Wolf and Owl - Bonus Email Episode #19

Episode Date: July 2, 2021

First up - England victories, epic celebrations and taking the rough with the smooth. Then we tackle some more of your email questions, which this week include tips for looking after your mobile phone, exchanging podcast roles, Tom’s ideal spaceship crew and a broken camembert dish. Thanks for all your messages - keep them coming at [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Then podcast the body parts Get severed and served Bring your weak shit Wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake That's an awful howler Both of them are known To pull up at your shows

Have the crowd witnessing a murder Like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship Let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill Never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing

All you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings Red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it The death bringing It's head spinning Just kidding Every word in this song

Is about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog It's time for the Wolf and Owl bonus episode. Happy Friday morning, or whatever day you're listening to this. I'm really tired, so I'm doing this high energy to try and compensate. I'm still hungover from the football.

Well, I was wondering how natural the segue was going to be into your monumental night, but you've gone straight in. I still feel it, brother. I still feel it. I actually listened to the bit of the podcast where we talk about England's chances against Germany. Yeah. And I'm pretty negative. Yeah.

I would describe myself as cautiously negative, but you were cautiously negative. Yeah. I would describe myself as cautiously negative, but you were cautiously optimistic. Yeah. What was it like to be at the game? It was insane. It was incredible. Like, just, you know, I've watched a lot of England over the years.

I've been away, as I've said on here before, I've been away with them. I've spent a lot of money. I mean, it was amazing. It was genuinely, the whole atmosphere was pumping. I mean, you know, England fans were in great form. Yeah, it was amazing. And you know what?

I actually chatted to Harry Kane's dad after. I bumped into Harry Kane's dad. That must have been a nice treat for him. What did you say to him? I just held him in my arms. What are you talking about? I genuinely started chatting to him. And everyone was celebrating, obviously.

And I started chatting to this guy. And he said about his... Oh, sweet, sweet. Catherine's in the building. Yeah, Catherine is here. Getting some shoes for the walk. So I started chatting to him. And he...

Hi, Catherine. She's in the bedroom waving. You're going to be on the podcast again. We'll have this whole... You're not chatting, though. No, we're not. We're doing the podcast now. That's what the podcast is.

It's us chatting, isn't it? Yeah. No, we are. This is the podcast now. No, we're not chatting. No, no, no. Hi, Catherine. Yeah.

Are you taking the dog with you? Oh, sweet, no. Hi, Catherine. Yeah. Are you taking the dog with you? Oh, sweet, sweet cat. She wants to be in the podcast, but she doesn't want us to know. She's slowly getting into sort of like, yeah, it's been three weeks now where she's coming. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, you're recording and you've got your headphones on, but you're doing a podcast.

Hello, hello. Just sort of like... So I started chatting to this guy. I didn't know his dad at first. I was just chatting to this guy and he just said he's just so happy for his son and I was like, who's your son? He said Harry Kane.

We both started waiting. Did you immediately get an erection? I lazily had an erection? I lazily had an erection since Harry Kane's gone. I've been walking around with one for about two hours, which is a record. You've been asked to leave corporate hospitality a couple of times, haven't you? Sorry, sir.

Just look, really glad you're enjoying the game. It's just a couple of people have come up and said that you appear to have a lob on. Is that really sort of appropriate for... Yeah, to be fair, I haven't heard a direction like this

since 1998 when my clarinet scored. So, so sorry. Sorry, I've interrupted what sounds like quite an emotional story so

you said Harry Kane's my son yeah and then he was quite emotional I was quite emotional I just stared at him and I just

because Harry's been under a lot of pressure yeah yeah I just looked at him and said my god thank you so much

for giving us Harry thank you so much this is actually the saddest thing did you say to look I just want to say do you mind if i just get on my knees and say thank you to your dick and balls for ejaculating harry into your missus i i look at the fact that harry came i love the man i i'm gonna love them all so i just i stood down just put my hands on his shoulders and i was just smiling at him just looking at like into his eyes. And then one of my friends came over and said,

oh, we need to go in a minute. And I was like, oh, really? It's like... Oh, God. And then, yeah, I went to join my friends and we stayed there for two and a half hours after that. So we didn't have to go. I think he knew that, yeah, I needed to be walked away.

But I was just... He knew that there was going to be a news story. Tom Davis tries to fuck Harry Kane's dad. He knew there was going to be a news story. Tom Davis tries to fuck Harry Kane's dad. But, man, what a group of... What a group, man. What a gang of legends, really. Yeah.

Speaking of Harry Kane. Yeah. Like, he's had a terrible... I mean, look, this is not a football podcast, but he's had loads of stick because he just looked like he was completely out of sorts. Yeah. And he had that chance in the first

half. Yeah. Which the commentators were going, you know, Harry Kane on top of his game would have put that away, etc. etc.

I think Gary Lineker said he fluffed his lines or whatever. Yeah. And then, so for that goal that he scored, the instincts to drop and header that in,

I mean, it was incredible. I mean, it's like, what a finish. It's amazing. Man, do you know what? I think some things are just meant to be. I think when it comes to football, sometimes the script isn't how you envisage it's going to be. Sometimes, you know, it reads in a whole different way, Romesh.

You just don't think about how the analogy is going to go before you start, do you? No. You just did it. I've never done that. By the way, somebody sent me a clip of you on Talk Sport yesterday. Oh, yeah. So do you want to talk me through that?

I was very hungover and they got in touch. To be fair, I actually think I'm hung up. I think I was still drunk most of yesterday. When I did Talk Sport at like nine in the morning with a friend of the show, Laura Woods and Ali McCoy. Ali McCoy is amazing, by the way. You know the difference. What a guy.

