Wiretap - Wiretap Introduces: Discount Dave (and the Fix)

Episode Date: June 10, 2026

Everyone has a party story. Host and creator of Personally: Discount Dave (and the Fix) Rebecca Auerbach’s involved in a run-in with rock icon David Lee Roth (you know, from Van Halen). At least, that's who he said he was. It’s Vancouver. 2005. Becca, a young actor who loves hard and parties harder gets her first big break at a Shakespeare Festival. She’s young, she’s having fun, party girls are FUNNNNN… Rehydrate, recuperate, recalibrate, repeat. But when her best friend goes on a date with the aging rocker, Becca is on a mission. To get a piece of the action. And maybe it's because she loves rock and roll, or maybe it's because she’s trying to fill a hole, but she holds onto that night. And it ultimately leads to her own reckoning. A harrowing and hilarious blend of memoir and auto-fiction, Discount Dave (and the Fix) is the true-ish story of a fake rockstar, a real trial and what it means to stop running, face yourself and fight to heal. Episode one of this series, "I Runneth with the Devil" is an Official Selection of the 2026 Tribeca Audio Festival.More episodes of Discount Dave (and the Fix) are available wherever you get your podcasts, and here: https://link.mgln.ai/DDxWT

Let's see if Toronto advisors know their group insurance providers. Who has extensive expertise in both traditional group benefits and special risk solutions? Beneva. Beneva. Beeneva. Looks like people are starting to know Beneva pretty well. You're stronger with the right partner, Beneva. This is a CBC podcast.

When a rock star crashes the backstage party at a Shakespeare festival, a young actor is set on a path of self-reckoning. Hi, I'm Rebecca Auerbach. and I'm an award-winning actor, playwright, and musician, and the host of Discount Dave and the Fix from CBC's personally. A harrowing and hilarious blend of memoir and auto fiction, this five-episode series is a propulsive examination of addiction, identity, and the fight to heal.

Now here's the first episode. Have a listen. What you're about to hear really happened. Well, most of it. Like the drug use. Yeah, there's some of that. So be mindful. However, some stuff I had to change.

I took some creative liberties, and some of it just wasn't my story to tell. I will say the most honest part of this piece is the emotional journey of the main character. She's a version of me, but not the entirety of me. I guess she's like the shadow version of me. And the shadow version sometimes runs the show. This cart room smells like dog.

There aren't a lot of people here. The accused has their back to me, long, stringy hair. I think he is a she until, oh my God, that's him. I want to get closer. But I find a seat in the back row next to Anthony from the citizen, close talker. He's allowed a computer because he's a journalist. I'm allowed a not notepad because I'm not. Opening arguments, the setup.

I listen, take notes, listen, take notes. I'm a good listener. First rule of acting, listen, then react. No, not here. Don't react here. I have to pee. Don't get up. Don't distract.

I hold my breath, hold my pee. Listen harder. Kind of dry. Not very theatrical. Not like in the movies. I slip into a brief daydream where the man with a stringy hair turns around and spots me.

A dramatic moment of recognition. Although I'm certain he wouldn't. It's been 14 years. The plaintiff, I don't know. Complaintant? I don't know. I don't know what to call her. I don't know her name.

They couldn't mention it in the papers. Publication ban. I won't give her a name either. She'll be nameless. But you'll have to be a character. I'll play her. I'll play them all. Except the dog.

The dog. There he is. Calm at her feet. Caber. an old yellow lab close to retirement. I've read about him in the paper. His nickname, the dog father. My eyes shift from defendant to complainant,

from his fidgeting to hers, then his again. He leans forward, left knee bouncing, making sure his lawyer's doing right by him. She's confident, dressed to the nines, laying it all out for us. Everyone has great posture in stilettos. The complainant leans back, stares at the ceiling. Out of her element in a blazer, pressed shirt, neck tattoo, peek-a-boo.

She chews the skin off her bottom lip. She reminds me of Talia. And me. And I can't get that fucking Van Halen song out of my head. For CBCs personally, this is Discount, Dave, and The Fix. I'm Rebecca Auerbach. I runeth with the devil. It's 2005.

