Wolf and Owl - Bonus Email Episode #11

Episode Date: April 30, 2021

We tackle… changing names, potential guests, coping with being the centre of attention, problematic neighbours, future plans for the podcast and best man duties. Thanks for all your messages - keep them coming at [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Get severed and served Bring your weak shit Wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake That's an awful howler Both of them are known To pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder

Like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship Let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill Never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing Welcome to the bonus episode of wolf for now with rom and tom we're doing emails on this one we're sorry that last week we didn't do any apps but we're back with two for you and you and you and you and you is the Wolf and Al bonus episode.

Bringing it to the max with Ramesh and Tom. You know who I think, just quickly, I know we never really, because we're recording this straight after, I just thought of someone who I bet says your sort of almost catchphrase brother would be Jamie Thixton.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Jamie and Jonathan Thixton. Oh, fuck off. The Thixtons. Okay, so... We're going to do some emails Tom sort of is going to get over that little

sort of amusement that he's tickled himself with you're looking at paperwork so I'm just like Josh okay this is from Finn yo Finn one of my favourite names of all time hi guys hope you're well one of the few podcasts you guys have talked about names

and their importance and impact. So I just wanted to ask your thoughts on what my wife and I did when we got married four years ago. I'm English, but my wife is Northern Irish. And after meeting while travelling Australia 10 years ago, we ended up moving to Birmingham, as that's where she decided to go to university, and it's where we've since laid down roots.

Before we got married, we hadn't yet had children, but we knew it wouldn't be far off, so we began chatting about what we'd like to do with their surname. As we wanted them to have a link to their Irish side of the family we didn't like the idea of double barrelled surnames also I think my wife just straight up found my surname dull we then decided after we got married we'd mix our surnames mine being Bartlett hers being McKinstry to create McBartlett I get mocked about this pretty regularly by my mates as they seem to think it's emasculating it doesn't really bother me as I like the meaning

behind why we did it and I've never thought much into surnames my dad was also pretty gutted at the time as i'm pretty sure he didn't believe we actually changed our names still to this day we have a daughter we just found out we're having a little boy so it suddenly hit me with excitement that the mcbartlett name may get carried on by my son it's made me think about how i'd feel if he wanted to change his surname when he's older giving me some empathy for how my dad felt i'm unsure if your wives took your names when you got married, but either way, was it something that had to be discussed

or was it just assumed? Also, how would you feel if your children didn't want to carry on the family name when they're older? I would also like to add Tom, and it kills me to hate on a fellow hammer, is talking absolute shit about the water swimming thing and I'm so pleased to hear Rom call him out

on how much he walked Jamie through it. Thank you so much for the podcast. It's been a miserable time and you've helped cheer us up okay finn and he's also said he's also said keep doing you well finn um that's yeah i was about to really actually just like shout from the rooftops about what an amazing human being uh i think you are um but you know you sort of sullied that with a little slight um in a quite an owlish manner um but uh look i'm gonna actually put that to the side because finn you've actually blown me away my friend oh fucking surprise because you know what finn i like people who break the mold i like people who um i don't know who just who just come up with it and do life their way

and I think you know what you and your wife I salute you both do you know what I never ever thought about changing morphing a surname or sort of like combining a surname that's just genius, it's brilliant and this whole thing of like

carrying the name forward and going what the fuck are you carrying forward it's like you know i sort of get that from where where it come came from which is sort of like generations ago with fucking soldiers and fucking knights who are running around doing like you know incredible things but if you're an accountant from fucking somewhere in fucking home counties what night what is the name you're carrying on and also let me just say by the way but to say oh yeah i've got a son to carry on the the family name you're carrying on? And also, let me just say, by the way, but to say, oh, yeah, I've got a son to carry on the family name.

You've got a fucking daughter to carry on the family name. So if you're that, you know, you're contrasting your levels here. You've got two beautiful children who can both be the first McBartlets. I think that's an amazing thing. But, yeah, I've never, ever got this whole taking the name forward. I don't think my dad ever really cared about it. I don't, you know, because also I've been a letdown most of my life. So actually what I've done is sullied a fucking name for most of my life.

So what you've really got to hope is when you have a child, that that child is going to take the name forward, not just fucking make it an absolute dog shit name. But every name's the same. McBartlett. I've never heard that name. You are the McBartletts now. You're the,

you're the, you're the beginning of something new and incredible. You and your wife. And for that, I say, let's salute you. And I think, yeah,

this family that you've got going forward, I think almost like in a world of the game of thrones, you've written your own characters and you've written your own world. And, uh, there's something pretty amazing with that. And you, you know,

your mates are probably jealous because they, you know, like I have. And I think Romesh says, we've just gone with the norm. We've just gone with the boring fucking side of it. Just, you know, you, you, jealous because they, you know, like I have. And I think Romesh says, we've just gone with the norm. We've just gone with the boring fucking side of it. Just,

you know, you take my surname because that's how people have always done things. Trailblazers, Finn. That's what you are. I apologize for the water.

That was my bad. But don't judge me because I hold you in high esteem. I sort of agree with Tom on this, actually. Phil Gerrard did this.

You know Phil Gerrard, comedian Phil Gerrard? They combine surnames. And actually, in answer to your question, Finn, Lisa and I did think about doing it, but Ranganathan isn't very malleable as a surname combo. What was Lisa's surname? So Lisa's surname was Maynard. So we thought about Ranganard. That's cool.

