Wolf and Owl - Episode 20

Episode Date: April 14, 2021

We’re talking… apologies, water polo, over-ordering on takeaways, variable success buying birthday presents, young love and finding yourself in the friend-zone. Plus, we answer emails asking for a...dvice on playing golf again and dealing with unhygienic work colleagues. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:23 Yeah, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves, then podcast the body parts, get severed and served. Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler. That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler. Both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows. Yes! And welcome to the Will and Owl podcast. We need to... I don't like to do this. It's sort of a bit negative. We need to start with an apology. A massive apology.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Are we going to tell them honestly why there was no bonus episode of the Wolf and Owl? Yeah, I think we have to be honest on this. So guys, we recorded two podcasts on the one day off that we'd had. Pretty much, what, do you think we'd had the former day off in about a month, wasn't it, that we both had? Yeah, yeah. And we recorded two.
Starting point is 00:02:33 One that you guys heard on Wednesday, and the second one no one will ever hear because it was, I mean, to say it was turgid would be... Yeah, and when Tom says no one will ever hear, what I mean is we've deleted all records of it because it's it's
Starting point is 00:02:49 it's fucking awful I listened to the opening three minutes and I started crying I guess we give you a bit of a pricey so basically what happened was it's like Tom's right right so so we
Starting point is 00:02:57 we had our first day off in a month before let's get let's get this podcast done and we we started doing it and it's one of these things that happened where Tom and I, through our faces,
Starting point is 00:03:08 we didn't actually say out loud because we were too worried to, but through our faces, like sort of conveyed to each other that we didn't think this was going well in terms of chat and stuff. So we recorded the main episode. We recorded the bonus episode, the bonus episode, somebody emailed in about a fight,
Starting point is 00:03:24 right? And then what followed about uh fighting and just like just asking who would win in a scrap or so yeah what are you like in a scrap and then tom and i well i i'm going to be honest with you tom you've been quite even-handed about this but let's be absolutely honest it's mainly me that's at fault here i then yeah i didn, I reckon, about six consecutive anecdotes about a fight I got into when I was a kid. None of them
Starting point is 00:03:50 had any comedic merit whatsoever. You became like a drunk guy in Witherspoon showing off. 100%. Do you know when you're in your 20s, right?
Starting point is 00:03:58 And like, that's all blokes want to talk about. So he's gone for me, right? And I've gone, nah, you ain't getting me like that, right? So I've gone inside nah, you ain't getting me like that.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Right? So I've gone inside him, right? He's not expecting it. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Into the ribs. He doesn't know what the fuck's going on. Right? Your face was so close to the camera.
Starting point is 00:04:16 Like, you were almost like, you were always inside my computer, how aggressive you got. It was like, it was a whole otherher level of like i mean you know we'd sort of we'd had wednesdays uh was sort of this grumpy rom and then aggressive rom came into the ring and it was like wow this is something i've never seen before he had his top off for the last half of it yeah i was just fucking i was just banging my chest and like screaming and they're like pouring like baby all over myself it was mental number one right number one i love the idea of you thinking that it's really aggressive and quite tough to pour baby all over yourself in the fight no because they can't grab you they can't get you they get do you know what i mean they get they that's why the guy walked away that's why he
Starting point is 00:05:01 walked away he was so scared of the baby oil. I was glittering in baby oil. Yeah. All right, mate. No, I said to him, hold on a fucking second. You want to go? You want to go? So luckily I had some baby oil in my bum bag, right?
Starting point is 00:05:12 So I just said to him, just wait a fucking second, mate. Just wait. So I'm rummaging around in it. I'm thinking once I get this out, you ain't going to get hold of me, mate. I remember actually years ago, I went on holiday
Starting point is 00:05:24 and it was like a lad's holiday. And you know, like when sort of out of nowhere, everyone started having these games of water polo. It was sort of like became one of the big things to do. What are you talking about? You know, water polo. I know water polo. I know that you're putting the emphasis on the wrong word. It's water polo.
Starting point is 00:05:43 What are you saying? You're saying water polo. No, that is it. Water polo. Yeah, no, but what I word. It's water polo. What am I saying? Well, you're saying water polo. No, that is it. Water polo. Yeah, no, but what I'm saying is... Water polo. Water polo. There you go.
Starting point is 00:05:52 Now you said it. Why does it matter which one? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. By the way, let me just hold my hands up and say it doesn't matter. It absolutely doesn't matter. I think my emphasis should be on polo.
Starting point is 00:06:04 Why? Why? Because polo's the big thing in the mix, right? If I just went, oh, water polo, you wouldn't know what you'd go, water what? Whereas if I go water polo, you know that I've said polo's the big thing, right? I think both of those things...
Starting point is 00:06:20 That assumes that if you go swimming you just refer to it as water yeah but if I said I was like water what are you up to oh I'm just going to go do water
Starting point is 00:06:34 yeah but you'd know what I meant wouldn't you I know what you mean but I'm not having a go at you if I didn't turn around to you and you went oh where did you go
Starting point is 00:06:41 last Tuesday I'd go oh I just went water would you know what I meant no I don't think I would you and you went, oh, where did you go last Tuesday? I'd go, oh, I just went water. Would you know what I meant? No. I don't think I would. You wouldn't go, oh, you probably went swimming. Try as an experiment. You're going off to film something later today, right?
Starting point is 00:06:54 Yeah, yeah. I'm filming a thing with Jamie Redknapp, so that will ease me for Jamie. Do me a favour. Jamie won't have heard this by the time you go and do this. I don't know why I'm explaining how time works. Anyway, the point is, go up to Jamie. And when he says to you what you've been up to today,
Starting point is 00:07:09 he's gone, this morning, just a bit of water. See what he said. See if he knows that means you went swimming. I'll try and record it as a sound clip. Yeah, do a little, like, undercover. Wear a wire type thing. Yeah. Okay, I'm here now with Jamieie redknapp and this is
Starting point is 00:07:27 as we said on the podcast it's a battle between me and mom all right jamie has to say what he thinks this means when i ask him okay so jamie you haven't we haven't cheated you don't know what i'm going to say do you no idea thomas okay jamie if i was to say yeah i'm going in water what would you think what activity would you think I'm going to do? Swimming. And you haven't been preempted? No, it's obvious, isn't it? Exactly.
Starting point is 00:07:53 So, Rom, you're a fucking idiot. Jamie has qualified. What I'm saying is right. I win again. Back down, Rom. Back down, bro. Anyway, it becomes very competitive, these water polo games, in this really shitty hotel
Starting point is 00:08:07 that we're all staying in, in Magaluf. And so, and then you've got, so you had like, you know, northern lads, southern lads,
Starting point is 00:08:14 a bunch of boys from Cornwall, Birmingham, people from all around England, basically. Different guys. And, I was actually pretty good at water polo, as it turned out. I was tall, I had a decent enough throw on me. But it used to get quite rough.
