Wolf and Owl - Ep 69: Stopping Swearing & Family Gatherings

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

We’re talking…. too much swearing, the art of expletives, a Wolf & Owl family meet-up, re-telling embarrassing stories, being in the doghouse, dropping a baby, happy health food shops, snobby estate agents and the pitfalls of using public toilets. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that...

That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. It's Tim's 60th anniversary and Roll Up to Win is back. Roll your way into prizes like coffee, donuts, and even $60 Tim's gift cards. Play now on the Tim's app.

Rules apply. Canada only. No purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection. Free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't.

Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves, then podcast the body parts, get severed and served. Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler. That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler. Both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows. with a gang of crows fuck their censorship let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheeps clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all your ears are huff a puff and expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it

the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in his songs about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Oh my goodness. Wolf and Al. Wolf and Al. Hello, hello, hello, hello. Yo. Tom, what can I say? There's a lot to fucking...

There's so much. I've promised myself I would stop swearing on this podcast. You know, we should say actually because we've had a couple of people who've complained about the swearing. I think, but I have to say... Where? Where have they complained? They've complained on the reviews and I've had a couple of DMs've um complained about the swearing i think but i have to say where where have they complained they've complained on the reviews and i've had a couple of dms i need to

say that i think it's down to um i think tiredness on my part i mean i'm a swearer anyway i am too it's bad you get if you get two swearers together because what happens is actually uh so lisa's not a swearer and what that does is that balances me out. Because obviously if you're talking to someone and you're fucking, fucking all the time, then, and they're not, you start to become aware. If you're talking to somebody who's like on the same level as that,

you can't, you actually become comfortable. Catherine's an avid swearer. And that's why we're now, we've got to really worry about when, you know, cause she's actually better since grace. She's already stopped swearing since Grace has

been born. She's really been a lot more vigilant with it. I'm still terrible. So I need to pack it in. I've talked about this with Lisa endlessly about, you know when you see kids swearing?

I used to see kids swearing all the time. When I was growing up, every time we'd go down Broadfield shops. What, I used to see, you know, I'd see kids swearing all the time when I was growing up. Every time we'd go down Broadfield shops. What, when you were a kid? When I was, like, as I got to, when I was a teenager, early 20s or whatever, you'd walk around and when you see a kid swear,

you just go, oh, my God. Do you know what I mean? It's like shocking, right? But this is what I think he's mad about. And I don't think I can quite, I mean, this is part of the problem. I don't think think i can quite express it which is a symptom of swearing too much right but i i sort of think to myself kids are at some point it's going to be okay to swear for kids right they get to an age where it's all right to swear so why is it not all right to swear when you're a kid like it's just you know it's just words right i don't i can't get

my head around i like obviously i don't want my kids to swear in public but i think to be honest with you and i know this is bad and i'd love to hear from people i sort of don't mind if my kids swear to me and it's just i don't really care do you mean can i say something though i think it's an important part of descriptive language i agree first. First time I ever heard the word shit, right? Yeah. We're sitting in the school canteen and I was sitting next to a boy called Lee Hughes, right? We were eating the mashed potato,

which was disgusting. It was just vile mashed potato, right? And Lee Hughes looked me in the eye and he said, this is shit, right? Every week, someone had described how disgusting the mashed potato was. But when he said this is shit, for the someone had described how disgusting the mashed potato was but when he said this is shit

for the first time I was like that word is I don't know what that word means but I know that it's a perfect description of how this fucking

mashed potato tastes and then you can throw the fucking in as well but it is I think it's an important part of like like look I don't want Grace

swearing all the time I shouldn't swear as much. Like, when we were doing King Gary, actually, weirdly, because you couldn't swear on a BBC One show, I stopped swearing as much. And then when we're writing The Curse or I'm doing... I suppose it's just a descriptive way. Man, the C word I use all the time to describe things,

and I shouldn't. I do too. I do too. But even in an affectionate way. Yeah, yeah, me too. Me too. But the thing is, is like, because I've sort of looked into it because I don't know how much people

talk to you about this, but like in stand-up, when you start doing stand-up, obviously if you go, if you do like stand-up on TV, you're only allowed every time, in fact, just generally on TV, they have to justify every F-bomb or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it has to TV, they have to justify every F-bomb or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it has to be worth it, basically, I guess. So when you start doing stand-up and you're looking to do stand-up on TV, you have to be careful about how much you swear. And if you get into a habit of swearing in a routine, it's very difficult to then, when you then do it on TV, you've got to strip it out,

and it feels like the rhythm of it's different or whatever but my tour shows because i haven't done stand up on tv for ages and because if you're doing a special it doesn't really matter i swear so much in my stand up i mean and and and the problem is is is people will say that swearing has an impact right it's like uh it escalates it escalates the power of what you're saying. And so then when you do it all the time, you actually are completely undermining the point of swearing, is the argument.

Also, I do think that there's something to be said about only certain people can, like, certain accents, certain voices can swear. Like, some people, when they swear, it sounds so... Like, as well as somebody, as an actor, but someone who's like done castings, like when,

for me, swearing is quite a thing that you just throw away. I never, I never, I never ever think about swearing as like, me neither. Maybe in a couple of little, um,

routine stand up wise, maybe, but certainly when I get a script, I never look at a script and go, Oh, I've got a fucking here and I've really got like, accentuate that moment but the amount of times that you do a casting and an actor will come in and they'll go um listen if if this goes the way i think it is it's going to be the end of the fucking world right it's almost the fucking you know instead

of going uh yeah if this goes the way i think it is it's going to be the end of the fucking you know instead of going uh yeah if this goes away i think it is it's going to be the end of the fucking world right that's that's how it should be but it's so insane like when they people some certain you know and good actors i've seen do it read a script and then they go they literally must underline the swear word yeah and it's like you know i don't give a fuck what you think i don't give a fuck what you think it's like so like insensuated. If Lee Hughes, even when he was like eight or nine, threw away that,

like, oh, this is shit. Like, he didn't go, this is shit. Yeah. He'd be able to swear better than a lot of actors now.

Yeah. Yeah. I find sometimes you don't even, you don't even notice when people are swearing. I went to see Lee Evans. I went to see Lee Evans on his... Whenever you watch Lee Evans, right? Yeah, he's a master. People think of Lee Evans as a family comedian, right?

Oh, man, no. You watch Lee Evans stand up. He swears so much, man. I'm not saying it's a criticism, but you don't even notice. You're just sat there like... You know, him and Connolly are the two Gs of swearing. Mate.