I mean, look, Woodsy's great, but Woodsy's great. Yeah. Ali McCoy's came on League of Their Own. He's just amazing. I think Ali McCoy's genuine. I'll say that as a sports i think he'd have been an incredible stand-up comedian if he hadn't been a like i think he's naturally one of the funniest people one of the most positive people i've ever met

hilarious he's a great he's an amazing storyteller man oh man great i just yeah so yeah i got us to do that i got and then yeah that was you, and I was very much, so obviously you watched the television, right? Which, it's great being at the game, but one thing I really love is watching,

I love the interviews after. Gareth Southgate's interview after. I cried when I watched it. I ain't going to lie to you, brother. Were you with Harry Kane's dad still,

or did you? Come back to their house. Come back to his. Come back to the Kane house. Just for the vain hope that... Do you think Raheem Sterling's not getting the credit he deserves? Like, you know, did you see that thing where all the back pages have Harry Kane on

and people go, why isn't Sterling getting the recognition? You know what, if I'm honest with you, I think the fans love Sterling. And I think the pundits and I think anyone who knows about football care. And if I'm honest with you, I think Raheem Sterling and I think the pundits and I think anyone who knows about football care and if I'm honest with you I think Raheem Sterling is probably fine

but the fans in the stadium love like everyone buzzing for Raheem Sterling buzzing for him for the goal

and if I'm honest he was the best player when you watch Raheem Sterling I think when you watch him live you see

like in the stadium, you see how much hard work he puts in, how much he's constantly trying different things to try and open a team up. Man, I think you saw the response when he scored. He can well finish this tournament top scorer. Yeah. So, Tom, do you think,

what is your prediction now for England? Mate, there's only one thing to say. It's coming home. Wow. It's coming home, my sweet friend. Do you genuinely believe we're going to win this tournament? Yeah. Yeah, I do, yeah.

I think that, I don't know. I just think it's actually like a great bunch of lads. They look like they're going out into every game believing that they can win it. They're fired up. You know, of course, we've got great players on the bench who can come in if needed.

I thought Greenish, when he came off the bench, changed the game. I think Saka, like Saka grew into the game. I think Saka against Ukraine is going to have an absolute field day. They're not great defensively.

Yeah, they can score goals, but we've got big Harry Maguire John Stones I thought was immense against Germany Kyle Walker yeah man if I'm honest with you

I think we could play another 10 15 20 games in this competition and still win it keep on bringing on yeah totally

I couldn't agree with you more. We also need to give an honourable mention to one of the stars of the night, Rob Beckett. What a legend. I spoke to him yesterday. Yeah. So we got very excited in our house

when the camera, like, it was a close-up on Rob and Lloyd Griffin. Yeah. And Rob looked, well, Rob looked, to me, Rob looked absolutely hammered. Yeah. He told me, as soon as he appeared,

because how many people were watching that, like 15 million people? No, 20 million. Something like that? 20 million, right? He said, as soon as he appeared on screen, his phone, like, just started, like, exploding, right? And he said he actually got hot with the number of people messaging him. I've just seen it. And then it just shut down completely.

Wow. Right. But listen, I don't know if they're still up there. I think he's put them up in like a compilation. I think they are, yeah. You've got to watch his stories of the night. It's so funny.

I'll tell you what, that was... It's so funny. I think what Rob's done is completely encapsulate exactly what the mood was like of the whole, with everyone there. It's an incredible piece. Do you know what?

I love Rob Beckett for that. I just think he's just so like, and you know what, I mean, you talked about it before and about England fans and stuff and I think

the way Rob, he's just so confidently loving what this country, what we're doing. I love that about him. Do you know what? It was so funny.

His story of the night. Two things I thought about it. One, for him to be that drunk for that amount of time and not start to feel rough. He was high energy all the way through. That was the first thing the second thing how the fuck he found a taxi or an uber or whatever that had a megaphone for him

yeah it was just absolutely insane do you think that someone else had left that megaphone in there maybe must have done because it had like a football thing on it didn't it was like i mean um and then when he's like doing a video about sitting in the street at 1am and he posted it at 11 because he said no absolutely no idea what time it was

I think it was that afternoon drinking thing yeah yeah but do you know what I was so so glad to have not gone to that and gone to the Scotland game

instead do you know what I mean like if I was going to choose a game to go to you were hilarious when you phoned me yesterday I was so hungover and you phoned me and you said,

how was the game? And I was like, oh man, it was amazing. You said, was it as good as the Scotland game? And I sort of was like, oh God bless him. He really thought that. It was so funny because you didn't want to upset me. You were like, no, you know, that was a different experience or whatever. I was like, come on

dickhead. We went and watched one of the most turgid nil-nil draws of all time. Oh, mate, there was a guy who was in the box, like in a box sort of next to us. And he was obsessed with the fact that there's four guys that he hadn't spoke to. And they didn't speak in, sort of said he'd overheard them. He was obsessed with the fact they were German. Right.

And start sort of giving it to them a bit about being German without hearing any response and sort of was like, oh, bloody Germans, if they win, I'll tell you what. He was sort of like really sort of giving it and giving it. And, you know, me being me, I'm just like, you know, this is a bit uncalled for, whatever, you know, you shouldn't make anyone feel alienated. So just before the game started, I go up to these guys and say hey man how you doing you're all right

good luck whatever happens with the game and the bloke went what mate and i went good luck whatever happens with the game and this guy went oh thanks mate uh and i went where are you from and he was like chester right this guy had been out there singing two world wars from one club up to these four blokes from Chester thinking they were German just because they didn't have so what did you do

did you go over there to see if he was German so you could weigh him in if he was no I went to sort of try and defuse the situation well you know me

I was like look whatever happens I just want everyone to have a good time I know what you're like you don't you won't stave someone's head in unless you know the result

that's only fair also I was so confident it was coming home yeah I went to sometimes I get I get

I get not embarrassed I get worried about how even the fans of your own team are going to behave I was on I went to see Arsenal

in the UEFA Cup maybe years and years ago. I was still at uni or something. And I was getting a tube back afterwards. And some guy, there's this like French, no, he can't have been French because we were playing nonce.

