 10 to 11 feet long seven to eight feet wide there was no fireplace which makes sense for a supply shed there were tools traps rifles lining every wall the silhouette in the corner slowly stopped being a silhouette and started being a distinct person skinny no gaunt pale no ghost white man no corpse corpse i was gutted he was dead not oh shoot i died overnight sorry about that dead long dead long long long long dead his body was all shriveled and mummified is that even the right word for it he wasn't wrapped up in bandages or anything like that but his skin was completely dehydrated and stiff like an unwrapped

mummy his hair was hanging from his head in unkempt strings his teeth were poking out of shrunken lips with a wide gap where the top right canine should have been there was a stain of an age-old blood soaked into the wood beneath him i follow it by gaze to its origin his left foot and the bear trap in it had gotten there was an empty hook on the wall above him with chain leading to the trap it was long enough for him to move around but not enough for him to reach the front door or the saw hanging above it my best guess was the trap had fallen on its own while he was out and at some point he'd done a supply run in the dark and had gotten caught in his own trap he probably died of thirst or something look i'm telling you he wasn't breathing he wasn't

moving he was dead as a doornail and had been for quite some time i sat there reasoning i'd been delirious the night before the fatigue the dehydration the disorientation caused by the blizzard. It made me imagine his voice. Those slow hissing sounds I thought were replies were just the wind outside. I'd interpreted them wrong because the loneliness had finally gotten to me. The elements had conspired against me to create a living person out of someone who definitely wasn't living. It was a good logical explanation and wish I could say it was true. Except I'm not the one who bit the head off of breakfast it's not my canine tooth i found on the floor next to me i'm not the one who caked the corpse dry cracking lips with white fur i didn't stick

around for dinner it's creepy creepy creepy town i i don't know if i believe it i hate to be that guy you're also like sitting right next to him yeah that's him that's breakfast that was creepy though i kind of like scary stories maybe i do too um all right should we hear a pitch yes okay what's up jack william and anderson anderson william i fucked with you guys i tried to see how long i could go i was pulling your i was yanking your chain it's like weird vibes in here when it's so dark i know what's the worst part about halloween oh the worst part about halloween uh you your mom always calls you and tells you that she bought

more candy than there were trick-or-treaters and she's sad that not a lot of kids came to our house because our all the kids that used to be kids in our neighborhood are now adults and uh it hasn't really been a place for young families for years and she kind of is like reminiscing about those times and kind of misses when they were like you know children's laughter in the air but now now it's kind of other uh middle-aged women and and she's kind of coping with her own mortality i think would be my um would be my guess okay so you read it already is that true no it's like what a snipe mine mine is that i hate having like when there's multiple parties and you expect to have multiple costumes that shit fucking makes me mad

yeah i hate having multiple parties too many cool parties this weekend that's right you spend two hours carving a masterpiece pumpkin and by day three it looks like it got shot introducing pumpkin preserve the world's first tiny life support system for your jack-o'-lantern it fights mold rot and that tragic pumpkin collapse so your spooky decor doesn't turn into a sad orange puddle before the trick-or-treaters even show up keep your pumpkin orange and plump this holiday season i love that yeah i like that a lot orange and plump you just carve them once and then you're good for like years oh you just keep it they're just on life support and you're like i've always said we need like more gmos right yeah so wait but we need more gr you probably think we need

more gr use huh do you think there's a way to put like micro more microplastics into it i hope so because there's microplastics in all of our balls now too like it's made it into everything do you know that my dad used to work with a guy named mike rafoni i'm serious pull a microphony yeah mike r-a-f-f-o-n-i but he's like some environmental guy from pennsylvania or something i don't know how he worked with him yeah wow that's crazy yeah that's awesome good for him i think the denellans just attract that type of person microphone he would only be in your life um all right what's the worst part what's the worst part about uh about bedtime um you can't fall asleep without your stuffed animals

i don't want to wake up ever you have to brush your teeth before you go to bed oh yeah great and you're like so you're tired you're sleepy in bed maybe just had like a nice little snack in bed and like your show's at the perfect time your bed's all warm and like you just getting up and brushing your teeth is like such a buzzkill it's like i'll do in the morning uh toothbrush gummies there are gummies that you chew and it goes around in your mouth and like does the thing that brushing your teeth would be yep and then when you'll know you're done because it'll have dissolved like a regular gummy what if it's like a retainer that you like put on your mouth like i was like that's even better this yeah that like thing you hold it's like a mouth guard you put it

