Will & Rusty's Playdate - writing malcolm in the middle plots that don't exist

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

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Where are we going? We are. Yeah, we've been going. Play date. Play date. we're talking jeopardy yep jeopardy tournament champions ended last night and it was a doozy it well actually it was a a sweep that guy whatever what was his name again paulo yeah he was insane his name was in a burger towards the end monitor one of our favorite things we

were saying he uh jacob pointed out every game he had like a new way to a new fun way to write his name okay i only watched the last ones the guy on the left in game one yeah his name was scott and he made his s the like what is it called a crescendo or what's the symbol in music that's like that fucking stupid it looks like an ampersand oh yeah the crescendo you know what i'm talking definitely not a crescendo but you know like it's like the like in your music teacher staccato it had like yeah you have those like everywhere it's kind of like the universal clef maybe yeah but i don't think there's an s one he made his ass look like that and i immediately was like you're the you're my least favorite can you look up s for music what's the s for music anyone who's anything

about music is probably bugging out right now go to images uh stairway literally he made so that one is that it's just uh yeah it's just like a music thing what does it mean i think it just means there's about to be music like if you found a paper no and that's the first letter you're like this is anything after what is the s shape in music wait google okay this is oh glissando sounds right google glissando where is that google glissando just google glissando oh it's a rapid slide up so it's like that's not it it's like buckle up that's not it look at that that's like a whole different thing all right what is the s symbol in music sheet music i think it's like fucking

strap in we're about to play some music yeah it is denotes a turn a baroque okay so it's like it's like the the notes following will be a baroque era wait a sideways i don't even think that's what we're talking about i think this is fucked the point is scott made his his ass that letter like he drew it out yeah i know but now i was like that guy cold scroll down in this thing oh no seg no that's it everyone that's it unless that's like i don't know all right i think it's like get ready for some nancy boy get ready for some this is gonna be excruciating oh there it is no g clef you were right oh it's it's a g that's not an s but he made it like he made it an s and so tj i don't know if you caught this or you said you skipped the intros yeah i i you know i

hate their little fun facts make me want to fucking but it's kind of crawl out of my own skin it gives you like a thing it gives you an idea of whether they're going to be likable or not and it's no every time except for paulo paulo was cool maybe but so it gets to tj in like game two or three and what was the one where he's wearing a pink suit with three yeah so he's wearing not a pink he had a pink tie oh okay so game two he's in like a full pink suit which is like out of character for tj i've watched a couple episodes with him yeah and he's usually kind of like buttoned up it's a little it's a little flamboyant but never like full pink suit yeah and we we skipped the commercials because we had it recorded and uh ken's like so tj like we kind of we kind of caught

half or we missed the beginning he was like so tj you've been experimenting with something and how's that been going for you and he's like you know it's really loosened me up and i kind of have like a new outlook on life and it was like clearly like some uh some like supplement that had completely changed who he is wait what it was like a muscle relaxant or something and now he's just wearing a pink suit so he tried this new thing and was now like a completely different guy and was like kind of throwing zingers at ken he took a muscle relax i missed the beginning but they were talking about something that he had started he had started to take and it had like fundamentally changed who he was for one episode we take that for one episode get up here what's

the like supplement the nature is made supplement that makes people like horny we cannot play fetch i put it on your nuts i threw fetch on your nuts her and i were playing fetch this morning and uh and i threw it and it hit a tree and rolled over towards this like homeless guy who was passed out on the thing and i was like i'm sorry and and birdie lost the ball so he's also directing her like it's over here and she couldn't find it so i had to go over and grab it and i was like i'm sorry and he goes she looks like a little pig she does look like a little pig oh my god this i shouldn't have given her that tennis ball yeah why did you bring a ball to the podcast she brought she found it and then like i'd let her have it i'm gonna hide it and

then let's start and then let's start and then let's start the podcast why we are dude everyone's gonna love jeopardy talk do you think everyone's gonna here's one thing one of the answers in the final round of the tournament of champions of jeopardy so this is like the super bowl of jeopardy oh i know one of the answers was dixie d'amelio i was like what and it also like slighted her swear to god the prompt was like did it it was like something about like her sister may be more famous but she's still a star in her own right and it was just a picture of her i don't think that's a i mean i think she'd have to be insane to not think her sister's like one of the famous people on earth earth is she is she still i think so i think for a select few yeah i think

she'll be one of those people that she do now she probably doesn't have to do anything for the rest of her life just because everyone will know who she is for the rest of time and she can just do a dunkin donuts ad we're at that level probably right yeah yeah but i bet i bet once a year she gets out of bed does a dunkin donuts ad for 50 million dollars and then goes back to wherever she is yeah or did she do like dancing did i tell you i met her did you really charlie dixie not charlie oh how about but it went well she said uh she loved my phone case and i said i have a girlfriend leave me alone right wait i like your i like your phone case um you did not say that this sword already has its sheet wait when did you meet her man she was uh having like dinner

at a restaurant like right outside my apartment and we were just walking by my friend and i and I was like dude I think that's Dixie D'Amelio and he goes no it's not no it's not I was like no I swear and then they paid their bill and got up and they walked right by us and I was like oh uh Dixie and she goes yeah and I was like can I get a picture and she was like yeah but I kind of look like shit right now and I like realized like she was in like sweatpants and like a hoodie yeah and I was like no you look great and her friend took the picture and then she was like I love your phone case and I was like I have a girlfriend leave me alone what did you actually you didn't say that no I was just like thanks it was like in the middle of taking the picture

Sometimes I don't want to be happy. Yeah, it's on my Instagram. You were like, I have to grid post me and Dixie. You just pulled it up on Instagram. I forget what I captioned it. I said like, oh, I took the picture with my buddy, and the caption was Andrew Nelson and Dixie D'Amelio stun in new photo with fan.

Nice. I like that. Let me send it. A girl at my school ran into Drake one time, and he was wearing a Dion Waiters Cavs jersey. Fun. just he was just i think this was right before he became like the biggest thing ever where was he it's just like it looked like he was just on a sidewalk but he was it looked like he was just

walking solo in a deon waders jersey it's kind of a dumb dumb bu this morning hit me make it hurt birdie and i pull into the gas station yeah not for gas for a celsius and uh there's a guy parks next to me in a like brand new rolls royce and he's dressed like very fancy and he's still pumping his gas when i go in and then when i'm checking out he walks in and starts scanning his powerball tickets in the like you know there's like a machine on the counter and then when i was walking out he asked for 10 more powerball tickets and i was like if you're already rich enough to have a rolls royce and you're buying powerball tickets that tells me did it come from like did he win the powerball and that's how he makes money yeah i was like job is that you clearly have enough

money to not need more powerball money it's also like that's for us that's for the powerballs for guys like us yeah i don't want it polluted with guys who already have money i think the powerball is not it's hard to win or something right i don't but isn't that weird like seeing a rich guy buying a powerball ticket is like seeing like an f1 driver buy like at the honda dealer what are you even doing think about it this way if a powerball ticket was one cent wouldn't you buy 10 of them every day that's a good point that's a good point our dollars are his cent dude your buddy looks so stoked he did not want to take that picture at all your buddy yeah why because he was like embarrassed or whatever i don't know and um so literally like dixie had

to be like come in the photo and he was like ah i don't know and she was like no come on come on like she seems really nice but she was really nice yeah it feels like a that's like a nice photo i think uh of like us or just like yeah was this recently yeah this was like it looks like you look like i feel like you've worn that outfit you look good really you think so you do look really the lighting's good yeah you look tan i um yeah i thought it was really nice of her to take the photo because she totally like didn't have to where was it um it was in japantown in satel it's like right outside my apartment i feel like most celebrities will take a photo with you if you ask what is right below the photo horny goat weed for men oh yeah sorry yeah i think i

was talking about it was like everyone was talking about it forever uh no it's not horny maybe like that increases libido oh oysters here's something uh today i just want to give a little shout out to my boys in maroon and gold today boston college will be playing the beanpot finals today? Yep. When this episode comes out? Okay. Against BU.

