With The Perrys - It’s Our Anniversary

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

In celebration of a decade of marriage, Jackie and Preston react to their wedding video and reminisce about everything from Jackie’s dress and “flower distributors” to whether or not Preston cried as she walked down the aisle and the reason they were late for their own reception. After laughing through their recollections of that day, the Perrys talk about the importance of their friendship and the beauty of learning to love one another unconditionally.  This Episode Sponsored by: https://www.richmont.edu — Use promo code PERRYS to waive your application fee today Subscribe to the Perrys' newsletter: https://withtheperrys.myflodesk.com/zhfus4jx1s Join Preston's discipleship community for men: https://www.patreon.com/PrestonPerry/membership To support the work of the Perrys, donate via PayPal: https://paypal.me/withtheperrys Shop BOLD Apparel: boldapparel.shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, St. Nainz. How are thou? Your makeup, cute. Thank you. You're getting better at this. I was trying. No, I was just telling Kim that, like, when I started seeing, like, our, like, podcast being watched by people on their screens, I was like, oh, the makeup got to change. Like, we got to do something different because now you, you're watching us all in 27 inches on 4K,

and it's giving it's giving insecurity. I became self-conscious the first time I saw huge nose hair. Wow. Coming out of my nose on one of the videos

and I looked at the IG story that the person had I said they've been real gracious because they said pressing is going in They might not have noticed it. They didn't say Preston hair

needs to go back in his nose. They might not have noticed it. I don't know how you could not notice it. I notice it, but I don't know if they noticed it. So tell me why Jackie Nibald me nose trimmer three and when she buys them for me

she always comes and just she doesn't say anything she just walks up to me with the notion hey the kind of spirit I got I'm not fend to I'm not fend to criticize you without helping you okay so I'm not fend to say

hey fix your nose hairs I'm gonna just say hey here you go because you he he edging up on 40 so when you edge up on 40 things start growing in places that they ain't used to grow when you was 28.

But the way you be trying to help but at the same time not trying to be like disrespectful right but it it low-key still be like because i don't want to discourage you i know but i know when people try not to discourage you they're actually kind of adds to it sometimes because you walk you always walk up to me and you let me know how bad it really is by not trying to do a lot but i appreciate it okay i don't want you out here you know what you're saying what you're little thing is it that knows they're be draping you be being a good help her. It's all right. We've been married 10 years, sir.

10 years, a whole decade. That's crazy. I got a new ring. Yeah, man, you know what I'm saying? You was out here. Show him the ring. Show him to ring. Show him to ring. You know what to do. Just hold your hand up.

You feel awkward. She felt awkward. Here it goes. I don't know what to do. But what I do know is we, I have been telling press that I wanted to upgrade for a minute. You know what I'm saying? Probably, I don't know, two years. ago? Two years ago, yeah. Because you upgraded me year five and it felt a little crazy year seven to be like, hey, can we do it again? Yeah. That's a little discouraging. So when you started saying you wanted to upgrade around two years ago, I was like, Jackie, so if you don't know nothing about Jackie, she gives really good gifts because she thinks about gifts way in advance. And so I was like, yes, let me, you know, play our own game. Let me think about this way in advance. And so literally, I started funneling money.

literally probably a year I didn't know he was stealing from us probably a year and a half ago so every time I would do an event every time I'd do anything I would just put money away put money away and so she almost called me like 19 times but I did it I successfully bought her new ring you did and hit a lot of money

surprise me sir I said wow so I gave it to when we got to the Maldives because we went to the Maldives for our 10 year anniversary and so she's like I'm gonna take shower and then I'll go to lunch I was like no sit down. I set it out the bed,

pulled out the ring and tell me why Jackie just looked at it for like 30 seconds and did not say anything. She just...

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. Yeah. Because it's not that I thought you would get me an ugly ring. I just didn't think

you would get me one that impressed me to this degree. Because I am hard to impress. So here's the thing and so I appreciate it. You are hard to impress,

but here's the thing. You help me, but I. because you're so honest, I heard what you didn't like about your old one. Yeah. So much. No, I didn't say, I didn't share it all the time. You know, well, the- Not all the time.

The last two years. No, I pulled back, I pulled back on the criticisms. Oh, no, it's ugly now. I didn't say that. I want a dainty rain. That's a lie. No, you did not say that. No, you didn't say it's ugly.

I didn't. You said, you said, you said it's an auntie-ish. I said it's a little, it's a little god. It's a little busy. Yeah, you said it's like the auntie who drives Lexuses or something like that. It was given like, you know, Alpharetta. You kept saying dainty. And so that's what I hate the mind.

