Wolf and Owl - Contentment, The M.A.S.K. movie and Steven Bartlett

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

Why Is Tom Pitching a M.A.S.K. Movie To Romesh? Strap in, this one is is exactly as unhinged as it sounds. In this episode of Wolf & Owl, a chat about Terry Pratchett somehow turns into a full-blown debate on contentment, imposter syndrome and why winning an award never fills the gap. The boys then argue over whether Coco Pops are a justifiable expense if you’re living in a park. Then, Tom introduces Mister Fart and pitches Romesh a live-action M.A.S.K. movie... Got a question, dilemma or poem? Email [e-mail] Ranga Bee Production. Chapters: 00:00 Intro02:02 Terry Pratchett03:32 What is contentment?06:03 Social media and comparing yourself08:08 Imposter syndrome14:51 The Back to the Future ending22:36 Mister Fart28:12 Pitching a M.A.S.K. movie39:56 Tom’s closer: Megan Fox and the squirrels42:30 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello and welcome to the Wolf and Owl Podicast. It's the Pottie Pod for all the podders who love to pod. This is my favourite version of you ever. This is your Terry Pratchett. If you like podcasts, I've got good news for you. We've got oodles of it. Yeah. Yeah, what you want, beak or jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's prefer.

Just kidding. Every word in his songs about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Now, some of you guys know that I run a business, Mandual Protein, and when I started it, the thing I didn't want to do was spend six months trying to figure out how to build a website before I'd even sold anything. Gosh, Tom, I didn't know you ran a business. Ron, you do not run a business.

Yeah, I do. Carry on. Shopify made that bit genuinely straightforward. The templates, the AI tools, you get a proper looking store up and running fast. No coding needed. Oh, we know how much you hate coding, Tom. Yeah, I loathe coding. And when I saw it there looking like an actual credible thing, you know what, Rom?

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UK. That's Shopify.com. atuk. You must have loved Terry Patrick when you're... Correct. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

My favourite was the... I think it's called Mort. What was that about? Mort. That a guy called Mort. What? I'm not read them for ages, but I did like it. I mean, the disc world thing was a bit...

I mean, it was... The whole... All those books were good. Yeah. So you read them? No, no, I'd sort of... So why are you going, yeah, yeah, like we're having a shared experience?

There was some kids of my class who'd read them. So he's sort of listening to sort of... I read them once and then left it, so I'm not really an expert, so I don't want to upset any... What was Pratchett in your mind? What did Pratchett, what did you bring to the word of books that no one else did?

Why are you doing this? What? No, because you're shaming me for reading. I'm not shaming. You are. You are, and bearing in mind that... What? No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no. A lot of young people. No, can I just say this is what you've done? If you've pulled out, I'm genuinely interested in what Pratchett brought to the, I know that he had this incredible imagination. It was funny fantasy stuff. Yeah, yeah, that's very good. I think, yeah, more people should, I've not read enough of them.

No. What are you reading at the moment? I read a lot of sort of self-help books. Yeah, I do as well, actually. Yeah, I don't. What are you reading? Can you think of any? Oh, do you know what I've read recently, which is incredible, is about it.

Oh, fuck, the words go out of my mind. So it's all, everything's set around that Japanese word, word about living so. Itchy. Yeah. I've just read that. I've just read that. Yeah.

That's what I read on. Incredible. Yeah. It just makes you think about everything differently. Yeah. It literally is like, oh, okay. They've got it suss. We overcomplicate everything.

Here's my thing. I've become fascinated with, uh, the idea of what contentment is. and how we live our lives and the constructs that we've put in place in order to give us some sort of sense of purpose and all that. Do you think that we've now, contentment is a thing that's hard to find

than it was generationally, like our parents' generation. My mom and dad always felt, although they didn't have hardly anything, very content. Like, oh, this is a, we've worked hard, and we work hard to have a life that we're providing. But, you know, they didn't feel like they were aspirationally looking for more, and more and more.

They felt like they were like, I know, you know what, we're able to feed the family, we're able to, yeah, they feel like the world is now where everyone's closely looking for more.