Starting point is 00:08:35 And, you know, occasionally you'd sort of break into sort of like little scraps or whatever. It was quite sort of, you know, I'd say actually at times, I'd say it was probably one of the most entertaining sports endeavours I've ever been a part of. Right? What a damning indictment of soccer aid
Starting point is 00:08:52 by the way. If you first saw, there was a lot more action. Literally. I've seen more active statues of me at soccer aid. I had to get warmed up to come off the
Starting point is 00:09:07 fucking pitch and sit on the bench that's literally it's there's so many uh instructions that i had to try and remember in my head and it just killed me in soccer but day three i'm like people are grabbing me they're dunking me in the water. It becomes quite like, you know, physical. So I absolutely coat myself in coconut oil. So when people are trying to grab me, I'm just slipping out of their hands. Sure. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:35 And it was, mate, it literally, before you knew it, everyone playing was just covered, lathered in coconut oil in the pool. And the pool just had like a film on the top of it. So it basically, it sort of basically evolved into had like a film on the top of it. So it basically, it sort of basically evolved into essentially like a Pornhub search item. Lads,
Starting point is 00:09:50 naked lads, covered in baby oil, grapple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All with this, I just remember like, I remember like, because this would take place,
Starting point is 00:10:03 you'd have like a, maybe a two hour slot where the water polo in the afternoon when everyone was waking up and would like sort of, do you want me to come out of bed or a bit hungover or whatever, a bit of food and play water polo. But I just remember the next day just sort of like if you're coming home from a club or whatever early in the morning, early hours and just seeing this pool just with like a slipstream with baby on it. Like the top of a curry. Yeah. like a slipstream with baby oil across the top
Starting point is 00:10:22 like the top of a curry yeah you know when you get a curry out of the fridge the next day and you're eating it and it's all just congealed it's such
Starting point is 00:10:35 it's such a horrible reminder of how some places do curries do you know what I mean like because you don't get that everywhere but some places
Starting point is 00:10:41 and it's not a bad reflection on the curry because it's often delicious but like that's sort of yeah but also you know when you go i had a really hell i had a brindle bhaji last night and in my mind brindle bhaji is really really healthy it looks healthy but it's hot and steaming the next day when it's all congealed and it's been in the fridge for 12 hours this doesn't look the same look it's just yeah yeah it's so mad so many times you sort of eat and go this is great this is great put it in the fridge and then when you get it out you go this doesn't even look like it's fit for human consumption let alone like a delicious thing that i paid a fair bit of wedge for i had
Starting point is 00:11:16 a disgustingly big chinese last night talk me through your order please so prawn toast two helpings of chicken balls shredded chili beef malaysian battered chicken yeah spring rolls veggie and duck prawn crackers thai chicken curry egg fried rice uh i think that's pretty much it was one can i ask you a question? What's your problem with sauce? What do you mean? Well, what I mean is in that order, there's a lot of dry items there. No, I have the sweet and sour sauce with the balls
Starting point is 00:11:55 and I just fucking drench it in that. Oh, right, okay. You've got the Thai green curry with the sauce. Yeah, yeah. I just couldn't be bothered to cook yesterday. West Ham had won so I was celebrating. Congratulations.
Starting point is 00:12:07 And I sort of, thank you, thank you. So I just thought, you know what, I'm just going to go for it and order this mammoth Chinese. But yeah, but my point being,
Starting point is 00:12:15 you know what Chinese was? I always, as I'm eating it and before, I feel so excited or I'm so enthralled by being a part of it and then afterwards
Starting point is 00:12:24 I just feel so disgusting. I lay there watching Line of Duty being a part of it. And then afterwards, I just feel so disgusting. I lay there watching Line of Duty like a big fat whale. You know what? This is fucking a sad indictment of where my life is. Talking about some of my great sporting endeavours of playing water polo in fucking 96, 97 out in Magaluf. I couldn't get off the sofa yesterday. Have you been there?
Starting point is 00:12:43 Have I been there? Brother, sometimes I feel like I lived there, mate. You know, eating to that point. Like, there's so many things that you just said there that I recognise. You know, like, over-ordering from a takeaway to the point where Lisa looks at me like a disappointed mother.
Starting point is 00:13:01 Do you know what I mean? He's done it again. I don't know how many times I have to talk to him about it. I don't know if we, we have to get someone in to have a chat with him about it, but you know, like she just goes, why the fuck,
Starting point is 00:13:11 why the fuck are you ordering so much food? And I go to him, you know, we have it tomorrow. She goes, a takeaway can just be one small meal. You know, it doesn't have to be.
Starting point is 00:13:21 Yeah. I'll be honest with you. This is how I feel. I get as excited about the prospect of eating it the next day as I do about the prospect of having that night. Yeah, I know. So at the end of the meal, sometimes I look across and I think, fucking hell, I've got a great day ahead of me tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:13:37 Do you know what I mean? You just throw it all in a wrap. Is that what you do? Mate, if I'm having curry, if it's a curry, look, I'm going to speak candidly here. I've got to say, a curry the next day is arguably better
Starting point is 00:13:50 than the day you order it. It might not look amazing, but you heat that baby up, you put it in a nice wrap, especially if you get a brioche wrap. Chinese, I'm 50-50 on. And you know the sad thing is there's hardly anything left yesterday. This is how I feel I am when I'm 50-50 on. And you know the sad thing is there's hardly anything left yesterday.
Starting point is 00:14:06 This is how I feel I am when I'm ordering any sort of takeaway. I feel that the Titanic is going down and I'm one of four people at the buffet resigned to the fact that I'm going down with the ship so I'm just going to eat and eat and eat. And that's how
Starting point is 00:14:21 I feel when I'm ordering. It's like it's the last meal I'll ever have. I order as if the cuisine of that country will be made illegal from tomorrow. I look at it like it's like a really long, drawn out fucking suicide bin. And that was the one time... How did he kill himself?