He was like, he must have been, I don't know where he's from, European, somewhere in Europe. And these Arsenal fans were singing because we'd won. And then the guy goes, oh, oh guys the referee is my cousin and I was like honestly man as suicidal statements go

that is up there, do you know what I mean? Immediately, these Arsenal fans are like, well he's a fucking prick mate you could tell everybody your cousin's a twat oh my god man oh my god the worst thing about that is in that guy's head he's like oh you know what to really make everyone like me is if i tell everyone that a hundred a hundred percent it's such a bastard

i know you know what's so pathetic right is i don't know how i can't remember how old i was there was so many of them and like i, it's one of the things I regret. I didn't say anything. And then when they left, I went up to that bloke and I apologised to him for their behaviour. That is very... It's one of the wussiest... That is so wussy.

Just go, open fire, open fire. No, no, that is like, look, that is one of the wussiest things I've ever heard. On the basis that you've waited for, like you've sort of, and I know you so well, I know that you're probably doing that sort of like, sort of weird little smile that you do. Like when he's sort of like sitting there and everyone's barraging him, you're sort of like trying to give him a bit of confidence by smiling over,

but not sort of wanting to sort of infringe on. I mean, be honest with me. Did you give him any stick when you were sitting with the other guys? I joined in a bit, yeah. No, I didn't. I didn't. No, I didn't. I didn't.

Do you know what? I didn't realise how badly I felt about that until I've just told the story now. That was a really pathetic thing to me. Did you take him for a drink? No, no, I had to go in. But I'd like to think now, if that happened,

I would have said something. So did you say it was a him or her? him oh cool alright I thought oh god if this is

I wouldn't listen mate let me tell you something now if it was a story about a woman who'd said my cousin was a referee she got set upon by a load of Arsenal fans and then they got off

and I'd said nothing do you think I'd fucking tell you that now? what did you say though? did you go and sit with him after? yeah I did yeah I went up to him and I'd said nothing. Do you think I'd fucking tell you that now? What did you say though? Did you go and sit with him after? Yeah, I did. Yeah. I went up to him and I said,

look, man, um, cause I went violent with him. They were just sort of a bit Larry. So I went over and I just said, look, um,

it's just a thing. You know, your, your, it doesn't matter how your cousin did in the game. You would have got crap for that. Like every team always thinks.'re all done by the referee did you say crap? wow

do you know what I don't know what's more embarrassing that I might have said crap then or that I said it to you now and I'm retelling the story I just hey man how you doing? listen referees they're always going to get crap Hey man, how you doing? Listen, referees,

they're always going to get crap, my friend. Always going to get the old crap. Oh God, I'm so embarrassed. Hey, let me tell you something about football and referees and stuff. Doesn't matter how good the performance is. It's the old saying that I always say to my friends. Doesn't matter how good

the referee is, they're always going to get crap. They're always going to get the old C-Rap, my friend. Do you think... I always feel so sorry for like... You know, like, if you're a referee in a World Cup final

or even referee in a game the other night or whatever, or the FA Cup final, Champions League, right? And that's a massive moment in the world of referees, isn't it? That's, you know... If that's your job,

that's your chosen vocation. And then if you... So, you know, for me and you, for anyone who's got a big moment at their job, they try and go, oh, actually, it'd be nice for my family, my wife and kids to be there.

Do you think they invite them to those games? And if they make a bad decision and, you know, because it doesn't matter what part of the stadium, you could be sitting in the nicest tickets. Referees are going to be getting the ref, you know, coated off and whatever. Although I would say, I think I've seen less and less of that as the years have gone on

of referees and shit not West Ham West Ham really well I remember at Arsenal you used to hear it all the time

but now it's not that I would say it's less frequent than it was yeah but I mean you are running the dice aren't you

and then if your kids were just like oh my god like sort of 100,000 people were fucking calling you a wanker can you imagine that like why is dies aren't you and then if your kids were just like oh my god like sort of a hundred thousand people were fucking calling you a wanker

can you imagine that like why is why is everyone like holding their glasses towards dad and saying he's a blind it's just weird

isn't it it's like someone like throwing a piece of fruit at you in the street and then trying to explain that to someone

I dread the day that one day I'm out with the kids and somebody... Because it's only happened on occasion. But a couple of times when people have said to me, oh, just so you know, you're not funny, mate, or whatever. The day that that happens in front of my kids, oh, my God. That is horrible. That's horrible to do anyway.

But in front of... Oh, mate, did I tell you the worst one? I was with Sean Walsh. Yeah. We were walking through maybe some train station, Manchester maybe train station. And this big stag dude came up and said, can we get a photo, Ramesh?

And I took a photo with him. He went, oh, thanks for the photo, mate. Just wanted to let you know you're shit. And then they all started going, you're shit, mate. It all started giving me loads of abuse. It's horrible. I don't think I've seen Sean Walsh laugh as hard. Really?

At anything. Because it was, I mean, I just got completely coated off. It was sort of, you know. You know, you sounded a bit like when you said that, because you were trying to make that you enjoyed it as well. You sounded like that referee's cousin. Yeah, do you know what? You needed a Romesh to walk up to you and go, mate, sorry to make that you enjoyed it as well. You sounded like that referee's cousin. Yeah, do you know what? You needed a Romesh to walk up to you and go,

mate, sorry to say, that was crap, man. They shouldn't have done that. Can I be honest with you? I think I've had a bad start to this in terms of my own dignity. Because you are, because actually what you've done today is you've called me out quite

effectively. Cause you're absolutely right. That first thing, it was embarrassing when I said that crap thing. And then this next one where I'm sort of being punched in the face and trying to laugh along. Oh yeah. Good one guys.

