Wolf and Owl - Ep 60: Valentine's & The Super Bowl

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

We’re talking…. romantic gestures, upside-down NFL extravaganzas, rum sponsorship, Twitter spats, football dads, movie star magic, Sunday food excesses and a hair loss re-growth challenge. Then some more of your sweet sweet emails - this week on a partner’s past, snow opinions and women going on stag-do's. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves. Yeah. this in a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck their censorship let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheep's clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all you hear is a huff a puff and expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Okay. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Valentine's Day, record this. Recording this on Valentine's Eve. So it's kind of nice, boy. It's not Valentine's Eve, it's Valentine's Day.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, the evening of Valentine's, but it's convenient either way. Did you... What did you get? I got a nice card. And I spent the day with my girls. So a chilled day with the sunshine of my heart,

which is very nice. A little ritual, a little statement of the cards this morning. Grace got her mother a card, which was nice. That's nice. Wonder who was responsible for that. Maybe a chivalrous guy who believes in love. How was yours? Did you get Lisa anything before you left for work this morning? No, for anything? Did you, before you left for work, sort of?

No, I didn't get anything before I left for work for this morning, no. Did you give her anything? She did. She did receive a little delivery of roses. I like to play it classic. Oh, wow. You are a classicist when it comes to romance. I am, yeah.

Carpet slippers, just a pair of carpet slippers, a little kimono. The delivery guy couldn't find the house, and so she received four or five phone calls. Carpet slippers, just a pair of carpet slippers, a little kimono. The delivery guy couldn't find the house, and so she received four or five phone calls. Where are you living now? Literally every week there's just another delivery driver who can't find it. No, it's just fucking insane. I love the fact that you actually dropped a little bit of romance, and then all she's getting is some really angry guy on the busiest day of his life.

That's what it was. That's what it was. It was just like she's getting... Where are you? Where are you? Yeah. This is like one delivery of eight I've got to do in Crawley.

I'm buzzing today, mate. Are you? Did you watch the... Did you watch the Super Bowl halftime show last night? Mate, it was insane. It was incredible. I don't give a shit about NFL.

No, I don't give a shit about NFL not I don't give a shit I like NFL I prefer NBA I'm a basketball kind of dude if I'm honest with you me too but yeah man

what I what I loved right was it was an incredible halftime we'll get into that in a minute what I also love is it's not just

football that just gets a load of sulky pricks who couldn't give a shit about sport who just lurk around at the final of a big game

I was worried it was just like the Euros and England playing. The phenomenon of people turning up to big game events as their first game that they ever go to, I think should be banned. Mate, I... You know when you go and watch like... A lot of football clubs do this, if you want to go to one of their big games, you have to earn the points by going to a few games, right?

I think you should have to go and see some really minor league. If you want to go to the Super Bowl, you can either go to four relatively big games or 15 really fucking low-end NFL games so you can get into the stadium. It just drives me insane. Yeah, I mean this stems from the fact that you and I are

utterly bitter about the fact that there were people going to the Euros. And also, me and you are so disgusting that if we'd both been offered tickets to that game having never been to an NFL game, both of us would have gone. Yeah, and I would have... First of all, I've been to NFL games. How many have you been to?

Four. Here we go. Here we go. Oh, my God. Well, we did Rob and Romesh versus the NFL, didn't we? Yeah, yeah. How many did you go to? One for that or two?

Went to two for that. And then I went to one for another thing I did. Did you go to one at Tottenham Stadium? I did, yeah. I did a couple of low... Well, by the way, much as I'm loathe to say this, what a stadium that is. That's a beautiful bit of kit. It's a couple of low... Well, by the way, much as I'm loathe to say this, what a stadium. It's a beautiful bit of kit.

It's a beautiful stadium. Lovingly put together. Yeah. Unlike the team. Oh! Wow, Zing. King Zing is in the place. Oh, my God.

Somebody's been sharpening his sword before he logged on for the podcast. Ten minutes in, I'd like to get a little uh uppercut to uh to talk um yeah but uh yeah i i think that um you should have to earn a certain number of credits no listen if anybody did it fair play to you do you mean we probably would have done the same thing um but the other thing that um obviously i was fucking buzzing about that everyone was well most people buzzing about the halftime show. There's one little...

Okay, Snoop, Dre, buzzing. Kendrick, incredible. Eminem, great. 50 Cent, great. Mary J. Blige, great. I do have... The one thing I was slightly upset about... First of all, I think it's fair to say 50 Cent made a mistake

starting his performance hanging upside down. So you know that's the sort of thing I'd have done, though. I think in like if, you know, when I saw him do that, like, I love 50 Cent, right? I like the guy. I don't love him as much as I love Dre, Snoop. Yeah, sure, because those are the other two that you know. Yeah, go on.

Tupac obviously couldn't make it. He's working at a fish and chip shop in Lovescroft. No, but that's the sort of thing I'd have done. If I was on a bill with acts that I knew were funnier than me, I would just go, I'm going to basically just come up outside down. Just correct my first joke, outside down. I sort of put myself in the position of, because we've both been in

situations where yeah you're doing a tv show and they suggest that you do something and your your inner instincts are saying this isn't a good idea i'll give you a prime example that we've discussed before romesh in a cupboard on soccer am right yeah your inner instincts know that this is... You know the saddest thing of all, and you know how much I love you. Please don't. No, no, but it's like that 50 cent is arguably up against probably the three of the greatest, four, sorry, five of the greatest of his colleagues,

of the people in his genre ever, right? Yeah, you're talking about fucking gods of the people in his genre ever, right? Yeah, you're talking about, yeah, fucking gods of the game. You were coming out of a closet with Max Rushton and Helen Jamblin, right? Yeah, cool. It's like you have gone on to better things. It's like,

in that situation, it's, yeah, I think you're being harsh on yourself. And like, you know what? I like to pull your pants down and tickle your bum a little bit but I'm not going to do it on this occasion I'm going to pick you up you're a funnier

man yeah but the point I'm trying to make is at the time I knew that that wasn't going to go well I knew that coming out and trying to do football related are you alright Tom what's happened to you are you ok yeah no what's just happened What's just happened?

What's just happened? I've got a fucking wire. I've got a wire. What's just happened? Your face. That was an incredible face you just did. I've gone from fucking being Bluetooth to having wires, so I don't charge anything.

And having a wire is literally like doing this podcast, like on a top, like, I'm fucking serious worried about it. Yeah, sure. But what I would say is the way you reacted is like that was the first time you'd ever seen a wire in your life. Not Jarhead. Jake Gillengall. But anyway, I think 50 Cent,

because basically it's based on his video for In The Club where he's upside down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he would have been upside down, just so you know, in that they filmed it the right way up and twisted it upside down. Just so you know.