Connolly could call you anything under the sun and he's just got a rhythm to his... And Evans. You know who else is of our generation who's a G for swearing? Yeah. Bridges. Bridges.

Bridges is right. Mate, what a great shout. Swearing, I'm going to say it, Tom, you've led me into this, but I agree with you. Swearing is an art form. Yeah, man. If it's done well, it's brilliant. And look, I'm not saying I do it well,

but I just think it's a disrespected craft. I'll tell you what, one of the most beautiful things I ever saw, I was at Glastonbury Festival, right, and Jay-Z was headlining, right? Right. It was one of the best shows I've ever seen. Anyway. That was everybody kicking off because it was a hip-hop act. But it was genuine.

I mean, as soon as you went to the stage, it was incredible. Anyway, like the party, we ended up with a load of people, as you do, sort of like partying. Everyone heads off to Shangri-La, of people as you do sort of like partying everyone heads off to shank shangri-la and there's like this sort of like you know we grew up people you sort of knew if you didn't and there was this really like aggressive geezer there who was sort of like um you know just a bit of a geezer didn't usually sort of didn't have a festival vibe to him right and he was there with his girlfriend and uh he was he was sort of they were dancing i don't know they were on some sort of uh mushrooms

or pills right yeah and um he starts like crying to his girlfriend just like really like tears of emotion but yeah and he just looks her in the eye and goes uh i fucking love you you right he said it in such a sweet way but i i it. It was so beautiful. There was no better way of him turning around to her and saying that than the words he used. Yeah. And he used it every night. There was no aggression. It was a real light.

It was a very beautiful moment. Oh, man. You've made me all emotional. By the way, speaking of being emotional, what a day yesterday. Man. You know what? Yesterday will be earmarked, I think, as maybe one of the biggest days in Wolf and Owl folklore.

People, in years to come, when they talk about the origins of the loose podcast that eventually became the Bible by which all of society lived by, they'll talk about this day, yesterday. And let me just contextualise this, because I know what will happen. by which all of society lived by. They'll talk about this day, yesterday. It was. And let me just contextualise this, because I know what'll happen is I'll explain, we'll explain, I'm getting all aggy now,

but we'll explain what's happened. And people go, I thought you were supposed to be friends. So how was this a high pressure situation? But basically, Tom and I have been friends for a long time. And also, I would say that our friendship, because we connected so strongly, I hope you don't mind me talking as fast as this,

because we, because we, because we can access strongly. Our friendship is, I think has been on steroids. Do you know what I mean? I would say that we've got to like, so,

so I'd say it's blossomed and blossomed and blossomed and, and, but it's almost like sort of like an army that's just getting stronger and stronger by the second. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Sort of a bit Putin-esque, but all right.

So, but so Tom, I've met, I've met Tom, obviously loads of times. I've met Catherine a couple of times. Yeah. I don't know how many,

how many times did you met Lisa? I've met Lisa twice. Yeah. Okay. But never, because of circumstance, never have the four of us been in a room together. We've never hung out.

Never hung out. Yeah, as a four. So yesterday, you're away for a little bit, and you were near my ends, and you were kind enough to take time out of your break to come and visit Shea Ranga. It was a real highlight of the break and there was a lot of nerves i'm not gonna man there was a lot riding on yesterday i i don't even know

i don't even know what i would have done i don't know how i would have reacted or how this podcast would have gone had yesterday sort of been tricky if lisa and katherine hadn't vibed straight away it was it would have been it would have been like you know what i i it was akin to sort of been tricky if lisa and katherine hadn't vibed straight away it was it would have been it would have been like you know what i i it was akin to sort of setting up two friends on a date isn't it yeah it was like that man it wasn't even on the way over there i was just thinking if this doesn't get off because let me just say by the way lisa and katherine are very very very similar people yeah they oh yeah i've got yeah They've got a feisty side to them. And, you know, having met Lisa before,

but also chatted a lot to her yesterday, I'm like, neither of them are going to take any shit, right? Which is why they're brilliant and they're amazing wives. And that's why we're both as a pair of losers who are just quite laid back and chill. But I was like, when they were chatting, you're like, oh, just one little thing here could be the thing that sets this off. I know, this could be the powder keg.

But there's lots of things I was nervous about that I can tell you about now. For example, Theo had two of his mates over. He had a sleepover the night before. And when Lisa said, I've got to drop the boys back off. And so she wasn't going to be here when you guys arrived. So that was anxious. They're not going to think you like them. What a terrible welcome.

I was like freaking out about that. Then you turned up. I waved at Catherine at the door as you pulled up in the car. And I was like, oh, I did feel, I'll be honest with you. I'm going to tell you little bit i was nervous i was nervous man do you know what made it even more nerve-wracking for us is that having a baby and going anywhere like doing like yesterday so we're packing everything up and then like she's she's like conscious of like you know what's what's the situation are we eating around there are we doing this i was like look we just

need to take it chill we yeah but then um so we get halfway to your house and i'm sort of texting rom like you know it was almost like a massive like political vibe to yesterday like um and then uh i looked in the bag and realized i'd forgotten all the baby's food so then so we had to drive back what was it what was it what was the chat like on the way back uh it wasn't it on my part, but then we bought some flowers and stuff for Lisa. Right. And then we got like three quarters of the way back from coming back, and then Catherine was like, oh, did you pick up the bits for Lisa? And I was like, no, I thought you had.

And then there was a real air of like, she was like, you can't go to someone's house without flowers and stuff. What are you thinking? And so we got some wine and like flowers which now obviously it's the flowers are the worst gift anyway because we can't give them to lisa in eight months time or three even a month's time there unless we dry them and go oh here we go listen oh that would be nice yeah i look forward to that presentation yeah and then i'm giving directions your house isn't is actually relatively easy to find actually actually, to be fair. But your directions are incredible.

I'll give you, I will say this. If me and you were in an army together, right, second army reference, I would definitely go, look, Ranganathan's in charge of the directions for sure. Okay. Sort of. No. But if you found like a water in hole.

It's sort of an insult masquerading as a compliment, that, isn't it? No, but if you found like a water in a hole. It's sort of an insult masquerading as a compliment, that, isn't it? No, but if you found like a water in a hole or like some buffalo or something, all right, to eat, I'd be like, where are they, Ranganathan? Where in military training do they start looking for buffalo, by the way? Where do they? That was the first thing that came into my head. And all the troops would be like, oh, God, I'm so thirsty. And I'd just look at you and go, Ranganathan, lead us there.

Or even just scribble down the directions and we'll go and you just hang on out here. Because I don't deserve water because of what I've been doing or something. No, you'd have had to have it. Ranganathan, show us where the water is when you do something that actually fucking deserves hydrating. We'll let you know.