No, good one guys. Mate, I've been there. I remember, and I can tell you, I'm walking through Victoria station. I wasn't even,

by the way, I wasn't even doing this for a living at the time and you know at Victoria Station where if you yeah it would be with a train

you get on you know it's overlooked by the Wetherspoons right yeah and as I'm walking past

someone shouts out from the balcony there Oi wanker right and I look round and looked up at the people and they all start i think they were just shouting at anyone but i looked up quite distinctively and smiled

up at them right these people and then this bloke was like why are you looking up and i just sort of shook my he was shouting down at me and i sort of shook my head and waved and he went is the wanker like that and they all uh started just chanting wank fucking wanker at me and i sort of shook my head and waved and he went is the wanker like that and they all uh started just chanting wank fucking wanker at me and all the different versions of wanker at me um and my train i had like fucking 10 minutes to wait to find out where my platform was so i just stood there with a whole fucking balcony you know of lads who were clearly on it you know it was like three four o'clock in the afternoon. Just shouting fucking,

I can't even remember the sort of chant they were saying, but pointing, clearly pointing at me. Yeah. What did you do? Did you sort of laugh along and wave and that?

Yeah, for a bit. And then I just sort of stood there, like just sort of pretending that it wasn't happening with sort of people walking past, looking at the people chanting wanker,

looking where they're pointing and clearly clocking it was me and going oh yeah no that seems fair but it's a horrible feeling well now that we've got my self esteem and dignity right down to rock bottom let's hand out some advice

today something is coming kong godzilla they can feel it fight together and teaming up or face extinction godzilla kong the new empire now playing only in theaters in today's economy saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Promo code searching. It takes skill. Speed. Sweat. Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet, and streaming bundle.

With the HappyStack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo Internet, a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney+, and Amazon Prime, all starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at CUDO. Conditions apply. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that...

Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. you ready Tom boy yeah let's do it boy okay this is from

Eileen and it says dear girlfriend Swan Wolf and Al can I firstly thank you for producing such an uplifting podcast when we needed it most And it says, Dear girlfriend Swam, Wolf and Al, can I firstly thank you for producing such an uplifting podcast when we needed it most?

But in my case, at least, it's a broadcast that has crossed the generations. I've so enjoyed post-pod analysis, mostly including laughter, with my 25-year-old son, Elliot, become a bonding experience for us over lockdown while not being able to see each other in person for months on end. Sad face.

There's a lot of emojis in this, by the way. I like emojis. Do you want me to include them in the video? Yeah, I think if Elaine's taking the time to do that. Eileen, sorry. Okay, yeah. It has become a bonding experience for us over lockdown with that whilst not being able to see each other in person for months on end.

Sad cry face. I would also like to take this opportunity to embarrass young Elliot Rose, smiley face, by bringing up the subject of lost or destroyed mobile phones. I've literally lost the count of the number of said devices which this young man has gone through, culminating last week in him dropping his latest means of communication into the River

Seven, boat emoji, whilst canoeing with his lovely girlfriend Rachel and his old college mates. Can I ask you how many times you've either lost or destroyed your mobile phone? I'm thinking of doing a survey. I hate to generalise, but it seemed to be more of a young male trait than of the opposite sex, but I'm open to be convinced otherwise.

Also, Rom, I think you were hugely restrained, given that England football thug what for on the show after the horrible provocative behaviour he put you through. Makes my blood boil. I also hope you didn't mar your evening too much. It really wasn't worth it. Poo emoji. Many thanks again. Eileen. I've got to say,. Poo emoji. Many thanks again,

Eileen. I've got to say, I love Eileen. I love the thought of her family, the way she talks. I love Elliot, Rachel. What a great group of people, man. Really. Just a credit to them. Yes, really great. Thank you so much for

talking about that guy coming on the game. What we've established, actually, Arlene, you weren't to know, but what we've established is I'm actually terrible in situations like that. So that's probably why I behaved in the way that I did. Tom. Yo. How many mobile phones do you go through, bro? You know, I'm very, very, very, very, very safe with a mobile phone.

I keep it. I constantly, this is the first time I've not had very, very safe with a mobile phone. I keep it. I constantly... This is the first time we've not had a cover on it for a long time. I mean, at the moment, I'm still... What an incredible thing to sound braggy about. The way that you talked about not breaking your mobile phone was like somebody talking about being proud about the donations they make to charity.

No, it's uh i made a conscious decision when i was quite late getting a phone like you know in the mix everyone else sort of seemed to have them when i got one and very very late to getting an iphone like i was on the last week actually i was on i was on blackberry i don't even have a blackberry i generally had like a shitty old like fucking like nokia and whatever and yeah i was quite happy with that it was only yeah yeah there were happier times in some ways um but yeah in answer to your question you know what i man i keep it safe i you know i keep it high i wrap it in cotton wool literally sometimes so you know literally we're not literally literally means yeah yeah well not literally I wrap it in cotton wool literally sometimes. Literally? Well, not literally. You know what literally means?

Yeah, well, not literally, but like a nice case for it. At the moment, the case, though, is making the ghost screen worse. So... Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, you know, mobile phones, young lads. I would say that probably when I was young, Eddie at Sage, I would have been going through mobile phones.

Mobile phones, young lads, two would say that probably when I was young Elliot's age, I would have been going through mobile phones. Mobile phones, young lads, two of my favourite things. I actually, I've broken quite a few phones. Really? And I try and be careful, I do try and be careful with them, but I have broken them. I really resent the fact that you have to put a case

on a phone. It really pisses me off. And I always have a case on my phone. But when you look at, like, an iPhone, I'm not being sponsored by Apple or anything, not that they need any endorsement from us. An iPhone is a thing of beauty. An iPhone on its own is such a beautiful piece of kit. And then you have to put this horrible fucking thing on it.

