Wolf and Owl - Body Image, Infestations & Fantasy Football

Episode Date: September 14, 2026

What's the best way to get rid of fat? In this episode of Wolf & Owl, the boys are dealing with some of life’s less glamorous problems, as one family battles a full-blown outbreak of nits, and another discovers an absolutely horrific maggot infestation in the bin. Tom and Rom also get into the complicated world of body image, weight loss, and visceral fat, discussing everything from liposuction and CoolSculpting, to the realities of trying to change your body or accept it as is. Plus, Tom has a serious beef with wasps that needs exploring, the boys realise they’ve forgotten to set up the annual Wolf & Owl Fantasy Premier League, and they discuss their hopes for GTA 6. Another week, another collection of deeply unpleasant household problems from Wolf & Owl. A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters 00:00 Intro 00:59 A nits outbreak 03:30 Cooties 05:30 How to combat fat 14:00 Body image 22:31 A maggot mess 25:08 Tom’s insect beef 33:45 A side note on heart disease 34:34 On Richard Osman 36:20 Fantasy Premier League 43:35 Tom’s Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Wolf for now podcast. Yeah. With me, Romish, Wang and Ethan. And me, lazy dick. Do you ever... What are you doing? Is Tix and Catherine? What are you saying?

Romas is really funny today. You're not saying that? Or she looks hot today and sent that... I just sent that picture of you. You've sent that picture to Catherine? Yeah. I'm going through a phase of thinking I look terrible at the moment. You know, I'm not bothered about it, but it's not...

You know, I haven't got it at the moment. Yeah, I know how I'm feeling. Yeah. I feel... Sad, isn't it? I don't think I've ever had not had that feeling. Yo. Yeah, what do you want?

Beak or jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's prefer. Just kidding every word in his songs about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Welcome to the Wolf and Al, Podipod podcast. Yeah. How are you, Tom? Good, yourself. Really good. I say good.

I say good. Oh, no. We've had a knits outbreak in the Davis household. Okay, I would say that you're pretty clear. Yeah, yeah, I'm all right. I'm okay. Okay, so Catherine and Little G? Yeah.

I mean, obviously, as a bald person, Nitz is something that I can just walk around life. That's like an arid desert for them, isn't it? Apparently you can get in your beard. Yeah, I can imagine so. Nits in your beard is, that's for them. Yeah, I've checked, they're not there. Right.

But, yeah, the process of getting them out, have the boys had nits? Yeah. it's a mission. Not for a long time, but yes. No. No. Yeah, what did you do?

Well, first of you've got a comb it. Yeah. To see that if they've got it. Then you put the knits moose on. Yeah. Which stinks. Knit mousse, yeah. Yeah.

And then you leave that on for 15 minutes, 20 minutes. And then you comb it and see if the knits are all out. And then you've got a shampoo and wash their hair. Yeah. We found this out late last night, just at bedtime. Yeah. What you, you like, discovered that she had nets? Yeah, well, I was like, she's itching her hair.

we were like, do you think it's nits? And I thought, well, she's been to the pool a lot. Maybe it's just chlorine. Yeah. And then, yeah, did the test. You had to get... What's the test? You did the comb.

You did the comb, see if any nits. Yeah, you could try and find something. Yeah, and they were mad. It was on the toilet paper, and you could see them alive. Yeah. Yeah. Horrible, isn't it? Yeah, it's grim. And then, yeah, it was all hands to the NIT station.

But it was fucking... And then obviously, poor caffeine and checks her head. Yeah, she got them? got them, my sister. Your sister's got them? Your nephew? They came round. So, yeah.

Oh, no. Poor little G. Yeah. I had to sit down and say, listen, you've got nits. Do you say like that? Yeah. I want to sort of like get ready for some. That makes his hand really serious.

Listen, it's not easy way of me telling you this. You're going to cry. But you're going to get through it and we'll get through it as a family. So it's nifically worse for you and your mother and anyone else who's been in this house with hair. So now we have to, it's like, you. you know, people with like STI as you've got to contact everyone we've been around with. Yeah, and then

obviously as a side note, you've had to do the STI. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry about that. I hope they didn't ruin your weekend. No, it's okay. But yeah, I thought I'd better tell you just in case you gave Lisa Coutis. I shouldn't be updating this on the podcast,

but a little bit of cream cleared it up. Herpes, little bit of herpes, right? You had some herpes around the lips, did you? Like that moustache covered it up. Have you ever had cooties or herpes? Have I ever heard cuties or herpes? They're the same thing, right, John.

I don't think they are the same thing. What are cuties? I'm pretty sure we've had this discussion before. Have we? On an early episode, yeah. Okay. I don't know what cooties are, what are cooties are? Couties are...

Isn't that what you call people from the Southeast Asia, originally? Okay, so it's a sort of imaginary contagion that kids use. Right. Fictional childhood disease that children use to playfully describe, germs or avoid pairs of the honest sex. Well, I say they're playing fast and loose with a word playfully there. Okay.

Kids' lives were destroyed. Did you ever... As a result of being told they had cooties? Did you ever have said that you had cooties? No, but there was one kid in particular who got it bad and it was horrible. And I look back on that time and I think, I wish I'd stood up for that kid more than I did. Did you ever say that he had cooties? No.