But I think 50 Cent, when they did did the rehearsal which they must have rehearsed i hope to well i wonder how he rehearsed he might have just gone i'll just go upside down when it comes to the actual thing but if he'd have gone upside down he would have known he would have felt the blood rush to his head yeah yeah and think to himself this is a fucking terrible idea because first of all having been there before i'm'll tell you what. Having been there before, Rom, I'm going to tell you what happened, right? They're rehearsing it. He looks at Dre, who's fucking absolute... Dre's a god, right? Mm.

Yeah, Snoop. Yeah, he's... Then Mary Jo Blige is coming up, you know, on the sort of, like, outside lane. He's like, oh, fucking hell, she's amazing. Eminem blows the roof off. Kendrick's incredible. Mm. So in his head, it's like, um, everyone's sort of...

I bet everyone's sitting around, like, having a having a sort of like bacon roll or sort of whatever before they start the show and cut the cokes or a couple of beers and sneaks over the smoke and 50 cents just walks in and going oh guys by the way um just talked to larry who does all the um staging and stuff i am going to be upside down for this and everyone's like whoa what are you talking about that's insane he's like no because he's seen what they're all about. He's seen that they don't need gimmicks, you know? And 50 Cent is like, I need to, you know, I need to. He's seen Kendrick's bit was, you know, the fucking dancing bit.

Oh, mate, I'm going to say this now. Kendrick, man of the match for me. I know he's not. Wow, MVP. For that performance. MVP, Rom, MVP. Listen, I am a British sports fan MVP, Rom. MVP. Listen, I am a British sports fan.

Man of the match for me, all right? Okay, I'm an MVP kind of guy. And I think in life, everyone should just, I think every week, you should christen an MVP

of your week. Okay. But I think 50 Cent, first of all, I was nervous watching it. I was nervous because he was upside down and I thought he doesn't

look comfortable, first of all. The blood's rushing to was nervous because he was upside down and I thought he doesn't look comfortable first of all the blood's rushing to his head then I started to become nervous about how he's going to lower

himself down from that position and then if you listened to his performance he was actually so out of breath from doing that

he couldn't properly complete the well for the rest of it he was just sort of rocking his head along

to everything that was going on I mean also I did feel sorry for him having been in when you're like in any sort of performance, and you're, I mean, me and you have had to do it,

and you've essentially become like an extra on SA, not even a dancer, and you're just sort of nodding your head along. Like when the others were sort of proper giving it, and him and Mary Jo Blige were just sort of like, just sort of sidelined a bit, I felt for them, you know? The other thing that I was a bit annoyed about was everybody going on about how much more weight 50 Cent's put on since he first did everything.

Well, yeah, I think that's unfair. No, but, mate, it's fucking insane. The geese are still in unbelievable nick. Yeah, and also, it's, what, 20 years, 15 years ago? Yeah, longer than that. It's like 25 years, maybe, I don't know. It's insane to think he'd be the same shape. Yeah.

And also, he's had a lot of success. Shout out 50 Cent, man, because he's cruised very much into the world of television. He's an amazing exec producer. He's coming up with incredible shows. Listen, I'm not the big... I think 50 Cent's great, right? And my mum's a massive 50 Cent fan.

Wow. I like that. But I felt bad that people jumped on him like that. I got myself into trouble with 50 Cent once. You know, for all of the... Well, in person, he... This is really bad, actually, tell me. I've not talked about this before, but...

I love Confession. Do you know what? I probably have last week. But anyway, let's just assume that I haven't i love confession rom i um 50 cent did a thing where he's bringing out a drink right yeah and he he started off by number one just quickly let's just shout out because uh as someone who has given me the fair kickings here and there like about being a little bit of a bitch when it comes to uh product placement little did we know about bacardi rum we didn't know that all these parties were being sponsored by a massive drinks bank listen listen listen listen like that let me just say can i just

say something yeah when that when you drop that video i I genuinely thought, fucking hell, it's probably the 25th of December already. It's rolled around quick. You in a club with every five seconds just reaching down to a Bacardi and then you just grinding. It was everything I dreamed it would be and a little bit more. You know what I felt? It an early valentine's present and you know what made me even happier right what is that i knew that there's a part of you when that deal came in you were like oh you know what because i know how lovely you are i know what a gent you are right so i know that you're like oh fucking hell oh my guys everyone's gonna have

it's gonna be amazing right and you got lulled into that enjoyment of the Bacardi. Probably took a bottle home for Lisa. She probably cracked it open on Valentine's Day. And then you had to play the piper. There's a phone call. Ron, can you put that video out that we've cut together for Bacardi? And then your facial reaction then

was like one of Gracie's teddies. It just looks sad. Do you know what? The thing is, the thing that I'm slightly uneasy about, is Bacardi have helped us out with those parties, right? Yeah, it's incredible. I thought the video was quite good like the part

it's really cool yeah yeah yeah but it's just it just looks like I'm doing a fucking Bacardi advert and like the bit

the bit that I think was the most embarrassing for me in the video not the most embarrassing but like is a bit where it pans up from the bottle of Bacardi

to me dancing and then you see me take a long that's my pans up from the bottle of Bacardi to me dancing and then you see me take a long a long cool sip of Bacardi a really long hydrating drink all I wanted really was at the end of it as something to go it's going when Romesh Frank and Ethan parties he parties Bacardi oh god so anyway you're saying about 50 cent and his drink brand um oh yeah so he was bringing out a drink and the the first advertising thing of it was I think I remember this right it's something like 50 cent wants to feed a million Africans was something like that it was something kind of quite comic reliefy sort of thing yeah and then um i thought fucking hell that's pretty sick do you mean i thought it was going to be like you know acon who like has done loads of work and like i

thought it was going to be something like that and then it was like for every drink the 50 cent sells he's going to donate 50 cent or what's going on? It's a phone call, sorry. I was going to put it on silent. Sorry. Who has a ringtone on their phone in 2022? I do. No, because I was waiting for your text. Whose phone makes a sound in 2022? No, I had the phone on loud because I knew you were going to text

and just go, link sent, I'm here, which you do every week. Yeah, so you had it on loud, but yet you still didn't log on to the best part of 10 minutes after I sent you that. Go on, sorry. Go on. I digress. Anyway, so basically it was like for every drink he sells, he's going to donate.

So I realised it was a marketing campaign, and it sort of slightly annoyed me, to be honest with you. So then later on, he posted up a watch that Floyd Mayweather had bought for him. And like a sort of, I've got to be honest with you, I trolled him on Twitter. Wow. I know, I know, this is bad.

