Will & Rusty's Playdate - Year of Confusion

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

Will and Rusty discuss fun memories from college, and Rusty reveals his groundbreaking new invention: the Tall Car. A playmate needs self-defense advice, and the guys draft horror movies and superpowers that don’t (or do?) exist. Rusty also tells us about a guy he made up called Mr. Gilfump. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod (00:00) Intro (00:24) Country Night (04:22) Stories from College (10:01) Roadmap (12:20) Pitch Submissions (14:40) Grinding (18:50) Pitches (22:04) AITA (30:59) Movie Theatre Dates (34:11) Teach Me Something! (38:26) Superpowers (45:23) Sky High (47:46) Horror Movies that Don’t Exist (55:06) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Play date episode 29 29 I believe so the Peter Tarling episode yeah he wore 29 I know I know him can I can we start by talking about your weekend well a good weekend at a good weekend did a little short film on Saturday all right it's macting and then I sang a little Zach Bryan at country night yep on Saturday night lauren can we pull this up i got a i got a video from my friend who happened to be in the crowd and was like is that fucking is that fucking wilder now yeah yeah he uh he ruined this because he said oh we need to take a video to send to put on the podcast did he say that yeah oh really i didn't ask him to do this i don't think so i think it's important to note that is that's a quarter

gallon of milk whole milk whole milk and now you're just covered in it for the rest of the night did you reek of milk yeah who are those people on the stage so good so who are they pause it for their life who are these people that just joined you mid that's Brian Jones, he's one of the guys who runs Country Night. Nice. So he's allowed to do that.

Oh, no, I didn't mean, like, there was no part of me that was like, you're too big for people to be joining on stage. I just wanted some context. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there was a lot of people by the end of it. You're a good performer. That's kind of hype. That's kind of electric, dude.

I haven't seen video of it yet. You're kind of hitting that shit. That's probably enough. Wait, I want to watch it. I want to watch it. That's not being followed. We won't try to be on the block. It sounds so good.

Yeah, I kind of killed that. Yeah. I kind of killed that shit. I don't know what I yelled there. He has a great... I think you said country night. My buddy Luke Sawyer sent me that. Yeah.

Shockingly steady hand. i've never had like a clear concert yeah that was great you gotta send me this video i that's the first sent me three that was just the one that had you chugging milk in it which i thought oh yeah so the milk so they hand it's like a big thing they do like a bunch of different like milk themed like they do like chug offs and like they had like an eight teated beer bong like full of milk no because it was supposed to be like a cow teated is still it was teated and we had an eight teated it was like shaped like the belly of a cow full of milk so you're literally sucking the teat yeah it was like a tube of milk anyway they had like that the milk is somehow a big part of what

they do at these events and um they handed me a half gallon right when i went on yeah uh as they do and yeah and so i was singing and then i drank i was caught up in the the spirit of country night throws so i drank almost that entire half gallon of milk between like that what you saw and then the end and then immediately after getting off stage i booked it to the bathroom and just like like i don't drink milk like i drink oat milk and i'm like dairy i'm not like i'm like fine but like it'll fuck up my stomach if i drink a lot yeah and whole milk especially is like game over so i have like a little blowout immediately went to the bathroom and just threw up straight milk for like 10 minutes then i just went back to the yeah it was great like i'm i'm glad i threw up because

i couldn't have yeah ruined did you have to throw up or are you like i don't want to have like diarrhea later i was like a little bit of both like i was like feeling nauseous i was like i don't want to be here feeling like this so i just went to the bathroom and took care of business yeah what's the most milk you've ever drank that that was oh okay that was it 100 i've never tried to it's not like they handed it to you with the intention of like you have to drink this while you're singing I mean, yeah, it was like, I could have not, but I was, you know, I was. I actually like whole milk. It was gross.

Not in that capacity. It was really gross. Yeah. It was great, though. It was a blast. Good. I drank a gallon in like 14 minutes. That's insane.

Yeah. Did you throw up? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That makes sense. For like hazing or something, I'm assuming? No, no, no, no.

This was a. I was really thirsty. A fun. A fun. Spicy wings. A fun game. we were playing freshman year college and the it was funny because it was like every we all lived in the same dorm so like getting like getting back from the game

was like we were just all lined up and just cracking up about how loud everyone's was pooping that's funny there was a one time that reminds me that same bathroom the dorm that we lived in like uh i went and i thought it was my like i could have sworn it was my roommate's feet pooping and we would like always like dump the the there was like a trash can that was just only paper towels and like you would go and like dump it on your buddy if they were in there and i got up and i'm like looking in like holding the trash can and the kid looks up it's a different kid it's not my roommate and we he was just like uh and i was like i'm so sorry and then it was one of those things where now i've just seen this guy naked yeah there's a guy who lived on your

floor yeah but like we weren't buddies and i would see him around campus or like in the dorms and be like yeah wait what does that mean you recognize your roommate's feet were they bare he had like the chocolate rainbows it was like a different type of flip-flop and it was like okay it was like i can swear that that's like it looked like his feet but they were also like a type of flip flop that he was the only guy i knew that had him got it and uh yeah that would have held up in court if you had assaulted the guy yeah your honor look at their feet they have like a student conduct trial but yeah they have to hold pictures of the feet up did you ever get did you ever get called into like the stand like school board yeah i got i think six or seven not responsibles which

means i was accused of something and then talked my way out of it you were i was i was acquitted like seven times it was insane yeah because i would i remember freshman year like it was not you weren't allowed to have beer boxes in your room like they would do room checks yeah if you had beer boxes that like implied that you had beer it was like paraphernalia yeah exactly and so i but i had legitimately gotten i had started making these like posters out of uh like beer boxes like we've all done it no no let me show you your mate you you were making a beer wall no no no but like actually cool i'm assuming yeah yeah i have a picture i just stumbled across this recently actually hang on hang on it's gonna be worth it it's gonna be so fucking sick everyone's

