Wiretap - The Dilemna Dilemma

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

We uncover the mysterious dilemna dilemma while a panel of experts helps listeners solve their moral dilemmas. Is it ok to steal your neighbour's kale? Are second-hand fur coats acceptable? Our ethicists have all the answers.

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You're listening to Wiretap with Jonathan Goldstein on CBC Radio 1. Today's episode, The Dilemna Dilemma. So let me start by asking you, Mike. How do you spell Dilemma? I spell it term D-I-L-E-M-N-A. So it would be pronounced dilemma, but it's a silent N. it's still dilemma, and that's the way I've always spelt it. This man, misspelling the word dilemma, is Mike Turner,

and if the results of a Google search are any indication, he is among the approximately one in ten people of the English-speaking world who spell it that way, that is, incorrectly, with a silent N, rather than the correct D-I-L-E-D-L-M-A. Mike runs a website dedicated to the dilemma slash dilemma question, and he's discovered that the oddest thing about the prevalence of the incorrect spelling is that for the most part, the dilemma people all remember explicitly being taught to spell it that way when they were kids in school. They somehow go years or even decades, never encountering the correct spelling, and only later in life learn the error of their ways, oftentimes, by some fluke. A couple years ago, I was driving along, and I noticed this huge billboard that was advertised in a film that I just came out, which was called The Dilemma. And I couldn't believe it because it was spelled wrong.

It was spelled with 2M. D-I-L-E-M-A. Yeah, yeah, which, I mean, I was just like, I just laughed out of life. How could anybody make that huge a spelling mistake? Like someone's going to lose their job over that one? Yeah, exactly, yeah. So I went back home and Googled it, and I mean, I couldn't believe that. it was spelled with two ms and then I started checking dictionaries and that was absolutely

shocked because in the dictionaries it also had two ns so it's not like there are two acceptable spellings no definitely no it's not even been mentioned i mean usually when you look up a dictionary there might be an alternative sometimes it'll give you a different spelling for a word that's never happened it's always been two ms so there's absolutely zero reason why a silent n would be added in So it's just a complete in our mystery. Mike has all sorts of origin theories of how the dilemma spelling became so popular. Maybe it was a mistake in a school textbook

that teachers accepted as correct. But if just one textbook is the culprit, why do the cases of miseducation span countries and generations? Or maybe it goes back to some ancient writing that wasn't proof read properly, and that gave way to all this. In fact, there are 200-year-old books that contain the dilemma misspelling. But then why hasn't anyone noticed the discrepancy until now and put a stop to it? For Mike, there's only one theory that comes close to making everything fit.

I mean, it sounds completely crazy, but my favorite theory was put by a guy called Marden Paul that lives in Toronto, and he's heavily into the alternate universities and things like that. So he reckons that we've actually collided universes. All the people that spell it with the silent N have somehow crossed over into a different universe where it's spelled with a double M. While this might seem a little far-fetched, it appears to be the only theory that addresses the problem

of there being so little intersection between the dilemma and dilemma camp. And if not exactly providing conclusive proof of multiple dimensions, the confusion does seem to point to the hand of an impish, mischievous God. I mean, the dilemma-slash-dilemma question is itself a dilemma? Consider for a moment that the word dilemma comes from the Greek, meaning double proposition, whereby two possibilities are on offer, and neither seems quite right to all. I spelled it de lemna my whole life until I was recently corrected by Microsoft Word, writes one 19-year-old student on Mike's online message board.

I am absolutely shattered. When I ask Mike why he thinks people have such strong feelings about something so trivial as a spelling mistake, he isn't sure. Maybe it has to do with how difficult it is to unlearn things, or maybe it speaks to how tenuous our construction of, of reality actually is. In Mike's own case, he says he'll never stop spelling it the way he does. He says that the other way, the right way, just looks wrong.

Often in life, the right path, can look so similar to the wrong path, a mere M versus N kind of difference, that we can't always easily see what's right. That, of course, is the dilemma, the not quite knowing. And it is a burden we must all shoulder alone. That is, until today. So I'm here in the studio with Gabe Delhaye and Jane Marie. Hello. Hi.

