Will & Rusty's Playdate - you won't believe our pick for white boy of the year...

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

Rusty relives his A-list treatment at the airport, Willy navigates his latest heartbreak, and Lauren falls victim to another hilarious prank. The gang fields wild pitches from the playmates, including one that promises to make fruit exponentially better. Finally, the boys update their 2024 White Boy of the Year rankings and draft all-time MLB walk-up songs. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the first of many episodes from our brand-new studio.  FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SUBSCRIBE TO THE GLORY DAZE PODCAST: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6IrCtoWbGVm9ixu-B1UESQ USE BETMGM BONUS CODE PLAYDATE AND GET YOUR $1500 FIRST BET OFFER TODAY https://promo.nj.betmgm.com/en/promo/geolocator?orh=promo.betmgm.com&wm=7123555 HEAD TO https://rikispirits.com/ TO FIND OUT WHERE TO GET RIKI NEAR YOU. FOLLOW @FRIDAY.BEERS AND @RIKISPIRITS TO STAY UP TO DATE WITH UPCOMING RIKI CONTESTS AND GIVEAWAYS. GET UP TO 30% OFF ON partner.ekster.com/playdatepod WITH ANY PURCHASE. USE CODE PLAYDATE FOR AN ADDITIONAL 5% OFF. (00:00) Intro (01:06) Rusty’s Big Secret (10:00) Basket Cases (12:57) Willy’s Heartbreak (19:41) Sober October (27:00) Throwing Yourself through a TV (31:35) Underage Drinking (do NOT attempt) (39:55) Cr*cked Out Uber Driver (49:51) Roadmap (50:27) Pitch Submissions (01:03:02) Pitches (01:10:05) Teach Me Something (01:16:28) This Guy Rocks (01:22:30) White Boy of the Year (01:25:51) The Best MLB Walk-Up Songs (01:31:07) Middle School Relationships (01:33:54) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Playdate, episode 60. The Big 6-0. Big 6-0 as they say We are in a new studio New studio just dropped Will how do you feel about it? I don't know I'm still getting used to it

It's a little weird Because there's like A bunch of stuff To look at Yeah For two easily Distractable men This is

I'm worried there's A bunch of stuff to look at I'm worried there's Way too much stuff But I like this a lot Like I'm big Big fan of the pirate ship That's our

That's our flagship That's a thing we did That was the I think the first episode We did we did pirates That don't exist Hold your tongue First episode

Hold your tongue And say I was born on a pirate ship I was born on a pirate ship Sounds like he says I was born on a pile of shit You do it Lauren I don't want to I don't want to get my fingers dirty

I'm about to eat my yogurt How dirty is your mouth? Lauren you do it No I just like Or no I mean I don't My fingers are dirty I don't want to Lauren you do it

What? Oh yeah because I'm miles away Yeah You guys can't tell But I'm miles away I'm just having fun man I have something that i've been waiting to share with you guys for a while now yeah i've had to wait it happened

the day after we recorded the last episode okay and it has just been i've said i've showed everyone in my life that cares except for you guys okay let's not get ahead of ourselves we might not care you know how will will always be like bro has the worst sources and when i say something right will and i got into an argument one time i said that when you reach a certain delta status they will drive you to your plane in a porsche and will said that is not a real thing i said they'll drive onto the tarmac you never have to go in the airport get right on the plane will will looked at me and he said that's not real he goes that doesn't exist well lauren open up uh i sent you three things open up slack uh one of them is a video to you one of them is a great picture

No, go to the Slack app. Down at the bottom. See it? So let's see how Rusty's weekend was. I'm ready for this. You got it? You did it? We'll see.

We'll see. Play this, Lauren. Oh, wait. Oh, no. Bro, what? That is my suitcase. Go to the next video. Yeah, play this one.

Hey, Will, I got someone that wants to talk to you. Hey, Will, what's up? and then go what go to the final picture how much did you pay for this zero dollars i'll tell you how in a second go to the picture that's that's me in the porsche shut up outside of the plane you look like the happiest that's a porsche that is a porsche cayenne um what the fuck it was the coolest thing i've ever been a part of how did this happen so i get to lax yeah uh i got upgraded to you know delta one and they have a special entrance right yeah see my guy i've seen him a couple times he goes yo dude you've seen the new lounge and i go of course he goes no no no no

there's a new one we put in on thursday he goes it's just for delta one i go all right he goes go to the fourth floor walk through those like secret doors he goes it's awesome you're gonna have a blast i walk in the guy goes so you know this guy i've met him a handful of times he's the same guy that when brooke and ty and i were flying to new york he was like i just said he was the man like i can't oh yeah remember that he like let everyone come through very very nice guy so i get up there the guy goes mr kelly nice to see you i go how are you he goes great uh he goes by the way i have a surprise for you and i go awesome he goes i'll come get you at 1105 go sit down have a couple drinks he now shows up he was wearing a suit originally he shows up in a high viz vest

and he goes mr kelly are you ready is this the same guy no this is a new guy okay the guy who said hello to you yeah and he goes mr keller are you ready i go ready for what dude like this is crazy like what do you what do you what what surprise are you about to show me we get into an elevator goes down onto the tarmac keep in mind i have yet to step foot into the terminal of the airport we are now on the tarmac like i went straight the the private security goes straight into the lounge okay got it got it got it we step down onto the tarmac i look at him i go what is happening right now he goes how awesome is this i go this is the coolest thing ever he drives me directly that's my plane in the background he drove me directly to my flight

he took me up the stairs directly into the plane i never stepped foot in the airport and what they don't tell you is if you he also didn't like really accompany me up the stairs yeah so to the other people boarding the plane just a random guy in sweatpants like burges through the door were they already on the plane they're all boarding okay and i just joined the line like right at the door of the plane and like they were all like what just happened and uh so i sat down he before he goes uh he goes yeah it was between you and the uh the wife from talladega nights wait what do you mean they just picked like one person he go he was like i thought about putting both of you back there but i thought that might be weird yeah that would well that would you would

you wouldn't want to piss off Ricky Bobby no definitely not wait that is the craziest thing of all time he gave me his card he said if you're ever flying at night I'll let you and your boys come through this entrance I'll drive you again oh so that's not like an every time thing what? it feels like you're like the man

there diamond medallion baby there are enough people that are diamond medallion that don't get that less than 1% of delta flyers man there was no one in the lounge like this is like this ginormous like brand spanking new lounge there were like six of us in there that's crazy um it was also i think it's i think the guy at the door can call up and be like heads up like you know mr

denellan is coming through so they know they know and he must have been like i know this guy whatever like give him the give him the works throw him a bone yeah i think it's also like if they don't have any celebrities coming he was saying this is for like rappers and like people that like don't want to step it's like a service you can ask for got it and so i think when they don't have like a real celebrity they just pick whoever that makes it is being nice to the work that's so sick okay that's cool it was awesome that's awesome i can't believe that's so funny i can't believe you haven't told me that i like i can't believe that you like had the restraint when was this this was uh this was wednesday night last wednesday last week going to boston

a week ago yeah going to boston oh it was unbelievable dude my heart was like i like sat down and i was like giddy in my seat oh yeah i would be the party oh lethal shooter was sitting next to me you know that guy it's like the basketball influencer that's like really good at shooting jump shots i don't i kind of sounds familiar but he's like a he like trains a bunch of nba guys but he was sitting next to me and he was wearing all like he had a mask on so i didn't recognize him but like six foot five guy in like clearly like sponsored nike gear i was like is this like an nba player lethal shooter you asked him no when we were getting off the plane he took his mask off and i think he knew that i was like oh fuck because i looked at him and was like

and then i didn't want to be like i love you but mask off yeah fuck it mask off lethal shooter chris matthews um wow isn't that wild yeah that's insanity that is not what i i didn't know what i expected you've been like teasing you keep being like i've got something big for the episode so you've hey your sources were right it's two in a row now too because the robot i thought that was going in the direction of like wikipedia or like some some company that loves like sources like wants to oh oh like sponsor i got a quora deal i got a quora yeah something like absurdly why are you wearing so much quora gear a wikipedia sponsorship would be so tough yeah i know we she get wikipedia merch you think i make merch yeah i think it's if you donate enough money

it's like pbs dude who is it i knew someone who's like i think it was my buddy in college my buddy will there's someone like there's yeah it was my buddy will's sister is like a like a big time editor on wikipedia oh like puts like a lot of time into like sourcing articles and stuff do they trust oh so she's just doing it pro bono yeah it's for the love of the game little little autism maybe i don't know the girl at all that doesn't seem like enjoyable to me i don't know i feel like if you got this i think there's probably like a community there it's probably kind of yeah we had a we had a teacher uh named mr saint jar and his he had a wikipedia page for some reason and kids would go on and edit it and like make his wife beyonce and

stuff and i went i when i was a kid loved it i made the town motto of old orchard beach main Hateros son motivateros Which of course translates to Haters are my motivators Fix your little fluff Your little fluff My little fluff And then also I made

I remember one time my biggest prank Was I made the state seal of Oregon Just like a seal Like I made It was like the seal but I made it like the animal Oh that's lovely But then they kept catching me Yeah I think they're pretty on it

i i did i have made some real edits that have stayed you were looking i created the notable alumni section for my high school did you make what yourself no i put like actual ones who are some notable alums there i put one it was like this like activist guy that got killed uh you know like half the like half the breakfast club uh went to this like tiny private school in portland like charlemagne the god i was not even joking judd i haven't seen that movie ashland no what's his name judd apatow you haven't seen the breakfast club that was a good you would like it i think you would like it no it's pretty it's kind of boring really the whole movie's in one room really it's about these kids

who get detention and they have to come in on a Saturday and you don't know why any of them are there. There's a jock. It's just the stereotypical like different...