Well, I think some of it is, I'm oversimplified here, but some of it is expectations management and like what you actually want. Because I think, if you just said to me, I was going to get to,

even a point five years ago in my career, for example, I wouldn't have been able, I wouldn't have believed. New from Nespresso, blend wellness into your, coffee routine with a coffee plus range infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love

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Bring it with SAP Grow. AI Cloud ERP for any size business. Right? I wouldn't have thought that's so beyond the realms of possibility. But once I got there, I started thinking what bigger thing, or not bigger, I don't, bigger is the wrong thing. What different thing, what new thing can I do, right? And that's kind of what you end up being driven by. And sometimes, if you just go, how I'm going to live my life is, I'm going to do whatever I can to make today

great and then tomorrow great. And you build up, and you build up and you get rid of the things you don't enjoy doing and don't, that don't serve you and you focus on the things that do serve you, make you feel good. That to me is contentment. And I'm not to talk about just career. I'm about have I have I got if I look across this month have I got enough time with my family

have I got is the things other things that I'm doing at work fun things let's put paying your bills and stuff to one side let's assume that you're that's one of the goals

that you've got to achieve but I'm talking about like is the ratio of good fun nice things in my life right and if it is then I think that's contentment but I think

that you get caught up in like social media and are being across more stuff that's happening in the world means that you start looking at other people and thinking I should be doing this and I should be doing that at least like envy and you sort of think oh this person's doing this and maybe I should be moving more in that direction when actually if you didn't have those outside influences you might just be happy where you are and I don't mean that in a derogatory I mean like I think the biggest enemy to your happiness and contentment is manufactured dissatisfaction I think.

Do you think it's now like the everything that we, the world was like without being like. We're about to say without getting wanky, I'm afraid that ship has sailed from what I've just said. So we're on wanky waters now. Yeah, but it was a lot of a smaller place, right? So if you think like parents in their generation, if someone down the road got a new car,

that was the aspiration of, that person's doing well. So it's very small in the basis of like, you weren't really looking at, side your social, like television films fell off million miles away from anything. And now you're a fucking movie still. No, but you look at like social media now,

the lie and everything that we're constantly shown of people who influences, I think I've nothing against influencers, crack on, do what you're doing, but I think when you're peddling what is a lie of like, well, I've spent this much money to spend 15 minutes in a private jet to get 20 photos to make, it look like I'm living this kind of life that's seductive and for any young person, they go, I'd like to live that life. That's something I'd like to do. And it feels quite attainable. For me, that's the thing that's like, like contentment, I think is a, like you, I, like now

sit in a place where I'm like, not everything I do is a complete, it's mad, insane that I've got to a point where I do the thing. So there's a lot of, most of my days spent with imposter syndrome or worrying or thinking how's it happens. Those are your two best friends? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I sit with. So it's not like contentment of me going, oh, I wish I could achieve more. It's more like just me going, I'm worthy of what I'm doing, which is, I think, a different thing. Well, I think like it's sort of, because I mean, this is getting so, but, but. It's not at all how I saw this episode. No, no, I mean, either. But, I mean, it started off, I mean, it started I was just talking about reading.

But you and I have this in common. I don't know if you have this. But I think what you're trying to do is you're just desperate for some sort of, for the validation that makes you feel worthy. Yeah. And that's why people get so obsessed with winning an award for what they do,

because what that is, is that somebody else going, you're really good at this. And I want to, and I think you're so good at this, I'm going to give you an, award for it, right? And what you think is going to happen is that award is going to fill like the gap that you've got in yourself and suddenly you're going to have validated,

but you won't. And that is because, in my opinion, in my uneducated, poorly read opinion, that is because there is something else that needs fixing. And you have like a thing where you get into this cycle of I don't deserve to be doing the things I'm doing and I'm not talking about work in isolation either I'm talking about you're not deserving of your wife you're not deserving of your kid you're not deserving of whatever your home life is right

and so then you're just on this treadmill of looking for like validation from so you're looking elsewhere for validation it's why when we walk off stage we need somebody to go that was really good because we can't tell ourselves that. You're not in a mental state to be able to go. The ideal, the paradise, is you go, that was good enough for me

and I don't give a fuck what anybody else thinks, right? But that's tricky. It's very difficult to get to that point. But that is kind of where contentment lies. Welcome to the comedy podcast, Wolf and Al. Someone was telling me the other day, though, because I was questioning this on a thing I'm doing where I'm like, was just saying about worthiness

and, you know, questioning yourself, da-da-da. And the person told me, out and he said to me, well, the flip of it is you walk into every situation like this or anything situation that you, but you get something, you know, that's a big job or a big moment or, and you go, no, I couldn't have fucking do deserve this. Which would essentially make you a bit of a narcissist if you turned up and went, well, no, I can have, this should be happening to me because I'm fucking brilliant, which is a, another flick. It's all fucking confusing. Yeah, but those people aren't happy either. No. Because like, because they think that thing is going to

make, you know, you think about the number of times you've gone for a job, right? Let's keep using work as an example, but it's not, because it's easier to apply work to this, right? You think about a job that you've really wanted, right? Yeah. And in your head, you convince yourself that if I get that job, right, I'm going to feel so fucking great. Yeah.

