With The Perrys - Prayer: The Discipline We All Suck At

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Ask any healthy couple and they’ll tell you that communication is key for a strong relationship. The same goes for your relationship with God, which is why prayer is essential. In this episode, we��re chatting about the enemy of prayer, why prayer feels inconvenient, and how we can suck less at it. Subscribe to the Perrys' newsletter: https://withtheperrys.myflodesk.com/zhfus4jx1s Join Preston's discipleship community for men: https://www.patreon.com/PrestonPerry/membership To support the work of the Perrys, donate via PayPal: https://paypal.me/withtheperrys Shop BOLD Apparel: boldapparel.shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Saints and Names. How are you? What did it do? Hope you're well. Hope you good. Swell. You know, last season, we opened up talking about watchcloths and that kind of started a little thing. Yes. People start DMing us. How many washcloths do we use per week?

No. Do we use washcloths for our feet? I got a number of DMs asking for washcloth advice or people lamenting over, standover somebody's house who didn't have no washcloths. or I had this one young lady who was like, yeah, but you don't use washcloths to wash your hands. Listen. What? Listen. Do not take offense to me advocating for friction.

All right. Like if you don't want to use a washcloth, that is all right. Like you can still make it into glory. That's not a moral indictment on you unless you're musty. But if you're not, then just do whatever works. No, I think that I think the most, I think what are the funniest stories. funny isn't a word, but I want to say it. It's the funniest is.

It's the word? The funniest story, if it's past tense. Oh, the funniest story was when someone, uh, DM does it was like, yeah, I got the shower. No, I got in the shower. And when I got in the shower, I realized that my husband used a washcloth. And when he used the washcloth, I said, you listen to the podcast with the Perry's. No, they told me that. That they, they just, we like, we've been reuniting people with washcloths.

And they just had like a little chuckle together in the bathroom. Like, yeah, like, we both. use watchdogs. And somebody asked me, they were like, so can we use lufas? You can use whatever. My thing is, the hand is not sufficient enough to get off summer dirt. That's all I'm saying. And all I'm saying is, the hand,

it's just too smooth. Don't neglect the butt. Don't neglect it. Wash it. Set it up. It's getting neglected. Because if you just with your hand in there. All buds matter. Wow. It's a thing that

we're talking about prayer. Talk about prayer. Talking to God. And our Father who are in heaven. Oh, man. Hollow be his name. That kingdom come. That will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day. Our daily bread. It's something about forgive our debtors that sin against us. So what are we talking about today? Prayer. Prayer. Just said after the Lord's prayer. Why are you talking about?

Oh, man. Let's get past this. Okay. You like prayer? I do. Why? Oh, man. I love prayer because it really does put me at peace and ease when I have, after I have talked to the Lord about my fears, about my worries, about my plans.

And, you know, sometimes I get busy and I don't, you know, pray as much as I should. And that I don't feel right. And so I thank God for that. But prayer has always been good for me. I realize that I'm not as anxious. I'm not as burdensome after I, you know, after I prayed. And so what about you? I have learned and I'm continually learning to enjoy it more.

Yeah. Surprisingly, I think what kind of changed the way I felt about prayer is the more I learned about God and the safer he became, the more I wanted to pray, if that makes sense. And so, like, when I first became a believer, prayer was kind of, you know, it's something you're supposed to do. You're supposed to seek God and pray and all the things. But it had so many, so many, like, goals attached to it that were, like, worldly. And so, you know, you pray to only get something from God. or, you know, I was in like a super charismatic church, and I love, I'm still halfway charismatic.

So this isn't shade, but it is to say that we pray to be powerful all the time. You know what I'm saying? Like, you got to seek God. You got to consecrate yourself and you got to fast. And it was only so you could have some kind of like spiritual stature. It wasn't to just simply meet and be with God. And then I went to a super legalistic church where it was, if I don't pray and talk to God, then he's mad at me and he's angry.

And so I think as I've like been able to kind of like knock off and wipe off all of those extra things and it just actually became about a conversation with me and the Lord, it's just becoming easier and more I guess enjoyable experience. Yeah, because I remember one time I came to you when my spiritual life was kind of lacking and the Lord. We were married? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, this was a couple years ago. Probably not a year. Yeah, a couple years ago.

