Wolf and Owl - Episode 13

Episode Date: February 24, 2021

We’re talking… keeping up with the cool kids, when to help out a stranger (or not), sweet souls, man-bags and Mulberry handbags, and traumatic encounters with tradesmen. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear is a huff, a puff and a... Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping, impressive in it, the death bringing, it's

head spinning, just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Welcome to the Wolf and Owl Podcast, Rubbish Ragnarok and Tom Davis inside the ride. This one, for the bit about why. Yes, yes. A little bit of a history lesson for you in here.

Wolf on Owl. How we do? Yes. Easy. Nice for the girls inside. You remind me so much of Tim Westwood. You cut that line.

I would pay, right? Nothing more. Genuinely, right? You know, this would be like my bucket list I would pay right nothing more genuinely right you know like this would be like my bucket list would

would be to see you and Tim Westwood like go on holiday together to Vegas and have the whole thing filmed and I could just

sort of sit there and watch it in my hospital bed there is I don't want to get sued now but there's well first of all i've got a bit of a problem with westwood i'm gonna say it now i mean i don't know if this is no i haven't

got a personal problem with westwood um but he um he's basically been quite disrespectful about rodney p who's like one of the one of uk hip-hop's fucking stalwarts and like westwood you know westwood's like listen i'm gonna say this now and i don't even know why we're talking i don't know why i'm talking about this in this level of detail on the wall for now this is a this is more of a hip-hop save my life chat am i right guys but i like that i can cross over yeah fine so uh i mean we won't be talking about shit for ages on hip-hop save my life though that's the only difference i would say um i was just thinking that he's just sort of like one of those guys who's trying to stay young and cool there's a time and we've been you've talked about this like

the time you've got to let that go and you have to just go i can't be that person anymore tom i know i know you're saying that, and I understand where you're coming from, but neither you nor I have done that. I mean, can I just... No, no, no. But also, Tim Westwood's got like 10 or 15 years on us. Yeah, sure. But what I would say is, you and I, in terms of letting go of trying to be cool, right,

in terms of moving on to where our ages are, bear it in mind, let me remind you that I'm only a year older than you, right? You and I are not good at that. First of all, look at how we dress. Look at how much money we spend on trainers. Look at the fact that both of us wear caps, right? We both spend loads of money on trainers. I do think you and I have got... I wouldn't say it's a problem.

I love that about us, Tom. I love that about us, but it's not good. No, but let me just say this, yeah? And I don't want to get any beef on the show. And I don't want that at all. But Tim Westwood dresses younger than we dress now. And he's got to be a buck old 70. He's in his 60s.

Yeah. So, yeah, there we go. Anyway look tim westwood we like you okay we've got respect for the man that brought hip-hop to the uk all right tom i i i've like i've just come off of doing the ranganation and i did a bit of filming today and i'm tired and i've had a Red Bull to compensate, but now I feel like it's slightly taken me the other way. Can you tell at all? Do you feel giddy? I just feel a little bit hyper.

Do you know what I mean? I already regret the sort of Garage MC intro. I regret what I've said about Tim Westwood. All of that I'm going to have to sort of spend the next couple of days thinking about whether I want to be kept in the edit. We've been recording for five minutes. We've been recording for five minutes.

I'm pretty sure that three and a half minutes of it is unusable so far. The trouble with you, right, is you get so fucking, like your panties all fucking up your butthole. I mean, look, I'll baseline with you because i did have an espresso before this i've had a long week for your pain brother um so yeah do you know do you know the thing right this is i'm just gonna drop this so we get a lot of great people messages on the basis of this show right you? You're going to, this is going to be something that you nail me for. So I had a guy this week who sort of messaged me

and he was very sweet and he was like, you know, I love the podcast, everything, so he enjoyed it. And then he said, look, can you give me some advice about acting? I'd like to get into the world of acting.

And I was like, yeah, cool. So first of all, sorry, by the way, not by the way, how did he contact you? Instagram messages. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Okay, not by the way, how did he contact you? Instagram messages. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Okay, carry on.

Yeah. So I said, oh, you know, we do talk about it in one of the podcasts. If you've been listening that much, you'd have heard that. But also, yeah, I was just like, look, here's some organizations that you could contact. And, you know, I'll tell you what, I came in came in like romesh did in a bit of an unorthodox way we've not trained as actors but i could what i could do is i could reach out to some of the people i've worked with over the years or friends and maybe that i can get some advice and i can help you out right so this is two days ago okay right over two days i've had 13 messages what's

going on with this are you still able to help hey Hey, mate, I've just woken up. I'm really keen to get this. What, 13 messages, right? Now, I messaged him after message seven saying, mate, it's a pandemic. Some people are a bit slow getting back. I've got other things going on at the moment. I will get back to you as soon as I can.

But genuinely, I'm not here for career advice like genuinely like do what i did and google you you've got more you know ability to google stuff um i said look into the poor school right which is an amazing drama school and he went to poor school i've never heard of it i'll fucking google it like 13 messages and finally i just today said look man i don't think i can help you and this is what i want to throw out this is my point to it all is i don't think that i like i do this quite a lot where i'm actually i'm quite genuine i'm quite you know i can help you out or yeah i'll do a video for your uncle or whatever and then that opens up a load of stuff where i just tend

to get like message after message and then they people get really aggressive and really like, do you have that? Do you? I know the answer to this. It's not that I want to fucking ask it. Do you ever get this? Can I just say something? I mean, it's absolutely got,

I've got fucking zero sympathy for you now. I'm just going to tell you that now. Right now, listen, you're a lovely bloke. Okay. You are a lovely bloke okay you are a lovely bloke one of the nicest hearts of anyone i know right love you to bits and that is the reason that you replied to this guy but i don't know how many times i have to tell you don't fucking do it okay

because what what's happened now you've got no idea how people are going to respond to your offer for help, right? Okay, there's so many ways that can be misinterpreted. You're a busy bloke, right? We barely are able to fit this in, all right? And then you're fucking taking on new projects, all right? No, I just think it's like... And you don't know how people are going to react to what you say. Some people might go, and listen, I've replied to messages in the past

where somebody said, could you do this for me, right? And I've gone, yeah, sure, and I've done it. And they've gone, fucking hell, never expected you to reply. Thank you so much for doing that. And I go, no problem. And that's the end of our interaction. Great. But for every one of those, you get somebody that messages you,

asks you for a favour, you do that, then they ask you for a favor you do that then they ask for another favor you do that then they ask for another favor and you stop replying because they're messaging all the time and then they get pissed off of you it happens so many times man like and so like and i'm not blaming people for doing this it's just as soon as you open up that thing it just leads to potential misunderstandings like Look, let's give that guy the benefit of the doubt here, right? Let's imagine he's got in touch with you. You're a role model, okay? Whether you like it or not, whether you accept that mantle or not,

