Wolf and Owl - Bonus Email Episode #22

Episode Date: September 24, 2021

The Wolf & Owl Bonus Episode is back! In this week's show, we tackle... a query on real friendships, updates on the meat drought and DOMS awareness, collecting dead dogs' teeth, getting on well with kids, a new pair of kittens and a disappointing experience losing your virginity. Thanks for all your messages - keep them coming at [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We are all connected. Discover Echo from Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. Echo. Thanks for presenting Partners Sun Life. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... and it felt a little like...

Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. It's Tim's 60th anniversary and Roll Up to Win is back. Roll your way into prizes like coffee, donuts, and even $60 Tim's gift cards. Play now on the Tim's app. Rules apply, Canada only, no purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. Yeah. Yeah, what you want? Beak feathers or fur sharp teeth or feet with claws whatever's

preferred they'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves then podcast the body parts get severed and served bring your weak shit wear the wolf and owler that ain't just a mistake that's an awful howler both of them are known to pull up at your shows have the crowd witnessing the murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows. Fuck the censorship. Let them see the whole thing. They stay dressed to kill. Never sheep's clothing.

Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon. You'll see nothing. All you hear is a huff, a puff and a... Expect killings. Red spilling and flesh ripping. Impressive in it. The death bringing, it's head spinning. Just kidding.

Every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Guys, have we got some exciting news for you. Bonus episode, baby. Oh, yeah. When Rob and Tom get together, they're not people anymore. They're animals by the name of the wolf and the owl. Oh, I love that. I love when you do that voice. You look so, like, nice just lying there,

just glazed in your own sweat. Yeah, I've just been for a run, guys. Just been for a run. A proper run as well, because, like, you've got, like, sort of 90s film sweat. Like, the way that you're feeling, the sweat is, like, sort of on your T-shirt is, like, exactly how it would fall in Teen Wolf or something.

I wish I could tell you it was through exertion. It's just heat. Is it that hot down where you are? It's quite warm. I also have discovered that I run slower than anyone else that runs in Crawley, it seems. I just get, the number of times I get overtaken. What, man, like lapped? Not lapped.

No, I just run around the neighbourhood, around Maidenbow. Let me make you feel better about yourself. Okay, go on. In the running world, right, you've got to think about it like being in a prison, right? You're not the toughest, but you're probably one of the most recognisable people on A-Wing, right? So when other people see you, like, sort of jogging,

running down the road, and they see you, they're like, I'm going to fucking show him, I'm going to overtake him. So they probably exert themselves that little bit harder just to whiz past you and they see you, they're like, I'm going to fucking show him, I'm going to overtake him. So they probably exert themselves that little bit harder just to whiz past you. And actually, so in a way, not only are you getting fit yourself, but you're actually getting other people's heart rates up to whiz past you.

I wish I could believe that's what the thought process is. What I suspect the thought process actually is, is that somebody runs up behind me and they think, oh my god if i can't make it past that fucking slug i might as well give up do you know sometimes i don't even think they are even trying to overtake me i just think naturally sometimes i'm going to be honest with you i sometimes think to myself i don't know if this is faster than walking what i'm doing

mate i say that all the time that's probably one of the things when people say about quotable tom davis things yeah one thing i've said quite a lot is that when you watch certain people mate I say that all the time that's probably one of the things when people say about quoted Tom Davis things yeah one thing I've said quite a lot is that when you watch certain people running I'm like you might as well walk mate

is that your little line is that yeah yeah not quite as supportive when you're off the podcast are you my wolf no no I don't say it

you know because if somebody if somebody wrote in if somebody emailed in and said dear wolf for now a little bit of an embarrassing thing. I've started running and I'm running at quite a slow pace

and I find it a little bit embarrassing. I kind of feel a bit self-conscious. You'd go, well, first of all, let me say this. You are one of the greatest human beings that's ever emailed into the podcast. I'm going to tell you this. You running is one of the most incredible achievements that anyone

in the human race has ever strived to excel themselves to do. So do not let these doubters knock you back, okay? You run, you run, and I'm going to say what I always say on these things, you do you. And then you sit back and eat a protein bar or something and wait for me to

give my advice. Right, look, listen. Little Rummy Clown, right? Listen to me, right? The reason I say this about running, and this is genuine, right, is running can be very, very bad for you if you're not doing it properly. Really bad for your joints, your knee,

your hips, your ankles, your calves. I get it get it i get it you don't have to name everything your legs basically right yeah so it could be very bad for you mate if you're not doing it properly actually walking at a fast pace is proven through science to be better for you so if you but what you what you you've fallen into the trap of doing and i don't want to dig you out here because i love you but you basically want to be going around all your sort of like members clubs and all your fucking you know your cool people that you look around with and turn around and go oh yeah it went for a run this morning really knocked me pipe out right instead of going i went for a really sensible fast walk you want to be known as

rom the runner first of all first of Rom the Runner. First of all, I'm not a member of any members' clubs and if any of the two of us are a little sucking on that fucking membership dick, it's you. Alright? Secondly, the idea that if I was a member of one of those clubs, I'd start talking about what fucking exercise I'd done that day.

Such a damning indictment of what I bring to a conversation. Is it one turn up? Oh, fucking hell. Yeah. Been on a little run. Yeah.