gonna love it a ton oh yeah like i found it already here we'll put a picture of it slack it to brian should i just slack it to brian show me this show too yeah you made a beer wall but it's massachusetts yeah it's definitely cool it's definitely a cooler beer wall but it's massachusetts it's also like it's funny to be like your honor i was your honor i was being creative with it oh is that cool yeah it's the outline of massachusetts yeah but like i i guess my argument and i made a south carolina one oh my argument is like just because you cut it into something cool doesn't make it not a beer box well no no like you still had the thing well so the the problem was that i had that which they were like all right we're

just we just have to take this we're just taking this and then i also had like collected a bunch of beer boxes from like all the beer we're drinking which was sick of us which is awesome uh they were all under my bed like i had like seven beer like i would take them from our neighbors and stuff yeah because i was i'd made like a south carolina one i was gonna make one like for my friend yep of like i was like making them for people it was like my little art project and uh so they found like seven beer boxes under my bed and then i went to the meeting and i was like i didn't drink anything i just yeah collected beer boxes from the trash outside i said i went to the senior housing and took all the boxes from the trash to make more posters and show them the

poster i was like it was an art project yeah i don't drink at all and he was like oh okay you're good yeah i gotta quit it acquitted yeah yeah i um i had a couple but it was like like i remember i to go to like a drug program because rollins had one of those things where it was basically like it didn't matter like the quantity yeah of like anything it was it was treated the same way so like i got caught with like four bud lights or something in my fridge and had to go through like the whole program as if someone like the same way someone who got caught with drugs would have to go through it so it was like meeting with a drug counselor and them being like they had to prove i didn't have like a problem i was like i i had four bud lights like in in my like fridge or

something it was you know yeah nothing to write home about oh yeah that's uh kind of hysterical i had to do like an online like alcohol thing i think one time yeah do you remember the test did you guys have to do like training before you got to college where it was like you know awareness on like sexual assault and stuff like that and you had to like do the quizzes but it was all yes all common knowledge stuff like you should be able to pass it with flying colors i remember peter talking about it and being like man those are pretty tough oh god i guess that's why they do it he's like he like had learned a bunch of stuff that you would think would be yeah complete common knowledge all right should we give a road map

yeah i think that you want to take the reins on that today yeah i could do it today all right we got your pitches we got our pitches we got everyone's new favorite hit segment teach me something tmos will and i are gonna draft this might be our first draft of things that like are wait wait he texted me last night he was like hey what if like we mixed it up and we draft we did like superpowers or something that does or something like that that does exist and will was like and i was like what are you talking about that makes no sense he's like you know like so we do something that's like actually exists instead of coming with stuff that doesn't exist and i was like like superpowers yeah like superpowers that already exist yeah i meant like

i meant like more just ones that we would conventional yeah and then we're doing funny because they don't exist and then we're doing oh wait sorry before that i always forget this lauren is gonna do a couple of your guys am i the asshole submissions then we got superpowers then we got horror movies that don't exist which i'm so excited about i think i've got some good ones yeah and then we've got our personality segment which i guess it's always funny that we like frame that like it's a segment and it's just i've never played yeah i think only you i don't plan it oh oh yeah do you apologize now i'm sorry should we hear some pitches yes yeah we can hear pitches okay okay god damn daylight savings hope everyone's enjoying it oh yeah that's not the

worst no i'm loving it oh you did it at the worst time too because you were like up late when it happened yeah we so we it was actually so funny we'd just gotten back from from country night and we were like hey it was like me billy and chet and whitney we're all like in our just like in the living room hanging out and then chet just walks in he goes guess what guys and we're like what he's like we just gained another hour and we're all like yeah yeah yeah and then he walks out of the room and billy goes i'm almost certain we just lost an hour yeah well because it goes from 1 a.m to 2 a.m which is brutal yeah yeah and yeah chet comes back and he's like god damn i haven't even looked it up but i know billy's right all right let's hear some pitches first one is

from drake viola he says what's going on lauren and the other two schmucks fuck this guy yeah fuck this guy what new pitch new pitch oh you let me guess you thought it was funny well guess how i feel i'm a schmuck yeah i don't know god damn it and the other two schmucks yeah they're turning against us how many people do you think listened for just for lauren one my mom mom your mom hi nancy okay this is a fashion app that takes pictures you send into it of your whole body in different positions then you send it in or no then you send in pictures of all the clothing pieces in your closet and ai then generates those pieces of clothing on a virtual avatar view it also assumes i already did this i think and clueless did it what the movie clueless that was

a good movie you didn't do that you didn't come up with this i'm almost sure i said you scan all the all your clothes and then it will make outfits for you. Oh yeah, but you didn't include scans of your body. She's got fucking one-upped. And AI then generates those pieces of clothing on a virtual avatar view. It also assumes

what each of the pieces of clothing dimensions are and it compiles them into a 3D image of it so it can be virtually placed on your bod. It's in the style of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater where you can switch out each item to make different fits. Your character also says really cool NPC stuff to you like

if you can't handle the grind get off the half pipe loser i'm back in on this one keep it up boys keep it up boys big fan of the pod rusty i know you're gamer tag now by the way let's go dude we got a lot of dms with that i was like i'm sorry what well i like forgot to bleep it out oh you're gamer tag i did notice the other day that i had a lot of more friend requests than i thought i just i thought i just was like killing it online and i wanted to be my friend that's awesome I love it what was that half pipe thing again

