Wolf and Owl - Episode 23

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

We’re talking… clothes, freebies and football dads, recent TV appearances, mis-reading the room and work pranks. We also listen to our very first ‘thanking your delivery driver’ recording and answer questions on a beef jerky quandary and socialising without alcohol. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last Requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts Get severed and served

Bring your weak shit Wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake That's an awful howler Both of them are known To pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder Like they rolled in with a gang of crows

Fuck their censorship Let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill Never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing All you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings

Red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it The death bringing It's head spinning Just kidding Every word in this song Is about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog

Namaste and welcome Yes, welcome. It's that time of the week. It's time for another fucking wolf and owl in your gullet. In your gullet? Wow, boy. Thank you. Gullet, wow.

That's the same from the Wild West, right? The gullet? That's gully, I believe. No, no, no. He was shot in the gullet. He was shot in the gullet? Who was shot in the gullet? No, no. I'm just saying they'd say that about someone He was shot in the gullet. He was shot in the gullet? Who was shot in the gullet? No, no.

I'm just saying they'd say that about someone who was shot in the gullet. Who would? Oh, here. He was shot in the gullet. Are you saying that's a word that was used in the Wild Wild West? The gullet? Yeah, the gullet was, yeah. Okay.

But also, so it's like mouth and head. There's lots of words, isn't there? Yeah. Yeah. Not as many as there are now. Obviously, we've talked about this before, but there's like so many more words. There are more words, though, yeah. Gullet seems like a real throwback to a time

where words were being invented and boundaries were being broken and new frontiers were being found. Are you talking about the wild, wild west? Yeah, but not just the west, the east, the north, the south, all of the different ways of going. It's sometimes on this,

and I'm not just saying it off the back of that but sometimes i do feel we talk on this podcast the disparity between sort of the tone that we take and the lack of understanding and knowledge that's being delivered by what we're saying is is quite dazzling isn't it yeah yeah here's a quick one for you before you start i don't want to i'm sorry to interrupt you. I just want to say, you are looking unbelievable. Now, I've said this to you before, that I look up to you clothes wise.

Today, I'm having to wipe my screen because of the amount of drip. I mean, it's just, this guy, is this what you've been wearing on Sunday anyway? You've done this because you know that we record this. I got up, we had breakfast.

We watched a bit of Baywatch. And then I felt ever so cool after watching Baywatch. So I came to the... And also I like to make an effort for you, you know? I think it's important. I think, you know, we're what, nearly 35, 40 episodes in, whatever we are. I think it's nice that we still...

And you look good, man. You've got a busted-out death row crew neck. Yeah. It's just, I'm wearing what I threw on to go to watch Charlie play football. Did you wear that to watch Charlie go... Don't you wear, like, a football jacket or something? A football jacket to be a parent

watching your son at the football? Well, you don't wear a death row jacket. It's not a jacket. Or jumper. I had a jacket. What's wrong with that? I don't have to wear training kit to go to watch the fucking watch my son play football.

No, but you should make an effort to look like a football dad. Why? What jacket did you wear? Football dads are the worst. I wore one of those Sandbags coats that Jay gave me. I'm still waiting for one of mine.

Shout out to Jamie Redknapp. Listen, let me tell you something about that Sandbags coat. Now, first of all, big up Sandbanks. Big up Jamie Redknapp. Listen, let me tell you something about that Sandbags coat, right? Now, first of all, big up Sandbanks, big up Jamie Redknapp, right? They're nice coats. First of all, fucking sort the person out who's been fucking, like, doing a show with you now for fucking nearly a month.

A month? Yeah. Listen, I was doing that show with him for years. I was watching Freddie, like, every time I saw Freddie, right, he's got the new, he's got Sandbanks bandana, Sandbanks sweater, Sandbanks fleece the whole fucking range and i'm stood there like with nothing eventually on the beg i end up asking for it begging you beg yeah mate when you're gonna hook me up this coat he sends me the coat he goes

we can do me a favor can you send me a photo for the website i'm gonna tell you something now this is genuinely and you can ask jamie this when you say you see it when you're seeing him next I'm going to tell you something now. This is genuinely, and you can ask Jamie this when you see it. When are you seeing him next? I'm seeing him tomorrow. Right. When you see him tomorrow,

ask him this, right? I am the only person that is the only person like celebrity, whatever you want to call it, that sent him a photo wearing that coat. They just didn't bother to use a photo. Like, like,

like he asked, mate, I'm telling you, I took the photo, and I was away with Lisa and the kids, and I said, Jamie was nice enough to send me this coat. He wants a photo. Were you excited to take the photo?

You know what... It's like a modeling job. You know what I'm like with photos. I don't like it. No, I know you're like with photos, but also know that I fucking love you. I dig you. You know that you take up a massive fucking...

You've got residency in my heart, yeah? such a that was such a beautiful thing to say yeah yeah but i mean that yeah but i know also there's a part of you like me but yeah you feel special you feel nice you're doing like you've been asked by probably one of the coolest men in the uk to take a photo for his website so you are modeling yeah but i think it's i think it's almost worse because for a moment you sort of allow yourself to think that you might be a normal human being do you mean that you might be no no no this is what i mean but when you took the photo yeah was it just like let lisa just snap one picture i'm just gonna go with that one or was it like you know maybe i'm just like you're lent across like a photo like no we did it we did it like

extra kind of uh extra kind of catalog modeling so i sort of stood looking out into the middle distance i'd like one leg up on a on a bench or something were you really yeah honestly like properly like sunglasses do you want me to put it should we put it on the instagram have you really got sunglasses on? Yeah. My God. Yeah. So, um,

look to your defense, like every cool person in England's where like, you know, you look around at the people wearing those sweet, sweet, uh, things and make this. So have you asked Jamie for them? I've not asked him.

I didn't realize that like people like me and you had to ask him. I thought I generally was thinking that me and you were two of his closest friends. but he said to me asked him. I didn't realise that people like me and you had to ask him. I thought, I genuinely was thinking that me and you were two of his closest friends. No, but he said to me, no, I wouldn't, listen, let me tell you something now. If he'd have told me he'd opened up his clothing, let me just get this contextually clarified, right? I didn't see that he'd started Sandback

or his mates had started Sandback, so then I've gone, can I have one of the coats? I'm not that guy. What happened was if Jamie goes to me we'd love to get give you a cut i'd love to give you a coat so i go all right thanks jamie and then what happened was i saw him deliver coats by hand across the country to everybody else apart from me and then eventually i got to the point where i go um and me. Yeah. What's going on here? Do you know what I mean?