Okay. No, but what would happen is, is that you would get worried about hanging out with them too much. because then you might get a time. Yeah, you'd catch Cooties. I wasn't worried about catching Cooties. No, but Cooties being like this fate disease. It's such a horrible, horrible thing. Yeah.

Like that whole concept of like just suddenly deciding that this kid is completely off limits. I've been that kid. Yeah, but you had an actual thing, didn't you? I'm talking about when they're imagining. I didn't have an STI when I was 40. I don't think when the kids are saying you've got Cootty's, they're saying it's an STI, mate.

But mouth herpes are, I think, right? Because once you get mouth herpes, you can never come back from it. Well, you can come back from it, but I don't know. No, no. People have gone on to live quite normal lives with it. Yeah, but you can, it's always in you. It's always in you. Because if you do a job.

Same thing as fat cells. What? I believe. Fat cells? Yeah. Also, if you lose fat, oh yeah, it can always come back to fat. Well, because the cell goes like that, doesn't it? Right.

But it's still there and it could go like that again. Oh, my God. Well, I mean. you both know that. I have got subcutaneous fat around my midsection, right? Yeah.

You and me both. So soft fat that is, yeah. That's better though, by the way. Yeah, that is better. Because I've got the worst one. Cosmatically unappealing.

Yeah. And it's more difficult to get rid of. But it's less health affecting, which is good. It's the visceral fat that's the... That's what I've got a problem with. You've got a problem with that? Yeah, I went to a doctor.

He was like, my stomach was really hard. Rock hard. Rock hard. Yeah. So he's like your visceral fat is well above what it should be. So you've got to do some serious work to lose visceral fat. We really are the UK sagura and Chrysha, aren't we? Is that what they're talking?

I'm pretty sure that's what they're talking about. Fisceral fat is, yeah. Anyway, the point is I then started to look into extreme ways to get rid of it. Right. I don't want to have liposuction. No. Is that one of the things they do? To get rid of it, yeah.

Liposuction? What is liposuction? It's where they stick like to, they stick pipes into you and then just sort of pump it out. And then you get given a jar of it to sort of use on toast and stuff like that. No, but they just pump it out. They pump it around. And then you get that long skin. Well, I think, depending on how they do it or how much they do, I don't know what happens in the skin. So anyway, that's what.

That is what other ways you do? So I was like, I'm not going to have liposuction. Is this a conversation with you and the family? No, I've not gathered the family around for that. Okay. But you're a lease? I've said it to lease, yeah. I'm not seriously considering liposuction,

but people we know have had it. Really? Yeah. Anyway. Did it hurt? Don't know. Not spoken in detail. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But, and you're six weeks out of commission. Well, can't do anything for six weeks. I don't know if you can't do anything, but you're not, that's how long the recovery is. Oh, man. Not that I've looked into it in detail.

So what are your other options? There's this other thing called Cool Skull, I've seen this before. Where they, it's like freezes it or something. Yeah. And then it kind of falls out. Yeah. Yeah.

Like you shit a fatcicle. No, I don't know how it comes out, but. The cool, that sounds quite, well, yeah. Well, I actually thought maybe we could go together. Well, yeah, I mean, that's great for you. I'll tell you man, I'll go, uh, yeah, Ron, we can do you, but this guy's got visceral fat. Oh, right. I don't know if it was.

The fat is all around. Before and after. Yeah. Is that from Cool sculpt? Cool, Scope. I've heard of it. It's incredible. I mean, I would say it's not as, I need something a bit more radical than that, I would say.

Oh. It's horrible, isn't it, when you consider the before an aspirational target? Yeah, but visceral fat is really tough. Yeah. Really tough. Yeah. So how did you get rid of it? No, but visceral fat, I'm pretty sure, is easy to get rid of than subcutaneous.

Oh, wow. Subcutaneous fat lies right under the skin. Oh wow. So that's why you can have it sucked out. Yeah, I was right under the skin and accounts for about 90% of total body fat. Holy shit. So you could get, you look, you look like ripped if you got that bit out then. Yeah.

Is it all around that one area? Yeah, I'm feeling increasingly less comfortable talking about this actually. No, but is it, yeah. I've got a midriff issue. Is it around your titty and like, and your stomach? You're not being, I don't know how sensitive you think you're being in your line of questioning, but you know what I... Is it around your titties? No, but you know what I...

That's actually quite, you sort of, I would say you're flirting with, you're flirting with bullying, if you don't mind, I say. I haven't run mine less yet. I find making light of these situations, having a joke about it. Okay, make light of it about yourself. Okay. Don't fucking say, is it... Can I just say... Is it around your titties?

Can I say... Oh God, Tom's being really self-deprecating. Right, can I say, is around... I have it around mine. Okay. So open with that. Okay. I find that that's very stubborn there.

Right. To get rid of. Yeah. Stubborn. Yeah. Stubborn titties. Okay. I'm to see why you're giggling that.

It's making me like a giggle. But what I'm saying is... My titties aren't so bad. Yeah. It's just my belly and my kind of... I've got love handles. Yeah. And I don't like it.

Yeah, yeah. But why would you? But I don't like the fact I don't like it. Does that make sense? I think I'm a victim of societal pressure, you know? But I look at, so the I actually never had a problem, like,

the visceral fat when I spoke to a doctor about it was, he's generally like, this is really dangerous. This isn't a good, this is. That sounds hard. That sounds awful. He was like Grace with the knits. Yeah, he went. Well, I think visceral fat's slightly more dangerous than

Nits. It depends how big the Nits get. But he was like, it's really, really dangerous. Right. And your visceral fat is very high. Right. So you really now had to focus on that being the thing that you lose. It's a calorie deficit exercise.