And Gabe, you used to write a column for Gawker called the unethicist, where you'd offer people advice on how to solve their ethical dilemmas. So I imagine you think of yourself as pretty good at giving advice? I think I give it a lot. Whether or not I'm really good at giving it a lot. Like I recently had to catch myself at a party where I was giving someone like so much advice that they had clearly not asked for. And they just wanted to be at a party. And I was like, I think you should really consider therapy.

And he was like, I think I just want to have fun at this party. So I do give a lot of advice. And Jane, who's also a friend of Gables, you're also known as someone who gives a lot of advice. You've written for Elle and Cosmopolitan and you write a beauty advice column for Rookie Magazine. Why do you think you're someone people turn to for advice? I think it's just my tone of delivery. It's not that I know anything, but I sound authoritative. And it's fun to give advice.

It's really fun to tell people what you think about stuff. But I don't know. People trust me for some crazy reason. And I try not to abuse that power. And use it for good and not evil. Yeah. Okay, so a little while ago, we set up a moral dilemma helpline where listeners to our show were asked to call in with their ethical quandaries.

And today we've brought you into the studio to help us respond to some of those calls. Sound good? Yes. Totally. So here we go. We'll play you the first phone message. Hi, it's Sally calling from Edmonton. And my dilemma is my beekeeping mentor.

or doesn't manage to keep his bees alive, and he wants me to give him some of my bees that thrive. And I don't want to give him any of my bees because I don't like how he works with his bees, and they always die. But he's been a help to me otherwise, just in terms of me understanding, beekeeping. It's a big dilemma. Thanks, bye. bees uh don't give him no bees don't give him the bees don't give them any bees take both of

your bees i feel i feel very suspect of anyone who opens a relationship by being like i will mentor you and help you and then immediately turns it around on into now you owe me this thing because i've helped you and i'm a mess up and uh i need your help so give me something i would just get out of there friends don't take friends bees friends don't take friends bees at all If I had a dog and I couldn't keep my dog alive and then Gabe has a really awesome dog, I wouldn't say, Gabe, but now you have to give me your dog because I've been a friend to you. I would give you my dog, but keep your bees, man. And that's a lesson for everyone. Yeah.

Keep your bees. Okay, let's move on to the next one. Hey, my name is Greg, and my dilemma concerns kale. I have a neighbor who grows kale in a garden in the front yard. I don't know this person. I just walk by the garden every day. and they are letting their kale grow in flour, which means it's going to taste terrible. Now, I think somebody should actually get to enjoy this kale the way it's supposed to actually taste.

When I had a garden, I grew kale, and so I know when to clip it. So my moral dilemma is, should I clip this kale and eat it myself? I keep going back and forth on this. I don't want to do it in broad daylight. I'd have to wait until after dark. But is it more important that I honor their territorial integrity or that I enjoy this kale or perhaps make it for a dinner of some kind. Thank you.

Just go knock on their door and talk to your neighbors. Yeah, just ask them for the kale or let it go. It's not that big of a deal. This is not your kale. It's just kale. Also, kale's pretty looking when it flowers, so maybe they like it decorative. But you just knock on the door and be like, are you guys trying to have decorative kale here?

Are you trying to cook with this kale? Because I know a few things about kale. I'm your neighbor. My name is Mr. No-It-all, Kale fan. Also, any question where the two options are, Any question where the two options are, should I do nothing or should I sneak around in the middle of the night and steal something, the answer is do nothing. Those are your only two options, do nothing. But there is a third option, which is get to know your neighbors and say hello, bring them a loaf of your beautiful kale bread that you made and say, hey, I'm a kale artist.

But also, like, mind your own business. Why are you getting so bent out of shape about kale? It is food, and it's going to waste. I understand that. All right. Just talk to your neighbors. talk to your neighbors, man. Okay, great. Let's move to the next one. Hi, my name is Wendy. Here is the deal. It's about a fur coat. A very old fur coat. In fact, it's from the 70s when such

things were the norm. I would love to have it restile to wear again to bring it out of the closet, so to speak. But I'm conflicted, and I don't know. I need your advice. Is it again acceptable to wear fur? I mean, think of all the people who wear leather. shoes or carry leather purses and what about the fur trim on all those trendy and expensive Canada goose parkas is it wrong to want to wear a fur coat I need your help what say you wire top Jane Gabe what say you I think if you feel weird about it and you have to call into a radio show and ask if you should wear it then you don't want to really be wearing it yeah the best compass is your gut you know

