Wolf and Owl - Best Friends, Burglaries and Weddings

Episode Date: August 6, 2026

Can you have a best friend over 30? On this week's Wolf & Owl, we're back in the inbox answering your emails, from wedding planning headaches, to poo robberies, to one of life's biggest questions: can you still have a best friend post-30? The guys tackle an unforgettable burglar dilemma, (yes, it involves someone being caught on the toilet), and somehow end up talking about goats and Tom's big issue with them along the way. Keep sending your questions, dilemmas and voice notes to [e-mail]. A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yeah What you want Beak or jaws Feathers or fur Sharp teeth or feet with claws Whatever's prefer Just kidding Every word in his songs

About two grown men Dressed up as a bird And a dog Welcome to the Wolf A pro now Email special Can I do this like What those awful

This morning Presenters Yeah go Hello friends I hate those things We are We are having One hell of a morning

Let's put it that way Come on a confession, just can't hold it to get back. We can't, unfortunately we can't, we can't really go to details of what happened,

but it's, it's been a bit tricky to get ourselves in order for this. Anyway, well, let's hope it continues to be as much fun

as it has been during the break. But welcome to the email special of all for now. Yeah. Yeah. Where we just, get into whatever it is you want to send us. We're going to look, and obviously we're having a laugh,

but some of these might be sensitive. So let's relax and let's get into the emails. But what we can say is that if it's getting sad for a little bit, you can be sure a laugh is not that far around the corner, okay? Oh, you've putted that one away. Big Bear, would you like to read this one? Yeah, sure, I will do. Absolutely. Hello, Rom and Tom, my two-faith podcast, isn't all-round good humans.

I recently got engaged to my partner in our favourite city in our favourite city abroad it was perfect, low key, intimate and has come at the right time nice. We've been together for five years I'm 30 and east 31 young and we are absolutely ready for the next step I was so happy for the rest of the holidays we soaked up the newly engaged bliss however upon returning home I feel like our bubble has burst

my family members were very excited which is lovely but they immediately jumped to conclusions about our wedding assuming he'll be my bridesmaid not sure I want them. Signing up to plan my hand do. I definitely don't want one. It's not my thing at all. And how big the wedding will be. We're getting constant questions about what we're planning and what they want us to do. I've even had a close relative term where we can't get married until she's had her baby. She's currently pregnant. Oh, good luck. Of course we want to accommodate loved ones and have some kind of celebration that works for everyone. But we're both huge

introverts and want to keep it as chilled as possible without anyone else's input. How do we navigate this time without letting people down or dulling their excitement for us? I feel like such a kill join after shut down any conversations about a potential wedding before he gets too much. I just want to enjoy my engagement for now. Is that too much to ask? Lots of love to Terrified Tiger. Well, thank you so much, Tiger, for your email. Tom? Well, Terrified Tiger, I've probably kept this little bit of advice on the download for a while because I used it a lot in the early days of this podcast, but you need to just do you. I think the fact is, in wedding situations.

Do you know what? I know you're doing it ironically, but it's so horrible. I know. I could see the distaste in your face. But I think when it comes to this sort of situation, you just need to, I think this day is about the two of you.

I think it's about you making it a day that you want it to be, that you'll remember. I think as soon as you sort of feel like you're drowning in other people's plans and ideas, it will spiral into saying you don't want it to be. So I think you have to lock that chat down pretty quickly

and say, no, look, we're going to take our time, we're just going to enjoy our engagement. You know, obviously, and that's the other thing. You've got so many different people, family. And no one's doing this maliciously, I think it's worth saying. Everyone kind of will want it for the best, but I think everyone assumes that people just want a big wedding. They assume they want to be the centre of this massive facade,

it's massive. And actually, when I look back even at my wedding, it was like the happiest day of my life for a number of reasons. But if I ever would do it again, it would be so much, like me and Café, for him to do our voucher. I just, we do it in a really small surroundings