Having said that, that is what I started the podcast with. You started the podcast with it and you started that conversation this morning with it. So do I think that in a, in a scenario where you walk in tonight, you know, I don't know, like the cool lounge or wherever you're like a member of, you go walk it in and you're like,

right, open gambit. You went for a run this morning. Oh, fucking hell. Sorry, Sue, love. Can I get a flat white with oat milk? And saying it's good for aching limbs after my big run. And then you bowl in. You go, hello.

Fucking, I haven't eaten for ages. Jesus Christ. Fucking catering is a nightmare. Oh, my God. How are you supposed to get a day's work done? I've not fucking had anything decent for the last couple of hours. Do you feel any aches and pains after your run? No, but I actually...

So, I was quite rude to you just just then i would say that i was a bit disparaging of your advice but i do actually agree with you one of the things that i was sort of worried about when i started running um i'm talking like i've got some sort of running career under my belt i haven't at all but what but one of the things i was worried about is loads of runners well i don't know if it's a myth or not but runners seem to have shit knees don't know if it's a myth or not, but runners seem to have shit knees, don't they? They all seem to have like... Yeah. So anyway, I looked into it, and I basically have had to... This is so boring. I'm actually boring myself.

I can't even bother to finish this. No, come on, tell us all. Tell us all. That's why we're here. We're a support network. I researched what kind of running technique you've got to have to not injure knees. Did you practice in the living room?

You did, didn't you? Do you know, I really thought about lying to you to save my own sort of dignity there, but no, I did practice in the living room. What, like little sprints or like slow? No, not sprints, but just sort of, you've got to have your knees straight and you can't, you don't want to hit heel first and all that shit.

Yeah, you've got to hit toe first, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had to sort of practice that bit. And I bought some, like, ridiculous expensive running shoes that are supposed to stop you injuring yourself. Am I a mug? Look, look, I love you with all my heart. You have to be fucking very careful, man.

Because the thing is, right, once you get into the running world, it's a bit like a cult, right? And you will... How is it a cult? I'm not talking to anybody or engaging or socialising anybody about this. You've brought new trainers, you're going online to find out how to do it properly,

even though it's actually in your psyche to do it properly. Right? Tell you what, right? Me and you are out in the woods. A massive bear comes towards us, right? And I'm like, run. And you're going to go, oh, God, I forgot how to run. Where's my YouTube clip?

Your instinct will fucking let you run. Yeah, but I don't intend to be running from the bear long enough for it to jeopardize my joints. I'm just going to sprint away from a fucking bear. I'm not worried about my technique then. My only technique, if we're sprinting away from a bear, is being faster than you. Which we both know that you're not.

Well, that's the impression that you're under. Yeah, but... Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Within 15 seconds, the bear would be chowing down on a big hunk of wolf because I'd be fucking out of there. Mate, I still know, and every listener of this podcast knows, you chickened out, you blocked out, mate, of the big race.

So it's still there, baby, when you want it. I didn't chicken out the race. It just wasn't convenient for us to race. And you started making it a big thing, talking about it on socials and shit like that, walking around King Gary just going, oh, yeah, have you heard what's going on tomorrow? Yeah, listen, we're going to have to push back that soon

because Rom and I are having a massive fucking race. So we're doing all that. This is the thing that you don't get. And obviously we talked about some of my sporting endeavors on here before, right? Like the cycle and the lake. I think probably about 90% of sport is mental endurance and like me getting inside your brain.

What's the point you're trying to make here? Well, because I actually think it could be quite a close race. But you didn't know I thought that. You thought I definitely thought I'd win, didn't you? I don't know what you think. It's impossible to know. But I do feel like you're sort of fucking with me a bit now.

I do feel slightly out of my league. I've got to be honest. Look, I'd like to go for a run with you but a friendly run like that would be one of my dreams a couple of a couple of people i know have said that i've gone do you want to go on a jog together be careful on that why why what do you mean don't go with it i think me and you're probably gonna be about similar sort of standard of running yeah okay so this is what i'm worried about yeah i don't want to agree to go on a run with somebody and then they'd gamble off and then they're just constantly having to come back and go then hear them going oh this isn't this probably wasn't a good idea actually i sort of i sort of thought we'd be at similar pace but if you're going to be going like this the whole time then

it's not really worth my while or whatever i don't want to deal with that shit that happened with me when i went swimming with a friend and i'd scarcely have ever been back in a pool since like seriously swimming in a pool okay i can I just ask you something any of the things that you say in this podcast true yeah it's true okay but a few weeks ago you when I was on a holiday you're talking about how as soon as you get near a swimming pool you jump in yeah you want to show off to whatever girl you live you also told me that if we were aquatic animals that you'd be fucking king of the castle you told me that you believe you believe that you belong in the water so what are you telling me now who did you get in the pool with aquaman

what happened listen i still love the pool if me and you were on holiday i'd race you to the pool and jump in it and i'd fucking probably spend the whole day just larking about and swimming underwater and I love that. What I mean is I went swimming with someone in the way that you're talking about running where it's like, you know, we'll swim together, hit a bit of front crawl, breast stroke, have a conversation and I just couldn't keep up and it was really

put a blight on what I thought of my swimming technique. Do you know what the biggest problem with that is? Is that either of you thought that was a good idea. I mean, the idea that you want to socially swim with a mate, fucking, I can't imagine what set of circumstances would lead you to think that's a good idea. Oh, yeah, I'm really enjoying having a drink with you.