I said, okay, just dainty. It was getting Fulton County. You know, oh my goodness. It was given, uh, Ackworth. I did good though, right? Yeah, you did great. All right, cool. So in light of our 10-year situation, we wanted to watch back the footage from our wedding

because we've been creating content for a, long time, which is crazy. And so we had, you know, a videographer there to record it because we were working with a ministry at the time called P4CM and we would like, you know, use our lives to preach and minister and stuff like that. And so, yeah, we're just going to watch it and comment and then even like think about what we've even learned about the idea of marriage and relationship and intimacy since then. And to give you guys a backstory for all those who wasn't around during the poetry days with me and Jackie was just friends. When we did the poetry episode of us watching our old poems,

I showed the proposal poem that was called Covenant. And so we used that proposal poem to just document, you know, our engagement leading up to the wedding. And it was called Journey to Covenant. And so our wedding was actually the last, the poem was the first video and our wedding was the last video. We had videos in between it. I actually forgot all those details.

Yeah. So we're going to watch the last video. of the journey to covenant which was our wedding. I think you're going to have to. Let me push play. We need a long arm. I believe that there's a beautiful

covenant waiting for us on the other side of this relationship. Wow. Looks on your own. A covenant that's not dependent upon how. I literally printed those little things at Kinkos.

That church is beautiful though. It was and wasn't. I'll show you why it wasn't The stained glass was amazing I thought the church was beautiful My mom bought that dress Look at you looking like Eden Yeah

Blessings William He's like a whole 1213 now Salvation Hair Hair Dress Hold on

Can you pause I want to tell a real quick story About dresses So we were broke First of Yeah, we were really broke. We, I was, I think you still at Radio Shack. I was working at a nonprofit.

You know what I'm saying? And so weddings are so profoundly expensive. Yeah. I didn't know that until we started to get into the planning situation. I said, wow. Yeah, we were like. I see why people go to the courthouse. And what was crazy was, um, so we had, as you guys know, poems on YouTube that was like had thousands of views.

We wasn't getting that money. But we wasn't getting that money. And so I think the perception was that we had way more money than what we had when we were dead broke. And so do you want to tell the people how we actually raised? Well, no, I was going to make a comment about my dress. Oh, gotcha, got you. Because the point was we were so broke that I could not afford a nice dress. Gotcha.

So one of the people that I worked with at the nonprofit, she had was fin to get married and didn't get married. so she still had her dress. And she was like, Jackie, I can give you the dress for free. I didn't even really like the dress. But I'm like, it's free. I'm feeling aware. It's cool. And I told my mama, she said, Jackie, I'll buy you a dress.

And so I just, I appreciate my mama for making sure that I had a dress that actually looked like me. Because I would have, I don't know, I would have looked like a little tortilla or something. Shout out to parents. We got three daughters, though. Can we afford all three? rejoices. We got to. I guess we got to figure that out.

Come on. You were really, really pretty. Look at my mom. Look at Pamela. I walked my mom down to aisle and set her down. That's how I came in in the wedding. I didn't realize that the intro was this long. Now you realize people

was judging me for that. What? Because I didn't want flower girls. I called them flower distributors. Oh, the little boys. John Thingman Reynolds. Oh, wow. That background is so ugly. Can I just pause it real quick?

Yeah. Jackie walked down an aisle. What bothered me was our videographer. He used to shoot all my poetry videos in Chicago. And Jonathan McRendos, he was up and coming at the time. He didn't get a nanned footage of that man. Yeah, bro. And so like... People think that's a soundtrack.

Yeah, people think that when they looked at the video, that we just got Jonathan Rindler's song or whatever. to sing for the wedding, but he was actually, like, on the stage singing because, like, me and John didn't go way back. We used to do all kind of events back in the day in Chicago. And he was actually there, but you don't see him now one time in the video. And so after the wedding, I was like, bro, you didn't get him. He was like, I didn't know you wanted me to get any shots. And so now, you know what I'm saying? We got John and Reynolds singing while Jackie coming down an hour, but it's no actual. I need to make a steady comments. Okay.

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some clinician practices and a Christian perspective. You could also further your education with their master's programs and their doctoral programs. And guess what? They are located in Chattanooga, Atlanta, and online. With this program, you could advance your career in counseling and otherwise. As a Richmont student, the goal is to use your story to make an impact in the world. So apply today at richmont.edu and use the promo code Perry's to waive your application fee today. That's RICA, M-O-N-T-D-U and use the promo code. So I think at the time this fit our budget, it fit where we were in life, but there's so many elements to the design, design of our wedding that I would not do.