Is it? Yeah, Ranganard that's cool is it? yeah Ranganard's really cool and then the other one would be Maynathan which is no no no Maynathan but the honest truth of it is Finn is if Lisa had said

she didn't want my surname because we did the traditional thing Lisa's surname is now Ranganathan and we did talk about it a bit but if Lisa had said to me that she didn't want my surname, I couldn't tell you that I would give a shiny shit, if I'm being honest with you,

because I was just so grateful that that woman wanted to spend her life with me. I would have happily changed my name to Maynard. Jonathan Maynard? There you go. Hello. When you get that on the application form, it's a surprise when he turns up at the interview, isn't it? Jonathan Maynard sounds like everyone who comes on a snag do

that no one quite knows who they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, Bobby, Big Tony's come in. Oh, yeah, my cousin's mate, Jonathan Maynard. He's the guy who brings an iPad with fucking itinerary and a map, even though he's not really involved. You may have received. Hi, Jonathan here. an ipad with fucking itinerary and a map even though he's not really a guy so you may have received um hi jonathan here now i'm sure you've i'm sure you've received my email uh with regards

to uh what we're doing across the weekend now you'll notice that i've sort of gone a little bit lighter uh on the sunday morning stuff just because i'm imagining on saturday evening elvino will flow so um you listen as long as we all stick to the itinerary, what will happen is we'll all have fun, but we'll also all be safe. And I think that's, you know, it's all very well sort of, you know, throwing yourself into these kind of activities. But what's the point if we all come out the other end of this, you know, with people sort of suffering from, you know,

either injuries or someone's missed out one of the later activities because they haven't gone to where they're supposed to be for one of the earlier ones. So anyway, thank you so much for those of you that did reply. Big Tony, thank you for your reply of fuck off. I'm assuming that's a little bit of sort of stag banter. But, you know, let's have a great weekend. Group name change. Maynard's a wanker.

The other thing I would say to you, Finn, is that I understand that you feel a bit of empathy towards your dad, and it's good to have empathy towards your dad in terms of your son maybe changing their name. But I just agree with Tom. Names don't mean anything

mate i i think that if my son's decided they didn't want to carry on the family name of or they didn't want to carry on the name ranganathan i i can't say i'd really mind in the slightest you know all i want is for them to be happy and if that means that they want to use a different name or whatever then so be it i just don't like tom said i don't have an inbuilt desire to see my family name carry on or some sort of weird fucking legacy i just don't give a shit about stuff like that and i think it would help you to not either i i really do i just think those sort of things don't matter you know the best advice you can give your kids with regards to surname choices is just, you know, do you.

Right. You know? Just do you. Okay. We dealt with that one, haven't we? Right, next. Go forward, my friend, and be a god. Be a good man.

Yeah, good luck. I hope that helps. I hope we weren't too – do you think we were a bit harsh on him there? No, no. Finn's got shoulders he can take. Finn's a legend, man. All right, fine. And Finn can give and take.

Look at his email. Yeah, that's true. I mean, it's quite rude to you wasn't it okay hi tom and ron big fan of the show it's helped me so much uh getting through a very stressful couple of past couple of weeks i was just wondering if you guys would ever have a guest on the podcast and if so who would you invite and why um would we ever have a guest on this podcast do you think the only thing i'd ever want to do and i mean this from the bottom of my heart is that that normally just so you know that's normally the sign that tom's about to talk

complete and utter bullshit so here we go is have a have some of you guys just you know we i'd love to catch up with some of the people we've we've chatted to via email yeah i'd like to do a special where we're like yeah let's like i love it when i watch like catfish or like uh married at first sight and they do the reunion show i love it so much i'd love to do like a reunion where we're like yeah oh finn how's it going bro bro? How's life treating you? Obviously, Finn is the only one. But then there was that guy from Dublin. Yeah.

Can I just tell you what my problem is with this? Because you do, as we've said before, you do this a lot. And it makes you look like you're the more sort of outreaching member of the podcast. And it makes me look like a bit of a prick, right? And the reason I've got a problem with it is this. We are not going to have everyone who emails in.

And this is, by the way, this is part of the problem when you start responding to Instagram messages, right? When you start replying to people that contact you on social media, is that we are not going to be in a position where we can invite everybody who emails in onto the podcast. It's impossible for us to do that, right? So what you're going to have is you're going to have a few people who we managed to get onto the podcast happy that they've been included and you're going to have a load of people utterly fucked off because we haven't put them on the podcast there's a lot

just completely arbitrary reasons a lot sure sure but we get loads of emails from people that we don't read out and we do read them all by the way and so what you're what you're doing is you're sort of choosing your favorites who are going to have a great time well maybe coming on the podcast and they get they get to be on the wall for that and then you get these other people who through no fault of their own will not be included and they'll have to listen to you going you know what you've come on this podcast and i'm going to tell you this from the bottom of my heart you're one of the most incredible human beings i've ever read the honor of speaking to and i mean that i don't often say all that shit like you know it's actually you're actually having

a detrimental effect upon the listeners by doing okay well what we should do then is just have a big party and invite everyone who's emailed in okay okay all right again again even if we weren't in the middle of a COVID pandemic, that would be fucking insanity. Look, what I'm trying to say is this, and I actually think for once Romesh might be right. Maybe that isn't going to work. So in that case, will we have a guest?