I don't know if you remember when I came to you and I was. I was kind of broken, little tearyotic, and I was saying how I feel like the Lord was telling me that he missed me, you know, that like he missed me in such an intimate and close way. And I remember feeling like, like this, this conviction, but also this comfort that God just wanted to talk to me. And it wasn't about anything that I wanted from him or necessarily, not anything he wanted from us. Because I think a lot of time, you know, us praying and us trying to spend time with the Lord is trying to seek, oh, God, God, what do you have for me to do? And it's like, no, a lot of times God just wants you to talk to them as a son or a daughter. And so I think for me, you know, prayer is comforting in that way. In the same way, we feel after we spend time with our earthly father, like that comfort, that closeness. For me, that's what prayer is. It's like, man, like, I want to talk to my father. You know, I'm going to spend time with him.

Let's get into the mechanics. So you have different people that pray in different ways for different lengths in different places, right? And so a lot of the saints I grew up with, they had a prayer closet. And they would enter it at like 5 a.m. in the morning. Get it out. I did. And I should have prayed about it. And when I tried to chase after that, I thought I was a spiritual failure. because it's like I got to have a prayer clause

I got to be like Priscilla Shire in the movie and get all these posted notes on the wall and you know pray without ceasing and it's just like no I want to go to sleep it's 5 a.m. And so I guess for you what have you found that works best with the season that you're in

when it comes to praying? The time, the place, all the things. Man, that's such a good question because when I first gave my life to the Lord I was living with my aunt who was a minister who had no kids And so she took me in. She had so much room for me in this big old house that she lived in because she lived by herself.

And I remember, you know, she was the first Christian that I had close proximity with. So I remember like a couple of months even before I came to Christian, waking up every morning, trying to figure out for the life of me while there was all on my head every time I woke up. It's all I wake up. And so I didn't grow up in a Christian home. So I was so confused. I'm like, why? Did somebody touch chicken and touch?

much my head producing oil in my sleep and one morning she uh hormone imbalance i i hear her i hear somebody praying over me and i look up and she's anointing my head with oil and it had to be like five 10 in the morning and as i started to wake up early earlier i heard her praying you sure that every morning every morning i love those prayers yeah and so when i became a christian i kind of felt like that's what my life had to look like and if it didn't look like that I was a failure. But God had to show me no, like your life has different seasons. And so I think what communicating when somebody looks like is communicating with them the best you can in the most in the most organic way you can in that season.

And so I don't think that God is necessarily calling us to be this rigid robot if I don't pray at 9 o'clock because if you look at it, that's what, that's how Muslims, you know, praying five times. a day facing towards the east. It's this rigid, systematic, almost, not almost, it is work-based, you know, type of relationship with God. But it's like, no, like God knows that the man that I was when I was single out there, evangelizing is not going to be the man that I am with four kids traveling, right? And so what I had to realize is that my prayer time with the Lord has to look like,

when it has to, it has to be some sacrifice. I'm not saying that we should not sacrifice waking up when we're tired when we stayed up with a baby the whole night, previous night. But what I am saying, it's like, man, like as you go, always make an intentional effort to spend time with God, whether that's on a plane. I remember being on plane rides and having my most intimate prayer times on, you know, late night plane rides or, you know, in my hotel when I travel, like, like, find, that time because if you love someone you will find time yeah you know and so I think that's what it looks like yeah because I it's it's I think a common excuse for us not to pray is is is is busyness um but it's not ever busyness it's it's idolatry yeah it's it's priorities other things have taken a hold of our affections a really interesting enemy of prayer

I believe is that we don't like being bored. And what I mean is, is that we don't know how to sit still and to be still. So even when we pray, our minds are going to all types of things. And they're probably good things. Oh, I need to do this. I need to do that. Or I wonder what's on this. And if you think about even how we engage with our phones,

how we engage with TV. Like, we don't have to sit through a commercial. We don't have to sit through anything. We know how to keep ourselves entertained the entire day. Prayer is one of the only spaces where you are forced to be still. Yeah. And I think that's what makes it harder for us to sit with God and contemplate a prayer in particular for long periods of times because we are constantly discipling ourselves to be constantly entertained.

Yeah. And productive. Oh, for sure. So it's so hard to just focus That's so true That's so true Yeah Because like that's so good that you said that

Because the world around us Is making it Loki making our lives more convenient Well we don't have to watch commercials What we don't have to wait for this Well we don't have to like even swipe our cars We just got to tap It's true

And so like we don't know how to sit with anything anymore You know It feels like it can feel like a waste of time Yeah Like, why am I? Because even if even reading the Bible feels more efficient because we're doing something, right? My Bible's open. Oh, that's a definition.