What? Well, one, I don't know if I would use a church anymore. Why not? I feel like I would use a beautiful event space that can. can be made into some type of sanctuary wedding-like feature, then turned over into a reception hall. Yeah. Because I think you have more control over the aesthetic and how it looks.

It just costs more money. That's one. Two, I wouldn't have had, you know, the little, the little paper little trail thing. The little, what's that? The little, the little paper runner. What's the thing on the whiz? The yellow brick road little paper thing. I wouldn't have been wild.

this is a little palm tree in the corner why is that there what are these little it's just so many things yeah but it's okay also i'm sorry i wouldn't have bridesmaids and groomsmen you eliminate bridesmaid and groomsmen yes did you tell me this before i did i said if i were to get married again i would have i just think i would have people who represent them so they have they might have their own own little special seating. They might like sit in a certain way. I think I would just have a maid of honor because I think you need a maid of honor to help you.

She's a maid of honor. So you just got real practical. Yeah, because I don't know. I just, I think simplifying the wedding, one, it saves more money. It saves more time and energy. You don't even have to deal with the different dynamics of like this person walking with this person and that person flirting with that person. I just, let's just be about celebrating the covenant that has taken.

We also talked about how we would have our daughters kind of stand by us, right? I'm saying if we got married again 10 years ago. If I was to get married right now with what I know and the experiences at weddings that I've been in, I would be like, we can mix the groomspin and the bridesmaids. It could just be we walk our parents down. We have, you know, flower petals or whatever, and we get married and call it that. Yeah. Cool.

I don't care. Just as long as good. And we go somewhere warm afterwards. Come on. That train was crazy. Look at me. I was like, wow. You about 89 pounds.

So listen, this is the first time I saw Jackie in a dress. Shoot. I feel like the first time I saw me in dress. And it's the first time I saw her with makeup. And so you got to stand. All right. I hadn't worn the dress since problem. I'm sitting there.

Look, my head is down right here because, like, I couldn't believe how beautiful you were. Oh. Like, and so like, this is the first time seeing my, my best friend and, and, and, would make up and look, the little outlash is blinking at me. Wow. And, and everybody was telling me I was going to cry. And I'm like, well, that's corny.

Why would I? And you did. Why would I cry? And you did. See, here's the thing, though. A tear came to my eye, but it didn't fall. So technically, I'm still legit. There's still.

It has to fall. No. Yeah, it has to fall. For it to technically be crying? No, no, no. It has to fall. You want me to Google? what crying is?

Yeah. Keep talking. It has to fall. So I looked at you, I felt warm inside and I was like, why am I, why do I feel warm? I feel warm.

Okay. And then you saw a blinket at me and then you smiled at me and I was like, I don't know why I feel the way I feel. Wow. What is this? It's all my head down

because I'm like, who gives a black man permission to feel, right? Cry is a period of strong emotion such as unhappiness her pain. That results in producing tears.

So the tears don't have to fall. The fact that they were produced. Hello. Means that it was crying. What? That don't make sense. It doesn't have to. Anyways.

That's your hyper masculinity showing up. The point that I was... Taking pride in the fact that the tear didn't fall. The point that I was trying to make was, this is like I, like, this is my first time ever seeing, you know, Jackie in his way. And so it was just like everything that we went through, everything that God brought us through, which we would talk about after the video. That's sweet.

I felt all those emotions. Oh, we need to make a comment. I made it a rule. I'm full time of pressing pause. This is crazy. I wanted everybody, all the guests to wear black. And that was because, so the color white represents purity, represents being set apart.

Like, everything about a wedding is symbolic of the gospel or should be, which is that God, you know, loves his bride, pursues her, woos her to himself, makes covenant with her through the blood of Jesus Christ, purifies her, sanctifies her. And so this white represents what Christ has done for us. So I was intentional about even the dress coat because I wanted everybody to wear black so that when I came down the aisle or when I moved in the room, the white was so obvious. And in a contrast to everybody else. because I don't think is, I mean, this ain't in the Bible. So if everybody, like, if people have a wedding where the husband wears white and the bride

wears white and the guests wear white, that's cool. But I don't like that it doesn't allow the bride to actually be set apart. Because if the, if a wedding is symbolic of the gospel to me, like the bride of Christ is set apart from the world. So that, like, that sounds deep. But in my mind, like, as a creative, I'm like, nah, like, If we set apart in Jesus where we stand out among the world, then I want to stand out among even my guests.