And it's going to, I can't believe that I'd get that job, right? Imagine, that's the thing. You audition, for example, right? And then you do get it. And what I imagine happens is, I don't know, seven to eight minutes of elation, right? Yeah. Followed by non-stop anxiety about your ability to do that job that you just got, right? And so there's all of these things where you, we have these like false dawns where we think, if this happens, I will be happy.

It's like me and Walshie, Sean Walshies, call it the swimming pool moment where you're sat in a swimming pool going, I did it, right? Like that moment cannot be given to you by the outside. I just don't think it'd be given to you by external factors. It's something you have to find within yourself. And it's as easy and as difficult as that, in my opinion. But the point I was going to make is I keep thinking, I want to read about this. And then as soon as I read a really deep philosophy book,

I'm fucking lost. Yeah, yeah, of course. So I wake up in the morning. I think I'm looking online. What's a good book to read about this? And then I'll read about a page of it. And then I managed to give myself a new hang-up about the fact I can't understand shit.

And then that's a new thing for me to worry about. What's the guy Hubbard? Old Mother Hubbard? No, who's the guy who he's always on job? El Ron Hubbard. No, no, the guy. Hubberman. Hubberman.

Hubberman. He writes in a way that I think you'd understand. I don't know what's more patronising. The tone of voice of the hand. No, I'm just like, he writes in a way. He writes in a way that you'd understand. No, but he writes. Have you read the work of Roll Dole? It's a way that you'd understand.

No, but you who were right, I think, I mean, I'm not a big, some of these stuff I sort of buy into some of it, not so much, but he, I think there's more simple. I read those books and, yeah, I'm lost. Have you, is anyone here watched Pursuit of Happiness before?

Yeah. I've never watched it. What, what's, what? Fuck, inhale, why have you brought into the conversation then? Because that's what we're talking about? What does he find it? Because I'm guessing at the end of it, he pursues happiness and gets it. Well, I mean, it's not a very good film. He does get happiness, but this is the whole problem that we're talking about.

The pursuit of happiness is he's destitute for most of the film. And he like grinds and grinds and grinds. He's funny for someone who might not know what destitute is. He's basically, he's got no money at all. Okay. And he's trying to raise his kid. And he buys into, my recollection of it is he buys into this. Like a pop machine?

No, he's a sewing machine salesman. No, an x-ray machine. It's some piece of like, he's a, a daughter-to-door salesman for this staff and that's one of the things he buys into but he starts he starts just getting super broke there's a really horrible scene where he's got nowhere to stay

the night and so he started to sleep in a train station like toilet with his kid and they're lying on the floor his kid falls asleep and they're trying to kick him out of the toilet so they're banging on the door and he's just crying holding on to his kid trying to keep his kid is so bleak

anyway the film it takes you through like an emotional kind of at the end of it he finds happiness well this is the contentious bit in my opinion it's not seen as contentious he gets a great job

right and he makes loads of money it's based on a true story yeah so that is does he achieve happiness he achieves an external signifier of what happiness is supposed to be my god I'm fucking on fire today

but you know you know back to the future do you know the guy that played his dad you know he got booted off the second film because of this whole thing because at the end of Back to the Future Martin McFly comes back to 985 yeah he's got the truck his dad's a successful author yeah his sister and his brother's in the corporate world

I don't know what his sister's doing but like it's um Biff is working for them or whatever he's like washing cars and so Crispin Glover who plays George McFly by the way always remember him being like quite sneaky he was actually really handsome I thought it's handsome in the... Yeah, he is at the end, but they're making it quite... He said, I don't agree with this being the better version of life.

Like, he had a big problem with the ending of that film. And he said, why is this the happy ending to this film? That suddenly they've got money and Marty's got a nice truck and all of this. Like, I don't agree with that message. And I don't know if it's... That is part of it, but he wasn't in the second film. Yeah, but didn't they use... special effects and a look-al-like he was upside down for most of it wasn't he yeah yeah because he's in this

like hover thing and it's like it was faulty or whatever but yeah so that it's like that happy ever after it's like now you find yourself thinking what does what exactly what's your what's your what's your like if there's one thing that always just yeah aside family and spend time when a boy is Lisa what's one thing it always gives you a smile do you feel genuine happiness about it's difficult to think something that isn't family I think that I think that Like, when I cut, this is so, this is going to so wanky. When I come downstairs and the boys are having breakfast, because they're very readily helped themselves now.