On Twitter? On Twitter, yeah. Like, you know, one of the things that I fucking complain about people doing to me, I did to 50 Cent. Whoa, whoa, whoa, in what context? Where were you in your life at this point were you this is pre-comedy so you weren't a comedian i don't think so i don't you're a teacher yeah i think so is it even worse is that making me i mean it's hard to say isn't it i think it

as a teacher it's probably actually cooler that you haven't had a bit of bite about yeah and actually i can you probably had like knowing you'd had a tough day and sort of you know all of a sudden you see oh look if i'm honest with you ron yeah uh i kind of i actually think you can have a bit of a buy on this one because i think it's pretty i you know me and you talk but i think it's pretty atrocious when people are showing off their riches and their glad rags too much on yeah yeah so so i then replied to 50 cents saying why do you just sell the watch and then you can use the money to feed some of those africans instead of this cheap marketing campaign that you're doing something along those lines right yeah that's not actually tron i thought you would have been i mean like

well i love you so much that's actually genuinely that's actually that's just more of a question yeah but it's a thing like that like you know but also it's a thing he's done

of going up which I sort of I have a bit of a problem with anyone who turns around and is like I'm going to do this big thing

for charity I'm going to help out charity or here's my fucking Rolex or here's my fucking G-Wagon it's like

come on it's like you know if you can't you can't be both things do you mean for me yeah so um so anyway long story short i then got i was a victim of a massive pile on by a load of 50 cent fans it was like it was amazing a fucking militant man my whole i had to come off not come off twitter it was just unmanageable the number of replies i got from people like

threatening to come and find me let me just dare i insult 50 cent can i ask one thing did you at that time that then though did you kind of have was it like a rush a little bit of like oh my god fucking hell i'm being noticed do you know what i'm just saying this to you because i want to be full and complete and honest i did yeah i kind of thought this is quite cool. Yeah. I mean, 50 Cent didn't say anything, to be fair to him. But, you know, a load of 50 Cent fans did like it. I remember, like, before, you know, I remember saying something, and actually it was quite complimentary to The Rock. What did he say?

I can't remember going back so far long ago. This is pre-Mad, you know, pre-me doing this. Pre-Wolf and Al, yeah? Yeah, pre-Wolf and Al, yeah, because obviously my career just started. pretty mad you know pretty me doing this and I said pretty well for now yeah yeah pretty yeah yeah because obviously my career just started a lot of people

actually do anything get started with Wolf and Al he's done alright since that Wolf and Al he's banned that King Gary and the Curse

before that he wasn't really doing anything he was on a building site for Wolf and Al yeah and he liked and then

yeah I just literally I walked on clouds for now um yeah and uh he he liked that and then i yeah i just literally i i walked on clouds for a while yeah i had the same thing actually richard blackwood retweeted something i said nice about him as well and that felt really good yeah i had the same thing it's just it's who's important to you so for example there's a rapper called rock marciano he's a member of the flip mode squad he's yeah he's gone okay you know I know who he is yeah do you

yeah yeah yeah because I know why you know who he is if you do it's because

Sipa who's in the curse is a fucking huge Rock Marciano yeah yeah that's how everyone finds out

it's word of mouth that's how people find out about you you know yeah yeah no you're right not just all your Bacardi adverts

go viral it's word of mouth oh god you know yeah yeah no you're right not just all your Bacardi adverts go viral do you know the saddest thing about not the saddest thing one of the saddest things about it is under that video that I've posted if you look at the comments just loads of people going party rom I'll see party roms in full effect oh hangover ROM's going to be on the podcast next and all this shit you've been a good boy this weekend though I chilled out at home on the Saturday is it all finished now?

no I've still got dates here and there but I just didn't have any this weekend and then went to the cinema oh no went to watch Charlie play football how's he doing? how's the football going? I've got two things i love watching charlie play football yeah i mean all parents love their kids watching playing sport don't they but i love i love doing it so one of my favorite things to do and um but the other thing is i combine that with also not really caring how they get on but what i mean is like, you know, I just want him to have a nice time.

It's the truth. I want him to have a nice time. When you're there, you see parents that are really quite heavily affected by the results of the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like shouting and shit like that. It can destroy a day for some people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like there's like, you know, there's people that like, that you can see like, I don't want to gender stereotype, but it's mainly dads just absolutely fucking balling out their kids because they've not been... Yeah, but they're living that sort of way. They're living time through that, aren't they? But here's a question for you.

Do you think that's a good thing to do? Because I basically, as you and I both know, Tom, I don't have a competitive molecule in my body. No. And that stood me in terrible stead for the league of their own challenges and shit like that. And so... I've seen you be competitive, by the way.

When? When we did the rugby one. And you thought you were going to beat me. Tom, come on, Tom. There was a slight little... For fuck's sake. About you there. No, no, no.

What I would say is that was absolutely teed up for me to not come last in something. Yeah, yeah. I managed to fuck it. Yeah up for me to not come last in something. Yeah, yeah. I managed to fuck it. Yeah, but me and you were both vines. Let me have a thick vines and not come in last. Oh, God. But anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that maybe, you know,

those kids that go on to do well in sports and stuff have parents like that that are like, what are you doing? You've got to give 100% here. Like, what are you up to? Do you know what I mean? go on to do well in sports and stuff have parents like that, that are like, you've got, what are you doing? You've got to give 100% here, like, what are you up to? Do you know what I mean? Blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, but then my really good friends of mine and Catherine's, their little boys are really, he's a great little footballer and they go, you know,

watch him all the time but they're, they don't like push him and they're like really, they're incredible with him, you know, they're like, you know, they support him but they, and he's a's a like i say a very good player you could when we when

we've been to watch him because they're really close friends of ours whoa what are you listening to this for wait who's talking you know you're driving a 2024 ford escape with available alexa built in so you can change the music oh yeah alexa change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. For just $499, you can get a Subway 6-inch Black Forest ham sub made with our new fresh-sliced deli.

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Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Kudo. Conditions apply. You watch him, and, you know, he's clearly a very talented but i don't that you see the parents shouting but i think they're kind of like if he's going to make it he's going to make it he's best on his own merits he's not gonna i think you've got to be really really careful because you read books and you know i and watch documentaries about relationships that are absolutely destroyed by that sort of need to sort of make your child

sort of feel like the fucking best. Anyway, back to Charlie. So anyway, I enjoyed watching Charlie play. Where does he play? What position does he play? He plays up front. Oh, wow. I like that.

Although I do quite like him in the centre mid, you know. Really? Is he what, quite a technical player? Is he a technical-mid, you know? I do think he's got something going. Is he quite a technical player? Is he a technical player? Do you know what I think? I think that, basically, the thing with Charlie is he's slightly lacking in confidence because he's quite small for his age.

Yeah. So, like, whenever he's in training, he looks like he's having fun or whatever. And then in a game, I think he gets a bit nervous. Do you know what I mean? But he loves it he absolutely loves it is Lisa good at sport?

yeah Lisa's really good she's really good so what are you saying? just saying it's going to be the same thing if Grace is good at shit I'm not going to be able to if Grace turns out to be an incredible netball player or incredible at football I'm going to to be able to, like, if Grace turns out to be an incredible netball player

or incredible at football, I'm going to have to swallow the fucking pill that she's got that from, because, you know, Catherine is very, Catherine's incredible at I took Catherine to knock around a golf ball, she picked it up in no time. And Catherine's dad's incredible at every sport he picks up. So is mine, actually.

