With The Perrys - Best of WTP – Sooo, About Dating

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

With the podcast tour this month, there will be a short break in recording new content, so let’s revisit some of the Perrys’ most popular episodes.Dating at any age is hard, and dating now looks different than it did “back then” (this is true no matter when your “then” might have been). Though Jackie says she doesn’t feel like she and Preston really dated – their friendship naturally grew toward marriage – the Perrys have some thoughts about the idea of discerning who you will marry. Subscribe to the Perrys' newsletter: https://withtheperrys.myflodesk.com/zhfus4jx1s Join Preston's discipleship community for men: https://www.patreon.com/PrestonPerry/membership To support the work of the Perrys, donate via PayPal: https://paypal.me/withtheperrys Shop BOLD Apparel: boldapparel.shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So about dating. About it. That was an episode that we had. I had fun dating you. I don't feel like we dated. We did, but we didn't. Because we were already friends, one, I think we both were very clear

that we were going to get married. So it just felt like a preliminary step to getting married. It didn't feel like... It was dating. I think sometimes dating is, no, I'm actually using, like this season is to discern

if this person is my spouse. I wasn't discerning that at that point. It just was like, we're just broke so we can't get married now. So you knew you wanted to marry me from jump. Anyway, we talked about it. We talked about dating and just the awkwardness of that and the difficulty of that. I think in general, I think dating now is hard for a lot of people, especially I'm friends with people in their 30s dating. That's a different thing than college date.

They got kids. They got businesses. And it's very ironic that it's hard now because you would assume because social media is such a thing. You can meet people quicker, faster. Because you're meeting their false self. Yes. Meaning them. And also, too, men just have too many options.

And also, too, the false self thing is just so many people are presenting versions of themselves. Not true. So we need to go back to the 90s, I think, where we need to just go outside. That's true. That might actually be helpful. Go outside. Like when you had to get somebody number, not their social media, which meant, you had to call them and get to know them before you can go in their profile picture and try to figure out who they.

were. Yeah, remember we had to get people emails and... Emails. I never once had not one soul say, hey, can I get your Gmail account? I forgot you a youngster. You got people email. You didn't even have a computer. I remember shows the 90s to you.

They was getting emails? You talk about friends or something? They weren't doing that on a living single. What's your Yahoo. They weren't doing that on a living single. Y'all check this episode out. What a mighty God we serve. What a mighty God.

God we serve. Another episode. 30 minutes. With the paris. You be put your whole like forearm into the clap. Amen. That's just so interesting to me. Don't come at how I worship.

Okay. So I will never forget like the pressure I used to feel to worship like other people. You know, like it's like, you know, churches where like worship is loud and expressive and exuberant, which is beautiful. I love that. But how they can become judgmental when you don't do it as much as they do. You know what I'm saying? So I start to feel like am I like not saved for real?

Yeah. Because I don't, I really be talking to God with my eyes closed and my mouth closed. Like I don't be like I really be having like a little worship service. You know all my stories and my testimony how like when I first came to the church and I didn't grow up in the church and all my auntie's, why you don't shout? Why you don't run? Get it out. Question the spirit. No, legit.

I'm like, Auntie, there's nothing in me that want to run. I just, I can't even imagine you running. No. And my Auntie Baptist church. From the police. That was the funnest part to me. Like there was this one lady who when worship got real high. she will always start running around the church.

And like she wasn't out of breath and she was crying. It was just amazing, amazing. Like it was like Holy Spirit cardio. Like I just had never seen nothing. And it was just as a five-year-old to see somebody running around the church. Bay, did I tell you, I think I told you about the lady. And the fact that they was Baptist doing that. Baptist, they don't run.

I told you when I first saw I going to church with my grandma when I was like real little. I used to always love going to church. church to see this one lady, you know, like when they start dancing, the music, and she used to always sit in the corner, and she used to act like she was boxing the devil. So she'd be in the corner like this. So wait. You remember you said your grandma, when she would pray, she made like a weird sound. She'd go, uh, hooy. Hoy. I don't know what hoi means. And she's always like been a shoulder back. Like hoi. That's when the, that's when you get the, this. Anyway. I was like, yeah, yeah, hoi.