Yeah. And so if I'm honest with you, there's nothing about, like, I pause at my, apart from my titties, this is my point. My case in point is, I don't mind, having a stomach's fine. When I was, you know, that thing where we were talking about in the last episode, where you're on holiday, you take pictures when you're coming out, you know, in the pool or whatever. with mates he was going to see. And quite a lot of them, all I can focus on is the fact.

I'm like, I've got a fucking, you know, a little pair of booze, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you don't have that. Well, I'm,

you know, I've got, it doesn't make me self-conscious. It's my gut and my sort of, basically, I did a gig last night. I did four gigs last night, actually.

Okay, so swaggy the way you said that. And people tag, you know, people tag in photos. I looked horrendous and everything. To my mind, I looked horrendous.

I bet you didn't though. I felt like I did. And so obviously there's a psychological thing. But the other side of that is do I tackle, you know, there's two options here. Either I just get over it and start like working on getting rid of it gradually if I really feel badly about it. Or I take an extreme measure and like pump it out of me, right, and sell it on eBay. But the thing is, I love is you trying to make jokes to make you relax about it. I feel horrible talking about it.

Yeah, yeah. But the... I mean, I had nothing going into today's episodes, apart from the Nits. If you take in... And Grace will be listening to it, going, oh, yep, many about him. But if you take...

I don't want to take an... Basically, I'm not going to get a lip-persection. But what I mean is I'm not going... I don't want to take an extreme thing because I'm a victim of societal conditioning. You know? A cool sculpting. Yeah.

Could be fun. Could be fun. Yeah, that could be a fun thing to do. But I, based on those before and after photos, I think that's like the final... That's the final bit. Here we go. I need some major, you know what I mean?

Would you, if someone contacted you now and said like, you know, hi, Rom, heard the war for now the other day, uh, obviously this, uh, you know, you're worried and we get a lot of people who come into the clinic who are worried about this. We can offer you a free

course called to. Who do you sound like? Um, and if you want, you know, we, or we'd require some before and after pictures. Yeah. I'll pay for it. I'll pay for it. Really? Yeah. Because it's quite expensive. Yeah. Really. It's Yeah, I've got it. Right, I can't help with thinking you're taking the Mick out of me.

No, this is how I, this is my non-broadcast voice. But the point I'm trying to make is I'd rather just pay the money than bloody. But can I just say a lot of people will get a kick. Yeah, well, I'm not in this game to give people kicks. But that's your job, you're an entertainer, right? Yeah, but it's not, I'm not trying to entertain people by going, look at my flabby midsection. Yeah, but what you would be doing is going, look at my, old flabby midsection and look at my new

flabby midsection yeah well i should say by the way i don't know if you've seen the work we do it's usually with people who are in a little bit better shape right so what i would say in response to that rather is uh first of you're a c-c and the man playing you is also a Anyway, I don't know. I just think it's so, and I'm conscious of the fact that the animal pack have heard us talk about this for a long time. We know, to be fair, we haven't talked about this for a long time. But it's not, I am not down about it. It's not like I'm not getting depressed.

It's just a thing that for as long as I can remember has slightly irritated me. And then you go, so you'll have, I'll have moments ruined. by my body image, right? So, so, so for example, yeah, Tour de France was horrific. So then the other thing was when I did a tour of America, when I did my tour of America, they sent a photographer to do photos of the show. And it's my first like tour of the States. And the guy comes and he takes a photo and he goes, and he has a present,

it was so lovely. He brought like a little printer with him. And he took the, like one of the photos and he presented me with the little, it was a such a lovely thing, present me with a little framed photo of my first night in America, and I hated that picture. And it wasn't because of what he'd done. I just thought, fucking hell, you look hideous. And I had to pretend to be really happy about it because I didn't want to upset him.

And it took a really good photo, but I was just like, oh, my God, that's what I look like on you know, that's what's going from my head. And so you have this, like, psychological thing, just annoying, do I mean? But I'm fully aware of the fact that I need to check my privilege. I'm happy with, you know, able to do so many things in my body. I've not got anything. There's no, I've got no health issues. So in that way, that's more than a lot of people can say.

You know, I'm very lucky in that regard. So there's part of me that feels a bit like I'm being a prick by going, I want, but then I think whatever level you're at, whatever level, but you know what I mean? Wherever you're at with your body, I think most people are like, I wish this was different. Do you know what I mean? I think it's almost everyone's like that. So there's part of you that goes,

There's two paths I could take it. One is aggressively trying to sort that out. Or I just go, do you know what? This is just how I am. I'm in my 40s now. Fuck it. Can I just ask, and this isn't being like, when you did the marathons and stuff, was it still stubbornly there?