I'm literally the worst sports person in my whole family. Lisa's family are all very sporty. Yeah, my sister is. My sister's really good at stuff like that. I had a horrible thing happen to me, which I don't even know if I feel comfortable enough to talk about to be honest with you,

but I will do. It's that when my dad used to play cricket all the time, right? Yeah. He played for a team. And so I've always thought to myself, I used to go play nets with my dad and stuff and like play a bit of cricket with i've always been shit i mean i've got no depth perception because well the vision's not what it should be right so um i'd grown up thinking uh i wonder why i'm not

better at cricket because my dad's really good at cricket he used to play all the time and then a few years after he passed away i got a tweet from somebody going is your dad ranga because that's what everyone called my dad is your dad ranga because um i think he used to play cricket with him he's one of the worst cricketers and i was like i was sort of part of me was sad that he wasn't as great as i just led myself to believe of part of me was sad that he wasn't as great a cricketer as I just led myself to believe but part of me was happy

just thinking oh right that's why I'm shit at sports because my dad wasn't but anyway so I went to watch a football why

why has this podcast become me giving you updates on my fucking weekend now I think it's like look it's me just checking in, making sure you're okay. Okay, fine. And then I went to watch Uncharted with the boys. Good.

Yeah, I mean, it's like it is exactly what you'd expect it to be. I mean, there's no twist or... Tom Holland is exceptional. I just love that guy. I think he's great. Yeah, he's incredible, man. I love Mark Wahlberg as well. Mark Wahlberg is brilliant.

Mark Wahlberg is.... Mark Wahlberg is he's just like, there are certain actors that you just go I just feel comfortable watching him in some way. You know what, he's got it, Romesh. He's got it. Is that what it is? He's got it. He's got it in droves. He's just got star quality, isn't he? I believe he does, yeah. I believe he does.

And I think some people have got it and some people just haven't. I think it's the case with Hollywood stars more than any other kind of area of entertainment. You just, you've got to have some sort of, you know, whenever you, you know, when you hear about these people, they go, you know, and they just, even before they were famous,

like they turned up at a party and everybody was like, oh my God, everybody wanted to be friends with, they've got that thing, haven't they? Some sort of. Yeah, they've got something. You sort of sat back and stroked your chin as if you were of the belief that you might have that, by the way.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm sat back stroking my chin thinking of all the people that I've met who are like that, who rock that kind of vibe. Mate, my whole thing is trying to get noticed or working really hard for no one to notice me. Someone like Mark Wahlberg is basically the same as Dwayne Johnson. thing is trying to get noticed or working really hard for no one to notice me someone like mark walberg is basically yeah it's the same as uh dwayne johnson yes but then i always think what's it like when they're all hanging out who how does it work what do you mean well like do you think

like look me and you're used to knocking around in relatively low ego yeah comedians everyone's gonna take the mic it's self-derogatory, whatever. Like, do you think, like, they all sit around talking about how great they all are? No, but I do think I think they do false modesty. You know, like, how we talk about ourselves in such a derogatory way, but we need every

word, and if anything, we tone it down because people get slightly annoyed. I don't know if they do. You reckon? I think it's like, I think it's like sports people know if they do you reckon i think it's like i think it's like sports people i think some sports people i've met it's like self they kind of can't get their heads around sort of being self-derogatory a little bit because it's sort of like it it would destroy their their heart just their ethos of what they've got to do to go out there and win and be the person they've sort of built themselves to become like, and it's very much by the same token,

right? If, if me and you went out for a drink, right. And you started blowing smoke up your own ass and being fucking arrogant, I'd fucking pull you aside and go, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, fucking tone down. Okay. Would you really? Yeah. I'd be like, cause you,

was there any part of you that'd be like thinking, do you know what? This guy's just like finally celebrating himself a little bit. It's good to see. No, no, any part of you that'd be like thinking, do you know what? This guy's just like finally celebrating himself a little bit. It's good to see. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because it would,

because you know what? Nothing good would come from it. Your comedy would suffer. Your life would suffer. You'd begin like thinking too much of yourself. And, but on the flip side of that coin,

you know, for those guys to roll in the way they roll and be incredible like they are, they have to believe that they're the best. They have to believe that they're unt best. They have to believe that they're

untouchable and they're really cool. That's the only way that they can get through a day. Is that not what I was saying? Are we not agreeing with each other? I mean, I thought that was kind of what I was saying. Well, yeah, I think I probably just explained it in layman's terms. I don't think what I said was super technical. I didn't

get it, so some of the listeners might not. Sure, okay, fine. I'm just saying that you know it's i just think that the glint in someone's eye you if you have a glint in your eye and a little bit of a sort of swagger and you lose it there's nothing sadder oh wow that's sort of rhymed yeah it does yeah yeah um so the other thing that happened is that somebody well i ate two dinners

I ate two full dinners yesterday let me just say that you know what I've noticed is like there's quite a gluttonous side to you whether it's alcohol

or food it's basically Lisa made roast dinner yesterday nice did you oh shout out

by the way Coughlin's and Coughlin's Incredibles vegan wellingtons and sausage rolls nice did you oh shout out by the way coughlands uh and uh coughlands incredibles uh um vegan wellingtons and sausage rolls they're incredible what's happened you oh here we go i can put two and two together you did last leg recently yes yes uh so sean coughland he runs coughlands bakeries his wife is uh does hair and makeup on lovely last leg so obviously tom's obviously done the little hook-up.

Gone home with a little fucking tray of treats. The yum-yums. Incredible. Is that what happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a tray, but I

would say they really looked after us. You know, with a newborn, with some lovely frozen bits and bobs that, man, just, I tell you

what. Yeah, exactly what a newborn needs, a load of Coughlin's goods. No, no. Tell me, what did little Gracie

treat herself to from the selection of bakery items? They do a footlong sausage roll that I've never tasted and I think it's good. Yeah. I wanted to just drive down to Crawley,

just pop my head in and go, thank you. Instead I just sent an Instagram message but fuck me, what a guy. And they're not based in Crawley as well so that would have been a massively wasted journey.

Where are they based? I think you... I think you live, they live near Godston. Did you? Oh, Godston, yeah,

Godston Farm. Yeah, good. Pretty good. Um, okay, so you had, Lisa cooks a roast dinner,

what else? So what happens then? So basically what happened was, I said to Lisa, don't do me a roast dinner because my mum's dropping off, you'll know this from Judge Romesh, my mum's dropping off

one of her Sri Lankan food care packages. Yummy, yummy. But then what happened was my mom had friends around yesterday and so she couldn't drop the food off at dinner time she could only drop it off much later like about 10 o'clock at night so lisa goes you're just going to do your roast dinner because you're not going to want to eat that you're not going to want to eat that. You're not going to want to eat it that time. And I said, no, I'm not. And so I ate the roast dinner, full fucking roast. Like Lisa smashes it out, right? Yeah.

Full roast dinner. And then my mum dropped some food off at 10 o'clock that night and I fucking sat there and ate a full dinner of rice and curry and was like, oh my God. God, you're a legend. Is that a legend?