Is there a jock? Yeah. There's a jock played by... Now I might be interested. Pull up the cast. Pull up the cast. But there's a jock.

Molly Ringwald plays like the popular girl. There's like a... Like a... Kind of a... Is there like a... Judd Nelson. Is there like a

big titty freshman? Yes. Ton. Well, don't be a freak. what the hell what the hell that's in every okay yeah so you have you have kind of the rebel i i shouldn't have said that you have the rebel the nerd the jock the the kind of outcast girl and the popular girl i like and they don't get along at first and they're supposed to write an essay about why they're supposed to be there and they blow it off they smoke weed in the library and

then they realize they all have much more in common than they think and then the nerd guy starts crying because he doesn't think that any of them are going to be friends on monday oh true no because the jock said he says yeah like if i he's like if we saw each other at school like and i said hi to you like all my boys would razz me and so they yeah they're like upset that like they're they can be friends in this kind of solitary moment probably not the right use of that killed it uh but that that the roles of high school 80s high school teens uh wouldn't allow them to be friends in the real world damn now i don't even have to see it i know that was a great description and then the the bad boy gets the girl at the end of the movie and she he puts her

diamond ring diamond earring in his ear oh i didn't like the so they're like stuck together uh he walks off he puts the diamond earring in his ear and then he pumps his fist in the air and he goes don't you forget about me wow oh yeah the basket case that's what i remember that being so vivid the yeah there are a lot more basket cases in the yeah what happened to basket i don't know i feel like there's not e-girls oh or no yeah let's think about most notable basket cases Lauren just googled I feel like we can find

yeah where are all the basket cases another turning point for stuck in the road does he mention basket cases no they have a different song called basket case

cool but you know this one better wait how does basket wait look at this reddit thread you know the song basket case look up basket case

lyrics by who just look up basket case Lauren googled the worst basket case that turned their life around Lauren's looking for

a motivation Oh, yeah, dude, do you have the time to listen to me? Dude, I went to the Mets game last night. I know, I'm sorry. And our season ended, and I'm honestly pretty bummed about it. I can tell. I walked in on Will watching a sad Mets edit. It was with Fix You by Coldplay in the background.

It was like a montage of all our biggest moments. Oh, my God. It was like, I will try. I'm sorry. Alonzo, Fix You. Speaking of the Mets, Will and I – or, sorry, what were you going to say, bud? Well, I was going to – we can talk about that, too. But I went to the game last night when we lost, and I went with my brother.

He flew out for it. And it was like – I think we were, like, getting a little too comfortable. Like, the first game, like, our game, we were like, all right, we don't want to piss anyone off. Yep. But this time, like, we made it, like, six innings, and everyone seemed friendly. So, I think we were, like – we started, like, chanting MVP when Lindor came up and stuff. and uh anyway my brother comes back from the bathroom he's like hey hey i think we gotta dial it back i think we gotta dial it back i was like what happened apparently my brother went to

the bathroom and right as he was like i had his wing wing dong out ding dong out uh he's in the bathroom someone in the bathroom yelled fuck the dodgers and then when everyone turned pointed at sam and said he he said that in toronto every arrival is a statement and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system. This city demands agility, and Optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at cadillaccanada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle total registrations for calendar year 2025

for the Cadillac definition of luxury. Oh, no. Which is an insane move. Was the guy a Mets fan? No, it was a Dodgers fan. Went, fuck the Dodgers. He just wanted to stir the pot. Yeah, he was, fuck the Dodgers.

And like, that guy said it and pointed right at my brother. And apparently a bunch of people came over and someone was like, yo, I'll be careful, man. Don't fuck around. You'll get shanked. And was like,

like touching him, like motioning, like. Oh, my God. These guys were like bald, like big, like, they had like tattoos on their bald heads. Craniums, yeah. It was crazy.

Well, they were probably MS-18. Will and I were in... Will peed in MS-18 territory the other day. I peed on a tag of MS-18. It was like a dog claiming it back. What? That's in the lake? We were walking...

We went to the Dodgers game. Pardon. The Mets game last Monday, and we were walking back. I really had to pee, and so I stopped in this corner, and I peed, and then I looked up, and I was peeing on a gang tattoo, or a gang graffiti. Peeing on a gang tattoo. There's a guy. What the hell, man?

My gang tattoo. are you an oddly reasonable gang member yeah that's my gang tattoo man we got busted we got in trouble you and you and me oh yeah did you hear about this lauren you know we got in big trouble no where on monday you know how we went to the mets game during the middle of the work day apparently apparently bosses don't like that apparently that's like against company policy listen i got all my stuff done i communicated i thought we were fine we did not however mention to our upper level management that we would be attending

a Mets game in the middle of the work day and my roommate Jerry narked us out on accident. Did he? He didn't know it was a secret.

Oh. I wouldn't have assumed it was a secret. Yeah. It shouldn't have been. If we were on it, we should have just, yeah,

like, Edge was just like, dude, like, Whitney went to a game last week, she just asked. Like,

all you had to do was ask. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know why we didn't, honestly, but I,

it felt, it truly was the first time I'd ever felt what like i imagine skipping school feels like yeah it felt like guilty we were there and it was like it was just a weird feeling it felt like it was the most nervous i've been in a while yeah it kind of ruined like it didn't ruin the experience but it made the we weren't able to enjoy ourselves as much too so when you were there when we were there we're on edge no no on edge

funny uh but no then we thought we got away with it and then we came back the next day and everything was normal then at the end of the day edge was like hey can i talk to you for a second he still never talked to me about it and he said can you run can you walk me through everything you did today or did yesterday and i was like yeah he's like and you're gonna tell the truth and i was like oh fuck he knows so i told him what did you think you were you gonna lie and just say you worked at home no i wasn't i i would have had to mention it yeah i mean i kind of knew but i kind of knew once i was called in the office what was gonna happen but then he said uh he's like this can't happen and he said if this happens again i'm gonna write you up and that kind of caught

me off has anyone ever been written up here i i got a warning really yeah it was before we had uh it was before we had like a an hr team yeah and like what'd you do it was uh it was in we had a meeting in louisiana we had a meeting in new orleans with did i ever tell you this oh i think i know and we flew in and i hadn't eaten anything all day and we were at not that that's like the full excuse but like i was in my hotel room and we were about to go to dinner and i didn't really know it was like a client meeting and so i had a cosmo and then at dinner we were drinking like espresso martinis and it just hit me like a fucking truck and i was so drunk and the uh the lady we should bleep the the company name yeah

but the lady from this company was like very taken aback by like how like i just wasn't talking i think like i was like hammered and like kind of like yeah oh i'm too drunk yeah like here right and it like scared her and uh and edge called me and it was like hey uh just he's like yeah you can't he's like you can't do that um if that you know if that happens again i'll have to write you up yeah i want to i kind of want to know what the write-up product like is it like a demerit demerit oh my gosh suspension i think they take yeah we have to we have to stay after work yeah detention we have detention like yeah i got an in-office detention or i got an in-office suspension now yeah anyway so i guess we can't go to any more mets games in the middle of the work

day so i guess they're kind of cracking them down yeah i thought i thought being a guy was legal yeah i'm thinking good news oh nope i was just gonna i was saying the only good news about the mets losing is that i'm not gonna keep hemorrhaging money to go to these games so well you won yesterday to pay for it i did yeah i hit it i hit the parlay we won eight hundred and ten dollars yesterday holy shit i placed a 50 parlay i mean well me and my brother each faced 25 bucks on this parlay of all the nfl games to uh to cover the cost of our tickets and it's smack maybe i should get into sports betting you should gamble you can make tons of money actually though james rarely can you lose it either i have not been paid out yet so fingers crossed uh

yeah you should um you should get into like gambling and smoking yeah oh okay and like um uh hard drugs but drinking yes drinking more oh speaking of drinking though i'm still sober october i am you guys i went out on saturday night and i didn't drink at all so how was that you were probably you were probably no fun no i was i was fun probably like it was everyone's probably like oh no no i was with mia dead weight her co-worker friend and mia's older sister and one of her friends and they were like lauren you're still being so much fun i was like i know i am fun they were saying i don't think you can lauren you're still being no no no no i don't think you can i also think that it has built up my confidence just with being able to like speak

to people i was kind of explaining this to you this morning but i feel like when i go out sometimes i'm just like okay i'm just gonna have another drink and then when i'm a little bit more drunk it won't be as awkward but now i'm more focused on actually like having good conversations with people and like yeah i can't talk to people sober you realize how brutal we are sucks yeah like they're talking about things that that i would be so interested in if i was also drunk yeah but it's really hard to follow if you're sober oh yeah i i think uh are you gonna keep it going then yeah i'm wait past october oh past october honestly lauren comes in like fucking no i honestly i might try to just like see how long i can do you like do you feel better

yeah i mean i still had equally as bad sunday scaries yesterday did you really i'm curious about this um i don't know is that just a thing we go through i think i'm always anxious on sundays I had anxiety yesterday. Yeah. I mean, I didn't really drink much. What were you scared about? Just, like, life. I think Saturday is just so, like, carefree, and then it's just like, oh.