he was just saying like that your character can say yeah what was the phrase if you can't handle the grind get off the half pipe loser that's good that's really good is that original

nah I feel like Tony Hawk probably said that cause like grinding like bumping wait isn't that like skateboarding did you grind were you ever a grinder in middle school

in tony hawk what whoa like in middle school no no all right all right all right you harlot no did you guys how many people were you grinding this was a thing no i did it but like everyone make like grind lines at like the dances yeah i think you told me that one time and it blew my fucking mind i yeah a bunch of guys getting fucking i've never worked on i feel like different parts of the we weren't allowed to do that are different yeah yeah i remember yeah i remember hearing like people like in like the like san francisco area yeah like people just were going nuts in like high school like all over each other yeah we weren't it was like very prohibited yeah if we if we got caught grinding on each other i think they would just execute you

even a senior year of high school i would have gotten like yelled at by the administration and called in the office if i would yeah agree grind lines is uh foul no i know like yo on the line of exactly well no keep in mind these are like 12 year olds so it's not like actually sexual it's just like what do you mean it's not sexual it's the horniest demographic of people 12 year old guys i don't think i was quite there yet dude i lauren's saying that all the guys are lined up like facing the same direction and then the girls like pick a guy i'm uh oh i'm uh i'm aware of When you said conglomerate, I didn't want you to think like there was a line of people.

Oh, actually, yeah, that was what I was thinking. You're saying they're all facing... Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they were all... It wasn't like a human centipede. Like a red rover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah.

Super foul. Yeah, that sounds stinky. That has nothing to do with... I got ground on once. Grounded. I got ground once. How was it? It was like the...

I think I've told you this already, but it was the first time I went out in college. and like we were at like kind of a ratchet place and i remember uh you know a ucf person grinding on me and being like i don't like this at all like i didn't let it happen yeah you're missing out well i just feel like i feel like i don't get that one back like there's i feel like i don't want to be horny in public you know what i mean if we're grinding on each other that implies that like i think i think you're like yeah i know i know what you mean i feel like some people are so unapologetic about it yeah but like it's like that guy definitely has a boner right now

that's awesome i love college okay let's let's do the next all right next pitch is from tony anderson this is a uh hover koozie good evening gents and lord dog have you ever that's a fun one have you ever been sitting on the couch with your boys watching tv or other things and keep having to bend over an uncomfortable way to grab your brewski yes I present to you Hover Koozie A koozie that hovers just within comfortable reach So you don't miss a second of your show Slash movie or game

I'm high level so I don't know how the koozie would hover But you get the gist Thanks fellas big time listeners Wait what is he saying you're watching a movie and you have to reach Like your coffee table's in front of you Or if you don't have a coffee table or like you have your stuff on the ground You have to reach and it's just a big thing Yeah that's not really something that's ever bothered me

Really? I fucking hated it Like my couch has like a perfectly flat armrests and so like i can put a drink there but it's soft enough couch that like like i'll put red wine on it and i and then i'll be halfway through and be in holy shit i just like had a brain aneurysm i'll be like very worried at all times that the drink is gonna fall off oh yeah yeah i like to hover koozie i like to yeah i guess that would be cool yeah you really slunch back in it you put snacks in it

I was yeah well even like right now I wish I just had like little snacks that lined up have you seen those astronauts like when

they come back from space they forget that like gravity exists so like they'll go to like put something there and like let go to like go do something else and it just like

falls to the ground there is an astronaut and he's like explaining something and he like goes to like put his pen there and it just like falls to the ground

and he like turns around and it's not there anyway are you sure we pitch each other yeah absolutely oh all right i got i got the tall car oh okay yeah yeah uh i got a picture in my head but i'm waiting i'm gonna wait and it's like a regular car but the distance between the bottom of the

car and the ground is like you know eight feet in the air and it has like a really wide wheel base so if you're in traffic you can just drive over the other cars and your like wheels are on either side of them that's awesome you just go through and what if like a bunch of people get them then there's like a second layer of traffic and that is just a fucking nightmare i like this i like this a lot what cool you like it lauren okay what is yours all right you all know the phone wallet right yeah wallet phone bingo wallet phone think about it it's you take it's just a little thing you just clip on the back of your wallet and it's just simple you can do like phone calls or there's like a button for it to call you an uber home nice and that's it and then it's like

if you want to be like very present wherever you're going don't want to bring your phone deal with all that yeah grab your wallet phone slap it on the back of your wallet it's like sticks right on like the phone wallet does yeah and uh you got all the only features you need and you have a clear mind clear day clear hearts can't lose i was picturing like a wallet that like flips open and it's like your wallet is like part of it and then there's like a screen on the other side of the wallet okay that i almost like better you might have to go back to the drawing board but i like i like this is the ping pong yeah the ping ponging that this is how big business starts ping-ponging.

You said it's like a sticker? Yeah, like a phone wallet would be. Yeah, it was in my mind. I like the idea of flipping open your wallet. Who's that madman talking to... He's talking to Chase Bank on a leather wallet.

Talking to J.P. Morgan himself. I love that. Lauren, let's... Is it just me or does nobody work here anymore? Does anyone know? There's no one here ever. There's never anyone in our office. Yeah.

Yeah, it's crazy. No one works here anymore. Everyone just dilly-dallies all day long. So I don't know if hard work. It feels like Will and I are the only people working. It feels like Will and I are the only people working. All right, Lauren, let's hear if someone's the asshole. It feels like I'm the only person working.