But when I come to says, the boys having breakfast, have a chat of Lisa, that's my favourite part of every day. That's great. Unless Lisa's on the phone to that guy again. But for the most part, that's the happiest. I think that, yeah. But there's so many other things that had to have happened in order for me to get to that point, right?

like I have to be in that house my kids have to be comfortable because I've made enough money to make them do you know what I mean? So the idea that I'm presenting a simple idea or a simple, that's my idea of happiness, right? There's lots of things that have had that are holding that up.

You know what I mean? If we were living in a park would that be my favourite part of the day? No, it'd probably be quite bleak. Yeah, I think. Well, maybe it would or maybe it wouldn't, but. I think it would be bleak.

I think, you know, you're living in amongst a squirrel I'm not a stick man. By the way, squirrels are getting outlandish. They're getting a lot of confidence. They're coming to people, we talked about this the other week. They got people's windows. You know, you're not eating,

you're probably eating, you're fighting squirrels for nuts. You boys. It's not the same thing as you coming down. We rarely, I don't know what Lisa's told you about our last stuff, but we're not foragers. No, but if you're living in the fucking park and the woods.

Oh, I see if we're living in the park. Yeah, so you're living in the park. You haven't got like a, there's nowhere to keep your corn, lakes you and rice Krispies. What if we make, yeah, that's true. Yeah, so Lisa would come down and go,

right, boys, scavenge time. Let's hope squirrels haven't got to the nuts. Go outside of the sparrows made a nest out of your cocoa pops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, you wouldn't have cocoa pops. If you're living in the park,

you can go to the shop, though, can't you? Yeah, but it's an insane thing to spend like four pounds on cocoa pops when you... What if that's, what if that's our one thing? Like, in all of this horrible life,

all the kids says, you know what, Dad, this is so bleak, but the one thing that keeps me going is cocoa pops and so that's the only thing that we buy that's feasible I tell you take your finger out your asses you need to aspire to more than blooming cocoa pops

well that's where we're at now man we're at cocoa pops now I'm just saying also then you've got the milk to buy it's like you probably share a snickers between all of you I guess so yeah yeah it's cheaper you've been quite judgmental with this hypothetical scenario

all I'm saying you're living in a park and you're like living on boozy so what would you do I certainly wouldn't be that boozy I'll be going out and going, oh, let's get the old cocoa pops in, I think. I'd be like, right, let's scavenged together a little bit more money. Like, we could live off the land. Live off the land?

Yeah. Like there's animals about it. You're up again. You would not be out of being a vegan for long because you'd be out. No, I'd be full carnival. Yeah, yeah. Apart from the cocoa pops that I think is a legitimate purchase. You're insane that you think.

I'm not talking about buying lots and lots of cocoa pots. You could go own brand. Pardon? Could go own brand. No, fuck that, John. I'm not a savage. I'm living in a park but I'm not a, what the fuck do you think I am?

Maybe once a year at Christmas you get cocoa pops. Fucking cocoa puffs or whatever the fuck they're called. No fake. Not in my name. Those squirrels, you'd be setting traps for them. Yeah. Be careful, you'd have to do it. You could leave cocoa pops out as a little bit of bait.

No. They're useful as well as dishes. Throwing the cocoa pops away. You have to get a book on wild mushrooms and foraging. Yeah. Going into people's bins and stuff. Yeah. Oh, crisis.

I'd be like fantastic Mr. Fox. that's a sad old life that what is? Park dwelling Park living Yeah I don't That's not the hottest take You've ever given on this

No but it's I've never really thought about it Yeah Because I don't think it happens is it Do people live in parks I'm sure it's somewhere So I You get moved on

Don't you if you're in a park If I stay If you stayed in a park As a family of five With two dogs Which I think we probably get rid of No but yeah I'm not sticking around you

Remember we used to live in that pig house Imagine eventually Reggie and Ivy just like, we're not coming back. Throw the stick. But we ain't bringing it back. You sad fuck. New from Nespresso. Blend wellness into your coffee routine with a coffee plus range infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like coffee plus B12 to help support immune function.

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Okay, but I don't think it's in your immediate future. No, no, not in the media. I mean, to be fair, I think it would just be, I don't think Grace's got a part living in her house. She's got a part living in a house? No, wheelhouse. That's not in her wheelhouse. Yeah, kids would love it? No, no, she'd hate it. Initially she'd like it, though, wouldn't she? It feels like camping. Yeah.