No, but... You stay here, you lazy fucking prick. No, but you'd had to... I've got a tongue like Gandy's lip flop. I'd have assumed that you'd had a little glass or a little taste of it just to see if it was all right for everyone before you'd had it back.

So there was a real air in the car of turning up empty-handed. And also then we were both worried because Grace hadn't had a poo that she was going to have a poo at your house. the car of like uh turning up empty-handed um and also then we were both worried because grace hadn't had a poo um that she was gonna have a poo at your house you know my dad had also yeah no but yeah actually i've got to say you you were very relaxed actually i'm gonna say it now you were an incredible host yes tom you were i i was no you were you were amazing you know you you're very nervous about the coffee um i was very nervous about the coffee I was very nervous

about the coffee yeah I thought I'd hidden that no no I've never seen anyone make you were like you were like a sort of

student who'd flunked all of their GCSEs and A-levels on their first day at Starbucks and that was their only potential career move

was being a barista and Louis who runs the place would turn around and go right let's just see how you can make it if you can make it the caffeinated soy latte career move was being a barista and louis who runs the place would turn around and come right let's just see how you can make it if you can make it the caffeinated soy latte is tremblingly going over to sort of like you know but actually i thought you did and i even noticed you even when

the water ran out in the system i noticed that you just carried on chatting you were very relaxed oh i handled that you handled that little setback yeah you. You noticed that. Yeah, I did it really, really well. Yeah. Thanks. But they're very alike, aren't they, Catherine and Lisa?

They are. And actually, uh, now that we spent a few, like a few minutes talking about the positives of what happened yesterday, let's, uh, let's spend a little time talking about the negatives because what did become

clear was a sort of a dynamic in the conversation where Lisa and Catherine essentially share stories of what's wrong with their husbands and then sort of just like... And then what would happen is, by the way, is that you would be telling a story and then Lisa would fucking sort of critique you and take Catherine's side of it,

and vice versa. So we get in this situation, we're like, well, I can totally understand where Catherine's coming from. Oh, I could, well, I get why Lisa would be, and I guess you've had a tough day,

had you, Rom? Is that what you said? You really, when you were telling that story, I genuinely was like, I will back you to the hilt, and you know that, but you're,

like, I'm not going to, I'm terrified of Catherine. I'm like, in an argument situation, I will back you to the hilt, and you know that. But I'm terrified of Catherine in an argument situation. I'm not going to take on Catherine and Lisa, and I love you to bits. But I was like, mate, there's no way out of here. And you know, the thing was, so I'd literally been to exactly the same thing a week before. And as you were telling the story, all I could feel was Catherine. Well, we can share we can share we can share we can share the story i mean look it doesn't put me in a good light right but basically what happened was i did sunday brunch which we can talk about at length if you like or not but like i did

sunday brunch and um and i on the way back i said i phoned lisa and I said, I think I'm going to pop to the gym when I get back. And she went, oh, okay. But the way she said, oh, okay, I knew that she wasn't happy about that. So I said, all right, I'll see you in a bit. And I put the phone down and I thought, well, I'll be honest with you, I'm thick enough to have to figure out what it is that the problem is there. So we get home and i think i think so this is this is what i think happened and then later on upon reflection and also when

telling the story yesterday i realized what actually so i get in and i i get and lisa's not back but by the way lisa has been with the boys at a football tournament right and it's been pissing it down char Charlie was in a tournament yesterday. Sorry, the day before. And the dog. And the dog was there as well, yeah. So she's done all of that. And then I guess she's got a phone call out in the rain while she's watching the boys and the dog.

And it's pissing it down. She's got a phone call from me going, yeah, Sunday brunch was fine yeah it was nice i had a curry and they did leave like some vegan like snacks and stuff um but i think i'm gonna go to the gym when i get back so that is sitting in the back of a car that's being driven for you so then i get in and then stupidly i get into my track like my gym gear and then wait for Lisa to come back. I love the way you wait for her to come back. I know, really stupid, as if to rub it in.

I could have just gone before she got back, but no, let me wait so that she definitely knows that I'm taking the fucking piss. She comes in and I go and go to the gym and she go i was thinking of going to the gym and i said that to test how annoyed she was right because i wanted to see did i imagine this on the phone or only got small amounts of time but want big amounts of flavor canora has got you our new canora rice cups deliver all the tastes without the prep or wait time of flavor? Knorr has got you. Our new Knorr Rice Cups

deliver all the tastes without the prep or wait time. We're talking yummy, creamy, hearty goodness. Choose from loads of delicious, Moorish flavors

ready in only two and a half minutes. It's not cup food, it's good food in a cup. Visit Knorr.com to learn more. Today. Something is coming. Kong. Godzilla. they can feel it fight together and teaming up or face

extinction godzilla kong the new empire now playing only in theaters whoa what are you listening to this for wait who's talking you know you're driving a 2024 ford escape with available alexa built in so you can change the music oh yeah alexa change station to 99.2 see purchase a 2024 escape st line all-wheel drive with tech pack at 3.49 apr for 72 months with down payment that's just 267 bi-weekly cash value of 40 294 plus eligible ford owners get a thousand dollar bonus for details visit your local ford store or ford.ca and she goes uh yeah okay and i go are you annoyed about me going to the gym and she says no but i could tell she was so i said do you want to go to the gym you can go to the gym if you want she goes no it's fine you go you're you're in you're you're ready to go now

aren't you and then i went okay and then i said is everything all right and then she goes it's just easier for men isn't it and then and which i would say is true yeah um and then i said okay okay and then i'm not proud of this but i then said you know i've been oh can't believe it but before there's certain things when you retell a story right you did this yesterday I do it all the time when you have to say

the thing that you've said that makes you makes you not in a good light but also you're so embarrassed about the fact that you've just yeah you've dropped a bollock

basically right yeah so I said and before people get in touch to say that I'm a fucking prick husband I realised what I did immediately I said, and before people get in touch to say that I'm a fucking prick husband, I realized what I did immediately. I said, well, I've been at work this morning as well, you know.

And obviously what my work is, is a car came to pick me up, took me to a studio where I had to sit and react to different dishes that were brought to me uh made by a professional chef and hanging out with tiny timber who's an absolute and hung out with tiny timber who fucking shout out to that geezer by the way i absolutely love him and then get a car back home uh after by the way one of the sections in the show was margaritas i tried a couple of those. And then come home and then said to Lisa, who's been outside all day, in the pissing rain, I've been at work.