If I'm going to be honest with you, I don't think so. I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think so. The only time I could imagine us having a guest is if there was, do you remember there was a pissy christmas tree thing yeah and we did come close to having somebody on like a tree expert yeah to explain it to us so if it was somebody that was settling a a thing or you know when we had the email argument about the guy who got recognized or didn't get recognized by the

woman from his cafe quickly it was right was right. I was right in the cafe one. It was. Yes, it was. Yes, it was. Yeah. We'll agree to disagree on that one.

Okay. Or we might get an expert in for the water polo one, the swimming one, which, let me, could you refresh

my memory? We could do one on the cyberpunk one when I was right. You weren't right on that one either. I was right. I took down a game.

You weren't right on that either. I took down a game. Okay. All right. You weren't right on that one either. I was right. I took down the whole game. You weren't right on that either. I took down a game. Okay. All right. Well, we can agree to disagree on that one. So those are the closest we've had to having guests, but really the truth is we're probably never going to have guests.

What I would say, and I think this is a good opportunity to announce this with regards to Tom saying about having a party, is we are, at the moment, in the middle of organising a Wolf and Owl live event.

And we're the view to doing a few of them, but we're sort of running it out to see if it's got any fucking legs at all. So look out for details of that. It's going to be the Wolf and Owl live. Big things. Very exciting excited i was about to say possible guest appearance from the swan but there's no fucking way she'll come no so the cat might be there though right no no she will not be there all right so it'll just be the wolf of the

owl and potentially you yes so uh look out for details of that. So I hope that answers your question, Tom Lipscomb. Next question. This is from Scott Roger. He sent two consecutive emails. The latest one says, what sits in tomato soup? Game changer. Yeah. I know, man.

Absolute level, like a level up of food. It's incredible. I'm proud of you and i'm proud of myself for bringing that to the world the next question is the next next email is previous email rather hi rom and tom big fan of the podcast listen to the last bonus episode so this is a while ago and the story of you two crashing a wedding had me in kinks i for one would not be opposed to my wedding being crashed by you guys as you're both married i was looking for some advice for the wedding day. I'm socially awkward

and anxious at the best of times, but having the spotlight on me is something I worry about. Did any of you feel like this? How did you combat this? Well, I mean, I can answer for Tom. There's absolutely no fucking way he felt awkward about the attention being on him during his wedding. He will have absolutely lapped it up. Tom, have you got any advice for this guy?

Look. What were you looking down at there, by the way, while I was reading that email? Stan was just texting me, just to see what I'm doing this week. Okay. So, let me just get this straight. I organise, via my wife, the emails. I read out the emails.

And you haven't even got the fucking decency while I'm reading the email to pay attention. Look, mate, this is what people used to think when I was at school. I'd always be listening. Just because people thought that at school doesn't mean it's not true. Yeah, no, but listen. That's what – I'll tell you.

Do you want the advice? And then I'll show you how much I was listening. Okay, fine. Yeah, Scott Roger. Listen. The truth of the matter is I think a lot of people worry about being the centre of attention. And there was a point of me that uh because i

actually it was a weird one for me because i sort of thought yeah in social situations i'm sort of i thought my go-to place is to have a laugh and have a joke and be quite sort of um two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection. Free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda.

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Does it matter? Yeah. But the truth of the matter is, when it came to my wedding day, I thought, you know what, this isn't really about me being that person. This is about me and my wife getting married and making it about us and making, you know, that's what the day is, right? So, yeah, I think for you, I think it's very easy to sort of get bogged down by thinking, oh, you know, all these people are here to watch us,

all these people. No, people are there because they love you and they care about you so they have to see you get married but i think the main thing to keep in your head is that it's about you it's about your wife uh getting married and it's about you that this is your day and uh don't focus on anything else in the room apart from the person that you're going to marry and and let everyone else enjoy that moment because that's why they're there. So I don't think too much about it. And, yeah, just enjoy the day.

Have a blessed one. I'm going to say something, Tom. You are – this is, across this episode and the main episode, I don't know what's going on, man. Your advice is insane. It's so good. Thank you. Congratulations, mate. Really impressive stuff. so good thank you congratulations mate you really impressive stuff well thank you and you thought i was a listener yeah yeah i mean you've there's egg all over my face mate yeah so vegan egg tofu sort of tofu scramble all over my face um i would just

reiterate what tom said there the wedding is not about anyone else it's about you and you've got to do whatever you can to make it as enjoyable for yourself as possible they're not expecting a show from you they're just being invited to to celebrate your love and you've got no duty to them whatsoever so hold your head up high or hold your head down low hold your head whichever way is most comfortable because it's not about anybody else. It's about you and your other half celebrating the start of your marriage. And from the wolf and myself,

we wish you the absolute very best of luck with it. And you know what? This is, as a shocker here, you don't need me in the hour there because you got this, bro. You got this. Sure. I mean, I don't think there's any

any suggestion that he does need us there yeah you've got it you've absolutely got it but if you do need to like some sort of ego distraction somebody that will come in and try and pull focus heavily then feel free to to email us and confirm that you'd love the wolf to be a guest at your wedding you know this is true this is one of the uh i was going out of the girl many many moons ago and uh one of her sort of family friends was getting married so i got invited to the stag do and uh i sort of took over the stag deal i sort of was quite one of the big larger than life characters at this stag day and um when the best man got to do his speech he was a bit nervous so and he sort of said like a mention in dispatches i wanted to say about um you know big tom at the stake doing all that and yeah you