Yeah, I don't know. I like Sundays. Sometimes I do, and then. I don't know. We were at this bar yesterday before the Mets game. It was me, him, and his brother, Sam, having some beers. Oh, we'll talk about the pizza after. That was funny.

We had ass pizza. But I feel like you've talked about an ass pizza on here before What the hell is an ass pizza? Who would order an ass pizza? Okay, sorry Yeah, it comes Do I look like a guy who ordered

Did I order a fucking ass pizza? Who had the cheese with the ass pizza? Have you guys seen that TikTok? What a large ass Of the guy Who His friend like took his pizza out of the oven And he put like a tiny pizza on

My pizza My pizza shrunk You shrunk my pizza He was like checking the box he was like dude it was probably a joke pizza or something yeah i love those guys um yeah sorry you're but so we were talking about this after we left there was this group of girls like one we were at the bar and they were at the table behind us and like one by one came up like to order drinks but then like started conversation and they were like oddly like mean like they were

like it was like in like a playful way yeah they were flirting but they were like throwing jabs like why is a form of flirting like just being mean maybe because it's easy i know but it's like well we're we're adults not that i wanted her to what were the jabs i can't well it was like all like sports related yeah it was like oh you're mets fans like fucking suck take yeah take your clothes off yeah hey you're mets fans take your clothes off tie me up to the headboard with them and i was like i'm not gonna tie you up to the headboard of my friend will's mets jersey that's crazy we need at least two articles of clothing dude yeah that's some shit like quagmire would do who is that wait what who's quagmire you don't know quagmire he was in will's comedy group

you've like talked about him but i don't yeah yeah he's a real guy or yeah and he was in my comedy group in college he dude it's crazy he says like giggity like do you know any guys that of like a catchphrase line like we went we would go out to the bars of them in boston and he would like say something like really crass to a woman like didn't you meet him he was i feel like he was out here visiting one time he has a huge he has like a really big chin you've been seeing him no i said no we're not messing with you he has like this like not to make fun of you guys this is mean what yeah okay we can take this out okay are you no are you friends with him yeah he wears But he has like a huge chin

Yeah but he like Show me a picture right now We'll pull him up in a second Will can I pull up your Instagram Yeah I won't show anything He like goes up to women And says like the most foul

Pick up line and then he comes back to us That's that first one Yeah Glenn Quagmire Okay You guys You guys are actually Quaggity495 He's from Family Guy

Stop Okay I sort of thought that You were like I think I've met Quaggity You've talked about him before Yeah Quagg was in town and Lauren fucking hooked up with him Quaggmire Did you hear Lauren hooked up with Quagg last weekend Yeah Quaggmire is the man

Got me you got me Quaggmire is the man dude You would love him Guy who just found Family Guy. Dude, have you seen Family Guy? Quagmire is the man. Quagmire is hysterical. As you all know by now, we've teamed up with BetMGM this season.

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don't forget if you haven't signed up for bet mgm yet use bonus code play date and get your 1500 first bet offer today let's get back into the episode i was trying to watch the mets game yesterday on on youtube tv but i wanted to watch the uh steelers game as well and you know you can do like multi-view where you can have like two whatever just for some reason youtube tv unless i'm horrible with tech it was there was no option to watch just those two you had to watch it with the WNBA game and like I have nothing

against the WNBA but like the more games that are on that was game 5 of the finals dude I know for them it was game 7 why do they only

do 5 games I don't think they know I don't think they know about it yet I don't think they know about game 7 you can't count

that high yet it's a big win by the Liberty huge win for the Liberty fuck the Lynx it was a bad night for New York and also a good night

for New York you guys gonna root for the Dodgers or the can't root I'm actually gonna break my TV during game one I think I think I might snap my TV

over my head and piss on it I'm gonna root for the Dodgers I guess I think I'm probably gonna just smash my TV and piss on it we walk in on you like take a load on it like a huge cave in your skull oh great the Dodgers must be playing Will's head went

I think the Yankees Dodgers might that's the cruelest part of the Mets losing is that this is like this is like First Order playing the Empire I mean it's just like two But also hasn't it not happened in like forever I don't care

I don't care I fucking hate both of them Speaking of heads going through TVs Did I ever tell you my Our like St. Petersburg hotel story St. Petersburg hotel That would be a cool name for an album Carry on We were doing our formal at this hotel

In St. Petersburg We were all staying at the same hotel and uh we were driving back and i was the president at the time and so like my hotel no of our fraternity okay and uh i was like the point of contact for whenever anyone like got in trouble and like i was expecting like way more calls trouble trouble there was only like a handful of instances like my friend i guess came in and got into like a huge argument with the bell hop um and i got a call and it was like hey your friend is being really mean to our bell hop can you come get him and uh it was because he they wouldn't let him smoke in the lobby

what the hell thought this was america hotel is that yeah and uh but it's also like why would you want to hang out in the lobby and smoke like that's whatever yeah but so we're we're driving back and me and my friend jake are like dude we kind of got out of that weekend like scot-free like i was expecting we had like budgeted for like damages and stuff like we thought it was gonna be bad whatever and uh then the hotel calls me and they were like hey is this john or uh haze is rusty and uh and i said yep and they said do you want to just run through all the damages now or should i send you an email and i was like all right lay it on me and the biggest expense of the weekend was not uh the hotels it was not the bar tab it was multiple

people had thrown themselves through their tvs in their hotel room and i was like well surely it was like an accident or something and they were like no no there's like a there were like multiple human-sized holes in like multiple different tvs and my friend my friend uh billy apparently threw himself through his own tv and everyone else thought it was so funny that they went and did it started like a ripple effect well it was like you can only do it once yeah now we got to go to a new room damn yeah did i ever tell you about the time i got damages in a hotel no when i was in uh high school i went on a ski trip yes and uh we got damages at the hotel what happened i'm glad yes funny you should have well i'm realizing the funnier thing that

happened that weekend actually was unrelated to the damages i guess but it was why are you being so what did you break i don't know i like spilled like red wine all over like all the towels that's not that cool of a story time out what scenario i spilled red wine from my guts i i don't know what i threw up red wine all over all the towels why was that your like aiming point um feeling nauseous you're probably going i think i was i think i was it was like one of the first times i like drank ladies where are all the towels i have to throw up yeah where's all the linens i mean better than the i also threw up on bailey's uh columbia jacket but he never he he said it was fine he didn't even make me buy him a new one but you know what happened that trip

he said it was fine pots went out to a club there was like yeah this kid pots nice and chris i think or something they had fake ids they're like the only ones that had fake ids so we were all in this hotel it was a ski we created the winter sports club yep and got like a so it was like through the school technically but it was just it was just like our friends and it was like all about just drinking and stuff like some people didn't even know how to ski but they would like go there under the pretense of a ski trip and uh they bring skis or do they just no no they didn't even like fake it uh because it was like parent the only like chill parents came nice and it was anyway it was one of my first times like out of the house unsupervised like drinking and stuff but

uh we were in the hotel i brought my game key we're playing nfl street me and me and chanel and we were playing nfl street and drinking some beers and i guess pots and chris had gone out to the nightclub uh on the ski as high yeah they were high schoolers we were in high school we were seniors in high school but they had gotten fake ids they're out grinding and well they went they tried to go out grinding and uh one of those are going out grinding tonight you gotta do it like this you gotta go more side to side yeah he was saying that the beginner grinders always do this and that that's a little too too much if you're the if you're the late beginner grinders yeah I'm a brown belt in grinding.

I'm going to turn you into a black belt. Anyway, so Potts and Chris go. This is actually a crazy story. So one of them gets busted with a fake ID or whatever. The cops get called. It's like the West Virginia State Police. We were in West Virginia. It was the West Virginia State Police.