like if your gut is saying something about this is making me feel nervous and I feel like I need to come up with some justifications or whatever It's just a lot easier just to wear a fake fur coat. But is it worse for the animal that died for the coat to have that coat just sit in a closet rather than at least be worn by someone and enjoyed? I think they're dead. They're dead. And especially if it was made in the 70s, even those ghosts are probably dead by now. So now you've got to make your own decisions. Those animals are not around to help you make your decision. She could also use it as a bedspread. And then only certain special people would see her fur coat. So you finally found a podcast that speaks to you. Pure Bliss. It's so good that when you finish the final episode, it leaves a hole in your heart and your schedule. What now? Personally, is here for you. It's a collection of true stories that explore what it means to be, well, human. The best part, there are six incredible seasons to dive into, with more on the way. Personally, get lost in someone else's life.

Available now, wherever you personally get your podcasts. Okay, let's move on to the next one. Hi, my name is Richard, and here's my moral dilemma. Okay, it revolves around Chile. And in the Midwest, Chile is the nectar of the gods. But anyway, here's the moral dilemma. I knew in advance this Chile parlor that's been in business for four decades was going to close.

rather suddenly. And so, I went on the day of reclosure, and I bought a substantial amount. Well, I had made the mistake of telling my mom that I may have some chili with her name on it, and then I made the mistake of telling one of my new good friends that I would be able to give him some chili, too. So my moral dilemma is Do I keep my word And give all those people chili Which at this point for me

That I get zero Or do I perhaps say A beastly entity came in Spell the chili And sorry, Mom Anyway, any kind of help you could give me Have a great day, thanks Give your mom some chili, man

If you told people that you were going to give them chili I don't know why don't you just be a good person and give them what you promise them? What I would do, take the two tiny servings of chili that you have. Two servings, he really only went and bought two servings. He said he bought so much chili, and now I promised two people chili, and I have no chili. Look, how much chili is a lot. I would just take some chili beans and a can of crushed tomatoes, and then add them to the chili,

and then I'd have twice as much chili. You'd chop the chili. I'd cut the chili with some beans and tomato. That's like the opposite of Solomon's wisdom about cutting the baby, in half. That's kind of like adding more baby to the baby. But also who eats chili all like by themselves at home? You have a chili party. I've eaten chili by myself. You make a

whole pot of chili and eat it by yourself. Do you want me to embarrass myself? Yes. On national radio? Yeah, I've definitely made chili at home by myself and eating it by myself. So there we go. That's a little bit about me. Okay, great. Let's move to the next one.

Hello, my name is Kevin. I have been talked for jury duty. It's a federal grand jury. It's 18 months, 18 months, two days a week. I feel very conflicted about whether I should try and get out of it or not. I feel like it would be a really good drawer. I don't want to do my specific duty. But like 18 months, yeah, it's intense.

Please help. Thanks. I guess I don't understand the consequences of two days a week. How intense is that? That's like a cake decorating class, a level of commitment. What cake decorating class are you taking? You know, like a pastry, a real pastry class. 18 months of pastry class?

Yeah, you can go to the court on blue for like a year and a half. Well, you can go to the court on blue for 40 years if you want, probably. Okay, I meant... If he can somehow manage to double up some like vocational training and jury duty. I just meant like the 18 months as a finite, it's like going to be fine. Also, this guy said he thinks he'd be a good juror. So he should do it. So just do it.

Come on. We all need you to do it. I would think it would be fun. Yeah, me too. I'll do it. I'll tell them I'll do it. Okay, I think we have time for one last message. Here we go.

Hi, my name is Ashlyn Jordan, and I'm 18, and I have a moral dilemma. My boyfriend lied to me for six months about having cancer, and I'm just not sure how to forgive him or move on or be his friend, and he pretended to have cancer. He didn't have cancer at all. He just kind of told me he did for a really long time, six months, And then he did fake treatments, and he fake went to all kinds of radiation treatments. So I really need help.