But then eventually she's seen you... Did you use the bait camps of the boys? No. Really? No, no. Oh, man, well, it's one of the things we're doing a bit at the moment. Yeah. Get some old sort of sticks.

Like a little teepee thing. She goes in on the dormant outside. That's good. What's great at least, the age she's at the moment, there's a lot of imaginative play. We're sort of playing sort of characters and stuff. It's quite fun. What's your favourite game with the boys when you're a kid? Does she, is she able to get any characters in with the way that you well play?

Or does she have to sit and watch this menagerie of different people? She is a, it depends. We've started playing Silvanian families. Is that still a thing, Sylvania Families? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Girls, yeah, she loves it. So, yeah, we do different voices. So, one character I do is a snow leopard called Mr. Fart.

Mr. Fart? Yeah. Could you give us a little burst? Hello, it's me, it's Mr. Fart. I'm just popping around here and hoping that nobody makes me fart. How do you make Mr. Fart Fart? Someone says something or bites and knocks him any farts and then he goes up in the air.

But then we have a thing. I bet she laughs the head off of that. And then we have like Mr Fart's birthday party. That's the favourite thing at the moment where he doesn't get invited to his own party. That's sad, what? Because of the farting? He's quite annoying character.

Right. Yeah. And where did you draw on that for that story? So he'll turn out. What experience is? Which birthday is this? And she'll go, it's your party. I wasn't invited.

and you're like, yeah, because you stink a fart. Yeah, because you're a... Fuck off, Mr. Fart, you sad old prick. That's the... That's Grace's bit. That's Grace's involved. That's the greatest bit. That sounds really lovely.

What's great dad? Did you used to play figures with the kids? Yeah. That's one of my favourite things. That's my happy place. Yeah. We'll play. Sometimes the three of us will be to play figures.

Do you think it'd be difficult for Grace when she grows out of it and you're still... You know what? That is one... That's interesting. I sometimes think it's one of the... a good thing for our imagination. But playing with toys is actually,

like I've got a friend who still, I think, does it. He won't admit to it, but I'm almost adamantly does. How do you know? Because when I've been around his house, he's got figures out and they look like they've been doing it and like playing a game with them. Is he not doing it like Elf on the shelf

and just putting them in different positions? No, maybe for pictures. I've never seen the pictures. Right. But don't you think it is, it's one of my, yeah, I actually, now you've said it, I'm not really thought too much about because he's at an age,

I've probably got a couple of years of doing that. Maybe me and Catharwell would just be that Sylvanian families downstairs sort of doing their different voices and stuff well I I remember this is a bit embarrassing now but as things we're talking about this I remember like did you ever do things where like you'd not even be playing with toys

but you'd imagine that you were in like a show like I don't know action force or something like that yeah right so I used to do I was a Transformers fanatic so I used to pretend I was one of the Autobots and I'd be like on my mum and dad's bed pretending I was in back you know you sort of like a kid does I remember like the day

where I thought, I'm too old to be doing this. Like, yeah. Yeah, and it's a sad day, right? And you have to hang up your imagination at that point. Well, so that's where, that's what I think you are trying to lock back into when you're being a creative. Yeah. It's actually you shut this thing off. And then what happens is we get taken over.

Oh, God, what's happened to me today? It's like I've taken a fucking, do you know what I feel a little bit like? I'm turning into Stephen Bartlett. I'm spouting. I'm spouting. I'm spouting just half-assed, uneducated theories of this one. I'm going to be quite honest, because you're very sincere in this world. It all roads seem to lead to sort of like you're having these really moments of enlightenment.

Your third eye is open. Yeah. My fucking second one, barely. We're back. So I hope that I go on, because I am quite interested. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, is like when you're a kid, you're probably, you're probably about to come up with your most interesting storylines. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And then you close all that off. And then when you're like writing a sitcom or writing stand up, you've got to try and break all that down. I think I probably went longer than I should have with that kind of world. When did you stop just before you had Grace? Not far off. I'd go in the garden on my own. And bear in my I was terrible at football and pretend that I was a footballer or,

yeah, like have some mask I was obsessed with. Masked Crusaders. I don't know. the next bit. The next bit. The track is going to lead the mission and Venom

got this supervision. Mammah Mammah, MASS! The leader of the bad guys in that

what was the bad organization called? Miles Mayhem. Miles Mayhem looked like he was mid-50s, I think.