We were in California. And the West Virginia State Police, I guess, found out these guys were young and staying at the hotel right next door. because it was all like right in like the ski mountain and resort area and so the the cops were like take us back to your hotel room and i was in the room technically they were like sleeping in so we're sitting there like this is like what you think is going to happen when you're 17 and drinking for the first time is that state police are going to come through your door like like we get a knock on the door i'm like who's that and i open it and it's the west virginia state police

which is insane that they came all the way back to the kids hotel room and they're like hey can we come in i was like uh uh yeah i'm just heading out and tried to sneak and like slipped out the door and they're like nope nope you're not get back in there oh yeah i'm actually got a west virginia state police break into our why would your friends like i guess they probably didn't realize we were in there drinking or something i don't know it was like we were being very low-key playing video games blah blah so they come in and they go western state police and the guy holds up a breathalyzer and he goes i'm gonna breathalyze everyone in this room again This is like what you think is gonna happen when you're drinking at 17

I have no idea like what the fuck was going through these guys minds But they were in our hotel room saying they're gonna breathalyze all of us And then they were like where's all the alcohol get it all together and so they made me put all the alcohol like a big box one cup and then I was like Can uh can I or no no and then this one girl was sobbing like Freaking hysterically sobbing and I said you're living your life is over. Yeah, I literally and I was like hey hey hey i like it's okay like i know it's just scary having all these police or what did i say i think i said i know it's just scary having all these hotels in our police room

and the police officer goes in your police room and i was like i misspoke and he was like have you been drinking and i was like and then i was like can i go to the bathroom and i remember going to the bathroom and brushing my teeth thinking that that would like help me pass the breathalyzer and then coming out and like chugging a two liter of Sprite and like swishing it around

I thought my life was over and then they just took all our alcohol like burping up a storm yeah he tried the old Sprite trick and they

then they left and that was it but that was the did you get any tickets the kids who had the fake IDs did but they didn't breathalyze

like it was all just like scare tactics which almost makes it weirder yeah that's weird we're gonna come in and like spook these 17 year olds like we were in

our own hotel room like I don't even know if they have like a case i don't know they came into our room could they like give us a i don't know ticket i i what's funny is they probably left and like thought it was funny you know what i mean like they like yeah seriously in the moment but they were probably like what what fucking morons i know i was yeah did i ever tell you the uh scary i've never gotten breathalyzed but we had a guy do it uh a natural breathalyze i copped a natural breathalyze test on us when we were in high school

yeah i haven't have i told you this no we're at a we're at a football game and uh had a couple beers oh god uh we had a we had a we had a dd we're being safe uh but the beers were in the car under the seat and we were heckling they put they put us behind the home band which is like the worst so like the team that we were playing their band was like in the front row and then they put our student section directly behind them and it's like putting like a bunch of yeah rambunctious 15 16 and 17 year olds behind like the you know the dorkiest like group of people in southern maine was like a bad idea whatever so we started playing the instruments when they left them oh you did tell us this yeah we were like joke playing the tuba and like whatever and and the

band director was like uh you know got us to stop whatever unbeknownst to us he was an undercover cop he just did the band director thing in his free time and so he called his boys who were on duty and he was like hey grab all these kids on the way out like i think they're hammered whatever and the guy comes up to us he didn't have a breathalyzer on him and so he just goes all right everyone against that wall he goes i'm gonna smell all your breath and we were like okay he came around and one by one he put his fingers in front of uh our mouths for us to blow on and then he would smell it and then he would be like hammered and like put like the other kids in another one phil's like frantically eating uh fruit snacks to try and like get it off his breath

and then he puts his fingers in front of my friend brendan's face and he went to be like he blew out of his nose thinking like the cop wouldn't notice he'd feel the air and then smell it whatever and the cop just looked at me he goes do you just blow on my fingers with your nose and brendan was like no he goes hammered over there called all of our parents uh we weren't allowed to leave until your parents said like because he figured out we did have a dd he was like all right that's responsible at least whatever i just need to let your parents know and then you can go home with this guy. My dad was on a plane, so it's not going through.

He goes, all right, what's your mom's address? We'll have our boys in your town go wake her up. And I was like, if you wake my mother up, like, I'm going to die. Like, you can't do this to me. And then my dad finally got it, like, as he was coming down, or maybe he had just landed, and they let us go on our way. But, yeah, it was a nightmare. Jesus.

That's weird. Him, like, smelling your fingers. They told us they weren't going to tell our school. They go, like, you know, you guys are reasonable enough. Like, you know, we appreciate you guys being honest with us. Like, we'll let you go. So we're in class on Monday, like, bragging about it to each other. We're all in the same, like, history class.

And over the loudspeaker, it just goes, and it lists every single one of our friends coming down to the office. And we all got two-day suspensions. It was supposed to be four. So you don't have to come to school for two days? Don't have to come to school for two days. We had to do six months of counseling. but it was just like during school yeah so it was like you just go during a study hall

and talk with this uh lovely woman i ended up kept going after my like mandated time because it was just like nice to like it's like free therapy yeah that is sick it goes at one-on-one one-on-one go in we rarely talked about drinking and she was like oh i love this because a lot of the girls would go in and she's like i hear all these i hear all the girls sides of the stories about you guys yeah and then she's like now i get to hear like your point of view which is funny that's hysterical um seems like kind of it goes against like uh patient you know whatever confidentiality you know who likes you yeah that reminds me we had a we had a class trip once and uh greg got busted for having he had a full bottle brand new bottle of listerine in his bag

they went through everyone's bags and before the trip because they want to make sure people weren't bringing alcohol and drugs i guess and greg had a brand new family-sized bottle of listerine unopened was it for drinking no it was for mouthwashing and they called him in the they called in the principal's office and everyone was like great like greg was like a very like buttoned up guy it was like greg got called in the principal's office like what the hell did he do and apparently they were like why do you have this and he was like it's mouthwash for washing my mouth and they were like why is it such a big bottle you're gonna huff this and he was like it was a good value

it was a good deal and they confiscated it that's weird his breath reeked for the rest of the day what happened to my little thing I don't know

it's been going haywire sorry I'm going haywire haywire I had one more thing I wanted to tell you oh I have two things to tell you please

dos cosas I was in Cincinnati Ohio this past weekend lovely city yeah dude there's some crazy crazy folk out there it was honestly gorgeous

first of all can I interrupt you really quick because this just reminded me we we got a dm and and this guy was like can you guys please stop pronouncing the l and folk and you just said it so it reminded me that i folk i say folk yeah he was like if you say folk no what that guy can go honestly can i say something well what i can go pound that guy can go i can go chase a park that guy can go suck it i can go blow it he's just trying to look out for the common good no i i agree but it is folk i say folk anyway sorry us country folk say i say folk i'm from the i'm from the south one thing about

me i'm from the south i'm from the south of the north i'm from the south of the north i call it alabama of the alabama of new england that's true um okay anyway i was in cincinnati ohio first of all beautiful the midwest right now gorgeous this time of year unreal the leaves are changing the water actually pretty this time of year gorgeous gorgeous like this this is like peak time of year in the midwest yeah and on the east coast honestly like i'm sure new york is beautiful right now too anyway um it's like nice little brisk water uh wind the sun's out but you have like a jacket on yeah yeah and the air just feels so crisp anyway uh the air is so crisp this time we get an uber driver yesterday morning my brother and i changed our flights to go to the

mets game yesterday so we had to fly out at we had to leave for the airport at 4 a.m and uh we get in the uber and the uber driver is like tweaking and she's like there's helicopters above us we're like what she's like they're following me it's because i i i uh i reported my company for 28 million dollars in theft to the irs like ever since yeah the uber what oh i don't know i guess she had a different job yeah i don't know and so she's like yeah she's like yeah they're following us isn't that crazy and like looking up we're like what and then she kind of paused and she goes you could smoke anything but a cigarette in here if you want i had a guy smoke crack in here last week we're like what is going on so this lady's having like a full-blown meltdown the whole time

she's driving crazy and she thinks helicopters are following us during the uber ride got us there in time five stars you gave her five i didn't it was my brother that called you've got to uh i've started i i usually go five stars or i just don't if it wasn't a five-star service i just don't rate them yeah i very rarely am i like people need to know that this is a ride they can't this might have warranted that quite honestly i had a guy uh delivering my groceries like on instacart yeah a couple weeks ago and he wasn't moving for like he should have been an hour and a half i'm looking at it and it was like i had tried to time the edible like oh all my stuff is gonna get here like right as i'm getting nice and hungry yeah and so like being high and looking at your

phone and the guy's not moving and i was texting him like hey man like what are we like what's going on here because sometimes they will this happened with me on postmates before they will pick up your food and then they'll go park at a parking lot and wait for you to cancel it and then they'll eat your food and it's happened to me twice and i called the it happened when we were in uh we were in upstate new york one time i ordered chipotle she went parked at a parking a lot across from our hotel and just waited until i canceled it and i sent her a text and i said i have all night like i like i don't know where to be and uh and then she brought the food weird weird time isn't that terrible but then i was worried when when i got it the seal was broken

like the sticker and i was like she might have pooped in it yeah she probably crapped it you probably crashed oh she probably did one of those you know those like shits where it just goes everywhere yep she gave she gave my burrito a paint job she gave it a paint job right lauren How your poop's been lately Weird I don't want to talk about it This is so gross I ate a salad the other day

And when it came out It was not digested I could be like That's that type of leaf Maybe you ate it really quick We heard Will and I were talking about this yesterday If you swallowed a hot dog whole

Would it come out whole? No Or wait I don't know It would come out with mustard and ketchup Comes out dressed Well dressed should we wait i have a question should we want lauren if you swallow a hot dog while pregnant

why was that a question why was that one of the searches sorry that was me on your laptop the other day i was very nervous about the girl i was hanging out with no you probably won't be able to have damn it well there goes my magic no you probably won't be able to be i like that ai can make that call now probably not no probably i was gonna tell you guys uh i saw it never mind the little fuzz on his head yeah it's so funny i have an airport story yeah let's go wait before you tell this squeaky like no other squeaky like no other guys very exciting news we have a new almost friday podcast launching very soon if you're feeling nostalgic missing those college football

Glory Days. You won't want to miss out on this first episode between Johnny Manziel and his first guest, Tavon Austin. Coming soon. Get ready for all the behind-the-scenes moments you've always wanted to hear about. It's called Glory Days. That's D-A-Z-E with Johnny Manziel. Johnny Football Money Manziel, baby. First episode launching Thursday, October 24th. Check it out on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. Episodes will release every Thursday. We are officially partnered with ricky to bring you the best canned alcoholic beverage on the market ricky was created to finally give the world a premium spirit-based drink ricky is made with award-winning vodka or tequila and just a touch of thirst quenching fruit each can has only 130 calories no added

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the reason it's so good is because it's real liquor and real fruit juice and not that typical malt liquor that you see in other canned cocktails all right i'm a big fan of the cranberry flavor feels like a delicious Cosmo. You like the watermelon, right? I'm a big watermelon guy. I've kind of switched more to the limes, though. Okay. Lime's been calling my name recently.