That's what I said. I'm working. Okay. First one Wait No but I think it's making me like less Like social and it's making me just All you can think about is

Hot sex No Okay It's making me It's making me like way less social And like all I want to do is like grab everyone By the balls Shut up

i think you need some actual you need that opposite okay so this kind of confused me as to why this is an am i the asshole but i just want to read it all right um okay this is from denya denya business i don't know what his actual name is but big tame play big tame what big time playmate since the beginning after getting brought over by will and liam nice thanks for being here but am i the asshole for keeping a bat in my car to intimidate homeless crack that's my word lauren lauren goes lauren goes i don't know how this wouldn't could i don't know how they'd be the ass on the situation continue i'm a 20 year old male and work at dutch bros in a kind of shitty part of sacramento at all times of the day it's crawling with crazies

we're not allowed to get rid of them ourselves and they tend to get hostile let's get rid of that time time they don't let us get rid of them ourselves it's so funny that like that would be your it sounds like he's gonna kill them yeah he wants to let you they won't let us exterminate them ourselves all right continues they scream profanities and racist shit sometimes they walk up to the cars in line and panhandle what does that mean give me money oh but this recent sunday night this crazy cracked out chick threw rocks at my car windshield and smashed it wait he sent photos um i'll put them in the actual holy shit jeez i would lose my marbles um obviously my work can't do anything and we don't think they got it on camera so from now

on if i see a hostile acting street creature okay roaming around our cars i'm confronting them with an aluminum bat even more context a week before i was hired there i was robbed at gunpoint in the same parking lot and there was no security guard to be seen and the police were never able to do anything about it the security guard came up to order a drink 30 minutes later and one of my friends working pressed him for not being there or even showing up when the cops arrived he no longer gets free drinks thanks for taking the time to read all this if you do lots of love to y'all um first of all kids they two incidents and they both are like oh we didn't have footage or anything get security cameras feels like step one yeah also but like even if you caught them like

what are you gonna do like sue the homeless guy but i don't think it's yeah i mean you could i guess they could go to jail but more just as like a deterrent even yeah it seems like if they can keep getting away with stuff that you can keep well i i my question is like was that was he because it does feel like this person is kind of confronting them like head-on like he he like likes to be in the thick of yeah these things so like i wonder if he or is it a is it a boy or girl yeah i wonder if he like is is like chirping them and then she like threw rocks at his car i'm also wondering like is are you gonna hit one of them with a baseball bat like well i think that's his question like i feel like he wants to maybe intimidate them and so

he's an asshole for like getting out of his car and like having this bad i'm just picturing that that lady was throwing rocks in his car and he like comes out of the baseball bat and he just starts cranking the rocks like whoa it's like it's like uh like in star wars how like they're they can like deflect the the laser beams with their yeah um yeah i think maybe maybe you drag it behind you like on the ground ominously on your way like god and out of that's the scariest thing of all time yeah so you let them know i would even take this effort and get like a crowbar and like have like have grip tape on the crowbar so it's like implied that you've been using this enough that you needed better grip on it you were like the last guy i used on this it slipped out

of my hands never again yeah i think i don't know that you're the asshole necessarily but i think that's probably not the probably not like the best way to well what would you recommend i would i don't know if someone if someone's assaulting you and throwing rocks at your car yeah no you need to you need to find it just seems like the like the the that's like not really acceptable for like your workplace no he just keeps it in his car no no no no no i'm not saying having a bat i'm saying like that this kind of stuff keeps happening to an employee like at some well it's a bar no it's not it's a dutch bros that's a coffee company why do you say no more free drink uh coffee dutch bros is like a gotcha it's like coffee and lattes and like i don't know at some point like if that's

where your their employees are expected to park like i hope they paid for that window like they should yeah probably aren't i mean but they should like if that's a consequence of you going to work that's their fault sucks i don't know it seems like shitty on dutch bro's part but yeah on a personal level i mean that seems like a valid let's let's say like let's say that the employer can't do anything what like methods are you what things are you going to do to prevent it yourself will like what would you do to like baby deter no i i wouldn't i mean i'm put a silence like throw rocks to this car if you're if you're uh stinky yeah no i i think it should be the employer okay but i'm saying like like let's give him a piece of advice like for for like if that doesn't

work out like what can he do i would probably park like i mean he said it's a shitty area but maybe try to find an area with like try to park in a different area well if you park in a different area then you're gonna walk through the shitty part yeah well this so that's what i meant by this isn't really like i don't get how it's like an am i the asshole i just wanted to read it i think dutch bros is the asshole no yeah this guy's definitely not the ass i'm sorry for you yeah not nta nta okay next one is from johnny dubs and we have actually we had a picture of him like a few months back cool so what was it it was actually oh oh wait this was actually recent it was the shower uh thing that you can draw on in the shower oh yeah yeah that's a good one yeah

okay am i the asshole johnny dubs here with my craziest date story i'm probably the asshole for this but i think it's a funny story all right about a year ago me and my boys went to go see avatar way of water awesome and we get this idea to smuggle in a case of beer into the theater genius these guys sound fucking awesome i'm the group's beer goblin so i load up my pockets with about 15 beers okay what were you wearing no he said i'm wearing three jackets okay about three to five pockets a piece two beers a pocket and the rest of the guys bring some too well we leave our apartment and walking up to our door is the girl i'm seeing and i guess i told her i was taking her out that night so i played off as we were going to the movies and then the entire runtime about

three hours i proceeded to drink all the beers and not talk to her wait she went to them like she was like she was like we're going out and he was like you bet we are to the movies so he was like he like pretended like that was the thing yeah uh so he plays it off blah blah he proceeds to drink all the beers and not talk to her i cried during the film and she asked if i was okay but that was about it i broke it off to talk during the movie i know yeah i broke it off later by lying about joining the military and told her i was getting deployed to vietnam so i guess i'm probably the asshole but i wanted to know the guy's thoughts he says my my friends think i'm the asshole but the girl didn't seem to care you're getting deployed to vietnam i'm confused as to