I don't know who hoy is. Anyway, we, we, we have discussed a version of this topic before, which is dating. I think at the first season, we had some type of conversation around men and why, like, maybe like the scarcity of the shortage of Christian men out here in the world. And we've also discussed, like, our dating process as well. Yeah, but we, I think we just wanted to speak more specifically to dating again, because it's a thing, you know, people. want to meet people that they hope will be a person that they one day marry.

Yeah. But. During this pandemic. It's hard out here. Yeah, doing this pandemic, I think a lot of, I've gotten a lot more questions about dating. Really? Yeah. I think people were not in church as much.

And so Christians were kind of like finding themselves in, you know, spaces where. Peculiar situation. Yeah, you know, and like, oh, I like, you know, I like Tyrone. I mean, he listened to Jeez-Ear Day. But he got, he got good morals and, you know, you know. And so, like, I think I've just received a lot of, a lot of different questions about dating doing this pandemic. What was dating like for you pre-Jackie? Pre-jackie.

I mean, you know this because. Of course I do. You know, you knew my girlfriends. That's the funny thing. None of them were your girlfriends. They were women that you treated like girlfriends. You just calling me out in front of everybody. I'm just saying.

I'm just saying. It's people watching this, ma'am. It was only one. Y'all have a hat. No, out of all the females that I was encouraging you about, you wasn't pursuing none of them. Y'all was just enjoying your little lives. You know.

Okay. So you acting like I was just straight out here like being sinful. Did I say that? Well, well, it can be implied that I was out here like loosey goosey with all these women. Were you being mature? No, I wasn't mature. There we go. Now go ahead with this story.

No, I think dating for me, it was aimless. Like I didn't have, I didn't know where I was. was going. You know, I just knew that I wanted to be married one day. I knew, well, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, I had an idea that I might be married one day and I was trying to figure out what I wanted as a young man, what I wanted, what I wanted, what I wanted. And so, uh, for me, I, I dated people, people who, that I talk to girls that I, that I liked or that interests me until, you know, something happened to show us like, oh, we, we probably not for each other. Yeah. It's just kind of like organically, you know, faded away.

Yeah, I didn't have a lot of experience with the dating pool because, again, I was a lesbian. So I... Really? Yeah, you didn't know that. Wow. I thought I told you about it. I forgot about that. So, like, I didn't like men.

period. So they just weren't of interest to me. And so the little bit of dating I did, which was me talking to two dudes for like a solid, I don't know, two, three weeks. So Jackie used to talk to this dude and his Air Force ones used to be crinkly. We're not going to talk about him because he might be watching this. I'm just saying he did get crinkly Air Force ones. No, I just, so with that particular situation, I thought, oh, maybe God wants me to be with him so that I'm not as vain. Right. Yeah. You know, like maybe you just need to be okay with somebody that can't dress. And I think, I think, you know what I'm doing that tied up shoes up real tight.

Listen, I think some people are called to people that can't dress because that should not be a non-negotiable. It can't be. You can help a man learn how to dress. I'm just saying, though. You can't help a man learn how to be a man. I get it though. But when you tie your shoes up real tight, that's a, that's a.

But if he has the humility, let's go ahead to the store. We, we're going to show you how to put on shoes. No, for the men, you're going to stop wearing. Listen to me. You're going to stop wearing these bootcut. jeans. Listen to what I'm saying, though, babe.

The man who tied their shoes are really tight that's a character trait. Listen. Because when your shoes, when you don't care about how your pants meet your shoes and they're really tight

and your tongue barely showing. What if he walks long distances to work? Okay? And so he just wants to make sure that he wants to make sure that his shoes stay on. He'd be at Christian concerts doing this. Okay. So I.

I had that situation and that wasn't the Lord's will. And then you met me. Years later. And then because this was all, this was all in the beginning of my Christian faith where I felt like because of the world that I had just come out of, which is like, you know, just homosexuality and all the things that like I was supposed to get with a guy to make me become more straight. So that's one part. But there's also this loneliness piece, which is in the world.

world. I was always talking to somebody. I always had somebody to text, always had somebody to come over. And so it was, it was, uh, uncomfortable for me to come to Jesus and just be without anybody to talk to. So somebody was like, okay, I'm supposed to talk to boys. Let me talk to boys. And there was this one guy who I started, uh, talked to. We talked for maybe a solid eight days because we got on the phone and he was like, so like, do you, he wasn't a Christian. He was like, so like, like, we. can't do nothing. I was like what you mean? He was like, we, like, you don't have like sex and nothing like that?

