Wolf and Owl - Ep 5: Pilot #1 - Aliens

Episode Date: December 23, 2020

Before the Wolf and Owl podcast was revealed to the world, Tom and Romesh recorded a number of pilots with each show themed on a single topic. Some were great, a few were average and one potentially career-ending. Undeterred, we’ve decided to release a selection of these recordings and here’s the first - it’s all about aliens. Enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Only at Kudo. Conditions apply. Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them. Welcome to the Happy Stack, a podcast where we share the best of the best of the best. 7am. Welcome to a very special edition of the Wolf and Owl podcast. Basically, I know that on the last episode, we said that we weren't going to do one before Christmas, but we weren't lying when we said we recorded a load of episodes, were we? We've done, we've tried out numerous formats, haven't we? Well we well this is i like to think this is an added bonus christmas special just for sort of like law listeners and in all fairness i don't know i've not even listened to this back so i know that this is your favorite pilot that we hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on what happened was obviously it's unbearable to listen back.

The only reason, every time James edits one of these podcasts, we listen back to it to see if he's kept in anything that's cancelable, right? Now, that's the truth of it. You're not really listening for quality. You're listening mainly to see if we've said anything potentially career-ending, is the honest truth, right? So now, with regards to this aliens episode there is absolutely no fucking way i'm gonna go back and listen to that thing that we recorded months ago and tom's exactly the same right no so so we don't actually

all i remember is a feeling and i remember feeling that this episode wasn't complete shit that's the truth of it so that's why i remember actually this was in my top five of the 30 pilots we did. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. There's another four out there out of that 30. And then there's, so yeah, there's 25 that are absolutely toilet paper. And there's one that when Tom and I

come to the end of our careers and want to make sure we put something out that actually does confirm the retirement so that we can't come back on that. Yeah. There's an episode that meets those requirements, isn't there? I think that episode as well. I think sometimes we've described it as career ending.

I think people might think, oh, it's really, really controversial. It's not controversial. It's genuinely just very boring. It actually could it actually could do with some controversy it actually could do with some sort of cancelable chat that would actually improve the quality of that book yeah genuinely it's the most boring i'd say it's actually the most boring hour i've spent in my life yeah like it was probably sort

of parable to when you've got out of an operation and you're sort of slowly coming round from an anaesthetic and you can't do anything apart from just lie there in the quiet. That's what that episode is. Yeah, an hour where they were operating on you. They've given you just enough anaesthetic to not be able to move or make a noise, but you do feel all the pain. That would be preferable than going through the re-recording of that episode of the podcast so maybe maybe one day we'll put that out yeah before we get into the podcast which is by the way just to give you a bit of uh context this is when we were playing with the idea of having an actual proper format and so we'd come up with topics and so the topic for this episode was

aliens we had a long chat about aliens. And I wish I could tell you more. I can't remember. I can't remember. I think this was literally about week five of lockdown number one that we recorded this one. So it's a long old time ago. Yeah, it's when we were still very enthusiastic about this podcast as an idea. And we really did. You can hear our enthusiasm. We had a lot of energy as we thought we were sitting on this gold mine,

so it was going to take us to the next level. Our sort of discovery of us sort of working together was still, you know, the early shoots of growth. And we were really sort of, that was before the realisation that the podcast might never come out at setting. I think at this time we thought that this, I mean, this one should have been out in April. And it's now December,

I believe it will be about December 22nd or 23rd that this comes out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it is, yeah, it's been a long way to release something that neither of us have listened back to. So look, I will bear you no ill will if you don't make it to the end. Sure, absolutely.

I think if you like the musings of two people who actually, what we found about when we were given given subjects is neither of us are intellectual and we're both very selfish. We'd rather tell stories about ourselves rather than sort of delve into sort of like any sort of... And it doesn't matter how interesting the topic is.

No, no. We will find a way to make that about ourselves. It's incredible, actually. So, yeah, I mean, that's probably a heads up before you delve into this. If you actually want to listen to something that's actually about aliens, I'm sure Brian Cox has got an email or something like that.

Yeah, he's probably got that. Yeah, he sends out his weekly email about aliens, doesn't he? I imagine everyone that listens... I better sit down here and write up weekly email about aliens, doesn't he? I imagine everyone that listens... I'd better sit down here and write up another email about aliens. Dear believer... Are you coming down for tea, Brian? No, no, I'm just writing another email about aliens. Those bloody emails will be the death of me.

You've only got seven subscribers, Brian. Just give it up. No, no. There's a loyal fan ship. People are more interested in the star stuff, you know. Why don't you call Dara back? Go on. Wow.

I mean, if there isn't anything cancerable in there, in the actual podcast itself, the Brian Cox fans are going to be coming for us. Yeah, man. We love Brian Cox. Yeah, I love Brian Cox. We love Brian Cox. I love both Brian Coxes.

The Brian Cox about aliens and the Brian Cox who's in succession. Yeah, they're both great. The other thing I want to address quickly before we get into this podcast is since episode four came out, I've been getting a lot of tweets and I know you've been tagged in them as well

and you haven't commented. I've liked them. You've liked them, yeah, but you haven't replied or commented. What's happened is on the last episode, Tom was complaining about a game called Cyberpunk 2077. And he was talking about how annoying and crap this game was. Now, in between the podcast coming out, that episode coming out, and now, it's since been announced that Sony have recalled

and offered refunds on Cyberpunk. And people are seeing this, Wolf and our podcast listeners, they're seeing this as a vindication for Tom Davis, and they're calling it 2-0. Apparently there's a score on this podcast now, and I am 2-0 down Apparently there's a score on this podcast now and I am 2-0 down because there was a pissy TreeGate and now there's this

Cyberpunk thing. I do want to dispute this. I would like to send this to VAR, actually, this Cyberpunk thing. What? Because just hold on, just hold on. And by the way, I'm happy to discuss this, but I just want to raise this with you.

The reason that Sony are withdrawing Cyberpunk and offering refunds is because of glitches in the game. That's the reason. Now, when we talked about this at length, if you remember, your points of issue were one, that Keanu Reeves had advertised the game without any concrete evidence

that he played the game and was good at it. That was one of your issues with it. And the other one was that you could choose penis length, but you didn't have the opportunity to see your dick because it was a first person shot. Neither of those are glitches, are they? So I guess what I'm saying is, can we attribute this to a coincidence rather than...

No. I'm sorry. This feels very much like a little boy who's playing football with his friend who's so much better at football,

he takes his ball and goes home. Like, genuinely, mate, is it a coincidence that I, the wolf, step out from the shadows and I go toe-to-toe? Okay, okay.