you are a role model, right? One of the most talented comic actors in the country, okay? He's got in touch with you and you've replied amazing right he must be buzzing his tits off okay now you've got to combine the fact that he probably doesn't know what he doesn't know anything about the industry doesn't know anything about to get into it and also he doesn't want to lose the fact that he's got your ear or your eye or whatever you want to call it right yeah so he's trying to be enthusiastic and like i'm really keen to do this i'm really keen to do this he might be thinking this is impressing tom like i'm showing

i've got a bit of hustle about me do you know i mean it's like you know when you hear these like you know being a hip-hop fan he has so many stories about this this guy going i just stood outside of jay-z studios and i rap every day I was rapping when he came out. I was rapping when he came out. Now, to some people, that's initiative and determination. To other people, that's harassment. So that's what I'm saying. The guy's probably thinking he's coming at it from a right place. What you've done is you always reply to people

and you create yourself problems. This is something you could have completely avoided by just putting in your... But I wanted to help the guy. Sure. I looked at him and thought, you know what? Sure. This guy looks like...

And I thought, a little bit of advice here. He'll say thanks. I've nodded him in the best place to possibly go and train as an actor. Yeah. By the way, this isn't something that just happens online. I do this in real life as well I've been out in the pub and someone's asked me

for advice and I've ended up having or come up to chat and I've ended up in a situation where I'm trying to help someone out or trying to, in the end I think look that is a testament to what a lovely bloke you are I don't know if I could do that

I don't know if I could be yeah I just don't know if I could do that I guess I'm not as nice a bloke you are uh i i don't know if i could do that i don't i don't know if i could be oh yeah i just don't know if i could do that i guess i'm not as nice a bloke because of this guy yeah but i don't think i don't think it's necessary it's just i'd look at and think well he looks like probably me but now i actually i've questioned that i've got to say it's made me question it i've gone like the sheer amount of right you know and in what's this week been quite a trying week. I've been busy. There's been a lot going on, like both professionally and personally to then get like,

you know, I'm like, I'm getting more messages off you than I am off certain family members who are going through shit. Like, and I can't deal with that stuff. So what you're expecting from me, I don't know. I've already said, look, man, do this, do this, and best of luck.

And if I can help you further down the line, I can send you some advice and send you some people to talk to. But it has made me question it. I've now got a thought, actually, and the frustrating thing is me and you have had this conversation in our friendship probably about five times no but you know what do you know what can i say so i i'm not going to give you a hard time right because actually it's not like this is coming from a bad place it's coming from a good

place you you're a nice bloke that's why you're doing it the only thing i would say is i am i am and i'm sort of conscious of the fact I'm coming across as an asshole here. I am happy to help people if they want to know how to get into standup, if they want to know how to. Yeah. I think, you know, I've,

I've got stories as long as my arm about amazing stuff when I've been in your presence and you know, how you, I think actually when you're with you as a person and people come to chat to you, I've seen you give advice. I've seen you being amazing. And, you know, so, yeah, I think you're doing yourself a bit of a misjudgment by saying it.

Yeah. But what I would say is I think, mate, I think you've got to keep that shit on the public forum. Right. For example, I do Facebook lives and stuff. And sometimes I'll say to people, ask me any questions you want. Right. And people will say how did you get into stand-up or you know how'd you do this what's the advice for that and i'll answer

it there i just think it's different when you take it to a private you you don't you just can't predict how people are going to react do you mean and and yeah and and i had it mate i've had messages where um i had a message where you just don't know how people can be i had a thing where i saw an instagram message right and it started off like this right and i hadn't replied at all i just stumbled upon a series of messages first message hey man big fan um just want to say love all your stuff something along these lines could you do a video for my mate Pete saying, hey, fat Pete, you dickhead, from Romesh, right? Obviously, I didn't reply to that. Next message.

Hey, man, you might not have got around to reading this yet, but I'd love you if you could do this video message for my mate Pete. Next message. No replies from me. Next message. Just wondering when you're going to get back to me about this video. It'd be like it'd really make him happy. No reply.

Next message. Wow. Wow. Can't believe that a fan's got in touch with you and you can't be bothered to get in touch. That really says a lot about you. No reply. Next message.

Right. This is the first message I'm seeing now. I've seen the whole group go down. I am telling all of my friends and everyone I know to not engage with anything you do. I mean, your attitude is absolutely disgusting. Someone who supports you

has got in touch with you and even have got the decency to get him back in touch. Like, just fucking, like, rinsing me. You just can't... You can't predict how people are going to react, man. So, like...

Nah. It's a wild one. I mean, let me just... By the way, I want to do a big shout-out to someone who did get in touch this week and called me the greta thunberg of uh tracksuit bombs um okay so why are you the greta thunberg of tracksuit bombs thunberg it's thunberg well okay look i might have

got it wrong but i'm certainly not going to accept your correction to me go on no because of the zip zip gate yeah and look i think you were probably mentioned in dispatches but um yeah like they were just saying you know hopefully this can be a camp oh look i'm just going to say this and be clear about it let's get the pandemic let's get all of this crap out of the way let's get all this horrible stuff and then let's focus on getting every tracksuit bottom to have zips that's can i ask a question can i ask a question just off the back of this tracksuit thing do you think and i'm happy with whatever answer you give me here do you think i've got more of a kind of an arsehole vibe than you have just generally it's just a red bull huh it's not

i'm just sort of i'm can fly... Do you think... Do you think... I think episodes one to seven, yes, I think probably. And I think since then, people have clocked that up. I endure winding you up. No, because...

No, it's only why. Because you don't see this. I read the emails, all right? And whenever I'm going through the emails, people are so upset about having to... If they disagree with a big old wolf that they love and hug Tom. But as soon as they've got, as soon as they want to disagree with me, they're fucking delighted.

And even when they, even if they do agree with me, it's like, I mean, obviously I'm normally, I'm normally team Tom. I'm wolf all the way. team tom i'm wolf all the way but on this instance i'm absolutely disgusted and i've had to i've thrown up several times before having to say that i agree with romesh on this one so i was wondering if like and also you know if you listen to the actual content of what said tom some of the shit that tom has said to me but it's something about his tone right it's something about his tone in his general kind of voice it's like It's like golden syrup on your porridge. And for that reason, you don't notice that that syrup has got razor blades in it. Yeah, but then you know what it is?