My first big acting job at a Shakespeare festival in Vancouver. My first summer not working at the pub. There are three shows in the season. Hamlet's on the small stage, and I am on the main stage. And as you like it, I'm playing Phoebe, the country wench. In Love's Labor's Lost, I'm playing Jack Winetta, the country wench. It's a Wednesday. So I'm having trouble getting into my corset because I've just eaten a Philly cheese steak.

When... It's Talia. She's my best friend. We used to work at the pub together, you know, before I became a classical actress. Hi, Nicole. Great. Halen War. This frustrates me, but I remind myself that knowing Van Halen doesn't make you an intellectual.

You know, the 80s rock band, glam metal vibe. Pretty iconic. Okay. Eddie Van Halen, guitar player. My front man was David Learoth, also known as Diamond Div. Uh-huh. Come on. You know the hits?

Jump. Hot for teacher. Like the canal? I think I got Talia hooked on cocaine. It was an accident. I've been doing a lot of it, and she had never tried it. So I gave her some after work at the pub like six months ago, and she really liked it, and now she's doing it all the time.

Okay, so this David Lee Roth guy has been going into my sister's tanning salon for a couple of months now, and she wants to set us up. Should I go? What? Oh my God, you have to go. If you don't go, I'll go. I can smell the envy seeping through my pores. I mean, I get it. Talia's hot. Like stunningly beautiful. It's irritating. Sometimes I just stare at her mouth. Also, she has a car. But she also kept her hair in the same updo for like seven months.

It morphed into one giant dreadlock, which I spent two days detangling. Anyway, Talia and David Lee Roth, they set up a date for Sunday. And in the days leading up to the date, I give Talia a full tutorial on Diamond Dave. Should have been me. I bring her albums, T-shirts. This is me. Should have been me. I share videos of his solo stuff.

The Brown Eminem. Should have been me. I bring her research, fun facts, an autobiography called Crazy from the Heat. But I just, I can't, I just can't stop fantasizing about the circumstances in which David Lee Roth is seduced by me. I don't know if Talia is sexually sophisticated enough to handle him. Like, she's more country. I'm more rock and roll. Should have been me. But how would I explain that to sweet boyfriend?

Sweet boyfriend is just such a sweet boyfriend. He has this gift for making everyone feel like the most important person in the room. We've been together for three years, and I have never loved or partied with anyone so hard. If I shagged David Lee Roth, he might even be proud of me. Anyway, Friday, Rory. rolls around, and it's... So he wants to know if I want to be picked up with the limo or the hog.

What's a hog? It's a motorcycle. Yeah. Go with that, the hog. Hands down the hog. See? Should have been... Anyway.

Sunday rolls around, so it's date night for Talia. But the cast and crew are heavily invested in how this unfolds, so it's kind of date night for all of us. It's the final show of the week. What need have I of silver, silk, or bed? when lust and noise do fill my hungry head I runneth with the devil still I flee

I runneth with the devil and he with me thunderous applause We all head backstage It's a day off tomorrow So everyone has their bottle of choice I've got my baggie of choice And

So he's wearing a beret It's going really well I think he likes me He's not drinking but whatever it's fine People are starting to recognize him, though. Where should I take him? I tell her to take him to the pub. The pub that she works at, the one I used to work at.

She'll be on her own turf. It'll be empowering for her. An hour later. Here is freaking out. It's getting intense. They're asking for autographs. Where should we go? Yeah.

Yeah, that's tough. Well, you know, you could always bring him down here. She agrees. You know, thanks. See you soon. You're welcome. See you soon. We hang up, and it's David Leroth is.

coming here. David Lee Roth is coming here. I jump on the green room couch. David Lee Roth is coming here. 25 classical actors are bouncing off the walls. Soon, I hear it. Then I see it. Motorcycle headlights beaming down the road.