tom do you want to stand up and sort of say a few words and uh no one at the wedding knew i was and i stood up and uh did like this weird little speech about like everyone that we've met at the wedding and uh yeah it was the end of little speech about everyone that we'd met at the wedding. And it was the end of the relationship, really, with that girl because I sort of took the flurry off the best man at the wedding. I felt really bad about it as well, but I sort of cracked some jokes about people there and sort of had a bit of a laugh. Did you smash it then?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just before I even did stand-up. I just sort of had a joke at a few people's expense, picked on a couple, like Jonathan Maynnard's that might have been there yeah yeah all the job all the jm's getting an absolute rinsing yeah punched down somewhat and uh yeah walked out the wedding thinking this is actually the worst bit of that wedding right i told you this best man had really sort of he sang a song and it was just all a bit eggy um he sang a song about the groom and uh then i was at the bar with some of the chats from the stag do and he came over and he

was like oh my god it's been some bad news and i was like uh oh you're not gonna do another speech oh yeah he's got a massive laugh in the room he went no the bride's um grandmother's fallen over i was like all right i felt bad then but um yeah i love weddings weddings are my favorite thing yeah and by the way that is that story is a story from before tom was famous so imagine what he would be like if you brought him to your wedding now just how disgusting a spectacle he would make of himself at your wedding just fucking working the room at yours and your family's expense just so that he in the vain hope that people just go home going what a fucking legend tom davis was well you're just sitting there just going there's no vegetarian option

yeah yeah fucking hell the hour the hour's a miserable prick, isn't he? Okay. Complained about that aubergine tart all evening. God. That's exactly the sort of thing you get as a vegan option at a wedding. All right. all right uh this is anonymous yeah uh this is this person's after some advice um i'd love some advice we're quite new to our street there's a bit where he said about the podcast uh we're quite new to our street which is a terrace with street parking on both sides of the road a couple of weeks ago about 9 p.m there's loud, quite aggressive knocking at the door.

I opened it, expecting some kind of emergency situation, and the lady who lives a few doors down was there looking peeved. Is that your bloody red van parked up the street? she shouted at me. I stepped outside in my socks and closed the door behind me. By the way, loving this level of detail, because we'd only just got the baby to sleep, and there's a small chance she hadn't already woken up from the overly loud knocking i took a breath and composed myself as i definitely didn't want an argument in the street i said yes having the only red van on the street she was shaking with fury and then ranted at me for a while to summarize

she told me that i'd parked the van selfishly and that no traffic could get through because it was sticking out so much i let her finish and said okay OK, I'll go and move it, not rising to her anger. So I popped back in to put my shoes on. When I got outside onto the road, I looked at the van. It was sticking out no further than any other vehicle. You could literally get a bus through there, and the road is quite wide. I went and moved the van anyway, as I didn't want further issues with her. It was parked opposite the angry lady's house, and I moved it much further down the street.

When I was walking back to the house, I saw the lady's husband pull into the spot i just left in his van and realized that she'd pulled some kind of weird angry lie on me so that her husband can park nearer to their house i know that parking is a premium on these terrace streets and no one really has their own parking spaces if she'd asked me to move it in a nice tone with a soft knock i would have other neighbors have told me they've had run-ins with the angry lady too so now i want to just move on from the odd incident and me and my partner like to get on with everyone especially we've just moved here and it's our first proper house do i go out of my way to build the relationships that we can have friendly neighbor times i've said hi in the street a couple times since and can sense there's some tension and if

so how do i do it do i just accept the fact that she may be a difficult individual and take her off my christmas card list also sorry tom i love you but i think you over explained the going water experiment so much to jamie i think it should be null and void however i took liberty of trying on my partner for you saying i'm thinking of going water this week which would be especially obvious for as the local swimming pool has just opened after lockdown she looks at me confused and said what i asked her again and then she replied am i supposed to know what the fuck it is you're talking about after some further digging she said that if anything she thought it meant i would be going for a walk by the local river so this time i've got to say i'm siding with rom uh tom you know

what i bet you know your world because actually number one you should have seen the look on romesh's face as he was reading that it's actually the happiest i've seen him in a fucking long friendship it was actually i've never seen him look so happy as you know and you know what actually anonymous i wish i knew your name because uh the way you've broken that down was yeah i'm gonna suck that that pill up and i am gonna i'm gonna march on um but when it comes to this neighbor fiasco um i'm with you bro I've been in a similar sort of situation myself on a couple of different properties we've lived in. I just think what you're dealing with here,

and I don't use this word lightly, is a ****. And I think her other half's probably a bit of a ****. I think he's probably a bit more of a cow ****. I think the truth of the matter is that there's a dominance. What you find, and it's not like a school playground, but there's a sort of dominance within a road. I've only just sort of noticed it within where we live at times that there's people on a road who sort of like things their way

and maybe she's just been sort of like, you know, she's got the swag and she's sort of like, you know, her and her husband just have that way of being and they think that that's their go-to thing is to be aggressive and sort of like you know there's nothing you've done for her to be ten you know to have that level of attention towards you if you're nodding and saying hello in the morning or whatever you're doing um i'd but but one thing i'd say is i would not take them off your christmas card list i would buy the biggest christmas go to go to clinton's or wherever buy the biggest Christmas. Go to Clinton's or wherever.