Even when you say really sweet, nice things, right? Which you do quite a lot of the time. It has this sort of like barbed manner about it. In what way? It's like you're putting on silk knickers, but with barbed wire in them. In what way? It's like, it's like you're like putting on silk knickers but with barbed wire in them. They feel nice. It feels quite similar

to my golden suit razor blade thing, but yeah, go on. I love it. no but look you are i'd all clear this up now you haven't got an arsehole right no but i do yeah but you know you've got what you've got you're very sweet i think you're probably one of the sweetest i've said this since i've known you and i still would love to buy you a t-shirt that's like what is it i used to call you a sweet soul yeah right yeah that is the one of the biggest compliments i could play you you're a sweet natured boy you're mean you're sweet natured soul and guys guys just before you carry on with this what what doesn't come across when you're listening to this

is the sort of smug look on Tom's face when he sort of ironically says, I'm a sweet soul. His little face is absolutely beaming right now. No, I'm really enjoying giving a compliment to my friend. Like, genuinely, like, if there was like, if I was going down a shopping aisle, right, and they were

selling sweet-natured souls you would be one of them you know and I'd go oh that one that's nice what would the other

what would some of the other ones be that you know uh Joe Swash right I'd say both him and Stacey Solman

would be sweet-natured souls yeah very sweet-natured souls who has a sweet-natured soul uh I think Davina McCall would be a sweet-n natured soul sweet natured soul I think Davina McCall would be a

sweet natured soul yeah yeah I mean I'll be honest with you it's sort of my fault for sort of asking this really no but

look maybe that could be saying else for you to go through and say look and if you email the show wolf our pod at gmail.com.

Oh, shit, son. He wasn't even reading that. Yeah, go on. And have sweet-natured soul. No, put in the headline, ROMS a sweet-natured soul like, and then put a picture of someone that you think is also sweet-natured soul.

Right. And just send those in. Why would we get a load of pictures sent into a podcast email? What do we do with those? Bearing in mind you don't go for anything else so now I'm going to be sent

a shit ton of pictures that we do what with? What do I do? Then I fucking describe the photographs You can't see what I'm doing. I'm doing a nice thing, right? You're sitting there

in the back of your limousine or your Bentley nice thing, right? You're sitting there in the back of your limousine or your Bentley or whatever, right? You're sitting there, right? You've got your fucking, you know, your Diet Coke and your vegan pork scratch-ins, right? You're sitting there and you're feeling a bit blue and a bit down, thinking everyone thinks you're a butthole, right? Butthole.

And then you get on your iPad, open the Wolf Hour pod at gmail.com, start scrolling down, and it's like, Rom is a sweet soul like, boom, Joe Swash. Rom is a sweet soul like Cliff Richard. Rom is a sweet soul like Shakira.

That's your hot three. That's your hot three. Joe Swash, Cliff Richards, and Shakira. They were just off the top of my head. Oprah Winfrey. Right? You'd be like, oh, my God, wow. I feel better about myself.

Thanks, Tom, for doing this. Then it will go into your brain that actually what I've done is a decent thing. And I've thought about it. How do I cheer my mate up? How do I cheer our rom up? And you'll see those pictures of those people beaming back at you. You open the Bentley, or your chauffeur will open the Bentley when you arrive at your destination. You'll get out and someone was like, oh, bloody hell.

I was, you know, I was walking around the town centre earlier, see Romesh pull up in his brand new Bentley. His chauffeur got out. He got out of the car and he was smiling like I've never seen. I wonder why. And why? Because this thing that me and the listeners of this show have done for you. Thank you, listeners. Okay, can I just say, genuinely, you know, however nice you think that might be, please don't do that.

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Because it will add about half an hour to my time of preparing emails for this podcast. So can I just say from the bottom of my heart, please do not, absolutely do not do that. Thank you. You are very much like someone at Christmas is I don't want any presents. Is that bad to say that?

Man, it's the worst. It's the worst. Do you say that? At Christmas, yeah, I don't want any presents, yeah. The thing about it is, I think that you need more delight and cheer. That's why I'm looking forward. I'm actually spending quite a bit of time with you

while we're filming King Gary. And I get a lot of excitement out of seeing that big smile of yours, you know, and hearing your laugh. It's one of my favourite things. Do you know, like, do you know, do you know, I sometimes, like, you know, when you know, you know, couples and stuff, like other couples and different couples have different dynamics.

And every now and again again you see a couple and you sort of think well they must be in love because they've been together quite a long time and they look like they're in love with each other but every time they're in a social setting a dinner party or a party or whatever the guy is just absolutely rinsing the shit out of that poor woman in front of everyone do you know what i mean like you sort of think well they must be close they must be in love but you wouldn't be able to tell by the way that he sort of talks about he's always slagging her off as soon as she says something he sort of undermines it and rinses it right you know when you see you've seen those people that yeah is how

i feel about how you treat me on the set of king gary Right? Shut up! So we're... From now on, by the way, this new version of you is called Red Bull Rom. And I'll tell you what, right? Right. This is how the conversation will go about Red Bull Rom, yeah? Who was out last night? Oh, like Bobby, Tucker, Jojo on Red Bull Rom.

Oh, really? Did he stay out for long? You feel it? Yeah, you know, it's people taking a look at other people, but saying they still love them. Yeah. That's how I feel on the set of King Gary.

Oh, God. You know, I sort of turn up there. I sort of think I'm excited to see Tommy. Really buzzing to come on set of King Gary. And I sort of pull up get to my trailer he's stood there holding court oh look who it is King Dickhead alright Rob Mo

nice of you to turn up you wanker anyway what was I saying saying about football or rugby or boxing you know what maybe I should do is because what I'm really focused sharing about football or rugby or boxing. You know what maybe I should do is,

because what I'm really focused upon is me and you, like, you know, because this podcast is, we're spending time on a podcast, we've got another project going together,

we've got the film. What we are, we've got a lot going on together. Maybe I need to pay a little bit of attention to making you feel special. So like, you know,

every day you turn up, maybe if I've done a little something for you that makes you go, oh, he's thought of me. Like what? to making you feel special. So like, you know, every day you turn up, maybe if I've done a little something for you, it makes you go, oh, he's thought of me. Like what? It makes you feel nice and warm and cuddly. Do you know what? I might do that for you, you know?

Yeah, but the trouble about you is I sometimes think, like if I say I'm going to do something, I'll follow through with it. Yeah. But with you, I think you'd be amazing. I think you'd do like two amazing acts and then you'd get bored of it, you know, and end up just walking around set playing with your yo-yo that is true i'm not

the yo-yo thing but yeah i get bored of things very quickly that is true yeah yeah good to see me coming in and go oh my god new trainers whoa like that next week oh a lovely new jumper wow the next bit is nothing can i ask you a question so with regards to so lisa my wife lisa um i am very inconsistent with presence yeah so yeah for example well i'll tell you this story so so when lisa and i first got together we were both teachers right and then i left teaching and became a comedian and then yeah shortly after you became a comedian we were we were just completely broke right like i it was yeah well even when we were teaching we didn't have that much money anyway i said to lisa one day she because she'd always been about a mulberry bag

right she's like she loves there's like a dream product for her right she wanted a mulberry bag yeah and i said to her one day if i've ever in a position where i can afford to get this mulberry bag i'll get it for you, right and then a few years later, things started to take off in comedy and I thought, I've got to the point now where I can buy my wife a Marbury handbag, right so I bought the Marbury handbag

went and got it went to a gig that night we don't need to go into the story but I left it I left the Marbury bag at the gig this wasn't the reason I got into this, but I left the Marbury bag at the gig. What? This wasn't the reason I got into this story, but I did leave it at the gig. Did you get it back?