Interesting. Yeah, I mean, I think, listen, the Mets are out of the playoffs, and I'm sad, and I think the way to bring my spirits back up is with some spirits, thanks to Ricky. Nice. I'm planning to get Rickied this weekend. We're going to get Rickied out of our gorge.

And forget about this stupid season. Guys, head to rickyspirits.com to find out where you can get Ricky near you. Follow at Friday.beers and at Ricky Spirits to stay up to date with upcoming Ricky contests and giveaways. Let's get back into the episode. All right, we just took a little bathroom break and I literally almost made Will crass himself.

I was wondering what that scream was. He came out of the bathroom, I hid behind the door, and he almost crassed his pants. That was the most scared I've been in a long time. Were you the one that screamed? No, to scare me, he yelled so loud. I didn't mean it to be that loud. I was gonna tell you

I get So I get to the airport After this crazy Crackhead Uber driver Gets me there And then We're in the TSA line And some guy

I've never seen anything like it He just goes Excuse me Excuse me Excuse me Yep Cuts the entire line Yep

And he And you know what When he was coming by me He did this move Where he goes Oh yeah I'm coming Like he like

Pointed like he was Going up to someone Oh And then I walked He was completely by himself That is horrible And then once we got Through security

He was just like Chilling like he wasn't like in a rush he i he just cut the whole line unabashedly i've never seen that but i've heard that people do that insane one time i was in line and some uh tsa agent was escorting a girl past the whole line because she was like my like my flight like it's boarding now but like other people are having that problem yeah that's your fault yeah that's your own fault i was i was flying to amsterdam out of logan uh last summer and we like if you have an international flight it's not one of those scenarios where like i'll show up like when the plane's boarding now

if it's like a domestic flight whatever you have you have a i think she was flying to china like you have like a lot to do customs or not customers but like she was checking three bags like she got there as the plane was boarding was sobbing on the phone to her boyfriend like uh like they're not letting me skip the line and then so all of us were just like all right like you know do it and uh and then the same thing we got to we got into the international terminal it wasn't even close like her plane wasn't even like i walked past the like beijing gate or whatever it wasn't even boarding yeah some people be tripping crazy i finally got pre-check pre-check and i got i got me clear and pre-check and uh i'm starting to think clear

is slower than regular well you still have to take your shoes off with just cheeks no no you can do clear and pre-check so like it let me skip the pre-check line got it but there were so many people in the clear line that like i got right behind the woman that i would have been behind That's funny Should we RM it up? How long have we been going, Lar? 51 minutes I'm kidding, we haven't been going an hour

Alright guys, we have a beautiful episode for you today, we have your pitches followed by our pitches then Will and I are going to do Teach Me Something followed by This Guy Rocks and then Will and I are going to do the updated White Boy of the Year rankings followed by

Best Walk-Up Songs for a Baseball Player yep lauren l dog lower let's see let's hear some pitches let's do it i get my pitches up in georgia yeah that's shit i get my weed from california that's that shit badass bitch first pitch first pitch is from sam wood sam wood it's wood it's the ceremonial first pitch nice all right he says lauren and gentlemen what is the worst thing about fruit oh the skin no that's some of the best parts the worst shit your brain's out you have to wash you have to wash it before you eat it okay well he says too much too much gosh darn admin what every

fruit presents its own challenges i just came up with a potentially game-changing pitch it's a simple idea but could revolutionize the eating scene worldwide. I call it Fruit Plus. Imagine an apple without a core, a banana without the stringy bits, a strawberry the size of an apple, a blueberry the size of a strawberry. The possibilities are endless. This could be yours with Fruit Plus.

It's a microwave-sized box that you can put your fruit in, press one button, and zap. Next thing you know, you have better fruit. Perhaps in the future, we could expand outside of the fruit game. Maybe I'm thinking too small with all of this. Would love your input. Love it. That's great. A strawberry the size of an apple would be game-changing. Insane. Get rid of the red shit?

too the red or the green shit yeah i was like that's the best part yeah that would be i hate strawberries the green part's so bitter yeah like i i hate the red part of strawberry oh i want a raspberry the size of a watermelon oh what about a watermelon the size of a baseball bat what about a baseball bat the size of a watermelon oh what about uh it's really hard to grip what about it like a plum the size of jupiter we imagine a banana a banana in the shape of an apple or an Apple in the shape of a Banana Peach

Or Bananas but they're like on grapes 12 foot grape A grape the size of the Goodyear blimp Yes yes and it still has the little Carriage at the bottom for us to sit in Yeah A watermelon with extra black seeds

Yes Some people like it it's like pulp Did you guys hear that When you were little If you ate a black seed You would grow one inside you Yeah Why is that true

No it's not I just remember my mom Would be like don't eat the black seed Have you ever seen someone With a watermelon growing inside of them That's how it happened Yes I always wondered

I get my peaches out in Georgia We were at dinner one time When I was a kid And there was a pregnant lady And my dad said That's what happens When you swallow the watermelon seeds Really

I thought it was funny Yeah I mean That's What he's doing there is just like a little lighthearted thing to kind of make everyone laugh and you kind of enjoy the moment a little bit more and it just sort of takes the pressure off

of the stress of day-to-day life. And I think lighthearted stuff like that, especially with family, can be a really great way to maintain those bonds and enjoy your time spent together. Yes. I remember there was a similar, I think it was the same year,

we had a waitress who was like not pregnant enough for you to ask. Yeah. And my dad pulled the trigger and he was right she was pregnant but i remember being like the risk to reward there is so low i was like even if you're pregnant if you're like a little pregnant you probably don't want to look pregnant yeah yeah he's like you look very pregnant yeah she's not gonna be like i'm glad you could tell you haven't been making guys wear condoms oh god you've been having sex with guys

i've been talking to guys someone doing someone me i've been secretly talking to guys that night on a megal i talked to god i talked i've been pretending to be a girl on a megal imagine explaining neanderthals our job like yes i talked to a guy i talked to another guy for an hour for an hour and a half monday um and then i show everyone on wednesday um wait what was i just gonna oh someone tweeted the other day that was like i think it's really gross when people tell their family like we're trying for a baby and it's like we don't need to know that that he's like not pulling out yeah just let us know when you're pregnant we're trying we've been trying for months oh so you can't figure out how uh anyway wait you know you can get pregnant in the

butt yeah I'm pretty yeah will and I've been trying and then I was like out late and like we're drinking at the game too so just kind of like yeah I just like woke up feeling like really sad well I was really sad yesterday I'm just having a like a bad day but we have so much stuff to do yeah there's just picture many things you'll make it through we have a lauren i have a softball game later lauren joined a softball team this is what i'm talking about you guys are like you have so much on your plate and you guys were like why didn't you join the softball game and i'm like because you guys were already stressed out about this and you're like i have to play a softball game later also yeah but

that's a stress reliever i'm excited to run those it'll be fun for the fences i was just picturing two people you like walking on two people trying and they're like across the room from each other like they don't know how wait is it true he's like holding her ankles why isn't it working is it true that with like soaking with mormonism whoa mormonism how do you say that so more man someone someone someone actually has to like jump on the bed no so they can sometimes apparently the way they do it is they'll soak and then their roommate is like under

like in the bunk below. What? So then they get to the sensation of it but they're not actually doing it. I feel like there's better words they could have used for that. I don't think they patented it. Soaking? Do you think people actually do that? Yes.

I've heard. But how is that better? It's not. It's just like a loophole. You're like at that point just go for it. It's like It's amazing what the human brain can come up with To justify something when it's that horny Yeah Because I don't think they touch themselves

So it's like Bursting at the seams Yes It's literally rip It's about to rip in half What happened to Rip Van Winkle I don't know who that is Who's that

He's in my comedy group Him and Quag His name was Rip Do you actually not know who Rip Van Winkle is? That is a fake person. No, I have heard that name. I just don't know who it is. It's a person.

It was like a guy who slept for like a thousand years. I'm not kidding. It sounds made up, but it was a guy who slept for a thousand years. I went in the ocean over the weekend. It was really nice. Me too. Yesterday. Wasn't it nice?