Like it wasn't like, I wasn't a straight beg. I can't do that. Do you know what I mean? I wasn't like, but I did eventually, I did eventually get myself. Basically,

I guess the way to describe is he played hard to get with the coat. And then eventually got to the point where I'm texting this guy. He's a begging for the coat. Like I need that smash. Just be honest now. How many times did you beg at like asking for the coat? Like text that smash just just be honest now how many times did you beg it like asking for the coat like text him i reckon bearing in mind you know this is an estimate i reckon on three separate occasions i asked him for a coat for the coat wow is that bad so you went

this is the difference between me you went it kind of thirsty and a bit beggy right do you know how i played it i went out to make him jealous so you know that stone island jacket i brought the big puffer one yeah i brought that so he could see me in that yeah well the thing the reason the thing that i prefer about my method is one i didn't have to pay 800 pounds and secondly i actually now have a sam max code which you don't seem to so in terms of in terms of analyzing in terms of analyzing how our methods have gone by the way 800 pounds was an insane figure for me to quote for that stone island puffer because there's no way it cost you anything approaching that lower number i mean a stone island

puffer stone island stone island shout out stone island because stone island looked after me where jamie ridnett didn't say, they hooked you up for free? I can't disperse those things because that would be that would be awfully insane and quite trashy of me. But yeah, shout out Stone Island for looking after a guy who...

I mean, you basically said you've got a free... I mean, there's no point there's no point talking like that thinking that... I wonder why I wonder why Tom's

been so cagey about it. It must be because he paid full price. I didn't pay full price. I didn't get it for free. There's an even keel in there, guys. Yeah, work out what happened there. So just, guys, if you can get your detective heads on,

get your little Poirot skulls on, what Tom's saying is he didn't get it for free, but he didn't pay full price. So I'll leave it up to you to figure out what may have happened in that. No, no, no. The rest is debatable. And I just want everyone out there just to know that, yeah, I respect you and I love you.

You're such a... Anyway, the long story short is I wore a Sam Banks coat, a Death Row sweater, tracksuit. What sort of trousers were you wearing? Tracksuit bottoms. Joggers. Which ones? Paul Smith.

Oh, nice, boy. Nice. Paul Smith does a great range of tracksuit bottoms. Yeah, no zipper. Yeah, no zipper. And also, can I say, I brought some of the ones with the flies and button. And they've got no, there's no drawstrings on them. So if you lose a bit of timber, they just literally fall down.

Well, thankfully for me, that's unlikely to come up. What did you wear football boots no i will be i wore like uh what did i wear 720s oh nice boy nice you should wear football boots i don't think i'm gonna do that you should do it that mate if no for no one else do it for charlie i just um there are a couple of parents no actually do you know what i was about i was about to slag off some parents there, but actually the truth is they're all pretty casual. But does anyone do the football boot thing?

My dad used to wear football boots when he came to watch me. No. Your dad used to wear football boots when he came to watch you? Yeah, I mean, he was also the manager and coach. Yeah, okay.

That's a bit different, isn't it? If I turn, first of all, just remember, right? I don't mean this in like a, in a cocky way. I just, I,

like, I've Romesh Ranganathan the comedian turning up to watch my son play football and then if I turn up

in full fucking training gear and football boots I just think you'll look cool I think you'll look cool for Charlie I know

it's just like you know what with those things I get so worried about them being embarrassed about me being their dad, but I just try and go as low key as possible. Number one, no one's going to be about like, I can tell you now someone who's your friend.

I never feel embarrassed with being me. Okay. That is absolutely got zero connection with what I'm saying. You, you, you as one of my best mates not being embarrassed to me does not reassure me that that means that my kids aren't gonna be what the fuck are you talking about no but what did you did you really run in your hold on i know what i'm making feel better

just so you know rubbish put all your put all your worries to one side. Because I, Tom Davis, one of the most unembarrassable people you know, is not embarrassed by you. So, you know, relax. No, but I think that those boys fucking idolize you. I can tell you that much, mate. But he wasn't dressed up as you for fucking book day. Yeah, he didn't.

Which I thought, number one was very very cool and very decent of him and that also was a way of you fucking publicizing your book yeah because one of the one of the things that my publisher said to me is i said make sure you get that year five market that's it that's what he wanted to be buying your your memoir was there any other like kids there like parents of the kids going oh i didn't know you had a book or sorry dude let me just tell you something right when you when you publicize in a book you go on chat shows and stuff i'm not saying that you've got to go to every school and get one kid to dress up as you i'm not saying that i'm just saying it's a small yes it's

a small market you probably got more figures and more books sold when you did like jonathan ross was saying like that but did you not like notice a few of the parents goes oh shit you've got a book now as well i saw that your boy was dressed as you no that didn't happen shame really that was a massive waste of time forcing him to dress up like that really by the way speaking of kids idolising people, so yesterday I sat down with the children, as we often do on a Saturday if I'm not working, and we have a little film evening. And we put on Paddington 2.

Now, I want to be quite sincere with you now, because this is not... I'm not doing what you do, where you sort of roll out a series of compliments only to sort of uncover my soft belly so that you can fucking stick the knife in. I'm just being absolutely genuine with you. I don't do that. You do.

You do a lot of underbelly location, you do, with your sort of compliments and your sort of... You know, you always... You know, when you say stuff like, let me tell you this, you wanted a sweetest souls, loveliest, funniest people.

When you say stuff like that, that's when I know he's about to be a fucking thunder. That, that, that is not the signal. Right. So anyway, we're watching,

we're watching, we're watching Paddington too watching we're watching paddington 2 which is um i think we got an email about at some point so apologies for repeating myself but paddington 2 an incredible film paddington the first film was unbelievable you think how is the sequel going to match up i would say the sequel's better right everybody's great anyway we're watching it and then there's a bit where, spoiler alerts, guys, although,

you know, and by the way, I'm doing that as a courtesy. It came out ages ago. Yeah. When Paddington goes to prison. Yeah. Obviously, you know this,

I'm saying this for the behalf of the Wolf and Alpac. When Paddington goes to prison, you're playing one of the prisoners in there. Yeah. Now, I've got to tell you, man, first of all, the excitement that rippled through my family, you're playing one of the prisoners in there. Yeah. Now, I've got to tell you, man,

first of all, the excitement that rippled through my family that my mate Tom Davis was in Paddington T was insane, right? My kids were like, oh my God, that's Tom. Tom's in Paddington. And I was like... Did you know before?

Yeah, of course I knew. Yeah, we've talked about it before, right? So... Yeah, yeah. So what, you saved your... Yeah, I didn't tell them. I didn't tell them.'ve talked about it before, right? So... Yeah, yeah. So what, you saved your... Yeah, I didn't tell them. I didn't tell them. We didn't tell them.

So they go, oh my God, Tom's in Paddington. So you're... Oh my God. So they're loving it. And honestly, mate, you would have loved it. They were laughing at your lines. Like there's a bit where, you know, where he sort of wins the chef round

or wins knuckles round. And when you do that, you were like proper grumpy about it. They were laughing their heads off at that. There were so many bits in your performance that they loved.

Mate, I'm going to tell you something now. I felt pride, bro. Like, I was watching it going. They were laughing and stuff

and I thought, I actually went in my head, I went, that's my mate Tom. It was so, anyway, there's another side to that and that is the fucking excitement that the the fucking swan displayed at your performance in paddington too

right just so are we so funny i watched her laugh more at you in your part in paddington too than i have seen her laugh at my entire career. It was incredible. Anyway, I haven't talked to her about it because I just thought it looks... Yeah, I mean, it was probably similar to the fact that when you called me the other night after being from Jonathan Ross and then you and my wife had an impromptu roast of me, which was probably a similar thing where I'd'd had a long, stressful shoot on a show that I won't talk about. I was sitting at home. That was fun, wasn't it?