Yes, I did. Mate, can you imagine? By the way, I like the way that you're like, that isn't the story. I'm like, that is the story. And the rest of it. I mean, that's an amazing story. I'd watch that film, by the way.

What would you call that film about a man who leaves a Marlborough bag at a gig but then gets it back later? I mean, I'd call it a fucking great film. I'd say that yeah. There's twists and turns because I can imagine Lisa's face when she's got that Marlborough bag. Knowing Lisa, it'd just be a dreamy moment of absolute. But there's a time

in the film, I'm sitting at the end of my seat I'm like, he's bloody forgotten the bag! He's forgotten the Marlborough bag. And like, you're just sitting on the tube, chatting to, you know, whoever, one of your comedy mates, and you're like, oh yeah, yeah, and they're like, oh, your gig was good, you barely did well, and you're like, yeah, I know.

Or you'd be in the back of your Bentley. But as a viewer, you're like, he's forgotten the bloody Mulberry bag. He's forgotten it I tell you what if anyone who's in after that film idea get in touch

it's a good idea just email the show Wolf Owl I don't know why they need to get in touch they've heard the story what do they need from us at this stage

well no but you know the ins and outs of the other little details. You know, we just know that we know the sort of top line. Obviously, there's other stuff that happened. But why did you leave it there? You got chatting to an audience member or, you know, another comedian.

You know, you had to make your last train. Did you get it back that night or the day after? No, I got it back two days later. That is a horrifying two days. Yeah, I bet. This is even better. That is a horrifying two days. Yeah, I bet. This is even better. It's like a psychological thriller. Yeah.

So I got the bag. I went to the gig. Did the gig. And then just basically, I don't know if you have this, but do you carry a bag with you wherever you go? I know you've always, since I know you've always had a rucksack. Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I know you've always since I know you've always had a rucksack but um okay okay well

well well well well well first of all I've never heard you have a rucksack

said in in such an insulting way as you just said it no no I didn't mean insulting that's that's one of the things I like

before Red Bull Rom there was rucksack Rom it's like do you not carry a bag with you all the time yeah of course I do okay but I I before Red Bull Rom, there was Rucksack Rom. It's like... Do you not carry a bag with you all the time? Yeah, of course I do. But I've got like a man bag. What have you got?

I've got a couple of different ones that you hold. Satchel, you mean? Yeah. No, not a satchel. Like a sort of... Yeah, like almost a miniature suitcase type thing. So why am I a twat for having a rucksack? Mate didn't tell you a twat for having one no but your tone your tone said that you didn't say the words but your tone said it right i think with rucksacks i i mean

personally i have a problem with rucksacks because i'm quite a big guy so they never come to the bottom of my back so you're jealous so yeah by the way when i said about rucksacks you bust a rucksack decently you look good with a rucksack I always look like a fucking tortoise that's outgrown its fucking house so like my arse is fucking hanging out of it my fucking head's quaking out a bit why do you get like a bigger one

like when people go backpacking or whatever fucking I'm walking around I'm like you going travelling no no no it's literally London for the day. I just don't want my ass

sticking out the bottom of this bag. I've got a big, I've got a bigger one for sort of bigger back coverage. How, how, how to fill it up with fucking clothes and stuff?

What have you got in there? I need to know, it's just my laptop. It's just a few essentials. Just my laptop, a couple of bottles of water like a goal tent fucking jew um a compass uh an axe in case you have to sort of chop your way out of any kind of heavy vegetation um hiking boots just in case you sort of cross the field like i've just got

back from a scout trip i look look man don't work yeah've busted a two strap uh rucksack yeah i still yeah but if i'm honest with you i if i don't have to carry a bag i quite like to be free and easy so so so basically the reason i brought that up is because i've got into you i get into the habit of always make sure your rucksack's with you, right? So that's the thing I mentally check when I get, so I had a rucksack with me that day. I went to buy the Marbury bag. The Marbury bag's in like a big kind of carrier bag thing. And as I do the gig, and my instinct always when I've done the gig is get the fuck out of there as quickly as possible.

However I've done at the gig, i just want to leave immediately right so i just pick up my rucksack and i go imagine this pulling up the train pulls up in crawley and i realize i've left the fucking handbag at the gig rank i phone up everyone's gone? Like the gig's over. Everyone's gone. This is how lucky I was in this instance. A girl I used to teach was at the gig, lived down the road from the venue, and knew the people that ran the place.

She went back there the next day for me, right? Got the bag that was still there, right out the back of the dressing room, took it home, and then her parents got it to me like the next day how mad is that that is incredible that's not how i saw the story going at all i thought you were going to say like the promoter found the bag the promoter called you say hey man look you know yeah i've got your mobile bag and you know everything's going to be all right. So you had to wait that night without knowing the fucking, wow.

See, I wouldn't have slept that night. No, I don't think I did. Because a Moby bag's, I mean, I don't know what a Moby bag costs, but I'm guessing a bag is, I mean, yeah. But what I would say to you is this. I also hadn't told Lisa I was getting her the bag.

So she's basically lying next to a man who's having a fucking eight-hour panic attack in bed. That is the worst. Because if she knew there'd be a part of her going, oh my God, that's amazing. I can't believe you've left it. But that is an worst because she's got if she knew there'd be a part of her going oh my god that's amazing i can't believe you've left it but that is an amazing thing and we'll try and work this out together that you didn't tell her no because i wanted to be surprised let me just say let me just jump this in right and anyone listening i think hopefully gets what i get what an amazing

guy you are that you're going through this absolute fucking inner turmoil knowing that the back... Your surprise could just be... Then you've just got to leave it. You can't even tell her, right? You know, you'd have just had to suck it up and go, well, I've got to fucking graft that little bit harder to get the mulberry bag again. I've basically just brought a fucking random person

a mulberry bag now. I hope they enjoy it. I've basically... Like, people will start going to your gigs going, fucking go and see Robert Shears' gigs. He always leaves like a surprise gift for one audience member. like people people will start going to your gigs going fucking go and see Romesh's gigs he always lives like a surprise guest for one audience member

have you seen a person that's running Windsor Community Centre has got got herself a little Marbury handbag now my mate Danny went and saw Romesh

and he got a Gucci belt no but the truth of it is right I don't think I think I would have melted and gone look

brought your Marbury bag I've left it at the gig hopefully someone's good honest enough that we're going to get it back you know but you know i will buy that cinnamon i'll get you another one if we don't i feel you know that you held your fucking nerve you you know what you've done you have climbed up the rankings of how much iRT you've contracted. No, but listen, can I tell you something? I actually think you're giving me too much credit, bro, because that is actually quite a self-serving strategy because I think saying, not telling someone, see, here are my options.

