Wolf and Owl - Bonus Email Episode #9

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

This is one big occasion! For the first time ever, the Wolf and Owl are together in the same room to record an episode of the podcast. On this week’s bonus show, we tackle… balancing relationships, roast dinner side dishes, a new car valeting business, making friends in pubs and yet more pronunciation issues. Thanks for all your messages - keep them coming at [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Yeah. Yeah, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves.

Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served. Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler. That ain't just a mistake. That's an awful howler. Both of them are known to pull up at your shows. Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows. Fuck the censorship. Let them see the whole thing.

They stay dressed to kill. Never sheep's clothing. Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon. You'll see nothing. All you hear is a huff, a puff and a... Expect killings. Red spilling and flesh ripping. Impressive, innit? The death bringing, it's head spinning

Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog OK, well, look, history's being made. Big things. This is like uncharted water. This is the biggest thing that you could... Right now, what's happening is, this is where we see if this podcast has got any fucking use because the long term

plan for this is that Tom and I record it together we've been doing it on Zoom and now for the first time we're in a room now that's either going to improve what's going on personally do you know how I feel about this at the moment I feel a bit like you know when you watch like Catfish and stuff

and you get these people who have had an affair or whatever, they've been texting each other, but they've not actually been together. So, yeah, it feels kind of like that actually. Now we're actually in the same room and we're touching and we're closed. We're not, we're absolutely not. But, yeah, so, you know. It's an exciting time, isn't it?

Yeah, very exciting. Should we say what they're listening to just in case I don't know? Oh, yeah. You're listening to... I mean, if you've navigated your way to your podcast app and you've clicked on Wolf and Owl

and this has started and you're still confused about what you might be listening to... No, but you know how these things are you know log off this isn't for you the wolf and our sponsored by friendship sure yeah yeah and also what's great is we're not even in either of our cities no we're not so you know if we were in crawley or whatever fucking town you come from or you live in, it would be a bit different. It'd feel like you're playing away from home,

but now we're both. It's neutral. Yeah. We're in Bonny, Newcastle. So love it. You've just got it. I've just got it.

I'm slow. I'm going to level with you. Slightly drunk. You've had a few drinks. I've had a few beers on the way. Also. So what's lovely is, uh,

when we arrived, um, I'm putting him up in a hotel while he's here well no let's clarify what's happened here i'm staying in a i'm staying in the same hotel as you which thank you for allowing me to stay in the same facility as you um i've had the insight of seeing what tom's room is like compared to mine. And all of this bullshit that Tom sort of puts around about we're all a team and all that has become quite clear from looking at the size of his room to mine. You're talking absolute shit, bro. Yeah, but also, I said we should record this in your room, which would...

It would have been a fucking embarrassment. We wouldn't have fit in my room. There's not a sofa in your room, which would... It would have been a fucking embarrassment. We wouldn't have fit in my room. There's not a sofa in my room, for a start. Yeah, but I just feel like it would have been nicer, because now I feel for you, for the next four days, you've been... Yeah, but I'm not having you fucking come to my room, and you wouldn't have said anything. No.

You would have known, and then I'm looking there, sitting there looking at you, and I'm thinking, why is Tom doing this podcast like a dog with two dicks? And then later on I realise it's because you've got such a much nicer room. But what I want to say,

and this is, I never thought I'd say this, and it's a nice thing, it's a nice, like, you are more than free to come and, like,

in our downtime from the shoot, to come to hang out here and hang about, watch TV and stuff. You're more than welcome to do that. Get off. So fucking annoying.

No, I just mean it. As a friend, there's an olive branch, OK? There's no need for an olive branch. An olive branch is like if we had an argument. Yeah, but... If we're having an argument, there's going to be an olive branch. An olive branch is like, if we would, had an argument. Yeah, no, yeah, but,

okay. If we're having an argument, there's going to be an email coming from my agent later on. That's when you, that's when an olive branch will be needed. Right, there is on the seventh floor. Now it's fine,

because to your face, I'll be cool about it. The seventh floor, by the way, there's amazing. Who's on the seventh floor? No one knows. There's four people who are on the seventh floor.

What, four people from this production? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we don't know who they are. What do yeah. We don't know who they are. What do you mean you don't know who they are?

I don't know. This is my room. I got here, I was just like... How can you not? The show's called King Gary and you're Gary. Yeah, I know. But I literally got here and I was like, I doubled down on this

because they said that there were smaller rooms than this. To be fair, the guy at the counter seemed to be a bit of a fan of yours. So I thought, actually, she's definitely getting one of the bigger rooms. But it turns out that, yeah. I had... So the last time I was here...

Right. No, not last time. One of the times I was here, I was on tour. Did you play the stand? No, it was Newcastle City Hall, I think it was. Anyway, I was with Phil Gerrard, who was doing support. Sweet Phil. And basically what they do is, I don't know who does this,

I don't know if it comes from my agent or it's like the hotel, I don't know who does it, but normally the support act gets like a regular room and the touring act gets like a bigger room. Were you in something like this last time? I was in a much bigger room than that. Really? I was touring. Wow.

No, no, no. No, I'm joking. It was something like this. Except for the fact that they got it the wrong way round. Oh, you're joking. So Phil got my room and I got his room and then I had to pretend I was cool with it, but I wasn't cool with it.

Can I just throw something out there? I'm actually fucking furious. Do you think someone at this hotel has got the ump with you? Why do you say that? Well, like, last time, you get a really shit room. You turn up this time, and, like, he mentioned your name downstairs, because I sort of said, has anyone else here yet from the party?

And he said, da-da-da. And he sort of went through quickly a few of the names of the people who weren't here yet. And you were obviously one of the names. And there was a sort of look on his face, and I took that as being he was a fan of yours and you're probably going to get on the seventh floor. Right.

That could have now, on the flip side of that, that could be that. Well, I'll tell you what, here's another flip for you. Here's another third face of that story. Your production company could have put me in that room and now you're trying to stick it on this geezer at reception. No, I'm not. That's the other thing. That's the most likely. Do you want me in that room and now you're trying to stick it on this geezer at reception. No, I'm not. That's the other thing. That's the most likely.