Never ever say I, the wolf, ever again. And go toe-to-toe with you, first of all. You're sitting there, you know, Mr. Corporate Big Business with Sony in your pocket, right? And I'm the little man. I'm like, oh, you know,

I've probably been screwed over by this game and it's glitchy. I didn't mention the glitches because... No, you didn't. Yeah. No, you didn't. Right. I hadn't even got far enough into the game to see the glitches. Yeah.

You played it for half an hour and then stopped because you couldn't, that you didn't pass enough mirrors to see what your character looked like. But look, I think what Romesh is trying to say is if we come together as people and we make a stand, we can move mountains. And that's basically what we did. That is absolutely not what I'm saying. I thought that's what you were saying. How was that what I was saying?

I took that was what you were saying there. That's what you interpreted me saying? Yeah. You went a long-winded way around it. No, the reason it was so long-winded is because I wasn't saying what you think I was trying to say. It felt very much like you were like, look, Tom is very talented and he speaks a good argument, right? And I'm proud of him as a friend.

I wish I had probably taken his side. No, no, no. No, no, no. Let me tell you what I said. Let me give you a shortened version. Tom, by coincidence, has happened to complain about a game that had some glitches anyway that he hadn't discovered

and in some weird set of circumstances where the sun has actually shone on a dog's arse they've withdrawn a game that Tom had an issue with

it's a complete coincidence and I refute the allegations the insinuations that I'm 2-0 down in a podcast that's not a score based podcast

by the way well I think actually I always looked at that's not a score-based podcast, by the way. Well, I think actually I always looked at it as being a score-based podcast. But look, we can't keep on going on like this. So what I'm going to say is this. Be in touch with either the email, which Romesh will give you, or me and Romesh individually.

The reason Romesh will give it to you is because, Tom? I don't know. I'm terrible at remembering things. You're good at the clerical stuff. I'm good at like... I'm like the sort of like... I don't know. I'm the more intellectual guy who's sort of sitting

here. The brain's behind it all. Can I tell you? This is what... I'd be like Donald Trump and you'd be like Mike Pence. This is what these two nil tweets have done. Okay? Tom has just described himself as the intellectual in this podcast. Mike Pence. This is what these this is what these two nil tweets have done. Okay. Tom has just described himself as the intellectual in this podcast.

So what I was getting at is this. Hit us with maybe some not subject matters but things that we can discuss. Sure. And then let's see

let's put Romesh can put his money where his mouth is and I'll put my money where my mouth is but my the money that's in my mouth has been swallowed

because I've won both of the two arguments. You've swallowed the money? Yeah. Because I've won both arguments so far. You've put your money where your mouth is and that means that you've put the money into your mouth and swallowed it. And then when it comes out of my butt,

you can go and spend it. Oh my God. When it comes out of my butt. Even the fact that you used the word butt. When it comes out of my butt. Even the fact they use the word butt. When it comes out of my butt. Wait, Bart Simpson. That's what he always uses. No, in all seriousness, though,

we would love an official adjudication on this. Yeah. So what I'd love you to do, you can just send us one word, either Tom or Rom. If you put subject cyberpunk in the email header and you just put Tom or Rom based on who you side with, do you think that the withdrawal by Sony is a coincidence

or do you think that Tom's arguments exactly tied in with what the game's withdrawal was to do with and so Tom is vindicated? And we will go with whatever the vote dictates we and we're accepting all votes postal whatever we're not going to start disputing the results count all votes uh so if you send that into wolf owl pod yeah at gmail.com wolf owl pod at gmail.com and we will have a judgment for you um in the new year yeah probably. Probably on January the 6th will be election day.

If the podcast comes back. We're still not sure. But if the podcast means like that, what you mean by that is, you know, if everyone doesn't vote for me, it's not coming back.

I'm so glad we're having a Christmas break. Do you know that? Because you're about to fucking swagger your character. By the way, he know that? Because he wrote a fucking swagger. By the way, he's dressed like somebody out of a fucking offspring video. Mate, you'd have been 20 seconds quicker with that punchline

if you hadn't had your ass kicked. You're overthinking it all, my friend. Do you know what happened? I thought, what the fuck was the name of that band? I couldn't get it. You're like a fucking, you're dressed like a bloody, you're dressed like a really, really uncool cat you are. It's so embarrassing to have the pause called out like that.

Anyway, doesn't matter. Please do vote in. Wolfoutpod at gmail.com. I hope you enjoy our Aliens podcast. Enjoy. And a very Merry Christmas. We've got no idea what the content is. Have a merry, very... Oh, fuck me. Look at this. Look what's happened to me.

Man, you're trembling. Do you know what I need to... You know what I'm going to get over the Christmas break? I'm going to get like a sports psychologist or something to get me back in the game. You're genuinely shaggy like a shitty dog. Yeah. Just a little tail between my legs, just sort of crouching as if I'm about to curl one out, but nothing's coming.

Oh, God. So anyway, have a great Christmas. Have a very merry new year. And I second that. Merry Christmas and vote Tom Davis. If you think that Tom's correct. I'm not conversing for votes. I only want you to vote for me if you actually think I'm right

I don't care whether you think I'm right or wrong but if you want to really okay yeah Merry Christmas yo

yo what you want beak or jaws feathers or fur sharp teeth or feet with claws whatever's preferred they'll grant you all last request to steady your nerves then podcast the body parts get severed and served bring your weak shit wear the wolf and owl Outro Music Stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing. Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon. You'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff and a...

Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping. Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning. Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Welcome to another episode of The Wolf For Now. How are you Tom? Very well mate, very very well. Yeah, just actually feeling really good about myself at the moment. How come?

I feel really, I don't know, I just don't feel as sweaty as sometimes I've done. You know some days you wake up and you just feel quite clammy and stuff and today I actually feel quite dry. And I just sort of like, I think I'm in a place in my life where I actually feel quite happy about myself. and I just sort of like I think I'm in a place in my life where I actually feel quite happy about myself Well do you know what you should do because I just

at time of recording I saw a photo of you I didn't watch the show I'm afraid but I did see the photo of you in your underwear and then it said watch the show to find out why Tom's in those pants but I didn't find out why were you in those pants?

It was a bet I had with Jamie about playing a game of darts. To be fair, that was the first time I'd ever taken a picture of myself with no clothes on. I actually felt relatively, relatively decent.

You looked great, Nick. It was, the filters have been kind to me. Yeah, but the filter, there's no make yourself look hench filter. You looked great, mate. You know you look great. But, you know, it's one of those things where you go,

that faux humility thing, where you go, all right, I'll take the photo of me in my pants, when actually you know that you're in the fucking shape of your life and you're absolutely buzzing to get this photo done. You know what? Me and you are close enough for me to tell you and you alone that, yeah, I did a lot of working out just for that picture. And I purposely lost the game of darts against Jamie just so I think I could

add sort of a certain je ne sais quoi to my branding. You say je ne sais quoi. I very much say quoi. And the quoi was you look ripped, mate. That's the truth of it. The worst thing of it, though, is I still have the scars of, like, yesterday. You know, like, where you could go to, if you go

to, like, a really beautiful, sort of, part of the world, but once upon a time at a battle there, there's always going to be the remnants of that battle or something horrendous that happened there. So I've still got, like, sort of, like, stretch marks and I've still got like, sort of like stretch marks and I've still got a little bit of mood.