Oh, I've circled this word. I've underlined this. I've learned the thing that I can pass on. Prayer, it feels like sometimes if you don't tap into the mystical, spiritual nature of the fact that you are entering into the Holies of Holies where ever you are to talk to the divine. If that's outside of like your realm of thinking, then it feels like I'm just talking to myself. It takes a measure of faith to say, I'm actually talking to a being on a throne who can hear me and who will respond accordingly. That's really good. That's hard.

Yeah, that's really good. That's really good. Another thing, too, is I know we talked about anxiety this season, but also like the temptation. to work when we were afraid instead of just praying. Like for me, like when I'm concerned about, you know, money or concerned about anything in my life, this temptation to like do, do, do instead of just sitting at the feet of God and talking to God and waiting for instruction, I don't do that a lot of the times. And so God, like, consistently has to remind me that, no, like the answers that you need

it's at my feet now that yet you're doing you know what I'm saying and I'm just consistently reminded about Jesus you know in the garden of Gitsemite when he kept going to pray in the in in the last hours of him being captured it's like no like even in his most anxious moments when he was asking you know God the father if if this may he be his will like to to take this cup from him like he he was he was praying and seeking God you know what I'm saying and so like like I don't know. I just think that yeah, we just have to consist and remind ourselves that prayer

prayer is good. I think like being productive is good. Like that's kind of the call as an image bearer to subdue, to cultivate things. That's a part of what we're called to do

irregardless of sense. Yeah. But I think the temptation to be productive over being prayerful underneath that is impatient. It's, you know, if I am productive first and foremost, I can get things done now. Waiting on God, I don't know when he going to do what I'm asking or if he's going to do what I'm asking. So asking, so let me do it now. But I felt like in my life, though, there's been times where I've had to discern.

There are moments where, like, even in Exodus, I don't know where it is, but there's this time where something pops off. Moses goes and asks God about it. God is like, why are you talking to me? Move on. Like go do what you got to do. Where it's like he has the maturity and the wisdom and has walked with God long enough where he doesn't have to ask God what to do.

He knows what to do. So do it. But then there are other times where you do need to ask God what to do and wait on him to give you the answer. But it's in the waiting that is tough. And so I feel like so much of prayer has to be intertwined with a just actual relationship with God. Because how you pray, when you pray, where you pray, how often you pray,

what you pray, all of that is contingent on what you know about God in the scriptures and the history that you have a God in your relationship with them. You know what I'm saying? I just said like four ideas. No, that was like four ideas, but it's good. They all make sense. It's good that you end in a relationship because I think that what prayer does, it cultivates a deeper relationship. And so when we feel tempted to not go to the Lord the next time, like, basically what I'm trying to say is when we pray, like God has the opportunity to show himself, trustworthy, he has the opportunity to show himself to be God. And so the next time, we won't feel as tempted to rest on our ability, but we feel, you know, confident to go to him and pray the next time.

And so I think that spending time with the Lord and allowing him to show himself to us, gives us a confidence and say, you know what, let me not do this on my own, you know, power and strength. Let me take it to the Lord and prayer and see what he has to say. I think it just builds up our faith because I think at the root of us trying to be productive on our own is a lack of trust. It's a lack of trust in God. But what I would add to that is, is that I know people who pray a lot and live bad. And it's because they are praying to a God that they don't even read about. And so they maybe are praying maybe not helpful prayers or the things that they are asking,

they don't have the spiritual maturity to discern the answer. Does that make sense what I'm saying? Yeah. So it's like. Flesh it out though. If I'm a person that prays but doesn't read the Bible, then even how God answers the prayer, I don't have a framework to figure out the answer myself. Yeah.

Right. And so it's like, Lord, help me to know what I should do today. And it's just like, oh, I'm going to get drunk. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. It's like you pray, but you didn't have any context for the answer when it's in the scriptures, which is the love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul, that the body belongs to the Lord, like to be sober mind. You're good what I'm saying. So I think we cannot separate praying from reading the body. Bible. They are very much intertwined. And so that's why it's helpful to actually be reading it and then praying or praying and then reading so that like, yeah, that's really good. We're walking right. That's really good because I think also what we're reading the Bible does, it gives because the Bible is the reveal word of God. It gives us a framework for who God is. And so I think a lot of times in our prayer, we don't even really know as much about the character of God to even know how to communicate to him in the first place. Interesting. And so I think understanding the mind of God will inform how we talk to him. Absolutely, tutely, foodily, yes. And so I think that understanding, like having a framework for who he is, I think we approach him. Yeah, yeah. When we talk about people and when we talk about ourselves, when we talk about our children.

