Wolf and Owl - Episode 1

Episode Date: November 25, 2020

Here it is - our first show! We’re talking… hats, early starts, annoying colleagues and cramming for exams. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Tickets at CirqueDuSoleil.com. Echo. Thanks for presenting partners Sun Life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What do you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. Yeah. to pull up at your shows have the crowd witnessing the murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck the censorship let them see the whole thing they stay dressed to kill never sheep's

clothing dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all your ears are huff a puff and expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog Welcome to the Wolf and Out podcast with me, Romesh Ranganathan Do I introduce myself? One of my favourites Will you give me a big intro? Yeah, go for it Well, I was going to give you a big intro, but fuck it, you want to jump in, go

Well, yeah, I was just going to say, I've put my head down to bow to come up really cool and yeah you just let me down because I was waiting for you to go out and my favourite comedian the epicentre of my universe Mr Dom Davis

well I was going to say something like that but I don't know why you're bowing on what is an audio medium I don't understand how that's a movement I like to do this

I bring my head up to get into the like a boxer as a ring walker oh I see right okay I think 90% of fights are won and lost

in a ring walk okay you're quite a boxing expert and for you to say something that's as patently untrue as that is incredible

I mean you've got you've got a boxing podcast haven't you yeah yeah yeah yeah and do you think would you say to any of the people you spoke to on that podcast that you think that 90% of fights are won and lost in the ring war? Would you say those words out loud?

I would say to some of the boxers I've talked to, look, you're a hell of a boxer, mate. You've got amazing technique. I like what you do. Work on the ring walk. You would say that, would you? Yeah. If you had Anthony Joshua on the podcast, you would say Work on the ring walk. You would say that, would you? If you had Anthony Joshua on the podcast,

you would say work on the ring walk. Let me just say, I'm no one to tell Anthony Joshua how to do a ring walk. That guy's got it fucking down. Who's not got a good ring walk? I mean, it'd be hard for me to mention names because they might be people I know. I just think it's a bit

of theatre, isn't it? Think about it. I think if you're going to a fight, you want to get everything. So for me, that bow down, like you're sort of eagerly waiting, your face is right up at the camera and you're sort of like eager, which is really good. But with me, there's that air of joy. Before we carry on,

that is absolutely not how I'm approaching this. I'm hoping that people listening to this know enough about me to know that's not the case. But yet, this false description you're giving of how I am. I'm just sitting here calmly. You're excited. You've got dressed up for it. By the way, before you launched into this little personal sort of attack on me,

your top glasses and hat combination are exceptional today. Thank you. You look unbelievable. Really? You really do. Yeah. You know what? I've really,

um, I actually generally got dressed up for this. That is, yeah, man, this is, this is, this is the height now of my social calendar.

So I was like, you know what? I'm going to make an effort for Rom today. You're wearing, um, you're wearing, is that a flat it's a flat cap right yeah it's a baker boy a baker boy right do you think i could pull that off uh okay i think you've that no need to continue no i don't know look i've known you for a long time the backwards baseball cap and a beanie are already over there, like a part of your image that I sort of, I find endearing. Like, look, a lot of people try the flat cap.

You know, I think with you, you might end up looking a bit like when I saw Ryland Clark in one. Hold on, what does that mean? No, it's just... Why would it be a bit like when you saw Ryland Clark in one? No, because your does that mean? No, it's just... Why would it be a bit like when you saw Ryland Clark in one? No, because your face is... I don't know if your face is strong enough to hold one. Do you know what I mean?

Like, it's a bit... Did it not suit Ryland Clark? No. No. Okay. But Ryland, again, Ryland. I've seen Ryland wear one. I'll tell you what would really suit you,

and I actually might buy you one for Christmas, a fedora. Big app. Like, you know, you see where I am. A fedora. Yeah, I know what a fedora is. Why the fuck would you think I would ever wear a fedora? You look good in a fedora.

Tom, if when we come out of lockdown, I'm assuming that you and I are going to meet up. We've just been hanging out on the set of King Gary, all within COVID restrictions. Don't anybody? Yeah, yeah. So if I was meeting up with you after lockdown, and without any kind of warning,

we've not had this conversation, I turned up to meet you in the pub wearing a fedora. Yeah. What do you... Now, don't bullshit me. What would your reaction honestly be? I would be like... Because if you turned up in a fedora,

I would cunt you off, I up in a fedora i would i would cunt you off i reckon for 30 to 45 you know i've brought a fedora i've not had the courage to wear it yet well i should not have said that have you got have you really bought a fedora you want me to get it yeah please how far away is it from you now it's literally here in this cupboard okay my wife keeps saying that you've not worn it yet. Was it expensive? It was Trumpy, yeah. I went to the same place that Guy Ritchie gets his hats.

Makes sense. Look, look, look, look. Oh, it's in a bag. It's in a bag. Look. Still done up the bag. Yeah, okay. So this is the first time I've opened it. Still wrapped.