I either tell her or don't, right? Those are obviously the options. If I don't tell her, right, and I get the bag, I get to surprise her with the with the bag great that's a win right if i don't tell her and i never get the bag back i just swallow that and push that deep inside in a few years it will be some sort of heart problem right but still she's not upset by that she's she's none the wiser right but wouldn't you have just gone and brought her another bag okay i don't think listen this is a big fucking expenditure i'm not going i'm not going to swallow that and go and get another one

right or a lesser bag it's not quite the same is it i know you wanted a mulberry bag um it's quite expensive i've got you this melbury bag funny story i didn't get your mulberry bag but someone else is yeah now yeah somebody is enjoying a mulberry bag it's not you but on the other hand if i if i do tell her the surprise is ruined if i get the bag back if i do tell her so that's that's slightly bad and if i do tell her i don't get the bag all she hears about is a mulberry bag that she's not got i mean do you know what i mean i'm sort of balancing up the options here. Yeah, but I think option B is far worse.

What? Well, no, I think right, look, when I say you've got to buy her another bag, you haven't got to buy it the next day. You just hang on to that sentiment. Right, and I'll wait for her to have her long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're saying. Yeah, eight months, nine months, you know.

Also, you know, you've got are a you know you're you've got a big social media presence i would say you're sort of a couple rungs down from being an influencer right you can easily put on like your forums and just say yo you know rom here hey guys hope you're all well um do you know what do you know what's funny about this right is you're you're trying to get me to bite i'm not deliberately and then i can see you're waiting for my reaction you're goading me and then you're almost disappointed when i don't react no but i know i was being honest and then you're like, yeah, guys, your man Rom here. I don't know if any of you were at the Windsor Centre yesterday,

did a big gig there. Hope you all had a long time. Listen, I left a Mulberry handbag that was a big gift for my wife for our wedding anniversary. If anyone finds it please get back to your man rom um and there will be a reward for it all the best if i ever posted something like that if i ever post something like that and i'm inviting people in the but if you see me post anything like that please let me know and you just say romesh you've done the post please immediately quit comedy.

And I will do exactly that. I just like the thought of, like, someone getting back in your little face. Yeah, but I mean, mate, that's a good story. That's a good film. The point I was trying to make with that whole story is that Lisa got that bag and it was delightful. And she was really... What was her face like when you gave it to her?

Mate, it was... I bet it was ugly. It was everything you'd hoped it would be. Do you know what I mean? She was really... It was fucking lovely, man. But the next year, I didn't get her anything. Well, nothing.

I might have got her a card or something. What I'm saying to you is, it just varies in terms of where i'm where i'm at as to what i get her and i think it might be you know some years i get her something great some years i don't and i think it might be is that like psychological torture that's worse than sort of getting shit presents every year isn't it look man i'm not gonna say i agree with it because i think it is sort of, you know,

but also I think like a mulberry bag would be regarded as a birthday and Christmas present. That's a two year present. Yeah. It's a two present. It's a two year present. Easy. A two year present. It's not a flippant present.

It's not like you've got her like, I don't know, like some fucking vouchers for fucking River Island and you don't get her anything for two years you know what i mean yeah so it's a it's a hell of a gift yeah and mate it's it's that's a gift that she can be shown off for and telling people about probably for five years so yeah do you know that thing about um how your and i'd love some emails about this how your partners talk about you to other people right now but you know we just said about like lisa telling her like that is a that i've given lisa the gift that obviously i've given her the marbury bag but i've also given her

the gift of being able to pretend that she's proud of the husband that she's got right do you mean in terms of like oh he got me this marbury bag i've always been talking about this marbury bag blah blah blah right so that's a nice story sometimes i feel like i am being absolutely coated off by elisa and her mates do you ever walk in on a conversation with katherine and her mates and they say something and you go okay i've been getting rinsed here before i arrived has that ever happened to you yes that's happened to me my whole life well the new thing that's just rocked up since i've been married that's happened since i was probably one of my first recollections is fucking walking down my parents talking about me to some of their friends about sort of like

quite a fucking disappointing hell with me i was fucking four foot fucking higher than any of the other fucking kids the only kid who couldn't read at fucking 14 so yeah so being privy of the people that you've been a little bit of a disappointment to the people who love you it's not something that's just fucking oh wow this is a new feeling but sometimes like like a couple of times this is a couple of times once i walked i walked up to lisa and one of her mates chatting and they went um and she went all right lisa i'll see you later um and i and i went oh how are you i won't name the person and she went yeah yeah fine fine said everything going on she goes yeah she goes uh got a bit of a problem in the bathroom the

sink's a bit loose i'd ask you to help but you're absolutely fucking useless at anything like that aren't you oh yeah i mean lisa and her both start laughing So then I know now that this is a thing. This is like a known thing that I'm shit at stuff like that. I've had that in front of, you know where it's even worse is in front of workmen or people who come into your house. You know, like we had a guy who came in to hang my TV in my living room. And like, don't get me wrong,

I probably could have done it myself. But I'm a believer in, right, that in the world that we live in, works in circular motion, right? And the fact is, if someone's brilliant at doing gardens, you should employ that person to do your garden rather than try and bodge it yourself.

Don't get me wrong, there's some stuff I laid out patio, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But you should try and, you know, spread the love, spread the whatever. But we got this guy to hang the TV and he was like, quite an easy job, mate. Can you just do this yourself?

And I was like, well, yeah, I probably could. But, you know, I just thought, you know, I don't want to make loads of unnecessary holes in a wall and, you know, I want it to look nice. And, you know, it's the fucking TV in my living room. So, you know, you came recommended by someone I know. And he was like, big fella like yourself, struggling to get the TV room. So, yeah, you, you, you came recommended by someone I know. And he was like, um,

big fella like yourself struggling to get the TV up. I was like, what? Like, you know, and every time my wife was in the vicinity, um, he'd just make more jokes.