Haven't won a beanpot in like over a decade, I think. Seems like... Improbable. What is... Just the odds. Aren't there only four teams?

There's only four teams. Right. You guys are usually pretty good. Beanpot winners? I don't think... Unless we won it last year, but I don't think we won it last year.

So like, just statistically, like, there's a couple years where it's like other random schools. Yeah, look. BU Northeastern,

Northeastern, BU, Northeastern, Northeastern, Northeastern, Harvard. We last won in 2016. Decade. So today's the day. They say 2026 is the new 2016. The day this episode comes out will be the day. We haven't even been in the finals, it looks like.

When you were saying you were, shout out to my brother. Oh, no, it was maroon and gold. I thought you were talking about my high school, because those were our colors. Oh, and shout out Cape Elizabeth. Shout out the Cape Elizabeth Capers. I'm trying to see if I can get some people together to go to the bc bar to watch the game so did you go to hockey games in college yeah hockey games

are like our football oh really i mean everyone goes to football games too but uh people actually probably go to more football games hockey games are like our other football hockey is like the coolest sport yeah it's the only sport where we like sell out the stadium and like pack it it the have you seen like videos like it's cool that's like a new england thing look up like school most schools i feel like hockey is the sport pc hockey really most schools no new england uh well i guess there's not a lot of options it's really just like boston so yeah so yeah that's fair i get my high school hockey was was the was the sport look at that lacrosse hockey different seasons epic vibe but yeah i'd say hockey and lacrosse were were tied did any of the players

like kiss and stuff no but you know what's fun on the on the wall of conti forum there's a big like plaque or like award i guess and it's like the reverend william donlon memorial award it's kind of funny it's like so close to my name anyway i see go eels also fun fact that was the loudest sneeze i've ever done bless you felt like there should be like snot somewhere there's blood and piss on your sheets you mean they for a while they would like build a fake ref at the hockey games then they would hang him from the banner jesus by like a noose as like a don't fuck up any calls and then i think they let them do that for like pull it up for for like like a hundred plus years and i think like when i had buddies that were still there they were

still doing it my girlfriend and our former producer arrived in spain today i know are you sad i am sad but i'm happy for her she's gonna she's already made a brazilian friend she's already made sorry she's already made a brazilian friend how many is a brazilian uh she's met three brazilians that she's going dancing with girls or guys uh guys that are jacked no girls i think if they're not girls i'm gonna you imagine my phone in half being like oh my god my girlfriend's first three friends are brazilian guys with like i don't care if she's with brazilian i trust her she's having fun i love those tiktoks where it's like your face time your girl before she goes out miami and he's like oh so what else are you wearing and he goes oh that's it that's it okay

oh what happened to the female body inspector mug we broke oh no really bummer this is a relic of like the original friday beers days that stood the test of time i don't know if it did but it it's just uh we don't have a lot of mugs it is the best mug we have too i'll never forget when our one of our old bosses who has now left the company jacob started day one he comes into the conference room for like our morning meeting and he has this mug and he just i just see him look around he's like or they were like introduce yourself like hi i'm jacob this was the only mug left um and now he is apparently gonna be like the head of um universal what i'm pranking you guys damn damn we got universaled universal how do you guys feel about the japan video coming

out dude it got age restricted got age restricted though like right as it was kind of hitting its So he's hitting a stream. But we're taking it up the ladder at YouTube. We've gone straight. Our YouTube rep said he agrees that that's a mistake. So he's passing it along. Well, my take on it is I could see why that wouldn't be allowed on YouTube in theory, but not since the other 10 videos we've done just like it had been allowed.

We don't even get that drunk in this one. If we start, if this becomes a theme, we are in hot water. yeah i mean this would be like if like a basketball if like a basketball player couldn't upload videos of him it's like if they banned the day before the nba finals they banned dribbling they banned jump shots yeah everyone's like wildly confused like we've we've just banked all this content for japan month and the first japan month video gets age restricted it's bullshit my uh that's why we're gonna start our own streaming platform rusty watch rusty watch it's like a truman show of my life i think if there was a truman show

about my life they wouldn't make it one day they'd take it off the air i don't do anything i don't do anything do you go to work you have a dog now you go to bed right yeah you get you're still going to bed oh my god last night you let the liquor talk no no i let the weed talk again and i woke up this morning and i had eaten half a bag of uh shackalicious dunks i hate those the gummies dude they're horrible they were fucking ass but i couldn't i couldn't what why'd you eat why'd you have them they're so bad jack's gummies are like i've never had a bad gummy until the shakalikas think about put yourself in my shoes you get home from work you hit the pen shapiro it dies you go maybe there's weed in my desk drawer there was i have one of those and then

i sit down to watch malcolm in the middle my phone is practically screaming at me to open the postmates app yeah i open 7-eleven and there's something there's shack brand gummies you're telling me you're not going to give them a try no i bought the reason i know they're asking Because the first time I saw them, I said, uh, yeah. Yeah, that'll be a blast. And it's horrible. For Andrew, for your information, they're little gummy balls, and then they're little gummy rings in ears.

It's supposed to be like a basketball thing. Like hoop. Oh. Like ball and hoop. That sounds kind of fun. And they're fucking trash. They're trash. And I bet Shaq hasn't even had one.