Oh my God, this is incredible. It's an unwrapping, but this is the worst unwrapping ever because it's all done... You know how YouTube unboxings get viral? I can't imagine that podcast unwrappings... Can you hear that though? Yeah, sounds nice.

Nice bit of paper, that. Lovely. Okay, I'm going to tell you this straight away. Yeah. You look brilliant. You genuinely look great. I did not expect that. I did not expect you to be able to pull that hat off.

But you do. This is my superpower. I can pull any hat off. Like, genuinely. No, no, no. You have fucking incredible powers, right? You're fucking one of the most intellectual people I know. You can make any hat off. Like, genuinely. No, no, no. You have fucking incredible powers, right? You're fucking one of the most intellectual people I know. You can make nearly everything funny.

I've seen you use some fucking incredible trainers that you fucking, I wouldn't even have the fucking courage to wear, but you fucking smashed the life out of. You give me any fucking hat, I will fucking do something with it. That cannot be true. You wouldn't be able to pull off any hat. Mate, send a fucking flurry of hats to my home. Okay, somebody's figured out how to use the word flurry.

Just to give this a bit of context, for 10, 15 years, I've been using the word slurry instead of flurry. Yeah. Yeah. And also, what I would say is, even though you think you're using flurry more correctly, it's still wrong. You wouldn't say to somebody, send me a flurry of hats right so how about what send me a decadent of hats

are you taking the piss no i don't know what would you call what do you think decadent means a lot of right decadent decadent means a lot of send me a decadent of send me a decadent of you think is the thing you've you've heard decadent using that content i've means a lot of. Send me a decadent of. Send me a decadent of, you think is a thing. You've heard decadent used in that context. Look, I've heard a lot of words that I don't know what they mean. But what I do is I throw them to you. How many pairs of trainers do you reckon you've got? Decadent?

That's what you think. I've got a decadent amount of trainers. Yeah, that does make sense. Yeah. But decadent doesn't mean a lot of what does it are you winding me up now are you winding me up that's genuinely how i thought i thought decadent you meant a lot of and you put it before the thing i have a decadent amount of glasses no decadent means like decadent means are opulent and like over the top luxurious you

know like you know if you had like some like mad over the top like super comfy chair somebody go that's very decadent that chair do you know something like that so you know what what you know the problem is whenever look i'm looking it up now because you make me doubt myself now i'm thinking i don't know what day here we go a person who is luxuriously self-indulgent there you go self-indulgent is what decadent means. So I've always thought decadent meant a lot of. Yeah, I know that's what you've always thought, but you've been wrong.

You've always been wrong. I think we should put a little bit on this show called Wrong with Rom. You're so pleased with that, aren't you? Yeah, I kind of like it. I'm going to go back to the flat cap. Okay, fine. I do think you should...

Between now and next week when we do the next one of these, can you wear that hat? I know you can't. We're on lockdown. No. I'm really now loving it, you know. It's a really nice hat. I feel good about it.

I couldn't wear that hat. Shout out to the lad Hatters. Yeah, sure. Got to get that discount, didn't you? Okay, Tom. Yo. How's lockdown treating you so far? What are we? We're day two of lockdown two.

I've been kind of obsessed with the American election. That's sort of really eating at my tongue. I imagine that you've been infuriated in the way that... What I even started that? The way that your favourite politician

has been treated. I imagine you're furious at the way that the election is being stolen away from Donald Trump. I love that you think so little of me, that you think I'm one of those idiots going, this is unbelievable.

Why can't you see? This is fucking fraud, mate. How invested are you in the American election? I just find it interesting. Do you know what a big thing I find really interesting? What sort of state is Donald Trump going to leave the White House in?

Right. Do you mean actually like hygiene-wise? Yeah, obviously we know he's absolutely made a fucking mockery of his presidential term

is like, oh, that's too much. I don't know anything about all that stuff. I mean, he's going to take a shit in all the toilets

and not flush it. He's going to smear stuff on mirrors. All the beds will be unmade there'll be dogs feces and piss all over the place i can't imagine there's a you don't put that you don't have to put down a deposit you're not getting a deposit back at the i think you will after donald trump i think that'll be one of the things that you do i think i'd have to enforce that like i think it'll be like yeah they'll have to bring it in they'll go sorry after donald trump you know after the amount the sheer amount of fecal matter that was spread across the white house we are having to introduce a rental deposit and the sad thing is for biden

if biden wins the sad thing is is he'll have inherited that house yeah and also be the first person that's got to put down a deposit. He won't get anything done for the whole month of January because he'll be clearing up stuff. He'll have to get a deep clean done on the place. And also what I do feel for Biden is I don't know if he's got a lot of cash wrapped around him. I don't know how he is because it's going to be a big old deposit on a gaff like that.

Yeah, I mean, I guess what would happen if you didn't have enough money for the deposit, then you can't become president. Yeah, yeah. Or you've just got to live in sort of like a house that's by your means and travelling to work every day. It's so dignifying. How are you getting on, Joe?