He was like, I see what, so you probably need some pictures hanging in the hallway. You want me to do that as well? It's like, everything seemed to be a joke. Like, and then something,

and Catherine found it hilarious. She, you know, sort of like everything seemed to be a joke like and then something yeah and katherine found it hilarious she you know sort of like you know it was and and since then has sort of had this there's been a bit of a joke that i just pay people to come and do stuff which isn't the case i genuinely think well i could do this myself the back fence broke the other week i probably could spend two days doing that or i could give someone someone else could come and do that for me and that's their job and they're getting paid and then they can go and they can do a nicer job than i can i'm a believer you're contributing to the economy that's exactly it's probably a shorter way of actually just yeah saying what i was saying but i'm a believer in doing it i was on the tools myself so i mean do you like workman coming into your house um i find it very uncomfortable if i'm being honest with you

you know like because I feel... Listen, I know this isn't a very 2021 thing to say. I'm fully aware of that. But having workmen in the house makes me feel emasculated. Okay? There, I said it. And for some reason, I started deciding to sound more knowledgeable than I actually am about the shit.

Do you know what I mean? It's like, you know, they'll go like... So, you know, obviously, structurally, that's going to be's gonna be i go yeah no absolutely mate that's gonna like and i was saying that to i was saying that to lisa i don't know what the fuck she's on about do you know what i mean yeah all of that shit i started becoming a real twat you know and i can't help it and i know i'm becoming a twat but i just feel so self-conscious about being in front do you know what happened okay this is really fucking embarrassing right so this is really embarrassing okay i bet i can trump this embarrassment but go

on so a few weeks ago right we had uh a few it was a few months ago actually we had a we had a power cut right like all of the power downstairs in the house went out right and i went to like do the fuse box or whatever but just nothing you know the usual shit wasn't working you know they flick the thing back on and don't check anything just fucking flick it and hope for the best all right all of that wasn't working so lisa her one of her mates husbands uh is an electrician all right so she phones him up she goes can you come sort this out so he's like yeah so he comes around to to to do it and he says one of your circuit i don't know what the fuck he said something like you know one of the circuit series has gone wrong i need to get into the loft right

so we go up stairs and he goes to me uh what's the mechanism to get into the i i have never been into the loft at our house right and not the loft? I have never been into the loft at our house, right? And not only have I never been into the loft at our house, I've never opened the loft door, right? So what happened was, mate, I personally have never opened the door to the loft. So the guy walks up and he goes, how do you open the loft door? And then he stands there and watches me explore how to open this loft door and fail, by the way, right? I'm sorry.

Can I just say, yeah, this is far more embarrassing than the one. So then he figures it out, right? So this bloke has been in my house. Were your sons there? Were your sons there at the time? No, thank you. They were there, but they very rarely gather around to watch Dad talk to the electrician. Dad's talking...

Daddy's talking to a workman. Charlie, Theo, quick. Quick as can be. He's getting knowledge. He's getting knowledge from a man with a trade. Come, let's gather and see if we can feast on the fruits of his knowledge. Boys, if you're after a hoot, your father's talking to a workman again. This can't be worse than the plumber fiasco.

Anyway, so the guy gets in the loft. He goes and sorts it out and i said to him as he was going i said have you had anyone like is that one of the worst things you've seen somebody not being able to get into their own loft and he goes i've got to be honest yeah wow and i looked at lisa she looked at me and her eyes said it'll be three years before I even touch your dick. Right, this is my version. Okay. This is what happened to me, right?

So we moved to the new area I live in, right? When we moved here, we moved here. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST line all-wheel drive with TechPak at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294.

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You know, like yourself, I'm working on the road more. So I didn't know anyone when we moved here. And so we move in. And when we move in, we're like, we need some work done in the house. Need some bits and bobs done. So we get these guys who come over work done for that in the house need some bits and bobs done so we get these guys who come over

to do some bits at the house and so when I you know I'm sort of chatting to them I'm at home at the time

start chatting to them here and there and nice enough guys and one evening I say to Catherine I'm like yeah you know those

yeah nice pair of lads the guys doing stuff at the house and she's like oh yeah I said it's quite weird moving to a new area you haven't got as many friends and you know, those, yeah, a nice pair of lads, the guys doing stuff at house and she's like, oh yeah, I said, it's quite weird moving to a new area, you haven't got as many friends

and, you know, you sort of don't know as many people. It makes me think about when I worked at a building site, sort of probably, I was a bit homesick, you know,

missing London. So, so about a week later, right, on a Friday, I'm up here like working away and whatever and Catherine goes,

Tom, Tom, and she sounds quite excited and I'm like, what's this and sort of come down these two guys are waiting at the door they say um yeah you're ready to go for a pint then and i'm like what and they said yeah you're up for going for a pint then katherine said about going for a pint and i was like pardon like what's going on and they were like we'll wait in the van and we'll yeah see you in a second so they you know sort of leave i'm like what what's happening and she was gaffing was you know i felt really sad and sorry for you that you felt homesick oh my god so i sort of thought these guys you want to go for a couple of pints with these guys

i thought i don't fucking know these guys i don't know who they are like you know she said yeah but you got on with it i've got them in the bases there at my house doing stuff and you know i make them a cup of tea and i make a joke about rich tea biscuits but i haven't got enough to you know i don't know them and now they expect me to go for a pint you know so they're still going to be here for another month i can't fucking now just blow them out so yeah part of you quite excited about this no okay no because i spent all of my late teenage years and all of my 20s going to the pub with family and friends who are builders i've this wasn't my first rodeo sure i number one knew that there's no such thing in that fucking scenario is a pint you know i mean i know it's three points

at least because everyone's got a fucking a fucking round. And I know that probably two, so six at least. So I get in the van. We go to what is one of the roughest, I live in a nice area. They almost sort out

what seems to be the roughest pub you could ever imagine. We go in, straight away, I'm getting screwed out or I'm getting people who get really excited

about the fact that, you know, there's a new face in the pub. The normal thing of like, you're not here for a fucking punch up sort of thing. And I'm getting people who get really excited about the fact that, you know, there's a new face in the pub. The normal thing of like, you're not here for a fucking punch-up sort of thing. And I'm like, oh God. And yeah, these guys just then sort of, we chatted for a little while

and then sort of conversation just frizzled out. And then I just sort of sat while they talked to other mates of theirs. Well, I sort of played the fruit machine for a bit and then I sort of like, and I was probably about 10 miles away from my house i'd sort of i was like how long do i stay before i can just go guys thanks for sort of bringing me out and you know i felt like genuinely like this is one of the most fucking embarrassing situations and you know they did the thing of like

we brought around each and someone's like oh i'm gonna do a whip and i'm like oh i'll probably sell my own they're like oh fucking yeah big time so i was like ended up fucking only 20 quid on me i had to put 20 quid in the whip and then i'm still quite fucking i'm still a bit of a petty pincher so i'm like well that's fucking at least first of all you're you're having a drink with strangers essentially which you know all friends are when you first meet them which is so fair enough yeah what i would say is i think the most upsetting part of that story you're having a drink with strangers, essentially, which, you know, all friends are when you first meet them, which is fair enough. What I would say is,

I think the most upsetting part of that story is the fact that Catherine organised that. That is... But she did it for a really good price. I know she did it for a really good reason. And I know Catherine, she's a lovely, lovely woman. But you can't help but imagining how those conversations went down yeah that's the bit that makes me most ashamed

because you know the saddest thing is my mum had those conversations when i went to a new school oh mate no he's finding it really quite hard to sort of make any meaningful friendships oh no it's yeah it's yeah and then they came back and it was always still going out friday and i'm like no i've got stuff on and then i had to find excuses to be out of my own house on a friday to go to the pub with them um well look listen we would love i going to do like a little, can I do a little radio show style thing here? We would love your thoughts on two things. One, what your take is on Tom being set up on a sort of a mandate by his wife. And also how pathetic you think it is that I hadn't opened my loft door

before that man came around. So I'd love your thoughts on that. And also casting suggestions for the Mulberry Bag film. Sure, sure. That's another thing that I can wade through when I'm doing the...