With two boys who didn't want to be there. Yeah. Listeners, I was ashamed. I realised immediately. And I did apologise to Lisa profusely because that was that was bad but when one was telling this story because obviously it was pretty raw for them the whole time he's telling it katherine's just staring at me right because a week privy to this um i had a day where you know me and james are writing a project at the moment more of that to follow but uh we were

you know writing but we'd done like a long day you know started at like sort of half eight it sort of worked till about half five and i was you know like when you're just you know but i'm working with you know best power having a laugh and we're writing you know whatever and then at half five i come in katherine's had grace the whole day taking grace out with some friends but you know sort of and i come in and my mate 4P texts me. He was like, do you fancy going to the driving range? I was like, yeah, go on then.

I've been working all day. So I went into the room and I was like, oh, babe, I said, I'm just going to pop to the driving range for an hour or so. And she just looked at me and stared at me. But I was so sort of like oblivious to anything. I was so excited to be going to the driving range. She just stared, like genuinely just stared and went are you

and I went yeah yeah yeah Thorby's just picked me up now see you in a bit yeah literally like that and she just stared it wasn't like at the driving range

I'll start off with my wedges right then I'll go through the irons it got me to my five iron which is about seven or eight clubs through

where I realised that I'd fucking pulled a ricker but actually what I should have done is gone in and gone right babe you've been with Grace all day you go and have a chill

or go and watch Shane or go and see a friend I'll take her because I love spending time with my daughter but it was literally just the most stupid fucking move I got home and she did the stealth thing of waiting for three days three days of like not letting me like i was just like oh my god yeah and you know like well i kind of knew what i'd done was wrong but then i'd start questioning everything i was doing was wrong

and then she let me have it so when you were telling that story I could just feel like Catherine next to me and Lisa was like clearly like fucking ready to sort of like load in on like and then Catherine just Catherine got up like she was in like a fucking American like court drama oh man she got animated

it was like Al Pacino and she had Grace in her arms who's just staring just going Grace was looking at me and Romesh like she'd taken the women's side she was looking at us like we were absolute pieces of shit. And all the boys were sitting there just like,

oh my God, I hope we're stronger men than our father and his doofus friend. Yeah, it was... Real education, man. It was bad. It was bad. And also, congratulations to Grace for meeting her first brown person. Yes, very excited.

Sunday. Sunday, very excited for her. She really enjoyed it. Yeah. I think as she approached on the driveway, a little bit of nerves. But then when she saw I'd married outside my race, she sort of got a bit more comfortable, didn't she? Yeah, you were quite nervous around the baby, actually.

More nervous than I thought you would be. Because you've had three.isa just grabbed her straight away and just sort of like yeah she did um i'm gonna tell you now um i think grace is absolutely adorable uh but she's not as adorable as my fear of dropping her yeah it's mad that you've had three but i mean three babies and you're still terrified of dropping them well it's because um look i was about to imply that i wouldn't be terrified of dropping them. Well, it's because, look, I was about to imply that I wouldn't be terrified of dropping my own baby. It's just that...

Did you ever drop any of your three? Yeah, no, I did. So I did, actually. I didn't drop them, but, like, I remember this. It's so horrible. Lisa was at work and it was when i just quit teaching so like when i just quit teaching i wasn't you know i i'd quit too soon basically so i wasn't really that busy with comedy and so i was actually like doing it i was at home with the kids more than lisa was for

a little bit and um i was at a food court with my mom we'd gone into town and as i was like trying to sort alex out the seat just fell like slipped off the chair and like banged on the floor in the middle of like the and people like looked and alex started screaming and um fuck man you just feel like the worst person in the world you know what i mean like you because you're dealing with the fact that you've you're worried that you may have hurt your kid and you're also dealing with the fact that you've you're worried that you may have hurt your kid and you're also dealing with the fact that there's all these judgmental i mean like as a parent you feel like you're being judged all the time when your kid makes noise man like all the time it's like and so then i was just like oh good i've just got to get out of here so i'd like i don't even think i

checked him properly i thought i'm going to do this elsewhere i've got to take him somewhere private to make sure like see i've damaged him permanently horrible man man we've got the tip we're going to try out the rengan a than uh the romesh tip uh of the uh she's a bit bit of it bunged up so i'm going to try out the uh olive oil with the cotton bud yeah i've said i've heard it's like magic man you know what so you looked i assume you looked up you know my mom's an ex-nurse and Catherine sort of said, oh my God, Romesh was saying to like put a cotton puff of olive oil up her bum.

And my mum actually went, oh, actually that's something that you can do because it sort of like basically gets the anal glands going and all that sort of thing. Oh, hello. Romesh knows how to get the anal glands going. Fucking like Titan and all that.

Like it's crucial. I did katherine then because i said you get a cotton bud with a bit of olive oil and you put it around the booty hole and then she said yeah i think there's an age where you can start i mean actually i think there's an age where you like the word booty hole i don't think can be used on anyone anyone in general but um certainly not on anyone under 18. And also, I think there's a time when you could stop. If I'm honest with you, swearing-wise, I don't know where you can use the word booty hole and it be acceptable.

It's like, of all of the descriptive descriptive and also the way you said it was in such a caring way there was almost like a sort of doctorish sort of vibe about you when you turned around yeah just keep yourself a cotter bird little olive oil on it and just have a little a little like sort of swish swish around the old booty hole there oh you know where uh you know where i went near you what uh well it's not near you it's in i'll just say it's in sussex but um you've been to lewis before yeah i've been to lewis yeah my god what a place it's great right it's like insane i've never seen so many health food shops yeah i know it's like it's middle class paradise yeah yeah like i mean it's a beautiful place

right i've got to say i felt like like, as soon as I got there, I felt a little bit like I stood out. I don't know what to do in a health food shop. I know that the stuff that's in there is, you know. And let me just shout out anyone who works in a health food shop. Why? I've never been in a health food shop where the person who's working there doesn't feel like that's the only place in the world that they want to be mate that is that is a fucking great observation you can go in any other

shop and you it's a real lottery of people some people you might walk in and go but even like if you go to a high-end shop actually i want to say something as well by the way i went in an estate agents right and the snobby way that this woman dealt with me was absolutely disgusting. Talk me through it. So I go in, right? There's a house. Is this naming a shaming exercise or are you not?