Yeah. Because, but even like when I got, you know, I'm bigger than I, and I say bigger, I've, you know, I've been doing more weights and stuff and putting a bit of weight since I really dropped. But even then, when I was really, I would say two, skinny, I still had a belly, do you know what I mean? So it's like it's trying to, you know, he's sort of

annoying. Because that's the thing that with it, I think, like if I'm honest with you are, and we have talked about it's like, I went to, when I went to a doctor's vet, I was genuinely not going to and going, I feel really positive about myself. I feel not, I'm in good shape. I feel like I'm actually, like, I've lost a bit

of timber, but I again, I dress it, I lost a lot more and I didn't feel as, didn't feel right about myself. I was like, you know, I felt I I'd lost too much weight. So I'm sort of, I felt a happy medium. And it wasn't until I went to see him, and he was like, saying about visceral fat, that's like, I was like,

I've lost, you know, you've got to think from what I was coming into, like, you know, when I put videos up, I put King Gowin, you go, that was when, you know, probably even just going into that, probably my very heaviest. But so I thought, oh, yeah, I mean, relatively good Nick. And then he was like, no, no, this is, your problem is this thing. That's, that's, we really need. to get that number.

Yeah. Can you first of all stop smiling? I know you feel like you've made some progress, but this is some of the worst

levels of visceral fat I've ever seen. So, like, I'm not saying that you have to. What I'm saying is you should be crying.

You should be fucking worried. No. Because I'm worried for you. You should be shitting it. Yeah. And the idea that you would bound in here

proud of yourself. The high five was such a big. So, but yeah, I know, I'd, I think a lot of people would have this thing, where a lot of people worry about that.

A lot of people, I think, for you anyway, I think if you, I think there's pictures that I've seen, I've been in with you, or you've taken, and I've got, that's a great picture, you look amazing,

and I can see your face going, no, I don't feel. So, well, I mean, I don't know how quickly it can happen, but I'd love to do liposuction live in the app. Do you mean, I could be talking to you, and it could be getting pumped out.

Oh, I don't think, yeah, I mean, that would be pretty sick. Yeah. I'm pretty sure he has to be completely unconscious, though. Yeah, but me and John could be sitting there. Me and John could be commentator and I. That's a good idea. He's got an erection, John.

Don't need to take any fat out of that. With that girth. Maybe put some in there, would be my advice. I wonder what they do with all the fat then. They must have to dispose of it in like some sort of... Yeah, like a special fat. Special fat thing. Do you think it goes in the sea?

I probably go to like local cabbalons and... Oh. What happens to the fat? So either transfer it back into another part of the patient's body. Penis. Oh, hello. Oh, you're bum. Someone's going to get some junk in my trunk.

Oh my God. That could be fucking. That could work nice. Oh, my God. You know what's fucking assing of us. Guys, can you imagine them I came in here with a flat stomach and a big old booty? That would be fucking sick. You have to get all new jeans.

What if it changed my personality, though? You would be so arrogant. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. You'd have an. That's what I'm saying. Maybe like a little bit of, a little bit of low self-esteem and self-consciousness probably has...

I think you've got an arrogant so-and-so in you. Yeah, maybe I do. I think you get coming in with a six-pack of a beautiful, juicy big ass. Or you'll be bringing skinny jeans back. Imagine how I start the wolf and owl just like... You're asked, it looks like it's gained some. Oh, fuck, I've done. My ass knocked the muff off.

Jesus, that's how much... That's how I'm operating. Fucking... got so much booty and knocked the mic off. You could have it put in your quads? Yeah? Yeah. Yeah.

What if you could give it to people who also need some stuff? Donate it? Yeah. It's not a bad shot. I mean, that's the ultimate privilege, isn't it? Having so much fact that you can hand it out to other people. You'd have it put in your lips? That's what they do quite a lot.

Yeah. You can have loads of, like, sort of women who are having those lips done. And people going, oh, we've got a lovely. If you want to hear more of Tom's thoughts on that, please do watch a special. still available on Sky If you are after your lips being done We have a lovely range at the moment

We've got the Romish Regulation Reganathan Are you right? Regulation we've got the Romish Ranganathan gut fat lips Oh that sounds nice Oh my God

People walk around with my gut fat in their lips Yeah That would be a cool thing Yeah Do you think So where are you at the moment With this life What's Lisa think you should do?

Lisa says you look great. You're imagining this. I wish you'd feel better about yourself. Those are her words of advice. Not like that, though. She starts laughing like that. And she's often doing while she's like, sort of got her arms around another bloke.

Staring into her eyes. I'm worried Lisa. I hate him about me cut. He thinks that a flatter stomach will make him attractive. And a big juicy ass. Yeah, I think you get a kick out of me then when you should go. No Lisa's like Her thing is like I wish she felt better

I wish she felt differently Oh yeah But and I wish I did too Yeah It's hard though isn't it Because you feel the way you feel I know But I think it's a result of like

You've got There's some sort of perfect Combination of things that have happened As you've grown up Yeah And things that you've seen That've solidified this belief And then you can't

When on holiday What I notice Is certain people who There's a thing of people who've had good, even if they've had a good body, played a lot of sports. Good body. And you see them in the pool, the confidence

that they have. There's a confidence you either have or you don't. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because you can even see people have done double well, they've lost a bit of timber. Yeah. They've really worked hard. They're still ashamed. They still have, they still carry themselves in a way. Yeah. I'm nervous to tell this next thing that's happened

to me in the last few days. It didn't really happen to me. I'm worried about judgment But I've spoken to a few people since then And it's happened to quite a few people Okay So the other night I picked up Charlie From Oliver