Maybe we should do this in the pool. But there's a club, a swimming club. So that's what people do. They'll get to go out and swim. Yeah. Look, that's again why golf is amazing. Yeah. Because different levels you can play, but you can still win.

Yeah. I'm still yet to achieve a level of golf. Do you know what? I've been playing golf for, what, four months, and I've still not been on a golf course. What? Are you still practicing a lot? I just go to the driving range hit a few balls come back and go maybe next time i'll go out on the

course i i think this is starting to feel like losing my virginity are you are you uh how many how often have you been at the driving range i haven't been at all because i went on holiday i mean since i've been back i've been working so but i'm looking to go next week but again look i'm back to square one now i don't do it regularly enough so but you can train in the house mate you can do it like with like number one get a little matt right um by that i don't mean like a little bloke called matt oh my god i can. Do you know what? Oh, my God. Thank you for that little time-travelling journey back to junglers in 1986. It's not that I find it so funny.

When we were growing up, we used to have a mate called Matt, and he was quite small, and he used to sneak into people's gardens and nick their underwear off the washing line and his nickname was the underpants man. And I don't know why, I just thought of him just when he said that. Why were you hanging out with a bloke

that stole underwear from people's gardens? He was in the circle of friends I was in. If a friend of mine said, oh, I've been nicking underwear from people's gardens, I i would say i don't think i want to hang out with you i mean and if he asked why i'd say because i think you're you're flirting with the edges of being a sex offender someone's name sure he'd do it and that's why we all found out someone's's nan. Someone's nan. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So was he nicking nan's underwear? He'd be like loads of different...

He didn't like... He'd nick lots of underwear. I think it was more like the adrenaline of running off, he said. Which, again, I suppose you'd sort of understand it that way. Right? Because there's a fellow runner. He used to like the adrenaline of being chased with a claw full of underwear.

That was his thing. Oh my God. Okay. Alright. Well, that's one person I'm glad you've named. Matt, I hope you're on some sort of list somewhere. I haven't seen him for years, but yeah. Yeah, I suppose you move away

and stuff, don't you? Yeah, they move away. They get moved to different prisons or whatever. I had an awful situation. So I'm in this apartment I'm in, right? You're in an apartment? Well, yeah, like an apartment in the loosest possible way. Okay. And I've got, it's cold at the moment.

I've got a little bit of a feeling, a bit run down. So I'm sort of like, I'm going to have a hot bath, try and sweat it out. So I'm in the bath, and two guys let themselves into my flat to do some maintenance work. What? I'm lying in the bath. The bath's

like at least fucking two foot small, too small for me, right? So I'm already squeezed into this bath and I'm sort of lying there sort of like eyes closed trying to sort of like meditate, you know, just sort of have concentrate my breathing and then these two guys come in and start really chatting and laughing together.

I've never felt so vulnerable in my whole life. I was just lying in this bath. So it was so pathetic. I had to go, I'm in the bath! I'm in the bath, I'm in the bath. I'm in the bath. I'm in the bath. And then they started really laughing

and they sort of, I could hear one of them doing an impression of me downstairs. It was so demeaning. And now I'm really nervous about bumping into them. So I had to,

and I lay in the bath. They were here for about 45 minutes doing work. I had to lie in the bath for 45 minutes. God, I'm so lucky you didn't freeze to death. Yeah, I knew you were going to say that.

You knew I was going to say that, did you? Yeah. Why did you respond to that like a fucking tired wife? I did keep on filling it up with hot water. Yes, I'm going to freeze to death because I told you that story about

being in the bath. Yes, very funny, Romesh. No, I was careful to keep it topped up with hot water. I love a little top up.

Especially when you switch the tap on with your toes. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, it's amazing. It's so fucking blissful. So blissful.

We've got, it feels weird doing a bonus episode we haven't done in more than three years. Yeah, we've got to do some emails a bonus episode we haven't done one for ages yeah we've got to do some emails do you want to do some emails yeah how's the swan been

how is she just checking in well the swan the swan hasn't selected these emails today so let me just pre-empt this by saying the selection might not be

the swan's a little bit she's been a little bit busy so I I told her that she didn't have to do it this week I don't know I'm lying I forgot to tell her that we didn't have to do it this week. I don't know why I'm lying.

I forgot to tell her that we're doing a bonus episode. I was going to say, it was so clearly a lie. That's so clearly a lie. But it's also the pathetic, awful lie. This berated me for lying about swimming. And then you told the most pointless lie I've ever heard. Yeah, she's really busy and stuff at the moment. So yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, she is busy, but the reason that I've chosen the emails is because I forgot to tell her. Okay. Dear Wolf, Owl and the Swan, your sweet... This is actually... We're sort of being accused of something now, so I'm just going to give you a heads up.