I would describe my physique as sort of like, the best analogy I have for it is like an abandoned theme park. And not a good one either. Sort of one that, one that sort of got closed down because nobody was going.

You know, so it's one of those. There used to be one of those your body's basically like a place called merlin's magic world which was a theme park in cornwall in the 90s it had like a really shitty roller coaster and people lost their mind and then like just one guy from fucking cornwall went to chess at one of the benches and was like you know this is fucking shit mate you go up the road a little bit they've got fucking great great theme parks mine's more my body's more like you know that that uh battlefield from um uh the england fort scotland in it's in all that stuff yeah so this

is really picturesque now but some fucking horrible shit went down here many years ago many years ago that's how i feel what was your uh what is your um i mean we need to talk about what we're going to talk about in the podcast but i just do want to get this out of the way what is your manscaping uh situation you know what um my back is my back used to look like um like a bath of sort of like drowned spiders at one point um so uh now i uh yeah i have my back done so you have it when you say you have it done what does that mean well i have it i i haven't waxed but then i was in the process of uh getting it all lasered so i'd never come back when locked down but it's hugely painful right lasering is

really painful it's not having a tattoo i mean you've got loads of those but you know what like hairy back wise like i just want to be in a place in my life where i can go on one holiday not wear a t-shirt in the swimming pool sure but but in that photo you had hair on the front of you yeah i don't mind the hair on the front i think it's quite sort of like 80s sort of like sexy and cool so is there a is there a line at which the hair just stopped yeah like a border but you have to cross into Hairytown. Do you have to get the clippers

and fade it in? I'm really compensating for my lack of hair. Just going to a barber's and just going, hey, yeah, yeah. I just want a really sharp fade down

the side of my ribs. You can actually get some tram lights just across my arsehole. Could it do this like the Nike swoosh? In the hair of my arse. Just in case anyone pulls my trousers down. I'm all about the brown baby.

It's a fucking... The hardest thing of it is that I was i was going as having my back lasered when we came into lockdown and then um we uh obviously lockdown started and uh the treatments had to fucking stop so uh so your mid your mid laser yeah so it's growing back but it's sort of growing back it's not as strong it's sort of quite it's almost worse hair so it's not something like weed killer's been yeah yeah you know what it looks a bit like it's like you know your grass in the summer when it's all a bit dead and sort of like dry like that sort of yeah it's not it's not a great look um yeah that's why i didn't sort of i was going to do one of those pictures where i'm looking over my shoulder kind of sexy um yeah but

yeah just because just because of what i've just said well it's a great you're a pubeshaver or what an incredible way to just enter into that question no I just want to know what you're like

you said about manscaping I trim I trim my pubes alright so you're not and on occasion I've known to I reckon maybe

like four times in my life I've gone completely just completely got rid of every scrap of hair. Every scrap? I love that as a thing. I love someone in the gym just looking at your dick and going, wow, you got rid of every scrap of hair in the man.

You have not got a scrap of hair there, have you? Right, Tom, you chose the topic today, didn't you? And our topic today on the wall for now is aliens. Well, alternative life forms, right? Yeah. First of all, when I asked you what we should talk about for this episode, you answered almost instantaneously, as if you've had this sitting in the locker for a while

and it's been like a burning desire to chat about. why is that well listen to me man it's not that it's literally i just thought let's let's talk about something i always think you can get a clear perspective of somebody's brainwave matter by where they sit with aliens and such and i'm interested in that all that sort of stuff i'm not like um yeah a complete nut nut about it interested in that, all that sort of stuff. I'm not like a complete nut about it. It's not like something that sort of like takes up a lot of my sort of like chill time because I've got other shit to be getting on with. But I'm always very interested

in what people think about the afterlife. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment.

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My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Today. Something is coming. Kong. Godzilla. They can feel it.

Fight together. It's human up. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong they can feel it. Fight together. It's human up. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong, the new empire. Now playing only in theaters. Not the afterlife. The afterlife. Well, actually, that's a part of it.

Because some part of it. Do you think aliens is not a big enough topic you're going to throw in the fucking afterlife as well? Into a 40-minute podcast. No, but if there is an afterlife, could they not be aliens? what do you mean people are basically sent like after you die you could just turn into an alien like you go to another world another galaxy i always think that then you're trying to find your way back and then imagine getting back here as an alien and everyone that you know because it takes so many thousands of years to

get back everyone know that you know like died already so many thousands of years to get back everyone that you know has died already that would be really sad wouldn't it ok couple of questions first one did you just freestyle that entire theory no no no it's something that sort of like I think about now and again like I'm always interested in the afterlife but this

isn't about that we're going to talk about that another time this is about aliens and what people think but maybe if the two things are linked that's a good tom hanks movie for me uh well first of all do you believe in aliens yeah i do i think there's some sort of i think there's enough stuff knocking about to to say that there's probably some other life form out there and also how wouldn't there be what Would you mean enough stuff knocking about? Right. Everyone talks about everything in the modern world, right?

Yeah. Everyone knows about everything. Alien-wise, we don't know much more than we did about, like, a few years ago. So it's like that is the one thing that's really hushed up, which tells me shit's going down. That's how my conspiracy breaks. So what you're saying is because there's been an absence of information,

that suggests to you that it's definitely more of it going down. It's like someone there, some big-time Charlie's just keeping the whole thing down. But I think definitely it must be. Like, look, we're naive. Do you believe in them? That should be. Yeah, I do.

I think I do. So there we are. I think we sit together. Well, the truth is I'm sort of of the belief. Okay, so are. I think we're together. Well, well, well, I, the truth is I'm sort of of the bullet. Okay. So I know the argument you're about to go into. You're about to go.

How could we possibly be the only life in the universe? Right. That, that, that, that is the argument. How could we possibly be the only life in the universe? I do understand that argument. Um,

but at the same time, then I, you read an article about how the chances of there being life on this planet was so infinitesimally small that actually it is possible that there's no life. What I'm saying is, I don't know if I know enough about it to offer an educated opinion.