Do you want me to go down and say to him, look, you've got a problem with Romesh? If I just go down there and say, look, mate, I've got bloody Romesh upstairs. He's in my lovely big room. He's obviously been to his crappy little room. He's absolutely destroyed by this. Apparently this has happened before at this hotel is there any chance

of giving him a pity upgrade you wouldn't have to call it a pity upgrade you would just call it an upgrade but imagine how happy you'd feel he'd come to here and I'd open the door and you'd just be sitting on my couch and I'd say oh here he is and he'd come in and say

look I feel bad about what's happened. We're going to put you on the seventh floor. We'll arrange someone to get in your bags and take them to the seventh floor. That'd be pretty sweet. Would you do that? If I said to you now that I would like that? Yeah, I would do that for you. I'm all right, thank you. Are you sure? By the way, now you've described the set-up here, we do need to fucking

sort out, like, explain to people. I'm swearing a lot, aren't I? Yeah, you're drunk. I can smell it on you. Okay. sort of like explain to people i'm swearing a lot yeah you're drunk i can smell it on you okay it's no it's no need to to say that like a disgruntled wife no no i'm not saying it like no but it's different i've said no you've had a couple of beers you've been drinking all day yeah i'll tell you why i've been drinking right because i've had a six hour drive and i've been putting what is clearly the smallest room that's been allocated to this fucking show. Right, look.

I don't even judge you. I'm coming here and you're in like some sort of, I guess it's what, their equivalent of the penthouse suite. Right, look. There's fucking artwork on your walls. There's not room for artwork. The ironic thing is I don't even like the artwork. Right, here is

what it is. I'm not even judging you for being Trump because I can see why you are. You're feeling a little bit down and a bit like... But for me, I've not had a drink yet. So, like now, it's like someone's had loads of coffee. Do you know what I mean? It's sort of coming out of their pores and everything. And also, you know, fucking hell, man.

If anyone deserves a bloody beer, it's you. But let's explain the setup here. Tom and I have both been COVID tested. We're bubbling for the purposes of this show. So we've both been tested prior to this. We are bubbling. Actually, it gives me a great honour, a great honour,

and with great satisfaction, I say that we are in the same bubble. It feels like you're sort of getting the Spider-Man motto asked about face. What is the Spider- spider man motto it's with great power comes great responsibility in a way that is my power because i can put anyone in this bubble that i want right so you're in the bubble me and maurice in a bubble a sweet sweet bubble together oh i was calling ironically use the word sweet there my room couldn't be furthest away from a sweet does it smell It doesn't smell.

No, it's clean. This is a nice hotel. Yeah. I'll be honest with you, I'm being slightly facetious. Facetious? Facetious. Facetious for the purpose of this podcast.

First time we've done that. Pardon? Well, I corrected you. Yeah, it's like drunk rum basically sort of drops down a few syllables in the sort of brain department and I sort of become like this.

Yeah, but you still incorrectly use the word syllable so we're not quite there yet. sort of brain department and I sort of become like yeah but you still incorrectly use the word syllable so we're not quite there yet but I'd also like to give a big shout out to the people in Newcastle

who've been in touch asked for a decent restaurant that Romesh might enjoy the food from so there's a couple that came in and we're going to try one this evening a little dinner together

I don't know if I want to do that no no no because we're no because we're eating with other people yeah if you because i know what'll happen now what right is it will order food from this place yeah i mean suddenly i'll be put under the pressure as if i've prepared this food because if anybody hates you go well i said i asked actually for like the problem is romesh being a vegan,

so I've asked for this. Now, I'm sorry, guys. I wanted to have a nice first meal and I'll stay in Newcastle. But now, sadly, because of a vegan that's joining us for this banquet, it's not the delicious spread that I was hoping for. I think it would be a beautiful thing,

that whole cast are down there, right? Some, like, you know, bits and bobs arrive and it's sort of very much from your vegan your background is being a vegan and we see who enjoys it and who doesn't i'm looking forward to i'm gonna relish it if i'm honest with you i don't um i don't like taking non-vegans to vegan restaurants really i love vegan food yeah you do because your wife has sort of forced you into that yeah she's a vegetarian I mean veganism is a whole different leap isn't it

I guess so yeah I mean that's not we've talked a lot about veganism we have actually I think we get quite annoyed by it

vegans and poos we'll probably just again do a special so we won't do a vegan special will we no that'll be that's where basically

we've run out of complete cannon fodder now I've got a little bit of a situation mhm right out of complete cannon fodder. Now, I've got a little bit of a situation. Mm-hmm. Right. And I haven't told you this before we started recording. Yeah.

You could get quite annoyed about this. Right. So, you know Lisa put together a stack of emails and she printed them all out and she labelled them. Well, that stack is in Crawley. So, you forgot the stack? Yes, I did. This is unbelievable.

But on the way here, while I was having a beer, I've looked through some emails so we can still do this. Lisa, can I just apologise to you? Actually, Lisa, I'm not going to apologise, Lisa. I'm going to say that I'm with you on this. I'm with her on this. She's not declared aside. There's Team Lisa and Team Romesh,

as far as I can see. That's not how marriage works. You're supposed to be a team together. That's how marriage works. Yeah, but that's when someone makes a mistake and the other person's done some great work. And yeah, I feel so sorry for Lisa. So Lisa, my heart and my charity is with you.

Get in touch if you want to chat over. Absolutely do not. I don't know i'm communicating by lisa by the podcast to my wife what what i would say though is we will go back to those those emails at least your work is not wasted so uh let's do it okay ready firstly massive fan of the hi rom tom and lisa and can i also say to this person who wishes to remain anonymous thank you for correctly spelling l. Yes, by the way. It's not the traditional spelling.

It's L-E-S-A. Yes. I would describe that as incorrect. I know it's her name, but I've never... Have you ever heard of that in any other... I have actually. I went out with a girl called Lisa and she spoke like that when I was younger. Not that you're Lisa, but another one. So, yeah. Okay. If she listens to the podcast, shout her out if you do.