Dear Wolf, Owl and the Swan, your sweet, sweet friendship is clear to hear across the airways but sometimes i really struggle to buy how close you are i hope i'm wrong but for example this week tom said text me your address other times he said how old is theo i could only go from my friendship groups where i know addresses ages kids names etc is it important and this is the the real kicker i bet the swan knows her best friend's details love the hedgehog um number one hedgehog um i don't put any clarity or any like knowing like i did i don't know hardly anyone's birthday or anyone's name and if you think for a second that i know all of my friends addresses you're dizzy as heck like oh I don't even know

people's numbers anymore that's what a phone does like honestly um you know it's just people have different barometers of how how they judge things you know like for me yeah I don't know Romesh's address I don't know how old uh his children are. I don't even know what their middle names are, but in a world of closeness, if ever I've needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to go to and like with any of my problems and chat it out, I can tell you 100% Romesh

will be there. And that is, you know, that's how I judge closeness. And yeah, that's how I judge the vibe that we have between us. So maybe we should just get an address book and just put addresses in it i'll actually get your address tattooed on my butt it did make me think this email actually a little bit i've got to be honest with you because i um first of all i don't like even my close friends i can never remember how old their kids

are sometimes i get nervous when i'm about to ask about their kids because i think do i definitely know do i definitely know what their kids know even if i do know what their kids names are i still start to get nervous as i go to talk about it the thing that but that's that's sort of normal i think not knowing addresses blah i don't even know addresses of people like i've been to people's houses and i still don't know their address i mean i sort of know where it is or whatever like but it did make me think you and i have never never been to each other's houses right yeah but so so so we've only ever we only ever meet up when we're out and about or at work or whatever but you're one of my closest mates it's a weird thing isn't it i don't know if this is like i'd love to know how common that is do you mean because for whatever reason because you and I don't live close to each other at all,

we just haven't ever been to each other's house. I mean, we are going to remedy that very soon when you come round to my house and take it all. But also... An inaugural shit. If I lived near you, I'd be round your house at least four times a week. Well, in light of that, we

can only count our blessings, can't we? Well, no, even if you weren't there I'd probably stop by to see Lisa and the boys just to sort of like drop shit off and stuff oh god the idea that I'd come back from like

being out at work or something and then you're at my house just pottering about chatting to just you and Lisa lent over the kitchen table

having a cup of coffee together oh hello hello stranger yeah I've just done your guttering for you boy just saying kitchen table having a cup of coffee together. Oh, hello. Hello, stranger. No, I've just done your guttering for you, boy. Just saying, at least you've got to

stop working so much. No, we're losing a house, obviously, since I've been living here. Spending so much time around here, we're... Yeah, I've not taken on any new work.

So, Hedgehog, in answer to your question, I think you were just a genuinely sort of innocent... Yeah, I've not taken on any new work. So, Hedgehog, in answer to your question, I think you were just a genuinely innocent inquiry. Struggle to buy how close you are. Yeah, I think that's a bit of a kicker. And you know what? I think that that is a telling sign of some parts of modern society that people would rather just think that nice things aren't always true and sweet things

What I do think though, the Swan Yeah She does have a go at me for not asking the right questions, so for example you know, whenever you've had news or I say, oh Tom, this is going on with Tom and she'll go to me, oh right, when's that starting? And I go, I don't

Yeah, yeah, yeah She'll go, how did that come about? starting and I go I don't yeah I don't know or she'll go how did that come about and I go I don't know she goes it's not the first thing I would have asked them yeah and I go okay

well I'll arrange for you to have a fucking interrogation with them shall I do you know what I mean I don't know why Bob would be telling this in the first place yeah but then

I'm like literally every time I go to my sister's house I have to text her and ask her for the address I've been around there thousands of times I have to text her and ask her for the address. I've been around her thousands of times. I have to text and go what's your address again? I haven't got it memorised.

Does she get pissed off? Is she alright? No she just knows that I'm a fucking idiot who doesn't retain any kind of information. Okay well listen Hedgehog I hope we answered your query there. Order up for Damien. We'll be right back. Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca.

Order up for Rebelsis. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2020 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus.

For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Why not kick back with a cold, smooth bush? smooth taste great value bush lager enjoy responsibly must be legal drinking age Okay, this is from Debbie. Oh, one of my favourite names in old classics. This is quite a quick one. It's just in regards to... I think Debbie's like... Hearing the name Debbie's like hearing a song you really like from back in the day.

You're saying it's an old-fashioned name? I like the name Debbie. I think it's a good earnest name. Good morning. Hope you're all well love the podcast listen every week just listening to this morning's so this is very new this email well just listening to this morning's podcast we've mentioned the meat shortage it's due to a gas shortage local butchers do not gas flush their packs like supermarkets do what

does that fuck is that mean what's gas flushing? Fuck knows, but I want to know. I just thought you would have known because you sort of know about this sort of stuff. Shall I look it up? Look at gas flushing, please. Gas flushed bacon. Gas flushing. Carbon dioxide and oxygen are pumped into meat packaging

to lengthen the meat's shelf life. I'm not sure if I like that. So butchers are doing it, but supermarkets are. So local butchers are not doing it, but supermarkets are. Look, this is the time now. If you fancy a sausage or you fancy a burger, you fancy some chicken, go and support your local butchers. Do not succumb to the charms of gas flushing.

Yeah, I mean, do not succumb to the charms of something that you discovered existed, what, 45 seconds ago? And now you've started a campaign against it. It's the worst. Yeah, it's just really knocked me for six. Obviously,

I'm not a meat eater. I do like the idea of a local butcher though yeah like what's it like going into what's it like going into man it's fucking i sometimes what is your local but who's your who's your local butcher we've got two but my favorite one is in our gardens local garden center right real group of real group of zany characters who sort of know a lot about meat and stuff. You can pop in, have a chat, sort of.

