Wolf and Owl - Ep 64: Heath Checks & Arrogant Animals

Episode Date: March 23, 2022

We’re talking…. hotel lifestyles and heath checkups, medical scares, failures at fasting, red or white meat, the arrogance of pigs, visiting farms and the pitfalls of homemade kefir. Plus some email questions on helping a friend who’s obsessed with exercise, the acceptability of wearing caps in your 40’s, and our most awkward heckler anecdotes. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves. Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served, bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler that ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows

fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing, dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog

Hello and welcome to the Wolf and Owl How you doing? Yo, yo, yo, put your cheese together Because you've got yourself a baguette. I'm really excited about the fact that every week we record these on video and do fuck all with the videos. You know what? It's so weird.

We've just got such a backlog of these videos now. I know. The only thing on my laptop now is these videos and obviously my porn history. It's literally... Yeah, because my porn history it's literally yeah because your porn history would signify the fact that like the back your background has changed from hotel room to hotel room i know like mine is pretty much consistently stayed the same and i don't sometimes i don't know what to wank over the porn or just one of the videos of us doing this i love that artwork in the back of that. What is that? Just a picture of a big bottle of champagne?

Yeah. It's because I'm in a duvet. All the hotel rooms are named after wine. Nice. Nice guy. Fucking hell. My guy living that ritzy life. Well, actually, so I'm in Cheltenham right now.

And at the venue last night, the guy told me that... It sounds like I'm going to slag off. Duvet is a very nice hotel. But he said to me, oh, it sounds like I'm going to slag off. Divan's a very nice hotel, but he said to me, oh, you're staying at the Divan. I thought you'd be staying in like the Mount Maison and one of the other nicer ones in town.

So like, he sort of implied to me that I was slumming it in the Divan, but Divan's a nice hotel, isn't it? Yeah, mate. Yeah. I mean,

look, mate, you've got a massive picture of a bottle of champagne. Yeah. Above your bed. That would signify that. Yeah. To just sort of wake up and look and see a bottle of champagne and you think yeah this is my life whoa did you have any champagne after the

gig last night no i'll tell you what i did i did i had a rum and ginger oh yeah that's a nice ginger ale yeah ginger ale what do you think ginger ale or ginger beer can't you ginger beer is too much isn't it ginger gassy it's too gassy it's too men of our age that you're asking for basically what you're asking is to enjoy a drink and within an hour low bed and consider the fact you might be having a heart attack you have to put a do not disturb sign on the door because you cannot you cannot bear like the staff having to walk into your fucking chemical weapon that you've left in the room I'll tell you if you want chemical weapon I had

a shop brought Katsu Koe last night hold on ready made yeah ready made that's what shop bought is sorry I've done a Tom there go on we had a ton of Tom we had like as sad as it seems we were like oh we'll get Gracie down I've done a Tom there. Go on. Yeah, it's... We had a ton of Tom.

We had, like, as sad as it seems, we were like, oh, we'll get Gracie down and then we'll watch a film together and we'll just... And then Catherine was like, instead of getting the takeaways, we absolutely blitzed all the takeaways around it. She just went to the supermarket and grabbed some bits that we could cook,

ready meals, and it's just not the same, is it? And, like like my stomach honestly at the moment uh i'm in the i'm in the bedroom with grace at the moment um and genuinely she woke up crying because as far i'd done i i can't think there's any other reason and she was looking at me in utter disgust yeah what are you you big fat slob like it's interesting isn't it because they talk about skin to skin contact and getting your baby used to the sound of your voice and and very rarely do you hear them say you need to get them used to the sort of the smells that emit from your body as well

it's good it's good training for her it's good training for her wait well i can feel like just saying you know now you know what i'm getting quite a lot of the time, Gracie. Now you know what I'm getting. But it's, man, it was like, even now, it's brutal. Because basically, right, I've been, so you know I went and had my prostate done and all that sort of stuff, right? So I basically went, because I'm a hypochondriac, I was like, oh shit, a friend of mine

that had like some stomach problems. And I then got into my head like, oh oh shit i get that a little bit too so i've like basically gone and had loads of tests and i haven't got any of the the worst ones you could get but what he said to me is basically he's like you've got like a flaring in your stomach uh so we're going to do a cononoscopy you know like the one where they put a camera up your butt I mean how many anal sort of invasions are you going to have now like is this like the fourth or fifth time

now this is happening maybe I'm addicted like the fucking M25 you're arsehole maybe it's like I've given up drink and that's my new fucking thing just like just cat going Tom Tom, listen, obviously I do care about your health and your wellbeing,

but I think you might be, I think you might be addicted to having anal examinations. Honestly, I genuinely, genuinely, I think there is an issue. I need to have it checked out. I think I just need one more thing just stuck up my butt to confirm that it's all right. You know what, Doctor? Don't worry. Do you know what?

Actually, don't worry about getting the actual tiny camera. I've actually, at home, I've figured out you can actually get an iPhone up there. If you want to give that a go. After you've had your fucking elbow up there, mate. I'll tell you the thing, right, is there's a part of me as well that thinks, is he playing on the fact i'm a

hypochondriac to get me to do more stuff like to see how far he can push me what was it is he saying i want to see if you're real suck me off i want to see what happens if i want to see i want to see how i want to see how limber you are So just bend over and just have your back door smashed in and I'll be able to tell you what's up with you afterwards. He's just whispering to his mate. I don't understand what advantage he'd be getting from you being a hypochondriac. No, I just think maybe like, you know,

like people in life, right? There's got to be the odd... He might just be thinking like, this guy here is so naive. He'll literally believe anything i don't want to cast aspersions on the medical profession but there must have been at least kind of one instance in the history of medicine where doctors have just gone they've had like a bet with a mate to see what they can get a patient to do and you know yeah i mean there's probably quite a sinister version as i said it i sort of thought i don't want to get too dark here but um i mean like funny things i mean like

yeah yeah yeah yeah like a massive oath who comes in and then they're just like all right yeah let's just see how far one of the one of the tests that we've got to do is you have to be able to say the outfit backwards while with your finger up your arsehole if you can do that it's quite a common test i didn't know you were on tick tock doctor it's like you put like so much faith into it i mean they're incredible man shout out to the doctors and he's just he's a sweet guy and he could see that the only thing he did as well he turned around to put he went he went um your cow proteins are very high your what proteins cow proteins cow cow cow okay and i went um you thought yeah cow proteins you know well you have some sort of bovine quality to it yeah oh my, you must eat loads of beef. I knew it, meat eaters got undigested red meat in the bowel.