Gorgeous. Yes. But I saw three or four sharks. Did I tell you the stat about Southern California beaches? No. 97% of surfers in Southern California are accompanied by a shark, which means it's within like 30 yards of you oh that's really scary i we me and my brother go down there we go to get in the water and we look through the like you could see the water was pretty clear and there

are just four sharks swim like little like small ones wait where were you sorry they're like this where were you standing like it's about to walk into the ocean in venice in venice yeah and they just swam right by and we're like and so we just went like 20 feet down to the right yeah they 20 feet for them is like a mile yeah like i was i was looking and then i just jumped in and kind of got out but like we'd already committed our dock in maine there's like a chain that connects it to the ground so it doesn't drift off and you can see it disappear after like six feet and so like my like the scariest part is that like if there was a shark there you could jump right on top of it and you wouldn't know it was there oh that's terrifying until it ate it until it ate you

um all right should we hear another pitch yeah let's do it um thank you sam i liked fruit plus that was a fun one all right next one is from bailey smith bailey says what is up lauren and her little beasties beastie let me start off with a question what is the hardest thing about getting in shape let's think about it well you got to do the you actually have to do the exercise someone can't do it for you uh you have to eat better uh consistency that's right staying consistent well let me introduce you i wouldn't say that's the hardest part bailey i feel like it is i think it is let me also my thing is probably hard probably hard too okay absolutely what's harder than what's harder than this us it's harder than me and you right now not a lot

in this room let me tell you okay let me we'll are way harder than you i'm so much harder than both of you right now okay i'm having a hard off later let me introduce you just quit harding off over there all right sorry i want to talk about i'm also sorry i was i was joking you were right that the consistency is large but yeah okay she says let me introduce you to sweat bet the brand new gym franchise with a betting twist upon sign up your initial body metrics will be recorded for example mile time max is for each type of lift bmi etc over time the gym's algorithm will develop new betting lines for your workouts that would match your projected progression towards your fitness goals then members of the gym will be able to bet against the house with the hopes

of seeing you succeed or preying on your downfall oh yes so that incentive so if you if you stick with your goals you can make you can make a lot of dough yeah who's paying the gym the gym's the house right or the app so if you get fat you pay them a bunch of money you lose all your money i guess yeah i'm down i love it 100 bucks i'll do 100 bucks i'll do i feel like the eating eating right is honestly the hardest part though because there's some times when i'm like really in the mood to like work out and but like i haven't been eating properly so i don't have the energy to like work out or like agree yeah i have an app that i'll use to like you scan everything you're about to eat and it'll put it in and i'm

Like, it gives me, like, I can eat this many calories today. And the thing that's backwards about it is you can, you're like, as long as I'm under this, you know what I mean? Like, I've technically, like, eaten healthy today. But you'll be like, I was under my goal, but, like, 90% of it was, like, Pacifico. Where you're like, it's probably not going to work. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Also, like, it's bad if you're drinking and not eating, too.

That can be bad. It's really important to eat. Will and I were at the bar yesterday And we ordered a pizza for the three of us And we were like can we get a margarita pizza For the three of us And the waiter was like coming right up And then it came out and it was a personal sized

Pizza and everyone at the bar started laughing at us Yeah it was tiny It was like an insult It was like they were like fuck these guys Yeah she should have at least told you It was literally this big So you had one piece No Will had two

Me and Sam had three It's funny that you noticed that. What? There was an uneven number. Did you bet on who didn't get it the last one? No, I just got to it. Let's bet on each other. Let's bet on ourselves this year.

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and best part is right now you can get up to 30 off on extra's website with any purchase and if you use our special code play date you'll snag an additional five percent off that's code plated at checkout to get up to 35 off your next extra wallet let's get back into the episode okay who wants to hear a pitch uh what's the worst part about uh the slippers that you wear inside and outside dirty gets inside dirty gets inside of course uh these are slippers with like detachable soles okay right so you can wear them to get coffee and then when you come back you like put them in this thing and it goes like and you like take them off and now it has the inside soles on Because the worst thing is, like, I want to wear my Uggs around, but then, like, when I'm sitting on the couch, I have to take them off because I can't put them on the ottoman.

Now, I take the outside soles off, and I can fucking kick back. I can put them on my roommate. I can put them, I can wear them in, like, sometimes I, like, wear, like, I want to sit on my bed on top of the sheets, but I have to take my Uggs off because I'm, like, I whacked outside in these. My Bugs got Uggs. You know about that? What'd you say? You know how Angus talks about how people have, like, Bugs in their brain? Yeah.

My bugs got Uggs. Yes. Yeah. What kind of bugs do you have in your brain? I think I have, like, fire ants. Lauren? Caterpillars. Oh.

You got, like, what do you got? You have, like, cockroaches. You got cockroaches. Whoa! I think you got cockroaches. I was so nice to you about yours. I'm sorry. You don't have caterpillars.

You have, like, worms. Ew! You know what? I take it back. Lauren, you have maggots. Oh, no. Yeah. would you you don't call them that did i tell that story already yeah you did what we were

we can't you can't wait so then what bugs does he have butterflies no ladybugs sure yeah ladybug and i've got pirate pirates i have pirates in my head guy who got schizophrenia over the weekend guy who didn't get invited I have pirates in my head Guy who you can't figure out How he figured out Where everyone was hanging out Wait what was this

You were about to tell I don't know Will says I can't tell it Oh I think it's better not to What were we talking about It was like Yeah it's not even worth it

Alrighty Will what's your pitch No we were talking about We were talking about something Oh I have my pitch Yeah Alright here's my pitch You know like

Twitter Well Twitter's kind of Cheeks these days But it's still you know how Twitter's cheeks these days dude I have never once

liked or engaged with an Elon Musk tweet and every time I open Twitter it's the first thing I see I don't follow him he owns the app yeah that's true

yeah but like that's crazy that he bought it and then he's just trying to make me read his shit what does he talk about it's just all about like the election and stuff

he's a Republican right yeah he is now yeah he's like big what is he tweeting I don't like I don't even really look at it honestly

I just like every time I open up it's literally the exact first tweet it's crazy that he's just like bought the app to make everyone look at his tweets if you were a billionaire if you became a billionaire today what's the first thing you would tweet my bugs got what's the first thing you would do first thing i would do you check your bank account right now there's a billion dollars and

i think i want to go to like oh my god what a dream greenland or like somewhere like really weird yeah we'll hit the big time he's in greenland now do you hear will will's will stock took a big jump he's like somewhere hard to get to greenland okay maybe antarctic i was yeah what about space okay so it seems like you guys have you guys have picked the three worst and coldest places in the world space is the world is space cold yeah what's the coldest place it's the coldest thing of all time oh you thought space was hot you know there's no like you know how like in harry potter they're like no dementors like there's no love like they'll suck you until there's no love

i've been there that's what yeah brother like me getting sucked until all my love's gone you got a new car and then i would um you got a new car i would buy a new car what would you buy wait let me guess let me guess uh old bronco let me guess toyota corolla i'd probably buy a porsche oh oh would you take it onto the tarmac no oh it's like delta humor yeah i would you know what i would do is chop down a bunch of trees in the rainforest yes yep because i fucking can what would you i'd start fracking even if it's illegal i'd pay off local politicians and deforest a bunch of what is fracking fracking is uh drilling for oil right yeah yeah me and the boys got fracked on friday um start fracking more all right well what's my new year's my pitch is twitter like

the best part about twitter is like when you're watching like a live sporting event or like a tv show that is airing and you can go on and you can kind of like yeah read people's reactions to specific things like as they're happening but if you watch something later like a tv show usually or if you like tape to a sporting event or something you completely lose the ability to go in and and see like the how people are reacting to things you know i mean you can like if i'm watching survivor on thursday you know it came out on wednesday people have already talked i can't look at twitter yeah and i can't see so what this is is it's like it's like a feature on twitter that encapsulates like the timeline of a specific event that you can then go and start up so like

once i start survivor then i hit like start the hashtag survivor red and then they come in live as i'm watching it that's really cool does that make sense yes that's cool yeah i would have done that for the like the only time i've gone on twitter recently was like during the debate because people were just like that exactly you could do for that too people were on fire during that was the hardest though the when he said that they're eating the dogs and the cats that's just some of the tweets that i also like it almost felt like some people knew he was gonna say that like they had tweets that were too funny to have to have like immediately crafted and like made the graphic for um all right i love it when he said that thing about springfield ohio almost spit out

My cat Or no it was I was watching the election With my roommate from Haiti And when he said Whatever They're eating They're eating the dogs

They're eating the dogs Eat the cat And then I'll be You can be Biden Hello America They're eating dogs That was like Obama 867

5309 did I tell you George Bush's George W's DUI story in Kennebunkport got a DUI in the 70s and the he was driving through Kennebunkport and the story goes the bartender

they went and got like a statement from the bartender like how much did George drink here and he goes him and this guy came in and like made it very clear to everyone that they were having a drinking competition and then they drove home together Oh wait you might have Alright should we do teach me something or this guy rocks Lauren

Ooh let's do teach me something Teach me something We have a house band now Doing a live jingle Hit it boys Could you imagine How many more listeners do we have to get To get like the roots in here

I don't know that would be awesome Alright I slacked mine I don't remember Got a house band got a mouse cane okay i'm i would assume you guys have already seen this but did you see nasa found artificial lights on a planet like four light years away no no so this is like i think the first confirmed time we're like there's this is like irrefutable evidence that there are aliens uh go so this is the planet i forget what it's called and then scroll

no you can just show the picture this final one is those are artificial lights that they found on a planet like four light years away holy shit isn't that fucking crazy yeah what the fuck so there's just like a city out in space or like something that is producing this light that's wild isn't that that'd be so sick if we found aliens dude i bet they're oh can you imagine it's like you show up and they're like clubs and like you go clubbing you'd be the it's like when white people go to china like you're like you're like automatically a celebrity man yeah um yeah that's fucking crazy right that's crazy what do you think they look like so weird uh if they'd like just they're i bet they're really tall yeah i bet they're tall and skinny

I bet they're thin Really you think they're thin We go and they're all They're fat I think we're probably the only If there is other life out there We're probably the only ones that like Have like an obesity problem

I don't know I can see these things being real big I want a hot dog real bad What Have you seen Isn't that from like Cinderella's story White Lotus Yeah, but no, that's not what it's from.