Like, I don't want nobody to be more noticeable than me. Right, right. You was like, I don't want nobody more noticeable than me. And so we are, everybody wearing black except me. It was giving unique. Amen. Oh, that black background bothers me so bad. Oh, my goodness.

I didn't realize it was that bad. I didn't. It don't look bad right here. there and that shot. So he get this dude singing, who was this? I don't even know what it is. He's from St. Louis. Don't do that. Oh, I'm sorry. Because I had Christina Bell and their friends come.

I'm sorry, guy, you can see. And Lee worship. You can sing good. That's Christina. She was on a crescendo. She sang the total praise song. What's crazy is, this was 10 years ago, and they did a scan of the audience just now. And I just saw like three of my aunties and uncles who are no over here.

It's crazy how time flies. It's the harmony. Look at me. Look in Presbyterian. Like, I want to worship it. I got makeup. Take Jackie to be my wife. Okay, how about you guys hold hands? Was Brian die?

He was our pastor at the time. That dress is great. Look at that ring. That's beautiful. For better for worse. Better or for worse? Pause. You remember you grew your beard out for me for this wedding?

Yeah. Because you was doing the little chin strap situation. I'm like, can we work on a beard? Yeah, yeah. Just for this moment. What was crazy. So that was the first time I ever had. My wedding day was the first time I ever had a full beer because I had the chin strap.

The whole, you know what I'm saying? So she said, grow your whole fear out. And the whole day my face it's so bad. I was like, man, like, why did I let this girl talk me? So, beards are itchy? Because when you're not used to it, I'm like, why does it keep hitting my lip? Like, it was just, it was just hitting my lip. And I was like, man, I kiss her, hope she don't get hair on her face

because I'm not used to all this hair on my face. It was weird. Huh. But now I'm used to it. Yeah. You had a bearded of sense. Yeah. See, I was helping you.

You started early. I did. It's a blessing, sir. rich or upper poor and sickness and in health to love and to cherish to love and to cherish to death do us part

to death do us part and to this I give my pledge now look how ignorant Jackie is when she's saying her low vows I Jackie I Jackie take Preston to be my husband to have and to hold

Oh look at us drinking the wine From this day four Union. For better for worse. For better and for worse. Yeah, God. For richer or poor. For poorer and for richer.

Yeah. Gotta be rebellious. And sickness and in health. And health and sickness. Why do you have to say it backwards? That's don't like doing what people tell me. To the corpse. To the corpse.

He said to death do us part. She said to the corpse. It's true. Who does? No, no, no. That's true. Let's start there. Okay.

We could start there. He said to Dev do us part, why would you say to the corpse? Because that's a poetic way to rephrase his statement. I'm just saying, though, like it's, my auntie said, did she say corpse? I never forget that. She said, your wife, she said, your wife is something else. She said corpse. And a lot of this is honestly awkward.

I'm just, I'm just awkward and it feels very uncomfortable and vulnerable to be, till death do us part and I'm just not gonna do all that so I would rather just kind of be sarcastic to get myself through this emotionally turbulent situation yeah and my mama used to always say

when she came around jacket she was like I never thought that she would marry somebody that's more sarcastic and more outlandish than you I don't think you're actually that sarcastic well I can be yeah with her

yeah you got me beat let me pray for this couple. Pray for this couple. For as much as Preston and Jackie have consented together in holy wetlo

He needed a lapel mic. So many things. Like this is my production mind. And pledged their vows to each other. I now pronounce them. Husband and wife, Preston, you may kiss your bride. I'm kissing her like

how I want to kiss her. I don't care. Okay, pause. So we would pause it on that When I did this The sound man He had a cue That as soon as he's

That's what your mama always talking about Yeah as soon as he said Now I pronounce Jackie husband da da He was supposed to cue the music So I'm in the moment But I'm also producing the event in my mind So I'm like Hey bro you're a little late

Because your mom Your mama always say When you start doing like this Right before we kiss she knew what she was doing I thought she was telling me to hurry up No, I was talking to a sound person

I was talking to a sound person Like you had a cue and you missed it So your mom was like That's my first time That I realized that my daughter A little control She said Bitch your husband

But you're talking about something I know Speed it up Bucco Because we're supposed to kiss To the music Come on I got to kiss this man Speed it up What are you doing?