Lisa, it's me. I've just spoke to Tom. If you eat too much beef, you get cow proteins. You look so disgusting in yourself. It's just sort of watching the relish which you did that fucking impression there you got really close up to the camera it's fucking horrible yeah your head took up the entire frame i was dribbling you look like a fuck you do a krang out of teenage mutant ninja turtle

what observation oh my godangle face at the screen. Wasn't Crane just like a big brain that was in someone's stomach? It's like your voice has been a character in every cartoon. I know. That snake from Robin Hood. Anyway, go on. Sorry. He said the cow proteins were high.

Yeah. Because your cow proteins are very high. I was like, oh, shit, really? And then I was, what, cow proteins? And he just put up his two fingers. He went, just give me a second. And then he just went to something on his laptop. And honestly, he spent about five minutes looking at something.

And he went, yeah, well, no, yeah, there's nothing. It's just something we need to look at just to sort of see. There's inflammation of your stomach, basically. So I've got to do that. What are you intimating by him Googling? Are you suggesting that he didn't really know the answer and he Googled it? Is that what you're suggesting? Yeah, that, or he just thought, oh, I'm going to keep this guy waiting.

Because I was genuinely, like, white as a ghost, just sitting there, like, what are cow proteins? He was like, give me a second. I mean, he could have been playing championship manager, for all I know. It's just like in the FA Cup final with fucking Grimsby. Just shut up. Just give me a check. I've had a lot of...

I need to go to the doctor and get a check-up or something. You should get an all-over body check, by the way. I did do a while ago. You know when we were doing Just Another Immigrant? We were doing this thing as part of the show. Well, I had to... They basically... I had to put on some swimming trunks and like i

lay on this like it looked like um you know like a a fry basket it's like it was like that and they they dipped me into like a tank full of water what head and all yeah everything and and and they would measure they measured my complete body fat from that right and like um and i was at my biggest then as well and the whole thing was like part of this like trying to get fit and trying to get trim for america right because the whole premise of the show is breaking america so then we did the filming it was really fucking embarrassing being in the swimming trunks because they're really tight the swimming trunks and of course they are yes someone thinks it's funny yeah exactly, exactly. To do that to you. Exactly, so they're all loving it. Like, Lisa was in the, like, it was in a mobile kind of,

it was in a trailer thing, right? And Lisa, I'll never forget, I don't think, I've never mentioned it to her, but I'll never forget the look on her face when I came out from behind the changing thing. She just looked. Because if that's like, me, you and Rob are all the same, that's always going to be the joke, right?

And if it's any of us, there's an element of like, oh, it's all, you know, it's mates and whatever and we can, when it's your actual wife and then she's watching the fact that the joke is on, clearly, you know, Lisa's a very intelligent woman. That's the same with Catherine. Catherine will sometimes go to me, I'm like, why do you put yourself through that? Yeah.

I just sort of, as I came out, I just thought Lisa was like looking at me like, I have, I am in a marriage with a man whose body is a punch line also i bet there was like a really cool sexy doctor there as well yeah they were all fucking ripped and whatever anyway so we did the thing they dipped me in the thing and my body fat was like insanely high and then at the end of it ben the director you know ben obviously uh he said to me uh the rom

he took me to one side and he goes rom the guy actually wants to to have a word with you like off camera and i was like okay and then like he fucking basically started telling me that i didn't have a like i my longevity was fucking under threat because of the way that my body was and shit like that and like all of these all of my like all of my figures and data was suggesting that like i was completely fucked and all this sort of stuff and then it really spun me out like the way he was talking it was fucking mad right so then i was like shit i started like really like getting concerned um and then i was like fuck i've got to get myself sorted out get myself sorted out and then a few months later no not a few months a couple of weeks later we had to do

this navy seals training as part of the same show and because it's so intense we had to have another health check to make sure that like you know they didn't want one of us to drop dead lisa and i were both doing it so they like that to check and basically i went to the other doctor this other doctor to have a health check and he said to me you're totally fine like he goes you're carrying a bit of extra body fat he goes but you're all fine and it turns out this other guy i think was angling to be in the show more do you mean so so what he's done was a piece of shit well i think that's the only thing i can figure out that he was doing because like he really properly like fucking you know like um you know like when you see a dramatized health show where they like fucking you know this isn't a joke like you know he was like like he's

basically like a middleton yeah yeah but that was what it was like but it was off camera so i was like i fucking it spun me the fuck out and then he was probably like thinking ben green or like and shout out ben g or someone our producer is going to go, hey, this is another angle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolute fucking helmet on there. So Ben was like a bit upset and worried because obviously he's thinking fucking hell, like Rom's in serious trouble here. And then later on we discover that,

no, no, listen, the other doctor didn't go, you're fucking tip top. There's absolutely, I mean, if he'd have said that, there's some other questions to be asked about his qualifications. He said to me like, you know, you could do a shift in a few pounds,

but he goes, but, like, you're fine. Was it a visceral fat thing? Because that's a motherfucker, man. Visceral fat is the worst thing. Yeah. And the other thing that really concerns me, fucking hell, that really concerns me is my fat, the way my body is,

when you read all of the things about the worst possible type of fat the way that you care i i tick all of the boxes for like yeah having a heart attack before i'm 50 like like everything man so it's like and also me and you both suffer with such anxiety and all the other fucking mental health problems that we have like that that's literally just like what what's going on inside us like internally around our heart and lungs and our stomach is also rotting away at our brain so i guess what we're saying guys is goodbye from the wolf on our this is probably gonna be the last episode you know the worst thing right you know this is the worst thing about going to so i had like um so i had a ct scan have you ever had one of those? No. So basically, you can't eat three hours before the CT scan.

Jesus Christ. That must have been one of the most traumatic periods of your life. Yeah, I know. Three hours was tough. But then they run an ink through all your veins, basically, and then they can see blockages and whatever, and they can have a look inside through your blood system and all that. I got on the fucking thing.

I had to wear my face mask. And when they put the catheter or whatever it is in there, into your arm, they press a button and then ink just flushes through your blood. I literally wanted to throw out. And it feels like you've pissed your pants when it happens. Why? You feel like it's fit.