where he thinks he's the asshole sounds like he's just a bad liar you're like oh shit he submitted this in 1973 um yeah so i guess my first question is like it seems like she was fine with how that date went so i wonder why you felt the need to break it up like those feel those don't feel mutually those don't feel tied to each other those feel like two separate issues yeah i don't think it's weird that you didn't talk during the movie yeah it is funny to just be like date night and then it's like me and all my boys are gonna go watch way of water and kill beer basically he's saying yeah he says at the end long story short i'd mind the asshole for taking a girl out to the movies and getting hammered in the theater like no yeah yeah yep unless she was like on

that same vibe yeah if she was on board that sounds like it sounds like an awesome but it feels like she was expecting a date and then uh and then you just got in my in my personal experience uh getting really drunk around the girls that you like it's just those don't go hand in hand doesn't usually work out well yeah what uh i'm confused about like what the what the game plan was if he didn't run into her he just forgot that like yeah i guess so he was just gonna go watch that movie yeah so on it you probably are the asshole yeah i'd say i think we gotta we gotta be as much as fun as what you did sounds yeah i think you're the asshole yeah and about lying about like breaking it off like why the vietnam thing is if she believes that yeah like

wait also how do you guys feel about movie theater dates if it's like a first i've never done that yeah i've done that since middle school it feels strange because it's you're not even getting you can't talk oh i think that's like the whole purpose is like we can kind of feel each other out and start to feel comfortable in each other's presence without the pressure to talk and then you go eat dinner after and you have you have like so much to talk about because you can talk about the movie that's true i like that line of thinking yeah i can't say i've ever done it though yeah i remember uh i guess the concerts i've done which is kind of like that yeah yeah i did movie i did a movie date in like middle school or like maybe like freshman year of high school and that was

pretty cool because when you're nervous about talking to someone yeah you just remember what movie it was yeah it was mad max you know i was saying i hate mad max yeah that's it was so boring it was like eight of us you want to date with seven chicks no it was like it's like me and my buddies and then like three girls okay it was so bad i'm sorry to hear that i've never seen it it was a horrible one time i went on a i think this is also like late high school i don't remember but on this date to the movies with this guy like he tried to hold my hand and like from the jump it was just not the vibe and i was like no that's yeah it's just you don't comfortable not if i don't like know you yeah i barely knew him like what

no it's just like i don't know i feel like some people don't have like the social cues to know that it's like we just kind of met it's not yeah i don't know maybe i like i think you're i think like if you're going on a movie date that's kind of the only like move you could make right is the hand or the like okay then maybe it was only maybe the vibes were only all for me yeah that must have minute i also have never like where you take your noses and go i usually like smell her popcorn yeah it's good you can have it you ever do that move she knows you're in charge yeah what's your guys's movie theater snacks oh i used to be a big junior mints guy i love junior mints i knew a kid i think i told you guys this already too but he would pour his pepsi in his popcorn

and call it pissy shitties. Yeah, I don't like that at all. And it's popcorn? Yeah. What's wrong? You've barely touched your pissy shitties. This exact thing happened verbatim, like, 12 episodes ago.

No, I really like Sour Patch Watermelon Kids. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know. Why do you say kids? No, I realized that I messed that up, but I was hoping it would go on to take it. I couldn't have you calling us kids. Oh, Watermelon Kids.

They should make those with, like, the little watermelon with little legs. Yeah, we could do that. That'd be fun. I might take a little bit, but I'll make some calls. When my roommate and I went and watched the Bob Marley movie, I got the biggest popcorn and the biggest cherry Coke, and it was a blast.

I want to go to the movies now. I had two Mexican Cokes yesterday. Those things are gas. They are gas. Do they really taste different? Yeah, it's made with cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup. Yeah. All right, should we do Teach Me Something?

yeah teach me something all right can you wait i know right as i turned it off i teach me something oh you brought it back on did you bring a video i'm going to a picture so planet earth 3 just came out yeah and chester and i watched it a couple episodes yesterday i heard and uh i don't think you did her whitney told me no that was planet earth 2 okay planet earth 3 was yesterday oh this little guy yeah so that's the frogfish there's a big feature on the frogfish in episode two of the new planet earth i highly recommend it and what's fascinating about it is you see that thing like sticking out of its nose yeah it's like like a little like yeah that thing so it's like designed to where it has a thing that looks like a little like shrimp or something

on the end of like a little fishing line basically and so it just sits there quietly and then stuff comes and tries to eat that thing and then it opens up and swallows them. Nice. So it's like fishing, basically. It goes fishing for fish. Yeah, question. What happens if it, like, is it just

fucked if something actually gets it? Or can it regenerate it? I don't actually know. It all happens, I don't even think it lets it quite get there. It seems like it's playing a dangerous game. Wait, can it do camouflage? That's actually a good question. What's that? Can it do camouflage? Yeah, it can kind of camouflage.

there might be a video of it I don't know look up like frogfish or google youtube that always pisses me off when people do that it's like the video is going to come up if we just search on google why do we have to go frogfish

uh eee look at him no no do the well don't do this one go back do the first one this yeah oh it's too fast for slow motion so this thing is yeah this thing has legs oh my god this is not even what the one looks like yesterday but oh yeah it's got that little

this one has this one looks like something else but those fish want it yeah i think i think the answer to your question is that it's eating things that that wouldn't be able to actually maybe get their mouth around the thing. Oh, what the ass? Oh! Holy fuck! Isn't that insane? Bro!