I was like, nah. He was like, you don't like do nothing, nothing? I was like, no, like I'm a Christian. And you could tell it really couldn't compute to him that if he were to be with me, that that wouldn't be a thing. He's like, oh, I don't, why am I with you? Like, it just, but no, he didn't say that because I think they always think that if they stay around around long enough, I'll eventually give in.

But to me, it clicked. I was like, oh, this just isn't going to work. Because the fact that purity, in the sense of abstaining from sexual sin, the fact that that doesn't even make sense to you means that your mind is not renewed. And I don't have time to convince you about why the Lord is Lord of your body. I don't got energy for that. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaking of that, did you have any situation? situations where you were a Christian trying to make it work with a, with a non-believer? Yes. One time. How's that? It just, it just, it just, it just didn't work out. Now, did you know she was a non-believer or was she a casual churchgoer that didn't

have the spirit? No. Because there's a lot of those too. No, no. So the first relationship that I got in, um, as a Christian, she was a Christian. Um, well, I thought she was. She was a churchgoer. And then she decided.

that oh this church thing isn't good for me and so she went back into the world and then the second relationship that i got in i got into a relationship with the girl who wasn't a christian and um that didn't work out um because we couldn't stay pure and i eventually had to break up with her because i wanted to be holy yeah it was hard because i really liked her and then the other relationships It was just me Talking to Christians I was just I only dated Christians

Or talk to Christians Yeah We heard through the grapevine From Kim That there is a I don't know if it's a I don't know if it's bigger now than it was But like that it's hard out here for singles

It is And that because it's hard out here a lot of singles are just like, you know what, I don't have time to wait on a man or a woman who is a Christian. So let me go ahead and open up my, you know, my world to non-Christians because I'll have more options. What do you think about that? I think so for me, so let me just say this for, for the record, I have seen believers, be with unbelievers and God has come along and save their significant other like somewhere down the line. I've seen that.

I feel like a lot of our grandmas have that testimony. Yeah. Seriously. Your grandma was the Christian and your granddad. All the examples I've seen is like older couples. Like my aunt who stayed with my uncle for years and just prayed for salvation. But typically when I saw that happen, it was they both started off as unbelievers. And one became a Christian.

and pray that God was saved their significant other. You know what I'm saying? I think for a Christian to like intentionally choose someone who doesn't know Jesus because of whatever reason, I think you're probably not wane or I question if you're weighing all of the spiritual implications and all of the difficulties that they might bring. Because for whatever reason, this person that sparked you, your interests.

But have you considered all the baggage that that person will bring when you serve two masters? There's some legit logical reasons. One, you might like their face. Nice face. Two, they might have a good job. Awesome.

You could take me out to eat. You could pay for it. You know, you ain't got to say, I'll cash app you later. It's like it's a situation. Right. They might have some ambition that you appreciate. Might be a hustler.

Yeah. might have an education, all the things. And this is really important for women. They might not be corny. Because a lot of... That was your thing. Oh, that was huge to me. Because I was just like, why is all these Christian...

All I'm so... I mean, it's some women that really, that's on their list, cornball. That's in the list. That's what they like. I guess so, because they choose them. For me, that wasn't on the list. I needed somebody who you... You didn't know if they were actually saved unless they opened up their mouth.

When they walk down the street like you, your eyes are yellow, your pants are sagging, you know, you don't speak right all the time. You got hands, but you love the Lord. That's perfect. Whoa. That's perfect. You made me sound like a straight drug addict. Your eyes is yellow.

Not a drug addict. A drug dealer. So you. That's what I wanted. I wanted somebody that probably sold drugs once a point of time, but they gave their lives of Jesus. So what does that do for you? Explain to the people.

I'm attracted to that. So, so what? Especially because you got to understand, I'm a very aggressive woman. I'm really dominant. And so I needed a man who is equally or more dominant than me. Because if I see anything in a man that I can control. it automatically lose, I don't have any respect for him. And if I can't respect you, we can't be, we can't be good.