The dye is the same too. So the guy went, don't worry, mate. You're going to feel like you've pissed your pants when it happens why you feel like it's fit the the dice the same to you so you've got one right don't worry mate you're gonna feel like you've pissed your pants but you won't have okay and i was like yeah and then uh he was like um uh and you might feel a little bit woozy and a bit weird and all that but don't worry you'll be fine pal you'll be fine right so it comes through and then i think i'm pissed for my pants so that freaks me out i have a massive anxiety attack so and then i start being sick and then they had a steward's inquiry about when I last ate they were like you've definitely been looking at the sick like they think they were like you you've eaten within the three hours and I was like no I swear I haven't and they were like when did you last eat and this is the most embarrassing thing I generally didn't think I'd get through fucking three hours right

without drinking right so the thing was the thing was like at what like i think one o'clock and i ate at fucking so it would have been like 9 59 i had like a massive load of food because i didn't think i'd get through three hours with that katherine was like you haven't got to eat a full english like you'll get to wait to be fair three hours like you most people will be able to get through fucking from breakfast to lunch without eating anything anyway yeah some people some people will do that having forgotten about it because they normally they go through the period like that without eating all the time like for three hours yeah somebody had to fast for fucking like for like for medical procedures for like fucking a day can you imagine if I had to do that

since Grace has been born I wake up at night and have something to eat it's fucking embarrassing so what's going to happen then have you got when you have you I've got the colonoscopy

so I'm going to have the the camera at the butt which will be interesting maybe I'll video it for the I'll get a copy of it and put it up on the sort of

wall for now when we had the when I did the a copy of it and put it up on the sort of wall for now. When we had the, when I did the, and we've talked about this before in here, but when I did the colonic irrigation with Rob for Rob and Ron Verses, I just found, I found it,

to be filled with water, I found it incredibly uncomfortable and unsettling. It took me, actually took me a while to recover from it, to be honest with you. They give you these laxatives called pick a latch. Remember when we worked together in Manchester and I told you about the pick a latch thing? What, that every now and again you basically lock yourself in at home

for a weekend, have some pick a latch, and then just fucking evacuate for a weekend in its entirety? Yeah, because someone told me red meat lasts inside of you for like months i knew it so red meat lasts inside you for how long i think it's two or three months so if i ever go out i used i went for a phase of like whenever i had a like a big steak or something or like a lamb's shoe i'd then like maybe a weekend after i get freaked out about the thought of the meat rotting inside of me so i'd just have like a um yeah i'd have a little pickle axe and then just share so so you have a pickle how many pickle acts are you smashing back oh no no i wouldn't go crazy before we get into before we get into this section can we just say we do not we we

strongly advise that anybody listening does not follow suit in doing this. Do not do this. It's something, like, probably actually one of the reasons now I'm going through all the problems I'm going through with my stomach. So you were worried about rotting red meat in your stomach, right? Yeah. So what would you do? So I'd literally, I'd take a weekend,

and I'd sort of just take it, strike it off the diary. I'd like on a Friday, I'd sort of just get into the old flat that I used to live in. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Promo code searching.

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you get started the more time your down payment has to grow. Open an account today at questrade.com. Why not kick back with a cold, smooth bush? Smooth taste. Great value. Bush Lager. Enjoy responsibly. Must be legal drinking age. Okay, yeah, chill out. I've got a bit of water to drink.

Were you living on your own? No, I was living with a mate you know, chill out. I've quite a bit of water to drink. Were you living on your own? No, I was living with a mate. Oh my God. But I had an ensuite toilet, so. What a weekend for that friend,

by the way. Just, do you want to come back? Should we go back to yours for a drink? Do you know what? Can we just leave it? Because it's actually

Tom's pick-up last weekend. can we just leave it because it's actually Tom's pick up Tom's purging not just the flat that whole fucking block of flats

stinks of shit so it's a building being fumigated no it's Tom had a steak last week and he's having a he's having a panic attack

about it he had a steak in a Big Mac now he's just trying to clear himself out. So Friday after work, you get in, right? Yeah, I get in. Is this pre-comedy? No, no.

It was, yeah, pre-comedy and then once up for my first meet. Because I remember when I first met you, I was still doing it. I was trying to get you into it. I think you were about to embark on a weekend. Yeah. Showing off. Yeah, probably going to get myself about eight litres of water. Are you going out?

Oh, you mug. No, that's not for me anymore. Do you know what I like to do over the weekend? Just take a couple of pickle acts and have a fucking clear out. I'm going to have to cancel doing the store this weekend because I've just got to fucking pickle that shit out myself. Literally.

So then I just, yeah, I just buy a shit ton of water, bottles of water, right? I had a non-sweet, so I knew that I wouldn't, like, and then just sort of, like, get sort of healthy-ish snacks, sort of stuff that I could sort of,

like, live off, like, in my room. And sort of, yeah, fucking hit that pickle axe and just let it fucking slip through me how long between how long between pickle axe and launch first launch uh 20 20 minutes 25 minutes you'd have what you what you'd have is like you know when you get a storm right and you'll get that sort of thing when you know a storm's coming the sort of clouds will darken you might get a little bit of rain,

and then the hailstones, and then the fucking, real fucking, the grit of the storm comes. So, yeah, that first one is like, oh, here we go. Strapping, the pick of the axe is taking hold. I mean, you're shitting for what, how long? I reckon anywhere between 24 and 36 hours, really. But how intense? I mean, how much of that time?

In that time, you'll really fucking let loose. And how does it feel good afterwards? How good does it feel afterwards? Oh, mate, you feel... As long as you... Look, I'm saying now, no one should do this. No. No one should do this.

It's a stupid thing to do. It's a ridiculously stupid thing. I feel embarrassed now talking about it. But as long as you hydrate, I was hydrating myself through it. Yeah. And also I was eating stuff that wasn't red meat during it as well.

Well done. I mean, it would be an absolute nightmare if you're having a fucking steak slice as you're sat on the toilet. Oh God, that's two weekends out. Just cancelling plans mid-shit. Yeah. I've fucked up.

I've only gone and had a pepper army. No, a pepper army is white meat, mate. What? A pepper army is white meat. What's in a pepper army? Pork, isn't it? It's pork. Is pork white meat?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, bless you. Oh, you're so cute. So what is red meat and what's white meat? Lamb and beef are your red meats. Turkey, pork,. Oh, you're so cute. Yeah, I didn't know that. So what is red meat and what's white meat? Lamb and beef are your red meats. Turkey, pork, chicken, they're your white meats. Pork is white meat?

Mm-hmm. Wow. You're thinking about sausages, aren't you? Pork is classified as red meat. That's all I can say here, Tom, when I've Googled it. No way. That's freaking ridiculous. Pork is considered red meat some cuts of pork are considered white under the culinary definition but all pork is considered red meat in nutritional studies so does that mean do you mean to tell me

tom that you've you've had weekends on the pork and not purged wait i'm genuinely the fucking absolutely shocked look it's one of the things i'd have eaten is I'd have had a bacon sandwich the morning of the purge to get my salt intake out. Fucking hell. You fucking idiot. You know the thing that fucks me off? The thing that really winds me up? There's just no fucking...

They should just call it something else rather than red meat and white meat then, because pork is the whitest of all the meats. Yeah, I don't... Apparently some cuts are considered white meat, but mean i don't you know oh fucking pigs man that is the trouble with pigs has that fucked you off yeah of course it has maybe the fucking that's the one thing that i thought i had i just i do i do partly i do partly think i don't understand how you could look at a pig and think that eating that is a healthy option do you know what i mean like no do you know i think yeah best pigs i there there i

look at them with such they they fuck me off sometimes but right i do like i do love what they're about why do they fuck you off sometimes? I know you just got angry because you didn't know what type of meat they were, but how else have they fucked you off? No, because I think they're slightly arrogant at times. They're not, are they? Well, if you ever walk by, like, cows are always, and sheep are just frightened of everything, right?