They're never as nice when you put the case on. But you have to put this horrible fucking thing on it. They're never as nice when you put the case on. But you have to put a case on. Why are you making a thing that costs like two grand, right, and I have to put like an exoskeleton on it for it to be usable? Yeah. It's a piss tape. It's a fucking piss tape. You know what it is, mate?

It's a cottage industry. What does that mean? Sorry. I'll better explain. So Apple have got together with when you when you say i better explain who are you talking to you like because right what you've got basically is that apple right and this this happens in a lot of different uh like markets and a lot of different like portfolios right so yeah apple have basically turned around and said how can we make f like

so imagine the person who runs our runs apple is called simon right simon's got a cousin called martin right he basically turns around says look if we make these phones but they're amazing but they break really easily martin's got himself a little like hardware company that can make cases so we won't make that basically martin you can have the contract for making the cases so martin then starts making the cases like you know it's you're saying you're saying that apple the the people that work in apple have got a cousin at the phone case was that what you're saying yeah basically that's what because because as you as you've been talking, I've looked up cottage industry. Definition of a cottage industry

is a manufacturing activity operated at home. A usually small-scale industry carried on at home by family members using their own equipment. Well, yeah, I thought cottage industry

was different from that. I know it's quite clear what you thought cottage industry was. Yeah, right. I suppose what I'm talking about is what's good for thought cottage industry was. Yeah, right. I suppose what I'm talking about is what's good for the goose is good for the gander, right? Okay, here we go.

He's fucked up one. He's fucked up one, so... So let's have a go at another one. Yeah, it's like the goose is the person who's got Apple and the gander is the one who's got the case... The case place. And he's just basically like, Apple, and the gander is the one who's got the case place. And he's just basically

like, oh, you know, I've got your back on this one. I don't think you've used that correctly either. You know what I'm saying, right? Yeah, I knew what you were saying before you started on this fucking journey. Let me tell you something, this is how you can express it. Well, you know, I think they're working

in collusion with each other. It's like, you know, trying to get as much money out of them as they can. I probably was over-explaining. Instead of what happened is you went, it's a cottage industry. And I went, what do you mean by that? And you went, oh, okay. Looks like I'll have to explain. And then you said something completely fucking incorrect.

Right, listen. What I'm saying to my sweet sweet listeners out there y'all is sometimes the game is rigged don't fucking throw the dice all the time okay fine fine um i'll tell you what my problem is is headphones oh mate i spend a lot of money on headphones and earphones and I have different headphones for different situations and I lose, break destroy I can't I don't even want to think about how much money

in total I've spent on headphones I think, I mean, the AirPods themselves are one of the worst things ever invented they're so easily losable something so I mean, the AirPods themselves are one of the worst things ever invented. They're so easily losable. Something so small and losable to be that expensive is heartbreaking. And also, I think they should be fitted with a little buzzer that when you lose them, you can press on your phone

and a little alarm goes off. Well, you can get those. What, on the individual pods? No, not on the AirPods, but you know they've got these little tile things? Yeah, no, they're great for wallets, but you've got more chance of finding your wallet. Your wallet is about this big, yeah?

Right? Yeah. AirPods. Can you just put your hand up to the camera again so everyone knows what you're on about? Right. The wallet is like literally, say, a fist big, right? An AirPod is a fingernail big. An AirPod is... Oh, say a hand, a fist big, right? An AirPod is a fingernail big.

An AirPod is, oh, an AirPod, I find. Yeah, right. So what chance, you tell me, Professor, Professor Searcher, what is easier to find out those two things? Well, I mean, what I would say to you is it's an incredibly convoluted way of saying that smaller things are easier to lose. I mean, you really fucking went round the houses about that point. But you know what I mean, right? Yeah.

Yeah. I do know what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what you mean. This is Yeah, I don't know what you mean. This is an interesting one, actually. I'll end on this. I've got like four pairs of AirPods where I've only got the left ear.

Oh, man. The right ear. Four pairs? Yeah. So I've gone through two and I felt bad, but you've gone through four. Four pairs, yeah. And actually, let me just say,

by saying some Galaxy ones, I've still got both. There you go. That's good news. So there you go. too and I felt bad but you've gone through four and actually let me just say my Samsung Galaxy ones I've still got both there you go that's good news so there you go thank you so much for getting in touch

Eileen it's Elliot's 25th birthday when? it doesn't say exactly when but it's around now

so Elliot happy birthday play this back mate on your birthday but happy birthday mate

welcome to the 25 club bro you're going to do birthday, mate. Welcome to the 25 Club, bro. You're going to do amazing things this year. Welcome to the 25 Club. So the 43-year-old man. 40? No, but me and you, we're in all of those clubs still. You haven't got to be the age.

You've only got to come through the age. Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll tell you what. Why don't you head on down to an actual club that's full of 25-year-olds? See how you're treated. I would love to do that. When clubs open, me and you should just do that one night.

Oh, mate, I'd love that. That would be fun. Shall we go to a club? Yeah, let's go to a club. Speaking of clubs, can I just say, Tom and I are sorting this out privately because it's we go to a club let's go to a club speaking of clubs can I just say Tom and I are sorting this out privately because it's not interesting

to talk about on the podcast but thank you to all the golf clubs that have got in touch with us about playing down there we are going to hit a few of you up so thanks very much

for that you digs next email hi this is from Nick from Russia what is he spelt

sorry is he spelt the Russian way N-I-K no N-I-C um this is a very short podcast

short email hi probably the best animal pack I ever knew Nick here with just Nick here I love that

like we know him Nick here with just a quick suggestion how about for maybe one ep in a month or so, Wolf and Al switch roles. Wolf will read emails and Al will take us out and give speech at the end. Might be fun to listen to.