I bet there was zero. They think if they make them that big, they don't actually have to be good, and they'll still be effective. Right. What? well like with Shaq like I think that's that's why they're not good

they were like oh if they're big enough they don't have to be that good like the gummies are so big that they don't have to be but they're normal they're actually small yeah they're small

do you remember when he was like sponsoring pregnancy tests and stuff like what does Shaq have to do with pregnancy tests I think he just was there was a while what the fuck

she know about cameras there was there was the there was a point where he was the Michael Jordan of commercials oh what Shaquille O'Neal's pregnancy test over 90 accurate that does it feels low that feels really low if my girlfriend used a we were trying if we were trying for a baby and she used the

shack brand pregnancy test I would I would reconsider yeah Laura and I've been using a different one have i'd stand stand stand away from the shack yeah the shack also that he's in a celtics jersey that was such a weird time in your career to be like and now i'll start doing pregnancy tests well he's in a lakers one on the left and then a celtics one on the right if there's anywhere you're getting pregnant it's miami it's good it's damn good phoenix phoenix if i got pregnant in phoenix i would have a lot of questions for that would be a good tv show pregnant in phoenix yeah i watched the first episode of schitt's creek yeah not doing it for you and it's one of those shows where people are like and it gets so good what is it i don't even

know anything about it this rich family uh loses everything and the only thing that they've retained is this town that the dad bought uh for his son called schitt's creek as a joke he bought a whole town as a joke so that he could have the deed for it and then they show up and it's just two episodes of them in a fucking motel and flan's like it gets so it gets so good at season two it's like i'm not gonna watch all of season one wait i'm confused they bought a town and it's a real town yeah it's called shit i mean so it's a tv show where it's fiction but in the town yes what does that mean they own the town what does that even mean you can do that like mark uh mark cuban owns a town in texas called i believe it's called mustang texas i believe you can just buy one google how

much does a town cost yeah mustang tech whoa wow w i have okay but it's a it's a population of zero right i think that's the whole thing is like but this place had people there was like a mayor and then there was like a motel huh you can buy a town for a few hundred thousand dollars i think we should find one dude should we buy a town we bought a town we cast matt damon is that in we bought a zoo i think so right so what happens in we bought a zoo uh i have a guess is it just general zoo maintenance like or do they yeah just like really procedural stuff i think refining the processes like when they come in you know switching ownership there's just stuff that happens over the life cycle of a zoo people grow lazy and you start

to take shortcuts right and when you have new ownership you have the opportunity to kind of revisit things that you've just taken for granted over the last 20 years or however long the previous owner of the zoo had so it's just sort of uh i think a fresh set of eyes on any sort of ecosystem really helps get it back to a point of efficiency. So had the zoo fallen into disrepair or did they buy a completely functioning zoo? The giraffes would fuck in front of the guests. And so...

They had a horny... They had a workplace... They had a horny problem. A hornyness problem. They had a horny problem, yeah. They had a workplace horniness problem. And the giraffes were 3,000 times the size of the UK. They were feeding the giraffes so much

they were just like unmanageable. the size of skyscrapers yeah if you feed the giraffe too much his neck like gets so long it snaps i have not been able to get her to eat her food but she skinny legend she has this food in my or i have this food from like a year ago when i watched her and i was like you know what like i don't think dog food goes bad so maybe i'll just like give her a little bit of this to see if she'll like it and she like fucking devoured it and so i was like oh so now i have to choose between i googled it and it's like they can get sick wait what did you feed her food from like the dog food that i had from like a year ago the last time i watched her that had been airtight but it it's

i think it can go bad after a few months i couldn't totally remember when the last time i when i bought this food was and it says that uh they can get like rancid meat rancid dog food can to happen and uh but she loved it so it's like now do i just give her that's the only thing she'll eat or like food off my plate so she's only been eating my food and rancid rancid dog food is it rancid or who's to know does it have a date on it no what i don't know also i think someone's been sneaking into my house and eating my edibles because i swear to god i yeah you're probably right actually i had not i had not touched this brand yet i had bought it completely forgot about it and i opened it and it's like half

eaten and i called flan and i was like i think there's a guy breaking in my house and she goes yeah i think you share a wall with him she thinks it's just z coming like sneaking in my room and eating my edibles or it's you getting high and not realizing because you're so high on alcohol or it's me getting fucking hammered and then eating all my edibles yeah it's probably that i think i got these snacks the other day that's like banana with peanut butter and chocolate wait what is it like a banana little banana ball maybe you don't know i don't know i couldn't see it was dark where do you keep them pantry or fridge i ate them in the car before i even got home where'd you buy them the grocery cvs where

were they what section were they in the like healthy snack section so dry so cold not room temperature room temperature how are they banana i don't know can you look up banana snack with chocolate and peanut butter banana sounds awesome banana they were like some of them were too chewy but the ones that were good were some of the best things i've ever had so that honestly i kind of like a little inconsistency because it tells me it's real go on images those look busting no no it's not oh it's yeah it's true no no no no no the next thing over banana whoa like shaped like little jordan almonds bar nana what are you drinking at bar nana the um the oh my god and you're full of old person terms

wait bar nana oh i was gonna make like a banana joke like a monkey cock okay all right i'm gonna have one drink and then i gotta split at the bar nana um uh yo that's what i was working on here we ordered the the shots in bunches should we get a bunch of shots yep and um wait one second pull up banana chips pull up banana chips um um you order it you order a guy a shot and he turns it down and go what are you yellow i don't know that's how you call something like a coward in the old west yeah it's um it's gotta be something with peel how do we not figure it out peel a to peel a soda be like is john here be like nah i think he peeled out earlier nice dude you want it to peel a soda

tapeela mockingbird um um all right what are you guys thinking after this rainforest cafe wait uh quit monkeying around it's your time to buy the shots would you like the you have a you have a great i know i noticed that we when i did it the other day in that meeting yeah oh my god i'm it's like those people who film themselves singing for the first time yeah like oh vodka oh what is like uv it's like a drink it's like are you liking that one at all okay

oh no careful in the bathroom there's a few brown spots oh what else is going on what else is going on in the world i don't know man i'm trying to figure out oh here's what's i insist i insist so i'm going to perry in a few weeks to visit lauren in three weeks I guess and I was like I want to go see a soccer game. PSG playing? No but Paris FC is Nice. Which is

they just got promoted to Ligue 1 this year. They've been and so then I was like what's in their stadiums across the street for PSG but it's a smaller club. And they used to be So. So this is a little early teach me something but I did

I was like what's going on here so so in the late 1960s there was like no good soccer team in Paris basically which was like kind of weird because it was the capital and like biggest city so they made

they were like we're going to make a good soccer team in Paris so they made Paris football club but they didn't like have any players or nothing and they weren't doing so hot so they merged with paris saint germain which was like a uh local saint germain is like a neighborhood in paris i think

and i'm probably i'm sure someone else could tell this better but it's like it's like if there was like la santa monica was like a team or there was like a santa monica team and then they want to start an la team and they're like all right let's just merge with santa monica we get all their players and then we'll like be the paris paris's team so they made like paris saint germain and then the team was experiencing like financial difficulties and they ended up getting much money from like the government but the government was like okay but if you're gonna do if we're gonna give you money to like help this team you got to be paris football club like okay we want this to be just like paris and so they're like okay so they made it paris football club and

they got all the players now and left saint germain just in the dust and then despite so they basically came in took all saint germain's players and then like three years later split back off with all their players gotcha stuff but then saint germain just started playing better and they started playing bad and so then they just kind of like swapped roles of like relevancy despite like kind of taking all their players and stuff weird so paris fc ended up like tanking way down to like i don't know fifth division or something for like forever and then for the first time in decades they finally worked their way back up and this year made it back to league and then they need a bigger stadium and the only big enough stadium was the rugby stadium

which is right by psg where psg plays so they signed a new deal so they just moved into that stadium this year too so now they're both in league and they play across the street from each other who are they playing lil i think or nice nice nice i think it's i know but it's it's always funny it's just like nice or it's yeah i think it's nice or i think it's nice my sister went a niece for a summer in high school my niece went to paris for a summer so that's a little fun you know what i speaking of paris you know what i learned about epstein the other day including his paris apartment he in his will which he created like two days before he died he gave 50 million dollars to his like other girlfriend not glenn who only got 10 which sounds like a lot