Is it testament to how mental you are that I'm starting to feel deja vu that you might have said something like this before? But go on, tell me. So, why are pigs arrogant? No, I mean this in the best possible way sure is it they they just don't care what anyone thinks they're just like you know the other week we were at like we went to a farm yard with grace and like all the other animals you sort of like you know you know where you're at with them but pigs i just think they're sort of like, you know, they're just fucking walking their own sort. What you've just said means absolutely nothing. So when you walk past the...

When did you last go to a farm? When did you last go to a farm? I can't even... I mean, Farm Park I go to all the time with the kids, so... Right. Have a little... Next time, open your eyes and look around and take a look. I do look around.

Don't just look at your phone. Like, you've got to look at the different animals. Okay, so just tell me in detail, please, and be clear and concise. Okay, okay. What is the difference between when you walk past the cows and when you walk past the pigs, please?

Right, cows are nervous as fuck, right? They are really scared, right? Are they? Yes, cows are terrified of everything. They're scared it's going to rain and all sorts, right? They're really... Yeah, they're big, but they're very

sensitive souls of cows, right? You'll get nothing from a cow, just because it's terrified of you. I was watching Steph pack lunch a while ago. Right, show it off. I think it, no, or maybe it was this morning. I can't remember.

It was a show around that time. And a woman told like a 10 minute story about how she was nearly killed by cows. No, that would have been Bullocks probably. No, it was cows. Tom, I watched the thing. Don't fucking tell me what it was. No, I'm, you, you, right. Right. Cows are so, mate, No, it was cows. Tom, I watched the thing. Don't fucking tell me what it was. No, I'm...

You... Right. Cows are so... Mate, I... I'm sorry. I just can't believe they're cows. I think she's a liar. You think she's a liar?

So, basically, what happens... It's a really long story. Yeah. But she sort of got trampled by some cows when they're walking through a field. Then they ended up having to cop... What had she been up to? Because that does not sound like cows.

She was walking through... She was on a ramble or something like that. Well, had a gunshot ramble or something like that. Well, had a gunshot gone off or something? No, they'd got spooked by her, and then they started moving towards them, and then she ended up falling over and getting trampled by them, and they ended up climbing a tree,

and their cows were all around the bottom of the tree. They ended up staying there for about two hours. Really? Where was this, Scotland or Ireland? I don't know. Why does that matter? no because you sometimes you can go further afield and there's more there are cows that have got a bit more aggression to them okay okay welcome to things tom's making up on the on the cut off the cuff go on anyway so go on so so cows there's nothing about cows they'd never do anything right so cows right you know that thing of like like fight flight or um freeze fight flight or freeze right now i didn't know flight five three's only new fight a flight but

so i've learned yeah yeah well freeze is also throw that in the mix right so cows are just gonna freeze oh no fuck oh shit right they're just you know sweet sweet souls that's the best i can say about cows right let them be on their way right sheep are flight they're just going to run away as soon as you like walk near a sheep they'll just sprint off yeah i i think probably five ten percent of the world's population ever has ever stroked your sheep yeah okay well bearing in mind last week you didn't even know what the fucking world's population was to the nearest not only did you not know

what the world's population was even when I told you you didn't know how many there were because you had no idea what a billion was right you're still using it

as a measure for your for your fact cows you can stroke I think pretty like I even say that you'd be able to walk up

to a cow and stroke it would you mean even I would? No, because you're scared of animals, right? First of all, I'm not scared of animals, right? I'm not scared of animals. Mate, I would love to see you shit yourself at a farm, right? You would love to see me shit myself at a farm. Like, no, we should go to a farm together just to see how you cope.

Right. Okay, so you can stroke a cow. Even I would be. Let's just assume that what you're saying has some sort of fucking value. Then you've got sheep that will just sprint off. Right. Okay. Chickens are just mental.

I mean, they're just zany fuckers. Right. They're just running around the whole time. Well, they don't even know what's going on. Can I just ask, is this based on what you know about the animals, or are you just recalling a cartoon you watched? Horses are the friendliest. Oh, God. This is just such bollocks.

And then you'll see a pig, right? And when you see the pig, what you'll realise is the pig is like, I don't give a fuck mate I do not give a what are you talking about what is a pig what is it doing differently a pig will make eye contact with you

like someone who's cool who's walking down the street who's wearing something really edgy and fucking hip right it'll probably give you a bit of a nod

as if to say yeah alright the only thing I'd say pigs and hippos are the two animals they're very much alike and I'd you know shout them both out shout them both out you've just been slagging them off no no but yeah either way i sort of dig them in a way but yeah that's what i'm saying okay so

anyway listen we haven't finished this uh we've digressed from a story about you spending 48 hours shitting yeah so so you you finish doing that and then you feel great yeah mate you feel incredible and then how how often i say you feel amazing, yeah? Mate, you feel incredible. And then how often... No, look, I say you're feeling amazing, but then I do worry what it's doing to you. You shouldn't do it. No, let's be absolutely critical of this. I probably did it every...

If I'm honest, I probably did it every six months. Okay. Yeah. And did anyone tell you to do it? Because this is something you just made up doing, right? A guy who used to work told me to do it. Yeah. He's dead now, poor bastard actually actually shat himself to death but yeah he used to do it and

he was in incredible shape as well so yeah i do think i do recall seeing something on instagram about some product that makes you like shit more or whatever and it's going to be good for you yeah but then what you realize you know what it's it's doing is getting rid of a lot of the good bacteria in your stomach. Could we get some, just not that I don't trust what Tom's about to say medical-wise about this.

If there's anybody that actually has kind of any insight into this, we'd love to hear from you. Yeah, shout us out. But also, shout out Kefir as well.

Oh, you love a Kefir, don't you? You were having one the other day. So what are they supposed to do uh they just basically build up your good bacteria in your gut right okay yeah it's a really good thing okay but i buy get shot brought kefir rather than try and make it yourself because it's an absolute what is it what is in it uh i don't actually know what's in it um but uh

okay so that's why trying to make it yourself would be so difficult i imagine no no but someone gave us like that someone gave us this ball that you put in water and you basically sort of it sheds and you you get it makes kefir okay so so so so look what you want to say is don't get kefir off one of your mates that doesn't mean people shouldn't try and make it at home what you've done that you've taken one example of how you bought a dried kefir ball off a mate and it went badly wrong and you're trying to turn that into a life lesson for everybody that listens to this okay take it take it or leave it man but all i'm saying is yo just just be careful yeah okay so don't dilute a ball of kefir that one of tom's friends is no no like basically start off with a shot-bought kefir, see if you like it, and then Google it

and see if you can make yourself. What happened to this, like, this soluble kefir that you tried? It just sat in the end. It just ended up sitting in the fridge for ages and stinking out the house. We just had to swerve it in the end. The number of times I have bought stuff

and it's just become a nuisance. Do you know what I mean? Like, i buy something put it in the put it in the fridge and then eventually lisa sort of tolerates it for a few days and then just after a little bit she'll go to me can i just ask you something are you gonna fucking eat that because every time i open the fridge it's there and it's like freezer i brought all these healthy meals for the free, like, because I was like, yeah, I don't want to eat shit when,

you know, as a, you know, as newborn, parents of a newborn, let's, you know, we'll get some really good, like,

healthy meals in the freezer. Yeah. They're still there. I'm still having four curries a week and eight McDonald's. Do you know what I mean? I've done that as well. Do you get those?