Much love, cheers from Russia. What do you think about that? Do you want to do that? Yeah, I'll do it in a month. Yeah, probably give it a month to do that. Yeah. Let me tell you something, Nick from Russia. That is Tom's way of saying

that's never going to fucking happen. I don't mind doing the emails if I'll collaborate with the Swan. I don't want to do the thought that I don't want to do that. I can't do that. I haven't got that in my locker. That is something that you're very good at. You are good at reading though.

Thank you so much for paying a compliment back with a light compliment. A light compliment? Oh God. You've got a nice reading style. I'd say... Really? It was about two weeks ago that you told me that I needed to give it something or whatever. Yeah, but that's when you weren't... Now you're giving it, fucking...

Every email feels like you're giving it, and you're so invested. I actually think you could do those sort of books, like self-help books and stuff, and read those out. Well, that's very kind of you to say. And by say, I mean piss-takingly, sarcastically fucking drop.

Do you know who's really good at reading emails? Simon Mayo. I mean, I know he's been doing it for years and years and years. Yeah, but that's like saying that fucking, I don't know, that fucking Bradley Wiggins is good at riding bikes. That's what his job is. Of course he is. His job is...

That's not his job. That's part of his job. Mate. That's like saying your job is microphone switcher-on-er. Right, mate. Look, I'm going to say now, man, if you were putting a spaceship together of people who are good at stuff

and you wanted to go to space, right? And there were like different people and you go, alright, well, we'll take a good footballer, so we'll take David Beckham or we'll take a good... We'll take one good footballer to go into space. And then you take LeBron James. And hopefully we'll find like sort of ten aliens

that sort of know the game and will it inform a team. No, but you take like a basketball player, footballer, and then they can all teach each other stuff, right? On the spaceship. Okay. So what, the main aim of leaving this planet

is to, what, spread recreational sports across the galaxy? Mate, it's what... What the fuck? Mate, I tell you what, that is a groundbreaking thing, watching people play sport.

You could go anywhere and, like, you know, the aliens will be like, you know, none of us will speak the same way. The aliens got their language we've got ours they've got all that stuff and then all of a sudden david beckham comes off and you've got all these learned people who are like oh my god what do we do how do we converse with these aliens like and everyone's

it's a bit of a standoff and david beckham comes out with a football starts doing some kick-ups and all of a sudden the aliens are transfixed. And one of the aliens stepped forward, who's like a sportsman and plays their version of football, and reaches out. And David Beckham's nervous at first and a bit standoffish. And then he just points at the ball and goes, gang, gang. And then David Beckham just rolls him the ball

and then teaches him how to do kick-ups. And an alliance is made. It sounds like the alien said the same word four times there but yeah but he was what was that what was it what was the translation what is this how do i how do i do this thing of beauty yeah okay no but what so my point here with though is right if though you're then like on this spaceship and you're getting this group together and someone goes oh oh, you know what would be nice is if we have someone to read our emails

so people haven't got to read them themselves. Who should we take? I guarantee LeBron James, David Beckham, Gordon Ramsay, Zefla Cookin. What a tragic Noah's Ark

you're putting together here, by the way. Payment to a man and say, for email reading out, definitely get Simon Mayo. I don't know whether you're

fucking populating a spaceship or casting an ITV2 show. Fucking mental. Yeah, but Simon Mayo would definitely, well,

even if I was there, me and you were there, I'd say, you know, we should get, and I wouldn't even mean this against there, me and you were there, I'd say, you know what we should get? And I wouldn't even mean this against you to upset you. I'd turn around and say, I think get Simon Mayo instead of Rom to read out the emails.

So you'd have me jettisoned from the spaceship? No, you'd still be there, like for stuff. Doing what? Well, probably me and you would just be podcasting the whole thing. If I was, let me tell you something, honestly, if I was chosen to be on a spaceship of survivors from this planet i would say there are better people i would actually make there would be professors and scientists as well but i don't know their name as well professors and scientists just

wandering around with lebron james gordon ramsey david beckham and you and me for some reason because and simon mayo oh no there'll be people. Nigella Lawson might even be there, I don't know. Oh, right. Oh, Nigella, say microwave again, how you say it, proper follow.

Everyone listen to this, I think the aliens will be You know who I think would be amazing on that? She's Sue Perkins. But then I think

Sue Perkins would probably be better at reading the emails than Simon Mayo, but that'll be it. Why do you think Sue Perkins would

be amazing on that? Nothing against Sue Perkins. I think she'd be a laugh, Sue. She's good. She's actually very, knows a lot of stuff. She's very clever.

Like, I've chatted to her about loads of different stuff. I'd love to be the fly on the wall for you, fucking. I mean, she's very talented.

I think Sue Perkins would be really good on there. She actually would. It's just your go-to, your go-to things are so weird. I'm just trying to figure it out. You know who else would be good of the whole planet? Because she's quite a laugh, is Sue Perkins. Right.

Kim Kardashian would be good because she could document the whole thing. You know that Kim Kardashian's not filming all that? Well, she films it. What do you mean document? Sorry, you're talking about Kim Kardashian like she's fucking Louis Theroux. Well, no, she does everything, mate. If I was going to say,

oh, who's the best person to document it for everyone back home, it's like we'd be all sitting around having dinner or whatever, and Simon Mayer's just finished reading out the emails, and then Kim Kardashian's like, oh, I'm going to do a little video of us all.

That would be how that'll be how that goes. Jesus Christ. Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them. Three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. This episode is brought to you by Secret.

Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't find secret at your nearest walmart or shoppers drug mart today okay um have we have we answered that question i can't even remember the question wasn't it what the hell was the question oh yeah it was about us changing roles oh that's right okay

yeah but emails anyway the point I was trying to make, so basically what happened was, just to recap, I said that Simon May is good at reading emails and then I lost 10 minutes of my life. So, next email. Wolf, Owl and Swan. Salutations from the tapir.