Absolutely, yeah. Okay. Hi, Rom, Tom and Lisa. Firstly, so yeah okay don't you listen to the podcast shout out if you do absolutely yeah um okay hi rom tom and lisa firstly before i get into this email how do you think this is going so far us being in the same room i'm enjoying it or do you like it less uh i sort of enjoy it it's weird because it's sort of the tactileness of it sort of like i'm enjoying it yeah just so people know every time i sort of make a joke or, Tom puts his hand on my knee. It's super weird. But also, what I would say is, we're sat adjacent to each other.

I would say, when we actually go to do this... We should sit opposite, yeah. You know what? I could get that wheelie chair. Yeah, I'm sure you could. And I'd love to bring you a chair from my room, but sadly, my room doesn't have any chairs. I'll put it in here. Yeah, but the problem is the microphone my room, but sadly my room doesn't have any chairs. Yeah, but the problem is the microphone.

No, but I'm still pretty close. Okay. There we go, look. All right. Oh, God. Okay. Hi, Ron, Tom and Lisa. Firstly, massive fan of the pod.

I drive a lot as part of my job, so I look forward to new episodes on Wednesdays and Fridays. I honestly get so excited when I see a new episode has been released. Hope that's not too sad. It absolutely isn't too sad, mate. And also, shout out to the workers out there and the drivers and the people who keep this country moving. Oh my God. Yes, yes, absolutely. Anyway, as alluded to in the email

subject, oh I haven't said what that is, balancing relationships. I'm having trouble balancing my relationships and giving everyone an amount of attention that meets their needs. I'm engaged to my beautiful fiancé, but also have a group of close mates who like to meet up fairly regularly when not in the midst of a global pandemic. Splitting my time between the two can prove difficult as I'm often left feeling like I'm letting one down to see the other. I do live with my fiancee, so see her every day, but still like to dedicate time to spend with her at the weekends as during the week we're both often tired and fed up from work. I often get flack from my mates for this who like to throw out the usual under the thumb jibes

if i say i can't meet up with them i then feel like i'm letting my fiancee down by spending time with my mates and not her when i go out with them i do suffer from anxiety which of course makes the situation worse as you're all in successful relationships well uh a lot of assumptions being made there i just wondered if you had any experiences like this and any advice on the matter uh many thanks this is a good one this is a very good one i'd firstly like to say uh all right let me guess you sound like an incredible human being i was gonna say yeah because he cares about his wife so i know he sounds like a really decent chat yeah okay yeah you sound like a decent egg mate and um look i think I speak for me and Romesh when I say relationships take work.

They take a lot of work. And the truth of the matter is, I think you need to, number one, it is hitting that balance and hitting it as perfectly as you can. I think the fact of the matter is you want to make sure you are showing enough time to your fiancé because that's the relationship that you really to make sure you are showing enough time to your fiance because that is that's the relationship that's good you really really need to work at in the sense of you know

making sure she's happy that you're doing the utmost for that relationship your friends wise if i'm honest with you i was i've been on both sides of this coin i've been on the side of the coin where i now am where i'm married and when i was engaged when i was first with my wife uh where i copped that flat but i was also for long time, nearly all through my 20s, I was the other guy who was giving people shit for not coming out and doing the sort of, oh, you're under the thumb kind of vibe. And a lot of that was my own jealousy

or down to me being quite unhappy with the fact that I was constantly doing this. And when a part of a group sort of shards off and starts living a different life and they sort of almost feel like they've grown up, there's a little part of you, I think, or the people that we're talking about here, who look at themselves and go,

well, actually, do you know what I mean? They sort of see that themselves, they're not grown enough. And I think, by all means, you need to keep that really, really healthy relationship with your mates. You need to see them. But I think getting bullied into it, make it on your terms. You're going to go and see them

when you want to see them rather than feeling, well, I've got to go and see them. I'm getting bullied into it. I think make sure you go and see them when you want to see them. Over to you, Bromsky. I think Tom's given you some good advice there.

What I would say is, like Tom, I've been on both sides of this, right? Your mates are being out of order. You know What I would say is, like Tom, I've been on both sides of this, right? Your mates are being out of order. You know, because the truth is,

what will happen is, is I don't know how your fiancé's been about you seeing your mates, but what you can end up in, and I've been in this situation before, is where you end up

going out with your mates because you feel like you should because they're giving you a hard time. Then you end up seeing your other half because you feel like you should because she's feeling a bit pissed off. then what happens is you just have a series of

nights or evenings where you're doing everything out of a sense of obligation it's completely not a disaster your friends what will happen is like tom said they're saying that because they're pissed off because they're either not in a relationship or they're in a relationship where they don't they don't want to see that person a lot do you mean and so what what mates do what blokes tend to do i don't like to generalize but it is blokes um in the main just make you feel shit about like want to spend time with your other half so the truth of it is is uh you've got to do what you want to do mate that's the honest truth i think for the first time i think you'd say bro just do you yes i guess i would say that and also a bit of advice i was given by an older statesman when i was a younger buck was um yeah you have this gaggle of guys and you're all together

right and everyone starts growing off and they start splitting away and going doing their own thing where you are right now is you're one of the first ones who's obviously grown you've got engaged the last thing you want to be is that one guy who's on the dance floor and he's in his 40s and he's still trying to keep the torch alive of this sort of lads group because honestly um it's the most sad and pathetic thing to see i believe like that person who doesn't get invited to weddings or christenings. Equally so, though, what I would say is if we got an email in from somebody that was that person. Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them. Three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast.

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Tom would no doubt tell that person that he thinks that they sound like an incredible human being, and an absolutely top bloke. The thing about me is, this is, I think, the difference between me and you, and it's weird, actually. I have an opinion, I stick to it. No, no, I sit in the difference for me. It's weird, actually. I have an opinion. I stick to it.

No, no. I sit in a room with you now. This is the first time I can really sort of feel your aura. And what I've noticed, actually, is, and maybe we should look at this going forward. I think you read the emails, but I listen to the emails. Do you get it? Do you get what I'm saying? I get physically what you're saying, yes. I don't get what the point is you're trying to make.