I've nearly saved enough money so I can live in the White House. Do you find that the three and a half hour round trip that you've got to make in and out of the White House isn't affecting your job at all? Driving every day from Delaware. See you tomorrow, Joe. Oh, there's

days I just think, was this all worth it? I best leave because I won't get home until seven. Joe's working so hard he leaves the leaves the house at 4.30am. He's just lying in a big comfy bed. Poor bastard. Poor Joe.

Did you ever have a job where you had to get up early in the morning? Yeah, I had that job for fucking years. That was my whole life. How early did you have to get up for scaffolding? It depends. If you're working in London, usually I'd be up for 5am to be in for 7. 5am?

Every day? Yeah, like six days a week. You'd have to get into town, be in there, get a bit of breakfast. I'd be up early. Early bird, mate. So what time would you finish? I'd usually be in the pub by 3 o'clock.

3 o'clock? Yeah. Okay. So when you tell the first part, I'm thinking, oh, thisclock. Three o'clock? Yeah. Okay, that's where, okay. So when you tell the first part, I'm thinking, oh, this poor bastard, he's really grafted to get where he's got to. This fucking prick's got a shorter day than teachers that don't give a shit. That's with a two-hour lunch as well.

What time would you be going to bed if you got a five o'clock start? Well, it depends how long I spend in the pub. Usually about, yeah, nine-ish, ten-ish. Nine-ish? Yeah. As an adult, nine o'clock bedtime as an adult. Yeah, but I'd have had a few pints in me by then. Yeah. By that, I mean I'd fall asleep on the sofa probably.

Were you with Catherine then? No, no, no, no, no. I think the sad indication would be that every day I was in the pub at three o'clock drinking with a bunch of other losers. You know what? I realized that sort of, you know, like when you're on a tube, right? And someone on the tube smells of BO.

And there was a time in my life where I used to look around and go, it's not me. But at least nine to 10 people out of the 40 that are on here think it's me. Just by proxy. They're looking at me like someone stinks on this fucking tube and it's definitely that big sweaty guy and it's horrible that isn't it i'm so hygienic when it comes to that sort of stuff i've always found like i always find that a bit get a bit worried when like if i've had a curry i remember when i was a teacher we used to go i used to to, there's a pub just down the road from the school

and I'd go and have a few pints and a few mates of mine that worked in town, like the pub was right by the train station. Yeah. So they'd come back from London, meet me in the pub and then like the night we'd go on from there on a Friday, right?

Yeah. And occasionally we'd go for a curry and you become aware, and then you go to a bar after that. If you're a white guy. You go to a bar after that if you're a white guy bar after a curry yeah it was really bad it's really i mean i love her to death right and and me and you are very much alike when it comes to our lack of fucking prowess when it comes to to the ladies before we did this for a career right well not before we were both married but the fact is right

i've always felt that that is your genuinely i can't think of anyone I enjoy spending time with more than you. You're a brilliant guy to chat to. But the fact that I felt sorry for you because I've gone, oh, he's on a plateau with me here. But then you had a, the sad indication is that my life, I never had a fucking, I would have a curry within a week of going out to fucking the Iser Bar or Zoot's.

But fuck me, you were going out to a bar. I mean, what were you thinking? I don't know. And do you know what the saddest thing about it is? Is that if you, Tom, had a curry and then went to a bar, somebody would come up to you and go, oh, he must have

had a curry earlier. Whereas if I have a curry and go to a bar, people walk past and think oh, they do smell like that. It's just a nudge. It's just a nudge. We've all been for one year, prick. Oh, God.

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Oh my god A guy over there Who stinks of coke Yeah he's with that big guy Who stinks a bit Are they over there In that crowd No no no

They're just over there In the corner With no one else around them The fucking horde of barflies Who find it easier To fucking latch Onto those two smelly oafs rather than a fucking stinky beer and a cheesy toilet uh but that was a mistake that was a

mistake it was an absolute how many times did you do it quite a few i didn't do it a lot because because i remember like after the first time of doing it the other problem with having a car is you feel so uncomfortable yeah it's incredible but i wouldn't be able to go to a bar i mean i can't even go to a bar after fucking i genuinely couldn't go to a bar now after nine o'clock no to socialize now it's bad isn't it i've had things where well you were there at one when we went to that sky event oh yeah right so i was quite tired and i think i was on a bit of uh you know mentally I wasn't in a good place and so we had to go to this

Sky event and you know every year they do this thing where you talk about the shows that are coming out and you know it's a bit of a press launch for it so you and I were there to talk about Road Trip and League and your show with Jamie

and I just couldn't I mean you even noticed it didn't you it was like I couldn't fucking I was actually doing the show's damage as a result of my behaviour at that event

I find those really difficult like I actually genuinely enjoyed your company that night because you're probably the funniest person I know when you what in that right i found that i find those really difficult like you i actually genuinely enjoyed your company that night because you're probably the funniest person i know when you're in that state because you hate everything in the world and neither of us were drinking and everyone else was right no yeah but but you know the person i respected most out of everything right was harry harry redknapp was there with sandra and they told him they did that tv bullshit thing of going, oh, no, don't worry about it.