Sometimes when Catherine's having a look around the plants and stuff at the garden centre, I'll just go in the butchers for a chat, even if I don't want any meat. Oh, good. I bet they look forward to that. And I'll just be... If there's anything worse

than having a conversation with a customer, it's having a conversation with a customer that doesn't want to fucking buy anything. No, but I'll go in and say, oh, look, we've got some new sausages on uh in at the moment sort of right yeah that's why it says new sausages in the window tom i'll just like um how's kebabs i suppose they're not sitting very well with the weather that sort of stuff oh my god but do they like do they give you like personalized little recommendations they go we've got a got a nice little cut of this and that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always like, I think one of the greatest things in life, and actually, I'll tell you what, the Northerners are great for this. Up North, they're really relevant. I always think testing people for like, to see how much they know about their profession. Because I think everyone should take real pride in what they do. I think sort of saying like oh you know

what's the best kind of steak you're having today or you know like you when you went to get your trainers for running I bet you really like

you really delved into it got asked some pretty fucking big questions right no I bought them online actually

oh right well there goes the problem but I tell you I tell you what fun little fact for you the shoes were recommended to me by Michael Payne, who does our very own theme shoe.

Wow. Yeah. Michael. He is, by the way, let me just say, right, we talk about drippiness. Ron actually busting a pretty drippy look to that. I kind of like that vibe that you're going for. It is cool.

You know, I like to look at myself as being a bit drippier. I know why you're saying this, myself as being a bit drippy. I know why you're saying this because you're looking so drippy. No, no, no, no. But Michael Payne is like literally like one of my fashion idols.

That guy is insane. Like, you know what? He is like, he's a style icon. I can't believe that he's not more known for his actual,

genuinely styling of what he wears. He does dress, Justin does, his real name's Justin. Yeah. He does dress incredibly. Yeah, but like. Incredibly. His trainer game is.

Trainer game is good, but actually his matching of different styles and his bravery within some of the choices he makes is. Bravery sounds like a bit of an insult actually what really no yeah in this context he you know if so if you if you turn up and if you turn up to meet me somewhere right and i said to you god you're brave wearing that would you take that as a compliment yeah i'll be like thank you okay well that yeah i don't know i'm asking somebody doesn't know the meaning of words or context he will put things together

that I would go fucking hell that is a brave choice that is like and carry it off with a plumb with a plumb absolutely

so much a plumb and that's coming from you who I think is pretty I consider you to be pretty courageous with the stuff you wear and I mean that

as a compliment okay well listen it's good to know about the gas flushing to be pretty courageous with the stuff you were. And I mean that as a compliment. Right. Okay, well, listen, it's good to know about the gas flushing. Ditch the supermarket, shop local. Support your local butcher, guys.

Wow, not just your local grocer. And your local chemist. Other local shops. Yeah, local fish and chip shop. Bakeries. Oh, bakeries, man. Local bakeries. Big up Coughlin's. Yeah. Shout out Coughlin's. Coughlin's. Okay. yeah local fish and chip shop bakeries oh bakeries man local bakeries yeah yeah shout out coughlands okay

next email this is very very quick on this this is from daryl skipper everybody knows two names daryl skipper the skipmeister yeah uh he says everyone knows what Dom's is what okay well I didn't so that's you you're completely ruined yourself Skippy Jimmy okay we taking that very little he said he's tried to be really cool and say all that everybody knows it was there's one person in the world who didn't so that's not everybody yeah but you do know what it is when I just said it you knew it was yeah dude now because but you do know what it is. When I just said it, you knew what it was. Yeah, I do now because you told me what it was.

So as of now, this email is correct. All right. He didn't say everyone knew what Dom's is yesterday, did he? Right. He said everyone knows what Dom's is. If you want to be a literal prick,

here you go. I want everyone who's listening to this podcast now, right, to email Romesh and say I didn't know what Dom's was or I knew what Dom's was

please don't do that don't do that and put Dom's in the headline don't thank you so much do not do that thank you but thank you Daryl turns out i'm not a jargony sort of nerdy you're king jargon uh okay uh this is from this is from georgia hi wolf allen swan

love the pod wanted to share this with you to see if it's as weird as i think it is no need to keep me anonymous as if this gets on the pod i'll be sharing it with my psycho of a mother. Me and my family have had a clear out and I was looking through some old boxes last week and I found a load of old teeth in a little box. There's got to be about 10 teeth in there and I could tell they weren't human. I asked my mum why the fuck

there were weird teeth in a box. And she said she keeps all the teeth our dogs lose when they're babies. Turns out she's got about six different dog teeth, six different dog's teeth in this box from all of our past dogs. Also in the same box was a kidney stone from our guinea pig that died five years ago from my dad accidentally cooking it. Jesus Christ.

I mean, that story needs a bit of unpacking, doesn't it? But she doesn't elaborate on that at all. We started talking about these things, and she openly said that when she dies she wants to be cremated and mixed in a big pot with all our past animals that have also been burned wow is this as weird as i think it is and do you or your people you know do people you know keep weird sentimental objects i've heard about keeping children's teeth and umbilical cords as i work with kids but dogs must be weird i'm my mom's only, and she's so sentimental about these things. Why the fuck haven't I got anything?