I sort of sit here and I visualise him in his car worrying about all this stuff. Right. And that's why the proceeds of my heart go out to him. How has that got anything to do with what I'm talking about? I think it is in a way. Do you know what I'm saying? No. Like, when you're reading emails, I think you're very...

Yeah, I'm reading the emails out loud. Literally. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And then I'm listening and I'm empathising as I listen. And then I think when your heart comes into it, you often go, actually, wow, that's really...

Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I'm going to try and unpack what you're saying. Yeah. So what you're saying is, as I'm reading the emails, I'm not really responding to them emotionally, is that what you're saying. So what you're saying is, as I'm reading the emails, I'm not really responding to them emotionally, is that what you're saying? I think you're emotionally. So some people you connect with. Right.

And I think you've connected with this guy a bit, but then you're also, on the flip side of it, you're judging the people that are also on the flip side of this. I'm not judging the people. You're the one that says the last thing you want to be is a guy in his 40s, like trying to keep the gang going. I mean, I'm pretty sure. I don't know if this is exactly what you said.

Something like that's one of the most pathetic people you can be. I think on this one we should agree to disagree and move on to the next email. All right, OK, fine. OK, this is quite a quick one hey guys big fan of the pod I've got three little things that would be cool to hear from you about I'll keep them short and sweet

this is from Joshua Josh Yates how would you pronounce it how would you pronounce this Y-E-A-T-E-S Yates is that? Yeah, I'll go Yeats. Yeats, so it actually could be Yeats or Yeats.

Yeah, that's why I'm asking the question. I'll probably just call him Josh. Okay, fine. I'm not suggesting that if we were to become friends, I would constantly call him by his full name. No. I'm asking for the purposes of this. No, but you love a surname.

What makes you say that? I've heard you call people up by their surname before I think you you got me mistaken for a wanking public school boy have you got no one oh look who it is it's Yates

hey Josh Yates has turned up with his three prpronged email. But, Josh, seriously, thank you, bro. Yeah, no, thanks, mate. Seriously, that wasn't meant to be a slur against you. You seem like a delightful bloke. He seems very nice and sweet.

Merch idea. I was saying it as a joke, and you were fucking saying it sincerely. We haven't even read the email yet. Okay. Merch idea. Have you considered hosting a six-a-side game? The Wolves versus the Owls. Everyone loves a decent kit.

I feel that would make cool limited merch. Could make a nice charity thing. Yeah, I mean... I don't understand this. I've not considered it, but now you've said it, Josh, it makes perfect sense. So what is he suggesting? Six-a-side football game. No, I know that, but what's that got to do with merch?

I'm guessing what Josh is thinking is that we have owl and wolf shirts made up football shirts. So you'll have owl team and wolf team. Yeah, team wolf. And then you'd have half and half scarves, would you? Yeah, potentially. I guess you'd sell the shirts as well. So we'd have our teams, do you know what I mean?

What's your take on half and half scarves? I'd never like them. I don't respect anyone who wears one. You don't respect anyone who wears one? That's a bit plummy. What if it's like a seven-year-old kid whose family has saved up for ages to get him to a game? Then buy him the team scarf.

It's confusing for the poor little lamb. In your house, have you got any double? No. All right, good. No, I haven't. No, but I'm just... And actually, so Josh, I think it's a great idea. Who would your six-a-side...

If you were now to look at who your team would be for your six-a-side for the hours, who would you pick? Out of who? Professional footballers and ex-pros. What the fuck is this? Sky Sports podcast? I'm not picking my... I think we both know the big one to this is who gets Jamie Redknapp.

It's going to be your crux of the team. Okay, I'll have Jamie Redknapp. I'll have Harry then. Got it. All right, let's just move on. Just so you know, Harry's got an amazing logbook of people. He won't play, but he'll manage with me. I'll play probably, Harry.

Okay, question one is for Tom. Yeah. I miss Toby Carvery so much, and you mentioning it has reminded me of the Toby-shaped hole in my heart. Question is, favourite Toby side? Mine's got to be the vegetable bake that's the end of the question wow favorite Toby side I mean roast dinner wise I'm obsessed with the sausages the little sausages I love them little triple art sausages um good roast potatoes my man um I've not tried the veggie bake but that's something to look at

in the future here's a question for you yeah when you're eating a roast yeah we have a roast every sunday in our house um how are you eating that roast so the reason i'm asking this question is i have so my roast the roast that and lisa's she does a great roast. The roast at my house is whatever main vegetable thing it is. So sometimes it's like a vegetable wellington from Coughlin's Bakery. Big shout out Coughlin's Bakery. Or it might be some Linda McCartney sausages or it might

be a nut roasty thing or whatever. Whatever. You've got the main. Then parsnips. Potatoes. Carrots. Yeah. Stuffing. Yeah. Do you have stuffing and a nut roast?

No. If you've got a nut roast, no, you don't tend to. Gravy. Yorkshire puddings? I don't have Yorkshire puddings. You can have vegan, vegetarian Yorkshire puddings. Yeah, yeah. I don't tend to get them, though.

Only on occasion. And sometimes, as I've alluded alluded to i haven't alluded i said it explicitly lisa sometimes throws a corn on the cob in there what now i've got a i've got a very clear hierarchy of what i the order in which i'm going to eat that yeah yeah so is that what you do i think what do you mix and match no no no i'm in what sense you so let me just show you i want to say a big thing here okay because we've talked we've already talked about vegetarianism

because of my wife we've had nut roasts for the last four weeks when I've had Sunday roasts and they are incredible some of them are yeah the ones we've been getting

are really good where did you get yours from I'll have to find the name so I haven't alright what are we talking about food and why are you googling so they're called

artisan grains nut roasts artisan grains nut roasts artisan grains nut roasts they are incredible there's others out there these are amazing so we've been having how did you find this was it recommended to you

yeah yeah ok so I'll hit up the nut roast then I usually hit up the potatoes and then I'll sort of slowly work my way

around the veg what did you say for last Yorkshire pudding so you just sup up all the gravy with it. Great shout. And then I go for seconds, because I'm an absolute dog. Do you have seconds when you have roasts at home?

Yeah. I just have the plate. Well, do you have a big, big plate though? Massive. Do you still have the biggest plate in your house? No. Charlie does. Or Theo? Or Alex? Wow.