You'll be out of there by half eight, nine o'clock. Yeah. Nine o'clock came. Harry went, I'm going. And I went, we haven't done a bit for everyone. They said 8.30, nine o'clock. I've got a table booked at Scott's. Come on, son.

See you at that big tea. Walked out. I was like, oh, my God. Incredible. Not like with any arrogance to it. It was in like, with any like arrogance to it. It was just like, that's what you told me. Whereas me and you are a pair of losers.

Just like, literally I've gone, oh, what shows are we going to do last? So I'll do the ones with Rob and Tom. They'll stay around. Yeah. Yeah.

It's so funny, isn't it? You're absolutely right. There is no way, I don't know how late that would have had to have gone for me to actually said something. Do you know what I mean? Mate, I'm so like, I could be in a restaurant and someone could come out and there could be fucking pubic hairs in my food and fucking dead flies in it.

And I'd slag it off to my wife or you, whoever I'm sitting with. And when the waiter comes over and goes, is the food all right? I go, yes, lovely. That's lovely. And I know for a fact that the fucking waiter's going to go to the chef and go, you're right, he swallowed it. He's eating it. Like the big fucking loser he is.

Because I've got no, I haven't got that thing to just go, this is disgusting. I know. What about on the phone, though? Are you better on the phone? Oh, yeah, on the phone I can be quiet. I love a complaint on the phone. Or an email complaint I get pretty self-righteous.

Do you know how the hierarchy works for phone complaining? How the what works hierarchy the hierarchy yeah the hierarchy yeah the hierarchy is that yeah hierarchy okay good yeah so you say it correctly every six times do you is that is that your ratio so hierarchy hierarchy hierarchy what so here we go you got a word that they're throwing in an extra letter and it makes it harder to say hierarchy i don't think it does i don't think it makes it hard for you to say you're just not you're not saying it hierarchy yeah but hierarchy hierarchy sounds like a type of trainer or a moving street fighter it rolls off the tongue

nice hierarchy hierarchy no how does the hierarchy work go on so you have you i think it is i think it's a london essex accent is that sort of like average for just the average phone calls right right if someone's caught um calling up and they don't like there's a little bit of empathy needed they'll use a scottish but like edinburgh or newcastle to calm the person and be quite sweet to them um and then if it's someone with a complaint and they need someone to go toe to toe with that person and be quite abrasive and put them in their place they go northern irish or scouser what are you talking about that is that's how it works within the call centers so what if

you work at a call center you've got to have what six or seven accents at your disposal no you're not sitting there like Matt Lucas just banging off banging off accent after accent it's like what do I need for this job I will obviously you've got to be good with people plus you must literally be fucking Alistair McGowan when it comes

to fucking accents they'll have different people for it fucking Alistair McGowan when it comes to fucking accents. They'll have different people for it. Oh, I see. You answer the phone and say you're there and you're like, all right, hello, I'm just phoning up

because I want to bloody complain about my Scottish sports package. I'm not able to watch the cricket or the golf or whatever. And the bloke's going, all right, yeah. And he's like, oh, this bloke I can deal with.

And you're like, I'm really annoyed by it, and they're like, right, I'll push this up to Luke up in Edinburgh if he thinks you can be calmed down. Luke comes on the phone,

he's like, hey, how are you there, Rummish, Mr. Ranganathan, how are you today, and all that, and then you're like,

well, yeah, I'm bloody pissed off and annoyed with my Skyport sports package, right, and then they're like, oh, there's no calming him down.

But then they pass you over to Belfast and it's like, you heard them, I started ringing Ethan, what's your problem today? Okay. There's quite a lot to pick out from that absolute fucking shooing you gave me there. In that little example.

That's true. There's quite a bit there first of all the voice the voice by the way which evolved as you sort of warmed to your theme and started enjoying what you were doing so there's that to deal with

there's also the fact that I was complaining about Sky Sports Package you made the very deliberate decision to have me complain about cricket and golf because football would have

made me too interesting in your eyes. There's so many little levers going on in that horrible fucking mind of yours. Who told you that? Someone I met at a bar once who worked within the call center for it was it's top secret no one else knows about it but right it's a bit of like

knowledge to ban so now you know if you're on the phone and you're complaining about saying like your phone contract and you're you're like oh hello it's from a friend of nathan here um i've realized that you know i need more bandwidth on my phone. They're basically going to... You now know if the guy answers and is like, hey there, Mr Ranganathan, you know that they've seen that your voice in your manner is a bit that you're being aggressive

and they've sent you to Belfast. Okay, interesting. That's a nice thing. So now anybody from Northernland that happens to take a call is going to get a load of shit now because the other person's going to assume that they've been deemed an aggressive call no the best thing to do is then tempt yourself calm yourself down work yourself slowly down the ladder till you find yourself with someone from edinburgh and then you know that you're okay okay okay now you've done a little bit of embellishing now.