Thank you. Bye. She has to get on top of this right now. I can't imagine what will happen in her future if she's, like, okay with being treated that way. Yeah, lying is unacceptable. To manipulate someone into feeling sorry for you or whatever he was doing. So do you think this requires maybe an immediate intervention? we have Ashling's phone number.

We could try calling her up right now. Maybe you could talk directly to her. We need to call her. Immediately, we've got to get on top of this. Get her on the phone. Okay, let's dial her up. Hello. Is this Ashland?

Yes. Hi, Ashling. This is Jonathan Goldstein speaking. Hi. Nice to talk to you. Yeah, it's nice to talk to you. So I'm here with Gayette. Gabe and Jane, who are helping me with the Moral Dilemma Helpline calls.

Hi. Hello. Hi. We were just listening to your phone message. Awesome. How you doing? I'm okay. How are you?

I'm good. I'm really sorry that happened to you. It's okay. It's no one's fault, but my own for believing the lie in the person who told it. No, it's his fault. It's all 100% his fault. It's really 100% his fault. Where are you at with it now?

Well, we were kind of dating, and so obviously we're not dating anymore. I still talk to him because it's really hard to let go of a 10-year friendship because I'm a bad person at letting go. I don't do that well. I still talk to him. I'm pretty emotionally distraught over the whole thing. How does it feel when you talk to him? Like, does it feel good to talk to him, or does it just feel like what you should be doing? It kind of just feels like I should be doing it.

Like it doesn't necessarily feel good anymore. I think you shouldn't talk to him anymore. And I know it's really, really hard. And 10 years is a long time, and especially when you love somebody. But I think you need to, here's from an old lady's perspective. Very old. Yeah, very old. With many lying ex-boyfriends in the past, start practicing now saying no to this stuff

and distancing yourself from people like that. And if I can add one thing, I also would recommend not taking any of the blame for any of it. And not just feeling like you're at fault for believing the lying part, but also, like you said, that you are bad at letting go. Well, letting go is really hard, and that doesn't mean that you're bad at it or that it's something that, like, other people have, like, everyone's bad at letting go. And similarly, I think you should continue. to as best you can live your life

as if this didn't happen in the sense that you should expect that people won't do this. I don't think that you should think that what he did was in any way and that sort of ties into the not blaming yourself for it is like you were correct to be a good friend or a good girlfriend

and be worried about him because you were correct to assume no one would do something horrible like that and just because this jerk did A, get rid of him and then B don't like get all guarded up because you're worried that this is how everyone is because they're not. Oh, no. I know everyone's not like this.

And it was, that's what's so alarming about it is because I was told multiple times that everything he said to me sounded like a lie. And I stood by him and I stood up for him because I genuinely believed he would never do something like this to me. And so when the truth came out and when he was like, yeah, you know what? I did lie to you about having cancer. It, um, like, it tore my reality apart. I think you got to disconnect from this guy. Disconnect from this guy. Yeah.

Because he broke the rules. Yep. And you don't get to keep having a great friend like you when you break the rules. Mm-hmm. Thank you. I'm so sorry. I'll stop talking to him because I've had a lot of people tell me that, but it's very, very difficult to do. It is really, really hard.

It's really hard. And we know. But, you would. wouldn't let your girlfriends do this. That's the thing is I wouldn't want any of my friends to stick around through it, but I'm still staying. Be a good friend to yourself and hold yourself to that standard, you know? Okay.

And don't worry about annoying your other friends with having to reach out to them when you would have reached out to him, you know? Just divert that energy to someone who's worthwhile. You can call me. You can email me if you want. I'm around. I have Jane's number if you need it. Thank you. I probably will.

I'm here. Hold on. I want to write down your email, but I'm pulling out a lollipop instead of a pen. Hold on one moment. All I have is lollipop. You know what? How about we'll just call you back after and put you guys in touch. Awesome. Thank you very, very much. And you guys have been so helpful. Good luck. Good luck. Yeah, good luck, Ashland. And thank you for calling you. Take care and have a good day. And God bless you.

You too, guys. Okay. Bye. Bye. Oh, man. Good, good job, you guys. All I have is lollipops. This is my favorite thing I've heard in a really long time. That was so beautiful. Thank you guys for coming in today. Thank you. Thanks, Jonathan. Hello? Howard? Yeah, what's up? What are you doing? Mmm.