My thought about it is that there is other life, but we're like the best. You know, like whenever you see films and stuff, they're always like so far sort of in front of us with everything like and aliens are going to come and they're going to have

space shit I think that aliens are far behind us and we'll be like what are you what are you what are you basing that on apart from just a sort of

a male bravado just a male bravado mate if I was I think I think if there's if there is fucking aliens

there's absolutely no way there's absolutely no way they're there where we are you know in terms of technology in terms of Netflix, in terms of all that kind of stuff, absolutely no way but I think that they'll be a bit of an anti-climax we'll find them before they find us and it'll be like

some astronaut fella will come back down and they'll go fucking hell yeah I found other life and they're like oh sweet what are Like, yeah, I found other life. And they're like, Oh sweet. What are they like? And so actually just pretty shit. They were like, it's,

it's been a, you know, a long process, but they're just pretty boring. So they're like, they're almost us, but without like, they're just like blobs of sort of boredom.

There's not, they've not constructed any of the stuff and they've not even got close to getting off the planet. They haven't even venting. So you sort of described, you sort of described most of the Edinburgh Festival. Meow. But enough. The less said about that, the better. Do you know what, though?

I do believe in aliens. But then about last year, I think it might have been after a Judge Romesh record, I got into the car. You know when we used to have drivers and stuff? You're not allowed to have that anymore, obviously. Got into the car to go home, and the guy goes to me, oh, you know, it's a nightmare, isn't it,

how people think that the press ovary is free, and it's not free, really, is it? We're told what they want us to know. And that piqued my interest. I like that kind of conspiracy theory shit. Well, not conspiracy theory. The fact is the media are manipulative. So I was like, yeah, yeah, okay.

So I was chatting to him. And then he goes, and then, of course, there's a whole thing about the aliens being covered up. And I was like, right, yeah. And he goes, you know, with the agreement between the sort of eight different alien species, us being one of them. And he said, I don't know if you're aware,

but they are camped on the far side of the moon. We can't see them, obviously. He said, do you remember that space shuttle that blew up on takeoff? He said, yeah. He goes, that's because we breached the accord that we had made with the other races. And so they actually just shot it down from the other side of the moon.

I've never met this man that you're talking about, right? And I know, firstly, it's a man, just the way you're describing what he's saying. But I can picture him perfectly. He's nasally. Like, that's the trouble about aliens. Because actually, genuinely, that's a fucking hell of a thing to come up with. Alien agreement. aliens because actually genuinely that's that's a fucking hell of a thing to come up with alien agreement it's a hell of a thing to come up with to somebody that you're meeting for the first time i would say i just like the alien agreement that they're coming that would be imagine a fucking new how big that would be as a story yeah we can't we can't even get brexit

so the idea that we could set up some sort of accord with seven other alien species who the fuck are we sending to do that deal like on behalf of mankind we're sending boris johnson donald trump for the fucking pewton just like the aliens sitting there going who the fuck are these guys yeah so this is the bet this Sorry, just to get, we did ask for the, just a quick thing. Can I just ask all the other planets, we agreed the best of the best, right? So I just want to know if, did Earth get

the, did Earth definitely get the memo? No, they were really unethical. Yeah, in all fairness, they're kind of just getting their head around anyone who's not white on their own planet, let alone another fucking speaker. Also, who's your translator? Who's the interpreter on that? I want to know.

Oh, no. You know for a fact, right? No matter, even if we're fucking doing a deal, we're doing a fucking massive great deal with the fucking alien alliance, everyone still has to speak English. Everyone should shout in English louder. Well, no, yes, you can go on the moon. alliance everyone still has to speak english yeah everyone's just shouting english louder well no yes you can go on the moon yeah we're happy for you to be on the far side the far side i kind of worked i kind of know what he's saying that makes sense to me actually that so you believe we both believe in aliens yeah yeah we've established that

now does that mean that whenever you hear stories of people that have seen them, do you buy that? It depends on the person, doesn't it? So one of my other beliefs, just quickly on the alien thing, is basically like, if there isn't aliens, like we've found everything about this world. It's like we've almost got to the end of the movie, which actually sometimes it feels like that anyway. It's like the final frontier would be a cool thing.

But yeah, I mean, it depends on the people. Like the guy you're talking about in the car, I'd have chatted to with relish because I fucking love people like that. And you fucking love relish as well. I love relish, yeah. Sweetcorn relish especially. Actually, if I could have...

My God, that's my favourite relish as well, man. I did not know that. We have so many fucking foods in common. God, it's so good that we're friends. I actually had peanut butter Marmite, by the way.

I actually ate it from the jar. Did you see that message? Yeah, sorry. I actually felt that. I don't know. That was a message just quickly.

I'm just going to go off track here. Sort of saying, you know, they're sort of quite patronising. It's a jar of, because basically we've been banging on on Instagram lives about Marmite peanut, right?

And how delicious. And I recommended it to Tom and Tom tried it. And sure enough, as I knew he would. Love it. I actually eat it straight from the jar sometimes. It's delightful. So, and we also talked about storing it upside down. So anyway, it doesn't matter.

There's a lot of tips there, right? But this guy messaged both me and tom on instagram to say just finished it 10 out of 10 rank af right and listen can i tell you something what i what i would say to that person is i refuse to believe that anything about how that product tastes can be a surprise okay it's marmite peanut butter right if you like marmite and you like peanut butter you are gonna i'm just gonna jump in there actually well i mean i didn't want to get into this because it sort of irrated me so much just finished it rank as fuck i've still got a fucking jar of sweet pickled onions that the fucking guy in my local shop sold me right i've still got a fucking jar of sweet pickled onions that the fucking guy in

my local shop sold me right i've still got that jug so one of them they're fucking disgusting i didn't eat the rest of them don't eat it yeah that's you're absolutely right i would say take a bit of ownership for the fact you bought those pickled onions though the way you said that was like the guy put the hard sell he was telling me they were delicious i went into one of those fucking really cool farm shops right what did he say he say? He was just like, oh, you've got to try this. You've got to try that. And I'm a fucking, I'm terrible when I, you know, when people give me a hard sell, they see me coming.

I've brought awful clothing. I've brought awful fucking foodstuffs. My wife is like, you're just a, people see you coming from a mile away, go like, that's my fucking Christmas bonus. That big loser coming here. Cause he'll buy anything. That's how your wife talks to you?

Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes. When it comes to shopping, that's how she speaks to me. Yeah, Tom, they're just thinking, look at that big fucking pathetic loser over there. Fucking hell, you fucking loser. I will tell you, it wasn't that much of a loser when I was fucking spending for itch for fucking balloons for our wedding, was I?

Who saw me coming then? Right, Tom, we've got some questions. Yeah, my favourite bit. I love the questions, baby. Okay. I'm going to be straight up with you. Some of these questions are dreadful. Are they all about aliens?