He did, yeah. It was a bit mad that he was involved in all of that shit. You would have think by the time you get to mid-50s

you're operating from an office and you're sending other people out to do that shit. But all of them look just, yeah,

Yeah, it's never even be mooted as coming back, is it? No, and it was never, live action was never talked about, was it for Mask? It's too long ago now. But Mask is a stupid idea. What? Like, what I mean is they put on a mask and their vehicles change. Like, what the fuck is... No, they put on a mask, the masks have power.

Yeah, I know, but it's like... And then the vehicle, so it's basically Transformers and like, like an action man all in one cool thing. Mask was my favourite thing. Okay, listen, I didn't know. that you're involved in the mask PR team. But what I mean is, how do you, okay, pitch me a realistic mask movie storyline.

Okay, what, I'm going into your office? Yeah, okay, cool, let's do it. So I'm, I've got, I don't know, I've put out a memo to all creatives. Okay. I've got 130 million pounds burning a hole in my pocket. And I want to spend on a high budget,

new franchise. Okay. And who am I playing? Yeah, yeah, let's do that And three other people that you Make up as we're going, I imagine And so are you you, you're like a... I'm

Like a tech billionaire Yeah, my name's Steve Rixon Steve Rixon, okay And I'm lowly Tom Davis Okay Well, you're just Tom Davis And you've had the career that you've had?

Yeah, yeah, let's see it. Wow, what a place, Mr. Rickson, Thank you so much for coming in seeing you. No, thank you for seeing me, seriously. No problem at all. No, seriously. Yeah.

How was the journey in? Very interesting, actually. Very interesting. In what way? Oh, no, it was a train was a little bit late and, yeah. It had been raining, so there's that sort of humid sort of feeling here. And that's what you, is that? Yeah.

Well, you've got an anecdote out of it. Yeah, someone was eating some smelly crisps. But anyhow, I'm not here to talk about travel, Mr. Rixon. I'm not here to talk about travel, Mr. Rixon. Sorry. Mr. Rixon, you're right? Yes, yes, go for it. I'm here to talk about something far more interesting.

Yes, look, I've been excited about this. I heard from your agent, you've got an idea that apparently is going to blow my socks off. Well, yes, I think it might, Mr. Rixon, knowing your background. I was in socks. That's how I It was the Sox Sox

And also You like cars, right? Am I wrong in saying That you like automobiles? Yeah, I love automobiles So imagine if you had normal Is this a pitch started? No

No, don't put it on the clock yet Oh right It's not a clock I'm just I'm just trying to ascertain Am I now being pitched to You know, it's quite exciting Imagine if you will

That your car would change It's something completely different If you put on a call mask Transformers? Yes. But imagine the Transformers didn't have personalities, but the people who drove them did. So it's people in Transformers? Yes, basically.

Right. And their cars change when they go on a... Into a robot? No, not a robot, just into something, like a car that would change into a battering ram car or a flying car. So a car that changes into a car? Yeah, like a flying car. A flying car. Yes, so it would be like a NASCAR that turns into a flying car.

Right. That would probably be driven by a character you might know called Matt Tracker. You're talking about mask. I am talking about mask. I'm talking about a live action mask, Mr Rixon. I believe that if we can get, which I think I've almost definitely got Matthew McConaughey to play. You've got Matthew McConaughey agreeing to play Matt Tracker. I said Matthew McConae an email and he hasn't refused the part.

I got his email from a friend of mine. And he hasn't refused the part. I've got an email from a friend of mine who's very interested in playing a another part. Who's that friend and what's the part? Because... So, I don't know if you're aware... Did you email yourself saying I'm willing to play

Miles Mayhem? No, I think you might know him from some of his comedy work over in a whole place we call the United Kingdom. Mr. Romish Rang and Nathan is very interested in playing the part of Teabobbob. So it will be... So Teabobbob is like the little egg-shaped robot.

Yes. How would Romer Shrang and Nathan play? Is he just doing the voice? He's doing the voice, but we'd probably put him in the robot for a laugh. You put him in the robot? For a laugh. But it's that high, isn't it? Yeah, he'd squeeze in.

It doesn't feel necessary. Yeah, but what I'm saying, this is Teabop here. Yeah, I know, I know Mars. Yeah, we used to call it in my house the unfilmable cartoon. Well, that's where you're wrong. Because I've got some of the best people in the business. Who have you got? Chloe Simmons.

What's Chloe going to do? Chloe's great for making cars into other things. That's her specialism? Yep. Her specialism is making cars into other things. Yeah, she's like a converter. She converted her minivan into her house. So she's...