And so for you when we first met, it was clear that you were not afraid of me, which was huge. It was clear that you also respected me and, like, wanted me to share my voice and my opinions and all my things. Like, you never quenched the personality that God has given me. And then you're not, you're not, you're not a cornball. So define cornball. I don't want to define it because there's probably people sitting next to their cornball husbands

and I don't want them to feel shame. I don't want them to feel shame. That's not nice. Okay. I don't want to do that. You're crazy. I'm just saying. Okay.

Different strokes with different folks. Okay. So what I'm saying is I think it's good for us to try to define some type of clarity because I think, because apparently this is a thing for women. And I think a lot of men, it's like, man, I want a particular type of man or a particular type of woman, but it's a shortage of this in the Christian community. Yeah. And so when you say- They want to Russell Wilson, but all they got is futures. You don't get the connection. Sierra used to be with Future, the rapper, hood, thug, all the things.

Russell Wilson, though, was actually the good man, even though he's not the thuggish-wruggish-bonged man. And so what you're saying is that maybe it's a possibility that some women out here when it comes to dating secular men, is that they don't, they're looking for someone that's kind of like in between the two? I don't know. I think at the end of the day, I think we all have our types and we all have our lists and we all have what we want. and when we cannot find what we want, sometimes we'll settle for what we don't need. And so I think at some point we have to, I think people should have their types,

but I don't think that you should live so rigidly where you are turning away men who are good men just because they don't fit your list. Okay. But at the same time, I think some people can be so overly spiritual, where it's like, yeah, he might not have a universally attractive face.

And yet his shoe strings might be tie real tight. And yeah, he might have a real, you know, quiet, like, author of the ant eater voice. But, like, he loves God. And it's like, I got to be attracted to you. At least a little, like, there has to be something. So you're saying that in order for us to be with the person that God has for us in some way, shape, or form, sometimes we might have to settle. Yes.

I think there's the potential for settling, yet at the same time the reality that there needs to be something that I'm attracted to. Because my mama used to, she was like a fine man that doesn't act right will always become ugly. And so there's this sense where it can't always be about everything I want. Because I can get everything I want and find out that that wasn't even what I needed. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So for me, the Lord was just kind enough to provide my type. But there are some people where their provision is not happening. So they're settling for people that are not good for them. We just went in a lot of different ways. Yeah. Yeah. So back to the situation at hand. When it comes to dating unbelievers, I understand the reason and the logic behind it. Because again, they might check out all. They like they might check all. 29 boxes except the Jesus box.

And from Kim's experience and some other folks, there seems to be underneath that some hope that, oh, he might not be a Christian, but if I get with him, because I'm a Christian, he's going to repent one day and we'll all be good together. Yeah. Do you think that's realistic? No.

So here's the thing. Of course, I think anything is possible. You know, we don't. With God, yeah. with God. Like, and so, like, we don't know who God has called to himself or who's going, or who he's going to call to himself. But I think for you to bank on that, um, is dangerous.

I think it could be potentially, you know, dangerous. And I think that, um, if he checks off all or she checks off all these boxes because men settle too, you know, I'm saying. Oh, yeah. Oh, she got a BBL. And, uh, you know, her legs look, never mind. You know, when people, they bought them look like the letter. or pee. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big butts. But little legs. Yeah, right. And so, like, I think, I think that, I think that men and women and women settle for, for dating for somebody who's not a Christian because they check all of these boxes. But I think it's dangerous when you, when you get into a relationship with someone and you're unequally yoked with them because it's going to create a whole different set of problems. You know what I'm saying, that you probably are not considering, you know what I'm saying? Because when it's time to pray, when it's time to fast, about something serious. You having security in his hustle or you having security in his face, that can't sustain you when the stuff hit the fan. You're going to want to be with somebody who knows Jesus.

And so I just think that it's dangerous to have faith that God is going to come along and save them. And if he doesn't do it on your time, if he doesn't do it at all, then you're stuck with somebody who can't hold you down spiritually. Because I said this earlier, I said it is. It is some crazy faith to get with somebody in the hopes of that they will one day become Christian when there is no promise from God that that may or may not happen. Right. But why not have that same faith that if God can save them, then God can actually provide you someone that's already saved.

Yeah. Like if God is that powerful and that sovereign, then surely he can give you like, somebody that is Christian, not somebody that might become Christian. Because like who you marry, it is ridiculous how important that is. Yeah. What if your spouse isn't saved yet, you know? Which means? Like, because your spouse or the person you're dating?

