Wolf and Owl - Episode 24

Episode Date: May 19, 2021

We’re talking… gourmet donuts, sharing treats, theatre snacks, DIY and being really really bad at complaining. We also take a listen to a flurry of new delivery driver recordings, and answer some of your email queries on dogs and a gift-buying debate. For any feedback, questions or comments please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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your nerves, then podcast the body parts get severed and served, bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler that ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing

they stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing, dark enough to turn the sun of the Owl. Wolf of the Owl inside the place. Yes. Oh, yeah. Drop a bomb on this Wolf of the Owl. Wolf of the Owl inside the place. Yes. Oh, yeah. Drop a bomb on this Wolf of the Owl podcast. For the man them. For the women them.

Ba-da-bop-bop. Ba-da-bop-bop. Hello, everybody. You're so vibey today. So vibey. You had a coffee this morning, this gentleman. Do you know what? I'm actually in the middle of a little Costa piece right now.

Actually, I just need to say a big shout out to Costa and everyone apart from Starbucks. little cost a piece right um actually i just need to say actually big shout out to costa and other everyone apart from starbucks starbucks gives me really bad acid reflux and an awful stomach for about two days what drink are you getting from starbucks usually go large cappuccino uh with oat milk or coconut milk but um yeah okay i'm trying to fucking cut back on that fucking dairy vibe yeah yeah yeah yeah i understand what you're saying. I've got a few things to say just before we start off. First of all, it's Sunday today. I'm not telling you this.

I'm telling the Wolf and Al pack this. Tom's got a lunch engagement with his lovely wife. Yeah. And he wanted to start this at 10 o'clock. Yeah. Yesterday, I texted him and said, can we do 10.30 or 10.45? And he said, I've got this lunch, can we do 10.30 or 10.45? And he said, I've got this lunch thing.

So I said, 10's fine. And then, almost as if I did it deliberately, I haven't been ready to do this till 10. I have been thinking about this as some sort of like bizarre little power play.

No, it's not. I know what you're like. You're like, no, I know the shit you like. I know that since you watched Succession, you've been like a different kind of beast. No, I was really worried about like. I know that since you watched Succession, you've been like a different kind of beast. No, I was really worried about you thinking

that was like one of them where I just go, fuck you, we are doing it at 10.30. It wasn't deliberate. I've just been at the football. How did Charlie get on? How did my boy get on? He played well. They lost, unfortunately.

Oh, wow. How's he playing? What positions is he playing? Well, they're sort of trying to... He alternates between this sounds really weird he alternates

between playing up front and centre half same as me mate is that right yeah so yeah so that's the first thing

I want to apologise for that second of all I wanted to talk to you about so the other day you and I met up, didn't we? Lovely.

Yeah, it was a lovely, lovely little meet-up. We should have done one of those call-ins to lives where we just go, guys, you're not going to believe it, the Wolf and Owl are actually in the building together. Man, it was nice just to sit in your presence and just sort of like, your hair looks so nice, you look good, boy, you look nice. Thanks, mate. But on the way out of having that meeting, I stopped off at Donut Time.

And I got myself, I say I got myself, I got for the office and I got some for the boys. I got a little vegan half dozen. Wow. Good. Nice. This is what I want to talk to you about. So they were incredible okay beautiful

donuts yeah there was there's one called the hassle half or something which which had lotus biscuit and loads that you know that um it's not lotus what's it called the biscoff thing yeah yeah you had that you know all of that there was like a there was a jammy dodger one which was incredible there's like a apple crumble one a mate like they're all is this the one where they call them weird names yeah yeah yeah yeah so delightful absolutely amazing right this is what i want to ask you okay i want your opinion on this because i consider you a snack connoisseur right so Thank you, sir. God bless you. God bless you and everyone who rides within you. So,

this is my question. Yeah. The box of half a dozen donuts was 24 pounds. Mm-hmm. Right? Now, that's a lot of money, first of all.

Yeah. That's you showing off that you're doing very well. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't. It's 24. You get two BAFTA nominations and you start fucking throwing

that fucking drippy wave out. Yeah, fucking, yeah. I went to get some donuts, spent fucking 25 notes on a... Well, do you know what? I wouldn't mind a fucking, a few bloody donut time vouchers with a nomination to be honest with you. But the point I'm trying to make is, growing up, you would buy donuts like a quid for like six jam donuts right and you didn't you didn't hail two of them in the car on the way back in the back of your mom and dad's car right and then you get home and they're like snacky you're eating them you're pretty they're so snacky they're so cheap you're almost eating them as you're walking around the house right like crisps like crisps exactly

right what i'm saying to you is for four quid a donut, which is essentially what these are, you're talking about a sit-down dessert now, bro. That's what they are now, though. Donut culture has changed now. I'm right in saying that. Let me say something. Let me say something, bro. Some of these donuts you're getting from Donut Time,

you've got to eat those with a knife and fork because of the sheer amount of toppings. 100%. So me and katherine had a couple not so long ago and we were like i would see these on like in the street like a normal like a crispy creme or whatever do you know i mean crispy cream fucking hell i didn't say i didn't say anything so that that's just a little mini breakdown you've had all on your own there but you get one of those you wang one in your mouth and you're fucking away right those donut times are you know and credit to them they've stepped up the level but you can't eat some of those on the street man without making an absolute fucking fool of yourself you you i would i would not attempt to eat one on the street i would also go further to

say that if you're in company it's very difficult to admit that you fancy taking on a whole one like every single time i've seen them broken out in an office, people get the knives and forks out and they go, should we do them into halves or quarters? I hate that. Sorry, mate. I hate that. I fucking loathe it.

I loathe it, mate. Like genuinely, it's my fucking worst thing. If fucking someone hands me a quarter of a donut, you better know that I'm never talking to you again. Seriously? Mate, it's a fucking shit show. Genuinely, I feel like I was so chill coming onto this and even the thought of it.