From the what? This is what, the tapir. What is a tapir? Oh, it's a fish, I think. Is it? Yeah, have a look. Do you know that? I think it is, yeah. Let's have a look. Tapir. From the what? The tapir. What is a tapir? Oh, it's a fish, I think. Is it? Yeah, have a look. Do you know that? I think it is. Let's have a look. Tapir is a herbivorous mammal

similar to a pig with a short prehensile nose trunk. Wow. Why did you say it was a fish? I was thinking of tapir, which is a white fish that's similar to cod in texture. No, I know what a tapir is. Because it sounded sort of similar,

you thought that must be a fish. I made a mistake with the way they'd spell it. You pronounced it differently. Oh, well, actually, do you know what? That's actually quite sweet of you. Yeah. Because you've not called me out on my pronunciation. You've not called the tapir out on getting the name wrong.

You're a sweet, sweet soul. That was a sweet moment. Read on. Are you ready for called the the tapir out on getting the name you're a sweet you're a sweet sweet moment read on okay you ready for the read on my darling um covid has been tough on us all before i start on my rant i'd just like to say a big thank you for entertaining us while also reminding us of the importance of friendship here's the rant i'm 29 living in beautiful sheffield i moved into a new place last year as the restrictions were relaxing i'd been living with mum and dad for a while but since I work in hospitality I wanted to ensure their safety by moving somewhere new ensuring I couldn't spread the bug to my loved ones. This living situation isn't that great though. I wouldn't describe my current housemates as necessarily bad people but

the truth is they live like absolute swines. Incredibly messy, frustratingly bad at tidying up after themselves and prone to monging out rather than keeping the house to a livable standard of course i'm the one that resorts to leading cleaning the bathroom floor kitchen surfaces etc they'll often be found sat on the sofa headphones on watching fucking tiktok or something also these guys are in a relationship so i find it hard to say anything without one of them coming to the other's rescue so to speak one dark day in december they shattered my treasured camembert dish I wasn't that bothered at the time but I haven't been I've been since been absolutely gutted that I lost something I got a lot of joy out of I do like a good baked camembert I've looked online and managed to find

something similar but nothing that comes close to the original the first cut is really the deepest I suppose my question to you both is what sort of living situations have you been in before fucking hell that's a really open question off this very specific story. Have they been good or bad? And do you find my housemates inconsiderate, or am I blowing this out of proportion? I've lived with a lot of different people in my life, and to be honest, these guys are taking the piss.

I'm thinking about making them pay for my new dish, but then again, maybe not. Can't wait to get out of this cesspit. Love and respect, the tapir. P.S., what are your thoughts on a baked camembert? They tend to go well with a pint, hint, hint, wolf. And owl, I guess. Well, number one, you'd never have a camembert, would you?

Because you're a vegan. No, I wouldn't. I absolutely wouldn't. Let me say, I'll deal with that first. I love a baked camembert. A little sprig of rosemary, a little bit of garlic, and some olive oil in the mix. And then just

get yourself uh the you know softest inside crispiest outside bread you possibly can get and just get stuck in um and that is yeah that's the thing of beauty my friend uh so uh can i ask you a question on that based on sort of seeing people eat camembert yeah um what consistency is that cheese supposed to be because i've seen it sort of like gooey and melty and i've also seen it kind of runny like a yellow it should be no it should be snotty it should be a nice goo it should still have some substance to it um yeah i'd say it's more of like a hay fever runny nose than a cold, you know, like a winter cold. So it's a sort of thicker snot.

Thicker viscous snot is what you're looking for in a camembert. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So what do you think about this tapir camembert dish? Well, number one, I think, you know, one of the hardest things I ever did was lived with a couple. I actually got into the worst.

I was going to share a house with these two people. We put down the deposit. We all sort of moved in. And then within about a week and a half, they'd become a couple. And I was sort of a third wheel. It was pretty difficult. So they went out and did their shopping together. I was, you know, ostracized in that group.

I had to sort of like, you know, yeah was it was a pretty tough time in my life they commandeered that sort of living room to watch their programs you know downstairs whatever right yeah all right so i feel your pain uh my friend i really feel your pain did you did you move in with a couple or did they become a couple literally in a week and a half. I think they were probably sort of like, you know, bumping uglies before we'd moved in. Right. But they didn't tell me and then just, yeah, progressed to sort of, yeah. And actually, you know, to their credit, I think they might still be together.

I'm not sure. Okay. And it was actually, it was bad when they were being lovey-dovey with each other, but when they had an argument, then you get dragged into the whole thing of taking one of their sides, which is the worst possible thing because, you know. This is a bit of advice for anyone out there, right? If you are friends with a couple and they have an argument,

don't slag off either of them. Oh, Tom, I was literally just about to say this. I had a couple of friends i was friends with a couple at uni that they split up the girl came around to to sort of open her heart to the the girl i was seeing at the time and i said oh i didn't you know i sort of weighed in yeah and sort of said what i thought about him then they got back together and then he demanded a one-to-one chat with me to have it out with me about the stuff I'd said to her while they'd split up. Yeah, I've been there.

Awful. Absolutely dreadful. You know the fucking sad thing? I've been there on countless occasions. Because I have a need to make people try. Like, I want to make people feel better. And I want, you know, so I will try to say, oh, actually, you know what? Da-da-da.