And so I think that if you have this legalistic, this, this God who sits down and, you know, judges the ungodly, but not this father. figure who condescended and came a man and lived amongst people. I think that the way you view God will inform how you pray. Yeah, no, it's totally like being informed is a thing. That's why the disciples, hey Jesus, teach us how to pray. How did he start? Our father, who art in heaven, hollow be thy name. How does he teach him?

we begin with who God is in relationship to us. Yes. Whereas he's seated in heaven. What does that mean? He's transcended. What does that mean? I don't approach him like he's a regular person. That's good.

That off top changes how you pray. Yeah. Because it means like, oh, he's to be valued and respected, but he's also in heaven yet our father. Therefore, he's transcended yet personal. Yeah. And so everything about, I think, the scriptures can be really. really helpful in us being able to pray a certain kind of way.

But also, go ahead. Let me just say this because, you know, I'm not even going to put this on other people because I know people like this, but I used to be like this. When I first became. What was you like? When I first became a Christian, I was very legalistic. In what way? And how I viewed people's seeing.

Like, I didn't humanize people. I saw people seeing before I saw them. Okay. And so because I saw people seeing, because before I saw them, when I pray for people it was always I was always praying to the Lord to like correct people interesting I was always praying for the Lord to like to like fix this

fix that fix that it's like no like you don't really understand me as like a like an intimate and personal God for in the lives of others so explain and so when I first came to the Lord I I I believe, well, I know that it was a real supernatural conversion, right? But that same experience that I had with the Lord, I didn't really like, I didn't really make that connection with other people to God. And so every time I saw people, it was always, I saw their sin, seeing, sin, seeing,

and I know this is a podcast on prayer, not legalism, but what I'm saying is... Your character affected how you pray. It, my character and how I view people. affected how I prayed for them because I didn't understand that the same God who had this close intimate relationship with me has the same intimate relationship and wants to have the same interrelationship with people and so it wasn't until I I stopped praying and start asking the Lord to humble me when he began to allow me to see people and so it affected how I it affected how I talked to people on the streets it I didn't I didn't want to just focus on a person seeing but I wanted to find out

why are you sending it so how do how do you what is the difference between your prayers now because you still in reality people still do need to be yeah i think i think the difference between my prayers then and my prayers now is that a person's i look at a i look at people in a more holistic way because i don't i don't just think about their sin but i also think about them that person like i pray about because i think sometimes we if we only see people sin. That's the only thing we will pray for, but we won't pray for the things that that cause them to to make, to have the sin in the first place. And so like if a person is, it's mean, right? It's like, oh. Are you talking about me? Yeah. If a person is mean, if we only see their

sin, which is them being mean, and not think about how they were hurt, right, that has caused them to clam up and to lash out. We won't pray for that. We only, we only see their sin. It's like, no like in prayer i think god gives us discernment when we're humble before him and not legalistic to know like no there's a reason why this person is this way i want you to care for this person and so like it just changed the way i did ministry and changed the way how i interacted with people uh and not this legalistic like you're this you're that it changed the way i dealt with you you know what i'm saying praise god from whom all blessing because i was calling out your sin calling out this calling out that and i was literally going to the lord like this

girl is mean it's like no this girl is protecting herself because she's vulnerable you was gossiping with god and so god was like no like yeah like in prayer like i can reveal some things about you to people that will help you be a better minister and yeah i think what you said is actually really helpful and important because i've seen it in my own life where praying praying for people is a way to cultivate love for people yes um especially our enemies uh because jesus us to pray for our enemies and most of our enemies aren't we ain't out here like David with Saul trying to kill us some of us might be I don't know but most of us have just regular regular people who are antagonistic towards us yeah or not for us or do not love us who or who

have hurt us or wound us maybe physically emotionally financially like they paid you back like whatever the case may be and Jesus tells us to pray for them and I found that when I sincerely pray for a person and what i mean is not just imprecatory prayers where it's like god uh be vengeful and and enact justice and let your you know judgment fall upon their head i feel like nigerians be praying like that and i think there i do think there's place to pray that god's justice will roll down like i like that's a that's a righteous thing for god to get his justice yet at the same time i feel like when you pray good for people that have done you wrong, it forces your heart to move in a different way. That's good.