with a few people. You really, really want there. Because what you really is over the sands of time, a lot of the people that you're there, you know, not for any reasons,

but friendships drift, you know, times change and you might sort of lose track of the people there. The people at your weddings for a lot of the time are friends that might just be locked in that space of time,

they're very close. And actually, over time, you know, this perspective of it's just being about you two is all that you really, really need to be about. So I think stick to your guns. If you're an introvert, have an introvert's wedding. Just make it a small, have the people that you want there, and just make it sure it's the

most special day for you and your other half. Enjoy it. And you haven't got to rush it. Just enjoy it. And being engaged is amazing. Enjoy that side of it. Me and Catherine went on some of our best holidays is just looking for where we might want to go and get married or just as an engaged couple. I think everyone in life I think we're at such a rust to chalk off moments and go alright

we're going to get this thing done or that thing done and actually taking your time being patient and just enjoying the here and now is one of the most important

things you can do so congratulations you both I hope it goes well and if it is a big wedding I know two guys who would love to be there yeah

me and John because I know oh yeah I know you've John's now joined the sort of John is like a wedding crash, he loves weddings.

Yeah. I think two things. I sort of agree, I basically agree with Tom. I think one, your family and friends think that they are helping. I don't think it comes from a bad place. It's just they've got, you know, even I was like, oh, you don't want a hendoo

because it's such an assumed part of the wedding thing and that's what your family are doing. They're assuming that you're going to want this and you're going to want that and bridesmaids and da-da-da-da. they're trying to help or they're doing it because they're excited. Like, you think about the opposite where you came back and none of them gave a shit and weren't mentioning it at all, you'd probably be equally aggrieved. So this is actually probably the better outcome is that they're showing enthusiasm

and excitement for you getting married. That's actually really lovely. But, as Tom said, it's not about them. You've got to have the wedding that you want to have. And I think a lot of the time, in lots of big life things, we just assume the default setting is what we should be doing. And it sounds like you are thinking outside the box a little bit and you want to do things your way.

And actually, the people that really care about you, whatever you decide you're going to have, they will accept that and be delighted for you because what they want to do is celebrate your marriage. And so I think you either, you know, there's part of me that things ride it out for a little bit. They'll be excited for a while and it might die down a bit and you can just get down to planet yourself.

or if it gets too out of control, I think you just have to say, look, I'm going to be honest with you, all the talk about the wedding stresses me out a little bit. We just want to enjoy our engagement for a while, and then I will come to you if and when I need, I'd love some help or some thoughts on how we're going to do the wedding. And I think people generally will accept that

as a useful thing and a helpful thing, and they'll want to support you in that. So good luck, Terrified Tiger. Hope it goes well. And if it is a big wedding, I know two guys that don't know you well enough to attend. So take care, have fun. Congrats.

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Like your small business. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Dejardin.com slash business coverage. Hello, Wolfram. I need to start by being honest and letting you know I heard this question on another podcast. However, I wasn't interested in our answers, but I'm interested in what yours will be. If someone broke into your house while you were having a shit, would you wipe first before confronting them? Answer base on confronting them, not locking the door, hoping they'd leave you alone. Regards the goose.

Okay, so your midship, somebody breaks in. So you've got to pinch one off. Basically. And we know that that is the worst situation in terms of post-clear-up. Yeah, yeah.

You've got to come back to it. Yeah. I mean, I can't think there's a world someone breaking into your house that you're going to wipe your bum. You have to pinch off and you have to go into a full. On a sly mode. Yeah, I guess.

You also think there's some merit probably in, if you can, picking somewhere out of the toilet and throwing it at the person. I think you're playing fast and loose with the word merit. No, but you're a burglar. Is it anything more terrifying? Like I'm running out of the toilet and I've got a big lump of poop. Obviously wrapped in toilet paper in my hand and go, get out! Get out! So you haven't got time to wipe your ass, but you have got time to gift wrapper turd.