The Cinderella. Oh, is it? I don't know. It's Jennifer Coolidge. Yeah, look up I Want a Hot Dog. Oh, speaking of White Lotus, I got a haircut next to Theo James. Shout out Theo James. I want Doc's haircut.

Oh, yeah. No, this is in Legally Blonde, I think. Oh, my God. You look like the Fourth of July. It makes me want a hot dog real bad. I used to think he was so hot when we were kids. Jennifer Coolidge? Yeah.

What? She's a hottie. I think it was just because she always played kind of the horny mom. Horny milf. And you do like horny milfs. I love. A brother like me, man. Love me some horny milfs.

H-Milfs. That's crazy, though. That is wild. Yeah. Artificial lights. Should I do mine? Yes, please. All right.

This is crazy, too. You know Alcatraz? Mm-hmm. so in 1933 it becomes a federal prison which is also i still think hysterical that they were like it's like a spectacle almost like yeah yeah let's like banish them to this like island that we can all see yeah uh but in it closed in like the 60s or something i think in there's there's this group of like native american tribes basically claimed that based on this like old uh i forget the name of the act but it was passed like when they were negotiating

with tribes in like south dakota back in the olden days um it basically said like unused federal land would be returned to the native american tribes and so basically they were saying based on that old law they were legally entitled to the land that was alcatraz because that had recently become unused it was like officially recognized as like unused public happening in land uh 69 i think okay um 70 something like that and so a bunch of uh like native americans stormed alcatraz and kicked out like the one guard that was there and they like uh there's still prisoners in there no no it wasn't a prison anymore but it was that's right it was just like unused federal land so they claimed that they had a right to it and they

occupied it for like a look up like uh occupation of alcatraz yeah we hold the rock yeah go click on a basketball team it was 19 months long where 89 native americans and their supporters occupied alcatraz island is that crazy that is really interesting did you so i learned this the other day did you know like we always thought that we started calling them indians because we were mistaken and we thought it was india yeah did you ever hear that story i've heard that yeah that's why we call it it's like not right like christopher columbus was because also when you think about it uh that wouldn't make any sense because like they didn't speak english whatever but the um apparently he when he was writing about the

people he saw he wrote like in spanish or whatever language he spoke like indios or something which is like people of god dios is god yeah so he was like he started calling them that and then we transferred it to like indians so it was like in reality that name isn't as like yeah like apparently some of them think native americans is the worst is like worse than calling them indian i think we talked maybe i talked about but like i had a professor in college that we had a class called the plains indians that i signed up for and i remember being like dicey she was like day one she was like yeah by the way like i think regardless of that too it was more that like we started saying native american not like because anyone like they're all different tribes they

don't identify as one big group yeah yeah and we just changed it to americans to like distance ourselves from what we had done to them kind of it was like a way of like easing our own consciousness as white people not like no one was coming out and being like you got to stop calling us indians like just saying yeah i don't know so i think india is fine yeah um all right should we do this guy rocks people have been texting me a lot more to this guy rocks lately yeah i feel like a lot of this guy rocks is this guy rocks i'm so hungry you wanna get lunch together one maybe do you want to walk to dogtown and see what they have going on i don't want dogtown coffee sure i think they have food too all right all right this guy rocks where's

my this guy rocks can i how do i slack it to myself yeah this is my new favorite account on instagram it's called vhs oddities and it'll pick like i think most of them are like stuff they would show in health class do you guys ever watch like those movies where it was like telling you why like drugs and alcohol are bad yeah so there's a bunch of great ones but this is my favorite one that i see that i've seen to set the stage i believe it's like an anti-drinking thing that they show like teens in high school but it is they're at a house party and let's see how it goes all right hey where'd you get the beer from the fridge in our basement my dad's not gonna miss a couple six-packs i can't believe how crowded it is upstairs yeah i guess when

everybody found out that Pete was having a party tonight. The word spread pretty fast. I mean, it's unbelievable. You can't even walk five feet without someone dancing on your feet or bumping into you. Oh, hey, this is the real party. If you want to join in, there's some more in the fridge. That was it?

That was a nice loop. The party seems awesome. That party sounds like it's fucking bumping. I also like that the boys and girls are just drinking beer yeah b-e-e-r yeah yeah i there is a i had a beer one time called just it just said beer on it it's kind of fun but um i like the line this is the real party yeah like imagine you and i were hanging out and you weren't drinking yet yeah i had already gotten to the beers and you were like this party's bumping like this is the real party yeah that's fun i like that um wait lauren look

up uh look up like bad tv uh cartwheel after landing a date i'm getting really into like bad television this yeah this one oh this is from uh degrassi yeah yeah have you seen this will so like whoever pauses aren't whoever whoever was the writer for this television show yeah either had never i think had never been to a high school talked to a girl or done a cartwheel let's give it a shot hey sean hey hey i haven't seen you around where have you been where have i been yeah when'd you get an attitude i don't have an attitude great so maybe we can go out some time i don't know i'm kind of busy doing what come on all right call me don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life you know the same way you can skip an ad

i get it i'm siaya and i live in ice cove i've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way i planned and today i'm still figuring it out somehow things usually get worse before they get better apparently that's how i roll so bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride stream a new episode of north of north tuesdays on cbc gem why they couldn't at least like make sure he knew how to do a cartwheel before riding that that's hysterical that's uh that's what it looks like when me and will are chatting up ladies at the bar dude and we do that so much we were at the bar on saturday and i'm not gonna not gonna call out which one of our friends this happened to but it was very funny this girl came up to

him and she was wearing one of those tank tops that said cowboy pillows on it yeah and we both when we were sober we're like that's kind of you know that's interesting whatever and i don't think he was into this group of girls and then they they hung around long enough that like i think he got drunk enough that her cowboy pillow started looking a little more intriguing and i turned around with the girl that i was hanging out with and we were like oh that's interesting he's still talking to them and then she planted a kiss on him in public and he let it happen it's kind of awesome yeah that's great like if you were there it wouldn't have been great it was like oh hey I think it sounds like he was on fire

Wait what You think he did something wrong It was like he wasn't into it when he was sober And you like watched the effects of alcohol Like make someone more attractive Oh yeah I sent you mine Oh yeah

We do need to get AC in this room though It's a little steamy It is steamy I feel like the steam went away So this guy is like It's like One of those people that are just like Holy shit

Talent This guy's got the fastest reflexes ever Okay Will, describe for the audio listeners what we're watching now He's grabbing shit so fast How do you learn that this is Look how good he is Wait, so here's my

He's making it look confusing, but he's grabbing the pencil first Grabbing the pencil first, the lighter will not move Yeah The lighter will still be there He could have grabbed the pencil and gone out to lunch And the lighter would still be there What a just what a talent is it cuz he's doing like a circle over the pencil No, I think he doesn't realize that it would be more impressive if you grab the lighter first

Look how good he is No, what that guy's a pro What does he have? What do you think a pencil and a lighter? What do you think he has? What's going on in his head? Dude, he's just red hot. I don't think I think you guys are overtaking this. I guess the fastest grabber of all time Can I blow this candle out? Sure. Wait, why? It's hot.

That's definitely not me. Okay, that's not the heat source? It's all the light. This candle's making me so hot. Will, dealer's choice today, which draft should we do first? Oh, my God. Let's do a... Have you seen that video where it's like Hawk Tua?

No, let's do a... White. All right, let's talk about it. White Boy of the Year. Yep. we've we've addressed this before we're now getting into the later stages of the year it's late october white boy of the year who's your pick for 2024 i think someone who's made a great case for white boy of the year is that kid who likes to watch the lights turn off at restaurants

yep uh i'm gonna go the rizzler right uh three quarters of adonis drake's son oh okay yeah uh sam darnold yep uh this one's more general but just guys with soul patches yep uh benson boone lightning mcqueen pommel horse guy remember him the guy did the pommel horn oh yes yes yes yes yes uh mr based uh juan soto okay i don't know if he's eligible this year juan soto uh jack shabuzy was eligible that's true that's true jack schlossberg yep yep uh sabrina unescu right uh whoever sabrina's carpenter whoever sabrina's carpenter whoever sabrina's carpenter is whoever whoever sabrina carpenters dating on december 29 yep uh the what's uh chapel roan yes um abraham lincoln

abraham lincoln's yes garfield yep chester arthur uh that bear that rfk put in the park oh yes yeah yeah the um the the that horse that won the triple crown secretariat secretariat yes Secretariat Mike Stud Oh, Arch Manning Yep, yeah, except he lost Elon Musk's robots Tommy Fasano

Tommy Castellano Tommy Castellanos Drew Starkey Drew Starkey John B John B, the black guy from Outer Banks Have you watched the new season? No, I don't really care anymore.