No, I'm saying. Like, what if you're like, because I think, I think we, we have to stop being patient in our dating process and we have to stop putting limitations on God and his time and his sovereignty because the person that you're attracted to, maybe they are truly out there right now and haven't met the Lord yet. And in two, three years, that person that God has for you. You're saying that the person that God has for you may be out there in the world and is saved, but our impatience is actually not leaving any room for that person to come along.

We're busying ourselves with people that aren't good for us. Absolutely. Because in 06, when God saved me, I didn't know that God was going to save my wife. in 2009. 08. 08? Yeah. I didn't know.

But you was out there. You know what I'm saying? And so like we don't think about that. We don't think about that no, like God has somebody that he has uniquely designed that will be perfect for you. But our lack of impatience, we want to, we want to date someone who checks up all of these boxes except following Jesus. And it's like, no, like, be patient.

So let's be patient, bro. But I empathize. because people are getting married later and later. Like people are getting married and like what used to, you know, be getting married 9, 1920, 21, 22. People are getting married now later. And attached to that is also fertility. Yeah. So there's this fear of, yo, like, I'm waiting, but I also want to have a baby.

And it's going to become harder for me to give birth to a child the longer I wait. So I completely understand the fear because that's what a lot of this is, is the, is the fear underneath it, like, will I be able to have the life that I've imagined for myself? And I guess the encouraging word would be is that we have to believe that God is a good God and a good father. One of the temptations of the garden was that God, by telling them that they could not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, when the devil said, hey, for God knows that when you eat of it, your eyes will be open and you will be like God knowing good and evil. What he's implying is God told you not to eat from this tree because he's withholding something good from you. And so I think we still do the same thing where we start to feel as if the season we're in is punishment and not protection.

And so I think we have to be reminded that no, like God really is good. Yeah. By his very nature, good and sovereign and kind. and that he's with me, that I'm not alone in my singleness. Yeah, yeah. Or my fertility. And even when we're having this conversation, I'm trying my best to empathize because, I mean, I wasn't single of a very long time before the Lord kind of revealed to me who my wife was. And so I get that there is a real fear of people out there who say, man, I want to be married.

And I've been in the church for X amount of years. And I just haven't found the man or I found the woman that I desire. and when I go to these, you know, secular, you know, spaces or whatever, I'm always meeting people who, who spark my interest in these people in the Christian community just doesn't do it. I get it. But I do think that if the only thing that you're thinking about is marriage, right, and thinking about being with someone who you enjoy, right, at the moment,

and not thinking about all the things that will happen in the marriage that will be hard. Right. Like when you're trying to teach your kids spiritual things and your, you're, your spouse who doesn't have a spiritual framework comes along and tries to undo everything that that you do. And so, you know, I saw, I, I knew somebody who kind of went through something similar to that. And this person almost kind of felt like they were parenting not only their kids, but their spouse, that they, that they were trying to be a father to, to their wife and their kids because, you know, where they were spiritually.

Where they were spiritually. And also having to go behind their spouse trying to undo a lot of toxic, worldly behavior that their spouse has, you know, implemented. And so when two people are not on the same page when it comes to spiritual things, we have to understand that spiritual things affect so many other things. It affect how we see money. It affect how we parent our kids. It affects how we receive.

we respect our neighbor. It affects how we respond to people when we're disrespected. I mean, like, it affects so much. Everything, because you're in a covenant with this person. Absolutely. I think the hard part, though, and because we know of this from experience, is you have some marriages where you entered into this relationship with the assumption that this person was a Christian and was a believer, yet they are displaying the same fruit of

unbelievers eventually. right and so how do how do we also like are there particular things that we should be mindful of in the dating process even when it comes to Christian because just because a man is a Christian man doesn't mean that he's a Christian man for you yes okay just because a woman is a Christian woman doesn't mean that she's a Christian woman for you so are there some things that we can discern or even pray about when it comes to that does it make sense yeah yeah are you are you asking is this is it a way that we can can determine whether somebody's actually a Christian? No, this isn't about question people's salvation. I'm saying that there are just because a Christian, just because a human being or a man or a woman is a Christian, it does not mean that they will be a good spouse. Right, gotcha.