Are people still sort of trying to ask? No, somebody, for example, somebody's asked me how scripted was Asian Provocateur? I mean, I don't know how much clearer i could have made it this is aliens but uh okay first question this is quite i'm going to start off with quite a a standard question all right this is from daniel anthony hill uh and the question is do you think there are aliens in area 51 without doubt i think that's a whole of area without a doubt without doubt without a doubt you don think that's the whole of Area. Without a doubt? Without a doubt in my mind.

Without a doubt. You don't have a single doubt in your mind that there's aliens in Area 51? If you could talk me into having a doubt, I'll have a doubt. But at the moment... Okay, first of all, the burden of proof

that is not on me here, you're saying without a doubt there are aliens in Area 51. Mate, there's so many people who have sort of seen shit there. Right? There's so many... Right, that's one of the most

restricted places in the whole of the world, right? That you can't get in. Shit's going down. And there's been leaked stuff there from where we've seen aliens and stuff. I bet there's a fucking treasure trove of stuff in there.

If you could get your head in there and have a little bop about, it'd be fucking amazing. Bearing in mind that a lot of people have also said they've seen the Loch Ness Monster. That has since been... I'm not putting the Loch Ness Monster has it ever been proved there's not a Loch Ness Monster or never was because he might have lived and now he's not around you make a very good point Tom what I would say in in in response to that

is that they've sort of looked at the likelihood of it's pretty slim and also the other thing they did was they did you see this where they made that program at the Loch Ness Monster where they they had this group of people that were on a Loch Ness tour and then they just basically sent like a pipe in the middle of the they just sent like a just a simple pipe out of the water and then back in right and then people just went oh my god oh my god oh my god And then they got them to draw it and these people were fucking adding teeth. They were adding like big, like dinosaur-y eyes to that thing. Like people,

if people want to believe something, they'll sort of embellish it, right? Yeah. You know, years ago, I went to a festival on the banks of the Loch Ness Monster, on the banks of the Loch Ness Monster. Okay, you're a believer.

Your mask has slipped there we know where you where you stand on this and lots of was this on the Loch Ness Monster tour no no no it was a festival

that Fatboy Slim came up with called Rock Ness okay in Loch Ness oh I know that yeah yeah so I was there a few years ago selling t-shirts

and I mean as you can imagine loads like people were off their fucking nut that day like over the weekend there was perfect lot less oh mate so many people right and then one this is really terrible this um so obviously you're at loch ness it's the weather was incredible it's really really hot and so one of the things everyone's doing is jumping in the lock and going for a swim because

it's fucking you know beautiful weather whatever so uh i fucking like basically with a load of pals i'm drunk i'm sort of like i'm like fuck it i'm gonna go in so i rag off down to my calvins and um i run into the fucking water i dive in and i'm having a swim about loads of people united together got their camera phones out and go there's something in the water there's something in the water

and so many people to that day must have pictures of me coming out of the fucking banks of the Loch Ness in a federal cabin off buzzing and sort of like tripping over going whoa it's coming out

it's coming out I'm so happy that Instagram wasn't around then that would have been like yeah there is a monster someone's got that picture and I'd kind of like to see it but yeah of course you'd love to see it now because look at what you're looking like now yeah

I imagine if that was if Rock Ness is going on now and he came out in the nick yeah I mean of course you'd love to see it now because look at what you're looking like now yeah I was not I mean I imagine if that was if Rockness is going on now and he came out in the nick that you're in now his people would just be like holy shit

I'd look like Daniel Craig instead I'd instead I'd genuinely I'd look like a hippo coming out you know the demoralising thing is yeah yeah you're trying to come up a bank

and you're trying to walk and it's slippy and then you're slipping over and I was coming out on all fours I was drunk yeah that's pretty fucking embarrassing um i wasn't even manscaping then so quite hairy back and what happened with the you didn't get did you get muddy yeah it was just yeah it was so what happens with the mud in the head was it

just become quite matted i was at festival i just took off my pants and put on my shorts over that yeah just went commando for the rest of the day. Nice. Nice. Nice. Good times. So, anyway, back to what, the point is, you think there's absolutely zero doubt that there's areas in Area 51? Yeah, I think there definitely is. Otherwise, why would there be an Area 51?

Well, is there an Area 51? Yeah, of course there is. Everyone knows about it. It's on Google Maps. That feels like, considering you just named it as the most secret, difficult place to find in the world. I knows about it. It's on Google Maps. That feels like, considering you just named it as the most secret, difficult place to find in the world. I'm doing it now to see if there's area. The idea that it would be on Google Maps

and what labelled like it's a branch of Nando's, I find difficult to believe. Right, Area 51, Alien Centre. Fuck off. Oh, no, I've looked for this before. Now I've... Oh, that's a bit disappointing. What?

It's a restaurant. Unbelievable. I thought i looked at that i looked it up before right i just thought area 51 alien center look that's there that's the area 51 alien center and now i've just seen it it's a restaurant oh of course why would it be why would area 51 be clearly labeled like that on google it is just yeah and where is it skegness or something no no it's in the uh amokasar valley unless it's a double bluff no this just looks really tacky i mean it's it's a restaurant that sells really shitty alien toys oh man actually the reviews of

this place are fucking terrible this place is just a money grab yeah of course it is there are pricks in the uk that are looking up thinking it's actually affiliated with Area 54. The guy cleaning the restrooms took 45 minutes to clean them, which is the longest time I've ever waited for a restroom to be cleaned. I don't think I've ever waited for a restroom to be cleaned. I think that's in my list of experience. The longest time I've ever waited for a restroom to be cleaned. That suggests that's something that guy regularly does.

The fact that after 10 minutes I go, look, mate, I'm going to have a shit whatever. Just fucking... You'll be standing there holding your penis. Just go. Hey, it's fine. Just go ahead. It's fine.

It's fine. No, no, I want them all to be clean. I want them to be clean i wanted to be clean yeah no no no please it's one of these things i will not go to a restaurant immediately before i go that's just somebody likes to fucking complain because now i want to complain the food was delicious i know um okay so tom thinks it's definite. I say, look, probably. I wouldn't say that without a doubt. Also, no, just if it doesn't exist, who's fucking come up with it?

What point does losers come up and go, I know there's a place called Area 51 where they keep aliens. And everyone's like, no, there's fucking no. I know, just something to keep sort of morons occupied, I guess. Anyway, how many times have you looked for it? Oh, I looked there. That's the second time. The first time, I'm like, oh, cool, it's there.

I know where it is. if I'm ever in the neighbourhood I can pop by now I know if I'm fucking looking for a place to go and have a shit in the Hannersborough Valley

it won't be there just drive on no no no I read about this place fucking restrooms take ages do you fancy waiting the best part

of an hour to curl one out I suggest you keep driving just drive on I'll go behind those big mountains. Coming round at Area 51 from round the back of the mountains and someone going, an alien! An alien!