I could tell you weren't enjoying it. So I phoned you up to have a little debrief, because those types of shows are not stressful, but you sort of worry about. Well, we've both done a show that night. Yeah, and so we were having our little kind of try and and give ourselves some self-esteem as we tell the other ego boost here yeah because we need it the number of times that tom and i will phone each other up after a show and go i need to give up or something along those lines um so anyway we were we both we both

had the uh the delightful coincidence of doing a record, not the same record, but doing a record the same night. And then I phoned up Tom to have a chat with him. And then Catherine, had you been having a few bevvies or something? Or has she been? It sounded like I was phoning a house in very high spirits that night. No, no.

Actually, this is the other curveball. The reason their spirits were so high is we'd been watching League of Their Own Unseen and the bit of you and Jamie in the car together where he was doing the top gear. Which I will say is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. But Catherine found it so much funnier. I found it funny.

But then I was also, there's a part of me thinking I was in one bit of the whole of the Unseen show. And that was the thread that ran through the whole thing. Yeah, but you should take that as a compliment, shouldn't you? That means that the stuff you did actually makes the show. You know, the thing about that show, right, League of Their Own, is, and it's an amazing show to do, the road trip, I love the road, it's genuine. But there's always going to be a part of you that watches other people do stuff.

Like, for example, the season where i did the ice skating and the basketball i was like mate these are the best two active no one's up in them do you know what i mean and then i hear that you've gone to ibiza for fucking three days and you've gone rock jumping so i was a bit like well okay do you think rock jumping do you think i mean ibiza yeah i get that's cool but do you think rock jumping is better than playing basketball i don't know if it is i think it's better nice i'd be better than rock jumping is better than playing basketball i don't know if it is i think it's better nice i'd be better than rock jumping well let's give you an idea about the rock jumping just to give that this is something that didn't make the show is that

when we did the rock jumping they've obviously got health and safety people there i was told that my inability to follow basic instructions about what i was supposed to do physically when i jumped into the water meant it was unsafe for me to continue. They actually, yeah. So, you know, I'm not joking. So, you know, they normally have like health and safety people to go, make sure you do this, make sure you do that. This is the technique you're supposed to use.

It went beyond that. And the guy said, this guy is incapable. He didn't say it in those words. This guy's incapable of following the instructions to make it safe. He actually said to me, if you want to walk away from this, unhurt. Because I think you need to stop. Wow. Would you have carried on then?

I'm the only person who said that to him. Bear it in mind, no disrespect to him. I'm there with Alan Carr. Alan Carr, he's a good private though. He'll follow orders to the T. I'll give him that team I'll give him that I'll give him that you know on that same series

to throw it into the mix there was a scene where basically we had to do a bet and then two people had to jump out of the helicopter

and number one I wasn't up for doing it number two one of the most embarrassing things was the guy who worked for the helicopter

he looked me up and down laughed all turned around started talking in German Number two, one of the most embarrassing things was the guy who worked for the helicopter company, he looked me up and down, laughed, all turned around, started talking in German. And someone walked up to one of the producers and went, he is too big to get in the helicopter. He's too big to get in the helicopter. Yeah. It was so dignifying. They had to write a whole new bit of the show. Oh, God.

Yeah. Do you know what? Can I tell you something? That is not your fault, right? Obviously, it's not your fault. Oh, no, no. But you just shouldn't have to hear that. You shouldn't have to.

Mate, you know what it reminds me of? This is like, that is so like, you shouldn't have had to hear that. You shouldn't have gone through that. I remember I went to get myself, my mum took me me to get myself get me measured up for uniform when i was 10 years old right and i was like like enormous as a kid you know this right like like really really overweight hugely overweight and um basically i went to get measured up like they went they went to take me to me to the shop to get trousers.

And the woman said, she looked at me. She tried on some trousers that I couldn't close the trousers around on. And then she said, can I have a word with you to my mum? And they went round the corner. And today. Something is coming. Kong, Godzilla, they can feel it. Fight together. It's human up. Or is coming. Kong. Godzilla. They can feel it.

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Order up for Rebelsis. Jesus Christ. This is worse. Imagine watching this as a kid. They go around the corner to a place where they're still clearly audible to me and the woman just goes it's just for his height he's so wide we'll have to just get him adult trousers and take them up i can't see another way i can't see another way fucking hell that is that is horrible do you know just just quickly in my head as you're telling that story i'm like we have to do a show of like because i was so tall and thin

i was like it was even worse in a way because like i was so tall but so thin i was like a little peter crouch well actually not even a little peter crouch at some point so i was so tall but so thin i was like a little peter crouch well actually not even a little peter crouch at some point so i was like just like peter crouch but like i had obviously a really thin waist but i was so long like genuinely i've said this before but i used to walk around like you know like you see cool people now in hoxton shelditch i was like a hipster but the ankle i used to get the ankle length ankle swing swing yeah yeah yeah yeah so the absolute granny kicked out of me

most days because you know I remember it like walking to school and uh grown men used to shout out the window you're expecting rain

oh god we're a big fella you're expecting rain big fella you're like 12 11 oh god oh god it's a fucking weird big fella. Like 12, 11. Oh, God.

Oh, God. It's a fucking weird one to look back on. I know. And then you sort of think, I wonder why we're damaged now. And also the fact that

we go back to the fact that you're worried about you wearing football boots and Charlie being embarrassed of you. You're like, these are the things that fucking toughen you up.

I know. Maybe I should embarrass him. Actually, do you know what? Next week, I'm going to wear really tight shorts. Hot pants. You should wear those cycling shorts you were talking about. Yeah, just to give them a bit of steel.

I'm going to wear leggings, shorts over the top, and a vest. No, no, no, no. You need to wear cycling shorts, but like green ones, after you've done a Peloton workout. Have you ever had that fucking bit of sweat that's really like it comes down the seam

of your eyes it's not the worst bit right oh this is an embarrassing story I remember wearing grey joggers and you remember

like you were young and you used to go out on your bikes and you'd just go out for ages and ages and I remember like cycling through Sutton High Street with, like, really, like, caning it.

Just, you know, a couple of us thinking really cool. And I sort of remember just cycling past some people and people sort of, like, sort of turning, laughing, sort of looking and sort of smiling, laughing type thing and just thinking, oh, they just think I'm really, really cool. And then getting home. And I was probably about 15, 14, 15 at the time and realised that I'd just had a fucking great sweat, fucking snail's just like the fucking oh it's so it's so horrendous isn't it yeah

i was um on a this is when i was an adult mate like proper like i was in my early 20s i was just started teaching and i was out with on my first social like with like some teachers and i was chatting to them and they were like really looking like laughing and like you know i'd say something and then one of them would say something to each other and i feel like they're going oh you know god he's funny isn't he we should have asked him out sooner and then i went to the toilet and i had i looked in the mirror and I had the biggest bogey I've ever seen any human have. Like it was actually, it was actually, it was actually, it was actually hanging below the lowest point of my nose. It was actually hanging below the lowest point of my nose.