I got a lot. You know they filmed in an almond neighborhood? Yeah. Pretty sick. They filmed it in an almond neighborhood? They filmed it in an almond neighborhood. Bring it on in, John B. Bring it on in.

Bring it on in, John B. Josh Block. Jerry, my roommate. Ty, my roommate. Francis, our Pope. Pope Francis is up for the eligible? Pope Francis, white boy of the year. Yeah.

Pope Formosus. Yep. Trent. Trent. Trent is good. Put a picture of Trent right here. Can you put a picture of Trent right here? Yeah.

Remember Trent? Yeah. He's our producer. Oh, he's on sabbatical. The guy from that stock image who's looking at another woman. Yes, yes, yes. Bad luck, Brian. Yes.

Charlie. and his finger chocolate rain prince prince william half of prince prince all right that was white boy of the year that was good glad we squared that away uh now we've got all right if you're in the mlb what would your walk-up song be what's the what do you think is the best possible baseball walk-up song uh we bring the boom by big justice and aj yep love that uh i was going with wait i gotta pull it up i made an actual playlist oh i club can't handle me yes i think would absolutely bring the stadium to to its feet uh the we the nintendo we loading song that would be fun that would be fun uh come on eileen i feel like that would be sick because

you know the beginning it's like and then it would come in and everyone would be like come on Did you ever hear that radio announcer that goes, someone get her a towel. It's come on, Eileen. And the other guys were like, oh, no. A voicemail from my ex-girlfriend. Yep. Post to be by Omarion.

Omarion, Chris Breezy. Young chick come close to me. I ain't no home when I'm supposed to be. Every minute like groceries. I can't make you love me. What's that? I can make you love me. Yeah.

Erase Me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She said I don't spend time like I really should. She said she don't know me anymore. Please, Please, Please by Sabrina Carpenter. Yep. That'd be a good one. Forever by Chris Brown.

Yep. One, two, three, four. That's one of the best songs ever So good And I do not support What he did to Rihanna I'm glad you cleared that up Lauren does though

No I don't Why were you saying Oh you don't No I'm not I thought you were earlier You were saying that she Like had it coming or something Don't spread false lies

I thought this one Would be cool If it was just a guy They announce your name And then a bunch of White noise plays Oh yeah yeah yeah Is that what you think

White noise sounds like Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

What if it's, like, ASMR? It's, like... It's going to be okay. All right. Let your head back on the pillow. And listen to me open this box of Sour Patches. Kissing Will ASMR. Oh, my gosh.

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's horrible. Please stop. Ew, Will. Will. Stop deep-throating the mic. I'm not deep-throating the mic. He wasn't deep-throating it.

Trust me, he can put it way deeper. He can put it way deeper. I've seen him put way bigger, way deeper. Like his, like, hard cock. Yes, my hard weenus. You know, weenus is elbow. Yeah. You know, weenus means elbow.

I went to, I remember, I remember kids in my elementary school would be like, i bet you 10 bucks that like this will happen and then it wouldn't then they would get down the ground and start bucking like a deer oh yeah oh yeah yeah oh we would do yeah i forgot about that i'll give you i'll give you 10 dollars if blah blah blah blah then they'd be like i said doll hairs like hair of a doll like a barbie doll what what the hell are you talking about are you okay like one of those also that you just have a stroke get that fuzz off are you okay i am perfect we're worried about you you don't know how to say dollars dollars you never learned about the value of monetary currency no listen honestly um i'm just really really grateful that we're all

here together and able to share this moment and i know that you know this podcast is something we do for work but you know i think it's really special to have this chance to connect with one another and and you know build this community of of folks that are here and um i'm just really really really grateful to have both you in my life and uh i'm really just lauren you want to go to lunch with that will i love you guys and uh i know you would always look out for me and i know you got my back and i got yours and and i literally would throw you under the bus the first chance i guess stupid game we call life you're the best co-pilot i could ask for in this flight that we call life i want to kick you in the balls i want i want to kiss you in the balls i'm serious man i

want to kiss you in the balls i'm serious get over here let me kiss your balls let me let me give those knockers a smooch uh does anyone else have anything on their mind i'm like scared to end the podcast because i have a bunch of work to do i know i have so much to i don't have anything that can i can do faster i just have to watch like six hours of something yeah i gotta get all my stuff i have two shoots for my youtube show tomorrow whose personality are you guys gonna steal tonight tonight uh probably by francisco not lauren almost bought a lefty glove yeah i did i know facebook market i was like oh it's Only $10?

Sweet. I just would not. Have you ever played softball, Lauren? Yeah, when I was a kid. You look like you were on the softball team. Yeah, you kind of have that build. Okay. What?

What? We're saying you look like you'd be on the softball team. You're athletic. You work out. You're an athlete. A cheerleader at the bottom of the pyramid. Okay. No, I didn't say that.

Were you a cheerleader, Lauren? No. I was on the dance team in eighth grade. Nice. You break it down for us? No. What was your solo song? No, I didn't have a solo.

what was the dance team it was like he's got here and like crumped up a storm like for basketball games yeah it was it was basically like uh it was basically cheerleaders for middle school and i dated a kid that was on the basketball team and i remember this photo like broke the internet when we posted a photo of like me and my my little cheer outfit and him and his basketball thing we dated for like a month and i was like you guys ever kiss like once i was scared of him i think being scared of your boyfriend at that age is so i think i was also scared of my maybe i won't keep this in my you're scared of your current boyfriend yeah no my my freshman year of college boyfriend for a month why were you scared of him i just didn't even like him

and my friends gaslit me into dating him oh interesting yeah how do they gaslight you into dating them they were like oh come on like just come on everyone's dating him come on date him go date him what was their incentive that like i don't want my friends to have me in relationships if i'm not because um we're all friends like everyone's just like i don't know i was terrified of my sixth grade girlfriend yeah um and i remember like texting like i love you so much and then seeing her in the hallway and not saying anything i would do that i actually am like the most in love with you than anyone's i've loved you more than anyone loves anything and then seeing them seeing them in the hallway and pretending they don't i did

the same thing i would hate when i would have to like this was my eighth grade my eighth grade boyfriend having to see him i would like i want to hide i remember you know what's funny is like the the reaching the mountain like all you do is ask them out you never actually had to go out yeah i remember catching her before she got on the bus and being like hey do you want to go out sometime and she was we're like 11 like we had no way of going out and uh she said yes and then i texted her i love you the same day and she said i love you too that's awesome i never had like a kid relationship like that well you have one now you're what like you're dating a sixth greater now i was saying like you're oh oh yeah that kid i'm dating i'm not how's that kid you're

dating have you guys seen will's girlfriend she's like nine that's not okay i watched will do charity oh can you believe that bad jokes or replace it with this wow do charity um all right whose personality are you guys gonna steal i already said lindor and she said fucking otani there was a there was a tweet the other this guy his name was like jeffrey with a g engelstein like it was like joffrey and engelstein yeah and he tweeted something he was like a sports writer and the top reply was it's really fucked up what you did on that island oh that's funny all right i gotta go do work all right wait wait whose personality are you stealing I am gonna steal well oh I'm gonna steal Lauren and I're gonna have a killer lunch

now so I'm gonna steal Guy Fieri and I'm gonna make like a huge scene which at whatever restaurant I'm gonna go spike my hair up yeah and then make Lauren film me eating it I'm gonna go back into the kitchen and play with all the food awesome awesome all right we love you guys have a great rest of your week have a great weekend and what should they comment lauren oh halloween's coming up comment what you're gonna be for halloween oh no comment what the three of us should be for halloween together already oh did i tell you i have my costume for thursday oh awesome you went shopping with them yep party city no uh let me guess let me guess let me guess hooters girl nope uh you're not doing hooters girl why the hell did will and i buy those shorts then i thought

We're all going to do Hooters Girls. That would be funny. You're going to go as J.D. Vance. Nope. You're going to go as the whale that RFK has cut. Yes. What are you going as? It's a surprise.

I'm not going to be there. What? You're not coming? No, I was going to go when it was on Wednesday, and then they moved on Thursday. Where are you going? Will, are you going? I'm going to Maine.

I'm actually joining Will's mom at a gala that Will isn't going to because I'm a better son than Will is. Yeah, well are you going is it the best buddies? Yeah, nice Yeah To the Halloween party. Yeah What are you gonna be? I don't really want it, but I think we have to I'm gonna be Princess Belle. Oh nice What's t-man gonna? He doesn't know yet. He might just re wear his astronaut costume from last year I'm gonna I heard bail an astronaut is very no I I was like, why doesn't he go as whatever her?

No, it's the Beast. Oh, that's an awesome the beast i know he's like i don't want to be the beast i'm like okay you're a loser i'm gonna be i didn't say that i'm being a waiter oh yeah wait you're just gonna find out what this wait what this wait staff wears at the venue and wear it and then we're gonna make a sketch where i'm like really pissed because everyone keeps trying to get me to get them drinks oh that's funny all right we love you guys you're our little you're our little playmates and we will see you guys next week peace Thanks for watching!