It's like guys from Loch Ness. You fucking pricks. Why do you strip off? Why do you take off all your clothes to go fish here? Right, okay. why do you take a boy who goes to go fish yeah right okay this is from Kazim Shah 3 who I believe has asked us

questions yeah I thought I remember his name it's quite a dark it's quite not dark a bleak question oh Jesus but you know

I like to keep it yeah it's nice to have a mix so the so the question is do aliens have ethnicities and do they

discriminate now I I actually think this is quite a good question because So the question is, do aliens have ethnicities and do they discriminate? Now, I actually think this is quite a good question, because every single time you see aliens depicted, we see any alien films, we all assume they're all going to be the same. Regardless of the fact that our own empirical evidence of how we are is that we're not all the same. I mean, I know we're all the same inside and blah blah blah 2020 but what i mean is you know visually speaking so it's possible isn't it oh that's the other thing that we have no idea what they might look like that's what i mean i think they're like sort of versions of ourselves in a sense but i think yeah of course like also what is there multiple aliens from multiple different planets that's the thing you've got

to try and get your head around. But yeah, I mean, if they're out there... I mean, that's a weird thing, isn't it? When you look at Star Wars and Star Trek and all that, all of the aliens look pretty much the same. All the Klingons look pretty much the same. They're not black and white Klingons. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're talking about two different...

Let me just quickly jump in it, right? So Star Wars-wise, you know I'm having a... I've only seen the first three movies, as in the original... The original trilogy. Yeah, the original trilogy, right? I ain't having Star Trek. You're right about Star Trek.

The Klingons, all that shit. There's just not much thought that goes into it. I think it's very lazy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Jesus Christ. Can I just, first of all, can I just distance myself from the... Star Trek is late. Listen, Star Trek whoa, whoa. Jesus Christ. Can I just, first of all, can I just distance myself from the... Star Trek is late.

Listen. Star Trek shit. Yeah. Star Trek nerdy. Yeah. Star Trek unappealing. Yeah, I'll accept all of that. Lazy.

Mate, come on. You know what? Star Trek. I will sit for most... I'll sit for a fucking Channel 5 shitty, you know, awful film with a woman who used to be

in Beverly Hills 90210 on a fucking sunday afternoon because it's got something about it star trek comes on i'll leave the house i'll just you'll leave the house jesus christ i literally and what i was gonna my point was this like the little i used to literally i'd you know when i was a kid if you went around another kid's house and he had star trek and he was a fan, that friendship was over. Right. Star Wars.

However, let me just say, there's a lot of diversity in Star Wars with all the different aliens and the different, like you just, just look at, um, that gaff that,

uh, Han Solo's frequent in, that in, um, in that first, first, first film, he's knocking about,

there's every kind of alien in there. All different types. You couldn't even buy all the figures. There's so many. That was a real... Actually, I'll tell you what. If you ever want to watch something where there's all different groups of aliens

and stuff getting on, fucking have a look at that gaff. Obviously, the whole thing ends up having a big fight, doesn't it? Have a look at that gaff. For what point? What's the point of that? Fucking hell, these are aliens, everyone's getting on they're having a right good time, there's a band playing

from one species of aliens, I think if there's different aliens from different backgrounds that's what we should be hoping it's like Mos Eisley Mos Eisley, yeah but you're sort of making, you're sort of conflating two points here, Tommy.

Because that is aliens from different planets. I'm talking about aliens from the same planet that look different to each other. Yeah, but how do we know that they're all from different planets? What? Well, okay, actually, to be fair, that is, now,

it's happened by accident, but now you've found yourself a good point. Because that is true. That is true. There could be some of them that are from the same planet, but just look different. You're absolutely right.

And they all... Everyone seems to be getting on. I'll tell you what, whenever I watch that movie, I'm like, I hope one day that we can all just be a bit more like Mos Eisley, or whatever.

I think you're probably the only person, because that's, by the way, the scene you've described there, one of the most iconic scenes in the whole Star Wars sort of canon. I think you're probably the only person that's taken away from that as sort of a message of unity,

bearing in mind that there is a murder. Yeah, but it's going to... Within five minutes of arriving at that bar. Yeah, but also shit's going to go down and it's a film. I bet if you made a TV series out of that little town and that little bar, it'd be like, cheers. It's just that so happens when...

I tell you who kicks off the fucking murder is fucking Han Solo. Everyone's getting on fucking fine until he turns up. It's such a shame, isn't it? It's such a shame. When people look around and think, you know, which aliens are the real enemy, it turns out the biggest enemy alien

is us. And not just men, it's Harrison Ford. Specifically Harrison Ford. Oh, yeah. He fucking goes and throws his weight around. Yeah.

Absolute prick. You don't like Star Wars, do you? No, I like the first three, I think, the works of art. I just haven't got art I just haven't got I just haven't got into the rest of it if I'm honest with you

it's incredible it's incredible what an incredible thing to say you like the first three you think they're works of art yeah you haven't despite having watched

those three works of art you've not got round to watching any of the others I watched a bit of the fucking fourth one or the first whatever

like the throwback ones I was like, Oh fucking hell, this is gross. It was like, I'll tell you something. No, when you've done a good thing and fucking walk on,

it's like, if you basically went and took the Godfather, right? The Godfather three was a fucking absolute travesty. But if you went, Oh, now we're going to do the Godfather and go back to fucking this bit of the, the story.

You've got a great trilogy. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's why I'm glad, that's why I'm glad we walked away from Judge Romesh when we did. Mate, I still think there's a great third series in there.

Right, okay. Okay, our next question is from... Oh, Christ. This is a question, by the way, don't answer this, but this is the... Bear in mind when it's asked for questions and answers. If you both had a baby together, what would you call it?

What a fucking question. Also, actually, in a sense, what a fucking poor kid. Can you imagine? It would be hideous, wouldn't it? Okay. Our next question is from IG Isaac KHFC. It's a would be hideous wouldn't it um okay our next question is from ig isaac khfc it's a long old name isn't it i don't know i don't get some of the some of these instagram names just quickly it's gonna say as well uh if your instagram name has

got the real something in it that's where i'm tapping out unless it's kevin hart or someone who's fucking but big is okay is it yeah because that or it's someone who's fucking... But Big is okay, is it? Yeah, because that's a part of my branding. But also Tom Davis was taken by the fucking... And Big Tom was all taken by the fucking tomato sauce company. Not Tom Davis because the sauces are called Tom Davis. Yeah, that'd be a weird naming strategy, wouldn't it?

You had a bit of the old Tom Davis sauce. I bet there's people out there who said that. Absolute disgust. Would you rather fuck

an alien with one, two or three boobs? Let's sort of strip that question down because it's a bit to unpack there.