in it's just like and then you take it out really but yeah but that's still like a whole thing i want to like be in bed just like on like a toothbrush gummy and then like or maybe it's like reusable it's just like a little ball that you like chew around and you like spit it in this yeah interesting i hadn't really thought about toothbrush gummy are you mad that i'm the way i am sometimes really no i actually like really as far as guys go you're you're in my you're in my top 10 guys yeah same um you're it you're the same like you're in your own i'm in my obviously i'm a top 10 guy i would say i said i saw a guy after a show on friday and i was like he was like this is so cool doing at this venue too and i was like yeah legendary

like meaning like the venue right and he was like did you say yeah i'm legendary no no no no that's awesome i was about to be like damn he's got quite the ego tell us about your your comedy store show oh yeah we did it sick we did a show at the comedy store it was awesome yeah it was like you know you're walking in there's pictures of freaking john belushi and david letterman on the wall and it's just your girlfriend go and my girlfriend went and it was really it was that kind of awkward because i know lauren went too and you kind of used to have a crush on her right yeah it was awkward but i decided fuck it they'll have to figure it out yeah were they like fighting over you yeah yeah they were sitting there that's

why you had that big ego yeah exactly no it was fun though a bunch of friends came we all went out after and um it was great did you crush it yeah obviously it was cash i'm sorry i couldn't i'm sorry i couldn't be there either but prior i forgive you prior and we'll do another game another game next la one i don't care whose birthday party it is i will skip it to be there was the surprise good it was already sam's birthday party yeah apparently he zoe said that uh they were at dinner yeah and she was like let's go for a beer at vbb and he was like what no i don't want to go out like if people want to if you want to see us we can like they can meet at mine we'll figure something out and she was like no like let's definitely go to vbb and

he was like why would you want why do you want to go to vbb so bad uh and then he yeah he was very happy it was a lot of it was like a lot of people in one place that i don't normally see all at the same time yeah yeah um there was a girl that came up to me and like grabbed my shoulder and was like is chester here and i was like uh no i don't think so but i think you probably should be like rolling through or something and then just walked away and then so i told chester that the next day and he was like that's not what she told me i was like what what did she say and i was expecting it to be like a drastically different story and her version of the story was she ran up grabbed me said is chester here and i said yes and then she ran away and i was like whoa okay that's like

it was just your guy's old neighbor right it's still his neighbor yeah um chester was at our show yeah but i was like like the way he said it was like was like i had been caught in some like crazy life okay i'm sorry that she said i said yes and not i'm sure he'll be here soon yeah you fucked i fucked i'm gonna be honest i hate to say it he fucked that up you fucked that up you're the asshole am i am i the asshole for telling my friend's neighbor he might be there soon all right ready goop vacuum carving a pumpkin i don't want to touch that shit right can we just get like a thing that i just put in there it sucks all the goop out can a brother get a goop vacuum can i get a goop vacuum bro i know your horny ass could not be trusted

wait so what's the difference between just that and regular can you just vacuum a pumpkin yes regularly yeah i don't think they work for pumpkin goop like a like a industrial like a shop vac dirt devil don't don't they already have those at the local goop store uh no i think it's mostly like bowls and wraps oh i don't have any vacuum have you had goop kitchen i have had goop kitchen and i was very turned on i was very no i was actually the opposite i was very turned off by goop because i didn't realize so you remember her she sold like candles that smelled like her vagina yeah i didn't know that that was like a different brand so i was like i just don't want i don't want to eat a candle that tastes like vagina i just didn't want like whatever they're

putting in the candle like maybe you got mixed up with like the salad dressing or something and the next thing i know i'm having like some sort of gwyneth paltrow vagina sandwich that's a good point yeah what the fuck do we what are we doing here what did i just talk about do you think this podcast sucks andrew no i don't think it sucks i just think i think i should have just left the gwyneth paltrow vagina talk in the car why i don't know but i thought that was like a reasonable thing like i told flan was like let's get goop and i was like it sounds gross and it they sell vagina candles like why don't we just get something else and she was like that's you're being small-minded so i don't think that's crazy i was referencing willie's reference which was the