I don't think that is a legend. So hold on, what time was your roast dinner? Roast dinner was 6.30. Oh shit, I? I don't think that is legend. So hold on, what time was your roast dinner? Roast dinner was 6.30. Oh shit, I thought you were talking about a roast lunch. Like, so you had that like at sort of yeah, 2, 3 o'clock.

Yeah, I wasn't hungry for lunch because I'd eaten a full large popcorn at the cinema. Wow. How did you feel? Oh god! How were your guts this morning? before i tell you what i was delighted by this is actually quite disgusting i had a five o'clock no 5 45 pickup this morning yeah work as you know tom without getting too grotesque about this that a 5 45 pickup plays havoc with your day because as we know you know what the normal habit is you have a morning

turnout right the problem that you've got with a 545 pickup is the launch sequence has not yet been initiated and so then what you find yourself doing is trying to fight yourself out of a shit midway through a scene on set yeah but also it depends right there so much it comes down to what you're filming as well like usually there's like one toilet between the whole cast and crew right horrible so then you're hoping that fucking download time is going to hit just as you're in your trailer for even before you go to set but even but listen even even even when you if you're in your trailer and you need to shit right right? And then suddenly, I guarantee you, just after you finish stomping that down in the inadequate toilet

that they've got in those trailers, someone from costume or one of the ADs will knock on the door and then come in and try and hide the fact that they've been physically smacked in the face by what you've just done. Recently on the job I was doing, right, the flush was so bad in um in my toilet right so bad nothing would flush it down i had to clean the fucking thing with the toilet brush and it was the toilet brush was so badly soiled i had to throw that down the

into the toilet right and then as that happens i get a knock on the door as you're talking about one of my co-stars pops ahead in yeah that's the worst one like it's just uh someone doesn't happen to make that oh yeah you're probably because you're number one on the call sheet you don't let anyone pop in and say hello uh i don't care gary i would always be in your trailer um no you what you do is be outside my trailer with elodie the other cast waiting to see the sandals that I fucking had to wear. And then do a big fucking bullying session as I come out, yeah. Anyway, so that person puts their head in, there's an awful stench. But the worst thing, actually, the next day

is when you turn up on set and you're in the same trailer and someone's replaced your toilet brush. Oh, no. That's a horrible one. That's a bad one. I mean, it is a bad one, but I don't think I've ever flushed the toilet brush down the toilet. Yeah, but they're different sort of toilets.

They're long drops, they're called, aren't they? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See yourself buying a home one day? Do future you a favor. Open a Questrade first home savings account and help that future come faster. The FHSA is a tax-free account where all your investment gains are yours to keep and put towards your first home. With Questrade, you can open an FHSA online. No bank appointment needed. It's easy and only takes a few minutes. The sooner you get started, the more time your down payment has to grow.

Open an account today at Questrade.com. Today. Something is coming. Kong. Godzilla. They can feel it. Fight together. We're teaming up.

Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong. The new empire. Now playing only in theaters. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... Come on kids, back to the hotel room. Goodnight kids. Goodnight mama. life's a trip make the most of it at best western okay uh do you want to do some emails my g yeahe? Yeah, my baby. Let's do it. Before we get into emails...

Let me just shout something out. Something's ground my gears, actually, recently, over this last couple of days. Something's really pissed me off. There seems to be a real thing at the moment about hair regrowth packages. They're all over the internet. There's celebrities endorsing them.

There's people shouting them out, saying how amazing they are. Are you talking about surgery or no no it's like crees creams and serums and tablets and none of these work right no no and this is the thing that really fucks me off right none of them work but there's no group of people as eager to see if something will fucking work to give them a little fucking run again at fucking youth and hoping that you know shit might work out better for them than your bald man genuinely like i find it absolutely like there's people i love and respect who are now promoting these things and i i will shout now and say if any of you people can stand by actually what you do like any bald listeners to this get in

touch we'll do we will, we will test this. We'll test drive this thing and prove none of it works. Because I actually, I think it is, yeah, it's abhorrent. How do you, how do you just... It's grinding my gears. Yeah, it feels like... Every time I'm watching any sport, it comes up. Newman, I think it's called.

It does really sound like it's got your goat. Can you tell me exactly how you envisage us testing that it's not true? I'll tell you what we'll do. We will buy four packs of it, four different ball people, right, and see if it works. And we'll just do like a hamster-gopher type thing. It feels like a really good podcast item. So what will happen is we, what will we do?

We'll get them on and we go have you got any hair and they'll go no and we go okay see you in a couple of weeks is that what you is that how you yeah no no what we do is we send a bit that like we'll do we'll probably do some sort of video call that we can put out on like socials right with four different people and then we'll go right guys prove you're bald so we'll see their heads, right? And then we'll send them some stuff. And then, you know, a month later, see where we're at. Okay. Yeah.

And then just sort of, I mean, I think it could be, you know, because I think it could destroy that whole market, which it needs to. Yeah, I think you're right. And listen, I think it's better that we get, we just put it out there to bald listeners because, you know, the idea that you and I might know a bald guy that we could just test this on just seems unfathomable. I'd do it myself,

but the only thing is I quite like being bald and if it worked, it would be actually a bit of a kick in the teeth. So you do think it might work then? No, I don't think it works. I think, look, I would say now, right, if it worked on any of the four people we try it on,

right, I would clean your feet for a month i mean you've managed to sort of insult me there by sort of suggesting that cleaning my feet is like one of the ultimate fucking penances that you could do oh yeah but it's fucking embarrassing every day of the month having to get like like go to your house before you go to work and clean your feet i just can't imagine i can't even it actually starts to be it'll feel like a fucking

chore for me so I'm on my way round mate I'm going to be round in a couple of hours yeah Tom honestly you don't have to do this it's just if I make it better

I swear to my soul that I'll do it yeah here I am like fucking Biff Tannen in Back to the Future no but like I've got to do it

get those shoes and socks off. Honestly, mate, you don't need to come here at half five every fucking morning. In the end, I'll just get my own dorky and you and Lisa are still asleep. I'll just sit at the end of the bed. Okay, well, look, if anybody wants to volunteer for that, Tom's offering to pay for your board. Would you ever have for that, Tom's offering to pay for your board. Yeah, if anyone wants to. Would you ever have the surgery, Tom?