No, no, no, I won't because it's not. But so I go into a shaming exercise. I mean, you normally do it by... Actually, I feel like I should have actually because it's, yeah, Goodwins. I'm going to throw Goodwins under the bus. So I go to Goodwins right

there's a house in a window and I'm just like wow that's exactly the sort of thing that yeah I like I like

look at that place right I go in and this woman just literally like in her underling this sort of

like fucking sort of guy who thinks a fucking dupe and is wearing a fucking suit that's just

sort of yeah just yeah like no no fucking socks fucking a pair of brown loafers the two of them but he's sort of half sort of like you know yeah what are you after mate what are you after what what's all yeah what and so there's a house in the window i was looking at and i said which one and she sort of almost sort of like laughed and then she sort of like sort of gave a look to him as if she wanted me out of the shop okay before you carry on with this by the way yeah can i just ask were you nervous because sometimes we are susceptible to this sort of thing i've been susceptible to this sort of thing

where you think that you're being treated like so what was your attitude going in we surprised no i'm quite affable i went in i was I was like, how you doing, you alright? Good afternoon. So you weren't on the back foot as you walked in? No, no, no. I was like, there's a house in the window. Oliver Twist asking for some more gruel. No, no, no. I was probably more like, if you were going to say, like, a musical character, I was probably like, sort of the quite cool guy out of Hairspray.

Okay, fine. Right. And I kind of thought, I don't know. I just, I was literally just, like, it was one of, like, the first time in a long time. Like, when you work on building sites and you'll pop into certain shops and you'll be wearing scruffy clothes, you got used to the fact that you,

but that was because you were wearing scruffy clothes. It was like, clearly the way I talked, the way I looked, and whatever, she made a very swift decision that there was nothing in there for me and I should probably seriously yeah like genuinely

like genuinely and then like I started out saying oh do you like is it available for will we be able to have a look at me and my wife and she just literally

just went like that like this really annoying like noop noop like sort of thing and then she just got on the phone as I was talking to her and made a phone call and just looked me up and yeah like genuinely like i

left there wishing i'd said a lot i pussied out of saying anything i was like i should have said something that's where swearing could have really come in useful but you know what if i'd sworn it would have just doubled down on what she thought of me right but i literally i walked out of there just like offended upset and seething so when are you when you go in a health food shop you're never going to get that health food just shout out to anyone who works in a holland and barrett's even the chain ones but you know the actual cell phone like you know self-run ones my god i'd say if you want to feel better about yourself both inside and and out, as emotions, but also get control of your health, go to a health food shop. That's great.

That's really great advice. Hang out there for a while. Don't hang out there for a while. Hello, darlings. This is Lisa Vanderpump. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests.

And of course, they'll have to meet my standards, and not everybody has what it takes. Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Robo code searching. It takes skill, speed, sweat. Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet, and streaming bundle.

With the Happy Stack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo Internet, a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney Plus, and Amazon Prime. All starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack. Only at Kudo. Conditions apply. We all have the power to shape the world we're connected to the world we share to each other i am future i wait in the world of echo discover the extraordinary with echo

the spectacular new show by cirque du soleil opens may 8th under the big top at toronto lakeshore boulevard west tickets at Cirque du Soleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo thanks its presenting partner Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and Mastercard. One of the things I find about whenever I go into a health fish shop, I do like the staff in there. They're always very...

And you start to feel like, you know, whenever I go into a health food shop, I start thinking, you know what, I'm going to start making some changes. I always have like a mini kind of epiphany when I go in there. That's the one thing that happens. The other thing that happens is I'm always, without fail, shocked at how expensive nuts are. Yeah.

I don't know when I'm going to walk into one of those shops and not be appalled at how expensive nuts are yeah I don't know when I'm going to walk into one of those shops and not be appalled at how much so with nuts right are nuts basically

edible wood no sorry if you look at a breakdown of a nut if you bite into a nut and then also you cut a tree in half

not say you cut a tree in half very similar sort of like sides similar vibe nuts are seeds though aren't they yeah but then seeds are also what makes and then also you cut a tree in half, not say you cut a tree in half. Very similar sort of like insides. Similar vibe. Nuts are seeds though, aren't they? Yeah, but then seeds are also what makes trees.

Okay. So that's like saying you're a sperm. I've been called that before, son. No, but it's, no, but you know what, I just saw something, that's what I think like, yeah, it's like sort of, I guess, like sort of grass isn't edible, but spinach know what? I just saw something. That's what I think. Yeah, it's like sort of, I guess,

like sort of grass isn't edible, but spinach is type thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I do. Weirdly, I get where you're coming from, which I find frightening. Have you ever like, you know when you buy like a big bag of nuts? I mean, I very rarely do it,

but you know on the occasions when like you might buy a fruit and nut mix or something yeah yeah i find i don't want to be disgusting but i find the i find shitting not great not not not great i don't like it yeah but you know what it is is everything in a health food shop if it's going to get your bowel working to another level that you never knew prunes ap, apricots, nuts. You literally come out there with a bag full of stuff that's just going to make you shit right. That's why when you see a lot of those people who work in health food shops, they never look like they're struggling with bowel complaints.

And also, very few of them have bad breath. Also, never use the toilet at a health food shop because I imagine that's getting a lot of action. Have you ever used the toilet at a shop? The number of shit breaks they must have in a holland and barrett have you ever used a toilet in a shop before have i ever used no i think only petrol stations i've ever used and the sainsbury's i've done it i went for a phase of asking to use the toilet in the shop in what shop a different shot if i was out shopping like no but like would you do it in like an oasis or something what number one why would i be going in a basis i don't know you're looking for a nice top for katherine or something yeah i suppose it's just a fair enough point but no not

if i was like yeah they'd have to be an ilk of like i wouldn't go in somewhere if i was shopping for uh like say for katherine or like a present for my mom but if i was going in like g star or if i was going into a sort of like, I don't know, like Ralph Lauren or whatever. Yeah, but then they take it, they assume they say no, right? Well, I actually legally think they can't. I think they can, mate.

You don't know? I think they're only allowed to say, they're only legally obliged if you're pregnant, aren't they? No, I think, I don't know if that's true, mate. I think if you need a poo, legally, like my mate tried this, I'm not sure if he's telling the truth, but he said he knocked on someone's door once

and he needed a poo and they let him in. Fuck off, Tom. No, but... Tom. I swear that there's something in the sort of old-school laws that say if you need a dump, you can just basically go, you can knock on someone's door.

Okay, fine. But there's also, isn't there a law that you're allowed to carry 12 oxen through the center of town or whatever but also needing to put we've talked about poos quite a lot but like it's one of the most brutal things ever i made sure before i went madge yours yesterday i was fully like i i thought you were gonna i thought you're gonna be locked and loaded and ready to go in my house. No, no, no. If I'm honest with you, the nerves actually had the opposite effect on me yesterday. But I genuinely was like, I don't, yeah.