Buy the most big, grotesque Christmas card you can. And put that on their doorstep. Oh, but here's another thing. Also, you need to do this. Put glitter in it. Yes, loads of glitter. Just so much glitter. Just fucking put it all inside the card. And then when you've put the card into the envelope,

pull the envelope open and just fucking tip as much. I'm talking like you want to be doing like a Jonathan Maynard stag do like four pints of glitter within that envelope. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely ram it full of it. And then don't even just leave it there. Knock on the door as hard as you can, really hard, and just say Merry Christmas and pass it to her.

And I know you like your detail. Watch her sad, anguished nasty little face as her and her husband look at a bulging envelope that is packed to the hilt with glitter as you swagger off down the road knowing that it's going to take them eight that glitter will be there probably you know say she opens a card on jan on december the 16th it'll be there till june like that level of glitter they'll be finding it for years yeah yeah yeah and they'll know you're like a dog who's just pissed in another dog's garden and you sir you win um this um i've had a couple of incidents with neighbors one of them was almost identical

to this one except for the person just trying to clear her car parking space. So we had a thing where a woman that lived along our little street kept on having a go at us for the way that we're parking our car, that we weren't parking it straight or whatever. And she kept blaming Lisa. So whenever Lisa would be out, she would say something to Lisa. When I was walking out, she would assume that it's Lisa that's parked the car last time, and she'd say say can you tell your wife to stop parking like that one day i was out at a gig and lisa had had a note posted through the letterbox from said woman

and the letter said something along the lines of i've been speaking to the other neighbors in the street and we're all fed up with the way that you're parking uh we think it's an absolute disrespect to the to the to people who are just trying to park here and we need you to sort it out immediately now to be clear on this there was absolutely nothing wrong with the way that we're parking there was one incident which i would say she had a genuine you know she had a genuine point but from then on she got it into her head there was no way that we could have parted that would have been alright at that stage

I had to talk Lisa down from going round to this women's house and just fucking having a set two with her it was so mad I was on my way to this gig Lisa phoned up and she goes you're not going to fucking believe honestly Tom you'll have never seen the swan so angry you're not going to fucking believe what's happened now I said what

she goes I've just got a letter she starts reading the letter to me about how selfish we're being about she goes I'm going to go around I'm going to fucking stick this letter up her ass now I got very panicky then because I thought Lisa's going to go around and this is going to be a big fucking issue and

I don't know I thought there might be a fight or something I didn't know what was going to happen so i basically had to talk lisa down from that situation and um lisa eventually calmed down and we just we just decided that we were going to ignore her we just thought there's nothing we can do we can't we can't amend our parking to meet her requirements so all we have to do is just live our lives as if this woman doesn't exist do you mean that that's kind of what you have to do i had another similar thing where i was pulling into the this is same street i mean we managed to fuck off everyone in that road i pull it into the street and this guy said this guy comes over to me one of the guys that lives

a few doors down and he goes um i was driving a volvo at the time and he goes i've got some uh i've got some headlight lamps that'll that'll fit that volvo and i said oh okay well i mean in my head i'm thinking why are you saying these words out loud uh and then he said to me you can have them if you want like like i'll give them to you for a tenner or something they're worth a lot more than that they'll like add a bit of brightness and i said to him oh do you know what, mate? I'm all right. I don't need any, I don't need any headlight bulbs. And then he said to me, no, no, honestly, like really, really,

the improvement, you won't believe it, you know? And I go, no, I'm all right, man. And he just kept on going. So eventually I just thought 10 pounds is worth bringing this conversation to an end. Right. So I just said to him, yeah, okay, I'll take them off you. Then he goes, I was just on my way out. He goes, well, drop them off at your house now.

I said, no, don't do that. I said, because I'll be out for a while, and I want to pay you for them when I get them. So I'll come round to yours with a tenner. Anyway, I come back, and he's posted them through the letterbox. So he's desperate for this fucking sale I didn't think anything of it I thought okay I've got to give him this tenner

but I just didn't think much of it because I didn't want these headlight bulbs I just thought I'd give him a tenner when I remember two days later I get a letter through the letterbox from this same bloke saying I think it's probably better to avoid any ongoing awkwardness if you

just bring the headlight bulbs back now right so so i was like so this is exactly first of all i didn't want these fucking light bulbs second of all i told him not to drop him off at the house and now exactly what i thought would happen is fucking happen I've now got a situation with this prick right so I end up writing him a little note with the headlight bulbs and a tenner right I put it all together and I said to him just so you know I didn't want the headlight bulbs in the first place right you pressured me into making the purchase I then told you not to drop them off at my house. You did that as well. And now you're hassling me for the money. Seeing as you're so desperate for a tenner,

here's your headlight bolts back and the money. I hope this avoids any, and then I put in inverted commas, any potential awkwardness or whatever, ongoing awkwardness. And we never spoke to each other again after that. He didn't write you a note back from that? No, I mean, he didn't become like my sort of pen pal from Two Doors Down after that. What would happen if you saw him? We just ignore each other again after that. He didn't write you a note back from that? No, I mean, he didn't become like my sort of pen pal from Two Doors Down after that. What would happen if you saw him?