Could you imagine yourself ever having sex with an alien? Well, I actually like the idea that if you're going to go to the original question obviously just with two because that would be the most normal right i mean three would be i don't know i'd suit you know when you watched when you watch title recall yeah did you not like that i found it sort of a little bit overwhelming

you were overwhelmed when you sat watching the film and those three boobs were revealed you found that moment overwhelming. Yeah, I think it was one too many. You know like when you play like say Jenga, right? And you're pulling out all the blocks in Jenga and at some point you're going to pull one block out

and the whole thing's going to fall down because it's, you know, this is just the opposite. It's adding one too many things in a sense. Do you know what I'm talking about? Well, I know that the example that you used is completely inappropriate for the point you're trying to make.

Yeah, I literally... You're talking about Django and you. Halfway through the example, I was like, this has no relevance. But my cousin works for Django and he's tried to tell me to get an explanation once every podcast because sales are down. Hi, guys. Just a quick message.

Really enjoying the podcast. Just wanted to know why it is that Tom just insists on using Jenga analogies for whatever it is you guys are talking about. It's just a bit weird. Right. Okay. Here's another one. Well, you know,

in many ways, responding to emails is like... Playing Jenga. If you... And if you're third person to put out a brick, the pressure's on you, really.

Very much so. Responding to this email. Here we go, then. I'll tell you, like, let me... What about this? You know, like, you have two pieces

of Weetabix or you have two bits of toastetabix or you have two bits of toast right because that's how things are done if you have three Weetabix I often find I won't eat all of the third one no I agree with that but I wouldn't say I wouldn't describe that feeling as being

overwhelmed if I was presented with three Weetabix of a morning I wouldn't go fuck it I am so overwhelmed by this I would go I'm probably going to leave that further that's how I felt

man I've got the people who go to a restaurant and they say there's too much on the plate I just couldn't enjoy it leave some just leave some

yeah no no no I can't even eat two of those we eat a bit so i'm just so overwhelmed by the three that's like trying to climb fucking everest mate looking at that did you ever have like a birthday party or go to birthday party at pizza hut yeah yeah so i had a birthday party at pizza hut and one of the kids that came to the party he ordered a large pizza. Right. I love this kid.

I love this kid already. What a legend. Right. He ordered a large pizza. Okay. All of us ordered small. All right. I think maybe I ordered a medium because I was a greedy kid.

This kid ordered a large. Right. Skinny kid ordered a large. So immediately I can hear my mom and dad chattering away like what a fucking waste of money this is right there's no way this kid's gonna get through large but they let him get it they didn't even my parents didn't even try and talk him out of it right okay you want a large we're a bit nervous we're trying to fit in in this town let's just let let's just let this kid let's just let this kid have a large pizza he has a lot he gets a large pizza he sits there and spends the entire duration of the meal just talking about how there's no way he's going to be able to eat all of this pizza and pretty much eats none of it.

Do you remember when Pizza Hut first sort of came into sort of like small towns? I remember there was one in Sutton and a girl I went to school with, her dad worked at Pizza Hut. He was like sort of the manager, right? And I remember going home and telling my parents that a girl in my class, her dad worked at Pizza Hut. And my dad then would go around town going, oh, have you been to Pizza Hut?

Yeah, no, no, it's great. Yeah, it's fucking, pizzas are lovely. Blinded place. Tom knows the maitre d'. The maitre d'. And also, my dad, my dad treated it like, the matron thing and also my dad my dad treated it like

because because like we were used to back then like Bernie Inns and like you know even like eating in a pub

wasn't like a gastropub so Pizza Hut felt like McDonald's or whatever Pizza Hut felt like for him I think that he was in like a fucking Scorsese movie

taking my mum there in a suit do you know what I mean suit jacket sports jacket on a fucking Saturday like putting a tenner in the game

geezer's pocket yeah it gets in our stable yeah yeah somewhere I can see the ice street mate before seriously though

before Pizza Hut the pizzas in this country like the whole thing of like a slice lifting out and all the milk and cheese and all, it's fucking incredible. Yeah, do you know still though,

I just, I still love a pizza hut. I still go back there and I still, the salad bar and I still reminisce about when times were sort of simple and I kind of get like a wonder years kind of sort of like throwback when I hit a pizza hut. It's a nice feeling.

Yeah. All right. Do you want another question? I'd love another question. when I hit a pizza up. It's a nice feeling. Yeah. All right. Do you want another question? I'd love another question. I'd eat that question up like it was a sweet, sweet pizza. Oh, by the way, I didn't answer that question. In answer to your question, IG, Isaac, KH, FC, we both agree two.

Yeah, two. But I think three is, I wouldn't say it's overwhelming. I just think it's, as Tom said, it's tricky to... And also, let me just say that if there are any aliens listening, both me and Romesh, we'd definitely have sex.

We are definitely DTF with regards to species from other planets. Both me and Romesh are at a point where we've been so ostracised by our own species. Yeah, literally. I've got to a point where we've been so ostracised by our own species yeah I would literally I've got to a point now

you know when people talk about oh you know you know when people say things that are pansexual people they're a bit greedy I am interspecies

available okay here's a good question this is from LA Sunlight oh that's a fucking cool name. That's a really cool name. I like that. Are aliens among us? And they've given three examples.

Elon Musk, Bowie, and Beyonce. They're really fucking random people to pick. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. Why Bowie? Are you a Bowie fan?

I like some of his stuff. I'm not one of those people who's like, he's a great showman and stuff. I don't think that there's anything that he's done that would merit the fact that I think that he was sort of like an alien. Okay. I'll be honest with you,

you came very, very close to saying estrogen there you were trying to say extraterrestrial it just got away from you didn't it it was a tongue twister and again Beyonce I think is someone that we should be like held in being very proud of as one of the strongest of our species

don't really know enough about Elon Musk if I'm honest with you so is it kind of a planetary patriotism that you're saying that you refuse to acknowledge the possibility that Beyonce is an alien? She's one of our own. I think if you're an alien living on

Earth, you're keeping your nut down. You're keeping your fucking head right down. You're not selling out arenas. And especially like, do you know what I mean? They'll be literally underground, like sort of like, they'll be like the guy dropping off your delivery in the morning, like your Amazon delivery. And you're like, he's a lovely fella.

You know, I never really said as much. He could be an alien, you know? It's a guy doing some labouring. Why? Why? Why? No, because I think you kick your head down. You do jobs. No, but what, yeah, but what, so in that hypothetical situation that you're bringing up there,

what is the scenario in which that person has come here? Because you're making it sound like they're kind of a refugee. No, no, no, no, no. And they're just trying to make a life for themselves. They're gathering intel about our humanity, right? Okay, so why would you become a labourer? If you wanted to gain intel on humanity, why would you become a labourer?