It's the same people who go to pubs and open crisps like they're a fucking plate. They're not a fucking plate. Oh, wow. Do you know what I mean? I hate that. I loathe it when you sit there and you've got four different flavours of crisps.

Buy one flavour of crisps and have it yourself. Genuinely, when it comes to that thing, I want to eat all the crisps. I don't buy the crisps as a fucking buffet. Hold on, but we're talking about two separate issues here. Okay, because the donut thing, I understand what you're saying. Do you know my issue with the donut thing,

what you're talking about? And by the way, I'm firmly in the wolf's camp on this, all right? Yo. Is that when people cut open a donut or you know cut not cut open cut a donut into pieces and then say for example you're in an office situation i'm getting into quite it's a bit of data here yeah let's just go and say quickly the only person i'll do that is with my wife i believe that with my wife we'll half a donut that. That's fine. Because that's what marriage is. Yeah, sure. You'll have a pint with anyone,

somebody bump into in the street, but when it comes to halving a donut, right? Oh, mate. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. There's got to be rules to this fucking shit.

There's got to be rules to this. Yeah, sure. So what'll happen is, you're in an office, somebody breaks out some donut times or a crosstown, or one of these, what I would describe as gourmet donuts,

right? They cut them into bits and they put them at the end of the office right or the end of the room that you're in now what you do you got yourself a fucking social etiquette situation in there right because when you walk over there you don't want to take too many bits even though you know that you're going to need more than one bit really so you take you take one or two at most right people are observing you should take fucking four you should take four yeah but that's what i'm saying to you you then go like everyone frowns like oh he's got four bits of donut oh fuck you and then you go and sit down right and you finish your bits of donut and then all i'm i can't fucking work because all i'm thinking is i want to get more donut but i know everybody in this room is going to judge me.

Oh, well, surprise, surprise. Look, his chair squeaked back as he goes over to the donut trough. Someone makes a joke out the fact that you brought donuts just so you could eat them. All of that shit.

All of that shit, bro. Do you know the most infuriating story I've got about a donut actually? And I wasn't going to go there. Um, you know, this story a year and a donut, actually? And I wasn't going to go there. You know this story. About a year and a half ago, I wasn't drinking due to some medical things that were going on. Anyway, that's not important. It's quite a dark start to the donut story.

Yeah, anyway, me and my wife and a couple of friends are going to the theatre. We're going to go see a musical. And they were all in the cut of drinks before, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, you know what? I'm going to go and grab something to eat while I'm in the theatre. Do you know what I mean? I'm going to have a little snack. The snack of choice at that time was a donut.

I'm thinking, the donuts are great, right? Because they're just the best snack I fucking really enjoy. So I don't go to Donut Town. I go to Crosstown Donuts. Shout out Crosstown Donuts. They're great. They're great. Beautiful.

Similar price point to Donut Town, right? Yeah. And I spent a long, long time with Crosstown going online that day to pick out the perfect donut. I get there, there's one of those donuts left. I'm fucking over the moon. I have this donut. I go, I start queuing for the theatre

and all I've got with me is just this fucking little, you know, it's like you're born in a great engagement ring or a bit of jewellery. Mate, it's crazy.

Little ribbon on it. Beautiful box. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're watching him do it like Roman Atkinson in Love Actually. Do you know what I mean?

That's the amount of time they take to fucking put that in. Oh mate, it was incredible. Yeah. So I get to the thing, the security's checking

everyone into this thing and I've got this bag and he he's like oh um what have you got in your bag i said um it's a donut like i've just got a donut for when the show's on so you can't have a donut you can't bring your donut in here you can't you have to leave it you'll have to leave it all the other bags and stuff all the other bags of donuts for everybody else to the theater you have to say it to the donutnut room, sir. I was just like, I'm just going to take it in because I just want to eat on it while I'm watching the show.

He said, oh, you know, you can't have a doughnut while you're in there. I said, well, do you serve crisps and popcorn in it? He's like, well, yeah, we have crisps. Did you have that tone on you when you were saying that? Well, no, probably less than that. I'm still annoyed, actually, if I'm honest. I've still got a bit between my teeth about the whole fucking quarter situation.

But then he says, oh, no, no, but we can't have donuts. So I start saying to him, and I'm holding up the queue. I've got a few people to tighten it this time. I'm saying, well, actually, donuts, you should sell donuts here. In every theater and cinema, I should sell donuts. It's a ridiculous thing because donuts are the best thing. If you're sitting around and you've got, we're watching something, donuts are the softest, most kind fucking thing that you can eat.

Probably the only other thing that compares to them is a cupcake or a croissant right you don't sell any of those in a theater or cinema so we still have a bit of a set too although although just based on what you've just said you're talking about like you're talking about like a just a normal ring donut there aren't you like a ring donut is theater food one of those like frankenstein donuts with like a sugar cage on it and a fucking like a load of oreos hanging off of like christmas just to shout out that i was i had i quite a simple sort of like uh custard donut it was it was nothing too extravagant okay yeah with a chocolate um ganache on top of it and a chocolate um sort of like bloodstream run through it um do you mean who the fuck who the fuck has ganache in their vocabulary without even a second hesitation

that doesn't know the word filling bloodstream you know a lot of my donuts with chocolates running through their veins okay yeah so i have quite a set to this guy and then i have to uh yeah and i have to put my donut in the thing i couldn't eat my donut during the show which completely ruined the show for me everyone else there was drunk eating popcorn yeah just making a racket so you know anti-social food you're you're wanting to eat it you're wanting to eat i'm sticking up for you here bro you're wanting to eat a silent snack yeah much much more appropriate in a theater than popcorn much more appropriate in the theater than pringles which they sell for 15 quid a mini tub in there do you know what i mean so so anyway carry on sorry exactly so anyway yeah basically i

have uh so i sit for the whole fucking show i didn't even enjoy the show in the end. I was just fuming because I couldn't have this donut. I then come outside and everyone else is like fucking, you know, mingling around as they do in a foyer because no one can just fucking leave. And I just go, right, I'm just going to go and get my donut now. I'd obviously ruined the time that I was there for everyone, by the way, by the fact that I was like moaning about the fact, I'd ruined the whole show. It feels fair enough to me.