We'd just ignore each other. We'd like, literally, if we walked, like, we'd just ignore each other. A little bit later, I started to just go, all right, but he still ignored me. So, but anyway, the reason I'm telling those two, which now in hindsight, I would describe as boring stories. They're great stories.

The Headlight one's one of my favourite stories. It's because one of the things that is difficult for you to really get any set this is how i get satisfaction from those situations i'm going to tell you this now anonymous that woman is so unhappy she is so so miserable in everything she does the sort of person that does that will never ever experience joy right she might experience some sort of uh brief enjoyment that somebody else's misfortune she might have felt a small sense of satisfaction that she got a miserable husband to park closer to their fucking house of misery than he otherwise might have done but i'm going to tell you something now she's a sad little piece of shit her marriage is fucking trash and you can just take solace from the fact that you will always be happier and more content with your existence than that miserable little piece of will ever be amen but listen i added a bit of stank onto that but i genuinely

do believe that man i mean that that woman is not a happy person so well you know you you could do the charitable thing you know because what a really decent person would do is go that person's obviously miserable and they've got a lot of anger going on maybe i could try and sort of get to the bottom of it and help them live a better life going forward if you've got that in you whoa what are you listening to this for wait who's talking you know you're driving a 2024 ford escape with available alexa built in so you can change the music oh yeah alexa change station to 99.2 see purchase a 2024 escape st line all-wheel drive with tech pack at 3.49 apr APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294.

Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. And please feel free to do that. But I've got to be honest with you, as much as I'd like to think that's a thing I would do, my most likely course of action would just be to ignore it. I mean, I've told you that. There's two examples I've given you where I've done exactly that. So there you go.

Was I too harsh there? No, I liked it. Mate, I open with dropping the C-bomb, so I think we both agree that this woman's not a good person. Okay, here's our next email. Hi, Rom, Tom and Lisa. I'd like to start by thanking Tom for liking my tweet today, which I gave big compliments to the podcast.

Nice to know that listeners' comments get seen and appreciated. Feels like a bit of a dig at me, I'm going to be honest with you. Yeah, but you should say now that you're not really on Twitter now, are you? I'm not on Twitter at all because I think it's a fucking absolute, vile, poisonous platform. And I've got no interest in ever going back on there i'm an avid podcast listener and

there isn't one i look forward to listening to more than yours keep up the good work thank you very much uh now on to my question and we

don't have to be anonymous here this is from damon morris on to my question which i think is one that i'll be asking on behalf of all the

wolf and our listeners and one we'd be eager to know the answer to a lot of celebrities have taken to podcasts during the pandemic as it's been a good way to keep busy and give fans some material where possible.

Unfortunately, due to the roadmap out of lockdown well on the way, I've started to notice I'm gradually dying off and stopping altogether. Can I ask both of you, what are your thoughts about the Wolf and I pod going forward as this country starts to get back to normality? Do you have an outlook on if it will continue long term, and will it change in any way? I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say I really hope it continues thanks again, much love, Damon Morris

P.S. Tom, I'm a dreamboat but don't worry Ramesh, I'm not expecting you to meet me for a pint okay, Tom well, yeah, I think I'll speak for both of us when I say thank you for your kind words, D-Man that's very kind of you you are, yeah, very kind of you you are yeah

it's very nice of you that's a that's a that's a g thing to do d um look oh my god i think i speak yeah how do you feel about so how do you feel about saying the words that's the g thing to do d i just like it i like the vibe that i hit that out all right so listen how is that better than to the max by the way yeah but it's how you own it all right okay you know you say now say yeah that's a nice thing to do g to the d man um that's well hold on what did you say i forgot what you said i can't remember what i said but that's a nice you're a g so that's a nice thing you're a g you're a g you're a g it was a nice thing to do d yeah see you've got to be more lyrical

you sounded so much like fucking Jonathan Maynard Jonathan Maynard inside of you every second listen yeah so

as far as we're concerned we're going to keep on rolling this rollercoaster I think the thing that excites me

is being able to do it in a studio together Mano and Mano some sweet sweet studio space we haven't talked about this in the podcast that's actually going to be more difficult than we've sort of given credit for yeah because we'll have to find a studio that's easy for both of us to get i mean to be fair you don't even

mind we live how far do you live for me like three hours yeah so to be fair we might just carry on like we're going i think you know we've managed to do this podcast where neither of us have got anything actually going on in our lives. So hopefully when actually the world opens up, we've got more to talk about. So, yeah. And, you know, as we've already said, there's a live event in the works and hopefully a tubba, as they say, in some parts of the North.

They don't say that. They don't say that in that context. We are, yeah um we are yeah we said we are carrying on the thing i was going to say sorry this is what i was going to say when we did it in the hotel room it was better wasn't it i enjoyed it but i think the joy of this is you can just do it i mean it's nice because we can just put kind of hours aside at the weekend or yeah and just do it like this it's nice nice. Yeah. Yeah. It's quite nice at the moment. I'm still in the clothes that I wake up in. Are you?

You wore that hat in bed. No, I put the hat and the hoodie on. But yeah, underneath here. So you're not in the clothes that you wake up in? No, no, no. I went for a walk. Have you done any exercise shit today? I have.