Thanks, guys. If you read this, I definitely need you to, to see if I need to start looking for nursing homes. What do you think about this, Tom? It would be easy to sit here and horse go on or make little of this situation. I actually, in a way, think it's quite sweet. I think that, like, apart from the guinea pig story

about boiling it, cooking it to death, and then finding out it had a kidney stone, which would make you worry about the guinea pig. Like, oh, what are they doing with me now? At least hopefully I'll be able to get rid of this fucking pain whenever I urinate, and then realising that you're actually going to be fucking bored to death um i actually kind of think it's got as a dog owner like it's uh you know i i actually adore my dog yeah i'm in a position

where i think i'll keep his teeth i'll definitely will keep his like lead and stuff but i think yeah i kind of get it with your mum. I think that she's holding onto something. It's something that's important. And also it's, I guess it's, we had a long conversation the other day with someone about if there's, you know,

not to get too deep, but yeah, if there's a God plot, you know, and all that sort of stuff and what happens about the afterlife and all that. And you had a chat with someone about that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My friend Abraham about that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my friend Abraham. And I was like... Is that really his name? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So in my head, right, it's not about if there's a God or if... All that sort of stuff.

I'll let that be an argument between wiser and sort of more noble people. What I look at is, if you believe, surely, that there's something after this, right, like whatever that may be, it's a better thought than just thinking for eternity I'm just going to be stuck in the ground or just burnt and then just thrown into the sea or whatever. That there's somewhere that my spirit and my soul goes, right?

It's like if you go on holiday, you're going to book and go on holiday and someone went, oh, where are you going? Oh, I'm going to go to Portugal to so-and-so. Oh, it's shit there. You're not going to look forward to it, are you? You're just going to spend the whole time on the lead-up to the holiday thinking it's going to be shit. So I think actually sort of sitting there and thinking,

oh, actually, you know what? I'm going to make some plans because whatever happens after this is going to be better than this. God or not God or whatever or all that sort of stuff. And actually that your mum thought, oh, you know what? I'm going to be in a this. God or not God, whatever, and all that sort of stuff. And actually that your mum thought, oh, you know what, I'm going to be in a big pot with some teeth and some bits that I've kept

from things that gave me pleasure in my life. I kind of dig that. I think that's kind of sweet. And, you know, shout out your mum, Georgia. I think she's an absolute G. Okay. Well, I really didn't expect you to have that take on it. I don't... I don't know.

I don't have pets. Have you ever had a pet? Yeah, we had fish once. We had budgies as well. Fish, by the way, I don't classify fish as a pet. I'd say it's more like just buying a painting that moves. Well, do you know what? I find that utterly unsurprising from you.

I mean, I agree with you. It's like an ornament, isn't it? Yeah, it's like a pet. Okay. Budgies? Yeah, budgies are a pet, yeah. I call a budgie a pet. They've got character.

I was scared of them, and once my mum went out and the budgies escaped from the cage, and she found me locked in the porch crying. Wow, fucking hell. I didn't want the budgies escaped from the cage and she found me locked in the porch crying wow i don't want the budgies to get in it because they could just like fly over your head and like i sort of feel them sort of graze your hair and stuff i found it really horrifying yeah i mean i feel sorry for you but that's fucking hell it's worrying to think of budgies and seeing you as being the most vulnerable member of the house and wait until your mum went out just to sort of break out of their

little prison. Exactly. Exactly. That is fucking scary. You know what that means? It's basically every time you're eating dinner and you're sitting there eating your spaghetti hoops and your alfabeti or whatever, right? Yeah? And you're sitting there and you're sort of chatting away.

What are you doing there? I'm just saying, right? You're sitting there with your brother. You're sitting there and your brother sort of like chatting away. What are you doing there? I'm just saying, right? You're sitting there with your brother. You're sitting there and your brother's laughing and joking. And every now and again they see you just looking over at them, a little bit scared, over your shoulder or whatever. And they're like, when he's on his fucking

own in here, we're going to fucking break out of this cage and fuck him up. That's basically what I've done. Do you want to hear a really sad story about those budgies? Go on. My mum and dad used to have loads of parties, right? They used to go to loads of parties. Those are Sri Lankans in this sort of

crawly area, and sort of South London and stuff. And so they always used to go around to each other's house, and one day they had a massive party around our house. We put a cloth over the budgie's cage cage as you do at night. And they're sort of dancing to like Tamil music and stuff like that. Not the budgies.

Like the next day we took the blanket off. Both the budgies were dead. Why? I just guess they were like super racist. No, I just, I just think that I think this, I think the,

I think the noise like just must have just freaked him out fucking hell he died right what did you think in your heart at that point what do you mean what are you trying to get at

well no you were like fucking I was gutted you were terrified of them yeah but I didn't want them to die yeah I know yeah you may be like

that's sort of like how you you know you sort of like you enjoyed that sort of relationship you had them like sort of like yeah like people who go to sort of like how you, you know, you sort of like, you enjoyed that sort of relationship where you had them like sort of like, you know, like people who go to sort of prostitutes and they like put standards on someone's back with high heel shoes on.

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going for a run or just running late do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't find secret at your nearest walmart or shoppers Drug Mart today. Like I'd be dominating some stuff. Sorry, you think that I saw the budgies as like my dominant mistresses? I'm just saying that that might be what you're into. That was S&M. Oh, oh, don't, don't, don't fly at me like that. Don't, please don't, no, carry on.

No, don't stop. Rubbish, why are your trousers around your ankles? Why have you tied a budgie to you while you're wanking? You just want pornos like normal boys. Okay. So, look, Georgia, in all honesty, I think Tom and I slightly differ on this. I find it a bit strange, if I'm being honest with you.