Yeah, the meals delivered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm literally now just moving them out to get tubs of ice cream out of the bag. It's just, sure there's some magnums in here

somewhere the other option is then you throw away a load of food which is yeah I remember my mum and dad were so obsessed not obsessed they were so

clear to hammer home the idea that you don't waste food. I remember one of the first things I used to be able to make was an omelette. Every now and again, Fat Little Ramesh would go off. I shouldn't talk about myself like that. I would go off and make myself an omelette. I remember once, I didn't know what you put in an omelette. I knew that you could chop up various bits and pieces.

I chopped up mushrooms and put them in there before and stuff and i remember chopping up cucumber to put in an omelette right because i didn't know like that that was like that wasn't gonna work and so i did it uh and then i started eating and it obviously is fucking absolutely rancid and i can't remember how old I was, but I threw the omelette in the bin because I couldn't face eating it because it's so disgusting. And then like, I sort

of cried because I'd need to see wasted food. Jesus. I'm not saying I have a dick in the book. And then you wonder why I've got body and weight issues it's because anytime that food goes in the bin rather than on my fucking gullet

I have an emotional crisis two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11am. Hello darlings, this is Lisa Vanderpump.

Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my standards, and not everybody has what it takes. Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April the 1st, streaming on Disney+. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis.

Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Right, should we do some emails, my G? Let's do it, my brother. Okay. The first thing we need to deal with before we really get into the emails is last week we talked about wheels or doors. Oh, God.

Yeah, I've had quite a... Yeah. I've been subjected to quite an intensive and ongoing attack by both this email account and social media. Yeah. I will say now that it seems like there's a fucking... If wheels went to war with doors, doors would be fucked. There's no one out there shouting out doors.

I know. Nobody. In fact, we've got loads of emails in, but I'll read you the one that sort of most summarises the issue. This is from Kate. I really thought two intellectuals like yourselves would see straight that it's very obviously wheels over doors. Let me elaborate.

Lego is the biggest manufacturer of wheels in the world. Shopping trolleys have wheels, buggies and prams. 39.2 million vehicles in Britain, HDVs, bikes, cars, quad bikes, emergency service vehicles, all with steering wheels too. Buses with around four to 10 wheels and only one door. Roller skates, wheelbarrows, suitcases, and not to mention Heelys,

which sold around 4.5 million pairs, some with two wheels per pair and some with four wheels per pair. Please see the light and don't be fooled. There really isn't that many doors to be honest so you know how how i know it sounds like it's a whimsical question like the amount of absolute anger that you get towards it you know you're upset because we were wrong no no no i'm happy to be wrong i mate i spend most of my life being wrong about stuff right it's not like a new dawn or a new emotion. I'm going,

Oh my God, what is this feeling? I'm not fucking like David Attenborough for the first time. Oh shit. Oh, what? I've got it wrong. Like this.

You're talking about someone who gets things wrong all the time. What I don't like is Pete. Just go. It sounds like you're really cool about being wrong. Actually really does. Anyway, go on. Sound really chilled out and casual about it.

If someone turned around to me and said, look, you're wrong. It's the genuine anger to us getting it wrong. Because we both got it wrong, right? Yeah, we did. And I remember we both were very definite about it

and we were like, God, there can't be any way that it's wheels get in touch. If you've got an argument about wheels, because I can't believe there is one. And actually it turns out that we were absolute fucking idiots. Oh man. And let me just say we were wrong massively. Yeah. Oh,

I would apologize. I wouldn't take this opportunity to apologize. Um, sorry for anybody who was upset by that. Um, we'd only just kind of explored the subject and topic. And for people that have kind of spent the last few months thinking it's wheels,

to then hear us so definitively talk about it as being doors, it must have been upsetting. So I apologise on behalf of both Tom and myself for that. Yeah, yeah. My apologies to any wheel fans. Did you get a particular message because you seem quite annoyed about this if you don't mind me saying i know i've got probably about seven or eight that were just so angry i'm like look at what's going on in the world at the moment um okay

the next email is from the cockatiel oh i've been waiting to hear from one of these it says dear wolf owl and the swan love the pod i'm a laborer and enjoy listening to you boys while i work you're my favorite podcast here's the query i have i wonder whether you sweet sweet souls have any idea how to approach this i'm a 40 year old woman with a small friendship group of women around the same age we met mainly through our children and have a great bond lots in common enjoy each other's easy company following a night out last night i found myself being uncomfortable feeling uncomfortable with one of these women let's call her jane jane is obsessed with dieting and losing weight she looks good always has dressed as well and wears her hair in a sharp bob very smart but since christmas

she's lost the stone by basically hardly eating she's very proud of this weight loss and has even been telling strangers on surrounding tables of this achievement all she wants is to be as small as possible now the rest of us are average sizes ranging from a dress size 10 to 12 as she is some of us are into fitness and strength training some some not, so we're all very different shapes. She spent the whole evening talking about this subject and nothing else, exercise, food, and actually demonising every food group at some point, swerving wildly from being proud of herself

to picking her body apart piece by piece. If I hear the phrase back fat one more time, I'm going to vomit. She insists that she has to compete with the office full of 20-year-olds that she works with, and much as we try and tell her that she isn't in competition with anybody, she far too down the rabbit hole to see it a few

times i attempted to venture the topic of travel she's traveled extensively this didn't work for more than a minute or two someone else tried to discuss in the latest box sets but she wouldn't be drawn away from the miserable world of dieting with her number one goal to be thin jane's mother has spent her whole life struggling with an eating disorder now in her 70s still does jane also has a five-year-old daughter and i can absolutely see history repeating itself i do love jane but last night i found myself feeling sad uncomfortable and actually a bit crossed with her as a bodybuilder myself i wanted to shout you aren't fed up with the number on the scale you're fed up with the shape pick up some bloody weights and stop starving yourself but i wouldn't do that i don't know how

to tackle this i can't emphasize how normal she looks there is no excess fat on this woman i'm worried about her any Any ideas, please? I'd be grateful for your input. Keep doing you. Lots of love, the cockatiel. Wow, the cockatiel. I mean, firstly, I think the thing that sums it up, for me anyway, is that they're sort of trying to compete