Yeah. That was so fucking... Wait, I need to watch it again. It's too fast for slow motion. You can't even watch it. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh!

I think I got, like, three of them. It just evaporated their body. Yeah. so that's the frog fish that's what i want to teach you guys about it's pretty awesome yeah pretty cool wait now i want to go home and and watch you should watch it yeah what is it on netflix uh i don't know i don't know i didn't pull it up all right can i teach you guys something that's when this one was cracking me up earlier the year 45 bc was 445 days long and everyone called it the year of confusion because

julius caesar julius caesar added two extra leap months to try and like he was trying to get everyone on his calendar and he like just couldn't get it to line up right so he kept like adding shit and like it just went on for so long and everyone was like dude when can we just go back to like the normal the normal year they called it the year of confusion which I think is so funny

awesome yeah I like they did it like most world records that are related to like world events were broken that year and stuff

oh yeah it's like how like the NFL's like because they went to an 18 game yeah yeah yeah 18 week season that's funny

wow yeah wait I need to start coming with one I'm sorry I always forget because I'm because you're what

because I'm grabbing the am I the assholes and the pitches and then I just... It slips my mind. That's all right. Next time. Next time.

That's good, though. That's awesome. That is interesting. Will, let's draft superpowers that we would want. Okay. I'll even let you start. That do exist. Yeah.

Okay, first I would go with super speed. Okay. But I wouldn't be super flashy about it, no pun intended. I would... You'd go just fast enough that, like, it would still be in the realm of human possibility. And I would win, like, marathons.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I would, but, like, I think it would have to be marathons because that's, like, when you get away with, like, using, like, incremental speed power. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if I ran, like, a sprint, like, it'd be, like, obvious, like, something that's, like, super human. But in a marathon, I could just slowly run, like, a little bit faster. Yeah.

And just become really famous, get a bunch of gold medals, a bunch of money, and just live, like, a normal life otherwise and keep it under wraps and then just be, like, the greatest runner of all time. Nice. Yeah. With my first pick, I'm going to go teleportation. Mm-hmm. cuts all your travel out um and i just think it'd be cool to just anywhere you want to go

you can go right now yeah didn't you do that in nashville teleport yeah oh i just got i literally i i was convinced i discovered teleportation but i just blacked out uh next i've got uh x-ray vision all right perv not for pervy things for like my finding my wallet in my key and stuff dude i like that in year ahead the only reason your wallet's lost is like it must be in the wall no it's like in the couch most of the time yeah i just need something where i like it's extra vision but i can like pinpoint like a thing and it like glows and i can see through everything to find it okay cool and i wouldn't use it to be a perv for the record you probably would perv you pervert pervert pervert um perfect my next for my second pick

i'm gonna go time travel um which i feel like it's kind of like cheating like that might not really be a superpower but like no that's allowed that's i feel like mine are all just things that i want i think could make me the most money and time travel i could be rich today what would you do i would just go back in time to when i was like seventh grade and be like ask dad for as much money as possible like and buy put all put it all in bitcoin yeah and then i would go to like 2018 and be like sell it all that's kind of genius or i would just go back in time and invest in like amazon i don't know something cool yeah or no never mind i would just go back like a week ago and put all my money on a couple months ago just put all my money on like the winner of every

basketball game or you go back to like the 50s and make right all the beatles songs yeah you could do that there's a lot of shit you can oh that would be cool yeah i would go to the medieval times yeah and tell them about baseball oh you would just get baseball started earlier yeah you come back everyone's really fucking good everyone's a little bit better batting averages are like around 400 yeah yeah uh okay i've got talking to dead people oh why because you hear me out first of all i think i'd be the only guy that can do it so i would be like the only true medium yeah yeah and so i'd be like the man in like heaven and so like i'd be like i was thinking you'd get a head start and like people thinking you

were cool before you get there so like once i get to heaven not only is it like the best place in the ever i think like i'm already like everyone knows me when i get there yeah like like you could also make a ton of money by being the only real person that can like communicate with the loved ones and just like to be like thomas jefferson dude what is up dude yeah you could you could you know people are like this isn't what the founding fathers had in mind with the constitution you can just ask them yeah i could literally yeah like is this so does this thing still hold up and they'd be like dude we didn't think you we didn't think you guys were gonna take it so literally we didn't know that like weapons were gonna be fully automated killing

machines um i'm gonna go oh i'm gonna go shape shifting yeah i like that i would just i would just make myself a slightly hotter version of myself i wouldn't i wouldn't i wouldn't use it for anything like crazy instant like plastic surgery no i would just shape shift into like a better looking version of myself or like impossible thanks or i would make myself look i'd pick like a big celebrity yeah and go places that'd be fun for like a day yeah um i've got telepathy okay what is it again um like oh you could like put thoughts in my head yeah yeah and i would just you'd be like we'd go on game shows i'd go on game shows i just have my friend or someone go on all a bunch of all my different friends would all sign

up for all the game shows and then once someone got on like a game show you'd be at home i'd just be at home looking it up and sending everything to their brain you ever seen that guy that went this guy went on who wants to be a millionaire and his wife was like in the crowd like he would be like excuse me he'd be like i wonder if it's a and he would like listen and he'd be like it could also be b though and she'd be like and then they caught her they caught them and it was super awkward yeah like she would cough whenever he said the right answer yeah she was like in the crowd of the show yeah um i would go i'm gonna go mind reading but like selective i don't want to know it all the time but i would like to see you know when you're talking to someone and you're