Doing well in Oliver Got the train back together Quite a late train And Lisa was kind enough She said to me Don't get a taxi I want to pick you up I don't know why

She likes picking I always say to it I'll get a cab I'll get a cab She's like She likes to be You know what That's some new time then

I guess so You get a little time Just a two of you Hey babe Well Charlie's with me We don't leave him at the station Yeah no but he gets in the back And he's on the phone

Oh I see yeah Right yeah no fine Oh actually Charlie's a chat of kid Yeah My mum it was amazing today Yeah Okay So Lisa picked us up

Yeah She was traumatised Why The trigger warning here This is quite disgusting She said to me I've had The most horrendous last hour

Said what is it She said She said, I went to take the bins out. What? I opened the bin, and there was just most chronic maggot infestation. Oh, God, we had this in my bin? She said it was absolutely rammed full of maggots. It's disgusting.

She said, I freaked out. She basically slaughtered all of them. Hot water? Hot water, yeah, good. She just fought it from the hot tap. If anything, it gave them a bath. No, she bought a kettle. She killed them all.

Yeah. scrubbing out the bin she said it was like that deep with maggots in the bottom of the thing Jesus so she was she was like she said my skin feels itchy I feel horrible

so I mean it's obviously how it happened is the hot weather is exacerbated I was playing to a few people and it's just been happening to a few people yeah we had it I don't I didn't feel right for the next two days

I wouldn't even see I mean I did see them after us but I didn't well you saw their corpses I saw a couple of yeah we went and looked at them yeah like a funeral well I didn't say a prayer

no no but you just went and I just said where did make sure they're dead girl show me them well I was trying to empathise a little bit because you know I was just like what because I said to Lisa that's a horrible thing to go through well done for dealing with it

and then I said where did it happen and then she showed me and I drew little chalk outlines mate we had it in ours the smell was unruly opened the bin then there's magazines inside the top lid and then yeah but did exactly same as Lisa

Hot water. Horific. Yeah. And I completely agree of what she's saying. The feeling Yeah. Of like, just feel dirty afterwards. Why didn't even because they, they, flies lay eggs, right? So basically the hot, by the way, this, we talked

about this and you stuck up for them. But fucking flies, and I'm saying now, wasps, I got stung twice on the holiday by wasps. Wasps, there's no one of reason for them. I'm having bees. I've talked about this until the cat's come home. All right?

Bees. I like bees. Wasps, I just don't see the point in them. Everyone around the pool agree with me. I was going around saying, just being stung, be careful. Grab yourself a candle. Lemon can't.

A candle. Right. And then you said, don't you think wasp are a waste of time? Yeah. Wasps are essential natural pest control. Do you know what some dork who loves wasps has written this? That protect plants and crops by hunting millions of insects like aphids, caterpillars and flies.

Flies. you're just about to go in two-footed on them, won't you? No, I can't stand flies and wasps. I'll tell you what, if just... Catapillers, by the way, why have the... Catapilers have never done a thing to anyone. They're a gardener's nightmare.

What, caterpillars? Well, what about butterflies? That's what my argument would be. There's nothing more joy in it. Everyone goes, oh, my God, a butterfly. There's no butterflies without caterpillars. The world could technically survive without wasst, but ecosystems and agriculture would suffer severe near-caterpillar.

catastrophic damage, but Tom would be happy. We'd be sitting in here after the world's in fucking turmoil and I still think it's worth it. I think it's a sad state of affairs that we're turning to wasps to help us out.

We're not turning to wasps. We're not turning to wasps. There's no rhyme in it. I actually, by the way, as well, someone went, I heard them, so I'm saying, he didn't even do anything the wasps stung him. Because sometimes people flapping

their arms around. You've heard somebody say that. Yeah. Why is making shit up? No, I swear. Oh, fuck off, Tom. you did not hear that oh he's an innocent party in that poor bastard seems like such a nice guy as well and then i heard him saying oh he's got such great chat hasn't he it's not often that you meet

somebody in holiday that you'd like to hang out with the whole time but that definitely happened there it's a good holiday friends this year um good good good yeah good yeah good did you really yeah yeah yeah that's where yeah people are you gonna keep in touch with them yeah i've already been texting Matt Matt from holiday he was there when I got stung and he genuinely like I was sat there I was like I'm not going to even

pay it any mind let the wasp do its thing I'm sitting there eat my chicken strips I'm like that just So you managed to get chicken strips for yourself In the hotel? Yeah you can get them for Little J Krispy chicken

Share to put up with fucking disassembling a rat Yeah in the hotel they Okay In the hotel In the hotel they were clearly marked And they had English Yeah

And this was just came out took a either a liking to my after shave or a dislike into me and it just bit Who's putting on after shave at the pool by the way? I put aftershave

wherever I'm going. At the swimming pool? Yeah, of course. At the swimming pool? Yes. You put on aftershave? My ritual is I get up, I have a shower

but spray a little bit of aftershave. But know if you're spending the day by the pool, do? Of course. But sometimes when you're out in those places like putting on aftershave in the evening,

I know it's an instinctive thing to do like when you get ready for dinner. But you're actually making yourself a mosquito's paradise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sometimes, I think, how much do I want to smell like this after show? I do get BO. I've never known you to smell a B.O. I've never known you to smell a B.A.