with people who, you know, younger people in the office, people that she sort of probably deems as looking away, that she thinks she should look because of, you know, I guess like, you know, sort of the social media sort of flex that we live in. The truth of the matter is that the eating and the weight is just a really sort of small part of it. From a few people that, you know, I've known over the years who've had eating disorders and been in

this sort of situation it's usually a sort of like it usually comes back to sort of like self-loathing or sort of like a sort of i mean me and romesh have talked about this in quite a lot you know we've talked about it today it's like i i suffer myself with looking at myself in the mirror and feeling like genuinely feeling disgusting and and like feeling quite low about how I look um and you know and certainly in the last probably two years I've sort of tried to do that sort of said about that and sometimes you can you can you can get sort of inside your head about this I think I think there's probably more going on and actually probably just pulling her aside on her own and actually having a sort of heart to heart with her and sort of a bit of a chat about how she's actually feeling,

like what's going on aside the eating and sort of looking over every tiny thing the way she is and actually just sort of taking a little bit of time just to sort of see how she is in herself. I'd say it's probably the way of doing it, the cockatoo. But it's, yeah, man, it's an absolute mindfuck, man. I would, yeah, I agree, Tom. I would talk to her in a polite, in a kind of, in a concerned way. The reason you're so annoyed about it is because you're concerned about her and you care about her.

But that obviously comes from deep-seated insecurity and she's obviously got issues. Do you know what I mean? And so it's a situation where you probably do need to have a chat with her about it. And in a sensitive way and understand where she's coming from. Because Tom and I both know that you can't help but compare yourself and like people often say to me like you shouldn't think you shouldn't talk about yourself like that and i sometimes i worry that tom and i talking about ourselves like this is actually a negative thing because what we're doing is we're normalizing talking yourself down but but at the end of the

day we are just saying how we feel and that's probably what this woman is doing um and she's managed to kind of lose weight and feels a bit better about herself and so that's all she can talk about so i think it's just a matter of having a chat with her do you know what i mean and and trying to maybe encourage her to figure out a way to get out of this this mindset because it will it will probably will pass on to a kid one of the things i get really worried about with our boys is um that i pass on my body issues to them it would be i would hate for that to happen and um you know my mom's from a different generation and people know from like on tv and stuff like that like my mom talking about my weight and shit and it comes from a good place but i i don't i i i i i've told my mom not

to ever comment on or i've asked my mum not to ever comment on, or I've asked my mum not to ever comment on the boys and how they look physically because I don't want them to, not that she would necessarily, but it's innocently done, isn't it? It's like, you know, she might say to one of the boys, oh, look how thin you're looking or whatever. I just don't want them to hear that kind of chat, do you know what I mean? So, look, I'm sort of digressing a bit, but I think that the,

uh, I think you should probably have a chat to her, have a, have a, have a supportive chat with her. Um, one-to-one, one-to-one,

and it'll probably pay dividends. So, um, good luck cockatiel. Please let us know how you're a good friend. So shout you out as well. Yeah. And a very well thought out email as well.

You didn't just, uh, smash that out. It's very, uh, considered, um, okay. Well constructed. I think you wanted to say, uh, very well thought out email as well. You didn't just smash that out. It's very considered. Okay. Constructed.

I think you wanted to say. No, no. Considered is the word I was looking for. I didn't. I certainly wasn't looking for a word suggestion for a word. No. In this context.

Now this next email is a bit more uh well look i want to have a chat with you about this in general actually but we can we can answer the question specifically so this is from the naked mole rat and it says what's happening my guys hope you and both your families are well i'm just making my way through the back catalogue of the wolf for now i've recently been rekindled with my love of caps and hats i had loads when i was younger but sadly dropped the collection as i grew up i'm now married with kids and as my boy isn't old enough yet to decide what he wears i'm using them as a reason to buy hats but i'm jealous you two always rock in a hat or a cap and i need to know some places to grow my obsession my wife won't thank you for any help thank you in advance uh now the reason this email

has been selected uh tom is we've talked about your we talked about the fact that you can wear any hat you want show number one that's absolutely fine my question oh my god Tom I've just had a

I've just had a message from Lisa yeah Charlie Ranganathan has scored in the football fucking come on oh bless him what sort of goal

don't know she just said he's like got in touch. He wants to tell me. I'm going to give him a call after this. What a fucking little legend. That's a big moment. Bless, bless, bless, bless, bless.

Anyway, here's my question to you, Tom. Hit me, baby. I read a thing about things that men over 40 shouldn't wear, and the number one item on that list was the cap. A baseball cap? So here's my question to you. Should we think about phasing caps out of our wardrobe? This is for the naked mole rat as well.

I'm sitting talking to you now wearing a cap. I don't think so. I don't think so. It's a young person's garment, is it? I don't know. I think you can wear it as an older man. I think you can wear it in sort of like... I don't know, man. I think you can wear it like as an older man, I think you can wear it and sort of like, I think,

I don't know, man, I personally, it's, I can't ever see myself not wearing a baseball cap. Like genuinely, I love a cap. Like,

yeah, it would seem insane for me not to, to, there'd be a place in my life where you just, I'm just wearing flat caps or a fucking like bowler hat or whatever it's sort of like it yeah i i think that's really ageist man i'm not that's not i did i did too i did too i listen i i was just because leo dicaprio is nearly 50 and he wears a fucking cap yeah i mean he asked me because he's trying to sleep with girls at 17, 18. Look at you going in too fit on Leo.

I love it if you've got a film with Leo now. And he really loved you, and then he just came over to you and, hey, I've been catching up with your War for Now podcast. Oh, fucking hell. I love what you're going to say. I was only having a joke, Leo. It just felt like something to say in the moment. If you weren't such a vulnerable piece of shit,

I'd kick the fuck out of you. Oh, at least punch me in the face. I'm a bad pussy. You fucking air motherfucker. So, look, I think you should be... Look, I was asking rhetorically just because I saw this thing, so I, look, I think you should be, look, I was asking rhetorically just because I saw this thing,

but I think. Yeah, but also shout out, go and get yourself a cap. Go, you know, explore, be adventurous.