No, I've got the same size plate as him. Do you mean in terms of amount of food? No, obviously you don't have a bigger plate. That would be insane physically. They used to have a bigger plate. I have the most food. It's bad, isn't it? No, I just think...

But do you think about the day that Theo's your oldest isn't he yeah that Theo sort of eats has more than you it's starting to creep up I'm going to be honest with you Lisa's starting to increase his portion size yeah yeah

he's a grown boy but then that's the thing it's like law of the jungle then isn't it what do you mean well we start eating less the older we get

do we yeah you start eating less I think once you're 15 I? Yeah, you start eating less, I think, once you're 15. I've seen no evidence of that so far. No, at the moment, because you're filling up. Right. Yeah, after 50, you start eating less. Which, according to you, is what? Next year for me?

Just while we're talking about food, now, I got mugged off by you. A couple of weeks ago, I recommended tajin. It's this Mexican chili and lime seasoning. We've had a lot of emails about it. A lot of people saying it's a game changer. A couple of people saying I really bigged it up more than it deserved. But very much in favor of tajin.

Have you brought any up with you here? No. What? Well, you've already tried it haven't you I tried it but I tried it on mango so talk us through

what your because you did this thing on an Instagram story I got fucking mugged off no I tried it on mango alright go on with friends at a show in the Sheldrake

and I actually got some I had it on mango but everyone else had eaten all the pineapple and banana and stuff so I had it on mango and then James and some other people told me that actually it wasn't it on mango, but everyone else had eaten all the pineapple and banana and stuff. So I had it on mango, and then James and some other people told me that actually it wasn't best on mango. So I will come back to this, and I will say, with my whole heart, I'm sorry.

You have to say... Look at me. I'm sorry, man. But you and Anna Sheldrake put up an Instagram story where you were going, it's the worst thing I've ever tasted. Well, yeah, I mean, that was for comic effect. It's not the worst thing. I've, like, fucking... It's not as bad as eating dog shit. What is the worst thing I've ever tasted. Well, yeah, I mean, that was for comic effect. It's not the worst thing. I've, like, fucking... It's not as bad as eating dog shit.

What is the worst thing you've tasted? Probably someone's armpit. What was the context of you tasting someone's armpit? Like, you know, when you're wrestling, then. Someone's armpit gets in your mouth. OK. Good to know. Okay, this is from... I'm going to keep this Ayn on.

Hi, Rom, Tom and Lisa. I have a conundrum, and I hope that you guys will be able to help out. Me and my brother at the beginning of the year set up a mobile car detailing business. Car? Car or card? Car. Car detailing business? Yeah, like cleaning, isn't it? Is it cleaning? What is car detailing?

Do you want me to Google it? Yeah, please do. Can I carry on reading or shall we? Yeah, carry on reading. A car detailing business. There's only supposed to be a side job for the weekends. What has happened is it's taken off. We've started to get contracts to look after companies leasing... Validating, mate.

Validating. OK. Um, contracts to look after companies leasing fleets and regular customers. My brother's quit his job. He's now doing this full time. He's asking me when I would do the same. He's gotten as far as he can with the business growth by himself in the week my quandary is that I have a sales job that pays well but I hate coming into work every day I don't enjoy the

work at all we've just bought a house it was at the max of our budget and we've got a baby on the way I enjoy working with my brother and I enjoy the work but I'm just worried about the money coming in that would be able to cover living costs me and my brother at two different points in our lives he's 20 I'm 28 and have the responsibilities of a growing family if you ever need your cleaned, me and my brother would also love to help out. Any advice given would be greatly appreciated. Keep up the good work, loving the podcast. Just really where they're based if we need our cars car cleaned. Does it say? It doesn't say.

I'll get in touch, show you where that is because you know. Yeah, I'm glad that's your first. I mean the guy sounds quite, yeah, he's quite crippled by this problem but you've immediately jumped in there, fucking two foot on trying to get a free valet. Anyway, go on. Number one, you're valet in business. Sounds amazing. No, but to grow that quickly, that's your mate in time.

Jesus Christ. So, that's pretty special, mate. Look, the truth of the matter is you are in different phases of your life. And, yeah, I suppose there's a big difference between the living means of a 20-year-old and a 28-year-old who's getting married and has a kid on the way, sort of massive. I suppose what my first thing would be is a way of sort of almost bringing people in to help with your brother a bit more, if you can oversee it and still keep your sales job going. That would be one version of it.

But also there's another side of it where this could be a massive opportunity for you to do that thing you want. If you don't particularly like your sales job, you're not enjoying it massively, you don't get much out of it, you're actually taking this chance and taking this leap and kind of doing this with your brother who

you clearly have a great relationship with would be pretty incredible and it could lead to more and more things. You seem a pretty driven guy from what we can assess on this email. And I think, look, I'm only here doing this because I took that leap once upon a time

and the same with Rom. So for me, I wouldn't want to give you any advice either way that telling you to do this, I can see both sides of the argument, but maybe if you didn't do it, you would regret it. There could be a possibility. Do you not think there's a possibility that he could speak to his boss of his current job and say...

It's a battle. Well, look, this is the situation. If he, like, depending on how well thought of he is at work or what their situation is, look, well, look, this is the situation. If it, like, depending on how well thought of he is at work or what their situation is, go to them, look,

I've had this, this sort of, arguably a once in a lifetime situation where a business with my brother has taken off. Yeah. Would you consider letting me go off and have a go at this

and make a decision down the line or something? I mean, I don't know how easy that is to get a boss to agree to that. I will tell you now, a good salesman, it's really hard to come by. And this guy seems like he's a really good salesman.

He knows he's selling. So, you know, give it a year, man. Try it. I mean, look, the truth of the matter is, we are idiots. And as much as I like to sort of pass advice along, I wouldn't want to be comfortable with you doing either.

I just think it's the best of both worlds. What Tom's saying is he doesn't want you to email back in again if this goes tits up, is what he's saying. Or just turn up one of the houses with a shotgun. Well, the way that you bandy around offers are going out for drinks with people. Oh, wait, yeah. And reply to people.