You know what, probably not. The only trouble is I've had to wear a wig recently in this job I'm doing, and Catherine's made a couple of sort of remarks about me with hair and never sort of thinking about it before. Because usually I play characters who have wigs, but it makes me even more foul. Tom, I've seen you've sent me photos of what you look like

with the hair on and this thing and you're telling me that's Catherine has been fucking aroused by that. No, Catherine was like, actually maybe with hair you actually, yeah, she's like Well, just to give the listeners an idea you took a photo of yourself with the hair with a little smile on your face

and then you sent me sent me the photo saying oh i've asked them to model it on your hair ha ha ha no no genuine because you know you have your hair all scruffy some mornings yeah that we've done this that sort of scruffy sort of go out of bed look i can't like now it looks very groomed it looks very cool you know but it's like it's you know that sort of disheveled look that you have sometimes like oh i don't care what anyone thinks oh god oh can i just by the way before we get into the emails i do just want to say something quickly the other day on your insta stories yeah you did a podcast or something i don't know what podcast it was but there's a photo of you you i think you'll know which photo i'm talking about there you go he's smiling he knows exactly

what i'm fucking talking about because obviously was he obviously knew what he was doing when he posted his photo it's you in a t-shirt just sort of sat you know i'm talking about this yeah i look kind of cool you look fucking unbelievable yeah but you picture was nearly, I think, taken about five years ago. So what? You look unbelievable. Thank you, bro. Thank you very much, man. This week, I mean.

Before we get... Also, one more thing I want to clarify, because we've had a number of emails on this. Successville. What's it called? What's the American one called? Murderville. Murderville, right?

Yeah. There's a lot of people going... A lot of people have sent an email saying, how does Tom feel about this blatant rip- that is murderville yeah so yeah so can we just clear this up yeah so it's not a ripoff it's i'm an exec producer on the american version it's uh the format was brought in by well i net and his company so i am yeah i'm a part of it it's not a ripoff i'd like to thank everyone who's

jumped to my defence but there is actually at the moment a bullshit theatre thing I think that's going on at the moment which is a perfect rip off

holy shit I didn't think you were going to call this out no I will call it out because I think it's disgusting man people I actually really like

are in it as well so I'm like oh nice one cheers so yeah there's um yeah but yeah the will i net version is yeah and kind of cool man because it's like sharon stone and conan and fucking mad um yeah but um yeah thank you if you have been an exec on an american tv show uh i did i had little to do i'd sort of laid the tracks and you know

the guys just jumped on the steam train and just steamed on through with it you know why can't I I just wanted to get some genuine insight from you

did you have to be on a meeting with some Americans yeah yeah yeah have you spoken directly to Will Arnett yeah yeah yeah so wasn't that all

very exciting yeah man but it's like yeah it's what it is isn't it you know it was cool and it's like, yeah, it's what it is, isn't it? You know, it was cool, and it's like, yeah, yeah, it was nice. It was like he was a big fan. He enjoyed the show, and, yeah, so we had a discussion with him and his team,

and they've gone with it, and they've made the show. I mean, they've changed it a bit, but, yeah, man, I mean, Will's sort of taken another thing from us, and me and him are talking about doing the thing, so it's like, yeah, he's a cool guy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He wants to do a podcast. No, he's a cool guy, man.

I like Will. He's a cool, cool dude. He's a McDaddy. All right. I regret this. Okay. We've got some questions here that's so clerical you look like a secretary who's just found something dirty in her boss's bin um thanks once again to the swan uh for selecting the emails

dear hold on fucking hell i can't get this screen right um hi okay i'm glad i moved everything around to get that. I was just wondering if you guys had any advice to stop thinking about, how to stop thinking about my partner's past. I know she cares for me and loves me, but my mind wanders and I can't stop it. I find myself comparing myself to past partners and feeling rubbish about myself.

It's gotten better over the past few months, but it's still something my mind wanders to. Any advice would be much appreciated. Yours, The Skunk. Wow. Whoa. This is a, I think it's quite a common problem, actually, and a well-trodden one on the voyage

and the quest that is the war for now. I would say, my friend, listen to me and listen good. Don't compare yourself with anyone. No good can ever come of it. You are your own person. You're a shining light in your own universe. And anyone before you that has been with her, for one reason or another, hasn't worked out, has it?

Because otherwise she wouldn't be with you, my friend, laying next to you in your betrothed bed, happy, looking forward to the future if the if things have worked out you just wouldn't even be a figment of her mind so listen to me know this as you go forward with this lovely lady you sir can only fuck this up yourself let the past go let Let the future be. And every time you look in the mirror, just think, yeah, I'm the guy she's chosen.

Tom, I love, love, love, love the advice you've given. Thank you, baby. Thank you, mate. We got a few emails saying it was about me when i say this is only as bad as you allow yourself to make it or whatever yeah and some people were saying like that that they weren't having a go but they were going how do you do that like you're sort of making that sound easy but it's sort of what you've just said is that like let me give this as an example so the skunk here is saying how do i stop thinking

about my partner's past i can't help comparing myself to past partners are feeling rubbish about myself but your other half is not doing that that this is the crux of it is that she's with you and she's chosen you and she is not she's not unless she's saying to you good i wish i wish you were more like blah blah blah i wish you were more like blah blah blah i wish you were more like da da da great examples romesh unless she's saying that right this is what romesh means is that if she was like i wish you were more like keifa i wish you were more like elliot or rajesh or whatever yeah right so so the point i'm trying to make is this isn't real do you mean it's not real And so what you're doing is you're making yourself miserable

with something you've kind of made up in your head. This is not affecting your life in reality. You are just allowing it to affect your life by creating a problem. And I know it's as easy or as difficult as that. It is difficult to do, but that is the key. As soon as you stop worrying about it, as soon as you go, well,

hold on a minute. This doesn't actually have any real place in my life. As soon as you get that, get your head around that, this fucking disappears, man. Do you know what I mean? It's as easy as difficult as that.

So listen, like Tom said, she's chosen you. Sounds like you're having a great relationship and what your, what your mind does. And it does to so many of us, it looks for your brain goes i'm really happy in this how do i fuck this up and your brain searches what can i oh she's had like she's been with loads of people in the past what if one of them's better than me and then that becomes a thing to fixate from and then it almost

becomes your brain satisfied now because you're fucking making yourself miserable when you've got no reason to let that go man just fucking let that go as soon as you do you'll be a lot happier you're a skunk live for the moment not for the result and kick on and kick true yeah uh absolutely right it's um it's just all it requires is a little edit and the advice is great isn't it um okay uh this is from chris the crocodile wow i love the fact he's giving himself like yeah the two-name thing no one else has really done that no uh hi wolf owl in the swan also a big hello to michael payne who wraps the opening track after listening to every wolf in our podcast i'm forever singing the opening credits to myself during the day also summer in the city by michael is one of my favorite ever songs if you

don't already know it then give it a listen love love love your work guys keep it up um anyhow i've got a question after watching the winter olympics that have recently started it got me thinking to how the wolf and al could cope with would cope with snow do you do you I love the fact that this is such a I swear sometimes this podcast is like the fucking one show do you both enjoy the white fluffy stuff and what event could you see yourselves competing in I love the fact that this could have just been an email we could have just shouted out,

like our dear friend Michael Wayne. I love the snow. I love the snow and all it brings. Yeah. You know what? I love the first emergence of snow when it first lays its white blanket across the... Oh, God.

No, I do. The joy it brings. You see people running out and sort of like problems are just forgotten until you've got to go to work or some shit like just for a moment it's you know everything's good again it's like our problems are just washed away and then you know it turns to sludge and ice and you know more accidents happen on the roads and shit. No, no, like, yeah, do I enjoy the show? Sorry, Chris.