Is what I'm saying. Yeah. And so is there some things that we can pray for and be aware of? Yes. Because, for example, a man could have right theology and be a righteous, a ratchet man. Yeah. Like, he can have all the boxes when it comes to propitiation and atonement. and sanctification and still be wicked.

But at the same time, like, well, we, then we, his salvation has to be in question if he doesn't know how to apply what he knows. Potentially. Potentially. But sometimes it takes a long time for you to see that. Right.

Especially if your framework for what a Christian is, it's only theology and not fruit. Yeah, absolutely. But that's a really good question, though. And I think you, you, I think we've kind of spoken to this before. I think, um, understanding, um, and having a clear vision of, does this person help fulfill the will that God has for me in my life?

Interesting. Like if I have a particular mission, do I see this person coming alongside me and helping me fulfill the purpose that God has for me in my life, right? And so if I feel called to a local community, if I feel called to build up a community, but this woman clearly thinks that God has called her to go around the world, to preach the gospel, it's kind of like, okay, we have to re-examine, you know, the calls on our life.

And maybe I'm not the one that God has called for you to be in because our marriage is not just for us. Our marriage is a picture of the gospel. And our marriage is a union that God has created to help bring the gospel to people. Let me clarify that because it's important. Yeah. Because there are some people that you actually work well together. But y'all's life is on two trajectories.

where she might be called to be a missionary and you might be called to be a pastor. And there's no possibility of compromise. And so it's kind of awesome. It's not even that we're not good and we're not compatible, is that we have two different missions from God that will not be able to be in alignment. And so maybe we need to go our separate ways because I might hold you back from what God has called you to do. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that's a possibility. or just, I mean, sometimes it can be, you know, what I felt like God was showing me. Maybe I was wrong and I feel like God is calling me to abandon that and support you and what God has for you. But I do think that identifying how does this person help me fulfill the will of God in my life? Like, you know what I'm saying? And so when I started to think about you in our dating process, I started to think about, man, like, Like, me and this woman, we both love art. We both have a heart for the loss.

Like, I'll never forget that time when we, I think we were dating and you was preaching at the gay parade outside and you begin to cry. And I was like, oh, I think I like this girl. You know what I'm saying? And so, and then like the way you would encourage me and my gifts, you know what I'm saying? The way you would encourage me to continue to be holy and righteous. And I was like, yo, this is the type of woman that I would want to be with. And so I think paying attention not to just how someone looks, not just, you know, if someone can cook, like these secondary things are good, but they're not as important as is this person willing to help me be the better person of the better version of myself for Jesus so I can serve God and serve as people.

And there's honestly, honestly, like, I'm going to have to add balance to this because it can, it can. it's going to sound wrong. But I think there's a level of mysticism involved. When will I? Is God leading you towards this person? Yeah. Like is the holy, because I think it is practical to say, okay, do they align with me theologically?

Do they care about what I care about? Or am I willing to care about what they care about? Do they love family? Are they teachable? Am I like, I think boxes and. practical stuff is important. But the mysticism part is that is God leading me in this direction, right? Like with Paul, like the Holy Spirit was compelling him to go towards certain places.

With Jesus and Luke 4, the Holy Spirit led him into the wilderness. And so when it came to you, there was a level of Holy Spirit guidance. Literally people prophesying that Preston Perry would be my husband. And I said, I have to temper it. Because there are a lot of people who will say that God told them that so-and-so is their husband, and God ain't said nothing. Yeah. Right? But I don't think we should also discount the power of the spirit to use people and use means to confirm that somebody is your husband either.

You get what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. And I think it gets sticky. I think one of the things that we, one of the things I think that we have to consider. and thinking someone is our spouse is that God has given us unctions. I think God gives us. Because you pray. Yeah.

And the Lord showed you my face. Absolutely. Absolutely. I think God leads us. But I don't think that God is God's heart to lead us apart from a community. Yes. Right. And so I think I think what happens is a lot of people will pop the head and say, oh, I think this person is my husband.

I think this person is my wife. And there's no one around them to help confirm or to help give them confidence in what they're seeing. If what they're seeing is correct or not. And so not only did I feel like God was leading me towards you, but I had Brian Dye, I had men of God to say, man, like, man, I've watched your life. I've watched Jackie's. I can see how they, I can see why God will want that. I see you guys working with one another.