Yeah. Yeah. I go to the, uh, I go to the guy in the, um, uh, little place where you get the cloakroom and say, give him a ticket. And he said, what is it? Is it a jacket or a bag? I said, it was actually a donut. It's in the donut bag.

And he was like, oh yeah. He sort of laughed like he, they'd all been talking about me behind my back. So he brings back, brings over my donut. laugh like they'd all been talking about me behind my back so he brings back brings over my donut i go over to the group um and i open the donut to eat in the foyer which the group i've written we're all quite embarrassed about yeah i would say that's a that's a weird flavor but okay i hope for the donut box and it's the wrong donut it's not the donut i put in there it's not the one that i wanted i got like i for the De Niro or whatever. Do you know what I mean?

The classic. And this was just like a carrot one with sort of like fucking... Carrot? Yeah, like a carrot cake type donut. Oh, my God. I was like, what the fuck is this abomination? I was fuming. I lost my shit to another level within the theater

to the point where sort of one of the groups said, why is he shouting? Right? And then there was a little tap on my shoulder, right? And there's guys there. And he also had a bag from Crosstown. And I said, yeah. He said, oh, look, I think they've confused our bags and stuff.

And he said, have you got a ginger spice in that one? I was like, yeah, yeah, that's the one. And I was like, oh, yeah, fucking hell, man. How mad is it we couldn't eat donuts? So me and this guy have you got a ginger spice in that one i was like yeah yeah that's that's the one and i was like oh yeah fucking hell man like how mad is it we couldn't eat donuts so me and this guy have a little bit of chat it's the first time that we've been there the whole time where two people have actually sort of like someone's understood my plight i give him my bag we swap bags i sort of um i shake his hand and i give him a bit of a hug and i say you know you enjoyed the show and you know i didn't really because of like a donut he makes his way what he goes he leaves right i turn to everyone and say you know i was like what amazing human being and everyone was like okay yeah cool great are you happy now you got a donut

i opened the box right the donut box romesh right and he has taken a fucking bite out of my donut like genuinely like to me so that means right he knew that that wasn't his fucking donut i had a better flavor donut or he had a better whatever he's opened the box seen this fucking donut taking a bite out of it didn't really like the fucking flavor of it and then he's seen his fucking see me with his bag and gone well i don't really like that one i've tried it right and then came over fucking swapped them so he said fuck he's double. I genuinely went, this is the worst day ever. And I said, just, you know, you've got your donut. I said, I don't even know who he is.

He's had a fucking bite out of it. I haven't got a knife that I can cut out his bite mark. So I just stuffed the donut in a bin and just literally, that was it for me. That was one of the lowest points of my life before the pandemic. And shout out if anyone knows this guy because there's some part of me

that fucking loathes you with every fucking part of my body, but there's also a part of me that sort of admires your fucking guile and your spirit. I've got a couple of questions. Hit me, boy. Okay, question number one.

Do you definitely, are you definite? I mean, do you know what? Do you know what? Like, genuinely, I'm just going to say this and you know I love you with all my heart, right? Yeah, here we go.

If you've got anything to fucking say about me in this donut situation that's anything but fucking polite, after what I've just fucking witnessed, you better fucking know yourself, son. Okay, all right. It's the most threatening I feel you've been on this. No, these are my two questions. These are my two questions.

These are my two questions. These are my two questions. These are my two questions. Question number one. Do you definitely think that guy saw that it wasn't his donut and took a bite? Can I just posit a potential theory? I'm not saying this is more likely than you are. No, no, no, go for it. Is it possible that he just got so excited that he was like, you know, he might have got the box out and he's talking to a mate,

just going out, and then he just sort of, he took a bite before realising what he was looking at you know, he might have got the box out and he's talking to a mate, just going out, and then he just sort of, he took a bite before realising what he was looking at. Because you said yourself, what's the likelihood of somebody else taking a doughnut to the theatre? I don't think I've ever heard of it, ever. So now this guy's probably thinking, this is absolutely definitely my doughnut.

And he's just chatting to a mate going out, and then he's bitten into it and only realises as he's bitten into it. That could have happened, couldn't it? I'm not saying know i'm not i'm not saying it couldn't have happened but what i'm also saying that this is this right yeah when you when you do something as groundbreaking and as mavrakesh as mavrakesh yeah taking a donut to a theater cinema or a pub or whatever you know your ground you're breaking ground right so also when it comes to those flavors romesh when it comes to you know for a fact right yeah yeah the donut you brought and what your donut looks should look like and what

you know so you have that vibe you know which one you brought and i'd say that when it comes to these new age donuts when you buy one your first bite is with your eyes okay so what you're saying is if that is what that guy did he's not properly enjoying that donut he doesn't know how to eat a donut that's what you're saying basically eating a donut these days is like um like going to the maldives or a nice place with a decent beach and a nice stretch of sea, you know, the first moment you see it, you've already swam 100 miles in it because it just fucking engulfs your brain, engulfs your heart and your spirit. And that's what eating like a donut from these modern donut tellers is like. Yeah, donut tellers, yeah, okay.