Mate, shame on them, boy. No, but mate, thank you. Yeah, 100%. But two things I realised then is, one, that's what they were talking about. You know, they kept looking and, you know, obviously that's what they were chatting about. And they were just sort of going, I when he'll notice i wonder when he'll notice and secondly i was gonna have to figure out a strategy about how i was gonna emerge from the toilet with this fucking cable removed do you mean like i'd have left it there like you liked it

when i came back out they all you, I don't know how to explain it. We all knew what had just happened. We all knew. But also, it's also someone just sitting there going, he's just got rid of the best thing about him. Yeah, I just come back out afterwards and, oh, God, he's not as much fun when he hasn't got a massive bogey in his nose. I had another thing with teachers, right, where, you know, I think I might have started doing comedy

by this stage so I was teaching and doing comedy at the same time yeah so as you know when you're in a writer's room as a like in a comedy writing room yeah because you're pushing and you're like sort of just joking around and comedy writers and comedians are sort of a bit unoffendable you say some really savage shit in those you know like you know really you say some horrendous jokes and stuff and whatever but then what happens is is that you start training yourself to believe that's an acceptable level at which to kind of joke around and stuff a number of times i've been doing a writer's day and then i've been chatting to lisa or been out with another couple and then i say something like what i think is a funny joke and then then she just looks at me and just like, why the fuck?

Like on the way home, she's gone. Why the fuck would you think that was an okay thing to say? Anyway, this is nowhere near as bad as that, but it was a bit of crossover. So we had to do these year nine reports. And the way that you did them was they'd have a bank of comments. And you just pull through the comments that you just like put in the numbers for the comments you wanted. And then it put together a paragraph.

Right. So there's our standard sentences. How lazy. So what? Okay. How fucking lazy. Okay. This is not,

this is not what, where I wanted this to go. Why is that? I genuinely had all this respect for teachers. Thinking, thinking, oh, this is what I think about.

All you're doing is just like painting by numbers. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. First of all, with their reports, thinking, oh, this is what I think about. And all you're doing is just painting by numbers. No, hold on, hold on, hold on. First of all, let me just... Before you jump in on the teaching profession, which I would argue is a bad move for you, right? I'm not saying I'm... The profession's amazing. Before you go in two-footed on the teaching profession,

we did do full reports where we do the actual typing out the comments and all that. This was like an assessment, like a quick check-in thingin thing right all we needed to do was actually give them the score but we're going over and above that and explaining what that score meant and how their attainment so it's actually we're doing more so you know why don't you just fucking instead of behaving like a fucking patriot on twitter why don't you just fucking wait to hear the story okay wait that's who i am i can't help it so anyway we're talking about so you basically put the numbers in it pulls the comments together you read it whatever year nine's notoriously the most difficult year group that's the year which kids i go one way or the other they're either

going to be like diligent and working their asses off or they're just they're just not right so yeah second year second year like second year that would be what is it in old years that third year third year i think yeah yeah so um so anyway i went to the pub with some of the teachers after we'd finished doing the year nine reports and, um, we're all having a chat or whatever. And, uh, one of the teachers,

quite posh lady in the master department went, well, you know, sometimes I think there's only, you know, there's certain comments, certain rather harsher comments in there, uh,

that I'd like to be in that bank of comments that they don't have. And I just went out of nowhere. I went, you know what? I only need one word in those bank of comments and that's right. And I, yeah, yeah, yeah.. I went, you know what? I only need one word in those banker comments, and that's ****, right? Jeez. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought, do you know what?

I'd had a couple of beers, and I thought we were having like a, because my class were quite difficult. I was only joking. It brought the table to silence, to silence. Of course it did. That's you misjudging. I mean, you've just had a go at me about what I said about you,

and that's you misjudging the room massively. Yeah, I mean, sorry. You're treating me like I'm telling you this story. That's the whole point of the story I'm telling you. Yeah, I know. I was just saying. No, just in case you didn't know. Yeah, but the way I've built this story, leading up to... Tom, this is a story about how I misjudged it and misread the...

I couldn't have teed that up as that what this story about anymore. And then I tell that story and then you go, I misjudged... You misjudged the remnant. I know.

Look, there's two ways of this and this is me being... Because I love you to death. I'm just saying. Here we go. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Here we go.

There you go. This is it. Now I know. Now I know. Here's the thing. Now my little alarm bell's gone off. He's about to put the boot in. I love you dearly, but go on.

No, no, no, no. What I'm saying, my bro, what I'm saying is this. I've known you for some considerable amount of time now, right? Yeah. So the way you tell that story is that you're like, you unflappably just throw that out there, right? I know you too well to know that you were like, in your head you thought you were really cool.

Take a sip of your fucking Fosters. You went, nah, I got a word for them what i want to put in that's i know that you did saying because you've got that vague right because you that's in you you comedian you're the dramatic guy do you know what i mean you love those moments you're such a wanker no because you put a horrible disgusting mirror up to me there. That was watching you do that. Now, whenever I think about that part of my life, I've now seen what that would have looked like. And you made it look horrific there.

Am I right or wrong? You're right. That's what I'm saying. You're right. You are right. I've gone in thinking, oh, this is going to slay. How about this one?

How about this one? I don't even care about, I don't care about the before, during. I just care about the after. That's what I love the most is how do you even bring that back? I left. You left?

I left. You know they were all talking about you when you left. Yeah, I didn't care. Genuinely, this is what went through my head. I said that, the room went to silence, I finished my pint, I left you know they were talking about you when you left yeah I didn't care genuinely this is what went through my head I said that

the room went to silence I finished my pint I made an excuse to go well did anyone talk after you said it they were sort of gradually you know like when

what's the way if somebody had had a massive fall in the middle of the pub and really hurt themselves it all gone quiet and then gradually someone had

yeah and then gradually murmurs of chatter start to come back and it moves back to normal levels that's basically what happened it's like something horrendous had happened they started talking gradually and quietly i made my excuses to go and genuinely i left that pub and in my head i thought you're just gonna have to accept you'll never be friends with those people now that's you know you got that's it that's done you know the posh moment i can and I mean, obviously we can't get in touch for an Oscar. I reckon as soon as she walked out, she went,

I don't think he's happy with himself. No, I imagine she would. She sounds horrible anyway. Well... I'd have started playing pranks on her if I was you. Well, I'm not that... Basically what I did was I then spent the rest of the time quite self-conscious every time I had a meeting

with the maths department. Were you head of the maths department at that time? No, no, no. It's bad, isn't it? it yeah but did you ever like was there any times that you played tricks on people to like get back at them or not in teaching no no not as a teacher but because so this is a story that this is this i mean so i remember working on a building we were doing a you know national trust yeah you know next next time you can go you can just say i would have i would have done a prank back on him like i did when i was working yeah but what you did was you asked me a question and when you are when you said to me did you ever do the thing when you did pranks on people to get back at them in your head

you're thinking i hope to god he hasn't because i couldn't give a shit what his story might be because i've got one line there. No, I didn't want to know if you'd important. No, yeah, but teaching is a high, big place to make pranks. Sure. Yeah. We were working at a National Trust job. And there was this guy, and I was quite young,

but he'd been teasing me quite a lot. He was sort of like, yeah, just various different things. About being lazy, about, you know, whatever. It's sort of, every time I time i said you know he's a bit of a bully he's a painter and decorator yeah um and we were on a job where uh he was so he was doing some touching up and some little bits of painting and he he was sort of like very sort of like concentrated on this area very detailed um and he left you know, the paint tray things. Yeah. That was sort of behind him. And I went up behind him with his paint tray

and, like, with a brush, just painted the bottom of his shoe. And it, like, with white paint. Yeah. And then he wore white paint through the whole of this National Trust building. Oh, my God. Yeah. I didn't think about what would actually be the repercussions.