I don't think that what then happens is you work your way down to an Edinburgh person. So you're calm enough now to talk to somebody from Woking. Mate, you know the absolute king one? You get someone from Wales. Why is that the king one? Oh, the Welsh are so... Oh, hello, Mr. Ranganathan. Why is that the king? The Welsh are so... Oh, hello, Mr. Ranganathan.

It's jolly, it's fun. So that's the one where they go, oh, he deserves a bit of special treatment here. We're going to put him on to Quinn over in Wales. Oh, hello there, Mr. Ranganathan. I'm so glad to have you as one of our customers. You'd make quite a good Welshman, you know that? Yeah, that's my dream.

Do you work on your accents? Because one of the things I've noticed is not only, you slip into them quite easily, don't you? The Scottish and the Northern Irish weren't my best, if I'm honest.

But I pride myself. The Welsh one, do you know what? I love the Welsh. Oh, hello. Hello, Mr. Davis. That's good. Yeah?

That's good, yeah. Okay. You know, the hardest accent to do is Geordie. That's the one I really good yeah okay you know the hardest accent to do is Geordie that's the one I really oh you're oh you're busted you're

you're I'm busted right Tom this morning I put out a request for problems, if anyone's got any problems. Most of them are awful. Yeah. Can I just say, what I think people would really, I think if you can come to us with your real problems,

me and Romesh can really help you. Yeah, exactly, yeah. So I don't know. There's a few, uh, there's a few, um, okay.

How to deal with it. Really? Just as a little tip going forward, specifics are good for these. All right. So this is quite a general vague one. All right. Uh,

do you have any idea? This is from Lan right do you have any idea how to deal with annoying co-workers oh wow well i've actually been working with quite an irritating co-worker for the last week um here we go this is what an incredible speed of thought there to turn this into yet another attack on me also i wasn't talking about you you're an amazing co-worker but you know that does show quite how your mind works that you thought it was about you um it was i'd never say you you're a dream to work with uh i won't name the person i think we both know who it is um um it's it's a it is a difficult thing to deal with number one i don't know what the problem

is that you're you're saying it like so so in a genuine like how i deal with an annoying co-worker is quite often i'll speak to romesh who's also a co-worker and we will talk about said person um i think i think yeah but i don't think i don't think that's I don't think that's a solution. I don't think that's good. No, no, but you know what? When you say we talk about that person, you're implying that we sort of sit together and put our heads

together for some sort of problem. What we do is we absolutely slag that person off. Yeah, well... But that doesn't solve the problem. There's a lot of worth in doing that because you actually vent why? well you vent don't you

and through venting you get a lot of the shit out and then you actually go oh you know I can tolerate another four hours with that person I think it's important to vent do you not think

it's slightly bad for your soul? does that worry you at all? what bitching people about people? yeah I think if you i'd always try to say to someone's face what i'd say but you even said to me the other day it's not when i did say so yeah you look without getting into specifics you said something

brutal to somebody but it's what i i'd say that to their face and I'd say that by the, so I believe that I was like, you know, I'll say it to your face. And that's why I think that it's important to do that. But I mean, it depends. Not everyone is, is able to do that.

Right. I mean, we don't know what the problem is here. This is why people need to be a little bit more. Yeah. What I would say is, look, what I would say is depending on, what I would say is, depending on...

If they're talking about annoying, as in you've got to work with this person, annoying people don't often know they're annoying. No. Do you know what I mean? So I think, you know, what you want to do is you want to say to that person, don't you?

You want to say, look, I know you think you're funny. I know you think you're sort of, you know, when you're working the room and being centre of attention because it's your show and you think you're being sort of funny and kind of you consider that to be you kind of uh holding court what you're actually doing is being i guess bullying and brash oh and actually it hasn't and it actually has a negative effect on the set

on the workplace you prick you're so happy with yourself you generally do you know what you look like there you know you see like winnie the pooh and he's getting closer and closer to the fucking hell you look what you look like winnie the pooh just closing in on some honey you look like Winnie the Pooh just closing in on some honey little yogi bear do you know what's so sad about that is that I'm actually just sort of delighted you didn't call me Eeyore

I called you Eeyore the other day and I know it was a kick I will just say one thing actually about when you talk about co-workers and people who say something to their people I remember back in the day when I was working on the sites and I was working with a guy and I will name him because he won't listen to this

he's not that kind of his name was Graham Parker and he had a birthday and he hired a massive area in Wetherspoons for his party for everyone which birthday was this?

it was like his 40th birthday his 40th birthday? yeah yeah he was older than me okay go on so he he basically put out this whole thing.