My other question for you is, do you think that guy, because you just said if anybody knows this guy could you please let me know whatever you know you want some sort of closure how likely do you think is that bloke

that's a story for that bloke as much as it is for you do you think well I mean his story is different his story is oh yeah I brought a donut I couldn't take it into the fucking show I was a little bit annoyed by it when I went to get the donut i they gave me the wrong one i had

a bite of that one and then swapped it back with a fucking idiot who had my donut yeah yeah so i had double bites i would love it if that bloke could become a comedian as well and somewhere somebody there's somewhere doing like a bit on a podcast or maybe even as a routine about the time that they fucking bit and the routine ends like this and uh and i took a bite out of that twats donut and then when i bumped into obviously i couldn't i couldn't say i've taken a bite out of his donut so so i just give him the donut back and i think to myself i've double dipped my donuts here i've double dipped my donuts and as i looked into his sad eyes as he hugged me and like celebrated with me i knew

i knew that i'd had a bite from his donut and i'd never felt so happy and that's what ladies and gentlemen was king gary that's what i was the wolf and the wolf for now um so anyway you basically confirmed my suspicions that donuts at that price point you know that's a different it's a different game isn't it it's a different ball game look mate if i'm honest with you that i've had my ups and downs with um you know and i'll say you know how pays me to say it but crispy cream uh i've had my ups and downs with those guys but i mean they're still expensive in today's economy saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping.

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They're cheaper, but I would arguably say, and, you know, they're better doughnuts. Wow. They're better doughnuts. The softness of them. Yeah, mate, I'd take a gentle fucking Krispy Kreme fucking ring over any other doughnut, man. And if you want to clip that up and use that to wank to, you're more than welcome to. It's incredible the way you delivered that i had a lovely day yeah yeah have you done any diy

now the weather's changing no nor will i yeah do you not do you do do you do jobs around the house no basically what happens is when lisa and i moved in together, we were like, we rented a house that my mum had, that my mum and dad had. And it was the house I grew up in. It was like in a real state. The people that had been renting it had really messed it up. And so Lisa and I, before we moved in, we spent a good few months sorting it out,

doing all of that diy stuff like fixing up and all that and during the course of that time lisa became increasingly convinced that i shouldn't be allowed to do anything like that ever ever ever again for the sake of our sort of not only for the sake of the house but also for the sake of the marriage because she just i know that you know it's not a gender thing or it shouldn't be a gender thing but her respect for me as a husband just diminished with every job i took a massive shit on during the process of getting that all well you're just not good at any of that sort of stuff not really man i just don't have the the common sense for and even like you know you do

that thing where people go well you can do anything now. My brother does this. My brother's amazing. He's fixed up a couple of houses. And if he doesn't know how to do something, he'll watch YouTube videos on it. And he'll basically fucking teach himself. And then when he does it, you look at it and you go, that looks like how it looks in the YouTube video. Do you know what I mean?

He spends his time doing it. But I just haven't got it in me, man. I just can't. No, I mean, I'm just saying, there's certain stuff I can do that I quite enjoy doing but then there's stuff that I won't put a picture up

because I've ruined too many walls I fucking hate putting pictures up I can't do shit like that that does me but I like sort of sometimes I like stripping it back and doing like a day like yesterday we cleared out our shed

we got a big old shed we cleared it out filled a skip and I thoroughly we had a great old shed we cleared it out yeah uh filled a skip and i thoroughly we we had a great great day doing it it was really enjoying myself yeah it was uh it was a good feeling to i love the really well-packed skip at the end of the day i just yeah i felt decent and i felt good about it do you do you have people taking the piss when you do skip yeah we've had a couple around here actually to be really taking the piss and you do Skip? Yeah, we've had a couple around here, actually, who've really taken the piss.

And how do you deal with that? Do you have a word with them? It's a difficult one, isn't it? Because you just have to sort of hold that fire for another day. I sort of say it's all right and let them mug me off of it. I can't not give them the donuts. Mate, that's what I do. And then I come and vent on a podcast about it.

Yeah, there must be people. And then secretly hope that none of them listen. I do. And then I come and vent on a podcast about it. Yeah. I, I, I, there must be people secretly hope that none of them listen. I know. I just sort of think sometimes I just, I just, I don't know what somebody would have to do to me for me to sort of openly express my annoyance at them. It's, Oh mate,

I'm just, can you complain in restaurants? No, I can't. I tell you what, I tell you when I can complain, right. And that this is relatively recently.

I can complain on email, like an absolute fucking demon. And on the phone, I can get annoyed. Face to face, literally, a waiter could curl one out on my plate in front of me and I'm still going to finish the meal and give him a massive tip. I just can't do anything apart from that. I don't know. I've had, I've had all sorts of trouble when it comes to sort of like things like that.

Like I thought, you know, like when you get, you order a toasty from somewhere with some chips and the toasty comes out, the guys obviously can't hold the plate properly. So it's got, you've got a thumb mark in the toasty and you still just go, thanks mate.

Oh, lovely. Like, yeah. Sort of like indented it. Do you know, um, uh, a couple of years ago, me and Catherine were in Ibiza. And we went to this guy who, like the sort of concierge or whatever,

the hotel was sort of going on about like different places to eat. He said to us to go to a couple of restaurants. So he said, oh, there's this beautiful restaurant. It's about 25 miles away. And it's in this little beautiful little concave or whatever, you know, like where the sea comes in and you've got cliffs around. What's it called? What's that called?

An inlet. An inlet. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, an inlet. So we rocked down there and we go of an evening. He said, oh, you know, it's beautiful when the sun goes down. So we go there. someone's going down and it was um it was a beautiful uh it was a beautiful inlet with a beautiful view and a shit restaurant right right we were the only two people in this restaurant like you know there's no one else there um and you know when you turn up and you're like

have you got a table for two and the woman woman goes, sort of sighed and looked. Oh, no. You clearly have. Anyway, we're sort of sitting there, and I fancied a surf and turf. So, a surf and turf cake. It was scampi and a steak. And I'd asked for the steak to sort of, like, be medium well, because I wasn't going to risk anything less, do you know what I mean?