No, how could you possibly have predicted that could happen? No, no, but in my head, I thought, he's quite close to the door, he'll just walk out. But he obviously walked all around the house. So did you see him walk into the building? No, I saw his footprints, and everyone got called together by the head of the National Trust, or the head of that building.

And she was like, you know, da-da-da-da-da-da. And then she checked the bottoms of everyone's shoes and found it was his. And he thought he trod in a paint tray. He thought he trod in his own paint tray. And, yeah, and then he was quite bad. He sort of told off about it and sort of, yeah. And everyone, sort of the guys I work with,

were sort of staring at me to say something. So they knew you'd done this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told them and sort of the guys I work with were sort of staring at me to say something so they knew you'd done this yeah yeah yeah I told them sort of right some of the roofers but yeah lucky enough

no one squealed yeah but they all they all think they all would have thought you were an absolute arsehole after that no I think

they actually thought I was pretty cool why is it cool to not own up yeah but I'm not going to own up and get myself... Look,

if he owns up, he's just fucking trodden his paint tray. That's an accident. If I own up and go, actually, I painted a book with his shoe because he's been teasing me

about being fucking late and being lazy and fat, then it's a whole different fucking ball game, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? Actually, to be honest,

you do make a good point. So you let him take it and then did you ever tell him? No, no, no, no. I never talked to him again.

Let him just think he stepped in a paint tray. Let that stay with him. Let that be a traumatic memory where he thinks he's fucking losing it. He's got no idea whether he's going to step in a paint tray and not realise it or not for the rest of his life. I swerved him after that.

I just sort of... What's nice about that is he thinks he stepped in a paint tray. It's really embarrassing and then you swerved him after that. I just sort of, yeah. He actually wasn't the same. What's nice about that is he thinks he stepped in a paint tray. It's really embarrassing. And then you swerved him after it just to fucking add a little bit of hot sauce to the paranoia he might be feeling.

No, but he was like not a very nice person anyway. Sure. But also, like around the place, he sort of, he actually, he wasn't as nasty to people after that.

It was like he'd learnt his lesson. Yeah. He'd had his medicine. Yeah. Because he was broken. His spirit was broken. Yeah. He'd had his medicine. Yeah, because he was broken. His spirit was broken, yeah. I'm just saying that that's what, like if you'd done something like that

to that teacher, it was horrible to you. You know? Something like that. Or the bogey gate, that's going to be that you get in the back. Oh, that bogey thing. I'm just going to tell you now,

you know what I'd have done with bogey gate? What? I'd have wiped that bogey on one of their coats. After I came out and I realised they'd all done that, I just thought you you're hot you're not nice people you know not one of them not one of them said listen mate i'm going to be honest with you you've got a bogey so massive up your nose that it's got its own gravitational

pull do you want to deal with that because that's all anyone's talking about right i'm gonna say now this is an awkward thing to have to say to someone, but by God, I will say, I respect anyone who says, oh, you've got a bit of mayonnaise in your beard or you've got a bogey

hanging out your nose. I will respect those people with my utmost and I'll tell you what, I'll say, if you're one of those people now, you are some of God and fucking

the earth's finest fucking people, mate. Okay, all right. Okay. I'm just saying. No, but I mean, it's just, yeah, it's nice of people to do right okay i'm just saying no but i mean it's just yeah it's nice of people to do that you just always have to throw in it makes you the one of the fucking earth's finest people or whatever like if you tell somebody they've got a bogey that makes you one of the fucking avengers no i'm just saying mate if you tell someone they've

got a bogey no one else does someone should buy your fucking pint and say you fucking you know what you're one of the good ones uh i agree with you i agree with you if you if you had one person doing that you'd have loved that person forever i would have gone on mr titmus he was fucking legend yeah okay i didn't teach in the 50s but yeah okay tom seems to think i taught in the lion the witch and the wardrobe okay it's email time guys and can i say thank you so much for you and let's keep sending them into wolf alpod at gmail.com. There are certain things that fly on this podcast and there are certain things that don't fly. What hasn't flown is our

suggestion to people to speak to their delivery drivers and record it. We've had one in and it was pretty much a non-event, I would say. In fact, the guy, it was very nice of him to send it in, but I would describe that as what happened in the audio clip.

Shall I let you make up your own mind? Do you want to hear it? Yeah. All right, hold on a second. It's going to be nice to hear it. Okay, so this is Will. Will has sent us in a clip of him talking to his delivery driver. This is the only one we've had in.

Okay. We'd love more. And I know that's slightly hypocritical, bearing in mind that Tom and I have not done one ourselves. But okay, here we go. Ready? Right. The delivery guy's just turned up.

He's from Roti King down the road. I've got like beef rendang, Roti, mutton curry. I'm really excited. So I'm just going to say hello now. All right, mate mate how's it going can you do the tips through the app afterwards

yeah yeah you can do that alright I'm going to give you a fiver because I'm really looking forward to this thank you when I finish I think you can do it

oh excellent yeah yeah I'll do it then alright cheers man thank you wow he seemed like an absolutely incredible human being.

Okay, now... I mean, the only thing, Will, is you shouldn't have said that to his face. I know. I mean, what I would say, Will, is thank you very much for doing that. Thank you, Will, yeah. I would describe your interaction with the delivery driver

as the same as every other interaction that anyone's ever had with a delivery driver. The whole point of this was not to just record you interacting with the guy. You're supposed to say something really nice in it. Now, what you did was a couple of things. First of all, you didn't have any cash on you. You didn't want the guy to think you're a prick. So you went, can you do the tip through the app?

Now, you knew that you could do the tip through the app. What you were saying to that guy is, please don't kick my car as you go off. I am going to give you the tip through the app. What you were saying to that guy is, please don't like, please don't kick my car as you go off. I am going to give you a tip through the app. And then you said, I'm really looking forward to this, which isn't really, I'm going to do a fiver because I'm really looking forward to this.

I mean, I don't know, I would say that to a delivery driver anyway. I'd normally say shit like that, don't you? I thought the whole point of it was to say, look, mate, you're an incredible human being and keep doing what you're doing.

Yeah. Not say it after you've shut the door. Go on. I think what this needs is me and you to do a version of that. Okay. So I'm going to get Deliveroo in the next couple of days, almost certainly. I'm going to go big.

Will, can I just say, we're not criticizing you. I actually will. Let me just say, listening to your voice, I love you, man. You're an absolute genius. I've realized it's so nice to hear someone else's voice sometimes and just sort of, you know, I've got so many questions to ask you about where you're from and what your ambitions and your dreams are. But no, next time we get one, it'd be great to hear you say to the guy, you're an incredible human being.