And I hate it, but I feel like I got to do it. Yeah. Because it's just like, if I don't pray good for you, what's going to happen is I'm going to start acting bad towards you. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Because I think if we get out of prayer only like being this judgmental, you know, legalistic type of Christian, I think that we have to like, like truly acts ourselves like no like the god really revealed to you all that he wanted to reveal to you in that prayer because we're we're complicated in holistic people and so like i don't know i

there was just a lesson that i had to i had to learn um and i'm glad i did and i still can be better at it to be honest with you but uh you never answered the question of the mechanics of how or where or when you pray like as a as a father a husband as a busy man yeah so i saw i saw I try to make it my business to pray as soon as I get up, you know. And so as soon as I get up, because I think there is a sweet and silent, you know, in quiet time to just pray before the busyness of the day happens. And so a lot of times I'm a night person. And so a lot of times I pray before, you know, I go to bed or I pray with you.

But as soon as I wake up, you know, I try to pray. But a lot of times my prayer, you know, is alone when I'm, you know, before I write or before I study, you know, I try to pray. But I think it's, I don't know, it's just something about the, something sweet about the morning that, that before the distractions of the day, before my kids wake up, before I say anything, just to say a quick pray. And sometimes those prayers are long, sometimes they're shorter. But I always try to pray before I wake up. Yeah, I rarely share where I pray because it just sounds weird. In the shower.

In the shower. Because it's so completely undistracted. And so I will be in there a solid 20, 30 minutes, no phone, no nothing, and just talk to the Lord. Another practical thing about prayer is that God has given us gifts. He's equipped a body, or he's given us all gifts to equip the body for the work of ministry, right? And I think one of the snares of our giftings is that because it comes natural, we don't think, we don't, we forget to still pray that God would help us or use us or all the things. And I think as a writer in particular, that's why I feel that pressure the most. Like when I was writing my book or when we was writing poetry, you can kind of lean on your natural ability when God wants you to lean on his supernatural help.

and I have found that when you depend on the Lord and you ask God to meet you in your gifts and to use you with your gifts and to move through your gifts, like it's, it transcends gifting. Yeah, it does. Like it becomes a very spiritual and anointed and powerful situation. Preach and blood. So before you write, praying, while you write, praying. Before you serve, praying while you serve it, praying.

Before you preach, praying. while you preach praying. I don't know. What else is there? I just said hospitality, teaching. No, that's so real. Because when he was writing poetry, I had to have so good at writing poems,

I had to remind myself, no, I'll seek the Lord, you know, for what he wants you to say. But when I transition to writing this here book, and I, you know, and I'm sending stuff back to these people, like, no, this is too short. Like, this is, and he's like, no,

I don't have nothing else to say. I've learned how to communicate a lot in a little writing poems. and like I just need your help God. And so this is a different beast. And so like, like, no, just because God has gifted you in something doesn't mean that you shouldn't stop seeking him in prayer. And so now I just find myself just sitting there with the, my computer open saying, Lord, help me. Help me.

And you know why it's good and healthy? It's because if the Lord has gifted you in a particular way, then that leaves, a lot of room for boasting. Yes. And so if God puts you in a position where your giftedness is not good enough, then when you pray and it still succeeds and it's still useful and all the things, it eliminates any opportunity for boasting. It's so convicting.

Because I'll be sitting at this, Jackie, you know this. I talk to you about it. I'll be sitting there like, Lord, I thought I was a writer. That's why people would be talking about writer's block. And writer's block is a thing, but sometimes it's the Lord humbling you. Yeah. Yeah, and being like, nah, like I gave you that mind. Like, I know you're creative.

I know you, you know, you can write. I know you're a gifted writer. But I just, I just want you to lean on me and I want to get closer to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like the Lord is literally drawing me closer to him in this writer book. Because it's like, it's not just about a book and you releasing the books of the masses. It's about my relationship with you present. I want to bring you closer to me.

Yeah, yeah. I want you to trust me. trust me more. I want to grow you in this. Come on. And so I think that prayer does that. God will use it, of course, to edify his body. But he don't want to edit. He don't want to use you to edify people if he ain't getting closer to you. He don't want to use you to go out there and do all this stuff of people. If you ain't seeking him, if you ain't growing closer to him, if you ain't calling on his name. Yeah. All that's cool. But it's like, no, like, what about me and you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so like, God has just been teaching me that, man. You just

priest to yourself, didn't you? Yeah. I feel like you did. Yeah. That wasn't for nobody. That was a boomerang. That wasn't for nobody else. That was for me.

Well, I'm in. Me myself and I. Me myself and I is all the kind in the end. That's a really terrible song to end this conversation with. Uh-huh. And so, bye.

Peace. 30 Minutes with the Perrys is a production of Ivy Media Podcast. Edited by Angie Elkins. Video recording and audio production by Kim Powell. Artwork by and music by swoop.

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