I've never known you to smell a BIA. When we did King Gary, I fucking honked one day. Did you? John stinks all the times. It was difficult to. I smelled one day, and I said to you, I think I smell of BIO. And what did I say? And you would be really sweet and then rum, and then I did that.

And I was wearing a fucking top from costume, like costume. And then you went, you know, you do some of it. You said it in a really sweet, friendly way. I specifically remember. I don't remember that. Yeah. That definitely happened. Anyway.

A couple of other times. Yeah. I forgot to wear deodorant with you. We were out together. I'd literally not put it on. I felt devastated the whole day. I'd walk around like that. It comes for me quick.

Really? Yeah. So anyway, the point is sometimes I really do, I think myself, do I really want to get bit into shit? And then I put the after shave on, because I'm addicted to wearing an after shave. And then I go out. What's part of your USP? You all smile nice.

What's part of your USP? You always smell nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you all. John always stinks, as we know. Stinky John. Oh, maggot, John. Oh, smelly maggot, John. But you do both smell very nice.

I have to say that. That's very sweet to say, thank you. Yeah, always. Thanks, mate. He's an honourable chap old, John. Yeah? I'd like to go on holiday with John. You should.

I bet you'd be a fun holiday You'd be good for organising stuff as well Now we start to see the real reason Tom starts leaning on John I've got an activity in me Yeah yeah Yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Yeah whereas you're Do you too want to lay by the pole? I don't want to lay by the pole I do you just want to lay by the pool I do want to lay by the pool Have you ever been stung by a wasp? Yeah. Yeah, it's just, it's true, twice.

And then people were, oh, yeah, he got done twice. And by the way... Over what period of time? Three days. Three days. So stung twice in three days. So the first time you were an innocent bystander. Under the arm there.

Right, and then what happened the second time? Yeah. Did you aggravate that one? No. I'm like, I literally was like, because that just makes them angry. But that's also, by the way, what you did in one was, with a wasp, is the same thing

was dealing a fucking lunatic in a pub. And when you were younger and used to do in a pub and someone would walk in and everyone got and be careful

he's in here and don't catch his eye because he'll fucking throw a bottle over your head or something. So you're terrified. That's what a wasp is like. Yeah.

It's like literally dealing with something you're going, don't aggravate it will sting you, it'll bite you. That's all you're told as a kid.

So you're like, fucking hell. I'm sat on a holiday like that and it still stung me. Yeah. We went to Hever Castle a few days ago. Right.

Any wasps? Loads. Of course. Hever Castle, listen, I love Hever Castle. A big fan of Henry the 8th as everyone knows. That's one of the first things that people find out. Yeah, so everyone's surprised that you're still married to Lisa and you've had the five wires.

Yeah. But they've got a wasp problem. We went to get lunch. Wasp nest. It's illegal to move them. Yeah, but I think it was just because of the way that they were just all over your food and everything on that. like properly coming for you. My mom.

I know your mom was there. Where? The Heathcarus? Yeah, she was one. She just started like really battering them. Good for it. Mate.

Yeah, but it's like you're just winding them up. Yeah, no. Did she kill any? No. Okay. Why is that the worst? Well, yeah, because then if you're going to go at a Wasp, it's like fucking all those Marvel films

and Batman films that you like. If you're going to go out the fucking main villain, you've got to fucking make sure you've got a plan. Because if you aggravate them, yeah, she didn't have a... plan. Okay. Although I saw a TikTok video where they just spray water on them and they fuck off.

Yeah, apparently because they think it's rain. They're stupid as well like any other psychopath. Like if you spray them a little bit well, fucking raining. I wish I'd have seen that version of Batman where he just gets a sprinkler out. And Bain just runs into it. Oh, I must run. I know it sounds like fucking Yoda.

Wade will get ruined in the what. I mean, it's always raining in Batman. I want to buy as one of those little salt shotguns. You've seen those? Yeah. That's a dream. But I don't know if you get that through customs. So do they shoot salt? They shoot like a thing of salt. They're incredible.

I've used one in America actually. Really? Yeah. What on? I want a load of insects. Did it work? By the way, it's a vegan. Well, I didn't use it on insects, but that's what it was for. Yeah, bugger salt, this. Yeah, I've used that. You know what they should have done with this?

What? And they sold a lot more. Got someone like Jason's Statham to do the advertising. It does look a cool thing to get though, didn't it? But you can't shoot a jelly with a load of salt, can you? You're not going to shoot the food with it. Well, that's exclusively what they're showing here.

Yeah, no, but it's going to... I mean, I suppose that's the only thing the salt will go on the food, isn't it? That'd be awful to get one of these... Get one of these and go, oh, what happened to Ramesh? Oh, he brought one of those bug sawers. He never got stung by a wasp again, but he died of heart disease. His food was so very seriously.

season. It's even in the fantasy, you're the one that wanted this gun, but I die of heart disease. Yeah, but it's obvious now that I'm more likely to die of heart disease than you because of the visible fat. No, don't say things like that. Well, no, that's true. Your fat is friendly fat. I've got a history of heart disease in my family.

My dad died of a heart to that. Yeah, I know, but it's not coming for you. Both my grandfathers did. But that's not coming for you now. You've got that nice fat. After this chat and what we've talked about, do we still go in the comedy podcast category. I don't know. Today I think it's been a more educational one.