local goop store i didn't realize that there is a real goop what's the local goop store remember when you were talking about you had um your favorite fall tradition was uh redoing all the pumpkins that people had carved oh yeah and you were like we'll refill them with goop from the local goop store oh and people really love that so i was you know it's like a plated deep cut i guess yeah goop sorry for your information goop kitchen is gwyneth paltrow's i know uh brand and they sell her buzz candles they sell buzz balls can we do buzz balls with some homeless guys and freaking wank it on the boardwalk after this they're not for homeless people what what they're not for homeless people i've only seen homeless people what are you talking

about they're for homeless the last time i saw i had one this weekend it was great yeah and and where did you sleep that night yeah on the street right in the gutter i tell you my buddy actually woke up in the gutter one time like that's not that's not like just a saying he woke up in the in you know in florida like the drainage stuff on the side of the roads are those like yeah sloped gutters or whatever he said he woke up from a blackout one time and there was traffic speeding past him at like 60 miles an hour he was on a loma in winter park he's a loma it's like the main road like we've driven on it together it's like a bird scooter no i'm on a loma i'm on a he woke up on a loma yeah that would make me change everything about my life he he later i

went out with him that night he passed he passed out in the gutter woke up like literally could have gotten run over by a car i thought you were saying you like went out with him like the next night like he got i'm saying like like he woke up from that came told us that story and then like and then eight hours later we went and got beers see that reminds me i know this guy bill fuckler and no way it was like an alias but i don't even know his real name he applied to our comedy group with and he put bill fuckler in the application and he got in like no one ever asked his real name so we just called him bill fuckler wow that's one of our like end of the semester parties he woke up under someone found him under ever was like we can't find bill fuckler and he

was under a car in the driveway we're like jesus fucking christ fuckler that's like people are always like oh watch out when you're like backing out your car because sometimes straight cats like yeah sleep underneath it's like or bill fuckler or bill fuckler might be under there everyone in boston knows to check under your car so you don't run over fuckler can you pull up bill fuckler do you think he's like is he on the internet i don't know god bill fuckler what a name wait is this him no oh the guy in will's comedy group was also like bill fuckler a key detail you forgot to uh mention is that he's 90 he's 90 and in the dea imagine getting busted by fuckler like you're you're you're officer fuckler your hundred

thousand dollar drug operation gets taken down by bill fuckler yeah i mean i think he just made up the name i really you think he made that up i'm starting to think so starting to think i'm starting to think there never was a bill fuckler bill fuckler was the memories we made all along dude what about a bnc name drop in rusty feathers oh yeah did you see that yeah it was so funny that was really what she was trying to say and the funniest thing is so it was brooke and connor for context they were trying to talk about feathers mcgraw and she said rusty feathers and i'm like that's so funny that because feathers mcgraw is like our thing yeah yeah yeah how i be yeah we also we also follow each other she knows my name well she ghosted me when i asked if she

want to come on the podcast i was gonna say so many people were dming asking them to come on and i was like yeah i'm trying we'll see no she didn't ghost me she's i've met brooke she's awesome oh really i mean she did not respond when i asked if she wanted to come on the podcast i was gonna say i'm not like mad i don't care i dm'd her on the podcast account she didn't reply either that's fine i think i'm tired of getting ghosted yeah nobody wants to come on the pod man i wonder why what does that mean but we the last like 15 minutes we've just been talking about nothing and bill fuckler i would argue why do no girls want to come on all right anyway let's see what bill fuckler's doing do you think you would think you would have lauren on now that you guys

are official yeah but like it's gonna be hard to keep us from like making out can we like grill you guys on your relationship you can play the newlywed game oh that would be good willie and i played the newlywed game on uh zach and waleed's pod we nailed it yeah we're good like with each other yeah oh yeah if she wants to come on i'm obviously okay with that flan just texted me should we go to sabrina carpenter for our one year anniversary that feels like it feels like a one a one-sided celebration i actually you love sabrina i don't know why i lied about that i was trying to be like mr macho mr macho you're like yeah i'd rather go to the meat barbecue yeah it's a guy they do a grill your own steak night yeah i'd rather go and i have a fucking oh you're