Everyone had talked about this guy behind his back and bitched about him. He was quite an annoying bloke. I always got an all right with him. I was always quite frank with him. I found him a little bit irritating, but he was all right. That birthday,

only me and a Romanian labourer called Saul turned up. Just two people. And no one else turned up, right? And it was literally the biggest shock of his whole life. He was like, why is no one else here? And me and Saul, who spoke very little English, had to basically tell him that people found him irritating and that, you know, because there's only so many people, oh, you know, he can't make it because he's white, he's got to look after his kids, or he can't make know because there's only so many people oh you know he can't

make it because he's you know he's white he's got to look after his kids or he can't make it because he's doing this he'd invited 45 people so on his birthday yet we sort of had to sort of tell him which yeah it was pretty heartbreaking only got small amounts of time but want big amounts of flavor canora has got you our new Knorr rice cups deliver all the tastes without the prep or wait time. We're talking yummy, creamy, hearty goodness. Choose from loads of delicious, more-ish flavors ready in only two and a half minutes.

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Order up for Rebelsis. You know, there's a podcast called How Did This Get Made? dot ca order up for Rebelsis you know there's a podcast called how did this get made and they're talking about deep blue sea do you know deep blue sea it's a deep blue seas film with these mutated

sharks and they're trying to use it to cure dementia and one of the things that this the the woman that's done, you know, these sharks like go rogue and start killing everyone. And one of the things the woman, the main woman in it says to justify what she's doing is,

she says, do you know what it's like to have to tell your father every day that her wife is dead? And one of the guys in the podcast made the point, you know, don't, why do you keep telling him? You know, why do you keep telling him? The reason I bring that up is that you decided,

and listen, I'm all for honesty, but you decided on this guy's birth, you didn't, you didn't, you didn't, it didn't occur to you to make the excuses today. And then maybe a few,

in a few days time, go to him, look, look mate this is a situation is it on his birthday so so just he's invited 45 people he's hired out of weatherspoons the the mechanics the the underlying thing behind the weatherspoons he wasn't keiko right he'd ordered like yeah he'd hired like he'd hired out an area reserved an area of Wetherspoons he's invited 45 people yeah right

two people have turned up right yeah who was the other guy Saul the Romanian he was a Romanian labourer

right okay to be fair even he said which was after the guy was like why hasn't no one turned up and I

I basically told him what my where I thought it was at so just turned around went is there going to be a buffet oh no it's just yeah it was funny in a way but only that yeah that little worse because i was the only one who laughed so then you well there's only two other there's only two people ready to laugh at him there and so then you did you tell him at the weather spoons yeah yeah i mean I I couldn't what was I supposed to do

like he said where's everyone else you know what's happened where is everyone so that's the way you're saying that by the way

he sounds quite distraught and then you went I'll tell you where everyone is nobody likes you I didn't do it you're such a prick I didn't do it as brutal as that

I was like let me get a pint let me get a pint, is there a tab? is that what you said? he actually genuinely had a tab he was like he genuinely went I was like let me get a pint and he said

there's some money behind the bar but go easy go easy on it. I was like don't worry mate even if you put £20,000 on the bar I don't think we're going to get it. Hold on a second a guy who was expecting 45 people receives two

and then tells those people to go easy at the bar. I mean you had a fucking result This is what I'm saying about him being annoying though because he gives you one hand and he takes you the other. So I went and got the pint, right? So as I remember it now, he basically turns to me and was like, you know, go to the bar, there's some money behind the bar. And then Saul was like, can you grab me like a beer as well?

And I got Graham a drink. And I went, so even when I went to the bar and I said to the barmaid, oh, I'm here with the party. And she laughed and she went, oh, he has got got like he's been here for a couple of that like an hour or so and no one else has turned up type thing they all thought he was lying about his party so you were an hour late this is why this i put myself in this position where i probably should never have told this story i was just trying to give some scope to someone and help out so then i went back to him with the three drinks. I was like, thank you very much.

Happy birthday. And then he was like, where the bloody hell is everyone? You know, can you text some people? And this is before I had a phone contract. I only had a pay-as-you-go. And I was like, you know. Try not to make this story about you. There's a man here who's having a terrible birthday, Tom.

And then I said to him, oh, you know, I don't think many other people are coming. And he said, oh, oh, yeah, I don't think many other people are coming. And he said, oh, what? Really? Why? And I was like, well, I think people, you know, you tend to get on the wrong side of people and you've, I think, upset a couple of people who weren't with you. I think the consensus was that, you know,

not a lot of people are even going to come. So I sort of think just enjoy the people who are here. Oh, you know, actually, here's one. James DeFron turned up. He came to the party. Did he? Yeah, yeah.

Ask him about the story. James DeFron came not knowing who Graham Parker was because I texted and said, I'm at this birthday, mate. No one else is here. It's free drink. Oh, my God.