Let me, let me pray with you. Let me, you know what I'm saying? Let me go to the Lord with you. That's great. And so I think God gives us a community of people to help confirm what we feel like God is leading us. Because basically what you're saying. God uses the supernatural and the natural. Absolutely.

And so the supernatural might be, I feel an unction, a thought, an idea towards a certain individual. Let me take that to the Lord in prayer and say, God, please, like, use whatever to leave me in the right direction with this individual. Like, God is too good of a father to leave us confused. If we want to be confused is because we want to be confused. So it's like, God use this. And then through that, God uses natural means, people, conversations, compatibility, like the Lord will send people like, I just don't, I don't see it. And everybody ain't a hater. Some people are just discerning, you know?

And so I think it's both and. I just didn't want to leave it all on the natural and also deny the fact that God speaks to his people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I believe that because I think even when I was trying to figure out. you know, if you were my, my wife, like, it was, it was like almost scary how I, how I started to think it just randomly one day. Tell the story. I think I told it another podcast, but, but yeah, it was, it was after I stopped talking to a particular girl, and, um, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, took a break and I was trying to figure out if this person was the person for me. And I can think about none of the things that that was spiritual when it comes to this person.

It was all just surface thing. Like, oh, I like the way she cooks. She's nice. And my family likes her and all of these things. And it was just like I started to reexamine all of the things that I pray for in a wife that was spiritual. The times we all have those times in our spiritual walk. When we had times we was like really like connected with the Lord. We were praying.

We were fasting. And every time I thought about those times and I prayed for. for a wife who was creative. I particularly pray for a wife who was creative. I pray for a wife who love theology. I pray for a wife who had natural hair. I pray for a wife who would support me and everything that I did.

I pray for you. Oh. Like literally. And so it was, it was, it was, one day I was sitting in my bed and I was, as I was praying about, somebody you couldn't like you literally couldn't pop out of my head and so I started to like question like if all the people then the past said like Jackie would be a good person for me like

was it something to that I was like and I was like is Jackie my wife and so I started to pray about it and the more I started to pray about it the more I started to feel like God it was like Preston I did not give you Jackie as a friend only like he I'm calling you to be with this woman. And I remember, I tell people all the time that I knows God. Because every time God shows you something and I immediately get like fearful, it always end up being the Lord. That's kind of how you know when it's the Lord and not your own flesh. Because you want God to confirm what your flesh wants.

Yeah. It's almost like your flesh tries to like buck up against what you feel like God is showing you. Yeah. And it was kind of like, no, like, and I had all of these fears, like, Jackie doesn't like me. And so I was, like, literally, like, saying, like, in my mind trying to sit, trying to, like, rationalize, how would I even go about trying to make Jackie like me? Like, you know what I'm saying? Not knowing you liked me for a year. Yeah.

I didn't even know that. And so, like. Because I was on the other end praying that if it was God's will for us to be together, that God would put it on your heart to pursue me. me. So we were praying at the same time, at separate times, not knowing that it was happening. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. And I say that to say this, that I did not feel confident that what God was showing me was him really showing me until I had men in the body who was mature, who I respected, who came, alongside and said, I think what God is showing you might be, might be him. And at the same time, I have folks like Melody Fabian, who was like, okay, Jackie, I understand

that he has made his intentions very plain. But I do not want you to start moving and acting like he's your husband if he has not made that commitment to you yet. And that was good. She was like, because your imagination will start to go all kinds of ways where it's like, no like until that man proposes he is not your husband period you know and so because i i think this is like we start you know oh we're going to get married we're going to do this we're going to do that it's like no part of the dating period is to discern if this person is for you or not yeah right i never forget the day i'm i'm going to just going a little tangent because okay and uh i never forget the day you looked at me differently i was like whoa don't recall this the day we kissed

on the steps. I was like, hey. Why are we sharing this? That's the first time she looked at me different. Like, she looked at me with this, you had a little twinkle in your eyes. It was lust. Let's be clear. What?

It was lust. The twinkle was lust. That was lust. That wasn't a spirit. But I'm just saying, though, you looked at me like. Because I was lustful. We're going to be merry one day. Yep. I was hoping that it would come soon.

That's exactly. That was the twinkle of the devil. The twinkle of the devil. That's exactly what it was. Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, little star. Because, you know, he was the star that got thrown down from heaven. Anywho, I just want to encourage the saints. I also want y'allel to go back and listen to our podcast called the idolatry of marriage.