Starting point is 00:14:41 Over 20 years of ordering saturated fats. Yeah. And we think this is the spring roll that finally did it. You're talking about a man whose wife didn't like spring rolls, but he ate eight spring rolls of different variants every time he ordered the Chinese. You know, I was watching it so I had Lido duty
Starting point is 00:15:06 on last night so it was about quarter past twenty past nine the Chinese has been sitting out since about seven and as I'm watching it
Starting point is 00:15:13 I just sort of keep on glancing over my shoulder at this three spring rolls that I know are sitting there and at quarter past nine
Starting point is 00:15:21 I ate them I couldn't get them out of my head and at quarter past nine I ate them. I couldn't get them out of my head. It's like when Bob Hoskins sees Jessica Rabbit for the first time. Literally just like peering over my shoulder. Can I tell you something? The reason I i'm laughing is well because it's funny but two i can't i can't tell you how much i fucking relate to it man one of the most heartbreaking things i think can happen in a meal is if you're eating spring rolls and and as as often i do i'm not you know this whole thing where they advise you eat consciously
Starting point is 00:16:04 engage with what you're doing the number of times i fucking inhale a meal without even looking down right what one of one of the most heartbreaking things you can do is be eating spring rolls think you've got three left and look down there's and there's only two because you've miscounted how many you've eaten just the fucking devastation you feel when it's almost it's almost i would argue it's almost like you've not had spring rolls at all because you're just sort of like i'm working my way through and getting myself emotionally ready for the fact that this is going to be my last spring roll now the fucking rug's been pulled out from under me
Starting point is 00:16:39 the crispy pastry rug has been pulled from under my feet it's such it's such a kick in the dick because you have to savour every moment. And it's also, it's like, you know, actually, I'll tell you what is the game changer of every, and this is actually not going to do my order that we've talked about. I love just seaweed. I'd love coating everything in seaweed. Really? Like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:00 Oh, my God. The salty sweetness of seaweed. It's just amazing. So you put your plate selection together. I'll make a base layer of the rice. Okay. And then I'll have sort of like a little sort of smile almost of like the beige items, the deep fried stuff.
Starting point is 00:17:17 Yeah, sure. The golden arc of deep fried shit. Yes, the golden arc. And then I'll put like a bit of curry, a bit of shredded beef, a bit of Malaysian chicken nice sweet and sour sauce dribbled
Starting point is 00:17:27 is it dribbled or what do you say I think dribbled what's the dribbled yeah yeah there must be a chefy word for that when they do
Starting point is 00:17:34 that little yeah that little thing and then I just get the seaweed and I just sort of knock it and dust it all over it that's lovely
Starting point is 00:17:40 yeah or chicken satay as well weird I don't think you need but now I feel i yeah i feel like grotty now though i feel a bit i haven't done enough fucking exercise recently so yeah my exercise situation is is is becoming unacceptable now yeah you know i keep doing i keep doing like two days and then thinking i've like an idiot i thought
Starting point is 00:18:06 i think i formed a habit but then on the third day i'm going to make this a break day and then that break day lasts about a week and then think i should get back to doing it and it's not good for my but well it's certainly not good for my body what it isn't also good for is my head i mean like yeah it's just it's bad man i played golf yesterday and i looked at i put on a polo shirt that before i started filming film king gary looked i look really i felt i looked decent in i put it on and i look like i just look like a fat old middle-aged man who'd given up do you know what i mean i looked at myself and i thought you know like when you're playing in something like that as well you sort of it's going to come untucked
Starting point is 00:18:44 it was sort of like yeah you'll crash down for the fucking ball and half your ass will be hanging out. I went into golf yesterday on such a downer just because of what a fat piece of shit I looked like. I really, honestly, mate, I want them to invent like a 360 mirror or something right yeah because the number of times I have looked in the mirror and thought I never thought I've looked great you look in the mirror and you think I look passable I am happy with that but you sort of go that's okay but you are not represented by you holding you don't look like you're holding
Starting point is 00:19:24 your stomach in front of the mirror it's just front on complete front on view to most people that see you so then inevitably what happens is is like you'll see there'll be a photo taken of you or something or so you know you'll catch a reflection of yourself from an angle that is one of the 359 degrees that isn't the one that you fucking looked at and you look horrific i mean you go oh mate that's what that's what most people are saying okay all right cool well that's that's good i came i left the house with a little fucking molecule of self-esteem about how i looked and now i've essentially put that in the fucking hadron collider uh never to be seen again my stomach is
Starting point is 00:20:02 just the thing that overalls everything someone said we got sent over the press deals from king gary for the series and the photographer was very sweet he's like i can't wait for you to see you know the stuff you shot and go through it so i started gliding through them and there's one where it's me and laura checkley standing back to back and genuinely i look like uh i look like a pregnant woman in her third trimester i look like who's pregnant with twins or maybe even triplets. Like, everything else, you just have this massive stomach that's just coming over my trousers.
Starting point is 00:20:29 And honestly, you know what? For the rest of that day, it's a write-off. It's a write-off. And, you know, what I should have done is gone, well, I'm going to do something about this. I'm going to go and do it. And I was boxing and fucking, I'm going to get on the rowing machine. But I didn't.
Starting point is 00:20:42 I fucking sat. I watched a load of people who have given their life to sport run around and do insane things. I then ate a fucking massive great Chinese and I literally felt sorry for myself. Like a sad old cat. Oh, here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:20:56 Just because you mentioned Chinese and cats. What do you prefer, Chinese and Indian? Indian all day long. Right. And you prefer cats or dogs? Dogs. So I'm convinced there's a correlation between people who like cats also like Chinese food and people who like dogs also like Indian food.
Starting point is 00:21:14 I'm pretty sure. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus.
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Starting point is 00:22:18 We're teaming up. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong. The new empire. Now playing only in theaters could you email in to the wolf out pod at gmail.com yes if you fall into my favorite ever debate or if you don't fall into that we'd love to know and what's great about that is lisa's going for the emails so send as many as you like how's lisa getting on with the emails is she enjoying it she's she's enjoying it um
Starting point is 00:22:48 we actually got an email in saying that they think the quality of email selection has gone up since lisa's taken over so can i just take this opportunity on behalf of both the wolf and the owl to pass our thanks on to the shrew no i'm joking onto lisa infamously to the shrew. No, I'm joking. On to Lisa. The shrew. Infamously. The most attractive of animals. The shrew. Anyway, thanks, Lisa.
Starting point is 00:23:17 Appreciate it. It was her birthday yesterday, actually. Yeah, how mad, right? So it was Lisa's birthday Sunday and it was my wife's birthday Saturday, Catherine's birthday Saturday. I'm away at the moment in a secret location that we can't disclose. But I ordered. What did you get Catherine for her birthday?