That sounds to me like somebody whose circumstances have led them to live in their minivan. Yeah, but also she's learned a lot along the way. So I basically showed her a mood board, which is what we showed different people pictures. I know, look. I know what a mood board. Thank you.

And she was like, oh, I can do that. I went, okay, Chloe Simmons, you're hired. So Chloe Simmons is on board. Have you seen any evidence apart from the minivan that she is able to do that? The minivan was enough for me to guarantee her the job. Okay, but you're not putting any money in, aren't you're asking me for you? Well, yeah, but I'm writing the script. So it's sort of 50-50.

You're the money. You are 50-50 with who? Well, yeah, if you put the money in, it's my idea and my humor and my script and you are then putting the money in. So that's sort of where brains meets cash. Well, they don't meet there. You can even do it with your fingers. Like that. So you've got, that's your end and that's my end.

Right. Okay. So yeah. So it's a very exciting prospect. I'm happy to give you 50% of the... You're happy to give me 50% of them? We will need to go and get the IP, which is... Okay, so I'd assumed that when you were coming in into pitch for the money that you'd got some IP.

But what you have got is the... confirmation that someone in a minivan is willing to be involved. And also the Romish Ranganaitha, Nathan, Matthew McConae, I think. Okay, two things. First of all, one, I don't believe you've got Matthew McConnor, and two, is there something that Romish Rangana has said no to him in the last decade? That's actually the funniest thing you've said for a while with it, Rickson.

But Ramesh Ramesh Ramesh. But Ramesh Ramesh. That's why he's in so much stuff. Not in movies. Well... I mean, I'd say you're a bigger film star than Rolmaryngon. Yeah, but I'm directing it. and writing it, I wouldn't be able to be in it.

Unless I've sort of probably played like one of the bad guys for a little couple of scenes. Mars Mayhem? No, no, no. We've got someone very interesting for Mars Mayhem. It's mayhem. Yes. Al Murray. Al Murray is going to play Miles Mayhem.

Yep. As in the pub landlord. He's trying to get away from that role and I think this would be bad. I don't think this is the route away from it. So Al Murray is definitely in. Al Murray. Yeah. Romishwang and Nathan.

Matthew McConnell. and Chloe who lives in her minivan. Yeah, well, she's not in the film. She's just making the cars into spaceships and stuff. I've watched Mars, none of the cars go into spaceships. Do you know the IP? So then we've got Boulder Hill. We'll probably need to use one of your properties for that.

But it's really... Well, I don't have a property that looks like Boulder Hill. Would you like my associate John Munser to send over some of the sort of mock-ups that we've made from the figures? We've basically brought all the figures. and then we've done some mock-ups of scenes. That sounds to me like you and John have been playing with action figures. I don't know what that...

Well, this is how this all started. We're playing with action figures. John had had a couple of drinks as he does. He's going through a bit of a tough time at the moment. Is he still into feet? Yeah, he is. And John just sort of lay on his back laughing because I'd said something funny,

as is my way, Mr. Rixon. And John went, this would make an incredible movie. I lay next to John. high? This has no bearing Yeah, yeah, we've both been smoking quite a lot. Okay. We lay next to each other and I was like, wow, this would make a good movie. And then we just started talking about scenes and

that's... When you said this would make a good movie yeah, did you mean mask or two guys who'd been playing with action figures that would have had a joint and were lying next to each other on the floor? To be fair, both of them make good movies, but Chloe says... Because I'd be honest with you, as a movie idea, I think I prefer that. If you prefer that, I don't. If you give me five minutes. Two guys that have both got an interested action figure

they find each other because it's sort of socially unacceptable Let's see that one then I'd say Well I don't need you for that That's my idea Well me and John are the main characters You base it on our lives I'm not going to get the two fucking

losers at the inspiration for it To play the characters Would you want Ramesh or Matthew McConae To play either of those characters? I don't want either of those Really? Well Matthew yes Al Murray is dying to do something

Al Murray And scene Yeah So okay you didn't really pitch a story line that, did you? No. If I'm honest with you, what happened there is, as sort of the eyes of Steve Rixon, by the way, a formidable person to be in front of, started bearing down on me.

I completely forgot. I remembered like three characters named, and I couldn't remember a lot of what actually happened. I thought, or you remember Boulder Hill, which is impressive. So the reason I said about it being, not being a great film, is because Transformers, yeah, right? Robots in disguise. Yeah. Okay.

you buy it in the cartoon. When you watch the film, it sort of occurs to you more than ever before. These are massive robots. Who are they disguising themselves from? What the fuck's going on? They're like 20 Transformers movies now.