This is where delegation would have been helpful because I also didn't have a real wedding coordinator. Because again, I didn't have no money. And so the job I worked at this girl, she was just administrative. She had never coordinated a wedding ever in her life. And she was like, hey, Jackie, I'll help you. But I think if I had somebody who was like an authentic wedding coordinator to oversee the event, then I wouldn't have felt so responsible for making sure that everything was running.

because I felt like I have to be in charge of making sure everything works. That makes sense. Which shouldn't have been my burden, but it was. That's why you told him to hurry up, Bucco. Speed it up, Bucco. You missed your cue four seconds ago. Wow. Wow.

Whoa. Awkward. Why do we kiss like that? You did that. No, you're the one that started going in on the bottom lip. You were excited, Bucco. No, so I kissed you and I was like, but when you turned your head, you kind of grabbed my face and I said, oh, she's taking it there. When you grab somebody's face, when you, when you do extra skin contact, that mean you want me to keep, you was inviting me into that.

Should I rewind it? No, we saw it. Yeah, when you did like that, I said, oh, I don't care who are on. I could adjust my head. Bring on a honeybone, Bucco. Bring on a honeymoon. Honeymoon, please. That was a lot.

That was a lot. Come on. Because we weren't, we weren't, some people had the testimony of like, you know, we didn't kiss until our wedding day. Praise God. That was not our story. Well, we kiss, but we ain't due to do yet. We didn't do.

We didn't have sex. We didn't have sex. Yes. And I was ready. Yeah, I was actually a virgin, but I wasn't a virgin. But you out here watch porn, being with women, doing all the things getting touched and groped and all the things. That ain't, you ain't no virgin for real. You're not a virgin in the Lord's hives.

You're still a little defiled. You're still a little unclean. But then the Lord saved me and filled me with the Holy Ghost. Set me apart. Purify me. May be righteous. Justified me. Hello.

But when it came to intercourse with you, we didn't do that. And I was grateful. This might be TMI. I always said if I wasn't a virgin, we probably would have Yeah, for sure. That's what kept me.

And God. But that's what kept me. But what's crazy was we were late for our reception. Oh, you're going far now. No, no, no. We were.

Oh, I don't know if they need to know. Well, I was going to say, initially, we were late for our reception because it was snowing. Remember? But I know why you went there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't.

It was snowing. And so we had the reception was like, I know your motives. The reception was like 20 minutes away. So I'm going to tell you what's happening. We got married March 1st. I'm going to tell you exactly what's happening. See, you think.

I, y'all got to see what just happened. So we were talking about purity and how we had not done anything before our wedding day. He randomly starts talking about how we were late for the reception. If you realize that's actually like an incongruent connection unless you know what happens. What happens was we were in the limousine and because we're pure now and because we're in covenant, things are happening. Okay. That's where his mind went. Things did happen even before we stepped foot into the reception hall.

That's where your mind went. You nasty man. We were late. We were late. We were late, though, because you skipped the snowstorm. So we got married March 1st. Drive a roll of the partition, please. And tell me why the limousine driver, he was a pervert.

He was a pervert. So let's start there. He kept putting the partition down. He was like, y'all too warm. I said, but I'll turn that window down. I said, you know, bro, you know the window foggy for a reason. So much, y'all. You remember in the, you remember in Titanic when they was in back of the thing.

her little hand went down the little window. Wait, wait, wait. He said y'all, y'all still okay back that? I said, boy, if you'll put that window up. Chris play. Oh my goodness. We look so proud. My feet hurt. Look, I said, thank you. We're so holy. Man.

Where's that ring? Because it's your third ring in my marriage. You might have sold it. I think I sold it. No, or did it break? Did I lose it? No, it broke off. Yeah.

And we got it to start it back on. And then he was like, Never runs out. Why do we choose the song? Yeah, look at my beard. I need a brush. No, that's the brush wouldn't have helped it. Oh, it was because it was freshly wide.

It was nice at the time. But no, man, what have you learned in this last 10 years of marriage? Watching that was nostalgic. I haven't watched that video in so, so long. I think it's crazy just to, um, reflect on how God always has so much more before you than you can imagine. Mm. Break that down.

At that time, again, you're a radio shack. I'm in a nonprofit. We're doing poetry, trying to be faithful. we didn't have Eden in mind. We didn't have August in mind. We didn't have Sage in mind. We didn't have autumn in mind. Like, we didn't have moving to Atlanta in mind.