Starting point is 00:23:36 I got a pair of trainers that she loves and a bag that she hates. Oh, no. Yeah. But you know what it was one of those things where she told me the sort of bag she likes
Starting point is 00:23:48 and I but I went renegade and I picked a bag that I thought she'd like and in retrospect I don't know what I was I'm going to blame tiredness I'm going to blame exhaustion
Starting point is 00:23:57 but yeah it's not it's not it's a nice bag it's a really nice bag but it's just it's just not practical for what
Starting point is 00:24:03 it looks like it's a really nice bag if she worked in a city do you know what i mean and she went to work in an office every day but she doesn't do either of those things so it's just a really impractical bag for for me to approach i'm not saying this for katherine's benefit uh i'm saying this genuinely but when we're on set and you were talking about getting her a presence for a birthday it was actually very sweet because i could tell that you were genuinely, you genuinely wanted to get her like good stuff. I could tell that man, it was very nice.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why it's been such a kick in the teeth. No, but you know, I was, if I'm honest, I was arrogantly thinking in my head, I'd actually smashed Christmas and I got her a few gifts at Christmas that I'd thought of. And she was like, oh, my God, these are amazing. So, yeah, I probably was a little bit like Cockshaw and sort of, you know, and sort of, yeah, I should have just I should have followed the route laid.
Starting point is 00:24:58 So I think trainers, handbags, clothes, items. That's where I mean, what was your situation? What happened with you? Well, you know, I'm in a similar situation in that Lisa wanted a handbag. bags clothes items that's where i mean what what was your situation what happened with you well you know i'm in a similar situation in that lisa wanted a handbag but um what's different between uh lisa and katherine is that lisa has absolutely zero trust in my ability to display any kind of initiative uh or express my own uh taste so she actually told me exactly which one she wanted. And then I bought her some trainers that I chose.
Starting point is 00:25:31 But I'm a bit nervous about the trainers because they haven't arrived yet, right? So they're due to arrive while I'm away. And, you know, sometimes just the person I'm getting them from is taking a little bit of time. But this is what threw me a little bit, right? Is that I did a little bit of time. But this is what threw me a little bit, right, is that I did a little test. And even though the test went the wrong way, I still gone ahead and done this thing and chose these trainers.
Starting point is 00:25:52 Because I was on like… You told me about this test. Yeah. Yeah. So I know. So I went onto the website. I think it's like Selfridges or something. And I picked out trainers that I thought, in my head, I thought that she'd like, right?
Starting point is 00:26:07 So I thought, in my mind, I had them. And then I called her over to the laptop. I don't know why I did this, because it hasn't altered my behavior at all following it. And I said to her, can I just ask you which of these trainers you like? And she hated all of the ones that I had picked out in my mind's eye
Starting point is 00:26:25 that she would like. So I'm very – and then what I should have done from that is gone, okay, Lisa, I'm going to be honest with you. That was a bit of an experiment. I can't be trusted to choose trainers for you. But instead, because she'd chosen the handbag, I wanted to show a little bit of like – you know, there's a bit of romance in choosing a present, right?
Starting point is 00:26:43 So I've gone on and chosen, but I suspect that we're going to have the mirror opposite of I've got a handbag she likes and there'll be trainers she doesn't like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've got to now change the handbag. Can you talk me through
Starting point is 00:26:59 how Catherine expresses to you that she How did she explain it? She's very sweet, actually. She's very sweet. She realised the thought that had gone into it. But she was like, she looked at the bag, she was like chatting about it,
Starting point is 00:27:14 but then she sort of said, I don't really think it's for me. You could see she felt awful because she could see how much it mattered to me. But also, I'd sooner that she told me that and we got another bag rather than i spent money on a handbag that just sits in a and i i'm like a some goon who goes are you gonna take your handbag out and she brings it out and she's sort of hiding it from people it's it's horrible isn't it that thing of like having to use a press i've had things where i've got i was going out with a girl once and uh the way i said that was like that was the end of the story i was going out with a, I was going out with a girl once. And the way I said that was like,
Starting point is 00:27:46 that was the end of the story. I was going out with a girl. I was going out with a girl once and I used to wear caps. Well, I still, I do now wear caps all the time. And I don't know why I was in like my early twenties. I don't know why she thought this was a flex,
Starting point is 00:27:59 but she bought me from the Warner brothers store. A matching. from the Warner Brothers store, a matching... She brought me a matching Tasmanian devil cap and polo. How old were you, sorry? About 22, right? Jesus Christ. Fucking hell. right Jesus Christ fucking hell obviously like Warner Brothers wise
Starting point is 00:28:29 Tasmanian Devil would be the most edgy of all the characters you can get imagine if that had been me you should have brought me Goofy oh my god
Starting point is 00:28:40 I think it's one of those things where like I did like I still do think Tasmanian Devilils is funny, right? But like, I don't,
Starting point is 00:28:48 I don't want to wear his merch, but, but, but I was really, I was really into, I was really into that relationship. And so she bought me the hat and the polo and I pretended I liked him. And then because I pretended I liked him,
Starting point is 00:29:01 I then obviously had to wear that. And, you know, like, I don't, I don't know how to explain. You'd look like you work at the water bummer store. I mean, just imagine being 22. Other people wearing fucking Ralph polos.
Starting point is 00:29:21 And I turn up. What's that logo, mate? I've not seen that before. Is that? Oh, it's the Tasmanian devil. You see Rob, yeah? Oh, it's a Tony's Disney merch. Warner Brothers Disney merch. Yeah, yeah, man.
Starting point is 00:29:37 I see you had a Harrington with Bugs Bunny on the other day. A crew neck with Donald Duck. Have you seen that? Have you seen that belt he's got with the bugs bunny buckle you see those crisp elmer fudd trainers of us presents are hard though man like like when i was probably about the same sort of 25 i was getting out of the girl and i was like she was i was obsessed with her right and it came to her birthday. And her birthday was near mine. And she was obsessed with Madonna at the time.
Starting point is 00:30:08 Right. So I basically got a picture of Madonna. Yeah. And like this massive old poster of Madonna. And through a few people, da-da-da-da-da, I managed to actually get her signature on this poster through some guys that I knew and whatever. Da-da-da. That's amazing. How the hell did you manage to do that? to actually get her signature on this poster through some guys that I knew and whatever.
Starting point is 00:30:25 That's amazing. How the hell did you manage to do that? People I knew, people who'd done reggae on stages, worked with things. I knew someone actually at the time who'd worked with Live Nation when she was touring. I'd sort of like... To this day, if I'm honest with you, I'm not 100% sure that their signature is kosher.
Starting point is 00:30:41 Sure. But it hangs in this girl's house to this day, I think, right? How do you know that? How do you know to this day? Because it's an amazing-looking gift, and she's a mess. I'd hope it's still there. Someone I know...