but his pilot got 10 like just like a guy he met earlier that year got 10 like he'd like yeah and he had like 600 million so it's like nothing he gave all of his estates and 50 million dollars plus 5 million dollars to manage those estates like for upkeep on like the coming years of all those places to just like a different girlfriend not the one who like helped him do all the bad stuff jesus doesn't that suck yeah yeah he sucks but then the fbi seized all of it so she i don't think she got anything yeah that's it that's always well these people were presumably all involved in like the nefarious stuff yeah but i'm like watching breaking bad and i'm like let mike give the money to his granddaughter right like she didn't have anything to do with it

yeah so you want like epstein's guy to be able to his like right hand man to still be able to like put his granddaughter through college no that's not what i said it's different i said this is like way worse the epstein thing is way worse yeah i guess walt didn't do anything other than like kill guys who had to come in what else did you do they just killed a little kid uh the the jesse uh jesse plumbin's hired him but uh like if andrew went and killed a guy for this podcast that'd be a blood would be on our hand but if you shouted not to or i guess that would make you jesse pick ben in this if i shouted not you know what's confusing when jesse plumbin's getting that in that show because i just keep thinking of jesse when they say jesse

then it makes me think of him so what the fuck i what but i like jesse clemens he was the bully and like mike you really like mike yeah uh lil bow wow plays this orphan who finds a magic pair of sneakers and they make him unreal at basketball so he goes he's at a knights game i believe and at halftime they let one lucky fan come down and play the star player 1v1 and he his seat is chosen so he goes down and he's wearing these sneakers and just schools the player and then they're like okay you're on the team now and he's like the best player in the NBA but Jesse plemmons character is like the evil guy no no that's uh that's a different guy that kid that kid's in a bunch of stuff he's really funny but jesse plemmons like finds out like has some

suspicion that the shoes are magic and so he wants to like destroy the shoes that's funny um can i use a restroom okay i'm sorry please i'm really sorry andrew this episode is brought to you by lucy uh my favorite lucy is the eight milligram breaker maybe apple cider or mint uh i use them for focus i use them for energy to relax maybe with a couple beers um we have a vending machine full of these puppies yeah and let me just tell you it's this here's the thing about lucy it is the obvious choice right for the true nicotine pouch kind of that's why they're the official nicotine pouch partner of almost friday they go up to 12 milligrams in strength they have a unique shape that feels great inside and out uh they've

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slash playdate using code playdate and here comes the fine print lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every customer is age verified warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical let's get back into the episode i'm sorry i didn't realize it until i got it and i went it was like oh it's gotta get when you went when you went in i thought it was gonna pee so i just waited for like a minute and then it went for like three minutes i was like okay i think he's i think it you have more i've never met a man who's more who more pees turned into poops than you i know tear what you have a tear yeah it was a tough one no i think i got water on my face i don't know i it just i got up early this morning and i started drinking coffee at like

8 30 and so it just was beyond time to let the oh you didn't go you didn't go at home no i haven't gone yet today and i've had four cups of coffee i can't leave the house without doing it because that's my one for the day yeah kind of the opposite of birdie i know she can't do it without leaving the house she this was so sad i dropped her off yesterday to go golf what what i'm doing fuck me eyes at the producer wouldn't be the first time um we we so i dropped her off with zach well i was gonna go golf for two hours and he said she was quote manic for the first hour after she not golf or like could you bring her to the scene they said i could my thought was she's very good in the chair so like

i brought her to the barbershop and she sat in the chair without a peep but i was like there aren't balls flying around it's a good point that would be like if she brought me somewhere and i was supposed to sit still where there were like beers flying around you know flying around the room I'd be like, oh, my God, this is heaven. And so I didn't because I was worried she would start chasing the ball, and I thought maybe it's too loud for her. But he said she went ballistic, which is very uncharacteristic for her while I left. And he said he thought she had a poop, so he brought her outside,

and he said she sat at the spot that I dropped her off at for 20 minutes and wouldn't move. That's adorable. It was really cute. I just, apparently dogs don't understand that you're coming back. Got it. And also, I was in a rush, so I dropped her off kind of like, like I like pulled up to the curb, Z grabbed her, and then I like zipped out. You were in a rush to golf?

I had a tea time. I had a tea time. You get tea times at the simulator? Yeah, you have like a slot. I don't know. So, Will, are you going to miss Valentine's Day with Lauren? I mean, yeah. She's in Europe.

But we both wrote each other cards that we're going to open. oh nice did you get her a gift no she had no there's no room in her bag that's like the dream scenario like packed to the brim I was gonna get you a gift but you packed so yeah I'm yeah

I don't know what to get Flynn I am kind of glad that I'm not I'm not glad that I'm not with her on Valentine's Day but like I think it's like a weird holiday I thought you'd be excited cause it's like your first one

no what do you think is weird about valentine's day maybe i've just resented it because i've never been in love on one so maybe it would have been fun this year do you think it's like cringy i don't know well just talk me through it this is a podcast you can't be like i think this and we're like why i don't know i don't want to talk i don't know i guess it's a cliche but it's like a made-up holiday like what do you mean what's made up about it i don't know i don't know he's a real guy i don't know he was a real guy he's probably it's one of the only holidays where we're positive it was a real guy christmas there's debate easter fake wait who or easter easter real but fake mascot saint valentine or something yeah patron saint of love isn't that what it is

love i don't know what if it's like what is valentine's day patron saint of guilting you into buying a gift it wasn't like made by hallmark valentine's day yeah probably but aren't they all santa was created by fucking coca-cola he used to be green patron saint what epilepsy santa used to be green and then beekeepers patron saint of beekeepers bees wait saint valentine is the patron saint of beekeepers yeah is that it and epilepsy okay wait that doesn't make it so why is it why is it a love thing if you love them love is like a bee sting if i if you hurt them you will die everyone can everyone can see it but only you get to feel the pain oh february 14th begins the bird mating season but what what does it have to do with saint valentine he secretly married

couples true um true when the emperor banned marriage for young men to improve military service oh that makes sense so he yeah so he was he was a big he loved love all right i like valentine's day i don't want to be that was easy i'm not like i'm not like screwed i found out about the beekeepers yeah i just i just haven't done one in a very very long time so like eight years i this i've only done two and i'm 24 years old yeah so i'm thinking maybe i just need to experience it but this won't be the year next year something to look forward to we're going to uh pottery me flan jacob and his girlfriend yeah during the day because usually valentine's day is on a weekday so you only got to figure out like dinner and like what is it on the weekend this

dude it's a saturday so it's like oh my god next year it's the day of super bowl lady ladies i know you ladies are pissed about that because those guys are gonna be like watching football come on i i saw someone post that in all the comments like don't worry my boyfriend's a jets fan not gonna be an issue it's like okay come on true um but so we're doing pottery and apparently it's like a vase like we both we both build a vase and then we hug it together at the end oh i like it'll be like the imprint of our is it our bodies because my side is gonna be hands oh it's gonna be hands hands you hold hands in it it's gonna be your bodies if it's body one is like a beautiful woman one side's a beautiful woman's body and then one is just