Anything more than that, because it was a sort of ropey-looking place. Anyway, sort of eating the steak was absolutely disgusting it was horrible right like just fatty and sort of like just badly cooked like an old charcoal yeah i ate the scampi and i sort of looked at stuff but then i was like we're the only two people here i've sort of when when i got here i told the woman how hungry i was so i said to to Catherine, I need to get rid of this steak. Like, I don't want it on the plate. I feel really bad if I've left a whole steak.

So I wrapped it in a napkin and I sort of went like I was going to go for like, go to the toilet. And I sort of like walked around the side of the restaurant. And I just came around this side and I just threw the steak over this wall. Over the other side of the wall was the kitchen. And Catherine will verify this to you. You heard sort of something, right? Like it obviously hit something on the other side.

And I was like, oh, my God. And I sprinted back to the table. And then I could hear them sort of shouting in Spanish and all that. And I saw the woman go in and the chef sort of shouting it, like, oh my God. And I sprinted back to the table and then I could hear them sort of shouting in Spanish and all that. And I saw the woman go in and the chef sort of shouting like, you know, really annoyed with her.

Clearly because he's been hit or something. He's been hit by the steak. Well, he thinks it's like the most vicious, aggressive complaint he's ever had. Not only do I not like the food, I'm going to throw it,

literally throw it in your fucking face. Well, I didn't know that the kitchen was there, right? It was a bizarre place. Yeah. Well, why would you? I totally get that. You know, you're throwing a steak over a wall.

Who are you to know that it's the wrong place to throw a steak over a wall? Do you know what I mean? That's not your fault. No, because I just thought some like wild luck. Yeah, you've just gone around the back of a restaurant and thrown a steak over a wall. You're absolutely blameless in this, mate. Yeah, I'm totally on your side go on so what happened then the woman comes over and it then it's a game of like like poker extremes she knows she comes over she knows i've found the

steak she comes over and says how was your food and i said beautiful beautiful and the steak and i was like lovely delicious you know just staring at each other neither of us gave him and she just gave this little nod

and she was like would there be any dessert and I was like we're okay for desserts because that you know what I'm thinking he's going to fucking do something to the desserts

yeah of course so yeah she took the plates and then he they spoke and then they both he was staring out the window you know

his little sort of like windows like you get in ships yeah yeah what they called the tiny little ones portholes yeah he's just staring for it like that ceiling yeah and so we paid the bill and we drove but the drive home you had to drive back up this fucking like mountain sort of thing and then down and it was yeah pretty terrifying because i was i was sure we were being followed by him what were katherine's reactions to's reactions to what she had to go through that evening? Catherine said, just leave the state, just say that you don't like it. You haven't got a threat.

I said, look, if you think about it, you're doing a favour because some wild dogs or some sort of wildlife will eat it. So just from her point of view she sat there you've taken her to this beautiful inlet right and i imagine that evening you said the word inlet a lot because you would have just sort of learned it and so you're so you're you're sitting in the restaurant she sits you she sits there watching you eat this steak i can't imagine you've been silent about what you think about the restaurant up to this point sort of sitting there absolutely fuming and she's thinking

like lisa would if she's in such a let's just try and have a nice evening here do you know yeah yeah yeah yeah she's watched you sort of not enjoy the steak so she's in such a... Let's just try and have a nice evening here. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. She's watched you not enjoy the steak, so she's thinking, oh, fucking hell, he doesn't even like the steak. That's normally all right with him. Do you know what I mean? He doesn't even enjoy the steak now.

And then, rather than just leaving it, which would be... And listen to you moan about it, which could be the absolute worst outcome of that. Yeah. She's had to listen to you go, do you know what?

I think I'm going to go throw it somewhere because it would be good for wild dogs and wildlife in the surrounding area i said i'm going to get rid of this because i don't want to i feel bad that when she sees the plate she the woman's going to say i'm not eating a steak and i feel bad for the chef who's cooked it yeah and she said well we should complain because katherine can't complain she's pretty good at that she's got free meals and batches from most of the sort of like, like Chiquitos, um, uh, feature express and stuff.

Domino's she's over the years. Yeah. She's got some big, good for her. Yeah. I, uh, I had a thing once when I was at uni, this girl I was going out with. I was very much, you know how we've talked about, actually, it's the girl that bought me the Tasmanian devil

matching hat and top, right? So she had bought her brother a feeler feeler coat right for his birthday because she enjoyed getting him better presents than she got for me for some reason um anyway um she this feeler coat like she got a brother to try it on and there's some fault with it okay so she took it back to the shop and they said we haven't got one in that size we'll order one in and we'll let you know when it's here it'll be in here in a couple of days okay so like all right and she was quite fiery not fiery but you know sort of happy to mean your devil himself yeah a bit yeah she'd be yeah and all the other thing was is i'm not right and one of the bugbears for her in this relationship was that i was too laid back for her she felt like

um i didn't give a shit about anything i mean we'd be we'd be somewhere i wouldn't stick up for a you know one of those do you mean it's like constantly i feel like i had to sort of modify my behavior because me being myself was quite annoying to her right he wanted them so basically a few days go past and this shop hasn't phoned up right and um she's getting pissed off she's going off like what's going on with this fucking coat right they haven't phoned up so she goes let's just go in there and find out what's going on so already i started to get anxious because i'm thinking okay we're going to go into the shop i've got to look like i'm sort of you know sticking up for and supporting her i'm starting

to get quite nervous. I hope to God the shop, there's a proper reason because it'd be really helpful for me if this shop just dealt with this well because that means I don't have to sort of step up like a fucking moron. We go into the shop, right? And she goes in and she goes,

can you tell me what's happening with this coat? And the guy goes, let me go and have a look. And he goes, oh yeah, it is here. It is here. And she goes, can you tell me what's happening with this coat? And the guy goes, let me go and have a look. And he goes, oh, yeah, it is here. It is here. And she goes, why didn't you call me? And he goes, oh, you know, we just didn't, you know, we just must not have got around to it, right? As she's doing, as he's saying that, she starts nudging me, elbowing me, right?