Not gift wrap it. I just get a toilet paper. Pick it up quickly. I'd probably be a bit of be on my hands as well. Do you what I mean? Because I'm just thinking, weapon-wise, if this guy's got a knife,

does poo beat knife? I don't know. It's just like you're fucking making a horrible version of rock papers, is this? No, but like, if, right, you're a burglar. I come running out and go,

get back! Get back! I've just done this. It's still warm. I think it doesn't matter that you've still, you've just done it. I think no matter the age,

I'd not want to see it. I think probably rather than it being a weapon You'd also think that someone's insane Well that's the point I would make I think that person's so crazy Yeah That I just need to leave immediately

I don't think there's a world where you'd want Anyone would wipe Okay there is a possibility though That that that burglar kills you Or injures you Yep And you end up having to go to hospital And then on the way to hospital

You're thinking Not only if they've got to do with my injury I've also got a shitty ass Yeah that's true Especially it's been a post-Po for you coming out the back of Paris coming out of back of Rone

on the back of Paris but so yeah so does that change your mind at all no I think if someone's there is defending a you're defending your house

yeah I think if you're wasting time wiping your bum if you're like oh so give me a bloody minute wipe me bum and I'll be out there and show you what for

you you bloody wait until I'm clean yeah and you're bloody you've got a fight in your hands yeah I don't think they're pulling the turn out of the toilet it's that a bad an idea?

I think you'd pull up your trousers, obviously, your pants. But then it's the thing of like in the heat of the moment, you throw a turd at a burglar, you miss, and then now your house has been burglar and you've got to clean your own shit off the walls. No, but you're getting a mid-burglary. I mean, if you can sneak up behind them and then just rub the shit in her face. What does that do? Well, I go, oh, that's disgusting.

There's more from now that came from. I just got back from Paris. It feels like you might aggravate them. Yeah, but can I say some burglars are just there for to steal but they don't want any trouble? It's like bees. Yeah, they want to go in and out, don't they? So any complications?

Yeah. For example, somebody with a turd in their hands. Yeah. Probably going to go, do you know what? The juice ain't worth the squeezer. The biggest detracture you've got to have is security lights that go on. Burglars hate those. If you've got a house without security lights, think about it.

Honestly, winter's coming. Yeah. Obviously, after summer. Quite a long summer. but yeah well summers this is burglars catniped yeah autumn's catching strays there for some reason but um but yes you're right yeah burglars love the summer so get some security lights in um i think probably that's more of an option for somebody that lives in an affluent area like you i don't think everybody's gonna what security lights you can get security lights for next to nothing

i'm sure you can but the point is is that like if you're if you're close in with your neighbors they might not want you to i'm pretty close to my i don't live in like you do in a with a moat around my house My neighbours are pretty tight. How dare you? How fucking dare you? You live in one of the most expensive places to buy property in the country. Nay, Europe, right? I don't live in Crawley.

Yeah, but you've got the biggest house by a long way in Crawley. Bullshit. A castle in Crawley. Bullshit. Okay. Is there a bigger house than yours in Crawley? Yes, definitely. I'm going to drive around Crawley and see.

Good. Why don't you take Cat and Little Jay? No, not take a weekend of it. We live in a nice area. Okay, well, I hope that helps. I think the more crazy you could be to a burglar, the better. Yeah. Like, that's a detraction.

Yeah. Like, if you can do... Either what would be really frightening is if you're walking out and you're going up to them while wiping your ass, you're still doing it on the move. And he goes, oh, give us a kiss. Yeah. How about that? Well, you just fucking... You've taken some of your shit and just smeared it like woodpaint onto your own face.

Oh, God. Do you know what I mean? That's a good idea. Like... I think the more insight... Just freak them out. I think that's how you survive in prison. Yeah.