gonna hate me or you're gonna not hate me but i got i don't have my wallet but i got the new i got i got that new delta card so i can go to the lounges which one the one you have the purple one yeah let's go you know what i learned which i think i'm actually gonna i'm gonna switch to this one more permanently but you can also go to this one you and i gotta start going to the centurion lounge what's that amex members in the airport yeah it's goaded and it's i'm also biased because i'm running low on delta lounge visits for the rest of the year got it uh but this one is they limit you yeah and not a lot of people are at this are at the amex one whenever i go so i think i'm in on that one but i don't know if there's one at lax okay let's do this guy rocks

i went on i ran to meet lauren for coffee on friday and i got there and i'm hard lunch yeah i know so we're sitting there eating coffee or drinking or whatever and the guy a guy from across the coffee shop walks up he's like hey i got this video of you i've never seen anything like this you were like steaming like wait what you gotta look at this video it's insane what are you picturing right now like steam coming off your head yeah actually steaming were you like freestyling no it was like i guess because i'd been like exercising and then it was like kind of chili oh my fucking god right i've never seen anything like this that's how passionately your love burns you guys are high key wait yeah play this video this is dylan screaming at these these

little kids are bullying him at october fest wait look at the video he says you guys are high-key chopped maybe can you blur the kids faces wait what is the kid saying six one says the what i don't know that was like his burn or something dude that video reminds you have you seen that that video i took of that like nine-year-old when we were at lsu a couple years ago i don't know i was at this fraternity tailgate in baton rouge and there's you they put like over 21 wristbands on people that can drink yeah and i have a video of a nine-year-old boy that i'm standing next to and it starts on his over 21 thing and then it pans up and he's like literally like that wait

you took the video yeah that's so funny i worked an event one time where i was like handing out 21 and up wristbands this guy was like oh could i have a couple for like my wife and her friends and i was like yeah for sure man i just handed to him and the guy like left and the next guy in line goes so what if he goes and gives that to his like 10 year old kids now and i was like he's good yeah it's not my place to to tell these kids what they can do with their body that's true my dad told me one time that when he was like nine years old my grandpa was mowing the lawn and he just went in and uh was trying the liquor and your dad said he took like a huge swig of whiskey when he was like a really young kid and i think that probably set him on a different

trajectory oh my sister uh took me to like a cool college kid party when they were all home for the summer and uh i was like 12 or 13 and that was like i thought was the coolest thing ever damn i was like fully 17 the first time i had a sip of alcohol yeah i remember going to my first college party in high school my brother took me and i remember they played beer pong with water and that blew my mind i thought you actually like poured the beer like in the cup i did yeah i didn't discover water pong until college because it is like it's just it's cleaner yeah but in high school we were we were pouring it we were pouring it in there we're guys all right should we do this guy rocks

yeah I just sent you mine I sent you mine as well he's like pulling the hood over his face he's right there that's so funny that's funny oh is someone yelling

he's right there play it again really quick Harry Potter and the Wasp he goes where is he and one of the kids goes he's right there that's awesome i remember one year for halloween my english teacher dressed up like hermione yeah wait where did dylan get leader where did you guys all buy did you all buy it i bought it

spirit halloween it was fucking 60 dollars dylan looks awesome dylan got his from here wait so why were those kids harassing him i don't know they were like playing we were playing like the stump game with him oh and then they were just giving him a hard time it was kind of funny okay this is you haven't slept in 90 million years and you gotta pick which bed okay and this is not ai you haven't slept in 90 million years which bed are you choosing pause it pause it pause it we're all gonna pick which one we would choose yes okay plates suitcases

i'm gonna go plates it's gotta be plates unfortunately you haven't you haven't slept in 90 million years i'm sleeping on plates so i've never seen someone try to in-person version of these ai things i always get hey i respect it it's kind of like if you can't beat them join a situation it's like bigger yeah we're there instead of letting them adapt to our content adapt just let's just start making ai stuff exactly my favorite is uh you faded af who who you cook who you invite into the cookout nigel pizza yeah phil just sent me one and it was uh i picked sally because she made mac and cheese but it was like a possum oh that sounds really good uh the suitcases reminded me of like the your buddy forgets to give you a