And that basically means this is time for you to fucking step up and deal with this guy, right? So I'm just so nervous and anxious. I completely go the other way. I just go to... This is properly out of order that you haven't phoned up about this coat, mate.

The guy goes, well, no, we just haven't. I'm sorry, we just forgot to... It's unacceptable. She's wanted to get this coat. Honestly, it's unacceptable. Tell me honestly to get this coat. Honestly, it's unacceptable. Tell me honestly, did you have tears in your eyes? But I was like properly like I was giving it some, even though I didn't feel any of this in my heart.

This is all purely for my girlfriend's benefit. It's unacceptable. She got this coat as a present for her brother. You said you're going to phone up and you've not phoned up. We've had to come back in. Bang out of order. Right? So the guy's going, the guy is reasonably sort of looking at me a bit like,

I think you're sort of. I think you've overstepped the mark a little bit. What I should have done is I should have gone in and out. You basically come in like, you know, in Goodfellas. Yeah. When Lorraine Bracco calls him and he turns up and beats the guy up over the road. But what I should have done is gone in there an hour before and gone, yeah, yeah. When Lorraine Bracco calls him and he turns up and beats the guy up over the road. But what I should have done is gone in there an hour before and gone, listen, I don't think this is a big situation at all.

But in about an hour's time, I'm going to come in here with a girl I'm desperate to try and sleep with. I need you to just accept whatever I say to you. But I didn't do that. No, no, no. But, Ron, that would have been even worse because at some point she'd have found that out. How would she find out?

How would she find out? Mate, things like that always get out. Okay. So, anyway, I didn't do that. So, I'm shouting at this geezer. Unacceptable, blah, blah, blah, right? This is the bit where I take it too far, right? So, the guy gives us the coat.

As we walk in, I can't believe i did this stuff by the way you are going to be quite disappointed in me because this is so out of character right this is so bad as we're walking out the shop this kid that's working there about i say kid i was a kid as well i was about 18 is about 17 looks at me and sort of smirks because i've made such a show of myself in the shop right as i'm walking out mate went, what the fuck are you looking at, mate? Right? Oh, my God. Right?

Mental. Absolutely mental, right? I carry on walking out the shop because I think this is great. I've walked out. I've gone, what the fuck are you looking at? There's no consequences. That guy, right, that I've said that to, follows me out of the shop, okay? Oh, no.

Right? Follows me out of the shop, squares up to me outside the front. This is in the Bentall Centre in Kingston. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So then I've turned around. And I'll be honest with you, Tom. I still do.

I've got nothing about me. So the guy squared up to me now and I'm thinking, I'm in deep shit here because I can't actually back up any of this chat. Right? But I've still got a fucking... I've still got a loose face.

What the fuck are you doing, mate? You follow me out the fucking shop floor like this. This guy's obviously quite popular, this kid, because then, I swear to you this happened right it sounds mental every member of staff and the manager come out the shop and fucking stand in like this sort of line of aggression like the fucking riot police in front of me like they're gonna fucking turn me over or something in the middle of the Benton Centre. I can't believe what's happening.

I say to the manager, I go to the manager that I've just been shouting, I go to him, look at this, look at this, what the hell is this? And he's going, you started this, mate. You started this. Oh, my God. I'm actually going to fucking throw down with all of the stuff from this shop. Anyway, long story. I say long story short, that ship has very much sailed.

I end up just having to fucking sort of walk backwards sort of shouting kind of half-assed threats until i'm safe safe enough distance away to kind of just turn around and go off what did she say what did the girl say i think initially when i was sort of giving it some in the shop she was sort of quite impressed but as i walked out and all of that happened i think even she thought this is actually quite embarrassing here what he's done do you know i mean it was it was never i'll be honest with you it's never that relationship was never quite the same after that it was pretty much you got your tasmanian t-shirt it makes sense now it

makes sense now thinking about it. I thought you liked it because you went into a little tailspin over the feeler jacket, didn't you? Quite cartoon-like. Quite cartoon-like. We've got to go

into emails now and I want to... I'm going to say this. I know you say about a lot of people that email in you're an incredible human being. I think there say about a lot of people that email in, you're an incredible human being.

I think there is somebody that's emailed in and they have shown such character. I actually do want to go for a beer with this person. Or something. I want to reward this person in some way because I really, really love what they've done. Well, you're saying they're an incredible human being i do actually think i think this response is genuinely amazing right because it's somebody who's emailed him before it's um do you remember last week i told you only one person

has done the delivery driver thing yeah and that was will right and we saw will yeah well this will's emailed in again because we gave will a bit of a hard time yeah we did he said in this email and i think this shows i i was just i love this email so this is from will okay guys i hold my hands up i didn't think about what i was doing on the first attempt and i'll admit it was a shit effort but surely we all deserve another chance in life and with that in mind I've taken the feedback on board and here's my second more success marginally

more successful attempt at a delivery driver thank you in answer to Tom's question from last week I live in London but I'm originally from Durham my ambitions and dreams is to go for a curry and a pint with a wolf for now just joking Rom's right it wouldn't be safe for any of us thanks for the show. Now...

That broke my heart a little bit. This guy has listened to us, rinsed his first attempt, and he's fucking sent us in another one. Can we just do... I haven't even heard the new attempt, but I'm just going to say this. Will is the fabric in which this country is born and bred,

and he is a fucking absolute superhero. Will, you are one of my favourite people that's ever got in touch with this podcast. I want to tell you that now. You know what as well? I'm going to fucking do this.

I've never done this before. Okay. Man. I think we've got a panther. Oh my God. Will can be the panther. Fucking hell, that is good. There's no higher accolade

than I can give him. But anyone who writes in takes a kick in and takes it on the chin and becomes an even more amazing for me

becomes one of the animals of justice okay it's a weird the animal of justice thing was weird okay absolutely

well high prize for you there um order up for Damien hey how did your doctor's appointment go by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis?

Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me Rebelsis Ask your doctor me. Rebelsis.

Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart

or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast only six dollars at anw's in ontario experience anw's classic breakfast on now dine-in only until 11 a.m we're gonna put i'm gonna play will's attempt now okay before we carry on have you done one of these yeah i sent it to you oh you did send it to me okay cool yeah of course you did all right cool let's do it so yeah so here's his wills all right um i was just gonna say because you know like lockdown's come to an end now this is thank you it's 10 quid in cash for you to keep get what you want with it mate take care now.

Thanks a lot. You're an incredible human being. Thanks a lot. And off he goes, pedalling to the max. Wow. Wow, Will. I actually feel, do you know what? I feel pride.

I feel real pride. Oh, that's so good. Will, you're an incredible guy, mate. The Panther. The Panther. You are the panther bro oh that was so good okay

so Tom let's let's hear your one now this is my one how you doing boss man well done brother wanted to say thank you very much always doing a cracking job thank you for your help man

God bless you bro there we go what do you think of your one compared to Will's Will's was better Will's inspired me to be better

and I want to do another one based on how amazing Will's is I'm looking forward to hearing yours actually now we've got another one

okay this is actually a video yep we can put this up on Insta. Boom. What do you think of that?

Boom. That's good. What's this guy's name? Shout out. That is Jordan. Jordan. Shout out, Jordan, man. Since you first mentioned the takeaway challenge,

my girlfriend thought it would be hilarious and have been really up for it. However, I've forgotten every time we've ordered. So this time I set a reminder to order our takeaway and do the challenge. I ordered curry. We're sitting there waiting. The video seems okay. What I didn't catch,

what it didn't catch was the aftermath. As I was sitting down, the door knocked. It was delivery driver. I'd left a tenner in my pocket and given him 15 pounds and said, keep the change, like a wanker.

I'd left a tenner in my pocket and given him £15 and said, keep the change, like a wanker. Oh, Jordan. Anyway, so this is mine. This is yours. Is that your doorbell? Yeah. Hello, mate. How are you doing? Yeah. Hello, mate. How you doing? All right?

Yeah, good. Thank you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you doing all this, mate. You're a great guy. No problem. Thank you so much. Keep doing what you're doing.

I think yours was the worst one. Do you know what? As I've listened to that, I've got two things to admit to you. First of all, that was the worst one. Do you know what? As I've listened to that, I've got two things to admit to you. First of all, that was the worst one. Second of all, that was my second attempt. There was actually another one that's weaker than that. Oh, mate, please let me hear.

How could it be weaker than that? You sound so fucking... There's an element of sarcasm to your voice when you say it. of sarcasm to your voice when you say it. The only thing that that cuts off is him walking back to his car and going, fucking arrogant prick. I genuinely was a bit worried. Mine was weak. I was worried.

What's the other one like, please? Hold on. hold on. Did you order two takeaways in one night for this? No, so what happened was the boys wanted a takeaway from a different place to where we wanted to go, so we had to get two orders. Okay, here we go. This is the weaker one, all right?

This is like... You know, bearing in mind we gave Will so much shit. Yeah. Anyway. Hello, mate. How are you? You all right? Thank you.

Thanks so much, bro. I really appreciate everything you do. Thank you. Thank you. Great guy. Cheers. I thought you've never

given anyone a compliment before. So on edge. Thank mate yeah cheers thank you do you know what i've got to say after all the shit we gave will that is a lot more difficult than you think it's going to be it is a lot more difficult than you think it's going to be yeah i want to just say on behalf of the wolf and out uh jordan will both of you thank you so much man and when we do some merch we'll be sending out some free yeah you guys get free merch you guys get free much 100 um okay you

guys are absolute sweet souls okay this is uh this is from katherine hi swan wolf for now love the pod such a beautiful insight to the intricate nature of male friendship. My question is for the wolf. I say so often. I think your dog is a German short-haired pointer. I just wondered, why don't you tell more stories about him on the pod? Here's a pic of mine.

Great podcast content. Ha ha ha. Would love to hear about your relationship with yours. We live in Spain. Lots of love to all of the animals involved in making this podcast. That's a nice email, isn't it? Yeah, it's her name catherine catherine catherine yeah oh sweet sweet catherine thank you catherine um look we i talk about my dog a fair bit on here i have done i have told stories uh my relationship with my dog is one of incredible uh incredible

nature of you know he is my heart he is my soul i love the little guy i mean he can be quite um he has we have ups and downs in our relationship he can be quite he can push me at times as uh yeah as two sort of strong uh uh strong characters often do but um yeah we we uh yeah it's it's in a way i will say this for anyone out there who's looking for a dog and you have a family, get a, do you have a short hair pointer? They're incredible. Great with kids. Really sweet, sweet souls. Very, too intelligent.

Very intelligent though. You can't trick him. You can trick him once and, you know, trick him. He literally lives by that motto. You know, trick me once uh fool me you know okay it feels like it feels like neither him nor you actually know how that motto goes no no trick me once fool me trick me twice you fooled me a second time well done yeah and i'm a bigger fool than i was when you tricked me the first time um yeah he's very hard to like you know

he he cotton's onto things. Are you still thinking of getting a dog? No, we're not still thinking. It's happening, bro. When's it happening? Well, it just got a bit delayed because of the pandemic. But it's looking like. What sort of dog are you looking to get, Ken?

I think we're getting, it's a miniature golden doodle. What? What is that? Yeah. That is like a. They're going to be really good What? What is that? Yeah. That is like a... They're going to be really good with kids. Are they? Yeah.

Miniature golden doodle. It sort of looks like a teddy bear. Oh, they're beautiful dogs. Yeah, they're nice, aren't they? Very cute, yeah. If anyone wants to feel happy today, Google miniature doodles. They're very nice golden doodles.