By the way, actually, I got a message this week from someone who says that his friend started doing that in real life. It's actually weird. We're freaking him out a bit. Started doing what? Asking weird, different people for drinks. Because he's been listening to the podcast. He thinks it's sort of different. Can I just say, if that person's listening,

we are not meeting any of these people for drinks. Actually, I would strongly... I would actually urge you to not be doing this. Can I just say, actually actually I had this little thought on the way up here how fun it would be to do a catch up show where we catch up

with some of the people who said yeah where we've given advice and seen how they're getting on do you mean catch up now if you mean catch up as in we read

subsequent emails yeah yeah yeah there's certain people like Guy and the wedding couple the other week that I do feel like we're indebted to why are we indebted to them?

because they're friends of the show these people have become so what are you suggesting we do? what I slightly resent about this is it makes me look like an arsehole but I'm just trying to be quite pragmatic about this I can tell you now right

and this is for everyone that we might meet in the future when you meet Romesh But I'm just trying to be quite pragmatic about this. I can tell you now, right, and this is for everyone that we might meet in the future, when you meet Romesh, you're going to be blown away by his sunshine way of being. He will by far overtake me as this lovely sort of ray of sunshine into your life and you'll sort of shake his hand, women can shake hands, or bump his fist, and you'll see...

I don't think I'm ever going to shake hands again really? I don't think so hugging you love though don't you? I do love hugging, I wish I hadn't said it like that but yeah I do love hugging so yeah, we are going to look into a catch up show where people have given advice who we look at

maybe and see how you're getting on subsequently after our advice and obviously then, What do you mean? Are you talking about meeting up with them? No, no, no. They can email in or we do a little FaceTime with them and see how they're getting on after the advice. Okay. That could be fun. You really do think

we're making a difference here, don't you? In a way that really betrays what we're actually doing here. No, look. We're just two idiots with a dream. And should that dream forage into other people's night time rest, then wow.

Thank you. God bless. I can't even begin to unpick what the fuck you meant there. So yeah, listen, anonymous man whose brother, you go your own way. Find your way. You talked yourself into quite a little dead end there, look, you go your own way. Yeah?

Find your way. You talked yourself into quite a little dead end there, didn't you? Yeah, no, no, but find your own way. Yeah, find your own way. But can I just say to you, mate, I actually think it sounds like you get on with your brother and running your own business is great. You've sort of been given, it feels like fate, doesn't it, a little bit,

that this business has suddenly taken off. So when I'm reading your email, I think to myself, my instinct is to go for it. But like Tom said, I don't want you to do that based on our advice. And also just picking up on what you just said, I don't think you read that email. I think you listened to it. Oh, God.

I don't know what I found more annoying was you saying it or the or the sort of pride that was emanating from you as you said it. Oh, God, it was awful. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, I think if you can make it work, give it a go, mate. But if it doesn't work out, please don't email back. Yeah. Okay. Or if it does work out, please email back. Yeah. Okay. Or if it does work out, please email back. Yeah.

Yeah. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See?

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Now playing only in theaters. Hi, Rom and Tom. My name's Laurie. I listen to you lads from work. Top class, love it. Anyway, firstly, I'd like to ask how your race went from the podcast a couple of weeks ago. Could you give me some details about who won?

Should we answer that before we get to the next question? Just quickly, the race isn't taking place at the moment. We're just getting a suitable grounding and stuff for the race. Are you still up for doing this race? Yeah, I'm really up for it. Are you honestly up for it? Yeah, yeah, big time. Why?

Just because I think it would be good for us both I think it would be a fun thing to do to get it filmed as well 100 metres yeah ok alright

so the race hasn't happened yet but it will we might do it on the time bridge we'll decide we're not doing it on the fucking

time bridge mate ok so now I'd like to get to my my glasses are filthy mine are as well they're disgusting horrible so you did okay so now i'd like to get to my my glasses are filthy no no mine are as well but disgusting horrible um so you know did you you did drunk history didn't you yeah so on drunk history one

of the episodes or one of the bits um i uh was so my glass was so filthy somebody messaged me to say they couldn't really watch it because because they got obsessed with how dirty my glasses were. Let's move on. So, Laurie, now I'd like to get to my question. We're now coming towards the end of lockdown. Have you guys booked up to go to the pub and have a right session with each other to celebrate when the pub's open?

If so, have a beer on me and I'll be having a few. Keep up the good work. I mean, it's not... We haven't actually organised to no I mean we've seen quite a lot of each other actually

it feels like do you think we might like do you think you might actually take a break from me no never I feel like

yeah but you're you're suddenly going to have the world opened up to you in terms of socialising yeah but then if I you know I really enjoy our time

together and I sort of think it's something it's like sort of having a twin now in a way I feel sort of like if I'm, it's like having a twin now in a way I feel sort of like, if I'm not with you I'm thinking of how you are

and sometimes feel your pain within, so yeah literally I can't wait to walk into a pub I walk in, I smile you're there before me you're leaning on the bar, you smile back and then these two ice cold parts of lager just rest upon the bar,

and the barman says, these are on the house, mate, and you go, and I go, that's typical Rob, not paying for the first round, and we clink glasses,

and we both down these pints, and I just say, same again, and go, yeah, eight quid or whatever, and then you buy the next round. Okay,

and then what happens then? How does the evening carry on from there? I mean, what I'm asking is, how much of our drink together have you scripted? I think then we just get drunk and we laugh. Right. And we talk about stuff and, you know, we just let ourselves go. Maybe even just jump on an Insta Live.

Then other people we know might turn up and we're like, bloody hell, I didn't know you were in the area. Have you ever talked to yourself in a pub mirror? Yes. When you're drunk. Yeah, it's never normally positive, is it? No. It's actually quite horrible.

Do you know, I really miss one thing, I think the internet's killed this and I think phones have killed it. I used to love going into a random pub, and if I finished work, like, Saturday afternoon, I might be anywhere in London, or I might be in Crawley, or whatever, anywhere sort of around the M25.

Do you want to name some other town so I get a proper idea of what you're talking about? Bedford. And I'd pop in there, maybe your mind, maybe one other, but just go in there with a paper and a pipe. Sure. And make friends and chat to people. Oh, my God. What?