If there's a subcatching sort of death and general depression about physical appearance, I don't think we've been down about it. I'm not down about my physical appearance. My visceral fat is... We should move to Goalhanger and this podcast could be called The Rest is low self-esteem.

I didn't know that the rest is entertainment was a part of that. Fucking old song. I didn't. I just thought Richard Osmond would have had to start his own podcast. I thought No, he's one of the most educated, cleverest guys I've ever met in my life

I thought, oh, he'll just have his own podcast I didn't think he'd lean into someone else being his... Well, it's a known brand, isn't it? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I mean, listen, you do brand stuff every week, you should know about that. Yeah, but I haven't got as much money

as Richard Osmond by a long fucking stretch. I'm not fucking 20 books in. Okay, roughly how much you reckon Richard Osmond has got? 25 million. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, easy. Just for the books alone. Yeah.

Like, and then they've been made into a film. And then what's he getting in for each episode? And also, by the way, a very, very, like, very bright. Producer. Incredible producer. Mm. How many books is it?

He's written. Seven. Seven. Seven books. And. And they're all bestsellers, by the way. Thursday murder club or whatever. Yeah.

Got made into a film. Yeah. Must have been a nice tickle out of that. Pretty packet for that. Yeah. He's got the podcast, which is massive. Yeah. He was on Pointless, which is massive.

Massive, yeah. And he's an exec producer on... And he's been doing it for years and years and years. By the way, which is one of the biggest entertainment. Richard Osmond is doing very well. How does it feel, Richard? I'd like to be a pound note for him. It's not so nice when the shoes on the other foot, is it?

We're discussing you. Sweet, sweet Richard, he's a sweet guy. He's lovely. He's a lovely. He's an absolute legend. Okay, Tom. Tom, let's talk about how you're going to do your clothes in a few minutes. I enjoyed last week's closer. So I enjoy the concept now

that you've stumbled upon a concept Oh Tom, sorry to cut you off there We've done something really bad this year And it's too late to do anything about Well, it's not too late to do anything about it's too late for me We've not set up a wolf for now, FPL Oh yeah Have you done an FPL team?

No I have. I'll never not do one It's just, so last year We taper off of it That's the problem My interest Wayne's And also by the way I'm more involved this year than ever

because of West Ham being down. I can't tell you how depressing it. I didn't think I was going to be so depressed, by the way. I mean, I know it's just in a football podcast. Well, when Josh have already stole the march on their new. Yeah, it's really good. It's nice to see them in a different setup. I didn't know how depressed I'd be about West Ham being a championship club.

I thought you were excited about that. I was, until I was sitting there first day of season. I thought we were going to be half decent, not an absolutely fucking travesty. And then I was. sitting, opening down the season, we're playing Burnley, two no up,

just about hold on to a two-two draw, and I'm sitting watching at a bar, and behind me is Arsenal, absolutely smashing city, playing some of the best football I've ever seen, literally with some of your biggest stars, not even on the pitch, Miles Lewis Skelly,

this kid. My God. I literally was like, and then who are we going to buy? We spent all, being told we're going to, by Troy Parrott and ended up with some fucking helmet from Leeds

anyway, it's so depressing I actually genuinely, my FPL team is one thing I'm actually enjoying about football. We could still set up the FPL but I can't be in it because I've missed two weeks. No, no, you'd have missed about six weeks by the time this guy's going to be. You've missed six weeks.

Yeah. Oh yeah, scoring starts. Look, you can choose when it starts so we could choose that our league just starts a little bit later. Oh, that's a good idea. Okay, so. So we, because we forgot to set up a league, we're starting from match week six.

Yes. FPL from match week six. Do we need to, should we generate this code now? Yep. ML27FY. That's ML27FY. That's ML227FY. That's ML227FY.

That's your fantasy FPL code. So we're setting up the league. That'd be good. That'd be fine. You drop out of it so quick, though. I'll just get fed up. Why? Because what happens is I'll miss two deadlines in a row to make transfers.

By the way, the skill of it is to not fucking panic and do the deadlines. What do you mean? Everyone panics and does transfers. Yeah. I've been playing FPR a long time. And every time I do it, I always just fall into the same trap. I'm going to take out this person, this person. And this year, I've made one solemn promise unless the person's having an absolute stick.

So, for example, a few weeks back, Harry McGuire had a terrible opening game in season against Hull. Years before, I'd have taken Harry McGuire out. I don't want Harry McGuire on the team. He's had a bad game. I kept him in. In the next game, he scores,

or he hit his own goal, so he gets an assist, plays a lot better. So you keep Harry McGuire, show him some faith. And you've got a great anecdote out of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That I've been telling everyone in the pub. Can I ask a question about,

I don't know if you're allowed to say this, your FC 27, an advert? Yep. Yeah. That you're involved in. You can ask me a question. Very jealous that you're involved in that? Yeah. What FC privileges do you get in exchange you're doing the advert? None at all. Did you get the game early?

No, no, no. I mean, hopefully I will. I haven't had it yet. Who did you meet? A kid Fenroy. He's great, right? I love him. Yeah. He's in that. By the way, I actually think he'd be a sick actor. There's a bit where you're like, Vinny Jones vibe. Oh, really? Yeah.

Like, genuinely, I was like, oh, this guy can actually really, he's just got a way about him. Yeah. It was really cool. And then there's a bit when you were lying on the inflatable. Yeah. How did you feel about that?