But if I go shopping sometimes, I'll just, yeah. Because all stores, you might not know this, all shops have to have toilets for their staff. I think almost everyone knows that, mate. But then what you, so what So you've basically got a toilet. It's probably going to be used eight times in a day. Yeah, but the other thing is, if somebody comes up and says...

And I don't want to stereotype, but if somebody looks like you or I, goes up to a shop assistant and says, can I use your toilet? Let's be honest, it's not going to be for anything. This is where I probably should have explained explained you've got to look like you're going to be buying quite a like that you're doing a proper shop there oh i see so you get a few items you get a little bit of a rapport going with some of the staff you have a little bit of a laugh

uh probably spend 10-15 minutes at looking at stuff and then you go oh can i is it right for you to use your toilet you know what what? One of the things I found tricky when I first started doing a lot of work in London is needing to go to the toilet, needing to take a shit in London, right? It's tough. And I went through a phase of pretending I was on the phone and walking into a pub and saying,

going and taking a shit, and then leaving, and going, oh, is it the one down the road then all right i'll come see you there or whatever i don't know what who i'm performing this for but i just became i became paranoid that these people like see me coming to do that and then i got into a phase but this takes a little bit of guts of going to hotels hotels are the best ones mate i respect you so much for this but but hotels are the best ones mate I respect you so much for this but hotels are the best ones but if you go to the best hotels

there's someone on the door and that is a tricky thing to negotiate this is probably not right so listen for probably the last because like yourself

for probably the last eight years right where I've been going into London you know working wherever like doing writing I've like

especially if you're gigging you want to probably you have a flush out before you get there right yeah so the one my i went for a meeting once right i couldn't believe like the guy at the door was so fucking lovely right shout out to like you know whatever his name is went into that this day right but what i realized is there's a couple of different entrances in right that aren't aren't manned right if you've got enough bluster this is insane that you would actually name the hotel in this book okay go on let's let

let's let jt decide whether you should bleep this because you might have just fucking ended this hotel but anyway so i've been doing this for years i've been going in there and using this toilet number one i will say this is the toilet the actual quality of the toilet and the toilet paper has started falling quite substantially are you serious yeah yeah there's little bits there where i'm like the tiling needs doing i've spent a lot of time in there yeah tiling needs doing the toilet paper isn't quite as like absorbent or as soft as it used to be um but anyway i go in there the other like literally before i was gigging at um abc yeah shout out james gill and i shout out james gill but the toilet there is awful at that tommy the tommy field it's a

terrible toilet it's in the worst five toilets in and i love the gig it's probably my favorite gig in in the world i love james gill i love all the staff who work there amazing but the toilet is absolutely and let me say as well, I've ripped a very nice jacket, expensive jacket, on the toilet there, because it's so fucking, as a big man, it's very hard to navigate.

I would say, don't, if you need a shit, you need to not go to that place. No, no, no, no, no, no. Or just, that is a prime time to knock on a door

and just say, look, here's 50 quid, let me have a shit. Well, they've got a hotel there, actually. I would say, if you here's 50 quid, let me have a shit. Well, they've got a hotel there, actually. I would say, if you find yourself there and needing a shit, I would actually argue it's worth booking a room.

Well, and hiring the toilet out for like £10 a time for anyone who needs a toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just go to the pub. Look, guys, great news. I've got us a toilet. You can either chip in or just buy me a beer. There's no toilets out there.

And I think it's a problem that a lot of London pubs have with toilets. Anyway, so I'm like, what? I'm going to get into my flow, go to the toilet. I always need to go before a gig. I get in there, right? But literally, as I start walking in, there's a new guy at the door. He scuttles over and stops me and he says are you

eating at a bar and I said oh yeah I'm just meeting some people there in a minute and he's like okay yeah we're going to have to ask you not to use the toilet and I was like really and he was like yeah and he basically he clocked me I'd been in there three times that week

already this was on a thursday he clocked me coming in there to use it for like a basically a dump and he was like we can't yeah you can't just be coming in here um like it's fine if you're going to sit and you're going to eat or you're staying with us we'd love to welcome you as a guest but you can't just come and use the toilet basically oh my god did he say that yeah how did you feel were you embarrassed of course i was embarrassed i was wearing a big coat anyway so i was sweating right now the big thought in my head is sweaty man coming to your coming to your establishment just to have a turn out in the back of my head all i can think of is oh my god like where am i going can i go for a fucking shit

before yeah the big gig like the gig freaking out yeah yeah but also yeah so um and also like you know when you're looking forward to something right and all i could think of probably for the last like an hour and a half before the poo was how nice the poo would be do you know what i mean yeah like i always the other thing is like when i get in there i always use their wi-Fi for a bit. Yeah, sure. Sit and read. If I go into a toilet like that, I like to be there for half an hour. No, I agree. I know you're saying, but I agree. Yeah.

So that one now, and I don't know whether we should beep it out, but that's a no-go now. So I'm looking for a new place to drop my bags. I mean, the sensible thing to have done would have been to find three bases and just sort of rotate a bit. I mean, three times in a week where you're just turning up to have a shit. Come on, mate. Well, yeah, but this is a big time. It's like you want to be caught.

It's good. An air of cockiness, too. But there's also, like, sometimes when you're working in certain offices in London, like, that's the one place I really freak out about going to the toilet. Well, you know, sometimes, yeah. So there are some, I don't want to name the offices,

but when you're doing shows and you're writing shows, you do writing days in the office, right? And there are certain places I've done writing days where I've become anxious about going for the day because I've thought the toilet situation at this place is not acceptable, right? In terms of like, what i mean is like the the the toilet is too public for the for the space right if it's just leading off the office like the door is there

there's no corridor yeah it's like people i don't know if people don't think about this but i cannot i cannot if a toilet is in clear view of like people in the office or you know it's you know centrally located or it's like a lot of footfall by it you may as well i'm not going to use it you may as well not have a toilet there i can't i think there should be a thing that and i'd actually look if anyone wants to get in touch about investing i'd like i think in london you should there should be like you know like um big car parks yeah i think there should just be like a massive not like cruddy public toilets but really nice toilets that well looked after and manicured right you know what i i have i have had exactly the same thought but i've actually sort of i was sort of thinking about the business

viability of that and the problem is the problem with doing that by by the way, because the idea of having that sounds amazing. The problem is that the amount of money it would cost to keep those in the condition that you want them to be, people wouldn't be willing to pay that kind of money. I know you or I would because we're toilet connoisseurs, but I'm talking about just sort of the average kind of punter is not going to want to pay. Because think about it. What have you found when you've gone to any public toilet you know like you go to victoria station

yeah go to the toilets good luck not having an experience that stays with you for the rest of your life all right okay so so you've got to be on top of it you've got to be like yeah but then i think if me and you sort of ran it probably for the first six to eight months, then we've got a manager in, it might be all right. I mean, to be fair, we both got told off for being too busy anyway, so I don't know what Lisa and Catherine's reaction would be. I wasn't anticipating being across that myself, to be honest with you. I'm just thinking of bad toilet stories. I'm just thinking of one of my worst ones.