like my hairy slab of a stomach on there hairy slab i voted for him i like valentine's day i like it and i and i don't care who knows it i just think like christmas is over we're just getting back into like no man's land yeah we don't need another big holiday i think it's the only thing to get us to president's day i think it's after what is it like two days before president's day uh it's a week so the day the only thing that helps us make it to president's day the day after the super bowl is president's day which we have off when it's the monday after the super this monday super bowl's on sunday sorry it's is it then is it this monday no next so it's the monday after valentine's day that's oh so you can really lean into that valentine's day hangover

oh my god yeah get out of my chocolate i mean i'm not gonna be with lauren so i'm gonna literally drink myself into oblivion alone jesus what you didn't care about valentine's day like 30 seconds yeah now it's like all i care about it's like my one i'm gonna fly to spain oh my god i have a question how much do you think it would cost for you to have champagne and chocolate covered strawberries ready for you at your table uh when you get there for your valentine's day reservation as a thing that the restaurant already does it's not like your request you know the answer to this yes what restaurant elefante where you is your girlfriend coming that weekend elefante's already so i mean 200 bucks to just for the champagne and chocolate with the context of

elefante yeah i bet it's in that 100 bucks oh damn okay it was 65 but i thought that was a lot That's like cheaper than the bottle of champagne. They're probably giving you a deal. Oh, okay. Sorry. I should have said two glasses of champagne. Oh. That's different.

Yeah, that feels a little high, but you know what you're getting into with that type of crowd. I guess so. I just thought that was insane. I saw that they did it on the website. Was your dessert first kind of guy? No, I just like- You guys are going to be like stuffed before the appetizers even come out.

I saw it on their website, and I had already made my reservation, but I was like, oh, I'd like to add that on. Yeah. So I called them, and they go, you already opted in for that. and i go no i didn't and then i was like okay but i do want it but is there anything else that i've opted into yeah like that's gonna be added to my bill that i need to know about and they're like no that's it and i was like okay we'll see they're gonna be like mr nelson your your juggler is ready and he's like and they just hold his hand out yeah 250 dollars elefante that's pretty

crazy i like it's like a nice restaurant that's like isn't that like one of the that's like where like rappers go isn't that i feel like it's rappers expensive those are like the richest guys i can think of who's richer than it's definitely very nice but i don't think it's like i don't think it's crazy i mean it's very i'm not trying to say it's like it's basically mcdonald's it's not like nobu malibu yeah you know dude you know what's crazy i was like have you been to melvin to what melvin you've been to melvin's house um no i haven't i haven't but i was on postmates the other day and i was like i always thought nobu was like crazy expensive it was on there and i was like i'm not gonna get it but i'm just curious like what these prices are it looked

at least on postmates completely reasonable i think the thing about it is they give you very small servings so you end up getting like six entrees is it hard to like get a reservation there i was like what is making this so boozy so i thought elefante was gonna be really hard so i like called like two months in advance and they're like you can only do it a month in advance are they doing like a prefix menu or are you ordering or what i don't think so actually i that's what i was looking up on the website when i found out about the strawberries and champagne we're flan and i are doing a prefix really and i've never done that before so i mean outside of like jerry event y'all you're rocking with jerry of course jerry like has this whole spiel

about how he they he hates that he hates it he hates prefix he hates that like it's like a prefix meal and that it's like super expensive and stuff so he and lauren always do a dinner like before or after valentine's day as their valentine's to avoid because it's like this year though like i feel like all of the reservations are going to be so spread out because like you could do it friday you could do it saturday you could do it sunday because we have monday off you know true yeah did you order your flowers yet no i just get them at trader joe's what do you mean order it's gonna be a shit show all the good ones are gone on valentine's day i think i did that last year i did too at whole foods but it was like the lady was like you're you're cutting

this close really i was at the venice um ralph's the other day and they had balloon they had banana balloons and i was like i hope these are still here next weekend oh that would be awesome be perfect that would be perfect right can you look up if they celebrate valentine's day in spain you're worried like some other guy's gonna ask her no dia de san valentine do you want to hear my valentine's day idea yeah it's not a thing like wait can you look at the reddit thing it's not a thing like in the u.s some guy just goes generally speaking valentine's day is a private affair between romantic partners so wishing a happy valentine's day someone you are not romantically involved with is far from customary yeah i mean that's the same in the u.s yeah

all right oh my god i saw the last valentine's day uh you remember how i still didn't have a car yeah so let's take i was waiting for my waymo they just come out and i was wearing my valentine's day sweater which is that like black one with the big heart on the front and this old lady yelled from across the street and was like i love your sweater and i hadn't seen her for like a year after and then i was waiting for birdie to poop and her dog was waiting to poop and i was like last year you i was wearing my valentine's day sweater and you uh you complimented it and it made my day and she goes it's kind of my thing and i was like that's awesome you're like your mic drop on like being nice i kind of like didn't really i was like what is that what is that even

like me like how often is does she even have a chance there were these two construction workers in uh in like high-vis vests walking down the street and they crossed paths with her and i heard i heard her go um it was like you guys are obviously robbers and and they like had like a good laugh and she was like she was like that is exactly what i would wear if i was a robber and they were like okay good one and i was like her thing is just like being nice to strangers her thing's robbers now she she i kind of i'm having a mess what i spilled coffee all over my shirt can you keep talking yeah i um it's not that big a deal man it's a coffee it never comes out of the wash right i think that's no i think it does probably right i don't know

will is having his coffee meltdown um do you remember in grade school on valentine's day when you would like make a little box and people would put their stuff times and you'd put and you'd always skip the person that you hate um no uh i didn't have anyone on my like shit list i know what grade are we talking uh like first grade oh no i was friends with everyone i don't think i had a i don't think i had a nemesis until like third grade uh it looks like you made it way worse uh all clear i was i went into the woman's bathroom because it's right outside the studio just because i was just using the sink and then of course elise walked in i was like i'm just using the sink i got coffee stain i gotta get it out this is this like this coffee

stain badge is like no that'll come out i think coffee is like a pretty like it's anything water based you'll be fine yeah and then i made a joke that kind of made me laugh where i was like i actually brewed it with milk could you imagine brewing like it's like a latte i'd be gas putting milk in the coffee maker take out the middle man what happens can you just coffee can you do milk coffee could you put milk can you put milk in the coffee maker it will cause the milk to scorch causing create a foul smelling residue clog the internal pipes and potentially ruin the machine i mean i could deal with maybe one of those issues like i could overlook one of those but the three of them together is brutal it causes it to scorch i guess oh my god okay wait

my valentine's idea i need to run this by you guys so our pottery is from one to three right it's in the marina so we're gonna have to come back and we'll probably get home around like 3 30 okay it's a pretty big gap between 3 30 and 7 15 on the day of romance and there's gonna be like multiple couples at our house and i was like it would be funny before everyone goes to dinner to have a choir come by hire a choir and have them sing a couple of songs and then just leave what's my eels sorry no just hire a choir oh hire a choir yeah and have them come come sing a couple songs and then just leave and then we'll all go to dinner wouldn't that like put everyone like as a surprise i said it jokingly to flan and she got very upset she just not in it not in on the choir

Well I think you should do it Honestly I'll be free Me and Scott will be chilling If you want us to come sing a few songs It's the most wonderful time of the year Valentine's Day I was thinking children's choir

Oh that would be very funny Wouldn't that be nice Yeah I just don't know If you can hire children's choirs Definitely can Can you google children's choir for hire I could get a children's choir to do a lot of things for like 500 bucks.