But she's not harming anyone. So, you know, my motto is, if you're not harming anyone, it's probably all right. Wowzers. Yet you were so horrible about Matt the underpat, no? He's stealing from people. Oh, yeah, I guess. Yeah, it's robbery. There's a victim there, stealing from people. Oh, yeah, I guess. Yeah, it's robbery. There's a victim there, I'd argue.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Next email. Howls and Hoots, guys. What a nice little greeting. Oh, that's a nice one, yeah, yeah. I find it really sweet how the wolf admires the owl's kids.

He always has a lot of kind words to say about them like they're mates of his yeah they don't really like that I'd like to hear the wolf interview the kids for a portion of the podcast I can imagine the wolf would try too hard to impress them and fail miserably this would be hilarious keep up the good work

howls and hoots and that is from rish the fish uh first well the reason i selected this email tom can i just quickly say at first i was actually genuinely really touched until he said about me trying to impress the kids failing miserably i did slightly yeah god the saddest thing of it all ron is that is genuinely my relationship with most of my friends' kids and kids that I work with.

It's me trying to be really cool and regressing to sort of what my life was like as a child myself, trying to be cool and failing miserably. Well, first of all, I think, I'm going to say this honestly, I think you're wonderful with our kids. Whenever you talk to them, I love the way you talk to them. You're not patronising. You're great. honestly I think you're wonderful with our kids whenever you talk to them I love the way you talk to them

you're not patronising you're great, I actually think you're great with kids I really really do think that the only exception I would say to that is when we were working with a group of kids on King Garry when I would say that you and I and I consider myself to be alright with kids

do you know what I mean you and I sort of regressed into two sort of thirsty little kids. And for some reason, we started behaving like we needed the acceptance of the group. Yeah. Of children. I don't know what the hell happened to us. What was the most embarrassing part of that is that we were filming scenes with a range of boys who are from the age of 12 to sort of 13, 14.

We didn't just regress to the age of kids. We regressed not, like, to the age, but also where our social standards would have been at the age of 13, 14. And we weren't at the bottom of the pile, but we were pretty close to it. Like, you know, like, there was a boy there who did MMA fighting. There was a boy there who's had trials for Chelsea. Like, these boys were so much fucking cooler than we were. They were such alpha kids,

weren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was one kid there, genuinely, and there was a moment where I stood with you and we were both trying to make him laugh

and think that we were cool. Oh, God. And he looked us up and down like we were pieces of shit. And I fast-forwarded my mind to when he got home that night and his mum and dad said, I was filming today.

It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tom and Romesh are just so fucking thirsty. They're just trying to be cool in front of me. It started telling me about comedians he'd actually heard of and liked. Yeah, yeah, that was pretty awful for both of us. Yeah, yeah. But the other

thing is, I find myself, and I don't know if you find this, if ever I see a kid that sort of looks like an outsider is being bullied or whatever or whatever i always grab i just i just remember what and by the way i don't want to over egg this i wasn't like you know i don't want to i don't want people that went to school with me i think you're really laying this on thick into your outsider status but like what i mean is like i do i just feel sorry for kids i always gravitate towards kids like that yeah i think i then and then i stop myself because i

think the last thing this kid needs is a fucking adult going over and going all right buddy so yeah this is making me cool yeah i mean you know what it's a real job do you know actually just on this note something i'm just going to get his name up, something that's brought me an incredible amount of joy this week, which seems weird as I'm just about to talk about children. But there's a guy called Francis Bourgeois, right, who's a train spotter on Instagram and TikTok, right? Mate, I love this guy. Right.

I love this guy. Is this the guy that has a GoPro? Yes. Oh, my God. I love this dude. Like, all my life, I started this guy. Right. I love this guy. Is this the guy that has a GoPro? Yes. Oh, my God. I love this dude. Like, on my life, I started following him. And every time this week I felt a little bit down or I felt a little bit like fucking life, whatever,

I watch him, like, do, like, with the trains going past. Like, he is so fucking happy doing what he's doing. He's got his thing. He's like, he doesn't need anything else. Or, like, he's got his little mates's like he doesn't need anything else or like he's got his little mates that he does it with honestly it's one of the most joyous things and the world where we watch social media and it's like i watch that fucking personal now this i don't i don't like to be fucking negative it's not my vibe but i saw a thing yesterday of someone

like pulling a silly face and doing the whole thing going oh yeah this is the real me maybe i should be more silly on here i'm like like, then fucking be silly, you prick. Because every fucking post, you in a fucking Ralph Lauren jumper looking like you're fucking just walking off a catwalk. Be silly, have a good time, relax. Not everything's got to be this fucking hardcore fucking, like this guy is just frankly joyous.

And when we look at social media, everyone should try and be like this guy. Mate, this guy, right? So Beckett, Rob Beck try and be like this guy. Mate, this guy, right? So Beckett, Rob Beckett introduced me to this guy. He just fucking loves trains, right? And like, he'll sit there and a train he likes comes past and the horn will go off. And I don't know, there's something pure about it. It's addictive.

What a great guy. He knows the driver's names. I'd have him as a guest on the podcast. He is the only person I'd have as a guest on this podcast. He is incredible. It means nothing, you saying that, because a few weeks ago, you wanted a monk on. And a few weeks before that,

you wanted fucking the head of Krispy Kreme on or whatever. I mean, it's just impossible to make. Mate, this guy is... I love this guy. I would like to show up, find out where he's doing his train thing. I'd love to meet him. I'd actually love to meet him.