So you've got four things to be getting on with this week. Don't send the pictures. Okay, so... Do you want to do an email? Because we've actually talked for ages now. So we've only really got time.

We've got time for one. Can I give you the topics and then you tell me which one you want to go for? Yeah, go for it, bro. So I've selected three here. Comic relief. Somebody responding to your suggestion for me to do the kids' exams for them. Yeah. After cheese and onion pasta, go.

And someone that's got a genuine question about friendships. You know what? I think we're both in a very genuine mood today. I think we're both, I think we've, as they say in Married at First Sight and such things, I think we have stripped back and we're both quite vulnerable right now.

So, yeah, let's go with this one. Can I tell you something? Honestly, I am feeling quite vulnerable today. And there are three things. There's a few things that I've said on this podcast

that afterwards I'm going to text you about to see if it's all right to keep them in yeah i know you are i can see the present thing yeah they're not they're not responding to messages on social media and the loft thing those are three things i think paint me in quite a bad light i've got to be honest i think the loft thing's fine the mobile bag thing is one of the sweetest most kind gestures that you could do you shouldn't feel bad the present thing i'm talking about you know sometimes you get something good and sometimes you get something shit you know that kind of inconsistency there is people

out there who never like and mate there's people out there are a lot worse than that you brought someone a moldy handbag all right yeah what about the messages thing well you're a dickhead for that but oh okay um here we go this is from oh and i'm gonna keep this anonymous yeah hi rob and tom i've been a fan of both your work for some time and i'm really loving the show my 20 minute walk to the local greg's listen to the podcast every thursday lunchtime has genuinely become an unexpected highlight of my lockdown i have a question for you about your groups of mates i'm a normal 42 brackets not 46 year old bloke from southeast london i have a close group of mates who i've known since school we used to go out to pubs and clubs every weekend but obviously as we've got

older and people have got married and had kids this is reduced to maybe once every couple of months anyway over the years we've all had jobs and hobbies and met new people and every now and then one of these new friends gets introduced to the original group of mates. It sounds like you both have groups of mates from before you became famous, but clearly you've made celebrity friends through your current work. Have you ever, or would you, introduce your new celebrity friends to your original group of mates? Do your normal mates ever pester you to get one of your celeb mates to come along to the pub? Rom, have any of your mates tried to get you to bring Tom along or vice versa if you've ever mixed your friend groups how has it gone or do you keep it

completely separate anyway i just wondered how these things work in the celebrity world i've certainly worked with and got on with people which i probably wouldn't take on a night out with the lads but in other cases i've invited work colleagues out with mates and they've got on great i guess celebrity adds another layer keep up the great work with the pod. The tracksuit bottom zip issue has been bugging me for ages. Glad you brought it up. Okay. It's quite a convoluted, not convoluted. I don't think that sounds like I'm insulting the email.

It's a great email. Thank you for your email. It's a wonderful email. In answer to your question, I mean, I'll sort of start off. It's a good question. What I find sort of infuriating, the the truth is i'll be honest with you i tend not to uh mix my friends uh people i've met uh since i started doing comedy i tend not to mix with my friends from like back home and i tell you for a very very simple reason uh my friends all love the people I hang out with more than me.

And it won't be a normal mix. So, for example, loads of my friends watch King Gary. They think Tom's fucking amazing. If I brought Tom along to drinks, I would have to stand there and watch while they just sort of hero worshipped him and i don't think we'd ever get to a point where we'd have a normal night do you mean it's the truth of it so the answer to that question is is i've done it a couple of times and um like rob's rob's met a couple of my mates rob beckett and my friends just start going oh mate you're so funny what about, you're so funny. What about when you did this thing?

And what about when you did that thing? And I just think, fucking hell, this is bad. So, yeah, the answer to that question is I find it slightly tricky. What about you, Tim? I don't think that's a fame thing. I think even before I did what we do for a living now, I remember bringing a mate out with a group, a guy that I knew from work

and I brought him out with a load of other old mates, old school mates. And they all just, everyone loved him to bits. And before I knew it, he was like coming out every fucking weekend with us. And I was like, you know, he literally, he overtook the group. It's like when you, I'd say the worst one you get is you play Sunday league football. You bring in a player, you bring in someone, you're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. My mate Lee can play football.

Fucking great football. Da, da, da. You bring him into the team. So for a day, you're the guy who brought Lee along. But fucking the sands of time watched that fucking long gone. Fucking six games into the season,

Lee's the fucking hero of the team. Everyone fucking loves him. And no one even remembers who introduced him to the team. Whilst you're sitting on the sub bench, you get back to the pub hero of the team. Everyone fucking loves him. But no one even remembers who introduced him to the team. Whilst you're sitting on the sub bench, you get back to the pub after where everyone's... Lee's also great at karaoke. You know, and you've just got to literally ride it out

until Lee has sex with someone else's fucking missus in the team and everyone hates him. Jesus Christ, that was fucking hell. That was full on. Imagine how pathetic you'd sound if Lee's all popular, everybody's loving Lee

and then just you're in a bit of a mood and people think, oh, bloody hell, Tom's in a bit of a huff. What's up with Tom? And then somebody comes over,

Tom, you're right. And you go, yeah, I just think, you know, I just think everybody seems to love Lee. I just wish, you know, sometimes it feels everybody's going to love Lee. I just wish, you know, sometimes it feels like people forget who brought him into the group.

And then those people would say, Tom, that might be the most pathetic thing I've ever heard in my life. No, but I think it's a warranted thing. I think, like, you bring someone in. I don't want everyone, like, after every time Lee scores a goal to turn around to me and go, nice one, mate, for bringing Lee down. You do want that. You do want that.

What I don't want is them all telling me, oh, yeah, we went down to Sports Bar this weekend, and I'm like, oh, I didn't get invited. Oh, Lee arranged it. What I'm saying to you is beware of, well, let's just call them Lees, right? And people that, you know, that can happen in any fucking social standing.