And I hated every moment of it. Yeah, I thought you might, but you looked great. I'm not sure. You looked wonderful. Yeah. Was it a fun advert to do? It was very fun. It was very fun. I love that game.

I've just bought, this is not an endorsement. So I've just bought a little handheld, it's on its way. The PlayStation. No, no. it's a little handheld console that's got all the old like Commodore 64 Atari

Blower games on it It's not arrived yet I'm so excited Do you know what I can't wait for It's got Wonder Boy on it guys Wonderboy I'm so excited for the new Grandfifth Auto Are you

I'm getting a nose bleed about it I'm fucking so pumped Like I think we should do wolf an hour It's quite an edgy take from you So you're excited about the new Grand Theft Auto I think we should get the wolfenet doing a wolf and hour Grand The Auto Special

And what would that involve? I'm playing Grandfifth Auto together online Okay Do you play? Are you a player? First of all Do not ever ask that question

like that ever again Do you play? Are you a player? No, I don't know You're player? Do you're Grand Theft Auto? Do you GTA? GTA.

You were GTA? GTA. The last one I was it What was the last one called? Five. GTA five. No, the last one I played was San Andreas. Oh my God.

Things have changed, baby. Yeah. It'll blow your mind if you won't be playing now. Really? The graphics. Well, when I played San Andreas, I thought it's never going to get better than this. Yeah, and it has. Wait till this new one comes up.

Better than San Andreas? Mate, I swear that I just can't wait. Red Dead, I took two weeks off from anything. And just was just, I'm all about the Red Dead baby. Yeah. I think it was during COVID, I think. Yeah, sure. Everyone took a bit of time off, mate.

that's probably before that actually I think this is yeah we should do it like a like a Grand Feft Auto where people can join our world on Grandfesto Auto that would be so fucking cool and they got to find the owl

and you're hiding out do you know it feels like this is you are the Steve Jobs of this podcast which is you shit out an idea right and then you will have no more to do with making that a reality.

All right? And your only ongoing involvement will be to send occasional WhatsApps go, any news on what's happening with this GTO6 thing? I think it's a really good idea. It feels like we miss an opportunity by not setting this up. That's what's going to happen.

All our lives are going to be dominated by you chasing this project that you're not willing to actually commit to in terms of actually helping set up. You make a wacky character called the owl, right? Right. And everyone, and we set up a little world that people have got find you in it and arrest you or kill you. Right.

And I'm like the sort of main hunter with them and then John's not my little psychic. Right. And we're trying to find you. Okay. You've got a hide out. Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah. It's quite a fun game. Yeah. So, yeah, we should try something like that. Okay. Any Grand Fifth Auto Animal Pack listeners, get in touch. If you play, get in touch. Okay.

Tom, do you want to take us out? Yeah. Should we do? Oh, do you want to do that? Do you want to do that? Do you want to go? yeah, go ahead. Yeah, all right. A maggot. Okay.

Nits. Wow. And Grand Theft Auto. Okay. Oh, geez, quite a tough one. The world turns, and a poor little boy with a runny nose. Plays on Grand Theft Auto as a cold wind blows. Addiction.

We've all been there. Alcohol. The devil's lettuce. Whatever your potion. but for Troy Southern his his addiction

was Grand Theft Auto he was obsessed with the game he waited and waited Beth baited until it arrived the day arrived his mother was like

Troy Troy you're going to work today he's like I've quit my job I've quit my job and she's like why she said gosh the thought I was out for crying out loud running up to his bedroom switching on his console as the screen illuminated and this faux world began Troy felt good complete almost as he

ran his character around shooting people getting a job with the police living a life that Troy himself couldn't even dream of nice cars Ritzie nice clubs good clothes a week passed and then a month Before you knew it, it was 2009 and Troy was still playing the game. Friends had stopped calling. Work had stopped. He had nits badly and he didn't know he got them maybe through the game, probably through

his mum. Every night she'd go, come into his room. She'd go, I'm worried about you, Troy, and give him a kiss. Her long hair cascading down his back. She said, I'm worried about you. Look at your room, waste everywhere. When did he last clean that bin? Opening the bin and maggots just spilled hell. Tear dropped down her eye and she was like, Troy, this is no life. This isn't a real

life, Troy, you're addicted to Grandfalf Doughto. Troy sat there and said, I'm not addicted. She said, it's 2028? 29. I can't remember. 29. It's been three years since she went outside. Troy looked down at his long fingernails. He hadn't cut. We're wearing in the same clothes, dust all over his body and skin. It was a smell of himself. That after-shape, same. had wavered and B.O. had cascaded from his armpits. Took a moment and a screen went blank, a power cut, or search, either way the same outcome. And instead of Grandfesto, Troy just got a look at himself, the man that the world had forgotten. It's like he pressed pause on his own life and his own game to enter a world that didn't

really mean anything. And Troy put down the controller, stood up, And he walked outside. And at first the sunlight hurt his eyes because he hadn't seen it for so long. But after a while, he got a sweet smell of something. Oh, Mr. Acorn next door was having a barbecue. And you know what?

There was a burger on that grill for an old friend. He hadn't seen for some time. Oh, really good. Thank you. I gave you three quite tough things to incorporate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you so much for listening. watching the wolf and out podcast we will see you next time next time you say it'll be an email

speciales speciala bye-bye thank you shan