Starting point is 00:30:53 The way you said it hangs up to this day, it's sort of on the edges of sinister, actually. No. So I get this poster, right, and sign post to get it framed it was really weird and she was over the moon with it
Starting point is 00:31:09 and then for my birthday I think she got me some sort of jeans or something that didn't really fit that well and then sort of
Starting point is 00:31:17 dumped me about a week after that how long how long were you going out with her for? I think about eight months maybe okay eight months is a reasonable there's a reasonable time to buy a gift like have you ever have you ever like gone in big like too early in the relationship and you thought i've absolutely fucked myself yeah i mean i think we all i think you know what this is the thing about it
Starting point is 00:31:40 i think when you're in a relationship you have to play a relationship like you are sort of Gary Neville in, do you know what I mean? If you'd have given me a million guesses at what you were going to say there, Gary Neville would have been my second. No, I'm joking. I'd never would have got Gary Neville.
Starting point is 00:31:59 Not necessarily just Gary Neville, but I'd say what you've got to look at, right, is going into a, like, quite in a relationship like a football team. Going in, steady, few really decent,
Starting point is 00:32:12 steady performances, nothing too flash, just keeping yourself, like, head down, fucking. Are you talking about sex now? I'm talking about all of it.
Starting point is 00:32:21 I'm just, because the worst thing you can do in a relationship is be Paolo one chop or someone right remember Paolo one chop yeah I love Paolo one chop amazing goal one of his first games for
Starting point is 00:32:31 Derby against Man United when he takes on the whole of this Man United team right and he never ever from there ever eclipsed the moment bigger than that that
Starting point is 00:32:39 was him that was that was a peak of his powers right okay because most of us like you of course you can dabble and you can be a bappe, right? And you can come in,
Starting point is 00:32:46 you go in, and you keep that consistently going. That's fucking hard. But if you come in here, like Aaron Edwards, steady right back, even a Lee Dixon, basically you look at your fucking relationship
Starting point is 00:32:56 like you're a good fullback. You're a decent fullback in a really top team. And just steady, steady. Every now and again, you get forward and you get a goal. And that's how I think that would be the advice I give
Starting point is 00:33:05 to any young person entering a relationship. I would describe it a little bit more like playing for sort of... Being the shittest player on a Sunday league side is how I would describe how I approach marriage, where you're so shit, even in that context, that the expectations of the fans, in this instance being your wife, are so low,
Starting point is 00:33:28 so, so rock bottom low, that even if you manage to complete a throw on, you'd be more like a mascot. Like you get everyone revved up at the start and then someone else takes over. A couple of times I've got Lisa really good presence. But, you know, like with other relationships, you know, when you sort of think,
Starting point is 00:34:11 you go really big because you want to sort of, there's the dangers when you start a relationship, you're so excited about being in that relationship and you're so like, I fucking, I want this to be good, that you go big. And actually, it can have a detrimental effect. It actually looks a bit
Starting point is 00:34:25 kind of like fucking hell this guy's a bit this is a bit full-on do you know what i mean oh mate yeah i mean i'm gonna be quite honest through nearly all of my 10 20s in every relationship where i was in desperation fucking eked from every pore in my body right right they even thought that someone was going out with me. Mate, 100%. The gratitude that I would feel that somebody actually wanted to be shackled to me in a relationship, you just come across as so fucking thirsty.
Starting point is 00:34:56 Honestly, honestly, when I've been giving shit gifts in my 20s from someone, right, I swear on my life, I've turned around and said, don't worry about presents. Being with you is my present i've just brought someone a miniature dash out i i'd be like you know how i remind myself of when i was in those relationships through my 20s is that the woman that eddie murphy's supposed to marry at the beginning of coming to america you know like just desperate to do anything if that means it will please the other person
Starting point is 00:35:34 oh mate you know what when i think about some of the fucking i remember um i was probably about 18 19 and i was at home with my parents and i really really like this girl and she's picking me up and we're gonna go out and sort of meet some other people and go for it and my mum's quite sort of she my mom's sort of vegetarian vegan she loves all that sort of cooking so she's quite new age with her thinking and you know so she basically made these cauliflower fritters right right um spicy cauliflower fritters and me being greedy even yeah I just
Starting point is 00:36:07 chowed a load of these down not even thinking of the repercussions of what that would do to my smell and my breath and I remember getting in the car with this girl
Starting point is 00:36:18 and her friend was there and you know like when someone's got a friend where you get caught into a car having in shit loads of cauliflower fritters and her friend. Having in shit loads of Colin Hurd fritters. And her and her friend.
Starting point is 00:36:28 I could tell her friend just... I could see her looking in the rearview mirror and her friend just trying not to burst into laughter because I stank so much. Right? And me being me, and I'd like lathered on dupe. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:36:42 I was like glazed in dupe. Do you know what I mean? And you could still smell the cauliflower fritters. And we'd bounce into this fucking place. And I could see that sort of the emergence of the fact that before I knew it, everyone in this bar knew that it was me who stank of cauliflower fritters. And even to this day, I still know this girl. She still jokes about the stink.
Starting point is 00:37:02 Like, you know, it really had like an impact on me as a human. And just even now thinking I get chills down my spine of thinking of yeah i had so many dates like that that were just all times you go out with girls that you'd really like and think oh this might be the and also let me just say i think even looking back now i was firmly in the friend zone there i was in a car with her and her friend turning up at a pub like one of the girls it's like we live the same life right like the number of times i would like i'll be chatting to go i'd convince myself that this girl is a couple that sort of spring to mind convince myself that i'm on the edge of having a relationship with this girl
Starting point is 00:37:35 and there's absolutely no way she saw me as like some sort of asexual pet that she'd bring with us i will i will fucking tell you the worst thing that's ever fucking happened, right? This is genuinely, right? So, you know, like, when you're that age and you sort of, like, you're knocking around in a group, these guys and girls and whatever, and you might just go up. And I remember all of us going up to Uptown and fucking going to one of
Starting point is 00:37:57 those clubs on Leicester Square, you know, like, one of those awful clubs on Leicester Square. And I'm with this girl and I'm thinking, there's a good chance that things might kick on here. I've sort of like, you know, we text a lot, we call a lot and we sort of like get on and sort of make her laugh. And she starts talking to this guy and I sort of like squeeze over and I'm like, yeah, you're all right, how you doing?
Starting point is 00:38:18 And she's like, this is genuine. She turns around and says, this is Tom. He's like a big sister to me. She turns around and says, this is Tom. He's like a big sister to me. It's genuinely... Someone has just taken...
Starting point is 00:38:35 Literally walked up with steel-cut boots and just punted you as hard as he can in the balls. And I didn't go, a big sister? I was like, hey, how you doing? There you go. Just running by foot. Oh, man. It's so bad because you haven't even got the self-belief to kind of to kick against that you go yeah you know me just big sis tom
Starting point is 00:38:54 your big sister's gonna go get some drinks you better not you better not hurt my little sister because I'll be coming for you, child. It's just the guy walking up to the girl a bit later and going, yo, yo, I've just seen your big sister crying in the twits. Oh, my God. Mate, I relate to that so much. That fucking, I remember like, I remember when I was a kid at school, I relate to that so much, that fucking... I remember, like, when I was a kid at school, just being... I was so, so fat, like, with a lazy eye that...