Beware of Lees. In answer to your question. Beware of Lees in Tom's clothing is what he's saying. Go on. You're so happy with that. I know. You're so happy. Just to tell everyone, because he likes to fucking speculate on my reaction.

When he said, beware of Le leaves in tom's clothing right he sort of ruffled his hair and licked his lips no listen when i do when i talk about your reactions i'm being genuine you just make shit up you you've got so close to your mic you might as well well get pregnant. Beware of leaves in Tom's clothing. What I'm saying to you is it doesn't matter. Be careful. Do not let a fox

into the chicken coop, is what I'm saying. Be careful. I have plenty of friends who love the idea of Romesh coming out for a drink with us. Loads of them. Like, they're obsessed with him. So, that's why I keep Romesh very much to myself.

Like, you know, if I could, I'd probably, like, lock him in a little room that I could go and record the podcast once a week with him. Like, yeah. Like that glass tank in you. Just coming in and checking in every now and again. The glass tanking you. Just coming in and checking in every now and again. The glass tanking you. Just posting me little subway footlongs through the letterbox. But I'm a vegan.

You're going to be a hungry vegan, mate. Get that down you. Three meats. Get that down, you. Three meat fucking side, Danny boy. Get that down, you fussy little vegan prick. I had the worst one of another comedian, a good friend of both of us, came to my wedding. And all of my wedding pictures were of that person. Genuinely, the photographer sent us our wedding pictures.

There was like four of me and my wife, and the rest were like close-ups and shots of this you know like fucking surveillance shots of this fucking other comedian i was like the fuck is this and she was like oh you know send him send him might get a kick he might be his new headshot that one i was like that's not why you were there none of my parents well you know none of my grandparents i'm like what is this she fucking paved her headshots but yeah so yeah yeah don't worry man it's it's you know just yeah i think you're just you've got you've got a grasp on life and i think by the sounds of things you are a better facilitator of new faces

than either myself or romesh you sound like you're a lot more giving and uh yeah you haven't got the hang-ups that we have um okay Tom it's uh it's about that time boy now listen before we get into your closer I'm really worried about this episode I'm just gonna tell you that now really I just think I've come across really I've come across really bad doing this I think you you know what it is you know what it is you're recording it in a hotel room on your own. Yeah. You're worried about what you're having for your tea. Yeah,

correct. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. You're sitting in quite a, from what I can see, and this is to the cast, this person's quite a sad looking room.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely right in that. Right. To be fair, a fucking glass, a glass box in my garage would actually be a fucking uplift

from where you are right now right so that's why you could that's what you were okay don't worry man all right yeah and let me ask you i need to do a big shout out because someone did message me and i thought it was a very nice thing i think you should be commended for uh yeah the the film that went out last night that you're a part of uh i think it's worth saying what an amazing thing that's is that you're a part of and yeah I think I someone messaged me and I thought wow that's that's a great sentiment so I think you should be heralded for um for the message that you're getting out there and yeah we we'd not lumps out of each other but I

massively respect you for doing that so Tom sir the film that tom's friend says i put out a short thing of me dogging in haywood safe as ever he could never take a compliment uh that was the vaccine video thank you very much for that bro i appreciate that by the way just so you know look that's it that vaccine video so loads of people have been very very nice about that what i would say is the people who are anti-vaccine i mean i cannot even okay let me just i posted one on instagram right um i saw that yeah yeah so this is the one uh let me show you let me just read a couple of them uh how much did they this is from uh somebody how much did they pay you to promote davos agenda and pumping animals into your body you sausage smoker stick to telling jokes and not forcing brainwashed

morons to follow your sausage sucking agenda you pleb and this one this one is mad right listen to this one i hope you get acid thrown at you what? mate that's what somebody said wow that is insane I know it's like the people that don't like it

really don't really fucking yeah there's this oh yeah this is another one right I don't know if I should read this one out but I've got a few of them

I wasn't upset by any of them I just thought they were funny somebody says I shouldn't reply to any of them. I just thought they were funny. Somebody says... I shouldn't reply to any of these, should I? I should take the advice that I give you. Just quickly, I like the fucking fact you've chastised me for getting back to someone who's asking for fucking acting advice.

And you're like, I shouldn't get back to any of these people who are saying about having acid thrown into my face. No, but listen to this one. There's one where's there's one where there's one where somebody's gone uh romesh i've enjoyed your shows um but then but now my support for you finishes putting out take the vaccine film ends my interest in you and i'll be encouraging my peers to ignore you i take it you're not concerned as a vegan that the astrazeneca

vaccine is made from chimpanzee adenovirus and then cultivated on a something or other you're shameful i mean fucking hell these people are mad aren't they but that's quite an intelligent man personally he's not even sworn tell katherine i said that um okay sorry i had to put a button on the end of that i didn't really know how to end that so it's a bit i could see that I could see you scratched your head. Put your hand through your elaborate and crazy hair. It's so fucking mad, isn't it?

It's like doing a podcast with 70s Bob Dylan at the moment. Except without any of the creative nows. Okay. Right, Tom. Do the thing, brother. Take us out. To whence those old trainers that thou used to wear? Where do they lie now? Right, Tom, do the thing, brother. Take us out. To whence those old trainers that thou used to wear?

Where do they lie now? Look, let me tell you something. Sometimes you are the new kick-ass trainer. It's a new creamy pair of Jordans or maybe just a nice pair of Yeezys or whatever floats your boat. But I want you to spare a thought about the trains you've not worn for a while or maybe for Alanis Morissette who once upon a time lauded the greatest album that you could imagine we all just sat and listened ironic just ran through our veins and then nothing it's okay to be the bell of a ball but sometimes it's also okay to be someone who's waiting at the

ball and just providing people with drinks or a well-meaning doorman who helps someone find a shoe in cinderella but no one ever talks about you the truth of the matter is sometimes you're the bridesmaid but you're never the bride i want you to remember on your lowest days anything is possible and on your highest days remember the low ones for we are all just trainers looking to be worn can i tell you something i don't know if it's because i'm tired or because i'm on my own in a hotel room or what but that's like that might be the best one you've ever done. Wow, thank you. Do you know what that came for? I was actually speaking to you during that one because I can see how you feel right now.

And that was meant for you and for your heart. And I'm doing a heart motive now. Yeah, okay. That's sort of a weird way to end that. But okay. Thank you so much for listening to The Wolf for now. Wolfoutpod at gmail.com. Thank you so much for listening. Let us for now wolfoutpod at gmail.com thank you so much

for listening let us know if you think I came across like an arsehole in this episode I'd love to hear from you thank you very much please just remember

sweet soul like rum get those photos in don't do that don't do that okay thank you bye bye