I don't know why this is taking a left forward to the toilet world. I don't know why this is taking a left forward to the toilet world so one of my other favourite toilets to use is the big Marks and Spencers just off Oxford Street great toilet actually that is always the first time I used it

I went into Marks and Spencers it was like on many levels and I was like I need to get to this I need to get to toilets. I need to get to toilet. So I'm sort of like running up, you know, looking at like the,

the signs for the toilets. I open the door, door that says it's the toilets, right? And it's just this long, long corridor, right? And I can see that there's a gentleman's toilet to,

to the end, right? And then there's a guy just in front of me. He's sort of walking i'm sort of walking behind him really really quickly that both have pace intensifiers we both need the toilet more right he gets to the toilet before me and opens the door right and sort of turns to close the door behind him and i just pushed the door i said what are you doing i'm coming in there what right and he went what do you do i was like i'm coming in mate i'm coming in there what right and he went what are you doing i was

like i'm coming in mate i'm coming in there right i thought that it was like a gentleman's toilet and there's like four or five urinals and a couple of cubicles it was one singular toilet right and he was like what are you doing and i'm like like, mate, seriously, I need to piss. And he was like, you're not coming in. And then he pushed me back and closed the door and locked it. And then I sort of stood there. So had you realised at this point it was one toilet? No. Yeah, I sort of then had the idea it was.

But I was so like, when he opened the door, and completely it was affirmed to me. But his face was absolute like. Yeah, but you can't, listen. No, I'm not blaming him. You can't abortion any blame to him at all. No, because in his mind,

he's basically sort of going for the toilet, and then all of a sudden. And then you'll be on him going, I'm coming in there, I'm coming in there. Also, there was probably a good, like,

I don't know, thinking in golf terms, a good fucking, at least 100 yards, 150 yards of like, me, like, quite yards 150 yards of like me like quite quickly sort of like

following him down to the toilet as well you know and I'm not like subtle when I need a wee like little groans

come out like little groans and little sounds come out it's quite yeah I was at the pub the other night

and this happened I mean this is not the first time this happened but a guy just absolutely let rip with a fart at the urinal next to me.

Well, you know what I'm noticing actually more and more at the moment? There's a lot of pubic hair. Yeah, I don't know what is going on. Why is that? Why does that happen? Who's fucking basically balting above, like they're going for a piss in a public toilet and pubic hair. Like an insane amount.

I don't know if it's like an after effect of COVID, but it's like once you notice it like and i'm shouting out to all men now once you notice it you you're not going back you'll fucking see it all the time you're looking at urinal it's like fucking like i mean what it's like a load of spiders have just been slaughtered i know i i don't also sort of i mean listen i don't know what my shedding i don't know how many times i've shed into a urinal this is so disgusting, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, yeah.

It's happening more and more. Maybe it's an epidemic. Right, listen, mate. We absolutely got out of control here. We need to do emails. Yeah, let's do some emails. Okay. This is from The Snail.

Wow. Hello, Wolf, Owl and the swan i love listening to the pod as well as your numerous other shows suffice to say if either of you are in it i'll watch it a very quick email here way back in december i sent you an email that's haunted me ever since the mere thought of any of you reading it has kept me in an eternal state of cringe since december whenever it crossed my mind which is a few times a week it was so self-pitying and pandering to you all in quite a frankly sickening way that i'm completely knocked shocked you didn't get picked a feature on your pod my only hope is that this one read it and immediately deleted it while rolling her eyes

honestly it deserved nothing else which would be slightly more tolerable than thinking all of you had read it so this brings me to my new question have either of you ever done something that afterwards made you cringe to and think about it? Apologies for the initial email. No doubt I'll be adding this to my ever-growing cringe pile in a month or so, as is my way. Stay awesome. Much love to all of you. The Snail. Yeah, I mean, pretty much most of my adult life has been

a selection of cringeable... I mean, the fucking toilet one I just told was awfully cringe. You know, there's one of those weird questions where like you get asked you can't think of it because i think there's been so many i did one one the other day oh man the other day like i was thinking about you know like when you were trying to be cool when you're young younger and i remember when we were you know when you first started sort of going

out to sort of bars and whatever and uh sort of like 16 17 and you sort of i've ever seen this girl i really really fancied and she was with some mates uh on the high street and uh she they sort of stopped and started chatting to me uh and i sort of was trying to be quite cool like oh yeah yeah and she was like oh you know you're going this place later and i was like oh yeah chatting to her and sort of, I could tell her mates thought I was a bit of a sap anyway, do you know what I mean? But she sort of like,

you know, anyway, chatting away and I thought, oh, this is going really, really, really well.

Like, I feel like, and she sort of turned around and was like, well, yeah, we might see you later. Just,

you know, see you down at the bar and all that. And as, as they all walked away, I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, we might see you later. Just, you know, see you down at the bar and all that. And as they all walked away, I said, yeah, yeah, yes. See you in a while, crocodile. Right? It was the look that all of her friends first gave me of, like, it's the sort of thing your dad would say, right?

Or, like, your sort of wannabe cool uncle says, right? But the look that then they gave her that she even knew me was so fucking like i felt so sorry for her she genuinely was like they were like if he's at that bar later if you talk to him we'll never talk to you again it was so like i don't know where it crossed my mind the other day it's just you know that thing of trying to be like i've had so many times in my life i've tried to be cool i tried to sort of it happens to me all the time like so yeah so in answer to your question this now my life has been it's a constant thing of cringing yeah um i i would say

two things one um the reason that you're slightly embarrassed is because you're obviously concerned about something i haven't i haven't sought out the email by the way because i thought you'd be annoyed if i did that uh but i would say snail that that email wouldn't wouldn't have been cringe it's like the reason we think things like that cringe is you feel a certain way you express that feeling and then you feel bad about it later on but that doesn't invalidate how you felt at the time so don't worry about that in terms of uh have you ever done anything that afterwards made you cringe if you think about it i've got like tom said i've got loads of these things but there's little things that happen in my childhood that i think about now and i still feel i feel

fresh embarrassment as if it's just happened uh one of the things i would say that the teacher was sort of to blame for this is that I used to do judo after school and I left my judo suit at school one night and went home and my judo suit had my name in it. said, oh, Ramesh, you've left your judo suit, you left your judo suit at school last night. And then he pulled out the trousers and he said, you've also left something in your trousers and there were two massive skid marks down the inside of my judo suit.