like making plans you can't tell if they actually want to do that yeah yeah i don't think i'd want that why i feel like that's why it's selective yeah that's true i could just be like i wonder what lauren's thinking right now and she'd be like nothing shopping purses um yeah probably like um high heels yes like pink or something yeah because you're a chick right yeah yeah um okay my last one i've got jumping crazy high that's just like a fun one dude like matt like me getting to work would be like one hop yeah i'd be like really good at basketball volleyball you'd win like every dunk football yeah you just have imagine i just have the quarterback throw it just straight up yeah dude throw it up there i'll come to i'll go up and get it yeah um nice my i feel like we

only done four four each i did five okay this will be my i went first so this is probably your last one um i'm gonna go time stopping like on sunday i would just take a week on sunday yeah yeah i like that you're you're jumping crazy high i was picturing um i don't know if your legs are like elongating because i feel like that could be kind of cool yeah i don't know how are he just jumps higher. I think I just jump like a flubber. I would want my legs

to just be like and then you're like the tallest. You'd want to be a last girl? Yes. And then I could like step into downtown LA

from here. Wow. That would be really tall. You remember that guy from Sky High who like is on I think his name you've never seen Sky High?

What? High school for superheroes? Oh my gosh. So iconic. Ron Wilson bus driver? Never seen it. Well you would like Sky High. It's like a movie?

Yeah. If I had to guess what your top five favorite movies were, it would have been in there. That makes sense. Really? Yeah. It's the funniest movie of all time. That's not true, but... Is it for kids? It's for, like, teens. It, like, defined my childhood for some reason. I feel like I watched it a million times.

Yeah, and there's this guy, I think his name's Stretch. I haven't seen it in a while. And he, like, his arm can just go really long, but he, like, uses it to bully people. Oh, that pisses me off now. Yeah. Pull him up, Lauren. Pull up Stretch. This has been a strange episode. Really? I don't know.

I thought it's been red hot. I thought we were red hot Yeah his His enemy is this guy Named Warren Peace Isn't that funny Warren Warren Peace

That's funny Is that the girl from The girl on the left I feel like I recognize Yeah she was Look up Dude Gwen From this show

Was so Gwen from this movie Was like the first time I was like Girls are pretty tight Is that the mom No Look up Gwen

Gwen Sky High Is it the blonde No Gwen Sky High yeah gwen grayson but it turns out she's actually like an old like evil person she's like old she's like old as fuck she yeah i mean she looks normal age so he gets will his name's will stronghold okay and he like his dad and his mom are like the two most prominent superheroes and he hasn't gotten his powers yet got it and so he gets sent to sky high and uh and he like gets his powers and it's also

i think just like super strength like he's just like another version of his dad and uh yeah it's pretty awesome no more spoilers they're they're guys so they have like heroes and sidekicks yeah and they like go up and show their power oh the dude from it's the dude from uh succession is oh I haven't seen that either. Okay. Well, it's hilarious that he is in success or whatever. But his power is that he glows. Oh, that's the worst one.

He gets up there and he's like, and nothing happens. And he goes, I glow. They have to dim the lights and he slightly glows. All right. Should we draft horror movies? Oh, yeah. These are horror movies that don't exist. I've got Back on the Market.

Okay. It's a story of a haunted house, a movie about a haunted house, but it's told through the perspective of the realtor who's just constantly having to relist this house and sell it because the homeowners keep getting murdered by the demons that possess the house.

And so it's like this moral dilemma where the guy's like making so much money because this is like a multi-million dollar house and it's back on the market like every few weeks. Yeah, he's just making a fat commission. But then he's realizing that something sinister is up and so he has to kind of decide whether to take the ghost's head on or keep making the money and turn a blind eye i like that i like that um for some reason he has like soul control over

selling it like they like they keep recommending the same realtor you just get brutally murdered yep um i got the hat so it's like a really cool looking hat right and people will like find it in their attic and and they're like they're like drawn to this hat and they put it on and and whatever possesses the hat makes these people do horrible things and it'll kind of disappear for like a hundred years because like the person will die and then someone else will dig it up and find it and put on the hat and like i have to do whatever the demon says oh but it's not this one no or that way cooler yeah probably a top hat it's like a top hat yeah because it has to like transcend time yeah it has to be a hat that has existed for hundreds of years yeah do you guys

see anyone with top hats nowadays one guy eb farnham who who eb farnham eb farnham oh okay uh next i've got you did not like that i've got mission mission is the story of a kid it's like high school college kid he gets uh goes on a mission trip they're like it's like a medical thing they're like administering aid to this like rural like indigenous community and then he slowly starts to realize like the medicine that they're administering is like having all these like weird effects and these people are becoming like more like docile and more like lead listening to like the leaders of the trip and he slowly realizes that he's like part of this thing where they're brainwashing all these people and like forming a cult and uh he's been complicit in like

administering this like mind altering medicine gotcha yeah um i got mirrorville usa i like this so the frames are on a road trip and they stop in mirrorville that's their name the frames okay yeah um the frames stop in mirrorville for like gas and they see their next door neighbor there and they go and talk to him and he's like being super weird and he's like saying that like he doesn't know them but they're like positive that it's him they slowly realize that it's like a mirror image of their town and these people have been like waiting for the frames they're like the last thing that this town needs to like break the curse and they have to like they realize that the whole town is trying to kill them in this like weird ritual because the frames will like end

the mirrored curse or something sounds like us have you guys seen the movie us no no i've seen up look up us it's probably the same it's probably just like i'm not gonna waste my time it's probably just like up okay i've got the van it's like two people decide to do like a van life thing yeah and then every night they like find a place to sleep and they go to bed and then they always wake up in these like really like bizarre parts of the forest like inexplicably yeah without having driven the van and um they come to find out the van is possessed and it's driving them into the grand canyon um i got dealer i got i was looking up a movie i got dealer uh it's basically a drug dealer is getting people hooked on this new drug right and he's the only one that