If anybody knows him, can you please tell him that the Wolf and I absolutely love him. And I would just buy him, I'd literally just go, that is a hundred quid, make it pizzas, whatever you want.

Okay. That, this is, I just oh god right do you want to do one more let's do one more this is a quick one actually let's do two more

yeah okay because this one's quite a quick one uh hi Wolf Owl and the Beautiful Swan first of all, amazing podcast. We listen every Wednesday. This is, by the way,

this is about, you want to talk about being happy? Yeah. I'm about to make you fucking delighted. You're about to feel really warm and lovely. I'm just going to tee that up. We love Ranganation, huge fans of League of Their Own

and love King Gary and waiting for next season. Hurry the hell up. As we're both huge fans, we wanted to share with you something we couldn't resist. We would like you to meet our two new kittens, who

we named Romesh and Tom. Wowzers! Wowee! They've got two new cats. One's called Romesh, one's called Tom. How lovely. They've sent a photo, obviously. Maybe you could put that up on your stream. What stream? Two new cats. One's called Romesh, one's called Tom. How lovely. They've sent a photo, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you could put that up on your stream, your stream.

What stream? Your Instagram stream. You're like Grandad. Maybe you could put it up on your newfangled interweb. That's the sort of thing that you should have. Like, oh, you know what my dream would be? What? If me and you could get a Christmas card made

of us in Christmas jumpers with the cats on our laps oh that would be lovely do you know what actually i would i'd love to meet these cats we'd love to meet tom and rom wouldn't we yeah i could hold rom you could hold tom yeah i bet tom's up to our jigs fucking running around and sort of i'd love if they've got the same personalities as us. Just sort of Tom, just following Rom around, irritating the shit out of him. Rom just padding him away with his little paw. Every now and again, Rom comes over and licks Tom's arsehole to help him out. Oh.

Romesh turns up to the litter tray. Tom's curled out a big one right in the middle of it. Oh, cats, man. Can we just say thank you so much to Jack Shaw and Megan Biddulph. Jack Shaw, the frog, and Megan, the unicorn. Great names. Great names as well. Okay.

Let's do one more. This is quite a serious one. Bit of a gear change. Okay. Wagwan, wolf, owl, and the swan. I'm a 19-year-old who just lost my virginity. My experience was not as I imagined, to say the least. Was your first

time the same? And how quickly do you get better at it? Love the pod, guys. Thank you for keeping us entertained in this rough time. Much love, the Tiger. Now, I picked this email because well, I don't know what you're going to say, Tom, but I felt like this guy needs our help. Yeah, well,

personally, yeah, what you're going to say, Tom, but I felt like this guy needs our help. Yeah, well, personally, yeah, it was very much an anti-climax. Even thinking back of it, I feel cold when I think about it. It was a horror. Like

you talked earlier about when we were playing golf and anything, it's a constant worry that you're not doing something right and uh and i think that's stayed with you for quite a long time as well and also i mean like i suppose social media i remember like the worry the angst of people just talking about how bad you are because i remember like the first time i kissed someone that was sort of like that went around as playground gossip of quite how bad i was at it do you know what i mean yeah that's tough yeah and then sort of like yeah sex is the same thing so i if i'm going to be honest with you

you will get better at it because that hopefully is the the nature of you know sort of doing it more but also i think one of the more important things is, you know, and this is not to sound too deep, but is look at the other person involved in the situation. And if you're bringing them joy and if they're enjoying it, because although you might be looking at it thinking, oh, that wasn't that good for me.

And I didn't really think that was, I didn't put a good account of myself or I didn't enjoy that as much. So, you know, I think if you make the whole experience a little bit more about the other person, a little bit less about you, then I think that might be the way you end up getting

a little bit better at it. Yes, very nice advice, Tom. I would say, look, I don't know what your experiences are, but I do know that if you're 19... Well, the problem is a lot of people think that sex is like porn, and so they think they need to be, like, smashing it from 27 different positions, lasting for an hour, your dick's 19 inches long,

do you know what I mean, and all that shit. And so you can get sort of caught up with all of that. What Tom said is right. You will get better at it when i lost my virginity it was dreadful for everybody involved but it just that is just how it is i mean and like and actually you want to be in a position where you're kind of i don't want to get all sort of like 50s parent about this but you want to be in a position where you're having sex with someone and you know you're not thinking about what your performance is like

you just both of you just trying to have a good time do you know what I mean and that's what it should be like but um Tom's sort of stroking something there as if he's getting off no no I've got this oh your golf club alright fine so listen what I would say to you, Tiger, do not worry about it.

Do not put yourself under any pressure. You will get better. Don't hold yourself against, you know, don't punish yourself with some standard that you've got to achieve where you're absolutely smashing it out like some sort of, like, sex god. Just, you know, enjoy yourself.

It's a recreational activity. Yeah, yeah. Man, just chill out enjoy yourself. It's a recreational activity. Yeah, yeah. Man, just chill out, bro. Just chill out. Okay. You know, in the time we've done this podcast, your sweat has completely dried. That's quite a disgusting thing to say at the end. That means I can wear it again.

It has to. Yeah, it has, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, listen, I hope you enjoyed the bonus episode, guys. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, listen, I hope you enjoyed the bonus episode, guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. We'll be hoping to smash out the bonus episodes. On the weekly, too. We're back to regular bi-weekly. Yeah, hopefully.

And we'll see you next time. Thank you very much. Have a lovely weekend, guys. You deserve it.