James, bless his heart, came down. So James heard tell of somebody's birthday party that's been under-attended so there's drinks behind the bar and he, what, changed his plans

to come to this pub for the birthday of a guy he doesn't know. It was on a Thursday night and to be fair to James, I said, look, this is really horrible. He worked in London. I said, look, this is really horrible. He worked in London. I said, look, you know, the guys had this party. It was up near the West End type thing. I said, look, if you're around, it would really mean a lot if you could pop in

because no one else has turned up. What would it mean? Hold on. Why would it mean a lot? Just another face would be there. And Graham was. No, but Graham's not going to go, oh, Tom's invited a stranger. He was.

I feel really. I feel a little better. He was over the moon when James turned up. He genuinely was so like, oh, Tom's invited a stranger. He was actually... I feel really... I feel loads better. I remember when James turned up. He genuinely was so like, oh, wow, fucking hell. You know, hello, mate. You know, get a drink. There's sort of a bit of money behind the bar still. Yeah. And then we had some...

Do you know when they used to do those, like, tasteless sort of comic relief things where, like, they'd send celebrities out to these villages and stuff like that yeah and the villages would look so happy when these people turned up right they'd be so delighted but that doesn't mean that they're having a nice life that that is that is that it's so terrible that any sort of glimmer of positivity they sort of latch on to right that is what like duncan from blue turns up... It just breaks at respite for fucking 25 seconds.

That doesn't mean that what's happening is great. What that means is it's a break from... That is what James DeFron was to that guy. He's not genuinely happy. He's just like, oh my god. I'm in a pub with two people at my birthday party and table settings

for 45 and a buffet for 45 the worst the saddest thing is we were standing there by this time james had arrived and we'd had a few more beers and we'd sort of like had some onion rings and but um breaded mushrooms and breaded mushrooms and then people started just walking over to the buffet and they were like alright mate just grab a slider or whatever oh my god he was like yeah go on

it's going to get thrown away otherwise and then Saul took quite a lot of it home with him wow that's a really sad story he used to do an annoying thing though a double clink for the man who bought the drink Graham he did this annoying thing though, a double clink for the man who bought the drink. Graham, he did this thing where he'd go, a double clink for the man who bought the drink. So he'd clink the top of your glass.

Listen, I don't think double clink for the man who bought the drink warrants 43 people not turning up to his birthday. That feels like a disproportionate punishment for saying double clink for the guy who bought the drink. Oh, man. I feel for him now. I wish I could tell back in time. Yeah.

So, yeah, in a short answer to your question, how to deal with co-workers, just, yeah, I have no advice on that at all. Okay, do you want to do one more yeah let's do one more okay I have an exam next Tuesday

this is from KGO Karni30 right these are Instagram handles yeah I have an exam

next Tuesday and I'm woefully underprepared for it we don't know what level the exam is I mean I'm a little bit worried that your following's quite young if it's... What do you mean?

Well, it's a bit like if they're just doing their GCSEs. Why are you worried? I'm not fucking everyone that follows me on Instagram. What a fucking... Literally, like, that was a tiny little tick at you and you literally came back with a fucking haymaker. Fucking everybody who follows me on Instagram, mate. How to deal with such a thing?

Look, if I'm going to be honest with you, I didn't prepare for any of my exams. Are you one of these pricks that on GCSE results day or A-level results day, you post up a thing on social media going, hey, anybody that's worried about their results, don't worry. I did get a single GCSE and look where I'm at. Are you one of those?

Mate, I'll tell you, every every bit I do of you that's literally you've come back I know where you've been through fucking the first two days of lockdown working on that impression getting out

oh god anyway what were you going to go on to say before I hijacked it no number one I've never put it on any of my social media outlets actually I probably have actually

feels like the sort of thing you would do in a positive way I mean you like to help don't you I mean that as a compliment but also genuinely if I was to do it all over again I wish I'd paid a bit more attention and been a bit better at school. I think there's a lot to be said about it.

But I also get the fact that not everyone's going to be academic. And I think a lot of it's just bullshit stuff anyway that you're never going to use. I was even thinking, when do you even count up to 100 in life? Well, after you're done with hide and seek, when do you even count up to 100 in life well after you you're done with hide and seek when do you even count up to 100 tom the reason that you know the numbers one to 100 is not so that you can count to it on request it's so that you know how many things of a thing there are yeah yeah but after right okay if you can't if you can't count up to 100 if you saw 43 things

you would have no idea how many you get that right you don't yeah yeah i get that you're not learning you're not learning the numbers one to 100 so that you can count on demand from one to 100 what i mean by that right is after 100 i've by the way I've heard examples of this argument a lot because I was a maths teacher right yeah

and I've heard I've heard people say when do you really need to when in your life have you ever had to find out what x is when in your life have you ever really had to find out

how long the hypotenuse is of anything you've been asking me two questions I'd love the answer to yeah yeah yeah sure they're valid

arguments about the maths curriculum. What I have never heard is when in your life have you had to count from one to a hundred as an example of a flaw in the maths curriculum? But you know what I'm saying though, yeah? Yeah, I know what you're saying. Yeah, I know what you're saying. Yeah, I know what you're saying, yeah. It's wrong is what I'm saying to you.