But let me tell you this, Will. Thank you for carrying the torch. Thank you for starting. Hopefully, I think this could snowball from here. And you know what? I'm going to say this, Will. When the Wolf and I go on tour, as we're talking about we're going to, because you stepped up and did that when nobody else did,

you get free tickets, bro. You get a free ticket. You get free tickets and you can have a curry with me., you get free tickets, bro. You get a free ticket plus one. and you can have a curry with me and my wife after. No, no, no. What? No.

They didn't have a curry in an apartment this afternoon. No. He will know the best places in his local town to have food from. Sure, but that doesn't mean we have to spend...

You can get a recommendation from somebody without actually having the meal with them, can't you? I'm saying this for the good of him as much as for the good of us, mate. It's not safe what you're doing. You understand that, can't you? I'm saying this for the good of him as much as for the good of us, mate. It's not safe what you're doing.

You understand that, don't you? Yeah, I guess. I just like the idea of Will just sitting there and just thinking, oh, it's just like, you know, we've brought it down to the top. I can just imagine, it's him sitting there,

midway through the meal, the poppadoms have just arrived, we've run out of chat, and he's just sitting there going, this isn't anywhere near as cool as I thought it was going to be. Wait, let me tell you, by the way, I don't talk when I eat. You do talk when you eat.

I've eaten with you loads. You talk when you eat. Yeah, but I don't eat with my mouth open. What are you doing? eating with you loads you talk when you're yeah but i don't eat with my mouth open you're so worried now that you eat with your mouth open i love the fact that you're bulletproof sometimes little things get thrown in and in your head you're like do i eat okay let's do emails this email is from brad harris uh big wolf and mr and mrs owl mr and mrs owl oh my god um i've got a conundrum which i'd really appreciate some advice you really liked that

didn't you Mr and Mrs Owler I did find fun I just don't think Lisa's owlish I think Swan suits her perfectly yeah yeah okay

I've got a conundrum which I'd really appreciate some advice on first of all I want to state I'm an honest guy a pillar of the community with good morals

which have recently been tested there's no reason to state all of that Tom already thought that about you from the opening to this email,

so don't worry about that, Brad. Sadly, my neighbour passed away a few weeks back, elderly guy, lived a long and happy life. It was a sudden death, so he didn't have time to cancel his membership, daily newspaper, and more importantly, his Amazon Prime weekly subscription. Oh, my God.

Oh, God, Brad. Oh, God. I don't like where this is going. We took in his first parcel, unaware of his passing, and then second, and then third, assuming someone would be along to collect from us but he's got no family i'm aware of after four weeks passing and the parcels mounting i convinced myself if i open them up there may be a return address but in reality temptation and curiosity got the better of me six packs of beef jerky now I'm very partial to beef jerky.

Oh, God. I'm very partial to beef jerky. I love the stuff. Not the flavor I would have chosen, but I didn't have the audacity to phone Amazon to try and check. Fucking hell. I haven't been able to bring myself to eat the dead man's jerky because I'm too much of a good guy.

I did try and contact Amazon, but after half an hour on the phone to their customer service, they thought I was the neighbor and I had died. So I I gave up I feel I've exhausted all options in getting this resolved and I'm ready to eat the jerky but I feel this could spiral out of control I've also started taking in his paper to read during my morning shit and I've also been eyeing up his wheelie bin I don't want to benefit from some man's... Some man's lost supply. Also, his house is now on the market, and I don't want anyone stealing my beefy booty.

Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them. Three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11am. What should I do? Just wait for his bank account to run out of money or make a moral stand and turn away the deliveries?

By the way, I have a confession. I have been eating the turkey. Well, Brad Harris, I think you're a G, my man. my man listen i'm gonna be very open here right number one uh the old fellow who passed away rest in peace sounds like an amazing human being can i just ask what you but what's the information you're basing that on that you like he says at the top of the email he lived a very happy life he was a nice guy. He didn't say he was a nice guy. So sadly,

this is the information we have about his name. This is what we know about his name for a fact. Passed away a few weeks back. Elderly guy, lived a long and happy life. And he had a sudden death.

You said he sounds amazing. He does because he lived a long and happy life but he was on his own for quite a lot of it. Right. So it means to me that he sounds like quite a happy sort it right so it means to me that

he sounds like quite a happy sort of guy lucky guy okay fine let me tell you something about happiness brad happiness is a thing it's an emotion that we do to spread just that feeling to others right the reason that a lot of people that you'll wake up happy and you hope that that has a little knock-on effect and then the domino things and happiness just surrounds the earth and everyone gets a gets on with their day so whether that's just smiling to a neighbor with a little nod of the head or you know giving someone your newspaper the fact of the matter is this gentleman who's passed even though he's not with us anymore he is still passing happiness along through his beef jerky and let me say in you know 10 15 20 years time when i if i can leave this mortal call to go and meet my maker if there is someone who is profiting from you know who's

just with some simple beef jerky and reading my newspaper then uh mate go for it i think that's what he'd have wanted especially if he didn't have any kin or didn't have any children or anything. I think you'd enjoy the beef jerky until that sweet, sweet beef jerky runs out. Because I think that's what you want. Otherwise, what's going to happen to it? It's just going to end up in a waste dump somewhere. I mean, to be fair, the newspaper one's a bit of a funny one

because I'm guessing that's from his local news agents. And at some point, someone's's gonna have to pay that bill but for the moment i think um you don't really do anyone any harm uh just just enjoy it man just enjoy that free free things and uh and i would as well i'd say that you know wheelie bin wise take his wheelie bin um okay okay okay i've got i'm just gonna stop you here um i could i mean i i strongly disagree really yeah yeah i do actually i i don't think you should be taking his paper i don't think you should be taking his jerky and the wheelie bin is a bit of a gray area for me but the jerky and i mean you said i just want to explore this a little bit i'm partial to beef jerky love the

stuff i did try and contact Amazon but after half an hour on the phone to their customer service they thought I was the neighbour and I had died so I gave up why did you give up? you tell them

I don't want this jerky anymore you cancel it I think what we're dealing with I think Brad probably has a jerky addiction no listen I'm going to tell you this Brad by the way Brad

you sound like I'm going to tell you first of all it's a way, Brad, you sound like, I'm going to tell you, first of all, it's a very funny, well-written email. So you see, you seem like a funny bloke. I've got the Mrs. Mrs.

Al's eyes. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lisa's, I could imagine Lisa just sort of sitting in her lingerie,

chuckling away to herself as she's read this email. it's such a weird picture of where you live and how your life is this sort of bookish man and this woman sitting in an Andre just reading emails, laughing to herself. Oh, God. Anyway, so yeah. What I would say, though, mate, is I just think that I don't... I think it's wrong.