Acquire for hire what's next? A rug for a bug? I bet it's like 100 bucks. Yeah, that whole group comes into my apartment and sings just like... How much do you think it costs? I bet it's a couple. 100 bucks? Then each of them will get like 10 bucks. They're like 9. That's like gold.

That's like... Put that in a 401k, baby. You got a stew going. Okay. $500? I'm definitely not paying $5,000 for 500 you come and they're like come on and you're like i've been five thousand fifty to fifteen hundred you should get a five thousand dollar children's choir what's stopping you man you're only young

if i ever win the lottery there will be there will be signs and it will be a five thousand dollar children's choir five dollar children's choir versus five thousand dollar children's choir that wouldn't get banned that would be so wouldn't get age restricted oh my god oh my lordy can we road map it alright we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we're going to hear your pitch followed by our pitches and then we're going to do am I the asshole

followed by confessions then we're going to do this guy rocks followed by teach me something and then Willie and I are going to do some Malcolm in the middle plots that don't exist followed by WWE wrestlers that don't exist

nice look at how sweet my little lady is she doesn't even have her bed today raw dogging it where is it i just didn't want to bring it i was curious if she would um shoot hansel and gretel gretel hansel i'll be and have you ever been casually scrolling instagram when bang you find someone you haven't seen or heard of in ages a middle school best friend a former co-worker but then you see it their bio says follow back oh but you can't because if you follow them now they'll know you'll realize that they've been watching your stories liking your pictures and keeping up with your life while you forgot they even existed while that is fine for most people you don't care about it's painful to not follow someone just because they'll know

you haven't followed them for the past 10 years secret instagram follow back is the perfect way to follow someone back silently no notification no new follower alert that way you can save the embarrassment for the other person that will feel heartbroken to know that you don't know anything about them past your 10th grade third period chemistry class i love that i think that's great and i think the way you do it is it's only for a follow back maybe okay like you don't want to have everyone's secret following i was about to say i think you know your heart might be in the right place but like a lot of good things if creeps get a hold of it then they could like start following private people yeah i think it's only for follow backs the problem is if they're private it's still

kind of f's that because you're what because they would still have to approve it no no no this just bypasses okay and maybe it just says like yeah yeah because if it's a follow back yeah yeah then that would be okay i think what if it yeah that's good yeah only if they're already following you yeah i actually think this could totally be a thing so we can't get any creeps okay i'm in i like that i want to get a little creeps i want to get some creeps in my dms dude the amount i didn't realize the impact showing that when you initially showed us the catchphrase guy yeah ai dog i get dm'd something to do with ai dog five is that a dog five to 45 times a day my if i post when i posted a video of her yesterday i got literally a hundred ai dogs my favorite thing is like any

like if there's like a meme that like relates to me like there's one about like a guy who eats all the m&ms except for the orange and blue ones so that he has just mets colors left and i got like a hundred people dm me that yesterday there was one about like mj lenderman yeah i got like 15 like any meme that's like vaguely like it's funny how like you just and i keep opening the dms like yep that's gonna be that again yeah we there's this huge influencer that was at the same event as willie and i and they put they filmed a video and i'm just in the background like literally dissociating what who is her what is her name hayley bailey also oh that's the girl that looks like emily binder really right i don't know about that well he can just look it up right

go on her tiktok she doesn't really look like binder really well i guess maybe oh yeah okay it does look like minor is this how much worse okay that one the one on the third down one row and then the third one and uh i sent that to will and lauren and i was like do you guys remember this being taken and we came to the conclusion that that was probably towards the end of the night based on the amount of swaying that i'm doing that is a that is a telltale sign i don't know where i was that i'm probably i think you're literally like in just out of frame in front of me um also did you get tagged in it yeah i got a bunch of people sent it to me and tagged in it um but i i'm worried about my awareness by how aware i am of my surroundings that a flash video

didn't even i didn't like i didn't it looks pretty bright at in general the flash is a thousand percent on all right should we do each other's pitches yeah hey man are you ready yeah what is what's the worst part about having an enemy it stinks hurts hurts or reeks uh it's too small it's good just one time one time can we be serious uh there's no way to like settle it like when you're an adult and you have like an enemy you're never forced to like sit down and get to the bottom of it introducing we've all heard of words with friends words with enemies if you have a beef with someone you can send them an invite to play words with enemies and the winner of the words with enemies game just wins the thing i

love it they can also decline but it's like it's like a it's kind of like a duel where like if i challenge you to a duel and you don't show up like i kind of win by default yep and it's public too so they'll be like oh shit like andrew and grew are going at it and they'll be like it'll be like andrew and it's still just like scrabble beefs over it's strictly scrabble so it's like yeah may the best wordsmith win i think that's good yeah thank you i like that what's the worst part about a bike path people walking on it sometimes i get going so damn fast that the turns i'm like oh my god i'm gonna like go into the people path and hit people because when i do my commute every day i just go so fucking as fast as i possibly can it's my idea yeah there's like you know there's

like a bike path and a people path next to each other i know which is like like you're also a guy the walking the people path like you're yours is all like extraterrestrials it's like ufos and than your bike i think they should have like padded bumper walls so i can go as fast as i want if i make the turn a little bit too much i just kind of bump back into the like picture like how the walls work in like mario kart yeah it just kind of redirects you yeah i like that a lot and i can just pedal at full speed with my head down and i'll get to work on them no wait it also like if it knows where your destination is like the wall will like come out and you just slam into at full speed and you're like i'm at work and maybe some jumps and like items would be fun

like a bob bomb i could throw it like yeah the boxes that you hit and then like maybe you can get like a yeah like a black rocket to get you to work like immediately yeah jump past everybody i want to put squid ink on all the other bikers eyes i love it so i have a question because i've wondered this since i got birdie when i'm crossing crosswalks do i have the right of way or does the biker it feels like the biker or me no you should if i'm crossing the street and there's a biker biking in the bike lane and like we're like we're walking perpendicular to each other do i wait for him or does he have to stop if there's he should stop what does the law say i think pedestrian is right away nice if a bike's in the street it's kind of supposed to act like a car is it yeah i

was gonna say don't bikes have to stop at like four-way stops yeah i've never seen a biker here stop at a four-way stop who's gonna stop them though because i think i don't think i don't have a stop sign they're just blowing through yeah all the time yeah i've seen that as well i think that i think the only like in the same way a bike cop can't pull me over in the car a car cop can't pull over a biker so they have to like the only person that can stop them is another bike cop like i'll stop and then if it's like there's no one coming then i'll just go yeah it's like a red light we had a cop on our college campus that would just sit by a stop sign and just wait for bikers to blow through it

and give them all tickets. It was like right outside our cafeteria and I'd watch them give like 50 tickets. What did he have against bikers? I don't know, but I think a lot of bikers don't understand that they technically are part of like a vehicle and that they have to stop. Yeah, you can get a DUI on a bike anywhere.