And I don't know, I don't know why, first of all, can I just say Oh, so that judo teacher's an absolute fucking hell. Yeah, is an absolute fucking hell. Yeah, what an absolute fucking creep. Yeah, but you know,

if anyone was going to fucking write a judo teacher, that's what he'd be like. Yeah. And then, and now, every now and again, I remember,

I remember that, that happening. Like, he just held up the trousers like they were like, Did he hold them like, so you could see the front? front yeah and then he just dropped the front so then you could see the back yeah he's just like like the worst thing was i was sat at the back of the room and i could see the skid marks so it's like they were yeah anyway i don't want to get into detail how

bad they were but but that that is uh fucking that is basically that takes a lot of coming back from. Another thing that happened that's really embarrassing and cringe is that, I've talked about this in my books, I apologise if you read the book, for a number of reasons, but one, for that you'll have heard this story before, but basically, we were on a school trip, on a residential trip, and there's another school that were also at the trip, and the kids from our school weren the trip and these um the kids from our school weren't really getting on with the kids from the other school it's a bit of like beef or

whatever and i was one of the only kids that was sort of getting on with the kids from the other school so tragic and um one day we decided to do a thing it's so stupid that i decided to do this but we decided to do a thing that we thought would be funny in front of the other kids where we were going to pretend that we're having an argument and i don't know why we thought this would be funny i think basically what i think is this kid wanted to be racist without um without punishment but we decided it'd be funny if like we pretended to get into an argument and he said some racist things to me and i'd get upset but obviously i was in on the joke and we were like, I mean,

essentially it's kind of racist bullying. But then what happened was is we started doing the joke and we started doing it. And then what happened was this midway through, I started to really get upset. Uh, and I started, I started crying. Um,

and getting really upset. And then he thought that that was just the joke was really working and I was a really good actor so he kept on saying more and more stuff and so it ended up being escalated to the teachers and the teachers got involved obviously they're absolutely fucking horrified

that a kid had been using racist language but not as horrified as when they found out that the kid that had been crying about language but not as horrified as when they found out that the kid that had been crying about it was really upset about it was one of the organizers of the event to make more friends oh my god oh it's so fucking like it's you know when someone tells you a story and it just you cringe because it reminds you of something

I remember like fucking in middle school right yeah exactly the same thing like fucking but different in the way that basically

because I was like the biggest kid like the tallest kid this other boy basically said that if we had a fight and engineered that he'd beat me up

it would do it him like it would basically do us well that we'd have this amazing fight that everyone would come to

and I just wanted to be his mate so basically you know the thing is it's so funny but it's in both yours and my story

I don't know what the benefit to us is it's just as you were telling it I've never I've not really ever thought about it

but I literally now just remember lying on the fucking floor. Oh my God. In a game film. Honestly, Tom,

you are going to be so popular. This is a fucking shoes. You're right down on me. People were cheering. And then, but this is a mad thing. This is a mad thing. This fucking guy.

I saw him when I was about 26 or 27. Yeah. I saw him out one night, and he was like, oh, fucking hell, man. Do you remember when I fucking kicked your ass? What? Right?

And I was like, yeah. I sort of remember us discussing. And he was like, mate. And then he started telling his mates, who weren't mates of mine, and now at this point, I'm a fucking scaffolder. I'm a bit of a lump.

But he's telling everyone going mate fucking we must have been about 16, 17 I was like we were 13 12 or 13 I was 12 you were 18

I was still taller than you and he was like I fucking leathered you didn't I I remember you just like and I was like yeah but we arranged it and he was like

fuck off bruv and all that and I was just like you know what in the end but this is the saddest thing I was 27 I yeah, but we arranged it. And he was like, fuck off, bruv, and all that. And I was just like, you know what, in the end, but this is the saddest thing, I was 27, I went along with it then. I went, oh, yeah, yeah, fucking hell, yeah. Yeah, it was just, yeah. Christ, I actually genuinely feel a bit sick.

Yeah, you know when you sort of get an insight into, you know, like sometimes you think, what part of me is me and what part of me is conditioning and what I've been led to believe is correct behaviour by society. And then when you have moments like that, you go, oh no, in my inner core,

I am fucking pathetic. That is pure Romesh, that. That's not... Yeah, because you know what? If that happened right now, that's us at our most raw. That's us before... That's untouched. That's untapped, pure Tom Davison, Romesh Ranganathan. If that's us at our most raw that's us before that's us before

that's untouched that's untapped pure Tom Davison when we're showing an open if that was us genuinely that's that fucking young age going

well this seems a good way of making friends people actually abuse us and lend me this shit no you're right I don't belong in this country my family are scum no this is good

please like me just lend me another time smack me in the face another time. And then, yeah, by the looks of things, I might be going to Kirstie Taylor's birthday party.

Right, Tom, listen, I don't know what you want to do, man, because... Well, I've got a chip in a minute, but maybe we might have to do a little... This could be a week for a bonus or a little bonus episode. Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that but what i was going to say is as you're on

as you're on holiday yeah do you are you still up for doing the final closer or yeah that's you brother okay oh great that's great it's all wonderful news yeah what is flourishing what is something that expands and gets better with something that maybe you've been putting off for a while but you you know what, you need to attend to it. The truth about life is we are all just individual seeds of rice or Rice Krispies or tiny little things that are on a kitchen island and alone just sitting there, we're just nothing nothing we're not even a meal on our own but once we're poured into a bowl with other rice krispies or other seeds of rice and the milk and then other sort of stuff that goes with those different foods you know pearl barley uh i don't know some sort of

curry some sort of mexican food um know, even a burrito, right? The fact of the matter is our flavor expands and we become something more than just what we were. What is the meaning of what I'm saying? The meaning is this. You are an ingredient in a delicious dish of life. Make sure you find the other components to make your dish that little bit more tasty.

Go meet people and be you. That is, what a lovely, wow, Tom, even on holiday. Yeah. You bring truth and light to all of us. So thank you. Man. Guys, thank you so much for listening.

I think we should listen I don't know we've done this a couple of times I've been listening to this song Skanking Sweet by Chronix

I don't know if I mentioned it before yeah it's a nice song JT can you give everybody a little burst of the chorus of that

send everyone off on their day have a great one guys high five friends high five from the wolf and the owl out ta ta Have a great one, guys. High five, friends. High five. From the Wolf and the Owl.

Owl. Ta-ta. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.