Yeah, bro. I fucking enjoy it, man. By and large, chalk me up as a snow lover. Yeah, I enjoy the snow.

I enjoy the snow for the first I would say 10 minutes after it arrives and then after that I find it absolutely fucking irritating yeah but you must run out with your tiddlers

and just have a little like you know yeah but it's like it is again it's like okay tobogganing's fun yeah hey

with Olympic wise I've actually been watching quite a lot of it and I've got to say boom like there's some talent out there. It's not as exciting as the Summer Olympics or any other sport I've seen, but actually, it's better than I ever imagined it was. I did the bobsled.

Is it the bobsled? Yeah, bobsled, yeah. No, I don't think it was. I think it might be in the luge for uh league of their own christmas and they put a gopro on uh on our helmets as we went down um and i've got to say listen i know i don't like um i don't like people i don't like the number of tweets i get and messages I get from... Basically, a lot of my social media is people sending me pictures of animals

with one eye and saying I call this Romesh, all right? But that... The video of the GoPro on my helmet, my eye looks fucking mental. I mean, when I... Yeah, I didn't... One of the crews said, do you want to see the footage of you on it? And when I, yeah, I didn't, I didn't, one of the crews said, do you want to see the footage

of you on it? And I went, yeah, okay. It looks so bad. It looks so bad. But yeah, but I was like,

and then I thought, and then I thought, I wonder if that looks all right. And then when the show went out, it was, it was confirmed to me. Did you get like sympathetic things or was it just horrible? No, no, I didn't't and i don't want sympathetic things but i do think um like sort of a lazy eye

well by the way i'm not saying this for sympathy i'm absolutely not saying sympathy because i do take the piss out of it myself but i would say the lazy eye or the droopy eye or whatever is one of the disfigurements that people sort of it's's kind of open season on, do you know what I mean? There are different issues that people have with their faces and looks that people would never dream of making the sort of comments that they do. I don't know what it is. It's sort of an amnesty. I think it might be

because I joke about it myself. I think it is, man. That comes from, well, you know as well as I do, when you're at school, you just sort of of think I'm going to come up with a joke about this first. Do you know what I mean? It's a self-defense mechanism, right? Yeah.

So, um, anyway, the point is, I don't know, I've noticed you take this into sort of a dark statement about my, my, you know,

just, I think the, the most cutting off I've ever had is when we did the, uh, ice hockey on Liga and road trip. I think it was, and I think it was, there was, there was on the same down road trip I think it was and I think there was there was on

the same trip but man I spent the whole time falling over on the ice like it was genuinely fucking humiliating

like not not you know even now looking back like I completely misjudged how hard ice skating

was I'd seen kids do it you thought it was easy did you I didn't think it was that

fucking hard right like I couldn't even stand up. It was like... Because my body is all out of proportion. I have literally no strength in my legs and all my weight sits on top of... Mate, you know, like,

I think you've seen Robin Hood, the old Disney cartoon, and there's the cockerel in it who sings and he's got, like like long legs and all of his fucking body's just massive and fat yeah that's how i felt it was just yeah and that's how i am it was just fucking humiliating so i shout out anyone who could ice skate and anyone in answer your question crystal crocodile it's a big thumbs up from both the wolf and the owl for snow um okay what a lovely question it's so sweetie you

know what actually chris the crocodile let's just take a second and say you're okay buddy you are okay we like you we like i like him i'd love i'd love to just see what goes on in his head and if your head's bald get in touch because you could be one of our people who experiment on sure okay this is from anonymous thanks for the pod recently discovered it now working my way through the back catalogue i wanted to get your perspective on a situation my husband and i have been together 15 years and built a friendship group over that time the group is all male i've always gotten better with guys and struggled with female friendships i've had quite a bit of insecurity about this over the years not wanting to be the plus one, but a genuine friend, which can be complicated

sometimes with mixed gender friendships. However, I've always been on the nights out to festivals with the group, in the group WhatsApp chat, etc. One of the group is getting married soon, and I'm the only one of the group who hasn't been invited to the stag do. Oh. Although I saw it coming, I can't help

but feel hurt and wonder whether they see me as a friend or just an annoying hanger-on. What are your thoughts? Should I have never expected an invite? By the way, they aren't going to a strip club or anything. It's a standard night out we've done plenty of times before. Anonymous. Oh, this is a sticky little conundrum, isn't it, Tommy?

Yes, yes, it is. Yeah. Well, it is and it isn't it tommy yes it is yeah well it is and it isn't i've got to say i think that um i think you've been uh woefully mistreated there actually in this situation okay i think uh that if you are a part of this group and you know you guys go out and do stuff all together and uh you're the only person who's not going to be there i kind of think that's a little bit a little bit harsh i think it's a little bit it's i mean it seems terribly dated doesn't it in a sense like and i love his day too yeah and i thoroughly enjoyed him you know it's a sad thing that probably i've probably been on

my last one now that's pretty tragic really in a lot of senses why are you saying that we're still going to be friends when lisha and i inevitably break up. Yeah, but I don't know if you'd get married again. Oh, that's true. That's a very good point. No. So, you know. She might invite you to her hen day, I suppose. No.

No, but you do get to a point where you look around your mates and think, well, fucking, that's it, really. Yeah. That's the, you know, the final horse is bolted and, you know, old farmer John's come to close up the barn with everyone who's left in there. And anyone who sort of gets... Are you okay?

It's not going to be the same. Can I say something there? Stag do's are shit. Well, I love a stag do. But you're talking about them like it's some amazing... Oh, I love a stag do. But you're talking about them like it's some amazing, oh, I've got on my last one now.

Yeah, but... I understand if it's your last child's graduation or whatever. Or do you mean your last... Even last wedding. Fine.

Right? I get that. Last stag do. Who gives a fuck? It's the last Bastion, man. It's gone. It's a bit like, you know, Frodo Baggins or whatever,

when he put the ring in, Mordor or whatever, right? Okay. You know, or, you know, just to throw it back to saying you could probably understand. I knew it. I knew it.

Go on. Go on, let's hear it. Go on. No. It's not when Han Solo and fucking Luke and all that are like, oh, fucking hell, that's it. Darth Vader's been killed.

We're not going to be doing any more adventures. Right? It's the same as that. It's the same sort of thing, you know? Oh, Christ, we won't be getting on an easy jet flight and going somewhere again as a group. Yeah, that's gone. And there's an element of like, wow,

the riches of life have evaded us now. And we've got past that battle onto the next. But there's more chance of Theo going on a stag do than me or you now. He'll be going on one sooner than we do. Do you know what? Actually, that's the point. I've just

thought of something. When Theo gets married, we and you can go on'm gonna tell you now listen i'm not i'm not the best dad what i can promise my son is that me and one of my best friends is not going to fucking encroach on his stag do that's the very least i can do mate come on that'd be so much fun mate you i don't listen I'm going to put this out there. I don't know if stag dudes will be a thing by the time Theo gets married. Well, I do, but I think

they'll be like this lady's talking about. I think it's just going to be like a get-together. Yeah, maybe it will. And me and you will sit in a corner with our slippers on and just go, come on, we were young bucks. We used to go yeah it wasn't

like all your mixed gender parties like you've got now just a group of blokes pretending that they had more freedom than they really did sort of slagging off their other halves as if they weren't fucking grateful that somebody had agreed to spend the rest of their lives pretend that they cared about culture then we'd all get drunk and then we'd go and pretend we liked quad biking while hungover. All we really wanted to do was look round a cathedral.