It's the truth of it. And I think you're trying to convince yourself it's not wrong because you like beef jerky. And you're right. There yourself it's not wrong because you like beef jerky. And you're right. There is no tangible harm being done because, you know, you're not stealing from anybody that needs that stuff. I still think, in principle,

you've got to cancel the jerky, you've got to cancel the newspaper, and, I mean, fuck it, take the wheelie bin. But the other two things, do you know what I mean? You've got to cancel that shit, man. It's also raises the to cancel that shit, man. Like, it's also, it raises the question of sort of like,

man, just sort of this poor old boy just being on his own. Yeah. But that's the only thing I'd say that I know that, I know you've written it off and I, you know, I just want to throw this out there. Maybe this man who's died,

he's not left much of a legacy behind. And this beef jerky and this newspaper is two of the only things that he's left behind that people are going to remember him by. And actually, that's something that we should, you know, he should be applauded for. Who should be applauded for? The guy who passed away.

Applauding him for what? Having an ongoing jerky subscription? Yeah, no, but they're the two things that he's left behind. By accident? Because he didn't know he was going to die? Yeah, but there's still, he's got no other family by the two things that he's left he's left behind by accident because he didn't know he was going to die yeah but there's still he's got no other family

by the sounds of things no one else is talking about him once a week when that beef jerky arrives and every morning when Brad's sitting down having his shit

he's remembered and you know and the river runs through yeah sure I mean I just hope to I hope beyond hope that my legacy after I pass away

is that the guy that's stealing from me remembers me while he's curling one out. Well, he's written into his favourite podcast about it. Well, we don't know that it's his favourite podcast. It wouldn't surprise me if we hear Rob Beckett and Josh Whittaker reading this out on lockdown parenting hell. Okay. Next email. Should we do one more?

Yeah. This is from, oh, by the way, there's something I do want to say, and I'm not reading any of these emails out. There are, do you remember we did an email from a guy that didn't have any friends and he

just felt like he was, you know, it was a really, it was a really upsetting email to read. This is amazing what I'm about to tell you. There have been a number of people in his

area, or just generally, who have emailed in to say, can you pass my details on to that guy because I'd love to speak to him or take him out for a pint or just if you want someone to talk to or whatever. We've had so many emails. Have you linked to them to yeah we're gonna pass them all on yeah oh man this one's the swans on it what she she does the emails doesn't she yeah yeah so she said to me we're

getting loads of emails like this and i'd look at the emails and we both together decided we should pass that all on is that that? That is actually the sweetest, sweetest thing. I actually think that you two are amazing human beings for that. Obviously that means nothing because I've heard who else you say that to. No, but look,

shout out Lisa, shout out the owl, the swan and the owl for some fucking good, good humanity work. I mean, it was Lisa's idea. Okay. All right, the swan, the wolf and the owl as everyone says you guys are amazing here's my situation have i said who this is by the way no okay i need to now that i know that you've just you've just bigged up this

one i need to chastise this one now because because the coding system on these emails is you you identify the email to me and you write A on it if the person wants to remain anonymous. I didn't give the name because I just happened, just by accident. Third sentence in, I'd like to remain anonymous. There's no A on this. Oh, wow. So, Swam, rather than chuckling your tits off at fucking Brad's email,

why don't you pay a bit of attention and stick an A on when it's required? As well as a dressing gown, for Christ's sake. Okay. The rank of A now

sounds like one hell of a ride. Oh, it's a real rollercoaster around here, mate. Okay. Here's my situation. I'd like to remain anonymous, but then also think maybe being more open and honest is what the opposite is. like you live in like a 90s john harris movie

you know what i've just i've just had an i mean i've literally poured egg all over my face here why this is i'm about to read this i've self-owned myself so badly let me read the sentence to you here's my situation i'd like to remain anonymous, but then also think maybe being more open and honest is what the answer should be. So my name is Will. So I've put the boot in there, big time, on the Swan.

Can I just apologise to Lisa for that? Looks like you'll be heading down to Victoria's Secrets after this. For some more loungewear oh god hello hi Sue yeah I need another

one of those I need another one of those bodices and yeah throw in another rabbit as well okay so I moved to Germany recently and I've had to establish a new friend group which is

really fun but also alfredenstein what alfredenstein okay hello in german uh okay first of all i think yeah how can you you know what I love about you one of the things I love the most about you is your positive attitude and I'll tell you why I think it's a positive attitude for somebody who's got the track record that you have of using English

words for you to as confidently as you just did switching to german as if you don't clearly have a fucking problem with language i find absolutely heartwarming just honestly guys you want to see this he led into the mic he was so happy of wiedenstein completely the wrong word i've we've been staying no we didn't stay no um so i moved to germany recently i've had to establish a new friendship group which is really fun but also terrifying my go-to way to make

friends is to get drunk with new people but i'm finding myself becoming more dependent on alcohol the hangovers and anxiety the next day is so awful that it makes me think that maybe i should just not leave the house i'm sure i'm not alone but i'm starting to get stockholm syndrome about a post-lockdown life anyway to summarize thank you all advice welcome uh it's quite similar to what we're talking about, this situation of making friends. The teacher at Bogie Gate, the older teacher's thinking that you're rude. Yeah.

Listen, Will, number one, big shout out for the second Will in one episode. It's the first time this has happened. So, massive frontiers have been broken. Listen, my friend, I think we all worry a little bit i i certainly actually in the last i reckon two two three weeks has yeah this this post-lockdown vibe of sort of like what is life like and actually being around people again and it's it's a weird it's a weird feeling um

but i think the truth of the matter is number one it's going to be even harder if you're in a new country so i don't know whether you're talking about expats or actual Germans. I'd say that a little bit of advice that a footballer by the name of Joe Cole gave me is I think, number one, you need to really sort of like, like really get into their way of living, the old Germans. Like really sort of like, you know, their culture. That's what Joe Cole told you, didn't he? Yeah, but when he went to France, that's what Joe Cole said,

yeah, yeah. Joe Cole said you immerse yourself in the culture and really get into their way of life. Yeah,

so I think that's what you have to do. So, you know, I don't know, like in France or Italy or Spain, it's like,

you know, a little coffee in the morning with a croissant. I don't know what the, you know, French weather, you just,

no. Just give the advice straight. Don't speculate on what that might look like, please. No, I'm just saying. I don't know much about German culture. I know that they have those big hot dogs at Bratwurst and they like drinking beer.

No, I'm just saying. No, because I have been to the beer festival, Oktoberfest, a couple of times. Yeah, but you did it with League of Their Own, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd say it's one of the best things i know it's a boozy culture but i don't think you should ever rely on booze to uh to let people see who you are uh i'm guessing you have a job i mean that's a great place to meet friends uh and influence people um but i think

you know i think it's just trying to find things that aren't necessarily booze dependent uh or alcohol dependent because you know there's nothing worse just trying to find things that aren't necessarily booze dependent uh or alcohol dependent because you know there's nothing worse when you are with new people and you know i found this through work i found this more than anything when when you're you're gigging a lot and you're doing stand-up or if you're on a film set and when you move from job to job and you're acting and you can be on a job where you know everyone is quite a sort of people at the bar and it's oh yeah i'm gonna have a drink afterwards you make an absolute bell into yourself and yeah for the rest of the shoot that's your fucking stick so i think alcohol is the most dangerous thing when it comes to new friendships but um yeah i

i think find find a hope you know what i check big shout outout to golf and big shout-out to Farragolf for their amazing hats. A big shout-out to golf. Big shout-out to something like golf, go-karting. Big shout-out to golf. Do you really just say that? Big shout-out to golf. I'd like to give a big shout-out to golf.