Starting point is 00:39:30 And I remember, like, not realising how other kids saw me, or, you know... And I remember, like, there's a girl that we... I don't know if I told you this, but there's a girl that everybody fancied. And we were about nine, right? But there was this girl that had just joined the school for some reason if you join a school late you become the most attractive person in the
Starting point is 00:39:50 whole year group right so this girl started and and unless you're me and you like that just to say now like we're the only ones to break that duck you see that new kid yeah it's the most it's the most hideous looking gargle i've ever seen in my life um how do you know the word gargle you're very young to know that i learned it specifically i actually asked my mum what a word would be for something i drew a picture of the new kid and she said oh he looks like a gargle um anyway so a couple of mates were like talking about like sort of joking around all of these boys fancy though they're joking about who she might want to go out with and then uh one of the guys went why don't you go out with romesh and um she i i it's very difficult to explain the nuance of
Starting point is 00:40:40 this she laughed like that was a joke at her expense like and then everyone started laughing and the very idea that she would be involved with me would be like a prank on her and i was like oh okay i i'm not i'm not the really good looking boy that my mum keeps telling me I am my mum never told me that well listen my mum really fucking I know that you know parents
Starting point is 00:41:15 it's nice when parents pick you up but to give a boy like me the impression that I was you know oh my good looking handsome son and then I go into school just come home I never did this but just one day come home and go mum can I just that I was, you know, oh, my good-looking, handsome son, and then I'd go into school and I'd go, just come home. I never did this,
Starting point is 00:41:27 but just one day come home and go, mum, can I just have a chat with you? I don't mind what the answer is. It's just that you keep telling me I'm good-looking, but all of my social interactions seem pretty much consistent with a kid who's fucking hideous. So do you want to just own up to me?
Starting point is 00:41:41 the kid is fucking hideous. So do you want to just own up to me? I looked about 40 when I was that age. I was so tall and gangly. I mean, it's made us stronger, right? It has made us stronger. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:02 And what's also clear about it, what I'm really happy about is it still, it doesn't bother us now. We've definitely drawn a line under made us stronger, yeah. And what's also clear about it, what I'm really happy about, is it still doesn't bother us now. We've definitely drawn a line under it. What I'd be worried about, Tom, is if it had left us with any ongoing hang-ups that we carry with us to this day.
Starting point is 00:42:17 But I think it's quite clear we've absolutely put that to bed and we are ready to rock. Neither of us have actually done that much about our appearance either. No, no. Do you know how much anxiety it's given me? It gives me so much anxiety.
Starting point is 00:42:33 I will agonize after this podcast about saying the words ready to rock. That's how much baggage I've got. You see some people who you went to school with who are sort of tummy and they're all chiseled now. It's sort of like they've got a really swag look about them. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share, to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo.
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Starting point is 00:43:50 Me and you still look like... I know. Me and you, if you showed a picture of me and you go, what do you think these two are like at school? They're pretty funny kids, but sort of like, you know, losers. At least you're intelligent. Okay. Do you want to do a couple of emails? Yeah, hit us up, boy.
Starting point is 00:44:10 Hit us up. So here we go. Just one thing while I'm looking for this email that I want to find. A few people have emailed a bit annoyed about this running race thing. Yeah, I mean, look, I just think the spectacle of it, I wasn't in probably the best
Starting point is 00:44:26 fitness and the best shape for it. So I think when you're back from your secret location and when we can be in a studio together, which hopefully we can be in a studio together once you're back from your secret destination. We're going to be doing podcasts together, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we need to own that shares.
Starting point is 00:44:43 Okay, here we go. So this one is, I'm going to keep this guy anonymous for his benefit. He's not asked to be anonymous, but. Okay. But it's just, anyway, you'll see what I mean. Morning, Lisa, Romesh and Tom. I hope you're all well and have had a good week. Well, Lisa's moved from.
Starting point is 00:44:58 She's gone first. Wow, that's mad, isn't it? It's all good for Lisa. Yeah, but I mean, it's not the shrew wolf and owl podcast you know what when we started off with this Lisa was you know in fact
Starting point is 00:45:09 Lisa was doing brilliantly and Lisa was sort of like you know looking at emails now it feels like Lisa has a pet owl and a pet wolf I know it's Lisa's podcast
Starting point is 00:45:17 if you'd like to say if you'd like me to pass on a message to the two animals that I keep well she's Carol Baskin. Everybody wonders how the owl died. A lot of people say that Lisa killed it and fed it to the wolf.
Starting point is 00:45:37 Just deep fried him in batter and coated him in sweet and sour sauce. Just sprinkled with seaweed. Okay. My question, just sprinkled with seaweed um okay uh my question but there's a he said some very nice things about the podcast my question problem is is it wrong for me to get so excited about meeting up with my mates for a round of golf or beers in their garden i've got a round booked on sunday because obviously things are relaxing aren't they and i'm already getting ready for it golf clothes washed and ready clubs ready i'm ready and excited. Golf clothes washed and ready, clubs ready.
Starting point is 00:46:05 I'm ready and excited to see my mates and play golf. My girlfriend sees how excited I am and comments that I'm never this excited to do things with her and our one-year-old daughter. She's probably right as I'm visibly more excited about golf, but I love them more than anything, especially golf and my mates. I don't know what that... I love them more than anything, especially golf and my mates. Should I play it down
Starting point is 00:46:25 or is it okay to be excited like a child to see the boys for golf and garden beers? Tom? Well, my wife... Do you know what? One of the sweetest things is when I got back from golf, when the golf...
Starting point is 00:46:41 And after the first lockdown, the golf sort of first came back. She was so lovely because she could see how excited I was to come back and to just yeah
Starting point is 00:46:52 because it just meant a lot just going out on a beer and play golf and I think it's fine to be excited about doing that because we've not been able to do it for ages what I always say is this
Starting point is 00:47:00 and this is what I sort of have tried to do and it's really difficult but I think now things are opening up again and we are getting the position where you have got that is make sure that you're planning things that you're doing with your wife and your daughter that you're as excited about as like i'm i'm so excited just to go out for a meal with my wife i can't wait just to sit
Starting point is 00:47:19 in a restaurant and have a meal together and a couple of drinks and i think make sure she knows that you're as excited about that. And as men, I'm not perfect quite a lot of the time. I really have trouble sometimes conveying my emotions across. So I'm saying, oh, yeah, I'm so, oh, my God, I'm so, you know. And any little thing, sometimes just conveying that, it can be quite difficult. And I think because golf is you know doing these things you do you are buzzing or whatever just going to see your mates you will be like you know
Starting point is 00:47:49 but I think it's just trying to find a way of conveying that to your wife that you are looking forward to doing something with them as much look the truth of it is it's quite um it's quite understandable that you'd be visibly excited about doing golf and going up with your mates because it's something you haven't been able to do for such a long time. Whereas you have been able to be with your, your, your other half and your daughter or someone human nature is you,
Starting point is 00:48:14 you take for, you're not, you're not taking for granted, but you just sort of accept the things that you've got with you all the time. And you get excited about the things that you haven't been able to do. So having said all of that, that I can understand why your other half might, I don't know, feel like it's a bit weird that you're getting so excited.