Let fucking, I want you to just fucking jump on the fucking wave of caps and hats and, you know, fucking try a bonnet on your crazy fuck, a beret, just do what you think and just go with it and uh yeah just maybe send in some bits of your different hats to uh the wolf and our podcast and yeah we can you know cheer us up um there's loads of good places to to get i'm gonna shout out lead hatters right okay great yeah uh tokyo time we wear a lot of their hats um uh what i would say to you is uh don't skimp on a hat no right because a shit quality cap will look shit so like i i think

you will be unpleasantly surprised by how much caps can cost because like like you think they're going to be like 20 quid or whatever and some of them are but it's worth paying extra to get a properly decent one do you mean and find out your cap size as well and get a fit get a couple of fitteds in there yeah man in rotation yeah love the fit shout out ferro caps as well they're amazing yeah yeah and what i would say is get like um do not fall do not make the mistake that i do which is constantly buying the same color of cap i think like if you get a few i'm telling you this you get a nice little range of colors you can find yourself accentuating any outfit that you rock man a little nice dash you know my favorite class my favorite color cap at the moment is a green cap i love a green cap a bit of green cap shout out keep real

do what you gotta do shout out green caps is that what you've got to do. Shout out green caps. Is that what you want to do, Tom? Just shout out every cap. And everyone who's ever... Shout out. Shout out. Do you know what? Shout out hats.

You know what? Shout out heads and everyone who's got one. I would use today, if you see someone who looks like they're probably over 40 and they're wearing a cap, just walk over and go, thank you, because you're breaking boundaries. Okay. This is exactly the sort of thing that you shouldn't be. You know, when Lisa and I were in America,

we were having dinner with one of the execs. I've told you this story, I think, but this is what this reminds me of. We're having dinner with like one of the execs. He's a white guy and his kids and Lisa and I with our kids. And this woman came over and she goes, this is in an LA and she goes,

can I just say i've been watching you the entire evening this is why america is great you having dinner with you and it's not a thing it's just two families having dinner together and then she sort of walked off and i just thought what the fucking hell is going on and that is what you've just encouraged I'm saying if you see someone in 40 if you're over 40 and you're wearing a cap

and then somebody comes up to you and goes well done for breaking boundaries that's your day ruined if someone comes up to me that is your day ruined if someone comes up to me let me just say now I'll wear a cap all next week every day and if I'm wearing one you see me just come up and go hey fucking thank you for breaking boundaries and i will show you and then what happened is people got somebody and they'll go

listen mate i just wanted to say thank you so much for wearing a hat over forward because you're breaking boundaries and then that guy goes i'm actually 34 thanks for making me feel like shit about myself oh okay here's it right you let's do a quick example you're walking down the street i'm walking along right am i me now no no no your your name is clark davenport and you work in the city okay and you what city london city of london okay city of london yeah okay and you just weren't walking to work you probably got yeah trench coat on, nice baseball cap. You just got off the tube. Okay. Oh, hello.

How are you? Yeah, hello. Yeah, you all right? Sorry to be obtuse, but I have a question for you. How old are you? I'm in a bit of an actually... I'm sorry, sir. How old are you?

I'm 43. Why? Well, I think you deserve a big pat on the back for wearing a baseball cap and breaking boundaries okay no just do you do you

okay alright yeah alright thanks do you think that makes anyone feel better? look it's awful that was an awful exchange also picking one of the least friendly cities in the

world to give it a go by the way well you can't travel and do it because londoners famously love being stopped for a chat i'm not saying oh well so yeah it's more sensible to idea to get a train to geneva just so you can stop some of the baseball cap or or actually tom have a look around there are other cities in the country apart from London. Oh, no, no. Your two options aren't London or Geneva. So I can't go to London. I have to go to fucking Geneva then, won't I? It's an absolute nightmare.

What are you talking about? You prick. Yeah, go anywhere you want. Glasgow is probably a good place to go. Yeah, that is a good place, yeah. Walk around Glasgow telling people, well done for wearing a hat, despite the fact you're old.

See what happens. Good luck. This is from The Bald Badger. Wow. Hi, Wolf and I. Loving the podcast keeps me laughing every week. Hopefully a live audience up north soon to see Party Rom in full effect.

Whoa! Party Rom. I've just enjoyed a weekend down in London town and decided to take me and my girlfriend to the boat show at Tattershall Castle. Have you done that gig? No. Oh, no, I have.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Years ago, yeah. Absolutely loved the gig and loved seeing you comedy who I haven't seen before despite the random rocking from the boat. The acts were incredible and had great interaction with the crowd,

which is amazing throughout, although there was a slight awkwardness at the end of the show, where the crowd member announced a family member suffered from a disability to the end comic and ended up crying. The comic handled it very well and carried on, perfectly making the boat roar with laughter.

Having seen a few live shows, some audience members can influence the direction of the gig for good or worse. I was wondering if you both have either come up against an audience member who's heckled and been very funny and stole the show or caused such awkwardness that you had to really work hard to overcome this to keep the show afloat loving that live comedy is back hoping to support the comedy circuit keep up the good work good work guys loving the content tommy d tommy d it's hard don't it because it's fucking it's essentially heckling right

he's talking about well yes yeah although I've noticed I don't know if it's because people are just excited to be back out

but I've been getting like heckles of encouragement on the on the tour in a nice way in a nice way like just sort of like I'm trying to think of

you know like occasionally you get people shouting out love you mate or whatever or, Rom, and shit like that. That's what happens. Yeah. One, right, I used to have, on my left leg, I used to have, like, sort of, basically I had, like,

like a sort of blood clot thing, right, and it made the veins look quite raised around my leg. I've had it all done. You know, I've talked about it. I think I've talked about this on here before. I was doing a gig once and it was in the summer in Edinburgh

and I had shorts on and there's a woman in the front row who just was just talking as I was doing my set and I could hear her sort of saying something and I was like,

are you okay? And then she said, if I had legs like that, I wouldn't wear shorts. Oh my God. And I just, it sort of threw me a little bit, but then, you know, I'm sort of. Threw you a little, and then she said if I had legs like that I wouldn't wear shorts oh my god it sort of threw me a little bit but then threw you a little but then I just started a conversation

but then the whole audience turned on her and it was like and then I was kind of like look you know I didn't want that to become the thing but it really became quite you know what Edinburgh's like, right? Edinburgh's a funny place.

I've never had much joy, you know, but it was quite boozy. It was an afternoon gig and it was like a Saturday in a pub type thing and it really like turned the room. Like everything after that, even if a joke was landing, it was almost like everyone just felt so sorry for me.

It's like, keep on, kind of like that. Keep on going, mate. Don't, was landing, it was almost like everyone just felt so sorry for me. It's like, keep on kind of like that. Keep on going, mate. Don't, you know, when you're like, yeah,

I'm going to, I'm battling through type thing. I'm like, it was just a really horrible feeling. And then even worse was the sort of feeling afterwards going out into the pub and just like the audience being there and loads of people just coming up and going, mate, honestly,

don't listen to her and all that, know and i i did the worst thing if i explained what had happened to my leg and then um then that just made everyone feel even more sorry yeah well done no that's good that's good you absolutely fucking turned the knife by explaining it was a condition because i'd never expected that to happen I never thought anyone would say such a thing so horrible to point out. Yeah. It's a mad thing to say. I've got loads of heckling stories. I don't really have time to go into all of them.