We didn't have me preaching and teaching and having, like, I didn't have books. I didn't have a pocket. Like, we, I don't think we first saw anything we're walking in right now. And I don't even think it was something we were chasing. We were just really being faithful. And so I think that's one thing that I've learned. is that God is, he really is with you. And he has been with us.

I think also I reflect on how many people I know that got married at the same time and aren't married anymore. Wow. Yeah. Like, so how God has sustained us when we could have, I mean, the first year was miserable.

It was the hardest. We could have divorced a long time ago. Yeah, yeah. The first year, I think about that. Often, it was crazy. When we were in the Maldives, and I think it was the second day, and I was sitting sitting by the ocean, and I was just really reflecting on how hard it was, you know, in the beginning. And then I'm here now in the Maldives with my best friend.

And I feel like we still have our problems. We still have our issues. But we do have like this groove that we just kind of get one another. I mean, even when we, you know, come upon trials and stuff like that, it's not detrimental because we know how to work through it. Yeah. And that's because, you know, in my caption, my IG caption on our anniversary, I said, you know, through the years, we've chosen God and we chose each other.

And for that, I'm proud of us. And I meant that because, you know, I think the testament of while we're here is us choosing God year after year. Yeah. And us choosing one another. And I think I said before on a podcast, you know, on the other side of the heart, it really is beauty. You know, that if we lean into the heart and we allow God to sanctify us, like he really does allow it to get easier for his glory. And I think one thing that I've seen God use is our friendship.

Because I think some people want to be partners with people who are just lovers. But I feel like you should also pursue people who's your friend. Do you like them? Do you have fun with them? Can you laugh with them? And I really do think our friendship is one of the things that sustained us. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, for sure. Because I say this all the time, you know, and I say this performing a podcast. as, but I think a lot of times people, you know, want the lover, but don't really realize how like vital being what a friend is. And then I think sometimes people start off as friends, but they, they get rocked by the realities of marriage and that friendship kind of dwindles because they don't understand, you know, that if God gave us a spouse that met out every condition, we won't learn how to love a conditionally. And so you

were my friend for three years, but the first year of marriage, you didn't seem like a friend anymore. Neither did you. I know. You were a meany. I'm speaking from my perspective. I'm just saying, because you know, people will be in the comments like, oh my God, Jackie is this. It's like, oh my God, do you not realize

I married a center? Like, you can't possibly think that he's perfect. Oh, my goodness. Just because his stuff ain't all out on display, don't mean I ain't got to wrestle with some things. I was, I think I think in a lot of ways, you know, we both had our issues, but I think my issues were more problematic. And I tell people that all the time because...

Well, they're not listening. Go ahead. I tell people my issues were more problematic because I was a leader and I tried to force you to submit to me in ways that wasn't healthy. And so a lot of your ways or your meanness or you're unwilling to submit to me, it was almost like exaggerated because of my my lack of leadership and my lack of love and nurture towards you. And I tell men all the time, I think what a good husband, what a good loving husband does

is he will love his wife in a way that will cause her to respond. And so I said all that to say this. Like in our first year of marriage, I didn't understand that. And so like I was trying to force you into this submissive wife. not for not for the sole purpose of sanctifying you

to present you faultless before God but for my own insecurity right you know I wanted you to be a certain way so I wouldn't feel

insecure so I would feel like a good leader so I would feel like a good husband and I didn't know how to love I didn't know how to lead and so because of that I didn't experience my friend you know what I'm saying

so I think a lot of times in marriage when people experience that that they don't know how to lean into the humility. And then that friendship just kind of dwindles away. But then when I finally learned that, I was like, oh, year two, year three, the end of year two, going into year three, I was like, oh, there's my friend. That's the friend that I had before.

Yeah, I found you. When I started leading well, you start. And when our cable went out. Respecting me. Because we, wow. Because we had ran out of money or something so we couldn't afford a cable for a couple months. And what it did was, I feel like we've said this on this podcast, we had to start talking again. Yeah. And it was, it was crazy how much talking again kind of restored some of our

intimacy. But I do think that where I am now compared to where I was then, I clearly trust you more. Submission in a general sense is not necessarily a fear because I trust you. Like I trust your wisdom. I trust your direction. I trust, I just trust you. And I also feel like you trust me. And so there isn't this separateness, even like there isn't this, he's the leader and I'm the neck. It's really we're a unit.