Starting point is 00:48:30 But I just think you've just got to reassure her, mate. At the end of the day, this is a thing where you just go, I am excited about doing this because it's something I enjoy doing. But obviously it doesn't mean that I love doing that more than I love you I mean I got really excited about The Force Awakens coming out and I talked about it non-stop and I wanted to go and watch it it doesn't mean I love that film
Starting point is 00:48:54 more than my wife and children although it's up there no I'm joking you know all I'm saying is that your human nature is to get excited about things that to get excited about things that, to get excited about things and the things that you've got in your life all the time. It'd be fucking mad if you're waking up every morning and going to,
Starting point is 00:49:12 holy shit, I'm with you again. Woo! Do you know what I mean? That would be, I would say more worrying actually. So, um,
Starting point is 00:49:20 look, she's feeling a little bit, understandably a little bit, you know, put out. What you've just got to do, explain to her there's absolutely nothing that can compare to those two people in your life. They're the most important
Starting point is 00:49:34 people in your lives and nothing, no level of excitement about goal form mates will even come close to challenging that. Finally, I would like to say you sound like an absolutely great guy. You sound like a wonderful, wonderful bloke.
Starting point is 00:49:50 Yeah. So on that, if you ever fancy a game of golf, hit us up on the fucking Wolf and Hour podcast. Email in if you are ever around the Crawley area or around London
Starting point is 00:50:02 and you fancy a game of golf. Why are you saying Crawley area? You don't live anywhere near Crawley. Why are you saying Crawley area? You don't live anywhere near Crawley. Well, I'll travel down to you. We'll have a game of golf with him. The three of us playing golf would be fun. How do you know that? We'd have a laugh.
Starting point is 00:50:13 Me and you would definitely. You'd be funny. How do you know that you, me, and this guy would have a laugh? I just feel it in him that he'd be fun. He'd be excited. Imagine how excited he'd be playing the game of golf with the Wolves for now.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Do you know what I think would happen? I think there's a possibility he'd be excited for about, I don't know, five to six minutes. we both are at golf. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:35 And the reality of the fact that he's about to spend three hours with people that he actually doesn't get on with would hit home. And can't play golf.
Starting point is 00:50:44 Yeah. And then he'd go home and his missus would be absolutely fucking furious about how excited he's been't get on with. And go play golf. Yeah. And then he'd go home and his missus would be absolutely fucking furious about how excited he's been about it all day. Just wanking his head off about going to play golf with the wolf and owl. You know, the owl had the shrew as his caddy. Shrew.
Starting point is 00:50:57 Good luck, mate. Good luck. This next email is from Josh and Michael. I think I can say their names. Writing on behalf of two of your biggest fans in Israel. Wow, Israel. Yeah. That's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:51:14 I know you love that stuff. I'm originally from London and Michael is from the Netherlands. And we've been living out here for some time. Absolutely loving the podcast. Michael and I are best mates and we often lean on each other for advice in all matters in this case we're experiencing a very similar problem at the same time and have no idea how to help each other so we'd love to hear the thoughts of the wolf for now in israel offices have made remained open during the pandemic and with the majority of the country already vaccinated working from full or almost full to capacity offices is the norm again michael
Starting point is 00:51:42 and i work for different companies but suffering from sitting next to newly hired colleagues with unbearable hygiene issues. Michael's has toxic bad breath and mine has unbearable body odour. Neither of us know the best, most sensitive way to address the problem to find a remedy. We don't know if
Starting point is 00:51:59 it's right to get a manager involved. I'd speak directly to the culprit. It seems too mean. Especially as we don't know if the cause is lax hygiene standards or a medical condition. We both want to be sweet, sweet souls, but this is a joke here, and I'd love to know your take on this one. But it's becoming impossible to focus the work
Starting point is 00:52:18 sitting next to B.O. Walcott. We'd love to hear your thoughts about how to approach the issue. I like B.O. Wal issue. I like Peter Walker. I thought you'd like that. Look, there's many different ways. I remember when I was a kid at school, we had a little farter at school. I was probably about nine or ten.
Starting point is 00:52:39 Someone was fighting in class and the teacher made us all stand up and then came around and smelt all over us. Oh, my God. Are you being serious? Yeah. Like, yeah, yeah. in class and the teacher made us all stand up and then came around and smelt all over oh my god are you being serious yeah like yeah yeah sorry sorry mate mate mate mate is that teacher still working in education no no mrs craven had a worse right i assume she's in i assume she's in prison she put in a dead fox once a bit of roadkill for us all to draw uh and just flies and stuff in the summer just buzzing all around the uh glass yes yes so she she did that but uh and this is the thing right now i because now i'm a bit older sorry where the fuck did
Starting point is 00:53:16 you go to school bro i know that farts don't hang around your bum. Sorry, sorry. Okay, carry on. Sorry, I'm in trouble. Go on, go on. No, no, go on, go on. No, it's just a woman who brought a dead... First of all, that alone, I think as a teacher, is a fucking red card offence,
Starting point is 00:53:35 bringing a dead fox for the children to draw. Right? Yeah. Secondly, she sniffed every one of your arses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Did you go home and tell your parents?
Starting point is 00:53:49 If one of our kids came home and said our funny story, there was a kid that got farted in class and the teacher got us to all stand up and they sniffed our arses, I would be, honestly, I'd be at the school the next morning with a fucking legal team. I would be, I would be, honestly, I'd be at the school the next morning
Starting point is 00:54:06 with a fucking legal team. Anyway. Yeah, I told my mum, I think my mum complained at the time, but, yeah, so she got struck off.