Also, a big shout out to eating food. I'd say hobby-wise, look, I don't know what the Germans are into. I think there's some big, you know, I know that golf is pretty popular out there. Tennis is another one. Ping pong. I don't know what I'm just saying. I don't know what the Germans are into. Golf, tennis and ping pong. Find a hobby but yeah you you think you like the cut of the gym of the people that you're uh

you're doing it with uh and you know you're up no all i was gonna say is if you're going out and you're getting drunk and that's helping you to meet people then what you need to do is you need to just do that you need to do the same things you're doing when you're drunk without being drunk once, because I, so when I started doing comedy, when I started doing comedy, you'd often go away and do weekends and stuff.

And sometimes, uh, you wouldn't have anyone to hang out with over the weekend. Like sometimes you go somewhere with the other comics, but other times you don't know anybody or they're off going and doing other stuff. And I remember thinking, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with it. I don't know anybody or bear off going and doing other stuff. And I remember thinking, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with it.

I don't want to sort of sit in a hotel room. And then I thought, I do like, I'm going to go to cinema. I like going to cinema. But at that time I hadn't gone to the cinema on my own before. And you just sort of think, is this a fucking weird thing to do?

I was trying to get my head around it. And then I thought to myself, I've just got to try. I've just got to do this once, right? head around it and then i thought to myself i've just got to try i've just got to do this once right i've just got to deal with the embarrassment and my perceived weirdness of it and go and do it once and i went to cinema on my own and it felt weird and it felt strange but once i had done it i'd broken my issues with it if you like and then i started doing it loads and it stopped becoming a thing for me at all i would do it all the time it wasn't a problem and the reason i'm telling you that sort

of quite mundane story is that i think this is what you need to do with this i think you need to be outgoing you know be open without getting drunk once and you'll feel awkward you'll feel shit you'll you'll you'll you'll feel like the conversation isn't going as well and you don't feel as confident but once you've done it you will then be able to do it and so then you're going to be able to get all the benefits that you're getting currently without having to rely on the booze that is what i genuinely believe will happen you know what i think in all the time we've been doing it that is the best advice you've ever given genuinely i think it's make make the your gang of one the best gang to be in like you know that's not what i said no but that's how it came to me like i was like wow that's like have you have you heard that have

you heard that before no you just say that no no every now and again i don't know what i don't know what happens to you just fucking a light comes on in that big beautiful dome of yours and you say something incredible yeah but that's that's how i perceive your advice is like you want people to look at you having such a good time at your own i love i i love your brain mate i think that's how dawson's creek probably started. Okay. And then from the sublime to the fucking insane. No, Dawson was a bit of a melt, right?

But he had a really cool group of friends. I think at one point, Dawson was just like the guy hung around on his own, just sort of like, you know, climbing trees and sort of like,

like running around everywhere. And then everyone sort of went, he looks like he's enjoying his life. And that's why Pacey and Joey and everyone joined him. Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you so much. But but listen I hope that helps mate good luck

if we've got any German listeners who want to join Will's gang of one they get in touch and let us know maybe we should have like a I don't know how you do it it's pretty soon for you to look into over the next couple of weeks it's like a sort of like like a board sort of thing that people can join,

like a sort of forum. People from different areas can link up and chat and stuff. Well, I did think about setting up a Facebook group for the Wolf and Owl. Wow, I like that. But I just don't... That could do that job. But I just don't...

You and I are never going to have the time to go on there. So it just feels like it'll get a bit neglected. Right. Well, you know, the neglected. Well, yeah. The swan. It'd be another thing for the swan. We could look at maybe having someone who could just look over that.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to let you discuss that with the swan. Alright? I'm going to let you tell the swan that you thought that on top of the looking after the three kids with a negligent husband and doing the emails for us but you'd like her to what moderate the facebook forum for the podcast maybe maybe actually i could i'll look into the uh we'll set up a group and i'll

look into the uh the wolf and our group maybe that could be the little that could it's a nice thing i like the thought of kindred spirits. Sure. Sort of, you know, meeting up and yeah. Do you know what, let me look into it

because I know what'll happen is you'll go on there. You'll start messaging people agreeing to meet up for drinks with them on behalf of both of us. And then I'm going to start getting messages from people just going, are you fucking prick?

Is it true that you're the, you're the reason that you guys aren't meeting up with me or whatever? So yeah, just leave that. In fact, you know what? It probably will be this one that ends up doing all this. Okay, Tom.

Yes, boy. Could you please do us the honour of taking us home? What are we? What are we? We're human beings. And the best of us are rivers that run through many valleys and towns and stuff along the way, picking up fish and algae from different other places and making that river a steadfast of a town or an area.

But some of us are lonely ponds, just sat in the middle of nowhere, with no one really, really knowing what to do with them. Maybe now and again some geese from a foreign land will land upon them and just sort of have to double their feet in it for a while and then just fly away. Fish don't really go there because no one tends to that pond not everyone can be a strong river so every now and again when you see a solemn pond just sitting there on its own go over and

you know i don't know put some bread bread in, so some ducks maybe fly in there or, you know, buy some fish, put the fish in a pond. It just tends to that pond because life is a complex thing. And one day when you are gone, when you are away and, you know, the world doesn't remember your name and a family of five or seven walking along a towpath, and they look down at just an empty hole. And the father turns around and says, you know what that used to be? And someone says, I don't know, what was it, father? He says, that used to be a pond, but it dried out.

Hmm, it's like walking past that pond. So always look between the lines and smile and remember life is just waterways get ready for the surf wow well i always feel with those they're very they're i find them very impressive i always feel like you sort of finish about 30 to 40 seconds after you and us would ideally like. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You know, I always think that the only thing that can save one of those ones, where I think that's deep and people will find some comfort.

But I always feel it's a weird way to go out. So, if JT, if you may, can you play the opening few bars of the Baywatch song? Yeah, please do do that. Some people stand in the darkness Afraid to step into the light Before we go, actually, on that note, I do want to say something. So, I discovered a song recently.

I've been listening to a lot of reggae over the last week or so, or last couple of weeks, I'd say. There's a song... You've got a new podcast called Reggae Saved My Life? Do you know what? I joked about it. You couldn't say Saved My Life because I'm not as into it. It'd be sort of had an influence on us. It's not as catchy as I am. Anyway,

there is a song called Skanking Sweet by Chronix, right? Wow, right. Yeah, okay. I'm telling you now, that song is a mood booster. I genuinely believe you listen to it. I'm going to listen to it now. I'm going to go for a walk now and listen to it.

There's some sort of endorphins or some shit. I don't know what it is. But listen to it. Tell me what you think. Tell us what you think of everything you've heard today and anything you may have experienced at the wolf and alpod at gmail.com we'd love to hear from you guys thank you so much for supporting me and tom you know a few months ago we had a little idea to start up a little podcast we didn't know what was going to happen who would have known a few months later it would still be languishing near the bottom of the of the chart

so thank you so much for what you've taken us we love you thank you guys thank you for listening you are the best just keep doing you