Yeah. We just work together. Yeah. And I think that's one thing that I had to learn too. I think I had to learn that trust, like not to take, you know, things personal just because you're my wife and I'm your husband and because the Bible tells us, you know, to love our wives and wives submit to our husbands and trust our, you know. And so like I think a lot of times husbands and even wives can feel this like this personal jab when there's a lack of trust,

but trust comes with time. It does. It literally comes with time, right? And so just because you married a person, just because you said I do to a person doesn't mean that they're going to have you a full trust. That's even unrealistic with our relationship with the Lord. I didn't trust the Lord year one, like I trust him in year six, year seven, right? And so if the Lord has to fight for, like fight for our affections and win our hearts over a course of time, how much more are our spouses?

And so I had to learn not to take it personal. You know what I'm saying? And that your trust will grow for me, the more I earn it. And the more I'm consistent, right? The way the Lord is consistent. And trust changes because you do. Break that down.

So when we got married, I was 24. You were what, 27? You're about to be, what? 37. 38. Oh, 38. I'll be thinking about to be 35. We're not the same people.

You know what I'm saying? And so there is a real reality in which I have to learn how to love you as you are now and not have these expectations that Preston will be the person that he was when he was 24 and he had nothing to do. It was just eating fried rice and skittles every day. Oh my gosh. Does it make sense? When you say the fry, you always say that.

But when you say the fry rice, every time I came to visit you, every time I came to visit you, your dinner and your breakfast was fried rice, sir. Well, look. Your kidneys were crying out for God's deliverance. Well, look, when we were engaged, when we were dating, like let people know what environmental racism does. Tell them why I lived. That don't matter.

You could have drove. I live in the middle of the hood. No, no, no, no. That's laziness. No, that's how I didn't. You could have drove. You could have a car. Yes, you did.

I didn't have a car when we were. You had a bus ticket. You know how to watch them trains. I lived on the worst, in the worst neighborhood of West Side of Chicago. There was no whole foods. All it was was Popeyes, Chinese food, was there a grocery store?

Hot dogs. Was there a grocery store? No, there wasn't no grocery store. Nobody had groceries. You couldn't get bananas. Huh? You couldn't get to a little seasoned salad in the bag. Jackie, what I'm saying is, what I'm saying is.

With a little crumbled up croutes. You couldn't do that. What I'm saying is, I didn't have a lot of options. My point is, you're a different person. So the trust changes and develops because we are changing. We are developing. we are different. Your mind is different.

Your circumstances are different. Our parents are getting older. We have four children and the dog. We have businesses. We have ministry. We're right. Like there's so much more that we actually have to like work through to make sure that we just love one another where we are now. Yeah.

I still don't think that makes sense. It definitely. It definitely makes sense. But you could have went to the grocery store. No. I think I really loved our family pictures. And you came up with this idea to take family pictures for a 10 year anniversary. And I was like, I was like, man, these kids ain't got nothing to do without married.

That's the first thing I see. I was saying, well, this is about us. And then I thought about it, I was like, the fact that, you know, in 10 years, God has given us four children. You know, and also, too, I think that's the thing that I reflect over this last 10 years that he's allowed us to not just to just have a ministry. and have a sustaining ministry which is doing multiple things, but also to build a legacy with people,

like creating other human beings that would carry our name and our family and our legacy. I think that's probably the most special thing to me. For sure. Because I mean, within 10 years, to be blessed by God, to bring into the world for image bearers

who reflect his image in some kind of way. I just, I think that's a privilege and an honor. And the real gag is the first image bearer that came up out of us was Eden. And I got pregnant with her a week after our wedding, or conceived. And so that was fun. That was the limo. It was not. It was the, did I ever ever have told the birth control story?

Have I ever told this on the podcast? I think you did. Let me tell it once again. Let me tell it once again. Year one. Listen. The newcomers don't know. Listen.

February 4th. 14th. What's this? 2014 before we get married. I tell Preston, we at dinner, I said, I have a feeling. Were we on our anniversary? February 14th is Valentine's Day. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. We're at dinner. I said, I don't want to scare you. I was like, but I feel like God is going to make us get pregnant early. And he was like, what are you talking about? I was like, I just feel. this burden. Like, we're just going to get pregnant early. So then, mind you, I'm on birth control. I don't want to plan parenthood. Don't abort your babies. But I didn't went to plan parenthood and got the little patch or whatever, because that seemed the least invasive. I can't keep

up with a pill. I don't want the IUD. That makes me uncomfortable that you got a little piece of plastic up my fallopian tubes. I don't want the shot because people can't wait. So I got the little patch. Now, the patch that give you, I think about three weeks worth of patch on the fourth week is when your period's supposed to come. And so something happened where the second week of patches came off. As soon as the patch comes off, you got to replace it. But that meant that I had to replace my two-week patch with my three-week patch, which would have been my honeymoon patch.