But there's just a lot of numbers to get your head around. Sure, right, okay. How many things do you actually need? Do you know what I mean? What do you mean, how many things do you need? Well, like, you go, I've got 50 trainers, right? Yeah. But seldom do you get into the thousands or the 500s.

Sure. I think there should be a level of stuff. So what, you think kids should know up to what, what number, where would you draw the line at? What's the maximum number? I think if we,

if, no, I just think everything in life went up to 500, it'd be easier. If everything in life went up to 500, I just, I just think sometimes. So what would you, so what was hold on so you've got

i assume that you've had more than 500 pounds in your bank account in the yeah yeah but no yeah so what i'd go is if say so what happens then what happens then yeah but then i'd just go i've got four or five hundreds in my bank if i had two grand in my bank i've got four or five hundred and you think that's easier dear than saying two than saying 2,000? I just think it's different. No, I've got 7,500. How much is that? What? 3,000.

You see what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe they've had it right. I'm not saying they've had it right. No, maybe they have. They've asked me a question about what we should do about exams. And there's a few things that I just want to look

again it depends on subject when it comes to maths you're not going to be able to cram English you're going to I think history

you can cram quite a lot in geography just pick a few places that mean dread you know what I'm going to say this is my advice right is prepare as best as you can

in this scenario this is one place where you're probably better to give advice right is prepare you're probably in this scenario this is one place where you're probably better to give advice one place what have you listened to the wolf and our podcast yeah they do this advice stuff just so you know if you've got a question on anything apart from maths and teaching tom's the one to go to but in that very specific niche thing of preparing for a maths exam that's when Romesh comes into his own do you know what I would say to that person prepare as best you can and if you fail

that is for the best it's never make or break you'll always be able to re- for the best. You know what I mean? Like it's never make or break. Do you know what I mean? You'll always be able to resit it. And, and you know what, if you, if you, if you fail it,

you didn't know it well enough. You know, that's what exams are for. People get too much, they get too pressured into like thinking, I've got to fucking smash this exam. You do, you should smash that exam if you know it.

If you don't, that's just how it is. Do you know what I mean? Exams cause too much stress. I think what you're trying to say is if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again. Yeah, I suppose so, yeah. If you want to sort of put a real kind of sort of quaint button on it,

then yeah, I suppose so. A quaint button? That'd be a cool T-shirt, I think, to go. If I was going to wear any T-shirts at an exam, that's what I'd wear. You'd wear a T-shirt to an exam that says, I'd wear what you'd wear a t-shirt to an exam that says if at first you don't succeed try try try again

yeah because I think the teachers would look at look at you like you know in those American movies I'd walk in I'd sit down at my desk

and the teacher would look at her and goes where's Davis and then he'd look at the back and he'd see my t-shirt oh he's the only guy not wearing uniform

he's wearing a t-shirt that he'd go... Oh, he's the only guy not wearing uniform. He's wearing a t-shirt that he's had made with a fucking ridiculous slogan on it. I think the teacher would look at you because in his head he thinks you're going to fail the maths exam and then he'd just nod. Yeah, I'm there. And that's how I deal with exams. Yeah, well, good to know.

Good to know. Tom. It's about that time, brother. Can you please, Good to know. Good to know. Tom. Yo. It's about that time, brother. Can you please, in your own inimitable style, take us out? Listen, life is a roller coaster. It's going to be full of ups and downs. Sometimes you're at the top of the roller coaster looking down upon the earth and you might look next to you and see an annoying co-worker or a friend

that you've never been honest with maybe that's the time to tell them what other people are thinking maybe that's the time for true honesty when you know that not only the roller coaster is going to go down but also this person's feelings are also going to go down because as soon as the roller coaster bottoms out it's only going to go back up again. And hopefully that will pick their spirits up. And that's how to look at life. Sometimes you're going to feel up. Sometimes you're going to feel down.

Don't revel in the lows and don't look always to the highs. Try and get a plateau of serenity that is the middle ground. And that is my lesson for today. That's really good. Was any part of you regret going going with the rollercoaster thing? Yeah, almost instantly. I completely regretted using the rollercoaster.

Very much like an actual rollercoaster. Once you're in a, once you're breaking down a situation when you're on a rollercoaster, there's no way off it

really. You've got to go with the rollercoaster. Sure. Yeah, analogy. What a beautiful... And for those of you that don't know,

Tom is a massive Ronan Keating fan, so that's kind of where that's come from. I love my Irish boy bands. Tom Davis. Yow. Been a pleasure. Robyn Schrager Nathan. It's been an absolute dream.

I've been the owl. I've been the wolf, baby. See you next time. Bye-bye. Yeah. Bye-bye. off baby see you next time bye bye yeah