I did 45 minutes on the old Peloton. I know. So anyway, the answer is that we're planning on carrying on for indefinitely, I think I'm right in saying, Tom, right? Yeah. And we're not doing series, are we? We're just going to keep doing every week. Yeah, keep on doing every week.

Until one of us dies. If I was having a guess, I would say if I was actually having a guess out of the four of us, you, me, the swan and the cat, I'd say I'm actually having a guess out of the four of us, you, me, the Swan and the cat. Yeah. I'd say I'm probably going to die first. In which case I would sub in,

I guess the Swan would, I guess it become the wolf and the Swan. I will say this now. I will, once you're gone, that'll be it. I'll probably do one episode like when you're dead, like on sort of like the,

you know, on the evening of your funeral. Um, and yeah, well, you certainly sort of like the, you know, on the evening of your funeral. Um, and yeah, well, you certainly might be invited. And, uh,

I'll just probably talk to some of my favorite people that have written in over the years. Oh my God. What an incredible insult that'll be to my memory. Finally, we're just going to do one last episode where we go against everything the owl stood for. And then we'd all just go for a big swim.

Yeah. Okay. Dear Tomesh Ranganavis. Oh, my guy. That's a hell of a Wow This is anonymous Love in the pod Won't go into flattery

Because I know Ron Won't read that out anyway Unfortunately for me I didn't discover The Wolf and Arter Very recently So I'm trying to catch up My friend is getting married

In a few weeks time And he's never strictly Appointed a best man Instead he has a selection Of his closest friends As groomsmen This is a pretty common Thing to do that isn't it To not have a best man And have a few people I had a best man instead he has a selection of his closest friends as groomsmen this is a pretty common thing to do that isn't it to not have a best man and have a few people i had a best man i think you have a best man okay but i'm not asking you seem to have misheard my

question i didn't say what did you do at your wedding i'm saying other people do this don't i think one or two best men i think this is probably down to yeah in some ways i'm a very open trailblazing kind of G, right? In other ways, I am a traditionalist. I think it's very important to have a best man. What's great about you is, and one of my favourite things about being friends with you is your complete and utter lack of consistency

in any of your views or values. Obviously, I'm honoured to be asked to take part in this big day. But realistically, the biggest perk of being in the groom's wedding party is having influence over the stag do. But sadly, this has been postponed until after the wedding due to COVID. Equally as important as any self-respecting best man should know is the delivery of a sharp-witted or ultimately lacklustre and all-too-revealing speech during the evening's proceedings.

Given he hasn't appointed a best man, we took it upon ourselves quite some time ago to ask him whether or not he actually wanted a speech but he never gave a conclusive answer we're now within weeks of the wedding and suddenly there is suggestion that he may want all of the groomsmen to deliver a short speech although this hasn't been confirmed i'd like to be somewhat prepared as and when he does finally make a decision so i thought i'd ask you some advice have any of you given a best man speech if so what advice can you give to this unlikely wordsmith i didn't think this was going to be the question after all this info to be honest tom what what's your uh what's your advice about this best i had the flip of this i was asked to be a best man at a friend of mine's wedding

and uh i wrote an amazing speech um which was i thought pretty epic and then got there on the day of it and it was like a gig that had been cancelled he said actually we're not doing speeches now i was doing speeches so i was sort of devastated so what i did i sort of ended up doing is just walking around the wedding giving people little tidbits of the sort of stories and stuff oh god that is so awful and then someone came up to me and said can you stop telling stories about the groom? Is that true? Yeah, genuinely. I was going around from table to table.

I was single at the time. Actually, I don't think it would have mattered if I was with someone. I'd just written all this funny stuff, so I thought I'd work the room with it. Oh, my God. That is fucking incredible like if i didn't know you and love you as much as i do i honestly i don't know how if somebody told me oh do you know that guy's a sort of you know he did he thought his best man speech was so funny and he was so gut that it was cancer that he fucking worked the room delivering bits of it to different groups of people i would think i never

want to talk to that person ever in my life going around this is too good to not share i've got a gift here that needs delivering to the world yeah so that So that was one of the most, uh, yeah. And since then I was never really asked to do it again. Um, but still what I'll do is I'll, I'll still most weddings I'm at, I'll walk around and sort of tell stories about people. So that's how I roll at a wedding. Uh,

number one, I'd say this, just if you want a bit of advice, James DeFront, who was my best man, did an incredible best man speech. It was both funny. It was caring.

It was brilliant. Uh, so there'd be no one else I could have actually think genuinely who I'd ever wanted to. The speech was so amazing. My dad's speech was literally this. This is my dad's speech at my wedding, right? Well, yeah, you know, he's getting married now, so that's great. I'm really happy for him.

Kids, you have them. You know, they put you through the mire a little bit. They let you down. Now and again, they make you proud. And today's one of those days. So well done, son. That was it. That was lovely.

Yeah, but that was it. That was it, I think. I think people focus too much on speeches at weddings. I agree. I do think, like, I've seen some great best man speeches don't get me wrong but it's just not about it is it a lot of people don't know the person i don't know i just i just sort of think what i found out when i was can we get rid of i mean is it that bad if we got rid of speeches no no you got rid of the pressure for them to be some sort of incredible, epic sort of routine.