I think the first day you're in prison. Rule number one, smear yourself with your own feces. And then just run around the prison yard going, who wants to cuddle? Yeah. I wouldn't do that if you've done a white collar crime. If you've just done tax evasion, I think that's a mad thing to smear yourself.

No one's going to pick on a shit guy. You don't want to make any friends while you're there. No. But no one's going to touch you. No. If you run around the first day, you go, give us a cuddle and you're covered in shit. Yeah.

Then everyone's going, oh, fuck, you know, he's a weirdo. Yeah. If you do it a second day, I think. there's probably a good chance you just get knifed up in your cell and left for dead. But anyway, right, thank you so much. It was great, yeah.

Howdy? I absolutely love you both. Me and my best friend Felicity are massive fans. I have a dilemma. I'm 34 and Felicity is my best friend, but she's 39, and she thinks people can't have best friends when they're old. Oh, that's like that difference of us in age.

And I get offended when she doesn't introduce me as a best friend, so I correct all the time. In addition to this, something happened a few years ago, which she always puts me down for. so excited one morning when I queued online to get front row tickets to Ramesh. I was bragging so much. However, when I told her where it was, I said Brighton.

Turns out my geography schools aren't the best as I live in Shropshire, which is 240 miles away, four hours driving. I thought Brighton was near Chester. We ended up not going that it's too much to travel. Fuck sake. Sad times, but to make up for it, we did go see the wolf in Liverpool. When we sat down, Felicity blagged two front row seats from the lovely door lady, But back to the question, do you think you can have a best friend when you're over 30?

And do you think she needs to start introducing me as her best friend? Please be on my side. Love the friendly ostrich. Best friendly ostrich. Oh, Vromski. Okay, Tom. Beautiful stallion. Look, it's a weird thing, isn't it?

The best friend thing. It's a funny old game. The best friend thing. I think if someone is legitimately your best friend, and that you've been through thick and thin together and you've known, and there's, it's completely

just being the two of you ride and die. I think you could go, oh, this is my best friend. I think the trouble is, I think if you get into a place where you have more than one best friend, like Catherine has a friend, I'll check it carefully here,

she has someone who's a friend who calls everyone her best, everyone's her bestie. So it's like it kind of loses its edge. Sure, but I don't think bestie means best friend anymore. I mean, I know it literally does, right? I know it literally does. This is my bestie.

It doesn't actually. Yeah, but that's what it's. It's like, you know, legend. Bestie's gone the way of legend. Yeah, it has. But legend is actually, there could be more than one legend. Yeah. I think if you have a best friend.

Goat's been. Yeah, goats's gone crazy. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, also, I know because it's the greatest of all time. But goats are living out on that, aren't they? Goats are one of the most boring, stinky old animals there is. Right.

I think goats are great. No, they're not. Fainting goats are hilarious. Mountain goats are very impressive. Yeah, but they're not the greatest animals. They've not been. They're not even the top 150 animals. I don't think you can name 150 animals.

I bet if we're sitting there. Well, that's the next week's episode. Make sure you check it out. Like and subscribe so you don't miss it. I think that they're just like a sheep and a horse put together or a sheep and a donkey put together to make a goat, right? Yeah. That's essentially what you're dealing with.

And I just don't think there's much to them. And all of a sudden, the goat emoji has become like the most heralded thing. But not because of the animal. Yeah, I know, but the animal has probably got ideas of fucking grandeur. Because it's like, oh yeah, by the way, have you heard what everyone's saying

about Lionel Messi, my friend, named him a goat after moi? It's like, no, it's because it means the greatest of all time, Tony. And it's like, no, no, no, no. There's a picture of the goat. It's used wildly around. I just want to get into this a little bit, right?