And then if anybody made a suggestion that actually was cultured, the rest of the group would rightly bully them until they felt like leaving the stag weekend. On my stag day, I told all the other stags, one of the guys, his mum was coming to pick him up.

He was like having a lay-in. He was like, I don't know if he like i don't know if he i don't know if he reminds me saying so it was um the comedian by the name of luke kempner and what why why have you done that no but nobody needs to fucking know his name we'll find it funny right yeah sure then tell luke afters, just so you know, I anonymously told the story about you on the stag day. You have to fucking name the geyser.

No, but it was funny because it was Luke Kempner and it was like, all my mates were really sweet going up and going, you're right. Is it true? I was going to beat you up.

Who did you tell? Everyone? All my mates yeah yeah it was quite amusing yeah yeah but yeah that's

yeah stag news man so yeah let me just shout out and you know I don't know if mine and Romesh's word counts for anything

in this great mixer that we call love but seriously I want you to go to this person and say that you actually feel like you should be invited on this and you are a part of the friendship group.

Well, I don't know about that. Really? Look, can I just say, this is what I think, all right, is I think this group of friends have been a bit inconsiderate, actually. Yeah. I think somewhere in between your i think what's happened is you are a proper member of the group and obviously we can't guarantee this but there's the feeling like you are a proper member of the group but whoever's

wedding it is has just decided that the the typical thing is when you're going to stag do it's all blokes and so that's why you haven't been invited okay so i think you should have been invited however however if you go and say now i think i should have been invited you are then possibly going to get invited and that is you're not going to enjoy that rom i think i've got a better solution go on and i think you'll like this right okay but before we start before you carry on please tell me you're not going to invite this person out on a weekend with us. No, no, no. Okay, fine. This is a lot more cleverer than that, right?

Find out where they're going to go, right? You'll know this for the group, right? No, right? You've probably got a mental crazy group song that you all listen to, you know? Like where it's sort of a bit 50 Cent or whatever, only because we talked about him earlier, right? I want you to go along, right, to the club, because I know at some point they're all going to be sitting there,

and you've just got to think of all those great Hollywood films or like Dawson's Creek or some shit, right? And they're all going to be going, God fucking hell, man, I wish Sally was here. We should have invited her. All of a sudden, right, you give the DJ 20 quid, right? The song drops. You walk over to the table where they're all at.

And you've got some champagne and those really cool champagne things with the fireworks coming at the top. And you're like, did someone fucking order a party girl? And boom. It's like the coolest entrance ever. Can I just say, we've been doing this for over a year, and that's one of the worst pieces of advice I've ever heard Tom Davis deliver. On this podcast and in life generally.

I think that would be cool. That is one of the most tragic fucking things that could ever happen. That would be fucking epic. These guys are on a stag do. She rocks up. Does somebody order a party girl? It only takes one of them to go,

no. And why the fuck are you here? This is the difference between me and you, right? That's all it takes. But if all of them go, Sally, fucking hell, you're here. And then she's just like, she's just dancing in their arms

and fucking slugging back champagne and fucking Grey Goose, and fucking you win. You win. Can I just say something, Anonymous? I don't want to get anyone into trouble, but your husband's got some responsibility here to step up a bit on your behalf.

Because if you have been part of that group, I sort of think he should be saying something on your behalf, really. So you've got three options, really? No, no, no. You don't have three options. Don't do the champagne thing please for fuck's sake it'd be so fucking cool but i do if you do do it put up a video on insta and then just tag us in

yeah please don't um but listen i i think that they're out of order for not inviting you um you're not a hanger on don't allow this uh oversight to make you feel like that and um you know make your feelings known but i i just don't think well look look my advice is have a word with your husband about it i think your husband should be backing you up on this yeah um so good and then the least he can do is help out with my advice so sort of yeah i mean it's sort of the same in a way our advice but okay absolutely please well look if you want to take tom's advice please do but um good luck to you uh okay tom it's about that time my g uh can you do me the honor of uh taking us out of the uh of the episode oh god I couldn't even bring myself to say that properly. Okay, go on. Agnes Watkins.

Oh, no. Oh, God. He's seen a wire for the second time in his life just now. Okay, go on. Yeah, that was a very bit meaningful getting into that. Agnes Watkins was a lonely soul. She would go to the park every day and she would feed the pigeons and just talk to people

who were walking around the park and feed biscuits to dogs and stuff. And then she'd just go home and sit on her own and watch like sort of Pointless and all those sort of TV shows, Agnes Watkins thought that no one cared. But when it came for the time for Agnes Watkins to meet her maker

and everyone thought, oh, you know, whatever happened to that lady in the park, everyone got together when they heard of her passing and they brought a bench and put it in the park. And on the bench they had written, this bench is in honour of Agnes Watkins. For whenever you feel alone, remember there's someone there with biscuits, right?

The point of this story is this. Even though you think you're on your own and you're navigating life in a sort of very solo way there's always people there to talk to and everyone is noticing everyone so sometimes all it takes is just to reach out a hand and look at someone who's lonely like an agnes Watkins in life, and say, hey, are you okay? Do you need a friend? Talking's good. It's good to talk.

Talk to someone who needs to chat. That's all I'm saying. Be there and care. Really nice, Tom. Yeah, the microphone thing at the beginning sort of re-threw me. Yeah, it did. I would say that you're of, you're struggling really with how to end that. But really nice. I sort of think it's,

the whole of this episode is sort of, I think, because it's, on Valentine's Day it's quite a hard time to do it, isn't it? Especially when I've sort of left a Valentine's meal

at dessert and come out to record this. Yeah, I'm sort of now not thinking i don't know what it's gonna be like when i go downstairs um the first night off we've had since grace has been here and uh yeah so uh so yeah so guys if i've been a little bit quiet in a little bit that'll be why uh and yeah we'll update you on that next time sure sure i mean thank you for giving the impression that um i forced you away from your valentine's dinner you're the one that moved the record from last night to tonight but cool no no no it's my bad it's my bad yeah sure sure but that's not

that's not the way you made it sound i guess no no no no no look look on this occasion this is my doing romish yeah again the implication there that normally it's Baidu. You're very good. You're very smart at this. You're like the fucking Tinder swindler you are. My baby, my G. Guys, thank you so much for listening. We'll see you on the flip side.

Peace out. One love. Love ever. Respect. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com.

We'd love to hear from you. Mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.