I mean, people saying some nice things. When I was doing the individual speeches, when I was going around just telling people the stories, was it's not all the stories are for everyone. No. Some people were quite offended about some of the things that I was, you have to really, you know. Well, you've got to imagine, like, you know,

it's like being at a comedy club, isn't it? Yeah. Somebody tells an offensive joke and you all laugh because there's 400 of you as a group. If that person came up to you, apropos of nothing, and you hadn't asked for any jokes, and this stranger came up to you because they just thought they were so funny, it demanded sharing, and told that joke to four of you, sat down, you would be appalled. First of all, that this person has even come of you sat down you would be appalled first of all this person has even come over to you when you're trying to enjoy a meal in an evening

and then secondly sort of things become a bit escalated don't they when you're in a in an intimate situation like that did i ever tell you what did you do what did you do you walked over to one of the tables and talked about the time when the fucking best man the groom got an sti or something did you sort of stuff a little bit like that, yeah. Yeah. Did I ever tell you a story about when I went to the wrong wedding? No, go on. So my mate Schmiggy was getting married, right?

Right. And he got married at a place where it had sort of like, it was like a sort of upstairs and a downstairs, like it was a sort of first floor, like ground floor, sorry, then there was like an underground bit. So I turn up, I was only invited to the evening bit. And I obviously knew my mates,

like we sort of played football together, but we didn't, I didn't know a lot of his sort of family or his friends, or any of her family or any friends. I'd only met her once or twice. So I turn up and I was a bit late to the evening bit.

So I rock up and the party upstairs is absolutely sort of pumping it's amazing so I go in and I'm just walking around and you know you've been out of me I'm a pretty affable guy I sort of was chatting to people having a laugh with people dancing away uh one of the best breakfast um breakfast one of the best wedding uh buffets I've ever seen in my life like genuinely, genuinely. Just everything you want from a, like, a wedding buffet. Beautiful. Like, really, like, oh.

And I just really filled my boots there. I was really, and I was, you know, had constant plates of food. It was a free bar. I'm having a laugh with everyone. And that's the great thing about a wedding, right, is the fact that sort of no one quite knows, like, no one knows everyone apart from quite knows like no one knows everyone apart from probably really no one knows any everyone today and you didn't know you didn't

know anyone no but i was sort of quite quickly i was sort of having a real laugh with quite a few people and like you know um and people talk like the groom and the bride right and all that no one's how long you know the group you know who do you know the groom and the bride type thing how long you know it must say i, play football with him, whatever. And then I was in like pictures with people. Do you know what I mean? Right. And then I went to the toilet.

Yeah. Cause I'd eaten so much at a buffet. And, when I was in the toilet, I see one of my pals, Michael, and he went, oh,

where did you get it? And I was up in the range. I've been looking for you guys, but I've just been like chatting to this person, that person, chatting to one of his uncles about stuff I chatted to him you know

her family are amazing and he's like what? He's like we're all downstairs like we haven't seen you and I was like really? And I was like oh shit like okay like so I went downstairs

Oh my god and it was really it was okay it wasn't as cool as a wedding upstairs. So I ended up going downstairs where everyone was like, oh yeah, how you been? And obviously, you know, I sort of dined out on the fact, oh, there's two weddings. I was upstairs in the wedding up there.

I told everyone and everyone was like, ha, ha. Went to the bar and I'm like, you know, I was just a pint of like, you know, whatever it was I was drinking at the time. They're like, oh, that, you know, that's four pounds. I was like, oh shit, you've got to pay for drinks here. And then I looked at a buffet they'd obviously gone for the cheaper sort of buffet which wasn't quite as delicious

so what I ended up doing is just going upstairs and like having some snacks throughout the day and then just sort of getting a drink and then going back downstairs and then told a couple of people

and then a couple of us were all going up and getting like drinks upstairs as well so yeah it's quite funny I mean what you're saying is

you and your friends, you're a ****. Yeah. Because you thought, oh, that couple upstairs, their day isn't expensive enough as it is without me coming up and getting some food and drink to fuel a different wedding. You stole from them, basically.

No, it's not stealing. It is stealing. We were actually having a good time up there. We were, like like laughing and joking and having a real laugh with all the people and yeah i got a dance floor i was on the dance floor there for probably about half an hour time you still mates with this this person who had the wedding downstairs well yeah i mean he got divorced and then right now yeah sort of speak to him now and again so 50 50 whether he listens to this podcast okay Okay, fine. I mean, but there's a good chance there's somebody that knows him.

Oh, yeah, one of the other guys. Quite a few of my pals have started listening to this. So if you are listening, you've got a connection. Can you let Smiggy know his wedding was shit? Yeah, I mean, he didn't go uphill really from there either. Oh, God. All right, cool. Listen, it's about that time uh i hope you enjoyed the bonus episode uh we've had a great time we'll see you on wednesday for our next episode because we're never ever going to fail to put an episode out again when we say we will uh take care thank you

guys look after yourselves uh you are the wind beneath our wings. Hey, and I want to say one thing, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Okay. Enjoy the weekend. Yes, please do enjoy the weekend. Oh, go to the pub for the first time. Tomorrow?

Oh, yeah. Not tomorrow. Next weekend. Oh, I've already been like three, four times. Yeah, I haven't. But I guess that's what it's like to be popular, Tom. Congratulations. Peace out. peace out love love love if you have a problem opinion feedback or anything at all please email us at wolf alpod

at gmail.com that's wolf alpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.