I'm drinking a smoothie. Okay, Howard. Hmm. Could you put it down for a moment? I wanted to ask you some questions. Game show style. And you're going to do your best to answer them. Okay, game show style.

We're going to do kind of like a morality quiz show. All right. Okay, here we go. You're ready? Okay, let's start the music. Okay. a train speeding towards five people. If you flip a switch, the train will divert to attract killing only one person. Do you flip the switch or do nothing?

I just jump off the train and then just avoid the responsibility 100%. That would be my option. I will jump off the train. Next question. What's worse? One starving puppy or 20 starving pigeons? I would feed the 20 pigeons to the starving puppy. I've eaten pigeon. It's pigeon. An Italian, it's The bank accidentally deposits $10,000 in your account. Do you report it or spend it? Yes. The bank put $10,000 in my account.

But you know that obviously it was an accident. Why would I assume it's an accident? Maybe the bank was to give me $10,000. Why would they give you $10,000? Did they give away free pens? Give away free checkbooks. So why wouldn't they put the money in? You are trying to reserve the seat next to you on the train,

hoping the attractive woman getting on will ask for it. An old lady asks first, do you tell her it's taken? Wait, it's a trick question. Maybe the old lady may be the attractive lady. Someone you don't really like invites you out to an expensive meal, their treat. Do you go just for the meal? Your treat. Their treat.

Wait, you're inviting me to an expensive meal and you're paying for it. How do I figure into this thing? Oh, didn't you say it was you? No, I never said that it was me. You're not the finest person on earth, but boy, do you pay a good check. Someone has left a very fancy looking umbrella in the lost and found at your work. It has been there a week. Do you take it home?

John, I live off the lost and found. I go down to you where you work now. Everything I get is from the loss. Is that true? The lost and found box is like my wardrobe. I think you're forgetting the found part of the loss and found. It was lost and I found it. They never specified.

Okay. You're playing tennis with your boss for the first time. You're winning and your boss is getting angry. Do you let him win? I don't really look good at it. The head of shorts. Next question. You're working at a restaurant and you drop someone's order on the floor.

Mm-hmm. Your shift is ending in two minutes and you don't have time to make them a new order. Mm-hmm. What do you do? A little bit of gum, a little bit of hair. It's a fancy French name like a Pigeon Suprem or something like that. Okay, so now it's time for the bonus round. I'm going to give you one last scenario and I'm going to give you one minute to explain how you would handle the situation.

Bonus round. You ready? Yeah. Okay. A pregnant woman leading a group of five people out of a cave on a coast is stuck in the mouth of the cave. In a short time, high tide will be upon them, and unless she is unstuck, they will all be drowned except for the woman, whose head is out of the cave. Fortunately, someone has with him a stick of dynamite. There seems to be no way to get the pregnant woman loose without using the dynamite, which will inevitably kill her.

But if they do not use it, everyone else will drown. And cue the timer. I like to know what kind of sociopath could conceive of questions like this. Is this you, Jonathan? That isn't a part of this. You deign to question my morality when the questions that you come up with are so depraved, are so twisted and sick. It's just a thought experiment. They're not real people.

A pregnant woman yet. Okay, Howard, you've got 30 seconds left. Well, clearly, I would induce birth, and then the lady's belly would go down, and she'd be unstuck, and we'd all just swim to safety. and then we all get back to land and we're all healed as heroes and survivors and then I take my survivor money and I get you to see your shrink

for the sick questions you come up with trying to make me look bad when you are the sociopath Okay and time's... And what are we all doing in the cave in the first place With a pregnant woman yet Okay Howard I said How's sick is this? Like you're some god in the Olympus

Howard, it's over To play with Harry Your little game You don't care about mortal Zeus Who are you? All right Howard You're modern we are On Wiretap today, you heard Howard Chackwitz and Mike Turner,

whose website can be explored at Delemna.info. You also heard Jane Marie and Gabe Delahaye. Special thanks to Martin Paul and to everyone who called in to our Moral Dilemma Helpline. To hear an extended version of our helpline segment, visit cbc.ca.ca. Wiretap. Wiretap is produced by Mirabirdwintonic, Crystal Duhame, and me, Jonathan Goldstein.