You can get a DUI on like those motorcycles. You can get a DUI on a bike anywhere. What? Really? Can you get a DUI on a skateboard? That's a good question. Because if you were a cop that needs to hit your quota, you could just go to a skate park. There's so many hammered guys there.

Are they drunk or high? Either way, it's a DWI, brother. Drunk or high, still DWI. Drunk or high, you're my guy. You're a friend who's an enabler. At your intervention, everyone's like, you need to stop drinking. And then it gets to Mark. And he's like, drunk or high, you're still my guy.

And they're like, Marcus! You said you were going to help. all right should we am i an asshole yeah hello rowley greg and roger greg now rally what sorry i got a text on my sorry i was texting sorry i was texting that was rude of me greg uh okay i'll be and uh your ass got the cheese touch his ass got the cheese touch what your ass got it fregley all right oh um recently me and my ex-boyfriend have come back in contact and have been texting on and off for a few weeks it's been pretty flirty and he tells me all the things i want to hear but i don't really buy it so i'm just going to consider all

of our conversations a little joke anyway anyways i've been hooking up with another guy consistently since august it's nothing jesus christ you must be exhausted how sore are you it's august august take a break come up for air that room probably smells like fuck he's like ow I'm hungry blisters everywhere

I gotta work my life is crumbling around the landlord banging on the door he's like get on your laptop and pay rent you asshole I got a citizen app notification today where is it

men banging on Walgreens windows it's just two guys pressed up against the glass at the pharmacy this feels awesome I love you do you know who

you know it's funny I don't know you know we do that voice sometimes that we just did right now I don't know if this is where you got it but Alex Grade when we were kids would do that voice and it was the hardest i've ever laughed i think i got it from you so inadvertently our one mutual friend that's a stir from uh from youth oh i hope you're good out there alex he's probably not all right sorry back to the about to the am i the asshole

uh it's nothing too serious but we do spend most weekends together the other night i was texting my ex the entire night until i inevitably ended up at the other guy's place slept there and continue to text my ex the next morning am i the asshole or am i just having fun with two unserious people i think you're a little asshole to the new guy if he wants something real i mean if you're with each other every weekend most weekend i guess if he's on the same page that it's not serious then you're not the asshole but if if you're leading this new fella on maybe don't talk to you also like why are you texting with your ex if he has no chance you just like do yourself a favor and just stop i agree or just pick one you can do either one but i mean you

can do both if they're both on the same page about the level of commitment involved yeah but as someone on the receiving end of the the second guy the guy who's not the ex-boyfriend oh yeah yeah i remember that i would tell him sooner rather than later have you heard this story andrew no but i feel like this is way more common than people think it is yeah and that would be he'd probably be so sad if you're spending every weekend together and then he finds out you're like going home and like yeah texting your ex i think texting the ex unless you're gonna get back together never does anyone any good yeah it's only gonna bring it's only gonna stir up the sadness from the breakup it's not gonna make you happier yeah and stirrups are for cowboys unless he's

sending like awesome gifs or stickers that are really fun yeah he's like adding you get stickers that are like gifs sometimes when you sticker like a live photo i've had people i am so far behind the eight ball on that that like i don't get it like everyone else is sending stickers and i want to join in on the fun i have not figured it out yet stickers are my favorite thing you have one for like every like something bad happened in our we have a group chat from the guys who went to japan and we've kind of been using it as like a home base and something bad happened and will literally within like milliseconds hit like the um sad greg from die of a wimpy kid it's a good one sketch but like now oh my god wait this one was greg rowley and roderick what

are the odds of that that's pretty good but look now some of them are like alive they're like let me out of the screen yeah they're like alive should we do confessions yeah what did you guys decide on that she is uh you're not the asshole but you might if you don't make a change you could become the asshole my buddy has a girl he goes on vacation with every year and they like pretend to date when they're on vacation to get like free stuff whatever yeah but like he has a girlfriend so i'm like oh what like yeah that's super weird yeah he's like been dating her like for forever what i'm like i feel like that's you should probably end that yeah right your friend is Like, they don't do anything.

They don't do anything on the actual vacation. I find that hard to believe. Really? I find that almost impossible. He goes on a solo vacation with just a girl? Yeah. That's, yeah, they're cheating on each other. You think so?

One, I mean, that in and of itself is, like, emotionally, like, cheating or something, right? I guess. I mean, he says they just, like, dance together and stuff. What the fuck? I think even maybe dancing with the... Is that real? Dancing with a girl that's not your girlfriend unless it is... They go on vacation every year together and pretend to be dating?

They go on vacation just the two of them? Yeah. Yeah, that's fucking... They're doing something. Really? Is that real? Yeah. If you're dating someone and you're dancing with a girl that is not the fun grandma at

your friend's wedding, cheating. That's the only woman you can dance with. Wait, time out. If you're going on a vacation with just another insane... Wait. They just pretend to be like a married couple so they can get free drinks at bars. I feel like this can't be real. It's not.

you guys you guys got people we meet on vacation i thought maybe we were getting like 50 first date or uh uh uh just go with it oh okay but i was like there's they haven't i haven't seen that as a game just go with it yeah no people we meet on vacation it's really good have you seen just go with it unreal it's so good uh nta but cbta could be the asshole i just ate my house and i'm so hungry okay me after five milligrams of weed i just ate my house and i'm still hungry forgive me father for i have sinned one time i was having sex with my ex-girlfriend on her living room couch at her mom's house in the middle of it i ended up letting a quiet fart out but i later realized it was a shart on the bright white couch while my ex was in the other

room i saw her dog who was not allowed on the couch and i said get off the couch you know you can't be there just uh so when she came back into the room i could pin it on her poor dog the worst part is i probably loved this dog more than my ex and it ended up dying less than a month later it haunts me to this day love the pod is that real heaven you did nothing you did nothing wrong great cover you did what you had to do to get out of that scenario and i bet if you loved that dog that dog loved you enough and would and would jump on that grenade every day of the week he was on his way out anyway on his way out he he lit the house on fire on his way out i that is insane that reminds sharting during sex are you kidding me how did she not notice there was like poop on

the what position were you in where you could poop and it didn't hit her i wrote a poop musical in college and this was almost the exact place wait i don't oh he's he squirted on her white couch that's disgusting and she didn't notice shart smells pretty bad yeah so maybe it was the couple who'd been doing it since august it already smelled so bad that like a little poop didn't do anything yeah you did what you had to do you have to heaven hello three holy fathers forgive me father for i've sinned when i was a teen girl i had trouble exploring myself and the feelings that puberty gave me growing up in a frigid christian home however i went to public school so i got my fair rigid frigid fridge it was freezing cold he definitely got rigid