Starting point is 00:54:14 Like, she was, it's very religious and quite a strange being. But anyway, look, number one, farts don't hang around
Starting point is 00:54:20 with your bum. We know that now. At the time, she blamed a kid called daniel lemon uh so he was just like known as a stinky kid actually probably wasn't even daniel lemon um but anyway what my point is guys is this you should try and engineer some way of saying oh look someone smells in the office um and then just get like the senior manager to go around and smell the armpits of all the stuff or the breath of all the stuff
Starting point is 00:54:45 and then just go oh it's this guy and then that because to be fair the farting thing sort of stopped after she did that because i think everyone was worried because because daniel lemon was dead he'd been beaten shitless by all the other kids in his class i just think people saw that there was gonna there was fucking repercussions so whether you can just do something like that could work yeah yeah if you if you want if you want to do the thing that tom's teacher who was subsequently struck off did then please feel free to do that go what's your other option bearing in mind that was that was the first one so i'm dying to know what the second one was or what you do is, if it's a person with BO, you start sneaking like,
Starting point is 00:55:26 cans of deodorant into his bag or into his desk or whatever. Or her, could be her, whoever it is. Right, you start putting deodorant into their things and just slowly,
Starting point is 00:55:36 if they see enough deodorant, they'll start using it. Or, you know, in the case of the bad bag. When they come in, they go, fuck it, my bag's really heavy.
Starting point is 00:55:45 I was wondering why it was so heavy. I've barely been able to pick it up. And then I open up, there's 35 cans of deodorant in it. Maybe I should start using this. That's what... Yeah. Do you not think their instinctive reaction might be, who the fuck has done this?
Starting point is 00:55:58 It's not going to be, oh, well, I've got this deodorant fairy that keeps leaving deodorant in my bag. Yeah, but then you don't hopefully use it, right? So is it like, you're talking about like an anonymous kind of bullying? No. And it like, obviously, then you put extra strong mints in,
Starting point is 00:56:14 or I tell you what's really good for the guy with bad breath or person with bad breath is airwaves. Can I say something? Extra strong mints is a cure for bad breath. It's such a fallacy. Because what you get is minty dog shit breath, right? This idea that it cures it.
Starting point is 00:56:37 It's like you've put Colgate on a turd. It doesn't cure it. You need to look at the causal issues of that do you mean right i think you've got two ways there of dealing with it no or send an anonymous email that's actually do you know of the you managed to finally pull a a borderline usable idea out your ass at the last second there because actually that's three ideas idea. I think I'd probably go with the first one. Yeah. So I would say the way that I would do it
Starting point is 00:57:09 is send an email to your manager going, would you mind sniffing the armpits of everyone that works here? No, only everyone on that little circuited desk or whatever. And just so you know, I know who it is, but I'd like you to sniff everyone's armpits.
Starting point is 00:57:24 Yeah. Or... That would work though no yeah or if you want to over the course of a few weeks just keep buying deodorant cans and sneaking them
Starting point is 00:57:33 into this person's bag or what you could do is get someone to start going out with the person so that they sort of build a trust and a bit of love
Starting point is 00:57:39 and emotion with them and then they say oh babe do you know that you actually smell a bit yeah and then that friend will say to you can I just ask why is you hooked me up with the smelliest bastard in the office no they're in on it the person they're in on it so they've got to enter into can you do me a favor there's somebody at work that stinks a bit, so I need you to have...
Starting point is 00:58:05 I need you to enter into a relationship with them. They used to do whip rounds in the office and get, like, 500 quid. Would you go out with somebody for 500 quid? What, have bad personal hygiene? Yeah, yeah. Probably would have before I was married, I would have, yeah, just to help out the whole...
Starting point is 00:58:20 Yeah, okay. So there you go, there's some advice. I mean, the sad truth, the sad indictment, even if they stank and had awful fucking personal hygiene,
Starting point is 00:58:28 there wouldn't be odds in the fact that they'd go out of me. Even if they stank, terrible breath, hideous personality and bought me
Starting point is 00:58:37 a matching Tasmanian devil hat and polo, I'd still be absolutely delighted with the relationship. You were going and you had
Starting point is 00:58:43 found someone to go out with. I love you, Rob. So yeah, look, the truth is, the truth is that I think if you want this tackled, the thing that you have to do is have a discreet conversation with them. It's the truth of it. Yeah. You've got to decide whether having that conversation is more or less difficult than putting up with that for the rest of your working life basically and yeah and also it's one of those
Starting point is 00:59:11 things where it will hurt them at the time but actually you are doing them a huge favor so yeah um so yeah you need to just speak to them about it man All right, Tommy, it's about that time. Yeah, please do, brother. Please do. For there was a gardener, a sweet, sweet soul, who planted two seeds. One was of a sunflower,
Starting point is 00:59:41 and one was of a plant that wasn't as pretty as a sunflower. Or maybe just a big bush. Or a rose of kind. Anyway anyway as the sun started to shine and the water lay into the dewy soil the sunflower started to grow and it started to be beautiful and such uh and the bush stroke tree type thing was just a horrible big stick coming out of the the ground and people used to walk past the sunflower and say oh my god the sunflower is amazing amazing oh my god it's so beautiful and they'd ignore the stick anyway years became decades and decades became a little bit longer whatever comes after that and although the sunflower of the year came back, people have become bored of its sort of sunny yellow flowerism,
Starting point is 01:00:27 and they got used to seeing it. And one day, a man and his wife and kids walked past and saw this big, beautiful oak tree standing next to the sunflower, and he said, look at that tree and how lovely it is. And the kids said, can we climb it? And he said, yes, but this tree is strong enough to take your weight climbing. And its strongness has been developed over years of toil and hard weather and listening to people rave about the sunflower.
Starting point is 01:00:58 And as the two kids start to clamber up the tree, the mum shouts, kids, kids, be careful not to fall on the sunflower for it can't take your weight the moral of this story is some people will grow quickly and shine but they won't be able to take the weight of a child or something else falling on them because they haven't got the know-how or weather all to do it don't worry if it takes a little longer to shine, for one day you will become a tree. I'm out. That was one of your best ones, I think. I didn't even think so. It was an enjoyable one, though. I don't know if it was
Starting point is 01:01:34 the fact that you couldn't think of what the tree might be when it first started growing, or the fact that you started with years and didn't leave yourself much with where to go much where i mean i've absolutely fucked myself there um but i loved it you know what i was talking about though yeah yes i knew what you were talking about yeah if that if that's your absolute target
Starting point is 01:01:57 for conversation that i sort of roughly know what you're talking about then yes you're doing very well my guy by the way i said my guy not maga which has been oh yeah yeah at the end of all of these signing off with maga make america great again uh yeah yeah so anyway uh peace out from the wolf and the owl see you next time adios Adios If you have a problem opinion feedback or anything at all please email us at wolfowlpod
Starting point is 01:02:36 at gmail.com that's wolfowlpod at gmail.com we'd love to hear from you mainly because we don't have any content ideas
Starting point is 01:02:45 thank you

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