The hog is here. I meet them at the gates. David Lee Roth gets off the bike. I do a quick scan. Black beret, tan, wrinkly skin, bleachery blonde hair, black and white striped shirt. He's like a rock and roll Marcel Marceau. Hi, David Lee Roth. Welcome hither. He grabs me and pulls me close. I've heard a lot about you. He dips me and sticks his tongue

down my throat and it's ew, but yes, but no, but yes, it is on. I escort them to the green room and the wolves descend. Horatio juiced up, still in tights, rushes him hot breath at his neck. I was such a huge fan, man. I'm a huge fan. Still am, still am. Would you sign my arm? He tells us a bunch of wild stories from his glory days in the band. He sings happy birthday to one of the actors. He sings quite a bit, actually. Queen Gertrude, 73, gets him to sign her tits. Solid move, I approve, and I get him to sign my lefty.

And there it is. In fat, black sharpie? David Lee Raw. All of a sudden, Hamlet runs up, and it's sign my tits. Then Talia, she's all, He's had enough. Yeah, he's getting overwhelmed again. We got to go.

Yeah, yeah, I get it, yeah. Hey, maybe we can meet up later. They climb onto the hog and take off into the night. Five minutes later, I'm having a smoke, patting myself on the back for making this such a special memorable night for everyone. When Hamlet pulls me aside. Hey, so, uh, I don't think that was David Lee Roth. Yeah, I just got off the phone with a friend of mine and he says that some guy has been coming into his by pretending to be David Learoth. It's funny because his name is actually David.

But, yeah, he just looks a lot like him. Oh, shit. We need to find Talia. We need to find Talia right away. Let's see if Toronto advisors know their group insurance providers. Who has extensive expertise in both traditional group benefits and special risk solutions? Beneva.

Beneva. Beeneva. Looks like people are starting to know Beneva pretty well. You're stronger with the right partner, Beneva. This message comes from Viking, committed to exploring the world in comfort. Journey through the heart of Europe on a Viking long ship with thoughtful service, destination-focused dining, and cultural enrichment, on board and on shore. With a variety of voyages and sailing dates to choose from, now is the time to explore Europe's waterways. Learn more at Viking.com.

Talia is not answering her phone or my text messages. So Hamlet and I, we grab the assistant stage manager and we hit the road. We make a pit stop at his place. I just got to change out of my flip-flops, you know, just in case I need to kick some shit. We hop in his car, we search the city for hours. We go downtown, not there. East side, west side, not there, not there. We drive to her house, not there.

We regroup at an all-night restaurant. It's almost 4 a.m. We're almost defeated, but... We'll go back to her house one last time before we call it a night, right? Right, right. Right. We pull up Italians for the second time, and the hog is parked. Then it's...

Hi. You guys, I'm on a date. I push past her, prowl down the hall to find this guy, this guy, this fucking guy, this greasy-haired French mime imposter motherfucker, who all of a sudden doesn't look anything like David Leroth, sitting on her couch with his shirt off. playing her guitar. David Lee Roth?

He pauses, puts the guitar down. I never said I was. Oh, yeah? I pull out my left tit. His signature scrawled across it. David Lee Roth. He doesn't protest. Just walks out.

Shameless, calm. Talia is mute. And then she can't stop. of laughing. Hamlet and the stage manager leave. I cut us some lines. Then it's dawn.

We need to wash this off. We need to rehydrate, recuperate, recalibrate. The best place to remedy this? The Vancouver East Hastings steam and sauna. It's pretty dingy. I'm pretty sure they clean the rooms between uses. I've taken a few guys there. Not proud of it.

Pretty sure I am. We spend an hour and a half in the sauna Sweating out any evidence of the night before What a dick, what a dick You don't need that dick, fuck that dick What a little useless dick Wait, you and me, we are all we need We are all we've got

Next, we go for a beer Start light, a corona Then move on to wine, shake it off We should call the radio station Tell them there's a rock star imposter on the loose Then it's whiskey and we're getting loose Okay, bear with me here Crazy story for you.