You know, I actually think he was a fucking bit of a leech or he was a bit of a loser or he was like, I noticed you always used to pay for stuff in the restaurant. Whatever. He was a bit of a fucking, you know. And then they always, without a doubt, get back together. And my head would just be like, you know, fucking hell. And also, do you know how many situations I was in

where it was like a friend of mine who was a girl who would come and seek solace by asking me what I thought you know and it was usually then be they'd get back together with the guy and I knew that the guy had turned around and gone why have you gone to that fucking loser he's never even had a girlfriend he's like a big sister so and then you know we're coming to you come and look the camembert dish is obviously a sacred very sweet thing for you it meant a lot to you i will say that if it broke in december we're you know we're now in july it's it's a it's it's a real tough tough tough tough thing now to ask for money for that you know i think the fact is that and what is a camembert dish

is there a specific dish well you can man if you if you really i i don't is a camembert dish? Is there a specific dish for camemberts? Well, you can, man. I don't have a camembert dish. I've never jumped into that stream. But, yeah, if you're a dedicated cooker of the old camembert, yeah, you'll probably have, I'd imagine, quite a fancy dish, probably quite French-looking, Gaelic sort of vibe to it, probably some sort of like Gillam, sort of Gingham. Sorry, like sort of print, I'd imagine.

That would be what a nice Camembert dish would look like, in my mind anyway. Maybe the name of a French city on it. Okay, all right. As fun as it is to listen to you speculate about a dish you've never seen, what's your advice for the tapper? I'd say that you buy another one but keep it somewhere really safe um don't get into pay for it

but like keep it under your bed or like in a special drawer or something so no one else can get their hands on it yeah that's great advice if you've if you've got if you've broken something and that's good advice generally from tom there. If you have broken something and you'd like something like that again, have a think about maybe replacing it. Tap it. I hope that sorts your problem out. I think do you find my housemates

inconsiderate or am I blowing this out of proportion? To answer that question, it's very difficult for us to tell. We've only heard your kind of side of the story. I think probably it's a bit of both. Do you know what I mean? I think that, you know, people, living with people is challenging. So, you know, try and have a bit of understanding and maybe encourage them to have a bit of understanding from your end.

And good luck finding another come and go. Thank you for having your parents' well-being in such a sort of sweet way that I thought that was pretty incredible. Yeah,

that is lovely. Yeah, let us know what hotel you work in or what pub you work in and we can

cruise down when me and Ron were on the road we could cruise down and it would be great to break

bread and slop that into a bit of camera bear and Ron can have some falafel or something and we can all chat bread and falafel jesus okay uh let's do one more my g uh this is from neve uh hey swan oh it's just two hot swan i need your help please uh it's my long-suffering boyfriend's birthday on the first oh shit on the

first of july today that's today and i don't want to get someone who hates birthdays but loves the podcast and potentially seriously fancies rom and tom probably to the point he'd try and bum them both if he had the chance he puts the podcast on when we get into bed so it feels like rom and tom are in bed there with us which is weird he's a huge fan of them both and we're supposed to be seeing romesh on his tour in york um please could romesh and tom give my boyfriend a birthday message of some kind where there's a quick video message telling him he's weird or something or shout out on the podcast as he loves them both so much. And since he has to part with me, the least I can do is give him this

gift that would mean the world. My boyfriend's name is Dougie, real name Matthew, because he had that short answer Dougie. And he's a musician and gamer who loves Leeds United. Sorry, Rob. Also sorry, Tom. And he'll be turning 26 and his life will practically be over soon.

So please help me out. Thanks again, Niamh. You know, I really have a lot of time for Niamh. She seems like, yeah. Why? Just a good way of writing.

Very. Yeah. It's a nice email, that one. What was the bit that you thought was sweetest? The bit where... I think that she cares for Dougie. She says it's weird that he listens to the podcast

or the bit where she said that he'd probably try and bum us both if she's got a nice turn of phrase because in all of this this is the difference between me and you right you read those things i listen to those things but actually what i hear in my heart is the fact is that she's really reaching out because she wants a nice thing for her boyfriend right i don't know i don't know how you managed to glean that from her saying that openly repeatedly throughout the email you really are a wizard right listen don't fucking take the main message of the email pretend that's you reading between the lines that is what it says behaving like you're sherlock i'm sort of getting a vibe from this that you know

she wants to do something nice for her boyfriend and he likes the podcast oh well done yo dougie matthew um i don't know how you even got to the name of tuggy but mate i'd love to hear that story especially over a cold brewski bro listen this is coming at your day late because of when this podcast comes out. But I wanted to say to you, you're not weird. You are a legend, my friend. I want you to look up tonight before you go to sleep and imagine that an owl flies above you. And you see him and the owl looks down and smiles and says you know enjoy your slumber friend

and then you sort of roll onto your side and there's a wolf standing alongside you and the wolf just lets out a big howl and it's strong and you know that you'll be safe in your slumber because the wolf is there watching over you um my friend, happy birthday. And I mean that from the bottom of my silly old heart. Yeah, Dougie, happy birthday, mate. I hope you have a good one. Oh, God. Right then.

The next time you hear from us, England will either be through to the semifinals of the Euros. No, England will be through to the semifinals of the Euros? No. England will be through to the semifinals of the Euros. There's no doubt in my mind. England will either be through to the semis of the Euros or they'll be through to the semifinals of the Euros. We are not allowing or permitting any other outcome to be even thought about. I want you all to, at Wolf and Al Pod, at Rom, at me,

with where you're watching the game, how excited you are, hit us up on Instagram. Because we need to push our Instagram game, bro. We're both. I know. Look, guys, we don't know how. We're no good at promoting this podcast. Yeah.

All right. And we try. We talk about it every week. And we don't even post when the episodes are out. Tom's better than me i'm more it's just marginally better we we hate that side of things and and we have to be better at it because what's the point doing a podcast if you're not telling people by the way shout out to the people who send the pictures that they they they collaborate yeah thank you i love those yeah um

right sorry ron just quick prediction What do you think for the game? Well, I watched the Sweden-Ukraine game after the England game. And I'd like to say that I don't think we've got loads to fear. I'm going to go 2-1 England. Mate, I think this will be our Holland of 96. I think it will be 4-0 England. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Okay. okay well we'll see young tommy yeah which one of us is correct yeah probably neither when we see you again on this little old podcast that we call the wolf and the owl you got this Take it to the max. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all,

please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.