What's wrong with that? Are you being silly? I used to, like, go into a place I didn't know with and just have a pint and just have a bit of a laugh with people. Oh, my God. Can you imagine being somewhere at that pub and you just have a drink with actual friends that you've arrived with,

and there's some thirsty prick who's turned up on the fucking scout for new friends? No, you... Just walking around ruining different people's evenings. You know the thing where you'd be like, have you had a bet? You know, just have a little bit of a laugh with people.

Why don't you do it? I would fucking, honestly, if you'd turned up to a pub I was at with people that I actually wanted to have a drink with, started coming over trying to start a conversation, I would be fucking furious.

I would just come over. What would you do then? Explain it to me. I'm sat there. First of all, do you analyse whether you think this is a different person?

No, no. I would sit there and I'd be watching a football, be watching horse racing. I'd have a beer with me, right? And then I'd wait for someone to sort of,

you know, come to the bar and I'd go, you know, crack a joke about something. See what they, you know, how they reacted. Oh, my God, this is so tragic. Go on.

And then I'd be like, oh, you know what? I've just been working in the area. And then you'd just have a bit of an ask. Sometimes it wouldn't go well. Sometimes you would feel a bit like, oh, actually, this is a bit edgy. It feels like people aren't... If I was in a situation where I went to the bar

and then you did something like that, I would immediately, I'd sit down and I'd text my friends and go, let's meet up somewhere else because there's an absolute bell-ending here. You're talking about a time before phones were a big thing. Listen, I was slightly being deliberately a prick there because I do actually think what you're talking about a time before phones were the big thing listen I was slightly being deliberately a prick there because I do actually think what you're talking about

is quite nice actually yeah but I think the fact is I'm not saying I'd be there for the whole night even when I was doing stand up first of all I like new areas I've seen you at gigs but were you not ever like that because you're actually right this is the thing about you I've seen you at gigs, actually. But were you not ever like that?

Because you're actually right. This is the thing about you, right? And I mean this genuinely. There's a public persona in your... You are genuinely one of the most affable people. If I say this, and I mean this, I think I could go anywhere with you in company as a pair, and I could take you anywhere and you get on with anyone the majority of people like you know apart from

psychopaths but you are just a really affable person well I think that about you mate you get on with people I've never ever met anyone who'd go oh he wasn't much company I think you you're brilliant company to sit with have a drink with have a laugh with also you're not and I mean it's not too much where you, sometimes we and you have been in companies, especially a bit recently where you sit with people and thinking alright, yeah, there's five people sitting around this table.

So, and you know what, that is probably I always think it's I enjoy, that's one of the things I respect the most about David Brent. Well, I did not expect you to say that. No, I just love the fact that David Brent just wanted to get on with people.

I just think... I know people think he was a wally, but I think if you were David Brent, you'd have a hell of a time. He'd be a great guy to work and be around. There's two series in a film where everybody that hung around with him found him unbearable.

I think it's the other people, not him. Yeah, makes sense. Do you know what? It yeah makes sense do you know it absolutely makes sense that that's what you that would be your interpretation ok I'm going to give you this question

and we're going to one more after this alright fine here's my question right are you going to go out for a drink and a platter of beers

or whatever and a bit of food with David Bren and potentially Gareth right or are you going to go out with Big Keith and fucking Tim and Dawn

and that other arsehole who works at the office and all the other people? I'd rather go out for a drink with Tim. Really? With Tim, yeah, he's funny. Oh, mate, no way. If I worked at the office, I'd be like, oh, I'm going to get in with David Brent and Gareth.

I was re-watching The Office recently. Yeah. There's a bit where, do you remember when the IT guy comes in to sort out Gareth's computer, right? And then Tim goes, and we're talking about Bruce Lee, and the guy goes, and at that point Tim's got his new, you know that girl he's seeing? Yeah.

It's so good, right? So you know he's doing that bit where he goes, yeah, I did speedway i uh i was somebody had left a ramp out on the track i was heading towards the ramp and i could see people going oh my god if he hits the ramp at that speed he's surely gonna die i hit the ramp went upside down landed on my wheels stopped and i looked at him and said what were you worried about you know that that yeah so then tim goes to him they start talking about bruce lee and how bruce lee's not dead yeah and how he went to join the undercover police or whatever and then and then and then tim's watching from behind right and he goes uh he gets dawn and uh i can't remember the other his other girlfriend's name over comes over and then he goes

yeah because uh if uh if they were looking for somebody to go undercover they picked china's most famous film star and then he has a laugh with his girl and then the it guy just looks around and goes oh you've had enough of doing have you all right and then tim goes tim goes just shut up what shut up it's such a good because that thing is tim's a prick in that scene yeah yeah he because he's like because they're having a conversation fair enough it's a bit tragic their conversation but they're having a private conversation, Tim's got involved and then he's got mugged off

it's interesting that by the way that actor's incredible Garth Marenghi's Dark Places oh mate amazing he's amazing I think he's in two scenes of that whole yeah incredibly so good mate that is for me it's so good.

Mate, that is... For me, it's a mental thing to say because it doesn't need saying. But I think everyone of our generation in the office when you're writing and you're doing... That is just the one. It's so incredible. It's so good. Every now and again I re-watch it

and it's like... It's note perfect, man. Yeah. All right, shall we do one more email? Yes, boy. This is a quick one and then we'll finish up. How have I been today, Tom? Lovely.

I'm a bit paranoid about, this is like Red Bull rum, beer rum now. Beer rum. Yeah. I think maybe you have to stay away from stimulants. Maybe let's do a poll. Who do you prefer, beer rum or Red Bull rum? Yeah, but then what if they say we really love red bull rum

and then every time we do one of these podcasts we smash back fucking five red bulls I enjoy it I enjoy it when you're like this it's like you know what

I find days like today if you were a big rodeo ball right today's just been a bit of a like more testing ride at times I've just like

been on top of you yeah okay it's so it's sort of has just been a bit of a more testing ride at times. I've just been on top of you. Yeah. Okay. It's so... It's sort of... You say stuff like that a lot. It's much more horrible when you're in the room with you. You're just saying it.