But I had one where I was doing a warm-up for a show. Most of the time, when you have a heckler, you put them down once, and then that's it. It's over. You move on, right? I remember once, I was warming up for this tour that i'm on now and like i was kind of just desperate to try this material and i was still about the most anxious part of the tour where you sort of the tour dates are about to start and you

think have i got enough gear edge i mean or is this stuff good enough it's like it's like the most nerve-wracking frightening part of the tour and i was in the middle of some something and this like a joke and a guy shouted out something and interrupted the gag right and it was like a bit i was desperately trying to like get to land and just because i don't know if it's tiredness or just nervousness or just being anxiety about the show but i just stopped stopped and I went, um, it's really awkward. I just went, are you pleased with that mate? And like the audience,

I got you pleased with your contribution. And like, they laugh cause they still think I'm just sort of joking around. And then I just go, like the idea that you're sitting and watching a show. I mean, you think of that shit thing to say, are you got so many opportunities to not say it,

but yet your stupid fucking brain decided that it was okay to say that out loud and interrupt the show are you happy with what's happening and it just got so fucking awkward and it was horrible right and like the thing was in the moment i felt like i was on in the right do you know what i mean but this guy's just this guy's just fucking having a night out yeah he's just shouting something out he doesn't expect to fucking to to basically instigate a breakdown from the comedian in it on the stage i mean and i sort of and at first you were just laughing because i was sort of saying it in a bit of a funny way but then i carried on yeah and you could feel like do you know like out of a film where the laughter starts to subside and then and then it ends with me just ranting at the guy to silence.

Yeah. And then basically I fucking carried on. I had to build up the atmosphere again. Did the rest of the show. I had to fucking like apologise to the guy who's at the end. Do you see what I mean? I think we've all been there though, man. It's horrible.

Oh, awful. Because in its nature, like heckling is one of those things where I think as soon as you start standing, everyone turns around and goes, oh, have you ever been heckled which is a yes whoever you are right but like there is heckling where you go oh actually it can inspire something and you go oh fucking hell that's that's just giving you something different right i had it the other day i um shout out to um always be comedy i did a gig there i didn't really get heckled but i was doing a bit

of audience work and i was chatting to the geyser in the second row and he said something that just inspired like a story that i'd never even thought of being funny right and ended up doing the story that now you go oh actually that works and there's bits where audience it can be the best thing ever right yeah but also it like i've been in exactly that position it's like that's why at the moment i've got you have to to go, what is your mental health doing? Because it's all well and good standing up on stage. And like, you know,

and you're like, you're one of the people that I look up to as a stand up. And like, you will say you've got to kind of be vulnerable when you're on stage. Cause you've got to be honest, right? You've got to talk about stuff. And that's how great stand up and great,

all the people that we love do. Right. But there's also a side of that, that if you're not a hundred percent on it and you're, there's also a side of that that if you're not 100 on it and you're there's little bits in your brain that aren't like functioning quite the way they should something like that can do right do right like you can yeah you can just lead to a full fucking breakdown it's fucking it's a harshness brother it's a harshness um so basically uh i guess apologies to the bald badger who wanted some funny heckling stories.

And surprise, surprise, Rom and Tom have talked about dark mental health issues again. So, all good. I hope that was the series of sparkling stories that you were hoping for, bald badger. Okay, Tom, could you... Listen, first of all, are you feeling okay to give us... Yeah, I feel good. Okay, great, great, great.

Sorry, guys, about last week. No, do you have to apologise? It gave us a really great moment that I think people will talk about for many years to come. So, Tom, could you do us the honour once again of closing out the show? Thank you. Yo.

Hey, friend. How you doing? Can you smile for me? Yeah. That's good. That that's right i want you i want you to do something for me just stop whatever you're doing stop for a second and imagine if you will a ghostly figure in front of you that is a little bit like Santa Claus or Gandalf or any of the other old people with big beards that we have in modern sort of folklore. He's covered in watches. This is old Mr. Father Time. Nod to him because he's got something to say to you. Look at your watch, your phone, or wherever you get your briefing of your time of the day. Even look at a watch just on a wall somewhere.

I want you to just stop for a second, because that hand's a twitcher, brother, sister, friend. I want you to go, yo, if I flip back, which I can never do, that's just the past. And I can never do that's just the past and I can't really do anything about the past and if you flip forward that's just the future and shit's going to go down that I won't always have any control of what I'll miss the farther time stage here is look at that second that second hand or even a minute because sometimes you haven't got second hands on digital watches right and just let out a breath and enjoy it because you're living you're dreaming

and you you live in the now is what i'm saying because yo we got it thank you brother that was great that was great thank you thank you yeah it feels good to be back the message from that is look at the old wall watch yeah just live in the know how much time yeah yeah because you know what if you're in a car and you're whizzing somewhere or you're reversing you know sometimes just put on the brakes and just go not on a motorway or shit, but just go, well, it's just good to be alive. Isn't it just? Guys, next week sees the Wolf and Owl on the road. Look forward to

seeing some of you. In fact, when this goes out, we'll be doing Saffron Walden tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look how serious you were. You looked like a general in the army. When this goes out, we will be doing Saffron Walden. We'll be in

Soho Monday, Saffron Walden Wednesday, and by Thursday we shall be at the doors of Hackney Empire. Gandalf plead by Rommersring and Aethon. Thou shall not pass. Go, enjoy it. We shall sit upon chairs

and improvise comedy chat um for the delectation of the massive sorry the uh also the should we should say there's a new merch store launching let's not talk about this on thursday anyone who's had problems with right basically we have to know we have to say me and robert this merch thing has become an absolute pain in the dick clusterfuck it's literally probably the the worst thing we've ever done. So I have to apologise for everyone who's not got stuff. We both apologise. I'm literally at the moment going through a whole thing,

New Father, other stuff going on, which is very, very hard. Romesh is away on tour, so poor Lisa's bringing up Free Chalk. We've bitten off more than we can chew. And from the bottom of our hearts we have to apologise we aren't good enough we can just about get together

to do this fucking podcast once a week let alone try and run a fucking merch store there's a company taking over everything's going to

be sorted if you haven't got your stuff it shall be with you it'll be on its way now what we'll do is we'll look towards the people that haven't got your stuff, it shall, it shall be with you. It will be on its way now. It will be like, what we'll do is we'll look towards the people that haven't,

who've had to wait. Uh, we'll go through those and we'll, we'll, we'll make it up to you one way or another, whether that's a ticket to a live show or, you know, something or other, we can only apologize.

Um, yeah. Sometimes you run, sometimes you pitch, sometimes you just fuck up and the ball goes over your head and you you get counted out and on this one we've been counted out so you know several times over yeah so love love love it's nothing but love um but there will be a new merch store run by people who actually know how to run a successful merchandising avenue yo bye bye take care

peace out i love it. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod

at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you. Thank you.