Obviously, you know this isn't the case. So why are we talking? No, because it's a hypothetical situation. Right. The goats, right, if tomorrow we wake up and Dr. Doolittle's real, right? Yeah. And we can talk to animals and we're going, oh, fucking how you're going. Well, even if Dr. Doolittle was really,

there are me him that can talk to the animals. Right, no, we all get that ability, right? And then all of a sudden it's, all right, it's like Narnia, right? Yeah. And you start chatting to animals and having a bit of a chin wag with animals. Is there a Mr. Tumnus? I'm not having him, by the way. I'm telling you now, Mr. Tumman.

Tomnus is straight away he's getting a knock at the door. And it's like, hello, mate. Have you been texting young girls, have you? Have you had a little good giving them sleeping juice, have you, mate? Hey? Let's have a look at your phone. I think, like, Mr. Tomnus is a bang on wronging. Okay.

Right? And obviously, what is it? Isn't he half a goat? So I'm saying, yeah, goats, as soon as they get a little bit of tea, which they will, everyone's sort of like raving about them. Yeah. Right. You know, the goat, goat, everyone's talking,

and they hear that going, oh, bradillo, why are everyone talking about it? goats. Like, they will start getting really fucking, yeah, arrogant. Okay, I feel like we've gone slightly off the point. What do you think is our advice to our friend here? So I'm just... The friendly ostrich.

Yeah, my thing would be... I think if you're genuinely best friends, then it's fine to go, oh, this is my best friend. Disagree. Really? But if you're genuinely best friends? Yeah, I think, yeah, but you don't have to fucking... Why do you have to announce that to everybody?

I think it's a lovely thing. You've got someone who's your best friend. It's not a workplace where everybody has to know the hierarchy. It's just, this is my friend. And you two know your best friends. I don't have a best friend now. I'd say I've got really good friends. I've barely got friends.

You have got friends. You've got really good friends. You're very lucky. I see there's people out there who give their right bollock to have friends like you've got. Well, you're talking about yourself now. No. The three friends you've just been away with. And then you've got a lot of plethora of other friends.

You've got people who really care about you. This feels like an intervention. now. You have. Big Ben who's on here, right? Yeah. Okay, jean. I'd say he's one of your friends.

He's all workplace people. Yeah, but they're still friends, right? I would say that you're, you know, but have you got a best, what you, I would say, I struggle to go, I've got a best friend. I'm very lucky,

I've got good friends, I'm great friends, but if you had someone who'd been there forever, you know, since you were six, like, you know, my girl. Yeah. You had someone like that.

But I don't think you have to, I still, I agree with that. You can have a best friend. You've been through thick and thin. You don't have to introduce. You don't have to introduce, you can say this is my very good. Difference, which is beautiful, by the way. So one of them was in year five. The other one was in the first year at school.

Fucking hell. Work that out quick, didn't you? You know, but I don't think you have to keep announcing it. I don't think you'd have to announce it. Why do you have to go? If you're at disco or if you're like a nightclub or whatever, oh, by the way, this is my best friend, Lizzie. I think if you were introducing to like, say, for example,

you turned up to like say I there was a group of people that I knew You would be close to me You're very close If I was to have a best friend Yeah You're very close to it

Yeah you're in the running for me Yeah So I would go I have probably said at some point Oh yeah by the way Rorush is my best friend Not You haven't said that after by the way

Have you? No No If someone said your name And I've gone Oh you should probably know You didn't I hope beyond hope that isn't true.

But say if there's a group of people and I was introducing you, I would say, and this is one of my very best friends, Tom Davis, right? Yeah, cool. But I'm not saying this is my best friend. I agree with you, one of my best mates, Momski. And I'll go, he's not normally like this. It's just a bit overexcited.

Yeah. In answer your question, yes, you can be best friends when you're older. Yeah. But I don't think you have to announce it to everybody. And also it's quite nice that you've got that little, little bit left back. Yeah. Keep a little bit of powder dry. Yeah.

Thank you so much for sending your emails. Keep sending them in. If you want to get in touch, email, Wolf Alpod at gmail.com. See you next. See you next time. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.