Because you want to keep your head down and not get found out. Research on the internet. Meet our... Mate, let me tell you something, mate. You're going to learn fucking more about our species down at Wetherspoons than you will at any fucking showbiz party.

That's where you're going to find out about fucking the people, you know. You're going to find out when you mix with the real members of our humanity. Not fucking knocking around at fucking the Osc, you know, it's down, you know, you're going to find out when you mix with the real members of that humanity, not fucking knocking around at fucking the Oscars party with Beyonce. Do you know what,

do you know what I find so terrifying? There is sort of a logic to what you're saying. Yeah, but that's, so you're saying, so you're saying, so you're saying that

an alien comes as a labourer, goes down the pub, gathers information, do you know what I mean? And then it reports back a lot of, a lot of humans like to go to Parliament Square to defend statues

unnecessarily yeah right I mean it's a top secret mission right so you're saying that you

just saying let's use the fact they're all on Venus right let's just say there's alien life form on Venus because that's the first

place that's come to my head right okay they're looking down and then someone runs into one of the other alien like the boss alien the top alien like the leader and he's like have you fucking seen what terry's doing down in fucking on earth and he's like what he's like oh he's only fucking sold out he's performing a super bowl he's fucking so who's terry now terry's become beyonce he's

fucking like everyone knows who he is it's only a matter of time before he catches out. And he's like, why can't he be more like fucking Sandra and Vinny? They're fucking, no one's ever going to catch him because no one's that interested in what they're up to day to day. It's a good scenario. Also, very good insight into what your go-to names are for various characters. Who are they?

Terry, Sandra and Vinny. I mean, it's probably like Agent 5 or something like that, but I just like to normalise them. Yeah, yeah, sure. Actually, I'm going to be honest with you, Tom. I initially went on the offensive with you there, but I actually think you're making a lot of sense. Thank you, bro.

Thank you. Thank you. I take that as a massive. So it answers the question, yes, you do believe they're a monster. Thank you, bro. Thank you. Thank you. I take that as a massive. So in answer to the question, yes, you do believe they're a monster. I do, yeah. But you think that

it wouldn't be Elon Musk or Beyonce or Bowie. Yeah. It would be lower profile. You know who else I think might, that driver that you had that you talked about earlier,

I think he might have been an alien. Why would you, but that, I think he's fucking getting very close to the edge and he's fucking like. I reckon, do you know what I reckon? I reckon he's not happy with close to the edge and he's fucking... I reckon, do you know what I reckon? I reckon he's not happy with paying conditions.

No, no. Right? And he's thinking to himself, do you know what? If you want to fuck me about, right? Let's see what happens. Maybe I'll give the game away a bit. Maybe on the next few jobs,

I'll start planting a little seed of doubt into people's noggins. How about that? Just like fucking letting a bit of green ooze come out of his ear. Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. It just fucking happens sometimes. Are you an alien? I really couldn't say. Yeah. That's the...

If I was, I certainly wouldn't tell you, would I? Sometimes when you've got one of those drivers, and you fall asleep, and you wake up and go, oh, we got here in no time, and they just give you a little wink, like you've been in a spacecraft. No, I get what you're doing your face was so disgusted i'm thinking in all the years i've known you that's the most disgusting you've ever learned to me you were like that oh fucking hell man just you were you know what you

could have gone out on this podcast on such a fucking high you've genuinely changed the way i thought about fucking aliens living amongst us and then you're fucking with an awful joke about spaceships no i liked it i liked it right do you want one final quick fire question just very quick answer tom so we can wrap this whole thing up i think we've put this whole alien thing to bed No, I liked it. I liked it. Right. Do you want one final quickfire question? Just very quick answer, Tom, so we can wrap this whole thing up. I think we've put this whole alien thing to bed. What do you think aliens would make of humans? Do you know what?

I think at one point they'd have thought that we were a pretty amazing group of people. But I think now we've probably let ourselves down. I think they'd look around and go, we have all of this infinity of knowledge and whatever, and what are we doing with it? I think we've gone past the point of, you know, I think iPhone 1 was when we should have just stopped with technology.

I think that is... That was just called the iPhone. Yeah. It wasn't called iPhone 1. I think we've pushed it too far. We've pushed our limitations too far. And we've lost sight of what we should be concentrating on. And I think when the aliens look at us,

they'll go, you know what? Fuck this lot. Fuck this lot? Yeah, fuck this lot. What's your problem with the repeated iterations of the iPhone? I just think it's just got... It's just like... It's ruined our sort of like...

It's constant, isn't it? It's's ruined our sort of like, it's constant, isn't it? It's a constant thing now of like, like upping it and upping it and upping it. And like Twitter and fucking, you know, don't get me wrong. The fucking internet's great,

but the internet should have been used for, for far better things than it's been being used for. Do you know what I mean? And, and I just think, I look back and think when we are happier, do you know what? I was probably happiest 96,

97. Great times. And I don't are happier. Do you know what? I was probably happiest 96, 97. Great times. And I don't even fucking... You know what? If someone had told me then, like, you know, hit shake me hand here, there's fucking the internet and like iPhones around the corner, you know, I'd have been like,

oh, wow, that's amazing. And I might have made that deal with the devil stroke aliens. But for what cost? What deal would you have made? So what are the terms of that deal? Well, I don't know if it may be my eternal happiness,

like that. Well, to freeze things at that point. I think, mate, we were in a fucking great place then. I mean, maybe there was other shit going on.

I'm probably just thinking about those happier times. What about you? Yeah. I mean, you love technology, right? I mean, the question,

the original question was, uh uh what do you think aliens would make of us and that's become an attack on me for liking my phone too much yeah but what what would you say when you're with what would you say was the time you were happiest with technology and you're like oh actually this this feels like oh mate can i tell you something absolute game changer. Switch the phone off one day a week. Really? When did you switch yours off?

I haven't done it, but I've read. I've read the happiness. It could really fucking change a family's life. Yeah, yeah. Personally, I wouldn't do it. No, I wouldn't do it. I mean, fucking... No, seriously, that's the thing to do, apparently.

Maybe I'll try that. Tom? Yes, sir? I thought we've put aliens to bed. Yeah, I think aliens are well and truly put to bed. Do you want to say anything kind of... Yeah, let me say this. If you're an alien out there and you're listening,

thank you for listening, and I hope we've done you just. Remember that we're all the same and if you are walking around on this mortal call with us thank you for your hope and your genial way for not showing off bless you that was that was it's truly beautiful i mean it's i think it's clear to everyone that you lost your way in the middle of it. But well done. It's very hard to do when you're giggling next to me. Thank you very much, Tom. I just hope there's one alien somewhere who listens to this and just that picks your spirits up for a couple of days.

His or her. Yeah, his or her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good night. God bless.