has it and then when they come back uh it's like super addictive it makes them feel the best they've ever felt and then they wake up and they're having like horrible draws they need to get more of this drug that he has and that's how he gets you. He doesn't accept money the second time. You have to do things for him to get the drug so he'll make him

kill someone or do something horrible. But they need the drug so bad they'll do whatever he says. Oof. That's scary. I've got insomnia. It's a guy who's sleeping all the time and it's

starting to ruin his life. wow looks like i can't even finish my fucking movie sorry he's sleeping all the time and he's wasting his life away and he wants to turn it around so he like gets down on his hands on his knees and he's like please please god like like i don't want to sleep all day like i want to stay awake and it's like he has this like crazy experience and then he literally can't sleep and over the course of like a week he just loses his mind because he can't sleep at all he's completely exhausted he starts hallucinating and he goes absolutely crazy and he ends up jumping off of the grand canyon oh

oh my god she's a very depressed man um yeah it was a horror movie yeah um i don't capi the lucky yeah gappy go lucky my last one is called the prankster so it's basically like this small quaint town just starts getting hit with these like devastating pranks like the guy will swap all the water in the fire trucks out for like kerosene like makes the fire way worse or he'll like cut everyone's brakes and like he's like he's like a youtuber yeah but like but like they're all like he he's he's acting like they're like fun little pranks you know what i mean um and everyone's like constantly on edge because they don't know when the next prank is gonna be

and it's just like the town is burning to the ground. Jeez. Wait, did you only have four? Oh no, I had a fifth one. I thought that was my fifth. I've got Mousetrap. Mousetrap is a guy who has a rodent problem. They keep eating the food in his pantry.

He lays out all these mousetraps and then when he goes and checks them every day, there's just like inexplicable things in them, like tentacles and like weird eyes and feet and stuff and so he starts to realize it's not a mouse problem, it's like some

crazy creature. Nice. Alright, I got Camp Tomahawk. It's little Robbie's first year at camp and when his parents drop him off, he realizes that the other campers have been there for like hundreds of years and they're clearly cursed and

they're trying to tell him like, Robbie, you have to get out of here. Like, they'll keep you here forever and like camp never ends. That's terrifying. that was like my fear as a kid what like my parents are never gonna come pick me up i hated camp dude yeah i never went to sleepaway camp really what day i don't know i don't um all right whose personality are you guys gonna steal this week um did you guys see ever see aquamarine yeah oh you did i love okay well i'm going to santa

barbara this weekend and i love i forgot her swim in the water tower yeah no i i forgot her name but the mermaid she's just so i think her name's aquamarine oh my god yeah that is her name wow yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna steal her personality because she's just very fun and vibrant and summer is coming there's a funny scene in that movie where they're at dinner and like because she's a mermaid like she always she like she does things a little bit differently as you could probably assume and the boy the boy sees her like pouring salt in her water like before she drinks it that's just like a random thing she does because she's a mermaid oh yeah yeah yeah that's funny did you guys ever read mr gilfump as a kid lauren made up lauren

pull up mr gilfump what do you want wait can you can you look up like mr gilfump like reading mr gilbert just went for it i got mr gilfump reading this i feel like this is a book that there were three copies and my family had one of them it doesn't even yeah that's mr gilfom can you look up yeah i don't think this is like a big thing i've never seen so i grew up thinking it was like the biggest book can we can we look up like audiobook and just listen to it real quick listen to the audiobook it's like it's like gonna be like two go to videos it's a two minute book probably i mean it's like for children it's like a picture book okay yeah so it doesn't exist yeah here we go

uh no nevermind yeah here we go okay no that's not happening yeah well I'm gonna steal it why don't you just read it how you think that it would sound I don't remember the story but I remember he like he lived in this cool like tall house and uh

tall car tall house I think he was like a lumberjack or something but I'm gonna steal Mr. Gilphomp's personality if I'm remembering correctly he was just like a good hang but yeah i feel like that was a bigger part of the book than but like it's just every time i've brought up mystery go from but i've gotten the exact same reactions from everyone as you guys where it's like not only do i not only have i not read that book but they like don't believe

that it's a real thing it's a crazy name yeah it's funny that you like there's nothing on the internet about it yeah i mean it's there's like three search results and they were all like like someone took a photo of it yeah my grandma wrote my dad like my dad like listened to mr a golf hump when he was a kid or like like had it read to him so like it's like it has existed for a while huh all right well i guess it's gone out of style maybe maybe there's some like you look back there's some like really racist stuff in there yeah it got canceled yeah um my my personality this weekend is gonna be that of waldo trying to be a little bit elusive you I also might

I could see myself Going to like a carnival Or something so Somewhere where there's A lot of people I went to the Santa Monica Pier On Friday night

It's a place to be So random Just for fun Didn't know Me and Mia didn't know What else to do Yeah So we went to the pier

And we rode Well I sent you guys This photo You sent us a photo And I was expecting you To like follow it up With something I know

Them like In a funny position On the ride And I was like Oh she's gonna Like tell us After ten minutes So I was like, is that you?

All right. What should they comment today? Comment your... Comment your... Comment your biggest trauma. Comment the worst thing you've ever done. Comment what color your telephone is. Ooh, yeah.

Comment your home phone number growing up. No, nobody cares. Okay, comment... comment the last give us a full review of the last meal you ate that's fun love that all right love you guys love you guys have a great week weekend we'll see you on wednesday peace take it easy