Come on a ACHA. There's a David Lee Ross impersonator, like imposter dude. He's roaming around the city, convincing people that he's Diamond Dave. He's pretty good at it. He's scamming people. And I thought that you guys should know

to protect the rock and rollers of the Lower Mainland. Then it's shots, shots, then it's... Hmm. swift fisting of the first line. Everything's fine. Then more, then, more, then more.

And he left? Where's the rest? Then it's 2 a.m. again, and it's, should we call the guy? Yeah, call the guy. You're going to call the guy or should I? Call the fucking guy. Did you call the guy? Who called the guy? Then the guy comes, and we've got plenty more, and when that runs out, we swear there's some missing. We've misplaced it. We spend hours looking for a missing flap or a missing bag, and we turn the house upside down because we swear it's there, because there was

another bag. We are sure of it. When we're really out, then we have to sleep. We haven't slept in two days. Fuck, I have to sleep. Fuck, I have a show tomorrow. Fuck, I have a show today. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I have to sleep. Now, any doctor will tell you,

uppers and downers, don't mix. But they're a great combo. Because the come down is harsh. Whatever is down, down, deep in here, starts to crawl out and you're peeking around every corner of your psyche, wondering what's there. We usually pop a gravel, but today feels special. Calls for a percassette.

takes the edge off so you won't crawl out of your skin, you will not feel ill or paranoid, you will not be worried about a thing because the Percocet is doing its thing, and here, take this. I am falling down, down into a deep, cracked out slumber. Still crossing my fingers under the sheets, crossing my fingers that my heart doesn't stop. Because that happens sometimes. To some people. Their hearts just stop. I start telling the story of this discount David Lee Roth to anyone who will listen.

And then Hamlet's like, yeah, I don't think that was David Lee Roth. It kills every time. This one day, Talia and I are waiting for our breakfast bagels when she looks distracted. So did you actually end up calling the radio station? Dude, you were there. Right. Don't you remember? I do, kind of.

But it's a blur. Oh, they loved it. Talia looks at her phone, giggles, puts it down. Yeah, I didn't want to tell you, but I'm kind of still texting with him. Oh, my God. I know. Have you seen him again? No, no, or just, you know.

Why? She looks down. I don't know. He told me he likes me. And that feels good. years pass. I move cities, I tell the discount Dave's story. I fall in and out of love, I tell the discount Dave story. Things get a little crazy and, well, you'll see. The discount Dave story becomes my party trick, and I perfect it. But I don't really think that much about him until

14 years later, when it occurs to me to look him up. I Google him, and I see the headline embold across my screen. David Lee Roth want to be arrested, renting six guitars, at an Abbotsford Longa McQuaid? And wham! His mugshot! That guy, that guy, that fucking guy. That's him. He's there. And his crooked fucking mouth and his greasy fucking hair right there, right there.

And the next thing you know, it's... I've set a Google alert, and... Now I never miss a thing, and the list of accusations is gnarly and long, and... Discount Dave is about to have his day in court. And the trial... The trial is an hour away?

I gotta go see what this motherfucker has been up to. You've been listening to Discount Dave and the Fix from CBC's personally. The show is written, produced, and hosted by me, Rebecca Auerbach. My director, dramaturg, and producer is Aviva Armour Ostroff. Original music, sound design, and mix by Michelle Macklam. Our senior producer is Veronica Simmons. Anna Aschate is our coordinating producer. Executive producers are Cecil Fernandez and Chris Oak.

Tanya Springer is the senior manager, and R.F. Narani is the director of CBC Podcasts. Tune in next week for an all-new episode of Personally, Discount Dave and the Fix. Or you can listen to next week's episode now by subscribing to our CBC Stories Premium Channel on Apple Podcasts. Just click on the link in the show description.

That was the first episode of Discount Dave and the Fix. If you like what you heard, episode two is waiting for you right now. Find and follow Discount Dave and the Fix on CBC's personally feed so you don't miss an episode. Just search for personally wherever you get your podcasts. And be sure to follow the feed so you don't miss an episode.

For more CBC podcasts, go to cbc.ca.ca slash podcasts.