blanket that's sleeping on random stuff dude i had the opposite of that buddy in elementary school he had like the best sleeping bags yeah so he'd take you in and his parents had it was the murphys and they had like different like they were the ll bean ones that were marked by temperature so it was like the it was like rated for like 80 under yeah i have to get like a special one yeah there's like a temperature rating for like every sleep yeah whoa dude you should i'll give you val murphy's number he was actually in ties for one of my my one of my best buddies from elementary school ended up being in ties uh fraternity at umiami all right small world i um am hosting five people in my studio apartment for camp flogna in a couple weeks oh fun and i think

someone's gonna have to like sleep in the shower or something like there's like no room to fit all those people like one guy's like a bodybuilder so he's like huge and i was like okay you can have the bed everyone else like we're gonna have to figure out what's camp flogna it's uh tyler the creators music festival oh it's in the parking lot of dodger stadium it's really fun i'm really excited but i'm kind of bummed i didn't splurge on like vip because i'm seeing childish gambino who's like my favorite artist of all time yep and uh i've never seen him before and after i got my tickets i was like no i want to upgrade to vip and they're all out now so now i don't know what to do damn um all right should you teach me something all right did you know that amari

cooper uh hired like a ninth grader to meet him at barnes and noble every week and teach him chess really isn't that crazy you would his parents were like obviously skeptical like the kids parents they said he would show up to the house in his lamborghini and pick this kid up and drive him to a barnes and noble to teach him chess it's kind of awesome and they were like kind of worried about it but then like it was clear he was like a good guy but the way i learned this was a girl reporting this it was like did you know amari cooper was meeting a ninth grader at a and i was like oh my god he's gonna ruin amari cooper for me and then it was like to teach him chess and i was like all right teach me something why can't they just do it you know there's probably

like a hundred billion birds really yeah really yeah yeah you like that i was like how many birds are in the world i was like trying to look at it how many are there like 100 billion that's fucking crazy town isn't that like adult mature birds there's probably even more than that if you count like little kids but isn't that like yeah that's like if they turned on us we're fucked if they if they unionized that's why you gotta keep that's why you gotta play wingspan and play you know do the show me a good guy show me a good guy all right do you want to do pumpkin carvings or halloween cocktails yeah these are halloween cocktails that don't exist aperol spirits

the jack and lantern and it's jack daniels and fireball the jack o'lantern and coke the pumpkin spiced rum latte and it's like a hot coffee with spiced rum actually sounds gas yeah The mint boo lip. What about a full blue moon and it spills everywhere? It's like filled to the brim. There's no room. Like a full moon? Yeah.

Yeah, I like that. It brings like a wolf out. Frankenstein Jägerbaum. The ghost apple-rition and it's ghost energy drink and crown apple. It's the severed head espresso martini. with vodka you're gonna like this one the spooky tom collins tom crawlins nice these are pumpkin carvings that don't exist okay uh you carve just you carve the face and then you have a hand with a carving tool that's stuck in the mouth so it looks like a bit

off your hand while carving it i like that a lot yeah uh it's like one tiny hole in the front and then it says will denellan was here okay it's one pumpkin with little pumpkin hands and it's carving another pumpkin i like that a lot uh it's an exact outline of your hand so all the neighborhood kids can like compare theirs and see what they're gonna look like when they grow up all the neighbor kids are gonna look like me when they grow up it's like when you go to like like it'll be like these are how big shacks hands oh yeah in there i wish this was squash you just carved the words i wish this was squash i like that a lot uh it's just you carve your resume in perfect detail and then on the inside are all your business cards so potential employers when they're taking their

kids trick-or-treating can see if they want to hire you that's a good idea i got one where it's like it's cut you cut a strip all the way around the pumpkin when people are thinking like well that's then it would just fall but you have it suspended by fishing line so it looks like an impossible pump i like that a lot that would be very cool really good uh you just carve or nickel on it so it's like pump or nickel pumpkin or nickel pump or nickel i don't think you can say that that didn't go away i thought it was gonna i thought that was gonna bring the house down i saw a homeless guy reading rich dad poor dad and i said wait till you get to the second half it gets even better

all right i for my song of the day today i got she moves in her own way by the kooks i love the kooks they have been making me feel real i was trying to put my finger on it yesterday but there's something about listening to the kooks that feels really cool okay yeah and i don't know what it is but go listen to it uh she moves in her own way come on nice nice willie d fastball all right we love you guys have a great rest of your wednesday have a great weekend and we'll see you bright and early for our monday episode happy halloween be safe this weekend happy halloween guys Thanks for watching!