I know, but what I'm saying is it doesn't make sense. It doesn't hold up to any screenings. Do you miss the innocence of that animation up against the CGI? Look, I could do a whole series of podcasts about what my issues are with the Michael Bay films. of Transformers. Really?

Yeah. Well, this stuff needs more content. Well, first of all, none of the fighting scenes are any good at all. Wow, imagine if Michael Bay was here. There's not a single fight scene in any... Oh, no, that's not fair. How many of them did Bay do? How many of they've been, like five or something?

They've been seven, I think. Transformers, seven. I've not watched all of them. So actually, my statement there was ill-informed. I re-watch Transformers the first film with my youngest. Yeah. The shots of Megan Fox are... unethical.

Yeah. It's insane. There's a bit where they're trying to break female stereotypes by making her be really good with cars, but they also have to have a give, even when they're doing that, they give with one hand and take away with the other because she's got to also,

her dad's really into mechanics or whatever it's like. Just watching my dad. You got to take a part of a transmission and put a bed together by the time I was four or some shit like that. Then she's looking at the car and then the camera just pans down her torso. so it's fucking wild.

Yeah. There's more shots of Megan Fox's body than there are of any of the fucking transforms. I feel a bit sorry for Megan Fox. Because of M she was together with MGK. Yeah, a bit of that. And I just always think that she's really struggling to find her place in the world.

I think she always feels to me a bit lost. You know, whenever you're... In what way? I don't know, I just always feel like a sort of a sadness about her. You know, in the same way that you do with certain people, you just go, oh, poor old Megan Fox. She should have it all.

I mean, that's what we're talking about. earlier about the pursuit of happiness. Well, the whole, where this whole episode started is, what is all, Tom? She just feels like Hollywood's not been kind to her. Right. I always feel, I don't know.

Almost a victim of her beauty. A beauty, yeah, yeah. And her early success. I just always feel like whenever I, I think she's gone out with some dodgy characters who've not treated her particularly well. Do you know all this? Are you speculating?

I'm probably speculating. There's a bit of me hypothesizing. Sure, sure, sure. But I just always think, oh, poor old Megan. Yeah, okay. There's people who've got it harder than Megan Fox. Yeah, absolutely.

The guy's in the park. Yeah. It would be bleak if you saw Megan Fox living in the park. Anyway, that feels like a good way to close the app. Tom, could you give us a closer? Yeah. It involves Megan Fox, a park and squirrels. Hmm.

Life had been tough for old Megan Fox. One day she'd been the bell of the ball. Megan, more popcorn. I've eaten enough popcorn, thanks. You can have all the popcorn you like. You're a star of Hollywood, kid. Stars fade as a knight draws today. Before you know, the mansion that you walk around in,

surrounded by welders and good gifters, has become somewhat empty. The checks that you cash so frequently, the money that will fall into your account, almost feels like nothing. Where's the happiness, Megan? Where's the happiness? Megan searched high and low for this.

Sometimes in bars, frequented them with friends, rappers, singers. Fellow actors, sports people, but still never really finding outplace. And once summer this morning, Megan awoke and took a walk. She found herself at a park. Nay, not a big, flashy park,

just at a normal park. some trees, a slide, some swings. Megan sat on the swings and rode them up and down like you do swings. Then she went on the slide. And she looked over to the trees and saw some scampering. She sprinted over as quick as she could. And to surprise, there was a family of squirrels there, eating nuts and laughing, chasing each other.

Simple, really. That's that moment that Megan thought, By gosh, I've really made my life more complicated than it should be. She stroked when a squirrel's head who came over to her. The squirrel looked her in the eye and said, Give yourself a break, Megan. And that moment, that's exactly what Megan did. She gave herself a break.

She went to another park and another park, and before you know, she'd become addicted to be in parks. And the stress kind of meant. melted away because sometimes when you're looking for something to do and that thing's got to be big and grand like a new film or writing a book or maybe making a album because someone you know has made an album that can be intense but when all you've really got to do is find a park some swings and slide and if you're lucky some squirrels with a bit of advice well friend that's a little bit more simple thank you so much tom really nice thank you really nice what do you

think of these three subjects? I'm enjoying a lot more. I think the audience that our listeners should send in. Yeah, okay. They're completely random. Thanks for listening. Thank you, friends. And watching the Wolf and our podcast. We'll see you next time. Emails to Wolfelpod.com and we'll see you on Friday's

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