Right. Next email, Tommy, and I think we need to wrap this ting up. Do it, baby. Hi, Wolf Alan Owl and Swan. Please can you help my husband and I solve a marital dispute? My husband had pre-ordered the new remastered edition of Mass Effect for me as a gift and checked to make sure if I hadn't ordered it for myself.

I replied, yes, I have ordered it, which was true. What I failed to mention is that due to some unexpected bills and purchases, I'd cancelled the order with the intention of buying next month. The game was released today. When my husband discovered I'd cancelled my order and not just accepted the gift he'd bought, he took offence and is now jokingly calling me a rat bastard. Wow.

Who do you think is in the right myself not wanting my husband spending his hard-earned money on gifts just for me and instead wanting him to either treat himself or buy something we can both enjoy or my husband who just wanted to do something nice also do you ever have any petty squabbles like this with your better halves and what do you do to resolve them love victoria the raccoon and vernon the goat p.s we're looking forward to meeting both of you sweet souls soon for drinks wow uh what a great sumptuous i love email um listen um uh the raccoon um i think being married is just full of loads of these little disputes these little moments of uh you know the the i you know what i can tell you now, I think you're both very, very, very, very sweet souls who are destined to be together because you clearly

have a humorous way of dealing with these things. But I will say in the battle of who is right and who is wrong is I have to side with the goat. I simply must because he's doing something very sweet. He wants to have brought you something that you're going to enjoy and you're going to love he clearly cares about you a lot and uh and wants you to have the thing that he wanted i think it's a very sweet thing like his only thing that he shouldn't have done he should have he should have kept it as a secret i

i'm awful what are you like at secrets and surprises i'm terrible i'm bad i ruined i so many of the years i've ruined where i'll just be like um yeah i saw because i've never got the conviction in myself that the surprise or the secret like the thing i was surprising katherine with is going to be that good so i sort of preempt what it is and and end up ruining it and she's like can't you just keep it as a surprise i've tried to be better now but uh yeah shout out to the goat because uh i do think what he's doing is he's a beautiful thing and it's quite do you know i think it's a sweet thing that they they play games together yeah it's lovely it's really lovely um i would say that uh i disagree

with you actually i'm signing with the raccoon on this what yeah i am because all she's done is she said don't spend the money on this game. She's planning on getting it in the future. She doesn't want to spend his money on something for her. It seems like their expenditure has been over and above what they thought it was going to be. So they've had to tighten the belts a little bit, which I respect. And so she's doing a nice thing

and sort of relieving him of that pressure. I'm not saying she's not doing a nice thing I'm just saying he's doing an even nicer thing no but you said there's no debate

about it you said I firmly I'm firmly in the pen with the goat yeah I'm certainly firmly the wolf is standing

alongside the goat and firmly beside the goat as he calls the raccoon a rat bastard humorously calls her that he's you know

he's doing that it's a defense mechanism it's for him to feel a little bit uh for him to feel a little bit sweeter and better about himself yeah and you know look look i get where i completely understand where the goat is coming from romsky yeah i mean and where the raccoon is coming from what i'm saying is she's been very sweet yeah but he has looked at his finances looked at his money and thought you know what i'm gonna go out so she can have and for me that's the sweetest thing of all we i think this one needs to go out to the listeners uh we would like you to tell us who you side with in the raccoon and the goat debate uh could you email in to the wolf alpod at gmail.com if you're on the side of the raccoon, just simply say raccoon. If you're on the side of the goat,

simply say goat. Look forward to hearing from you. We'll give you the result in the bonus episode of the pod. It's insane. In this episode, we've gone from being a wolf, an owl, and a swan

to a wolf, owl, panther, and a goat, and a raccoon. And it feels bad that we should have called Jordan something as well. I feel bad. Jordan, you're a leopard. Yeah. a goat and a raccoon well and it feels bad that we should have called jordan something as well jordan your uh uh uh leopard yeah yeah two beautiful cats yeah to join our tribe yeah sure okay tom that's uh that is uh about it from us yeah um can we all agree that um my delivery

driver thing was clearly the worst? Yes, I think we can. But also, can you see how much people are rewarded to send in positive vibes? And that's what we're about here at The Wolf. So if you've got any delivery driver audio to send us, please do. We'd welcome

it with open arms. Okay, Tom. Do us the honour of taking us out my jew humanity what is humanity and what bearing do you have upon it see there are two different ways of entering people's lives some people enjoy bringing the sun bringing those sweet sweet rays that will flow out across the people they meet and when people walk away go i remember that remember that guy he really brought me some joy it was like being on a mediterranean beach being in his company and thus the people that you bring those rays to

then carry those rays on to other people and other people and other people. Like a sort of solar system in a sense, just full of suns. The trouble is, not everybody brings the sun. Some people bring the rain and they will shut it all down and they will dampen your spirits and shit upon your vibe. All because they feel a little bit gray inside and that's fine and for those of us who believe in the sun maybe we should try and brighten up those rainy days and for those who bring the rain try try and enjoy the sun try and breathe in its rays because try and breathe in its rays because nobody wants to carry an umbrella forever and

smile and remember you matter do you i was insightful really nice really nice yeah well uh tom it's been as always my g my juice it's been a good an. An absolute pleasure. What I can also tell you is that on the next week's main episode, we will be announcing details of the Wolf and Owl live show, the first one that's going to be coming out. Now, a lot of people have sent us messages going, I know it's going to be in London. And, yeah, it probably is. But we are going to be touring it. So we will be going around and about.

But that first date will be announced next week. And then there'll be more dates to follow. So I'm just letting you know that's the situation. Thank you so much for listening. Take care of yourselves. God bless. And remember what I said. Bring the race, baby said bring the race baby

bring the race if you have a problem opinion feedback or anything at all please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com

that's wolfalpod at gmail.com we'd love wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.