Okay. Still loving the podcast, guys. Highlight of my weeks on dog walks. Amazed today in podcast 18 that roma's let a tom language slip go by twice wow what do you call somebody who is paranoid about being ill and you describe yourself tom adds a t to hypochondriac and gets hypochondriac would that be someone who only acts as though they have a serious but undiagnosed medical condition? Beer's in York, on me, any time.

Lots of love, Mark. Who? Mark. Mark, I can actually confidently say, of everyone who's written in to the podcast, you're the only person I won't be going to have a beer with. Oh, my God. Why?

I don't know. I just found it a bit... So I think, I will get words wrong, because... Will you? Yeah. I don't mind the fact that it happens. Genuinely, people, whatever.

But the fact that he jumped on there and said, I think that's more my language. Also, can I just shout out, someone messaged me today. So at the end of the last podcast, I said, my guy to you, right? Which is a very endearing thing that I say, because you're my guy. And someone messaged me saying, did Tom say MAGA?

Right? That's what I thought you said. I thought, because you know, you're always going on about making America great again. Yeah, yeah. So you don't stop going on about Make America Great again. Yeah, yeah. So you always, you don't stop going on about it. Someone mentioned it on the podcast.

Saying what? Say, did you shout MAGA? Because I'd be horrified. Why did you shout MAGA? I shouted my guy. Okay, listen. What I would say to whoever is that thought that, yes, that is Tom's politics.

But he would never say that on this podcast. I'm far too clever. To let that mask slip. Yeah. Orange is fucking the Donald Trump t-shirt. Some relics from Capitol Hill just around me.

The truth is, I did know it was hypochondriac, but the honest truth is, sometimes i just sort of think also who cares about words did you know what i meant yes i did did you know what i meant matt mark whatever your name is guy who's complaining about stings right but to be fair to be fair to mark though he's only following up on a trend that i started which is yeah yeah it's fine look pernickety right yeah that was embarrassing for me yeah it was embarrassing, though, he's only following up on a trend that I started, which is... Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine. Look, pernickety, right? Yeah, that was embarrassing for me.

Yeah, it was embarrassing. And I bet he's... Mark there sat there going... The fact of the matter is, I was right. Sometimes you're going to have... Were you right, though? Because you said that you preferred the word persnickety. Yeah.

Yet when you came back to it just then you said pernickety well I like them both you like them both persnickety was very trending back then but also you are being pernickety also Mark I hate any word that ends with C

because I think there's not a proper ending to it I think T is a great letter for that purpose. I think there's certain letters that are dominant and strong enough to end a word and C is one of them. Okay. Alright. So how do you say cardiac?

Cardiac. You say cardiac, do you? Yeah. Do you? Yeah. I'm a utility cardiac arrest. And how do you say cock? Cock. Or prick. And how do you say...

Cock ends with a K. Oh, I see. So K's all right. K's all right. C, I'm talking about. Oh, C, okay. I say silly C. Yeah.

Okay, so how do you say maniac? Maniac. But I put a K at the end. You put a K? Lunatic? Lunatic. Okay. What I'm saying to you is

C, I just think C is one of the letters. And look, Mark, maybe I've gone in too hard on you there. And we'll have to, if we're in York, I believe actually there's someone else from York who asked us to go for a drink. Yes.

Mark, come along. Let's chat this through. Because you seem like actually you're all right. It sounds like you want to straighten that, to be honest with you. I don't, no, no, no.

I mean, you just put your fist into your hand there. No, no, I always do that when I'm being dynamic. Okay. Right. Another way actually we're at the end of the scene.

Right. I think hypo to end with C. Right. I think hypochondriac sounds better. OK. Maybe it's not the word. Can we get a little vote in, please? Who thinks... OK. For this specific incident...

Another word to end with C. I'm not talking about Tom's general language usage. Do you think Tom should continue saying hypochondriac, because that's how he likes saying it, or do you think he should change to hypochondriac? What we're after is some life advice for Tom. Yeah, that's great. And also, look at the way I'm wearing my socks and my tracksuit bottoms.

Yeah, please look, those of you that listen to the podcast. No, but look at it for you. What about it? It's different from how everyone else might wear them. Well, you've tucked your tracksuit bottoms into your socks. Yeah, please look, those of you that listen to the podcast. No, but look at it for you. What about it? It's different from how everyone else might wear them. Well, you've tucked your tracksuit bottoms

into your socks. Yeah, why? Because I like doing that. Okay. I'm unconventional. I'm edgy. It's not edgy, mate. It's not edgy to tuck

your tracksuit bottoms into your socks. Look, sometimes, even though I'm at the beach, the surf's coming in, the waves are crashing down. The lifeguard goes, don't go out there. I'm still going in for a paddle.

Yeah, OK. But that's just, what are you displaying? A reckless abandon for your own survival? No, just saying. But a professional lifeguard. I mean, there's so much wrong with that. A professional lifeguard who works at the beach who said, don't go in there. And you are the type of prick that

would just go do you know what i think i know better than you professional lifeguard i'm just saying that sometimes you run a race differently sometimes it's a black back flip flip not a jump and that's just life mate and mark romesh like guys that just go oh god if the world turned a little bit differently we'd be worried. I just like that. This is incredible. This is incredible. I've never heard such fucking cocky sort of arrogance from somebody because they tuck their tracksuit bottoms

into their socks. You think that makes you some sort of fucking pioneer, edgelord Tom Davis. Anyway, listen, guys, let us know what you thought of the first episode where Tom and I are actually in the room together. It's been fun, hasn't it? I've enjoyed it, mate.

It's just been nice just to look across the room. And also so excited now. Thank you, everyone, who's recommended what I'm calling Rom's Restaurant. We'll be coming back to that next week. We can pick that up, can't we, then? And tell everyone how you got on with a big Rom review

sure yeah I look forward to that take care guys peace out and remember if you go into a pub and you see a guy

sitting there on his own he's just someone looking for friends just leave them alone please because they've probably got something going on love going on. Love! If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please

email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com We'd love to hear from you. Mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.