Are you following me? Yeah. Yeah. You're not. So it meant that I wasn't going to have enough birth control to sustain me through the honeymoon. So I'm just praying and hoping and pleading and petitioning God to just allow the, the hormones to just seat through my bloodstream. Let me make your little stick it fall off real quick.

I really fully believe that God made my skin oily that day. So the bench would fall off because he knew Eden needed to be here. So we on the cruise ship. We're having active worship. Okay. Let's praise him. And on the cruise ship, I said I'm pregnant. You remember that?

Yes. And I was like, this girl is crazy. I felt it. I was like, I feel like I'm pregnant. I literally feel like I'm pregnant. So we came back home to Chicago and the day we came back. She just thought taking pregnancy, he put up Tessus. She was popping.

He said Tessus. Like skittles. I said, why are you taking? No, the day I came back, I was going to do this devotional and I opened up. It was a Nancy Lee DeMoss devotional and I opened it up to a random page like day 72 or something like that. And it was on how her parents got pregnant with her siblings like immediately after their wedding.

And I said, okay, it's giving confirmation. So I took about five tests, and it takes a long time for the pregnancy. I'm like, why are she taking so many tests? I know I say test, but I want to say tests. Preston thought I was crazy. I was just, I was just discerning. Yeah, I'm like, she was like, I want to take another one. I said, Jackie, that test is accurate.

I just knew it. I knew it. I knew it. So basically now, every time we have an anniversary, whatever year our anniversary is, is the year Eden is. So we had a 10 year anniversary in December, Eden is. in turns 10. But I think it's God's grace because I really fully believe that if we did not get pregnant early, we would have pushed it off to a certain degree.

I don't know how long we would have pushed it all. But I also think it immediately made us a team. Yeah. Because when you get married and you immediately have a baby, y'all better figure out how to work together now. And it grew me up really fast. God is silent because it grew us up and it taught us. how to be selfless.

It taught me how to be selfless. Immediately. I was like, I want to go to sleep. God. God was like, no. No sleep. Yeah. So here we are.

Yeah, it's been fun. Year 10. I've enjoyed being married to you for the last 10 years, babe. You are the love of my life. You are the most honest person that I've ever met. You are the most genuine person that I've met. Last night in the bed when we were talking about friendship, I said one of the reasons why it's hard for.

for you to connect with people at times because one of the reasons why you're so guarded is because when you let people in, you are actually one of the most loyal and one of the most purest people that I know when it comes to just friendship and loyalty in helping people that you love. And so without you, I wouldn't have wrote a book.

Without you, I wouldn't start a bold TV. Without you, I wouldn't start a boat apparel. Like you literally helped my life in so many areas. My credit is good. Your kidneys. My kidneys is good. When I met you, I was going to the hospital every week and you was like, when you get married, I'm not frying food, because I want you to, I want you to live long. And so I just want to let you know you are a great wife. I love you. So I guess I have to jump on the affirmation train. I mean, that's why I gave it. Come on. Bring it on, Bucco. Tell me about me. You thought this was just,

you thought this was just a one train? Oh, that's what narcissists do. They love on you because they wanted to boomerang back to them. No, no, no, no, but that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let's just flow out of you. I, I don't want to be, I don't want to be sarcastic. I want to be honest. I think you are the greatest man I've ever known. Oh, stop playing.

No, I do. I think you're the... Ooh, my eyeballs are sweating. I think you're the greatest man I've ever known. I think you're consistent, you're honest, you're intelligent, you're thoughtful, you're soft. And I don't mean soft like weak. Right, define that.

Tender, meek. Like you have strength and you have power, but you'll lay that aside to serve people if you have to. Like you work hard, you care a lot about how I feel, you care about my family. And I know I know I'm not an easy woman to love. I think most people would have divorced me 20 years ago. Even before the marriage, they would have let me go. But I think for you to care about me and all of my meeness means a lot.

And so that's it. That's the best I got. I love you. I love you too. Air kiss. You try to do the little thing where I turn my little neck. That's what you, you try to replicate that on the on the, on the. the YouTube.

I love you. Produced by the pairs with support from Amanda Reed and Channing me and live. Peace. Video recording

and audio production by Kim Powell, Abashai Perez, and Xavier Fairley edited by the team at Tread lively, artwork by hop and music by swoop.

Thank you for listening. Now go with God.