Because I don't want this to this episode to be a temptation to make you discontent with the seeds in you're in. Yeah. I don't want that either because God has called many people to singleness. And the beautiful thing about that is, is that, hey, we all going to be single in glory. And so the single people actually have a unique advantage of existence. experiencing what it will look like to be with God as our husband and us as the bride forever. And single people have a unique advantage to serve God in ways that married people came. Yeah, undivided.

Y'all think I'm an evangelist now. Y'all should have seen me when I was single. I was in the West, North and South Side of Chicago every day giving a gospel. With a bad credit score. But the word is... Disrespect. The word is... Your credit score is 4.34.

No, you didn't have a score. Dang. That's how bad your score was. How do you know I wanted the people to know that? It didn't have a score. Like we had to create. How do you know? Let's score for you.

I knew I married the right person when our first year, not even our first year, our first month in marriage. You said the first two things I'm going to do is I'm going to help you not go to the hospital because your pancreatic tighter because I was eating Chinese food and skittles every day. And I lived in one of the worst neighborhoods in the west side of Chicago. And we have no whole food. So she was like, I'm going to cook healthy for you and I'm going to raise your credit score.

Help you raise your credit score. And so the first time I hit a $700 and I was like, wow. Look at you now. I feel important. Interest rate is on fleek. Anyway, what I want to say is, please, please, if the Lord has called you to marriage, has called you to be unified with another individual for the rest of your life to the glory of his name, I need you to wait on the Lord. Impatience is a thing, but impatience can lead us to all

kinds of idolatry. It is not foreign to me that in Exodus 32, when Moses is on Mount Sinai getting the tablets, the people are down at the ground saying, we don't know what happened to Moses. And do you know what happened because they didn't know what was going on? They constructed a golden calf. They created an idol out of their impatience instead of waiting on the Lord. And so what I do not want you to do is bring all kinds of suffering and discipline into your life simply because you are afraid that God will not be good to you. He is a good God all the time and all the time he is good. So basically what you're trying to say is if you're in church and you're a lady, young lady in church and you look around. I'm going to get to the man later. And you look around and all the men got their shoes tied

are real tight. And they got on bootcut jeans and stuff like that. Boot cut is coming back, though. I'll let that slide. Wait. Oh, yeah, yeah. It is coming back. Wait on the Lord. And if you're a man and you feel like all the women are, I don't know, corn balls or you feel like the women are too uptight. I've heard brothers say, are women just so uptight and they always complain. Even though the problem with the men ain't even waiting, it's having too many options. but that's another conversation for another day.

Yeah, yeah. Wait on the Lord. No, let's talk about it. We're here. Two minutes. What word do you have for these men who, because they have so many women available to them, they're actually not choosing one. What's the word?

I think a lot of men haven't chosen, haven't chosen, I'm sorry, a wife yet because they like to attention that they're getting from all of these women. I think it's, I think to get attention to, to, to be a, a single attractive man in the, in the body of Christ,

um, can sometimes be seen as a rare thing. And if it's rare, you're always going to get a lot of attention. So like, I see these guys, um, who be thirst trapping to just be,

all the time. To be frank. And it's like you, like your wife, you probably met your wife like, girls ago. But like you you you you like the attention that you're getting from all of these women on social media and you're trying to like form it in like like like as this like this godly man who's on a quest for a godly woman and you know I just really think that we have to like like

we can't escape social media but I do think that men have to be disciples by by strong male leaders in the church and for strong male leaders to call out these men and say, man, like, what are you doing? Like, what are you doing? And you know what grieves me for them is that I feel like they're wasting their life

because you're running through women, running through women, running through women, and what's going to happen is you end up being 40 and alone. Yeah. And so... Or settling for somebody who's going to make your life hard. Yeah. That's my fear.

like y'all you're wasting your time when you could be on mission with a good woman a godly woman making disciples of all nations um but instead you know you like you like identity fix yeah you like having like comments and post about how attractive and god that you are yeah it's worldly we don't have that much time on this earth to waste our time with frivolous matters so yeah i hope this bless y'all um and all the things peace bye 30 Minutes with the Perry's is a production of Ivy Media Podcast. Edited by Angie Elkins, video recording and audio production by Ken Powell, artwork by hop and music by spoo.

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