however i went to public school so i got my fair share of freaked out teenage conversations i had a friend who was weirdly interested in monster dildos and told me about one she found that had the function to insert egg-shaped objects into the user i can't say i was particularly interested in this idea but easter was right around the corner and my curiosity got the better easter yeah easter was right around the corner and my curiosity got the better of me when i saw a handful of those cadbury cream eggs in my easter basket i regret to say i did in fact put one where the sun doesn't shine and then i totally did unwrap and eat it afterwards this is honestly probably one of the most shameful sexual exploration memories that i have and i haven't had a cadbury cream egg

since yeah i don't blame where are these people coming from the literally the the lowest depth of hell like with wherever wherever the like murderers and like rapists are wait for telling us that the doing it in private purgatory making me learn about it no i don't know i don't know i appreciate you telling us but oh no why did you eat it you didn't have to eat it you didn't have to eat it you know it's cost like a cent yeah you know you didn't have to eat it it's east those things are like the dime a dozen oh wait so what it how did she get it out tongs oh my lord oh my fear was that it would you would like swallow it up there my fear was like maybe she i guess she ate it she oh lord william wait can i not say that i

yes you totally can my worry was she would eat she wouldn't eat it maybe she ate it so no one else would she like was like i oh she had to fall in the sword she couldn't she could have thrown it out it's like that ai fishing them out of the trash yeah but someone would be then but if you throw out a cadbury egg then you're not going to get any more all season because your dad's gonna you know when your dad buys something that you like at the grocery store and then you stop like it and he's like well i guess i'm not fucking buying cadbury eggs anymore yeah yeah that was have you seen that video of that uh i think it might be ai but it's a kid with down syndrome that they're interviewing him on the news after uh someone broke into his house and he goes i

hope no one touched the peanut butter because i did stuff to it no pull up pull up uh is this real yeah pull up like newscaster i hope they didn't touch the peanut butter because i did stuff to it but as long as they don't touch the peanut butter because i did stuff to it that was ai for sure yeah um i feel bad i was too harsh on you it's just i just i was like whoa whoa you came out the gate like you were in hell with murderers and rapists that was too fun you were having a little fun we all had a little fun i know you it was a job i did i couldn't have expected it but we all did interesting things when we were kids and i am proud of you for despite your frigid family you you were intent on exploring your body yeah i wish you sounds like a cold home

i wish you didn't eat it though i do too we've all we've all like done similar stuff but you don't eat it after it's interesting to know that girls go through the same thing when i was until until college until honestly until midway through college i didn't you put an egg in your ass no i'm just saying it's like interesting that girls also go through that like yeah you exploration because when you're in high school you're like none of you like i was gonna be like like it was impossible for me to imagine girls having similar feelings that we were having i was like that none of them are horny yeah well when you'd ask about it they'd be like absolutely yeah there's no way yeah yep oh so draft it up yeah no we have uh this guy rocks

oh i don't or teach me something i already did my teach me something okay did you know you want to hear a crazy coincidence i heard about hit me okay picture this they're filming wizard of oz okay frank morgan one of the actors reached into the pocket of the thrifted jacket he was wearing for professor marvel and pulled out the pockets to find the coat had been previously owned by l frank bomb author of wizard of oz and he had given the jacket away to a thrift store and then the costume person had bought it back completely coincidentally and put one of the actors in it professor marvel is a character in wizard i guess i've never seen it that is crazy though what did you search to get that one biggest coincidence of all time

biggest coincidence of all time it's kind of great kind of like running out of props getting good at the prompts is a skill in and of itself though you know i'm you know i'm clean on ai oh you googled this all google but the fucking ai overview yeah it's just it's inescapable inescapable unescapable unescapable inescapable inescapable yeah all right should we do malcolm in the middle plots that don't exist yeah these are sit up for the ladies these are malcolm in the middle plots that don't exist dewey is cleaning out both of his ears with q-tips and they both break off simultaneously like clogging his ear with cotton and he's deaf because he can't hear through the cotton

and to avoid lois finding out the boys uh say that they want to play a gay a quiet game with the whole family and so it's going on for like a full day and they finally get uh dewey's ears clean but everyone realizes that the house is so much more enjoyable when they're all not screaming at each other that it goes on for another week love it uh that wasn't good i don't i've never seen the show oh i haven't seen either oh new neighbors move in next door and play music very loud every night the parents are upset and malcolm comes up with a plan he'll leave cds of songs he likes around their house and car so that when they play music it'll be stuff he likes meanwhile hal has embarked on a singing career and begun recording his own music malcolm accidentally

gets one of his cds swapped with one of hal's and leaves it in the neighbor's car that night they're blasting hal's music making hal believe that he has made it big and no longer annoyed by the sound that's fantastic that's really good there you go um francis makes weed brownies for his entire military school but he got the measurements wrong and now everyone has been high for over a day commandant spangler is suspicious of the cadet's odd behavior so he orders drug tests for everyone their only hope of passing the drug test is one cadet who didn't take one of the brownies, supplying all the clean pee for everyone. And because there's hundreds of them and only one of him,

he has to do this, like, Herculean effort where he's in a room just chugging gallons of water, and it's like a factory where they're, like, getting pee out of him and going and taking their tests. Like, milking him. Yeah. That's awesome. Hal is diagnosed with cancer and told he doesn't have long to live.

He decides that in order to leave his family with substantial money when he dies, he will manufacture and sell meth. The further he gets into the meth business, The further he gets into the meth business, the more he leans into it and becomes a much darker, angrier version of the man he once was. Malcolm has cerebral palsy. You know, there's a promo for Breaking Bad where... Oh, my God, I'm spacing on his name.

What's the actor's name? Bryan Cranston? Bryan Cranston and the wife who plays Lois are laying in bed back as Malcolm's parents, and he wakes up and he's like i just had the craziest dream i was like an international drug uh dealer or whatever okay lois makes malcolm get a paper route to teach him the value of a dollar malcolm decides that he's not making money fast enough and comes up with an idea to charge people on his route more to deliver their paper before the others before he knows that malcolm is running

a cartel-sized paperboy empire with younger kids at his schools at his school doing all the work across the whole city. That's awesome. I only did two. Nice. I put my whole malcosey into that first one. Alright, should we do WWE wrestlers that don't exist? Yes.

These are WWE wrestlers that don't exist. Michael Melatonin because he puts you to sleep. This is a duo. The IRS and you're due for an audit, bitch. terry tendon shredder spike pistol whip terry oh there's two terrys terry bone salad french the human scalpel and he'll slice and dice you bitch bitch tank chawl sponge rag dave slammage three elbows it's like impossible to

keep track like you can only keep your eye on two and he'll eventually he just gets you in the temple uh and then i had jailbird love that thank you thank you guys for listening to this episode as always please venmo us we have no more money you know i used to put my when i was in college i had my venmo and my tiktok bio and people would just venmo me beers they wanted me to review like 50 bucks i would just do it really i mean i never said like in exchange for a venmo i'll do it did you get a lot yeah that's kind of i was curious if that ever worked just putting your I think if you're a girl, they make so much money. Really?

Yeah. Whoa. There's some sad sacks out there. Yeah. Speaking of sack, thanks for the episode. We'll love you, and we'll talk to you Monday. Peace. Wednesday.

Go Eagles. Go Eagles. Go Eagles.